Mine had an elaborate set up and he was definitely thinking about his long term benefits when he was doing it. It was long term goal, with the help of flying monkeys.
@@wardeggerrobertmarius144 You're both technically correct. The issue is between Factor 1 & Factor 2 Psychopathy. Primary Psychopaths (F1) are the more charming, charismatic, manipulative, cold, calculated, & strategic, "white collar crime" types. They have a long-term goal. They don't care who they have to screw over to achieve their objective. They more or less have "planning" but their lack of insight in their 'plans' renders them often fairly ineffective. These 'plans' often have to adapt to accommodate the psychopath's lack of consideration of consequences (i.e. because REALITY doesn't always go as they expected so they have to improvise) Often this means transitioning from one 'plan' to the next, _in the general direction of their long-term goal, but with A LOT of collateral damage and near-misses along the way. Secondary Psychopathy also sometimes referred to as "Sociopaths" tend to be the more reckless, defiant, impulsive, reactive, including violent and/or sadistic. The maximum security prison types. These psychopaths typically have a baseline of Factor 1 traits (lying, manipulative, callous, two-faced, etc) but their impulsivity and recklessness often land them in trouble with the criminal justice system at some point. Most psychopaths have varying degrees of BOTH factor 1 & 2 traits, which is probably why the term "psychopath" is so confusing and misunderstood.
What gets me is this, when you're down and being kicked, the kickers feel utterly justified even to the extent the law doesn't apply to them if it occurs in the workplace where there's strong laws to protect workers form this sort of thing. This goes all the way to physical assault, where when the police become involved they don't press charges because they're in agreement with the attackers that you are just a POS. I've never been able to understand this. This has nothing to do with the narcissist in the workplace just supervisors and office staff.
That's actually evil, I had the same people push me down , and continue on work the answer campaign, I simply got up and now I know who is who. The people who called verse those that some call
I record everything and duplicate record at a safe source external to my self. I have 1 flying monkey doubting the Narcissist. I've a plan for the future, it should release another wave against me. I rehearse everything and build in safeguards with a few I still trust. It should be interesting and revealing. Wish me luck. Thanks
A lot of times in the long term if you dont engage in a narcissists baiting or smear campaign they will usually trip over their own deception, it is only a matter of time. It is better to carry on and live life. Thank you for sharing
I’d like to coin a phrase Professor. I’d like to call all the people who do the Narcissists bidding “Window Dressers”because without them, the Narcissists would just be naked dummies. 🧐
I like that. I used to call them spotlights, illuminating the greatness of the narc on their pedestal. Ask them, if their necks hurt from looking up all the time.
Good one! I've also heard the term "fluffers" used mostly in reference to the entertainment industry. I kind of lean towards it mostly because of what it actually means.
Its such a great term to call the narcissist's enabler. Ive see this a lot in my family with many family members being flying monkeys. Mom was the flying monkey for her abusive parents, dad is the flying monkey for the narcissistic mom and brother. Its no wonder I felt like my family was a bit off growing up. Its like a layer cake of enabling. Its probably why Im so honest with myself as an adult. I played many sports and learned many instruments as well. So honesty has always been important in getting better results in life but also in my career as a musician.
Only issue for me is that smear campaigns are fine for real friends/ fake friends situations. But there are also many people who only know you slightly, they are ‘neutrals’ in a way. And narcissists target these people… ‘turning a neutral into an ally’ - creating enemies for you where before they were just people you knew. This is not harmless.
The deadly silence on your part will be in contrast with the narcissist's barking. There is a possibility that the healthier neutral flying monkeys notice the difference and gradually find out the truth. It is happened for me, albeit after about 6 years. It was not easy but the fruit is so sweet 😊
And you pass them maybe walking in a park or at the store, they just glare and look at you in horror! You know some crazy shit was said to them about you. Their jaws just drop. Happens to me all the time. Current husband doing this! Acting completely normal. Sick and no amount of prayer is helping. Ongoing smear campaign.
I hope the board looked into it long and hard? that you had some big proof? you're probably just trying to be brief, but makes it sound like hearsay. "just reported" meaning just very recently? and already so fast his/her licence gone? that easy to get someone de-licenced?
35 yrs ago. Yes it’s very easy when he’s trying to molest your daughter, not keeping records cause he’s not working. Lying to the government. He had to make a deal to keep from going to prison.
Most work places are organized around bullying. Especially workers in healthcare outside of big hospitals, especially mental hospitals, and especially among the women in these settings.
We actually need to spread awareness abt that, bc a Lot of patients are getting Hurt bc of it. Let's call attention to health worker bullying; including Dr's & administration👍🏼
The reality is that there are good and bad people in this world. In order for you to navigate and sustain yourself in this world the plan is a huge necessity.
Yes,we had evil nbrs that hated anyone living in peace.Were vicious trash-throwing(into the yard)above-65 couple, & their 4 allies with evil grown children.
@sonnyborja9375 I was warned by therapists not to talk to neighbors. Be careful out there if you are going no contact from your abusers like I did almost 5 yrs ago. This video is extremely VALIDATING to my experience of being a scapegoat of a toxic dysfunctional family system and then the aftermath of trying to go no contact and having to move and change my phone number several times. Its no joke, stay safe out there!
Don't play the game of the chain of fools. No contact is the only way out never engage in their nonsense keep your sanity and move away and never turn back. That's my advice and it works wonders. No need to get involved in their dirty cunning game for this is poison for your soul.
sometimes you find out in the middle of the road and by accident when is your best friend especially that knows a lot about you and than YOU see how She/he is evil and braging about plot for someone who ends contact with them or do them wrong. than i needed to distance myself more and more just in case so YOU dont step on their foot. than they arent offended as much because they find another "better company " and more interesting to my advantage i didnt then come to their mind that often. they start to only ignore me simply because i did thaz to them , they get offended but not enough to get revenge for anything
sometimes they take it too far which escalates to illegal activities. you must absolutely step in when it is starting to affect your workplace, stability, environment, & life. court orders have to be set where remaining silent works against you!
This is so me accept I have people who knows the real me😂😂😂 nor do I look to get revenge and for some reason me not seeking out these people rattles them up …they basically reach out to me for an opportunity to get angry at me for them betraying/mistreating me …I don’t understand it so I don’t give it too much energy like I used to it’s like they were surviving off my reaction to the bs 🤔😂
This is great. Yes - When you figure out you are dealing with a flying monkey, just know their job is to report back to the narcissist. Plant your ideas accordingly 🤣😏
Exactly...I started making the connections. When there was trouble between the narcissist and myself...it was only a matter of time (sometimes between 5 and 10 minutes, as i started really paying attention) before his little flying monkey showed up in a message. It was uncanny.
My husband's 41 yr old son who now lives in our house, is blacked out drunk, my husband pointed out. I, 29 years sober have taken him to 5 AA meetings, trying to hook him up with the network. A drunk in my house is so disrespectful. I'll try to make him, my monkey❤.
I'm going through a6yr attack at work.I have a dangerous fan. The police, lawyers are now involved. Her threats have changed now to a palpable fear. They lie. They forget the past. They are impulsive. They are at the end of the day dangerous to themselves. I went and is going through an extremely stressful life event. But thanks to Dr. Vaknin, my psychologist,lawyer and so on, I'm learning to turn my fear into power. Good luck everyone. Stay strong.
not every flying monkey understands boundaries & where to draw the line, so it is not always best to remain silent. nobody deserves to be lied on & bullied in silence to the point their life is being jeopardized.
