I lost my son as well. It's the 'great sadness'. I understand the attachment styles. Plz read my comments from 2 days ago. You're a Leo? Gotta love Leos. I'm a triple fire sign, female, boomer, ex astrologer/artist/vegas cocktail server/bartender. College educated. I drop the F bomb too. ;) plz don't be offended, but I've been checking you out to see if I'd be attracted to you. How impetuous of me, haha..I know, right?
After 4 years i have as of yesterday found out he is on Facebook and women are accepting to his. Friendship. Wow. Devastated also fed up and so want to end his ommisions and. Deciept. Seriously. I have been. So open. To the point of agh. Exhausted. Us. Tks.
1. His professional life is in chaos 2. He either has a contentious relationship with an ex or maybe he’s still secretly in love with ex partners. 3. He’s always busy with his family and/or friends 4. Minimal effort in comparison to your effort 5. He doesn’t have a plan
@@sirennem.6890 What if they had a cheating or abusive spouse & they had to walk away? But then u have to look at why that person cheated, if they did. If it was abusive, then that's the right thing to do to leave. Do u think it was because the other partner or spouse was accountable in some way who didn't meet their needs or some behavior of theirs was unacceptable or out of balance as one of many reasons why they cheated if they felt neglected in some way? There's a reason why they became an ex..u have to know the exact details of both sides. No one is perfect. We all have some kind of childhood wounds & adult trauma unless u were brought up in a loving & secure household with ur parents. Far & few were that way.
at age 30 I gave up on finding Mr. right. I just forgot about it and went on with my life. I worked out at a gym regularly and this is where I met my Mr. right. I thought because he was 10 yrs younger than me that this would just be a Spring fling. now here were are still happily married for 33 years. Ladies don't give up, he does exist! good luck!
I like how you emphasize that we do not have time to mess around Knowing what you want and being ready to invest your heart in building a healthy relationship is a great mindset.
@@lucybrigman5308 True. But we all need the common sense advice and can help others by sharing. We're all learning every day of our lives. Jonathon gives bon mots of advice that can help us to not make false steps and remember to nurture the relationships we have. The OP to whom you may have been replying has a successful long term relationship already. Mine is BRAND new and I might not have it if not for this channel.
Positive story to share: My grandmother's first husband (my mom's dad) passed away when my mom was 16. At around 60 she got married again - to my grandfather (I even remember the wedding). My grandfather passed a way at the age for 90. And my grandmother 1 year later found a new "boyfriend". And they truely love eachother. They also talk about their deceased spouses with much love. They managed to love their deceased partners and still move on and really love the new partner!
Nice to know we can have it at whatever older age we are if it's meant to be & then for some it may never occur cause of what destiny or the Universe has in store for us whether it's meant for us to either be alone or with someone who is right for us..
Thank you for sharing this because I've recently adopted the idea that I would never ever deal with a widower again... But maybe it is possible with a very special one.
Regarding dating in your older years . . . Marriage was just a "piece of paper" until he was diagnosed with an incurable illness. Then he proposed, not once but twice. I said NO both times. I told him if he had proposed sooner, BEFORE his diagnosis, I would have married him for better or for worse. But now that he's ill, I am LEAVING our 5-year relationship. Some men want marriage because they want a "nurse" or a "purse." So ladies beware when you are dating in later life!
I ended up taking care of my seriously ill husband for eight years of our 16 year marriage. I am a retired nurse. He passed away last year. I don’t think I ever want a serious relationship with a man again. My first husband was a narcissistic control freak who married me at a young age & then cheated on me right after I had our child. I divorced him three years later.
I was with Fred for nearly four years. He was not the healthiest and overweight. He was 67 and I'm 65) I found myself expending exponentially more energy than he trying to get him healed enough so we could have a healthier relationship. I thought things were looking up when he lost some weight and had his hip replacement surgery. One year ago it was looking up. But as soon as he went back to work (60 mile a day commute for somewhat low pay), he got covid (again) in October 2022. Pneumonia Dec 2022. And then HE DIED(!!) at Easter 2023!! I had been on the fence about the relationship because while he insisted that he was in love with me, his actions didn't match his words. Sure, he took me out to eat a couple times a week. I cooked for him a couple times a week. But the relationship never progressed. When I finally confronted him on it, I said " So Fred, what's your plan for this relationship?" His words were "I actually have no idea, but I think about it all the time." The first two years once in awhile I would ask him if we were still OK and if he considered our relationship to be progressing. He always said yes. But I just wasn't feeling that from him. Don't get me wrong, he was a great guy with tons of talent (musical, mechanical, technological) and I NEED an intellectual challenge in a relationship so I was reluctant to break up. But truth be told, we had an upcoming vacation and for me that was going to be the 'sh-t or get off the pot discussion, but he died 3 weeks before the vacation! I miss him terribly even though I know that we would probably never have gotten married. I've been watching Jonathan ever since . I've learned a lot. BUT I also tried to have all of the brutally honest discussions about where our relationship was going along the way, but was always asked 'Why are you trying to pick a fight?' UGH! It's been the hardest thing ...to grieve not even knowing where you stood or how it would have ended. BUT I will listen to my gut next time and leave much earlier if I'm feeling alone in the relationship. Very tough to find love in your 60's. Gail in CT.
Let me add one more thing....I'm 5'2' blue, blond and weigh 134, but I feel that I am invisible to decent men. I KNOW! 'We're swimming in a sea of dysfuntionality." Am I doomed??
