Why do Narcissists make their Partners Jealous?
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- Опубліковано 6 лют 2022
- Narcissistic people tend to try to make their partners jealous, known as induced jealousy. In this video Darren Magee outline the nature of narcissism and discusses the five motives behind the behaviour including wanting to control and dominate, wanting revenge, testing the relationship, seeking security and compensating for low self esteem.
'Do narcissists try to make romantic partners jealous on purpose? An examination of motives for deliberate jealousy-induction among subtypes of narcissism.' - Tortoriello, GK, Hart, W, Richardson, K, & Tullett, AM.(2017).
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I'd love any help in what to do when I see him manipulating or provoking our kids. Or when he asks them about my relationship with him. We're in the process of divorcing. He's diagnosed.
Not many doctors are very knowledgeable in the videos I’ve watched you are hitting the nail on the head and you have it right!!!!
Thank you for sharing this!!! Many doctors don’t get it right but you nailed it!!!!!!!! Spot on! Thanks. They do that over and over and make comments about other women in a sexual way too or so and sos wife does this for him and blah blah blah! They like to compare you to other women constantly in a very insidious way or they’ll make comments about you insidiously by saying like your veins in your legs show more than they normally do I never noticed that before.
I’m
Subscribing because you know this stuff!!!!
Thankyou for helping people 😊✌
They use jealousy and triangulation because they are not good enough on their own. It’s like, “See, they want me, you should too.”
Which is weird, because we already DID show them we love them. I was head over heels in love when she started to pursue other women.
Didn’t work for me I sent the new bee flowers like a thank you gesture and invited her to her daughters graduation she moved in with them she’s moving out Gesa didn’t work out for them. God only knows what he told her about me how horrible I am. I’m not perfect but good Lord the lies pathological lies cheating the horrible gas lighting it was hell I’m so happy now that’s why center flowers it’s kinda like thank you so much but I’m sad that she left because now he’s gonna be screwing me again!!!! 🤦♀️
Straight Gospel 🔥🔥🔥🔥
They can also flirt and use jealousy in the discard phase to trigger the partner and then use the reaction to say the partner is possessive and acting unreasonably.
Oh! Bringing back memories with that one. 😂
That's how it was for me Adam.She also used to flirt outrageously when out on her own , when in cafe's she would accept business cards from men and keep them in a box on a chest of drawers which was next to her dressing table.Again bragging as to how easy it was to get a man.After eight years I left her.Good riddance!
Mine cheated on me then said I was never emotionally available and that they never loved me . I think he thought he could have somebody else on the side but he lied to someone smarter then they were .
@@spotsill often you can take what they are saying as a projection of how they actually feel. They assume you are emotionally unavailable or even make you emotionally unavailable through how they are treating you.
@@Adam-xs3ng he was love bombing me before the discard and I think he was mad because I figured it out and called him on it so he had to get even. The discard hurt more than the cheating but now that i’am out of the fog I can see I was lucky and saved myself years of heartache and emotional abuse. A narcissist can never have enough adulation so he thought he needed two sources at one time. I almost want to try and warn his new source but love bombing becomes addictive and he honestly probably wouldn’t believe me .
My soon to be ex-husband did this. I was very much aware that he was telling me about how beautiful his tenant’s hair was and complimenting her in front of me and her husband because he wanted me to feel badly about myself and jealous. I just did not understand why he was behaving that way because I did not know what narcissism was at that point.
He would also compare me to his cousin’s wife and tell me that she was bohemian and did not care about dressing up. I understood that was a dig against me and when I asked him plainly if he was referring to me, he had a kind of guilty look but said nothing. This all happened in the weeks and months after we got married.
These people are monsters.
Yea, AFTER you were married…
Your life will become amazing as soon as he is gone!!!!! 🥂❤️ congrats on freedom!
My Narcissist Husband uses our female co workers to triangulate me on the job he does it on purpose to make me jealous.
I always say, if a behavior can be switched off depending on the people someone is around, then yes it is conscious/deliberate.
5 Motivations for inducing jealousy:
1. Acquire power & control
2. Exact revenge
3. Test or strengthen relationship
4. Seeking security
5. Compensate for low self esteem
Thank you. Long intro.