My ex is a narc and has 5 flying monkeys. They are my daughters. I raised them myself. Right now they are not talking to me and that is ok with me. They relate my well being to my ex. 40 years later they believe that their father cares about me. He never cared for me or my daughters. My daughters think he is perfect and will not allow me to talk about the narc. Right now I feel happy that I have cut him and cut the girls out of my life. My mother was a narc also and she and my ex were very much alike. I was born to a woman who didn`t want children. I was the first of 12 , 8 of us were raised by her. Most turned out to be narcissists. I have no relationship with any of them either from the lies they were told about me or I refuse to allow a narc in my part of the world. I am a graduate of psychology and would love to know more about the things the narc will do and how I can defend myself against him. I truly thought he was done with me as he remarried right after our separation and moved across country with his wife. I will live my life, if I have to without my daughters, but I love them so much, always have. Can not figure out a way to separate them from the lies he has told them about me. Any help will be greatly appreciated. Welland ON Canada
Narcissists can be very charming and their lies hard to resist, until something goes wrong. Then , their rage can alienate and frighten people, but in my experience, this is short lived and those people often come back for more. In your case, separation would have heavily influenced your daughters, in addition to whatever lies their father told them. It's not your fault. You had to leave for your own safety. If any of them is willing to speak to you on neutral terms, I guess that is a start. Be the loving parent I feel you are, but never discuss their father. Don't share vulnerable information about yourself. I know, its hard to get really close to anyone without sharing intimacies. Maybe you and your daughters will never really get close. Maybe not. Whatever happens, focus on yourself and your life and fill it with true friends and interesting things to do. Be happy and grateful for whatever you still have. Losing something or someone doesn't take away all the other blessings that are still part of your life. May God guide us all!
How can we recover when the smear campaign continues and by your family. In some countries, it's a nightmare to have your parent against you. I don't respond but I cannot get rid of the sadness. What have I done to deserve all these lies, insults, violence, the humiliations. They took away everything I owned and I bounced back and they're still trying to hurt me. I was stupid because I believed my parent would be more kind with age hahaha what was wrong with me? I only gave another chance to someone who didn't deserve it and who broke me.
You have done nothing to deserve it. It is unjust and unfair I'm in a simular situation. The narcissist are envious of you and hate your light. They live in darkness. I now see, that it is a gift to know who is against you. Also their flying monkeys are either the same or blinded by these lies. To have peace I use the word of God. So much truth and love to find there. God loves you, and he created the whole world, and you ❤ Do not seek validation from people, especially not those who treat you badly. Forgive them (for they know not what they do), but don't trust them. Stay away from them and find good people you can trust. You are not alone ❤️
I am in the same boat. I'm so so sad, confused, can't stop ruminating, and can't walk away because my son's is suffering and my grandkids are told so many lies. I'm a truth teller but I have no voice. And I listen to sam and Dr Ramani and YES, what they say makes sense but I'm getting worse over time, not better. I did nothing and I lived my abuser DIL, so trying to wrap your head around it is absolute confusion
You are Not Alone! If we can find the resources to help us, & find a way to Use those resources, that's our way out of families like these. Stay Strong 💙
I have been doing this. Acting grateful and providing the flying monkey fake information, she now sends me their chat history and tells him about the information I provide her.
@@LMG-786it’s lies they tell about you to you’re friends and family and anyone else who listens and believes it. Once they do that those people act differently to you
Yout advice can save lives!!! So many ppl have committed suicide bc of narcissists amd especially if they wage a viscious smear campaign on top of the abuse they inflict in person. Look at rhe highly publicized case of Mica Miller. Its good that ppl are finally understanding the seriousness of what they do amd it almost always includes them breaking the law. They hv no regard for their victims amd no regard for the law
Mica Miller was Murdered, she did not kill herself. But yes so true many many suicides...l wanted to when l was with the Narc.. 33years Praise God lm still here.❤
I honestly believe this is what caused a lot of public shooting situations as well. Its very sad. Especially to push people so hard with mental illnesses, should be prohibited. If you want to help someones get them into treatment or therapy, you dont push them over the edge. Very sick and counter productive.
I worked with my gf, and her mother which still works with me. Some rumor was put out there about my “size” and how long I last. Rumors that I payed no mind but clearly realized that she never put a stop to it, and I have a feeling that the mother is pumping lies and rumors about me. I wonder if I can take legal action even though I have no proof
Narcissists could also operate as a collective/group with the connections to institutions of power. One of the most dangerous forms with an intricate network of flying monkeys.
Start using the record button on your phone for conversations, and on your phone for video. Secure it in your shirt pocket with video on....just a thought Be as cunning as they are, but for the good
Thank you for explaining. My Previous Work Place was hell on Earth. Boss is an overt and his prime flying monkey an covert narc employed in HR. Never expierenced a more evil duo: Mobbing, Bullying, Lying, Micro Management, gossiping, Distrust. As soon as they come to the conclusion that the employee wont fit In, they instantly will lay the person off.
@@mrmcallister The thing is that the decision is not based on the employees performance but upon their complying or non complying with the toxic work culture. Insanely high turnover rates, they take pleasure in Kicking people out, even Top Performers because Management seeks admiration, almost workship and submission to their corporate/personal goals, no critics allowed. From the Managements POV the only reasonable Action - I agree with you.
these people have openly talked about their diagnosis and or having NPD? how many degrees of separation for u to Know a lie vs perceive? or take your pick from your given list keep detailed records for no reason but to protect yourself .
I didn't know anything about narcissists but I instinctly knew he was trying to get me back. I used the grey rock technique and went no contact, which is the best advice.
I like the part about true friends not believing what the narcs say about the person they recently discarded. My mom just discarded my sister and I don’t believe anything she says about her.
Wow. This is the first video about dealing with narcissists that I found which actually has practical steps you could take to counter attack. Food for thought, definitely.
Great advice for people dealing with these toxic sick creatures. Just have nothing to do with them, the smear campaign is going to happen no matter what, so let people believe them those people aren't your people. My ex Narc rang all my friends trying to put, run me down, anyone that was silly enough to listen. unfortunately my flying monkeys are my daughters. I don't see or hear from them, they've been brainwashed and conditioned, started at a very young age for them too. They were lovely little girls once.
Thank you for this empowering video, Mr. Vaknin. A while back, I worked in one particularly toxic workplace that left me scarred for years from the sadistic bullying & smear campaign I received by one very corrupt co-worker. Looking back now on that period, I can see what truly sick & power hungry individuals the co-worker & some of the higher ups who enabled her were. At the time, I didn't know much about this topic of narcissism so I fell for all the traps the corrupt co-worker used to sabotage me. When I compare your assessments from other videos also, I strongly feel she had the triad personality traits. The top tier of evil I now know.
All this is true. If you can’t remove yourself from the situation these tactics work. It’s the long game but your reputation will be somewhat better this way. The only one it won’t work on is primary supply.
@@2hetigDoubtful, it's hard to imagine too many situations where the partner was not primary supply. Who do most people spend most of their time with?? It's their partner
@@2hetig the primary supply is who the narcissistic person chooses. They will obey the narcissistic person most of the time unless they are willing to leave that relationship and cut the bond.
That's if supervisors and managers in workplaces are supportive not part of the smear campaign project to save their name and job,company money and name. Workplaces are becoming more and more dangerous places to be. The more gollable you allow them to see you as, the more information you absorb accessing vital information. Just let them assume whoever you are.
Such a useful and great post. Thank you. I've been a victim of smear campaigns from multiple narcissists, and it was useful to find out the value of 'friends'.
