Can Exes Be Friends?
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- Опубліковано 11 кві 2017
- Partners who break up frequently think that the nicest thing to do is to try to remain good friends. But this nice-sounding gesture frequently brings with it unexpected consequences.
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FURTHER READING
“There are some very strong and socially-endorsed reasons why partners breaking up generally try to remain friends.To the person being - however nicely - rejected, the promise of friendship can feel like an emotionally-reassuring consolation prize. We may no longer be allowed to share their bed, have children with them or end our days in their company, but at least something can be rescued from the ashes: we will continue to be able to call them when we like, share our fears and go to the movies together...”
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"If two past lovers can remain friends, either they were never in love, or they still are."
I agree
You say this because you don't know what you're talking about.
@@MissElisabelle agreed
I wouldn't get involved questioning whether or not you were "in love" with someone. Love is just a feeling anyway, and it can disappear as fast as it appears. Emotional feelings are built on sand. True friendship is far more constant than love because it is based on an admiration and affection for another person's character, and this usually doesn't change.
@@kholirobert6598 your weird or at least less simple minded
The opposite of love isn’t hate, it’s indifference...that takes time to acquire.
Well said.
Profound observation!
- Jordan Peterson
@@habboUdviseren No. Lumineers
Hate is a mutated form of love
I think the key component to this working is that both people actually accept that the former relationship is over and to not have any expectations for the future. Mutual forgiveness and valuing the other persons happinesses is also critical. It certainly isn’t for everyone.
Don't be a beta.
@@yishihara55527 don’t be so butt hurt that you feel a need to be “alpha” and pretend you dont care. That’s toxic, bro.
@@curious_gage No. What you are doing is basically trauma bonding and rationalizing. No one truly cares about someone who ditches them. That means that you are somehow repulsive in their mind and they don't want anything to do with you. View them for what they are and process it that way so that you can move on.
@@yishihara55527 I’m not one to stay friends with an ex personally, but some people can. But that is true in many cases and no contact after a breakup is always a good thing. But you don’t need to remain bitter and resentful just because they want a different life than you. Sometimes both people still genuinely want the best for each other despite breaking up and realize their ex is still good person. It’s not healthy to hang on to resentment or pride. However, if they mistreated you, cheated, or disrespected you, then you should cut them off completely.
@@curious_gage Well many breakups are caused by cheating, mistreatment, disrespect, etc.
My ex and I had a horrible relationship. After I broke up with him I didn’t ever want to date ever again. Four years later we started to talk again out of nowhere, and then we discussed the past. We recognized our mistakes and forgave each other. That was like two years ago and currently we are really good friends. I don’t know how, but surprisingly our friendship works. We even play online together and hangout. Time and distance were undoubtedly the most important factors for this to happen.
I had a similar experience with my ex. We both agreed right after we broke up that even though we loved each other we were not meant to be together and immediately took distance. It was for the best. After some time we started talking again and briefly discussed what caused our separation. We’re good friends now. He’s a very good person and I will always wish him the best.
N you both still don’t feel love or the urgency to get back together since you both aren’t dating?
@@agbordaniels Look, I can only talk about my side. I do like and appreciate our friendship a lot, and people’s expressions when we tell them that we are exes still makes me laugh. However, I’ll rather die in the most slowly and painfully way before dating him again. Sounds quite extreme, but I’m not joking nor using figure of speech, that’s literally how bad it was. As friends, at least I don’t initiate hugs nor anything of the sort because it is partially thanks to him that I don’t like to be touched at all (He doesn’t know, I never told him). So no, I definitely don’t feel any type of love nor urge for him. Although that might be because honestly I never loved him.
Besides, he has a girlfriend. They have been dating for like six years, and have a lot of problems, but I know for a fact that I’m not part of it. I do keep certain distance to avoid that.
'4 years' is the key piece of info
@@tillie3545 I feel bad for you but also like I think I probably wouldn't want to date someone like you but also this makes me really scared to date in general
How could he have known if you never told him?
Being friends with an ex is like going to the perfect job interview and not landing the job. However the hiring person will still call you and tell you the amazing things about the job and the qualities another person who got the job has. And they'll end the call with "Thanks for listening. We'll call you again when it's convenient for us or if we get an update."
Damn, never thought of it that way. Great analogy!
And that's why you go back to school by learning something new about yourself, then land a better job with better benefits so you get that call again it doesn't phase you as much
Hit the nail on the head with this one lmao
@Tankkizzle Well this is kinda messed up but just when their venting take their partner's side and you'll see how fast that comparison ends
You stole that from the same internet we on smh
Can we just appreciate the depth of the animation?
It was pretty well done I must admit :).
backing that
true that.
1:56 - 2:00 ...Savage!
+rusk17 ikr
As the dumper, I agree with all of our motivations for friendship. There were three reasons I had to end my post-breakup friendship- (1) I felt like I had to go through micro-breakups with them after becoming friends where I would have to remind them of our status; (2) I realized I was there for the wrong reasons, which was to see if I was doing better than he was after the breakup (I feel awful about this one); (3) he still had feelings years later. I realized a friendship with feelings is not a friendship, it’s just an unrequited love.
Yup. Was it a straightforward relationship in which you simply lost feelings for whatever reason or was there deception involved? Sometimes there are some high quality people out there that appear to have been "dumped," but in reality there was never really a relationship. For example, if someone was married but just wanted to use someone to fill in the missing puzzle pieces.
Pretty based comment.
needed this. thank you!!
Honestly this just reminds me of the situation i dealt with (and still kinda do)
Context this is in highschool so thats a factor
To put it short, good friend finds out I like them but they never talk about it or address it directly (out of unrequite, shyness, or pity i never got to know) - all I can say is, they talked *about* how they liked me but never TO - no, WITH - me so it was never 100% known it was always unsure on my end and felt like my feelings were a joke honestly
Whenever I tried to get an opportunity to address it alone with her usually she gave me a cold shoulder, ignored me, or used her best friend to hide behind (not physically but you get the idea)
The worst part of it all is - if she actually liked me back why didn’t she say so/stay being my friend at least or if she hated me after the fact why care about my feelings afterward and just tell me straight?
Last thing - maybe its just me but does anyone else believe you cant be in a romantic relationship without being friends as well? What I mean is, you can starting dating someone romantically but end up also being good friends and thats what i believe someone you marry is - both lover and best friend
Maybe thats not common i just felt that way
@@thefoxwolfdraconisagree with the last thing; i think the best kind of romantic relationship is the one you have with someone who's also/already your friend. After all, I could never get close to someone just for dating if I don't like who they are as a person
As the child of two parents who fell in love at university and later undramatically fell out of love and stayed the best of friends I think its obvious exes can still be friends
They had children in common, so they couldn't ignore each other and forget they didn't exist. It's a totally different scenario if there are no children involved. It's far too painful for the dumped to remain friends if they still desperately love the dumper, they need space and time.
No. Simply the feelings were never that deep.
They just have a child (you) and deal with that with maturity
Don't be surprised if you're the reason or one of the biggest reasons they're still "friends" now
god all these peolpe commenting under you are so annoying. im so glad your parents are still good friends, cuz mine hate each other. it sucks. they do not pretend to like each other, at least not when the other isnt around, which is basically always. i dont think even the nicest of people could fake a friendship for their child, so no, i dont really believe the assholes here saying youre the reason they get along entirely. it’s probably partially true, but believe me, its not the whole reason
To everyone watching this, I feel you.. we're in this together!
