“ I Thought I Met The Love of My Life” Oh! Stephco Response and Analysis. An honest conversation.
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- Опубліковано 9 лип 2024
- Hi there! This video encompasses some of the thoughts, questions, and reactions I had while watching Oh Stephco's most recent video. I hope this video provokes new thought and opens up necessary conversation around accountability, self love, and self awareness. This video is in NO way intended to promote bullying, harassment, or negativity. Let's talk. Thanks for watching!
I think step is really brave, and it’s unfortunate that she’s misunderstood by so many people. She’s unveiling her most vulnerable self, her desires and fantasies. Through her channel we have a window of some of her mistakes and things she’s learning from. She’s on a journey, definitely not perfect. And I know most of us commenting and analyzing her have some cringey stories that if we shared with the world we’d garner the response she’s getting right now. It’s so easy to pinpoint what’s wrong with other people’s lives but actually doing the work even in our own lives is incredible difficult. I think she’s going through it and I have watched all her videos but I know I don’t actually know her. I think this is lost on UA-cam, we don’t actually know the people but we feel like we do. We only get a glimpse of what she chooses to show us. If my whole being was analyzing on 3hrs content, that analysis would be flawed.
Great comment!
i agree with this; and i also want to add, Steph is living her life and with that comes learning lessons. a lot of viewers are viewing her life and making judgments, instead of living their own life. many are terrified to live their own life. they sit on youtube and immerse themselves in the lives of others. Steph is human, she’s living and making mistakes like she should do. let’s give her grace…
Steph has the type of courage I wish I had even a fraction of. Despite making mistakes, she goes into the world to try again and that takes courage. Genuinely, after the few relationship disasters I have had, I have shut down and I'm downright terrified of ever dating again and making the same mistake of "selling myself short"
Ok, I understand what you're saying. But clearly, what Steph CHOOSES to show us is someone who continues a toxic cycle of self-sabotage and self-deprecating behavior. THAT IS INDEED ALL WE CAN SEE. So based on that, Steph's audience lets her know what they see, and how she could do much better for herself. I may have cringe stories from my past, but I'm only 28, started dating at 22, and have already learned my lesson from just a few bad dating experiences. I've grown because I've learned from my mistakes and improved my thought processes. The fact that Steph continues to indulge in behaviors that gives her the same exact outcome at her age is alarming. She has let us know her current thought process is what she's had for over a decade now. I wish ya'll would stop insinuating this is just a phase when it clearly is not.
@@jamiew.6606 You are everywhere in the comments posting your negative comments.. you are trying to come off as “helpful” when you are really toxic.
I like OH! Stephco...I think her vulnerability is exactly what a lot of us who were or are "awkward black girls" NEEDED to relate to. Her openness to share her dating woes is cool and she probably has helped many gals out there know they are not alone.
But...
There are a lot of women who tend to use "toxic positivity" to enable poor behavior. And what I mean is - many many MANY people have really kindly and directly advised Steph to slow down...fallback...stop chasing and setting unreasonable expectations...stop turning into a "nice girl" when men reject her...stop putting these men on a pedestal within an hour of meeting them! I feel for her, but I see someone who wants so badly to connect and be WANTED - but cannot handle the constructive criticism when her actions are questioned. It doesn't help when the toxic positivity crew jumps in and calls everyone a hater, bullies, or mean, etc - when the truth is that all the solid advice she's been given keeps being ignored and thrown back at people like they are attacking her. And that's how women stay stuck!!!!!! If people can't even call you out on your own bs...you will stay in a tornado of shit.
As someone who is 22, I’ll be honest and say her stories definitely are interesting but the majority of her videos I watch so I know what NOT to do and what I don’t want to become. 38 is still young in my opinion but too old to be making these mistakes.
She has explained before that she was a late bloomer when it came to the dating world.
You’re young and too harsh on her. You prolly really hurt her, you should feel a little ashamed tbh. I’m pissed after watching her latest video, she explains her reasoning very well; and you can only focus on the outcome, gain some empathy.
@@michellekholmatov9562 You can be empathetic and still not be an enabler. She probably had people like you in her life telling her she’s ‘perfect’ and just hasn’t met the right man. You coming to my comment and trying to shame me certainly doesn’t change my mind or make me feel shameful, you can keep that angry energy all for yourself.
@@Whatsgucci Late bloomer or not much of the behavior she could have learned from but she did not
@@pinkqueenscookie What do you mean trying? I literally am shaming you, regardless of how you take it.
I am no enabler, I don’t tell the people in my life they’re perfect. I often have to bite my tongue because i know no one wants to hear the advice I want to tell them, and telling them would drive them away. In the meantime I try to support them in ways that will actually help them instead of bringing them down.
As an over 50 woman, I couldn't agree more with the points raised in your commentary. If a woman doesn't do the work on herself in her youth it will become more difficult to find the beauty, light, confidence and boundaries as you age.
I watched the video you're referencing and several others, and I do often holler at the screen, "no baby, what is you doing?" I respect her ability to be vulnerable & honest. And, she is articulate and seems very capable. But it also seems her judgment is skewed when it comes to determining her locus of control in situations.
We've all been the victim of unrequited love but at some point it is imperative to decide your boundaries & value in the dating world. Men of value want to know you believe in your value too. She may not be connecting with those men because of her vibes of low self worth.
I’m only 22 but one thing I’m realizing is that a lot of the experience shes having in her late 30s I had in my late teens and over the last few years and I have already learned alot. Knowing that she didn’t start really dating until she was in her 30s it makes sense that she lacks the knowledge and experience of dating, but the fact that she’s not learning from them is whats really concerning because it only took 1 or 2 experiences to learn and never put myself in those situations again. But one thing I’ve never done and will never do is send long paragraphs so someone pouring out my feelings
You said it all, this comment is mostly for the algorithm 🙂
First thing to note: your level of analysis and insight at only 23 is awesome!
