Everything is my fault. For 20 years. All of it…. That messes with a mind… I do believe it. Because she’s successful in her life. She never worries. She seems to be in complete control… she will always win… because she doesn’t care about how she affects others. Even our kids.
Same...his entire family rejected me even though HE wasthe one that hated them and separated us. I was the crazy one...now that I've left they are united against me. Now they have love for one another....it's insane.
Every type of manipulation mentioned here for 14 years. Almost no friends left, my sister and brother had to block all communication with my ex wife. And she’s using my relationship with our kids to try to attack me still. But she isn’t especially successful anywhere else. But for most of the 14 years everything was my fault. I built the webpage for her company and was her accountant for a three years but it had to end because of the mess I caused. She took all my time. And that’s what I mourn the most
@@karlssrYes....time is what I mourn most. Time lost, time you can never get back. Time you could have experienced bettering yourself, self maintenence (mental health). More time to try and go through the process of healing. Then time to try and help your children to heal from their own narcissistic abuse. I mourn it too!
Yes. This is me. I started small talk about something with my Narc this morning. She went into a diatribe about how was the research done, and where was the study and all these little triggering, manipulation to make me engage. I just stopped the conversation… I’m more aware now. But yes. I’m always working on what narc needs to be ok. Always. I’m completely brainwashed. There’s no emotional intimacy. Yes I have no worth. My sense of reality is gone. Yes. Trauma bonded completely… 😢 thanks Lisa. You’re my hero. And yes! When I catch her in an “untruth”. Or she’s not getting what she wants. She will tell me she wants to spend time with me… and she’ll sit on her phone as we watch a tv show. If I dare to take out my phone she wants to know EXACTLY what I’m doing on my phone. Forget physical intimacy. I’ve given up. I don’t need to be desired by someone who isn’t mentally stable. I’m not flattered. But a narc doesn’t feel they do anything wrong… I want to be a narc lol! I can’t leave. Have young children. And they’ve expressed that they don’t want me to leave. And narc would make life horrible if I left. Plus, narc is in control of all the money. My life is effectively over. I have freelance work. I have my kids. I’ll have to deal one day. And on my death bed I’ll tell her the truth. But I’m also going to write it all down in detail and send it out to people so they know the truth. She’s just makes it look too good on the outside. She’s in complete control of her life… promotion; doctorate, weight loss (with injections)… she doesn’t spend frivolously, she is organized, she is efficient… but the world has no idea… not even an inkling as to what is like living with her. 😢😢😢😢
Wow literally everything you said im going thru right now. You got discord? Play games? Lol. We should stay in contact on days we feel less than society bro 😢
My husband would start talking to me and id get triggered and go off on a topic...he accusexbe of being unhinged so now im confused cause he started the convo, once i get into it, im the bad one??? I don't get it. I ask cause I worry im the narc...but I left because my husband was lying about me saying I was withholding sex and he was looking for a new partner. He accused me of being unstable because I was setting bounderies with him. I couldnever say no to his needs or else he would withhold affection or attention, everything that was an inconvenience for him was my fault. I told him I felt like I was never good enough for him...he accuses me of being the narc and I do exhibit traits but is it because of the 20 years of the abusive cycle? Its madness
I've been in a similar situation. In the end she left for someone else. I was upset for the children but in the end it has been fo the best, because they have a good relationship with someone who is psychologically healthy. And understandably the children decided they want to live mostly with me. So vmin the end the break-up was for the best. I say all this to show you that a better future for you and the children should be possible. The vital thing is not to give up your vision of a healthy life for you and the children. They need you not to be trapped.
I work with a female Narcissist and the best defense is keeping away as much as I can and only speak to her if necessary. But the good news is I'm leaving the small office very soon! Buh Bye 😊
Narcissist will ALWAYS get what they want no matter what manipulation tactics they have to use unless you know who and what you're dealing with. Still their aim is to always come out on top. Thanks Lisa! Well said.
It's just so different than actually wanting to deeply know one another and to be known by the other, to deeply connect and to create and brainstorm together. Some how wanting that type of fulfilling relationship makes a narc try to convince you that you're crazy and have too high of expectations. It really distorts reality. But I will not lose hope.
I deserve the entirety of the blame for the relationships I chose to enter into - even if I was unaware. That being said, I learned that the NPD women I was with were trying to figure out if I had a happy childhood and strong boundaries. Once they learned that I wasn't allowed to have healthy boundaries growing up, I was theirs'! No woman is obligated to act out my mother issues anymore, not even my mother herself. Inadequate was the best she was capable of. She has my love and forgiveness, but not my attention.
Ive been going through this for 14 years. My supposed “high-school sweetheart”. Now we have 2 kids and I dont know how to get out without breaking my kids hearts 😢
You’re hurting your kids more by them witnessing you become a shell of yourself. The best thing you can do for them is walk! They will thank you in the long run.
I stayed 20 years for the kids sake until I couldn’t take it anymore and when I fell apart I got discarded in an instant. Sure maybe you are doing it for the kids but it’s most likely also an addiction to her if she actually is a narcissist. Best thing for the kids would be to have one healthy home with the healthy parent but a coparenting situation with one healthy home is way better than just one toxic. Staying with someone like that helps no one least the kids.
Thank you Lisa!❤❤ I am trying to make better choices and be cognizant of the fact that I am codependent. I’m also looking back at the fact that I was the scapegoat child in my family. My parents have been deceased for a long time. It’s very hard to remember the patterns that I formed so many years ago. Listening to your words makes me realize how much I need to change! Thanks again for your help!
I lived 17 years with a Narc who would always say "we need to get a divorce!" Whenever things didn't go her way or she was upset for something I did. I finally gave her what she wanted.
YES! Even had a family counselor tell her that she needed to stop... so we quit going to counselor because she felt attacked. In the last couple of years she started saying "I might need to think how I need to live my own life." I said if this is your new divorce threat, file the paperwork, then it became the silent treatment and with holding of affection, then blamed me for not talking to her about her day, spending too much time with our sons, and being more friendly to the dogs. Took everything away her and me then became jealous of our kids and dogs.
