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Now that’s just a cliche statement that means nothing in real human thought or emotions!!! Once you are intimate it’s very hard to break the bond and don’t tell me you are that shallow as that cliche statement?
Tuckman Stages of Development 1 Forming- mutual attraction (emotional and physical), time to invest during the beginning (in person), vibe well with each other, similar relationship visions, both financially stable (critical), similar values, align sexually, operate as a team- 90 day period 2 Storming- differences begin to emerge (communication styles, relationship intentions) Unhealed want it easy and will bail Overcome the bumps to make it to the next stage 3 Norming- Overcome the differences because the whole is greater than the parts (gratitude for the relationship, more good than bad, sense of trust) You can reach this stage and still feel unfulfilled. You have to get to the next stage. 4 Performing- shared vision and growing together consciously, mutually investing in the relationship, more intimate space together, performing at a much higher level- 2 givers in a cooperative relationship are the best
It's true, I see why they do that. Men aren't trained to deal with emotions and a nice woman plus sex...... I guess it's up to women to decide what they are willing to put up with.
Good point. What a lot of men don’t realize is more and more women now don’t care and won’t give them the time of day. I am at a point where I’m so tired of men using that excuse. It makes them look like weak biat()))$.
The concept of Forming, Storming, Norming and Performing (FSNP) describes the four stages of psychological development a team goes through as they work on a project. Teams move through each stage as they overcome challenges, learn to work together and eventually focus on accomplishing a shared goal. - This is what I learnt for my MBA for Project Management & Leadership!
*You can talk with someone for years, everyday, and still, it won't mean as much as what you can have when you sit in front of someone, not saying a word, yet you feel that person with your heart, you feel like you have known the person for forever.*
I was shocked to find out that a 55 year man is too damaged and not ready for a relationship. It’s so funny because they’re not looking any younger and that explains why there’s so many single old men.
Hi, I met a 53 year old man, told me he wanted to be physically intimate with a woman to know and verify for himself that the woman really wants to be with him and not just to gain something...LDR situation when a man is more progressive than the woman..
@@queenie547You’re not a car that needs to be taken for a test drive. If he can’t trust his own perceptions and judgement on who is a good person or not, do you really want to be with him? Sounds like he has trust issues. Intimacy of the kind he’s suggesting does not magically heal trust issues. Sounds like he’s giving you a line to get what he wants. When men express trust issues, it’s best to leave them behind before they get comfy enough to give you these lines. Don’t let a bf keep you from meeting your future husband!
@@sherriflemming3218 in LDR, how long does it have to be to finally meet in person...he talks about the future and even plan on introducing me to his sons, he does plan on meeting me.. almost 4 to 6 months in communication, and when he knew that I'm planning to wait until marriage suddenly came to an halt..and that's it, I'm just a friend.. He said, it doesn't make sense for a man to wait that long and also I think, if he is going to flew across the globe to meet the woman, it will cost him so much - he thinks its not worth it if there is no s...??
If you can navigate and find a healthy medium through the power struggle and conflict stage, then you're doing well. The rules of engagement are important. Enforce the agreements when necessary. Arguing isn't about winning. It's about resolving conflict. A man that's truly interested in you and prepared, will never leave you guessing about the role he intends to play in your life.
Not really lots of women stay in unhappy marriages because of the children or they are scared to be alone ,Ittook me forever to leave my ex ,I wish I would have done it earlier.
Interesting...so tell me what is it when a man you been seeing for five years hasn't made the effort but voices it...I call this a friendship and I keep it moving....a man can play with a woman's head if she is not on point and has self confidence and self esteem...it is a pity that men over 55 still play games and do not realize that time wait for no one...
@@JonathonAslay broken men do not have the right to intrude on folks emotional and mental health because they need an attachment...had I not done the work and kept my insight up to point, this nut could have destroyed me....How many women go innocently out to seek companionship only to run across men who are emotionally and mentally immature …I am not a man's entertainment, therapist, something to do or after though...I value me too much...thanks for your insight for you were part of my healing when I hit the storm and had to heal...My option now is do me....
@@gene3636 Truth bomb! And agree. Some are very aware they're damaged and broken. They will admit in this conversation, tirades,(projections) and thru actions. It's important to be educated on Stockholme Syndrome and Trauma Bonds. Landmines! They should not be meeting or dating anyone. Women initiate more breakups in general.
I think that when a man doesn't want you to meet his close friends and family, it shows that he does not value you as a long-term person, that you are only good enough to exist on the outskirts of his life. Move On.
Men can get too comfortable in marriage/ living together and get lazy. They'd rather stay put and not have to go out hunting again because that takes work, time and money.Women get tired too. They often find themselves carrying more of the load at home and still work full time. That's why a lot of divorced women don't remarry. They don't want to take care of another man.
I so appreciate you being direct ! I’ve been missing my guy who dumped me when I returned from a lifetime trip. He was a fellow high school mate I hadn’t seen in 30 years, who told me I was his destiny & I thought the same after almost 4 months. 💔
I realized now my friend that was emotionally involved in me was finding out to many things about me, so he could convince himself I was no good for him, I don’t think I will ever tell someone everything about me, only for someone to use it against me. It is very clear to me now…. Thing is now i have grown in many areas of my life now …
It is helpful Jonathan. Many of us want it to be automatic, easy, seamless like we connected in our 20s or 30s……. But later in life it requires the “intention” you mention and it requires our contemplation of the way we each communicate.