And possibly number one to meet some supply on the side. Let's say they are out with their partner and some friends and someone asks them to dance ,(perhaps they were looking or smiling at them) and they get up and dance. Then they can ask their name and possibly meet them later at the same venue
Another side to triangulation:
Narcissist: “My ex was so evil and is threatening to me.”
Target: “Oh no! I’ll protect and SAVE you!”
When in reality, the ex is no-contact with the narcissist due to fear and self-preservation.
It’s not envy-jealousy, but it has the same flavor.
This tactic helps the Narcissist feel in control and gives supply, and soothes a Borderline’s abandonment fears, and also creates allegiance with the target. The target feels valuable, and like they’re “in it together”.
This is a tragic, malevolent manipulation.
An excellent comment
You have me shouting YES!!!
My narc, "Evil Earl" did that with me. And his ex who was just as lazy & codependent as he was, DID "stalk" us. She showed up at my apartment complex screaming "home wrecker" and after me & Evil Earl broke up, me & her are now on ok terms (we see eachother in the supermarket or on the street & we'll smile & say "hi. Run into any morons lately")
But I told her, "In my defense, you DID do everything he said you would. So of course I believed what he said about you--at first. Took me about 2 months to see through his bullshit. But then he was like a bad venereal disease that ya couldn't get rid of (lol) and the POS SOB just wouldn't go away!"
Saw NEX ~ 30 years after I kicked him out. He started telling me about problems with his wife 🤦🏻♀️ I told him: “You are doing exactly the same thing to her as you did to me.” STFU!!! Their lack of insight is monumental & they are grotesquely immature.
What a comment. This makes so much sense. I have a friend who has characterized me in this exaction fashion. Triangulation. Because am going no contact, I am the evil one and others (my friends too) are coming into help. I was mad at first, but honestly … if this gives the chance to escape the dynamic - I am out. Its now on those friends.
Aren't they themselves constantly jealous?
It's an emotion they're very familiar with, and it has wreaked havoc on their psyche, so naturally they're going to work overtime to induce it in someone else.
It's all they know. We're talking about the fantastically immature and emotionally impoverished here. You can't expect a homeless person to give you a million dollars, and you can't expect to have a normal relationship with a narcissist. They don't have it in them.
Beautifully said! Thank you.
Lisa Rochwarg That's exactly right and I clearly saw while the last highly narcissistic man I got caught up was staying at my place that he didn't have anything to give, which wasn't evident when I first met him.
I realised that being with him was a waste of my precious time and it was pointless expecting him to be there for me, let alone love me, hence why I told him that he had to leave my home.
Mind you, he'd admitted that he was only using me and was going to leave again anyway. He was an extremely abusive person as well, so he was lucky that I was even talking to him, after what he'd done. 🙁
I'm so glad you don't have an annoying intro to your videos. I really appreciate your content
Yes! Skip the intros!!!
He pushed me too far w triangulation and I walked away. It’s way too painful for me to keep enduring it.
Of all the dead on narcissist videos - yours are the dead on-est. The practical manifestation you describe make it easier for me to accept that I was married to a narcissist. I ven doubted it after our marriage counselor said he was on the Narc spectrum but your practical descriptions make me see it clearly. Thank you!!!
Narcissists love making us DOUBT our reality.
Lucky doctor said that!!! Years with clinicians and not one told me the kids and self should leave relationship!!!!! They said it’s not ethical or legal to say abuse!!!!!! When in generational abuse you don’t see it and the therapist should tell us this!! 3 traumatized people now!
Jealousy signals lack of trust and it is a serious problem and poses a serious threat to a relationship. Thank you.
Absolute
Its about ownership not love
This makes so much sense. I could never understand why a friend would often try to establish relationships with people I was interested in. After that, he would go on about how those girls loved him. Something that would often rile me up, and even stop my attempts at approaching or pursuing a relationship with those peolple. This is some great content. I am relieved … Opted to go no contact on the friendship because of a recent jealousy inducing episode. Seeing this video gave me an aha moment.
My narcissist would ‘befriend’ the people at our workplace that I didn’t care for and seek to sabotage any positive work relationships I had with others.
He would use another as supply talking to them exclusively just to make me jealous even though I wouldn't react other than mild annoyance I suppose. He knew it annoyed me so he did it daily for fuel.
