Narcissists will bad mouth others when with you; and then bad mouth you when they are with others. Ultimately the horrible things you see her do to others she will eventually do to you.
I always held my ex narc accountable and called him out on his bad behavior, not just towards me but torwards others as well. It's like banging your head against a wall. They deny, deny, deny every single bad thing they do. They are like children in that respect, its almost funny as though you're dealing with a child. I always disagreed with my ex narc when hed start blaming me for things. No one will tell me I'm a bad person or throw their crap on me to make me feel like they do. Narcissist or not a narcissist, I'm not a dumping ground for someone elses bs or head games they are playing. They are experts on causing dysfunction and kaos wherever they settle, go, or have been. They purposely try to make life complicated, when it doesn't have to be, nor should it be.
Narcissists don't have friends. Their "friends" are their family bc that's an easy obligation. Each narcissist I've seen has one token friend. They make new "friends" by stealing their friend's friends and latch on and collect. THEN turn around and backstab you by doing a smear campaign against you with your friends, they've stolen.
KDLC the best is when you randomly become friends with the narc's friend. They get so fearful. My narcs would use my friends and family to gaslight me. Feels great to know that I didn't manipulate (like they do) to gain a friend.
Totally agree that narcs dont have friends. I was with a narc for almost 4 months, he never once talked about 1 friend or colleague. He was always by himself. Never with a bunch of guys, never spoke about anyone in particular. I knew his family for over 35 years and I know exactly who the abuser was the family. His sisters and mother were always overly shy and quiet, almost in an afraid sort of way. Not ordinarily shy..beyond that, probably because the abuser was s screaming lunatic behind closed doors. I can almost picture what went on in that house..a house of horrors as I see it. This is a family who is well respected in the community.. Everyone who comes in contact with them have nothing but good things to say about them, even the abuser who has passed away. The general public has no clue one of their family members is a dangerous individual. Whos narcissism can be blamed on the constant abuse he sustained when he was little. He was singled out and tormented during his childhood. The abuser created a monster. Anyone who knows the narc, just passes his behavior off as a stressed out hard working guy. If they ever knew him personally as I did, they would think other wise. A sheep in wolves clothing is putting it mildly.
My ex narc has a lot of enablers. They all are dysfunctional. Drugs, unprotected sex, serial cheating. He gives off the illusion that he is a victim and innocent.
One thing I think you can do to help a target, is tell them the top 7 manipulation tactics. Deny, deflect, minimize, triangulate, blame the empath, gaslight, abuse by proxy. They use them in this same order, almost every single time. I enjoy your videos, I can tell you spend a lot of time contemplating.
Scott, Thank you. I have watched thousands of hours on narcissism on dozens of channels...I've nearly watched your archive in its entirety. You have the best channel. You are articulate, comprehensive & a true pleasure to listen. Please continue creating content. You have been a personal beacon of light in the Hell I currently live.
Um, you made the first snarky comment, sir/ma'am. You have video content and it is not posted on your UA-cam account? Possible,but improbable...senseless.
You speak so much truth. Narcissists are attracted to beautiful, kind, loving, trusting, naive type of people and they try to extinguish their light and bring them into their darkness. Narcissists are repelled by people who see them for who they are and they are also repelled by other narcissists. Does this metaphor sound familiar. "A vampire must first be invited into your house before they can enter on their own". This meaning is that a vampire needs to see a weakness in you. Your house is your sense of true self, if you are in denial of who you are the narcissist will smell your weakness like a shark to blood, but if you are very self aware of your true self and understand who you are the narcissist will fade and burn to ashes as your light makes them afraid and they run for the dark. A narcissist has to control you so they can feel good when you are sad. Know thyself and live within the image of your creator, this image is love and light and in the end you will understand the true meaning.
I think they never received boundaries in childhood. You can see it how they understand the word No . They do not accept it. They learned No at the end means Yes when you push just long enough against it.
Correct - the narc I was friends with until recently would, at bare minimum, show frustration on his face if I had to cut the conversation off at some point. For example, I would have to cut it off at 10pm (for obvious reasons), and he wouldn't look happy. Sometimes if I don't respond to him right away (when he would ask to talk), he would send me messages over why I was ignoring him.
This all sounds like a pile of psychobabble spaghetti until you're the meatball in the middle and then it all makes sense. I am a recovering enabler and one of the reasons it's so hard to understand the family dynamic is because the narcissist plays many roles and uses many scripts for each family member and changes them according to the narcissists immediate and sometimes long term wants and needs. PS God is love.
I was in my late 50's before I became aware, really of narcs. Now I will be very on guard with people I meet, until I determine if they are a narc or not. I'm too old to take that kind of abuse again.
Having grown up in that stuff, one doesn't really get it. But the "something is wrong", is gotten. And if one doesn't leave ,completely move out, then it can destroy lives. Thanks for explaining it!
I am a recently recovered enabler because I am super sensitive and empathetic but I know it now. I was groomed from a child to put the narc before me so I sought it out. But the pattern is over now. Thank you for all your revealing work
Same was a total trip especially since i came from a more male dominant narc family.. I have very little experience with women in family besides a narc ex step mom. i thought it was just how sisters/in laws/mothers/daughters naturally were towards each other kinda rival-like (because the kardashhians right lol) until they started dragging me down the rabbit hole i knew it wasnt right with all the manipuation and blackmail.. Whats funny is i work at a strip club where you'd expect this behavior more in the women when in acuality I recieved a lot of support and empathy from a few women who came from similar experiences and backgrounds. It's a trip because ive learned a lot about women and diffenrent types of women at the club. There's plenty narcs who thrive in their alter egos of course but then there's some like me who ended up there by default and just trying to make it in life. The narc women at work are like the narc women in my ex's family... They totally lack individuality and gossip like high school girls and scheming against one another. Its very weird.
You are so right, about their relationships..or the lack of a healthy relationship that is. The only ppl who are in their life, are always ppl who allow them to get away with everything. It was that kind of behavior that allowed a sexual narcissist to molest children in his family, while the family supported him instead of the children!
I work with one of these ‘people’ and it’s been a huge personal challenge. I’ve been smeared and demoted and demeaned. There’s no paper trail and hr is a bunch of bumbling idiots. It’s been so helpful to have this insight from your channel as I try to maintain my self-concept in reality. I am advocating for myself and asking for what I deserve while seeking opportunities elsewhere. I would have just languished in this self-blaming spiral if not for the wisdom you provide. Thank you. What you do really matters in people’s lives.
As a recovering enabler, I can say there is a strange addiction to these Narcs so you feel needed. It's very hard to admit, and I feel it takes a lot of courage to start focusing on yourself and your needs instead of the Narcs illusions. The key is to find support outside the home and recognize it is ok to take care of yourself and not keep repeating the cycle of always giving to the Narc. It is a hard pill to swallow and it takes action from the enabler to get better not focus on the Narc's emotional abuse. Narc's social skills seem limited. They appear to be very good when it props their illusions. They appear restricted when it goes against their illusion. Scott you have taught me so much. Thank you 👍👍
My narcs friends are younger, unattractive &! mundane, no substance in his friendships. He expressed contempt for them to me, on one occasion he stated " oh everybody loves you" (negative tone). These flags are subtle in the early stages of these toxic relationship.
listening to you, i just realised that a narc would make false accusation about his/her partner in order for them to not feel bad cheating, as in their mind, they are probably in another relationship and when they come home to you they start attacking you in order for them to feel good about themselves.
I was DEFINATELY blind! Blindsided if you will. My mother and a couple of close friends really tried to tell me about going into this and doing the things that I was doing, and I couldn't hear them at ALL! I actually got into many tiffs with my mother; who has been my biggest supporter in Everything that I did/do for my entire life. I had a Lot of apologizing to do to her b/c I disrespected her so much! SMH In the Narcs world, it's just them and that's it! Total isolation!
LaDee Shah I can relate to your story. I didn't mind talking to my mom until she tried to tell me that he wasn't good for me and then it's like I would give her the sikrnt treatment. After it was over, I apologized so much and we have several conversations about it so she can understand my mindset at that time and how it got there. She is still my greatest supporter.
Fantastic video!! When I left the relationship in April 2015, it was 2 days after spending Easter @ my ex-boyfriend's mom's home. Yikes! I knew all the details before I went there that day, for a very long time. i felt like I had spent the day in lock-down at a state psych facility. i was done. Watching it all play out my part in it all...I could no longer do it anymore. I no longer prefer being in the presence of family insanity. Way too much for anyone to endure!!
Excellent point that this 'illness' is not understood, not studied and brought to the forefront in this country and is wreaking such havoc on the social dynamics of the country. Thanks for highlighting this social illness!
There are twin studies linking narcissism to genetic makeup in 70% of cases. Sociopathy is also often inborn and shows up on brain scans. Babies in scientifically controlled studies as young as 6 months who react the same to pictures of rubber balls as human faces have high odds of developing into sociopaths. These two disorders run down both sides of my family; those affected began showing abnormal behaviors such as lying, cheating, and cruelty by the age of 2 that did not abate and worsened with time.
I reached out to my ex's exs. Best move ever. I got the whole story. Did some additional research and witnessed how calculated her every move was. Unfortunately it's a very basic pattern but when you are in the middle of it you don't see it.
Adding one more thing, in my opinion Narcissist personality is created by a strange upbringing of both emotional neglect and physical love, but also of constant praise of perfection. As children they were conditioned to believe that their perfect behavior is how they gain love!
