I cannot pin point exactly but, this - *hard wig soft-life*, really feels mean-spirited, there's also a mist of jealousy and superior complex involved, as if to say - if those hard wigs wearers can pull a 'high value men' imagine what I could, completely ignoring the person's personality and other qualities that may have appealed to other part. I dunno I maybe be wrong but most of these black women are not even celebrated in black spaces and this type of 'jokes' just alienates them even further
You do have a point. I think that’s what makes this observation even more interesting. People are acknowledging, and they do tend to acknowledge that one of the reasons these women might have sought acceptance elsewhere is because their inability to master things like putting on, or finding the right wig, made them undesirable within their own communities. That was my experience when it came to dating interracially initially, I wanted to be desirable somewhere else cause I felt undesirable in my own communities, and I think not being able to do your hair the way that your community says it should be done is one of those experiences that could lead to feeling that way. But what I like about this theory is, it’s almost a tongue and cheek revelation, or realization that you could not have mastered all of the tools that it takes to be seen as feminine when it comes to being a black woman, and find a man who loves you regardless. So I don’t think it’s so much mean-spirited as I think it’s counter recognizing something that was previously used as a way of calling someone undesirable.
A lot of them are quite envious because they believe that looking like a baddie would automatically mean they're treated like queen's regardless of personality. I can't tell you how many black women I know that have the nicest wigs and get treated like trash by their partners. Its the woman the man marries not the hair. Many believe their wig is all they need to be treated well meanwhile the other women they look down on for having "bad wigs" are being lavished and spoiled. Essentially It's a term that's been borne out of frustration.
Perfectly said! I always like to remind people that these are not the things we’ll remember in 50 years. Our hair and nails… not to mention most expectations when it comes to the presentation of a “feminine” Bkack woman are still rooted in internalized racism. No matter how well we are put together someone will always have something to say to try to erase our femininity. I say do what makes you happy! And I hope other BW will learn to share a little grace to our girls in the ways they extend grace to the average women outside of us
The taxi cab theory hits hard. My husband was 9 years older than me. He was ready for marriage for years before I met him. One thing I repeated throughout our marriage was that I never felt like he loved ME as much as he loved being a married family man. When I finally left, he wasn’t sad to lose ME, he was angry at me for the damage I was doing to the family.
Perhaps because I'm a Miranda (with a minor in Carrie), but I do believe in the 'cab light' theory. There are always exceptions, and I do think they still seek women they're attracted to and have some level of chemistry with (it varies). But, if you listen to men talk long enough, they often view marriage as a stepping stone to legitimising their manhood in certain ways. Statistics show that married men are more likely to be promoted at work, for example. They want to be head of household - they need someone to be head of. Also someone to take care of the things that make a home - housework, holidays, wellbeing, community building etc. Divorced or widowed men also remarry almost twice as quickly as women, not because they're more desirable (contrary to patriarchal belief) but because men typically benefit more from partnership.
Oh definitely. My nephew got married three months ago and he said that as soon as he saw his future wife he said that she was "wife material". He also got a promotion a month after getting married. He also said that she'd helped him in his career and that she was a great mother.
Exactly. I’m African and lots of men in my country do this. They get a good job, a car and are financially stable enough to care for at least one more person and then they start actively seeking a wife. Maybe in Some parts of the west it’s not as common, but in cultures that elevate married men, it’s definitely very much a thing.
And even then it’s not good advice. Looks fade and you can’t capitalize on them forever. Even if you marry a man, he can still cheat and leave you. A career of your own is the only way to guarantee your financial stability.
This is my experience with the hard wig thing… white men I have met and been with are not super concerned with what women do. So if the woman is pretty they don’t care how they get to that point… black men know a lot more about lace fronts and wigs and all the other things lol. A black man will check a woman on a lace front before a white man will. I just don’t think they care. That’s just my opinion.
Its more like natural hair- soft life. I noticed that particularly WM love natural. My husband to be loves my natural hair so much and spoils me with diamonds and gifts and moves heaven and earth for me. My sister also married a WM and her hair is natural. A lot of black women don't realise how truly beautiful their natural hair is. Also most wigs look like wigs whether expensive or not.
I love to hear it. It's always a great story when people find success in love especially when it runs in the family, gives your parents something to be proud of lol. And I've definitely heard and seen that white men like natural hair. But also, I've had a white man call me "buckwheat" upon seeing my twist out for the first time and ask me "why would you do that to yourself?" Another made fun of my braids and said he can't stand the way "our" hair products smell. But I've also had other white men tell me they love me with a completely bald head, an afro, or faux locs, and tell me that my hair smells and looks beautiful when it's natural. It honestly always depends on the man as an individual.
@@rushypeace I dunno I get luxury items, gifts, have all my bills and maintenance paid by my fiance. All my luxury jewellery has been bought for me by my fiance, we are even having two weddings!😳🎉One destination wedding. He spoils me rotten its crazy. I think It really just depends on the guy and how he sees you. His level of love for you determines his level of effort and investment.
Yep, I have natural hair (and it does NOT look great, so I fit the spirit of "hard wig") and a white husband. His parents have wealth, and it has benefited me in so many ways, both directly and indirectly. I had more of a safety net to get on my feet and establish a high-paying career, as did my husband. Money begets more money.
@@hellostephco84 The guys that called you such names are such tools. Every video I see you in you look radiant 🌟 And yes you are totally right it depends on the individual man himself.😊
The Taxi Cab is true. BUT....BUT....The exception to this is when a guy runs across his dream girl. I have a friend who met a girl at a coffee shop, she was his type to a T. He flipped himself upside down to get this woman. But he wasn't looking. It was just her.
I wish I knew that sooner, I spent so much time time trying to win someone else's heart, trying so hard to be loved, when in reality, you really don't have to do anything if a man has already chosen you as 'their' woman. I dunno if it's due to Hollywood but I swear I grew up believing that it was possible, all of those - 'ugly duckling' turned into beautiful women- stories really messed up with my head. Do you think women chose a partner like this as well?
I used this photo in the thumbnail bc my wig was particularly "hard" that day lol. That was "Kamiyah's" last day! Just a cute little behind the scenes detail...carry on!
So I was just seeing this trend discussed on insta. And one of the women that commented has white brothers , and says its because the "Stiff wig" gives a bedhead look, or that shes just been... "Ran through" by lack of better wording and thats appealing to them. Idk how true this is and Im not into white men in particular anyhow but I thought it was an Interesting take. As I realize I dont really see "Baddie" type of blk woman that looks like Megan the S. Rihanna, Or Cardi B, that are well put together looking generally with white men. Especially American ones.
I'm 40 and most of the men I know who are my age and up fall into the taxi cab theory. Drunk on their own looks and high on their own successes, they played the field until their peers starting settling down and not a second before.
@drnstjhn great question! Straight? Yes. Unmarried? Some but not many. No kids? That's a harder find. We were raised with the idea of having a career, getting married, and starting a family at the age of 25. So, those who are unmarried are likely divorced, have toxic beliefs, or are in denial of their sexuality.
@@SimpleeKomplex I don’t believe the men you’re speaking of fall into the “Taxi Cab” category. In general men who are capable of playing the field (players), usually have a lot more options and don’t have to “settle” for just any woman who jumps in their cab. Also, some of them always have a woman in the wings waiting for them until they’re ready to settle down.
@@drnstjhn Interesting you bring up gay men. The “Taxi Cab Theory” comes from a show called Sex and The City which was originally written by gay men for gay men. Gay men are a lot more riskier when it comes to sex and relationships. The “Taxi Cab Theory” even sounds like it’s for gay dudes.