The thing I thought was saddest about Stephco’s story is that a month or so ago she made a video talking about her intention to drink less because (amoung other reasons) she was not getting the reaction she wanted from men that she interacted with during her all day drunk brunches. And then she stops posting anything for two weeks and comes back talking about this toxic hookup where she was tipsy enough when she met that guy to be hungover the next day. Then she went through the same pattern of behavior that she has detailed in her self admitted “scary dating storytimes”. When it all went (predictably) wrong she then drowned her sorrows in wine. That pattern of using alcohol as liquid courage, meeting and prioritizing a stranger, and then freaking out over text and/or social media when they don’t prioritize her the way she thinks they should, and then using alcohol to self soothe, is a horrible pattern.
I’m not saying she’s an alcoholic, but it seems like in the moment, instead of choosing to behave differently, she is using alcohol and “being an adult” as a crutch to justify all this nonsense 🤦🏾♀️
Most people, if confronted with these stories by a friend would not just laugh and say “omg so funny!“. They would be like “girl, wtf, stop!”.
Bingo - excellent observation. I hope she realizes that the ‘opinions’ we viewers have are coming from a place of caring about her & not to bully in any way. Her viewers cringe when we hear her spew out inappropriate behavior & make excuses for it.
I don’t comment on Steph’s dating videos. Actually I hesitate to watch them because they are so cringe. It started out funny the first couple of times. But I quickly grew frustrated with her approach with men. Your analysis is spot on.
Cringe is def the word
I went through the EXACT same experience as her so hearing her story was super validating. Only thing is is that I was 18 when it happened. Haven’t been hurt like that since and I like to think it’s because I learned my lesson and made better choices.
This is the one. I love her & I am subscribed. But she doesn’t learn. It’s the same behavior and thought process unfortunately.
I felt the same way but then I thought about it more and she has mentioned that she started dating later in life. Maybe she is just learning the lessons we learnt at 18 at a later stage in life. It also took those of us who dated at a younger age time to figure the dating game out. Maybe she just needs that same time
I just watched her update video before coming here and honestly, I'm heartbroken. Truly. Ive been following her channel since she had around 30sum thousand subscribers (she has almost double that now). And I believe she deserves sooo much more than she's getting (accepting).....& it shatters me. I'm gonna agree with you when you say that most of us commenting truly do have her best interests at heart but I don't feel she's taking the feedback that way. It's important to be able to distinguish when criticism is coming from a MEAN place vs a place of LOVE. Nevertheless I want the world for her. I wanna see her blossom and come into her own (in time) but that starts with realizing and committing to breaking the patterns that are hindering her growth. Great video!
I have been following her for awhile now and I LOVE her stories. I worry that she may take videos like this to heart which in turn may make her want to stop putting her videos out. Im married however I have single friends and I think as you get older and you meet people who you click with you may start to get those feeling like maybe this guy could be the “one”. She seems like she is hopeful that she will find someone and she’s just sharing her journey.
@ Lola: I literally wanted to comment on her content but it seems she don’t care for advices. I don’t know her, I am not subscribed to her but I was contemplating it until…😩I wanted to say exactly what you just wrote here. We’ve all been duped at some point but at 38 she can change her pattern. Come on, do the work, invest in a therapist, a mentor, GOD and change those behaviours in order to regain true VALUE of herself. I was thinking that by now it would be so great to hear how she has evolved from those situations. What have you learned from one guy who didn’t treat you the way he should have? Have you changed before getting to the next relationship/meet up?
Same
Great points! 💗
@@soleilafi2533 Exactly this, exactly this 🎯🎯🎯
I watched all her videos. I think she's just expressing her life. She's not looking for advice. I just enjoy listening to her. There's nothing wrong with telling people how you feel and not be shamed for telling it.
I agree!
True, but, it's social media. You're delusional if you think people aren't going to judge and give advice when you post on SOCIAL media. She should block her comments to not see what people really think of her.
I love Steph Co.
I realate to Steph Co.
The things you are saying are very hard to hear. But as someone who has a similar experience as Steph, I am aware and I am greatful that encouragement like this can be spoken in love and support.
Wise words, kind and honest delivery.
Thank you so much for your feedback and thanks for watching!!
This is very spot on. When I first started watching, I felt I could relate, however the whole is greater than the sum of the parts. The common denominator in all of these stories is Steph. That being said, well intended advice will almost always fall on deaf ears when it comes to matters of the heart. Failure is the best teacher, but not when you refuse to learn from it. She has a lot of work to do and a lot of subconscious things to unlearn. It doesn’t take experts to know this, it’s just life.
Your comments are on point. There isn't anything comical about Stephco videos. Personally, I find them disturbing. To see her repeat the same behavior over and over and get the same outcome is unhealthy. If anyone is just happy to watch her self destructive behavior then that is another story. Thank you for taking the time to break it down ❤❤❤
She thought if she showed that she was “wife material” by doting on him that he would see her as more. She doesn’t realize that it’s more repulsive doing that. People actually like you more when they do something for you, not vice versa.
Edit: After seeing that Steph commented and suddenly everyone’s defending her, I am wondering how many of the new comments on these videos are… real…
I saw that too and it was super painful to listen to. It clearly reads “ low self worth/esteem” to me because she’s so desperate for the validation. She doesn’t get that men can be very exploitive by nature and what you give, they will take and it is no reflection of their interest in you.
Thanks for calling me repulsive. You’re a gem.
She didn’t call YOU repulsive, stop it.
@@hellostephco84 I didn’t mean it that way, I apologize for my choice of words. I meant it to use the opposite of attractive - and the connotation behind repulsive did not connect to me in that way. I just was saying the behavior can come off as scary. Not you as a human being.
@@hellostephco84 Anyway, I recommend “How to Win Friends and Influence People” to read. There are helpful tips on socializing. I understand you don’t respect anyone’s comments and advice on here, but I have studied social psychology and a lot of the tips in the book are studied methods that work for social interactions. We can always improve in our approach with others! I have had my own struggles before. I find that people who are highly analytical and “thinkers” can struggle with intuitive social skills. It’s always important to listen to feedback, even when it’s hard to hear. Like I said, my word choice probably was not ideal, but I stand by what I’ve said. The theory is called the “Ben Franklin Effect”. Not to be condescending either, but I’m not the most physically attractive person by any stretch of the imagination, but I have always gotten what and who I want out of relationships. Take that as conceited, but your experiences are surely not everyone’s experiences. You don’t need to keep letting these men traumatize you. These stories are more than just one bad date, it’s repeated behavior. I have seen the comments saying it’s normal, but I beg to differ. Also, I am a black women with all black friends. They also are very successful in dating.