It's the most crazy making dysfunctional family and friendship dynamic ever . I've watched things unfold over the years being married to " my darling cluster b sad soul " not a single sane person remains in his life. I totally agree everyone and I mean everyone runs for the hills . On many occasions I've tried to warn ( new supply) and they just don't connect the dots "until" they themselves suffer the wrath . I believe our education system really needs to introduce personality disorders to the school curriculum and teach the next generation how to avoid these people and or educate how to not repeat this pattern in their future relationships .
Mine is in the decompensation stage and has no friends to speak of, the children are grown and gone and he left me 5 years ago (to go be grand-pa) and they moved to NZ almost 2 years ago. He is at our old homestead (very rural) pretty much alone. Through the grapevine I am getting that he is also scared (no supply) and getting desperate. These people are so self-destructive that you can't help them without them destroying you. You just have to get out of the way. They definitely do not get better with age.
That's what's happening to mine now. After years and years and years of narcissistic abuse, he has lost two families. We can all agree he's crazy. So sad. Nobody wants to be a round him. Decompensation is hard to be a round or watch.
Patrick Pepin same my ex has 115 friends on Facebook and through the 4 years NOT ONE did i meet or visited her she would tell me how no one liked her and how strange she was this should have been a huge RED FLAG.
They pretend they know all of these people, they may have an acquaintance at a club or something or maybe at work. NO they don't have friends. that's my new rule with people if I'm their only friend early in the friendship, I bail now. I dont give a fck what society says...i RUN!!!
My former narc friend pretty much went looking for people to talk to. It was 4 years ago when he found me on one of the former Google+ community groups, and invited me on Skype, and without realizing it, it was all downhill for me from there for a couple of years. I found out during our chats that he Skyped with other people he met online (including a 14 year old boy). It just felt weird, I'll admit - having to sit with him for 3 hours at a time, sometimes until 11pm at night. Just something didn't feel right with him - although I've seen stranger people that aren't narcs (which is where the deception comes in).
Love the way you articulate to the tee accurately, it takes years of being around them to figure out the look of puzzlement and a blank stare and the searching in our faces to mimic our reactions when a emotional situation arises that needs a reaction, usually when it involves feeling of empathy for another human being...my son once came to me with an epiphany with his theory on why his father watched the movie " THE PARENT TRAP" several times over again...the Epiphany was; his father tries to emulate and mirror the family dynamics and interactions with one another in the movie because the Narc doesn't know how.
I have been around, around, around forever trying to understand. And I did from when I was a very young child - all they are is fear. Fear, fear and more fear. I was too young to read a textbook and even then I knew that. "I don't deserve love" is the mantra that rules them and they are so far gone they don't know it.
Yes family is extremely important in developing narc traits. I think modeling plays a role as well, which perpetuates the cycle. Thank you for your video.
It has been my experience with my Narcissist, that the character of his family shows a lot about how and why he came to be who he is. His mother is a very cold woman who barks orders at her youngest daughter 27 as if she was a dog, its sick and disgusting. His mother definitely neglected him of emotional and physical love as a child, but at the same time he was her "golden child who could do no wrong," his oldest sister's words not mine. Both his sisters are oblivious to their brother's true personality and character, he uses them as pons in a game. If he says "jump" they ask him "how high?" Its truly a sickening reality to become aware of.
once again, spot on. I never comment but I'm stuck at home with my Narc boyfriend today so I'm loading up on your videos to remain grounded and not get sucked into any insanity. He is at the gym now so I'm preparing for the rest of the day, lol. He was raised by a Narc mom who has her own Narc mom. We all live in the same building that is owned by the grandmother. She lives below us and mom is above us. His alcoholic father died when he was 7 and for the following years until he was a teenager he watched his mother bring various men home who abused her physically and verbally. He was a burden to her, she was totally uninvolved with him. No affection at all and any verbal exchange was via screaming at him. Now she overcompensates by doing various things for him, usually financial related. Mom calls the grandmother Narcissistic lol. He also has stated many times how anyone he has ever loved or allowed to be close to him has hurt him. The ex before me was of course "crazy". ugh gonna be a long night. I am unable to leave this situation at the current time due to my financial situation but I am planning a 2018 getaway from 7 years of pure insanity.
My ex narc had friends, and long time friends. He also was very much into his family but complained a lot about them. He kind of dread being with them, like on holidays etc. But he really needed them to survive he would be lost without them. He spoke a lot when he would lose his parents to death then he doesn't know how to handle it. But he has a lot of flying monkeys helping him, but at times I wonder if they know what he is truly is? They must know he is troubled.
A narc will acknowledge the faults of others but not their own. And if they do acknowledge their own faults its probably because they are casting a sympathy net to pull in enablers, if their sources are running low. In terms of enablers defending the narc... Yeah it can't be helped, til the enabler comes to the limit of what they can endure. Having some awareness of narcs can help when they/we reach that breaking point with narcs. Interestingly, if you are around a narc long enough, you will see a pattern of people coming and going, an usually when they are gone they are gone for good, because they know something is wrong, even if they don't know what it is.
Barry JM Narcisst burn so many bridges to the point that no one wants nothing to do with them including family . This is what happened to my ex narc and im not even speaking to him either .He has done so much I had to go NC and it wouldn't matter if I saw or spoke to him again in this lifetime ..
I've been thinking about this lately looking back. The people he claimed were friends and his family are actually pretty distant towards him. When they see him it's all glory but they don't seem to make an effort to see him much. He claimed he was so very close with his daughter who moved several states away and does not contact him often. It just doesn't add up. But he sucks up to a lot of people on Facebook. Especially women.
Narcs never let up... they're always trying to work you for something, like do this for me...earn your keep... they are takers and not givers, they like drama and cant let go of control. Once you think they've become kinda humble and moved up a notch by learning a healthy lesson, then they wig out and cant allow ease into the relationship, they have to be everyone parents. In my humble opinion. But all my relationships (lovers) have all been narcs so maybe on some level...... we are all Narcissists?? hmmmm
Duuude your stuff is incredible!! It's helped me so much, my older brother was and still is the most painful narcissist I have ever delt with! I never thought I'd find the answer to 25 years of hell. I do have a question though? I am somewhat paranoid that I myself might be a narcissist? I am almost 100% sure my brother is a narcissist at this point but I am actually catching myself reapting his abusive patterns on other people unconciously, however I am feeling terrible about my actions!! Basically I feel like I've adopted so much of his ways from living with him that I've become a monster myself! and considering how many times I just said "I" and "myself" is probably not helping either.
I have spent a few days watching your videos and I can't thank you enough for what I've learned from them. I realized years ago that my father had been a malignant narcissist - at the time I just thought he was evil. I couldn't understand how my mother put up with it but she was an enabler to the point of it being pathological. My only sibling is clearly narcissistic as well. I looked at my father's family long and hard and I believe that narcissism must be genetic, that it can't just be the result of being exposed as a child to narcissistic behaviour or a style of parenting that creates it. Just as a few years ago by sitting down with the keeper of the genealogical archives of the town my father's family is from I confirmed something that I had long suspected. There is some form of severe psychological illness that has affected at least one male member in every generation and each branch of the family since my great-great grandfather. This bi-polar and often schizophrenic trait is clearly inherited, so why not narcissism?
I have listened to this again and must speak to the part about children as narcissists. It has been my experience that children who are narcissists are not that because they have been raised a certain way but because they were born to it. They had it in their gene pool to be completely self absorbed. My husband's entire family operates in narcissistic ways even the ones who are not full blown narcs. Also, those who have that tendency but not full blown, really do lack the ability to feel anything for others. I used to think it was environmental, but now I think they really did miss the empathy chip while in the whom. Our daughter was "all knowing" and "superior" when she was four years old, but we didn't coddle her or abuse her, she was just always this way.
This video hits home 2 fold. My 2 narc sisters both in their 50's are about to reunite and move in together! They have been the toxic twins most of my life and have been no contact with both of them going on 20+ years. Recent events have prompted low contact via the court system but the mask(s) are slipping and hopefully more people will steer clear from them ahead of time and avoid getting hurt.
thank you for your videos..which have helped restore my sanity..with understanding and knowledge of this subject. After 10 yrs.. , lots of therapy..., and realizing it 'wasn't me'...
Yea totally agree. My ex's friends were really his friends they were part of a motorbike gang and loved weapons and harassing people . .. Can't believe I got into a relationship with him. He didn't get on with his family. He told me he hates them all. They didn't communicate with him properly. And hardly noticed him. He always played victim and told me stories I'm pretty sure were not true. You are so right that you can tell someone who they are by just looking at their upbringing and their family. Environment is defiantly part of why they got their disorder.
Sounds like he took the "Rebel" role in a family of narcs. That doesn't mean he is a narc. As the scapegoat of a narc family, too was not "communicated with properly" and they "hardly noticed" me unless they wanted something from me or were belitting me in sarcastic and subtle ways. So it sounds like he just became a rebel against the insanity.; I did that too for a while as a teenager but outgrew it (and finally went no contact with my toxic family).
Here is a list of what Abusers/Narcissists usually do to their targets : - Insults their target very often. Then lie when confronted about it, or say it was a joke. - When confronted with their behavior, they pretend to be innocent and play the victim. - Everything is always your fault, even when it's obviously not. - They always have a justification for every bad thing they do. They think they're always right. - Very controlling, they tell you how to live, but they can live anyway they want. Very hypocritical. - They accuse you of what they're doing to you (RED FLAG!), it's called Projection. - Portraying themselves as angels outside, when they are actually demons with their family and especially their target. - They want you to fail, while pretending to want you to succeed (they're very convincing). - They never say they are sorry for hurting you (RED FLAG!). - Poison your favorite activities, they don't want you to be happy or to get pleasure. They also poison other useful activities like important skills which will help you in the future. They DO NOT want you to have skills, they want you to be as weak as possible. They don't teach you anything. - Subtly lead a smear campaign against their target, so they isolate it and make sure they don't get help. - When you want to leave the relationship with a narcissist, they beg you to stay with them and cry crocodile tears. They are the best actors. - Sometimes nice, sometimes cruel. You never know where you stand with them. - They pretend to be "victims", and they blame the target for their own behavior. - They are incredibly arrogant and sadistic. They see the target as weak, and deserving to suffer. - They think they are models to be followed. - They are spiritually dead although they might loudly profess some kind of Spiritual Belief.