@@RoMed1167 hate to hear that Ron; but it sounds about right how my wife started acting. It's like you and I was married to the same woman. My divorce was ugly. So if you go that route. Don't tell her if you decide to move out. Plan it and strike hard!!!
Lisa, thank you for sharing your knowledge and insight into how we are impacted by these abusers. Your tone is loving, compassionate, and welcoming - offering victims the very things we were deprived of and are so needed for our healing. Wishing you blessings and offering gratitude for the work you do to help those who spend time listening to these messages heal. ❤❤❤
In my case, it’s not the grandiose, but it is the covert/vulnerable type. As I started watching videos from you, Ross, Rebecca Zung, Dr. Ramani, Dr. Phil, others, and reading and learning I think I have been too compassionate and giving for so many years. I was hoping for a better outcome, rose colored glasses, eternal optimism, and when I finally write things all down, I realize I am being exploited and drained by her, and I am accused of not having empathy when in reality the person I’m with lacks empathy. And I am blamed for all things crazy things, verbal and psychological beat downs, gaslighting in order to get me to doubt my own self. It is unhealthy to continue to live like this. Your comments about withholding sex and physical intimacy are spot on. I’m made to feel bad or guilty for being a man or wanting her best feminine traits. It’s like she loves having this wretched power to push you to be or grovel for what should be ‘normal.’ When I found out what gaslighting is, and started reading and watching some videos, I was shocked because they could’ve been videoing us. And your comments about playing the victim are spot on. There is always something wrong, and if you don’t agree, out comes the verbal abuse on you. Thank you Lisa, this really pulls a lot of things in and makes it clear that I’m not crazy and all these bad things are happening on purpose to break me down and scramble my brain and heart.
This video is so spot on and really sad this type of behavior/mind set even exist, a mother should be a nurturing, kind, sweet, loving and dismantling drama instead of creating chaos. Very heart breaking as a husband having to push a woman away that I care about deeply and devoted 25 years to now, but they will never change and you have to radically except it as much as it hurts and move on
Cool video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her.
its difficult to let go of someone you love, i was in a similar situation, my relationship of 12 years ended, but i couldnt just let him go i did all i could to get him back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual counselor who helped me bring him back
I would like to add, that when a narcissist lies-and someone believes the lies, in the narc's mind, it's true as well. Something else if you are an "extension of them"-they think that you were there when they lied to that other audience member. Try to explain that to someone else as well.
This was my 13 year marriage and I’ve only been recently understanding these behaviors the last few years. Almost everything in this video is spot on except my narc doesn’t care if she looks good anymore but is definitely a sexual monster lurking for people who look different than me. Im glad you have the patience to explain this in detail and most people won’t say anything or notice these behaviors because , she’s just a girl…
The beginning makes me sick to my stomach as my eyes are opening and i realize im codependent to my dad and stepmom. At 50 im just starting to learn who i am and what i feel. I feel angry and like I've wasted my life by catering to their needs and not my own.
I returned home from Surgery for Prostrate cancer, my partner made a big song and dance about it as my staff (I had a large home office). Half an hour after they left, she said she had to go to the cooking class she had booked for months before with totally random people. When I questioned it I was met with “ I’m not a nurse, if you run into trouble call the ambulance”. I stayed another 2 years ….. yoh
@@dennyfiemy son is living it now and i want to give him this video but she sees everything on his phone and he is screaming for help. She alienates me from my grandkids and my heart is breaking for my son. In want to help him...its been 16 years...i fear he is going to crack
She started invalidating me right at the beginning of our 24 yr relationship, cheating on me, competing with me, trying to always be the superior one. Spent a LOT of time on how she looked to hook her next target to be dominant.
My husband confided that his narcissistic SIL stole the brother from a mutual friend (the brother's own ex-girlfriend.) I was immediately disgusted. I would never do that to a girlfriend. If she breaks up with someone, he's in the past to me too because I will always choose my friends over their ex's.
24 years of marriage to my wife, now ex wife, and I’ve experienced the most abject post separation abuse hell. She’s groomed me into believing she’s brilliant and my life is nothing without her. She’s trying to destroy me through the legal / divorce process. I’ve been trained to be in her service and I’m on my knees. Psychologically destroyed,
Im a woman but i was married to a male narc and felt exactly the same way. But God sent a man my way just 6 months after my divorce who loved me so much he didnt give up on me and now he is my husband and has loved me back to life. I didnt think i could love him...kept thinking i had to go back to the narc but slowly and surelyni fell in love with my nownhusband and the narc is a distant memory and now there is only regret that i wasted so many years in thst nightmare. I was suicidal at the end of it.
So for me, being involved with a vulnerable narcissist, some of these behaviours listed are quite different, but ultimately give the same treatment. I’m a man with PTSD and trauma bond from the abuse i took over a 2 and half year relationship. Silent treatment, needing 1000% attention at weddings or venues, one dip in the attention and the silent treatment and completely existing you are there. In the end you feel exhausted and angry to the point on one occasion she recorded me screaming my own abuse to get noticed. She recorded this and this was part of the smear campaign 18 months later. What I couldn’t record was the 3 hours of psychological abuse and silence and punishment prior. It was covert. Probably the worst. I gave up my business, my own home and dog to move to a new town with her, without friends and family. Less than a year later I was discarded, thrown away and made to find a flat locally and stay in a region to keep working without friends. Whilst there is no more egg shells and the fear of coming home to someone who I cooked for 7 days a week and brought flowers every week. I am trauma bonded! I’m getting counselling weekly and I’m staying fit and have given up drinking for the past two months, because I fear my mental state. I wanted to take my life so many times since the discard that I wonder why I miss her. Why she did and the only validation I have is knowing i put my all and gave up my all to be the best version for her and in that process got taken for granted. Nothing was good enough, couldn’t care less about my day at work. Always always thrown my past in my face, always reminded me of a time when I let her down. Never said sorry to me, even when presented with evidence had no accountability. She’s an attractive girl, but the soul of a snake. I just want to forget her. I never deserved this and yet I still take responsibility for any mistakes. When I confront her it was all my fault. It’s the worst thing I ever did. Red flags were evident and a year in I said I don’t want this anymore and she begged me to stay. At discard she said no man had ever left her. Red flag. Financially abusive, I need to heal some how. Sending love and strength to anyone whom has and is going through this. 😢
@@karynhuang9957 no, just the whole package really. Anyone with reasonable looks and plenty of empathy and vulnerability is more than they crave and require.
