What's really sick and twisted, is that this abuse is unseen by others. But when you react to their insanity and get angry, she'll tell people you were the abuser.
It's especially hard as a man because A: Nobody saw it for what it was, B: Isolation means you have no support, and C: When you do speak up people want to interpret your revelations as indicators of some sort of weakness. Remember, men are supposed to be strong. However, nobody would come through this sort of abuse undamaged. And we certainly don't need any more invalidation.
@@davidhynd4435 Amen. there are two standards for abuse . for girls it’s zero tolerance … but for guys . oh come on , take it like a man . that is bad advice . it almost killed me after trying for 40 years 😞
It's great to hear you communicate this. Don't let your guard down, as these people suddenly appear, especially at the most unexpected period, ie, when you're ill, made redundant etc.
There will never be an apology because nothing is ever their fault 👍 (or so they believe) I trust that God sees everything, and God sees the wrongdoing.
I still struggle trying to understand if they are innately evil or just deeply wounded. Practically it makes no difference, because you aren't going to be able to fix them.
I believe my ex isn't evil just incredibly damaged and will never find real peace. While I have a lot of sympathy for her and hope she finds that peace I know I'm not a part of her equation anymore.
This. I have stopped reacting to my mom's baiting and she tries franticly to get the supply back. First she tries if the old tricks might still work. Nope. Then she tries some new trick. Still nope. It's exhausting but far less exhausting than when the old tricks still worked. I'd really, really like to know what she thinks about all this. She serms totally oblivious and it does not help that she is not the sharpest pencil in the pencil case.
Remember, with bullying, it's not the bullying, but how the person chooses to react to it. Some become bullies, some become determined never to bully. This applies to everything else including more evil things. Each soul has the power to choose how to react. Those who allow the abuse to propel them into being abusers may have suffered but only really cared about themselves, not others. Those who care about others, learn to care about others even more.
@@passerby6168I dunno. My mom at least seems to firmly believe that she is the biggest victim this earth has ever seen. It feels like she has no choice because she has no coping skills whatsoever. There is nothing to choose from. She is a covert vulnerable type and has zero insight.
I recently left a marriage of 33 years and your videos have made me understand what I was dealing with. She is not a bad, or malicious person, and she certainly had legitimate grievances with me that arguably could justify asking for a divorce, but she exemplified so many of the patterns of a covert female narcissist: She was never wrong; I was the broken one; I was to blame if she was unhappy, regardless of the circumstances; she complained about me to just about everyone; she withheld affection; sex was a chore; nothing I did was ever good enough; I was evaluated and appraised constantly; she criticized me constantly; she would never concede she brought issues to the marriage that needed addressing. I waited years for her to make one of the statements you mention, and but now I know she never will. I have decided to cut off all contact, which I think is the appropriate course for my well being. Thank you for these videos.
As an encouragement to others. I was married to a covert narcissist for 32 years. In the end I thought I was going insane. I've now been separated 9 months. As close to zero contact as possible. I thought I would never heal. However, after lots of time with a counsellor (an understanding ear really helps) and the months of no contact I can tell that I'm starting to find myself again. It's not easy, but it is doable.
And you are stronger for it. I did 10 years with the narcissist wife. I didn’t have that language back then, I just thought that she had some weird quirks at first. I used to describe it as she was ‘allergic to blame’. she would go ballistic on anything that could remotely have been her fault. I now know that shit give me PTSD. I was always on edge, hoping everything would be so smooth so that it wouldn’t upset her. after we split, I took all that tension and stress and got into the gym, got running again and I’m trying to get back into making music. I would encourage you to find the things that you used to love to do and explore them again, now wiser for the wear, maybe even more appreciative to relish rewarding yourself by doing the things you enjoy. That’s all I’ve got. hope you do well, buddy. Thanks for sharing.
More than 30 years for me too, my friend. I had no idea what I was truly involved in. I am divorced now, and I found Lise well after my divorce. Her insights are helping me understand what was going on, and that it was never going to change. Lise is wonderful. You can also check out 'Surviving Narcissism'. Peace.
Wow, thank you Lise! Won't go into the detaills in public but how I'd love to hear those last two things from her. Thinking about it still get's me emotional. I often questioned my sanity during and after the divorce but things are slowly starting to settle, slowly regaining a bit of peace.
It's ALWAYS behind closed doors. They are SO good at faking an image for the public. My daughter spent some time with us eventually witnessed (and unfortunately experienced) some of this insanity first hand. I'm still stuck here for various reasons, but my now daughter refuses all contact with her, and rightly so.
I've just watched 4 of your videos. I don't even know why they came into my UA-cam feed, but I've been in a very dark place since my ex wife (18 years) moved in with her boyfriend (didn't know about him, they were together for the last year of our marriage). She had an affair for a year, emptied our account, and left me devastated both mentally and financially. I even agreed to an uncontested divorce because she convinced me it was my fault she had been cheating for the year. It's been two years now. I was certain it was me. I'd failed our marriage, but after these videos... Damn. It's like a playlist for the last 16 years of my life. I've been single since and effectively haven't left the house outside of work, getting gas, dogs to the vets, and haircuts. I used to be an entirely different person. Even did stand-up comedy, bartended, etc. I have zero interest in anything anymore. Old hobbies, dating, even life. I'm a military veteran, old-school, and not quick to dump my "feelings" on other people, but I'm reconsidering it now. If you could point me in the direction of a decent therapist, or how to find one in the Northern Virginia area, I'd greatly appreciate it. I sincerely don't know what it could do to "help". Whining at strangers doesn't strike me something that's going to help me in any way, but I'm kind of at the end here.