I was friends with a guy for 10 months, but our backgrounds seem incompatible. He became my best friend although I was still looking for someone to connect with. As our friendship progressed to mutual admiration and a deeper emotional bond, I started wondering, what if? I finally decided to give it a real try and even after just a few weeks, I'm smitten. He's gone through plenty and so have I. He has opened up and introduced me to his whole family. He's planning trips and future plans. I just told my friends and family that I'm dating him. He's met my daughter now. I jumped in physically even if I wasn't sure. I decided that even if this doesn't work long term, I wanted it all. (All is very good.) We talk about everything. I will always love him even though the "L" word hasn't been formally said. This is not just limerence. I feel comfortable enough to be me. Financially, we don't have issues. I'm retired and he's semi-retired. We are picking his granddaughter up soon from day camp and probably bowling and having hot dogs. We'll sing karaoke tonight at a local bar. Fun! (I'm getting the 8 Dates book and the book about 52 Ways to Unwind.) P.S. He has told me that I could have anything he has. (He's so kind to me.)
Ever thought women can think like a man? Every bf I have dated has wanted marriage yet I didn't feel any of them were the right match for me. I too can date guys until the 90 day mark for the chemistry but know from within a few weeks the guy is not right for me. I just date too to enjoy the chemistry and companionship understanding that it will take some time before I meet the right one. I think it comes down to self esteem. Men, overall have higher self esteem, then women and want the right fit. Women tend to have lower self esteem overall and just want a guy to marry them or like them. I feel I have higher self esteem so I am straightforward with what I want, ask many questions, and only get into a relationship with a guy who will be there for me. I quickly let go of guys who can't commit or think I will wait around for them and I have never had a one night stand. Can't disrespect myself. Sometimes finding the right person comes down to timing and where you are in your journey in life. I feel I have my act together yet I haven't come across guys who have their act together. I also form friendships with guys I date and the relationships become deep. This is why every bf wanted marriage bc I'm an empath and can connect very well. I just haven't found that guy I feel incredibly connected to who truly sees who I am as a person.
I thought i was the only person who calls the first date a meet and greet, a pre date to an actual date. Men look at me strangely when i tell them the next time we go out it will be an official date.
Fortunately, they can go through these stages alone or with the other ladies cause Im not sticking around waiting for any man to be sure he wants me 😂 🙏
I initiated a divorce because he went home to mommy and went on a shopping spree and blowed his entire check and left me with the mortgage and kids. We hadn't had sex in months. He was trying to come out of the closet. Which he did to girlfriends but never made the leap...just kept the women miserable....feeling like the problem was them.
Explain my situation… married after know him for 4 weeks because we.fell hard and he was moving to Japan. He asked I said no many times then yes. 6 months later I joined him for 3 years in Japan. Had a baby then two more. Even had a tragedy with my son but we are still best friends and still in love and love each other passionately.n why I don’t know…this July 15th will be our 29th wedding anniversary. We defy logic and both are the first to admit it. Both had not so good childhoods but not the worst, both really talked about what we wanted in life and we achieved it. Our story should be a book really.
So true about men staying in unhappy marriages - either because of money or because they ‘d rather be seen as a”married man” than a” single man”, or they think they are not lovable & dont want to find out, if that’s true ( wounded- like u said) but can get needs met elsewhere….even if a loveless marriage.
I think you know straight away if you're compatible, if the rapport is there. Of course it takes longer to build a relationship. What the dating sites don't tell you is whether the person is from the same socio economic background as you.
I think the problem with dating apps is they can’t factor in the “it” factor. That spark that keep two people together through thick and thin. Unfortunately you can’t know until you meet in person.
I found dating on line awful, because when you meet men they're nothing like they're photo they use photos from years ago this has happened to me more than once .
The man whom I called my best friend, ended up raping my soul... PANIC AND TERROR ALMOST CONSTANTLY FLOOD ME. I am paralyzed and traumatized and debilitated and breathless, with almost-constant panic attacks. I desperately pray for healing. In February of this year (2023), the man who I thought was my best friend... Discarded me like garbage. Replaced me for another. In doing so... He gave me SEVERE PTSD. We're in June, now... It's been over 4 months... I MUST GET OVER THIS and MOVE ON... Please, help me, God! God, you have has blessed me to be a writer...🙌🏾 I humbly thank you and bow before you. I pray to make use of this talent/blessing/gift! Perhaps I write my way to healing? I also want/pray to make myself ready, with your miraculous help, oh God... I want to be healed and purified, that I may finally meet and spend my life with, my twin-flame. Let me remind myself of how loving sex/intimacy can actually be. (Because up until now, it's only been trauma for me...) 14 GENTLE URGENT REMINDERS, REAL/HEALTHY LOVE/SEX MEANS: 1) He also always says he loves you outside the bedroom... 2) He looks DEEP into your eyes, into your soul, during sex/intimacy... 3) During sex: he wants full body contact... Hugs, caressing, hands all over your body 4) Spending quality intimate time together, both: before and after sex 5) Being intimate afterwards: cuddling, pillow-talk, playing, sleeping together closely 6) He prioritizes your pleasure, and attends to your needs, and the things that you like 7) He pulls you in, super close and super intimate during sex 8) He compliments your personality, your character, your soul etc... 9) He kisses you with love and intimacy and passion 10) Slow seductive sensual lovemaking 11) He's open/vulnerable, he shows you his body, his insecurities, his fantasies (without fear of judgement from you...) 12) He wants to meet your needs and he wants you to be satisfied 13) He understands when you don’t want sex and he doesn’t push or pressure 14) It’s not just about sex, he's interested in conversation and outings and connecting: outside the bedroom
Since we all agree it’s best to approach the “mutual exploration” relationship “unencumbered” by previous relationships (dating apps, ex-es without closure etc.”, would you please address how to approach the conversation in an attempt to understand and accomplish this unemcumbering process? Thank you
Very informative and interesting stages for a partnership to maintain and sustain in this day and time as communication is really the baseline for any kind of collaboration to succeed.