Ive been in a 20 year relationship and I've left the narc but I fear perhaps I'm also sick because I exhibit narc traits. How much of it is a result of the abuse? The emotional neglect, feeling unloved, feeling not good enough...looking for attention because i have none at home. This whole thing is total madness...i couldnt even go out in public because I felt everyone was looking at me and judging me, the mental agony was so bad! I gave this man all of me for 20 years and I use words like never and always because my memory is so bad now...but i remember the pain. The excruitiating emotional pain of feeling not good enough, like a failure..i left my marriage and have been told i never loved him or his family which is total bullshit. Why would i give so much for so long to try and fit in, to try feel loved if I didn't love them? Why would I take my children away from them if I didn't believe it was for our own good? I would never HURTmy children purposefully, thats why I started to set boundaries to begin with! They had an absent, messed up, frustrated mother! 😢....just like I did growing up. I can't be my mother, crying all the time. He says im crazy, im the narc....i loved him...loved cause all the love I have to give has to be for myself and my children. I feel like he and his family never loved me, which is why they can put all the blame onto me...after scapegoating me and driving me mad with their demands they rightfully call me unreasonable and crazy, I cannot reason with them anymore! I cannot comply anymore. I gave all I could and it was never enough, i was NEVER enough. I use words like that...
Yes stepping back and observing yourself and the Narcissist helps you take a third party view that is more accurate. Watch for what your agreeing to that's not You. I like walking away and staying away. The who controls game gets exhausting. Walk away. Game over
Our divorce will be final Monday of a four year marriage. She lights up to the top on ten on narcissism everything its been total indescribable. She called yesterday and we were talking and I shared how I really felt about her in a confesional way I told her for the first time I didn't think she liked me at all or cared what I thought about anything or felt about anything. I was saying it with a bit of a short term hope she would feel respected and honored that I came clean and told where I was. And I honestly had the hope she would love this quality of me that I didn't want to keep a secret like that because I wanted us to be close. But anyways her response was to correct me and start defending herself and listing all the good things she's done and I finally had to jump in and explain when someone shares their heart you don't act like a parent and start explaining how wrong they are. And she immediately reversed it on me and said I was acting like a parent by trying to correct her on how to share it was so blantantly obvious she either don't care or don't see. At that moment so much confusion came into my mind It was like someone jumped inside my brain and started over riding every believe and every thought to conform to the nonsense she was saying it was incridible the manipulation! I said little and got off the phone. But the divorce will be final Monday and we both have signed it although she has tried twice to stop it and called crying one time but it was creepy I didn't even buy the fact her tears were about me it was like her tears were for herself in some strange way totally removed from me. I didn't know people like this were walking the earth till a month ago and I'm fifty nine. But I decided what I can live with, what I cannot live with, and what can I change. And I told her I want a wife who cares what I think and feel and she does not. I said I cannot live with a wife who don't care what I think or feel and you don't . And I told her I cannot change her and I will not try anymore and this marriage is dust.
I dont know how many time I heard " I wouldn't have said/done that if you didnt say or do that" Just no responsibility what so ever, even when cornered they still try to make it your fault
I just broke up with a narcissistic woman I was dating. When we went from the love bombing into the devaluation phase, I knew something was up. Also, stuff I found on her phone put it over the edge. I dumped her and told her to not contact me or I would get an RO put on her.
My older sister is a narc and so was my last girlfriend. She was actually diagnosed with NPD and ASPD. We're both female. Narcissists can be lesbians too.
I wish I hadn't shared my epiphany when I started watching narcissism video's with her in retrospect. I totally confronted her. She is the poster woman for narcissism. Yes I pray God will touch her life I think she is one who is unaware of most of it even though you have to know some of it but I think some people think everyone is like that since thats their experience. But anyways I am fully not relying on her getting in therapy and working on her issues I been talking about this for four years. I had over a year of therapy several years ago. But I have been looking at why I chose this person that means more to me than her issues, I can get away from her I can't get away from me. But I''m seeing how I was experiencing abuse even in love bombing that isn't healthy to allow a stranger to ask you the most personal questions possible. But that initial abuse love bombing reminded me of the abuse as a child the love I always wanted and I saw her as an opportunity to finally get it. But the insanity of that very idea... A person has to deal with what they didnt get and for me Gods love comes in. But I certainly am doomed to fail picking an abusive spouse thinking they will be something other than abusive its like buying a boat that leaks and putting it in the water for a boat ride and complaining because its leaking. My role in the situation is much more important than hers as far as my healing goes. Thank God only four years married and no kids we are too old for kids.
We need more men to speak up , I think more men are victims of narc abuse bc they’re not aware of these creatures … that lovebombing will suck you in if you’re not onto it .
Yes my X passive aggressive and mean, and yes ur explaining my boss she's very toxic, she has everyone thinking she's so nice but these young ones need her so she treats them like their great, the devoted hardworking one gets treated like garbage
The word "female" makes me cringe...it's used all across social media why can't we say woman or women It reminds me of the sex difference of animals. Hi Lisa🎉 you are still #1 on my list with helping to assist with becoming aware...I share your channel as often as needed as I come across people trying to understand what's happening to them at home and in relationships. THANKS 🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾
Hi Lisa! I have a question. My son in law is a covert narcissist. He and my daughter are divorcing. She is actually emerging from a narcissistic hell. I fully support her and have temporary custody of my grands. No contact is not an option for me since I have to let their father visit. He has been very solicitous making sure they have all i need for the 3 children. Lately he has given me a sideways hug and started to say " darlin" after visits as if the rule I play is subirdinate to his role. It bugs me. Hiw do I dismiss his side hugs?