Saw her yesterday, haven't seen her for a while. She looked amazing, more attractive than ever. Really threw me. Have to remind myself of the chaos and toxicity that comes with her beauty.
a female covert narcissist will never admit these things (part 2 of 2) 6-admitting all the psychological abuse 7-to acknowledge their constant devaluation 8-to understand and appreciate your efforts 9-an apology for any pain they caused 10-to explain why you were discarded cheers from southern ontario, canada 🍁
Yep. She seemingly became unsure after she discarded me, or so she said. She was still working on "her decision" and one day just texted "I got married. There." This happened three months after I moved out from the home we bought together, and living together for two years. I saw her a couple of days later (she still had stuff of mine and we work at the same company) and I just said..."congrats, you love whom you love." She was all smiley, but her body jerked as I said it. I guess she was expecting a different reaction. As I left, she said, "I love you, but feel secure where I am," and kissed my cheek. Cruelty to the max. I should have known better. I was her 4th. Then came the hoovering, but I was prepared: "Out of respect for your marriage and your husband" we should probably not be talking."
Wow. It’s like you saw what happened over the years in my life. This is clarity and truth to cut through all the noise, criticism, manipulation, shame, guilt, offense, etc. that nothing seemed to help. Wow, watching that woman yell and swear at the man around 6:00, cutting him down, I know that hurts and destroys the relationship, it did that for me. Never again.
Thanks! I have appreciated many of your videos as I have navigated a relationship like this, did not understand why she would act in various ways. Now am working on my growth and healing after divorce, learning about red flags and green flags, and calling them out right away.
It's maddening. I know I gave a hundred percent for her and her children. The devaluation still affects me right now and I just never feel right. I don't feel good. I feel down all the time. I know all this was caused and still is caused by her even though I haven't seen her for 10 months. It feels like it will never end.
Hang in there! It wears off but very slowly. You've got to keep yourself busy. Take up a hobby or join some interesting group. Time is your ally, just hang in there...
I think that their ability to so quickly move on is less to do with a lack of knowledge about who they are and more a matter of them not feeling they need to correct things with us, and just grab a new victim.
I'm not sure if you planned this doctor but just hearing it from you is really helping me heal because it's the closest thing I'll get to ever hearing it and you're saying it quite perfectly and as always thank you for your videos
My ex-wife told me to my face how she manipulated me to get me to marry her. She said “if knew me, you wouldn’t have married me.” She was smiling as she told me this.
Lise: I so appreciate your commitment to helping us understand the CN person and recovery from the abuse that they put on us. My CN even took our child to live with her boyfriend who lived 2500 miles away. I want you to know how grateful I am for your work. Michael
The unmasking rage and catch 22 trap rings true with my experience. You always mention something to bring that horror back into the front of my mind. Next, I need to figure out why I keep wanting to access that horror. I suspect that it keeps me happily divorced and single. As always , nice work and thank you.
The last two videos were honestly both soothing and triggering at the same time. It was touching to feel seen, heard and understood. Every single point was spot on. But the two that personally stand out from the rest are: to hear my efforts were appreciates and to get the apology for the emotional turmoil it left in my life.
@@jaredmello Yeah I know. They can't self reflect and take any accountability, let alone apologize. I spent almost 2 years in therapy processing everything.
Thank you Lise! Your videos have helped me cope with these relationship issues immeasurably! You are truly an angel sent from heaven here to save the lives and minds of heartbroken, confused, used and abused men. I am indebted with gratitude for your caring insight and intelligence. THANK YOU SO MUCH!! 🙏
It has since been difficult learning not to trust so ‘easy’. The profound hurt from the covert narcissist/former co-worker. Then, from getting fired due to my former boss' curious mishandling and lack of wanting to understand, in spite of everything I honestly shared from my side. I feel she was somehow automatically sympathetic to whatever the reason(s) my emotional abuser had been telling her. A few of my former co-workers have since made no effort to check in to see how I am doing. (Them, and my former boss all know I was in the worst imaginable place at one point). I know why in general, but it has surely been an added challenge to accept that I may not get the understanding I want from anyone really who has never been through this. It's been a lot. I started seeing an attentive therapist (for a change) about a month ago, and I have a group therapy session about overcoming narcissistic relationship abuse scheduled for next week.
I was neither wanting to hear any of that or need apologizes. I moved on. If she found a better man, good for her, but I doubt it. I have found a better woman.
I've gotten used to action as apology rather than words. She'll never admit to being wrong for stealing my children, though I've noticed her making an effort to be more open with me about the future.
Mine cheated, did the discard. took my kids and held them over me with the help of the family court system,which can die and burn in hell for all I care. I saw my kids six times in 17 months only to have a feminist person of color judge start lecturing me about “how hard it is to be a single mother” when I took her to court. I saw my kids because my oldest, of his own volition and without my input, told her he would make all the siblings hate her guts if she didn’t agree to a regular visitation schedule. He had that power as the hero big brother. I overcame, paid all the child support, spousal maintenance, insurance, medical bills, clothes, shoes, even sent the kids groceries at her house of horrors, took my daughter to therapy, dealt with her shit…. Then my oldest son joined the Army and wanted for his siblings to see him graduate. I knew her well enough to know how it would go - if she wasn’t invited, at my expense, she wouldn’t let them go. So I paid for her to go. And she thought from that I was “over it” and wanted to be my friend again. “My love for my kids, and my desire for them to be there for their big brother - and my corollary knowledge of your manipulation and entitlement - is why I paid for that. I can share a house with you and the kids for three days for Adam’s sake, but make no mistake: We are not friends. We will not be friends. Once they’re out of your house, I’m getting a fucking restraining order against you.” For the first time in the 22 years I’ve known her, she was speechless. That was worth the ten grand the trip cost.
Mine never leaves me alone. No matter how much I go no contact, she’s constantly smearing me publicly. Gaslighting everyone around her to garner sympathy and support. I’m so tired of this and exhausted. I’m actually dealing with 2. One is an ex from 2020 and I never even met her. She’s everywhere I go. 5 years from one and, 2 years from this last one. They’ve teamed up even. I can’t escape them. I want peace and to be left alone, they refuse to let that happen. Idk how to deal with this anymore. They are slowly dismantling my sanity and even tho I don’t ever let them know that, I’m becoming weaker by the day. Social media has let these narcissistic people smear constantly. I’m so lost at this point.
