Pathological Jealousy
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- Опубліковано 7 лис 2020
- In this video Darren Magee discusses pathological jealousy, sometimes known as morbid jealousy.
Exploring the difference between the difference between envy and jealousy, the difference between pathological jealousy and delusional jealousy. The behaviours associated with it and how it makes for an unhealthy relationship - the affect it has on partners.
Usually a sign of another disorder such as Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), Narcissistic Personality Disorder or Borderline Personality Disorder.
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#pathologicaljealousy #morbidjealousy #personalitydisorder
The videos I make are topics suggested by you the viewer. Feel free to suggest any mental health or psychology subjects you'd like me to cover in future videos. Just a reminder though, these videos are not a substitute for support from a mental health professional.
Any book suggestions?
Thank you so much for this video; it’s truly spot on! Just ended a relationship where this person constantly accused me of cheating on him and it bothered me so much because in our short 8 months of dating, I went from bliss to resentment, and I mentally could not take it anymore.
I am so glad to have a better understanding of what I was going through now, and to feel some comfort about deciding to end it. I began to feel miserable every single day after trying to be understanding and make him feel the love I truly had for only him, but nothing I did or said ever worked. Although, I love him and feel deeply about how our breakup may contribute more to this issue, he made my life a living hell and the only way I felt relief was to get out especially after he got physical with me and threatened to kill for the first and last time me. And the irony is, I never ever cheated on him 😢.
I have a patient who was diagnosed with antisocial personality disorder but the neuropsych had no data on thr horrific physical, emotional, sexual abuse as a child. Severe neglect. Drugs in the home. Sex trade present. And the emotional bluntness was clearly developed as a defense mechanism. Is it worth referring to a different Psychologist point out the flaws in last assessment? We work frequently on emotional development and increasing awareness of others perception and feelings and impact their actions have.
My father was a military officer. My mother was an exceptional beauty. My father was physically, mentally and psychologically abusive toward all of us but my mother was his primary target. One night they had a big event to go to at the Officer’s Club. The General who was in command would ask an officer’s wife to dance. It was an honor to be chosen. This night the General danced with my mother, one dance, in full view of my father and everyone at the event. It was not her choice to dance with the General, she certainly could not say no. Nothing untoward took place. Most men would be beaming with pride that their wife was chosen, instead my father insisted they leave immediately after the dance ended, took my mother home and beat the hell out of her. This was not an uncommon thing in our household. This was in the 50’s, there were 8 of us children, my mother was truly stuck with no way out. I always felt that my mother’s beauty and warm, funny personality drew my father to her and yet he resented her for it. He was supposed to always be the center of attention and just her presence could take the spotlight off of him.
That is so sad for everyone. I hope you are recovering from this upbringing. It is traumatic.
Wow. After 11 years of a nightmare marriage including hidden cameras, tracking devices, lie detector tests I'm glad there is a name to this. I've been free for a year and don't think I'll ever fully recover from this. To anyone who sees this and is going through the same thing- get out, they will never change!
I’m going through this now. It’s so unsettling.
Thank you. I was wondering if i could change her.
@@jamesdavis1821 Sadly you can't. There will always be an excuse or a reason, in her mind, not to believe you.
same here, i am a language student and he had a file on his laptop with my name on it that says 'X is lying' he broke into my phone, and my discord, all that was there was me asking a native speaker how to say numbers 11-20 while i was on a long flight back so i could study (this was before i started at university, and i only knew local native speakers so i was just starting)
Lie detectors lol
All this is true. I should know. Every single word this man is saying is so, except one thing. We do not attempt to find evidence our partner is cheating just so we can tell they are lying. We attempt to find evidence so we can end our torture of not knowing. The compulsions are meant to decrease the anxiety. Every time we find no evidence, we decrease the anxiety. But unfortunately, a lack of evidence one day does not translate into a lack of evidence the next day. We just did not find it that day but the evidence is just around the corner. Folks, I can tell you, if I did not have this type of jealousy, hell would not exist for me.
Thank you for sharing and I really appreciate your correcting me about looking for evidence.
@@DarrenFMagee Helped me lots this video. I suffer from a serious case of obsessional jealousy (almost delusional but not quite), and this just exemplified to perfection what I go through. It had all the pertaining information. The video was so real. Awesome! Thanks.
@@DarrenFMagee [ Meditation leads to awareness of telepathy, and awareness of telepathy leads to meditation. ]
Honesty socially is more important than DOING to impress others. It’s not what we DO to build social value that matters. It’s the respect we are willing to give, as well as the authenticity and sincerity we have within our personalities. The ideas we choose to participate in matter most: they are either friendly or cruel socially. Material wealth, body size, facial features, or DOING will never create authority by default, which is the ability to pass judgments socially the most. Aristocratic men are hypocritical, cowardly, and jealous. Anger and zero accountability are not replacements for honesty and empathy. No one has control over ideas socially.
Authoritarianism is a shallow head game: the refusal to share honesty (friendship) socially. Men with negative intentions will show complete bias against ideas supporting emotional freedom, free thinking, and level states of being. Spiritual development, the focus away from the material and towards psychology ONLY (attraction), is promoted as “not important” by conformist men with abusive, fearful, and pragmatic personalities. Spiritual ideas immediately decentralize power, elevate mood, reduce manipulation, and eliminate leadership. Spirituality places much more emphasis on social inclusion, honesty, and collective consciousness. Authoritarians weaponize the material or development in it and use both as reasons to criticize and remain unfriendly (dishonest). Dishonesty is the only way the idea of power may exist. When friendship is seen as more important than power, material development is subservient to mood. When the material is used to boost self worth and reduce others socially, mood is subordinate to power.
Joyful ideas supporting free thinking (telepathy, cooperation, and honesty) encourage growth of the human persona, are anti-manipulative, and promote emotional harmony. Men focusing on the immaterial (personality) and on honesty (friendship) have more evolved minds compared to authoritarians consumed with leadership (power). In order to seek status, alphas intentionally remain closed-minded (materialistic), manipulative (controlling), and antagonistic (blame), while also forming intense judgments (jealousy) about more emotionally developed men. Men with mature minds are authentic with others, focus on humor, and shun the idea of emotional leverage. This makes them an unintentional threat socially to serious and conceited men with elitist personalities focused on dominance. Leadership is not warm, nor is it real. It is used in practice to reduce pride in others and to artificially boost feelings of self worth in an individual focused on social image only. Men focusing on telepathy are contradictory socially to alphas promoting leadership. Men with inherent worth (love for others) are offensive to men trying to prove worth (lack of belief in self) with material development.
