In the beginning - It's like finding the most sincere kindest person in the whole wide world. They are nice and gentle. They are affectionate. They will cuddle you and hold you. A couple months in you will notice that they seem to lack in the intimacy department but you will dismiss that to shyness. They will mimic/mirror your style of communication & you the entire time (which goes unnoticed until they become distant with you & use new words). I learned that If you express intimate emotions they will say “I feel the same way for you too or I would do the same thing for you or I love you just as much or I'm glad to hear that.” Which feels insincere and robotic. However you might dismiss that to shyness or inexperience expressing feelings (even tho they could be gorgeous & clearly experienced with women). They will never voluntarily just express their love for you in their own words and say how much they love or miss you. Very rarely will you get an “I miss you" or ” love you" for no reason at all. You will wonder why? Like do they have any feelings? So, you find yourself working harder to make them feel more safe & more loved in hope's that they provide that love back to you. It's easy to dismiss them withholding as a lack of trust or insecurity because they seem so nice. You will look for logic in behaviors and with Coverts there is never any logic which will lead your further down a rabbit hole creating confusion. In time you will start to doubt your own perception of what you see and lack the clarity to see the abuse. You will have more anxiety, lack inner peace & feel tired. Your physical appearance might change where you either gain or lose weight. You struggle to keep yourself at peace. Its exhausting. By now, you have became an expert at everything they like. You take on all the chores and make their life as easy as possible. You feel isolated too b/c they kept you “away". You feel so confused b/c you worked so hard to break down their walls in hopes of a more consistent close bond with them. One day they seem really into you and the next they withhold affection. It's hard trying to figure out what is wrong. The more you vocalize your feelings the more they encourage you with their words that everything is ok. You certainly don't feel “ok" but you make peace with it the best you can and start “withholding” your feelings too b/c they have made you feel like your “too" sensitive and it's too much! Most of the time it will feel like they are present in the flesh but nothing else is going on inside them. Even after all this time you've been together you still feel like you don't really know them. If you happened to gain the courage at a later time to ask more questions as to why things still feel off they will say your being insecure & that they aren't cheating and make you feel like you have issues. If you cry they will watch tv, stare at their phone or even continue to eat dinner. They won't ever give you all their undivided attention & acknowledge your pain. Which makes you more confused bc their actions doesn't match their words. They won't look at you while you cry, they seem like it causes them shame to see you cry. At times you might feel like your having to teach them about feelings as if they were a child. You will wonder why their emotional intelligence seems very immature/off. Everything they have is something you also don't have access too. Their family, phone, friends, bank accounts, pay stubs, credit card statements, and etc. You will start off feeling like they are very private or insecure & years in it now feels like they are super secretive b/c it makes no sense for them to still be so private. They promise things that they don't see through or conveniently feel bad or forget everything that is important to you. They will isolate you and hide their relationship with you. When you express that something about what they are doing isn't right then they act like they lack understanding and that they do nothing to hurt you. You will always be explaining everything and wondering why they just don't get it! They will even use apologies as a form of manipulation. (lack of empathy and no change to their behavior). You will always feel like you need to phone a friend to ask if your situation is normal because this person will give you $200 to pamper yourself but won't invite you to Christmas dinners or let you have access to their phone. They will leave/abandon/ghost you to say they are sleeping at a relative's house then on their way home they will offer to bring you breakfast or something from the store. Even their giving is a form of manipulation. They want to distract you with gifts to keep you off balanced from the emotional abuse they are putting you through. When you ask them why they didn't come home they will say they felt like you didn't want them around or etc. You will spend the entire relationship wondering how someone who seems like such a nice person can be so emotionally cold. Sex will always be very plain conservative sex. They generally just desire to get off and sometimes you will feel like when they perform better that it's actually them practicing to be better for someone else or that they learned that with someone else. They dont like PDA, french kissing, or oral sex. No foreplay or bedroom talk. Very plain and to the point. No cuddling after. Maybe they might wrap their arm around you while they watch tv. They won't ever make love to you. Sex will always be just emotionless. In the beginning when your idealized they might give more attn to these areas but that will quickly change. You will always be wondering why they have constant schedule changes and are so private with things. You will even get to a point where you will be afraid to google their name because you are scared of what you might discover. You will feel something is off with them but you will be in so deep that you will be intimidated by the truth. They also will always be cheating. They will exhaust themselves from it. They will abuse caffeine, use erectile dysfunction medications, abuse finances, hide a secret phone, constant shift of work schedules or constant visits to their family with never inviting you, and long extended bathroom breaks and them laying in secret ways to use their phone. You will watch them type then when you accuse them of talking to someone for example they will show you a calculator on their phone to make you appear crazy or jealous for them adding things. Although you know they don't use a calculator that much or etc. Their explanations are always nonsense. They will disappear a few hours & not answer calls or text back. They will always have an excuse. If you happen to get their phone & able to use google to see where they were. They will lie and say google is wrong too. Which also makes no sense. Additionally, If you need to uncover the truth about a cheating narcissist, send your request to *MetaspyHub@gmail.com* for discreet and effective assistance.
@@251omega It is mine, but it took me 68 years to learn it. The heart, mind and gut are often conflicted. I see the gut as being tied into the reptilian brain stem. Fight or flight is how early forms of life survived.
As a wise friend once told me, if you think something is happening, it is, and it’s never ever ever going to be LESS than what you think is happening. Run.
There is a line from a movie I still use “if there is any doubt there is no doubt”. All this has made me hyper aware of trusting my gut. It has never not once steered me wrong. And anytime I’ve gone against it I’ve paid the price.
@@tipoftheiceberg7034 no question I have both. I didn’t even know I had PTSD until I saw a therapist as I thought ignorantly I could only get such a thing from physical trauma. I was devastated with anger once she explained how I have been suffering from it for years without addressing it. Sad day
You talked about how they are hard to catch because they are so sneaky and hide behind a false persona of morality and goodness. And all of that is 100% true. But another contributing factor in my experience is that they choose a partner who actually is a moral, empathetic person. And because that person is a decent human being, they can't fathom what a covert narc is capable of. The victim sometimes misses the signs because the behavior of the narc is so far removed from anything they themselves could be capable of, that they simply don't know to even look. It's so insidious...
Absolutely. They come across as innocent and not that kind of person. Yet it’s what makes them harder to spot. No one would believe it. They’re masterful at manipulating.
Youre right..but its not that we cant see the behavior or "red flags". If youre honest with yourself most ppl do see it..what you dont see is how you end up justifying it. Out of empathy I thought that I could almost like "fix" her. Almost show her that doing the right thing is better than doing the wrong thing cause she didint know...what the hell was a matter with me? Just manipulated that bad. I remember thinking, theres no way anyone could act like this, (be this evil), so there had to be just an issue that needed "fixed"....Its so crazy. Of course this was after who knows how long, of just sittin there in confusion. Tryin to contemplate how someone can be so evil, yet be a soul mate at same time..or next minute I should say.. Like you said, its hard to fathom cause in the end, what they do makes no sense..theres no benefit to anyone, even themselves....its just a fix for them..a quick high and its never enough...and theyre set on that till the day they die
I’ve said this many times before on UA-cam. But if the narcissist is cold to you, you can be sure the narcissist is hot to someone else. The cold phase, you will feel invisible. You will not feel important anymore. Even if you are in the same room, you will feel that the narcissist doesn't see you. When you are let say at work, the narcissist will no longer check your day. From calling or texting you several times per day to nothing or almost nothing. The biggest sign is when the narcissist's behavior changes dramatically. First you feel visible and really loved. That you have found your soulmate. To not feel visible anymore. Your soulmate feels like a stranger. Another sign is that the narcissist will use their favorite toy a lot more in front of you. and also hide their favorite toy. Which is the smartphone. They will put the phone upside down on the table. Will never leave phone when leaving the room. When someone is calling the narcissist, he will not answer the phone when you are around. Because the narcissist will use the phone a lot more, you start to wonder why the narcissist can't answer your text messages and phone calls. But has no problem to answer others. The communication and sex will be a lot more off. It will be less and less. The sex will almost feel like rape on a dead body. The biggest sign is actually your guts. Always trust it. If you start to feel like the narcissist is cheating on you, trust that. And if the person really is a narcissist, you can be sure you are not the only one. A narcissist needs attention all the time. 24/7. So when you are not with each other, the narcissist will be with someone else. Either in real life or on internet. Always. If you need to find out about a cheating spouse; send a request to: Metaspyhub@gmail. com
My wife would tell me stories about things that women that she knew were doing behind her husband's back She was always smiles and laughing when she talked about it how she couldn't believe what they were doing but always swore me to secrecy. She was actually telling me all the things she was doing right to my face while she was laughing in my face
Jeeez brother. Use your time and energy on yourself now, realize that there’s a reason you were chosen as the main source. Because you’re a badass!!! Get back to being that guy and more!!!!!!! Never fall into the mindset that you somehow weren’t enough, no one will ever be enough, what a heavy weight lifted off your back. 💪🏼
I will say this- with a narcissist it is always worse than you can even imagine. Trust your gut and do not go digging. I learned the hard way. I'm still trying to wrap my head around the person I thought I knew. My therapist called the authorities once I brought in the emails I found. Very disgusting stuff.
They’ll blame you for the cheating 😂 save yourself time, save your sanity and save your soul. Move on and be happy with a real person. Nothing about these people is real. They live in a fantasy world. They don’t even live in reality. They’re so good at pretending and they prey on empathetic people. Empathetic people can’t possibly fathom someone could be that horrible and that’s what they bank on. Trust your gut. You’re not crazy. ❤️ and don’t waste your time waiting for concrete evidence. These people are master actors. If it feels off its off. Trust yourself
Arlene Sanchez probably one of THE most validating comments on UA-cam. I’m planning my exit. I was stuck waiting for concrete proof, but I’ve seen enough red flags to know that I’m being deceived.
Yes even more horrible things .its a horrible tormenting spirit..sneaky. Lie to our faces w no conscious ..mine friends w all exes ...bullies control freaks ..in my prayers stay strong
Abusive one minute then turn tell u. Oh I love you ..well crafted they need all attention always seeking new supply ..they never want to look bad at all
My wife of 27 years has cheated me. She is behaving exactly the way you have explained. From denying , gaslighting, projection , manipulation, changing the topic , blaming me for something worse has been her trademark. I’m totally distraught. My childrens believe her stories.
Similar experience after 28 years of marriage for me. My eldest child knew what was happening before I did, so my ex wife’s blaming and gaslighting backfired spectacularly on her.
When I accused my former narcissist of cheating she said she’d never cheat because she wouldn’t want people saying she was a cheater and that if she did, but she didn’t, it’d be my fault for not meeting her needs. That’s when I knew it was done
She didn’t tell me she cheated but when she said she “didn’t feel appreciated” by me who quite literally would have done anything i knew what that phrase meant
@@samuelyoung1236 Yeezus bro, mine is saying exactly the same.. she is pure covert Marcus but somehow I managed to convince myself she didn't cheat even tho signs are there. Please say you found out for sure? Is she also addicted to drama tv soap operas?