Steph seems to see red flags but hopes it’ll be different for her or she’ll be the exception to the rule. She’s into learning things the hard way even if a disaster is clearly in sight. Someday she might understand the mistakes she’s making but it’s not today.
She doesn't learn.
i really appreciate this response, i totally agree with you.
steph reminds me a lot of a friend i have who also has a really turbulent love life - both are "daddy's girls" who grew up in very sheltered, traditional environments, and then started dating and were hurt by shitty guys that they trusted too much because they'd only had decent men in their lives before. both of them have a really black and white, patriarchal view that either put men on a pedestal or see them as evil. i think that early heartbreak and abuse caused stephanie to become stuck in her teenage years developmentally (at least for relationships) bc sometimes what doesn't kill you makes you weaker.
it really hurts to see her self sabotage in real time - especially because she's at the same time super honest with all these details, but also very stuck in her own fantasies. i hope she sees this because i really think this is a good response but we can only do so much as viewers
also cute glasses! 🤓
YES! I have the exact same thing girl. I have a very good friend who I’d love dearly who she reminds me of so much. The way that she interacts with men and read them is exactly like my friend. I can’t even really listen to her channel sometimes because it reminds me so much of her and I know that she is going through so much pain it’s just too much sometimes. To watch somebody repeatedly make the same mistake over and over again sometimes for a decade or two is very frustrating as somebody who cares about them.
Another things is she mentioned that she is an active Christian. Between that and the fact that in her heart she wants a husband and children, Steph really is not cut out for one night stands. Some women can handle it better than others and from what she has revealed casual sex will mess with her mind too much.
@@mynameispeaches yeah considering she's talked about being raised in purity culture, but never found "the one," she's overcompensating by insisting on having one night stands. there's a middle ground between guarding your virginity as the only source of your value vs. throwing ass at every man who gives her a compliment
@@mynameispeaches exactly, she needs to stop dating and take time for herself and revalue her whole life
I agree, some amount of accountability is necessary. I'm leary of ppl who always say their biggest flaw is they choose the wrong ppl or that everyone else is the problem.
I agree with all the points that you make. She really does self destruct alot. I was very taken aback when she did the video about making the first move and she got turned down. She stated that no woman goes out just to have fun. She said she goes out only to seek a connection. She does come off very desperate. I think she is a nice person but her actions and mindset is very concerning.
Those attempts to justify things by making wild assumptions about what everyone else is doing ...oh my. I guess I am weird then because I actually do go out to have fun and not always to meet somebody, lol
This was a great video breakdown. It's the first video response I've decided to watch regarding that particular storytime. I think she could use a life coach to help her hone in on her relationship skillset. Her patterns do not currently serve her and its heartbreaking to watch at times. She will learn her way until she creates a relationship energy budget. Sis will most likely (in due time) look back at her life decision card receipts and realize how much she was overspending on men who were not investing the same or more energy.
wait. WAIT!! an "energy relationship budget"!!! This sounds so on point. please expound.😊
We the young people are blown away that we have to sit here and teach the elders self-development. Cuz wtf is going on.
Not the elderssss chile
@@TsahaiLayne She won't listen to us elders either. Nobody knows anything but her. But I will continue to watch because it is UA-cam, it is public, it is funny, and I enjoy being entertained and watching the trainwreck.
@@ladyofthecentury I just feel with HER BIG HUGE AGE, she should be making well-meaning video responses to Tsahai, telling her that boys aren’t everything and mindset matters... you know as a graceful single lady with experience, growth and class, but nah it’s the other way around.
@@laela6289 Truthfully, I don’t think there’s anything that is going to help her. I’ve had former friends, some family members who behave this way and they just shut you out. They don’t wanna hear the truth they don’t wanna hear that they need to close their legs. They also don’t want you to tell them that they need to stop lying so much too. They don’t want to hear that you don’t have to go out with everyone. You don’t have to have sex with everyone. They don’t want to hear that you don’t “hang out” with men.
They don’t want to hear that heterosexual men are not your friends. Some people really just want you to agree with them. Been there, done that before. It has never ended well. Lastly, I do catch how she refuses to use the word that he is in a relationship but choose us to use very dismissive words like they have a bond.
She knew what it was. She has certain ways that are not conducive to her being happy And I do seem to feel that she is a type of woman who is quite fine sleeping with men in relationships. By her saying that she still open to being friends. So there’s nothing that can be done with her. Based on her actions I see she is untrustworthy.
I see you in her comments gathering her . I live ! Not us in our 20s teaching miss mamas life skills . 😂
I feel like the reason she grows so attached is because she doesn’t get a lot of attention or romance in her life. She keeps saying how she was never in a long term romantic relationship and that had probably taken a toll on her. I feel like she was probably trying to find love before “it’s too late”
Tsahai: I am very impressed with this video. You are confronting re Steph's self-defeating behaviors, yet compassionate toward her at the same time. I WAS (before I retired) a counselor/therapist, and I couldn't have analyzed it better!!!
Thank you so much Janet, I’d love to hear more of your thoughts as an actual therapist!!
@@TsahaiLayne You pretty much covered it. From a spiritual point of view, women who are desperate for relationships have a belief that on their own, without a partner, they are not WHOLE as a person. this of course is not true. I would give my clients an affirmation: I AM ENOUGH FOR ME, AND FOR THE WORLD. This is usually difficult for those of us who were indoctrinated by our culture that a woman is not complete without a man, but with practice it works.
You have a point: “ when we subscribe to ppls channels, a part of us wants to see them learn and grow”….or whatever u said. I enjoyed this video and think it’s relevant and coming from a good place. You’re definitely the kinda friend we all need. 🤗
Thank you, I really appreciate it
Really great insight at such a young age. I used to watch Stephs channel, because initially I thought her stories were funny and relatable ( I think we have all done/ said some cringe things when we like someone), however, once she started posting more of her story times I had to disengage for the sake of my own mental health. I have a hard time listening to people who wallow in self-pity, and an even harder time listening to people who never take responsibility for their actions. A lot of people started questioning her after this video, but for me it was the Thanksgiving video, where she assumes a guy is the love of her life based off of an extremely vague description given to her by "psychics" (that could apply to 45% of the men in LA), has her advances towards him politely rejected multiple times, makes a fool out of herself at a public function by essentially harassing this man, and finally proceeds to blame the psychics and alcohol for her bad behavior 🤦🏾♀️. Steph has made a channel based off of being a perpetual victim, and instead of listening to any advice or constructive criticism ( no matter how gently its delivered) she would rather sit in the echo chamber she has created full of people singing her praises because they are trauma bonding with her and insisting that its just a phase, as if she's in highschool.
