Should You Stay Friends With Your Ex After A Breakup? 7 Signs You SHOULD Be Friends With Your Ex
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- Опубліковано 25 бер 2018
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Have you ever asked yourself “should you stay friends with your ex?”, “how to tell if you should be friends with your ex” or “can exes stay friends?”.
A dating advice question I get asked a lot by women is "is it a good idea to be friends with your ex?” “can you stay friends with an ex?” and “what are the signs you can be friends with your ex?”. Today, I’m talking about Should You Stay Friends With Your Ex After A Breakup? 7 Signs You SHOULD Be Friends With Your Ex
Giving dating advice to women on how to know if you can be friends with your ex and signs you can be friends with your ex-boyfriend is an important part of being a dating and relationships coach. Being friends with an ex can be a tenuous situation - are you both really there to be just friends? Can you really be friends with your ex without any other motivations? That’s what I’m discussing today.
Should You Stay Friends With Your Ex After A Breakup? 7 Signs You SHOULD Be Friends With Your Ex is a video I’ve been looking forward to for a while. The idea of being friends with your ex and retaining gratitude for one another and the impact you had on each other’s lives is an extremely honourable and important goal. You must also make sure it’s coming from the right place. Many times, as a dating coach, when a woman says to me “Make, should I be friends with my ex” the answer is no - her intent is not in the right place and she should NOT be friends with an ex.
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In this dating advice video from Make Him Yours, I (Mark Rosenfeld, dating and relationship coach), am talking about 7 signs you CAN and SHOULD be friends with your ex. These are the indicators that you’re coming from the right place and being friends with your ex is a good idea. By knowing them, you’ll better understand can exes be friends and when is it a good idea to be friends with your ex
When a woman comes to me asking "Mark, can I be friends with my ex?” or “Mark, can exes be friends?” and even “is it a good idea to be friends with your ex?” my first thought is one of concern. Whenever I hear this question, I’m worried that this woman could coming from the wrong place and wants to accept crumbs of a relationship, rather than a true friendship. I need to ask her these 7 key questions that represent the signs she should be friends with her ex to know if she should be friends with her ex, and I’d pose the same one to you if you’re wondering how to know if you should be friends with your ex.
After watching this video on Should You Stay Friends With Your Ex After A Breakup? 7 Signs You SHOULD Be Friends With Your Ex you’ll know 7 powerful signs, questions to ask yourself, to call yourself out and see if you’re wanting to be friends with your ex for the right reasons or the wrong ones. Once you’re fully aware of your intentions and the value he may or may not add to your life, you can make a good decision on should you be friends with your ex
Watch this video on Should You Stay Friends With Your Ex After A Breakup? 7 Signs You SHOULD Be Friends With Your Ex. It’s my comprehensive guide to understanding if being friends with your ex is a good idea or if you should take space and go your separate ways. Should I be friends with my ex-boyfriend and how to know if you should be friends with an ex? That’s what I’m talking about today!
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Enjoy the video! Click to watch and don't forget to leave a comment and SUBSCRIBE!
Mark Rosenfeld is the Australian dating and relationship coach for women and the founder of Make Him Yours, a dating advice and relationship advice service empowering women to find the love they desire.
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Still watching this video on Should You Stay Friends With Your Ex After A Breakup? 7 Signs You SHOULD Be Friends With Your Ex?? If so, hit 'reply' to let me know your thoughts on the video! You can also DM me on insta @makehimyours and come behind the scenes on filming! And don't forget your FREE download via www.makehimyours.com.au/sexting
Hey Mark I have been split from my wife for almost 6 months we can sit down watch movies and enjoy eachothers company, it makes it easier on our kids, we co parent and she asks me for advice and I honestly give her the truth even when I know it's going to hurt. I am so happy that she is free to be who she needs to be, even watching her fall and make mistakes, I still stand beside her and I will help when I can but not for me it's because I want her to learn the lessons in the way she wishes. I have PTSD and have grown up with it, now I walked away from her because I had to make the hardest call in my life. One she couldn't. I still love her but as someone who is a friend and mother of my kids, I will do what I would do for any friend for her. Friends after a split is possible, even when faced with the pain of seeing her with someone else I can stand tall and except it because I know she is going to become the woman she was always ment to be and I have gained a true friend who has the same respect for me. The hardest part for me is waking up alone in bed every day and going to bed every night by myself. I am starting to feel happy with my own company again and I have over come my biggest battle I will have to face in my life, the question of Am I strong enough to stand up to myself for the ones I love. Yes I walked away but in doing so I have freed not only myself but my family. I know my path and it is not one I have chosen lightly, instead it is one of pain tears and heart break, but at the end of it I see my ex wife smiling and my kids growing into strong adults ones I am proud of, and me there with them all happy and free. I also see two shadows standing with us and I know that those shadows are her MR right the man she needs and my Mrs Right the woman I need, I see it clear as day and I know that today's pain is tomorrow's glory. Thank you for putting up such a great tool for men and women who are going through this to use, I wish you the best and I hope many people find there peace with life and love thanks to your wisdom that you share.