My Boyfriend broke up with me about a month ago and we weren't in touch since, even though we are at the same school.
(He's trying to avoid me, I guess.)
I actually thought about trying to get him back as a friend, but this video proved for myself, that it might be better if I don't.
So, feel you aswell.
DemFeels brother.
Mari , why bother getting a boyfriend?
Mari let it go and learn from it.life can be so long that after you learn more about relationship,he could still be there.
TuSn
.
I thought I missed my Ex till I realized it was only the memories I missed with her when we were perfect
damn
Poignant. Spot on. Truth hurts.
isn't it annoying when sometimes all that's left are all happy memories, and we tend to forget all the things that went wrong and how much they hurt us.
@@maureendadivas5968 Exactly.. I atart by thinking about good memories and then I remember the bad ones and recall why we broke up. Sucks.
Bang on you fantasise of what could have been
It’s deluded you didn’t want to be there learn to live on your own
My partner and I broke up after 11 years. We're friends. The transition was difficult at first. However every so often we will contact one another to say hi or share an article or a funny picture. The point is we know we are there for one another if anything should happen because we genuinely care for eachother and want to be in eachothers life. Romantic relationships are conplicated and staying friends after a breakup definitely is, but a friendship is possible.
Did you guys end up getting back together? 11 years is hard to move past, there's always going to be feelings there?
ye and then you acknowledge those feelings, you understand them and you see that its probably because they are a great person so there is no reason to be there for them, as a friend
@@lostsoul23-sr4dumaybe maybe not, we dont know but I'd say dont be suprised if they're still friends rn, its possible for that outcome to happen ragardless of what these love "experts" tell you in the comments
my current partner (of 4 years) won't even react to a funny post or memes i shared until i show my disappointment or sadness.
it feels like i have to be angry first and ends up as the bad guy just for trying to build a connection.
@@cnj96 have you talked to her about it? Sounds pretty unhealthy all around
I tried to be friend with my ex, but never have I felt that burdened in my life. I was the "victim" and he was the one who broke up with me. Finally after I found out that he's dating someone else, I deleted all of his pictures from my phone and also deleted his number and I felt a sudden relieve
Did your ex know you wanted to try to be friends with him? I know how that feels cuz I'm trying a little bit to be honest I'm not going to try too hard I will not rush myself. I'm friends with his mom though I started being friends with his mom again. I wasn't expecting her to be happy to hear from me. That was a first-time and shocking. just cuz I talked to his mom doesn't mean I'm going to date my ex again. Cuz I'm with somebody else. Since I have a current relationship. I'm assuming she knows I'm taken cuz I do post pictures of me and my boyfriend. I know may get text from my ex sooner or later probably. I could try give a friendship a shot very slowly though.
“Once my lover, now my friend. What a cruel thing to pretend. What a cunning way to condescend. Once my lover and now my friend.” - Fiona Apple
It rhymes, but I don't agree with it. True friendship is more constant than love anyway.
I was just thinking about this line!
Omg didn't expect Fiona to be spotted here. Nice one
PUPPY love we had when we were like young can safely turn into friends however deep love/ or deeply attached relationship we had could hardly turn into friends..
Love that song. Her voice!
One good test you can ask yourself before deciding whether or not to be friends with your ex, is this:
"Would I be jealous if I found out they were dating someone else?"
If the answer to that question is anywhere close to a "yes", then you are not ready to be friends with them.
Achilles94627 what if i’m not sure
@@jcardosa02 I think it's not worth the risk
smoothie càrdôza then you shouldn’t be friends with them. When you know you know.
AND "would they be jealous if I DID"?
@@roseheart270 Because deep within they still harbour feelings for you, and a part of them still hold hope for getting back together. The grief after a break up is similar to mourning a loved one; there's denial and hope that, somehow, the person who left us will come back. It may take them some time to adapt to the idea that you no longer form part of their lives.
Almost had tears in my eyes at the end when he said, the only place safe is memory….life sucks sometimes but mostly is good
Something not mentioned in this video. Is if YOU are the new person who comes along.
I dated a girl who (I didn't know at first) had a history of breaking up and getting back with her ex. They'd done this several times over years! She assured me that they were done for good and she needed to move on. Apparently she dumped him and they'd been broken up for a few months when I turned up.
Things went well between us. I grew attached to her. We had similar interests, she was independent enough not to need constant texting. I actually imagined it turning into a proper relationship in time. And 3 months later, when she went on holiday without me (as it had been booked before we met) I was not concerned.
Upon her return, she casually mentioned that she had been contacted by him whilst she was away. But it was nothing and I didn't need to worry. Apparently he hadn't been well. But within hours, she was having a phone conversation with him, stood in her hallway whilst I was sat on her sofa! I always suspected he was upset that she had moved on, and he was clearly playing on her past feelings for him.
She mentioned him a few more times in conversations (including saying she was possibly going to meet him 1 day) And whilst I didn't react to it. It was beginning to bug me. But her actions over those few days hinted that she was going to dump me and go back to him.
And so it came to pass. I got a text one evening (not even a phonecall!) saying that we were too different and yadda yadda yadda. She ignored my 1 and only phonecall attempt. I gave her 2 days grace then deleted her from every social media we shared. I think I saw her in passing 18months or so after that, but she didn't see me and I didn't try to initiate anything. Why bother? What would be the point?
If her ex had stayed out of the picture or she hadn't responded to his messages who knows what might have been. But I've made it a hard and fast rule now in my dating life. If a lady tells me she is still in contact with her ex. I bail out as soon as possible. I am not in contact with a single woman I've slept with after we decided not to see each other again. How else can you move on if you keep picking at the wound hoping it will heal...
This just broke my heart and healed it at the same time
Same 😔
That made zero sense
@@utkarshsingh545 Really ma frand
My heart hurts and i dont like it
Wow i felt that, i feel absolutely shattered. But somehow i feel like i have learned something positive deep down.
Remaining friends is the most painful thing you can do, trust me. Do not attempt. There will forever be one person benefitting, and one hurting.
It's not something I do as well, but I've got plenty of friends who dated each other but then broke up and continue to contact each other but as friends. It can work out but it's all in what the two people are cool with. If one person wants to continue to talk but as friends while the other has the mindset of "You continue to date me or we will have nothing with each other" then that's when the two are better off separating for good.
Adam Foster I literally just dumped a girl for this very reason. We dated for about 3 months and she said they ended on good terms. She took a call from him in my kitchen. I don’t trust those who can’t cut contact with their exs. 9/10 times it so they have a backup whether or not they’re consciously aware of it
@@bkroberts89 Exactly. I'm sorry you had to dump her over that but I think you made the right call. It is usually in my experience so they have a backup, but even if it isn't, you shouldn't have to deal with that anxiety. Find someone who will commit fully and will respect your boundaries.
Depends on the relationship and the person. Not every breakup is this torture filled painful thing, it can also be something agreed upon and mutually accepted.