I stopped dating and meeting men for dinner , coffee, etc. I got TIRED of hearing men BRAG and talk and blab. Huge turnoff. I am interested In a humble man that doesn’t talk much but DOES much.
im 60 a woman was single for nearly 30 yrs had bfs but they didnt stick around 2019 was 56 unbeknownst to me met my soulmate hes 8 yrs older than me we were friends for 3 months before we moved in together we just hit it off still together this yr in sept will be 4 yrs we,v been together wasnt counting the days or months we are peas in a pod we are older and ive never felt so comftable happy relaxed in all my life we have our ups an downs but still together i was the cinderella of my toxic family and treated terrible til i met my babe he defends me treats me like a princess too i feel feminine too so ladies an gents dont think love has passed you by it hasnt if i found love at 56 you all can too i hope everyone world wide finds a love like me God bless you all 😊☺💖❤🙏👵👴💐🌹🥀
Dating is exhausting because it is so extremely rare to meet anyone who actually turns out to be worth the effort. So many, after a few weeks or months, turn out to be a complete waste of time for all sorts of reasons. I'm in my sixties and every man (including my ex husband of 36 years) has turned out to be a complete waste of time - and I'm running out of time to waste. Dating is getting me nowhere fast, and that's what makes it so exhausting and depressing. I've all but given up and resigned myself to being alone for my last years.
Absolutely possible to find life again! I have, after my husband passed 5 years ago, I am in love again, and getting close to marriage again. It is great, especially with a widower as well. We are both on the same page. Wishing you all well! ❤️
I think you should have your standard/boundary statements printed on a business card and laminated. When you are asked what you’re looking for, hand them the card.
I've been hurt,Too many times I'm too old and too tired I don't think dating is for me ,I have 2 children from my marriage and I am blessed with that ,
Jonathan, you are 100% CORRECT!!! I love your style and directness!! You’re spot on with your talks. Being a single 49 year old woman in the dating world, your messages are exactly what I’ve experienced and has to learn the hard way. Single ladies…TAKE NOTES! Jonathan is CORRECT!!!
" Damn Straight Johnathon "! Ain't nobody got time for that!!! We are to old for childish games, better off cuddling with your fur babies unconditional love❤
Leo, Leo, Leo, Leo, Leo! That makes so much sense. No wonder your voice raises when you’re trying to make a point that you are passionate about lol. I’ve been watching your new videos for about a year and this older one just popped up, glad I watched it.
Johnathan, you know all these games we have to play, while in the meantime time is passing. Looks fading. Health going. We don't have a lot of time to play and mess with feelings as we'd like to think. I blame social media and dating sites. Too much options. It killed romance.
Jonathan, most men who are truly in their masculine protector/provider energy live to make their woman happy, for that gives them their greatest happiness as men. And they don’t need her to put forth much effort toward them except for some appreciation, validation, and admiration in return for their efforts.
Great advice on not investing in a married person. This is my personal #1 rule that I absolutely do not break. I ask during the introduction if they are married? If so bye! 😍💪
Thanks for the tip about the guy that is BUSY with family and friends. I'm in the middle of that type of "relationship" now, if you could call it that. No phone calls, texting only, and not much advance notice when seeing him about every 10 days. Not planning ahead is a big red flag for me. If he can't plan to see me, he's not thinking about making time for me. Argh. At 62, this is getting very old.
Don't put up with that don't reply when he text and don't be available when he wants to see you it's that simple you deserve so much better he's not going to change because you're allowing him to treat you this way
Don't bother with this guy. Get out now while you're not too attached. He sees you as a placeholder, not a dream women. It's bloody amazing how many people just start off relationships like he is with you and years later it's the same dreary dead end and he goes onto marry another woman instantly. Don't let that happen!
For me its the same about four month now. We only see us one time a week. He dont give me appointments to plan but he message me everyday, says he love me, miss me and wanna move together. But we did not really get to know each other. Im confused and fearfull of that he could be a narc.
Sheila Seniff I was in this kind & got 💔 from not knowing how to deal with men in the dating field of today after being in an abusive toxic relationship from many yrs ago, sorry to say..
@@tdhawk167 Rightly so as I was the empath & he was the narc 👺. Didn't know what either word meant til I learned all about these kind of videos coming from a place of naiveness.
Great video Jonathon, thank you. I fell in love and lived with a man in my late 20s for five years. About 41/2 years together I asked him one night "if we had a future together?" "Will we marry one day?". His reply, "I will never marry you". I ended the relationship about three months later. He married another woman one year later. I cried non-stop for two years. I still dream about him thirty years later. I wish that I would have asked the right questions within our first year. I was so happy and contented, that it didn't even occur to me. He did divorce and has had three or four other live-in relationships since his marriage. Maybe I dodged a bullet. But, it didn't stop me from loving him the way I have never loved another man.
Thank you for sharing. I can't tell you how much it means to have someone just acknowledge that this is how things turn out sometimes. Much peace and love to you 😘
@@LV-wl7ch what are you talking about? There was nothing judgmental about what I said. The OP knows about his relationships after he was divorced. Many relationships after his divorce. I'm pointing out that there was more there.
We DON'T have time to f*** around. Jonathon, you have helped me so much these past 2 weeks of listening to you. 3 yrs post divorce after a LTM(23 yrs), I had a lot to learn and so much more to unlearn! For the 3rd time, I am back on the dating apps with a new outlook and already getting better prospects! I am a Jonathon believer!
It's raining great no partners night and. Dayz! Thanks as always Jonathon . You put Yousef out there by so we listen and make better choices. Or we fk up and you give. USA hug and courage to start a new.
I would like to add also that if your anxious he might be abusive, and the body is remembering trauma. Past trauma that is healed, yet the body is a good indicator that new trauma may be present and we are not listening to the signs. Run.
I would suggest the Crappy Childhood Fairy. Helps with healing trauma, childhood and adulthood. CPTSD when not recognized or addressed, has its own challenges to navigate relationships
I’m with you on the Puritan part.. I don’t do casual dating, never have, but I date intentionally to find a life partner, and that includes marriage. I’m incredibly open about that and truthfully, that conversation is happening incredibly early on.