Mark Rosenfeld but this is ridiculous...how can be friends with him
Very informative but I'm not sure I WANT him to be happy without me .
I've had a good breakup. It is possible. We haven't ended it out of a fight, but simply because our feelings have changed. Not every breakup ends in tears
Your ex asking to be friends after a breakup is like kidnappers asking to keep in touch after letting you go. period.
Great analogy
Hahaha hella funny
Right !
Afomia Hailr I love this answer lol
🤣🤣 I totally agree with you, Afomia Hair.
Firstly, you can't be friends with emotionally anavailable guys who made you heart-broken. If you stay friends with such a guy, your heart might never mend. Secondly, you can't stay friends with your ex, if he/ she is a narcissist 'cause it all leads to pain and emotional abuse. They will make you feel unworthy and needy. So stay away from those "friendships".
True!!
No...if you slept with him..it is over and it hurts...no...no..no. Be friendly but NOT friends. If he dumped you then why give him satisfaction of a friendship when you wanted something else more substantial? Move on already. Forget him.
Yes thank you
After time for healing and if you truly loved him and there was always mutual respect it doesn’t hurt anymore. You actually can see him just as a friend
Nope, there is no benefit from being friends, especially if it is a new break up. It's not fair to the new possible future relationships. Yes, peel the band aid off and move on. Great video, Mark.
That's what I'm thinking too. My fiance broke up with me 3 weeks ago. We were together for 6 years. He was a step father to my daughter who is 13. I was pretty upset when he broke up with me. But we have talked and are in a much better place. We agreed to be friends for my daughter's sake. But im afraid it's still too fresh. I'm still hopeful that maybe later on down the road maybe we can get back together. But I don't want to put my life on hold for someone who doesn't have the same openness. We lived together so we kind of have to see each other when he gets his stuff etc. My daughters Dad isn't really in her life so I was happy my current ex wants to still be in her life.
@@kimbershark I hope things are going better for you nowadays...well, global pandemic notwithstanding. 😄😄
@@MaryTheresa1986 Hi Mary, thank you for your kind words. I still have hard days but overall I am doing much better. I found out not long after that post that my ex fiance did in fact leave me for someone else. Which I suspected all along. However what I didn't expect was finding out the person he left me for was our mutual friend that was already married! My ex and this woman worked together for years. I hung out with her alone and sometimes we as couples hung out all together. So not only did I feel rejected but I felt extremely betrayed too. It was awful :( my heart was broken and not only for myself but for her husband of 10 years as well. My ex fiance was still wanting to be a stepfather to my daughter so even though I was angry and utterly disgusted I did my absolute best to put my feelings aside for my daughter's sake. He would text and see her pretty regularly. But unfortunately the texts grew further and further apart. Same with the visits. My Daughter just turned 15 August 12th and he wished her a happy birthday via text message. But she hasn't talked to him since then. I'm still friends with his mom. However I'm a bit hurt because I recently found out he married the woman he left me for. I just spoke to his mom the other day and it would've been nice if she would have given me a heads up. But time definitely heals. Like I said earlier I still have my days where I cry. But I'm much better now. I have a boyfriend and he treats me way better than my ex ever did. I also got a little part-time job at a hardware store. It's honestly been the best thing for me. I hope you are doing good.
Agreed
No, I have dignity . No friendship from me.
I’m still friends with my ex from 3-4 years ago,but for almost 1 and half I had to cut him loose after the break up.
To heal better myself and work on myself in all aspects of my life
I gained confidence independence and much more
When we became friends again he kept saying his very much proud of me and we are best of friends
He Tells me everything about his relationship and that stuff
But I sees him with different eyes exactly as he is and I don’t like him not even inch as I did back then..
Wow. That's pretty amazing. Good on you guys. I eventually want to get there with my ex, but how would a future partner feel about me being best bros with my ex girlfriend?
Mark you paint a picture of an ex like they are a good and positive person. It’s not about bitterness or rejection. My ex emotionally abused me, and if he wasn’t a good partner to me then there is no way he will be a good friend. I choose my friendships very carefully. The answer is never be friends with an ex who hurt you, because it’s only going to encourage their behavior
But he says at the start that this doesn’t apply if there was disrespect (which is even less bad than abuse) so this definitely doesn’t apply to your situation.
I agree
During the pandemic the government imposed distance and I wasn’t able to see the guy I have been dating. We haven’t seen each other for 3 months .
He has been acting distant lately so I asked him if everything was ok , I wasn’t expect the answer I got, but he said he met and had sex with someone during the time we haven’t been able to see each other, twice!
He said it’s been on his mind and he was happy I asked the question. Then he says we should be friends, I’m struggling with this because it’s not that easy for me because I’m hurt . I don’t feel I can be friends with him at the moment
@@angelat3182 When someone shows you who they are, believe them. He cheated on you (funny how the government's rules applied to you and not his side piece 🤔🤔) and only confessed when you initiated the conversation. He's an untrustworthy ass who doesn't deserve your friendship.