O M G…. Dead on 😂🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽 Nailed it ✅ Anyone new to realizing you’ve been with a narcissist, it’s ok. Study, be patient, and you will get to an amazing place you didn’t know existed. They pulled the wool over our eyes.
Thank you so much for this lesson Lise.While it’s a fact many of us will never hear these truths and apologies from the people whose personality disorder hurt us, it was very nice to hear these insights from you. You’re so empathetic and understanding, you’re a very beautiful soul, a gifted teacher and healer. So hearing you say those things in a kind of proxy, is very humbling and encouraging. It’s really hard for me to know how to express with words how thankful I am for the things I learn from your lessons. In Hamlet, Hamlet writes a poem to Ophelia and he says “I have not the art to reckon my groans” That’s how I feel when I want to try and express my gratitude for your teaching. I just hope you know what a lifeline and a blessing your UA-cam channel is to thousands of people. Thank you very much Lise.
Never say I am sorry, always right dosent ever reciprocate affection. Family and friends always come first,blames you for everything that went wrong no accountability for their actions. Not grateful for all your sacrifices you made for them, tells you it doesn't matter truly users and abusers.
Thanks Lise. Wow, this video hit on SO MUCH of what I've experienced. I do know, however, that she is incapable of such insights and am not going to spend any energy and intent on that happening. we just had a "discussion" where she was asking for affirmation in what I like about her "You hate all the things I like about myself". It only occurred to me later (as someone who ONLY manages to say the wrong thing every time), that I should have asked why SHE wants to spent time with me, if that's the case.
The closest she got to telling me that she cheats without saying it. Or admitting it. She stated "I've never been caught cheating ". The hickey or her neck was a different incident
My NEX discarded me and started her lie-filled campaign against me as soon as I started voicing my needs and her negative impact on me. The watershed moment was when I told her she owed me an apology for something horrible she did to our kids and it took an hour out of my work day to console them and comfort them.
I'm at the phase where I'm trying to figure out what I'm doing wrong. I wonder if I'm a narcissist when I break and I unload on her. Then she dismisses how I feel as another "episode." The thing is, she's not that verbal. So many of the descriptions given by other clinical psychologists/therapists on UA-cam include verbal denigrating and other verbal manipulation. However, what I'm experiencing is this cold, quiet, silent treatment. She knows I'm working two jobs, but she doesn't think twice about blowing money on crafts, drive-throughs, and digital books while doing nothing to keep up with our housework. I'm more than happy to help, but it's demoralizing when I realize it won't get done unless i do it myself. The same goes for affection, flirting, and Intimacy. She knows what she's doing, but she acts like I'm impossible to please. She accused me of expecting perfection, that she will never be good enough for me, and that I'm expecting her to be Martha Stewart and Sondra Bullock all in one. There's a type of person that quietly spits into the well you're drownding in. If there was such a thing as a "dismissive narcissist," that would describe her. Maybe she's a dismissive avoidant with narcissistic tendencies. Idk. 👉 I would be interested to hear your thoughts or studies about this.
The moment I became addicted to her, she felt so much burden and pressure that she said it was overwhelming for her and just completely pulled away, slowly showing no interest, completely prioritising own needs and I was left hanging. And as an addict of her it was traumatizing for me. It's true that I was completely dependent on her just before she pulled away, is she truly a narcissist? Because it was becoming a problem to give her mental space, free time and she told later that she doesn't want to be intimate because she feels no longer comfortable because I was behaving like an unstable person when she pulled away
Well she did say finally when I kept pushing her boundaries and eventually I heard, ' Well you did make me happy with your efforts still I don't want to be with you anymore because you misbehaved with me. ' She left me because I misbehaved, why did I misbehave? Because she kept belittling me, devaluing me and kept insisting on breaking up every now and then until I reached a point of anger. Did I acknowledge my anger? I did. Did I apologize? I did. None of it mattered. Did she acknowledge her behavior in the first place? No. Did she apologize? No, not in a million years she would. Did she acknowledge the harm she has caused? Nope, not at all. Even at the end of the relationship she blamed me for everything. As she was doing for 8 and a half years.
hello dear lady Lise Leblanc , i congratulate and admire you for the content you make on your channel i have been through two relationships with narcissistic partners......it is heartbreaking.......recently my last partner unblocked me on facebook asking me some information about a common acquaintance.....i answered him strictly to the point and then he asked me how i was doing? i replied that i had recovered my self-esteem! do you think he wanted to hoover? did i give him a correct answer? thank you very much. Have a nice day
Yes, ex wife discarded me when I was at my rock bottom lowest. She even admitted she could see my struggles but still didn't care. We have several young children, all boys, and she will do it to them as well and discard them. Her selfishness is infinite.
How do i stop trying to fix my wifes problems? Been doing it for 20 years. I am barely starting to see the pattern of victimhood that is always present with my wife. She asks me to help with the kids but if i dont do it exactly how she expects i am not listening to her. She ia always complaining never grateful for what we have accomplished. Always brings up trama with her parents. I gave her 20 roses for our 20 year anniversary, she gave me a card and a chocolate bar in a grocery bag full of receipts and trash that was hanging out in her car. I told her she was my beat friend and she said i ha e never been her best friend. Even though i moved my life 3 times for her, try to support her.
If you seek therapy, get it as quickly after the end of the relationship as possible while the memories of what you put up with and accepted are still fresh. As with many things in life, months or years later you will remember the relationship better than it was and the therapy may be less helpful for you to move on from this imaginary person you've created.