@@slickrick8046 men are risky period. most men would slide into a girl raw without knowing her status. don't put that on gay men. let's not act like "pull out culture" doesn't exist. and idk what you're talking about and how that has to do with any of this 😂. and you're contradicting yourself. one minute you say yes straight men are players because they don't have to settle, then you say no gay men are the "risky" ones. which literally has zero to do with any of this
I refer to the taxi cab theory all the time. I don’t think it is for all men but it is for a LOT of men. Many men feel like once they get to a certain point in life, then they’re ready to settle down. And usually the first woman who comes along that they like, they commit to her. I don’t think they’re completely lazy (as you said lol). I don’t think they just accept ANY woman who comes along. But I do think in those situations, men are less likely to do the deep dive into considering if the women they choose when their light goes on are REALLY compatible for long-term commitment.
I believe in the taxi cab theory. Seen it, experienced it. Ofc not all men. But alot. The man is ready to settle, but his first choice, the woman he loves either is not ready or reject him. So because he is ready he settles for whoever is avaliable at that time.
Basically, its SHADE to say that most BW who date WM andnhave a good WM is that "they have a bad weave. I take that as "a chick who doesnt make a big deal of her hair/ doesnt make her " hair ON FLEEK" her whole damn personality
I wouldn’t necessarily say my wig is “hard“ 😂 😂 BUT long story short I’ve been pampered by a white man before. Never met him in person, completely platonic. He spent tens of thousands of dollars on me in gifts and cash over the course of four years. Even bought me my first car at 19! I ultimately ended it because he started becoming possessive. PLEASE be careful out there ladies ✨✨
“He’s Just Not That Into You”was my movie!! Loved the characters ❤ & my 12 year old self thought that I was equipped w/ all the entail to enter the dating world lol
@@DoubleA-ou7pjyes!! I can’t link it, I’ve tried before. I’ll do a dedicated video about this bc I feel for me, I’ve finally found the products that give me the complexion that most compliments my skin.
I’m engaged to an Arab-American and I resonate with almost everything you said about interracial dating/marriage. It’s all valid- I also resonate with the comments related to hair type/texture. In my experience getting to the point of mastery with your natural hair is a way-maker. I have locs because my natural hair is 4c and my man loves it. He even got emotional when I put it under a wig this winter. Whatever texture you’re working with it would benefit you to do a swot analysis on it and figure out your best route. No matter the color/culture doing this will get you the pick of the litter.
I have theory about that love story with your friend and his wife... he may have been impressed with her not overreacting to the water on her shirt, but I don't believe that was what made him change his mind about her. I think the game changed when: after the first date went badly, she was willing to walk away. I think him seeing that self respect in her, is what flipped on the attraction switch 💚💚💚
Maybe! But I have another story from a different friend’s husband that is similar (not a water drop but a similar small gesture, innocuously done) and he was hooked! I’ve walked away bc of being treated badly tons of times, and it hadn’t made a huge difference bc they didn’t see my value and there was nothing about me that made my absence notable. If someone doesn’t see value in you, that walking away (can we call it the walking away theory lol) isn’t going to matter. He will quickly fill your spot and move on (and vice versa). But the great thing about the water drop theory (if I do say so myself) is it emphasizes your specific element of magnetism for or to a specific person. The person who is meant to love you will find you magnetic and necessary and you won’t have to work so hard.
Bruh you explain everything with such clarity!!! How are you so clear! This isn’t the result of any damn school anywhere! This is truly a gift! ❤ 24:42 you had the nerve to ask if your explanation made sense! Everything is explained clearly girly!
Great video. I like the fact that you breakdown the points that make certain BW appealing to WM. I also appreciated you providing more context via your own experience. Sometimes, there's a lack of nuance in these conversations and BW expect that they can go out and seek a WM without knowing themselves or dealing with their hidden "stuff".
There is definitely something to ppl outside of your own finding beauty in you when your own does not. There are so many ppl with stories like yours, especially where natural hair is concerned. But, but…I’ve also had a white man call me buckwheat when wearing my natural hair. He Thought he was hilarious 🫠. He was not. So It really depends on the person/people. But I say, go where you personally are loved and appreciated ❤
One thing I’ve noticed about “hard wig, soft life” women is that they almost always fall into one of the following categories: (1) a Black woman who’s grown up around white people (so maybe lacks the Black cultural awareness to know how to style her wig well), (2) an African woman and most African women do NOT wear wigs well (I’m sorry to say lol - I’m Nigerian), or (3) the couple lives in Europe where apparently Black women just don’t style their wigs at all 😂 But anyway, thank you for creating this video, I’ve had many of the same thoughts but you convey your points so succinctly and are an incredibly orator. It’s always lovely to hear your insightful takes.
You are right. I fall into category 2 and I am Nigerian born and living in Europe but I wear my natural hair.😂😂😂 My guy loves the hell out of me though.😊
When you don’t live around black people there’s no one to judge. And white people don’t know no better. I for one keep my hair natural, don’t lay edges or wear wigs etc and I’ve only ever dated interracially
Hey steph, I’m a gen Z babe and love jones and He’s just not that into you and I still watch it every year. But I can agree that I no longer call love and basketball my favourite movie and it’s because I watched it as a kid and loved it but rewatching as adult it was like the glass shattering of red flags and trams bonding so it’s a nope for me. And in my opinion it encourages struggle love and I feel that throughout the movie the pouring into the relationship was mostly done by the female lead. Love from London England🏴
FD Signifier does a movie breakdown of Love & Basketball that blew my mind and had me reconsidering writing the movie off. Definitely still not my favorite, but I can appreciate the characters being more complex than I initially thought. I definitely recommend it.
@@rebashleythat’s how I feel tbh…love hits people differently, for some they can experience it and let it go and for others it sticks with them for years. Also when someone impacts you in a way you never forget it’s hard to write them off as just…a part of your past. I identified so heavily with Monica, and no one can never make me hate that movie lol
I love your content. This is a honest open discussion about interracial dating. The narative online seems portray that you will automatically accomplish a fairytale romance if you date marry/ white men
The hard wig soft life thing is so funny to me because I'm sure those men don't care about wigs the way black women do. Black women come for other black women's hair more than anyone else. We see these wigs as 'hard' because they don’t meet our standards of perfection for fake hair. But these men just see their wives as beautiful because they love them.
There is some truth to the taxi cab theory I believe. Timing really is important and men really like being established in their career and finances before planning to marry and have children (not all men of course but from what I’ve seen and what men have told me). It’s not necessarily that men are settling for just anybody once they are ready to settle down. It’s that once a man is established he takes dating way more seriously than he has before and when he meets a lady that meets his specific standards he’ll waste no time wifing her up because he’s at a place in life when he’s ready to. Now of course meeting his once in a lifetime kind of dream girl before then is the exception to the rule because he doesn’t want to lose her. But guys don’t consider the women they meet when they are ready to settle down as women they are “settling for” by any means because choosing her was very much intentional.
Yes I agree with this, it's like a mix of the box and taxi theories. I saw this with one of my in laws, he suddenly wanted to settle down and had a list of female friends he wanted to pursue lol. He ended up meeting and marrying someone he met on a dating app.
All of these theories are a bit silly to me, but thank you for breaking it down!! I was seeing the hard wig soft life thing start to pop up but I didn’t click on any of it until now. Great video! ❤
I always enjoy your content and I’m grateful that you are still willing to share pieces of your life with us after people said such hurtful things to you. ❤❤❤❤❤Thanks, StephCo!