A few years ago I reconnected with my first kind of boyfriend from school. We have had no contact for many years and reconnected via mutual friends on Facebook. We still occasionally chat to catch up on how our life is going and there is no bitterness or awkwardness that I can feel.
However, when I first saw him after so many years, my first thought was “ what the hell was I thinking!!!” Lol 🤣
hahaha
Absolutely not. If we are no longer together then we don't need to communicate in way shape or form. Especially not as friends. When you were in love with someone you will never look at them the same again.
This 100%
Mark, I totally agree with you despite all the other comments here. When a split happens but you were both good people and still value and respect each other, a friendship is possible. It can’t happen right away, both individuals need to work on themselves and grow separately and once they’re “on top of the world” and are not emotionally attached, they can become friends.
You usually know you’re there when you’ve genuinely happy for them whether they are in a relationship or not. It requires a certain level of emotional maturity; it’s possible.
If the relationship ended on a bad note, or a partner was abusive during, it’s usually more difficult.
I’m friends with one of my ex’s. We get on well. Still buy each other gifts for birthday/Christmas. I introduced him to his wife and was a guest at their wedding. They are a much better fit together than we ever were so how could I not be happy for him?
We can all feel whatever we want. I'm not friends with my ex but even if I wanted to be friends with him my other friends said to me they don't want to be my friend if I'm going to be friends 😔 with my ex they're not making me choose anything. There choosing sadly like there choosing to leave me like giving up on me that's what it feels like there doing. I guess nobody wants to be friends that's if I choose to be friends of my ex
Except I never said I want to be friends with them. They were just warning me I guess saying they're going to not be friends with me if I wanted to 😔
Pretty cool of you.
I just cannnn’t !! Unless we unite again as couple.
It's certainly not for everyone Risamore
It's hard and takes Godly wisdom and guts and whole lot of dignity
risamore the same to me!!!
Then don't. You gotta do what's best for you.
risamore yesss
Me and my ex broke up yesterday, he didnt had feelings anymore we want to stay friends but its hard, because i dont get kissed or get hugged anymore
Depends on the ex I'd say. If you're mature and if they're mature, and if you're best friends, go for it. The relationship ended, but that doesn't mean you have to lose everything else. You've got an amazing best friend, do you want to lose that? You want the best for them, and they want the best for you, keep people like that close.
I can't believe that some people think continuing to share emotional closeness and intimacy with former lovers while they are in a new relationship, is somehow not being as unfaithful to that new partner, in its own way, as rubbing genitals with that ex-lover would be. In many ways, it's worse because sex can be just about sex - it doesn't have to necessarily have an emotional component...but I guess people tell themselves all kinds of stories to justify to themselves what they want to do...
If there are adult boundaries... and those feelings are gone, why would it be an issue? This just says to me that the partner is insecure and doesn't trust their partner. What if a partner has an ex and also has children with them for example? @@suzy1750
Great video Mark,Happy New Yr !! I tried to be friends after a short dating exp a while back and although I was genuinly happy for them relationship wise and amicable, It's too complicated. And having the benefits of a partner and being free was implied and expected .so happy to be moving on.
Hi, Mark. I’ve just recently found your channel and really appreciate your insights. I also love that you drop the occasional strategically placed f-bomb.
... so true!!!! No simple answers but if anyone is truthful to themselves these are questions to answer candidly
Great video! I'm friendly with my ex, but we aren't close friends anymore. I found that the reason we didn't have a compatible romantic relationship were very related to reasons we wouldn't have a strong platonic friendship and that's okay :)
Same! Broke up a week ago
Wow! I m glad that i found this video in my recommendation,that was really a great advice Mark!! Thank you very much!
Yes, for most of my exes, I would feel happy for them. However, I've learned NOT to "like" a status too much for exes because it tends to make a new partner upset.
Yes more the relationship status I meant Barbara than their random statuses
Mark Rosenfeld one of my most recent exes had a previous girlfriend who got very in his face when he started seeing me. She liked his status but then she immediately tried to submarine us.
Good or bad I'm always happy when my ex's find somebody that makes them happy. But I tend to be more of a friend than a ex-girlfriend as long as possible.
Good video :) I’m friends with some of my exes and it works. Obviously if there was a lot of abuse or if one wants to and the other doesn’t, then it won’t work. Two of my exes actually have partners who are supportive and happy with our friendships, so there is no disrespect to anyone. If you do not believe it’s possible then it’s probably not possible for your case or at least one of you is either disinterested or it was too traumatic to get over. We all put our egos aside and know that we trust one another fully.
But I know that is rare. I’m just saying it’s not totally impossible. And yes it does take work in the start and a lot of self awareness and openness and honesty.