So the other day, I talked to a psychologist who specializes in narcissist, personality disorder. Because my ex-girlfriend was having sex with several different men while pretending to be loving and tender girlfriend. what’s insane is she actually tries to portray herself as the victim? I’ll just say what she was doing was actually illegal but still the victim
Just know, when they hoover you, it is usually because they want money. She tried to screw me financially in the divorce. Fortunately, I'm in Arizona and everything is 50/50. The divorce was equitable. She has tried to hoover me multiple times, but I will not take the bait. I see through all the BS and know who and what she is.
The problem I have is that we have kids. Very difficult to "escape trauma bonding"when kids are involved. She has now entangled them, made them dependent upon her. I didn't understand what was happening until it was too late.
That is terrible, iam sorry to hear your situation. I was in the same thing and sadly if you escape the children will be lost to you. My daughter disowned my entire family and didn't attend her grandfather's funeral.
Hi Lise, I have a question. I'm not sure you've covered it or not. Would a narcissist that's dependent on opiods for pain and been using for 4 years contribute to their psychological state of mind? Thank you for the videos, they're assisting a lot with my healing.
My covertly narcissistic ex cheated on me, and instead of apologizing, she filed for divorce, blaming me for her infidelity. Later, Chat rejected her due to her age, 43, and her 3 kids.
Wow, the first Vid didnt hit as accurate as this one did, but this was right over the target for my experience as recent as an hr ago another loop of the same gaslighting lies to hide behind their own shame and false projections, ego so high they rather die than apologise - its astounding - especially when it comes from a person who claims to be so highly evolved and trauma ridden..... Sometimes you just got to sit back and laugh at the absurdity that comes from their mouths
Is it possible that a covert narcissist, that has a marriage counseling session in a couple days, could watch this video and use the information to manipulate the couples therapy session? Is that something that a covert narcissist is capable of? It seems like that would be taking their emotional abuse to a whole new level.
Lisa, does the NPd person actually know that these things describe precisely who they are and how they operate? I'd be curious to know your professional opinion and answer to this question, becuase I believe they in fact do know. otherwise how would they be able to "act" right during the live bombing stage-and how are they able to dupe everyone else?
Is it possible to find a woman with none of the female covert narcissist behaviours? Genuinely curious, I’m late 20s and notice some of these in my partner but not all (disrespectful isn’t one of them, it’s the anxiety/commitment/victim and me filling the hero role) Is this a disaster waiting to happen or do us as Men need to compromise somewhere as no human is perfect?
Thank you for this perspective of a man, abused by a woman.
Amen 🙏🏼
What's really sick and twisted, is that this abuse is unseen by others. But when you react to their insanity and get angry, she'll tell people you were the abuser.
It's especially hard as a man because A: Nobody saw it for what it was, B: Isolation means you have no support, and C: When you do speak up people want to interpret your revelations as indicators of some sort of weakness. Remember, men are supposed to be strong. However, nobody would come through this sort of abuse undamaged. And we certainly don't need any more invalidation.
@@davidhynd4435 Amen. there are two standards for abuse . for girls it’s zero tolerance … but for guys . oh come on , take it like a man . that is bad advice . it almost killed me after trying for 40 years 😞
@@simjam1980 Spot on. And many of those people will believe her, and some will treat you horribly as a result.
I've learned to take no BS and zero tolerance.
These twisted minds cannot be undone
It's great to hear you communicate this. Don't let your guard down, as these people suddenly appear, especially at the most unexpected period, ie, when you're ill, made redundant etc.
Go Heyoka empath on them and reflect it back
So, So, very true. 20 years with no apology ever. They only take everything, that's all.
Know that if they ever do apologize, it really means they want you to shut up about it already. 😂😢😮
There will never be an apology because nothing is ever their fault 👍 (or so they believe)
I trust that God sees everything, and God sees the wrongdoing.
The sucking of energy is akin to parasitic... One can feel the life draining... Ultimately personifying the 'living dead'
I still struggle trying to understand if they are innately evil or just deeply wounded. Practically it makes no difference, because you aren't going to be able to fix them.
Yes this question still causes me to ruminate tho 18 months later. Maybe she can do a video on this very question
I believe my ex isn't evil just incredibly damaged and will never find real peace. While I have a lot of sympathy for her and hope she finds that peace I know I'm not a part of her equation anymore.
This. I have stopped reacting to my mom's baiting and she tries franticly to get the supply back. First she tries if the old tricks might still work. Nope. Then she tries some new trick. Still nope. It's exhausting but far less exhausting than when the old tricks still worked. I'd really, really like to know what she thinks about all this. She serms totally oblivious and it does not help that she is not the sharpest pencil in the pencil case.
Remember, with bullying, it's not the bullying, but how the person chooses to react to it. Some become bullies, some become determined never to bully. This applies to everything else including more evil things. Each soul has the power to choose how to react. Those who allow the abuse to propel them into being abusers may have suffered but only really cared about themselves, not others. Those who care about others, learn to care about others even more.
@@passerby6168I dunno. My mom at least seems to firmly believe that she is the biggest victim this earth has ever seen. It feels like she has no choice because she has no coping skills whatsoever. There is nothing to choose from. She is a covert vulnerable type and has zero insight.
I recently left a marriage of 33 years and your videos have made me understand what I was dealing with. She is not a bad, or malicious person, and she certainly had legitimate grievances with me that arguably could justify asking for a divorce, but she exemplified so many of the patterns of a covert female narcissist: She was never wrong; I was the broken one; I was to blame if she was unhappy, regardless of the circumstances; she complained about me to just about everyone; she withheld affection; sex was a chore; nothing I did was ever good enough; I was evaluated and appraised constantly; she criticized me constantly; she would never concede she brought issues to the marriage that needed addressing. I waited years for her to make one of the statements you mention, and but now I know she never will. I have decided to cut off all contact, which I think is the appropriate course for my well being. Thank you for these videos.