Men- you may find yourself here because you have unresolved trauma from your mother at infancy. You are looking for the love your mom never gave you- she just left a hole in your heart.
The one i knew was addicted to sex but once i realized that she couldn't connect in that way emotionally i lost interest and it was over. Very nasty person. She was also the only woman i knew who hated children.
Whats happens when you are married to them? I am married to one for 14yrs now.... There is no room for divorce in our society in Christendom and Afric... What do i do? How do i live with a Class 1 Narcissist as a wife...
A narcissist has left you a long time ago mentally, emotionally...the bible does not require you tonstay when you have been abandoned in every way possible except they still live in the same house.
I used to like looking at antique vehicles outside during a car show regardless of being single. A car show that happens to be taking place in the public parking lot near a building where I have an appointment at or when shopping for groceries there or whavever. No more. I am afraid of running into a married man pretending to be single there long after having to worry about that anymore now that I am old while not attracting that kind of attention much anymore. I used to dream about being able to have a second vehicle just for fuin. Now I no longer want to own one. I wouldn't come up with the idea first to visit any car show as something to do in a social group. If I do end up showing up at one it would be going there with someone who wants my attention for himself. I feel sorry for any woman married to a (richer than average middle class) playboy.
So how do you explain this? My father is a major narcissist or as the world like to call, toxic masculinity and in some cultures God gave man the right to be this way. He did so much to my mother and me and when I had difficulties would insult me at my worst just put me in the street, a young woman, with issues instead of proposing perhaps a psychologist. I developed anger and a lack of trust. He used this against me and continued to abuse me until I left for good. My mother was a yoyo and she never defended me. I've been in therapy for years. I am angry at the world and don't know if I can ever trust again, because I feel like this world is fake.
I highly recommend the book MIND GAMES The Dual Facets of Manipulation and Dark Psychology, Lisa Romano, if you'd like a copy of the book to preview just reply and we'll go from there
Women on Facebook and on Social Media need to be careful that they don't come across as a sex-symbol. I had a narc girl friend that I broke up with - and she asks me - what should she tell her fan-base of friends what happened to the relationship. So, when I left her I am sure there was a 'defamatory post' about me and that is used as control. (Triangulated by online idiots)
What's ur logic RE ur first statement? If someone looks good , why can't they show off their body and physique they work hard for ? Just by wearing nice clothing or swimsuits 🩱, if you have a nice body , you can't help it if OTHER people view you as a sex symbol. What I'm saying is - ur reaction isn't my problem. It wouldn't be my problem is what I'm saying.
My ex was supposedly diagnosed as Bipolar, but every single trait you mentioned was her! Now I'm wondering if someone who is Bipolar can be Narcissistic as well?
I literally thought about this very thing 2 days ago!!!! My mom and ex best friend were both diagnosed with bipolar disorder but they also have SEVERAL narcissistic traits!! I 🤔 wonder if these new therapists and psychologist go outside of the books and conduct their OWN studies by challenging what's already been accepted as the holy grail.
Very useful! only the "namaste" feels... phoney and appropriative. I encourage European Americans to research more on why using the term isn't correct and look more into Indigenous European alternatives. 🕊
_ my sister came into a room with her infant and we were talking about something _ no one saw her _ so she put her little infant on the floor in our busy kitchen - to get some attention_ I'm not going to tell u what political science department she runs_ this subject is OMG _ human behavior_ Hang on sparky
Everything is my fault. For 20 years. All of it…. That messes with a mind… I do believe it. Because she’s successful in her life. She never worries. She seems to be in complete control… she will always win… because she doesn’t care about how she affects others. Even our kids.
I understand
Same...his entire family rejected me even though HE wasthe one that hated them and separated us. I was the crazy one...now that I've left they are united against me. Now they have love for one another....it's insane.
Every type of manipulation mentioned here for 14 years. Almost no friends left, my sister and brother had to block all communication with my ex wife. And she’s using my relationship with our kids to try to attack me still. But she isn’t especially successful anywhere else. But for most of the 14 years everything was my fault. I built the webpage for her company and was her accountant for a three years but it had to end because of the mess I caused. She took all my time. And that’s what I mourn the most
Usually it runs in families..until we break free from the programming ..Lisa says it all every detail take good care!@@BooThing14
@@karlssrYes....time is what I mourn most. Time lost, time you can never get back. Time you could have experienced bettering yourself, self maintenence (mental health). More time to try and go through the process of healing. Then time to try and help your children to heal from their own narcissistic abuse. I mourn it too!
Yes. This is me. I started small talk about something with my Narc this morning.
She went into a diatribe about how was the research done, and where was the study and all these little triggering, manipulation to make me engage. I just stopped the conversation…
I’m more aware now. But yes. I’m always working on what narc needs to be ok. Always. I’m completely brainwashed. There’s no emotional intimacy. Yes I have no worth. My sense of reality is gone. Yes. Trauma bonded completely… 😢 thanks Lisa. You’re my hero.
And yes! When I catch her in an “untruth”. Or she’s not getting what she wants. She will tell me she wants to spend time with me… and she’ll sit on her phone as we watch a tv show. If I dare to take out my phone she wants to know EXACTLY what I’m doing on my phone. Forget physical intimacy. I’ve given up. I don’t need to be desired by someone who isn’t mentally stable. I’m not flattered. But a narc doesn’t feel they do anything wrong… I want to be a narc lol!
I can’t leave. Have young children. And they’ve expressed that they don’t want me to leave. And narc would make life horrible if I left. Plus, narc is in control of all the money. My life is effectively over. I have freelance work. I have my kids. I’ll have to deal one day. And on my death bed I’ll tell her the truth. But I’m also going to write it all down in detail and send it out to people so they know the truth. She’s just makes it look too good on the outside. She’s in complete control of her life… promotion; doctorate, weight loss (with injections)… she doesn’t spend frivolously, she is organized, she is efficient… but the world has no idea… not even an inkling as to what is like living with her.