All men know consciousness (Source) and possess a conscience. Possessing a conscience is knowing right from wrong, and refusing to lie about awareness. No man is exempt from understanding Source (love) within, and all of us know we are mentally connected. The idea of comparing human beings to unaware animals is cunning and manipulative. Alphas rely on shared lying socially about awareness in place of being honest (friendly). Character development is ignored with this psychology. Our feelings (thoughts and beliefs) are transmitted and shared vibrationally and mentally. In order to seek power, which is the intention to emotionally reduce others socially, men must feign unawareness of a conscience. Cruel ideas are deliberately participated in and broadcast mentally promoting social dominance. The willful focus on a friendly collective consciousness is a contrarian idea to human animals playing dumb. Being EQUAL TO in the mind socially IS secure, and the ONLY true expression of emotional security that exists. Authoritarians refuse to focus away from being unfair human animals, and remain consumed with social inequality. This forces an unrelaxed, emotionally tense environment driven by melodrama and contempt for others.
Alphas are mentally unstable, have manipulative personalities, and possess low feelings of self worth resulting from the intense focus on anger (authority), apathy (indifference), and advantages (dominance). Ideas rooted in mental dominance (alpha psychology) will never promote honesty (friendship). Alphas are homophobic, and are especially critical of friendly men that are emotionally developed. Men with empathy have already worked through insecurities and judgments to focus on telepathy. Prideful men lying about insecurities within use blame and criticisms to seek control over feelings socially in order to project an image of being stronger. This creates artificial versions of emotional security and more value socially enforced with paranoia and anger. Resorting to vibrational attacks for the purpose of self promotion by reducing worth in others mentally leads to violence. Dominance over feelings is impossible, as we all share thinking. Men with emotional IQ are authentic socially and care about calm feelings more. We are telepathic. There is no choice but to be level with others mentally, and to focus on the ultimate truth of what reality is (connection with Source). Evolved men refuse to criticize other people unprovoked or manipulate the truth. Alphas will always share critical thoughts about other people. Men with emotional depth focus on honesty socially more than alphas, creating non-violence.
The idea of a social hierarchy (human authority) is degrading and humiliating. It promotes closed-mindedness, fear, and the social inclusion of violence. Thoughtful men focusing on telepathy, and away from conformity, are judged relentlessly for having elevated emotions by alphas refusing to evolve. Lessor minds intentionally share cruel beliefs together promoting the social exclusion of men with empathy socializing positive. These men are mental only in focus, never play head games, and are level in the mind with all. Alphas seek emotional support and validation from each other socially, since the ideas they participate in are rooted in dishonor and physical aggression. Alphas judge honest (friendly) men the most, as they focus away from arrogance entirely, and expect friendship to be returned socially. Passing excessive, unprovoked judgments (authoritarianism) on a better psychology, wavelength, and state of being is jealousy. These criticisms always relate to social harmony and non-violence. Alphas rely on power of numbers to manipulate the truth and to keep primal ideas popular that are intentionally threatening towards men that have already focused away from machismo (lying and fear), and towards telepathy, honesty, and Source. Authoritarians will always promote vibrational attacks against men that have already grown past them in thinking, resulting in petty head games socially.
Intelligence is always associated with emotional IQ, and emotional IQ has a direct correlation to the mental focus on social equality. Social equality can only result from honesty (friendship) within the mind. The reason men chose to be honest is because they are aware telepathy is real. It looks stupid to lie about it. Alphas primarily focus on dominance in the mind and social image, and focus entirely away from telepathy within. This reduces their emotional IQ socially. Because of this, alphas will always feel inferior to more honest (friendly) men. Alphas must always focus on acting skills to socialize, since the inner persona is focused only on criticisms, violence, and dishonesty. This creates a shallow personality with a dumb vibe. Forceful thinking men will always share jealousy with men sharing respect with more emotional depth. Only men with emotional IQ can form real personas vibrationally that are not shallow. It is only when the inner mind matches the outer persona that a human being can be likable socially. Shallow men are associated with lying and are not respected when it comes to intelligence, creating situations where they are avoided socially. This angers the minds of men possessing a lower psychology, which often creates unprovoked violent reactions. When thinking is focused on honesty, feelings radiate soft. When thinking is focused on lying, feelings radiate threatening.
Machismo and compassion are polar opposites. Machismo will never allow for healing to occur, while compassion is the promotion of both healing and emotional growth. Men focused on compassion will always outsmart less mature men with arrogance sharing no respect. Men will either allow healing (level thinking) to occur socially, or they will attempt to take away pride from others to artificially boost feelings of self worth. Alphas will always attempt to seek an image of more value socially by cheating (violence, greed, or leadership). Judgements from personalities with machismo usually have little substance. Only judgments relating to character issues (dishonesty), violence, or an excessively critical mind have real substance. Passing judgments on men for being honest (friendly) is shallow, arrogant, and completely against the development of our collective consciousness socially. Judgments from alphas are hypocritical, cruel, and reside in dishonor. Shallow judgments from authoritarians will always lead to drama, social inequality, and violence. Alphas focus intensely on cutting other men down unfairly in order to promote a better social image, calling it competitive.
It’s time for human beings to let go of classism (psychic warfare) for good. It is jealousy. Secure men are level in the mind and easy to get along with. Alphas resort to conniving and childish head games. Men that focus non-violent and refuse to lie evolve.
[ End drama. ]
ua-cam.com/video/hHcIOwgOHqk/v-deo.html
@@antoniopozo9311 how do you treat yourself?
The best treatment is cognitive therapy! Change the way you think in an attempt to rewire the mindset that has lead you down that path of false ideas that cause your torment. It’s negative ideas that you allow to run through your mind without questioning them. You must allow yourself to challenge the thoughts that cause you to suffer so unfairly. You must realize you’re worthy of being respected and loved without having to look over your shoulder. There are good people out there and you probably have some in your life and do not realize it fully but you will when you give yourself the love and respect you deserve to challenge the thoughts that bombard you without ceasing ! You need Patriot missiles of positivity and rationality to overcome your fear.
