His Silence Means THIS and It's Not What You Think

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  • Опубліковано 4 лют 2025

КОМЕНТАРІ • 174

  • @fancynancy2888
    @fancynancy2888 9 днів тому +107

    As a woman in her 40s, I am done dealing with people’s silence, whether it is a romantic partner, friend, or relative. I have spent much too much time trying to put myself in the other person’s shoes or giving them the benefit of the doubt. Whether the reason for one’s silence is getting over a divorce/break up, a stressful period, or fear - not my circus, not my monkeys - I silently exit stage left.
    They may have their reasons but it is no justification for silence.
    By middle age, you either know how to handle your own and communicate with another person, or you don’t.

    • @Lissy_TX_Stardust
      @Lissy_TX_Stardust 9 днів тому +9

      @@fancynancy2888 I am right there with you on this!! Spot on!!!

    • @denster77
      @denster77 8 днів тому +6

      Yep, yep exactly right ❤

    • @BetsyDill-wu4mf
      @BetsyDill-wu4mf 7 днів тому +3

      I agree that people could communicate more and find out they have the same problems and can help each other, yet other times people don't want to embarrass themselves by telling you stuff and think you will judge them.

    • @TonyaS.7
      @TonyaS.7 7 днів тому

      💯

    • @SamCole-p5z
      @SamCole-p5z 6 днів тому +1

      10000%

  • @creatingdiane
    @creatingdiane 9 днів тому +44

    lol ❤I had a beautiful man that was all in 6 months, then mentioned scared of marriage. Pulled back, for 18 months… and at 2 years… and I released him on friendly terms. He liked it and felt relief from having relationship accountability. So I’m moving on to someone ready for more.

    • @nancyclaypool292
      @nancyclaypool292 9 днів тому +29

      I've encountered several men like this over the age of 40. The biggest problem I've seen and I am a counselor for veterans with combat PTSD & have a Master's in adult relationships.
      These men either had a wife who died or cheated on them & they refused to do the hard work to heal themselves from that yet women out there that come from abusive marriages spend years living alone healing themselves and doing the hard work & they're ready to move on.
      These guys use the excuse of past pain to not grow up, act like a confident strong man, but leave you alone and lie to you pretending to be this one type of man but end up being an immature little boy in committing to you. These guys are so immature and lack self-awareness they don't realize they're damaging good women emotionally along the way

    • @Sunlightsam24
      @Sunlightsam24 9 днів тому +5

      @@nancyclaypool292 I can believe that based on my experience in dating and my own maturity growth. I find older men tend to have been introspective or are open to grow with the right woman. Or I bet there’s a lot of alcohol involved

    • @saravina8267
      @saravina8267 7 днів тому +2

      Sounds like my ex-husband! He’s a US Navy veteran!

  • @Sunlightsam24
    @Sunlightsam24 9 днів тому +56

    Emotionally healthy women who have learned how men operate and how to date aren’t looking to coddle a man who goes silent. He can work it out on his own and then share when ready, or not. Her effort comes in being open, curious and receptive (if she’s interested in him) and empathetic. She might still be available if he wants to talk about why he went silent , or not. He also has damaged safety and trust. She is not responsible for analyzing, proactively asking, being a therapist, being the mom to make it all better.
    Almost no mid life women know how to date, observe and deal with men.
    PS. A 45 yo man is much different than a 60+ yo man. Same thing with women.

    • @JonathonAslay
      @JonathonAslay  9 днів тому +7

      Exactly! We need to make better choices.

    • @hallelujah8141
      @hallelujah8141 2 дні тому

      Speak for yourselves! When I was in my early 60's my husband said our 'encounters' were "like being in bed with a 17-year old..." there are a lot of variables: health & fitness being huge...

  • @QueenJessica-z5j
    @QueenJessica-z5j 7 днів тому +52

    Recently, I had a challenging split. The breakup of my five-year relationship a few months ago has been quite difficult. I still harbor a deep affection for my ex-boyfriend, and I can't seem to stop thinking about him. My attempts to win him back have been unsuccessful, and at this point, it seems impossible to be with anybody else. It may seem strange to admit this, but I miss him terribly and can't stop thinking about him.