I think Steph is a brilliant and articulate young lady (38 isn’t old). I enjoy her videos but I have to admit that I unsubscribed from her channel after about the 3rd or 4th story time with the same reoccurring themes. While those videos are necessary, too many of them are draining. It’s all about balance.
I acknowledge that it’s hard for black women and dating and I agree that that is definitely the case in CA. However, after watching a few of her story times I definitely see why she is still single and hasn’t had much success. She does a lot of weird crap. She does entirely too much. I’m 24 and don’t have that much experience with dating and relationships but from what experience I do have, I’ve learned what and what not to do with men that she still seems not to get at nearly 40 years old. If I was in the role of the guy in this situation as a woman and Steph was a man and I found out they started having all these dreams about a future and then spiraled and stalked my Instagram to find out more about my life after only knowing him for a few days I would be scared. She obviously is not someone who can be casual and go about her business after which is the whole point. No one has to maintain communication with her after the fact .
@Marie Baker my bad I thought she moved back. I should rephrase. Dating is doable, finding quality long term relationships is another story.
As a mixed women who is very similar to her and has a similar thought process, men are never put off by “all the weird things I do”
She isn’t telling men that she’s hyper focusing on them and stalking their pages, you don’t don’t like a real person you’re connecting what she’s saying in a dishonest way. She’s been on the world longer than us she knows how to mask, she’s most likely coming off as casual, until she is disrespectful which you just can’t seem to understand. When some people are disrespected they can respond in an aray of emotions, something you don’t seem to understand. Gain some empathy.
I’m rooting for Stephco but my armchair analysis is that she uses the same forward tactics that work in her professional and academic life in the dating arena. She has to shift gears with men and not put it all out there. Those efforts don’t pay off with men like they do with work.
@@mynameispeaches ah. yes. the energy she uses for work isn't effective for love.
Dating is hard: everyone can relate
Dating as a BW: only we can relate (most of the time)
Repeating the same behavior and expecting a different outcome: see Webster’s dictionary
Major emotional swings, Instagram stalking, and multiple, angry texts: cannot relate
Consistent, hyper-negative self talk: cannot relate
Thinking the slightest bit of attention means “he’s the one”: cannot relate
There are clearly things we do not know, and that’s fine. We can listen with compassion or judgement - which seems to be what is being debated more than Steph’s actual content. We can listen to respond or listen to understand. Most of these comments are about what we think we would do in the same situation, or they’re about what we have done - and feel some type of way - hence the defensiveness. Steph’s a great storyteller. AND also, there are some behaviors, which can only be viewed from outside the “fish tank,” that are curious. I hope she finds what she is looking for. Not sure how that will effect her “brand.”
I enjoy Stephco’s videos and her storytelling skills. She’s bubbly and hilarious 😂. I’ve had similar experiences. The issues I have with her as a listener is that completely downgrades herself with negative reasoning and speculating this negative outcome that she’d never marry and have kids and men don’t notice her. She meets men who beadcrumb her with a bit of interest then runs with it thinking they want her. There’s a lack of boundaries and feminine wisdom letting these guys into her bed then they disappear. This guy in question is probably a prolific cheater, he’s definitely a low value immoral dusty not worthy of consideration
How can you say someone is "speculating" that men don't notice them?? She not "guessing" about someone else's life, she's speaking from *her own* 38 or 39 years of lived experiences of not being a head turner. At her age, it's reasonable to feel like children are not in the cards for you. Yes, it is still possible for some women to have children. But for others, fertility issues make it harder for old women to have their *first* child. Or some women would rather get child-rearing out of the way when they're younger.
@@misslauren6798 it maybe her experience. I can relate to her with what has happened but I also have my own opinion about the way she underrates herself
@@misslauren6798 you think 38 or 39 is an old woman? wow. ok. lol
@@marie-francoiset9402 My bad! It's supposed to say "older"...
@@marie-francoiset9402 no not at all. I’m 44 and I don’t consider myself old
I clapped through this entire video. You nailed it.
Thank you for your support ❤️
You didn't know how much we needed this video hahaha thank you for speaking the truth and so kindly. Steph really really needs to see this and reconsider her approach and mindset
I don't entirely disagree with points you made in your video but I do feel like there are some things she definitely expressed from a self aware space that a lot of her viewers just want to bulldoze over with their own projections. What I got from watching that video was that although she keeps finding herself in situations like that, the amount of time she indulges in the BS reduces significantly. And to me that's growth, however miniscule. I feel like a lot of us don't have a gracious enough perspective of what healing and growth look like in action. Especially from someone like her who consistently shares the unflattering parts of her dating life. I've had traumatic love experiences too that I learned so much from and as a result helped me gain more self esteem and self respect and I vowed to not put myself in situations like that again. And usually I dont. But sometimes you think to yourself "let me try this thing again but with the awareness i have now. how might I navigate this differently?" No matter the outcome, you gather new data about yourself and what you want and you move on. No matter how healed you are the reality is that love and dating is just a vulnerable thing for everyone involved and you can't entirely shield yourself from its bumbling messiness. It takes time to sort through it all. Embodying the lessons is a process that has very different timing for everyone and I believe that Steph is growing. However messy or slow it might appear to us from the sliver of her life she chooses to share.
Best comment. I’ve seen some growth and self awareness and sometimes life happens. Sucks we have to be so sweeping online granted it’s on what we are shown. But yeah you put it so well.
They always ghost her.That is the only reason that these situations are so short. She always sends the manifesto text to no response..I pray for her growth because I really like Steph and her content.
you do have a point. sometimes it does take a few tries to learn something. but the reason these encounters are getting shorter is not due to her own self reflection and actions to end them but that they are ghosting her quicker. she is still angry drunk texting after every single encounter... how are you seeing that as growth? genuine question.