But how can you let someone who completely broke and shattered your heart back into your life? Even if I got over the heartbreak, every time I would hang out with him, I would think of all the emotional distress he caused me. Even if he is a good person in general. I just don’t understand.
It's certainly not for everyone Sarah. I do think it's important to eventually find gratitude for our former partners, for your sake, not theirs.
Sarah Shakour but its not neccessary the case of "he broke my heart". It may be that things just didn't work out, without anyone doing smth hurtful.
I'm in the same situation. My husband cheated and still is cheating. At the same time, he wants to behave as if we're friends. He left me heart broken and no way will we be friends again.
It's possible if there was no kind of intentional heartbreak. Sometimes the feelings of one person just turn out to be just friendly and as sad and heartbreaking as that can be, there is a kind way of saying this and for me it's working out that way and hopefully will keep doing so :)
But the answer to that of course is highly individual and maybe not the right thing for you
I agree with you
Thank you for your video Mark! I have my answer now. It's really hard to come up to a universal answer for this question but I like your videos because you backed up your ideas with evidence and you don't force or favor any side of that idea (at least not clearly). Anyway, I think it'll be disrespectful if telling people to be or not be friend with their exes, at the end of the day, it's ourselves to figure out what we should do to be happy. Again thank you Mark. I love this video!!!
I don't believe that it's a good idea. I've never been friends with any of my exes. I don't think that it's a good idea (specially if it was a year or longer relationship) because either you or your ex would still have feelings and wanting to get back together. All this would do is give false hope to the person who is still very much in love. 30 or 90 days is rarely enough to completely be free of those emotions. Not to mention the unfairness and jealousy this friendship would bring to the next romantic relationship with a new person.
Agree totally
Agree. I've heard people say 'well, if someone wants to be with me, that person needs to accept that I am still invested in my past lovers/partners' and it always perplexes me because I always thought being in a committed relationship with someone meant prioritizing that person above all your former lovers/partners. Even if they do 'accept' it - and people will accept all kinds of things for all kinds of reasons including low self esteem, fear of losing the person and so on - why would any decent person think it is right to ask the person they claim to cherish above all others, to accept it?
Yeah ..I love this..we decided to end our relationship but after 3 days we communicate again and decided to be friends instead of lovers and much happier we can laugh no labels and it feels so good
Overall great advice, I'm just struggling a bit with the one about emotional support. I'm currently friends with my exgirlfriend (still working it out) and while my intend for staying friends isn't the emotional support from her, I kinda do need it right now because I'm at a really difficult point in my life concerning mental health (totally unrelated to the heartbreak of course, otherwise that wouldn't be a good idea) and she is helping and supporting me so much through all this and right now still is the only person that really knows that much about me. I mean I'm no expert, but right now it feels like a good thing to stay friends with her and put the energy into this friendship but also into getting over my romantic feelings for her. But I've also done pretty well concerning the other indicators except for the 90+ days one...
I'm glad to hear you say the truth that being friends with an ex requires a great deal of emotional maturity. All of the ex girlfriends that I remained friends with have kind hearts and it was 100% positive post breakup. The ones who did not want to be friends were filled with bitterness or at least a sociopathic lack of empathy.
Thanks for the levelheaded thoughts on this. Helps clear up the fog. The big one being giving it three months. Yeah.
We get friend together as respect. Thanks Mark, I enjoy watching your video. God bless you.
Two of the three people I know that did the 'friends' with exes thing are now married to the ex who they'd remained 'friends' with - for many people, even though they won't admit it, staying 'friends' is a way of hanging on, keeping them on the back burner as a possibility. Oh, and the third person? The new partner told told my friend's ex that he could be friends with his ex if he wanted to, but she wasn't going to stick around if he did so he told my friend he couldn't see her anyone. While I felt bad for my friend because she was hurt, I don't blame the new girlfriend in the least....
Finally got what I was looking for. Thank you!
A break is important. Immediate transition is not possible. We need no contact for a while.
Thank you!
You spoke so well and nicely, loved it
Thanks, really appreciate - glad you are enjoying it and got something out of it.
The answer is NOoooo it's not a good idea to remain friends you will get hurt if theirs feelings involved
After amicably ending our relationship, my ex wanted to “stay in touch”. No, thanks! I am not the “friends with benefits” type. Don’t stay tied/stuck. Instead, learn from your former relationship and love yourself enough to self invest, grow, and move on. 💪
As I said in the Facebook group......How good you bring this! I have spent the worst of times in Ig with my ex but I do not believe in blocking anyone at least he leave me alone but it has been brutal to see him with his new girlfriend until I saw a photo on Sunday and his eyes were sad and empty .. Then I told myself that although we are not together I would like to see him happy and smiling !! is not that the true meaning of love?? ... and I hope that for him even though I don’t speak with him and never get to tell him.
Thanks Your advise I will help my daughter through this.
No, simple. Let's not over complicate and over analyse these things people.