Everything that you have mentioned has happened to me ....it all makes sense.....
My ex narcissist deliberately made me feel jealous about him, that monster was behind my suffering for the past 16 years, together with my narc mother and narc friend torturing me for 4 decades.
The sad reality is that for some reason you allowed it. Explore your inner wounds & address them BEFORE the situation repeats itself! Preparedness is the price of survival.
Same here and they know each other are narcissists my husband knew what my mother was and I think she knew what he was doing she wanted me to stay in abusive relationship.
@@aliceroberts1980 - Nothing like motherly love, eh? My mom & NEX were same game too.
Same. But thankful I'm learning and healing.
I went to a burlesque evening with my partner who I suspect is vulnerable narcissist. She engineered a situation where another man danced with her, she danced flirtatiously I got annoyed. Years later she brought it up saying I only showed attention to her when I felt threatened. Reading between the lines she felt I was not putting the effort in, in actuality I was not a confident dancer, if it was me I would have declined a dance from another dancer as I would have known it would make my partner jealous and uncomfortable. It's all about the attention and narcissistic supply, if your not jumping through hoops their ego is sooooo weak. When people act out rather than behaving reasonably be on guard.
I have a person in my life who is jealous of the success of others and complains about all the wrongs they had done to them suggests that others owe them
In my case , it was very much a tactic, used in the discard phase , she was already on her way out , I just didn’t know it then , it was part of the over all plan. The plan to induce jealousy was to get me to react , or act out , and therefore enable her to say ahha! See there you are, overreacting, unstable. Etc etc and it was ammo or evidence for her smear campaign that was yet to come …...... this is all 20/20 hindsight as I am 5 years out now ans living my best life …...... But it took me years to regain my self esteem, confidence and basically who I was again .
Mine tried that.The response he got was ,Go For It!
Touché!
Mine seems different but similar. Not unfaithful or inducing jealousy. But controlling, cutting up clothes, breaking items, mild physical attacks, lots of verbal attacks , demanding proof of how much I love her and guess what ? It's never enough. Cutting me off from friends and family. Any comments are welcome
Hi Lee. I'm sorry that you are going through this. Your partner's behavior is abusive. Destroying your property and hitting you is not okay. You cannot be enough or do enough to help her change. I am not saying this lightly, as I grew up in a narcissistic family and then continued on to a narcissistic romantic relationship. You can only help and change yourself. Can you find a counselor to help you through this?
Get out and stay out. Go no contact. They never change. You will be slowly destroyed.
@@cathybutcher4826 thanks. Not really one for counseling. Try to get by on my own usually.
@@thrivingnow7395 thanks
@@leehogg4624 Well, I wish you peace and love Lee. You deserve happiness.
I have been watching your videos and I have to say that you have opened my eyes 👀 to so many things that my narc has done and still doing. He often talks about his ex wife and tries to get me jealous, I listen and hear about himself, then he talks about an exgirlfriend, and how much she loved him, and she would have him back tomorrow if he called her, all this was said after an argument which I asked him why he didn't do it? His reply was " because I love you" PLEASE! Don't take me for an idiot. My mum heard him going on about his ex wife and asked him why he did? He replied and said I mentioned her name because she used to know the person you are talking about. I don't very often get jealous especially when people try it. I just tell them that if they want to leave go! I will never stop them because it's their choice!!!
My gf flirts in front of my with other guys when l confronted her she says she’s just a friendly person and she love this about herself.She’s accusing me moulding someone else..All gaslighting,entitled,raging behaviour keeping ex in background txt emails chat,guys keep txting from workplace..l end up break up with her.
You did the right thing, go “complete no contact for 30 days” and re-establish contact in your own terms after 30 days. You can keep her as a side chick and date other girls. It’s what I’m doing.
@@lusherenren4222 You are acting no better than your ex.
@@ADDIDASSSSSSSSSSSSSS this is not about being the “better person” or taking some sort of moral high ground. You’ve to be pragmatic when to comes to dealing with people like this.
The only way to have a relationship with them is to be emotionally unavailable. Which means you can see them as a side piece, maybe once a week with minimal amount of investment and focus on your life pursuits i.e Work/Dreams
In my opinion it’s worth it for the sex provided you can follow the rules. It won’t last long regardless.