The worst feeling is when you realize that you can't change them... Tried it for 2 years
16 yrs... I gave up trying to change them long before the end, however circumstances held me trapped for years.
I'm not ready to leave yet 😩
@@luciaespinoza8123 did you leave?
4 years and counting... I will not leave. I feel like I am taking care of her. No one else knows something is wrong with her. I will not turn her out on her own. I have succumbed to the fact that, short of a miracle from God, she will be ill for the rest of our lives. God is able to deliver, if he chooses not to I will still serve him. I don't understand why she hasn't left!?!?! Perhaps someone needs to start a support group for the accused.
@@scott9126 put yourself first, mate! trust me, you will hate it at first, but love it after! all the best
I can't believe how perfectly he describes the relationship I just broke free from. The accusations happened so often. Manipulation, gas lighting and general bullying.
Wow. I have been struggling so much after leaving a relationship just like this. I have never heard this dynamic described so well. Thank you for validating me. It was a total nightmare, and half the time I thought I deserved the way I was being treated. I'm still learning how to not feel guilty. What a horrible human being she was. Thank you for sharing this
To the victims of someone with this soul crushing disorder How can this person actually love you if they don’t even really see who you are? After 10 years of putting up with this insanity I came to this realization. He never loved me. His jealousy never let him actually see me🥺
Gosh I said the same thing in marriage counseling….”I feel like he just doesn’t see me well after all this time and it hurts”. I’m 13 yrs and 3 kids in and I keep thinking we’re getting better but then he wakes me up at 3 am to ask why my feet are cold and accuses me of being outside to meet up with someone or to talk to them on the phone, questions every random bruise I get, follows me to the grocery store when he supposed to be watching our kids for 30 minutes, accuses me of lying about everything, tells me I’m weak for wanting to maintain a relationship with my family….then when I’m at my wits end he’ll act reasonable for a few months again and I think I’m overreacting
Thank you. You described my ex bf to a T!! Pathological jealousy was definitely his issue. His ex wife had supposedly cheated although he had no proof. I think she was playing mind games with him at least according to some of his family members. I was being constantly accused of cheating when I was doing nothing wrong! He would constantly be texting, calling throughout the day. Face timing me in the middle of the night to see if there was somebody else in bed with me. If he didn't get an answer he would continue to call incessantly all night long. He was pressing me to sell my home and buy something with him. Thank God I always hesitated and would tell him. I wasn't ready. I escaped a mine field and a living nightmare!
Glad you liked the video. Hope you’re in a better place today
@@DarrenFMagee I'm doing well, thank you for asking. I have a quick query. He has since moved on and I believe has a new gf. I'm curious as to your opinion on this. Do you think at some point these feelings will resurface again in his new relationship if he hasn't seeked help to control it?
@@Areyoukiddingme64 hard to know as everyone's different. If it's part of something else, like I described in the video, it is probably still there but some people learn to manage it, some don't
@@Areyoukiddingme64 hello can I ask you about your experience
My husband is the text book definition of everything in this video!
Othello syndrome is a fascinating phenomenon. I’ve witnessed a situation when a patient accused their spouse of infidelity based only on the fact that she mispronounced someone’s name! Amazing!
They accuse of flirting and cheating yet they have no problem doing it themselves!
Exactly.
Right
I have recently been diagnosed with Borderline personality disorder after I started doing therapy and taking medicine because of Depression and suicidal thoughts. I am in a distant relationship(bc of covid). I always thought my behaviour was because of the distance.
It is a very scary situation knowing that this is a symptom of my disorder and I have to treat it. I've been hurt and I know I am hurting my boyfriend, but luckily he is being very patient and he is the one helping me out instead of giving up on me.
My therapist is wonderful and I've been improving little by little so If you have a partner with the symptoms please encourage them to look for treatment. But don't accuse them of being sick. Be kind and encourage them to find out more about themselves through therapy.
The more I learn about my disorder the more conscious I get about the symptoms and how to deal with them. I love your channel and I am going to watch all your videos to help me in this journey, thank you so much!
Thanks So Much Milarosenrot
Hello how are you doing with this
A true story... Every walk ends up in accusations of looking at other men... the mobile is checked every single day several times in search of any traces of infidelity... even watching TV is a reason to point out that you are looking at men... He tells you what you think and how you feel, because he knows better! It's like his main purpose in life is controlling and keeping an eye on you... in the end... when you desperately try to prove him wrong, it turns out that he is the one who is cheating... but you are the one in distraught, because you tried so much and put a lot of efford to show him you are worth all the love you wanted him to give you. He doesn't believe you anyway, he didn't find any proof but only because "you are very clever" not because you are innocent...
Unbelievable how much it resembles what I went tru for almost 20’years! Separated for 2 months now, after going through a choking episode and several 911 calls finally got a restriction order . Never again. And yes, lie detectors… etc nothing works
You described it exactly. It's just incredible
Thank you for your video. My wife has pathological jealousy. It seems the narcissistic type from what you have described, I’m so sad as I really do love her but it is getting worse every year. I have no social media and my friend circle is a lot smaller as my wife treats my friends rudely. I don’t share my feelings or disappointments in life online and I’m just putting this up here because I have been a victim of this for 15 years. She has never found any evidence on me but has treated me with the same level of contempt a person caught having an extra marital affair might expect. I just gave her an ultimatum to get therapy or I’ll have to leave. It pains me but will kill me if I stay.
15 years? You need to get out now! She will not change!
I hope things are better for you now. I just gave my pathologically jealous husband (18 years!) an ultimatum, and he refused therapy. So it’s over and it’s devastating me. But I can’t do this anymore.
