most common things we argue about | couple things
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- Опубліковано 20 вер 2022
- Want to know what we argue most about? Well, we talk all about it in this episode! We also talk about the most common things couples argue about, how we go about resolving arguments, and more!
We hope you enjoy it!
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I’m only five minutes in and already loving this! Also Shawn’s annoyed expression on her face is super relatable and I’m dying 😂😂😂
A piece of advice we were given by a marriage counselor was to never use the words never and always. Because because those statements aren't usually true.
That is really good advice!!
In our family we call those, "Sith Talk". So absolute and thus so super negative, even when it seems positive. Those words are so extreme they back the people speaking into a corner. One of my biggest pet peeves!
Thanks for being transparent and helping others 😊
I love shawn. Shawn is me haha
I learned from trauma going up, I read others energy and their body language. I'm the same with my husband.
The reason you two can even have this convo is because you’re both emotionally intelligent. Period. You’re not gaslighting crazy people. You’re regular people who irritate and disagree. Your solution comes with emotional intelligence. Mad props.
As you grow older together, you'll realize that while you may have differences in opinions, most of it isn't worth arguing about. Things will reveal themselves to be more trivial than they seem now. Suffering and struggling shines light on things of true importance and you'll stop feeling the need to voice every opinion, be heard over every little thing and challenge things so much. This coming from a super control freak with big opinions about everything, too. 😉
Absolutely correct
OMG……. It’s so nice to see Shawn upset because I know I’m not the only one now. When I get upset with my husband I always wind up feeling guilty and unappreciative (nothing he’s said or done) of him and my life. I too get broody after a fight and am trying to state my feelings, feel my feelings and then get on with our day. Thanks for being real
She's so mad... hahaha I can totally relate Shawn - I can see her boiling. I feel you!
This is a very good episode. My husband and I don’t fight, ever, anymore. We’ve been together for 37 years and married for 32. We have disagreements (or we like to call them spirited discussions) but not arguments and come out on the other side. The most important thing we do is never discuss our issues when we are highly emotional because over the years we’ve learned is that situation doesn’t end well. At the end of the day, say what you mean and mean what you say but ALWAYS be respectful. Much love to all❤
Love your comment 💗 and spirited discussions ... love that term . I will let my partner know lol
Hope you guys know how valuable the content you are putting out is! Society need more raw honest conversations about these types of things.
exactly
love this! it's very real and I appreciate you letting us in. Shawn, I react the same way during arguments! I don't want my fiancee to touch me and I'm just mad. You're not alone! lol
Nailed it! Slight cringe but also totally honest, vulnerable and needed by the people listening that are looking to elevate their marriage. Thanks, y’all for putting it all out there.
You guys feel in love for a reason. You cannot change each other. Your both different and that’s ok. Don’t sweat the small stuff.
It's so refreshing to see what a healthy dynamic looks like in a marriage rather than tainted relationships I've witnessed growing up. Gives me hope no doubt! Thank you both for your vulnerability and courage for us to see!!🤘
This episode is reminiscent of the dinner party episode of The Office. Who can make us feel more uncomfortable?? 🤣😳😉 But also, love that yall show real deal marriage.
Love how they went from in a fight to relaxed
Dude my hubby and I have these EXACT arguments/disagreements. We have been married 18 yrs together almost 21. He is 42 I am 50. It’s ok, very frustrating because in the end we all feel we are right and want to be right but soft, loving communication is very key to keep the marriage going, build in and get stronger. You also learn what is really important and what a actually worth bringing up or maybe work on ourselves and are we just being emotional and taking it out in the other person. Things will change in what bothers you as you get older and the longer you are together and learning over all the communication you have together. You two are good. Hang in there. Nothing is perfect and we are all individuals with expectations one way or a another ❤
This feels like 80% of ALL the arguments my husband and I have.
My husband and I have been married for almost 38 years. We use to have disagreements when we were first married. Then when the kids were teens. But now we hardly do. We think the same now. You grow old together and know each other. You try not to disagree. You guys made me smile and laugh. You are doing a great job. Keep up that communication going. ❤
Agree! We've been married 36 years. We openly joke that 34 of them have been pretty good, and it's actually true. There were a couple rough spots over those years. I think as a couple you get better at saying things respectfully when you disagree. Harsh words are remembered and don't add to resolving the disagreement.