@@lusherenren4222 - You are INTENTIONALLY treating them as an OBJECT to be USED & enjoying it perversely. That’s the definition of a malignant narcissist. Congratulations in being sick F#&K - you’re karma will get you eventually.
Very informative as always. Thank you!
This video was so good, I had to watch it again. This behavior is so sabotaging, I simply don't understand why the Narc would do this - it's as if they don't understand they're undermining the very thing they are trying to preserve. Most ppl who are interested in someone else, will pursue in secret, not out in the open with everyone watching or listening to them talk nonstop about how attractive someone else it, which definitely shows that it's all for show and all to make you jealous. This just happened to my 12 y/o daughter with a boy in her class who she was more than friends with.... who just previous got insanely jealous about another boy being interested in her. It's all very sad. She was into him and wanted things to work out. She finally had to break things off because the blatant jealousy inducement was simply too much for her. I only hope that she will not think this is normal behavior and she will have a normal relationship one day.
I can relate to this video a lot. As that induced jealousy also had to serve to lower my teenage self estime back 1990-1991 and not only
NEX was as dumb AF & GROTESQUELY IMMATURE but had manipulative abilities like an adult toddler. His motivations were conscious as well as unconscious. ALL behaviors were to induce ANY TYPE OF REACTION - supply is the goal; good or bad but NOT indifferent.
"it comes down to the individual", I agree totally. So it is a choice. Brilliant explanations, appreciate it
Could you please do a video on narcissistic "baiting" how they go about baiting you into circular conversations, arguments, just to demean abuse deflect blameshifts...if you already have then my apologies and I appreciate the work and effort you put into your videos thank you.
Thank you for your suggestion 👍
Oh, yes, those go nowhere circular conversations of word salad and blameshifts. Mine is so good at that. I usually tell him 'look, you're desparate for attention and I'm not interested in so-called 'conversations' that go nowhere. Then, I get up and leave the room. They feed on the drama, no matter what kind.
I love your videos. You talk about things other UA-cam dont. Thank yo so much
I literally had my NWife pretty much go out over and over and refuse to tell me where she was going or seeing. She would do “odd” things and have coffee with a man. Realistically this was all simulating and affair. I got blamed for being paranoid and supposedly project my insecurities on her. But seriously I was never a jealous person. I swear I’m not controlling. All I was Rd was common decency.
Thank you.
I greatly appreciate your depth of Psychology. You are invaluable.
9:15 best eye opener ever. Thank you!
Thank you, you are amazing!
Thank you 💝 love from Albuquerque
You didn’t say they could be doing it because they are sadistic. That’s what my psycho ex when I used to be with him.
Good video.
Starts 3:09. Doug says " nope this never happens ."
Thank you for your informative video. I've read that Narcissism is very common; a majority of the population. Is there a answer for why there are so so many of these types of people out there?
It’s a question that’s come up a few times and I am currently looking into different areas of research (rather than just opinion) before making a video on it, but I will when I have the information
@@DarrenFMagee Thank you for such a quick response, it's so appreciated. This would be an interesting fact to share indeed.
Thinking social media is a huge factor for the attention seeking behaviors AND the monetary gains.
That moment, when my son stopped caring, he returned to his animal base for that one split secong and committed an act of horrible irreversible cruelty against his own flesh and blood newborn child.
15-life. Likely more.
Just a little life lesson for everyone involved .
I hope.
Wow. Bless you 🙏
.
Horrific; sorry for your doubly tragic loss.
Am sure with hindsight there were red flags. 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
We all need to pay attention.
I agree with all of this- especially the low-self esteem angle, I think it is that more often than not. They just want you to know that someone else wants them, although 99% of the stuff I heard didn't even sound as if someone wanted them-they were really trying hard to push that narrative, though. 😄
I would add a last one,it's to slowly make you accept that they have carte blanche like there aloud to flirt and are free to see other partners and they do a little more everytime mention another women and expect you to accept it.
They like to give the impression that women are fighting for them
Just happened to me! Thank you for the insight.
There’s hundreds of videos on narcissists, but I haven’t found one video yet that would help me ….being the PARENT , having a narcissistic child, our 30 years old son. ???????