I became to my ex after 12 years of split up. By that time I wasn't bitter or angry anymore. Plus it's him who contacted me trying to remind me how he used to feel comfortable around me. Talk and laughed about all the rubbish jokes. He hinted if such time can ever roll back. I straight away replied NO. Am happy with another guy. He accepted and asked ufbhe can be friends. Once in a while we say hi, His married but not happy man. It gave me the strength to be friends cos am happy andvthe doesn't seen to be. OTHERWISE I WOULDN'T HAVE ACCEPTED TO KEEP HIM AS FRIEND. SELFISH ISN'T Thanks Mark you can't be friends with ex unless if you doing better than him or her.
agreed
You can be friends after many years of not seeing each other and just catching up and then move on with your own lives. That for me is maturity.
I am an adult that can handle seeing him happy. I wouldn't want it any other way to be honest
That's so nice September :)
I was married for 46 years and then left. And yes, we have 3 grown children and 6 grandchildren and we don't see each other, but we are friends.
This is the best on the topic I've been able to find. It seems like everyone is on about getting back together with your ex. Not much on if you're considering whether to accept their request to stay in each other's lives as friends.
I appreciate the lovely feedback, J M!
I am sort of “friends” with benefits with the ex. We can still carry a friendly conversation... which is fine but it gets hard when we start talking about memories or bringing up topics about someone else which is a down fall for me. My ex tends to have the upper hand and the last word.. gets away with it and I’m just listening. Ugh so no it’s not a good idea but I’m still in this rot.
Off topic but Mark, to me, you're basically a Jon Snow who knows things... a lot of things! Thanks for sharing your knowledge and keeping it real. New subbie and hugs from a fellow vet :)
I think it can work but only in certain circumstances. If there was any abuse or toxicity cut them out completely.
My Ex and I have been friends many years. One relationship dynamic all folks go thru is our common aging process...We all "change". Those with emotional maturity weather relationship changes, and realize both he and she were in "that dance" This is a huge one, folks. Been married 25 years since, and we respect and get along with each other. "Hating" year after year is counterproductive to our own peace of mind, and impedes our ability to love/like in return.
Drop the rock...when we are emotionally capable to let go. Not perfect here, but I do not like to see examples of so much animosity toward one's Ex, in these sites, w/o a way of healing. Look at life, if we can, from the perspective of folks in their 60's and 70's. We all realize when standing back, how short our time really is, so why waste such negative energy, over time? Best to watch Stoic videos, etc., work on our life' goals, thus helping ourselves to grow, and be a lot happier with our/others' common journey. Our extended families will thank us... from Darrell. 😇 PS: please excuse my preaching. LOL. Subscribed.
Honestly, we just click different, he’s a great person. I have always valued his energy, and he says the same for me. I love that he is improving himself, I’m proud of the man. If he needs my support, he knows I’m there for him, and he has done the same for me. As friends we are super compatible, but a relationship is more than a friendship, aaand we sucked at that.
So, yes, we are close friends who support each other. It is amazing to see how far we’ve come. And I must say, it’s so relieving to have a friend with whom you can talk about anything and everything, when you know so much about one another.
I’m about to go meet my ex this afternoon. We just broke up (his doing) a little over a week ago. This video definitely gives me a lot to think about. That Facebook example is perfect….because I know I wouldn’t be able to like that post on his account if I saw it today 😢🇨🇦
Thank you for this video Mark. It was educational and enlightening. I just got together to play some music with my ex, for we were in a relationship and a musical duo for 4 years. It was a mutual and amicable break-up and our intention was to remain musical friends and even do some gigs together. We had a little over a month of no contact, but we had planned a trip before the breakup, and I wanted to make a decision about the trip, so I emailed him. He called me back and we had a respectful and kind conversation. I've found great benefit of this separation for I am learning to love myself in deeper ways, but I really hope we can transition into musical friends.
I dump a man because he's a jerk in one way or another, so why on earth would I want to be friends with a jerk lol. Civil, yes, if I have no choice but to run into him, but absolutely not friends.
I wouldn't at this moment because so far all my exes have been terrible to the point where when I finally realize how rude or disrespectful they had been , around two weeks after the breakup, makes me want to block them out of my life
Which is totally fair Natsu - it's certainly not for everyone especially in these types of situations
I have kinda kept in contact with some of my ex's and feel that it is possible to do it. Of course, the ex who broke my heart more than once - we tried, but he didn't want to be reminded of the biggest mistake we ever made and so we couldn't maintain the friendship
This is an amazing video.
I am friends with almost all my exes 🤩 As you say, once healed from the break up I see no problem if both are not romantically attracted!
I have an ex that I’ve attempted to trying being friends with. But he did tend to let his impulses get to him and become nostalgic of all the feeling he had had for me. What makes this more complicated is that this ex of mine was someone I originally met when I was in junior high and we did establish a friendship then of course. So I guess that’s why I to an extent still care for him very much even if it’s virtually/from a distance.
Best video on this topic. Thanks!!