I think this was my favorite podcast you guys have ever done because at the end you guys forgave each other
I love you guys! SO "normal" and honest and open -- thank you!
best episode ever!!!! love how real y’all are🤍
One of your best blogs yet!!!!!!
I agreed with a great deal of this discussion. However, that "don't touch me" even in just the discussion made me very sad.. My late wife would grab my hand to explain she was upset about something. Yes, we older people had love languages...ours were touch and affirmation. No matter how upset we got with each other over 30 years, we never got to that point.
Not everyone wants to be touched when upset. Her love language is likely *not* touch
@@mrs.boz1141 this is true. My husbands love language is physical touch. If we don’t at least hug everyday it upsets him. But if we have an argument he hates to be touch just like Shawn especially after an argument. my love language isn’t physical touch but I always try to hug him after we argue and he is very cold about it. After this I’m realizing it’s prolly all connected, and maybe I really want to hug bc I know that’s one way he wants to receive love. As long as their is mutual respect and love there we need to accept some of these idiosyncrasies.
That was really cool to watch. Much appreciated you guys! I’m about 10 months into dating someone I see great potential with but the experience has not come without a lot of things we have argued about or realized we needed to work on. It’s a good reminder to understand that argument can be very healthy and beneficial to a relationship. I’ve seen the growth we have been through because of it but sometimes my gut reaction IS to feel discouraged. Anyway I really appreciate the realistic and healthy view that you two provide about relationships. It’s very helpful to me in navigating my own :)
Most important message was the end. To say I love you that's it I think that's the biggest problem with breakups.
Thank you so much for this video! This is a huge struggle I feel with my husband.
Andrew I see so much of your Dad in you, what a beautiful blessing.❤️🙏🏻❤️
THANK YOU both for sharing the other side! You both don’t understand how important this was for me to watch this. I was in an argument with my boyfriend and when people give advice they tend to act like their relationship has better arguments or like they have it all figured out. I appreciate the openness sooooo much 🙏🏼 thank you thank you.
When couples don’t share this side once in awhile it’s very difficult to have hope that you and your partner can get through an argument. If you felt vulnerable sharing this. I just want to thank you both because you truly helped release anxiety about conflicts for me.
In the end. Y’all would be miserable without each other. Just remember that. Also someone once told me because I have issues with husband leaving clothes on the floor all over the house and shoes and not cleaning up after himself. They said just imagine your husband never here any longer. You would welcome all these messes at anytime to have him back. Sometimes we have to challenge our thoughts before acting out on them.
No, the imagine he isn't there anymore is terrible advice. Women are told to ignore things, in case he leaves or dies, men are never told this. Yes you'll miss everything including the mess and maybe the dropped socks aren't the hill to die on (so to speak) but if it's important to you, if that person isn't considering you and increasing your work with their actions it needs to be discussed, not ignored in case he dies (and I speak from experience)
Just started listening to you both today…enjoyed your honesty and can tell you both love each other despite each others differences ❤❤
This is just such real life. Been married 7 years, we have 3 kids. And sometimes this is just how it goes 😅😂🤦🏾♀️
Shawn is my spirit animal
So glad I found your channel you 2!! 😅😂❤
I love this. Thank you for being so real
You both did your own counseling and talking out rt on here. 😂 Love seeing y'all being so real! No sugar coating here.
Hahaha I love how relatable you are for real thank you for sharing this! 💕
Dude: she’s beyond angry and it’s too late: just crawl to your apology. (47 years in the relationship books)………..