Almost the same with me. The same narcissistic approach where my girlfriend cannot be wrong or mistaken, and the blame is always on me. She calls me a manipulator and liar, thus cutting short all communication between us, especially arguments she doesn't like to hear. WE've been together for eight years and I've really loved with all my heart. I believed for a long time she'll realise in time that I was sincere and honest about my feelings, but it just never happened. She had been doing lots of things explained in the video - reduced my circle of friends, reduced my business trips, checked on my social media, accused me of infidelity with a colleague from work, visited me unannounced at work to see if I was really there, interrogated me about a key as "being a key of a secret love condo" and many others. Worst of all, driven by this delusion she even initiated an emotional affair with our therapist who happened to be interested in a relationship with her, manipulating with her vulnerability, messaging her and meeting her day and night without me knowing anything about it. In addition, she kept a number of male flatterers and ex-relationships amont her social media contacts, probably because of her low-self-esteem that needed a lot of other men's attention to feed her ego. I am writing this from a psychiatric ward, being treated for affective disorder, trying to figure out what options I have left. I arrived there absolutely confused and disfunctional, with destroyed life joy and hope for a perspective. She never felt there were grounds for her to apologise or feel bad for the suffering she has been causing me, and this is how I concluded this was a narcissistic type of disorder, a hopeless kind. I think I need to stand for myself and give up on her in spite of my feelings, because she refuses any treatment, even accuses me of trying to make her crazy. I never cheated on her or thought of it, but I am fearing her now because she keeps hurting me and doesn't even try to reconsider her feelings or visit a therapist. THank you for any comments, advice or sharing similar experience.
@@Booboodoom can you give me more information please
@@Booboodoomhope you left her man. Sounds like you need to leave for your mental health!
I would agree this is often a symptom of some other mental health problem taking place. That being said, I also agree it doesn't necessarily make it any easier for someone who has to put up with the constant accusations
This happened to me as my covert narc wife would never validate my feelings and instead of being convinced im not good enough, i was convinced she was cheating, i thought that i was doing everything i could to make the relationship pleasing, it was the only conclusion i could come to, i didnt know about narcissism but i knew i was a model husband , cooking cleaning mowing providing financially . I never did follow her or stop her from meeting people, but i did try to look at her phone, she never did cheat, but she wanted me to think she had someone , which is pretty cruel
My mom has been going through this for the last 25 years. My dad is an absolute nightmare for us. He constantly doubts and questions my mom's fidelity. He checks all the bedsheets in our house as soon as he comes back home. If there's a wrinkle on the bedsheet he turns the house upside down that day. He talks shit about my mom with absolutely anyone he knows even her brothers. My family is such a complete mess. Sad part is my mom doesn't even wanna leave my dad coz she says she can't abandon him when he's like this .
Yeah well she already has a stalker so I think there’s reasonably some fear of that escalating, but additionally Kernberg makes a point I’d never actually considered: In the most severe cases of people who’ve been badly brutalized by their primary caregivers the maltreatment imprint kids subconsciously rationalize as love (to accommodate incongruent dissonance between being treated unlovingly and the inability to fathom the possibility of such an injustice) in order to survive what they’re helpless to change or avoid literally becomes an unconscious belief that life-threatening brutality is love. So of course that’s hopefully not the type of childhood your mom had, but I think it emphasizes the point she’s been acting out the evidence of having been groomed by her own caregivers. If your dad was directing all of that at your mother you can never know what the accident of that likely spared you. I’m not trying to minimize what it inflicted upon you, not the least of which is seeing this prick ruin your mother’s life and damn sure making yours no picnic. I’m sure your place was never the choice for a slumber party.
I’ve often thought if there had been anyone else around I could have maybe had some relief to either take me out of the house for ice cream or maybe somehow calm her down when my mother (who got herself knocked up to to use me as an instrument of extortion with which to save a divorce at the end of a marriage she never could have made work) would spin out having one of her fits. There were “night raids“ when she would come in and wake me up standing at the foot of my bed to yell at me about something, and weeks at a time in which she fed me in complete silence, enjoying (I now realize) me begging her to tell me what I had done wrong, and I remember a few times between the ages of five and seven realizing she’d deliberately said something to make me cry when once I started she’d turn the car radio up over me.
The experience I’ve had with my halfbrother (who wasn’t even born yet to my dad and his next wife when all this was going on) has shown me that’s also a fraught dynamic though. I think I’m just trying to say I hope you won’t give up on her. There can be something beautiful in not giving up easily on someone who is worthy, and it sounds like you are more fortunate than she is in who you have been supportive of. I do think if you’re out of the house and an adult and there are no other kids still at home it’s time for her to grow a pair because not only is there less excuse now but I think there’s more danger once they are alone. Theramintrees (UA-cam user) has a video about the difficulty of his father not responding when he asked if it would make things easier for his dad (who was on his deathbed and in the last weeks of life) with his monstrous mother if he backed-off with letters and visits this man’s wife was berating him for getting from their son (after he’d leave each time) as he lay dying - because she was jealous. Good luck to you and your mom. You might point out to her that stalkers behave the way they do because they feel a sense of frustrated ownership over their malfunctioning human appliance.
Extremely relatable, especially the comment about the victim being in therapy, as that's been my experience with a wife who suffers from pathological jealousy. I've been to therapists: (1) to convince myself that I'm not the one suffering from delusions (i.e., that maybe I have been unfaithful and have caused the jealousy) and (2) to deal with the frustration of watching someone I love deeply go through such anguish. I truly appreciate you posting this video, and to those of you watching and wondering, yes, this really happens to women, too.
This is a very profound and good description of how that looks like. Often times partners like that wont let their victims sleep and keep on discussing. My very first boyfriend did that to me. He almost drove me insane
Yes absolutely true!
I am sorry you went through that. Some abusers use sleep deprivation as a tool by which to control.
I am living the same nightmare, my partner of 23 years is accusing me of cheating, last 4 months have been an escalation, she is driving me insane. She lately associated me with a lady that I never met in my life and want me to admit that i have got an affair with her. She even accused me of thinking about other women I' AM LEAVING
I have watched a lot of different videos on narcissism and behavior of people in an attempt to understand my own dealings wiith different people. IIt helps me to understand as opposed to reacting emotionally. There are a lot of videos on these topics from a variety of people, some of them life coaches, psychologists/psychiatrists, etc. But your videos retain so much more depth and I really appreciate it. You should have over a million subscribers and some of these others, I cannot understand how they get their numbers. Your tops Darren and thank you for all of the knowlwedge and depth of understanding of narcissism that I have learned from your presentations. I will continue to share them with other people.