Lol mine turned out to be such a vengeful bastard. I don’t even know what I did to him to deserve such a horror movie ending. He made sure I was “shown my place” after he ended the engagement (through someone else not even himself) without reason only one month before our wedding when everyone of our friends and family knew about it, and he married the woman I suspected him cheating on me with before our wedding date and on the day my furniture was to move into his house. I only found out via a mutual friend. I was shocked because this guy was stalking me only one week before since I went NC and blocked his fake profiles as well. I can’t imagine the satisfaction he got from doing this with me. Absolute asshole.
Thank you very much. I hope everyone can just understand: NO NEGOTIATION AND NO JUSTIFICATION with/for the narcissist. If you don´t have children...just say goodbye forever.
Yep! These soulless maggots preyed on us! I'm feeling grateful for being "dismissed"! That POS did me the biggest favor of my life. I will NEVER utter a word to him again. If I see him, I will pretend I don't! He's worthless
My ex not only cheated on me, he made a point of putting an audio recording of his new conquest in a place I would be sure to find it. It was several minutes of her feeding his ego, talking about how wonderful he was and how lucky I was. (That was before I dumped him.) I'm lucky all right - lucky I realized what sort of person he really is so soon after his affair. She can have him.
My ex vulnerable narc would initiate sexual conversation with the repair men who came to the house and think it was normal. I asked why she did that, she said HE started the conversation. Thinking back...I remember her starting those conversations with me when we met. When you confront them on something they are lying about, it's strange to see them flip-flop and struggle to make up lies, then turn it on you then" You're being ridiculous and controlling". It's childish.
I just found out my husband of 13 years was having an affair. It’s the worst feeling ever. Even my teeth hurt. Thank you for this video. I have been through tough stuff before I so I know I’ll get over this, but omg this pain
The hell with all the emotional abuse. If she would have ever let me know she was with another man... that would have been it!!! He can have her lost sick soul.
I’ve recently divorced my narcissistic husband of 32 years after discovering he had an affair. We are a community of survivors that desperately need more content like yours. Thank you, Enlightened Target! You’re work is so important and appreciated!
I feel so horrible you went through 32 years, I went through 6, she cheated the whole time, they are liars, they lie about everything and anything it’s amazing, I’ve never seen anything like it, I hope you are well, I am on my way to recovering
My POS covert narc 'spouse' of 30 years was not only unfaithful, he either impregnated or took responsibility for her unborn child, as well as, her two year old. She is the age of our three children, he is 35 years older, our daughter had to tell me, and the new supply ensured that our faces would be rubbed in it on FB. He even married her in the Philippines. I feel like I am losing my mind and the pain is excruciating. I will never understand the cowardice, cruelty, and malevolence of both of them. She is clearly just as sick and malicious as he is. And, yeah, I got the blame for the infidelity and he claimed that she made the first move. Makes me want to vomit. That and the fact that they are revelling in my pain. I can't wrap my head around why such creatures exist and are allowed to continuously cause pain, as well as, the 30 wasted years.😢
I am so proud of you!!!🎉 I hope your life has been on the upswing since then. ❤ Just starting my journey of excruciating pain at the knowledge of who/what he is, the destruction he has caused, and the loss of 30 years.😢
@@MARLA116 he won't be able to hide the "real him" for too long. He will do the exact same thing to her. It does hurt very badly, I know this but be thankful & strong in the fact that you are free of him and they are getting exactly what they deserve...eachother! Your in my prayers.
Mine would hit on men right in front of me then flat out deny it. You can catch her red handed cheating and she will lie to your face. Had a second life on her cellphone.
We all talking about the same girl? Took me off social media 2 years ago. We have 2 kids together she lives in my house where I paid all the bills including her car and insurance…whole second life on that cell phone. Cheater.
Yes!! "You've always had trust issues". I'm like uhhhh, no, then how was this able to go on for so long and the OWs partner had to message me and tell me?!
Toom me forever, aapprox 2 years to get proof and get this. I live with his parents however they have had more then enough of him. He's adopted and I think.hates women because of the abandonment issues and complex she gave him.giving him up. I'm 42 avd ivr known him since I was three. I.thought I could 4 sure make him happy. He admitted cheating twice now and thinks I should forgive him because he admitted it and didn't have ti. But then I continued hearing other things. Well I pressed log in on his messenger..just for the hell of it. And by the grace of God it logged in. WOW I MESN I EXPECTED IT ND MOST THERE WAS SO MUCH SEXTING. He says it's only texts. Well guess what buddy you already had to plus strikes. Strike three he'd out. He will not stop begging but umdub. Man I need help or strength because my such head still loves him. .we just had a baby his first 8mos ago that he tried using against mr luckily he cant ty 4 listening
You just described my EX, sneaky, Pathological liar 🤥 I always felt everything was my fault, my self esteem was terrible 😢 he had affairs and didn’t realise how many till we divorced. I was so confused for years, I was made to feel I was going insane. I was just diagnosed With Complex PTSD
So accurate in your description. I must admit that I am suffering from cognitive dissonance. It's so hard to believe that I have been manipulated (and cheated on) so brilliantly. There is not a cell in my body that can understand how someone can say and do things, along with being so persuasive and apparently kind and altruistic (at least in my case). Part of me wants to tell her to f*ck off, while the other part of me wants to still love her in spite of what I've been through. It really is confusing -- especially when people pull on your heart strings and emotions in such a seductive way that can make you melt right into their control. It's sad and quite violating, really.
I know exactly how you feel. I got away from my female narc for several months after three years. Let her back in for a short period and now she’s gone again. It’s the most confusing thing I’ve ever been through.
I'm suffering from the cognitive dissonance also. It's a mental battle I have within myself. One minute I want her to call and I'd tell her to go back to hell, but then I want her to ask me f**k her. I'd wouldn't say NO. I swear I lost my mind and morals. I love myself for walking away, but hate myself for leaving what I left behind. Damn, this is a spiritual battle and I'm losing.
Literally NEEDED this video tonight! I am emotionally DRAINED from the daily manipulation and the constant blame being put on me after he DECIDED to leave myself and our two children and then continually blames me for why he won't come home to us. Im drained and unbelievably sick of it all
Sending support and care vibes and prayers for you. Why does this man who continues to hurt you keep getting the opportunity to derail your future? You have a choice, too. You can change the locks ;o) serve him with divorce papers, find another place to stay with the kids. It sucks but it at least will take you out of this harmful cycle. Your future isn’t only in his hands or at his mercy. You can own it and manage a different path. I know how intimidating and difficult that path looks. I’m on it similarly and have trouble taking my own advice. We have 4 kids… the scariness of this Covid world - is crazy enough - Bizarro - but add to that trying to be a single mom, protecting littles… But you owe it to them, to model self-care, self-respect in the face of abuse like this, and you owe it to yourself to enjoy the fruits of those. I hope you form a network of helping supporters, counselors, friends, extended family who can assist you in getting through this. And I hope you get through it instead of staying stuck in the back and forth. I wish for you the chance to leave this argument behind. If you could see this only in your rear view, instead of in your future, you’d already be in a stronger position to move forward. This is too destabilizing to deal with. But getting some distance from it over time can help you get your legs under you in order to start taking steps to improving your life, even if it’s without him. You deserve healthy relationships, pretty Momma. If he can’t or won’t provide that (as he’s showing you he might not be capable of) then you won’t get your needs met either way. It might ne healthier to move on. Best of luck! Hugs!
You have to stop questioning yourself and remember the things he's done that have brought you to this point. Whenever I find myself questioning my choice to leave, all I have to do is remember & reflect on the things he did and how it made me feel & I instantly can feel that yuk in my gut feeling that I hated. That's how you know that~ You made the right decision. Shine on & stay strong!
The pathetic thing is that a Narc doesn't want their true nature exposed. However, by the very act of cheating they completely expose themselves to the world, their significant other, and even to their cheating partner their lack of integrity, how they can't be trusted, and their demonic character.
This was a very good description. Not to mention how they have the uncanny ability to convince everyone around you that you are the one at fault. I can't tell you how many people are shocked to find out that I dont have a girlfriend on the side... I wonder where that idea came from....
Very educational. I’ve just come out of 41/2 years and with no closure I’ve had to journal and reflect back to put the pieces together. You’ve helped me tonight to see how naive I am. I simply trust until I’ve reason not to. I’m a soft target
It's my observation that narcissists will also try to get their partner involved in sexual stuff that they may not feel quite happy about but will go along with for fear of losing the person, eg threesomes and such. This can prove very toxic and brings others into an already bad situation, providing more opportunities for narcissistic supply, triangulation etc
Exactly. My ex is a swinger and his new wife suffers from depression. Hes so good at manipulation and exploiting her I dont believe shes able to see that she is being victimized. It took me 15 years to realize hes a vulnerable covert narcissist and Im just coming to terms with this. I dodged a HUGE bullet and though it was devastating at the time, I see now it was actually a blessing when he discarded me for her so many years ago.
Man I needed to hear this. Catching my wife cheating and being blamed for it…then being told letting my brother know was the worst thing a spouse could do, so much worse than cheating, I lay awake at night and question if she’s right
@@thefeminineeye Thank you. I’ve learned so much in the past year that things are much easier to understand now. So many lies,, so many manipulation techniques weee being used. I feel free now. Thanks for the kind words!
It's written out descriptions of observed behavior patterns of specifically crazy people you can go around to all the different personality disorders study them and you'll find people like that If you look for them When I 1st started studying the narcissistic disorder it was so accurate in regard to my own life that it was a little spooky it was almost as if someone had been spying on me for 25 years I mean literally it was spooky
It's not what they lie about....its....what do they not lie about....when they open they jar...they tongue lies...because they are not the captain of they own ship....one can only be the captain of they own ship when they learn to harness they tongue....like a tiller handle that Inspires a rudder to turn...
I know you’re speaking mainly about male narcs…I was married to a covert narc for 18 years, and didn’t really grasp until after it ended. She cheated at the end, which sparked much of the fallout. After, I realized she’d cheated several times over the years, emotionally and physically. I’ve been out from that for 11 years, am happily remarried, and actually do counseling for a living. Much of whatever “wisdom” I possess came painfully in person. But now I can spot that type of manipulation a mile away.
🤦🏻♂️ you just described my ex with 99% accuracy. I don’t know where you got all this knowledge but please keep sharing it. It REALY helps people realize whats going on and help them move on! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!
I don't know about others but in my relationship when I caught her cheating she blamed me for her cheating not the other guy. Unfortunately I believed it and went on a 2-3 year run trying to "fix" all my "problems" she was projecting on to me. Being with one of these people is a complete mindf*ck!