😢😢😢😢
Wow literally everything you said im going thru right now. You got discord? Play games? Lol. We should stay in contact on days we feel less than society bro 😢
My husband would start talking to me and id get triggered and go off on a topic...he accusexbe of being unhinged so now im confused cause he started the convo, once i get into it, im the bad one??? I don't get it. I ask cause I worry im the narc...but I left because my husband was lying about me saying I was withholding sex and he was looking for a new partner. He accused me of being unstable because I was setting bounderies with him. I couldnever say no to his needs or else he would withhold affection or attention, everything that was an inconvenience for him was my fault. I told him I felt like I was never good enough for him...he accuses me of being the narc and I do exhibit traits but is it because of the 20 years of the abusive cycle? Its madness
I've been in a similar situation. In the end she left for someone else. I was upset for the children but in the end it has been fo the best, because they have a good relationship with someone who is psychologically healthy. And understandably the children decided they want to live mostly with me. So vmin the end the break-up was for the best. I say all this to show you that a better future for you and the children should be possible. The vital thing is not to give up your vision of a healthy life for you and the children. They need you not to be trapped.
Total truth, I’ve been there. Done that.
My journey to peace has been through Jesus. It's not over.
Spot on. I experienced a few relationships like this. I lost myself trying to make her happy. However, I didn't know myself in the first place.
I work with a female Narcissist and the best defense is keeping away as much as I can and only speak to her if necessary. But the good news is I'm leaving the small office very soon! Buh Bye 😊
Good luck Kristie...
Sadly, they exist everywhere.
I experienced this exactly. Leaving was my only option between working wan office bully and a covert narcissist boss.
If a boss ain't smart enough to spot bullying, it's a mistake to work for them anyway.
Narcissist will ALWAYS get what they want no matter what manipulation tactics they have to use unless you know who and what you're dealing with. Still their aim is to always come out on top. Thanks Lisa! Well said.
I just burst out crying of the last 5 minutes of what you said, I’m going thru this right now, my kids are affected by this and it’s PAINNNNNNNNNNN
It's just so different than actually wanting to deeply know one another and to be known by the other, to deeply connect and to create and brainstorm together. Some how wanting that type of fulfilling relationship makes a narc try to convince you that you're crazy and have too high of expectations. It really distorts reality. But I will not lose hope.
I deserve the entirety of the blame for the relationships I chose to enter into - even if I was unaware. That being said, I learned that the NPD women I was with were trying to figure out if I had a happy childhood and strong boundaries. Once they learned that I wasn't allowed to have healthy boundaries growing up, I was theirs'!
No woman is obligated to act out my mother issues anymore, not even my mother herself. Inadequate was the best she was capable of. She has my love and forgiveness, but not my attention.
For as hard it is to understand the situation to understand this video it does make one realize that love isnt what one believes it is
Ive been going through this for 14 years. My supposed “high-school sweetheart”. Now we have 2 kids and I dont know how to get out without breaking my kids hearts 😢
Your breaking their hearts staying w the narc
You’re hurting your kids more by them witnessing you become a shell of yourself. The best thing you can do for them is walk! They will thank you in the long run.
I stayed 20 years for the kids sake until I couldn’t take it anymore and when I fell apart I got discarded in an instant. Sure maybe you are doing it for the kids but it’s most likely also an addiction to her if she actually is a narcissist. Best thing for the kids would be to have one healthy home with the healthy parent but a coparenting situation with one healthy home is way better than just one toxic. Staying with someone like that helps no one least the kids.
Lisa. Dropping the truth bombs up in my morning coffee... Namaste 🙏
Thank you Lisa!❤❤ I am trying to make better choices and be cognizant of the fact that I am codependent. I’m also looking back at the fact that I was the scapegoat child in my family. My parents have been deceased for a long time. It’s very hard to remember the patterns that I formed so many years ago. Listening to your words makes me realize how much I need to change! Thanks again for your help!
I lived 17 years with a Narc who would always say "we need to get a divorce!" Whenever things didn't go her way or she was upset for something I did. I finally gave her what she wanted.
Good for you. You don’t have to deal with a terrorist in your home.
@@racebannon96 got that right!
YES! Even had a family counselor tell her that she needed to stop... so we quit going to counselor because she felt attacked. In the last couple of years she started saying "I might need to think how I need to live my own life." I said if this is your new divorce threat, file the paperwork, then it became the silent treatment and with holding of affection, then blamed me for not talking to her about her day, spending too much time with our sons, and being more friendly to the dogs. Took everything away her and me then became jealous of our kids and dogs.
@@RoMed1167 hate to hear that Ron; but it sounds about right how my wife started acting. It's like you and I was married to the same woman. My divorce was ugly. So if you go that route. Don't tell her if you decide to move out. Plan it and strike hard!!!
Well done.
Lisa, thank you for sharing your knowledge and insight into how we are impacted by these abusers. Your tone is loving, compassionate, and welcoming - offering victims the very things we were deprived of and are so needed for our healing. Wishing you blessings and offering gratitude for the work you do to help those who spend time listening to these messages heal. ❤❤❤
In my case, it’s not the grandiose, but it is the covert/vulnerable type. As I started watching videos from you, Ross, Rebecca Zung, Dr. Ramani, Dr. Phil, others, and reading and learning I think I have been too compassionate and giving for so many years.
I was hoping for a better outcome, rose colored glasses, eternal optimism, and when I finally write things all down, I realize I am being exploited and drained by her, and I am accused of not having empathy when in reality the person I’m with lacks empathy. And I am blamed for all things crazy things, verbal and psychological beat downs, gaslighting in order to get me to doubt my own self. It is unhealthy to continue to live like this.
Your comments about withholding sex and physical intimacy are spot on. I’m made to feel bad or guilty for being a man or wanting her best feminine traits. It’s like she loves having this wretched power to push you to be or grovel for what should be ‘normal.’