I don't agree
I'm still friends with my first boyfriend. We dated when we were 17 - 18 and loved eachother very much. Then school was finished and we both went abroad to different countries and separated since we were both hungry for life and adventure, each respecting the other ones journey. Life happened and we life in different countries and have different partners. We see eachother from time to time and still have love and respect for each other. I love him, and always will but don't feel the romantic element of it anymore. I'm happy we separated on good terms and always stayed respectful towards each other :)
That's good hear how you doing with your friend hope your doing okay I hope your friendship is going well? Sorry late comments two years later. I am friends with my ex-boyfriend's mom not necessary friends with my ex. I had a little short conversation with his mom saying hi how you been she answered back with a ☺️ saying hi back. She likes me still and still cares about me. And nope me and her didn't bring up my old relationship since I am with somebody else now in a whole new relationship. Well it's not new cuz I've been with him for two years now. Meaning the breakup with my old relationship was a long time ago anyways. Yeah I feel good and okay it doesn't bother me being friends with the mom that still cares about me.
But yup his mom respects me and she nice to me.
Lol
I burst into tears in the final scene when the little one was set free. Even though I was the executioner, I truly loved my ex-boyfriend more than any man I ever did. I miss him from time to time, even though I know he’s not the right person for me, and we don’t want the same thing in life. Humans are complicated - I am still attached in some ways.
dont let anyone save you for later.
READ THAT AGAIN
@@MP-ut6eb lol, just wanted to say this 😄
I think my wife save me for later because she's separation with me but she don't demand or talking about divorce , and she wanna be my best friend, but she talk with me by WhatsApp for 5min just once or twice time in week , we are like that for 40 days .
This is true. But could do fine without the womanist phrase rEeD dAt AGaiN
I watched this video after a breakup and decided to remain friends with an ex regardless. She got into a new relationship quickly after the breakup and on one occassion told me she loves being fought over. I realized I was there just to validate her from time to time.
I stopped giving her attention and she got angry saying I don't care about her. That's when I blocked her.
If anyone is in that situation watching this video I would urge you to do the difficult thing and not stay friends with your ex.
you are right
You appear to be young. Good for you for understanding you were giving free attention. You were being treated like a fan, or a commoner, because you were treating her as a rock star, or as royalty.
Perfect move
same story, ex tried to remain "friends" after 3 months of our breakup. I said ok at first thinking we can work it out again but found out that she was in a relationship right after leaving me for a dude that I told her not to mingle with when we was together. turns out they were in a bitter sweet relationship and i was just there to give her timely attention and validation, i told myself i cant do this shit and decided to cut off all contacts, now im focusing on myself and other good things in life.
remember love is just a part of life and not the whole of it so live life to the fullest alone or with someone you love, theres always someone for everyone and something to do for everyone :)
i'd say get with that person she's with maybe even be his friend and warn him about her because no man deserves pain from such a selfish manipulative woman. this is where the term "bros before hoes" comes in.
There's a quite peculiar scenario (in which I'm in): When you two were close friends for a long time, start dating and then split up. I never remained actual friend of any of my exes, but, in that particular case, things got a lot more complicated, because I miss the old friendship a lot.
i'm going through exactly the same...it's really really hard
@@pudu666 I've written my comment 11 months ago. I can give you an update, if you want (I'll just assume you do). For some months, things remained weird, but, with time, I felt much more comfortable rebuilding our friendship. And as the months went passing, we began being really good friends again, which has been really great for me. The feelings that made us want to date are no longer here (which I think is a crucial part) and I feel grateful for having such a great friend.
@@VJ-bn9bt going through this right now. Me and my ex were actual platonic best friends before we dated. Long story short we didnt work out and she wanted to go back to being best friends again but it was too hard for me with feelings involved now. This has been difficult because I lost 2 relationships. My best friend and the romantic one. I can say with conifdence im not over her so I need to get to the point of not wanting to date her to go back to being best friends.
We are at 4 months no contact right now. I dont feel pressure to reconnect cause I know its for the best. Just wanted to vent. We had a fight near the end and decided its best to go no contact to reconnect in the future with an open heart
same here. we were friends before dating (we met on a dating app tho). we broke up and decided that this is not the right moment to keep going as a couple (he has some internal issues that I hope that he could notice and heal them). I sent a letter to him, wishing the best and blocked him on all social media. Few days later, I woke up in tears, and I realized that I missed him so much. But as a friend. I explained why I blocked him, and why I decided to unblock. He said that he feels the same affection for me, and he does not want to lose me as a friend too. But sometimes I feel sad because we are not going to talk as much as we talked before. I miss that.
It completely depends on the people, the situation and the relationship. It's silly to try and apply answers to everyone. Ex's can definitely be friends if they both move on from the romantic elements in healthy ways.
it's easier said than done. I think taking that advice from the video can lead most of people to a better decision than ruining good memories by trying to be something they were never supposed to be.
seen a lot of stories that didn't end well. it's extremely hard to be 'just friends' with someone you loved. you can trust your instincts on deciding if you want to let go or believe you can keep a friendship
Yeah they can be friends. I'm not friends with mine necessarily but I started talking to his mother I'm friends with his mom because she did started to follow me first on my Instagram I followed back I said hi had a short conversation she said hi back with a happy emoji. She was happy to hear from me. And no I did not bring my past old relationship up because 1 I am with somebody and 2 I am way over the old relationship. I add her on Facebook after that she accepted me back. And the break up was a long time ago anyways.
@@kristenfuller9168bringing your personal relationships, or making examples out of your own personal experiences is where this discussions become pointless. In the real world, we left eachother. We parted ways. It didn't work out. Why are we speaking? Take your path i take mine we move on.
Felt so bad watching this.. but I guess it was necessary :( ..
@Charles-Valentin Alkan getting better x)
same bro..hope you getting better. it WILL get easier :)
Pedrooo ❤️
me too
Same:(. My gut hurts. But I suppose its supposed to
I always was in the boat of "of course you can still be friends with your ex" but all of my past relationships I either did the dumping or it was a mutual agreement. Now with my most recent ex being the one who broke up with me, and during a time where our relationship was actually going well, it felt like an insult when she suggested that she still wanted to be friends... Something about the idea that the person wants to meticulously curate and cut out things from your interactions with them is off-putting. I had to ask her exactly what "just friends" means in her eyes because it sounded like she wanted to continue doing everything we were doing, in which case why are we even "breaking up", you know? Ultimately she just didn't want the emotional responsibilities that come with being in a relationship, and while I don't resent her for that and respect her honesty, I do feel like that's kind of shitty and lazy and I feel like I wasted several months. We now just watch each others' Snap stories and share memes on facebook. Thanks for reading all this, random youtube comment section stranger.
TenZa thank you for sharing
She isn't worth your time if she doesn't think you're worth hers. Stay strong bro
Thanks guys. Didn't expect anyone to care or even read all that, I just needed to put my experience out there
well i'm feeling guilty now. i dumped my ex for another guy in october i think and i told him i wanted us to be friends just because i didn't want any enemy or something... i was such a bitch and he blocked in every social media and then changed schools.
TenZa I'm actually in a very similar situation. My girl basically came out and said that she is physically available but not emotionally available. Still wants to do everything we were doing before but with out the emotional baggage. This seems like a waste of time to me as well cause I don't see someone just for the hell of it, I'm looking for a life partner, someone to love and care about. So if it has no future, why bother?
The animation, the voice over, the entire concept behind this video… really well done. I’m in a committed relationship but videos like this still randomly sneak into my algorithm and remind me of the possibility in this world that one day I may return to being single and to remind myself of who I would become in such a situation. Very grateful to be alive and to take control of my life in every small step that I can manage.