    • @QueenJessica-z5j
      @QueenJessica-z5j 7 днів тому

      How did you find your spiritual counselor, and how can I get in touch with them?

    • @debbiejenkins4039
      @debbiejenkins4039 7 днів тому

      @@QueenJessica-z5j That's normal. It hasn't been that long of a break up. Sorry you are going through this.

    • @MegInASheathDress
      @MegInASheathDress 5 днів тому

      It's tough getting over someone and getting slammed with the realization it won't work out, especially after 5 years. Be kind to yourself, take it easy, the feelings will pass but you have to do it on your own timeline. It's okay to think about him, and just know those thoughts and feelings will start to fade.

  • @CD-ct6fc
    @CD-ct6fc 8 днів тому +13

    I recently had a love bomber situation. The minute I showed him the 8 dates book he ran for the hills 😀 A little training from Jonathon saved me from disappointment!

    • @MegInASheathDress
      @MegInASheathDress 5 днів тому

      I can't wait to do that with someone I meet. LOL. I feel so fearless since seeing Aslay's videos and learning so fucking much about how to keep it real when dating.

  • @moonchild9393
    @moonchild9393 8 днів тому +8

    When you asked if they are in "chaos" , a lightbulb turned on for me. I've already walked away, but it gave me a bit of insight into him.

  • @LyfeOfRyley
    @LyfeOfRyley 7 днів тому +4

    I honestly think this is one of the best videos I've watched, that you've posted. Thank you .

  • @bethbuzzannco-bg2ce
    @bethbuzzannco-bg2ce 9 днів тому +10

    I am going to do this! Thank you! Had a great first date, calling and texting from him for a week…then nothing! Time to ask the questions and move on if need be. But will be direct and thoughtful in my choice of words! ❤

    • @Sunlightsam24
      @Sunlightsam24 8 днів тому +3

      As John Delony rightly points out, behavior is a language. I don’t get the point of asking him about it after 1 meeting, seems obvious that he doesn’t want to pursue something for whatever his reason. 🤷‍♀️

  • @louisetaylor6952
    @louisetaylor6952 7 днів тому +4

    Jonathon, If a person could have only one selfhelp video, I would recommend this one...if you absorb this, you can sort out other issues...

  • @maryblue75
    @maryblue75 9 днів тому +8

    Love the image of life being a constant leap of faith.
    Yes.
    I think many men are not so courageous, despite showing off a strong personality.
    Women give out faster stronger, usually. Hard to find a man who will do that and is not a lovebomber!

  • @SunShineLady-d4r
    @SunShineLady-d4r 8 днів тому +14

    They will regret it. We are not guaranteed tomorrow. Terminal illness, sudden disease, lock down. A wise man would tell the woman he needs some space, but then not leave her in a limbo more than 6 months especially the older generation.

  • @LouLou-jo5ln
    @LouLou-jo5ln 7 днів тому +3

    You make so much sense. Thank you Jonathan 💖 from Australia xx 🦘

  • @brokenrecord8877
    @brokenrecord8877 9 днів тому +3

    Thanks, Jonathan. I've been watching your videos these past few months and I always find them insightful and helpful. So, I've bought your book... now I've just gotta read it! Thanks again, and I love how you always wrap things up with a hug 🫂

  • @mariad1151
    @mariad1151 9 днів тому +9

    Re: unraveling the tapestry of one's life: For many, it's taking the knots out & starting anew.
    It's having a surgical procedure to route out the source of ill-health in one's life.
    Correcting when one is off course.
    Starting over.

  • @EdelweisSusie
    @EdelweisSusie 8 днів тому +11

    I dated my ex for 4 years then he suddenly abandoned me (perhaps went back to his estranged wife to avoid a financially devastating divorce?) which destroyed me. I saw him 6 years ago in a cafe with an old scabby woman - and he couldn’t take his eyes off me! I pray she’s his wife and sleeps next to him at night. Karma!!!!

