Pathological Envy
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- Опубліковано 9 січ 2022
- Pathological envy is something often associated with those with narcissistic traits. Often confused with jealousy, but they are different. In this video Darren Magee outlines the difference between a normal level of envy and pathological envy. Looking at some of the common behaviours and beliefs of those with both grandiose and vulnerable narcissism such at rage, depression, devaluing, and the affect long term exposure to pathological envy can have on those who have to endure it.
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#pathologicalenvy #narcissisticenvy #darrenmagee
The videos I make are requested by viewers. Please feel free to suggest any mental health related topics you’d like me to cover in the future.
I love your videos Darren so well said and great examples
Hi, Darren-great videos and thank you! Hey, I know it’s not in the DSM, but how about one on optimal mental health? What does it even look like in clinical terms?
Would you be able to discuss any evidence or investigation of autoimmune encephalopathy, short of causing seizures or death, but causing symptoms and behaviors such as psychosis, or personality and cognitive changes?
@@lisbethbird8268 thank you for your suggestion
Thank you so much for your videos they are so helpful. The harm done by these individuals is so great . Could you discuss the nature nature debate concerning Narcissists. Those who have suffered this in families see evidence of this being present at birth . It appears to be something that we seem unwilling to accept. It is hard I know but feel we have to bite the bullet.
When a narcissist in my family asks me how I am doing, I tell them 'life is a sh*t sandwich.' I see the twinkle in their eye, conversation over. I go my merry way.
👍 LOLOL
I'm going to have to learn to do this one day myself.. and I'm 49 and I'm sick of it
I tell them everything is good. Hows work they ask? good. Hows life at home with your girl? its good. The dog?? the dog is good too. Everything is good and I smile and turn the conversation back to them. They hate it. They need to hear problems, drama, failure, anything but good. I give them no information, other than everything is great.
@@Peecup Yep! They want to weaponize information against us. They SALVITATE like hungry RABID DOGS about any information they can use against people like me or you
@@AZDC99 yep give ‘em nothin. Starve them out.
This is a HUGE red flag. When you see someone that doesn't want you to have anything they don't have, don't walk-RUN!
I remember a "friend" in college kept trying to talk me into sleeping with my boyfriend because she envied that I still had my virginity and she didn't. 🤢
🎯💯🔥🧩✨
The value of virginity till a household, FAMILY, OFFPRING and "lifetime" partner, is; cause of MICROCHIMERISM and TELEGONY... 🧩
The virginity is meant to the offpring; not to the partner...
Is your offering to YOUR beloved children.
A vulnerable Narc I know was so enraged by my graduation, my friend and family closeness, my scholarship, my money , my character he started to lash out in abuse he would cut me down in public I was so confused
This man gets it. Thank you for your videos. Stunning accuracy.
You nailed all of it. Church people and my own family showed me their pathological envy when I began singing at church.
I decided it wasn't worth it to keep seeing the ugly sides of people after I sang a solo or was on any public singing platform.
Keep singing. Do not stop. Use your gift. Your gift will make room for you.
I so hope you will choose to keep using your God-given talent of singing, not for the narcissists but for the many people who will appreciate listening to you. At age 59, I am finally realizing the importance of this with my art.
Thank you, this video resonates a lot with my experiences with vulnerable narcissists in particular. I would very much appreciate learning more, so please do make a future video on pathological envy. One thing I've seen is that the envious narcissist will mimic the interests or accomplishments of their targets, like an "anything you can do, I can do better" approach. It's as if they don't have enough sense of who they are to develop their own interests.
Hi Noel I’ve literally just uploaded a video on pathological envy. Hope you find it helpful.
I’ve experienced this as well. Crazy how they hate you, but want to be you at the same time.
@@munequa81 it is so puzzling. A neighbour criticised and undermined my choices which included my house, my children, my garden everything. I hadn’t seen her for a while and went round for coffee and was astounded. Everything she had found fault with was in her house. In fact her living room was as good a replica of mine as she could get. It was a weird feeling, like my personality had been robbed. In fact it made me feel sick
@@maidmarion2976 yes! It's extremely disturbing and sickening, like you don’t have the right to be “you”. I know you can’t choose your neighbors, but stay as far away from them as you can, or at the very least, come up with scripts with vague answers to give them a whole lot of nothing.