Really nice wrap up 😊
This was really helpful to me. I know it was probably a difficult topic for you. But I don't usually watch your podcasts and this one caught my eye. And just wanted to let you know it was worth it because it was nice seeing a real couple talk about a real marriage. Thank you for your honesty, I don't judge you by it in the least. But it has given me a few things to think about and work on in my marriage 🙂 I'm a sensitive person with a difficult past and my spouse is AMAZING but of course I get triggered sometimes. So I'm totally open to some new approaches to communicating better. Thank you 💫
I am smiling watching this, so cute these two
I listed to this podcast on Spotify and it is 10x better on video getting to see Shawn’s facial expressions 😂😂
Shawn touching your arm at the conclusion… haha…you guys are gonna be okay 💕
Even midway through the video she touches his arm, even though she keeps saying don’t touch me lol
@@stephanielopez6921 Haha! That's true. :) They're too cute :)
You guys really are real life marriage, but holy smokes you guys are soul mates! Fighting and learning then loving.😂
God this podcast makes me feel so normal 😅❤
I love listening to you two!❤
Love this ❤
Okay on this scheduling and commitment thing. This can be eliminated EASILY haha.. My hsuband and I had serious issues with this after having kids. So we used google calendar and at the beggining of each week and everythign for that week is laid out, literally every hour even if its like Monday from 2-4 family time or do nothign time. If you want to add something you have to add it to a list and the next sunday you add it in the NEXT week! You both agree on what goes into the week BEFORE IT STARTS!!!! The only time it changes is in emergencys. Its fized by doing this trust me. Try it out! ;) Love you both! Married 10 years, I think you should have.a couple on from your followers list, nobody famous just someone who supports you guys and is in a similar place as you... Wink wink!
Also, Shawn if andres asks can we do this in 20 minutes, you need to have your boundaries and say no and andrew you need to immedietily respect her and her scheudle and her saying no! Anything else in my opnion is a little disrespectuly to the other person.
Andrew is a gem 💎
He's for sure a virgo!!!! Love this podcast 💘
I just love you two
Using always and never aren’t helpful because they’re absolutes. No one does something always or never It’s poor communication.
Shawn I just learned (epiphany) 🤔how much I expect my spouse to do life how I want and boy it is not reality on so many levels (communication, etc.,) no matter how much sense I make. Like that saying goes in a "perfect world" only. I am a day away from your birthday so maybe it is a calendar personality trait about perfectionism. It's just not going to happen our spouse is not going to do it the way we envision. 😩😟 I don't even know how to stop doing the perfectionism personality. It is very problematic for me internally. 🥴😞
Very real! 👏🏽👏🏽
Congratulations to 7 years ❤
Bingo!
Btw- you BOTH are correct ✅ for YOUR given and learned knowledge,skills and experiences.
That’s wisdom.
But- this was 1 yr ago. You 2 have grown sooooooooo much this year.
And - sweetie Shawn. I’m like you and I learned way tooooo late that Andrew’s perspective about perspective it correct.
I love y’all !!!
25 years later and we are still dealing with this. Just happened this morning. Good luck…
I've been going through the "social media" arguing phase in dating, not marriage. Where one is private, and the other posts everything.... Causing some turmoil, so we're working on it.
Shawn hit him with a Tortilla Like before it will get off relief haha
She should only have to say stop touching me once. Respect for bodily autonomy.
My husband and I have been married for 7 years and have 3 small kids. You said people that don’t argue aren’t saying their opinions then, but that’s not true! I just want to say. My husband and I argue maybe once a month and I definitely say my opinions! We have just learned that some things we have to accept about each other. I’m glad you guys can admit that you argue this much because of stubbornness. I urge you to work on being stubborn.. I was extremely stubborn and literally had to go to therapy to CHANGE that about myself. Our marriage has been better since I did! Just some thoughts. Not all couples argue as much as you do, and that doesn’t mean they aren’t healthy ones!
I’m single, but my parents have been married for almost 35 years. And they are still happily together. I will say, they could learn a thing or two from todays podcast.
The truth shall make you free. 😢
Being a bit of a perfectionist myself, I don't think the answer is to have access to his Google account. That seems invasive. How about a shared, new account for the shared calendar? Been married over 30 years, and not having your own space is not good. Unless you're both willing to get into each other's accounts, it's insulting to the one person who is asked to share.
Singleness is WONDERFUL. Yes, there is a desire for somebody but good heavens...living on my own has made me LOVE peace. I don't think I have the patience for power struggles and ongoing arguments and bickering.
Honestly you guys are my favorite couple out there!!! You guys are so cute and compatible. Andrew is sooooo sexy like everything about him especially his voice and laugh 😍 Shawn you’re so lucky. I’m gonna say Shawn is the saver and Andrew the spender!!!