Very well presented and described. Thank you for this
You’re welcome I’m glad you found it helpful
I wish I saw this video sooner. This was my life to a "T" the last couple years of my marriage. He was set to prove "his truth" at all costs, regardless of how it made me feel. Hacking accounts, raging, punching, threatening, boundary violations left and right, lying, telling mutual friends his "truth", and justifying it all with mental gymnastics that would be impressive if it wasn't such a nightmare to live through. I was devastated and destroyed. I wish I had left years before. I am finally out and the peace of not walking on mines is bliss.
There is something wrong with this video. It is just too good. This is like the fourth time I watch it. When I am having a trigger, I watch it to be reminded of the deceitful nature of the disease.
But that is the problem. it is just too darn effective. It serves the role of a compulsion. Relaxes me by reassuring me everything must be a lie.
What exactly is this relaxation? Is it a chemical reaction in the brain? 🤔
Another excellent video. I’d love to hear your thoughts on retrospective jealousy and jealousy after a relationship has ended.
I’m living with this. Someone please help me and my children.
This sounds messed up, but I assumed everyone deals with these feelings. I get like this and I know I'm pushing my partner away, but I can't seem to stop myself sometimes. Ive even blamed it on anxiety as well.
I don't know what has made me realise that I have a serious problem, but it's good to find out that thinking like this is not normal, it means that I can start to fix the problem!
I'm glad you found the video helpful
Please can you tell how do you overcome it? What can help???
Thank you for the explanation!
Walking on egg shells sounds not so bad when you said “ it’s like walking on mine fields “ never thought of it in that manner 🤣
I've been suffering with this type of jealousy for 15 years, I am on my 40's and I always thought I would get better with time and knowledge. I went to therapy for 2 years which didnt help, I watched hundreds of self help videos and read hundreds of articles about it in order to try and change, I've tried really hard in my mind and every time something triggered it. I've ruined relationships and my recent one seems to be taking the same turn. I feel so anxious at the time, I have nervous breakdown fits and feel I will have a heart attack at any moment. I cannot lead a normal life unless I am in control, unless I know everything that is going on and I get as much honesty and clarity as I give. I feel I am going crazy and we haven't even been in major triggering places like a busy beach in Spain or South America together, a nightclub or anywhere filled with underdressed hot women, that would be living hell but I should not feel this way I know, I just can't help it, I tried, God knows I tried.
I feel sorry for every innocent partner of a pathologically jealous person. It is like being suffocated, walking on eggshells and no space whatsoever to breathe freely and live in peace and contentment for the innocent / normal partner. No one can live like this, nor should they ever live like this. Tragically for the jealous person, they precipitate the precise event that they fear most...abandonment. After all, no one in their right mind would or could ever stay with someone who has no respect for another's basic human rights to privacy and individuality. It is misery consistently being offended by unjustly having their integrity, personhood and every moment questioned. It's enough to ruin lives of people around them as well. Sorry, but if a partner refuses to get treatment for this, one needs to save themselves and literally distance themselves asap.
Do you think it’s treatable???
It's truly exhausting to deal with this issue!
Thank you for this video.
This is hauntingly accurate
This is me!!! After three years of torture… You have described my life! I just can’t deal with it anymore… And it’s definitely related to a personality disorder. I’m done now!
Really helpful! Can you make a video talking about practical ways to help in the control of these behaviors, cause a lot of times happens that just beeing able to control them at the right moment makes possible to reason clearly on them after and avoiding disfunctional actions and speeches for the heath of the couple.
Thank you for your suggestion and yes I will
I am actually going thru this, with my husband of almost 3 years. He says he loves me but he accuses me of cheating on him with my ex husband, co workers and even with my son in law. Everything that you describe in this video he has done. I can’t continue with this is mentally warring me out. Please help !
Seek professional help.
Seek an attorney first and then DONT TELL HIM. These people are dangerous. LEAVE HIM!! I’ve been married for 3 years and I deal with this EVERY SINGLE DAY!!!! IM NOT JOKING!!! I am divorcing him!!
Narcissistic traits for sure
Me too! He accuses me of cheating and lying. I am working towards getting away!! Stay safe and don't believe his lies.
They are the one cheating💡
I have always been jealous at some level, I entered present relationship more aware of this obsession and immediately own, shared it before it came out, wanted person to know my kryptonite, my worst flaw, behavior, shame. I have come to conclusion it is more about respecting me or thoughts of not being respected, made the identification and chose to own this behavior by spending 4 years out of dating scene and relationships; I am a person that works in helping field; severe trauma hands on work; I am a child of trauma, a recovering addict; I am connected in all my relationships at an emotional and/or spiritual level; I am successful at every area in my life, except intimate relationships; my presents partner is all in and understanding but also raging angry and defensive; she tries. I can keep this in check for weeks at a time but suddenly it will just overwhelm me and when I express it there is always a moment I watching myself act out and not being able to stop it; I have found multiple tools that help me manage it; problem seems to find its way back. Glad for different ideas and approaches; really care deeply about my relationship. That’s all
An ex of mine a (long time ago now.) was just like this. He was violent too. It's like living through a constant interrogation.
More like a hostage situation than a relationship. Your so correct I went into therapy. I doubt if he did. Happily I don't care if he did get help as long as I'm free! Great video spot on.
This is exactly what am going through right now. My husband is accusing me of having sex with all the neighbors even their wives, youngs boys, his brother...you name it. He gets angry if I try to defend myself I say it's not true. If I tell him he is acting crazy he stops talking to me. I didnt know what was happening but I was sure he wasnt acting right. He video called me and said the he can see me giving a guy oral sex and then we had sex while he was on video call...I told him that is crazy he got angry and stopped speaking to me. I asked him if we can go get help but he refuses. I cant eat, I cry am anxious and afraid of him. It's strange seeing your spouse act like this. Its is putting a strain big time on our marriage.
Stay strong
Seek an attorney IMMEDIATELY. DO NOT TELL HIM. You may need shelter from him when you divorce him. He is dangerous.
Run! My ex almost choked me to death while drunk because I was “cheating”. This people never change - just run for your life!
So sorry you are going through this. I am too, although in my case, it's my wife. But, yes, the absurdity of the accusations is so similar to my experience. My wife even accused me of having sex with all the neighbors (men and women), a 90 year old client, and even her own father. Please be careful and protect yourself.