I am well into the first stages of this and have been for nearly 6 months when I decided the pain and cruelty as they carried on the work of the narcissist for him was enough. There are 2 main flying monkeys who are a couple (family ties and finances involved). They now believe that I have been firmly put in my place by their actions and that they have taught me a lesson. I'd been wondering how to proceed next and drip feeding false information is a great idea, although that will be quite difficult as they barely communicate. However, I've noticed that since they have started to believe that I'm compliant that they're becoming a bit more open with me. Looking forward to seeing where this goes next.
Been enduring a smear for over 13 years...... 😢 Now that I've become comfortable talking to certain family members she has doubled down on that side of the family....
So good. This is how I’ve been relating to the F. M.s. Thank you for validating my innate intuition of how to deal with them. The only difference is, I don’t give them the impression that I’m afraid of them.
This is so true...this person went on a smear campaign...in fact, there have been several, yes several smears by several people. I have no friends...never did. The hardest part is i thought better of them...but realize that they were never interested in me...just what i can DO, for them. USERS. The narc, is not of significance to me to waste my time on. The other narc, was harassing me all night, targeted...i dont know who that girl was- i never had a word woth her...never said anything to her, and she went on telling everyone i called ber a bulldyke...lol. ny reportation- i lost jobs...that's ok. Because that person who hired me, and those involved, arent the kind of people i would want to work for...they have no backbone.
Sam, you are great at teaching and explaining the helpful ways to deal with certain people in certain situations and not to lose your face, your sleep, etc. My applause to you! God bless !
The abusers of my childhood were so violent, it caused trauma induced amnesia. It lasted for about 16 years and they convinced my parents, drs, police that I was crazy. At 16 a psychiatrist abused me psychologically and it triggered a massive amnesia in me. For the next 30 years my abusers got close to all my friends and convinced them I was crazy and that I fantasised about being abused... When Covid came and the masks were mandated, it massively triggered me (Suffocation was one of many torture tactics and there were many ways to suffocate and torture me) and then over a year, i came apart lost in somatic flashbacks, then the memories all came back one day in a horrible way, kind of like a machine gun of memory bullets. It took a year for most of them to come out, day after day. I opened up to a couple of friends but they made me out to be mad, I opened up to others and they also didn't believe me and treat me badly, even telling me "I was mad "and one said when I asked why he didn't believe me "You haven't convinced me enough" Saying it once was enough in my mind, but the he has a T-shirt that says "It's all about me!" I've just come out of another batch memories but now have put all the pieces together and see who has been smear campaigning me, and friends I've know for years I see now how they were trying to trigger me in group situations when my abuser was there- acting on her behalf to prove her "reactive abuse" was my disorder as I was unknowingly being triggered. My family knew about the abuse but chose to hide it and even got a policeman friend to come and give me a lesson as to what it would be like if I sought help again. I've a six" fracture on my skull from that and many broken ribs that went untreated. They have tried to push me over the edge again. I have cut off from everyone I know. It has been hard but for my safety. I've been off work for 9 months now and in therapy. Not sure I will trust anyone again.
Sometimes the safest most trustworthy people are complete strangers. You are not alone. It does get better. You’ll be able to trust and count on true friends again. Eliminating contact with people who’ve demonstrated that they are unworthy of your friendship and trust is the way to move forward. There are wonderful people who’ve endured what you’ve endured. They, too, are looking for friends just like you.
I love your imaginative use of language. As we live near a troop of real monkeys that come into suburbia from a green belt to find water and food during the dry months. I love your expression of flying monkeys. They really do know how to take advantage of the environment.
Very good video. Good descriptions. I have lived in the shadow of narcissism most of my life. Trying to figure things out. My x even turned my mother into a flying monkey. I was so stupid. I didn't even have to pretend. She knew I was being emotionally and physically abused but made it my falt. I lived with shame most of my life. That I was in some way a bad person.
When the narc returns they won’t apologise they just show up all sweet and nice….beware a snake 🐍sheds its skin and comes back as a bigger snake…. The flying monkeys are fooled like everyone they believe nothing is the narcs fault so they come and retrieve you for the narcissist…
We need to become more purposeful in life and stop thinking we will organically make things happen. You have to be ready prepared and purposeful and play the long game to create a better outcome and avoid giving the narcissist power
What my friends and family and I have been going through the last 4 days is insane. Sam, I’ve been watching your videos maybe more than listening to my music. How you describe true life for us strangers you don’t know.. thank you for helping us.
Thank you for the instruction manual for when you can’t walk away and have to deal with a networking group. Every interaction is transactional and carried out with icy cold indifference. Wow!
Yes smear campaigns.... Relatives.... No response with no contact keeps them guessing and like a slap on their face.... Especially those who think they are great judges of character.... Love the guessing game.... Real brothers and sisters are your friends in Jesus....
I always assumed that the term "flying monkey" originated in reference to the winged monkeys in "The Wizard of Oz" that carry out, en masse, the nefarious plans of an adversarial witch. The image of monkeys simply taking over the highest reaches of a structure the way Professor describes it is more apt and more chilling somehow.
The Narcissist in my life is my immediate neighbour. I went no contact approx. 18 months ago. I have a very good relationship with my other neighbours where I've lived in the small community for 20 years. My narc neighbour arrived 7 years ago. Suddenly, one of my neighbours has turned against me, without reason known to me. Is this a smear campaign ? Is it Flying Monkeys? I feel very shaken, their behaviour is intimidating, I feel very vulnerable. The Police are now involved.
My experience on this is that the narcissist often has times when he tries to win you over when he behaves like a flying monkey himself, shares mistakes he made etc, of course sold as victories but most narcissists trip over their failure to fully evaluate reality correctly. So it becomes obvious that their stories are just that and furthermore, they oftentimes are furious you are not in their camp. Come join the cult! The grass is much greener where I am in charge!
I just don't want to make the effort to manipulate the situation. Playing the so called game before and if someone behaves in a shallow dishonest fashion I don't want to mirror that in dealing with them. It makes me an actor in a sick play. If I do that I change tack after leading them up the garden path I change tack and hold up a mirror to them. You should see their look of shock.
Time is a scarce commodity. I'll invest it otherwise. I'll take action that's quick and snappy.....that saves my time for more productive activities!! I'll distance myself and cut off all contact with the narcissist and flying monkies.
I was thinking the same thing. Even if you have to engage with them you can still grey rock and go limited contact as possible. All this other stuff is too exhausting.
Sir, this may be a very effective strategy; however, It is too complex for me. I'd rather spend my time thinking about people who really care me about than about people who have shown that they don't. Any mental attention given to a person who doesn't care about me is a waste of time.
Our mother passed, my sisters waited a month, and, on my birthday buried our mother and I was not told about it until after the funeral. What do you feel? Are they flying monkies?
Thank you for the in-depth analysis of these specimens. The ones I know also commit petty crimes and are proud of it. Their flying monkey specific crime was witness intimidation (an extremely stupid thing to do). They came across as psychotic. Quite a sight.
Something I've learned is that we need to be able to play the game and lie and pretend we are dumber than we are in fact. This is not easy for many people, but in order to win their game we need to understand their rules. Thank you for your advice about the flying monkeys, Sam. *
it worked, thank you very much -) I gathered so much evidence against the narcissist that it ruined them to the ground and in the face of the public with hard data, screenshots and recordings. It was worth it.