I would never be submissive to men! Not in workplace either!! Always insisted in equality and a team!!! Transactional is disgusting! Great video Johnathan! I love your perspective!
Unknowingly suggests blind so how are people getting out of those??? People need to learn about narcissists before they ever date! Moms need to teach their kids! Plenty of great videos on UA-cam about narcissists yo learn from as it’s very complicated!
@@Juke582 : right ! I unknowingly dated a narcissist, as I did NOT know anything about narcissism. It’s after I prayed GOD , and He shown me a dream - and I LEFT the relationship. THEN I found out about this “behaviour”. You are right - people need to be EDUCATED- about it. Anyway, GOD called this “a Stronghold”. He told me “ I have delivered you from a Stronghold “. Anyway, I wish all people to find true love & also have awesome 👏 moments ! Blessings 🌻
Great, as always, BUT...! The question from Bella Leenat: I agree; however, not everyone has a family that they're proud of. Some people don't have a family at all. Some people may have had a tumultuous upbringing: foster care system. I think it's unfair to assume everyone comes from a family they are proud of.
The “Norming” was an absolutely adorable 🥰 mistake that made this video even cooler ❤ because it’s so hard to find normal people out there in my age range 😅
@@dawnstonerock4253 sadly and unfortunately true but I’ve found a diamond in the rough in a very rural place and I’m gonna attempt to invest in this new relationship and safeguard my fragile heart best I can because the deer in the headlights stare that we both have when we look into each others eyes is enough for me to know true love does actually exist and that’s enough for me right now 🫂
@@JonathonAslay I’d love a video on how to get through storming. My relationships always fall apart there. I guess once I hear them voicing a concern I say I understand and move on. Perhaps they want me to fight for them and I want them to fight for me! 🤔
@@Juke582 Indeed. Agree with you and Martha . Some of these men have spent their lives making poor choices and are looking for grubstake. Also a Stepford Wife.
You know what Jonathan I just recently came home to North Carolina it's a heavily military State and the guys around here just marry their girlfriends because they know life is short and there's no guarantees they're men they step up to the plate I'm really sick and tired of all these videos what to do when a guy is hot and cold and how to act when a man pulls away they're just a bunch of selfish little boys
Ive been seeing a man for 3.5yrs now…i feel like I’m the person suggesting activities and travel….he’s agreeable but never seems to take charge …I think he is happy to sit back and let me make all the decisions along with covering it financially which I’ve become very cautious over. We’ve discussed marriage but he’s not divorced yet and it’s been over 10 years since that relationship ended…I think this shows he’s lazy not only in his everyday life but in other facets and it worries me…
I’m not sure … I know he’s a good man and would never hurt me. However I feel maybe it’s me that’s changed … I’ve grown to be strong and independent and constantly active both professionally and personally and I guess I can’t sit on the couch and watch tv day in and out. I’m looking for more and after watching your videos I’m wary he’s a typical spender who’s happy to just bob along.
I hope that at this time of my comment you have ended the relationship. This relationship is convenient for him and he has no intention of committing. It is a waste of your time and emotion. You are worth so much more.
@@JonathonAslay Sorry, not talking about you, Jonathon! (The viewer in this older video asked about her love-interest keeping a framed photo up of his ex-wife with his daughter.)
I have an ldr for 4 months he told me that he likes me... until one day i ask him if je loves me, and he answer he dont know. Only je know is he likes me he likes me more than a friend... then i ddnt show him that im upset he continuesly initiating me... until now he consistently everyday calling and messeging me... sometimes he acting like my bf , i dont him understand . We have no label but he realy cares my emotions... the question is, is it possible that he loves me or is just only kind to me as a good ftiend?
This is a depressing conversation; if men were to school men about choosing a woman to go through hard times with as a priority maybe it would save so many heart aches. 🤦🏽♀️
This was a great video - very informative ,Thank you ... BTW I'm loving your book !!!.Its one of the best books I have purchased recently . I also can resonate with a mother who stonewalls etc . It sure leaves us with insecurities but self love is sure a great remedy for healing ☺ Thanks again for all your great work .
Hey I really don’t know why us women are walking on eggshells around men, pls answer me..why are men so special that we have to change who we women are..
@@JonathonAslayI have and will never change who I am or chase a man, no way! If you don’t like me and I don’t like you, move on and I always know this and never look back,
Hi Jonathon I was seeing a man for 9 months before he got into some legal troubles and he pulled way back. It's now been 11 months, I have not seen him in almost 2 months now. However he still text me once or twice a week just to say Hi. But then will turn around and ignore my text. I am trying to understand he needs space with all his troubles but I'm not sure if this is a Bump in the rd and be patient to see if he comes around or let it go and walk away? We had that deep feelings conversation right before he pulled away.( I do not know if the "love" word scared him off) what is your suggestion?
@JonathonAslay good question. We didn't talk much about it. I know he is super close to his mom. His dad's passed away but not sure how young or old he was. He did mention his grandfather taught him "when he is with a women to make sure to please her and take care of her in every way. A women is to be cherished". But emotionally and physically (taking me out me out) he didn't do that. We never went out on 1 date. But the energy between us (not just sexually) when I was around him was amazing. He has a daughter and a son. But never married. He also admitted that he was really really hurt from his last relationship the lady cheated. ( he said this was about 3 yrs ago) I also know he has 2 sisters and 1 is like his best friend
@christinarichie6171 I don't block people just to block them. I'm smart enough to killing em with kindness. Trust me.. it affects them more then you know. They expect you to be angry and block them.
Not really! When we are 60 most of our family is dead. If we don’t have kids we aren’t family oriented but nobody is over 55 as it’s just direct companionship to do things together in retirement!