@@mattmccracken1768 i wish you BIG blessings and Deep Healing, and a relationship thats even better than you can imagine!🙏
As an encouragement to others. I was married to a covert narcissist for 32 years. In the end I thought I was going insane. I've now been separated 9 months. As close to zero contact as possible. I thought I would never heal. However, after lots of time with a counsellor (an understanding ear really helps) and the months of no contact I can tell that I'm starting to find myself again. It's not easy, but it is doable.
And you are stronger for it. I did 10 years with the narcissist wife. I didn’t have that language back then, I just thought that she had some weird quirks at first. I used to describe it as she was ‘allergic to blame’. she would go ballistic on anything that could remotely have been her fault. I now know that shit give me PTSD. I was always on edge, hoping everything would be so smooth so that it wouldn’t upset her. after we split, I took all that tension and stress and got into the gym, got running again and I’m trying to get back into making music. I would encourage you to find the things that you used to love to do and explore them again, now wiser for the wear, maybe even more appreciative to relish rewarding yourself by doing the things you enjoy. That’s all I’ve got. hope you do well, buddy. Thanks for sharing.
That is great to hear, David. It's actually possible.
32 years, separated for 10 months myself…. Near to zero contact as possible also. And I know I still want to hear all Lise just said. …
@@davidhynd4435 I like your message. It just feels like it will never end though
More than 30 years for me too, my friend. I had no idea what I was truly involved in. I am divorced now, and I found Lise well after my divorce. Her insights are helping me understand what was going on, and that it was never going to change. Lise is wonderful. You can also check out 'Surviving Narcissism'. Peace.
This is like the apology i never got. After hearing this i stopped shaking for a moment. Thank you...
I thought the same thing. It gave me closure.
True story.
I survived a psychopathic narcissist. My heart bears scares, not from any enemy I faced, but by her and her alone.
Her infact was the greatest enemy.
Wow, thank you Lise!
Won't go into the detaills in public but how I'd love to hear those last two things from her. Thinking about it still get's me emotional. I often questioned my sanity during and after the divorce but things are slowly starting to settle, slowly regaining a bit of peace.
All I needed was a good explanation. Thank you. I can move on with my life. Horrible how people can be.
Thank you Lise. The real world doesn’t see them for who they really are long term and behind closed doors
It's ALWAYS behind closed doors. They are SO good at faking an image for the public. My daughter spent some time with us eventually witnessed (and unfortunately experienced) some of this insanity first hand. I'm still stuck here for various reasons, but my now daughter refuses all contact with her, and rightly so.
I've just watched 4 of your videos. I don't even know why they came into my UA-cam feed, but I've been in a very dark place since my ex wife (18 years) moved in with her boyfriend (didn't know about him, they were together for the last year of our marriage). She had an affair for a year, emptied our account, and left me devastated both mentally and financially. I even agreed to an uncontested divorce because she convinced me it was my fault she had been cheating for the year. It's been two years now. I was certain it was me. I'd failed our marriage, but after these videos... Damn. It's like a playlist for the last 16 years of my life. I've been single since and effectively haven't left the house outside of work, getting gas, dogs to the vets, and haircuts. I used to be an entirely different person. Even did stand-up comedy, bartended, etc. I have zero interest in anything anymore. Old hobbies, dating, even life. I'm a military veteran, old-school, and not quick to dump my "feelings" on other people, but I'm reconsidering it now. If you could point me in the direction of a decent therapist, or how to find one in the Northern Virginia area, I'd greatly appreciate it. I sincerely don't know what it could do to "help". Whining at strangers doesn't strike me something that's going to help me in any way, but I'm kind of at the end here.
Saw her yesterday, haven't seen her for a while. She looked amazing, more attractive than ever. Really threw me. Have to remind myself of the chaos and toxicity that comes with her beauty.
Remember she is a monster under the mask
@Sweetpea-2023 you're absolutely right. I'm ashamed I'm thrown so easily by her appearance. Always did mesmerise me I'm afraid.
@@JohnSmith-wo7ns you’re human. They can turn on the charm and lock you into their tractor beam. No contact is always the best option. Good luck!
@@Sweetpea-2023 definitely, thank you.
@@JohnSmith-wo7nsShe's likely a succubus
a female covert narcissist will never admit these things (part 2 of 2)
6-admitting all the psychological abuse
7-to acknowledge their constant devaluation
8-to understand and appreciate your efforts
9-an apology for any pain they caused
10-to explain why you were discarded
cheers from southern ontario, canada 🍁
Great comment. Very true.
Cheers from Northern Ontario (North Bay).
Cheers from Long Beach, California USA 🇺🇸
@562Omar thanks for your kind words.
-cheers, steven
@hmw_kamikaze3885 thanks for your kind words, fellow ontarian.
-cheers, steven
Yep. She seemingly became unsure after she discarded me, or so she said. She was still working on "her decision" and one day just texted "I got married. There." This happened three months after I moved out from the home we bought together, and living together for two years. I saw her a couple of days later (she still had stuff of mine and we work at the same company) and I just said..."congrats, you love whom you love." She was all smiley, but her body jerked as I said it. I guess she was expecting a different reaction. As I left, she said, "I love you, but feel secure where I am," and kissed my cheek. Cruelty to the max.
I should have known better. I was her 4th.
Then came the hoovering, but I was prepared: "Out of respect for your marriage and your husband" we should probably not be talking."
Wow. It’s like you saw what happened over the years in my life. This is clarity and truth to cut through all the noise, criticism, manipulation, shame, guilt, offense, etc. that nothing seemed to help.
Wow, watching that woman yell and swear at the man around 6:00, cutting him down, I know that hurts and destroys the relationship, it did that for me. Never again.
You are never going to your reality and perspective validated by them. The quicker you can accept that the better.
Thanks! I have appreciated many of your videos as I have navigated a relationship like this, did not understand why she would act in various ways.
Now am working on my growth and healing after divorce, learning about red flags and green flags, and calling them out right away.