Thanks for watching and commenting Ruth
No in hell I’ll be friends with an ex. It will lead to problems & it’s not fair for new people who is trying to be in a relationship with these ex’s I’m just not a drama woman and thank God for that!! New man new start..
fea mapu I dated a guy who used to meet his ex 3 times a week other than the chats and phone calls. It made me furious and ruined everything
@@RashaandLife Exactly. Avoid men who are still friends with ex's. It rarely ever works out.
Happy for him but it hurt anyway ...😭 6months end up but I still hurt if I am honest.
Totally understandable Thanan. Friends with ex is CERTAINLY not for everyone
How you doin now? Hope things got better and you got wiser.
Have a great day! Merry Christmas, Happy New Year and Happy Holidays! Cheers, buddy! 🥂
God Bless! Stay strong, stay safe and take care of yourselves! Wishing everyone the best! Jesus loves you! May the Holy Spirit guide you! 😇 💗🕊
it is very bad idea to be friend with your ex directly after breaking up . give your self time then decide if you can be friend with him or her .
Your awesome and amazing your advice is great and I appreciate your videos.
My pleasure Jaclyn Givens. Thanks so much for watching xx
Thanks Mark!!
Another great video
There is no way on earth I would want to be friends or even friendly with an ex. Most breakups don't end well. If I saw any of my ex's out in public, I would avoid them at all costs.
It's certainly not for everyone Ger, though I'm a firm believer ex's play an important part in our lives, and the people we are today and that holding onto anger towards them only serves to poison us.
Mark Rosenfeld But that's just it, Mark, I'm not angry. I am indifferent. The opposite of love isn't hate. The opposite of love is indifference/no feeling.
If you respected them as a person when you first noticed them then and still respect those same qualities now, then provided they haven't had some sort of crazy personality change, then there's no reason you can't be friends eventually after the initial pain has healed. Otherwise, you're not in relationships with very good men if they're doing things so horrendous you can't stand to see them that trigger the breakup, and should probably check your standards and/or your "picker" (a word Dr Drew of Loveline used to describe your psychological and biochemical attraction as a noun), just my POV.
Lily Frey Before you speak, you should have more facts instead of sitting there and judging me. Who the hell are you?
Ger R Someone who is wondering why you can't stand them to the extent where being friendly is an impossibility. I feel like something awful must've gone down each time?
Also, spitballin' because I'm not a professional like Mark.
We went 90 days and we have been laughing soo hard since weve been back in contact on the phone and texting. But im still in love with him so it sucks
How did it go?
The only situation where I could stay friends with an ex is when the relationship was unserious or completely wrong and I am only happy to leave him and all this leading Me to have no feelings for him at all. Otherwise there is always a feeling of being betrayed somehow haha
That's fair Lidy! It's certainly not for everyone
My ex of 2 years and I just recently reconnected after one month of no contact. I spoke to him and he gave me mixed signals. He told me "can't friends just hold hands?" but because I wanted to hold his hand, I did. Then we laughed and joked about a lot of things having a good time. My speculation is that he doesn't want the commitment because he is afraid I will grow possessive and clingy again.
We hugged for a long time, and he would do nothing but say he needed time to himself to find himself again. He said he wanted to "date as friends" and I'm not sure what to make of that. And then made it clear I was not to treat him like a boyfriend, but as a 'normal person'. He did tell me he would like to build it from the ground up. I tried to be fun around him, but then showed sadness, too which I know I shouldn't but it was hard.
I mentioned something about him not having feelings for me, and he got a little upset I assumed that. And then he told me that I'm like my old self assuming things, but he knows what "he feels" and that's all that matters.
He did tell me he could be a 'typical a******' and come upstairs to have his way with me and then come back the next day just to do it again but because he respects me as a human being he wouldn't. Sounds to me he doesn't know what he wants. We spent this evening holding hands and talking. He told me I'm not losing him, but he wants the freedom to do what he wants. I asked him why we couldn't do that when were together and he told me he didn't want to worry about anything but his own emotions..
When I told him good bye I slowly released my hand as I went toward my front door. I told him "see you later" and he responded "I look forward to it". He waited, and I walked up the stairs. As I looked out my window upstairs he waved at me. Then, after driving in his car he slowly pulled away and waved again.
Please help.
What I really about the message here is that we have to be soooooo honest with ourself
Had a bad breakup and divorce. Took me years to do the work I needed.
Years later we are now friends and it's all good. I enjoy his positive qualities and it helps that we were good friends. We speak only ever so often. It also helps that we are in different countries.
Loved this! I dated my best friend and we broke up. At the moment, I don’t feel ready to be his friend yet but definitely hope that one day we can have our friendship back or at least something of what we had before we dated. I certainly wish him the best I just haven’t moved on from my romantic feelings for him.
Yes. We both still love each other. But we have decided to break up and move on for some reasons. It's really difficult as hell to live without him right now. But I've decided I'm gonna be atleast a friend in his life. We've decided to be friends again. But only after moving on completely. But if your ex wasn't a good person, it's not recommended. My ex was a very very loving person.