Women should know how men will toward to the young girls or other women while they are with you on dinners, vacation, and ourdoor social. Let him know your time is limited, valued and respectful needed it. Never give them full time of you and yourself. Tell them, who you are ? What is your worth? Who are his competitors? Why you give him a chance ? Intimacy will be only given by the right time. Remember financial plan is going along with your partnership and future goals and prosperity. ❤🎉🎉🎉
👸sad. 50+ yo men still playing h.s. games. thinkn he's cool 🤡 bc he's a player w/a rotation, using & leading wm on knowing he's not interested in committing/and or getting married. esp. to a wm his age. instead of being 🤥 upfront. but then she might not have s-ex w/him🤷. selling wm a dream is beyond despicable🤬💩. 😌hopefully karma is real.
@@JonathonAslay I would say after working in a large Department store with decent regular clientele I know who is, and who isn't. I do not go on face book ! Any publicly viewed websites for personal smart decisions made by myself !
@@JonathonAslay Thanks ! I am sixtey years old ! I have confidence in my appearance! Take care of myself ! Was blind side to the fact that a guy was around, watching me at work ! Until, He finally approached me with the wording that he liked me obviously Looks. Ask if I liked him !!! Even seem to around as I wasn't aware until later. That he was trying to run into me while I rushed out the door! Now he drives in to work! I am leaving work. Completed my work hrs about to go home. My major problem is he probably doesn't realize how much of an age gap there is ! You can tell I need coaching ! My closes friend has been raised around brothers. Married, 21, and again had boy's ! I respect her opinion! I have backed off from this thinking about the age gap !
I would agree with all of those steps because definitely went from being in all of those different stages with the person who currently with 20-plus years. I've described our relationship as a second adolescence of happiness and been being through it with someone. Although not perfect.
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+😊😊q+
If someone is ment to be in your life it will happen. Let them go if they don't want to be on your path. 😊
Yes. Why does it have to be so hard!
Such a lazy way to live lol
Now that’s just a cliche statement that means nothing in real human thought or emotions!!! Once you are intimate it’s very hard to break the bond and don’t tell me you are that shallow as that cliche statement?
Shut. Up this type of things meant to be and do something without doing anything nothing happen lol
@@dawnstonerock4253it’s not . Just do it
Tuckman Stages of Development
1 Forming- mutual attraction (emotional and physical), time to invest during the beginning (in person), vibe well with each other, similar relationship visions, both financially stable (critical), similar values, align sexually, operate as a team- 90 day period
2 Storming- differences begin to emerge (communication styles, relationship intentions)
Unhealed want it easy and will bail
Overcome the bumps to make it to the next stage
3 Norming- Overcome the differences because the whole is greater than the parts (gratitude for the relationship, more good than bad, sense of trust) You can reach this stage and still feel unfulfilled. You have to get to the next stage.
4 Performing- shared vision and growing together consciously, mutually investing in the relationship, more intimate space together, performing at a much higher level-
2 givers in a cooperative relationship are the best
Its because they are UNHEALED, men dont wait to heal after each relationship, they just jump from one to the next to the next!
Well said.
Women usually don't either
It's true, I see why they do that. Men aren't trained to deal with emotions and a nice woman plus sex......
I guess it's up to women to decide what they are willing to put up with.
Good point. What a lot of men don’t realize is more and more women now don’t care and won’t give them the time of day. I am at a point where I’m so tired of men using that excuse. It makes them look like weak biat()))$.
So true!!!!! They refuse to self-reflect!
1. Forming
2. Storming
3. Norming
4. Performing
Insightful. Thank you!
It was love a first sight, when I met my husband in 1976, and we're still married, been Married for 46 years and still going strong Sex and all !!
You give me hope!!❤
Wonder what your birth chart is like..
Then why are you watching this?
Lucky you. I hope you empathize with those who are not as lucky
@@carolinewallace8265 yep. Why is she even on here ... To brag?
The concept of Forming, Storming, Norming and Performing (FSNP) describes the four stages of psychological development a team goes through as they work on a project. Teams move through each stage as they overcome challenges, learn to work together and eventually focus on accomplishing a shared goal. - This is what I learnt for my MBA for Project Management & Leadership!
Yes, I said that in the video 👍🏼
Why does Jonathan put on a silly voice when he's mimicking women speaking? It's a little off putting.
*You can talk with someone for years, everyday, and still, it won't mean as much as what you can have when you sit in front of someone, not saying a word, yet you feel that person with your heart, you feel like you have known the person for forever.*
When you said either you're all in, or you're all out, it blew my mind!! Wow!!
I was shocked to find out that a 55 year man is too damaged and not ready for a relationship. It’s so funny because they’re not looking any younger and that explains why there’s so many single old men.
Humans often get very damaged as they age...
Jonathan is correct and they don't make any effort to do the healing work or make behavioral changes.
Hi, I met a 53 year old man, told me he wanted to be physically intimate with a woman to know and verify for himself that the woman really wants to be with him and not just to gain something...LDR situation when a man is more progressive than the woman..
@@queenie547You’re not a car that needs to be taken for a test drive. If he can’t trust his own perceptions and judgement on who is a good person or not, do you really want to be with him? Sounds like he has trust issues. Intimacy of the kind he’s suggesting does not magically heal trust issues. Sounds like he’s giving you a line to get what he wants.
When men express trust issues, it’s best to leave them behind before they get comfy enough to give you these lines.
Don’t let a bf keep you from meeting your future husband!
@@sherriflemming3218 in LDR, how long does it have to be to finally meet in person...he talks about the future and even plan on introducing me to his sons, he does plan on meeting me.. almost 4 to 6 months in communication, and when he knew that I'm planning to wait until marriage suddenly came to an halt..and that's it, I'm just a friend..