Trying to be friends with my ex just gave me extreme anxiety and bad energy. I didn’t want to be with him in the least but I felt a huge relief when I finally stopped talking to him!
"You can never be just friends with someone you loved"
Alex Spriggs never settle for less than you deserve. You are worthy of love
You can. If it's big love...unconditional love.
Yes you can. As time passes, you will not care anymore and being friend with you ex is just some another normal friendship.
@@vladopris1172 then u never truly love ur ex if it comes to that part bruh
So Ni is this means that you will get back to yours when they ask for it ?
Dear lord am I sad right now.
Good moments will come back.
GLT Music right?!? im so fucking sad x 10000. . . .
I am too. Still hope you're going to have an awesometacular day in the Milky Way - even if it's tainted by sadness.
Same
wtf am i supposed to do
i cant
Ruth Lusijah it hurts to know the truth; I know, I cried when I watched the video.
This video has come into my life at such a good time. My 'Ex' sent me a birthday card in March, after we hadn't had any contact for over a year, and I chose to respond to the card with texts and a phone call. After ups and downs, we met up, twice: time together, talking, coffees, lunch. Everything seemed very polite and friendly. They wanted casual contact but I began to realise I wanted more than this. I still had strong feelings for this person and wanted to become close once more. I also realised that like the movie, 'Ghost Town', I believe the reason this Ex was still in my life/heart was that I still had 'unfinished business' and hadn't let them go. We had never broken up as such. Thank you for this video and the very real messages. I now know what I need to do for my long-term peace of mind.
I believe that friendship between exes depends a lot on how the relationship ended. My best friend is my ex, we were married for 5 years until we realized we weren't meant to be a couple anymore. We always were very open and honest with each other, and that ended up being the key to end the relationship before we let things get sour with petty disputes and unnecessary fights over little things. Yes, it was a little messy in the beginning, but we BOTH wanted to keep the friendship the we valued so much so we respected each other's boundaries e gave each other time to process their feelings.
It's been 6 years since we broke up, I'm now married and he is also in a relationship. We are best friends to this day and we consider each other family. We love each other deeply, just not in a romantic way.
But there are exes that I'm not friends with, and I don't want to be. Each relationship is different and friendship after breakup is not always a good (or desired) option
I hate it when people hurt you and say “we can still be friends” 😂
Yup, They are very selfish!
Sometimes people have a genuine change of heart, but it's always up to you to decide if it's so or if they're just gaslighting
I don't recycle past relationship. Period..
@SweetCupcake I hate it too. They are no friends. If you forgive, they keep com
ing back. I have expierienced it.
Many times. Greetings Jens from Denmark.
Anyone can fall out of love, mostly young love. It's really not that bad at all but it do hurts for the victim of such phenomenon. They say it's better to tell the truth than drown in lies
It really is hard being a sad ballon
I know I felt so sorry for the ballon
Luckily you're human and have the option of changing how you react to future circumstances.
I felt sorry for both the balloon and the scary-friendly beast =P
Its even worse knowing that I am guilty of being the creature :( We did get back together and I want to spend my life with her, but the thought that I put her through that pain really makes my heart ache.
The sad balloon hits home.
I really appreciate this video. For me, whenever my ex is at sight, hope reignites. Civil distance is definitely the answer, and accept that the feelings can just stay as a memory. 🙂
I think it depends on the couple and how they broke up. I can totally see being friends as a bad thing for many but there definitely has to be those out there who continue having close bonds without it setting them up for heart break.
This video teaches us that it hurts more holding on than letting go
Hold on mr Glock! :D
I always watch this when I miss my ex
It's been a year and I dont ever see going back or ever talking again an option. The memories start to become replaced with other ones and I realize who to never form a relationship with.
Just keep swimming 🎶
This is particularly interesting. I find that when people get together in relationships that both aren't very compatible, there's no real 'reason' for them to want to be involved after the relationship has ended (assuming they don't have kids). My thoughts on this are that some situations in life and some people may find that they benefit more from being casual due to where they are in their life or working on personal issues without wanting to offload onto the other partner during the process. I'd take the word 'love' out of the equation because it all comes down to connectivity and friendship. You can't have a relationship without it!
Don’t ever settle for less than what you desire emotionally, physically, and mentally. Don’t reward someone friendship if they dumped you and broke your heart. Keep your dignity, and give them the gift of missing you. ❤️
I so agree
God, thank you so much. I love you. I needed this.
Perfectly said, nothing at the expense of self-respect! I so needed this 😍
Amen brother
There's a difference between being "friends" and being "friendly".
Yeah, been there, done that, and it led her to want to meet up. Friendly for me didn't work.
ideal should be not even friendliness but just cordiality. just be cool if you stumble across her, but don't try to hangout or be close, do activities and all that stuff.
Betrayed and dumped 4 years ago.
"I hope we will always be friends"?
No contact was the only option.
No contact.
My man the thing about " lets stay friends" is just something you say out of courtesy. I was on the same boat as you were but it really is a shitty thing to hear after you get cheated.
Betrayed and dumped 3 years ago.
We cut contact for 3 months and then met again (planned beforehand) to talk things out and see where we stand. We are quite good friends now, but now that I think of it, we didn't go down ti being friends. We rebuilt a friendship after being together for such a long time.
@@Zwerggoldhamster once a cheater, always a cheater. You didn't solve anything, you just restarted your clock and it's ticking once again. Better face the harsh reality than to live inside a dream
No contact ✔
@@SoleNero21 I am not really dependend on her anymore, still nice (even helpful) to have her around. Not saying it always has to be the case, with my more recent ex I am not sure we can ever get to this point at all.
This is what I have needed. My soul feels free at last. I have much gratitude for the creators of this video.
The other issue briefly touched on in the video, but largely ignored in the commits is the problems this creates for future relationships. For my money anyone keeping an Ex around as a friend is a big Red Flag. Not sure how emotionally invested you want to get with someone who is spending time with a former lover.
Louder for the people in the back.
Did my best to be mature about this issue with an ex but it was disconcerting at best to constantly encounter their exes, former lovers.
This!
I wanted to be friends with my ex(I ended the relationship) but she still had feelings, I said it was hopeless. We were friends for a bit but in the end she said she needed “no contact” and she would need to stop having feelings otherwise we couldn’t be friends(which makes perfect sense). But if she came back, I’d be friends with her(only friends), idk why this would make me a big red flag but I kinda I understand where you are coming from(for example, if I looked at it from the perspective of a guy who fears she isn’t over me, then it would be difficult for him to be in a relationship with her).
@@EclipseOfGod You got it! you don't have to agree to understand. I appreciate that but, If your girl wants to hang out with a guy she used to bang; you have a problem! Think carefully about invested you are in that relationship, thats all I'm saying.
@@monkeyboyalcoholic I think sometimes it comes down to trust and openness/honesty as well as being highly perceptive(for the one making the judgment “is person B trying to bang their ex?”). It’s hard to have trust with someone you don’t know, hence you see them as a huge red flag and it’s understandable, but at the same time, I know I have no interest in having sex or anything romantic with my ex, so I assume other people like that exist.