Wonderful video. I have developed some of these techniques having been attacked. But it is good to hear this man lay things out so clearly and articulately. The thing that really helped in my case was the narcissist was full on savior complex mode, constantly virtue signaling, even talking in a "holier than thou" voice always trying to make everyone think she was so great which put me at a serious disadvantage because I am generally quiet and just do my work. So I was completely outnumbered and not the popular one being attacked by this jealous narcissist who smeared me for years. One day though, her narcissist rage came out, and she had a meltdown in front of everyone and the workplace cameras. Everyone saw the mask come off and years of her machinations instantly went down the drain. It was obvious the evil in that person, and all the flying monkeys were like... wait, he never did anything in regards to me but look at her! It was hard to sit there and let her spew her venom and not respond or cuss her out, but I am glad I kept my composure. What this man said about filming and documenting within the bounds of the law is true. I used to think cameras everywhere were too 1984 Orwell, but now I'm glad that attackers behavior can be recorded.
That is what is being done to me verbatim and you describe my ex-wife exactly. Thank-you for putting a name to what I have been going through in the town where I live.
Thank you Sam. You are very helpful. My mother was a narcissist and I have attracted both male and female narcissists in my life because of it. I'm currently dealing with a smear campaign from my ex boyfriend which is horrible. Thank you for your advice. Deborah
Brilliant. Have been searching for positive strategies to deal with narc/ sociopath who rented my factory shed 6 months ago and then made a very low offer to buy. I am 80 years old female, a retired nurse, so he seems to have thought I would be a push over. When I refused to sell at his price he has breeched the conditions of the lease, lived in the shed, not paid rent, sabotaged property and assaulted my daughter and makes false reports to local council and other agencies and he refuses to leave and take his things, Responding to these complaints I am like a cat on hot bricks. My legal bill for court action is mounting, even though I think there is nothing more futile than suing a man with no money. He has smeared my reputation in the community so even the agents want me to walk away for he has salivating buyers. But this has been my investment and income and my children will have nothing. I need to become more strategic. . I can be stoic but I do not like feeling like a helpless and frightened victim. Thanks.
Dealing with similar family. They have no money so nothing to lose. I’m not thrilled spending lots of money but the slander & damage to reputation… they’ve GOT to be Stopped!!!
Very very good, on point. Best iv seen about this situation, you are very very good, on point, good words, good outlook, 100% pm point. And exactly what I'm looking for. You have the answeres... Cope, awareness on an army of those, preperation, response. Agents into agents, blimey, yes, double agent, bullseye.
Thank you so much for all this information. I really appreciate it. I like that you pointed out, most are involved in criminal activity! ( The ones ive incountered are)😢
I'm lucky..my boss is nice. Very caring. Very accommodating. I stick up for her too. I say " Wait, You know what you've got. You don't want her to be your manager? Let someone else you don't even know...step in her shoes instead? You know they won't let half of what you guys do, and don't do around here slide like she does. Be careful what you wish for. Calms them down for a long time.
@@carmenm.9522 I've worked for a few very kind bosses in my time. There was only one workplace as I mentioned in another post here where the toxicity, corrupt behaviour, smearing, etc was horrible & unbearable. Yes, there are nice bosses out there if you're lucky to get them.
Here’s a twist for you - I’ve been dealing with a covert narc for over 30 years (only recently discovered what it was) and having just recently gone through the discard phase where he’s moved on to a new supply - did it in a very long drawn out manipulative way leading me to be the one to finally call it by standing up for myself, then I was then made out to be the crazy bad guy and he’s the victim. So I start talking about and sharing my truth and all that I’ve been through only to be called a narcissist by him - his ‘friends’ never question him or ask me my side of the story yet I’m the bad guy. Such a mind f@$&
The narcs in my life usually Are Also their own flying monkeys. They come at me direct, when I'm in a hospital or incapacitated & too sick to fight anything. I'm trying to find outside resources/3rd party professional protection, & how to pay for it until I don't need to any longer. Thank you for your interesting, informative videos
Have you ever played dumb to someone who plays dumber than you and it escalates until it’s gets so ridiculous that you wonder how the other person can’t remember how smart the two of you used to be?
@@tdesq.2463 thanks for the new term😁 I have heard of “Botton Feeders,” like spiritual omnivorous humans who, like catfish or hogs,have nothing against consuming anybody or anything, but mostly go for whoever or whatever’s bottomed out.
One thing to add: narcissists don't seem to think too far ahead. They have no long game, use that to your advantage.
If he is a covert narcissist... and uses passive aggressive tactics... will be a long time tactic... I don't think the video is about them...
@@wardeggerrobertmarius144 Not reassuring.
Mine had an elaborate set up and he was definitely thinking about his long term benefits when he was doing it. It was long term goal, with the help of flying monkeys.
@@wardeggerrobertmarius144 You're both technically correct. The issue is between Factor 1 & Factor 2 Psychopathy.
Primary Psychopaths (F1) are the more charming, charismatic, manipulative, cold, calculated, & strategic, "white collar crime" types. They have a long-term goal. They don't care who they have to screw over to achieve their objective. They more or less have "planning" but their lack of insight in their 'plans' renders them often fairly ineffective. These 'plans' often have to adapt to accommodate the psychopath's lack of consideration of consequences (i.e. because REALITY doesn't always go as they expected so they have to improvise) Often this means transitioning from one 'plan' to the next, _in the general direction of their long-term goal, but with A LOT of collateral damage and near-misses along the way.
Secondary Psychopathy also sometimes referred to as "Sociopaths" tend to be the more reckless, defiant, impulsive, reactive, including violent and/or sadistic. The maximum security prison types. These psychopaths typically have a baseline of Factor 1 traits (lying, manipulative, callous, two-faced, etc) but their impulsivity and recklessness often land them in trouble with the criminal justice system at some point.
Most psychopaths have varying degrees of BOTH factor 1 & 2 traits, which is probably why the term "psychopath" is so confusing and misunderstood.
I had seen in a video that a covert narc sometimes is changing his state in primary psychopath. For how much time will he stay in that state?
People will kick you when you are down. They think you are a loser but they , in reality, are the real losers.
What gets me is this, when you're down and being kicked, the kickers feel utterly justified even to the extent the law doesn't apply to them if it occurs in the workplace where there's strong laws to protect workers form this sort of thing.
This goes all the way to physical assault, where when the police become involved they don't press charges because they're in agreement with the attackers that you are just a POS.
I've never been able to understand this.
This has nothing to do with the narcissist in the workplace just supervisors and office staff.
They really are. It just seems right now I'm so worn out from all they've done. It's been so painful to go through all of this.
That's actually evil, I had the same people push me down , and continue on work the answer campaign, I simply got up and now I know who is who. The people who called verse those that some call
Sir, you just released me and stopped me from responding with futility: "The only response to a smear campaign is NO RESPONSE." Thank you, thank you!
I record everything and duplicate record at a safe source external to my self. I have 1 flying monkey doubting the Narcissist. I've a plan for the future, it should release another wave against me. I rehearse everything and build in safeguards with a few I still trust. It should be interesting and revealing. Wish me luck. Thanks
Have to admit, the title grabbed me pronto.
Good tips for those who want to engage with a Narcissist. Some of us just don't want to have anything to do with them
NO CONTACT = Merry Christmas Biatches!!!
Nothing at all. Any interaction is by force and minimal because who tf wants to deal with that all the time.🙄
A lot of times in the long term if you dont engage in a narcissists baiting or smear campaign they will usually trip over their own deception, it is only a matter of time. It is better to carry on and live life. Thank you for sharing
A narcissist has no peace; it is better to practice calm and contentment.
It's hard when you live with the problem to though.
Birds of the same feather, fly together. Eagles, fly alone.
Love this!