Jonathon, back to the bookstore today the owner who's sold me loads of books including most of your recommendations saud to me, Im pretty sure you're a therapist aren't you " Made my day because I have gone from victim to victor and this business owner had me pegged as a winner . Fuck yes
You have touched on a couple of things I have been keeping a watchful eye on. I noted a couple of things that you have brought up. I found him to be always looking on line for another something… I noted this and am keeping attention to see if he likes the drama behind it. The urgency, the needing better. The other thing I noted is the constant conversation about his ex wife. Beyond that I noted he keeps connection with all the Ladies he had been with or had intent to be with. I don’t see that as a red flag as I have kept connection with some that were healthy enough to move on and we are mutually happy for what happens for each other. For him I feel it’s the they may still want me and affection for them. Neither right now is a major cause for concern but one that I am being observant about. It’s so extremely funny how answers in life pop up to help you on your path. You touching on what I had noted most recently is just so funny. As always thank you for your upfront keeping it real information videos.
I will add that I actually touched on both in subtly way. He is a bright man and listens and reads my verbal cues. For now I am not going to jump to anything and just observe. I am happy I was aware of observing these and connected with them. To be honest I wasn’t really interested in a relationship but the more I spent time with him I could relax and connect to him on a deeper level letting me open up more and be more vulnerable yet present. I have openly decided to enjoy this using it as a means to learn more. My goal was to continue to open up and allow myself to be vulnerable. Learning how to lean in to being present in body and mind. Saying my truth, which I have never done in a relationship because of the nature they were. This is allowing me a deeper connection with myself. If something come out of it bonus.
Sometimes in relationships partners and family can stifle the spirituality of an individual because they do not want to see the person as they really are. They want their version of the person. You have to give up trying to meet the expectations of these family members. I have learnt the hard way. I just hope with encouragement from people like yourself I can build my moat again.
Maybe dating is so exhausting because 99% of the people you meet are NOT exciting and turn out to be so far from what you're looking for that sooner or later it just crushes your spirit.
My former fiancé constantly saw his ex. They worked together, ate lunch together, she watched his dog when he visited me, tailored his clothes, and insisted that we double date. His family also invited her to all of the family events. It was very odd. He also told me that he still and would always love her. He broke our engagement over the phone. We dated long distance and I never saw him in person after he broke up with me. When I asked him to meet in person, he wouldn’t. He eventually told me in a phone call that he never wanted an instant family (I have two children and he had none and had never been married… we were in our mid 40s and he was my first kiss as a teen). He also told me that he asked me to marry him to keep our long distance relationship going but never thought it would get to the point where we would get married. We had sent out invitations and I quit my job and put a for sale sign on my house. He always made time for his friends and family but seldom for me and always included his ex girlfriend for big events. The red flags were there, but I was just too stupid to notice. I got my job back and realized that I really dodged a bullet. I haven’t been in a relationship since then. It has been 11 years. I concentrated on raising my kids. Started dating again just recently. Wish I would have known about these videos back then!
…..”he asked me to marry him to keep the long distance relationship going”…… how awful he was so cavalier with your time and life. I hope you find a caring man with much more integrity for a LTR
I don't play games or follow rules. I show up authentically. And I ask questions even hard ones. But i also believe women can put waaaay too much pressure on the first few dates. It creates stiffness, where the woman's personality doesnt come through bc shes too busy over evaluating it. And so no connection is made and they arent being asked out for dates 3 4 5 etc. I think some balance is needed. I try to ask myself at first would i spend 3 more hours with this person? So that i also dont count out a great guy just bc there isnt earth shattering chemistry the first date. I think 3 is a good try. If still no deisre for a kiss on my part i let them know we aren't a match.
You are really studied and wise. You’re so fun ,creAtive , and are truly a sweet soul with a lively spirit plus a dynamite sense of humor- Thanks for your videos.
I happened to find you purely by accident and I am very taken back at how much have the same experience and I like your style it is my style completely
I've known my ex-boyfriend's mother since I was a baby. She loved me when I was a baby and toddler, so I've been told. I have one memory of me sitting on her lap when I was little. Decades pass, and I start dating her son. He told me that his mom hates ALL his girlfriends and hated his ex-wife for the 13 years they were married and the time they dated and got her pregnant. He said the minute the divorce papers were signed, his Mom suddenly loved his ex-wife. She was always friendly to me until I started dating her son. Even his son noticed how hostile she was to me and my ex's younger brother teasingly thanked me because now his Mom liked his girlfriend now and aimed her hate at me. And I was warned that my ex's mother was crazy, as something mentally wasn't right with her. My boyfriend love his mother and take care of her, but while we were dating he said our relationship was more important and we would have a life away from his mother, so, at the time, I wasn't worried about his mother. I still liked his mother even though she hated me. I always told him to tell her hello for me when they went to church or went to their family things like funerals.
I have been watching & listening to you for almost 2 months now. You really make me open my eyes. You are right 👍 about a man who were still hung up to his past/ relationships.
QUESTION: what happens to women who in retrospect cannot even think of a man who they can honestly say, that’s the kind of man she wants in her life; a well-balanced person that could compliment her in values, standards, priorities, activities. Do you really think there is the perfect lid to every pot, or not.
Nichole, I’m in the very same place. I work to supplement SS, and I am very positive as far as my future goes. I am not looking for a man at y this time, but spending time getting to know myself. I figure if a relationship is meant to be, I will run into it someday. If not, I’m happy with family, good friends, myself, and my dog. Married 48 years to my husband, who I doubt anyone could hold a candle to.
Hello, i’m new to your channel and I love listening to your advice. Especially, when you talk about forget your feminine energy in your mid life. So true. Thank you for all of your helpful advice. I am not one to give my body away until marriage but everybody does what they do. I love to wash my dishes or walk on my track and listen to your videos. Although, I do have to stop them when my kids come in the room because of some of the Termanology and swearing that you use. I know I don’t have to come to the channel but I really do like a lot of your advice. Thank you for everything
55 raised 5 adult children have done 5 yrs celibacy after my husband left me, sold all bought 5 peaceful archers 4 yrs ago and went on a wild personal journey with raw nature. I have claimed and fallen on life's journey with passion, and passed grown men crying who could not stand the gruel...Pisces/Aquarius means logical/mystical equally...so much more...
Thankyou for telling me I can ask if he wants to remarry in the first 100 hours of your relationship as I wanna get remarried.❤ Australia Jocelyn. Great advice.