It's maddening. I know I gave a hundred percent for her and her children.
The devaluation still affects me right now and I just never feel right. I don't feel good. I feel down all the time.
I know all this was caused and still is caused by her even though I haven't seen her for 10 months. It feels like it will never end.
Hang in there! It wears off but very slowly. You've got to keep yourself busy. Take up a hobby or join some interesting group. Time is your ally, just hang in there...
❤ it will get better one day you will wake up and it just won't hurt anymore and then you'll go through a whole day and you won't even think about her
@@utahboxergirl11 Thank you for your reply. I certainly hope so. I really do. X
@@emilkadd Thank you. I will really try.
I think that their ability to so quickly move on is less to do with a lack of knowledge about who they are and more a matter of them not feeling they need to correct things with us, and just grab a new victim.
I'm not sure if you planned this doctor but just hearing it from you is really helping me heal because it's the closest thing I'll get to ever hearing it and you're saying it quite perfectly and as always thank you for your videos
My ex-wife told me to my face how she manipulated me to get me to marry her. She said “if knew me, you wouldn’t have married me.” She was smiling as she told me this.
clearly she is mentally ill. I feel you. It made me feel better to realize that I've married a reptilian.
Wow! Cold hearted and calculating.
What did the 5 fingers say to the cheek
So the fault is on us to not have known 🤷
How did you she act to get you to marry her?
Lise: I so appreciate your commitment to helping us understand the CN person and recovery from the abuse that they put on us. My CN even took our child to live with her boyfriend who lived 2500 miles away. I want you to know how grateful I am for your work. Michael
Tbh i domt know many women Covert or otherwise that admit much accountability or say sorry 😂
Me either .
We can literally say the same for men…
@@AmbyJeansi don’t know man. Getting any sort of accountability from most women narc or not is a challenge. I think make narcs wouldn’t either.
Yes this video was very helpful, like the soothing words we need that we’ll never get.
The unmasking rage and catch 22 trap rings true with my experience. You always mention something to bring that horror back into the front of my mind. Next, I need to figure out why I keep wanting to access that horror. I suspect that it keeps me happily divorced and single. As always , nice work and thank you.
The last two videos were honestly both soothing and triggering at the same time. It was touching to feel seen, heard and understood. Every single point was spot on.
But the two that personally stand out from the rest are: to hear my efforts were appreciates and to get the apology for the emotional turmoil it left in my life.
Don’t hold your breath for that
@@jaredmello Yeah I know. They can't self reflect and take any accountability, let alone apologize. I spent almost 2 years in therapy processing everything.
It's really hard to accept that all our efforts were in vain.
They will never admit that they are chronic liars and serial cheaters.
Thank you Lise! Your videos have helped me cope with these relationship issues immeasurably! You are truly an angel sent from heaven here to save the lives and minds of heartbroken, confused, used and abused men. I am indebted with gratitude for your caring insight and intelligence.
THANK YOU SO MUCH!! 🙏
Thank you Lisa !
It has since been difficult learning not to trust so ‘easy’. The profound hurt from the covert narcissist/former co-worker. Then, from getting fired due to my former boss' curious mishandling and lack of wanting to understand, in spite of everything I honestly shared from my side. I feel she was somehow automatically sympathetic to whatever the reason(s) my emotional abuser had been telling her. A few of my former co-workers have since made no effort to check in to see how I am doing. (Them, and my former boss all know I was in the worst imaginable place at one point). I know why in general, but it has surely been an added challenge to accept that I may not get the understanding I want from anyone really who has never been through this. It's been a lot. I started seeing an attentive therapist (for a change) about a month ago, and I have a group therapy session about overcoming narcissistic relationship abuse scheduled for next week.
I was neither wanting to hear any of that or need apologizes. I moved on. If she found a better man, good for her, but I doubt it. I have found a better woman.
I'm happy for you my guy.
All the best for you and your woman!👏🏽🙏🏾
I've gotten used to action as apology rather than words. She'll never admit to being wrong for stealing my children, though I've noticed her making an effort to be more open with me about the future.
Sure, she needs something from you. Simple as that.
Do not do it bro. Please. Stay strong
No, thanks. It's not going to ever work in your favor. 😮
Mine cheated, did the discard. took my kids and held them over me with the help of the family court system,which can die and burn in hell for all I care. I saw my kids six times in 17 months only to have a feminist person of color judge start lecturing me about “how hard it is to be a single mother” when I took her to court. I saw my kids because my oldest, of his own volition and without my input, told her he would make all the siblings hate her guts if she didn’t agree to a regular visitation schedule. He had that power as the hero big brother. I overcame, paid all the child support, spousal maintenance, insurance, medical bills, clothes, shoes, even sent the kids groceries at her house of horrors, took my daughter to therapy, dealt with her shit….
Then my oldest son joined the Army and wanted for his siblings to see him graduate. I knew her well enough to know how it would go - if she wasn’t invited, at my expense, she wouldn’t let them go. So I paid for her to go. And she thought from that I was “over it” and wanted to be my friend again.
“My love for my kids, and my desire for them to be there for their big brother - and my corollary knowledge of your manipulation and entitlement - is why I paid for that. I can share a house with you and the kids for three days for Adam’s sake, but make no mistake: We are not friends. We will not be friends. Once they’re out of your house, I’m getting a fucking restraining order against you.”
For the first time in the 22 years I’ve known her, she was speechless. That was worth the ten grand the trip cost.
@@plenaryverbalistnice! Also well done on your son for graduating in the army! That's so cool!
Awesome! THANK YOU!