Same here. I did take the one valid complaint and worked on that...and have continued on from there. Focus on making yourself the best man you can be, you will never regret that and it will increase your strength to withstand a situation like this. We have kids, basically live as roommates; so the kids aren't unhappy. I did doubt myself at times but was raised to be self reliant so it never got to where I was doubting my sanity. Now, I take advantage of the that upbringing. She wants a divorce but I told her I do not so she will have to go ahead and just let the kids and everyone see it is all on her. No movement towards divorce since. I found out about the affair about a year and a half ago. The past year was probably the best of my life because I have grown in ways I never dreamed. I always liked my kids...but kids are a pain at times...now I find a joy in having them (not every minute because they can still be a pain). They have gone from a responsibility to something bigger and better. That's thanks to her. The cutting off of sex by her was meant to 'unman' me. In the long run it has freed me to become more a man in the true sense. I really have no physical desire for her at this point...there is an emotional component to sex for men too. She went to her nuclear option and now she has boxed herself in. It was a workplace affair. Code of conduct at work, she could be fired and her field is a small circle. I have no shame of her affair. If we divorce friend, children and family will be point blank told I do not want it...if they ask I will freely speak about her affair. She told me I would lose financially in a divorce, I told her we both would...she looked surprised, said 'you'd be reasonable?'. I just smirked and told her the lawyers get paid from OUR money. I am fully expecting a divorce by her once the kids are older and the affair has faded. Perfect...just in time for retirement! I maintain my health and fitness. She doesn't. I expect that her retirement won't be too active physically so I should be free to pursue my active retirement. Every day that she remains married and goes to work is more $$ for me when we do divorce...I gave up career to stay home with the kids, have my own pension and 401k's from when I worked (in my state apparently what you came into the marriage with remains yours, what you earned while married is split). Karma my friend 😇
@@amtonio5602 Tesla map on my phone. 8 yr old daughter was sick in morning when I came up to get her for school, she said mom went in to work early. I called and texted my wife to let her know daughter was sick. No response. Remembered Tesla app for some reason and pulled it up to see if she was driving in to work still. She was 40 miles away from work. Checked address where car was parked...Best Western Culpeper VA. Watched her drive to work an hour later. Five minutes after that she returned my call, said she'd been busy at work and missed it. Confronted her about a week later and she admitted she had been there fornicating with someone from work. I did inquire if she had been pressured and needed to report it as harassment? No, it was consensual...just kind of happened...for three months (per her reckoning).
@@mfawls9624 sir i would he so happy with a answere but mine google maps. The wife said it reads the map wrong. Shes a narcist no way she can admit to this. So i admire her for saying the truth. She respects you enough that you deserved the truth.
@@amtonio5602 I don't mistake it for respect. Just validation that she hadn't given a thought to being discovered. There is no respect. I have no need of her respect until it is worth having...no? Think about it, what is the worth of a deceitful, unfaithful wife's respect? There is none because it cannot be genuine until there is a change of heart. There has been no change of heart in her at this time. I live with her and hope for a changing of heart but it is not something I can bring about. I can only keep my heart open to it and be aware of the harm enabling narcissism does to everyone.
I really wish I found you and your videos years ago. Would have saved me so much unecessary heartache and grief. Didn't know this much about narcissism; always thought they were only overt/grandiose. I have been dealing with a covert narcissistic husband for over 30 years. Manipulative, sneaky, lies, cheats, con-artist, etc., but does all of it under the guise of being the shy, quiet, smart (always knows everything and more than everyone 🙄), 'good guy.' Could never quite put my finger on what was wrong with him. Now I know this is it. The video/info is spot on. I have caught him having emotional affairs over the years, (always with evidence), yet even when the proof is in front of him, he will deny, lie, make excuses until the cows come home. He will tell you that you're crazy and what you're seeing is not what you think it is, questioning your sanity and intelligence. He immediately turns into a toddler who has been caught with their hand in the cookie jar. It really is a spectacle. I have never seen anything like it. His family members don't help, either. They encourage this behavior by insisting that he would never cheat or betray his wife and kids. They make excuses, patronize, and talk him up like he is the second coming. He could never do anyrhing wrong in their eyes (growing up), and now it has continued into adulthood. The last straw was was when one of our grown children found risqué pictures and texts from (one of) his supplies. They confronted him about it, he lied, etc. But this time I had someone to back me up and call him out on it. He couldn't lie hisway out of it, but still tried. He then discarded me, asked for a divorce, and has given me the silent treatment ever since (thinks he's punishing me for his indiscretions- SMDH). These individuals are completely off of their rockers. Their brain wiring is constantly malfunctioning and unfortunately, we're caught in the crossfire. If you are around people like this, my best advice is to get away from them and their toxicity ASAP. Run. They will never change and will make your life a living hell. Please get out if you can.
Truthfully we already know they were cheating and plotting there next move on us and there new supply. What does them admitting it do for us? Our intuition was right. He’s cheating sis
"If Im going to be accused and questioned all the time of being with these guys and cheating I might as well just do it". is a classic one used by narcissists to shift blame/ play the victim/ make you question reality when in truth they are already doing these things.
I hate when I read these posts and youre right. Never caught my girl but I know damn well she was checking her emails, deleting call logs, texts, checking dating sites to open her legs for her next victim behind my back.She wouldnt text me, but say she was busy. Later I find out she was texting another younger guy for 2 hours talking random life stories. When I started to complain, she would say I'm being controlling. What makes me mad is, she wouldn't tolerate me mentioning another women's name, let alone texting her. Damn, these narcissists are hypocritical.
You are exactly right. My covert narc cared so much about me finding out the truth about him, then telling others about his lying. He didn’t want to be seen as a liar, but yet all he did was lie. At the end I was amazed, in a bad way, about how skilled he was in covering up his lies. Also, his words never matched up with his actions.
You can sometimes trick them. Example: Do not ask a yes or no "Are you cheating on me?" Ask "How many times have you cheated on me?" If they blow up in rage and start a crap show of why you would accuse them of such a thing, you know they did cheat, or are cheating. It's easy for them to lie out a "No!" So make it hard for them to lie. Also utilize SILENCE as a weapon. Look, they do need feedback from you to see whether or not you bought the lie. Leave prolonged breaks before responding. When they tell you something, do not immediately respond. Or respond with one word questions. Like with the above example: You: How many times have you cheated on me? Narc: Never. I would never do that. You: **silence** Narc: You don't believe me? I swear, I would never do that. You: **brief silence** Never? Narc: Blows up in rage. You: **realize they're lying, but gives false affirmation** I believe you honey, I don't know why I would even think that, I am sorry. Narc: **changes angry facial expression to signs of relief**
It can go either way tho. My ex narcissist would accuse me of cheating and I'd blow up because she would believe I was. I swear to all readers I WAS NOT cheating. I honestly blew up because i was sick of being accused. It would infuriate me. I offered my phone, and told her to come over randomly anytime. I didn't have any need to cheat because she satisfied my every need for sexual gratification. This woman had a gift for pleasing me. Thee best sexual partner I will EVER have. I'm going through withdrawal now just typing this. But NO I wouldn't cheat on her because I was satisfied. But yes, i can see how they would get mad for cheating and lie.
After 17 years of marriage I finally caught him cheating, after many suspicions. Within the first hour of catching him he told me: 1. It was my fault for not giving him enough sex. 2. It was my fault because he had been unhappy for a long time. 3. Our marriage was over and I should be grateful to him because I wanted it to end, too. (I didn't.) 4. He wasn't in love with the woman and wasn't sure he even liked her. 5. I was a failure as a wife and deserved to be betrayed. 6. He couldn't believe I didn't know his affair had been going on for a long time, and that he was sure I was actually fine with it.
Had something similar with my ex, all kinds of confusion mixed with manipulation as if it's a big ol toxic drink of the nonsense they spew out of desperation.
A narc will sincerely believe that because they’re not cheating ALL the time (showing so much restraint) by not taking advantage of the their countless opportunities to cheat that they actually deserve to cheat.
I’m the mistress of a narcissist. In the beginning of our relationship he told me that he caught in his wife in bed with another man and that he was divorcing her. It’s been constant lies for two years. Thanks to videos like this I’m finally putting an end to the relationship.
I was too and he hid the marriage from me outright and when I found out and confronted him said it was complicated and they are together only for the kids. So I assumed it was 2 people living separate lives, only to slowly find out over time that they were still completely enmeshed and he was flat out lying to her. Poor woman. I broke it off but he really hurt me. Everything was a LIE.
Just got out of a 10 year marriage with a closet narcissist who cheated multiple times (the second I found out about was the one where I drew the line - more have come out since), and this video is spot on. Everything was about image for her - it was important for her to be the perfect manager and role model at work, and yet her behaviour was the absolute antithesis of this carefully curated image. And when I caught her, I got the usual closet narc excuses, 'You weren't meeting my emotional needs' (despite beding over backwards for her and the family constantly), 'I needed it, I'm sorry if that's selfish, but there it is', down to seeing someone ELSE and bringing him around our young children literally 3 weeks after I kicked her out of the family home. They 100% don't get it, nor care about the hurt they unleash. But as my therapist says, 'it might not happen straight away, but they ALWAYS get theirs in the end.'
My covert narc was the most seemingly sweet and morally proper female. A mainstay of her personality was that a relationship should last forever and that cheating is the worst thing imaginable. I fell in love with her and we had a little girl and I just thought she was really insecure at first because I used to live a bachelor lifestyle. Anyway, she was really a horrible and cruel covert that was a complete fraud. But I still never thought she would cheat. It turns out she had many one night stands with men of various backgrounds lifestyles etc!! It still makes me sick thinking about it and also knowing she accused me of cheating and possibly giving her an std when she just felt worried from he’d own actions. My question is how did she get supply by doing such horrible things that nobody would imagine she would do? This horrible situation doesn’t seem to fit with your examples of more traditional cheating. I’ve never heard of a baby mom who has a great loving and supportive man choosing to have one night stands with gross bar losers. Was she just bored? Did she get supply off of knowing how hurtful and disturbing her secret behavior was? Our sex was the last thing we had that made me feel in any way special to her for the last 6 months of our relationship. I knew that was something special that she only gave me. But, I was wrong on that too and just don’t see the supply in this situation other than her being truly evil and enjoying me sleeping with her thinking it’s love when the night before she slept with some stranger in like the back seat of a car while I’d be home caring for our baby girl. I still wanna puke just thinking of this. Thanks and u r great and so helpful with all your videos.
You’ve encountered a real devil. Just like I did. He was so caring and sweet at first, I also thought that our sex was special as he always said that to me. Well, it wasn’t. There is no point in trying to find the logic behind it. I think duping people in general gives them pleasure. They duped those bar losers too. It gives them control to know that they’ve got this. How did you find out by the way?
Karit K she still won’t admit it. But she had one close friend friend B who I always knew was a good person and not like Nex other friends. Anyway, my Nex and B had a falling out and B realized she was a Narc and a bad person. So B supported me when I started to end things with Nex. Nex found out she supported me and went into a n insane Narc rage!! It was clear she HATED knowing her friend B and me were talking without her approval or triangulation. My NEx couldn’t handle us talking so Nex spread horrible rumors about friend B to ruin her life on purpose. Once Nex sabotaged friend B for no reason, friend B told me about 2 people she cheated on me with and then I verified it all with various evidence and I still am sick as fuck just writing this. I can’t stomach knowing that every time she randomly accused me of cheating was probably cause she did. It’s probably for the best because it’s truly the one trauma she caused that I can’t make any excuse for her and can’t find any place in my heart or mind to ever want to touch her again.