When I found out what gaslighting is, and started reading and watching some videos, I was shocked because they could’ve been videoing us.
And your comments about playing the victim are spot on. There is always something wrong, and if you don’t agree, out comes the verbal abuse on you.
Thank you Lisa, this really pulls a lot of things in and makes it clear that I’m not crazy and all these bad things are happening on purpose to break me down and scramble my brain and heart.
This video is so spot on and really sad this type of behavior/mind set even exist, a mother should be a nurturing, kind, sweet, loving and dismantling drama instead of creating chaos. Very heart breaking as a husband having to push a woman away that I care about deeply and devoted 25 years to now, but they will never change and you have to radically except it as much as it hurts and move on
Cool video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her.
its difficult to let go of someone you love, i was in a similar situation, my relationship of 12 years ended, but i couldnt just let him go i did all i could to get him back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual counselor who helped me bring him back
Amazing, how did you get a spiritual counselor, and how do i reach her?
Her name is Shelly renee white , and she is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.
Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked her up now online. impressive
If she was a narcissist, there was no love there from her. If you go back, you will be abandoned again.
When a female narcissist lies-no one knows it. Not even her. Think about that for a minute...try to explain that to someone else.
I would like to add, that when a narcissist lies-and someone believes the lies, in the narc's mind, it's true as well. Something else if you are an "extension of them"-they think that you were there when they lied to that other audience member. Try to explain that to someone else as well.
They are so sure they are right
Oh what pleasant memories 😂. It's thier Lack ! And don't forget it my friends.
👋🏽🙏🏽
I really thought I loved her. I was trapped in a trauma bond, extremely hurtful
Very hurtful Matt my ex- narc gf hurt me bad,she knows it.
This was my 13 year marriage and I’ve only been recently understanding these behaviors the last few years. Almost everything in this video is spot on except my narc doesn’t care if she looks good anymore but is definitely a sexual monster lurking for people who look different than me. Im glad you have the patience to explain this in detail and most people won’t say anything or notice these behaviors because , she’s just a girl…
Thank you dear, you are a guiding light out there.
Always/Never was one of me go-to strategies in my own narcissistic behavior. I'm not out of the woods yet, but I'm working on it!
Deep Psychology. Thank you Lisa💜🤍❤️
The beginning makes me sick to my stomach as my eyes are opening and i realize im codependent to my dad and stepmom. At 50 im just starting to learn who i am and what i feel. I feel angry and like I've wasted my life by catering to their needs and not my own.
Damn spot on with me too!!!
I'm 50 and just realized!!!
Wish I had youtube 25 yrs ago!!!
Great video Lisa thank you for sharing!
HUGS.. Lisa,.. thank you!
I returned home from Surgery for Prostrate cancer, my partner made a big song and dance about it as my staff (I had a large home office). Half an hour after they left, she said she had to go to the cooking class she had booked for months before with totally random people. When I questioned it I was met with “ I’m not a nurse, if you run into trouble call the ambulance”.
I stayed another 2 years ….. yoh
I lived it, it’s horrible.
It is Rick,just horrible.
@@dennyfiemy son is living it now and i want to give him this video but she sees everything on his phone and he is screaming for help. She alienates me from my grandkids and my heart is breaking for my son. In want to help him...its been 16 years...i fear he is going to crack
It sounds like you are talking about the narcissist in my life. I've had two of my doctors, tell me to get out and they both knew her.
It’s ALWAYS to take something from her target and make me feel inferior.
Thank you Coach! You’re the coolest and I ❤ you! Much love from Texas. Have an awesome day!
She started invalidating me right at the beginning of our 24 yr relationship, cheating on me, competing with me, trying to always be the superior one. Spent a LOT of time on how she looked to hook her next target to be dominant.
Finally someone is saying about the female narc! This is her my gosh. This is insane.
Lisa thank you
My husband confided that his narcissistic SIL stole the brother from a mutual friend (the brother's own ex-girlfriend.) I was immediately disgusted. I would never do that to a girlfriend. If she breaks up with someone, he's in the past to me too because I will always choose my friends over their ex's.
24 years of marriage to my wife, now ex wife, and I’ve experienced the most abject post separation abuse hell. She’s groomed me into believing she’s brilliant and my life is nothing without her. She’s trying to destroy me through the legal / divorce process. I’ve been trained to be in her service and I’m on my knees. Psychologically destroyed,
Im a woman but i was married to a male narc and felt exactly the same way. But God sent a man my way just 6 months after my divorce who loved me so much he didnt give up on me and now he is my husband and has loved me back to life. I didnt think i could love him...kept thinking i had to go back to the narc but slowly and surelyni fell in love with my nownhusband and the narc is a distant memory and now there is only regret that i wasted so many years in thst nightmare. I was suicidal at the end of it.
Wow. It looks like I wasted 10 years but I did learn.
so glad you clarified this thank u
So for me, being involved with a vulnerable narcissist, some of these behaviours listed are quite different, but ultimately give the same treatment. I’m a man with PTSD and trauma bond from the abuse i took over a 2 and half year relationship. Silent treatment, needing 1000% attention at weddings or venues, one dip in the attention and the silent treatment and completely existing you are there. In the end you feel exhausted and angry to the point on one occasion she recorded me screaming my own abuse to get noticed. She recorded this and this was part of the smear campaign 18 months later. What I couldn’t record was the 3 hours of psychological abuse and silence and punishment prior. It was covert. Probably the worst. I gave up my business, my own home and dog to move to a new town with her, without friends and family. Less than a year later I was discarded, thrown away and made to find a flat locally and stay in a region to keep working without friends. Whilst there is no more egg shells and the fear of coming home to someone who I cooked for 7 days a week and brought flowers every week. I am trauma bonded! I’m getting counselling weekly and I’m staying fit and have given up drinking for the past two months, because I fear my mental state. I wanted to take my life so many times since the discard that I wonder why I miss her. Why she did and the only validation I have is knowing i put my all and gave up my all to be the best version for her and in that process got taken for granted. Nothing was good enough, couldn’t care less about my day at work. Always always thrown my past in my face, always reminded me of a time when I let her down. Never said sorry to me, even when presented with evidence had no accountability. She’s an attractive girl, but the soul of a snake. I just want to forget her. I never deserved this and yet I still take responsibility for any mistakes. When I confront her it was all my fault. It’s the worst thing I ever did. Red flags were evident and a year in I said I don’t want this anymore and she begged me to stay. At discard she said no man had ever left her. Red flag. Financially abusive, I need to heal some how. Sending love and strength to anyone whom has and is going through this. 😢
Do you think she saw you to use for money basically ? In retrospect
@@karynhuang9957 no, just the whole package really. Anyone with reasonable looks and plenty of empathy and vulnerability is more than they crave and require.