👍✌️
This is great.. my dad was a screaming eagle in Vietnam war 101st Airborne
I agree 👍
🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯
I’d like to coin a phrase Professor. I’d like to call all the people who do the Narcissists bidding “Window Dressers”because without them, the Narcissists would just be naked dummies. 🧐
I like that. I used to call them spotlights, illuminating the greatness of the narc on their pedestal. Ask them, if their necks hurt from looking up all the time.
Good one! I've also heard the term "fluffers" used mostly in reference to the entertainment industry. I kind of lean towards it mostly because of what it actually means.
@@sweetpealee056 Your comment made me laugh. In a good way. They sure are fluffers. They get the narc ready so they can bend you over.
Its such a great term to call the narcissist's enabler. Ive see this a lot in my family with many family members being flying monkeys. Mom was the flying monkey for her abusive parents, dad is the flying monkey for the narcissistic mom and brother. Its no wonder I felt like my family was a bit off growing up. Its like a layer cake of enabling. Its probably why Im so honest with myself as an adult. I played many sports and learned many instruments as well. So honesty has always been important in getting better results in life but also in my career as a musician.
Only issue for me is that smear campaigns are fine for real friends/ fake friends situations. But there are also many people who only know you slightly, they are ‘neutrals’ in a way. And narcissists target these people… ‘turning a neutral into an ally’ - creating enemies for you where before they were just people you knew. This is not harmless.
I got this on workplace
The deadly silence on your part will be in contrast with the narcissist's barking. There is a possibility that the healthier neutral flying monkeys notice the difference and gradually find out the truth. It is happened for me, albeit after about 6 years. It was not easy but the fruit is so sweet 😊
And you pass them maybe walking in a park or at the store, they just glare and look at you in horror! You know some crazy shit was said to them about you. Their jaws just drop. Happens to me all the time. Current husband doing this! Acting completely normal. Sick and no amount of prayer is helping. Ongoing smear campaign.
still trying to play the long game With my Flying monkey kids after 10 years. Damage still remains
I just reported the narc to the Board of Professional Regulation. He lost his license to practice.
I hope the board looked into it long and hard? that you had some big proof?
you're probably just trying to be brief, but makes it sound like hearsay. "just reported" meaning just very recently? and already so fast his/her licence gone?
that easy to get someone de-licenced?
35 yrs ago. Yes it’s very easy when he’s trying to molest your daughter, not keeping records cause he’s not working. Lying to the government. He had to make a deal to keep from going to prison.
Yes. It certainly is.
Did you have a psychologist narc who abused you? If so, I did too. Who did you report them to?
Good.
Most work places are organized around bullying. Especially workers in healthcare outside of big hospitals, especially mental hospitals, and especially among the women in these settings.
We actually need to spread awareness abt that, bc a Lot of patients are getting Hurt bc of it. Let's call attention to health worker bullying; including Dr's & administration👍🏼
How sad to have people in our lives we have to play games with to stay safe from. Good to have a plan but so sad. Thank you professor Vaknin
Same thing i was thinking.
The reality is that there are good and bad people in this world. In order for you to navigate and sustain yourself in this world the plan is a huge necessity.
Just beyond exhausting.
The devil is ever busy...be wise as a serpent and gentle as a dove...
be on guard against evil (& people easily steered by evil).
Yes,we had evil nbrs that hated anyone living in peace.Were vicious trash-throwing(into the yard)above-65 couple, & their 4 allies with evil grown children.
EXACTLY! 👏👏👏👏👏👏 After a smear campaign, I know very well who are my true friends! 💯 Good for me! I am not naive anymore.
Please include neighbors 😂😢😅
@sonnyborja9375
I was warned by therapists not to talk to neighbors. Be careful out there if you are going no contact from your abusers like I did almost 5 yrs ago.
This video is extremely VALIDATING to my experience of being a scapegoat of a toxic dysfunctional family system and then the aftermath of trying to go no contact and having to move and change my phone number several times. Its no joke, stay safe out there!
Don't play the game of the chain of fools. No contact is the only way out never engage in their nonsense keep your sanity and move away and never turn back. That's my advice and it works wonders. No need to get involved in their dirty cunning game for this is poison for your soul.
sometimes you find out in the middle of the road and by accident when is your best friend especially that knows a lot about you and than YOU see how She/he is evil and braging about plot for someone who ends contact with them or do them wrong. than i needed to distance myself more and more just in case so YOU dont step on their foot. than they arent offended as much because they find another "better company " and more interesting to my advantage i didnt then come to their mind that often. they start to only ignore me simply because i did thaz to them , they get offended but not enough to get revenge for anything
sometimes they take it too far which escalates to illegal activities. you must absolutely step in when it is starting to affect your workplace, stability, environment, & life. court orders have to be set where remaining silent works against you!
That's okay, i have no friends anyway. I know the truth and that's enough. Im enough for myself.
Dont need anyone to believe me.
True. I love being alone. Most people are users anyway.🤣
❤x 27:15
This is so me accept I have people who knows the real me😂😂😂 nor do I look to get revenge and for some reason me not seeking out these people rattles them up …they basically reach out to me for an opportunity to get angry at me for them betraying/mistreating me …I don’t understand it so I don’t give it too much energy like I used to it’s like they were surviving off my reaction to the bs 🤔😂
@@mesalouis8976fact
@@mesalouis8976I forgot how peaceful it was before.
This is great. Yes - When you figure out you are dealing with a flying monkey, just know their job is to report back to the narcissist. Plant your ideas accordingly 🤣😏
Or dont
Exactly...I started making the connections. When there was trouble between the narcissist and myself...it was only a matter of time (sometimes between 5 and 10 minutes, as i started really paying attention) before his little flying monkey showed up in a message. It was uncanny.
My husband's 41 yr old son who now lives in our house, is blacked out drunk, my husband pointed out.
I, 29 years sober have taken him to 5 AA meetings, trying to hook him up with the network. A drunk in my house is so disrespectful. I'll try to make him, my monkey❤.
I'm going through a6yr attack at work.I have a dangerous fan. The police, lawyers are now involved. Her threats have changed now to a palpable fear. They lie. They forget the past. They are impulsive. They are at the end of the day dangerous to themselves. I went and is going through an extremely stressful life event. But thanks to Dr. Vaknin, my psychologist,lawyer and so on, I'm learning to turn my fear into power. Good luck everyone. Stay strong.
Stay strong too!
not every flying monkey understands boundaries & where to draw the line, so it is not always best to remain silent. nobody deserves to be lied on & bullied in silence to the point their life is being jeopardized.
My ex is a narc and has 5 flying monkeys. They are my daughters. I raised them myself. Right now they are not talking to me and that is ok with me. They relate my well being to my ex. 40 years later they believe that their father cares about me. He never cared for me or my daughters. My daughters think he is perfect and will not allow me to talk about the narc. Right now I feel happy that I have cut him and cut the girls out of my life.
My mother was a narc also and she and my ex were very much alike. I was born to a woman who didn`t want children. I was the first of 12 , 8 of us were raised by her. Most turned out to be narcissists. I have no relationship with any of them either from the lies they were told about me or I refuse to allow a narc in my part of the world. I am a graduate of psychology and would love to know more about the things the narc will do and how I can defend myself against him. I truly thought he was done with me as he remarried right after our separation and moved across country with his wife.
I will live my life, if I have to without my daughters, but I love them so much, always have. Can not figure out a way to separate them from the lies he has told them about me. Any help will be greatly appreciated. Welland ON Canada
Prayer can change the hearts of people. Please pray to Jesus. He is the truth.