  • @SharieFoster
    @SharieFoster 3 дні тому

    Thanks for this great video. There's TONS of extremely relevant information here!!!!♥

    • @JonathonAslay
      @JonathonAslay  2 дні тому

      You’re welcome! I’m glad it resonated with you. ❤️

  • @Miko-yw5xt
    @Miko-yw5xt 9 днів тому +11

    I used to care when guys went silent on me. it's rude, but I realised it wasn't a big deal. funnily, it was the last guy who made me realise this. men are just hairy women until you meet the one, and if not, just remember your whole and happy regardless...x

  • @chasejustice3641
    @chasejustice3641 4 дні тому

    It resonates on such a broad spectrum!!! Thank you 🙏 God Bless 😇 🥰

  • @KyuubiNoAstralokk
    @KyuubiNoAstralokk 8 днів тому +1

    This was actually quite insightful, and might explain a few things that ive experienced with a few people in the past. I even found myself relating to it, as only recently have i started to understand why i withdraw and go silent myself. Fear definitely is a huge contributing factor in engaging a relationship further. It takes two people, when all options are exhausted, sometimes the only choice is to walk away too. I hope this case doesnt come to that as i genuinely like the person but dont want to lose him as a friend either.

  • @joannedomingo2398
    @joannedomingo2398 8 днів тому +2

    I needed to hear this. Thank you

  • @nikkielliott4253
    @nikkielliott4253 9 днів тому +20

    It's basically waiting till men decide they're adults then?

    • @JonathonAslay
      @JonathonAslay  9 днів тому +4

      I know lots of happy couples who met after 50 years old

    • @LisaLeMar
      @LisaLeMar 7 днів тому +1

      @@nikkielliott4253 yeah, I’m not doing that… 😂

  • @DeLaineTriplitt
    @DeLaineTriplitt 7 днів тому +1

    This was a very interesting video. You were discussing a topic that I'm just beginning to learn about and my thought process has been leading me to a conclusion that would largely agree with your video. Thank you, thank you, thank you for bringing clarity!

  • @alwaysandi5867
    @alwaysandi5867 7 днів тому +1

    Perfect timing....thank you Jonathon

  • @cpgolfnetworks5893
    @cpgolfnetworks5893 6 днів тому

    This helped me soo much! Thankyou.

  • @reneebottagisio2467
    @reneebottagisio2467 7 днів тому +2

    Excellent!! Thank you!!
    What if you are ready for those deep, mature questions but he is not but the love is really there between the two?

  • @miriambarco8832
    @miriambarco8832 8 днів тому +7

    He's in his feminine... and knows he's got nothing to offer

    • @JonathonAslay
      @JonathonAslay  8 днів тому

      Who?

    • @YorkshireEmpress
      @YorkshireEmpress 8 днів тому

      @miriambarco8832 totally agree only the men operating in their feminine energy act like this.
      I find it extremely unattractive and immature.

  • @EduardoGonzalez-c8h
    @EduardoGonzalez-c8h 8 днів тому +33

    Astonishing video as always, at first i wasn't really into watching such relationship experts video, but it turned out to be a blessing in so many ways, 10 years ago i was with a narcissist and i broke things up 4 years ago, found someone who truly cared for me and i messed things up because i was trauma bonded. then i started watching a lot of you tube videos and some Christian videos about relationships and marriages, i learnt a lot, and something actually happened as well, i was able to get my ex back with the help of watching Matthew Hussey and Courtney Ryan videos and reaching out to a spiritual counselor.

    • @juliet-q4r
      @juliet-q4r 8 днів тому

      its difficult to let go of someone you love, i have been battling with a similar situation, my relationship of 12 years ended a year ago, and till now, i am still in the crossroads on what to do, it is really sad

    • @EduardoGonzalez-c8h
      @EduardoGonzalez-c8h 8 днів тому

      it is always difficult to let go of someone you love , like i said, i watched so many helpful videos, but the key was the spiritual counselor.

    • @juliet-q4r
      @juliet-q4r 8 днів тому

      What spiritual counselor? how can i reach him or her?

    • @EduardoGonzalez-c8h
      @EduardoGonzalez-c8h 8 днів тому

      Her name is Shelly renee white , and she is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.