And while keeping an ex as friend can be seen as a red flag, the same could be said about having only “bad breakups”(I’m generalizing only for the example) or wouldn’t you agree? And it just happens to be the case that “good breakups” sometimes save the friendship, it doesn’t have to be super close friendship.
This video could have been way darker. It is not just because people want to be nice. Some want to keep control and still know everything about the ex because it makes them feel powerful. Also they enjoy stirring up feelings so the other has a hard time finding new love. There is a whole range of dark emotions missing here.
Cornelia Weiß This is so unfortunately true :/
According to studies, some people with the so-called “dark triad” personality traits - like narcissism and psychopathy - keep their exes around for strategic, self serving reasons. You can look it up. Worrying stuff :-/
I've done this before and didn't know until it was too late. Unconscious manipulation is a terrible thing that the SoL should touch upon.
Cornelia Weiß
Yep. Girl I dated for 3 years suddenly left me for someone else and still tried to be my friend. It was nothing but a cruel attempt to control me. She even told me that she was "terrified" that I would find someone else while she was out fucking some new guy.
People are horrid, man. Don't ever let an ex try to control you like that.
Cornelia Weiß thats a bit pessimistic. There are all though rare, cases of mutual separation where there are no hard feelings, My bestfriend was once a lover, and we spent sometime apart before hanging out again but once we started having fun and going out it was lovely to have them as a friend, a much better role then as lovers. Just because it doesn't always work out one should not accept this to be the only way things can go, humans after all for all our self analysis and understanding of pathology do not in fact know all possibilities. I feel one sells one's self short if you close off any chance of someone entering your life again because they dated you. As for "unconscious manipulation" I feel that is an example of fooling one's self. Manipulation is not simple and doing it passively suggests a deeper issue that is outside of whatever relationship past or present. Furthermore Nothing Ventured nothing gained, taking a chance at something that is a risk is not always a bad thing. Leaving your comfort zone is how you make progress in life, if you only ever do what is comfortable to you is a pretty way of saying that you're stagnating but that's just my perspective and i don't have all the answers but I don't believe we should ever close our hearts off to people who have a genuine care for you
When she cut herself loose in the end I started crying.
Who said it's a she? 😉
Statistically speaking the one cutting itself loose is more likely to be a he.
same. bruh.
@@user-yq7ud5vt2j women do nearly all of the dumping/initiation of divorce etc.
Same...
It’s possible if the ex is not toxic. It depends on what caused the break up. If the relationship ended on good terms, there will be no problem. And you might even find that platonic friendship is much more satisfying, than the constraints of a romantic relationship.
Possible if they didn't massively break your heart.
For reasons I probably shouldn't go into here, I really needed to watch this video right now. Thank you School of Life. I think hearing these words was what I needed to stop feeling so stuck or hurt.
Nice fucking timing, school of life. Nice fucking timing.
i know tell me about it
Me too after 18 years, I think what this video says is true though it's still not easy for both sides just have to keep busy and time will heal.
on me..
Juan de Brigard I
Ooh, it was indeed a good timing to release the video, I broke up in april, but youtube just recommended this video just now, maybe because I have difficulties to decide what to do with ex?
There's something that bothers me about the opposing arguments to questions like this. People will say *Oh I'm friends with my ex* or *human relationships are more complex than that and many factors are involved*. What about when you were truly in love with your ex? As human beings, we make and break so many human interactions and relationships, there's no way that all of them would be significant to us. But anyone whom we considered once upon a time to be our everything, loving someone else is painful.
I think people would find it difficult to just be friends with someone they considered to be the love of their life. Casual dating or dating with no foresight for the future can easily produce friendships from the tattered remains of a failed relationship, but can any of us actually replicate that from meaningful break ups?
If you're in love with someone, and things didn't work out, why would you want to be just friends when you fought so hard for more? Can you handle the fact that you didn't pan out with the person you love but they'll eventually find someone who's more compatible or better? Can you handle knowing that your ex love will be intimate emotionally and physically with others while you are still there? You failed, you both failed, you couldn't or just wouldn't keep the relationship alive, and their presence would always be a reminder of what could've been that never will be.
Grey Scott Oh, God. This made me cry. So hard but true.
what if you both weren't in love, and decided to break it off?
Stacey L
You’re a sad little sock puppet. Either you didn’t love your exes meaningfully, or you’re deceiving yourself. Whatever helps you sleep I guess. In the meantime, it would be great if you could desist in spewing your bullshit. The world doesn’t need more of that.
SkyNet hahahaha righto
I legit cried bye
im well over my last breakup. i remember watching this while still heartbroken and i cried. years later, no longer heartbroken, i still shed a tear. breakups are tragic, and yet, very natural to the human experience. it is what it is.
My partner broke up with me last Friday. So I’m watching all these videos to cope.
@@talk1425 Know you're the opposite of alone - 99.9% of the human race have felt what you're feeling and have moved past it. it fucking sucks, and you'll be thinking about that for a while, but that's ok. keep living your life, learn to deal with it for however long you need to, and gradually it'll fade away. don't set time limits or expectations for a recovery from heartbreak. the time will come on its own. stay strong. you WILL get through it, and you'll come out the other side a smarter, more experienced, fuller person.
I think it very much depends on the situation, on how it started, how it went, how it ended, how you both feel about it and how you function better..
An ex saying we can be friends is like a vet telling you your dog is dead, but you can still keep it.
That is funny and kind of harsh but in some ways also true.
😂😂😥
Looks like a job for a taxidermist
@@tinidor08 thats funny
Yep that what it feels like. Time for a burial.
even if you wish to be friend with your ex , the development of emotions isn't equal for both sides , one would fine love soon enough and that can be disturbing for the other one
Khalil Elakhal the truth have been spoken
Khalil Elakhal I've been there, it was saddening for me. but they broke up a while ago. and i was tempted by her absence
Anna Toor I think that what he meant was that one of them is going the get over the other one faster. you can still be friends with your ex, but it will be awkward as hell when she (or he) start telling you about another person, you could get jealous even if you are not in a relationship anymore, and that is because people get over relationships in a very different rate. (sorry for my bad English btw, I'm not a native speaker)
Exactly what I'm going through and it's painful
@Afro Man Cut ALL ties with your ex IMMEDIATELY. It's the ONLY WAY. Seriously, don't be friends with your ex. It will not work.
I never thought staying friends with an ex was ever a good idea. They can never really "lose" you if you are still in their orbit. Become a memory, however, and you'll always be the one that got away
I didn’t go away. He lost me. But that doesn’t mean I don’t still care about him as a friend. I can either mope and miss him or do something about it. Either way, he can do whatever he likes, after the way he’d hurt me nothing will really hurt anymore. It’s all part of life. I knew he didn’t love me when we were together, but why can’t we just be friends? Why do we have to never see each other again? He did lose me, I will never be able to love like that again.
I never stay friends with my exes. Once the relationship is over, its done.
The narcissist loves to stay friends in order to have someone to go back to...repeatedly
Yassss
Borderline personality disordered person can (not all!) do this with a whole string of exes. Never let go and come back to them every now and then for some validation. Absolute poison.