To be on the receiving end of it it feels as if your individuality has been robbed.
Thank you for this video. I have found that it is best to keep quiet about anything good that has happened to me, as so often others (especially my parents) will ruin it or be jealous.
your parents? xx
Keeping it quiet has been my strategy as well.
@@harpsailorharp6716gg Yes, that's right
Hi, Gill! I thought that I was the only one. My mother ruined all the important moments and opportunities in my life: relationships, jobs, work interviews (for example if I told her that I had a very important job interview, she would come up with something one day before just to make me incapacitated to go to that interview).
@@irme8930 Thanks so much for your reply. Sorry you experienced that too
One thing i noticed over and over with narcissists I seem to attract many because i fought to be myself in this world and is my god given right to shine my light be in authenticity which is what drew them to me,yet what they tried so hard to control beat down and kill because it reminded them of what they had been lacking. Even when i tried to help them build themselves up look within face the lie that they keep believing it made them ever more angry..If you love them they hate you if you dont love them they hate you because they hate themselves.
Darren this is pure gold. It is what we are going through at the moment with our neighbours. One is our ‘friend’ and devalues and seeks to undermine everything we do. He then reports back to the others in the group and that is when real aggression takes place. It is too long a story to go into here. But the timelinesses of your comments is wonderful. Thank you so much.
My older brother, a marriage and family therapist, has strong traits of vulnerable narcissism. Since his teenage years, he resented anyone who did well for themselves. When he’d borrow something, he’d return it broken. Now in our 50s, he continues his efforts to get more from others. When he didn’t get what he wanted from me, he used triangulation to pin our sister against me. He went nuclear and destroyed all our relationships. It has taken me years to work through it. But I’m feeling more and more accepting of not having relationships with them. His destruction of our relationships would’ve happened at some point anyway.
It is sad that someone so into relational therapy whose job it is is to help people improve their relationships has acted in a way so contrary to the ethos of his profession.
I just left my therapist ,as I figured he was grooming me,absolutely shocked.
I've got to love the phrase "vulnerable narcissist." It's sort of like saying "a not so bad killer" or "kind killer." (There's a reason why some people say that "covert narcissists" are the absolute worst!)
That being said, I totally get the distinction between that and a malignant one
It's a shame to lose a sibling who stays toxic,but it's a sin to keep a toxic sibling who would tear you down to nothing for their own self esteem!
😢
for all of the cruel narcissistic behavior me and my Dad were subjected to by my mother...the true malicious intent was being influenced by her sisters/family....narcissistic abuse runs deep in families and the one you think is the worst may not be the one pulling the strings. My mother had many fears and her 2 sisters took advantage of each and every one of them. They envied/coveted anyone who had anything even though they had so much themselves.
This is so true and something that is hard to get anyone to acknowledge. I do believe Narcissists are born not made. It does run in families. The implications of this are hard to stomach. Love to you and your dad and all of us who have suffered from family trauma in this way.
@@maidmarion2976 It runs in the families because narcissistic parents damage their children, so there are generations of people with personality disorders.
Had a grandchild? They are jealous. Us traveling? Us having bought a cute jacket? They are threatened by all of it.
The biggest thing I’ve faced from a person with this is sabotage. Subtle, persevering sabotage- years-long!! Unrelenting attempts at sabotaging everything!
The narcissists I have dealt with in the family were due to the praise they received as a child. They were so elevated by their parent they believed they were better than others. My brother for instance was so fawned over that he said he wished he had been an only child. He resented my other brother and me getting any attention at all.
Im the youngest of 3 kids. My sister, who is the oldest has literally hated me since the day our mother announced she is having another baby. And still to this day. She is 5 years older than me and 4 years older than our brother. With our brother she, being a little girl, thought she was going to have a baby doll. But he took most of the attention she always got away from her. Then when mom got pregnant with me... Ofcourse I cant be mad at an innocent child. But 43 years of it. I see it all plain as day. Cant bring it up to her though because she knows everything and she would try turning everything around on me, poking me till i got upset and then say see, look how easily you get upset.
My bro could do no wrong acc to our mother. He was never corrected by her even when he was being horrid to us sisters.
@@marylouleeman591 this sounds very much like my experience, only I was the only sister having two brothers who followed the lead of our narcissistic mother. My father was never corrective of his wife and ended up following her too in his later years. He was too weak to correct her because she was so powerful over him.