As they mature they often see the light, hang in there and keep an open heart.
Narcissists can be very charming and their lies hard to resist, until something goes wrong. Then , their rage can alienate and frighten people, but in my experience, this is short lived and those people often come back for more.
In your case, separation would have heavily influenced your daughters, in addition to whatever lies their father told them. It's not your fault. You had to leave for your own safety.
If any of them is willing to speak to you on neutral terms, I guess that is a start. Be the loving parent I feel you are, but never discuss their father. Don't share vulnerable information about yourself. I know, its hard to get really close to anyone without sharing intimacies. Maybe you and your daughters will never really get close. Maybe not. Whatever happens, focus on yourself and your life and fill it with true friends and interesting things to do. Be happy and grateful for whatever you still have. Losing something or someone doesn't take away all the other blessings that are still part of your life. May God guide us all!
From a fellow Ontarian in Canada ❤
Take heart you are not alone I am in the very same situation Pray and have faith in TMH God
How can we recover when the smear campaign continues and by your family. In some countries, it's a nightmare to have your parent against you. I don't respond but I cannot get rid of the sadness. What have I done to deserve all these lies, insults, violence, the humiliations. They took away everything I owned and I bounced back and they're still trying to hurt me. I was stupid because I believed my parent would be more kind with age hahaha what was wrong with me? I only gave another chance to someone who didn't deserve it and who broke me.
Read Dr Ramani book ‘Its not you’ straight away. Audio the best, you hear the kind, sensitive, caring narrative of Dr. Ramani herself. Love and light.
You have done nothing to deserve it. It is unjust and unfair I'm in a simular situation. The narcissist are envious of you and hate your light. They live in darkness. I now see, that it is a gift to know who is against you. Also their flying monkeys are either the same or blinded by these lies. To have peace I use the word of God. So much truth and love to find there. God loves you, and he created the whole world, and you ❤ Do not seek validation from people, especially not those who treat you badly. Forgive them (for they know not what they do), but don't trust them. Stay away from them and find good people you can trust. You are not alone ❤️
I am in the same boat. I'm so so sad, confused, can't stop ruminating, and can't walk away because my son's is suffering and my grandkids are told so many lies. I'm a truth teller but I have no voice. And I listen to sam and Dr Ramani and YES, what they say makes sense but I'm getting worse over time, not better. I did nothing and I lived my abuser DIL, so trying to wrap your head around it is absolute confusion
You are Not Alone! If we can find the resources to help us, & find a way to Use those resources, that's our way out of families like these. Stay Strong 💙
Inner shadow work helps us get through the pain. We get to turn tragedy into triumph. It can get better I promise you.
I have been doing this. Acting grateful and providing the flying monkey fake information, she now sends me their chat history and tells him about the information I provide her.
@@LMG-786it’s lies they tell about you to you’re friends and family and anyone else who listens and believes it. Once they do that those people act differently to you
You are lucky
😂😂😂😂😂
Yout advice can save lives!!! So many ppl have committed suicide bc of narcissists amd especially if they wage a viscious smear campaign on top of the abuse they inflict in person. Look at rhe highly publicized case of Mica Miller. Its good that ppl are finally understanding the seriousness of what they do amd it almost always includes them breaking the law. They hv no regard for their victims amd no regard for the law
Mica Miller was Murdered, she did not kill herself.
But yes so true many many suicides...l wanted to when l was with the Narc.. 33years Praise God lm still here.❤
❤
I honestly believe this is what caused a lot of public shooting situations as well. Its very sad. Especially to push people so hard with mental illnesses, should be prohibited. If you want to help someones get them into treatment or therapy, you dont push them over the edge. Very sick and counter productive.
I worked with my gf, and her mother which still works with me. Some rumor was put out there about my “size” and how long I last. Rumors that I payed no mind but clearly realized that she never put a stop to it, and I have a feeling that the mother is pumping lies and rumors about me. I wonder if I can take legal action even though I have no proof
Narcissists could also operate as a collective/group with the connections to institutions of power. One of the most dangerous forms with an intricate network of flying monkeys.
Search the channel for "collective".
Start using the record button on your phone for conversations, and on your phone for video. Secure it in your shirt pocket with video on....just a thought
Be as cunning as they are, but for the good
Never a truer word spoken, very dangerous.
So true! I don’t give a F what he’s said about me. I don’t talk to anyone who talks to him, anyway. I want to survive!
Thank you for explaining. My Previous Work Place was hell on Earth. Boss is an overt and his prime flying monkey an covert narc employed in HR. Never expierenced a more evil duo: Mobbing, Bullying, Lying, Micro Management, gossiping, Distrust. As soon as they come to the conclusion that the employee wont fit In, they instantly will lay the person off.
Sounds like one of my past workplaces......... a hospital..... a place for doing much good yet much bad for many of its workers...
What would be a more appropriate set of actions if management comes to the conclusion that a person is a bad fit for the company?
@@mrmcallister The thing is that the decision is not based on the employees performance but upon their complying or non complying with the toxic work culture. Insanely high turnover rates, they take pleasure in Kicking people out, even Top Performers because Management seeks admiration, almost workship and submission to their corporate/personal goals, no critics allowed. From the Managements POV the only reasonable Action - I agree with you.
don't know if 3 month probation period exists where u are but for any reason can be let go.
these people have openly talked about their diagnosis and or having NPD?
how many degrees of separation for u to Know a lie vs perceive? or take your pick from your given list
keep detailed records for no reason but to protect yourself .
I didn't know anything about narcissists but I instinctly knew he was trying to get me back. I used the grey rock technique and went no contact, which is the best advice.
You sound like an emotionally manipulative person tbh
No ! YOU DONT WANT TO BE LIKE THEY ARE !!! JUST “ RUN “! People who know You , WILL REALIZE IT WASN’T YOU TO BEGIN WITH !
I'm only 6 minutes in and already see the extreme value in this video. Thank you, Professor!!!
You’re right, Sam! Nonetheless, many victims of narcissistic abuse don’t want anything to do with fake. To survive we have to relearn a lot of things.
Why would I ever want to sink to that level? I don’t want revenge. I want to get as far away as humanly possible.
One point that I would like to add: the person(s) who start aren't always a partner; fake friends or someone is jealous of you.
I like the part about true friends not believing what the narcs say about the person they recently discarded.
My mom just discarded my sister and I don’t believe anything she says about her.
Yup. Good on you.
You are a good sister and I am sure your sister appreciates that.
Useful advice that makes life easier is a gift. Thank you Sam.
Bravo! Finally a practical guide on countering smear campaigns. Dr. Vaknin, please consider further expanding on this topic. 🙏
They will seemingly, innocently get in your way and have you tripping over them when they see you are busy and distracted with your hands full.
Wow. This is the first video about dealing with narcissists that I found which actually has practical steps you could take to counter attack. Food for thought, definitely.
Great advice for people dealing with these toxic sick
creatures.
Just have nothing to do with them, the smear campaign is going to happen no matter what, so let people believe them those people aren't your people. My ex Narc rang all my friends trying to put, run me down, anyone that was silly enough to listen. unfortunately my flying monkeys are my daughters.
I don't see or hear from them, they've been brainwashed and conditioned, started at a very young age for them too. They were lovely little girls once.
One good thing...we are not them❤❤❤❤❤❤
Thank you for this empowering video, Mr. Vaknin. A while back, I worked in one particularly toxic workplace that left me scarred for years from the sadistic bullying & smear campaign I received by one very corrupt co-worker. Looking back now on that period, I can see what truly sick & power hungry individuals the co-worker & some of the higher ups who enabled her were. At the time, I didn't know much about this topic of narcissism so I fell for all the traps the corrupt co-worker used to sabotage me. When I compare your assessments from other videos also, I strongly feel she had the triad personality traits. The top tier of evil I now know.