@@lordbunbury this is exactly what os happening to me right, i am in a relationship with someone who i hold dear very much, bit she is bipolar and we are always breaking up and coming back, i don't know what to do anymore
And although they may say that their intentions are pure, those same words can hurt more than any blade or bullet
Or the person still cares about them and appreciates the friendship it all just came down to do they really wanna spend the rest of their life with that person and the answer just happens to be no
This video makes the assumption that every breakup is the same: with one side forever wanting the other back and the other offering a friendship consolation. This is not always the case, some people can be more mature, confident with themselves and happy for whatever the future brings for both parties without giving in to jealousy. In this way, a healthy friendship is possible.
I agree with you
Not all endings are bad.
if ending are good its even worst be friends" its respectfully you guys...
Even if you end things respectfully id guarantee whatever friendship you have isn't really that much more then an acquaintance.
I've never seen anyone I know where that worked effectively
Being mature sometimes requires you to let go.
This video was a reaffirmation of a lesson I learned the hard way, and provided a nice closure. Thank you, I was touched by this.
I agree with every word said here. That is the only way to act in order to keep dignity of both parties intact.Thank you.
I was cleaning my book shelves and I found a pic of my ex from 2 years ago,that I have forgotten about.It's crazy to think this "stranger"used to be the most important person in my life.Now she is just another face in the crowd
Yup, know the feeling. At the time I was obsessed with my ex. I literally thought it was impossible to move on. Now I'm with my new girl, I feel almost nothing for my ex. Strange huh?
@@swadey2.017 It's really hard not to get attached and somewhat obsessesed over someone you love isn't?The sad part is that the one who loves less has the power.Glad for u tho!
That's the craziest part
Reminds me of one of the most cutting lyrics in a song by Dire Straits.... "You promised me everything. You promised me thick and thin, yeah. Now you just say 'Oh Romeo, yeah, ya know i used to have a scene with him' ".
I would say - you are happy not to meet that person (yet?).
There is a good saying I like: you have to fall in love for real once, otherwise you’ll keep thinking that love is wonderful.
I tried the "friends with your ex" thing. It gave me a lot of heartache, and him owing me $120.
FireFlower sad to hear. Thx for the warning
@Kind Citizen Right. Most girls, not all, tend to have some lingering feelings about keeping the guy around to give it another shot.
Why 120$ is my biggest question 😂
@@TheCostimen same XD
Well, I can't afford 120$ as loan to someone so that's that then. Goodbye ex. 😜
Subscribed just because of such a profound video.
Ngl, it was gut wrenching to watch. I felt like the little balloon person being strung along like a fool.
Sometimes you reach a threshold in a relationship where it’s not the same and never will be again. Unless you have kids together it’s better to part ways.
I’ve been hurt and I’ve hurt others in my pursuit of love and a family, and it definitely isn’t an easy journey.
I hope whoever is reading this that is having a rough time, that you may find peace soon.
Just don’t stay as friends, because I have always said it’s impossible to remain friends. It’s mental torture and anguish if you have a big, bleeding heart like mine.
I know of a man who could help you restore back your relationship either your ex or soulmate
He was the one who helped me in restoring back my ex partner three days ago without delay
Whtsaap him"**
Do one about the difficulties that comes with dating someone that still talks to their ex
Sucks though if before you were lovers, you were friends, and you just wanna go back to being friends...
thugangel662 Yeah I agree, this is why you have to think seriously before entering in a relationship with your friend, because if something ever goes wrong with relationship then you are done. And usually it does go wrong.
You don't have to be done with them...
I think that is the only case when you might be able to become friends again.
So don't date your friends.
That was us. And everything we had was amazingly... Now is like hard to believe how your heaven could turn into he'll so quickly😞💔
I'll never speak ill or sling mud at my exes, but an ex is an ex for a reason.
This was the absolute best vid on the topic. The graphics were superb. Thanks it helped me make a decision to get out now while I still have a shred of self respect.
As someone that is in this situation currently, this is an incredibly hard pill to swallow.
I don't think you can be friends with your ex until you're both in a new relationship. Only then do your associations of intimacy and connection move to another person. Once there, to test whether you can be friends with your ex, you both must answer these questions:
Do you only desire to see them one-on-one?
Would your new partner or their new partner being there make it ... odd?
If so, the level of intimacy you desire goes beyond friendship. You want to share something with them that your new intimate partner would be excluded from. To me, that is an emotional betrayal of your new partner, and it implies you harbour private intimate feelings.
@FalloutBreakbeat, "You want to share something with them that your new intimate partner would be excluded from. To me, that is an emotional betrayal of your new partner, and it implies you harbour private intimate feelings." -- this is so true.
@@krisrocker437 well said
Yeah... just No. I can care about someone without needing to interact with them or see them. I don't need to be friends... and if both of us have already moved on to another relationship, really what's the point? I was once married to someone who stayed friends with all of his ex'es. There was one in particular that he hung out with on a regular basis. He even had an ex girlfriend photo album that he brought out whenever my brother came to visit. I found it disrespectful.
@@SkyePhoenix Whoa, I don't think I could take it if my boyfriend hung out with his exes and had an album of them.. That's very disrespectful and inconsiderate. I'm glad to hear you're not married anymore
It's awkward to be friends with an ex lover -an unwitting torturer. Civil distance is a likely alternative, but still equally hurtful.
At least it's devoid of the hypocrisy which is virtually unavoidable in a post-relationship friendship (due to the fact that the procreative impulse is so damn strong that it dares lie shamelessly to your face so it could be appeased).
For me the process of becoming friends with an ex is long and sometimes it never happens. It doesn't work if you try to remain friends after a breakup. You have to forget about that person, heal up however you can and, when the times come, if you find again that ex you and her of him will see each other as other people, more mature and wiser an maybe that's what you need, meeting them again, meeting a new side ofthem you both never knew it existed. It sometimes doesn't happen, but sometimes it does. Relationships go far beyond the sexual, you can still care for people and love them even though you don't have romantic or sexual implications. It's called "cariño" in Spanish. Relationships aren't one way or another, aren't just black and white.
I love how descriptive and emotive the animations are😊.
I feel like this doesn't leave room for the idea of returning to friends after some time to grow themselves away from each other. Ive managed to be friends with one of my exes but we didn't talk for 2 years after the relationship ended. We found each other again through a mutual friend and it doesn't feel like I'm with an ex, but a friend.
I feel like this is the way to do it.
Same. I was even genuinely happy for my ex when he got married. We weren't friends for a few years but eventually became casual fb friends and it's crazy to me to think we were ever dating, he just feels like a chill friend!
same for me
Honestly I agree...it takes time to heal regardless of who was dumped. Although not true for everyone, time apart will heal and help both forgive the wrongdoings and hurt that led to the breakup. I feel like little to no contact after the breakup is the best way to do things.
Agree on this
I've been friends with my ex for years now. And he's getting married this December. Trust me when I say this, as his friend I'm genuinely happy that he's happy and found someone to love. And I'm pretty sure he is also cheering me on as I am cheering for him. So I guess it depends on each person and their situation
Who dump who?
Yes - I am in the same boat. We’ve both been in our own relationships for years now and still enjoy each other’s company! It can be done, but I can’t imagine with everyone, really depends on the two people.
My fiancé and I broke up in a good way 2 months ago, because we both realized the destructive nature of our relationship. We parted ways and try to focus on our own personal goals. We are still friends and nice to each other, but we both dont want a relation ship anymore. Really depends on how you break up. Guess I was just lucky xD
I feel like this can only be true if you broke up on good terms.