He said, it doesn't make sense for a man to wait that long and also I think, if he is going to flew across the globe to meet the woman, it will cost him so much - he thinks its not worth it if there is no s...??
If you can navigate and find a healthy medium through the power struggle and conflict stage, then you're doing well. The rules of engagement are important. Enforce the agreements when necessary.
Arguing isn't about winning. It's about resolving conflict.
A man that's truly interested in you and prepared, will never leave you guessing about the role he intends to play in your life.
Absolutely
Not really lots of women stay in unhappy marriages because of the children or they are scared to be alone ,Ittook me forever to leave my ex ,I wish I would have done it earlier.
@@estherdistefano6997 I understand. However you made the right decision for yourself and children. Kudos! ♥️
Interesting...so tell me what is it when a man you been seeing for five years hasn't made the effort but voices it...I call this a friendship and I keep it moving....a man can play with a woman's head if she is not on point and has self confidence and self esteem...it is a pity that men over 55 still play games and do not realize that time wait for no one...
He's most likely wounded and unaware he's playing a game.
@@JonathonAslay broken men do not have the right to intrude on folks emotional and mental health because they need an attachment...had I not done the work and kept my insight up to point, this nut could have destroyed me....How many women go innocently out to seek companionship only to run across men who are emotionally and mentally immature …I am not a man's entertainment, therapist, something to do or after though...I value me too much...thanks for your insight for you were part of my healing when I hit the storm and had to heal...My option now is do me....
@@gene3636Excellent truth bomb...kudos!!
@@gene3636 most broken people don't know they're broken.
@@gene3636 Truth bomb! And agree. Some are very aware they're damaged and broken. They will admit in this conversation, tirades,(projections) and thru actions.
It's important to be educated on Stockholme Syndrome and Trauma Bonds.
Landmines! They should not be meeting or dating anyone. Women initiate more breakups in general.
I think that when a man doesn't want you to meet his close friends and family, it shows that he does not value you as a long-term person, that you are only good enough to exist on the outskirts of his life. Move On.
Exactly
Men can get too comfortable in marriage/ living together and get lazy. They'd rather stay put and not have to go out hunting again because that takes work, time and money.Women get tired too. They often find themselves carrying more of the load at home and still work full time. That's why a lot of divorced women don't remarry. They don't want to take care of another man.
I so appreciate you being direct ! I’ve been missing my guy who dumped me when I returned from a lifetime trip. He was a fellow high school mate I hadn’t seen in 30 years, who told me I was his destiny & I thought the same after almost 4 months. 💔
I realized now my friend that was emotionally involved in me was finding out to many things about me, so he could convince himself I was no good for him, I don’t think I will ever tell someone everything about me, only for someone to use it against me. It is very clear to me now…. Thing is now i have grown in many areas of my life now …
It is helpful Jonathan. Many of us want it to be automatic, easy, seamless like we connected in our 20s or 30s……. But later in life it requires the “intention” you mention and it requires our contemplation of the way we each communicate.
Exactly
I was friends with a guy for 10 months, but our backgrounds seem incompatible. He became my best friend although I was still looking for someone to connect with. As our friendship progressed to mutual admiration and a deeper emotional bond, I started wondering, what if? I finally decided to give it a real try and even after just a few weeks, I'm smitten. He's gone through plenty and so have I. He has opened up and introduced me to his whole family. He's planning trips and future plans. I just told my friends and family that I'm dating him. He's met my daughter now. I jumped in physically even if I wasn't sure. I decided that even if this doesn't work long term, I wanted it all. (All is very good.) We talk about everything. I will always love him even though the "L" word hasn't been formally said. This is not just limerence. I feel comfortable enough to be me. Financially, we don't have issues. I'm retired and he's semi-retired. We are picking his granddaughter up soon from day camp and probably bowling and having hot dogs. We'll sing karaoke tonight at a local bar. Fun!
(I'm getting the 8 Dates book and the book about 52 Ways to Unwind.)
P.S. He has told me that I could have anything he has. (He's so kind to me.)
thank you very interesting.
Lovely 😍
I'm in a similar situation. We are 62 and don't want to get married but will remain close friends and support each other the best we can.
Being friends first allows you to fall in love organically. Best of luck! ❤
Your goal mindset of: Cooperative - in a team-like fashion ~ with 2 givers. Wow, Jonathon... Simply Divine.
Thank you 😊
Ever thought women can think like a man? Every bf I have dated has wanted marriage yet I didn't feel any of them were the right match for me. I too can date guys until the 90 day mark for the chemistry but know from within a few weeks the guy is not right for me. I just date too to enjoy the chemistry and companionship understanding that it will take some time before I meet the right one. I think it comes down to self esteem. Men, overall have higher self esteem, then women and want the right fit. Women tend to have lower self esteem overall and just want a guy to marry them or like them. I feel I have higher self esteem so I am straightforward with what I want, ask many questions, and only get into a relationship with a guy who will be there for me. I quickly let go of guys who can't commit or think I will wait around for them and I have never had a one night stand. Can't disrespect myself. Sometimes finding the right person comes down to timing and where you are in your journey in life. I feel I have my act together yet I haven't come across guys who have their act together. I also form friendships with guys I date and the relationships become deep. This is why every bf wanted marriage bc I'm an empath and can connect very well. I just haven't found that guy I feel incredibly connected to who truly sees who I am as a person.
1, Forming
2, Storming
3, Norming
4, Performing
Thanks for posting...
45:03 that's someone who haven't done the work to heal after the previous relationship in order to be open and ready for another healthy relationship.