Question: If a man connected with you on a professional level and we both kept it as professional brilliant synchronized chemistry and inspirational but both of us felt a mutual strong connection causing both of us to have that F yes and we realized we had began falling for each other having loving feelings in which he described as surreal. The conversations were intense, respectful with secret adoration for both of us… one another that turned into a trusting love within months that kept me. We began constantly thinking if one another daily and throughout the day that it was difficult to his thought and feelings that neither of us expected he said he’d not let me go. inspired before he was to the genuine words if encouragement supportive nature. But he timing was off as he was supposed to be walk down the aisle
You’re absolutely right! After having a long distance relationship with a guy who knows my family and somehow is related. I noticed most of the signs you mentioned during this period but I was so naive to ignore these signs. When I traveled to meet him I found out that he is a narcissist.. he used the silence treatment and was abusive because I refused to have sex with him before he commit to me . He was frequently talking about his X wife how wonderful she is but he chose his freedom on her! So self centered.. empathy detached .
OMG... I love your great advices... they are right up in the alley even if I am gay this is still applicable or relatable to gay men or same sex relationships in general.
As I was listening to this video, I thought that if I had few more numbers I would have won the lottery. So sad, but very hopeful. Thank you always. The more i listen to you, the more fun I have. Don't want to ruin things by trying to be in a relationship.
Thank you 😊 you are so right. I just left someone who really didn’t have time for me even though he said he loves me. I saw the red flags even though we both felt a connection. I listened to my gut. Better for it
Interesting that you had no clue about a healthy relationship even though your parents were married for so many decades. But I get it. My parents were, I thought, codependent on each other. My dad, though, was a Type B personality and my mom a Type A. She ran the show in every way! Needless to say, I thought that since I was a Type B, I needed a Type A myself. Enter two bad marriages...now I realize my pattern and want a healthy partnership. I may never get it but that's OK. I love myself and I'm satisfied with being alone. I'm happy.
The "I'll believe it when I see it" is so bang on. I can actually FEEL that on dates, when the guy describes past relationships or dates. Permanently stuck in the candystore. Gnawing on bland candy. Like a mindless pacifier.
@@JonathonAslay I feel compassion. Not ranting about them. But you have to know what you want, and even more importantly, know what you want to bring. It all simply doesn't fall into your lap. It's sad more men and women can't envision the fun journey of the build itself - towards the juicey and the delicious. Even if it doesn't work out, there is joy in it. Beautiful effort and joy.
Thanks to all your sharing and advises Jonathan, I just like you learning the relationship , I was married when I was very young and busy with kids until my husband passed away after together for 10 years, until now its been 18 years I still single , and keep thinking positive if one day the guy will notice me and willing to spend the time together till both are old, never thinking late to find next love life as I am 48 years old now.., thanks again 🙏I hope you will find your love life too 🙏🙏♥️
FREE Discovery Call with Jonathon► jonathonaslay.com/coaching
Hey hello 👋 Jonathan asley
Hi Johnathon, I need a lot of phone calls with my situation
I lost my son as well. It's the 'great sadness'. I understand the attachment styles. Plz read my comments from 2 days ago. You're a Leo? Gotta love Leos. I'm a triple fire sign, female, boomer, ex astrologer/artist/vegas cocktail server/bartender. College educated. I drop the F bomb too. ;) plz don't be offended, but I've been checking you out to see if I'd be attracted to you. How impetuous of me, haha..I know, right?
After 4 years i have as of yesterday found out he is on Facebook and women are accepting to his. Friendship. Wow. Devastated also fed up and so want to end his ommisions and. Deciept. Seriously. I have been. So open. To the point of agh. Exhausted. Us. Tks.
John would you call Australia This dating online stuff confuses the hell out of me
1. His professional life is in chaos
2. He either has a contentious relationship with an ex or maybe he’s still secretly in love with ex partners.
3. He’s always busy with his family and/or friends
4. Minimal effort in comparison to your effort
5. He doesn’t have a plan
👍
Right
Thank you!
What example would be " a plan"? U mean like to get married again?
@@sirennem.6890 What if they had a cheating or abusive spouse & they had to walk away? But then u have to look at why that person cheated, if they did. If it was abusive, then that's the right thing to do to leave. Do u think it was because the other partner or spouse was accountable in some way who didn't meet their needs or some behavior of theirs was unacceptable or out of balance as one of many reasons why they cheated if they felt neglected in some way? There's a reason why they became an ex..u have to know the exact details of both sides. No one is perfect. We all have some kind of childhood wounds & adult trauma unless u were brought up in a loving & secure household with ur parents. Far & few were that way.
at age 30 I gave up on finding Mr. right. I just forgot about it and went on with my life. I worked out at a gym regularly and this is where I met my Mr. right. I thought because he was 10 yrs younger than me that this would just be a Spring fling. now here were are still happily married for 33 years. Ladies don't give up, he does exist! good luck!
True, and I'm happy for you. When I gave up entirely and focused on self development, family, and work only, along came Mr Right.
I like how you emphasize that we do not have time to mess around Knowing what you want and being ready to invest
your heart in building a healthy relationship is a great mindset.
I'm holding on thank you 💕 Your story has given me hope x
why are you in this site? this is mainly for people that are looking
@@lucybrigman5308 True. But we all need the common sense advice and can help others by sharing. We're all learning every day of our lives. Jonathon gives bon mots of advice that can help us to not make false steps and remember to nurture the relationships we have.
The OP to whom you may have been replying has a successful long term relationship already.
Mine is BRAND new and I might not have it if not for this channel.
Even if his professional life isn't in chaos, if he's a workaholic, that shows that it's more of a priority than having a relationship.
Positive story to share: My grandmother's first husband (my mom's dad) passed away when my mom was 16. At around 60 she got married again - to my grandfather (I even remember the wedding). My grandfather passed a way at the age for 90. And my grandmother 1 year later found a new "boyfriend". And they truely love eachother. They also talk about their deceased spouses with much love. They managed to love their deceased partners and still move on and really love the new partner!