Thanks for sharing.
The biggest fight is I don’t want to talk about it. Just let it go. Agree to disagree. But my husband always wants to convince me why he is right. Drives me crazy. I just tell him no matter what you say you can not just change my opinion. Perception is everything. If one of us perceived it this way whether it was meant that way I think we need to acknowledge how it made us feel. Just say I am sorry you felt that way, but I meant it to be this. 32 years and we are finally figuring it out. My husband hates when I make a face when he is talking. I’m like if you say something not right or I don’t agree with I used to interrupt. I finally stopped interrupting but I will always make a face. Just so he knows. lol love you guys. You both are just so cute. You will make a great long term team. ❤
I was married for 9 years a long time ago, & we never had a single argument or fight.
What e- calendar is best to coordinate spouse schedules?
You should make it a point to get a babysitter and go out on a lunch date on a weekend day before the week starts, just for an hour or so, and have a "marital business meeting" to discuss your work schedules AND be able to discuss the "okay ___ isn't working lately so how do we fix it" topic of the week out in an environment where the kids and house/work chores aren't at the forefront of your focus but the topics at hand instead. Make the time to schedule things out TOGETHER be it for the next week, two weeks, or month just so you KNOW you're on the same page and there ARE no surprises. You know what he's got planned and you know what she's got planned. And because there are no extra factors in the mix by planning it that that way and going out ALONE, such as not having to feed/change/bathe/bed a baby or a meeting/grocery store run in x minutes, there's less likely to be an argument about it. Make it totally separate from date night too because date nights should be for fun, not work.
Sorry means nothing if the person does it again. My husband will always apologize to me when I complain about something. My response is, "you're not sorry because you're just going to do it again". We've been married 25 years so it's not like I don't know him. He also knows how I will react but he just, well, wins.
I don’t understand “Don’t touch me” seems inflammatory and escalating.
Giving grace in my marriage is critical
This just floated into my strolling. 😅😮
I'm floored. I'm just like Shawn. The faces. My husband like Andrew. He ALWAYS stops me in mid sentence for a correction!!! To say word for word what i said versus what i just said, that means the exact thing. I feel like flying at him like an enraged monkey for the kill. (I don't do it). I here for this!!
All MEN always have to correct how we talk especially if we don’t tell the story complete-correct. No abbreviations ever with shortening the story. And also saying that we repeat conversation or they told us so! Shawn you will eventually let it roll off your back. Not completely but some. I’ve been married 26 years & I’m still going through it but my hubby has mellowed. Thank God. Yes & STUBBORN! They will always go back to themselves & say well you done this/that! You can’t ever change them. You just either stay quiet, leave the situation or scream!! I’ve just now started standing up more for myself. Watch out Andrew when the Menopause phase comes around you will be confused. There’s no 2 people in this world who are alike. It will somewhat change as time go’s on. At least you guys talk about it. Everyone argues in their own ways. Many sweet blessings always.
I see both sides nice to see myself which is messy when I argue. My poor husband.💜💜💜💜
Do you still go to marriage counseling
That makes sense about money
Not only are you both stubborn, you are very, very different. Shawn, as a perfectionist, and Andrew, who is much more relaxed about things - very different. So, you come at problems differently.
I'm curious on your thoughts on arguing in front of your children.
I’m a perfectionist too and I don’t like abrupt changes. It stresses me out 😅 I would’ve said no to the podcast 😂
Andrew, YOU ARE NOT AN IDIOT!! Don't say that about yourself.
Aww lol but seriously schedule checking is important but on a side note can yall please fix Andrew's sound ... it's always super low
Solve it privately and share what worked to solved it and what did not it period. . . .
I FEEL Shawn. Do not touch me.
I just lost one of the best women in my life due to poor communication I will never be the same losing her and it's all my fault 🥺
Can you bring Sadie Roberson on this podcast?