Really helpful intell - thanks ❤️🇻🇬
Glad it was helpful!
I thought i was the only person who calls the first date a meet and greet, a pre date to an actual date. Men look at me strangely when i tell them the next time we go out it will be an official date.
Exactly
What if a woman can’t commit? The older I get, the more I appreciate my freedom. I don’t want to share my space or life with anyone.
Then she can't
But you aren’t trying to date! He is speaking for people who are dating or trying to! You gave up for a trauma reason and that’s not the norm.
I’d love to find someone I can vibe well with. Love that!
Happy Father's day
Awe... thank you 😊
Fortunately, they can go through these stages alone or with the other ladies cause Im not sticking around waiting for any man to be sure he wants me 😂 🙏
I initiated a divorce because he went home to mommy and went on a shopping spree and blowed his entire check and left me with the mortgage and kids. We hadn't had sex in months. He was trying to come out of the closet. Which he did to girlfriends but never made the leap...just kept the women miserable....feeling like the problem was them.
Damn that sucks
I share everything with my loved one no restrictons whatever they need I need its a duality of revolving energy
Explain my situation… married after know him for 4 weeks because we.fell hard and he was moving to Japan. He asked I said no many times then yes. 6 months later I joined him for 3 years in Japan. Had a baby then two more. Even had a tragedy with my son but we are still best friends and still in love and love each other passionately.n why I don’t know…this July 15th will be our 29th wedding anniversary. We defy logic and both are the first to admit it. Both had not so good childhoods but not the worst, both really talked about what we wanted in life and we achieved it. Our story should be a book really.
Exceptions and not the norm...
You just got lucky! :-)
You are too lucky! That’s far from the norm!
Wonderful. Agree definately not the norm.
So true about men staying in unhappy marriages - either because of money or because they ‘d rather be seen as a”married man” than a” single man”, or they think they are not lovable & dont want to find out, if that’s true ( wounded- like u said) but can get needs met elsewhere….even if a loveless marriage.
I think you know straight away if you're compatible, if the rapport is there. Of course it takes longer to build a relationship. What the dating sites don't tell you is whether the person is from the same socio economic background as you.
You can tell by the job they say they have. What you cannot know is if they were poor during their childhood. That keeps them stuck psychologically.
I think the problem with dating apps is they can’t factor in the “it” factor. That spark that keep two people together through thick and thin. Unfortunately you can’t know until you meet in person.
I found dating on line awful, because when you meet men they're nothing like they're photo they use photos from years ago this has happened to me more than once .
Forming, storming, norming, performing
Exactly
If your not in it for something but everything what's the point?
I agree
The man whom I called my best friend,
ended up raping my soul...
PANIC AND TERROR
ALMOST CONSTANTLY FLOOD ME.
I am paralyzed and traumatized
and debilitated and breathless,
with almost-constant panic attacks.
I desperately pray for healing.
In February of this year (2023),
the man who I thought was my best friend...
Discarded me like garbage.
Replaced me for another.
In doing so...
He gave me SEVERE PTSD.
We're in June, now...
It's been over 4 months...
I MUST GET OVER THIS and MOVE ON...
Please, help me, God!
God, you have has blessed me to be a writer...🙌🏾
I humbly thank you and bow before you.
I pray to make use of this talent/blessing/gift!
Perhaps I write my way to healing?
I also want/pray to make myself ready,
with your miraculous help, oh God...
I want to be healed and purified,
that I may finally meet and spend my life with,
my twin-flame.
Let me remind myself of how loving sex/intimacy can actually be.
(Because up until now, it's only been trauma for me...)
14 GENTLE URGENT REMINDERS, REAL/HEALTHY LOVE/SEX MEANS:
1) He also always says he loves you outside the bedroom...
2) He looks DEEP into your eyes, into your soul, during sex/intimacy...
3) During sex: he wants full body contact... Hugs, caressing, hands all over your body
4) Spending quality intimate time together, both: before and after sex
5) Being intimate afterwards: cuddling, pillow-talk, playing, sleeping together closely
6) He prioritizes your pleasure, and attends to your needs, and the things that you like
7) He pulls you in, super close and super intimate during sex
8) He compliments your personality, your character, your soul etc...
9) He kisses you with love and intimacy and passion
10) Slow seductive sensual lovemaking
11) He's open/vulnerable, he shows you his body, his insecurities, his fantasies
(without fear of judgement from you...)
12) He wants to meet your needs and he wants you to be satisfied
13) He understands when you don’t want sex and he doesn’t push or pressure
14) It’s not just about sex,
he's interested in conversation and outings and connecting:
outside the bedroom
sweet...
He was clearly a narcissist. Everyone gets discarded eventually. Not your fault. He found a new source of supply. Sorry you went through that.
Happy Father's Day, Jonathon! ❤️
You go straight to point and I like that 😊
Since we all agree it’s best to approach the “mutual exploration” relationship “unencumbered” by previous relationships (dating apps, ex-es without closure etc.”, would you please address how to approach the conversation in an attempt to understand and accomplish this unemcumbering process? Thank you
Ask
Bought your self love book just now. Looking forward in reading it ❤
Hope you enjoy it!
Thanks Mr. Alsay.
Hearing you is really enjoyable.
Glad you enjoy it!
Very informative and interesting stages for a partnership to maintain and sustain in this day and time as communication is really the baseline for any kind of collaboration to succeed.
Dam! I been ready to perform !! I’m about to fall out from waiting! lol 😅
You got this!
Great segment new to this one!!! Thank you! 🙏🏾
I actually have that book you recommended. I just need to read more of it. ❤
On dating apps, the best chatters in terms of regularity and consistency where love scammers 😂.