The only thing missing is the sad piano or violin music during the flashback sequences. 😂
😂😂😂👍🏾👍🏾
Mine never leaves me alone. No matter how much I go no contact, she’s constantly smearing me publicly. Gaslighting everyone around her to garner sympathy and support. I’m so tired of this and exhausted. I’m actually dealing with 2. One is an ex from 2020 and I never even met her. She’s everywhere I go. 5 years from one and, 2 years from this last one. They’ve teamed up even. I can’t escape them. I want peace and to be left alone, they refuse to let that happen. Idk how to deal with this anymore. They are slowly dismantling my sanity and even tho I don’t ever let them know that, I’m becoming weaker by the day. Social media has let these narcissistic people smear constantly. I’m so lost at this point.
O M G…. Dead on 😂🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽 Nailed it ✅
Anyone new to realizing you’ve been with a narcissist, it’s ok. Study, be patient, and you will get to an amazing place you didn’t know existed. They pulled the wool over our eyes.
Great video. Its the part of her I could see, that I just pitied. These are great insights!
Thank you very much
I hope you don't mind that I used your apology as hers
I needed that , 25yrs is far to much of ones lifetime
Thank you very much
First! Noooooo! Lmao
Thank you Lisa continue to learn mucho on your channel
Thank you so much for this lesson Lise.While it’s a fact many of us will never hear these truths and apologies from the people whose personality disorder hurt us, it was very nice to hear these insights from you. You’re so empathetic and understanding, you’re a very beautiful soul, a gifted teacher and healer. So hearing you say those things in a kind of proxy, is very humbling and encouraging. It’s really hard for me to know how to express with words how thankful I am for the things I learn from your lessons. In Hamlet, Hamlet writes a poem to Ophelia and he says “I have not the art to reckon my groans” That’s how I feel when I want to try and express my gratitude for your teaching. I just hope you know what a lifeline and a blessing your UA-cam channel is to thousands of people. Thank you very much Lise.
Doctor, Thank you, you are a life saver
She'll Neva admit anythin 😂
Amen
Fantastic video.
Never say I am sorry, always right dosent ever reciprocate affection. Family and friends always come first,blames you for everything that went wrong no accountability for their actions. Not grateful for all your sacrifices you made for them, tells you it doesn't matter truly users and abusers.
Thanks Lise. Wow, this video hit on SO MUCH of what I've experienced. I do know, however, that she is incapable of such insights and am not going to spend any energy and intent on that happening. we just had a "discussion" where she was asking for affirmation in what I like about her "You hate all the things I like about myself". It only occurred to me later (as someone who ONLY manages to say the wrong thing every time), that I should have asked why SHE wants to spent time with me, if that's the case.
Thank you, Lise! What if you interviewed the boys who suffered in their hands, and also brought up the boys' stories? I think it would help a lot!
The closest she got to telling me that she cheats without saying it. Or admitting it. She stated "I've never been caught cheating ". The hickey or her neck was a different incident
😅
Hahahahahahahahahahah, twisted shit
I got told “ what does it matter who I was with when I dumped you” . Stone cold
Literally what I'm dealing with
Ditch her or him
@@JasonStone-m5i who are you to decide what a stranger must do?
thank you, that was very healing
My NEX discarded me and started her lie-filled campaign against me as soon as I started voicing my needs and her negative impact on me. The watershed moment was when I told her she owed me an apology for something horrible she did to our kids and it took an hour out of my work day to console them and comfort them.
Great video
Met few of them but cut ties
she constantly bring out my trauma by reminding me about her affairs
i must do sth
She deliberately let me know she had affairs. She deliberately flirt with other men and let me know
Sadistic
I’m struggling with the picture of the tree on your wall not hanging straight…
😂
😂 good eye girl ! Hopefully your not an o.c.d. dude.
Thanks!
Thank you!
you reminded me of my fantasy.. the way i want them to be..
I'm at the phase where I'm trying to figure out what I'm doing wrong. I wonder if I'm a narcissist when I break and I unload on her. Then she dismisses how I feel as another "episode." The thing is, she's not that verbal. So many of the descriptions given by other clinical psychologists/therapists on UA-cam include verbal denigrating and other verbal manipulation. However, what I'm experiencing is this cold, quiet, silent treatment. She knows I'm working two jobs, but she doesn't think twice about blowing money on crafts, drive-throughs, and digital books while doing nothing to keep up with our housework. I'm more than happy to help, but it's demoralizing when I realize it won't get done unless i do it myself. The same goes for affection, flirting, and Intimacy. She knows what she's doing, but she acts like I'm impossible to please. She accused me of expecting perfection, that she will never be good enough for me, and that I'm expecting her to be Martha Stewart and Sondra Bullock all in one.
There's a type of person that quietly spits into the well you're drownding in. If there was such a thing as a "dismissive narcissist," that would describe her. Maybe she's a dismissive avoidant with narcissistic tendencies. Idk.
👉 I would be interested to hear your thoughts or studies about this.
Sounds like my life. I'm divorcing after 9 years. Advice for you is run from her. She isn't loving you. It is going to get worse with time.
A stanic spirit rather many reside in a narc . God bless all who have under gone this hellish experience in their life .
There are certain things that is worse than death and that is one of them.
Twisted sister. 😢
I think im in love with Lise Leblanck ❤ such a beautiful wise and articulated woman 😍
Being wrong would be the number one thing she wouldn’t admit to.
The moment I became addicted to her, she felt so much burden and pressure that she said it was overwhelming for her and just completely pulled away, slowly showing no interest, completely prioritising own needs and I was left hanging. And as an addict of her it was traumatizing for me.
It's true that I was completely dependent on her just before she pulled away, is she truly a narcissist? Because it was becoming a problem to give her mental space, free time and she told later that she doesn't want to be intimate because she feels no longer comfortable because I was behaving like an unstable person when she pulled away
You were trauma bonded. And she labaled you as the problem. Classic. Dont blame yourself... It was never you. Keep on heling stay no contact
Plausible deniability in lue of any logic or reason. 😒😐😵
Well she did say finally when I kept pushing her boundaries and eventually I heard, ' Well you did make me happy with your efforts still I don't want to be with you anymore because you misbehaved with me. '
She left me because I misbehaved, why did I misbehave? Because she kept belittling me, devaluing me and kept insisting on breaking up every now and then until I reached a point of anger.