Im sure that was part of the reason yes
This was extraordinarily well presented… thank you so very much
This describes me so well
“Often wrong, but never in doubt.” -simon neil (Empire State Bastard)
lyrics for the narcissist song , “Moi?”
This hits home for me.
Gold🔥Thank you 💜💜
Thanks for your information 🙂👍
Thank you, great message 👍 😊
I love your videos, thank you 💕
thank you Lisa
Ive been in a 20 year relationship and I've left the narc but I fear perhaps I'm also sick because I exhibit narc traits. How much of it is a result of the abuse? The emotional neglect, feeling unloved, feeling not good enough...looking for attention because i have none at home. This whole thing is total madness...i couldnt even go out in public because I felt everyone was looking at me and judging me, the mental agony was so bad!
I gave this man all of me for 20 years and I use words like never and always because my memory is so bad now...but i remember the pain. The excruitiating emotional pain of feeling not good enough, like a failure..i left my marriage and have been told i never loved him or his family which is total bullshit. Why would i give so much for so long to try and fit in, to try feel loved if I didn't love them? Why would I take my children away from them if I didn't believe it was for our own good? I would never HURTmy children purposefully, thats why I started to set boundaries to begin with! They had an absent, messed up, frustrated mother! 😢....just like I did growing up. I can't be my mother, crying all the time. He says im crazy, im the narc....i loved him...loved cause all the love I have to give has to be for myself and my children. I feel like he and his family never loved me, which is why they can put all the blame onto me...after scapegoating me and driving me mad with their demands they rightfully call me unreasonable and crazy, I cannot reason with them anymore! I cannot comply anymore. I gave all I could and it was never enough, i was NEVER enough. I use words like that...
You are enough! Believe that and do what is best for you. 🕊
Yes stepping back and observing yourself and the Narcissist helps you take a third party view that is more accurate. Watch for what your agreeing to that's not You. I like walking away and staying away. The who controls game gets exhausting. Walk away. Game over
Our divorce will be final Monday of a four year marriage. She lights up to the top on ten on narcissism everything its been total indescribable. She called yesterday and we were talking and I shared how I really felt about her in a confesional way I told her for the first time I didn't think she liked me at all or cared what I thought about anything or felt about anything. I was saying it with a bit of a short term hope she would feel respected and honored that I came clean and told where I was. And I honestly had the hope she would love this quality of me that I didn't want to keep a secret like that because I wanted us to be close. But anyways her response was to correct me and start defending herself and listing all the good things she's done and I finally had to jump in and explain when someone shares their heart you don't act like a parent and start explaining how wrong they are.
And she immediately reversed it on me and said I was acting like a parent by trying to correct her on how to share it was so blantantly obvious she either don't care or don't see. At that moment so much confusion came into my mind It was like someone jumped inside my brain and started over riding every believe and every thought to conform to the nonsense she was saying it was incridible the manipulation! I said little and got off the phone. But the divorce will be final Monday and we both have signed it although she has tried twice to stop it and called crying one time but it was creepy I didn't even buy the fact her tears were about me it was like her tears were for herself in some strange way totally removed from me. I didn't know people like this were walking the earth till a month ago and I'm fifty nine. But I decided what I can live with, what I cannot live with, and what can I change.
And I told her I want a wife who cares what I think and feel and she does not. I said I cannot live with a wife who don't care what I think or feel and you don't . And I told her I cannot change her and I will not try anymore and this marriage is dust.
I dont know how many time I heard " I wouldn't have said/done that if you didnt say or do that" Just no responsibility what so ever, even when cornered they still try to make it your fault
I learned a long time ago to look into a person's past and what kind of Life they lived
I just broke up with a narcissistic woman I was dating. When we went from the love bombing into the devaluation phase, I knew something was up. Also, stuff I found on her phone put it over the edge.
I dumped her and told her to not contact me or I would get an RO put on her.
This is right on the head
Their life becomes your job. And you better do it right, or else.
My older sister is a narc and so was my last girlfriend. She was actually diagnosed with NPD and ASPD. We're both female. Narcissists can be lesbians too.
Yes they can be,anyone really.
I wish I hadn't shared my epiphany when I started watching narcissism video's with her in retrospect. I totally confronted her. She is the poster woman for narcissism. Yes I pray God will touch her life I think she is one who is unaware of most of it even though you have to know some of it but I think some people think everyone is like that since thats their experience. But anyways I am fully not relying on her getting in therapy and working on her issues I been talking about this for four years. I had over a year of therapy several years ago. But I have been looking at why I chose this person that means more to me than her issues, I can get away from her I can't get away from me. But I''m seeing how I was experiencing abuse even in love bombing that isn't healthy to allow a stranger to ask you the most personal questions possible. But that initial abuse love bombing reminded me of the abuse as a child the love I always wanted and I saw her as an opportunity to finally get it. But the insanity of that very idea... A person has to deal with what they didnt get and for me Gods love comes in. But I certainly am doomed to fail picking an abusive spouse thinking they will be something other than abusive its like buying a boat that leaks and putting it in the water for a boat ride and complaining because its leaking. My role in the situation is much more important than hers as far as my healing goes. Thank God only four years married and no kids we are too old for kids.