That's tends to be true
Tnx...Jonathan...this is a super simple, direct and clear outline to work with. I most appreciate this....Bless You, Jonathan in honor of your son.
Glad it was helpful!
Thank you. Not been here for a while. Like the advice.
Welcome back!
Forming, storming, norming, performing 😊
Your words of advice are very true & helpful
Glad you think so!
Question- what if one of you cheats? Then you break up, but both of you have problems moving on so you remain friends
I would never be submissive to men! Not in workplace either!! Always insisted in equality and a team!!! Transactional is disgusting! Great video Johnathan! I love your perspective!
Well said!
The exception is : if you are unknowingly dating a “narcissist”… then get out FAST !
Unknowingly suggests blind so how are people getting out of those??? People need to learn about narcissists before they ever date! Moms need to teach their kids! Plenty of great videos on UA-cam about narcissists yo learn from as it’s very complicated!
@@Juke582 : right ! I unknowingly dated a narcissist, as I did NOT know anything about narcissism. It’s after I prayed GOD , and He shown me a dream - and I LEFT the relationship. THEN I found out about this “behaviour”.
You are right - people need to be EDUCATED- about it.
Anyway, GOD called this “a Stronghold”.
He told me “ I have delivered you from a Stronghold “.
Anyway, I wish all people to find true love & also have awesome 👏 moments ! Blessings 🌻
I don't have Instagram...and I don't watch main stream media....I know what I like
Great job Mr Johnathan 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼💯
Why are so many men emotionally abusive??? Are there millions of bad childhoods causing this?
Yes!
Breakdown of society and morals. By design.. traumatised children don't breed or bring up dysfunctional offspring. Far easier to control.
Yes Juke. They identify with their childhood aggressor.
I absolutely love your channel
Thank you so much!
Great, as always, BUT...! The question from Bella Leenat: I agree; however, not everyone has a family that they're proud of. Some people don't have a family at all. Some people may have had a tumultuous upbringing: foster care system. I think it's unfair to assume everyone comes from a family they are proud of.
I thought I mentioned that as well. My bad if I didn't. I agree 👍🏼
Seems to me that there aren't as many men of value availsble for woman and so woman many times settle for
The “Norming” was an absolutely adorable 🥰 mistake that made this video even cooler ❤ because it’s so hard to find normal people out there in my age range 😅
I totally agree! LOL
Any age range!! We live in a broken society. But we mustn’t lose hope!
@@dawnstonerock4253 sadly and unfortunately true but I’ve found a diamond in the rough in a very rural place and I’m gonna attempt to invest in this new relationship and safeguard my fragile heart best I can because the deer in the headlights stare that we both have when we look into each others eyes is enough for me to know true love does actually exist and that’s enough for me right now 🫂
Agree Michelle
Thank you Jonathon. This really resonates regarding these stages!! 🦋
So glad!
@@JonathonAslay I’d love a video on how to get through storming. My relationships always fall apart there. I guess once I hear them voicing a concern I say I understand and move on. Perhaps they want me to fight for them and I want them to fight for me! 🤔
God, sounds like too much work and men my age are either looking for a nurse or a purse.
Not all men... and yes, it takes work.
@@JonathonAslay
Many though John as I live in a retirement community and see it!
@@Juke582 Indeed. Agree with you and Martha . Some of these men have spent their lives making poor choices and are looking for grubstake. Also a Stepford Wife.
You know what Jonathan I just recently came home to North Carolina it's a heavily military State and the guys around here just marry their girlfriends because they know life is short and there's no guarantees they're men they step up to the plate I'm really sick and tired of all these videos what to do when a guy is hot and cold and how to act when a man pulls away they're just a bunch of selfish little boys
What if he wasn't family orientated & didn't want to be with someone who had one. He was estranged from his own & was a loner
Ive been seeing a man for 3.5yrs now…i feel like I’m the person suggesting activities and travel….he’s agreeable but never seems to take charge …I think he is happy to sit back and let me make all the decisions along with covering it financially which I’ve become very cautious over. We’ve discussed marriage but he’s not divorced yet and it’s been over 10 years since that relationship ended…I think this shows he’s lazy not only in his everyday life but in other facets and it worries me…
Why do you accept such a relationship?
I’m not sure … I know he’s a good man and would never hurt me. However I feel maybe it’s me that’s changed … I’ve grown to be strong and independent and constantly active both professionally and personally and I guess I can’t sit on the couch and watch tv day in and out. I’m looking for more and after watching your videos I’m wary he’s a typical spender who’s happy to just bob along.
I hope that at this time of my comment you have ended the relationship. This relationship is convenient for him and he has no intention of committing. It is a waste of your time and emotion. You are worth so much more.
10 years??! Run Forrest run!!
@@lizstearnes1836Better run 🏃♂️
Hugs to you big brother!
Dont keep a picture of your ex up, people. It's just not done.
You watched an older video...
@@JonathonAslay Sorry, not talking about you, Jonathon! (The viewer in this older video asked about her love-interest keeping a framed photo up of his ex-wife with his daughter.)
I sure wouldn't display it when a new love interest stopped by lol
How long is a good time to be someone’s Fiancé before getting married?
Less than 1 year
I kept trying to sort out but got a little flustered , a little bit like my romantic life !
I have deleted my dating apps Jonathan ❤🌹
great advice
Wow this is powerful information. I appreciate it.
Glad it was helpful!
@@JonathonAslay More than you know.
Forming, Storming, Norming, Performing
Your the Greatest !!!