@@narckillaanon8567 Let me tell you this, and you will not want to hear it. You will have to forgive (not forget) or you will remain chained to her and the situation forever.
I’m in a similar boat. I just started finding out in January of this year that my Wife is a Narc. I initially thought that she was going through depression all 13 years of our marriage, but came across a ton of videos on narcissism that made the emotional roller coaster in our marriage “make sense”. Cheating was the last thing I suspected because she would always tell me that she would never cheat and that her previous boyfriends cheated on her. She used to always jokingly accuse me of having someone on the side, or that maybe I mask my side chick’s name in my phone contacts by using an alias etc. little did I know that that was probably what she was doing the whole time. I also think she is on the DL with her sexuality and goes both ways. I recently came across some phone records that suggest that she’s having an affair with my 21 yr old son, her step son. Yeah you read that right. I’m here now trying to plan my escape.
This video was very informative. You can feel it in your gut but the Narcissist is an amazing manipulator, and they have the ability to conceal almost anything. Sometimes, I wish I could see what they're thinking 🤔. Very scary people. Thanks for sharing 👍
What about the so-called opposite sex friendships 'just a friend' and 'you don't have to worry about that person' BS excuse? All the partners I met in my life and that did cheat had multiple friends from the opposite sex without sharing genuine platonic interests. Some of them were ex-lovers or ex 'side' fcks. They kept them on the hook, so to speak. Always had that gut feeling there was something wrong about those friendships. It was also used to spark jealousy and creating deliberate drama in the form of gaslighting and triangulation.
Mine still talks to his ex and sees her. Intimate partners are not friends, its way deeper than that. He also told me "she's an advocate 4 our relationship." Such bs.
Just a friend. I've heard that before while his d**k was in her mouth !! My dumb ass ex narc believed it wasn't cheating unless penis was in vagina. Dumb.
This is SUCH a brilliantly done video. Your clarity and ability to explain the concepts is really terrific. On your point, around catching the narc cheating; I almost laughed out loud. It's true- their ONLY care is; they were caught. When I caught my narc wife, the only thing she said to me was "how did you know where to find me?" I was devastated, and she was annoyed that I showed up at her boyfriend's house. Three years since, and I STILL can't completely compute what an utterly crazy response that was. I suppose that's part of their mastery of skills - they depend upon us not being able to comprehend their acts and behaviors.
Great info, spot on! My wife is the very worst for shifting the blame for everything she does onto me. I have honestly watched her with my own eyes but she will still lie right to my face over and over trying to convince me that I didn't see it knowing good and well I did!!!
My narc is 100% covert. Had like ten guys online and at least 3 IRL including me, using each of us for something different (other than supply), somehow has managed to keep us all from finding out about each other even though she gives herself away triangulating and by patterns of devaluation. Has a bright and shiny public face but behind the scenes that face is COVERED IN DIRT. She lies like she breathes.
Ah yes, Todd would say I pushed him to cheat 🤷... Common line ... 9 yrs and as I told him I chose him everyday and he would state he knew I would never cheat on him. I was not built that way. It's not like getting out of a "normal" relationship .... Trauma bonds are real equated to a heroin addiction . After 9 years (how many cheats? 7 ... I can't even say I love him. I get back on my feet and herr comes hooking me back. This back-and-forth crazy dance, all the while there others are being groomed to take my spot.... Well my supply has been drained my confidence, my approach to life, my success, my laughter how I missed that (the POS informed me I left laugh too loud ... But you m*********** I cried a whole lot damn louder... As you raised in walked out. I think I had an end, I could talk forever as you can tell but the trauma Bond, the trauma bond is where it all begins and ends so please take care of yourself 😘
Yes that's what mine did too. My ex-husnand narcissist said it was my fault he had an affair with another woman because I didn't want him. He never apologized for the affair and in fact kept it going. I know because I hired a private investigator. Thank God we are divorced now.
I almost married mine too. Luckily, God spoke to me and told me it was over before I even found out about any of the cheating and lies. I believe God has some good karma waiting for him and I was spared confronting him which would only feed his need for drama and chaos.
This video is 100% spot on it’s actually amazing. Amazing how people without the disorder have studied their tactics and manipulation tricks.. even down to the exact words of a person with npd.
Great video. Accurate. I am now totally convinced from my own experience with the narc and the timing of her discard of me, that two words produced this reaction months before the discard.....if you want rid of a narcissist or to out them just leave these two words spread around your house and computer...... SPIRITUAL AWAKENING. "SUPERMAN" and "KRYPTONITE" spring to mind.......those to words show that you are onto SOMETHING...but prepare yourself for an explosion of emotional manipulation because when it arrives, it is on a truly epic scale.
Thank you for explaining about how a narcissistic mother-in-law can wreak havoc on a marriage! Who knew about narcissism 48 years ago or even speaks now about the mother-in-law, daughter-in-law relationship!
Spent a year dating a covert narc. I tried so hard to do what I thought was helping her only to realize she’d just been using me. Reality set in when she finally cheated on me recently. After everything we’ve been thru I didn’t even think she was capable of going that far until she did. She also admitted that she knows she fed into the validation and just didn’t care in the moment. It hurts to accept that somebody can pretend to love you so deeply but in reality they’re just taking advantage of a good person. Be safe out here warriors, we’re enduring a spiritual fight.
You are so right about this! I experienced it first hand with husband of 30 years. I couldn’t believe you could hurt someone you’d been with that long without a second thought! Easy as pie, no remorse. I had such a hard time wrapping my head around this fact. Your videos are very good! Thank you for doing them!
Darla Wright I too have recently left a marriage of over 30 years. I am 6 months out and I still can’t get my head around the fact that he had an affair. Yes, he was a covert narcissist, but he had me trusting him more than I ever trusted anyone. Needless to say, I still have a lot of healing to do...
Kim Stopak I trusted my husband 100%, if someone had told me he would cheat with a 25 year old I would have thought they were crazy. This went on over a year too! So believe me I feel your pain! It’s been 2 years now and I’m just starting to not wake up thinking about it every day! Unbelievable pain. What kind of person are these people? It’s scary that you don’t know someone after all that time. I didn’t know we were even having trouble- he was that good! My story ended sadly, he had a heart attack and died or I would have never known. Talk about double whammy! I believe it was the stress of worrying about splitting his money with me that caused his heart attack, because he never showed an ounce of guilt about hurting me at all. I’ll never know for sure when hat happened but I do now understand he was a covert narcissist to a tee.
@@darlawright9219 I don't want to sound flippant but the heart attack might've been your best outcome. You don't have answers, but probably very few commenting here ever got any real answers either. We're still married (have kids) and I have no more information than what I had by accident finding out about her affair. I no longer look for any logic in it. I don't think it's any more logical than any other addiction.
I'm so over this. I need to get out. I learn daily about narcissistic behaviors and I'm so done. I need to walk the walk. I'm experiencing covert narcissism. 5 years running. 😢
Thanks for the great video. What's so surprising to me is when I caught my narc ex is instead of being remorseful or apologetic she flew into a rage and physically attacked me.
Oh yeah. They like to accuse you of cheating out of nowhere (projection) at some point in the relationship. If hindsight was 20/20 I would've dropped that skank right then and there!
Thank you. Terrible. I've been married 22 years to a narcissist man and now trying to get divorced. 4 kids. Is true, deep inside I knew, in some way, that something wasn't ok, that I was not free. But I was not a le to see that but I keep triying to get on w family and give all to the relation fot the well beeing of we all. Finally, everything was distroyed. He doesn't even care about the kids, his lack of emphathy is amazing, manipulation is so present! He play the victim so well! Recognizing my own reality and trauma bond is hard. Painful. They can damage us so hard. Trying to recover myself now, is difficult to accept the dinamycs of this kind of toxic relationships. And how we were playing the supply rol. Thank you for this video
I have just become enlightened, after 33 year's of marriage. I always knew, but could never prove anything. Reflection upon the past has shown me many instances, that were not okay, but because of my children, I looked the other way and brushed it all off. Finally in a 1 on 1 setting, his mask pretty much fell to the floor. I began sleeping in the spare room, with the door locked. So many lies! Wow! I gave up trying to prove the particulars when he pretty much tried to pick up women, right in front of me! And of course all the other lies,that became quite clear, once I started really paying attention. I am in a state of no contact, witnessed some temper tantrums, in text, and shut him down. Not doing that anymore. Looking forward to my happy new life!
There are lots of great insights in this video. I would never pardon anybody who cheats. I wouldn’t overthink/overanalyze this -- once a cheater, always a cheater. I’d move on with my life with a new, non-toxic person and be cheerful. Can't imagine ever loving a narcissist.
Mine is a woman I befriended 30 years back, during the liberation war back in South Sudan. I knew she was cheating on me right from back home all the way till USA. I have 4 kids with her, and that was always the trap she used to control me. Your video has opened up my eyes and as the kids are already grown, she can now go to hell.
Been married for 29 years. Over these years, I traveled almost every week. I ran the most successful consulting group in a fortune 100 Corporation. When I traveled, my wife cheated on me close to 200 times, she was arrested 3 times for drinking and driving. Totaled a brand new BMW and ruined several Families. I am now in the process of leaving her...
I know the feelings. Chances are the reason she hooked up with you in first place was the opportunities. All the opportunities while you were away! So many people I worked with had same problems during their absence from home.
Jill - you are so very good at understanding covert narcs. I spend five decades with one and you nail what he was and what he did every single time. Thank you! I'm in the process of viewing all of your videos.
My ex narcissistic girlfriend,bought a dog so that she could go out on her own,every new supply has a dog so it worked,a normal person wouldn't have thought of this .Very decieteful and clever.
My former narc begged me for a dog and then didn’t want to take care of it. It was too much “work.” All of that money 💰 down the drain just like everything else I spent/gave them. It wiped me out financially
I learned that I had a narcissistic mother for years ago with a new therapist. I have been in therapy since I was 14 years old. I turned 60 last year and I’m still trapped in this relationship with my mom. I am a recovering alcoholic and drug addict. Sober for many years! I am the scapegoat in my family since forever! Both of my husbands are also alcoholics. Both of my parents were very covert narcissists ! My dad died 4 years ago. He didn’t even let me off the hook on his deathbed! I keep getting stuck in my life and self sabotage just about everything that is good for me! I just move on to a new therapist believing there is something so profoundly wrong with me that I just can’t figure it out! Now I have totally isolated myself from my friends, if I still have them. I have been disabled for 9 years now with horrible chronic pain illnesses and had to quit working. I used to love working! I do have a son from my who is the light of my life! He’s 30 now and in The Air Force. I can see how my parents were covert with him too! I miss him so much but glad he got away. Now I’m finally realizing that my whole life has been ruined by my parents! I am still struggling with my mom. I don’t know how to walk away. I will lose my relationships with my 2 sisters and the rest of my large extended family! My mom is the Queen of the world! Everyone loves her and think that she is the most amazing woman ever. She’s got a ton of friends who love her! My Dad was just as great! Therapists called us the ‘looking good family’! I wish I had discovered what they are decades ago! Covert Abusers!!