This video stunned me. Had to listen twice as virtually every sentence rang true. Man you’re good.
I’m poor, minimal material things, I trigger know I’ve triggered. envy with my narcissist mother & siblings. No matter how much I dumb down I trigger narcissists. I don’t think envy is rational or logical
That’s where we go wrong. We think in terms of our material possessions. What they are envious of is often your Qualities.. e.g your calm/ peaceful loving demeanor, courage to bounce back etc etc
That’s of greater value than visible things
Yes!!!
@@annem2922 It´s even worse IMO: they just envy to envy. There is nothing rational about it. We tend to think about people from a perspective of a normal person, but these people are damaged. Normal behavioral patterns don´t apply on them.
Maybe you are happier than they are.
Same here. I'm poorer than rest of my family. I'm 55 years old, single, childless, and caretake my elderly mother. I'm a Breast Cancer survivor but a happy, outgoing, confident person. I get the same treatment from Narcs in my family. I wondered why they hive me jealous. treatment. 0:47
I experienced this with my narcissistic mother. She wanted me to be her ghost artist, but I’d not agreed to it. When she found that is sensed it, she seemed to take a bit of joy that she’d gotten away with it at all, for a time. She’d, otherwise devalue whatever else I was doing and would even try to prioritize the cheap to free work u would do for her, as if it was in competition with my actual livelihood. The issue she had was that, because of my livelihood, I didn’t need validation from her.
But I saw what I think became pathological envy, that I don’t think is as unusual in a mother/daughter relationship, as we’d like to think.
I think what might sometimes happen is that, particularly as the mother ages and sees opportunities closing for her, she may begin to not simply be envious of her daughter(s) but also view her daughter stealing her youth, by their own birth and, for that, that daughter may never find a more covert, hateful enemy, during the course of her life.
It's very hard to witness this happening to others as I know how it feels. It has triggered my feelings. Helplessness plus frustration.
Pathological envy is prevalent your right because we're in a snatch and grab society material wise knowledge wise and jealousy over relationships
Excellently articulated, lots of insight to digest which is kindly delivered and validating. Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom 🤎
Exactly, after being exposed to so much envy, I now feel that everyone hates me for even drinking some water or just having a little moment of peace. let alone making some money or achieving anything for myself.
Thank you, this video brought about a lightbulb moment for me! Now I understand why I am afraid to tell people of my accomolishments or feel to happy. I hope I can get over this.
I get jealous of other people sometimes, but I don’t go out and try to destroy the person. I don’t get that. People have done that to me, and I don’t see myself as someone who people would be jealous of. 🤷♀️One lady went on an all out vendetta against me and she in fact was someone I really admired and was an accomplished bodybuilder. I had nothing that she should have been jealous over.🤷♀️
I don't get it either. A former supervisor was fired from his job but got another job. When I got another job (better then my old job but no where near as good as his job, and these were completely separate companies) he devalued and smeared me.
Probably your empathy, genuine joy, ability to form relationships and uniqueness.
It's a scary thing to finally admit to oneself, but I'm glad I admitted that to myself too. (Don't want to seem too "cocky" to the haters I showed too low of a self-esteem to my whole life, now😀)
As usual you describe it all very accurately, thankyou for your videos
Great video could you do a video on a narcissistic collapse?
Thank you for your informative and clear explanations. I look forward to each of your videos.
as someone who has been sabotaged by my family and constantly bullied by co-workers, can you give hints as to how to stop narcs from picking me as a target of their envy?
Hi there I’ve made videos on managing boundaries if you think they’d be helpful?
@@DarrenFMagee thank you. I will look into it. I think I have to also look into body posture, tone of voice, etc because I do come across as very non-threatening, a real pushover.
Stop being so awesome you threat! 🗣🤣 make yourself seem lame
Whatever you do,, do not tell them ANYTHING about what you are doing or any accomplishments or blessings you have rcieved. Jesus says " DO NOT CAST YOUR PEARLS BEFORE SWINE." keep your comments very short and shallow. I've had to protect myself by doing that very thing. God bless you.
Excellent video! A topic I had not heard discussed in that level of details before. Thank you!
Really creepy these people want you dead be safe stay in prayer 🙏🙏🙏
Thanks a lot for sharing this one with us Darren, this will surely help and inform a lot of people! Our minds is so powerful and so our thoughts! Love your contents!❤
It seems to me that narcissists have so much in common with corporations.