Beautiful story- makes my heart sing🥰
🙏
Nice to know we can have it at whatever older age we are if it's meant to be & then for some it may never occur cause of what destiny or the Universe has in store for us whether it's meant for us to either be alone or with someone who is right for us..
Lovely encouraging story!
Thank you for sharing this because I've recently adopted the idea that I would never ever deal with a widower again... But maybe it is possible with a very special one.
For me, I've seen:
He doesn't MOVE the relationship FORWARD
He pulls back when it looks like it's going somewhere (rollercoaster)
Crazy people who behave this way
Regarding dating in your older years . . .
Marriage was just a "piece of paper" until he was diagnosed with an incurable illness. Then he proposed, not once but twice. I said NO both times. I told him if he had proposed sooner, BEFORE his diagnosis, I would have married him for better or for worse. But now that he's ill, I am LEAVING our 5-year relationship. Some men want marriage because they want a "nurse" or a "purse." So ladies beware when you are dating in later life!
You did the right thing.
Good for you.
I ended up taking care of my seriously ill husband for eight years of our 16 year marriage. I am a retired nurse. He passed away last year. I don’t think I ever want a serious relationship with a man again. My first husband was a narcissistic control freak who married me at a young age & then cheated on me right after I had our child. I divorced him three years later.
I was with Fred for nearly four years. He was not the healthiest and overweight. He was 67 and I'm 65) I found myself expending exponentially more energy than he trying to get him healed enough so we could have a healthier relationship. I thought things were looking up when he lost some weight and had his hip replacement surgery. One year ago it was looking up. But as soon as he went back to work (60 mile a day commute for somewhat low pay), he got covid (again) in October 2022. Pneumonia Dec 2022. And then HE DIED(!!) at Easter 2023!!
I had been on the fence about the relationship because while he insisted that he was in love with me, his actions didn't match his words. Sure, he took me out to eat a couple times a week. I cooked for him a couple times a week. But the relationship never progressed. When I finally confronted him on it, I said " So Fred, what's your plan for this relationship?" His words were "I actually have no idea, but I think about it all the time." The first two years once in awhile I would ask him if we were still OK and if he considered our relationship to be progressing. He always said yes. But I just wasn't feeling that from him. Don't get me wrong, he was a great guy with tons of talent (musical, mechanical, technological) and I NEED an intellectual challenge in a relationship so I was reluctant to break up. But truth be told, we had an upcoming vacation and for me that was going to be the 'sh-t or get off the pot discussion, but he died 3 weeks before the vacation! I miss him terribly even though I know that we would probably never have gotten married. I've been watching Jonathan ever since . I've learned a lot. BUT I also tried to have all of the brutally honest discussions about where our relationship was going along the way, but was always asked 'Why are you trying to pick a fight?' UGH! It's been the hardest thing ...to grieve not even knowing where you stood or how it would have ended. BUT I will listen to my gut next time and leave much earlier if I'm feeling alone in the relationship. Very tough to find love in your 60's. Gail in CT.
Let me add one more thing....I'm 5'2' blue, blond and weigh 134, but I feel that I am invisible to decent men. I KNOW! 'We're swimming in a sea of dysfuntionality." Am I doomed??
I'm 70 & I'm exceedingly hopeful
I stopped dating and meeting men for dinner , coffee, etc. I got TIRED of hearing men BRAG and talk and blab. Huge turnoff. I am interested In a humble man that doesn’t talk much but DOES much.
That man requires you to make the moves 😂
im 60 a woman was single for nearly 30 yrs had bfs but they didnt stick around 2019 was 56 unbeknownst to me met my soulmate hes 8 yrs older than me we were friends for 3 months before we moved in together we just hit it off still together this yr in sept will be 4 yrs we,v been together wasnt counting the days or months we are peas in a pod we are older and ive never felt so comftable happy relaxed in all my life we have our ups an downs but still together i was the cinderella of my toxic family and treated terrible til i met my babe he defends me treats me like a princess too i feel feminine too so ladies an gents dont think love has passed you by it hasnt if i found love at 56 you all can too i hope everyone world wide finds a love like me God bless you all 😊☺💖❤🙏👵👴💐🌹🥀
Dating is exhausting because it is so extremely rare to meet anyone who actually turns out to be worth the effort. So many, after a few weeks or months, turn out to be a complete waste of time for all sorts of reasons. I'm in my sixties and every man (including my ex husband of 36 years) has turned out to be a complete waste of time - and I'm running out of time to waste. Dating is getting me nowhere fast, and that's what makes it so exhausting and depressing. I've all but given up and resigned myself to being alone for my last years.
Absolutely possible to find life again! I have, after my husband passed 5 years ago, I am in love again, and getting close to marriage again. It is great, especially with a widower as well. We are both on the same page. Wishing you all well! ❤️
I think you should have your standard/boundary statements printed on a business card and laminated. When you are asked what you’re looking for, hand them the card.
I've been hurt,Too many times I'm too old and too tired I don't think dating is for me ,I have 2 children from my marriage and I am blessed with that ,
Jonathan, you are 100% CORRECT!!! I love your style and directness!! You’re spot on with your talks. Being a single 49 year old woman in the dating world, your messages are exactly what I’ve experienced and has to learn the hard way. Single ladies…TAKE NOTES! Jonathan is CORRECT!!!
I appreciate that!
" Damn Straight Johnathon "! Ain't nobody got time for that!!! We are to old for childish games, better off cuddling with your fur babies unconditional love❤
👍
I think there is a new term for this these days, dating minimalism
Jonathan is so correct on saying that loving men more doesn't mean men are going to give you more love. So, so, so, correct!!!!
Leo, Leo, Leo, Leo, Leo! That makes so much sense. No wonder your voice raises when you’re trying to make a point that you are passionate about lol.
I’ve been watching your new videos for about a year and this older one just popped up, glad I watched it.
You are so welcome
it it's exhausting, it's the wrong person.