Thank you
We need more men to speak up , I think more men are victims of narc abuse bc they’re not aware of these creatures … that lovebombing will suck you in if you’re not onto it .
Suck it up like a man is the culture unfortunately to a large degree.
They are Cray ❤
Very informative
Yes my X passive aggressive and mean, and yes ur explaining my boss she's very toxic, she has everyone thinking she's so nice but these young ones need her so she treats them like their great, the devoted hardworking one gets treated like garbage
Omg this is my employer. I feel trapped!
Audio/video record everything if you can. Call the news after making multiple complaints to HR when we all know they won't do anything.
Be thankful you are not married to that person😢
Favorite card
Thank you❤
Lisa is the type of woman i want to Marry.
A wonderful compliment, you have great taste. ☺️
The word "female" makes me cringe...it's used all across social media why can't we say woman or women
It reminds me of the sex difference of animals.
Hi Lisa🎉 you are still #1 on my list with helping to assist with becoming aware...I share your channel as often as needed as I come across people trying to understand what's happening to them at home and in relationships.
THANKS 🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾
@@Lukegraysmithdefinitely not good
Some husbands do that as well
👍 Thank you ❤
do they have to check all the boxes to be one? Some seem similar to having ADHD
Hi Lisa! I have a question. My son in law is a covert narcissist. He and my daughter are divorcing. She is actually emerging from a narcissistic hell. I fully support her and have temporary custody of my grands. No contact is not an option for me since I have to let their father visit. He has been very solicitous making sure they have all i need for the 3 children. Lately he has given me a sideways hug and started to say " darlin" after visits as if the rule I play is subirdinate to his role. It bugs me. Hiw do I dismiss his side hugs?
Men- you may find yourself here because you have unresolved trauma from your mother at infancy. You are looking for the love your mom never gave you- she just left a hole in your heart.
Thank you for pointing these out and explaining this ❤❤❤-Xclusyph Icon
❤ thank you 🙏
You are so welcome
The one i knew was addicted to sex but once i realized that she couldn't connect in that way emotionally i lost interest and it was over. Very nasty person. She was also the only woman i knew who hated children.
What happens when two narcissists get married?
Whats happens when you are married to them? I am married to one for 14yrs now.... There is no room for divorce in our society in Christendom and Afric... What do i do? How do i live with a Class 1 Narcissist as a wife...
A narcissist has left you a long time ago mentally, emotionally...the bible does not require you tonstay when you have been abandoned in every way possible except they still live in the same house.
I used to like looking at antique vehicles outside during a car show regardless of being single. A car show that happens to be taking place in the public parking lot near a building where I have an appointment at or when shopping for groceries there or whavever. No more. I am afraid of running into a married man pretending to be single there long after having to worry about that anymore now that I am old while not attracting that kind of attention much anymore. I used to dream about being able to have a second vehicle just for fuin. Now I no longer want to own one. I wouldn't come up with the idea first to visit any car show as something to do in a social group. If I do end up showing up at one it would be going there with someone who wants my attention for himself. I feel sorry for any woman married to a (richer than average middle class) playboy.
So how do you explain this? My father is a major narcissist or as the world like to call, toxic masculinity and in some cultures God gave man the right to be this way. He did so much to my mother and me and when I had difficulties would insult me at my worst just put me in the street, a young woman, with issues instead of proposing perhaps a psychologist. I developed anger and a lack of trust. He used this against me and continued to abuse me until I left for good. My mother was a yoyo and she never defended me. I've been in therapy for years. I am angry at the world and don't know if I can ever trust again, because I feel like this world is fake.
I thought it was a game of submission it's true
Did we mention the false empowered and disempowered codependent? False empowereds can seem a bit narcissistic, right?
I highly recommend the book MIND GAMES The Dual Facets of Manipulation and Dark Psychology, Lisa Romano, if you'd like a copy of the book to preview just reply and we'll go from there
Yes please
Sounds cool
Talk to anshukha sharma kriti sanon Kareena Kapoor etc
Yes a birthday is 12 times a year on every month 4:07
Women on Facebook and on Social Media need to be careful that they don't come across as a sex-symbol.
I had a narc girl friend that I broke up with - and she asks me - what should she tell her fan-base of friends what happened to the relationship.
So, when I left her I am sure there was a 'defamatory post' about me and that is used as control. (Triangulated by online idiots)
😂fans
What's ur logic RE ur first statement? If someone looks good , why can't they show off their body and physique they work hard for ? Just by wearing nice clothing or swimsuits 🩱, if you have a nice body , you can't help it if OTHER people view you as a sex symbol.
What I'm saying is - ur reaction isn't my problem. It wouldn't be my problem is what I'm saying.
❤
🏃🏿 RUN
My partner doesn't put any effort into her appearance. She's not sexual at all.
Amber Herd. 😅
I thought theyvertrvtrsmimg up on me
My ex was supposedly diagnosed as Bipolar, but every single trait you mentioned was her! Now I'm wondering if someone who is Bipolar can be Narcissistic as well?
I literally thought about this very thing 2 days ago!!!! My mom and ex best friend were both diagnosed with bipolar disorder but they also have SEVERAL narcissistic traits!! I 🤔 wonder if these new therapists and psychologist go outside of the books and conduct their OWN studies by challenging what's already been accepted as the holy grail.
I work with a crazy person just like this...she is bipolar and a closet pill popper. She makes life in the office a circus....it's horrible
❤❤❤
They want the attention of the men in the room the phone and the one in the street. 😅😅😅
Shes basically describes all women😅
Very useful! only the "namaste" feels... phoney and appropriative.
I encourage European Americans to research more on why using the term isn't correct and look more into Indigenous European alternatives.
🕊
First! 😊
Sounds like my wife
_ my sister came into a room with her infant and we were talking about something _ no one saw her _ so she put her little infant on the floor in our busy kitchen - to get some attention_ I'm not going to tell u what political science department she runs_ this subject is OMG _ human behavior_ Hang on sparky
Your sister is a good example of a quota hire.