Statistically, a BM is more likely to make you baby mama than marry you. BW married to WM tend to have lower divorce rates but it’s also one of the least likely parings. None of the data plays in BW favor. My point, always keep your options open.
@@djlivvy46thank you… and growing everyday! The reason it was low is because of bw loyalty to males that will tell you in a minute that they PREFER another race
@@smithaquarius1 - absolutely! The pandemic was one of the major factors in waking bw up. It's a shame that it took us so long, but better late than never.
OMG I am writing a whole book here. I hope people stay tuned to the end of the video. You wrap it up so well and I think explain your truth and experience coming home so well.
I believe the taxi theory more; I didn’t know it had a name lol. My friends and I were thinking of times we’ve been out and see bm and think he’s hot and the first thing we thought was “he might not like blk girls”🤦🏽♀️. I didn’t realize how sad it is to see our own and think self hate is highly possible. I’m now curious if this happens alot with other race and cultures.
When I was dancing, my wig would often be a little tangled from sweating. Well, Some [black] girl was always going to tell me I needed to do better with my hair. Until one saw me making money! One dark skinned black girl took a curling iron to a bird's nest condition wig. Followed by telling me to my face she sees girls walking around with these whacked looking wigs. So she bought a cheap human hair one and curled it after sweating to see if it would work. And it DID.
My fiancée is white European French and I have dated black and white, We connected. He had also been in relationships with white women. He calls me his Queen. He is offering me a soft life ( NOt super rich but 6 figures ) Comfortable. He loves my family and I love his. I would never limit myself because of race :) Love your video . 💕
I think another reason men pursue and marry or lavish the "hard" wig wearers is because they are not perfect. They haven't made themselves into objects purely to be looked at. When you have a flaw like not having perfect hair, nice hair, but not perfect hair, you look attainable. Believe it or not, men do not want a woman who seems so perfect that she is unattainable and I wholeheartedly believe that. They like the IG baddies and models and they look at them, but not enough of them are married to be the standard for marriage. Just my take.
@@canesugar911typically WM who date BW are well off and they typically pair with unambiguous black dark skinned woman who wear their natural hair, lil to no make up and really plain .. no fancy nails, expensive or check weaves. I get it though, what would you know?
@@ROYAL12366 Really disagree with the typically pair with unambiguous black women though. They are just as colorist. They just don't go up to darkskin people and say it like BM
He’s just not that into you was the red pill for millennials 😂😂 Please check out the “cab light” theory from Anna Runkel the crappy childhood fairy. Honestly for centuries, you chose the best person for the job. Often the man just needed to provide and the the woman took on a lot of nonsense and free labour. We will feel better if we realise that these marriages are not all divine and not all about love. Most are created out of convenience happenstance, and good timing. It’s not sexy but it’s the reality. That’s why when people get divorced we are often surprised. And all of a sudden the woman starts thriving.
Another wondeful video! I just love your perspective and your points of view (and your sense of humor!). Thank you for making this video and sharing it with us!
The “Hard wig/Soft Life” theory always tickles me in the most beautiful and light-hearted way possible. I’m glad it has a name now but it’s so funny to see😂
I think box, taxi and water drop therory are all true to an extent. Its whether he sees you as relationship material, whether he's ready for a committed relaltionship, and whether he's in love with you the person. A good relationship should have all 3 but often starts with one or two. The guy in the water drop story seems like he decided she was relationship material when she wouldnt put up with his bad behavior on the firat date, fell in love on the second date and likely only then decided he was ready for a long term committed relationship.
I love this subject! But, I do want to add a layer that was missed. The “hard wig, soft life” can also serve as a metaphor for overall “bad hair.” Most black women, who end up in these relationships are typically raised in non-black environments and never learn proper hair care or patronize black hair salons that service their hair. Since they grow up in these non-black environments, they also in proximity to non-black men which further propels the chance of them meeting these men to begin with. As a black woman who grew up in a strong black community- I’m ALWAYS able to tell what black women grew up in “white” environments just solely based on their hair upkeep.
I honestly think this is a bullying tactic. A lot of black women who live in black communities wear god awful wigs, but I guess ugly lace-fronts == grew up around blacks, hard wig == proximity to whites. This theory is weird and another way to police black women. I don’t think hard wig serves as a metaphor for bad hair. A lot of blacks would still a pick a hard wig before 4b or 4c hair, so the community they grew up in is irrelevant.
Omg at this point in Beyoncé’s internet with all these UA-cam videos if you’re not taking care of your hair I feel like it’s a choice 👀👀👀 I didn’t grow up around black ppl but idk between the natural hair community and having parents who cared my hair is moisturized and thriving lol
@@alliasn3384 the lady in the clip with the weird hair sitting next to her biillionaire husband is actually from Africa, and they met there when he was working there
@@alanekek7033right like let’s be real. Plenty of Black girls in black neighborhoods don’t have the best wigs. But ppl come on the internet and act like all black women look the way they look on IG 🙄
Wonderful video! I just came to the conclusion that I only date Italian men because I understand the culture and know “my expected role” as caretaker. I think with me it’s trauma as well as thinking they understand me and what I’ve been through on a deeper level.
Certain Black women have always been made fun of for not having acceptable hair and when it’s revealed that she has a white husband the joke is “you can always tell by the hair!” But it’s not just the hair. Blake women who typically don’t engage in Black hair to the lengths that most women in the community do have a particular mindset that transcends race. These “hard wig” women aren’t exclusively into Black men and lead more with their personality rather than the “Black peacocking” that occurs within the community.
Hey Steph🙌🏾 I was wondering if you have considered going into academia ie doing Masters, Phd, because your way of weaving thoughts and concepts, laying down argument is academia gold.
My lil brother did this w/ his new gf. I was so confused! Like why do you have to ask if you guys are already together?? & on top of that our family doesn’t even celebrate holidays 🤦🏾♀️
@@habeshasister11 What race is your little brother's girlfriend? PLEASE tell me it isn't a snow bunny. You're Ethiopian too, so him partnering out of the African [Black] race is COMPLETELY unacceptable!
When I refer to marriage statistics in this video (which I feel are a reflection of cultural practices and expectations) I am referring to studies like these: jbhe.com/2022/11/the-significant-racial-gap-in-marriage-rates-in-the-united-states/#:~:text=New%20data%20from%20the%20U.S.,percent%20of%20the%20Black%20population. Thanks for watching :)
I haven’t watched the video yet! But I do have a non black husband and quite the soft life 😅 but I put that more on my personality and the type of men I attract-regardless of race. I doing have a hard wig though, I have locs.
2:03 YT member since 2009. Today years old when I heard of her. 2:25 🤔 So that's where this comes from! I still don't know what it means 🤭 Looking forward to the rest of the video! Edits to come. 8:26 The synopsis of my last relationship, but it got better. 12:00 💕 Could not be more accurate if the "love gods" themselves certified this theory as official! My "hard wig" life happened in the 80s with braided extensions that blended "ethnic" beauty with western standards. The movie *10* was trending, and many white men were intrigued by the original article. My relationship lasted 5 years. I learned that a truly dedicated white man has to be a *super hero* to commit to a Black woman. The things that his friends, family, coworkers, neighbors and strangers will say about his woman and the fact that they're together reveal a level of hate and disrespect most white men never knew existed on planet earth! Many of them leave these relationships because they aren't prepared to deal with the overwhelming public scrutiny. The ones who stay the course are bad ass! 🤷🏾
This is so true!! The looks they get and how they learn so much about the perspective shifts from dating a black Woman ! When they stand beside you and don’t care what their counterparts say you know it’s real!!