You should cover about how narcissists don't understand boundries when it comes to other's relationships. This can be a challenge when you have an immediate family member who is a narc. Especially a sibling who does not understand where thier place is in your relationship with others, which tends to be not really anywhere, lol...most definitely not in romantic relationships. The personal things. They want to stick their noses and presence in to others personal lives that they have no place being involved in and sometimes even either jumping in to drama that might already be developing (unfortunately) or creating drama or attempts at weird underhanded positioning of people to suit what they want or need for their own ego. It's wired and sooner or later the people they try to pull in or play on or interfere with see it and realize the narc had no right to be involved with their own personal relationship to begin with, but by then the drama is long gone...and usually because the narcassist is gone.
Going back to an old Narcissist is less appealing because it's a learning game, to see who can figure the other out faster. It's the Narcissists game, but if you find a brand new Narcissist you might be able to vent out some revenge on the unprepared narcissist.
As for narcissists and their families, these relationships stand out - like a sore thumb, as they say - for their rigidity and essentially superficial nature. In learning two modes of thinking are observed: the growth mind-set and the fixed mind-set. Seems to me that the narcissist's environment is deeply invested in a fixed mind-set model of human development, and resistant to any and all change. For a child, this can be humiliating and very discouraging.
+Damsel289 Wow YES. Very true in my situation. +Abuser Abuser Your comments are ones I look for & ponder on, as you regularly convey tangibly helpful solid info!
+Abuser abuser You're welcome :) Your great screen name hit me the other day, and I thought 'yeah, sometimes that's what I have to be also lol, and abuser abuser' :D In a good way of course. All the best!
People really need to stop using the term "my narc" when referring to the narcissist in their life or rather the one that's out of their life but still in their head. I'm going to do some videos focusing on healing and moving on instead of focusing on them and their issues. Referring to him/her as "MY narc" is keeping your attachment to that person, drop the MY please. He/isn't YOURS and you are not his/hers.... Move on and do not associate him as something that belongs to you. "MY ex, MY narc" is like saying "My (insert name here)" regardless if ex is a past tense phrase or a Narc is an abusers. It's not helping you it's keeping you bound. Just a thought I had and had to say it on the spot. But dude in the video, you are right on the money, you're videos have helped me a lot!
I definitely noticed the family dynamic first and it was a red flag even before I knew about narcissism. I just be lived that he was different like a black sheep...that was how he was explaining he part in the dynamic.looking back now I can see he was just like them but covert.
So true, "the duality within the illusion" is essential to the relationships within a narcissistic family especially when the members keep in close contact. Although it is still toxic, I believe it's the only long-term relationships they can maintain without a "true enabler" being present. They can feed off of each other without anyone being absolutely devoured.
Interesting point about family dynamics and past traumas for the narcissist btw. What i did for research (bc my parents are very closed lipped about past experiences, even though i can sense trauma) is go and analyze other relatives attitudes and behavioral patterns and see if there is correlation to issues projected on me and faced in my life. And there was, in the kids, and the adults. Very directly. So i think to say that ppl's behaviors and emotional triggers are shaped by their past traumas and family dynamics is a very sharp observation. Either that, or its purely genetic.
Being raise in the Pacific Northwest and raising our children here has caused a deep sense of self exaltation in their soul, so much so that they are deeply wounded and rage at any suggestion that they might be wrong or bad, even in the slightest degree.
Personally, I feel that an enabler will only believe that the narc MIGHT be a narc once the enabler has become a target and has felt real suffering. Lol the illusion of a healthy family, spot on. I finally am seeing some friction between an enabler and the narc. Crazy how the enablers are genuinely afraid of the narcs. They know the wrath of standing up for what is right or correcting the wrong.
My ex narc seemed to do a very successful job of keeping everyone in his life apart. Kept his gown kids away from others in his life. Work people did not know family who did not know gym friends who did not know hobby friends etc. This way no one can out him. At least in retrospect, this is what I believe the reason is. This is a pattern in his life for decades.
the narc I know (my ex) has a close relationship to his mom (she doesn't like me)....it's basically the only relationship he has. she is constantly making him feel sorry for her....or tries to anyway...she has a victim mentality. he told me that she is the only family he has....but he has brothers and a dad - but he talks poorly about all of them.
Well i dunnoo about that ! Because my narc is the perfect angle around others and in public ,but in the privacy of our home with only us he's the total opposite! When he walks in the door he takes off the halo and puts on the red horns, no one would ever guess he's a wack job!
Scott: you're one of the best there is at this....thanks so much for all you've contributed to my recovery. Three years after totally devoting myself to understanding the damage and where it comes from, I recognize your ability to express it almost unbeatable...Vaknin might, but he doesn't have the "healing" part figured out, and probably never will...you do. Kudos.
With my narc ex's FOO was an uncomfortable and intimidating space to be as an inlaw. My narc became very quiet as if he was serving his time, his obligation. There was no warmth or hugs. A lot of distance and routine. But once with me (recovering enabler) and his kids away from the FOO, he became the authority, the boss - what the world revolved around. Making up tenfold for any power he lost within the FOO. A strange phenomenon to witness.
AAAre yooou making thesееee mistakes with your man? twitter.com/aab1113af7197bdfd/status/804693412402241537 Watch the Narcissist s Relatiоnships Closely
six minutes you have "saved" so many people Scott and in the best most universal empirical ways it is always so validating your brain is amazing we all know it we all thank you for your logical insight
Things to watch out for in FOO might be - the importance of keeping a family image, engaging in "negative" behaviours like gossiping, negative talking etc.; leveraging family taboos, tolerating obviously narcissistic behaviour as "normal". I watched narcs act very detached around their FOO (in my view an instinct to prevent further hurt for themselves), or interacting with a slightly adapted false self with their FOO (which you would notice as a partner). I noticed that if they introduce you to a circle of friends this is more likely to be the current enablers circle of friends, or you will see over a few interactions that these people only know very little about the narc or somehow never penetrate the false self. Also they will very soon play divide & conquer between their partner and other friends they are close to/using for benefits - to keep control and also to try to triangulate and create jealousy (over time and money ressources). So in essence - watch out for people who seem to not have any friends they have known and interacted with for a very long period of time (and that you can interact with frequently and without "Control" issues) ...
i think theyre born evil....i was raised with one and dated one for 2 years. anything to cause drama and turmoil. i did learn how to stop playing victim from the ex bf...i stayed in it 2 years and had to figure out why....changed my life..for the better. thank you for your videos...:)
You are so very bright and intelligent for someone so young Scott. Definately paid attention in school, your grammar is amazing. I am really glad you touched on kids and narcissism. it is my experience from researching narcissism after dating one last year and potentially having one in my family and having dated one a decade ago also (only it's not until now that I know and understand what narcissism is thanks to channels like yours) that narcissism is rising and it is starting from a young age. It makes me most upset. I believe we need a structure in school that teaches empathy and compassion and on abuse...why not...why not educate kids at a young age instead of keeping them blind? Plenty of kids being abused who know it but have no support or don't know it because narcissism as we say is so subtle but it's a feeling. We have to start educating but how ...how do we get others to see and teachers to arrange this?
He truly is the most articulate person on UA-cam. I am as amazed by his speech as the content. I just had a strange thought as I read your question about teaching children these things and what if the person making the decision not to is a narcissist? Hmmmm ...😳🤨🤨
First red light for me was that he countn't stand his brother and had no contact with him. For no actual reason. I think he was jealous of his brother who was doing well and functioned normal in the world. Second red light: his intense rage at his own mother and how they would always try to make each other look stupid (mind you both were very intelligent). The mother was a drama queen who let her son live at home, unemployed. The person himself told me his grand mother and mother both were isolating themselves from the outer world.. and he saw himself following that trail. It might really be both genetic and learned behaviour. To other people: please see how your partner speaks about his mother (and about women in generel).. its a huge warning sign if this relationship is toxic.
My ex is a covert, it took me three months to figure it out. I truely did not know these types existed. It was not until the devalue/discard that my eyes had been forced open. I see her clearly for what she is....I ran like a gazelle.
Doc Martin i agree. I was at the last 2 stages and found out she had her ex over she even said they "hugged" and "layed" in her bed, after the discard she had him over when I'm there. The most sad part is we have a Daughter, i was discarded without emotion, replaced by new supply (ex) and now know it was planned After weeks of research her mother had high traits of a narcissist.
Only 3 months? Took me 30 years. Wrapping my mind around the truth of the whole fiasco has done a lot of damage to me and my children. To think he planned and manipulated this. Unbelievable.