Wow Shawn. Little crabby. I guess I never seen you like this. Feel this should of been off air
I kind of wished you two had this conversation away from the camera because it felt like I was in your bedroom and didn’t know how to get out as things got more uncomfortable. I usually love when you two post your little arguments but this seemed really personal and not friendly at all. This is the first time I saw a crack in your relationship. Hope you guys get it together. ❤❤
Shawn you look good when you are mad
It always seems like it’s her way or the highway
If it was her way or the highway this podcast wouldn’t exist. She’s allowed to feel upset when boundaries are crossed. This is a normal healthy argument
@@raniayetts9666 She constantly puts down Andrew and basically she has his balls in her pocket. It’s very obvious that she wears the trousers in their family poor Andrew is just Mr. Shawn Johnson. I hope he is able to find his voice. She loves to play the victim card.
@@nataliagibb5111 I’m taking it that a modern non submissive woman is hard for you to take in. This is what an equal relationship looks like. She’s voicing her concerns and he’s holding himself accountable. That is not controlling. I’m taking it you don’t watch the podcast or their channel she is constantly praising and building him up and validating him. If you want a show put on then I suggest some drama like keeping up with the Kardashians.
It’s not equal she hast to be in charge at all times and always has to have the last word. She’s also very passive aggressive. She doesn’t seem to take the therapist advice and listen to what Andrew has to say she constantly discounts his feelings and opinions I don’t see how that makes her his equal
@@nataliagibb5111
💯percent! Andrew is doing his best to keep ‘mom’ happy with the correct words tonight. Shawn can laugh at Andrew…but if he laughs at her. 🗣️🔥
I cannot take Shawn anymore.
Have fun with this couple…..
I love these guys and I get that arguments are normal but damn!!...I know Andrew is not perfect but I feel like Shawn is kinda aggressive and mean towards Andrew and does not give him enough time to finish or explain himself.
Shawn, you say that you're a perfectionist and that you want Andrew to change but don't think he will. True love means loving someone for who they are, not how you want them to be! You sometimes talk pretty condescending to Andrew in your videos and it reminds me of Kate Gosselin. Please be respectful to your husband so your children can see an example of what a healthy marriage looks like. Putting out videos like this is not healthy or helpful. Be kind and loving to each other.
Shawn could use help growing she’s under 5 feet
I am not gonna lie, I feel like they are gonna get divorced one day.
I ask myself why I am watching these two argue? Not fun!
Are they in couples counseling or marriage therapy seems like they are headed to divorce court
Keep things to yourself! I am mean share the stupid arguments that you guys have had but you do not have to give us an explanation of every thing you all do. There are some things that are private period
Divorce court….
Shawn is so mad!! And Andrew smiling would make me so much madder right now. Stop smiling when she’s mad dude!! Team meeting=I’m gonna yell at you so much!! So uncomfortable to listen to!!
Offering tips from our almost 50-yr relationship...
I would highly recommend checking out Carol Tuttle's 4 Energy Types. It has helped me to deeply understand, accept and appreciate my husband's differences. We have some major personality differences (ie introvert/extrovert). After 35 years of being irritated at and resentful about how different my husband is from me, I just look at him and know why he did or said what he did. It all makes so sense now. I even understand myself better!
I've also come to understand and integrate the fact that what he does or says is not a personal attack on me. It's based on his own life experiences and perspectives and energy type. Same deal for me. So, what he says or does is not about me. It's totally about him and comes from his own life experiences and personality. I thus have a choice as to how I respond. Because HOW I respond is totally on me. It's always a choice. I'm not about winning or losing anymore. If it's not a matter of life and death, while I still stand in my inner truth, I don't argue the small stuff. If it's important, I wait until he is rested and present and I am in a less reactive mode. And I phrase it in "I-statements". No gunning after him.
I also stopped trying to change him. It was futile, and in the end, it's not my job. That's his job. I changed ME first, and he has shockingly changed in response to my inner changes. Because he no longer has the same old co-star in our marriage play. The play is different because I am different. It's been a wonderful evolution in our relationship.
And Shawn, as a side note, you are still young, you have no idea how life will change you. It just happens. It's a thing. We experience. We learn. We grow. We are often forced to learn and grow through undesireable experiences. Or we don't. Then we repeat them ad nauseum until we do (been there, done that). You will be shocked at how different you are 20-30 years from now.
Blessings to you both. You have made a great start.