Because corporations are run by narcissists, psychopaths or combination of both.
Because a lot of management, CEOs, owners are narcissistic.
Must be a power thing.
Macro micro it's connected
Maybe those companies tend to be run by narcissists, or at least people who think in a narcissistic way when they're doing their job.
Do people devalue others when they are envious ? xx
Yes, most certainly they do! I saw the face of one change when I told him I had gotten a new job. He immediately devalued me and then smeared me.
Not healthy people but narcissists, yes.
Thank you❤
I'd agree, they're not happy for you when things go well even if you've really struggled and things have been difficult. They're not there for you when things are bad and go wrong. They're only happy when you're doing being saying thinking and feeling what they want you to!
I have just found your chanel.. so valuable..thank you 🙏
In dysfunctional family there is no true love and respect for each other, for every person to b successful v need unity and better planing ,envy and unhealthy competition leads to exploitation and caos
Thank you.
Very well put.
Spot on...
Thank you for these insights. Again this video seems very applicable to some of my relatives. Did you write a book about this or do you have references to a written description of these phenomena?
They use other people to regulate their emotions
What if someone is Suffering more than them. Seen as a virtue to covet.
do you think a friend who says that they envy a personality trait of yours, is anything to worry about?
The ones to worry about are usually much more sneaky and underhand to say this. I would say if this person is as honest as this they are not to be worried about
I had a friend who did this. She was really envious of my website, even though she had talents and could have done something for herself too. I think if someone's honest about it and doesn't take it further then it isn't really a problem, but it's when they keep on and on about it and have a real bee in their bonnet about that particular thing that it could be something to be wary of. This is what happened with my friend until she started insulting me, at which point I'd had enough and decided to part ways.
All true!
My grown son told me he was jealous, I don’t know how to process that.
Perhaps, your grown son is attempting to describe his feelings of envy and is confusing his feelings for jealousy?
Maybe it was meant as a compliment
I think you’ve just described every man who drives a Range Rover or woman in an ugly big school-run-mum SUV… the same arrogant motivation that makes them choose an obnoxiously large and high vehicle also makes them feel either superior to or envious of all other road users, so that every instance of their (terrible) driving behaviour is an assertion of their narcissistic sense of importance and entitlement in the world. Deeply unpleasant people!
Is there a spectrum for narcissism? I know that all abuse is abuse from minor to major but does narcissism have spectrum?
@C Parish, in my two years research of the topic with clinicians the answer is yes.
Yes most everything is on a spectrum.
@@myutube5882 Even covid.
❤
It's painful to notice this....and realize you have to walk away. ( They scan your life story for information that they can sneer about, or use against you. Not because they have the same empathy levels that you do. This is why I see empathy as a huge weakness. NEVER make the mistake of taking religion too seriously....when dealing with "The Stranger." The stranger does not and WILL NOT reciprocate YOUR GENUINENESS.
Make someone feel bad for feeling good, bingo!!
DFM 👍
I couldn't even celebrate my birthday or mother's day
They're never happy for you when you do something good, feel good, are happy. They're very happy when you fail because then they can swoop in as the pretend rescuer so they LOOK GOOD. Deny their help and you're ungrateful, accept their help and you're tied to them for life, for all their good deeds. It's a manipulation. People who love you don't want to see you fail, in the first place
Theyll be in a competition with you but dont really want you to know. Being sneaky about it. Like, sleeping with your husband and giving verbal "clues" but when you say something they will shut the convo down....
So thats when I start to play, I guess and I give info about my hubby and watch them freak out and give really odd responses to things. One of these days Ill be able to exit my (non) marriage and they can all have each other. I swear if i had a dollar for all the times ive experiened this by "friends" id have atleast 10 bucks. And would go have a cocktail...
As someone recovering from CPTSD and covert narcissism I think the "lovable" part needs to be qualified. We are absolutely unlovable in the midst of our mental illness. Thats the point our partners try to get across. Love is something given, not taken. We receive love when we give it, and we give love by doing for others. It is that simple. Stop making it complicated.
In #AI, Recursive Algorithm is a very powerful one. We can safely, deduct from this video that the system is in constant devaluation of its own members.
Just like a klienian.
They just hate on u