This sounds like a scam. I see this post on many videos, similar wording and length. Beware, scammers will take advantage of others weakness and come to these comment sections because they know many will fall for there trap.
When caught out she didn't even apologise. I just got a blank stare and excuses. She said she had broken contact with the other person, in actuality she just hid her tracks whilst I fell apart. I should have mortified her by exposing her to friends and family. I didn't, I lived in hope but nothing ever changed. Getting divorced soon, can't wait to have my life back but beware of them letting their claws out of you. Don't ever let your guard down, no matter how nice and reasonable they are, remember them at their lying and most devious, that's their true nature.
I have been married now to a man almost 16 years and am slowly being awakened to this terrible reality. He did such an amazing job hiding his narcissism to the point that I have struggled to even believe if he was one or not. What on earth causes someone to become this way????? I mean I am not trying to boast by any means but I would give my life for my husband, but yet I just found out that he could have had many affairs with other women right under my nose and I never knew about it. I have had suspicions esp with how secretive he is over his phone and not wanting to be "micromanaged" but still. UGH!!! This is the most unbelievably painful thing I have ever walked through. I mean here I am a 41 year old woman who now feels as if she has just thrown her whole life away. I mean shoot the world is coming to an end right so it's too late to start over now smh.
Early 40s is young. I’m 63 he’s 73. Let that sink in. It’s like being married to my grandfather. The only thing he cares about are his grandkids. He acts like he’s 14. Run 🏃♀️ while you can girl!!!
Sadly, we “assume “ because we are caring so are they also. We “assume” they are good people because they are well liked in the community. But They only care about themselves. It’s not their fault per se, but I don’t believe there is a cure.
@@herertolearn3418 It truly is sad how selfish and self centered these people can be. They only "act" like they are or pretend to care about anyone when it benefits them in some way. But when you need them to be there for you and they are no longer in the "spotlight" even for just a few minutes, you can hang it up bc it will never happen.
Spot on i was so blind -its scary.. 27 years of bullcrap from a person I adored ,loved and almost worshipped. He was my "hero" my best friend- and treated me so good it was the envy of family and friends.. this was for years. The ugly head of jealousy anger and blame started to show in the past years which he describes as my down fall it was ALL me, my anger my unhappiness..... In the end he discarded me with cruelty. He cheated on me and blamed me and still does all the time.. so hard to heal from trauma bonds. He acts like he's the victim mainly. OF COURSE.. Its their MO But he is a very well liked soft spoken guy, so of course I am also not able to not look like the crazy one.. But not to the real people in my life who love me unconditionally...
Did you mention the part where the narcissistic cheating spouse blames his affair on the non-cheating spouse. Or then doesn’t blame anyone but says how “they still choose you”
When are you going to make a vid about the coward narcissist? 😊 My gut feeling told me from the very beginning something was off...years of suffering and I am still stuck. What me triggers the most is a constant rejection I felt in the relationship. My ex was always very avoident and aloof, never validates me. She can be in a room with me and I dont even realize that I am there, too. 🤔😗 This was from the very beginning, there never was a lovebombing phase...when I pointed this disconnected behaviour out, she told me that it is normal and I was just too needy and sensitive. And I believed her, till I found out that with everybody else of her friends she can act quite normal, to say the least. In fact she is a wonderful friend to everybody, very supportive....its jusy me, the former spouse, that got her as a dark cloud sitting in the living room. Can you imaging how puzzled I was when I found out that the same person who cannot speak more than 2 words in a row with me can act very communicative and charming with a bunch of friends or even strangers? Your videos are very good. Clear and on the point.
Mine wont face me either. Made it to where i have no contact and thats fine with me. The issue i had with this is her smear campaign shes convinced alot of people that im the bad guy and shes afraid of me.thus her reason for blocking me out of her life. Then creating temporary profiles on instagram, pinterest, tumblir etc etc...uses the profiles to befriend me and bash. Then when i point out i know its her the profile vanishes like it never existed. I began putting blocks on the i.g. ones so even if she destroys it.....i still have proof and the digi trail it always leaves.
There is a decent level of cowardice in them. Also an incredible ability to hunker down in the problems of their own making. I no longer see them as careless people flitting around. They really are reply unhappy. It's sad when you can actually see their potential, but of course they won't even let you begin down that line of reasoning. I guess there's too much down their bottled up for them to ever dream of facing it. Too bad because it is doable if they would just take a step or two toward it.
Yeah, there wasn't a love bombing phase for me either. There was some subtle future faking though which made it seem even more believable. He was so calculated but empty. Never complimented me or laughed at my jokes (I'm super funny btw). Lied about unnecessary things.. he was constantly in my bathroom for long periods of time, probably texting new supply. Uggh so happy to have gotten out before I wasted too much time.
This helped so much. I found out that my fiancée of 9 years had a relationship with another woman the WHOLE time! He tried to blame her which was crazy! I didn’t want to face the facts that he could really be like this. It was easier to accept and I did move out !! Before this video I was struggling, doubting myself. But when he lied about the small things my inner voice would scream what else is he lying about! I hope if you are in a similar situation remember to trust your gut! My instincts had been crushed and silenced over the years. Little by little!
I been married for 21 years to one I want a divorce I can do nothing right. She did some evil stuff but then acts what she did doesn't matter. Even when you do everything they wants still isn't enough. I'm so damn tired I just to be happy. Thank you I watched your video and seen every last thing you said in the video is all her
In the beginning - It's like finding the most sincere kindest person in the whole wide world. They are nice and gentle. They are affectionate. They will cuddle you and hold you. A couple months in you will notice that they seem to lack in the intimacy department but you will dismiss that to shyness. They will mimic/mirror your style of communication & you the entire time (which goes unnoticed until they become distant with you & use new words).
I learned that If you express intimate emotions they will say “I feel the same way for you too or I would do the same thing for you or I love you just as much or I'm glad to hear that.” Which feels insincere and robotic. However you might dismiss that to shyness or inexperience expressing feelings (even tho they could be gorgeous & clearly experienced with women). They will never voluntarily just express their love for you in their own words and say how much they love or miss you. Very rarely will you get an “I miss you" or ” love you" for no reason at all. You will wonder why? Like do they have any feelings? So, you find yourself working harder to make them feel more safe & more loved in hope's that they provide that love back to you. It's easy to dismiss them withholding as a lack of trust or insecurity because they seem so nice. You will look for logic in behaviors and with Coverts there is never any logic which will lead your further down a rabbit hole creating confusion. In time you will start to doubt your own perception of what you see and lack the clarity to see the abuse.
You will have more anxiety, lack inner peace & feel tired. Your physical appearance might change where you either gain or lose weight. You struggle to keep yourself at peace. Its exhausting. By now, you have became an expert at everything they like. You take on all the chores and make their life as easy as possible. You feel isolated too b/c they kept you “away". You feel so confused b/c you worked so hard to break down their walls in hopes of a more consistent close bond with them. One day they seem really into you and the next they withhold affection. It's hard trying to figure out what is wrong. The more you vocalize your feelings the more they encourage you with their words that everything is ok. You certainly don't feel “ok" but you make peace with it the best you can and start “withholding” your feelings too b/c they have made you feel like your “too" sensitive and it's too much! Most of the time it will feel like they are present in the flesh but nothing else is going on inside them. Even after all this time you've been together you still feel like you don't really know them. If you happened to gain the courage at a later time to ask more questions as to why things still feel off they will say your being insecure & that they aren't cheating and make you feel like you have issues. If you cry they will watch tv, stare at their phone or even continue to eat dinner. They won't ever give you all their undivided attention & acknowledge your pain. Which makes you more confused bc their actions doesn't match their words. They won't look at you while you cry, they seem like it causes them shame to see you cry. At times you might feel like your having to teach them about feelings as if they were a child. You will wonder why their emotional intelligence seems very immature/off.
Everything they have is something you also don't have access too. Their family, phone, friends, bank accounts, pay stubs, credit card statements, and etc. You will start off feeling like they are very private or insecure & years in it now feels like they are super secretive b/c it makes no sense for them to still be so private. They promise things that they don't see through or conveniently feel bad or forget everything that is important to you. They will isolate you and hide their relationship with you. When you express that something about what they are doing isn't right then they act like they lack understanding and that they do nothing to hurt you. You will always be explaining everything and wondering why they just don't get it! They will even use apologies as a form of manipulation. (lack of empathy and no change to their behavior). You will always feel like you need to phone a friend to ask if your situation is normal because this person will give you $200 to pamper yourself but won't invite you to Christmas dinners or let you have access to their phone. They will leave/abandon/ghost you to say they are sleeping at a relative's house then on their way home they will offer to bring you breakfast or something from the store. Even their giving is a form of manipulation. They want to distract you with gifts to keep you off balanced from the emotional abuse they are putting you through. When you ask them why they didn't come home they will say they felt like you didn't want them around or etc. You will spend the entire relationship wondering how someone who seems like such a nice person can be so emotionally cold.
Sex will always be very plain conservative sex. They generally just desire to get off and sometimes you will feel like when they perform better that it's actually them practicing to be better for someone else or that they learned that with someone else. They dont like PDA, french kissing, or oral sex. No foreplay or bedroom talk. Very plain and to the point. No cuddling after. Maybe they might wrap their arm around you while they watch tv. They won't ever make love to you. Sex will always be just emotionless. In the beginning when your idealized they might give more attn to these areas but that will quickly change.
You will always be wondering why they have constant schedule changes and are so private with things. You will even get to a point where you will be afraid to google their name because you are scared of what you might discover. You will feel something is off with them but you will be in so deep that you will be intimidated by the truth.
They also will always be cheating. They will exhaust themselves from it. They will abuse caffeine, use erectile dysfunction medications, abuse finances, hide a secret phone, constant shift of work schedules or constant visits to their family with never inviting you, and long extended bathroom breaks and them laying in secret ways to use their phone. You will watch them type then when you accuse them of talking to someone for example they will show you a calculator on their phone to make you appear crazy or jealous for them adding things. Although you know they don't use a calculator that much or etc. Their explanations are always nonsense. They will disappear a few hours & not answer calls or text back. They will always have an excuse. If you happen to get their phone & able to use google to see where they were. They will lie and say google is wrong too. Which also makes no sense. Additionally, If you need to uncover the truth about a cheating narcissist, send your request to *MetaspyHub@gmail.com* for discreet and effective assistance.
The best lesson to learn (or re-learn) is "Your GUT FEELINGS are NEVER WRONG!"
>>> ALWAYS TRUST YOUR GUT FEELINGS.