@@marie-francoiset9402 i think the quick pivot from “this could be my soulmate” to articulating/ acknowledging it would just be a casual encounter is growth.
@@rebekahkingbello9560 I agree. Coming to that conclusion out of fantasy to reality is growth. however, it seems that realization comes only after the angry drunk texting. Imo that's not a healthy pattern to continue. But hey, if she (or anyone really) feels good doing that and it's working for them, more power to them . Go for it!
Love this video and completely agree! I think overall, although Steph is 38 and "grown" her thought process comes across as very immature. And I don't think it's from her experience. I think it's something deeper than that. Maybe entitlement, maybe narcissism..? Idk. But from seeing how she replied to someone in this comment section, it's giving very immature. Additionally, Steph does come off as functioning from a lack mindset and self-loathing. I love how ppl in this comment section (and hers) act as though these storytimes are just a "phase" that she's growing from when 1. She has made it very clear she's had the same mindset and experiences since her early 20s (OVER A DECADE AGO) and 2. She clearly has not learned from any of her mistakes and miscalculations. I've honestly never in my days (I'm 28) heard a woman over the age of 15 meet a guy, fall in love, and fall into a depressive episode ALL WITHIN LESS THAN A WEEK because of their own delusions. It's just not normal! I'm convinced most IF NOT ALL of Steph's subscribers that think this behavior is normal also have low self-esteem and self-worth. No woman who respects and thinks highly of herself would be able to continuously enjoy her content without feeling drained. I unsubscribed because I very much believe in energy and watching someone else be self-deprecating and self-destructive is not good for me. Thanks for this video!
Exactly I agree !
I watched three of her videos tonight. The one about the artist being the last. I couldn’t watch anymore. I was very heartbroken to know that someone my age has this mindset. And has reasoned it all out in her head that this was all okay. Not an early 20 something. But an almost 40 year old woman. It just broke my heart.
I think it's from the lack of experience combined with the expectations she had poured into her growing up in a very Christian household.
I am appreciative of Steph’s content. I do want to see her learn and grow, to see her values and actions align. Thank you for the video.
Your video popped up in my recommendations and I was hesitant to listen as I thought it might have been an attack against Stephanie. I must say I'm impressed with your objective feedback. You've been fair and your comments are not cruel. Much truth was spoken and I hope she can find healing. Ultimately she's looking for love, but we must first learn to really love ourselves FIRST.
Great feedback!
Wow. Thank you for this. I literally just finished watching her video(the one you are presently discussing and I just had to come and do a UA-cam search to see if there were any reaction videos. Since she's closed her comment section 🙄. And boy you did not disappoint. You were absolutely spot on. You expressed my feelings exactly the same way, I was feeling. Thank you. Thank you for this!
Same.
@@glowingbutterfly7375 😉
I just started watching Steph's Channel a couple days ago and initially I really enjoyed her content. I thought she was hilarious and her stories were obviously very interesting. It's been about 3 days and I'm not going to lie, I'm tired. Like many people have said I feel like I'm seeing the same behavior from her over and over again but she's expecting different results. In some of the story time she tells she gives off a very desperate vibe and I oddly enough end up understanding why the man is turned off. I've never experienced that before. She seems like a really sweet girl and like I said she is funny as hell. Her spirit just seems very kind and loving and I truly do want the best for her but I feel like she really needs to start loving herself. You weren't rude at all and I agree with you 100%! I feel like many others have tried to talk to her but the fact that her comment section is usually off tells you how unreceptive she is to any advice. I mean even in this comment section I saw her wrongly interpret that someone said she was repulsive and it's like girl! As well read as you seem in your videos I know that you know that's not what that girl said. It makes me wonder how many people have honestly tried to help her and she's just completely ignored advice. It gets to the point where while people wish you the best they just stop involving themselves and caring. I'm on my third day of watching her videos and I think I'm good. I haven't started dating myself but her videos make me even more terrified than I already am lol. Every time I watch her videos I feel like it's more and more sad and I really do feel for her. I wish her the best but I know her content is only every once in awhile for me. In the videos that I have watched I've never heard of her going to a therapist. But I would definitely recommend it. This is no shade or disrespect because I go to a therapist myself and it's really helpful!
Your eyes are EVERYTHING !!!!
Thank you Janet🥺❤️
She seriously lacks boundaries and self worth. When she feels for a guy she throws caution to the wind. Her dating stories have been horrifying 😳
I watched a vid today where she becomes unhappy if someone doesn't have social media.. she said that she wants to go thru their social media and see their friends, how they live, etc and if he doesn't, essentially it's a problem. I totally understand why her dates don't work out that well.
LOL girl 10:40 had me cacklinggg - I had the same reaction, your points are valid and they come from a genuine place, well said
OMG THANK YOU! I agree with EVERYTHING you said. She jumps WAY off the deep end SO quickly. She cannot just date to have fun. She is dating to find a husband and that gives off desperate energy and sets her up for failure over and over again. She is her own worst enemy. Doesn't she have any girlfriends to get her together?
I'm confused at the comments whining about the fair and balanced criticism Did people forget when you share on the internet you expose yourself to thoughts and opinions and all wont be butt pats, hugs and kisses?
Are we supposed to be clapping and cheering at Steph's inane repeated missteps in dating and act like we have no idea why she has the problems that she has? I really am hoping she is making this stuff up cuz omg! What kind of nonsense is that? I cringe throughout her stories because I am aghast that someone her age would behave or choose to do the things she does what response do people want?
Agreed. The comments section is public. Steph doesn’t seem to be deleting or filtering the comments so I’m not sure why she’s acted to stressed over it. She clearly wants the engagement.
Some of us are weaker than others, have deep damages and low self worth which we are not aware of. It took me till turned 40. I can't judge others harshly.
@@alluringbliss4165 I can understand that but personal accountability is the first step not coddling and excuses especially when the pattern is evident. You won't do better until you understand and accept what you're doing wrong.
maybe you shouldnt watch? you should stop projecting on people
@@kaelajones8931 projecting? The one bellyaching such as yourself must be protecting. Hit dogs holler.