Did I acknowledge my anger? I did. Did I apologize? I did. None of it mattered.
Did she acknowledge her behavior in the first place? No. Did she apologize? No, not in a million years she would. Did she acknowledge the harm she has caused? Nope, not at all. Even at the end of the relationship she blamed me for everything. As she was doing for 8 and a half years.
I’m having a hard time figuring out if I have a narcissistic personality or not.
You probably don't. Narcissist do not self reflect because they are perfect
hello dear lady Lise Leblanc , i congratulate and admire you for the content you make on your channel i have been through two relationships with narcissistic partners......it is heartbreaking.......recently my last partner unblocked me on facebook asking me some information about a common acquaintance.....i answered him strictly to the point and then he asked me how i was doing? i replied that i had recovered my self-esteem! do you think he wanted to hoover? did i give him a correct answer? thank you very much. Have a nice day
Yes, ex wife discarded me when I was at my rock bottom lowest. She even admitted she could see my struggles but still didn't care.
We have several young children, all boys, and she will do it to them as well and discard them. Her selfishness is infinite.
How do i stop trying to fix my wifes problems? Been doing it for 20 years. I am barely starting to see the pattern of victimhood that is always present with my wife. She asks me to help with the kids but if i dont do it exactly how she expects i am not listening to her. She ia always complaining never grateful for what we have accomplished. Always brings up trama with her parents. I gave her 20 roses for our 20 year anniversary, she gave me a card and a chocolate bar in a grocery bag full of receipts and trash that was hanging out in her car. I told her she was my beat friend and she said i ha e never been her best friend. Even though i moved my life 3 times for her, try to support her.
01:03 diving right in
Thank you
If you seek therapy, get it as quickly after the end of the relationship as possible while the memories of what you put up with and accepted are still fresh.
As with many things in life, months or years later you will remember the relationship better than it was and the therapy may be less helpful for you to move on from this imaginary person you've created.
So the other day, I talked to a psychologist who specializes in narcissist, personality disorder. Because my ex-girlfriend was having sex with several different men while pretending to be loving and tender girlfriend. what’s insane is she actually tries to portray herself as the victim? I’ll just say what she was doing was actually illegal but still the victim
They are actually covert criminals too. At least mentally
@@manofmayhem1488 I'm with you. It's absolutely horrendous They are demons.
Apologies of a narcissist: IF I made a mistake then I am sorry.
It is always if because they will never acknowledge their mistakes.
Just know, when they hoover you, it is usually because they want money. She tried to screw me financially in the divorce. Fortunately, I'm in Arizona and everything is 50/50. The divorce was equitable. She has tried to hoover me multiple times, but I will not take the bait. I see through all the BS and know who and what she is.
She figured out I had abandonment issues followed by shame and she would just walk out with any weak ass excuse
There is actually only 1 problem. That you can't break from them.
The problem I have is that we have kids. Very difficult to "escape trauma bonding"when kids are involved. She has now entangled them, made them dependent upon her. I didn't understand what was happening until it was too late.
That is terrible, iam sorry to hear your situation. I was in the same thing and sadly if you escape the children will be lost to you. My daughter disowned my entire family and didn't attend her grandfather's funeral.
Hi Lise, I have a question. I'm not sure you've covered it or not. Would a narcissist that's dependent on opiods for pain and been using for 4 years contribute to their psychological state of mind? Thank you for the videos, they're assisting a lot with my healing.
Victim identify, aka pulling the victim card
Yes, the sun will burn out before they admit such things.
What a nightmare to be married to a total fake. Just that is horrible. Add on top pure evil to preserve their pride. What a winner!!!
THX!
Bobby Boucheys mom was telling real life truth in that movie
They’ll lie on not wanting a relationship with you and then get pregnant by someone else. When they get exposed, they’ll scream at you.
My covertly narcissistic ex cheated on me, and instead of apologizing, she filed for divorce, blaming me for her infidelity. Later, Chat rejected her due to her age, 43, and her 3 kids.
Narcissists are vampires.
That is all that they are.
That is all that they can be.
Is this stuff they do consciously? Can this be something people do without knowing it?
My wife told me she'll never help me and that she'll never apologize because she doesn't do anything wrong
Wow, the first Vid didnt hit as accurate as this one did, but this was right over the target for my experience as recent as an hr ago another loop of the same gaslighting lies to hide behind their own shame and false projections, ego so high they rather die than apologise - its astounding - especially when it comes from a person who claims to be so highly evolved and trauma ridden..... Sometimes you just got to sit back and laugh at the absurdity that comes from their mouths
My ex to a T
I've heard something similar from an aware Narc on UA-cam
Is it possible that a covert narcissist, that has a marriage counseling session in a couple days, could watch this video and use the information to manipulate the couples therapy session?
Is that something that a covert narcissist is capable of?
It seems like that would be taking their emotional abuse to a whole new level.
Yes very much possible
This resembles BPD really close. Is it possible the 2 or 1 in the same?
No apologies and justifies all their cheats lies U always lose
Lisa, does the NPd person actually know that these things describe precisely who they are and how they operate? I'd be curious to know your professional opinion and answer to this question, becuase I believe they in fact do know. otherwise how would they be able to "act" right during the live bombing stage-and how are they able to dupe everyone else?
Wondering if I should send this to my ex wife..... But I would like to continue to see my kids, so probably not a good idea.
7:01 well, there's your problem right there, wtf....
Is it possible to find a woman with none of the female covert narcissist behaviours? Genuinely curious, I’m late 20s and notice some of these in my partner but not all (disrespectful isn’t one of them, it’s the anxiety/commitment/victim and me filling the hero role) Is this a disaster waiting to happen or do us as Men need to compromise somewhere as no human is perfect?
Yikes....terrifying