Have you seen One Day? I watched the movie years ago but the limited series is on Netflix and it makes me think about what you said about box theory. My fav romance story!!
I definitely believe the taxi theory have seen it many times. If he's not ready and loves u he will cheat etc when hes ready to commit and you are too then he will commit. I have been in the position of three guys that let me know they wanted to settle down and knew and wanted me ( extremtrely early BTW like a couple dates) to be the person but I saw they had a puzzle and wanted anyone willing to fit which made me fill it could be filled by anyone. And the next person after I said I want interested they got pregnant and engaged. I was right!
I think sometimes theories could be mixed. Main, I was that woman who dated this man for years, and yes I even asked him why my ring? ( I know stupidity) only him to taxing that he dumping me to marry someone else. Later years, he reach out to me saying I was the one get away 😂 and he only Seattle down. I blocked him from everywhere. I'm glad he left me because a cheater don't change. And now my reference is to date in different race.
I remember in one of your older videos, I can't remember which one but I think it was to do with the guy who called his fiance 'not the most attractive' (but concerning the box theory) was that if a man finds another attribute he didn't initially attach to you in the beginning he will shout it out from the roof tops.
As a male, let me be totally honest. None of these theories are true. A man has to be mature and ready for commitment. Even if he meets a person who is perfect for him, if he is not ready, HE IS NOT READY. Even if you get this “prize” title of girlfriend or wife, get ready for struggle love. Men can easily be in a relationship if they can get some of the benefits and hide behavior that he knows would jeopardize the relationship. Now, if you are not his ideal and start all the pick me games, he is going to treat you worse. As long as you have something to offer to his selfish desires, you can be a girlfriend or wife. This is why there are so many struggle relationships and marriages. Women settling for titles and not having the standards and self esteem to choose what works for them. There is no light, drop of water, taxi magic. Love yourself, become the best version of yourself, and have standards and boundaries. Stop looking for water and taxi lights, and definitely stop looking to movies that are rooted in patriarchy and male benefitting propaganda. Look at a man’s character and how he treats you. If you looking for signs, that is a sign. Women in safe relationships don’t need signs. The man’s actions prove what they have. It’s really as simple as that.
Another amazing video girl you’ve been on a roll recently and I love you content but besides all that.. I LOVE love your makeup today!! I was staring at you all mesmerized at how almost filtered you look that I had to rewind the video a few times cause I couldn’t focus on what you were saying 😂
Not "the youths don't like it" lol. The box theory can save a lot women a whole lot of time and stress! I wasted my years trrying to be the exception for men who put me in a box. I definitely disagree with the Taxi cab. I don't think a man is gonna marry just anyone because he's ready. Don't get me started on the hard wig soft life lol. As a black woman, who has dated and is married to a white man, there is a little bit of truth to that...
Not “anybody”. But a woman who meets his criteria for a wife, even if he’s not madly in love with her. The theory holds in a lot of cases. Marriage has always been very transactional. And it is definitely a boost to a man’s social standing. So men often decide when they’re ready and what type of woman will help usher them into that new chapter of their life. And she may not be his dream girl either. It’s quite similar to the box theory in that you will not get a man to see you as anything he doesn’t nor do what he doesn’t want to (marry) until he’s good and ready. And when he’s ready/interested, he will act.
The taxi cab theory applies to most men because most men will never get their dream girl and they know after a certain age having a spouse and a family is a good for their "image". Most of my cousins and uncles etc got married after a certain age, to whoever fit into their loose criteria of what they consider a "good wife"
I cannot pin point exactly but, this - *hard wig soft-life*, really feels mean-spirited, there's also a mist of jealousy and superior complex involved, as if to say - if those hard wigs wearers can pull a 'high value men' imagine what I could, completely ignoring the person's personality and other qualities that may have appealed to other part. I dunno I maybe be wrong but most of these black women are not even celebrated in black spaces and this type of 'jokes' just alienates them even further
You do have a point. I think that’s what makes this observation even more interesting. People are acknowledging, and they do tend to acknowledge that one of the reasons these women might have sought acceptance elsewhere is because their inability to master things like putting on, or finding the right wig, made them undesirable within their own communities. That was my experience when it came to dating interracially initially, I wanted to be desirable somewhere else cause I felt undesirable in my own communities, and I think not being able to do your hair the way that your community says it should be done is one of those experiences that could lead to feeling that way. But what I like about this theory is, it’s almost a tongue and cheek revelation, or realization that you could not have mastered all of the tools that it takes to be seen as feminine when it comes to being a black woman, and find a man who loves you regardless. So I don’t think it’s so much mean-spirited as I think it’s counter recognizing something that was previously used as a way of calling someone undesirable.
A lot of them are quite envious because they believe that looking like a baddie would automatically mean they're treated like queen's regardless of personality. I can't tell you how many black women I know that have the nicest wigs and get treated like trash by their partners. Its the woman the man marries not the hair. Many believe their wig is all they need to be treated well meanwhile the other women they look down on for having "bad wigs" are being lavished and spoiled. Essentially It's a term that's been borne out of frustration.
Perfectly said! I always like to remind people that these are not the things we’ll remember in 50 years. Our hair and nails… not to mention most expectations when it comes to the presentation of a “feminine” Bkack woman are still rooted in internalized racism. No matter how well we are put together someone will always have something to say to try to erase our femininity. I say do what makes you happy! And I hope other BW will learn to share a little grace to our girls in the ways they extend grace to the average women outside of us
@@Ohdeyummm beautiful comment
@@Ohdeyummm❤❤
The taxi cab theory hits hard. My husband was 9 years older than me. He was ready for marriage for years before I met him. One thing I repeated throughout our marriage was that I never felt like he loved ME as much as he loved being a married family man. When I finally left, he wasn’t sad to lose ME, he was angry at me for the damage I was doing to the family.
I’m a black male and I know your content isn’t geared towards me but I love your content and your voice. We need to support black women
Same
Perhaps because I'm a Miranda (with a minor in Carrie), but I do believe in the 'cab light' theory. There are always exceptions, and I do think they still seek women they're attracted to and have some level of chemistry with (it varies). But, if you listen to men talk long enough, they often view marriage as a stepping stone to legitimising their manhood in certain ways.
Statistics show that married men are more likely to be promoted at work, for example.
They want to be head of household - they need someone to be head of. Also someone to take care of the things that make a home - housework, holidays, wellbeing, community building etc.
Divorced or widowed men also remarry almost twice as quickly as women, not because they're more desirable (contrary to patriarchal belief) but because men typically benefit more from partnership.
lol @ minor in Carrie 😂😂. But I do see your reasoning too.
Oh definitely. My nephew got married three months ago and he said that as soon as he saw his future wife he said that she was "wife material". He also got a promotion a month after getting married. He also said that she'd helped him in his career and that she was a great mother.
Exactly. I’m African and lots of men in my country do this. They get a good job, a car and are financially stable enough to care for at least one more person and then they start actively seeking a wife. Maybe in Some parts of the west it’s not as common, but in cultures that elevate married men, it’s definitely very much a thing.
Steph you are incredibly talented at storytelling/scripting. If you ever release a book, I’d definitely pick up a copy 👏🏼
I said the same thing a few weeks ago!
Yes she has a way of keeping your attention, even on topics I am not interested in lol
100%!
Me too!!!!