Johnathan, you know all these games we have to play, while in the meantime time is passing. Looks fading. Health going. We don't have a lot of time to play and mess with feelings as we'd like to think. I blame social media and dating sites. Too much options. It killed romance.
Jonathan, most men who are truly in their masculine protector/provider energy live to make their woman happy, for that gives them their greatest happiness as men. And they don’t need her to put forth much effort toward them except for some appreciation, validation, and admiration in return for their efforts.
Great advice on not investing in a married person. This is my personal #1 rule that I absolutely do not break. I ask during the introduction if they are married? If so bye! 😍💪
You lucky if they are honest firsthand
Thanks for the tip about the guy that is BUSY with family and friends. I'm in the middle of that type of "relationship" now, if you could call it that. No phone calls, texting only, and not much advance notice when seeing him about every 10 days. Not planning ahead is a big red flag for me. If he can't plan to see me, he's not thinking about making time for me. Argh. At 62, this is getting very old.
Get rid of your mobile, then he can't text you.
Don't put up with that don't reply when he text and don't be available when he wants to see you it's that simple you deserve so much better he's not going to change because you're allowing him to treat you this way
How do u tell if a guy is honest when you communicate with him on line
Don't bother with this guy. Get out now while you're not too attached. He sees you as a placeholder, not a dream women. It's bloody amazing how many people just start off relationships like he is with you and years later it's the same dreary dead end and he goes onto marry another woman instantly. Don't let that happen!
For me its the same about four month now. We only see us one time a week. He dont give me appointments to plan but he message me everyday, says he love me, miss me and wanna move together. But we did not really get to know each other. Im confused and fearfull of that he could be a narc.
If you're in midlife, you have plenty of life in you... This is so true
👍
Avoidant attachment---anxious attachment can also cause trauma bonds, Narcicisst/ Codependent. Lesson learned.
Gotcha
Empath/Narc, as well
Sheila Seniff I was in this kind & got 💔 from not knowing how to deal with men in the dating field of today after being in an abusive toxic relationship from many yrs ago, sorry to say..
@@tdhawk167 Rightly so as I was the empath & he was the narc 👺. Didn't know what either word meant til I learned all about these kind of videos coming from a place of naiveness.
@@dianneciresi6324 💕
Great video Jonathon, thank you. I fell in love and lived with a man in my late 20s for five years. About 41/2 years together I asked him one night "if we had a future together?" "Will we marry one day?". His reply, "I will never marry you". I ended the relationship about three months later. He married another woman one year later. I cried non-stop for two years. I still dream about him thirty years later. I wish that I would have asked the right questions within our first year. I was so happy and contented, that it didn't even occur to me. He did divorce and has had three or four other live-in relationships since his marriage. Maybe I dodged a bullet. But, it didn't stop me from loving him the way I have never loved another man.
It's been 30 years? You certainly know a lot about a man who you broke up with 30 years ago. Sounds like there was some other type of connection.
I wished if u had walked away the minute he told u he would never marry u. Have to believe whatever a man tells u abt himself.
Thank you for sharing. I can't tell you how much it means to have someone just acknowledge that this is how things turn out sometimes.
Much peace and love to you 😘
I think you were in love with who you thought he was not who he really is a lesson I also learnt I wish I the best it's never to late 😁
@@LV-wl7ch what are you talking about? There was nothing judgmental about what I said. The OP knows about his relationships after he was divorced. Many relationships after his divorce. I'm pointing out that there was more there.
I am loving reading all THESE COMMENTS alone, wow!!! As informative as Sir Jonathon's message! 😃
Love it ! Mid life We don't have time to f around!!🤣
Maximum respect 🙏 Jonathan I love you so much be blessed 🙌
Just wanted to thank you again for the value you add to many of us around the world! Bear hug
We DON'T have time to f*** around. Jonathon, you have helped me so much these past 2 weeks of listening to you. 3 yrs post divorce after a LTM(23 yrs), I had a lot to learn and so much more to unlearn! For the 3rd time, I am back on the dating apps with a new outlook and already getting better prospects! I am a Jonathon believer!
It's raining great no partners night and. Dayz! Thanks as always Jonathon . You put Yousef out there by so we listen and make better choices. Or we fk up and you give. USA hug and courage to start a new.
I just sent beautiful energies for you and your son. I am sorry for your lost. Love remains.
Awe... thank you 😊
You are right about the men who know what they want. It’s perfectly fine for him to not know what he wants, but he’s not dating me.
I would like to add also that if your anxious he might be abusive, and the body is remembering trauma. Past trauma that is healed, yet the body is a good indicator that new trauma may be present and we are not listening to the signs. Run.
🙏
I would suggest the Crappy Childhood Fairy. Helps with healing trauma, childhood and adulthood. CPTSD when not recognized or addressed, has its own challenges to navigate relationships
Oh my Jonathan I’m Taurus and being stubborn I won’t take claim to. Thanks for sharing this with us it made me smile 😀.
I love Leos they are so generous and loving. 😊
Love the real honest advice. And the “ F” bombs. Humor is necessary with this topic!! 😉👌we can all relate.
Any man or women should educate themselves. I really like this channel.
Been married a long time and understand the value of this channel.
You so so right with the midlife thing.. no games..there's no time
I’m with you on the Puritan part.. I don’t do casual dating, never have, but I date intentionally to find a life partner, and that includes marriage. I’m incredibly open about that and truthfully, that conversation is happening incredibly early on.
i LOVE YOU SOOOO MUCH JONANTHON!! YOU CRACK ME UP!!! IT ABSOLUTELY IT IS IN YOUR ATTITUDE BABY!!
Jonathon, back to the bookstore today the owner who's sold me loads of books including most of your recommendations saud to me, Im pretty sure you're a therapist aren't you " Made my day because I have gone from victim to victor and this business owner had me pegged as a winner . Fuck yes
WooHoo... good for you 🥳
You have touched on a couple of things I have been keeping a watchful eye on. I noted a couple of things that you have brought up. I found him to be always looking on line for another something… I noted this and am keeping attention to see if he likes the drama behind it. The urgency, the needing better. The other thing I noted is the constant conversation about his ex wife. Beyond that I noted he keeps connection with all the Ladies he had been with or had intent to be with. I don’t see that as a red flag as I have kept connection with some that were healthy enough to move on and we are mutually happy for what happens for each other. For him I feel it’s the they may still want me and affection for them.