You opened my eyes to a truth I had not been able to see before, it all fits, there was a definite family, friend indication/reflection, a traumatic event over a period of years that happened to them. I was the enabler, couldn't see it if it was a truck that ran over me, once I started to see through it I learned quickly to love myself and be loving to him yet begin to extricate/protect myself from the situation. It was one of the most challenging things to ever happen to me. It happened because I was still unhealed from childhood wounds never dealt with that made me an unconscious magnet. Now I am working to become the person I am meant to be, learn from it, and help others see through this, because once you see through it, you can never unsee it. With intense will, determination, and a little luck, this can be an empowering thing in your life. Think to yourself, "What was missing in my own life, that I thought someone like this was appropriate for me?" When we work on becoming whole persons, then things begin to click in our own lives and we attract that which is healthy and adds to our lives, not that which slowly subtracts and diminishes our lives. Life is growing. Thanks again, you definitely give me those "aha" moments and insights. I am now on my own and thriving. The only way out is through, it is not all a smooth, happy, and even road, hell it's not even paved in places, but once you've traveled it, you know the way, it gets easier.
Well done Scott. I just want to say I really like the context of your videos. The point of your efforts generally comes around to getting better or understanding. There are many, "I am the victim, how not to be the victim, or can you spot the narcissist" videos that just are not nearly as effective in understanding the disorder. Focusing on the family tells the story. I agree completely with that and moreover, narcissism spreads dysfunction to all it touches. Unfortunately, that seed will also continue to flourish unless help is sought and/or understanding is achieved. As for the narcissist, help is a foregone conclusion. But, there is hope for the rest.
7:00+ "recovering enablers who support abusers & narcissist" you are a genius my god yes and also as you know it is all commodified we are in serious hard core cringe period in human history or the end of it Scott and you sum it up here perfectly
And some Ns are not full blown, and have some conscience, a sincere attempt & desire to truly connect with others fully & honestly... but they still must be handled at arm's length for one's own safety & peace. We can imo remain carefully kind yet safe distance with non-full-blown Ns. We all are human in some way & degree, but some of us are dangerous (or codependent) to varying degrees.
lake lemon, i understand that you may not have had experience with people of this type and so i can see why you would say that. i dont know how to put this but these people go to astonishing lengths to try and force their perspective on others and most people are fooled for a time, then their instincts tell them that they should distance themselves. it is just that narcissists to varying degrees have so much wrong with their thought processes that it is almost alien to a normal person.
+Understanding Narcissists Very interesting topic! My ex narc's family dynamic was very unusual... There were 3 houses, owned by her father, on a lot of land... One house my ex narc lived in; 10 steps away was another house, her mom lived in; and 10 steps away from her moms house, was a house that her father's girlfriend lived in... Her father basically would spend one night at her mother's house and spend the next night at the girlfriends house and basically just alternate continuously... My ex narc told me about the situation early in our relationship, i'm sure because she knew that that situation wasn't normal... I had no idea about NPD, so i just viewed it as being a bit different and somewhat strange... however it was what it was and they seemed to accept it, so who was i to say anything... Her father had a very Grandiose personality, like he was the king of the castle and he would drink everyday and invite my ex narc over for drinks and occasionally I would go as well... Her mother was Very quite, soft spoken and passive... somewhat submissive to her father... the family dynamic was a bit different, but again I am just an outsider, so i just looked at it, at the time, as different from the average family dynamic... My ex narc also was upset that her father didn't go to her sister's wedding... I say all of this because now that i've learned about NPD, her father was clearly Triangulating the entire family; Him not going to the sister's wedding was him finally losing control over her sister to her sister's husband...; The mental abuse and whatever other abuse that must've went on, for her father to even be able to convince her mother to accept him having his girlfriend live in the house next door, And continue to see both of them must've been very very extreme!! Other tactics of mental abuse my ex narc used on me, i could clearly see that she got that from her parents drilling perfection out of her... It's such a sad reality that my ex narc must've went through and now she has adopted the same sick sadistic mentally abusive ways that she probably hated growing up.
thank you so much for being willing to just explore and dig into all of these details, implications and permutations of thought, observation and experience around all of this. I cannot express how helpful that is for me. I really love your videos! They are helping me get healthier and freer every day!
As a am trapped in his thread of lies, unable to live my life, here I am, enjoying to learn my malignant narc bro has a miserable roll of relationships and meaningless life too.
haha I am penniless, homeless, my mom is dying, I can not see her, protect her or even know where she is. You are right, I may have offered all this power to him.
Perhaps you could also address compartmentalization, if you haven't yet. This makes observation of the narcissist's social network - however limited - often difficult if not impossible. This is by design, naturally, and obscures a ' new-comer' from the necessary facts. (Even if there are, ALWAYS, tell-tale signs, to the initiated)
I completely agree with the compartmentalization factor. I didn't understand why I was being told by my former partner that he "likes to keep his work and personal lives separate" (from me) so therefore if it was a Christmas party at work I didn't go if there was a social gathering with his colleagues I was not invited Social outings with any friends or aquaintances he may have had, "he didn't feel they were sophisticated enough to interact with me. The one "friend" he had lived across country and had a simular personality, and interestingly is a psychologist by profession. In regard to this I was expected to understand that he just likes to keep things separate I recognize now that this term compartmentalization is absolutely what was happening it allows the individual to contain and perpetuate his/her behavior without interruption by the persons they've affected. the intended enablers are kept separate. In these circumstances the inability "to see" the person's true nature, has nothing to do with nievete. in my experience it has to do with the family having a vested interest in maintaining and upholding the illusionary image of their family unit's superiority. to admit that something is wrong defeats this agenda. so even if they do have interpersonal conflict within the family, the alliances and the loyalties within that family and the collaborative investment in looking good is enough for them to maintain what can appear to be a very beautiful well-functioning family, ( hugs when you come in the door, family vacations together etc....) I looked at that and I said wow this family is really working together wow this is so positive but really it was a group performance. If you're blessed, perhaps ONE person may share some smidgen of dissilusionment with it all, but its often left to you, the outsider, to figure out what's going on and its not easy to do so and see what kind of teeth youre dealing with from outside the lion's mouth.
I am so disgusted after finding out about all the cheating that was going on, that was one thing that he really said he hated, LOL He made a big deal about hating cheaters and molesters, and I know now that he was a huge cheater, I figure I will see him in the newspaper one day
yea the other family members will distract them for you at times and kinda drive bits and pieces of the truth out of them, especially if you sit and act as if your not paying attention
Excellent video, as usual. Soon-to-be-ex is very close to his family members, who all suffered hideous physical, emotional deregulation and abuse beginning at a very early age.
Something I have noticed: Narcissists will date each other and buy into each other's delusions as a sort of trade off. It is a sort of symbiotic relationship.
Yep! Always putting blame on someone else. The narc I dated blamed her parents for her previous 2 divorces. Thankfully I did my due diligence and ran for the door before I became victim #3.
I like the idea of trying to understand it and do something about it for future generations, to bring more peace into the world. After all, Napoleon, Hitler, Stalin and Sadam Hussein seemed to have many traits of malignant narcissism.
lol @07:23 "recovering enablers" that's me for sure. I'm one of the lucky ones who instinctively developed a persona & appearance that is narcissist repellent, teehee. You teach me so much by your sharing your unique perspective. Thanks again!
You speak a lot of truth, and I agree with your insights. My narc ex's co-enabler was her narc mom. The one time she actually opened up to me, when I felt she genuinely was, was when she talked about her moms flaws. Like I was her co-enabler in that moment.However, the very next day she devalued me, which I guess was result of the previous day. She had gotten too close. But I dumped her first this time. I had had enough.
Narcissists will bad mouth others when with you; and then bad mouth you when they are with others. Ultimately the horrible things you see her do to others she will eventually do to you.
Hold them accountable yeah like who though name one person though would u please though I’d really like to know though?
I always held my ex narc accountable and called him out on his bad behavior, not just towards me but torwards others as well.
It's like banging your head against a wall.
They deny, deny, deny every single bad thing they do. They are like children in that respect, its almost funny as though you're dealing with a child.
I always disagreed with my ex narc when hed start blaming me for things.
No one will tell me I'm a bad person or throw their crap on me to make me feel like they do.
Narcissist or not a narcissist, I'm not a dumping ground for someone elses bs or head games they are playing.
They are experts on causing dysfunction and kaos wherever they settle, go, or have been.
They purposely try to make life complicated, when it doesn't have to
be, nor should it be.
👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼 they delude you into thinking you’re the the exception. people generally have one way of treating other people. I wish I knew this
and if you call them out on denying their behavior theyll deny that too
Yes well said! They will use DARVO when asked about friend which stands for Deny, attack reverse victim and offender.
you can spot them as soon as they are questioned, they always turn it back on you. They are incapable of self reflection and blame the questioner.
It's true they create ILLUSIONS to make people believe they're ONE BIG HAPPY FAMILY. Such Pretentious and phoney acts and they know it.
Narcissists don't have friends. Their "friends" are their family bc that's an easy obligation. Each narcissist I've seen has one token friend. They make new "friends" by stealing their friend's friends and latch on and collect. THEN turn around and backstab you by doing a smear campaign against you with your friends, they've stolen.
KDLC the best is when you randomly become friends with the narc's friend. They get so fearful. My narcs would use my friends and family to gaslight me. Feels great to know that I didn't manipulate (like they do) to gain a friend.
Totally agree that narcs dont have friends.
I was with a narc for almost 4 months, he never once talked about 1 friend or colleague.
He was always by himself. Never with a bunch of guys, never spoke about anyone in particular.
I knew his family for over 35 years and I know exactly who the abuser was the family.
His sisters and mother were always overly shy and quiet, almost in an afraid sort of way.
Not ordinarily shy..beyond that, probably because the abuser was s screaming lunatic behind closed doors. I can almost picture what went on in that house..a house of horrors as I see it.
This is a family who is well respected in the community.. Everyone who comes in contact with them have nothing but good things to say about them, even the abuser who has passed away.
The general public has no clue one of their family members is a dangerous individual. Whos narcissism can be blamed on the constant abuse he sustained when he was little. He was singled out and tormented during his childhood.