    • @juliet-q4r
      @juliet-q4r 8 днів тому

      Couldnt find her on youtube, but saw her website online, i will reach out. thank you

  • @carolbrower3867
    @carolbrower3867 7 днів тому +1

    So much information 😮

  • @JonathonAslay
    @JonathonAslay  10 днів тому

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  • @somethingsimple19
    @somethingsimple19 6 днів тому

    Thanks and blessings 💝

  • @cathycanadian3328
    @cathycanadian3328 8 днів тому +1

    Well, Jonathon, I🎉 now have 8 of the books you have recommended, including Self Love, Attached, and 8 Dates, to name a few. Lol. Now I have to get through all of them, but I think I'm going to start with the Self Love book first. At almost 66 years old and unattached since my divorce 20 years ago, right now, I have lots of time on my hands. I love to read, so now I have plenty of books to catch up on . 😀

    • @cathycanadian3328
      @cathycanadian3328 8 днів тому +1

      I'm glad I read the intro at home. Having lost my 27 year old son 3 years ago to suicide I couldn't hold back the tears when I read the comment about your son Connor who you lost. There is no greater pain for a parent then losing a child.

  • @lalunash3i
    @lalunash3i 5 днів тому +1

    This is so true! Thank you!
    I have a question. as a women though... If he is in chaos and he "runs" what should we do? Talk to him? Or give them the space? because it can easily be viewed as chasing them... which usually ends up him running even further.. if that makes sense 🤷🏻‍♀️ In my opinion its best to let him work it out for himself, but I am open for guidance.

    • @JonathonAslay
      @JonathonAslay  5 днів тому

      Talking isn't chasing; talking is about understanding.

  • @ykjo5613
    @ykjo5613 7 днів тому +4

    I just found out the hard way that his silence = married! Yikes!

  • @luludiamond1182
    @luludiamond1182 5 днів тому +1

    This is ONE MAN’S opinion. Fear my ass. More like Cowardice. Who needs it???

  • @RoseMoke
    @RoseMoke 6 днів тому

    Yes love is in confusion

  • @melanie.3837
    @melanie.3837 9 днів тому +2

    Great video. I like the suggestions to ask the deeper questions. What I am curious about is the Spender type and how can you tell whether the man you are with, who is actively showing you interest and attention, is actually interested in you long term vs just a Spender? Is asking questions the best way to weed out that person? Does asking these questions also “scare” men who are serious but think you are coming on too strong?

  • @saravina8267
    @saravina8267 7 днів тому +3

    My fiancé has been silent now for over 2 months….however, he’s not ghosting me because he told me that he’s in chaos and need time alone in his cafe! I have been leaving him alone for about 7-9 weeks now! What should I do now? I started to have anxieties! I have been trying to get busy with self care (skin care, massage, exercise, water color painting, etc) & trying to get some trainings to improve my career, but after a while now the anxieties & fear of losing him started to creep in….🤦🏼‍♀️ What should I do?

  • @gia4957
    @gia4957 9 днів тому +4

    Excellent insight. Thank you, Johnathan.

  • @Belle8nTN
    @Belle8nTN 9 днів тому +4

    Idk - it could depend on much- generally i think if he goes silent - he doesn’t want you- simple. -if he needs more time to figure it out - it seems to me the connection between you is not strong enough, but it could depend - as likely every situation is unique- each must decide how much time is needed, or is ok - how much you communicate your thoughts and feelings , etc. if he’s not grown enough or you two are close enough for a heart to heart discussion- maybe he’s not THE ONE…simple as that- but if hes been burned before - allowance might be made- might depend on how long you have been together - what other life events u have been thru , your respective ages etc, etc. - like i said each individual is unique as is each relationship- making excuses for his silence might or might not necessary or ok, there are a lot of ‘moving parts’ to evaluate, imho….