Question when a man tells my friend tell her which is me and take care does he care for me
I have an ldr for 4 months he told me that he likes me... until one day i ask him if je loves me, and he answer he dont know. Only je know is he likes me he likes me more than a friend... then i ddnt show him that im upset he continuesly initiating me... until now he consistently everyday calling and messeging me... sometimes he acting like my bf , i dont him understand . We have no label but he realy cares my emotions... the question is, is it possible that he loves me or is just only kind to me as a good ftiend?
This is a depressing conversation; if men were to school men about choosing a woman to go through hard times with as a priority maybe it would save so many heart aches. 🤦🏽♀️
My daughter and fiancée didn’t get engaged until dating 4 1/2 years and living together after 2 years
The 90 day rule is from Steve Harvey.
You forgot to credit him.
👌
Doubt Harvey invented this concept
Getting warn down from wanting to be single😂
This was a great video - very informative ,Thank you ...
BTW I'm loving your book !!!.Its one of the best books I have purchased recently . I also can resonate with a mother who stonewalls etc . It sure leaves us with insecurities but self love is sure a great remedy for healing ☺
Thanks again for all your great work .
Awe... thank you. I hope you write a review on Amazon. Let me know and I can read it there. Much appreciated 🙏
@@JonathonAslay
Review done & dusted 😊
Thank you that was good advice my brother I like what you said about 4 statge of comment
Very welcome
Hey I really don’t know why us women are walking on eggshells around men, pls answer me..why are men so special that we have to change who we women are..
Fear is why... the fear of being alone or rejected
@@JonathonAslayI have and will never change who I am or chase a man, no way! If you don’t like me and I don’t like you, move on and I always know this and never look back,
If you treat him with respect then he’ll have no reason to not like you.
@@cheekycupcake5524
You are tough but that’s not the norm!
Hi Jonathon I was seeing a man for 9 months before he got into some legal troubles and he pulled way back. It's now been 11 months, I have not seen him in almost 2 months now. However he still text me once or twice a week just to say Hi. But then will turn around and ignore my text. I am trying to understand he needs space with all his troubles but I'm not sure if this is a Bump in the rd and be patient to see if he comes around or let it go and walk away? We had that deep feelings conversation right before he pulled away.( I do not know if the "love" word scared him off) what is your suggestion?
How was his childhood and upbringing?
@JonathonAslay good question. We didn't talk much about it. I know he is super close to his mom. His dad's passed away but not sure how young or old he was. He did mention his grandfather taught him "when he is with a women to make sure to please her and take care of her in every way. A women is to be cherished". But emotionally and physically (taking me out me out) he didn't do that. We never went out on 1 date. But the energy between us (not just sexually) when I was around him was amazing. He has a daughter and a son. But never married. He also admitted that he was really really hurt from his last relationship the lady cheated. ( he said this was about 3 yrs ago) I also know he has 2 sisters and 1 is like his best friend
I'd recommend you end it and block him.
@christinarichie6171 wow.. lol okay thank you
@christinarichie6171 I don't block people just to block them. I'm smart enough to killing em with kindness. Trust me.. it affects them more then you know. They expect you to be angry and block them.
I didn't even achieve 30 days...they dissapear sooner
Family is most important!
Not really! When we are 60 most of our family is dead. If we don’t have kids we aren’t family oriented but nobody is over 55 as it’s just direct companionship to do things together in retirement!
I don't want a relationship then why am I watching this?
Me too
What would happen if Marie lost all of her money? Would this marriage be over? Values?
Just curious, why do you ask? What are you curious about in your question?
I'll just ask why didn't they fill the bill?
How so?
Thank you Jonathan, great video! Blue is your color 💙
Glad you think so!
I think also maybe his children are ready to meet you and they want to meet you
Women should know how men will toward to the young girls or other women while they are with you on dinners, vacation, and ourdoor social.
Let him know your time is limited, valued and respectful needed it.
Never give them full time of you and yourself. Tell them, who you are ? What is your worth? Who are his competitors? Why you give him a chance ?
Intimacy will be only given by the right time. Remember financial plan is going along with your partnership and future goals and prosperity. ❤🎉🎉🎉
I have noticed myself the 90 day mark is huge.
👸sad. 50+ yo men still playing h.s. games. thinkn he's cool 🤡 bc he's a player w/a rotation, using & leading wm on knowing he's not interested in committing/and or getting married. esp. to a wm his age. instead of being 🤥 upfront. but then she might not have s-ex w/him🤷. selling wm a dream is beyond despicable🤬💩. 😌hopefully karma is real.
Exactly
Don't give sex without receiving what you want, i.e. commitment and marriage.
Formin>storming>Norming>Performing
Happy Father's Day
Awe... thanks ☺️
Do you think the best chance of meeting someone is on line!
It depends on your lifestyle... are you actively in front of single eligible people on a regular basis?
@@JonathonAslay I would say after working in a large Department store with decent regular clientele I know who is, and who isn't. I do not go on face book ! Any publicly viewed websites for personal smart decisions made by myself !
@@maureenmcgrath3572 There you have it... meet them at work.
@@JonathonAslay Thanks ! I am sixtey years old ! I have confidence in my appearance! Take care of myself ! Was blind side to the fact that a guy was around, watching me at work ! Until, He finally approached me with the wording that he liked me obviously Looks. Ask if I liked him !!! Even seem to around as I wasn't aware until later. That he was trying to run into me while I rushed out the door! Now he drives in to work! I am leaving work. Completed my work hrs about to go home. My major problem is he probably doesn't realize how much of an age gap there is ! You can tell I need coaching ! My closes friend has been raised around brothers. Married, 21, and again had boy's ! I respect her opinion! I have backed off from this thinking about the age gap !
I would agree with all of those steps because definitely went from being in all of those different stages with the person who currently with 20-plus years. I've described our relationship as a second adolescence of happiness and been being through it with someone. Although not perfect.