The abuser created a monster. Anyone who knows the narc, just passes his behavior off as a stressed out hard working guy. If they ever knew him personally as I did, they would think other wise. A sheep in wolves clothing is putting it mildly.
KDLC i see what u mean i was told that I was a friendship stealer in junior high lol! But I never believed it I always thought it was bs to me!
Kristina de la Cruz so very true! So funny because the friends always figure it out & come back (or try to)
K de la Cruz hmm I was told back then middle school that I stole friends which I don’t see how I did that though?
My ex narc has a lot of enablers. They all are dysfunctional. Drugs, unprotected sex, serial cheating. He gives off the illusion that he is a victim and innocent.
When they're in a family unit, they eat each other. Bit by bit picking away whatever they can tear at.
Scary and oh so true. Thank you
Like a female spider that eats her male partner
One thing I think you can do to help a target, is tell them the top 7 manipulation tactics. Deny, deflect, minimize, triangulate, blame the empath, gaslight, abuse by proxy. They use them in this same order, almost every single time. I enjoy your videos, I can tell you spend a lot of time contemplating.
well put.
Scott,
Thank you. I have watched thousands of hours on narcissism on dozens of channels...I've nearly watched your archive in its entirety. You have the best channel. You are articulate, comprehensive & a true pleasure to listen. Please continue creating content. You have been a personal beacon of light in the Hell I currently live.
Try Self Care Haven. This young lady is like the female version of Understanding Narcs (Scott). They are both my favorites along with Smakintosh.
I fee the same!
I would like to see your content....oh, that's right. Shut your face.
Um, you made the first snarky comment, sir/ma'am. You have video content and it is not posted on your UA-cam account? Possible,but improbable...senseless.
Tell me more.
You speak so much truth. Narcissists are attracted to beautiful, kind, loving, trusting, naive type of people and they try to extinguish their light and bring them into their darkness. Narcissists are repelled by people who see them for who they are and they are also repelled by other narcissists. Does this metaphor sound familiar. "A vampire must first be invited into your house before they can enter on their own". This meaning is that a vampire needs to see a weakness in you. Your house is your sense of true self, if you are in denial of who you are the narcissist will smell your weakness like a shark to blood, but if you are very self aware of your true self and understand who you are the narcissist will fade and burn to ashes as your light makes them afraid and they run for the dark. A narcissist has to control you so they can feel good when you are sad. Know thyself and live within the image of your creator, this image is love and light and in the end you will understand the true meaning.
I think they never received boundaries in childhood. You can see it how they understand the word No . They do not accept it. They learned No at the end means Yes when you push just long enough against it.
Correct - the narc I was friends with until recently would, at bare minimum, show frustration on his face if I had to cut the conversation off at some point. For example, I would have to cut it off at 10pm (for obvious reasons), and he wouldn't look happy. Sometimes if I don't respond to him right away (when he would ask to talk), he would send me messages over why I was ignoring him.
This all sounds like a pile of psychobabble spaghetti until you're the meatball in the middle and then it all makes sense. I am a recovering enabler and one of the reasons it's so hard to understand the family dynamic is because the narcissist plays many roles and uses many scripts for each family member and changes them according to the narcissists immediate and sometimes long term wants and needs. PS God is love.
Georgia Asedo you’re opening sentence here is total gold! Bless.
Unfortunately it's hard for people to see who don't know what narcissism is.
I was in my late 50's before I became aware, really of narcs. Now I will be very on guard with people I meet, until I determine if they are a narc or not. I'm too old to take that kind of abuse again.
Took me 27 years to learn about them, thank you for this video
Having grown up in that stuff, one doesn't really get it. But the "something is wrong", is gotten. And if one doesn't leave ,completely move out, then it can destroy lives. Thanks for explaining it!
I thought i could redirect people, then realized its better to let people find out on their own.
I am a recently recovered enabler because I am super sensitive and empathetic but I know it now. I was groomed from a child to put the narc before me so I sought it out. But the pattern is over now. Thank you for all your revealing work
I witnessed a family of three generations of narcissist women interact with each other on many occasions. It was incredible, sick, but incredible.
Same was a total trip especially since i came from a more male dominant narc family.. I have very little experience with women in family besides a narc ex step mom. i thought it was just how sisters/in laws/mothers/daughters naturally were towards each other kinda rival-like (because the kardashhians right lol) until they started dragging me down the rabbit hole i knew it wasnt right with all the manipuation and blackmail.. Whats funny is i work at a strip club where you'd expect this behavior more in the women when in acuality I recieved a lot of support and empathy from a few women who came from similar experiences and backgrounds. It's a trip because ive learned a lot about women and diffenrent types of women at the club. There's plenty narcs who thrive in their alter egos of course but then there's some like me who ended up there by default and just trying to make it in life. The narc women at work are like the narc women in my ex's family... They totally lack individuality and gossip like high school girls and scheming against one another. Its very weird.
You are so right, about their relationships..or the lack of a healthy relationship that is. The only ppl who are in their life, are always ppl who allow them to get away with everything. It was that kind of behavior that allowed a sexual narcissist to molest children in his family, while the family supported him instead of the children!
alice smith I agree.
I work with one of these ‘people’ and it’s been a huge personal challenge. I’ve been smeared and demoted and demeaned. There’s no paper trail and hr is a bunch of bumbling idiots. It’s been so helpful to have this insight from your channel as I try to maintain my self-concept in reality. I am advocating for myself and asking for what I deserve while seeking opportunities elsewhere. I would have just languished in this self-blaming spiral if not for the wisdom you provide. Thank you. What you do really matters in people’s lives.
As a recovering enabler, I can say there is a strange addiction to these Narcs so you feel needed. It's very hard to admit, and I feel it takes a lot of courage to start focusing on yourself and your needs instead of the Narcs illusions. The key is to find support outside the home and recognize it is ok to take care of yourself and not keep repeating the cycle of always giving to the Narc. It is a hard pill to swallow and it takes action from the enabler to get better not focus on the Narc's emotional abuse. Narc's social skills seem limited. They appear to be very good when it props their illusions. They appear restricted when it goes against their illusion. Scott you have taught me so much. Thank you 👍👍
Once you start to focus on yourself and make healthy choices the narc unravels.
yes, we have to get a life.
Mlcblog Media yes
@@adriennedouke1880 So true.
13:00+"you see insanity but you are also in n the horses mouth" yes trying not to get killed. you are a genius mr Scott we all love you!!!
My narcs friends are younger, unattractive &! mundane, no substance in his friendships. He expressed contempt for them to me, on one occasion he stated " oh everybody loves you" (negative tone). These flags are subtle in the early stages of these toxic relationship.
You are so right, there's nothing you can do and sitting and watching is very painful.
listening to you, i just realised that a narc would make false accusation about his/her partner in order for them to not feel bad cheating, as in their mind, they are probably in another relationship and when they come home to you they start attacking you in order for them to feel good about themselves.
I was DEFINATELY blind! Blindsided if you will. My mother and a couple of close friends really tried to tell me about going into this and doing the things that I was doing, and I couldn't hear them at ALL! I actually got into many tiffs with my mother; who has been my biggest supporter in Everything that I did/do for my entire life. I had a Lot of apologizing to do to her b/c I disrespected her so much! SMH In the Narcs world, it's just them and that's it! Total isolation!
LaDee Shah I can relate to your story. I didn't mind talking to my mom until she tried to tell me that he wasn't good for me and then it's like I would give her the sikrnt treatment. After it was over, I apologized so much and we have several conversations about it so she can understand my mindset at that time and how it got there. She is still my greatest supporter.
'they've been hand-selected' lol Thanks for a profound and sensible discussion of this miserable subject and yet always making me smile.
Fantastic video!! When I left the relationship in April 2015, it was 2 days after spending Easter @ my ex-boyfriend's mom's home. Yikes! I knew all the details before I went there that day, for a very long time. i felt like I had spent the day in lock-down at a state psych facility. i was done. Watching it all play out my part in it all...I could no longer do it anymore. I no longer prefer being in the presence of family insanity. Way too much for anyone to endure!!
Excellent point that this 'illness' is not understood, not studied and brought to the forefront in this country and is wreaking such havoc on the social dynamics of the country. Thanks for highlighting this social illness!
There are twin studies linking narcissism to genetic makeup in 70% of cases. Sociopathy is also often inborn and shows up on brain scans. Babies in scientifically controlled studies as young as 6 months who react the same to pictures of rubber balls as human faces have high odds of developing into sociopaths. These two disorders run down both sides of my family; those affected began showing abnormal behaviors such as lying, cheating, and cruelty by the age of 2 that did not abate and worsened with time.
I dated one, so I know exactly what you're talking about. And this is all so accurate.
I reached out to my ex's exs. Best move ever. I got the whole story. Did some additional research and witnessed how calculated her every move was. Unfortunately it's a very basic pattern but when you are in the middle of it you don't see it.
Adding one more thing, in my opinion Narcissist personality is created by a strange upbringing of both emotional neglect and physical love, but also of constant praise of perfection. As children they were conditioned to believe that their perfect behavior is how they gain love!
What went on in their minds... Was putting everyone down .. Strangers , anyone!
The pain threshold... that's a great point!
It's the most crazy making dysfunctional family and friendship dynamic ever . I've watched things unfold over the years being married to " my darling cluster b sad soul " not a single sane person remains in his life. I totally agree everyone and I mean everyone runs for the hills . On many occasions I've tried to warn ( new supply) and they just don't connect the dots "until" they themselves suffer the wrath . I believe our education system really needs to introduce personality disorders to the school curriculum and teach the next generation how to avoid these people and or educate how to not repeat this pattern in their future relationships .