Id also listen to her audio books if she does have a book
Shera doesn't give love advice. She gives advice on how to get the bag
And even then it’s not good advice. Looks fade and you can’t capitalize on them forever. Even if you marry a man, he can still cheat and leave you. A career of your own is the only way to guarantee your financial stability.
You can have the bag and love. I have both.
Off topic, but this makeup look is 🔥. Soft elegance.
She looks very beautiful here
@@shamekiawalker6358thank you!! 😊
@@shamekiawalker6358yes! One of my fave looks on her
This is my experience with the hard wig thing… white men I have met and been with are not super concerned with what women do. So if the woman is pretty they don’t care how they get to that point… black men know a lot more about lace fronts and wigs and all the other things lol. A black man will check a woman on a lace front before a white man will. I just don’t think they care. That’s just my opinion.
Exactly! Other races of men typically do not involve themselves in the beauty practices of women.
Its more like natural hair- soft life.
I noticed that particularly WM love natural. My husband to be loves my natural hair so much and spoils me with diamonds and gifts and moves heaven and earth for me. My sister also married a WM and her hair is natural. A lot of black women don't realise how truly beautiful their natural hair is. Also most wigs look like wigs whether expensive or not.
I love to hear it. It's always a great story when people find success in love especially when it runs in the family, gives your parents something to be proud of lol. And I've definitely heard and seen that white men like natural hair. But also, I've had a white man call me "buckwheat" upon seeing my twist out for the first time and ask me "why would you do that to yourself?" Another made fun of my braids and said he can't stand the way "our" hair products smell. But I've also had other white men tell me they love me with a completely bald head, an afro, or faux locs, and tell me that my hair smells and looks beautiful when it's natural. It honestly always depends on the man as an individual.
@@rushypeacelots of survivorship bias for sure (we focus on the success stories and block out anything else)
@@rushypeace I dunno I get luxury items, gifts, have all my bills and maintenance paid by my fiance. All my luxury jewellery has been bought for me by my fiance, we are even having two weddings!😳🎉One destination wedding. He spoils me rotten its crazy. I think It really just depends on the guy and how he sees you. His level of love for you determines his level of effort and investment.
Yep, I have natural hair (and it does NOT look great, so I fit the spirit of "hard wig") and a white husband.
His parents have wealth, and it has benefited me in so many ways, both directly and indirectly. I had more of a safety net to get on my feet and establish a high-paying career, as did my husband. Money begets more money.
@@hellostephco84 The guys that called you such names are such tools. Every video I see you in you look radiant 🌟
And yes you are totally right it depends on the individual man himself.😊
The Taxi Cab is true. BUT....BUT....The exception to this is when a guy runs across his dream girl. I have a friend who met a girl at a coffee shop, she was his type to a T. He flipped himself upside down to get this woman. But he wasn't looking. It was just her.
SEE!!!!
Are they together now.
@@angieang26 Yup. He married her. They are 10 years in.
@@melodyc123 wow love at first sight that's awesome.
I wish I knew that sooner, I spent so much time time trying to win someone else's heart, trying so hard to be loved, when in reality, you really don't have to do anything if a man has already chosen you as 'their' woman. I dunno if it's due to Hollywood but I swear I grew up believing that it was possible, all of those - 'ugly duckling' turned into beautiful women- stories really messed up with my head. Do you think women chose a partner like this as well?
“Elder millennios? we’re not a cereal!” Pure comedy 😂😂😂
I used this photo in the thumbnail bc my wig was particularly "hard" that day lol. That was "Kamiyah's" last day! Just a cute little behind the scenes detail...carry on!
It actually looked decent for a wig on its last leg. But maybe my judgment is off. 😂
@@LoneWulf278my photographer was ✨gifted✨with photoshop. She made miracles happen!
😂😂😂😂😂
Steph please cut it out 🤣🤣🤣
So I was just seeing this trend discussed on insta. And one of the women that commented has white brothers , and says its because the "Stiff wig" gives a bedhead look, or that shes just been... "Ran through" by lack of better wording and thats appealing to them.
Idk how true this is and Im not into white men in particular anyhow but I thought it was an Interesting take.
As I realize I dont really see "Baddie" type of blk woman that looks like Megan the S. Rihanna, Or Cardi B, that are well put together looking generally with white men. Especially American ones.
I'm 40 and most of the men I know who are my age and up fall into the taxi cab theory. Drunk on their own looks and high on their own successes, they played the field until their peers starting settling down and not a second before.
random question. are there presumably non-gay men around your age who have never been married or had kids? and what are your thoughts on that type?
@drnstjhn great question! Straight? Yes. Unmarried? Some but not many. No kids? That's a harder find. We were raised with the idea of having a career, getting married, and starting a family at the age of 25. So, those who are unmarried are likely divorced, have toxic beliefs, or are in denial of their sexuality.
@@SimpleeKomplex
I don’t believe the men you’re speaking of fall into the “Taxi Cab” category. In general men who are capable of playing the field (players), usually have a lot more options and don’t have to “settle” for just any woman who jumps in their cab. Also, some of them always have a woman in the wings waiting for them until they’re ready to settle down.
@@drnstjhn
Interesting you bring up gay men. The “Taxi Cab Theory” comes from a show called Sex and The City which was originally written by gay men for gay men.
Gay men are a lot more riskier when it comes to sex and relationships. The “Taxi Cab Theory” even sounds like it’s for gay dudes.
@@slickrick8046 men are risky period. most men would slide into a girl raw without knowing her status. don't put that on gay men. let's not act like "pull out culture" doesn't exist. and idk what you're talking about and how that has to do with any of this 😂. and you're contradicting yourself. one minute you say yes straight men are players because they don't have to settle, then you say no gay men are the "risky" ones. which literally has zero to do with any of this
I refer to the taxi cab theory all the time. I don’t think it is for all men but it is for a LOT of men. Many men feel like once they get to a certain point in life, then they’re ready to settle down. And usually the first woman who comes along that they like, they commit to her. I don’t think they’re completely lazy (as you said lol). I don’t think they just accept ANY woman who comes along. But I do think in those situations, men are less likely to do the deep dive into considering if the women they choose when their light goes on are REALLY compatible for long-term commitment.
I believe in the taxi cab theory. Seen it, experienced it. Ofc not all men. But alot. The man is ready to settle, but his first choice, the woman he loves either is not ready or reject him. So because he is ready he settles for whoever is avaliable at that time.
You seem to be the majority on that one lol. I guess that’s me being a little hyper optimistic (which is rare for me!)
Basically, its SHADE to say that most BW who date WM andnhave a good WM is that "they have a bad weave.
I take that as "a chick who doesnt make a big deal of her hair/ doesnt make her " hair ON FLEEK" her whole damn personality
We could also examine the 'soft wig, hard life' theory, particularly when it refers to blonde weaves.
I wouldn’t necessarily say my wig is “hard“ 😂 😂 BUT long story short I’ve been pampered by a white man before. Never met him in person, completely platonic. He spent tens of thousands of dollars on me in gifts and cash over the course of four years. Even bought me my first car at 19! I ultimately ended it because he started becoming possessive. PLEASE be careful out there ladies ✨✨
How did you meet him sis
“He’s Just Not That Into You”was my movie!! Loved the characters ❤ & my 12 year old self thought that I was equipped w/ all the entail to enter the dating world lol
Lol I felt I hit the jack pot when watched that movie and there was the ‘The Rules’ I was for sure going to find a husband………..15 years laterrrr 😬
@@jumokeonifade85it was a lie! it was all a lie! 😂😢
watching now, but I had to take a second to compliment your makeup! You look so beautiful 🥰
I cannot recommend topicals primer enough. I just can’t!!!! If you have textured or oily skin, it’s the best thing I’ve ever done!