    • @bindicat9070
      @bindicat9070 7 днів тому

      @@Belle8nTN well sayid, I agree each situation is unique in its own variables.
      Well said s d explained. It’s not always black and white

  • @landear8
    @landear8 8 днів тому +3

    I have been in a long distance relationship with a younger man in L A since mid August. We chatted several times a day sometimes and had a few audio and video calls. He was to come here to Canada on January 15th. Now since the devastating fires, idk when I will see him. His company was burned and there are severe losses. Apparently he is in chaos, normally a very down-to-earth guy. He told me he would contact me when he has dealt with everything. I reached back a couple of times . Now I haven’t heard a peep from him in 10 days. I’m strict with myself now, not to contact him and bother him because he is so busy. A part of me feels abandoned and bereft. Another part of me says, be patient. There is a big hole in my life now. I don’t want to seem needy or selfish. Any thoughts?

    • @janineroux2398
      @janineroux2398 7 днів тому +1

      @@landear8 well done you... A heartbreaking situation.... 😢

    • @Flower-v8w
      @Flower-v8w 7 днів тому +3

      @landear8 If you're feminine, don't chase. Pull back, focus on yourself, your life. Wait for him to reach out, that's the feminine.

    • @landear8
      @landear8 7 днів тому +2

      @@TonyaS.7 thanks for your opinion , which perhaps may be based on your personal experience. I will see how everything plays out. There is much more to the story. If it doesn’t work out, it’s not the end of the world. We have invested so much time communicating since last summer, I don’t think it’s all going in the toilet.

  • @briechilli4496
    @briechilli4496 7 днів тому

    Thank you.

  • @SocialwithRocki
    @SocialwithRocki 8 днів тому +1

    I’m dating a spender, he asked for space so he can “get his stuff together” his exact words were I need to get myself together without the expectations that come from a relationship BUT I have no intention on stringing you along and want to revisit this as we get to know each other better … (a how when you asked for space lol, we do still communicate though) Help what should I do next

    • @SocialwithRocki
      @SocialwithRocki 8 днів тому

      Ps he is in chaos and is in the middle of buying a house and job transition

    • @Sunlightsam24
      @Sunlightsam24 8 днів тому +3

      He’s not your boyfriend, continue to be open in your head and body to meeting others. I got advice once to NEVER wait for a man, best advice ever

    • @SocialwithRocki
      @SocialwithRocki 8 днів тому

      @ that’s what I was thinking

  • @gc825
    @gc825 3 дні тому

    Can you discuss jonathan about friendahips that went silent or perhaps theres a feelings behind it?

    • @JonathonAslay
      @JonathonAslay  3 дні тому

      The person is emotionally hiding perhaps

  • @redhead6360
    @redhead6360 7 днів тому +1

    Oh I wouldn't wait 3 years 😂 that's a player and user, short term dater.

  • @leahs8939
    @leahs8939 5 днів тому

    I love your chart, Jonathon! So does this apply to men over 40 who have never been married? I'm 47 dating men between 41-56 who have never been married. They've had longterm relationships but not marriage and most don't have kids (yet). (I'm open to kids and interested in that but open to a monogamous partnership w/o kids. I am always upfront about this with men I date. Some men tell me that they are looking for marriage but not 100% on kids.) I find that it's more difficult for me to date a man who has been through a divorce and hasn't recovered from that experience yet, though I certainly don't avoid dating divorced guys.

  • @briechilli4496
    @briechilli4496 7 днів тому

    You can ask questions and vet, however people do lie.

  • @nancyfalcheck9174
    @nancyfalcheck9174 7 днів тому +1

    Me and my husband were both were sexually abused when we were young so now

  • @lorettalewis4203
    @lorettalewis4203 8 днів тому

    Ty!

  • @Mr.HudsonLogistics
    @Mr.HudsonLogistics 9 днів тому +11

    I'm favoured, Getting my own Truck has always been my Dream for my business. I just acquired 2 recently, earning $32K weekly has been really helpful. I can now give back to the locals in my community and also support Charity Organizations.

    • @JohnIrwin-r3w
      @JohnIrwin-r3w 9 днів тому +1

      wow this awesome I'm 47 and have been looking for ways to be successful, please how??

    • @Mr.HudsonLogistics
      @Mr.HudsonLogistics 9 днів тому +1

      It is the digital market. That's been the secret to this wealth transfer. A lot of folks in the US and abroad are getting so much from it, God has been good to my household Thank you Jesus.