Im so happy your vids are getting the exposure they deserve!
Thank you babes 🥺❤️
I used to watch her constantly but exactly it went from it being neat to watch someone be so open and share their vulnerability , after sometime though I started questioning her mental and emotional state and it quickly became a drag. Same old story with her, it got old and annoying.
i subscribed, i appreciate your take and personality. just wanted to comment that I have been subbed to Steph and I agree that she is very intelligent and well rounded. she will definitely accomplish great things. But her inability to take a hold of her self esteem and make boundaries and believe that she deserves the best is holding her back some. I think you were very fair and that your criticism comes from a good place and I love to see that.
the thing that floored me about the situation is when she kept texting the guy. I was like sis, put the phone down please! It was interesting seeing how she was just holding on to this idea and this idea even after being shown what it was. Also I wanted to shake her as well for saying she wouldnt mind if he reached out...like sis NO. Let it go!
Really enjoyed your take on her and I hope you continue to make more videos. I wish I was as mature and knowledgeable at 23 as you are -- would've saved me a ton of time wasted. I just subscribed and cant wait to see more!!
I loved this analysis. Thank you for not making this a polarized take. I absolutely agree that some of her supporters get a weekly dose of schadenfreude, ergo they avoid engaging with her content critically because they want her to stay where she is in life so they can feel better their failed romantic prospects.
It was so perfect , you've really retranslate my thoughts about her. So straight to the point ! New sub girl
At 23 you are so wise. I am 61 and started working on myself a couple of years ago. There are so many platforms and information available today that I wish was available when I was your age. Based what I have learned I was like Steph Noooo! I don’t listen to her a lot but I like her storytelling. I am turned off now because it is becoming toxic and tragic.
You gave great feedback and it was everything I was saying as well. I want her to learn and grow not repeatedly continue to make the same mistakes over & over.
I'm so glad you made this video! This needed to be said. I wish her the best
With her update video it feels like he lied to her about Valentine's Day and he might have spent the day with his girlfriend. We do want more for her since sometimes the signs of her romantic partners being "players" or "fuckboys" can be obvious from the outside. I hope that she can grow and build a wonderful life for herself
Yes, amen!!
I totally agree with you! I’m 35yrs old and I’m getting out of a 7yr partnership. I’m out of touch a little with dating but Steph seems to be on the constant lookout for a partner. She’s oozing desperation especially when she gets going about star signs ✋🏾😩 She’s also too pushy and somewhat childish like the guy she kept stalking because a psychic told her she’d meet someone by November. She literally tried to force him to be that someone didn’t even give the guy a chance to show interest. Like girl a psychic isn’t God and even if they’re right, let a man be a man show a little interest, if he doesn’t catch on leave it alone 😩🤦🏾♀️🤦🏾♀️🤦🏾♀️
This! 💯
Thank you for creating this, these are great points! I feel for black women, but ultimately I want you all to lead with confidence and have happy relationships! We all have to self reflect, improve, and keep trying. As you mentioned, eventually you have to get out of the self-destructive cycle. Wishing you all the best, keep it up!
I think Astrology is part of her problems.
I think she focuses more on the astrological aspects of a person and misses the key things that are important, red flags, true character, and chemistry.. but I also think she doesn’t give situations enough time to learn those things about someone.
Also have you thought of starting a podcast? Your analysis was incredible and was filled with kindness and maybe a bit of exasperation
I actually have thought about starting one soon! I just have to configure the technical aspects of doing it 😫 thank you so much for watching!
@@TsahaiLayne I would love to hear your thoughts and stories about your life experiences. I'm sure that a lot of black women within their 20s and 30s would listen, since you do come across as extremely relatable
I think its lack of self esteem/worth. I can relate to times I’ve done stupid things in the name of love. I’m 22 and some of the things she did I would not do today. I dont see the benefit in getting anything over nothing, but that’s how I chose to live. Its my experience. A lot of the comments came from a place of geniune concern. I know its hard to hear it, because she just wanted to share, but as viewers we want to help. And she doesn’t want it. I think she should have just uploaded and maybe disabled the comments.
I think you'd make a very good therapist. I'm a similar age to Steph and have not had the best time in my love life either, but I learnt some major lessons in my early 30s after a particularly bad relationship. Now I mostly just reject men I'm not interested in/men with red flags or get rejected by one's I am, so it's not great but I'm definitely not entertaining men who have red flags. Steph seems to see red flags but walks past them in the hope of sex then wonders why it ends badly. She seems to get fooled by typical player behaviour and doesn't value herself. At 38 if you want children it is a very stressful time because you literally only have a few years left to find someone, so it makes some of us act a bit crazy. I'm not bothered about having kids so that helps me to take my time. It might be best for her to have children using a sperm donor then take her time finding the right man. She's an intelligent, interesting, great woman she just needs to make a few changes to her thought processes and actions relating to men.
When I watched her channel, it was like seeing myself in a mirror, but like a mirror that reflects everything I do wrong in my dating life… I’m still young and I do want to learn from my mistakes so I hope I will succeed in improving myself
You are spot on. All my exact thoughts
I don't think she's in denial about her behavior that's why she doesn't want to hear from her critics what she already knows about herself. Not everybody is going to behave the same way, she's just experiencing until she finds her way. If that means she has to make one and a thousand mistakes, faux pas or whatever you want to call it, to get where she wants to be, so be it.
Loved this video. You articulated so much of what I felt after I watched that video. She has a lot going for her, but she has a poverty mindset when it comes to dating. She obviously doesn’t believe that she is worthy of love. And in order to change her life she has to combat this subconscious belief.
Thank you for your analysis, I've been a long time follower of hers and am rooting for her but find it so worrying she just wants a bunch of yeasayers telling her that her self destructive behavior is funny and to keep it up!
Yeah! I agree with most things you said. It's quite sad to watch these things happen with the same dusty-types. It's shocking how the same things keep on happening. I hope she heals. Thanks for the video! Loved the vibe. I am 20 and I am still learning how to put boundaries in place yet be open to advice when I look for help. It feels like Steph is a 20 year old to me in terms of the situations she gets into... but she's not and even I know better? It's odd. Quite sad. I really do wish for good things for her but it's getting harder to listen to her talk about these things.
you are very wise for a 23-old, great video
Thank you very much
She has self esteem issues for sure. She chases after men and they get scared off. She treats them
Like the prize instead of saying to herself I AM the prize. It’s sad, she won’t really pay any heed to feedback. So she deserves whatever disappointment she gets at this point.