Mine is in the decompensation stage and has no friends to speak of, the children are grown and gone and he left me 5 years ago (to go be grand-pa) and they moved to NZ almost 2 years ago. He is at our old homestead (very rural) pretty much alone. Through the grapevine I am getting that he is also scared (no supply) and getting desperate. These people are so self-destructive that you can't help them without them destroying you. You just have to get out of the way. They definitely do not get better with age.
That's what's happening to mine now. After years and years and years of narcissistic abuse, he has lost two families. We can all agree he's crazy. So sad. Nobody wants to be a round him. Decompensation is hard to be a round or watch.
My narc had no friends which was a huge red flag that she could not sustain close relationships.
Patrick Pepin same my ex has 115 friends on Facebook and through the 4 years NOT ONE did i meet or visited her she would tell me how no one liked her and how strange she was this should have been a huge RED FLAG.
They pretend they know all of these people, they may have an acquaintance at a club or something or maybe at work. NO they don't have friends. that's my new rule with people if I'm their only friend early in the friendship, I bail now. I dont give a fck what society says...i RUN!!!
nate smith Agree. she knows 1 person her ex and she discarded me and is trying to "woo" him in with the honeymoon phase.
My former narc friend pretty much went looking for people to talk to. It was 4 years ago when he found me on one of the former Google+ community groups, and invited me on Skype, and without realizing it, it was all downhill for me from there for a couple of years. I found out during our chats that he Skyped with other people he met online (including a 14 year old boy).
It just felt weird, I'll admit - having to sit with him for 3 hours at a time, sometimes until 11pm at night. Just something didn't feel right with him - although I've seen stranger people that aren't narcs (which is where the deception comes in).
Love the way you articulate to the tee accurately, it takes years of being around them to figure out the look of puzzlement and a blank stare and the searching in our faces to mimic our reactions when a emotional situation arises that needs a reaction, usually when it involves feeling of empathy for another human being...my son once came to me with an epiphany with his theory on why his father watched the movie " THE PARENT TRAP" several times over again...the Epiphany was; his father tries to emulate and mirror the family dynamics and interactions with one another in the movie because the Narc doesn't know how.
I have been around, around, around forever trying to understand. And I did from when I was a very young child - all they are is fear. Fear, fear and more fear. I was too young to read a textbook and even then I knew that. "I don't deserve love" is the mantra that rules them and they are so far gone they don't know it.
Yes family is extremely important in developing narc traits. I think modeling plays a role as well, which perpetuates the cycle. Thank you for your video.
It has been my experience with my Narcissist, that the character of his family shows a lot about how and why he came to be who he is. His mother is a very cold woman who barks orders at her youngest daughter 27 as if she was a dog, its sick and disgusting. His mother definitely neglected him of emotional and physical love as a child, but at the same time he was her "golden child who could do no wrong," his oldest sister's words not mine. Both his sisters are oblivious to their brother's true personality and character, he uses them as pons in a game. If he says "jump" they ask him "how high?" Its truly a sickening reality to become aware of.
once again, spot on. I never comment but I'm stuck at home with my Narc boyfriend today so I'm loading up on your videos to remain grounded and not get sucked into any insanity. He is at the gym now so I'm preparing for the rest of the day, lol. He was raised by a Narc mom who has her own Narc mom. We all live in the same building that is owned by the grandmother. She lives below us and mom is above us. His alcoholic father died when he was 7 and for the following years until he was a teenager he watched his mother bring various men home who abused her physically and verbally. He was a burden to her, she was totally uninvolved with him. No affection at all and any verbal exchange was via screaming at him. Now she overcompensates by doing various things for him, usually financial related. Mom calls the grandmother Narcissistic lol. He also has stated many times how anyone he has ever loved or allowed to be close to him has hurt him. The ex before me was of course "crazy". ugh gonna be a long night. I am unable to leave this situation at the current time due to my financial situation but I am planning a 2018 getaway from 7 years of pure insanity.
My ex narc had friends, and long time friends. He also was very much into his family but complained a lot about them. He kind of dread being with them, like on holidays etc. But he really needed them to survive he would be lost without them. He spoke a lot when he would lose his parents to death then he doesn't know how to handle it. But he has a lot of flying monkeys helping him, but at times I wonder if they know what he is truly is? They must know he is troubled.
A narc will acknowledge the faults of others but not their own. And if they do acknowledge their own faults its probably because they are casting a sympathy net to pull in enablers, if their sources are running low. In terms of enablers defending the narc... Yeah it can't be helped, til the enabler comes to the limit of what they can endure. Having some awareness of narcs can help when they/we reach that breaking point with narcs. Interestingly, if you are around a narc long enough, you will see a pattern of people coming and going, an usually when they are gone they are gone for good, because they know something is wrong, even if they don't know what it is.
I've seen everything you mentioned.
jeans423 Exactly what a narcissist did to me... I hate his guts, he turned my life upside down. I rid myself of him...
+Virgo Sunshine I hate mine too and took him on
Barry JM Narcisst burn so many bridges to the point that no one wants nothing to do with them including family . This is what happened to my ex narc and im not even speaking to him either .He has done so much I had to go NC and it wouldn't matter if I saw or spoke to him again in this lifetime ..
I've been thinking about this lately looking back. The people he claimed were friends and his family are actually pretty distant towards him. When they see him it's all glory but they don't seem to make an effort to see him much. He claimed he was so very close with his daughter who moved several states away and does not contact him often. It just doesn't add up. But he sucks up to a lot of people on Facebook. Especially women.
I am a Psychoanalyst and truly appreciate your understanding of the family impact on the narcissist.
Narcs never let up... they're always trying to work you for something, like do this for me...earn your keep... they are takers and not givers, they like drama and cant let go of control. Once you think they've become kinda humble and moved up a notch by learning a healthy lesson, then they wig out and cant allow ease into the relationship, they have to be everyone parents. In my humble opinion. But all my relationships (lovers) have all been narcs so maybe on some level...... we are all Narcissists?? hmmmm
Duuude your stuff is incredible!! It's helped me so much, my older brother was and still is the most painful narcissist I have ever delt with! I never thought I'd find the answer to 25 years of hell. I do have a question though? I am somewhat paranoid that I myself might be a narcissist? I am almost 100% sure my brother is a narcissist at this point but I am actually catching myself reapting his abusive patterns on other people unconciously, however I am feeling terrible about my actions!! Basically I feel like I've adopted so much of his ways from living with him that I've become a monster myself! and considering how many times I just said "I" and "myself" is probably not helping either.
Your videos are like precious gold
I have spent a few days watching your videos and I can't thank you enough for what I've learned from them. I realized years ago that my father had been a malignant narcissist - at the time I just thought he was evil. I couldn't understand how my mother put up with it but she was an enabler to the point of it being pathological. My only sibling is clearly narcissistic as well. I looked at my father's family long and hard and I believe that narcissism must be genetic, that it can't just be the result of being exposed as a child to narcissistic behaviour or a style of parenting that creates it. Just as a few years ago by sitting down with the keeper of the genealogical archives of the town my father's family is from I confirmed something that I had long suspected. There is some form of severe psychological illness that has affected at least one male member in every generation and each branch of the family since my great-great grandfather. This bi-polar and often schizophrenic trait is clearly inherited, so why not narcissism?
I have listened to this again and must speak to the part about children as narcissists. It has been my experience that children who are narcissists are not that because they have been raised a certain way but because they were born to it. They had it in their gene pool to be completely self absorbed. My husband's entire family operates in narcissistic ways even the ones who are not full blown narcs. Also, those who have that tendency but not full blown, really do lack the ability to feel anything for others. I used to think it was environmental, but now I think they really did miss the empathy chip while in the whom. Our daughter was "all knowing" and "superior" when she was four years old, but we didn't coddle her or abuse her, she was just always this way.
This video hits home 2 fold. My 2 narc sisters both in their 50's are about to reunite and move in together! They have been the toxic twins most of my life and have been no contact with both of them going on 20+ years. Recent events have prompted low contact via the court system but the mask(s) are slipping and hopefully more people will steer clear from them ahead of time and avoid getting hurt.
thank you for your videos..which have helped restore my sanity..with understanding and knowledge of this subject. After 10 yrs.. , lots of therapy..., and realizing it 'wasn't me'...
Yea totally agree. My ex's friends were really his friends they were part of a motorbike gang and loved weapons and harassing people . .. Can't believe I got into a relationship with him. He didn't get on with his family. He told me he hates them all. They didn't communicate with him properly. And hardly noticed him. He always played victim and told me stories I'm pretty sure were not true. You are so right that you can tell someone who they are by just looking at their upbringing and their family. Environment is defiantly part of why they got their disorder.
Sounds like he took the "Rebel" role in a family of narcs. That doesn't mean he is a narc. As the scapegoat of a narc family, too was not "communicated with properly" and they "hardly noticed" me unless they wanted something from me or were belitting me in sarcastic and subtle ways. So it sounds like he just became a rebel against the insanity.; I did that too for a while as a teenager but outgrew it (and finally went no contact with my toxic family).
WHY CAN'T I EDIT MY OWN COMMENTS WITHOUT THE ANNOYING 1 SHOWING UP AT THE END OF EVERY FREAKING SENTENCE????????????????????????? SO DAMN ANNOYING!
Here is a list of what Abusers/Narcissists usually do to their targets :
- Insults their target very often. Then lie when confronted about it, or say it was a joke.
- When confronted with their behavior, they pretend to be innocent and play the victim.
- Everything is always your fault, even when it's obviously not.