Are you ok? It’s been 10 yrs since you commented
As a dude, especially in the modern era, I used to struggle with jealousy. I feel that stems from not being sexually advanced, and not having it "going on" in different ways, or not being that "catch". I don't feel like I have that "something" that someone else isn't willing to lose, besides a warm heart. Lol being broke doesn't help either.
Ever since my 1st love, I've avoided serious relationships, because I hated the jealousy I had with her. She was so hot & cool. Although she wanted to marry, I could not trust her. I felt like I had my reasons, that I saw some things, but in the end I just couldn't believe an intimacy with integrity was possible. I felt she was too into the current culture, which in my opinion, celebrates temptation, and I did not feel comfortable with trying to change her to suit me.
Now I keep relationships just a "friendship", because I feel like it frees me to just be myself without being bothered that whoever I'm with may want to experience other people than just me. It takes the pressure away. It allows me to be more understanding, I feel. This drives women nuts, because they are pleading for me to trust them, and take them seriously. I'm just avoiding the "reality" of "eventual infidelity". I'm avoiding the pain of being investing in someone who may not necessarily want to bang someone else, but for whatever reason, a moment of passion has dominated their professed principles.
Nothing more do I want, than to be my goofiest self, to be loved for exactly who I am; by a faithful & beautiful Woman. To feel free in that Love. To give her a tidal wave of goodness. Kisses. Experiences. To accept her unconditionally & wholeheartedly and become ONE. To sharpen each other into better people. As parents & teammates. To share weird, silly, vulnerable, and intimate things...our "thing", without her having to divulge our intimacies with girlfriends, co-workers, or using the leverage of social media against me, if something doesn't work out.
At work, I get told everything these guys don't want their girls sharing. His fetishes & insecurities, arguments he wouldn't want the public to know about. Their completely oblivious that I know he's wearing her underwear, or putting his golf club in places. Completely unaware she's "giving me a ride home". Completely unaware the girls at work hired me to surprise, dress up & dance, at the Air B&B they got for a birthday, as a wisecrack, yet things happened.
In my eyes, the technological era we live in eliminates the physical barriers we used to have that made infidelity a bit more difficult. In the old days, someone you previously enjoyed hooking up with, became but a memory; and even if they wanted to find you again, they would have to go through barriers: friend of a friend or something, and were susceptible to exposure. Nowadays, people are still connected to old flings on social media, only one message away, and are notified when they are in town, still looking good in their photos, ...and there's no need to explain to your partner who is on your friend list. They would be "insecure" on their part. Shame on them. Oh what's this? Uhh..lets just move this DM to private message mode. Girls have messaged me while in bed with their sleeping husband. I don't condone that.
I also believe the modern culture has awakened an unquenchable thirst for sex. Being "Vanilla" is frowned upon. When it's commonplace for your partner to have had well over 50 partners,...high school...college,..vacation flings...bars/ clubs, etc...on top of previous relationships, ... it lessens the taboo for infidelity. Sex becomes more recreational, experimental, therapeutic, something to do for fun, ..instead of it being suited for procreation & pair-bonding or something sacred. It becomes more of a "what's the big deal" attitude. Also the need for "great sex" becomes the measurement of a fulfilling marriage, and the relationship "experts" & corporations re-enforce this: Gotta spice up the bedroom! Gotta get some blew chew! But Naturally that stuff wears down, and the satisfaction of a relationship should be based on something deeper, in my opinion. Maybe I'm wrong. Take a look at Washington D.C. culture. White picket-fenced professionals by day,...Cocaine fueled parties & swingers culture by night. Nothing against the kink community, a lot of those types are being honest about exploring the science behind our kinks. Maybe the older we get, we feel were missing out on not having as much pleasure in life as we can. When you can afford to have a more liberal lifestyle, and it doesn't cost you to have an open relationship, try it i guess...
I say these things based on my experience as a server & Uber driver. As someone who isn't out of shape or poorly dressed. From Bachelorettes to Business Women, countless experiences have wore down my hope for a Noble Love. Most dudes would call me crazy for not appreciating what I've experienced. When you're serving a group of Women with Wigs & Dick-straws at dinner it's fun when you're young & naive. After countless excursions after work, at the bar with those Brides & Bridesmaids deliberately ignoring their vows,... it weighs on your conscience after a while.
When you're driving UBER, and established, presentable, beautifully mature married Women are inviting you into their hotels, those are experiences guys would die for. Once a group of married women told me "be a whore for as long as you can,...trust me", that broke my heart. That's not everyone, sometimes in those situations there's one lady in the group with a reserved nature, looking at you with a quiet sorrow, as if she misses her children at home. I've been in these scenarios hundreds of times. Drunk or Sober. Commonplace. I drove well over 2,000 trips doing Uber. Women willing to pay. Women wanting to detour before going home. On the way to the freaking airport! It's unbelievable when I look back.
I've also adapted to this view, because I can't recall ever being with a Woman who wasn't in a relationship. It always don't ask don't tell,..and when you find out,.. they were having "problems" or they were "done"...yet the dude they were with was not done, and he's abusive. Not to discount those are really being abused...a ton of guys are extremely jealous. A lot of guys are naive to the things I've experienced, and freak out when they realize their angel is not innocent.
Avoiding a serious relationship going completely against what I've always wanted. I want a healthy, loyal, & rewarding relationship. Being on the other end, being that Guy from the Girls Trip, is what made me stop being jealous, moving toward being understanding,... yet I still feel my experience is giving me an excuse to not have the courage to just be hurt. To just simply not be everything to someone.
I apologize if I've offended anyone. Done some long types on other videos that have hit me. I really like this channel. It's forcing me to confront myself, and process things. I want to be free.
@@Saint696Anger what they don't realize is, there not depopulating shit by pushing degeneracy. They're only increasing unfavorable populations.