251omega That is what I have been telling everybody. 😊
The brain rationalizes away doubt
The heart desires and craves
But the gut never lies.
@@lovelyroses2314 NOW I'm telling everyone, too bad I didn't understand that until so late in the game. ..
@@vampireslayer1989 if that isn't a quote from some long-dead, great writer, it SHOULD BE!
@@251omega It is mine, but it took me 68 years to learn it. The heart, mind and gut are often conflicted. I see the gut as being tied into the reptilian brain stem. Fight or flight is how early forms of life survived.
They are definitely pathological liers. If a person lies, they will definitely cheat. They don't have a conscience, they are purely soulless.
huh? u just promoting abandonment anxiety & psychologically misinforming ppl 😭😭
@shanegouse5742clown.
@@rayimdit’s true so sit down
@@rayimdit’s true so sit down
As a wise friend once told me, if you think something is happening, it is, and it’s never ever ever going to be LESS than what you think is happening. Run.
There is a line from a movie I still use “if there is any doubt there is no doubt”.
All this has made me hyper aware of trusting my gut. It has never not once steered me wrong. And anytime I’ve gone against it I’ve paid the price.
@@tonyb51 reading your comment kills me! I’m like 5 for 5 with my gut; yet..
Or you could have ADHD and ptsd from previous relationships and then you think something is always happening
@@tipoftheiceberg7034 no question I have both. I didn’t even know I had PTSD until I saw a therapist as I thought ignorantly I could only get such a thing from physical trauma. I was devastated with anger once she explained how I have been suffering from it for years without addressing it. Sad day
Thats word
Narcs bring out the worst of behaviours in us. Being with those people make us do things we would otherwise never do.
Yes @narcfree so true!
@Todd King yes me too. He killed my dog so I put him in jail. I'm assuming he wont do the hovering to me. Wat do u think? Hover or no hovering?
I was with one and yes they do they also make you feel like you’re going crazy.
Narcfree At Last I hated who I was becoming....
@@JustKate43 I know what you mean...
You talked about how they are hard to catch because they are so sneaky and hide behind a false persona of morality and goodness. And all of that is 100% true. But another contributing factor in my experience is that they choose a partner who actually is a moral, empathetic person. And because that person is a decent human being, they can't fathom what a covert narc is capable of. The victim sometimes misses the signs because the behavior of the narc is so far removed from anything they themselves could be capable of, that they simply don't know to even look. It's so insidious...
This is my story. 😢
This is my story as well.
🎯
Absolutely. They come across as innocent and not that kind of person. Yet it’s what makes them harder to spot. No one would believe it. They’re masterful at manipulating.
Youre right..but its not that we cant see the behavior or "red flags". If youre honest with yourself most ppl do see it..what you dont see is how you end up justifying it. Out of empathy I thought that I could almost like "fix" her. Almost show her that doing the right thing is better than doing the wrong thing cause she didint know...what the hell was a matter with me? Just manipulated that bad. I remember thinking, theres no way anyone could act like this, (be this evil), so there had to be just an issue that needed "fixed"....Its so crazy. Of course this was after who knows how long, of just sittin there in confusion. Tryin to contemplate how someone can be so evil, yet be a soul mate at same time..or next minute I should say.. Like you said, its hard to fathom cause in the end, what they do makes no sense..theres no benefit to anyone, even themselves....its just a fix for them..a quick high and its never enough...and theyre set on that till the day they die
I have been with a narcissist for 21yrs. It is like shock to your system when you find out what you have been experiencing.
17yrs here. Ugh friggin sucks
13 yrs in 1 mth out...still trying to wrap my head around this nightmare 😞
Try 46 years… now it all makes sense
who set the diagnose? You or a professional?
10 years for me and 3 kids but enough is enough. When the mask slips, you can't unsee the truth 🙏
I’ve said this many times before on UA-cam. But if the narcissist is cold to you, you can be sure the narcissist is hot to someone else. The cold phase, you will feel invisible. You will not feel important anymore. Even if you are in the same room, you will feel that the narcissist doesn't see you. When you are let say at work, the narcissist will no longer check your day. From calling or texting you several times per day to nothing or almost nothing. The biggest sign is when the narcissist's behavior changes dramatically. First you feel visible and really loved. That you have found your soulmate. To not feel visible anymore. Your soulmate feels like a stranger. Another sign is that the narcissist will use their favorite toy a lot more in front of you. and also hide their favorite toy. Which is the smartphone. They will put the phone upside down on the table. Will never leave phone when leaving the room. When someone is calling the narcissist, he will not answer the phone when you are around. Because the narcissist will use the phone a lot more, you start to wonder why the narcissist can't answer your text messages and phone calls. But has no problem to answer others. The communication and sex will be a lot more off. It will be less and less. The sex will almost feel like rape on a dead body. The biggest sign is actually your guts. Always trust it. If you start to feel like the narcissist is cheating on you, trust that. And if the person really is a narcissist, you can be sure you are not the only one. A narcissist needs attention all the time. 24/7. So when you are not with each other, the narcissist will be with someone else. Either in real life or on internet. Always. If you need to find out about a cheating spouse; send a request to: Metaspyhub@gmail. com
My wife would tell me stories about things that women that she knew were doing behind her husband's back She was always smiles and laughing when she talked about it how she couldn't believe what they were doing but always swore me to secrecy. She was actually telling me all the things she was doing right to my face while she was laughing in my face
Jeeez brother. Use your time and energy on yourself now, realize that there’s a reason you were chosen as the main source. Because you’re a badass!!! Get back to being that guy and more!!!!!!! Never fall into the mindset that you somehow weren’t enough, no one will ever be enough, what a heavy weight lifted off your back. 💪🏼
That’s sick
My wife invited the guy she was cheating on me with to her family’s 4th of July party. She said he was friend she was helping out.
my husband did same thing
Daaaaamnnnn...
I will say this- with a narcissist it is always worse than you can even imagine. Trust your gut and do not go digging. I learned the hard way. I'm still trying to wrap my head around the person I thought I knew. My therapist called the authorities once I brought in the emails I found. Very disgusting stuff.
I was in a relationship with a covert narcissistic socio /psychopath and he would lie about things he didn't even need to lie about.
💜
Lol. That's funny. I would always just look at my ex and shake my head. Why argue? Let's just go with that shall we?
BS on autopilot
Lol same. I found out he was married our entire "relationship". They are insane!
Right?? Seriously damaged people!
YES!
They’ll blame you for the cheating 😂 save yourself time, save your sanity and save your soul. Move on and be happy with a real person. Nothing about these people is real. They live in a fantasy world. They don’t even live in reality. They’re so good at pretending and they prey on empathetic people. Empathetic people can’t possibly fathom someone could be that horrible and that’s what they bank on. Trust your gut. You’re not crazy. ❤️ and don’t waste your time waiting for concrete evidence. These people are master actors. If it feels off its off. Trust yourself
Arlene Sanchez probably one of THE most validating comments on UA-cam. I’m planning my exit. I was stuck waiting for concrete proof, but I’ve seen enough red flags to know that I’m being deceived.
Arlene Sanchez Damn right! Trust your gut!
YEP
I can't emphasize this enough!!! TRUST YOU GUT. If it feels off but you don't have proof - THAT'S THE PROOF.
Trust. Your. Gut.
@lou davey I was scammed by Similar claims so be careful FaceTime for a
They're also very good at shifting the blame onto their partner. That's what mine tried to do.
That's what she said. The will do that for some type of sympathy to play the victim card.
Yes even more horrible things .its a horrible tormenting spirit..sneaky. Lie to our faces w no conscious ..mine friends w all exes ...bullies control freaks ..in my prayers stay strong
Yes yes yes u are saying it how they are ..liers sneaky evil eyes controlling bullies cheaters ..wow U got it on the dot ..thank u
Abusive one minute then turn tell u. Oh I love you ..well crafted they need all attention always seeking new supply ..they never want to look bad at all
@@valeriegiltner3753 yes they are attention hungry. They do not show attention to you or anyone else in their circle. Even their own children.
My wife of 27 years has cheated me. She is behaving exactly the way you have explained. From denying , gaslighting, projection , manipulation, changing the topic , blaming me for something worse has been her trademark. I’m totally distraught. My childrens believe her stories.
Similar experience after 28 years of marriage for me. My eldest child knew what was happening before I did, so my ex wife’s blaming and gaslighting backfired spectacularly on her.
Narcs kryptonite is audio/video recordings of their wrongdoings coz it exposes them to everyone!
When I accused my former narcissist of cheating she said she’d never cheat because she wouldn’t want people saying she was a cheater and that if she did, but she didn’t, it’d be my fault for not meeting her needs. That’s when I knew it was done
Certified jackass of a person
Hahaha stop you just made that up 😂😂😂 they’re so fucking stupid these narcs I swear 😂😂
She didn’t tell me she cheated but when she said she “didn’t feel appreciated” by me who quite literally would have done anything i knew what that phrase meant
@@samuelyoung1236 Yeezus bro, mine is saying exactly the same.. she is pure covert Marcus but somehow I managed to convince myself she didn't cheat even tho signs are there. Please say you found out for sure? Is she also addicted to drama tv soap operas?
@@NaMaikaTiHandleabruh.. she’s cheating.. that’s for sure.. it is what it is. Don’t blind yourself..
You are 100% right they are also spiteful and childish just ignore them and get on with your life and watch the child throw a tantrum.
Yep.
@@kimlogan1278 it sucks.
Lol mine turned out to be such a vengeful bastard. I don’t even know what I did to him to deserve such a horror movie ending. He made sure I was “shown my place” after he ended the engagement (through someone else not even himself) without reason only one month before our wedding when everyone of our friends and family knew about it, and he married the woman I suspected him cheating on me with before our wedding date and on the day my furniture was to move into his house. I only found out via a mutual friend. I was shocked because this guy was stalking me only one week before since I went NC and blocked his fake profiles as well. I can’t imagine the satisfaction he got from doing this with me. Absolute asshole.
Thank you very much. I hope everyone can just understand: NO NEGOTIATION AND NO JUSTIFICATION with/for the narcissist. If you don´t have children...just say goodbye forever.
👍👍👍👍
One year with a narcissist damaged me for many years. These videos are helping me understand. She saw me coming a mile away. Wow
Yep! These soulless maggots preyed on us! I'm feeling grateful for being "dismissed"! That POS did me the biggest favor of my life. I will NEVER utter a word to him again. If I see him, I will pretend I don't! He's worthless
My ex not only cheated on me, he made a point of putting an audio recording of his new conquest in a place I would be sure to find it. It was several minutes of her feeding his ego, talking about how wonderful he was and how lucky I was. (That was before I dumped him.) I'm lucky all right - lucky I realized what sort of person he really is so soon after his affair. She can have him.
Ew what trash. Glad you know your worth queen ♥️
What a sicko
Not only cheat, but go around lying and telling people I’m the one cheating on him.
Same here, plus even after finally having proof, he had the audacity to still deny it
They are crazy like that. Just get away from them. Life is about their needs and their needs only.