Me too. I am finding out for myself that maybe, as as Beeing a superprotective mother, maybe I am responsible for that behavior.
Marcia don't blame yourself, you don't know for sure. I think that's only true if a parent was super extremely spoiling the child. They say this or that the child was neglected and not loved.
Well both wasn't the case in our family.
But the son I'm talking about has a different father.
I only new him for 4 months and then got pregnant. That's why he broke up with me. That was great but I didn't know that at the time.
When I was 33 and my boy 3 years old, I met my todays husband.
HE was a great dad for my son!! We got 2 more kids and then my son changed. I thought he's just jealous.
But that was the beginning of him becoming a narcissist.
I'm wondering now if it could be generic.
I didn't know his biological father well enough and only for a short time.
We do not believe that WE created that!!
My other 2 kids are wonderful people.
It's heart breaking for me that my son is a narcissist. The whole family suffered.
But we can't change it.
So do not blame yourself Marcia!
All the best. 🍀🍀🍀
@@heikekershaw8990 thank you 😊 Actually We have never spoiled both of our two kids, but yes, overprotected, I confess
We were both widow and widower when we met in our retired ages. He, early on made such a fool of himself trying this game of overt flirting, embarrassing his 'target' and making a fool of himself to me and one lady or another's husband. Me, I was annoyed because it is so disrespectful to play that game 1) in front of me and spouses and 2) if I'm not enough, then why hang around? He didn't expect that and stopped...but not because I was too confident for him but because I pointed out how he was impressing no one at his age but was looking very foolish. At the time he was pushing 73.
Every now and then my vulnerable narc will drop little nuggets of truth. When I broke up with mine (tried very hard to end it amicably), she was already seeing new supply and was already living with the dude. A year later she would admit that she was hoping that I would actually stalk her at her new bf's apartment because she knows I have jealousy issues. Not only did I not do that because that's lame af, but it's also a very psychotic thing to say to someone. She really wanted me to become the bad guy in the end, and even started accusing me of using her for sex the moment she started seeing sleeping with this new guy. We only started speaking again because she wouldn't leave me alone when I wanted to go no contact.
Anyone attempting to trianglate me or make me jealous will fail always. I am a very secure and confident person, going solo and walking away for good is pretty easy for me..😂
My ex was telling me stories about how other people were making stories about them being manipulative. And I was not able to think at all that this behaviour was part of the abuse and the gaslighting.. I am still though very hurt from the relationsip (it was very long, about 6 years, and it ended last month) by texting me that there were already feeling for another person. So, I would like to ask you if you have any good advice/recommendation how to heal from such an abusive relationship, where the other person has invested a loooot on them.. Thanks a lot!
I don't have a jealous bone in my body. I called out the abuse. No jealousy at all. I have to laugh at my ex who stated I was jealous of his exes. Rufkm? Bring your sick behavior in front of thr pastor and see if what you had been doing behind my back was jealousy. What's really sick is he wanted me to call him "My man". What man would that be? The lying, cheating, mentally abusive so-called christian who held my hand in church while he was on porn and dating websites? My man? No, no man there. Just an evil, sick, soulless empty shell of nothingness. 😂
Oh yes, my dad. I think he projects his bitter envy onto me, plus he always wants to be envied. He thinks others think and feel like he does.
My Narcissist always mimic me trys to out dress me constantly does devious things behind my back in order to have secrets he constantly gaslight me on purpose the Crazy making is Real he gets a kick out making me upset he even have the woman on the job talking about me to him behind my back hes very sadistic and intentional.
That’s silly, not everyone is a jealous person.
I'm not jealous of his other women they are trash all of them, they aren't worth competing with for him because he was never worth having in the first place, if a woman could have him on his selfish conditions and terms NO woman in her right mind would ever want him!
When he told me 4 days after learning about the death of my only child, that "He died, you didn't" and if you don't want to give it to me i have options that was the last straw!
I catch him in lies with actual proof of his to show him and he lies, he denies it and calls me a liar, he bends over backwards and turns himself inside out for the people he likes that are on his priority list and can't do enough for the losers in his life that he values and that are important and special to him.