You basically summed up my life and then I met the woman of my dreams. Three children later this evil thing whatever it is Obsessive Jealousy Disorder/ROCD/Delusional Disorder starts to appear and grows continually getting stronger all the time where I have gone crazy. Never would I harm her but I have realized the reassurance itself and constant scenario stories I’ve told her about just like the ones you have told is verbal abuse. I was that guy you were. I was the guy that slept with woman the night before they went to the alter etc. I’m on a continuous search for help. The obsession I have is that she loves me, wants to be with me , loves the sex and our family but just has an occasional side fling if she gets horny so I completely understand. Your the first person I’ve seen online that understands how my experience shaped my mind
@@zackr19 I think our generation wants to have their cake and eat it too. On one hand, deep down in our Spirit, we want to have that sacred bond that no one else will touch. We want a partner that won't even think about putting themselves in any sort of situation that would remotely lead to touching someone else. We want to have someone with authentic integrity, that willingly will oppose anyone else...not having to chore trying to suppress their desire for others. At the same time, pornography & fling culture had opened those doors, a thirst that cannot be shut. Also the culture/media are trying to transform society into being more "cosmopolitan" or science-based and trying to get us to accept our biology. You got women "coming out" after years of family and marriage. There headed for turmoil and are gonna want to come back to the white picket fence once their pussy is dried up.
I'm working at a hotel now, and women are having eye sex with me right in front of their husbands...the husbands looking at her like wtf are you doing? I know later they are going to argue, she's going to accuse him of jealousy, there going to fight about something he can only sense but has" no evidence". She's going to lie about her flirtation & desires because he can't prove it.
The best thing we can do as Men, is to 1st pray as a family. There's going to come a day where were all too old to be fucking, a day where a serious illness may come in, a day that puts everything in perspective. Pray out loud with your wife, as a family, even if it's weird at 1st, don't force anyone to say any words, but encourage it.
2nd step is too keep building yourself into a badass everyday. Hit that gym, eat healthy, pick up new hobbies, be someone adventurous she has no choice but to try n keep up with. I know you have kids, so your time may be limited. But never stop improving yourself everyday.
3rd step. Stop taking her seriously. Let her do whatever she does. Tell her what you expect from her, and if she doesn't comply, remove your presence. There's never a point where you should need her,...it's the woman that needs the man. If she's fucking someone else, and you're not, that should only be with your permission. Y'all should write down on a piece of paper a new contract, stating clear needs, wants, goals, dislikes, deal breakers, ...even bedroom stuff. Neither of you should be fucking anyone else. You're married. God says he will judge the adulterous, to keep the marriage bed pure, and not to spread your fountains for anyone else to drink.
We are at a modern crossroads where we choose to follow what "science" says about our bodies needs, and what The Spirit, our Spiritual consciences needs.
The bible also says when two people fuck they become "One". The reason you feel jealous is because she is becoming "One" with others and you can feel it spiritually. The problem is, the devil takes that notion and convinces your mind to take the anti-spiritual way... Doubt, jealousy, anger, etc.
You need radical forgiveness of her, whatever the fuck she's on, because the only thing you can do is inspire her with your badassness. Or divorce. Women are always getting themselves into bullshit, and then want to blame something else. Your jealousy needs to go... Fuck the professional diagnoses. You need to be like Jesus, forgive, and if she wants to trust your leadership n follow your plan, then reward her with special stuff. If she doesn't... You need to inspire her by being a straight badass in life, and kindly taking away your attention...with a formal diplomacy to throw her off...she doesn't get access to lovey dovey hubby if she out doing naaaasstty, intimate shit with others. Stay cool, stay on your Fitness n finances, and do cool fun shit without her until her conscious kicks in. You need to posses qualities that she's not willing to lose. Also, she needs to see other women want to fuck you to wake her up. A man should be James Bond, a rockstar in his own right, and the woman should be enamoured by him.
Best of luck. Prayer will sort everything out. No jealousy. Inspiration is key.
There are people who bump into that subculture every so often and walk away every time. You can be one of them if you choose. I hope you heal. Respect=Love
I like to use the word admire not envy. Jealousy is just a horrible affliction. I’m very glad and thankful I am not jealous nor envious.
8:24 - That makes sense. It reminds me of the saying:
"Women use sex to get love. Men use love to get sex.”
Thanks, this is my first educational video on this matter.... I try to help myself
Do you see any improvements?? How do you help
Yourself??
Wow just wow. I went through this with my stbx husband. He was jealous of everyone: coworkers, my ex husband, my sons. Constant accusations of infidelity. It was maddening.
Damn this is me, I always thought it was because I was cheated on that made me paranoid and suspicious, but actually thinking back I had behaviours like that even before I found out about that. Ooof time to do some research on what makes me like this!
It’s hard to tell what’s real but just know that it’s endless if you let those thoughts manifest for too long.. just try to give yourself small breaks .. it helps! Even if it just a short walk or a shower.. good luck! 👍
Wow, my ex....I thought mostly APD and jealous but wow, this is so real, so sad, I feel bad for his mental state and hope he heals and learns peace
It doesn't stop when the relationship is over either.
why?
It is like projection, I feel, having been there. He is doing all these things and is desperate to catch you out doing just as he does. Years later, you find out he has been doing all the things he was accusing you of. So, perhaps it is pathological projection!
In my case the person is continuously noticing people in my neighbourhood and asking me about my relationship with them, whether they be someone with their dog at the park beside my house, or living a couple doors down from me having a cigarette in the shared driveway. It’s so frustrating.
Envy says'I;d like that''...Jealousy says 'You can't have that''
I have also experienced this kind of jealousy from boss where i worked...they have terrible trust issue but they blame you and try to fix their problems by finding faults in you...
They don't make a pill for jealousy!
It's way more difficult, when your partner actually cheated before. I'm stuck in an endless cycle of suffering 🤦♂️
It's so sad ... what can you do when your loved one is like that🤦♀️
Nothing, unfortunately
There are medications that have successfully treated many cases of this disorder
Very sad. If they Are a Nice person...just with this thing.
My ex put me hidden voice recorders and always wanted my location on to know exactly everything. Demanded evidence of my clockouts everyday, persistent calls and messages of insult if some girl even greeted me at work. When we broke up threatened to sue me for damaging her phsychologically of 4 years that she gave me nightmares. Constant arguments that lasted for hours, she couldn't even let me sleep. A total demon or devil himself
Mine started with incredible jealous tantrums...he believed his own delusions. Then he got to trust me more, calned down. However, it continues whenever there is something he perceives as a form of rejection or even disrespect. He is a good man but it's scary, toxic and incredibly exhausting.
Yep... I dated her. Even had her show up unannounced at doctor appointments. No goddamn way possible to win.