Thank you!!!! I never even think of being on offensive. This is good info. You know EXACTLY what you are talking about!
Beat them at their own game. Love it!! Thank you Dr. Sam!
Thank for setting a path. Can't believe this happened to me. THANK YOU
Congratulations on being the one to coin the term, Flying Monkeys. It sure applies well.
Before I knew the term was used I called them flying monkeys so that term fits😅😂😂
The actual origin of the term flying monkeys. Not what I was expecting. Thanks for the clarification.
Yes, the other description keeps being repeated by other sources. Glad for that clarification.
All this is true. If you can’t remove yourself from the situation these tactics work. It’s the long game but your reputation will be somewhat better this way. The only one it won’t work on is primary supply.
@@2hetigDoubtful, it's hard to imagine too many situations where the partner was not primary supply. Who do most people spend most of their time with?? It's their partner
@@2hetig the primary supply is who the narcissistic person chooses. They will obey the narcissistic person most of the time unless they are willing to leave that relationship and cut the bond.
flying monkeys are even worse than the Narc
True
That's if supervisors and managers in workplaces are supportive not part of the smear campaign project to save their name and job,company money and name. Workplaces are becoming more and more dangerous places to be. The more gollable you allow them to see you as, the more information you absorb accessing vital information. Just let them assume whoever you are.
"Flying monkeys can be overturned/used"
Well yeeeees, if you got days upon days of nothing else to do than speaking to dog poo.
Such a useful and great post. Thank you. I've been a victim of smear campaigns from multiple narcissists, and it was useful to find out the value of 'friends'.
I am well into the first stages of this and have been for nearly 6 months when I decided the pain and cruelty as they carried on the work of the narcissist for him was enough. There are 2 main flying monkeys who are a couple (family ties and finances involved). They now believe that I have been firmly put in my place by their actions and that they have taught me a lesson. I'd been wondering how to proceed next and drip feeding false information is a great idea, although that will be quite difficult as they barely communicate. However, I've noticed that since they have started to believe that I'm compliant that they're becoming a bit more open with me. Looking forward to seeing where this goes next.
Been enduring a smear for over 13 years...... 😢 Now that I've become comfortable talking to certain family members she has doubled down on that side of the family....
So good. This is how I’ve been relating to the F. M.s. Thank you for validating my innate intuition of how to deal with them. The only difference is, I don’t give them the impression that I’m afraid of them.
This is so true...this person went on a smear campaign...in fact, there have been several, yes several smears by several people. I have no friends...never did. The hardest part is i thought better of them...but realize that they were never interested in me...just what i can DO, for them. USERS. The narc, is not of significance to me to waste my time on. The other narc, was harassing me all night, targeted...i dont know who that girl was- i never had a word woth her...never said anything to her, and she went on telling everyone i called ber a bulldyke...lol. ny reportation- i lost jobs...that's ok. Because that person who hired me, and those involved, arent the kind of people i would want to work for...they have no backbone.
making their 2nd narc supply radioactive by building alliance is a gamechanger
Sam, you are great at teaching and explaining the helpful ways to deal with certain people in certain situations and not to lose your face, your sleep, etc. My applause to you! God bless !
The abusers of my childhood were so violent, it caused trauma induced amnesia. It lasted for about 16 years and they convinced my parents, drs, police that I was crazy. At 16 a psychiatrist abused me psychologically and it triggered a massive amnesia in me. For the next 30 years my abusers got close to all my friends and convinced them I was crazy and that I fantasised about being abused...
When Covid came and the masks were mandated, it massively triggered me (Suffocation was one of many torture tactics and there were many ways to suffocate and torture me) and then over a year, i came apart lost in somatic flashbacks, then the memories all came back one day in a horrible way, kind of like a machine gun of memory bullets. It took a year for most of them to come out, day after day. I opened up to a couple of friends but they made me out to be mad, I opened up to others and they also didn't believe me and treat me badly, even telling me "I was mad "and one said when I asked why he didn't believe me "You haven't convinced me enough" Saying it once was enough in my mind, but the he has a T-shirt that says "It's all about me!"
I've just come out of another batch memories but now have put all the pieces together and see who has been smear campaigning me, and friends I've know for years I see now how they were trying to trigger me in group situations when my abuser was there- acting on her behalf to prove her "reactive abuse" was my disorder as I was unknowingly being triggered.
My family knew about the abuse but chose to hide it and even got a policeman friend to come and give me a lesson as to what it would be like if I sought help again. I've a six" fracture on my skull from that and many broken ribs that went untreated. They have tried to push me over the edge again.
I have cut off from everyone I know. It has been hard but for my safety. I've been off work for 9 months now and in therapy. Not sure I will trust anyone again.
Sometimes the safest most trustworthy people are complete strangers. You are not alone. It does get better. You’ll be able to trust and count on true friends again. Eliminating contact with people who’ve demonstrated that they are unworthy of your friendship and trust is the way to move forward. There are wonderful people who’ve endured what you’ve endured. They, too, are looking for friends just like you.
@RSmytheFreed Most kind words, thank you much. Be well good Soul.
I love your imaginative use of language. As we live near a troop of real monkeys that come into suburbia from a green belt to find water and food during the dry months. I love your expression of flying monkeys. They really do know how to take advantage of the environment.
Very good video. Good descriptions. I have lived in the shadow of narcissism most of my life. Trying to figure things out. My x even turned my mother into a flying monkey. I was so stupid. I didn't even have to pretend. She knew I was being emotionally and physically abused but made it my falt.
I lived with shame most of my life. That I was in some way a bad person.
When the narc returns they won’t apologise they just show up all sweet and nice….beware a snake 🐍sheds its skin and comes back as a bigger snake….
The flying monkeys are fooled like everyone they believe nothing is the narcs fault so they come and retrieve you for the narcissist…
We need to become more purposeful in life and stop thinking we will organically make things happen. You have to be ready prepared and purposeful and play the long game to create a better outcome and avoid giving the narcissist power
Thank you for this information. Truly golden ✨️
Genius. Thank you for providing such useful information, giving a clear plan of action. Absolutely genius
What my friends and family and I have been going through the last 4 days is insane. Sam, I’ve been watching your videos maybe more than listening to my music. How you describe true life for us strangers you don’t know.. thank you for helping us.
I have done this recently and it works a treat
What type of false info do you feed them?
@@s.t.6771 anything that is relevant to the situation. You will know what to say when the opportunity arises.
Thank you so much professor. Much needed!
Thank you for the instruction manual for when you can’t walk away and have to deal with a networking group. Every interaction is transactional and carried out with icy cold indifference. Wow!
Yes smear campaigns.... Relatives.... No response with no contact keeps them guessing and like a slap on their face.... Especially those who think they are great judges of character.... Love the guessing game.... Real brothers and sisters are your friends in Jesus....
I always assumed that the term "flying monkey" originated in reference to the winged monkeys in "The Wizard of Oz" that carry out, en masse, the nefarious plans of an adversarial witch. The image of monkeys simply taking over the highest reaches of a structure the way Professor describes it is more apt and more chilling somehow.
The Narcissist in my life is my immediate neighbour. I went no contact approx. 18 months ago. I have a very good relationship with my other neighbours where I've lived in the small community for 20 years. My narc neighbour arrived 7 years ago. Suddenly, one of my neighbours has turned against me, without reason known to me. Is this a smear campaign ? Is it Flying Monkeys? I feel very shaken, their behaviour is intimidating, I feel very vulnerable.