Is that the brand? Topicals??? If not please provide. Thanks
@@DoubleA-ou7pjyes!! I can’t link it, I’ve tried before. I’ll do a dedicated video about this bc I feel for me, I’ve finally found the products that give me the complexion that most compliments my skin.
The water drop theory is 100% correct! My husband was like that too ❤️
I’m engaged to an Arab-American and I resonate with almost everything you said about interracial dating/marriage. It’s all valid-
I also resonate with the comments related to hair type/texture. In my experience getting to the point of mastery with your natural hair is a way-maker. I have locs because my natural hair is 4c and my man loves it. He even got emotional when I put it under a wig this winter. Whatever texture you’re working with it would benefit you to do a swot analysis on it and figure out your best route. No matter the color/culture doing this will get you the pick of the litter.
I have theory about that love story with your friend and his wife... he may have been impressed with her not overreacting to the water on her shirt, but I don't believe that was what made him change his mind about her. I think the game changed when: after the first date went badly, she was willing to walk away. I think him seeing that self respect in her, is what flipped on the attraction switch 💚💚💚
Maybe! But I have another story from a different friend’s husband that is similar (not a water drop but a similar small gesture, innocuously done) and he was hooked! I’ve walked away bc of being treated badly tons of times, and it hadn’t made a huge difference bc they didn’t see my value and there was nothing about me that made my absence notable. If someone doesn’t see value in you, that walking away (can we call it the walking away theory lol) isn’t going to matter. He will quickly fill your spot and move on (and vice versa). But the great thing about the water drop theory (if I do say so myself) is it emphasizes your specific element of magnetism for or to a specific person. The person who is meant to love you will find you magnetic and necessary and you won’t have to work so hard.
100% agreed
I agree with you
Bruh you explain everything with such clarity!!! How are you so clear! This isn’t the result of any damn school anywhere! This is truly a gift! ❤
24:42 you had the nerve to ask if your explanation made sense! Everything is explained clearly girly!
❤❤❤
She is so eloquent
Great video. I like the fact that you breakdown the points that make certain BW appealing to WM. I also appreciated you providing more context via your own experience.
Sometimes, there's a lack of nuance in these conversations and BW expect that they can go out and seek a WM without knowing themselves or dealing with their hidden "stuff".
Ive started wearing my huge afro and non bm are constantly complimenting me now.❤
There is definitely something to ppl outside of your own finding beauty in you when your own does not. There are so many ppl with stories like yours, especially where natural hair is concerned. But, but…I’ve also had a white man call me buckwheat when wearing my natural hair. He Thought he was hilarious 🫠. He was not. So It really depends on the person/people. But I say, go where you personally are loved and appreciated ❤
I could legit listen to you talk all day,. podcast?🤞
Maybe one day :)
Right? She could talk about some damn rocks and I’d listen
I second this!
One thing I’ve noticed about “hard wig, soft life” women is that they almost always fall into one of the following categories: (1) a Black woman who’s grown up around white people (so maybe lacks the Black cultural awareness to know how to style her wig well), (2) an African woman and most African women do NOT wear wigs well (I’m sorry to say lol - I’m Nigerian), or (3) the couple lives in Europe where apparently Black women just don’t style their wigs at all 😂
But anyway, thank you for creating this video, I’ve had many of the same thoughts but you convey your points so succinctly and are an incredibly orator. It’s always lovely to hear your insightful takes.
You are right. I fall into category 2 and I am Nigerian born and living in Europe but I wear my natural hair.😂😂😂 My guy loves the hell out of me though.😊
When you don’t live around black people there’s no one to judge. And white people don’t know no better. I for one keep my hair natural, don’t lay edges or wear wigs etc and I’ve only ever dated interracially
Hey steph, I’m a gen Z babe and love jones and He’s just not that into you and I still watch it every year. But I can agree that I no longer call love and basketball my favourite movie and it’s because I watched it as a kid and loved it but rewatching as adult it was like the glass shattering of red flags and trams bonding so it’s a nope for me. And in my opinion it encourages struggle love and I feel that throughout the movie the pouring into the relationship was mostly done by the female lead.
Love from London England🏴
I think some of the criticisms are valid! I just still love the movie lol (perhaps that’s my trauma talking)
FD Signifier does a movie breakdown of Love & Basketball that blew my mind and had me reconsidering writing the movie off. Definitely still not my favorite, but I can appreciate the characters being more complex than I initially thought. I definitely recommend it.
@@rebashleythat’s how I feel tbh…love hits people differently, for some they can experience it and let it go and for others it sticks with them for years. Also when someone impacts you in a way you never forget it’s hard to write them off as just…a part of your past. I identified so heavily with Monica, and no one can never make me hate that movie lol
Couldn't agree more. Love & Basketball has always UPSET me. That woman needed to walk tf away
I love your content. This is a honest open discussion about interracial dating. The narative online seems portray that you will automatically accomplish a fairytale romance if you date marry/ white men
And at the other extreme, we see the same kind of 'magical.thinking' applied to Black Love.
The hard wig soft life thing is so funny to me because I'm sure those men don't care about wigs the way black women do. Black women come for other black women's hair more than anyone else. We see these wigs as 'hard' because they don’t meet our standards of perfection for fake hair. But these men just see their wives as beautiful because they love them.
Um...Black men come for Black women's hair MORE than anyone else. GET IT RIGHT!! 😒
Omg I love that you've covered this topic! I haven't watched yet but I am already excited to hear your thoughts.
There is some truth to the taxi cab theory I believe. Timing really is important and men really like being established in their career and finances before planning to marry and have children (not all men of course but from what I’ve seen and what men have told me). It’s not necessarily that men are settling for just anybody once they are ready to settle down. It’s that once a man is established he takes dating way more seriously than he has before and when he meets a lady that meets his specific standards he’ll waste no time wifing her up because he’s at a place in life when he’s ready to. Now of course meeting his once in a lifetime kind of dream girl before then is the exception to the rule because he doesn’t want to lose her. But guys don’t consider the women they meet when they are ready to settle down as women they are “settling for” by any means because choosing her was very much intentional.
Yes I agree with this, it's like a mix of the box and taxi theories. I saw this with one of my in laws, he suddenly wanted to settle down and had a list of female friends he wanted to pursue lol. He ended up meeting and marrying someone he met on a dating app.
@nikkiq5124
The “Taxi Cab Theory” is for gay men. People forget, or don’t know, that Sex and The City was written by gay men for gay men.
All of these theories are a bit silly to me, but thank you for breaking it down!! I was seeing the hard wig soft life thing start to pop up but I didn’t click on any of it until now. Great video! ❤
I always enjoy your content and I’m grateful that you are still willing to share pieces of your life with us after people said such hurtful things to you. ❤❤❤❤❤Thanks, StephCo!
The way I LOVEEE “He’s Just Not That Into You” 😩😂❤️
Me too!
Love it so much!
Statistically, a BM is more likely to make you baby mama than marry you. BW married to WM tend to have lower divorce rates but it’s also one of the least likely parings. None of the data plays in BW favor. My point, always keep your options open.
Yep 💁🏿♀️
The least likely pairing has also increased massively over the last five years.