Projection
My ex vulnerable narc would initiate sexual conversation with the repair men who came to the house and think it was normal. I asked why she did that, she said HE started the conversation. Thinking back...I remember her starting those conversations with me when we met.
When you confront them on something they are lying about, it's strange to see them flip-flop and struggle to make up lies, then turn it on you then" You're being ridiculous and controlling".
It's childish.
I just found out my husband of 13 years was having an affair. It’s the worst feeling ever. Even my teeth hurt. Thank you for this video.
I have been through tough stuff before I so I know I’ll get over this, but omg this pain
Wish I could like this a thousand times, and will probably have to listen to it a hundred times to get him out of my system.
Listening to these videos help a lot it just takes time they mess with your mind so bad.
Those are exactly my feelings
You have to go no contact.. absolute..l still struggle to get away after 4 years...Be strong .and keep educating yourself..
That’s funny. Those were the last words to my Narc: „I don’t want anything to do with you. I just want to get you out of my system.“ 😅
The hell with all the emotional abuse. If she would have ever let me know she was with another man... that would have been it!!! He can have her lost sick soul.
I’ve recently divorced my narcissistic husband of 32 years after discovering he had an affair. We are a community of survivors that desperately need more content like yours. Thank you, Enlightened Target! You’re work is so important and appreciated!
I feel so horrible you went through 32 years, I went through 6, she cheated the whole time, they are liars, they lie about everything and anything it’s amazing, I’ve never seen anything like it, I hope you are well, I am on my way to recovering
Terena how did you go? Did you divorce yet?
My POS covert narc 'spouse' of 30 years was not only unfaithful, he either impregnated or took responsibility for her unborn child, as well as, her two year old. She is the age of our three children, he is 35 years older, our daughter had to tell me, and the new supply ensured that our faces would be rubbed in it on FB. He even married her in the Philippines. I feel like I am losing my mind and the pain is excruciating. I will never understand the cowardice, cruelty, and malevolence of both of them. She is clearly just as sick and malicious as he is. And, yeah, I got the blame for the infidelity and he claimed that she made the first move. Makes me want to vomit. That and the fact that they are revelling in my pain. I can't wrap my head around why such creatures exist and are allowed to continuously cause pain, as well as, the 30 wasted years.😢
I am so proud of you!!!🎉 I hope your life has been on the upswing since then. ❤ Just starting my journey of excruciating pain at the knowledge of who/what he is, the destruction he has caused, and the loss of 30 years.😢
@@MARLA116 he won't be able to hide the "real him" for too long. He will do the exact same thing to her. It does hurt very badly, I know this but be thankful & strong in the fact that you are free of him and they are getting exactly what they deserve...eachother!
Your in my prayers.
Mine would hit on men right in front of me then flat out deny it. You can catch her red handed cheating and she will lie to your face. Had a second life on her cellphone.
Same. Never posted me on her social media once
We all talking about the same girl? Took me off social media 2 years ago. We have 2 kids together she lives in my house where I paid all the bills including her car and insurance…whole second life on that cell phone. Cheater.
When you finally get proof "You always thought the worst anyway...."
Yes!! "You've always had trust issues". I'm like uhhhh, no, then how was this able to go on for so long and the OWs partner had to message me and tell me?!
“You were going to leave me anyway, now you have an excuse” my god these creatures are so vile
Toom me forever, aapprox 2 years to get proof and get this. I live with his parents however they have had more then enough of him. He's adopted and I think.hates women because of the abandonment issues and complex she gave him.giving him up. I'm 42 avd ivr known him since I was three. I.thought I could 4 sure make him happy. He admitted cheating twice now and thinks I should forgive him because he admitted it and didn't have ti. But then I continued hearing other things. Well I pressed log in on his messenger..just for the hell of it. And by the grace of God it logged in. WOW I MESN I EXPECTED IT ND MOST THERE WAS SO MUCH SEXTING. He says it's only texts. Well guess what buddy you already had to plus strikes. Strike three he'd out. He will not stop begging but umdub. Man I need help or strength because my such head still loves him. .we just had a baby his first 8mos ago that he tried using against mr luckily he cant ty 4 listening
Stupid Fing question...I already know that he is a piece of crap in my gut..but damn he is that Fing good..he even reads the bible.
Ha! Yep...
You just described my EX, sneaky,
Pathological liar 🤥 I always felt everything was my fault, my self esteem was terrible 😢 he had affairs and didn’t realise how many till we divorced. I was so confused for years, I was made to feel I was going insane. I was just diagnosed
With Complex PTSD
So accurate in your description. I must admit that I am suffering from cognitive dissonance. It's so hard to believe that I have been manipulated (and cheated on) so brilliantly. There is not a cell in my body that can understand how someone can say and do things, along with being so persuasive and apparently kind and altruistic (at least in my case). Part of me wants to tell her to f*ck off, while the other part of me wants to still love her in spite of what I've been through. It really is confusing -- especially when people pull on your heart strings and emotions in such a seductive way that can make you melt right into their control. It's sad and quite violating, really.
Im in the SAME BOAT! it really sucks
Exactly my experience . It's truly shocking . Save yourself by going no contact .They will not EVER ...change .
Omg! I feel the exact same way
I know exactly how you feel. I got away from my female narc for several months after three years. Let her back in for a short period and now she’s gone again. It’s the most confusing thing I’ve ever been through.
I'm suffering from the cognitive dissonance also. It's a mental battle I have within myself. One minute I want her to call and I'd tell her to go back to hell, but then I want her to ask me f**k her. I'd wouldn't say NO. I swear I lost my mind and morals. I love myself for walking away, but hate myself for leaving what I left behind. Damn, this is a spiritual battle and I'm losing.
Literally NEEDED this video tonight! I am emotionally DRAINED from the daily manipulation and the constant blame being put on me after he DECIDED to leave myself and our two children and then continually blames me for why he won't come home to us. Im drained and unbelievably sick of it all
Sending support and care vibes and prayers for you.
Why does this man who continues to hurt you keep getting the opportunity to derail your future?
You have a choice, too. You can change the locks ;o) serve him with divorce papers, find another place to stay with the kids.
It sucks but it at least will take you out of this harmful cycle.
Your future isn’t only in his hands or at his mercy. You can own it and manage a different path.
I know how intimidating and difficult that path looks. I’m on it similarly and have trouble taking my own advice. We have 4 kids… the scariness of this Covid world - is crazy enough - Bizarro - but add to that trying to be a single mom, protecting littles…
But you owe it to them, to model self-care, self-respect in the face of abuse like this, and you owe it to yourself to enjoy the fruits of those.
I hope you form a network of helping supporters, counselors, friends, extended family who can assist you in getting through this.
And I hope you get through it instead of staying stuck in the back and forth. I wish for you the chance to leave this argument behind. If you could see this only in your rear view, instead of in your future, you’d already be in a stronger position to move forward. This is too destabilizing to deal with. But getting some distance from it over time can help you get your legs under you in order to start taking steps to improving your life, even if it’s without him. You deserve healthy relationships, pretty Momma. If he can’t or won’t provide that (as he’s showing you he might not be capable of) then you won’t get your needs met either way. It might ne healthier to move on.
Best of luck! Hugs!
Let him go. Let God in. You will never get the truth out of him. God will never lie and will always love and protect you.
Same happened to me but I will never let him come home, if he even wanted to. There’s a line, and he crossed it.
You have to stop questioning yourself and remember the things he's done that have brought you to this point. Whenever I find myself questioning my choice to leave, all I have to do is remember & reflect on the things he did and how it made me feel & I instantly can feel that yuk in my gut feeling that I hated.
That's how you know that~
You made the right decision.
Shine on & stay strong!
The pathetic thing is that a Narc doesn't want their true nature exposed. However, by the very act of cheating they completely expose themselves to the world, their significant other, and even to their cheating partner their lack of integrity, how they can't be trusted, and their demonic character.
This was a very good description. Not to mention how they have the uncanny ability to convince everyone around you that you are the one at fault. I can't tell you how many people are shocked to find out that I dont have a girlfriend on the side... I wonder where that idea came from....
Never had a normal relationship. 4 narcissists, 2 covert 2 overt. Found Jesus now so don t need a man.
Amen
Amen
Im a dude and even i agree that you should do that
In this case, gotta look at yourself as to WHY. Some deep healing needs to take place. Good luck 🍀
@@ranglumoje5649 thankyou, I know why. Childhood CPSD. Healing is complete and forgiveness is given. Took a while to get there.
Cheaters and narcs can both rot for all I care.
Very educational. I’ve just come out of 41/2 years and with no closure I’ve had to journal and reflect back to put the pieces together. You’ve helped me tonight to see how naive I am. I simply trust until I’ve reason not to. I’m a soft target
I caught my hubby with his arms around a woman and he told me I didn’t see what I saw!
Said EVERY covert out there... Our eyes are lying to us smh...
Gaslughting. LEAVE, N O W!
I was told so many times I didn't see what I saw and that I was crazy
Imagine if you took a sledgehammer to his car as he's
watching...
"you didn't see what you saw either Honey"
Oh my word.
I get this.
I literally said to mine, “You’re only lying to yourself.”
It's my observation that narcissists will also try to get their partner involved in sexual stuff that they may not feel quite happy about but will go along with for fear of losing the person, eg threesomes and such. This can prove very toxic and brings others into an already bad situation, providing more opportunities for narcissistic supply, triangulation etc
Tanawylfen oh absolutely!!! Yes, the definitely are interested in those things.
I've lived it, indeed. And it's one of the most destructive experiences I've ever had.
BEEN IN THAT SITUATION WITH MY EX NARC. IT'S DISGUSTING 😭
Exactly. My ex is a swinger and his new wife suffers from depression. Hes so good at manipulation and exploiting her I dont believe shes able to see that she is being victimized.
It took me 15 years to realize hes a vulnerable covert narcissist and Im just coming to terms with this. I dodged a HUGE bullet and though it was devastating at the time, I see now it was actually a blessing when he discarded me for her so many years ago.
Mine want me to be friends with the guy she cheats with.
Man I needed to hear this. Catching my wife cheating and being blamed for it…then being told letting my brother know was the worst thing a spouse could do, so much worse than cheating, I lay awake at night and question if she’s right
no she's not . Thats actualy crazy that she said telling your brother is worse
@@thefeminineeye Thank you. I’ve learned so much in the past year that things are much easier to understand now. So many lies,, so many manipulation techniques weee being used. I feel free now. Thanks for the kind words!
She just explained my relationship without knowing my situation. That's crazy...
The narcs have a template and play this evil game on repeat mode...cycle of abuse. Dark and empty
They are all the same. There must be a nest.
It's written out descriptions of observed behavior patterns of specifically crazy people you can go around to all the different personality disorders study them and you'll find people like that If you look for them When I 1st started studying the narcissistic disorder it was so accurate in regard to my own life that it was a little spooky it was almost as if someone had been spying on me for 25 years I mean literally it was spooky
You can't emphasize enough how much they lie even when it doesnt matter. It is sport for them to say and believe the opposite of the truth.