Hey how did it go, I have similar experience, I dated my best friend not 7 years. We dated for 2 years n then it was hard breaking up cos we fear losing our friendship. It hard, but I'm hoping I could survive this. He is a great person also
+omolola osho heii.. same situation as mine.. he was my good friend and we are FRIENDS now after year of breakup.. but sometimes he takes me forgranted .. he wants me to be available all the time.. and he is behaving like nothing had happened bw us(he cheated on me) ..I am hating this.. I hv a bf now.. a very good guy.. nd I want to invest my time on him.. I don't know if we will be frnds coz it is taking ugly turn..
@@snehasara2562 I get how you feel, if you have a new bf then just ignore him, don't let him ruin your new found love.
marysparade I wish you the best. I hope my ex and I can be friends again too. It’s been tough. We broke up for more circumstantial reasons than fighting etc. timing I guess you’d say. We were good friends for 10 years and five of those together. I do miss her a lot but I know it won’t be the same ...
For me based on my experience theres no wrong to be friends with your ex if your break up with him/her is in good terms. If both of you respect each other decisions that you both do it for the good reasons that makes both of you grow & matured especially for the sake of both happiness.
Me & my ex will became a best friends & ive seen him just like my brother who genuinely cares & understand my feelings without any doubt's & judgment coming from him & we both realized were destined to be a good friends ❤
My ex husband and I ended up not talking for a long period of time. When we would talk we would get stuck talking like we were married. Recently I spoke to him at our daughter's event. We talked for awhile because I wanted to discuss a health issue he had with him. My daughter wanted me to talk to him about it. I realized at the end of the conversation I had a let down. It is not even close to having any real kind of connection and it felt empty. For me I don't know if I could be friends but I can still feel concern for my ex if something bad happens to him since we were in love at one time. More than that keeps me from moving on.
Weel, Mark, I'm down here in the deep south of America where the answer to this question is usually a resounding "NO", but that's because we're socialized to that without there being any real substance or concrete evidence that confirms that no. It's all on an individual basis as you've described. For instance, I'm twenty-something years friends with a guy I broke up with under not very pleasant circumstances. Once I understood who he was, though, and why he was and who made him that way, I was able to put him in my "Don't ask your math major friend to help you with your English Lit homework and don't ask your English Lit PhD friend to help you with your Geometry homework" heart space. Now, he can be quite negative at times but he's alone in life so I check on him, he checks on me, we speak regularly and hang out from time to time. We'd kill eachother otherwise, but when we stay in our lanes, don''t bring up or discuss uncomfortable subjects, we enjoy eachother's company; we're cool.
Im still friends with my exes all of them just because we didn't work out don't mean i have to be rude they say hi i will say hi just don't want anything else because I know how that one will work out great video Mark
It depends on the situation. My ex and I were married for over 33 years and have been divorced for 18 years. We are currently good friends and neither of us are interested in “getting back together” again; however, we do get together frequently (occasional lunch/dinner, spending time together with our adult disabled son, hanging out together). There is absolutely no physical/romantic/sexual relationship…..we do enjoy each other’s companionship at times. He lost his wife of 4 years, last year and has been struggling dealing with her loss. We have had a very long history together and even though neither of us wants to renew a committed or physical relationship together, we seem to still have a bond that is beyond the physical aspect. We are quite comfortable around each other and have the ability to talk for hours. Although, over the years, we had disagreements, we didn’t engage in heated, aggressive arguments or fights. Neither did either of us use language or verbal interactions that were disrespectful, offensive, or cruel. Words can cause irreparable damage to any relationship, therefore, continuing any type of relationship impossible.
It's impossible to be friend with an ex, IPMOSSIBLE! That's why I love you're method Mark : no BS. 😙 thank you
Thanks Han Bel - though I can't say I agree. I know people who are friends with their ex, and while uncommon, it IS a positive relationship that contributes to one anothers lives.
Does it interfere with their new relationships? Because that's really the issue. Of course you can maintain the "friendship," whatever that means for the individuals. But you can't always predict how that will affect your future relationships. You may not want to jeopardize or limit future happiness just to hang onto a relationship that didn't work. But, if it's important enough to risk that, then I say more power to them!
If you have a child with the person then you might as well learn to get along while you are apart and hopefully be sort of friends.
You make such great videos!
Really appreciate this comment, Brooke! Love it! x
For me I decided to take the friend route because I had never done that before & I had this moment where I felt like I’m going to continue to receive this situation if I cannot end as friends with someone. The heartache is still real but bc of him & not me. So I tap my heart & send it back to him & this healed me very quickly.