Great analysis, honestly I don't believe anyone deserves or is entitled to anything, they have to work towards what they want. A major part of that is working on themselves which I don't think she's done which is why she continuously self-sabotages. By the way I'm also a late bloomer but I've never been willfully ignorant and lacking in self-accountability.
I agree. Shes aware of all the red flags and her shortcomings in the moment but doesn’t want to accept that in order to attract a healthy loving person you HAVE to be alone and lead now to love yourself first. Her codependency issues won’t allow it so the self sabotaging continues
I don't want to make a long-distance diagnosis here, but when I watch her videos, I quickly notice how much she identifies with this victim role and perhaps (unconsciously) doesn't really want to change anything about it, which in turn can be an indication of vulnerable narcissism, but as I said, it's just a guess - I'm not a psychotherapist.
16:28 “Babied this BOY 😳” 😩😩😩😩
She babied him and cooked him dinner and breakfast? At this point he’s been OVERCOMPENSATED!
@@j.ppauline Truly embarazzing.... WHY are you giving so much of yourself to someone who's given you nothing...
As someone who has had a pattern of negative outcomes, I really hope she considers what the viewers are saying. I’ll recommend a dating coach for her.
the way I cringed throughout the whole video.
Damn, at her big age, she should know better.
Wow. Your maturity level is amazing at 22. I hope Stephanie is watching this because you're giving great points that I think she really needs to hear if she wants a successful relationship.
I believe that this is her business model (StephCo). Misery gets clicks. I honestly would not be surprised if she happily married with children. People are vested, but remember that this is her business. Excellent video!
That’s kinda what I was thinking. It’s her schtick. I don’t think she’s married with kids, but I do think she puts a lil more misery into these stories than what actually happened. I like Steph though and want her to be/get happy.
I’m thinking that as well. She found a niche that no other black woman in her demographic is filling. I doubts she’s married but I also think that she is uncomfortable with the criticism as well.
@@mynameispeaches her resistance to criticism is very odd.
@@marie-francoiset9402 BW are hard headed in general plus she is a very smart girl. I notice that she uses her verbal dexterity to skillfully justify her actions. One thing I identify with her on is overthinking. I am also an overthinker. But with men it's not that complicated. If they have you that confused it's bad sign.
The montage of you, other women, cartoons and puppets looking from side to side is an all- timer 🤣
Honestly, I loved Oh Stephco's content since I found her. She's hilarious and her transparency was unmatched as far as content creators I am used to.
The thing is I came off some of her videos feeling really down about myself and the world because her view is that long term partnership and love isn't possible for everyone who wants it. There's a lot of women who DON'T want that in their future but some do and I am one of them.
But hearing her stories it does become clear she's the problem but not in the way she thinks.
Just want to say this video was super cozy - I love hearing other people's opinions on what Stephco talks about because it seems like she's a little narcissistic - I gave her a word of advice and she would delete my comment. It tells me she really must enjoy this echo chamber she created
I’d understand the anger if she was making commentary on other people, but she’s just talking about herself and her mishaps. Give your advice all you want, but she doesn’t have to accept it. Deal with it.
@@rosedalinevaletine6931 there's no anger at all! but if you're someone who keeps hitting a wall and people are trying to tell you how to move forward and you don't want to hear it....well that's your prerogative. She's perpetually lying to herself and sometimes in the span of 1 video 🤥
@@rosedalinevaletine6931 It's You Tube. She keeps the comments open because it helps the algorithm. But she can't control what people write (although of course she can delete unwanted comments).
And if so many people are saying the same thing individually then, rather than dismiss it, wouldn't you think that there was something in it?
@@toomuchinformation Yes, and then I get to choose if I want to apply strangers advice to my real, human life or ignore them and keep doing me and making sure my mental health and happiness is correct because I’m not causing anyone harm - emotionally or physically.
@@rosedalinevaletine6931 That's right. But she can't open up the comments section, then get annoyed when people post er..............comments.
She is causing someone harm though and that someone is herself, but so be it.
Wisdom got no age! Good analysis 👍
Thank you!!
This was an accurate assessment, you’re a smart 23.
First of all you are great speaker and storyteller as well, give yourself props cuz this analysis was on point! I stopped watching her channel when I noticed the pattern and how unreceptive she was to helpful feedback. I think you were were very compassionate but I think she and her fans would label you a hater. I watched your entire video and would love to hear you do similar critiques on other dating stories or your own lessons learned. TFS
Hi Winnie, thank you for watching and sharing your thoughts! I really tried to give a balanced critique but I realize some people don’t understand the complexity of analysis and will label anything that isn’t completely co-signing Steph’s behavior as “ hate” and that’s ok. I also understand the choice to not watch her channel anymore. She alienated a lot of subscribers that cared for her by being so shut off to helpful feedback.
I think she likes the misery, it gives her depth. I think so because that is what one did when one was between16 - 21
23 dam you sound older that's a good thing . She trying to hard sometimes it's okay to sit back . Dam Iam a 53 man I could not have said it better. I personally know a woman some what like her I kept my distance for these some reasons .
Dayum, I think I enjoyed this video so much. I wish more young women could have the clarity you do. I sure did not at your age. By now, I am in a very healthy relationship but I hope young women can learn from your wisdom.
Hi Claudia, thanks for watching! I have to say I learned very quickly from my first real toxic relationship. It scared me STRAIGHT and I’m grateful for that. Thank you for watching!!
I totally agree with your take on Steph's actions. This particular storytime actually changed my former perception of her and led me to unsubscribe from her videos. It is sad to see somebody who is intelligent and accomplished in other aspects make such disastrous deliberate choices in her private life. Worse still, instead of trying to move on and do better she rather makes sophisticated excuses to continue with this behaviour. I noticed she really dislikes criticism and takes it as an attack against herself. In her latest post she talks about being castigated for showing vulnerability as a Black woman. Even by other Black women. Sigh. Turns out her family are watching her vids and reactions on her videos. I think she is at a point where she should seek a therapist instead of trying to make money out of exposing her toxic private life and trying to convince us it is normal or acceptable.