I wonder if obsessional jealousy only applies to committed relationships, or if one can be said to be obsessionally jealous of a person one loves but the person does not reciprocate,
Hi there. Do you have a video with some tips to try and deal with this issue please?
My husband is like this and has done this with all his relationships before me. He thinks I sleep with neighbors, friends, family. He has sent me p videos stating that is me in the video. We are separated right now and it is just constant accusations and name calling and it is just exhausting. I told him to get help that I am not going to let him ruin my life because of his insecurities or if he is thinking this because of a drug he could be taking. I know I let him hurt me long enough. I will be 53 next month, laid off from my job and have absolutely nothing but I will live out of a suit case as long as I have peace. Good luck for everyone going through this and if you are leave nothing will ever change. Don’t let someone waste your life of happiness
OMG! I have some of those signs. How can I cure that? I am normal to a certain extent, but if my partner gives me one reason to be jealous, I can't trust him anymore and then I turn into that person that you are describing. Jesussss... It is so tiring... It's horrible to live like this. I don't like it at all.
I got this before and I already free now. Want some tips?
great video.. any suggestions where persons suffering from these compulsions can find solutions to help?
I think support from a mental health professional like a counsellor or psychotherapist could be a good place to start
@@DarrenFMagee the problem is that the “Otello” person has to recognize they have an issue and then sick help, but they never do, because they are always “right”. I think they are all also narcissists.
I've this illness and it sucks... I was medicated and I started to get a lot better but then I got pregnant and everything came back. Is so frustrating. In my case I've full conscience that my thoughts make no sense but they don't stop and grow and grow and I really suffer like that things really happened. Is hard to explain and understand.
Can you send me your ig we can talk about this I had this
@@mayralovesyu hi Mayra I don't have ig, because of this crap but I have Facebook and discord. Idk if you speak Portuguese but if you do, I do too!
I got this for many years and im free now. I have some tips for you guys. I know this is hell
@@AAY-7 do you mind sharing those tips here?
Impossible to explain to anyone as it can be sub consciously happening.
Acknowledgement is essential and constant communication, therapy and a healthy balanced lifestyle.
Meditation is also extremely helpful.
Thanks
Borderline here, I am living through the nightmare of it, Its varied in intensity, but lately its caused severe issues. Had to check myself in a ward. I am very aware of irrational thinking, but I cannot control is and falling deep into alcohol... Idk how to get myself out and save my relationship, its all I have left in this world, I lost everything else in life.
How do we get ourselves out if we're willing... I feel so hopeless
Jealousy is not just about marriage , it’s a kind of sickness some people always feel toward others. As a doctors you better look at it more broadly !
What are the medications for this case? I'm experiencing it right now and my boyfriend is so fed up with my pathological jealousy. It is very exhausting. Hope you can help me. 😞
Omg:(( ive been searching for something or someone to understsnd what im going thru:(
I’m glad you found the video helpful
How to help the person with this condition? Its destabilising.
Can this condition be cured mu therapist terminated us cuz my partner blamed her for making me have sex with the receptionist he thinks our therapist helped me for being in physical relationship with the receptionist so i want to ask whether this kind of delusional jealousy along with traits of narcissistica nd antisocial traits is treatable? One more thing that she did not gave us medication so i still hope that maybe medicine may bring some change i am deeply in love with my partner i dont want to loose him so kindly do guide me should i restart therapy from somewhere else and will this help his mental state??
Would love to have a 30 minute conversation with you. My wife and I just separated and she shares many of these symptoms. I don’t know what to do she doesn’t speak English.
What is the difference between this and Othello syndrome? Are they basically the same thing?
Both exes of mine thought I was cheating. One constantly blamed me of having affairs, with doctors or whoever he couldn’t watch 💯. Ended up being they were the ones having the affairs.
I can identify hugely.
I do this.. Idk how to stop..
I hate it.. I just want to stop the thoughts.
If you feel like all you want is to stop the thoughts, you might be dealing with OCD. It's always a good idea to talk to an expert about this, since OCD is tricky and likes to disguise itself. If you don't feel comfortable reaching out to somebody in person, I'd suggest you look up Katie d'Ath on UA-cam. She is an expert on OCD and her videos are incredibly helpful.
You need practice your brain... Willful telling yourself what you doing is going to push your partner away... Keep that association
A narcissist with morbid jealousy will see you encapsulated from friends, family, and normal social interactions. Here's something to laugh about 11 years after my 'escape' from a morbidly jealous narcissist: Early in the relationship I casually mentioned, 'actress Emma Thompson was a favorite'. After this admission, watching an Emma Thompson movie was dangerous beyond all rationality. 16 years later, with the relationship over, I treated myself to an Emma Thompson film festival! What joy! I am certain she would even have been jealous of the early stage Nanny McPhee!
Totally relate, congrats on escaping hell. My gf constantly makes false insinuations that I want my brothers wife. Nothing but baseless claims, taking everyday things and warping them into accusations and traps to make it appear as if her delusional accusations are real. Absolute madness
So what happens when you do hack your partner's email account and find the evidence that he/she was indeed cheating and - beyond that - was straight out lying to people about you? Is that still pathological jealousy that drove your actions to hack the account?
This is literally my dad
Would like t hear your views on compulsive liar s
I’ve been asked that a few times and there can be a number of different things going on, but I will be putting together a video to try to explain some of the issues driving the behaviour
Sounds just like my ex partner. When someone shows you this behaviour it's a big red flag, they won't ever change so run a mile.
Yeah , right I abide with him.J I m.
Dobro je sto ste pokrenuli ovaj kanal...
This is my mother
Comedy Genius
Its OCD nothing more.
Every evil the narcsts do is due to pathological jealousy
After reading the comments I was amazed how common this problem is! And yet I was hiding it from everybody for 18 years because I thought it was my fault that my husband (ex as of 2 months ago) was soo jealous. OMG he almost killed me by choking. Was Rivne me insane with “talks” in the middle of the night about how I should “confess” etc. 🥲
I’m living through this nightmare right now. My wife is pathological jealous and nothing will stop her accusations and making my life hell. I give in concession after concession, but it’s never enough.
Do what is best for you and be careful. This is a strong obsession and can lead to physical violence on the part of both partners. Her, because she believes you have done wrong, and you, because you are frustrated that you have not.
I know exactly what you mean. I’ve had to restrain myself.