Thank you for sharing that. All relationships are different.
I am not one to make blanket statements, but it us true that that friendship can end up being a caricature of a ghost of both love and friendship. Personally I struggle with the fact that I really value loyalty, to people and to my own feelings, and suddenly changing position on someone whose qualities I still appreciate regardless, if feels dishonest somehow. Especially since most of the ppl I date start out being actual friends. The idea that one can stay loyal in their hearts without acting on it - like by trying to be friends - is a tricky one for me but probably crucial.
The exception usually occurs when the relationship started as a friendship and lasted at least a little while like it before it got romantically, and if the relationship wasn’t in it sense very emotionally or strong, another exception may happen if none of the individual on the relationship wanted to stay together any longer so it ends in mutual agreement, in conclusion, every different case is a different situation and this is just a video to be suited for those situations in which we know we just can’t be friends with that ex-pecial one.
Whut.?
This only works when both parties mutually broke up. Both dumped each other.
nooo thats worst , do you dont understand what friends means
@@Angelo-sc9of I think he meant when they mutually agree that they're just not romantically compatible. Still cool with eachother, but just not... romantically. I feel if THAT is why you break up with eachother then that's pretty healthy and mature.
@@seanene4823 naa its not mature feel friendship with someone you love one day, thats not mature you have to move on.
@@Angelo-sc9of true I guess what I meant to say is if it's mutual and you both agree then you'll move on because you're set on doing so, but for people who are stuck in a "friends with an ex" type relationship... rip to them they really gotta get goin ASAP
And when there is no big dramatic or emotional reason you broke up. I was friends with a few exes until they were in stable positions in their lives, and it seemed helpful. I’m ill and don’t get out to make friends often, so losing their presence in my life would have sucked, and they generally relied on me as a kind of... sounding board for their decisions, someone to go to for support and advice.
From the beginning I was always straight that I wanted to find my partner, and if it turned out that we realized over time that we weren’t right for each other, that’s no one’s fault. We tried, we learned, no hard feelings. Stringing each other along or cheating out of dissatisfaction would have made it really hard or impossible to stay friends (not that I’d have wanted to after that), but when it was a realization that things didn’t work, it felt silly to box each other out.
It sucked hard enough to be thrown back into the dating pool, square one all over again, having lost years of time in an unsuccessful relationship. But to have NOTHING but memories, when you’re actually friends already and get along well? That would suck, make it more isolating.
We’d usually take a few weeks, even a few months, to sort of mourn the relationship. It helped it not be as awkward. But we’d usually fall into a new routine and it was generally painless. As long as we didn’t get into oversharing territory, lol. I kept in touch with one ex for a decade, actually. I think it helped him to know that even though we didn’t click romantically, he did have someone who understood him and would be there if he needed help. We all need people like that.
This obviously isn’t something that works with dramatic or painful breakups, but I’ve never really had one of those, so that’s not really in my experience. 🤷🏻♀️
Just a memory..honestly the best brutally honest advice I needed to hear
I remember watching this when i just broke up with one of my exs long ago . It's so realistic that couldn't be done better . it's still a 100% valid argument.
I can't remember how many times I watched this but I'll get tired of doing so. This is so consoling.
I broke up with my ex three years ago. Sadly, it was rather messy. I loved her very deeply and it took me a long time to truly grow indifferent to her. You know what would've made it take longer? Being her friend. I haven't spoken to her since shortly after we broke up. My only regret was not having a final good-bye and thanking her for the relationship we once had. Moral of the story; not being friends and cutting contact was the best thing I could have possibly done.
Bruce Wayne why did you break up with her?
@@user-er3xx4sd9j We weren't good for each other. It was as much my fault as it was hers. In hindsight, we were just very different people. I don't regret breaking up with her at all. I also have dated girls in college who have been IMMENSELY more attractive than her, so I also learned I could do a lot better than her.
@Daniel Rook THANK YOU
@@brucewayne1943 "I also have dated girls in college who have been IMMENSELY more attractive than her, so I also learned I could do a lot better than her." dickhead.
@@scoob1670 hey guys, I found the incel
Exes cannot be friends, there's always one person has more feelings invested than the other.
lord reyna also they slowely eventually end up hating one enouther it rarely to never works ones gonna try be decent and other is going mistake it for flirting and never ends well
TechNOGeek Reviews I agree with u and I'm not saying don't try but with time something will happen where life just won't allow it whether that be what u said or u have someone new in ur life who disagrees with it. It's a complicated thing to be friends with someone who's an ex. That's why most of the time people go their separate ways.
Arguably this is also true of any relationship in your life, be it with friends, family or romantic partnership. It's something you simply have to accept.
lord reyna thats a tough but necessary truth to face. Good point brother.
exes cant be friends right after a breakup, but after an amount of time apart, they certainly can be friends. how do u know? when u neither one of u wants to get back together with the other
im happy to hear people manage to stay friends w exs. i almost did but we ended on bad terms and the situation was complicated and i guess i didn’t give him enough time to get over it because things were tense even after half a year. and then when we parted ways completely he managed to move on and jumped to dating again. im happy for him and i realized it was selfish of me to try and keep one person i could talk about anything even if that hurt them
I'm definitely on the opposite of this. One of my best friends is an ex of about 10 years ago, there was a time when I wanted to be far away from her, but after some years we really got closer as friends again. Nowadays she is a person I can share everything with and we help each other with our relationships while knowing that there will be a strong connection remaining in the future.
It will not and should not work with everybody, but if it does it is wonderful in itself.
The key part of your friendship is you had space and time to emotionally detangle yourself from them.
I personally feel like this is a disservice and disrespectful to your current partners, but that’s just my own personal opinion. Your partners might not care at all that your still friends with your ex
If I found out my fiancé was discussing our relationship with any of his exes I would feel completely disrespected and utterly mortified. If you want “help” with your relationship then speak to the person you’re actually IN that relationship with, not your ex. I find that repugnant.
@@0AmyLouise0 Why would you feel that way? People can discuss relationships with people in AND out of the relationship. Only one doesn't have to be an answer. AND when they discuss, it doesn't only have to be the problems, but ALSO the great parts. Multiple perspectives can be great. I don't have all the answers, and I doubt any other second person does too even with my thoughts too, a third's ideas could be helpful. Also people use couple's counseling all the time. And many time's friends have called out the toxic relationships people have been in
@@alexarango1840 because it is disrespectful to your current partner. Imagine two people meeting up and discussing their current relationship when on of the biggest things they both have in common is that their relationship FAILED. Problems in a relationship should be discussed within that relationship, the idea is to communicate with your partner, not go running to someone you dumped for advice. That, to me, is absolutely bizarre. And yes, friends can be called upon for help, EXES however, can’t. I’m sorry but unless there are children involved, you should not be contacting an ex in any manner.
I remember my first heartbreak, he told me he no longer had any romantic feelings for me but still wanted to be friends. Hearing that hurt me more than it would've if he just told me he was no longer in love.
It hurt me more knowing he still wanted to enjoy the presence of me meanwhile having to not accommodate me in any way. I saw it as incredibly selfish.