The Police are now involved.
yeah, sounds like flying monkey - they are very aggressive
Don't react to them- ever. Document all. Be safe. And breathe! ❤
Thank you for your wisdom and support ❤ I’m so grateful for you 🙏🏽
My experience on this is that the narcissist often has times when he tries to win you over when he behaves like a flying monkey himself, shares mistakes he made etc, of course sold as victories but most narcissists trip over their failure to fully evaluate reality correctly. So it becomes obvious that their stories are just that and furthermore, they oftentimes are furious you are not in their camp. Come join the cult! The grass is much greener where I am in charge!
I just don't want to make the effort to manipulate the situation. Playing the so called game before and if someone behaves in a shallow dishonest fashion I don't want to mirror that in dealing with them. It makes me an actor in a sick play. If I do that I change tack after leading them up the garden path I change tack and hold up a mirror to them. You should see their look of shock.
Time is a scarce commodity. I'll invest it otherwise. I'll take action that's quick and snappy.....that saves my time for more productive activities!! I'll distance myself and cut off all contact with the narcissist and flying monkies.
I was thinking the same thing. Even if you have to engage with them you can still grey rock and go limited contact as possible. All this other stuff is too exhausting.
Thank you for pointing out that this is a criminal offence.
Sir, this may be a very effective strategy; however, It is too complex for me. I'd rather spend my time thinking about people who really care me about than about people who have shown that they don't. Any mental attention given to a person who doesn't care about me is a waste of time.
Our mother passed, my sisters waited a month, and, on my birthday buried our mother and I was not told about it until after the funeral. What do you feel? Are they flying monkies?
Thank you for the in-depth analysis of these specimens. The ones I know also commit petty crimes and are proud of it. Their flying monkey specific crime was witness intimidation (an extremely stupid thing to do). They came across as psychotic. Quite a sight.
Something I've learned is that we need to be able to play the game and lie and pretend we are dumber than we are in fact. This is not easy for many people, but in order to win their game we need to understand their rules. Thank you for your advice about the flying monkeys, Sam. *
it worked, thank you very much -) I gathered so much evidence against the narcissist that it ruined them to the ground and in the face of the public with hard data, screenshots and recordings. It was worth it.
Wonderful video. I have developed some of these techniques having been attacked. But it is good to hear this man lay things out so clearly and articulately. The thing that really helped in my case was the narcissist was full on savior complex mode, constantly virtue signaling, even talking in a "holier than thou" voice always trying to make everyone think she was so great which put me at a serious disadvantage because I am generally quiet and just do my work. So I was completely outnumbered and not the popular one being attacked by this jealous narcissist who smeared me for years. One day though, her narcissist rage came out, and she had a meltdown in front of everyone and the workplace cameras. Everyone saw the mask come off and years of her machinations instantly went down the drain. It was obvious the evil in that person, and all the flying monkeys were like... wait, he never did anything in regards to me but look at her! It was hard to sit there and let her spew her venom and not respond or cuss her out, but I am glad I kept my composure. What this man said about filming and documenting within the bounds of the law is true. I used to think cameras everywhere were too 1984 Orwell, but now I'm glad that attackers behavior can be recorded.
Exceptionally terrific video
This is gold. Thank you professor Vaknin.
Great video with good information and your English is superb!!! You have a better vocabulary than some English people I know
That is what is being done to me verbatim and you describe my ex-wife exactly. Thank-you for putting a name to what I have been going through in the town where I live.
Thank you Sam. You are very helpful. My mother was a narcissist and I have attracted both male and female narcissists in my life because of it. I'm currently dealing with a smear campaign from my ex boyfriend which is horrible. Thank you for your advice. Deborah
Only if you have been working there a while. New employees watch out. Or as in US where true friends are almost impossible to find.
So the answer is "emulate a covert overt/narcissist".
I'm not comfortable with that.
Brilliant. Have been searching for positive strategies to deal with narc/ sociopath who rented my factory shed 6 months ago and then made a very low offer to buy. I am 80 years old female, a retired nurse, so he seems to have thought I would be a push over. When I refused to sell at his price he has breeched the conditions of the lease, lived in the shed, not paid rent, sabotaged property and assaulted my daughter and makes false reports to local council and other agencies and he refuses to leave and take his things, Responding to these complaints I am like a cat on hot bricks. My legal bill for court action is mounting, even though I think there is nothing more futile than suing a man with no money. He has smeared my reputation in the community so even the agents want me to walk away for he has salivating buyers. But this has been my investment and income and my children will have nothing. I need to become more strategic. . I can be stoic but I do not like feeling like a helpless and frightened victim. Thanks.
Dealing with similar family. They have no money so nothing to lose. I’m not thrilled spending lots of money but the slander & damage to reputation… they’ve GOT to be Stopped!!!
Very very good, on point. Best iv seen about this situation, you are very very good, on point, good words, good outlook, 100% pm point. And exactly what I'm looking for. You have the answeres... Cope, awareness on an army of those, preperation, response. Agents into agents, blimey, yes, double agent, bullseye.
I thought it was because of those monkeys that tricked prey into walking into packs of lions . Great video
Or... and hear me out here... you could leave the narcissist, and their Cadre of flying monkeys, behind.
Thank you so much for all this information. I really appreciate it. I like that you pointed out, most are involved in criminal activity! ( The ones ive incountered are)😢
Thank you for changing the world for good through your hard work.
Thank you for the crystal clear explanation!
If you have the time and inclination to discuss mob bullying at work, that would be an interesting topic.
As well, is there such a thing as an employer who isn’t narcissistic?
I'm lucky..my boss is nice. Very caring. Very accommodating. I stick up for her too. I say " Wait, You know what you've got. You don't want her to be your manager? Let someone else you don't even know...step in her shoes instead? You know they won't let half of what you guys do, and don't do around here slide like she does. Be careful what you wish for. Calms them down for a long time.
@@carmenm.9522
I've worked for a few very kind bosses in my time. There was only one workplace as I mentioned in another post here where the toxicity, corrupt behaviour, smearing, etc was horrible & unbearable. Yes, there are nice bosses out there if you're lucky to get them.
@@carmenm.9522😂 there are the „good narcs“
I’m so glad I got the originals on “Flying Monkeys”. Much more deep and profound
Here’s a twist for you - I’ve been dealing with a covert narc for over 30 years (only recently discovered what it was) and having just recently gone through the discard phase where he’s moved on to a new supply - did it in a very long drawn out manipulative way leading me to be the one to finally call it by standing up for myself, then I was then made out to be the crazy bad guy and he’s the victim. So I start talking about and sharing my truth and all that I’ve been through only to be called a narcissist by him - his ‘friends’ never question him or ask me my side of the story yet I’m the bad guy. Such a mind f@$&
The narcs in my life usually Are Also their own flying monkeys. They come at me direct, when I'm in a hospital or incapacitated & too sick to fight anything. I'm trying to find outside resources/3rd party professional protection, & how to pay for it until I don't need to any longer. Thank you for your interesting, informative videos
Have you ever played dumb to someone who plays dumber than you and it escalates until it’s gets so ridiculous that you wonder how the other person can’t remember how smart the two of you used to be?
@@tdesq.2463 thanks for the new term😁
I have heard of “Botton Feeders,” like spiritual omnivorous humans who, like catfish or hogs,have nothing against consuming anybody or anything, but mostly go for whoever or whatever’s bottomed out.