@@djlivvy46thank you… and growing everyday! The reason it was low is because of bw loyalty to males that will tell you in a minute that they PREFER another race
@@smithaquarius1 - absolutely! The pandemic was one of the major factors in waking bw up.
It's a shame that it took us so long, but better late than never.
@@smithaquarius1 That's one of the reasons. The other is that white men, in general, are not socialized to see Black women as potential partners.
OMG I am writing a whole book here. I hope people stay tuned to the end of the video. You wrap it up so well and I think explain your truth and experience coming home so well.
Yay! An upload 🥳
I believe the taxi theory more; I didn’t know it had a name lol. My friends and I were thinking of times we’ve been out and see bm and think he’s hot and the first thing we thought was “he might not like blk girls”🤦🏽♀️. I didn’t realize how sad it is to see our own and think self hate is highly possible. I’m now curious if this happens alot with other race and cultures.
I looove this hair on you. Most flattering so so far. I’m getting it for myself. Officially influenced. ❤😊
When I was dancing, my wig would often be a little tangled from sweating.
Well,
Some [black] girl was always going to tell me I needed to do better with my hair.
Until one saw me making money!
One dark skinned black girl took a curling iron to a bird's nest condition wig. Followed by telling me to my face she sees girls walking around with these whacked looking wigs. So she bought a cheap human hair one and curled it after sweating to see if it would work.
And it DID.
That's awesome! Good for you - & her!
Missed you girlfriend! Always happy to see your videos! ❤❤
My fiancée is white European French and I have dated black and white, We connected. He had also been in relationships with white women. He calls me his Queen. He is offering me a soft life ( NOt super rich but 6 figures ) Comfortable. He loves my family and I love his. I would never limit myself because of race :) Love your video . 💕
24:00 This is very true. It is about access and/or elevated social status. If you are already in those spaces and attractive, you will attract.
I think another reason men pursue and marry or lavish the "hard" wig wearers is because they are not perfect. They haven't made themselves into objects purely to be looked at. When you have a flaw like not having perfect hair, nice hair, but not perfect hair, you look attainable. Believe it or not, men do not want a woman who seems so perfect that she is unattainable and I wholeheartedly believe that. They like the IG baddies and models and they look at them, but not enough of them are married to be the standard for marriage. Just my take.
They can't afford it. Those who can do pursue the baddies
@@canesugar911typically WM who date BW are well off and they typically pair with unambiguous black dark skinned woman who wear their natural hair, lil to no make up and really plain .. no fancy nails, expensive or check weaves. I get it though, what would you know?
@@ROYAL12366 Literally they were just chatting completely and utter shit.😂? They have no clue about the subject.
@@ROYAL12366 Really disagree with the typically pair with unambiguous black women though. They are just as colorist. They just don't go up to darkskin people and say it like BM
Not really. I've seen just as many hypergamous black women Married to white men with good wigs 😅.
This stereotype is odd
I love this kind of content for you.
He’s just not that into you was the red pill for millennials 😂😂
Please check out the “cab light” theory from Anna Runkel the crappy childhood fairy.
Honestly for centuries, you chose the best person for the job. Often the man just needed to provide and the the woman took on a lot of nonsense and free labour. We will feel better if we realise that these marriages are not all divine and not all about love. Most are created out of convenience happenstance, and good timing. It’s not sexy but it’s the reality. That’s why when people get divorced we are often surprised. And all of a sudden the woman starts thriving.
You said spoiler alert!!!! I’m so proud of you for learning 😂😂😂
And the long pause so I could fast forward 😊
Only thing I didn’t do was give you a time stamp which I will do next time lol
Steph your hair looks so cute💕curls are popping
Hello Steph, I just watched The Marvels yesterday, and you have striking resemblance to Teyonah Parris.
This is the best thing any one has ever said to me thank you ❤
Yes! I totally see it! It's the forehead, eyes and button nose. I can't believe I didn't put it together before
I can see it
Just wanted to say I enjoyed your take on these topics. I was here in the beginning an I am also enjoying what you are doing now.
Another great video, thanks for sharing your thoughts.
I reaaalllllyyy enjoyed your take on this topic! I enjoy EVERY black woman’s take on the subject! Thank you for this video!
Another wondeful video! I just love your perspective and your points of view (and your sense of humor!). Thank you for making this video and sharing it with us!
The “Hard wig/Soft Life” theory always tickles me in the most beautiful and light-hearted way possible. I’m glad it has a name now but it’s so funny to see😂
Ppl are taking it way too seriously it's just a meme with maybe some basis in reality that is what makes it funny.
Hard wig soft life is just a meme don't take it too seriously. The taxi cab theory I have seen happening again & again.
I think box, taxi and water drop therory are all true to an extent. Its whether he sees you as relationship material, whether he's ready for a committed relaltionship, and whether he's in love with you the person. A good relationship should have all 3 but often starts with one or two. The guy in the water drop story seems like he decided she was relationship material when she wouldnt put up with his bad behavior on the firat date, fell in love on the second date and likely only then decided he was ready for a long term committed relationship.
I love this concept steph!!!
Love the water drop theory 😊
I just noticed you uploaded 3 days ago! I didn’t get my notification! Man I’m so excited to watch that video once I’m done with this one♥️💃🏿
You look so good Steph!
I love this subject! But, I do want to add a layer that was missed. The “hard wig, soft life” can also serve as a metaphor for overall “bad hair.” Most black women, who end up in these relationships are typically raised in non-black environments and never learn proper hair care or patronize black hair salons that service their hair. Since they grow up in these non-black environments, they also in proximity to non-black men which further propels the chance of them meeting these men to begin with. As a black woman who grew up in a strong black community- I’m ALWAYS able to tell what black women grew up in “white” environments just solely based on their hair upkeep.
I honestly think this is a bullying tactic. A lot of black women who live in black communities wear god awful wigs, but I guess ugly lace-fronts == grew up around blacks, hard wig == proximity to whites. This theory is weird and another way to police black women. I don’t think hard wig serves as a metaphor for bad hair. A lot of blacks would still a pick a hard wig before 4b or 4c hair, so the community they grew up in is irrelevant.
Omg at this point in Beyoncé’s internet with all these UA-cam videos if you’re not taking care of your hair I feel like it’s a choice 👀👀👀 I didn’t grow up around black ppl but idk between the natural hair community and having parents who cared my hair is moisturized and thriving lol
Yes!
@@alliasn3384 the lady in the clip with the weird hair sitting next to her biillionaire husband is actually from Africa, and they met there when he was working there
@@alanekek7033right like let’s be real. Plenty of Black girls in black neighborhoods don’t have the best wigs. But ppl come on the internet and act like all black women look the way they look on IG 🙄
I truly enjoy this video . Thank you for your perspective on this topic
Omg love love love this video. As always! Thanks 😊
Wonderful video! I just came to the conclusion that I only date Italian men because I understand the culture and know “my expected role” as caretaker.
I think with me it’s trauma as well as thinking they understand me and what I’ve been through on a deeper level.
I absolutely love your water drop theory! 🧡
Love this! Keep them coming Steph! ❤
Certain Black women have always been made fun of for not having acceptable hair and when it’s revealed that she has a white husband the joke is “you can always tell by the hair!”
But it’s not just the hair. Blake women who typically don’t engage in Black hair to the lengths that most women in the community do have a particular mindset that transcends race. These “hard wig” women aren’t exclusively into Black men and lead more with their personality rather than the “Black peacocking” that occurs within the community.
Hey Steph🙌🏾 I was wondering if you have considered going into academia ie doing Masters, Phd, because your way of weaving thoughts and concepts, laying down argument is academia gold.