Neither right now is a major cause for concern but one that I am being observant about.
It’s so extremely funny how answers in life pop up to help you on your path. You touching on what I had noted most recently is just so funny. As always thank you for your upfront keeping it real information videos.
I will add that I actually touched on both in subtly way. He is a bright man and listens and reads my verbal cues. For now I am not going to jump to anything and just observe. I am happy I was aware of observing these and connected with them. To be honest I wasn’t really interested in a relationship but the more I spent time with him I could relax and connect to him on a deeper level letting me open up more and be more vulnerable yet present. I have openly decided to enjoy this using it as a means to learn more. My goal was to continue to open up and allow myself to be vulnerable. Learning how to lean in to being present in body and mind. Saying my truth, which I have never done in a relationship because of the nature they were. This is allowing me a deeper connection with myself. If something come out of it bonus.
Say what you mean and mean what you say!! Totally agree not much time left and I am just finding out why
Sometimes in relationships partners and family can stifle the spirituality of an individual because they do not want to see the person as they really are. They want their version of the person. You have to give up trying to meet the expectations of these family members. I have learnt the hard way. I just hope with encouragement from people like yourself I can build my moat again.
Maybe dating is so exhausting because 99% of the people you meet are NOT exciting and turn out to be so far from what you're looking for that sooner or later it just crushes your spirit.
I like your attitude and plus your really up front on everything.I can’t seem to find a guy like you.
My former fiancé constantly saw his ex. They worked together, ate lunch together, she watched his dog when he visited me, tailored his clothes, and insisted that we double date. His family also invited her to all of the family events. It was very odd. He also told me that he still and would always love her. He broke our engagement over the phone. We dated long distance and I never saw him in person after he broke up with me. When I asked him to meet in person, he wouldn’t. He eventually told me in a phone call that he never wanted an instant family (I have two children and he had none and had never been married… we were in our mid 40s and he was my first kiss as a teen). He also told me that he asked me to marry him to keep our long distance relationship going but never thought it would get to the point where we would get married. We had sent out invitations and I quit my job and put a for sale sign on my house. He always made time for his friends and family but seldom for me and always included his ex girlfriend for big events. The red flags were there, but I was just too stupid to notice. I got my job back and realized that I really dodged a bullet. I haven’t been in a relationship since then. It has been 11 years. I concentrated on raising my kids. Started dating again just recently. Wish I would have known about these videos back then!
…..”he asked me to marry him to keep the long distance relationship going”…… how awful he was so cavalier with your time and life. I hope you find a caring man with much more integrity for a LTR
Thank you! I appreciate that.
I really love your advice thank you alot ❤️
You are so welcome!
Brilliant, needed to hear this with a stagnant 7 month transitional relationship....#3, 4, and 5 🤔
I don't play games or follow rules. I show up authentically. And I ask questions even hard ones. But i also believe women can put waaaay too much pressure on the first few dates. It creates stiffness, where the woman's personality doesnt come through bc shes too busy over evaluating it. And so no connection is made and they arent being asked out for dates 3 4 5 etc. I think some balance is needed. I try to ask myself at first would i spend 3 more hours with this person? So that i also dont count out a great guy just bc there isnt earth shattering chemistry the first date. I think 3 is a good try. If still no deisre for a kiss on my part i let them know we aren't a match.
This is ABSOLUTELY your BEST video yet!!!! THANK YOU 😊
Wow, thank you!
Jonathon I love your direct bluntness . You really make my day ! 💯❤️
Thank you
You are really studied and wise. You’re so fun ,creAtive , and are truly a sweet soul with a lively spirit plus
a dynamite sense of humor- Thanks for your videos.
I happened to find you purely by accident and I am very taken back at how much have the same experience and I like your style it is my style completely
Know before a date! I wasted 2 half yrs with a manipulative narcissist
"Vet the mother****" and "We don't have time to eff around!" Omg, I'm laughing so hard.
I've known my ex-boyfriend's mother since I was a baby. She loved me when I was a baby and toddler, so I've been told. I have one memory of me sitting on her lap when I was little. Decades pass, and I start dating her son. He told me that his mom hates ALL his girlfriends and hated his ex-wife for the 13 years they were married and the time they dated and got her pregnant. He said the minute the divorce papers were signed, his Mom suddenly loved his ex-wife. She was always friendly to me until I started dating her son. Even his son noticed how hostile she was to me and my ex's younger brother teasingly thanked me because now his Mom liked his girlfriend now and aimed her hate at me. And I was warned that my ex's mother was crazy, as something mentally wasn't right with her. My boyfriend love his mother and take care of her, but while we were dating he said our relationship was more important and we would have a life away from his mother, so, at the time, I wasn't worried about his mother. I still liked his mother even though she hated me. I always told him to tell her hello for me when they went to church or went to their family things like funerals.
Thank you for the pep talk!
It's raining great men!
You have such good information and thought provoking content on your channel, thanks so much!
WOW! Thank you
I have been watching & listening to you for almost 2 months now. You really make me open my eyes. You are right 👍 about a man who were still hung up to his past/ relationships.
QUESTION: what happens to women who in retrospect cannot even think of a man who they can honestly say, that’s the kind of man she wants in her life; a well-balanced person that could compliment her in values, standards, priorities, activities. Do you really think there is the perfect lid to every pot, or not.
Nichole, I’m in the very same place. I work to supplement SS, and I am very positive as far as my future goes. I am not looking for a man at y this time, but spending time getting to know myself. I figure if a relationship is meant to be, I will run into it someday. If not, I’m happy with family, good friends, myself, and my dog. Married 48 years to my husband, who I doubt anyone could hold a candle to.
Yes!