Glad it worked for you, L. Thanks for sharing your story! x
My boyfriend of two years broke up with me today. We were so so close and he ended it because he just wasn’t feeling it anymore. I can respect that and it ended peacefully. He let me know that he is still here for me and here to care for me as my best friend. So we are still going to talk and hang out because at the end of the day, I always had a great time just hanging out with him. So I’m ready to take the next step even though I know it will be hard
Although I remained friends with an ex-boyfriend, his new love got suspicious and thinks u are still dating, even when u tell them u aren't. Sometimes, the new lover of your x wants to hang out with u to make sure u aren't fooling around with their guy
😲😲😲mark hi🙋🙋🙋.this is so great for those who had ex friends, but thought it is so difficult.
to me I hate to go back even to a friends everyone who breaks me or I ened up his relationship no matter what 💪
Think this actually kinda helped me today. Me and my ex were together for 2.5 years and lived togther for half of it. And still talk maybe once a month on the phone. I’m never sure what to think if it was being in love or just a good friendship. But the fact we talk about anyone we are seeing seems like we’re really good friends. I don’t care emotionally about if he’s with another girl. I deeply care for him and want him to be happy. But it’ confuses my current bf as to why we still speak. And does confuses me sometimes to. Because what if we’re meant to be togther?
For those years we dated only fought maybe 3 times
MARK PLEASE I NEED YOUR HELP...is it wrong to keep in contact like i don't call it contact even it's just a short conversation from while to while like once in a two weeks to know if we are doing well and we both do that..is that WRONG OR RIGHT?
thank u so much, Mark :)
My pleasure Bianca. Thanks for watching xx
I think girls assume that you can just go bam the next day be friends. No one wants to give the other person time to 1 grieve the loss of the relationship and 2 let them come around when they're ready. So many girls just think they can break it off and be friends the next day without regard or concern for the other person and if they don't come to terms with it in the same time frame as them then the other person is stuck up or selfish or "needs to get over it". Give the other person time they didn't know you were going to break it off and you don't know how much they were actually invested in the relationship.
Even when it's made with "good intentions", you don't know what's in the other's mind. I used to think we are friends with my ex. Later on I knew, he was just waiting for me to have a "weaker" moment and just get back into my life as something more- friendship was never the point 😆. Don't really fool yourself. This most of the times doesn't work.
A lot of men are like that with their friendships with women, not just exs.
That pillow avoiding the friendzone
I mean this because after watching this video i realized that i cant imagine seeing my ex with someone else but i want them to be happy and we continue to talk but in a friendly way
That's really good Anna - proud of you
No way, never! Coz thats ridiculous. Staying friends will make the roads even more slippery, Im afraid. I would want my man to be truthful to me, have no distracting friendship with his ex. Likewise, I would want to choose not to stay friends with my ex so that he can devote all of himself to his significant other that he will meet on his way ahead.
Nice Eni! Yep, it's definitely not for everyone.
I'm friendly with my ex (who has a girlfriend) so that he won't come back.
No, no and no!! It’s not necessary unless you have children. It’s not fair to future partners. I was left by two men who were still in touch with their ex’s.
Some people could do it but it’s not easy
i think it’s impossible in the beginning to reply positively to the question “would you be happy if your ex will find another person” because if someone moves on so fast for me it means they never cared about our relationship in the first place. especially after i was planning my future with that person and he let me go. it’s normal to not see your ex with someone else because you feel like a betrayal. but after you’re over the breakup things change
Ok my situation is my ex broke up woth me and it changed my perception of them i dont see myself being with them ever again but i do want to have them stick around ive thought about everything and made my mind and i wanna still be friends. After our id say short black out period last time I talked to my ex she didn’t seem all too there like she was uncomfortable? Distracted? I didn’t know what she was thinking or feeling. maybe I should wait longer should i talk to her she stated she has a lot of things going on nothing specific so i can’t understand should I approach her because she definitely isn’t gonna or at least I don’t believe she is I just really wanna casually talk to her without her having that “ur my ex awkwardness” I wanna know what shes going through its just kinda hard to start up anything or actually idk how to properly start talking to them without invading their space and putting them on a spot or making it like a obligation thing. Im in contact with one of her friends and he’s helpful should i keep talking to him and get some insight on the matter im going through hoops and shoots or ladders to try and communicate one on one or casually ill give it more time. Just wait another week or month is there a waiting period too long? What would be the shortest time im impatient or well ive become impatient since last time I waited 3 weeks just to end up single OH SHIT SHE RUINED ME WAITING FOR SHIT! at this point im throwing everything out sorry and thank you if someone reads this
I wanted to stay friends with my ex, cause his positive quialities would add so much to my life. However, he didn't reply when I wrote to him and proposed friendship. I guess it's beaucse deep down he actually wants love, not friendship. Or maybe he still resents me for our breakup. Or might there be another reason?
Great advice once again. :)
Cheers Shannon - more videos to come this week :)
Thanks, Mark. :) Can't wait!
I have a strange situation because I ended up moving in with my ex after we broke up. The situation was that I moved in with him and another friend and we managed to live with each other with the friend for 3 and a half years. Sometimes it does work
I’m friends with my ex’s but only through text no way in person 🤣😂🤣
Nice video.
Thanks, Teddy Picker!