She use to be a teacher! I dunno, maybe that would be better
Valentine’s proposals!? Goodness thats the dumbest thing I've ever heard. Capitalism will not stop ever
😂😂😂
My lil brother did this w/ his new gf. I was so confused! Like why do you have to ask if you guys are already together?? & on top of that our family doesn’t even celebrate holidays 🤦🏾♀️
@@habeshasister11 What race is your little brother's girlfriend? PLEASE tell me it isn't a snow bunny. You're Ethiopian too, so him partnering out of the African [Black] race is COMPLETELY unacceptable!
When I refer to marriage statistics in this video (which I feel are a reflection of cultural practices and expectations) I am referring to studies like these: jbhe.com/2022/11/the-significant-racial-gap-in-marriage-rates-in-the-united-states/#:~:text=New%20data%20from%20the%20U.S.,percent%20of%20the%20Black%20population. Thanks for watching :)
I haven’t watched the video yet! But I do have a non black husband and quite the soft life 😅 but I put that more on my personality and the type of men I attract-regardless of race. I doing have a hard wig though, I have locs.
@@millieb710yes! The men you attract ultimately depend on you and where you are in life and how you feel about yourself.
Steph, you look especially beautiful in this video, this hair and make-up suits you very well!
"Years of Reaching Across the Aisle" love that as a title for your story series!
I dunno. This trend or theory feels like another way for us to pick apart someone's blackness.
I love you Steph, I'm sure of it 😂❤❤❤
2:03 YT member since 2009. Today years old when I heard of her.
2:25 🤔 So that's where this comes from! I still don't know what it means 🤭
Looking forward to the rest of the video! Edits to come.
8:26 The synopsis of my last relationship, but it got better.
12:00 💕 Could not be more accurate if the "love gods" themselves certified this theory as official!
My "hard wig" life happened in the 80s with braided extensions that blended "ethnic" beauty with western standards. The movie *10* was trending, and many white men were intrigued by the original article. My relationship lasted 5 years.
I learned that a truly dedicated white man has to be a *super hero* to commit to a Black woman. The things that his friends, family, coworkers, neighbors and strangers will say about his woman and the fact that they're together reveal a level of hate and disrespect most white men never knew existed on planet earth! Many of them leave these relationships because they aren't prepared to deal with the overwhelming public scrutiny. The ones who stay the course are bad ass! 🤷🏾
This is so true!! The looks they get and how they learn so much about the perspective shifts from dating a black Woman ! When they stand beside you and don’t care what their counterparts say you know it’s real!!
Agreed!
this video made me smile!!
Great video Steph❤, I relate to this a lot.
I was today years old when i heard the word “hypergamy” used in a sentence for the very first time.👏🏾
Thank you for being so open about your personal path ❤
lol I prefer the term “vintage Millenial” 😂
I love the way you speak! What do you think about the Mo'nique interview?
Great topic! 💓
And btw your scarf is giving like your trying to cosplay as Mikasa Ackerman lol
I found this in my closet and it smelled so good that’s why I pot it on. Had to look up that cosplay tho, it’s not wrong!!
Have you seen One Day? I watched the movie years ago but the limited series is on Netflix and it makes me think about what you said about box theory. My fav romance story!!
I saw the movie, and I just found out is was a Netflix series yesterday so I’ll have to watch!
I definitely believe the taxi theory have seen it many times. If he's not ready and loves u he will cheat etc when hes ready to commit and you are too then he will commit. I have been in the position of three guys that let me know they wanted to settle down and knew and wanted me ( extremtrely early BTW like a couple dates) to be the person but I saw they had a puzzle and wanted anyone willing to fit which made me fill it could be filled by anyone. And the next person after I said I want interested they got pregnant and engaged. I was right!
Love your videos ❤
That class metaphor is 🔥Never thought of it that way.
You are so pretty Steph love your hair ❤️
Interesting video Stephanie! Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
I think sometimes theories could be mixed. Main, I was that woman who dated this man for years, and yes I even asked him why my ring? ( I know stupidity) only him to taxing that he dumping me to marry someone else. Later years, he reach out to me saying I was the one get away 😂 and he only Seattle down. I blocked him from everywhere. I'm glad he left me because a cheater don't change. And now my reference is to date in different race.
I remember in one of your older videos, I can't remember which one but I think it was to do with the guy who called his fiance 'not the most attractive' (but concerning the box theory) was that if a man finds another attribute he didn't initially attach to you in the beginning he will shout it out from the roof tops.
It was the KFC parking lot guy? I think lol
Sounds like Solomon Buchi😂
Best story teller on YT hands down 😊!!!
Steph pls post more 🙏 and longer vida ty!
As a male, let me be totally honest. None of these theories are true. A man has to be mature and ready for commitment. Even if he meets a person who is perfect for him, if he is not ready, HE IS NOT READY. Even if you get this “prize” title of girlfriend or wife, get ready for struggle love. Men can easily be in a relationship if they can get some of the benefits and hide behavior that he knows would jeopardize the relationship. Now, if you are not his ideal and start all the pick me games, he is going to treat you worse. As long as you have something to offer to his selfish desires, you can be a girlfriend or wife. This is why there are so many struggle relationships and marriages. Women settling for titles and not having the standards and self esteem to choose what works for them. There is no light, drop of water, taxi magic. Love yourself, become the best version of yourself, and have standards and boundaries. Stop looking for water and taxi lights, and definitely stop looking to movies that are rooted in patriarchy and male benefitting propaganda. Look at a man’s character and how he treats you. If you looking for signs, that is a sign. Women in safe relationships don’t need signs. The man’s actions prove what they have. It’s really as simple as that.
i love your new content sm especially the longer videosss :)
I love this video
Very informative and entertaining. I've learned a lot from your video. Thank you for sharing this.
Another amazing video girl you’ve been on a roll recently and I love you content but besides all that.. I LOVE love your makeup today!! I was staring at you all mesmerized at how almost filtered you look that I had to rewind the video a few times cause I couldn’t focus on what you were saying 😂
Dang everyone is strong in these comments. I feel stressed and sad about cab light theory. Makes me wanna fall over
21:00 is such an overlooked point. Yes he may he rich but they are probably not compatible on every other level
Not "the youths don't like it" lol. The box theory can save a lot women a whole lot of time and stress! I wasted my years trrying to be the exception for men who put me in a box. I definitely disagree with the Taxi cab. I don't think a man is gonna marry just anyone because he's ready. Don't get me started on the hard wig soft life lol. As a black woman, who has dated and is married to a white man, there is a little bit of truth to that...
Not “anybody”. But a woman who meets his criteria for a wife, even if he’s not madly in love with her. The theory holds in a lot of cases. Marriage has always been very transactional. And it is definitely a boost to a man’s social standing. So men often decide when they’re ready and what type of woman will help usher them into that new chapter of their life. And she may not be his dream girl either. It’s quite similar to the box theory in that you will not get a man to see you as anything he doesn’t nor do what he doesn’t want to (marry) until he’s good and ready. And when he’s ready/interested, he will act.
The taxi cab theory applies to most men because most men will never get their dream girl and they know after a certain age having a spouse and a family is a good for their "image".
Most of my cousins and uncles etc got married after a certain age, to whoever fit into their loose criteria of what they consider a "good wife"
I'm sure you mentioned this in previous videos, but how's the dating in Austin? I love your videos!
I’ll update after I’ve been here a year…jury’s still out!
Oh ! You left Houston?? @@hellostephco84