I also love that her videos inspire discourse! I will say I have to wonder at the motivations of praising someone for their vulnerability about not being perfect but then picking apart their imperfections. but you have your reaction. when i see reactions to her work, i see a lot of women projecting. “triggering” is the perfect word. I’m wondering why we suddenly live in a world where no women are ever played, no woman is ever ghosted, no woman sends a cringe text or acts crazy or has a hookup. its just a shame that shes carving out a great space to be vulnerable as black women but theres SO much pushback because people are triggered about their own past experiences and need to “fix it”.
Hey guys! I want to say thank you for watching and for your feedback. I’ve been super busy since uploading but I plan on sitting down and engaging with you all this weekend. I sincerely appreciate all of your thoughts, even the ones I don’t particularly agree with. I also realize there are huge points I didn’t get to address this video so I may make a follow-up. Thanks again.
Even tho I’m 18 and have never been in a relationship, I’ve learned about them from my friend and some parts of her stories reminds me of my friends and other teenage relationships.
Stephanie is too old to be this willfully obtuse. At her big age you would think she would’ve learned . She’s gives off such desperate vibes . Yuck.
I’ve actually post that in her comments and they was not for….
Maybe it isn't wilful.........
You give off such toxic negative vibes. YUCK
6:49 I wasn't really sure exactly what the tone of the text was. But the context being that they just met I don't think I would read into it as much
You are so insightful. Great response.
Thank you!!
YOU WERE SOOOO ON POINT
I love Steph! She reminds me of The Mindy Project show because of how vulnerable and real she is.... she says exactly what it is without sugar coating like of ppl do
I will say that people who make rash decisions like taking care of a man too early is because they been single a while, and if they do less they really will fail and be forever alone
Men always know when Valentine's Day is.
Always!
Ikrrr but they pretend it’s not a big deal when they don’t hate you
@@bhadgyaledds3333 Yep, either they don't hate it or they know so they can avoid you around that time.
it's the same day every year!
I think he owes her not to curse at her. That was rude and he would be blocked.🚩
I love how you express yourself
Thank you!
me too! she has a way with words
She’s a confused soul. At 38 I pray I have a better picker
I though all your advice was really on point. Let's hope she hears it one day
Honestly, after following her videos for a while and watching how negatively she responds to valuable and constructive feedback, I've now written her off as pathetic. I watch for a laugh occasionally and then keep it pushing because that apparently is all she wants. You have to let some people do them.
I’ve learned that too
I have learned that when people don’t want advice don’t give it to them I watch her videos of what NOT to do as it pertains to dating 🥴
Totally agree.
I understand your POV and quite a bit I do agree with. However, I think you discredit her in why she is not open to basically almost all the reaction videos on yt "positive" feedback. I clicked on roughly 10 videos before yours and ALL of them were negative and harsh in their approach to her, downright bullying her. I don't know how anyone can (or why should they) wade through that cess pit to glean any contructive critisism.
A lot of these reaction videos, seem to come from a place of embarrasment, like "how dare she embarrase us out here with these stories, she looks insipid, weird and deviant telling the world these things" so let's distance ourselves from her by picking on her, then disagnosing her with disorders as though they are clinicians. It's so eerie because it reminds me of kids circling around and pointing at the "strange" kid at the playground.
A lot of people are being dishonest in their approach to her under the guise of contructive critisism as though they want her to win. They are unsettled by her and so they attack her immediately but do not introspect as to why she makes them feel these negative emotions towards her. Maybe because as a culture we have an ingrained aversion to weakness/vulnerability? I imagine it's like when a pride leaves the injured and weak lion behind, not out of hate but because it hinders the other's ability to survive/progress...food for thought really.
For the videos I've watched, the comments were very confrontational. Hopefully she moderates her comment section because reading those cannot be the best for anyone. For her to really hear the message then people need to consider packaging it in a way that it can be heard. When feeding your pet medication that is good for them, do you wrap it in aloe or do you wrap it in meat? Which is going to get them to digest it faster?
I empathise with Steph because from what I've seen so far, she is not very well liked on yt. With luck she'll figure out how to get her dating life in order soon.
This is a good comment. I agree it must be hard to wade through the "reactions" for positive criticism, cause let's face it. Not very many people on YT are trying to help. Let's be honest.
Lol... I wish I had as much sense and confidence as you at 22 and 23... because I did NOT. Lol... I was more like Oh Stephco. However, I'm glad I was able to go through it young when the stakes were lower.
Steph (like many semi successful social media commentators), sees her UA-cam channel as her platform for future endeavors. She got her college degree in a field that combines technology with social skills (which you can do if you pursue a liberal arts degree), and she’s got a past track record of bouncing from job to job, years before her, Pretty Privilege video went viral. She’s also very intelligent, and has figured out what her ‘niche’ career is, and these videos are it.
Since the eruption of social media took off, never in our history has it been so easy to achieve fame, money, and social connections. Steph has built her brand, and it works in her favor because there are plenty of people who can relate to her talking points, or they cannot relate at all (and they feel the urge to give her advice, as they hate to see someone suffer).
Always take these popular UA-camrs w/a grain of salt. For all we know, some of the, Story Times of Stephs have been embellished for entertainment purposes.
All I’m saying is, prior to her UA-cam success, she was looking for an unrealistic career (the kind you would only get if you had major connections, or you had spent years working less glamorous jobs to get to this point).
Even her dad once told her she lacked direction (as she admitted in a moving vlog).
Sometimes highly intelligent people expect great things to happen to them (career & relationships), but they rather take shortcuts in life. Steph choose the shortcut route, especially when she admitted (in the moving vlog again), that the only way to realistically get that dream job of hers would involve going to graduate school, and earning her master’s in that particular field she wanted to get into. Steph’s still taking ‘shortcuts’ by posting all these videos, as she thinks it’s an easier gig than going back to school. She’s in her late 30’s, so she’s still got plenty of time to get her master’s degree, which I hope she does.
She reminds me so much of myself in my early 20’s, except she doesn’t learn from her experiences!