- They always have a justification for every bad thing they do. They think they're always right.
- Very controlling, they tell you how to live, but they can live anyway they want. Very hypocritical.
- They accuse you of what they're doing to you (RED FLAG!), it's called Projection.
- Portraying themselves as angels outside, when they are actually demons with their family and especially their target.
- They want you to fail, while pretending to want you to succeed (they're very convincing).
- They never say they are sorry for hurting you (RED FLAG!).
- Poison your favorite activities, they don't want you to be happy or to get pleasure. They also poison other useful activities like important skills which will help you in the future. They DO NOT want you to have skills, they want you to be as weak as possible. They don't teach you anything.
- Subtly lead a smear campaign against their target, so they isolate it and make sure they don't get help.
- When you want to leave the relationship with a narcissist, they beg you to stay with them and cry crocodile tears. They are the best actors.
- Sometimes nice, sometimes cruel. You never know where you stand with them.
- They pretend to be "victims", and they blame the target for their own behavior.
- They are incredibly arrogant and sadistic. They see the target as weak, and deserving to suffer.
- They think they are models to be followed.
- They are spiritually dead although they might loudly profess some kind of Spiritual Belief.
YOU ARE AMAZING !!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thx for this honest, and relatable down to earth approach .
Everything you are saying here again is accurate and so true.
You should cover about how narcissists don't understand boundries when it comes to other's relationships. This can be a challenge when you have an immediate family member who is a narc. Especially a sibling who does not understand where thier place is in your relationship with others, which tends to be not really anywhere, lol...most definitely not in romantic relationships. The personal things. They want to stick their noses and presence in to others personal lives that they have no place being involved in and sometimes even either jumping in to drama that might already be developing (unfortunately) or creating drama or attempts at weird underhanded positioning of people to suit what they want or need for their own ego. It's wired and sooner or later the people they try to pull in or play on or interfere with see it and realize the narc had no right to be involved with their own personal relationship to begin with, but by then the drama is long gone...and usually because the narcassist is gone.
Going back to an old Narcissist is less appealing because it's a learning game, to see who can figure the other out faster. It's the Narcissists game, but if you find a brand new Narcissist you might be able to vent out some revenge on the unprepared narcissist.
As for narcissists and their families, these relationships stand out - like a sore thumb, as they say - for their rigidity and essentially superficial nature. In learning two modes of thinking are observed: the growth mind-set and the fixed mind-set. Seems to me that the narcissist's environment is deeply invested in a fixed mind-set model of human development, and resistant to any and all change. For a child, this can be humiliating and very discouraging.
The Peter Principle!
+Damsel289 Wow YES. Very true in my situation. +Abuser Abuser Your comments are ones I look for & ponder on, as you regularly convey tangibly helpful solid info!
Linda Redmond
Thank you very much , nice of you to say.
: )
OMG21ization
YW
: )
+Abuser abuser You're welcome :) Your great screen name hit me the other day, and I thought 'yeah, sometimes that's what I have to be also lol, and abuser abuser' :D In a good way of course. All the best!
People really need to stop using the term "my narc" when referring to the narcissist in their life or rather the one that's out of their life but still in their head. I'm going to do some videos focusing on healing and moving on instead of focusing on them and their issues. Referring to him/her as "MY narc" is keeping your attachment to that person, drop the MY please. He/isn't YOURS and you are not his/hers.... Move on and do not associate him as something that belongs to you. "MY ex, MY narc" is like saying "My (insert name here)" regardless if ex is a past tense phrase or a Narc is an abusers. It's not helping you it's keeping you bound. Just a thought I had and had to say it on the spot. But dude in the video, you are right on the money, you're videos have helped me a lot!
Well tell us how you would refer to "your narc" so that we can also refer to "our narc" in the right way!
The Narc or The Nex = Narcissistic Ex or That demon
I hear you. These narcs ARE in our lives though...at least for now....
I definitely noticed the family dynamic first and it was a red flag even before I knew about narcissism. I just be lived that he was different like a black sheep...that was how he was explaining he part in the dynamic.looking back now I can see he was just like them but covert.
So true, "the duality within the illusion" is essential to the relationships within a narcissistic family especially when the members keep in close contact. Although it is still toxic, I believe it's the only long-term relationships they can maintain without a "true enabler" being present. They can feed off of each other without anyone being absolutely devoured.
Interesting point about family dynamics and past traumas for the narcissist btw. What i did for research (bc my parents are very closed lipped about past experiences, even though i can sense trauma) is go and analyze other relatives attitudes and behavioral patterns and see if there is correlation to issues projected on me and faced in my life. And there was, in the kids, and the adults. Very directly.
So i think to say that ppl's behaviors and emotional triggers are shaped by their past traumas and family dynamics is a very sharp observation. Either that, or its purely genetic.
Being raise in the Pacific Northwest and raising our children here has caused a deep sense of self exaltation in their soul, so much so that they are deeply wounded and rage at any suggestion that they might be wrong or bad, even in the slightest degree.
Personally, I feel that an enabler will only believe that the narc MIGHT be a narc once the enabler has become a target and has felt real suffering. Lol the illusion of a healthy family, spot on. I finally am seeing some friction between an enabler and the narc. Crazy how the enablers are genuinely afraid of the narcs. They know the wrath of standing up for what is right or correcting the wrong.
My ex narc seemed to do a very successful job of keeping everyone in his life apart. Kept his gown kids away from others in his life. Work people did not know family who did not know gym friends who did not know hobby friends etc. This way no one can out him. At least in retrospect, this is what I believe the reason is. This is a pattern in his life for decades.
the narc I know (my ex) has a close relationship to his mom (she doesn't like me)....it's basically the only relationship he has. she is constantly making him feel sorry for her....or tries to anyway...she has a victim mentality. he told me that she is the only family he has....but he has brothers and a dad - but he talks poorly about all of them.
Well i dunnoo about that ! Because my narc is the perfect angle around others and in public ,but in the privacy of our home with only us he's the total opposite! When he walks in the door he takes off the halo and puts on the red horns, no one would ever guess he's a wack job!
"We can't save everyone but we do our best."
My new mantra.
Scott: you're one of the best there is at this....thanks so much for all you've contributed to my recovery. Three years after totally devoting myself to understanding the damage and where it comes from, I recognize your ability to express it almost unbeatable...Vaknin might, but he doesn't have the "healing" part figured out, and probably never will...you do. Kudos.
With my narc ex's FOO was an uncomfortable and intimidating space to be as an inlaw. My narc became very quiet as if he was serving his time, his obligation. There was no warmth or hugs. A lot of distance and routine. But once with me (recovering enabler) and his kids away from the FOO, he became the authority, the boss - what the world revolved around. Making up tenfold for any power he lost within the FOO. A strange phenomenon to witness.
What is FOO, plz?
+216trixie - Family Of Origin
I agree and saw this with my narc ex as well.
AAAre yooou making thesееee mistakes with your man? twitter.com/aab1113af7197bdfd/status/804693412402241537 Watch the Narcissist s Relatiоnships Closely
Uddhab Rijal - Screw off buddy
six minutes you have "saved" so many people Scott and in the best most universal empirical ways it is always so validating your brain is amazing we all know it we all thank you for your logical insight
Things to watch out for in FOO might be - the importance of keeping a family image, engaging in "negative" behaviours like gossiping, negative talking etc.; leveraging family taboos, tolerating obviously narcissistic behaviour as "normal". I watched narcs act very detached around their FOO (in my view an instinct to prevent further hurt for themselves), or interacting with a slightly adapted false self with their FOO (which you would notice as a partner). I noticed that if they introduce you to a circle of friends this is more likely to be the current enablers circle of friends, or you will see over a few interactions that these people only know very little about the narc or somehow never penetrate the false self. Also they will very soon play divide & conquer between their partner and other friends they are close to/using for benefits - to keep control and also to try to triangulate and create jealousy (over time and money ressources). So in essence - watch out for people who seem to not have any friends they have known and interacted with for a very long period of time (and that you can interact with frequently and without "Control" issues) ...
The narc i kno has many long term friends 🤷
i think theyre born evil....i was raised with one and dated one for 2 years. anything to cause drama and turmoil. i did learn how to stop playing victim from the ex bf...i
stayed in it 2 years and had to figure out why....changed my life..for the better. thank you for your videos...:)
You are right. They are born evil and the Bible even confirms this fact, although the "churches" keep it covered up well.
Your so articulate, and you explain in such detail. Thank you, your the best youtuber on the topic on narcissism.
You are so very bright and intelligent for someone so young Scott. Definately paid attention in school, your grammar is amazing. I am really glad you touched on kids and narcissism. it is my experience from researching narcissism after dating one last year and potentially having one in my family and having dated one a decade ago also (only it's not until now that I know and understand what narcissism is thanks to channels like yours) that narcissism is rising and it is starting from a young age. It makes me most upset. I believe we need a structure in school that teaches empathy and compassion and on abuse...why not...why not educate kids at a young age instead of keeping them blind? Plenty of kids being abused who know it but have no support or don't know it because narcissism as we say is so subtle but it's a feeling. We have to start educating but how ...how do we get others to see and teachers to arrange this?
He truly is the most articulate person on UA-cam. I am as amazed by his speech as the content. I just had a strange thought as I read your question about teaching children these things and what if the person making the decision not to is a narcissist? Hmmmm ...😳🤨🤨
First red light for me was that he countn't stand his brother and had no contact with him. For no actual reason. I think he was jealous of his brother who was doing well and functioned normal in the world. Second red light: his intense rage at his own mother and how they would always try to make each other look stupid (mind you both were very intelligent). The mother was a drama queen who let her son live at home, unemployed. The person himself told me his grand mother and mother both were isolating themselves from the outer world.. and he saw himself following that trail. It might really be both genetic and learned behaviour. To other people: please see how your partner speaks about his mother (and about women in generel).. its a huge warning sign if this relationship is toxic.