    • @Amoula-q7t
      @Amoula-q7t 9 днів тому +1

      YES!!! that's exactly her name (Mrs Elizabeth Regina Nelsen) so many people have recommended highly about her and I'm just starting with her from Brisbane Australia🇦🇺

    • @Bradpitts8972
      @Bradpitts8972 9 днів тому +1

      Wow! Kind of in shock you mentioned expert, Elizabeth Regina Nelsen. What a coincidence!!

    • @WilliamPablo-z8h
      @WilliamPablo-z8h 9 днів тому +1

      This sounds so good and I would like to be a party to it, is there any way I can speak with her?

  • @Evangelia2024
    @Evangelia2024 9 днів тому +5

    Wow, I would have never thought of fear as a factor... I thought he was avoidant..

    • @creatingdiane
      @creatingdiane 9 днів тому +10

      Avoidance is fear

    • @Evangelia2024
      @Evangelia2024 9 днів тому

      @creatingdiane yeah, you are right.. I was thinking of it as inability but I was wrong

  • @MegInASheathDress
    @MegInASheathDress 5 днів тому

    Really great video. I've never heard the part about why the silence occurs as a "re-calibration." That sounds really accurate. You have to right the ship after it's been thrown off its bearings. LOL.
    I'm so tempted to join a dating site and try this shit out. LOL. Despite so many women in your comment sections saying dating sites aren't the way to meet men, I just want to try out some of the skills I've learned from you. In the meantime, I'm hooking up with a 40-year-old for sex. LOL. What if we don't have an "action" photo? The best I can do is a photo of me walking out of the water after the Alcatraz swim. Not very "active." :( I don't do "extreme" sports, been there done that. I'm just too fucking old to put my knees at risk. I'm trying to preserve whatever joint mass I have left. LOL. I'm also a pretty "low-key" person, I don't like high energy dudes or people who aren't intellectually engaging. I read a ton and live inside my own head and would love to get with someone who reads a lot, especially Marxism Leninism and Maoism. LOL. This video was one of the best you've done, really informative and insightful.

  • @sonyahaley7384
    @sonyahaley7384 9 днів тому +1

    Im a widow who just started dating again. But, it's online. I haven't met anyone yet in person because I want to be sure of the fake people out there. I need advice on starting over with this dating. I'm 62 years old. Help!

    • @JonathonAslay
      @JonathonAslay  9 днів тому +2

      Talk on the phone as soon as possible is one solution.

  • @jeffreypowell5353
    @jeffreypowell5353 7 днів тому

    Divorced? Haha.in my 40s and still single, waiting for my first.

  • @meliteletemp9137
    @meliteletemp9137 9 днів тому +18

    His silence is a decision to dont be with you. simple

  • @shannaholland6184
    @shannaholland6184 9 днів тому +2

    Hello from the Hungarian.❤

  • @debchevalier4660
    @debchevalier4660 9 днів тому

    In midlife crisis

  • @cpgolfnetworks5893
    @cpgolfnetworks5893 9 днів тому

    Do you offer direct, zoom counciling?

  • @Sharon-uy1uf
    @Sharon-uy1uf 8 днів тому

    @Edelweissusie consider after 4 years he did not choose you and the female he was with reflects his choice in women of which you was one once ………

  • @pantera6672
    @pantera6672 9 днів тому +4

    dude quit picking your nose

  • @nikkielliott4253
    @nikkielliott4253 9 днів тому

    But most guys are still chasing 21 year old. That's biology

  • @SunShineLady-d4r
    @SunShineLady-d4r 8 днів тому

    Divorced people should not date 😒

    • @JonathonAslay
      @JonathonAslay  7 днів тому +1

      Why?

    • @-._.-KRiS-._.-
      @-._.-KRiS-._.- 7 днів тому

      Married people are the ones who shouldn't date. They should be focused on their marriage and their spouses.

    • @SunShineLady-d4r
      @SunShineLady-d4r 7 днів тому

      @JonathonAslay Divorce is SIN!!!

    • @evelynethomas2338
      @evelynethomas2338 7 днів тому

      What an odd comment. That’s a little broad don’t you think?

    • @Joysings86
      @Joysings86 7 днів тому

      They should date each other