I remember mine too, it was somewhat similar to yours. She said she no longer viewed me aa a boyfriend, just a friend. Fuck that hurt, I wanted to be friends (as I wanted to still talk to her) but now I see that wouldn't make me any good.
i feel u. those kind of shameful jerks rly exist and u rly didnt deserve that :( i hope ur happier now tho❤
@@riverel I am much happier now. It hurts when people leave your life but its always a blessing in disguise. thank you for asking tho ❤
@@caiovasconcellos4381 OMG My ex told me the exact same thing! 3 years together and she just didnt see me as a boyfriend anymore but still wanted to be friends.
@@tiagobarbosa509 Yoooo that sucks man, I hoje you're doing good. Was not a good feeling for me.
Why am I watching this? I've never had a girlfriend forget about having an ex...
ace king same fucked a hooker though and got too attached, then found out she didn't work at the house anymore. is that the same?
I guess it counts as not having a girlfriend though in my case I've never had any sexual contact or any romantic relationship with a female lol
ace king how old are you
ace king oh man we have some things in common
i am 25 and never kissed a girl in my entire life
Fantastic work from The School of Life once again. This discussion comes down to your definition of 'friends'. You can be civil or even 'friendly', but I honestly don't believe you can ever really be genuine friends with an ex. There will always be a level of pretence and self-delusion when attempting to navigate this path.
Your vid's are always spot on, and have helped me to finally have the strength to leave my toxic marriage. By shinning a light on why I have stayed too long, I now know... it's time to go.
Thank you.
My head just repeats this when ever they try to touch me. I Dont want to be touched by hands that arent mine to hold.
that second sentence hits hard. it hit harder than i expected
You put that better than I ever could.
Beautiful. Thank you.
Oh....wow....I felt that....
Why am I crying
Hmm...a reason why I would never be friends with an ex. Well, my ex's remind me of a time in my life where I was a person I don't want to be. They remind me of how I never stood up for myself, how I agreed to do things I didn't really want to do out of fear that they'd lose interest in me, they remind me of being extremely emotional (crying all the time, etc), how I never walked away, not look back and know my worth. That's basically the lense I see them through.
The only way I'd consider being friends with an ex is if we were really close friends before.
This all was my experience with my ex and why I could never be friends with him EVER again.
yeah I feel pathetic just remembering how i was with him and I don't want to think of that version of me never again
true
Very well said
I feel the same yet we still have to see each other since we have a child together. We're not friends but we can communicate pretty well now. Something we had to learn was to communicate, we learn that in our own. This is how we learn now, we're forced to see each other or to speak sometimes. That's our karma and I don't mind 😊 I'm glad we can walk through the same door again
The cruelest thing my ex fiancee who cheated on me and left for a richer guy did.. was she saying she still think of herself as my best friend.
The ending was so beautiful. Thank you.
This video is so accurate. I’m the one who ended the relationship and after seeing this video i felt like such a terrible person. I called my ex and just apologized and cried on the phone. It relieved me a little bit that she told me that’s she’s going to be okay. It might sound really weird but the animation where the balloon monster got her face beaten up from being dragged. That’s where it got me the most.
Interesting to hear the view from the dumper. I was dumped a year ago after two lovely years with my girlfriend and this video reduced me to tears...the part at the end when the balloon is let go. just killed me. I think its because a year down the line i'm still heartbroken.
I guess its not easy for either party...guilt for the dumper and devastation and heartbreak for the dumpee...there are no winners. I still have my ex on social media, whatsapp etc and still reach out there occasionally...I know I probably shouldn't but its so hard to let go.
That is the very good of you. Glad to know you acknowledge your actions and reached out with humility. Some of us will never get that apology.
You stupid cut the thread don't call her again
@@andybrown4124 let go. You'll breathe again.
Not letting go is just you procrastinating letting go. Eventually you'll be forced to let go and you'll feel free again. So why not do it now from your own will?
Wish you healing brother
you're not alone!... thank god you got out... the guilt is the kill, and no one to heal:/
Answer: depends on the people and the relationship
No
YES
MAYBE
Yes. Also on how exactly the exes feel about each other at the point of the breakup and what caused the breakup. If one is still deeply in love while the other feels nothing, a friendship will be tricky. But can work after enough passed for both to make their peace with their feelings, let go.
The easiest scenario for a friendship is when both like each other, but just happen to not be compatible enough in their lifestyles to function in a relationship. Any kind of daily routines that cause them to barely ever see each other. Or completely different love needs/language.
As long as they both view the situation similarly and both feel that a breakup is the best option, they can very easily remain friends. Nobody gets hurt by the breakup and all options are open to discussion with no stiff strings attached. This happened to me and several people I know. Most stayed best friends with their ex (including myself).
TRUTH 🚶♂️
what this video didn't mention and I think is important to note: This describes immediately moving from being lovers to "friendship", which is not healthy as this video perfectly illustrates. BUT it's because the process of moving on and healthy distance are not obtained and the pain had no time to heal. If you've given each other the time and space after a relationship to both move on, when your paths cross again you CAN grow to actually be friends. However, this cannot be planned. Because the crucial part is not a certain amount of time you spent apart but about the 'moving on'. If you are not truly over your ex, trying to stay friends will only harm you. So make sure the chapter's been fully closed and you made peace with it, before you let an ex lover step any foot back in your life.
aye, you need to kill that "romantic partner" them, and they need to do the same for you, for true friendship to be on the cards
@@MusiicRoolz yes :) nice way to put it! And I do think this is possible
Yes very true, and especially the part about not planning it. The truth is as soon as you give yourself a set date in which to get back in touch or be friends then the pressure is on to move on which unfortunately you can't predict or force. You can only allow things to move in their own time. You have to accept that you may never have any contact with them again, if you find it very hard to move on with them present in your life, and that's been a big realisation for me. I'm currently in 'no contact' with my ex and have no plans to ever contact them again, because frankly I need to heal and she made it clear we're never getting back together.
This was immensely helpful. Thank you.
I dont understand how I could go from letting someone sit on my face to not talking to them at all. Of course You can be friends with an ex. Relationships to me are not long interviews to see if we want to try and stay together until one of us dies. They are about making meaningful connections with cool humans and sharing memories I'll look back on when I'm old. One day life will be all about sitting in an armchair and remembering all the girls who once sat on my face. I want to remember those ladies fondly.
There is a deep connection when letting a person sit on your face, I feel you bro
@@stefanob.5251 lmao i giggled
or, hear me out, friendship to some of us is NOT possible to achieve with someone whom I sat already on their face. I don't understand how you can consider someone as 'friend' after that.
The opening sentence was wild
You, sir, are a gentleman and a scholar.
My girlfriend just broke up with me and wants us to stay friends. What a great timing for this video.
stay strong buddy
Tell her to fuck off
Tell her to step. I was in the same situation a long time ago and told her I have enough friends and that wasn't what I was looking for. That's like asking her to give you something to eat a bowl of soup with and the chick hands you chopsticks. No thanks.
I'm gonna pay you $100 to fuck off.jpg
Jordan Long don't do it your only gonna end up hating eachother just move on
Usually school of life videos dont do much for me, but damn that this one hit home. Cutting things off with my ex after a month of trying to be friends was the best thing I ever did for myself, and now a year later I can finally think of him and not feel any pain.
And call me crazy but I think I'm finally ready to truly be friends with him. Not sure if he will accept me, but now I have the fortitude to accept his rejection if it comes to that. Wish me luck.
I needed to hear this…no one deserves breadcrumbs 🥺