I agree. I would love to hear more of how you view children narcissists.
My ex is a covert, it took me three months to figure it out. I truely did not know these types existed. It was not until the devalue/discard that my eyes had been forced open. I see her clearly for what she is....I ran like a gazelle.
Doc Martin i agree. I was at the last 2 stages and found out she had her ex over she even said they "hugged" and "layed" in her bed, after the discard she had him over when I'm there. The most sad part is we have a Daughter, i was discarded without emotion, replaced by new supply (ex) and now know it was planned After weeks of research her mother had high traits of a narcissist.
Only 3 months? Took me 30 years. Wrapping my mind around the truth of the whole fiasco has done a lot of damage to me and my children. To think he planned and manipulated this. Unbelievable.
@@adriennedouke1880: I know what you mean! Twenty-three years for me!
@@adriennedouke1880 30 years??? Are you kidding me??????
@@janishart5128 why? How? Wtf?
The target doesn't know what she/he is up against when getting involved with Narcissists!
The narc who abused me has a "friend" and I'm just waiting for that friend to reach the breaking point
You opened my eyes to a truth I had not been able to see before, it all fits, there was a definite family, friend indication/reflection, a traumatic event over a period of years that happened to them.
I was the enabler, couldn't see it if it was a truck that ran over me, once I started to see through it I learned quickly to love myself and be loving to him yet begin to extricate/protect myself from the situation. It was one of the most challenging things to ever happen to me.
It happened because I was still unhealed from childhood wounds never dealt with that made me an unconscious magnet.
Now I am working to become the person I am meant to be, learn from it, and help others see through this, because once you see through it, you can never unsee it.
With intense will, determination, and a little luck, this can be an empowering thing in your life. Think to yourself, "What was missing in my own life, that I thought someone like this was appropriate for me?"
When we work on becoming whole persons, then things begin to click in our own lives and we attract that which is healthy and adds to our lives, not that which slowly subtracts and diminishes our lives.
Life is growing. Thanks again, you definitely give me those "aha" moments and insights. I am now on my own and thriving.
The only way out is through, it is not all a smooth, happy, and even road, hell it's not even paved in places, but once you've traveled it, you know the way, it gets easier.
Well done Scott. I just want to say I really like the context of your videos. The point of your efforts generally comes around to getting better or understanding. There are many, "I am the victim, how not to be the victim, or can you spot the narcissist" videos that just are not nearly as effective in understanding the disorder. Focusing on the family tells the story. I agree completely with that and moreover, narcissism spreads dysfunction to all it touches. Unfortunately, that seed will also continue to flourish unless help is sought and/or understanding is achieved. As for the narcissist, help is a foregone conclusion. But, there is hope for the rest.
7:00+ "recovering enablers who support abusers & narcissist" you are a genius my god yes and also as you know it is all commodified we are in serious hard core cringe period in human history or the end of it Scott and you sum it up here perfectly
You are so on
Point it’s crazy I have witnessed all u speak of for 13 years first hand I am so happy to have found ur channel
i personally dont think it takes long to see the-no empathy-concience-guilt aspects of a person.
you'd be surprised, they are great actors.
And some Ns are not full blown, and have some conscience, a sincere attempt & desire to truly connect with others fully & honestly... but they still must be handled at arm's length for one's own safety & peace. We can imo remain carefully kind yet safe distance with non-full-blown Ns. We all are human in some way & degree, but some of us are dangerous (or codependent) to varying degrees.
lake lemon, i understand that you may not have had experience with people of this type and so i can see why you would say that. i dont know how to put this but these people go to astonishing lengths to try and force their perspective on others and most people are fooled for a time, then their instincts tell them that they should distance themselves. it is just that narcissists to varying degrees have so much wrong with their thought processes that it is almost alien to a normal person.
Your videos are on point 100% of the time, I have not seen one, I don't agree with. Great videos.
+Understanding Narcissists Very interesting topic! My ex narc's family dynamic was very unusual... There were 3 houses, owned by her father, on a lot of land... One house my ex narc lived in; 10 steps away was another house, her mom lived in; and 10 steps away from her moms house, was a house that her father's girlfriend lived in... Her father basically would spend one night at her mother's house and spend the next night at the girlfriends house and basically just alternate continuously... My ex narc told me about the situation early in our relationship, i'm sure because she knew that that situation wasn't normal... I had no idea about NPD, so i just viewed it as being a bit different and somewhat strange... however it was what it was and they seemed to accept it, so who was i to say anything... Her father had a very Grandiose personality, like he was the king of the castle and he would drink everyday and invite my ex narc over for drinks and occasionally I would go as well... Her mother was Very quite, soft spoken and passive... somewhat submissive to her father... the family dynamic was a bit different, but again I am just an outsider, so i just looked at it, at the time, as different from the average family dynamic... My ex narc also was upset that her father didn't go to her sister's wedding... I say all of this because now that i've learned about NPD, her father was clearly Triangulating the entire family; Him not going to the sister's wedding was him finally losing control over her sister to her sister's husband...; The mental abuse and whatever other abuse that must've went on, for her father to even be able to convince her mother to accept him having his girlfriend live in the house next door, And continue to see both of them must've been very very extreme!! Other tactics of mental abuse my ex narc used on me, i could clearly see that she got that from her parents drilling perfection out of her... It's such a sad reality that my ex narc must've went through and now she has adopted the same sick sadistic mentally abusive ways that she probably hated growing up.
thank you so much for being willing to just explore and dig into all of these details, implications and permutations of thought, observation and experience around all of this. I cannot express how helpful that is for me. I really love your videos! They are helping me get healthier and freer every day!
As a am trapped in his thread of lies, unable to live my life, here I am, enjoying to learn my malignant narc bro has a miserable roll of relationships and meaningless life too.
Make a bee-line out of that situation as soon as you comfortably can. Hang in there.
your brother doesn't have any power over you, unless you offer it up.
haha I am penniless, homeless, my mom is dying, I can not see her, protect her or even know where she is.
You are right, I may have offered all this power to him.
I'm sorry you are having a rough time right now, it won't last forever.
Perhaps you could also address compartmentalization, if you haven't yet. This makes observation of the narcissist's social network - however limited - often difficult if not impossible. This is by design, naturally, and obscures a ' new-comer' from the necessary facts. (Even if there are, ALWAYS, tell-tale signs, to the initiated)
They do compartmentalize their relationships? I didn't know that, thank you.
I completely agree with the compartmentalization factor.
I didn't understand why I was being told by my former partner that he "likes to keep his work and personal lives separate" (from me)
so therefore if it was a Christmas party at work
I didn't go
if there was a social gathering with his colleagues I was not invited
Social outings with any friends or aquaintances he may have had, "he didn't feel they were sophisticated enough to interact with me.
The one "friend" he had lived across country and had a simular personality, and interestingly is a psychologist by profession.
In regard to this I was expected to understand that he just likes to keep things separate
I recognize now that this term compartmentalization is absolutely what was happening
it allows the individual to contain and perpetuate his/her behavior without interruption by the persons they've affected. the intended enablers are kept separate.
In these circumstances the inability "to see" the person's true nature, has nothing to do with nievete.
in my experience it has to do with the family having a vested interest in maintaining and upholding the illusionary image of their family unit's
superiority.
to admit that something is wrong defeats this agenda.
so even if they do have interpersonal conflict within the family, the alliances and the loyalties within that family and the collaborative investment in looking good is enough for them to maintain what can appear to be a very beautiful well-functioning family, ( hugs when you come in the door, family vacations together etc....)
I looked at that and I said wow this family is really working together
wow this is so positive
but really it was a group performance. If you're blessed, perhaps ONE person may share some smidgen of dissilusionment with it all, but its often left to you, the outsider, to figure out what's going on and its not easy to do so and see what kind of teeth youre dealing with from outside the lion's mouth.
I am so disgusted after finding out about all the cheating that was going on, that was one thing that he really said he hated, LOL
He made a big deal about hating cheaters and molesters, and I know now that he was a huge cheater, I figure I will see him in the newspaper one day
yea the other family members will distract them for you at times and kinda drive bits and pieces of the truth out of them, especially if you sit and act as if your not paying attention
Excellent video, as usual. Soon-to-be-ex is very close to his family members, who all suffered hideous physical, emotional deregulation and abuse beginning at a very early age.
Something I have noticed: Narcissists will date each other and buy into each other's delusions as a sort of trade off. It is a sort of symbiotic relationship.
Yep! Always putting blame on someone else. The narc I dated blamed her parents for her previous 2 divorces. Thankfully I did my due diligence and ran for the door before I became victim #3.
Very useful insight. Thankyou.
I like the idea of trying to understand it and do something about it for future generations, to bring more peace into the world. After all, Napoleon, Hitler, Stalin and Sadam Hussein seemed to have many traits of malignant narcissism.
lol @07:23 "recovering enablers" that's me for sure. I'm one of the lucky ones who instinctively developed a persona & appearance that is narcissist repellent, teehee. You teach me so much by your sharing your unique perspective. Thanks again!
You speak a lot of truth, and I agree with your insights.
My narc ex's co-enabler was her narc mom. The one time she actually opened up to me, when I felt she genuinely was, was when she talked about her moms flaws. Like I was her co-enabler in that moment.However, the very next day she devalued me, which I guess was result of the previous day. She had gotten too close. But I dumped her first this time. I had had enough.