The only way to beat those evil monsters is to collect evidence of everything they have put you through and expose them to everyone for who they really are. Because they are very well aware of how they mentally and psychologically abuse you while they devalue you they lie to their flying monkeys about how horribly you treat them.
Even a narcissist cares about their reputation with the important people who matter to them.
Does it come up after you set a boundary? My partner was so cruel and unkind to me last week, and hung up on me for a trivial reason. I actually stood up for myself, quite strongly. He disappeared. When we spoke a week later he told me about one of his clients he gets on really well with, who has invited him for christmas drinks and mince pies at her house, that she says he has 'so many strings to his bow' and sees him as some kind of 'super hero' (his words), although she is married. Meanwhile, he'd said I was 'disgusting' because of some sound I made when I ate a single pretzel, even though I tried my best to eat it quietly, knowing how things trigger him and he gets annoyed.
Oh, look...sweetie. End it, you see where it is going if he is going into detail about this 'invite'. I see it is 7 months since you posted this. I hope you have saved yourself lthe pain and frustration! Be well!
My narcissistic partner insults me or will fight for any trivial reason either just before giving me an expensive gift or just a day after gifting. How can you explain this? I have been in marriage for 25 years.Now I recognise this pattern.IResult of this behaviour is that I have stopped enjoying the gift as it reminds me of sad memories.please help🙏
Imho… They give a gift to “buy” your love, appreciation, affection, etc. They start a fight before or after because they RESENT needing you.
I have been on the receiving end of this manipulation. For every helpful gesture or kindness, there is a takeback. For example:
Last week, my ex boyfriend decided he was going to treat me (despite my refusal) to a shrimp supper via takeout. He delivered it to my front door and was leaving. When I spoke to him, it was obvious he was drunk. To many protests, I drove him home. (For everyone's safety). So any 'niceness' was entirely overshadowed by the repulsive drunk driving. He managed to debase me yet again!
I have warned him to stay away from me, or I will take legal action. This pattern of binge drinking followed just about every sweet thing he did for me, and led to him being pushed right out of my life.
I have been on the receiving end of this manipulation. For every helpful gesture or kindness, there is a takeback. For example:
Last week, my ex boyfriend decided he was going to treat me (despite my refusal) to a shrimp supper via takeout. He delivered it to my front door and was leaving. When I spoke to him, it was obvious he was drunk. To many protests, I drove him home. (For everyone's safety). So any 'niceness' was entirely overshadowed by the repulsive drunk driving. He managed to debase me yet again!
I have warned him to stay away from me, or I will take legal action. This pattern of binge drinking followed just about every sweet thing he did for me, and led to him being pushed right out of my life.
@@susanparker9877 - When I meet people I generally try to remember that ALL CLUSTER B PERSONALITY TYPES are the dramatic/erratics & steer clear of them. Definitely narrows the window. Additionally, I refrain from ‘giving’ anything before receiving ‘something’… they’re transactional in nature & I don’t want to be the one starting things. Am not a tit for tat person; just too generous before sizing things up a little.
Sept îles Québec Canada
My ex wife would text with her worl manager while telling me I'm sleeping after I exposed her she said just you make things big
Jealous as a narc
My ex husband and his family, would go on about his ex girlfriend her job her plastic surgery her family. My ex husband would leave photos up and on electronic devices . When we would go to the in law's they would put up her photos and give up to date information on this lady around the dinner table. It was awful, so glad am out and she can have him 🤔 lol.
❤
My mothr make me jealous intentionaly and tells that I am jealous , such mothrs maje childrn crazy
Thanks so much this is Zara Williams trans woman please can you talk about Psychopathic personality disorder. I would like to share my story about my ex Psychopath Fiancé how I was struggling with him until I discovered him and still I have lots of mental health problem you don’t mind to contact you at your email please please
this
The way you talk about narcissism tells me you never live with one, not personal experience. What you read on the books it’s not always what you lived. What you said it’s non sense, narcissist have other relationships but they always denied. The don’t want you to get jealous, they only think about themselves they don’t care about you or anybody else . It’s about them.
No one’s jealous of them but they are jealous and envious and go all out to destroy others good work others healing and independence jealousy and envy leads to human trafficking abuse sabotage oppression and gaslighting of victims