Hello, i’m new to your channel and I love listening to your advice. Especially, when you talk about forget your feminine energy in your mid life. So true. Thank you for all of your helpful advice. I am not one to give my body away until marriage but everybody does what they do. I love to wash my dishes or walk on my track and listen to your videos. Although, I do have to stop them when my kids come in the room because of some of the Termanology and swearing that you use. I know I don’t have to come to the channel but I really do like a lot of your advice. Thank you for everything
55 raised 5 adult children have done 5 yrs celibacy after my husband left me, sold all bought 5 peaceful archers 4 yrs ago and went on a wild personal journey with raw nature. I have claimed and fallen on life's journey with passion, and passed grown men crying who could not stand the gruel...Pisces/Aquarius means logical/mystical equally...so much more...
Thankyou for telling me I can ask if he wants to remarry in the first 100 hours of your relationship as I wanna get remarried.❤ Australia Jocelyn. Great advice.
Best of luck!
Question: If a man connected with you on a professional level and we both kept it as professional brilliant synchronized chemistry and inspirational but both of us felt a mutual strong connection causing both of us to have that F yes and we realized we had began falling for each other having loving feelings in which he described as surreal.
The conversations were intense, respectful with secret adoration for both of us… one another that turned into a trusting love within months that kept me. We began constantly thinking if one another daily and throughout the day that it was difficult to his thought and feelings that neither of us expected he said he’d not let me go. inspired before he was to the genuine words if encouragement supportive nature. But he timing was off as he was supposed to be walk down the aisle
You’re absolutely right! After having a long distance relationship with a guy who knows my family and somehow is related. I noticed most of the signs you mentioned during this period but I was so naive to ignore these signs. When I traveled to meet him I found out that he is a narcissist.. he used the silence treatment and was abusive because I refused to have sex with him before he commit to me . He was frequently talking about his X wife how wonderful she is but he chose his freedom on her! So self centered.. empathy detached .
Personal Question Jonathan do you enjoy the ladies you meet online?
Sounds like you dodged a bullet there, Coco
Amen you got that right cuz you can only do your own thinking
You’re awesome, thanks a lot👍
OMG... I love your great advices... they are right up in the alley even if I am gay this is still applicable or relatable to gay men or same sex relationships in general.
Blessing Overflowing You & you love! Amazing Wild Humorous Sweet Brother!!!
Thank you kindly
As I was listening to this video, I thought that if I had few more numbers I would have won the lottery. So sad, but very hopeful. Thank you always. The more i listen to you, the more fun I have. Don't want to ruin things by trying to be in a relationship.
🤞
Love it ! We don’t have time to f#%k around ! Absolutely…
Just bought conscious uncoupling. Thank you for the recommendation.
Great... by the way, I'm interviewing the author of the book at 4:50pm PST today. ua-cam.com/users/liveCPHqRNY9vMI
I have learnt so much. Thank you.
I'm so glad!
Yes, knowing who I dealing with earlier is better!
OMG I love you , Jonathan 🤣🤣🤣
Really needed this today
You must be psychic
Thank You
You are so welcome
Thank you 😊 you are so right. I just left someone who really didn’t have time for me even though he said he loves me. I saw the red flags even though we both felt a connection. I listened to my gut. Better for it
Yes! yes! yes! Grill grill grill! Nearly 3 years of grief in a wrong relationship.
Thank you Honathan
Great...love it..we don't have time to f***k around!👍I am 60...unfortunately divorce twice, but Dating
and observing!
I really don't think most men will like this channel. Great a man is making this channel and advising women as a man. Kudos to Aslay!
Interesting that you had no clue about a healthy relationship even though your parents were married for so many decades. But I get it. My parents were, I thought, codependent on each other. My dad, though, was a Type B personality and my mom a Type A. She ran the show in every way! Needless to say, I thought that since I was a Type B, I needed a Type A myself. Enter two bad marriages...now I realize my pattern and want a healthy partnership. I may never get it but that's OK. I love myself and I'm satisfied with being alone. I'm happy.
Not sure how healthy their relationship was...
@@JonathonAslay I get it. It was a completely different time! Rigid roles for both genders.
Thanks! I learned something g but about commitment he said give him time..so what's your comments,?
The "I'll believe it when I see it" is so bang on. I can actually FEEL that on dates, when the guy describes past relationships or dates. Permanently stuck in the candystore. Gnawing on bland candy. Like a mindless pacifier.
Most men and women are clueless...
@@JonathonAslay I feel compassion. Not ranting about them. But you have to know what you want, and even more importantly, know what you want to bring. It all simply doesn't fall into your lap. It's sad more men and women can't envision the fun journey of the build itself - towards the juicey and the delicious. Even if it doesn't work out, there is joy in it. Beautiful effort and joy.
Thanks to all your sharing and advises Jonathan, I just like you learning the relationship , I was married when I was very young and busy with kids until my husband passed away after together for 10 years, until now its been 18 years I still single , and keep thinking positive if one day the guy will notice me and willing to spend the time together till both are old, never thinking late to find next love life as I am 48 years old now.., thanks again 🙏I hope you will find your love life too 🙏🙏♥️
🙏
Same here...except he left, felt like he died, since 2014...just staying in prayer...
Jonathon you're awesome thank you very much
You are hilarious....and right on target.
Nailed it!!
Oh and thank for helping with this very important subject
Man...did I need to hear #2!
So glad I found you . Very helpful.
THANK YOU JONATHAN,I LIKE HOW YOU SPEAK STRAIGHT TO THE POINT.
I can’t believe how much I can relate And then at the end wow. I also lost my daughter Julia 17 yrs old 7/7 will be 4 yrs
Hello
I’m sorry for your loss. ❤
Thanks.interesting,
Topic
You wear red great with your hair color and skin tone.
Good morning Jonathan ❤
YES Please 😊
Thank you for your honesty! It is so refreshing. Your heart and knowledge come through loud and clear. Very refreshing! Keep on keeping on!
Thank you! Will do!
Thank you for your wisdom!!!👍😀
Scorpio 🦂🤭
You are so welcome