It's not what they lie about....its....what do they not lie about....when they open they jar...they tongue lies...because they are not the captain of they own ship....one can only be the captain of they own ship when they learn to harness they tongue....like a tiller handle that Inspires a rudder to turn...
I know you’re speaking mainly about male narcs…I was married to a covert narc for 18 years, and didn’t really grasp until after it ended. She cheated at the end, which sparked much of the fallout. After, I realized she’d cheated several times over the years, emotionally and physically.
I’ve been out from that for 11 years, am happily remarried, and actually do counseling for a living. Much of whatever “wisdom” I possess came painfully in person. But now I can spot that type of manipulation a mile away.
🤦🏻♂️ you just described my ex with 99% accuracy. I don’t know where you got all this knowledge but please keep sharing it. It REALY helps people realize whats going on and help them move on! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!
Probably research or experience 😢
I don't know about others but in my relationship when I caught her cheating she blamed me for her cheating not the other guy. Unfortunately I believed it and went on a 2-3 year run trying to "fix" all my "problems" she was projecting on to me. Being with one of these people is a complete mindf*ck!
Same here. I did take the one valid complaint and worked on that...and have continued on from there. Focus on making yourself the best man you can be, you will never regret that and it will increase your strength to withstand a situation like this. We have kids, basically live as roommates; so the kids aren't unhappy. I did doubt myself at times but was raised to be self reliant so it never got to where I was doubting my sanity. Now, I take advantage of the that upbringing. She wants a divorce but I told her I do not so she will have to go ahead and just let the kids and everyone see it is all on her. No movement towards divorce since. I found out about the affair about a year and a half ago. The past year was probably the best of my life because I have grown in ways I never dreamed. I always liked my kids...but kids are a pain at times...now I find a joy in having them (not every minute because they can still be a pain). They have gone from a responsibility to something bigger and better. That's thanks to her. The cutting off of sex by her was meant to 'unman' me. In the long run it has freed me to become more a man in the true sense. I really have no physical desire for her at this point...there is an emotional component to sex for men too. She went to her nuclear option and now she has boxed herself in.
It was a workplace affair. Code of conduct at work, she could be fired and her field is a small circle. I have no shame of her affair. If we divorce friend, children and family will be point blank told I do not want it...if they ask I will freely speak about her affair. She told me I would lose financially in a divorce, I told her we both would...she looked surprised, said 'you'd be reasonable?'. I just smirked and told her the lawyers get paid from OUR money.
I am fully expecting a divorce by her once the kids are older and the affair has faded. Perfect...just in time for retirement! I maintain my health and fitness. She doesn't. I expect that her retirement won't be too active physically so I should be free to pursue my active retirement. Every day that she remains married and goes to work is more $$ for me when we do divorce...I gave up career to stay home with the kids, have my own pension and 401k's from when I worked (in my state apparently what you came into the marriage with remains yours, what you earned while married is split).
Karma my friend 😇
How you catch her? Are google maps acuarate?
@@amtonio5602 Tesla map on my phone. 8 yr old daughter was sick in morning when I came up to get her for school, she said mom went in to work early. I called and texted my wife to let her know daughter was sick.
No response. Remembered Tesla app for some reason and pulled it up to see if she was driving in to work still.
She was 40 miles away from work. Checked address where car was parked...Best Western Culpeper VA. Watched her drive to work an hour later. Five minutes after that she returned my call, said she'd been busy at work and missed it. Confronted her about a week later and she admitted she had been there fornicating with someone from work. I did inquire if she had been pressured and needed to report it as harassment? No, it was consensual...just kind of happened...for three months (per her reckoning).
@@mfawls9624 sir i would he so happy with a answere but mine google maps. The wife said it reads the map wrong. Shes a narcist no way she can admit to this. So i admire her for saying the truth. She respects you enough that you deserved the truth.
@@amtonio5602 I don't mistake it for respect. Just validation that she hadn't given a thought to being discovered. There is no respect. I have no need of her respect until it is worth having...no? Think about it, what is the worth of a deceitful, unfaithful wife's respect? There is none because it cannot be genuine until there is a change of heart. There has been no change of heart in her at this time. I live with her and hope for a changing of heart but it is not something I can bring about. I can only keep my heart open to it and be aware of the harm enabling narcissism does to everyone.
Great Video. I wish these were available 30 years ago. Looking back, I can see all the red flags...Live and learn. Thank you..
I really wish I found you and your videos years ago. Would have saved me so much unecessary heartache and grief. Didn't know this much about narcissism; always thought they were only overt/grandiose. I have been dealing with a covert narcissistic husband for over 30 years. Manipulative, sneaky, lies, cheats, con-artist, etc., but does all of it under the guise of being the shy, quiet, smart (always knows everything and more than everyone 🙄), 'good guy.' Could never quite put my finger on what was wrong with him. Now I know this is it. The video/info is spot on. I have caught him having emotional affairs over the years, (always with evidence), yet even when the proof is in front of him, he will deny, lie, make excuses until the cows come home. He will tell you that you're crazy and what you're seeing is not what you think it is, questioning your sanity and intelligence. He immediately turns into a toddler who has been caught with their hand in the cookie jar. It really is a spectacle. I have never seen anything like it. His family members don't help, either. They encourage this behavior by insisting that he would never cheat or betray his wife and kids. They make excuses, patronize, and talk him up like he is the second coming. He could never do anyrhing wrong in their eyes (growing up), and now it has continued into adulthood. The last straw was was when one of our grown children found risqué pictures and texts from (one of) his supplies. They confronted him about it, he lied, etc. But this time I had someone to back me up and call him out on it. He couldn't lie hisway out of it, but still tried. He then discarded me, asked for a divorce, and has given me the silent treatment ever since (thinks he's punishing me for his indiscretions- SMDH). These individuals are completely off of their rockers. Their brain wiring is constantly malfunctioning and unfortunately, we're caught in the crossfire. If you are around people like this, my best advice is to get away from them and their toxicity ASAP. Run. They will never change and will make your life a living hell. Please get out if you can.
You will never know about all the bullshit they did behind your back. NEVER!
Maybe that’s our blessing….. we’re hurt deeply enough from there BS.
Truthfully we already know they were cheating and plotting there next move on us and there new supply. What does them admitting it do for us? Our intuition was right. He’s cheating sis
@@savannahroberts2333 Cheating might not even be the worst of it.... $$$$, lies, deposit boxes...
Not all of it anyways
Realizing this now
"If Im going to be accused and questioned all the time of being with these guys and cheating I might as well just do it". is a classic one used by narcissists to shift blame/ play the victim/ make you question reality when in truth they are already doing these things.
I heard that while he had already cheated.😂😂😂
I hate when I read these posts and youre right. Never caught my girl but I know damn well she was checking her emails, deleting call logs, texts, checking dating sites to open her legs for her next victim behind my back.She wouldnt text me, but say she was busy. Later I find out she was texting another younger guy for 2 hours talking random life stories. When I started to complain, she would say I'm being controlling. What makes me mad is, she wouldn't tolerate me mentioning another women's name, let alone texting her. Damn, these narcissists are hypocritical.
You are exactly right. My covert narc cared so much about me finding out the truth about him, then telling others about his lying. He didn’t want to be seen as a liar, but yet all he did was lie.
At the end I was amazed, in a bad way, about how skilled he was in covering up his lies. Also, his words never matched up with his actions.
You just summed up 16 years of my life. This is so accurate that I have the chills. 100% spot on description of a covert
Same here
You can sometimes trick them. Example: Do not ask a yes or no "Are you cheating on me?" Ask "How many times have you cheated on me?" If they blow up in rage and start a crap show of why you would accuse them of such a thing, you know they did cheat, or are cheating. It's easy for them to lie out a "No!" So make it hard for them to lie.
Also utilize SILENCE as a weapon. Look, they do need feedback from you to see whether or not you bought the lie. Leave prolonged breaks before responding. When they tell you something, do not immediately respond. Or respond with one word questions. Like with the above example:
You: How many times have you cheated on me?
Narc: Never. I would never do that.
You: **silence**
Narc: You don't believe me? I swear, I would never do that.
You: **brief silence** Never?
Narc: Blows up in rage.
You: **realize they're lying, but gives false affirmation** I believe you honey, I don't know why I would even think that, I am sorry.
Narc: **changes angry facial expression to signs of relief**
Thank you for posting . I know I’m not crazy
This sounds accurate
It can go either way tho. My ex narcissist would accuse me of cheating and I'd blow up because she would believe I was. I swear to all readers I WAS NOT cheating. I honestly blew up because i was sick of being accused. It would infuriate me. I offered my phone, and told her to come over randomly anytime. I didn't have any need to cheat because she satisfied my every need for sexual gratification. This woman had a gift for pleasing me. Thee best sexual partner I will EVER have. I'm going through withdrawal now just typing this. But NO I wouldn't cheat on her because I was satisfied. But yes, i can see how they would get mad for cheating and lie.
Trust your intuition. If they call you “crazy” when called out, they are guilty.
After 17 years of marriage I finally caught him cheating, after many suspicions. Within the first hour of catching him he told me: 1. It was my fault for not giving him enough sex. 2. It was my fault because he had been unhappy for a long time. 3. Our marriage was over and I should be grateful to him because I wanted it to end, too. (I didn't.) 4. He wasn't in love with the woman and wasn't sure he even liked her. 5. I was a failure as a wife and deserved to be betrayed. 6. He couldn't believe I didn't know his affair had been going on for a long time, and that he was sure I was actually fine with it.
Wow I’m so sorry you were with this trash human. Sending so much love and healing ♥️
😳 that’s terrible. I’m so sorry. That’s my fear. I doubt my gut feelings because of zero proof. 😕
Had something similar with my ex, all kinds of confusion mixed with manipulation as if it's a big ol toxic drink of the nonsense they spew out of desperation.
A narc will sincerely believe that because they’re not cheating ALL the time (showing so much restraint) by not taking advantage of the their countless opportunities to cheat that they actually deserve to cheat.
I’m the mistress of a narcissist.
In the beginning of our relationship he told me that he caught in his wife in bed with another man and that he was divorcing her. It’s been constant lies for two years. Thanks to videos like this I’m finally putting an end to the relationship.
Good for you. I hope you are free of him.
I was too and he hid the marriage from me outright and when I found out and confronted him said it was complicated and they are together only for the kids. So I assumed it was 2 people living separate lives, only to slowly find out over time that they were still completely enmeshed and he was flat out lying to her. Poor woman. I broke it off but he really hurt me. Everything was a LIE.
I actually think I was the other woman without knowing it. He told me they'd been broken up for 2 years when he met me...he still talks to her.
I’m sorry he did that to you all. I hope to God you told his poor wife. She deserves to be told the truth, even if she doesn’t want to accept it.
Just got out of a 10 year marriage with a closet narcissist who cheated multiple times (the second I found out about was the one where I drew the line - more have come out since), and this video is spot on. Everything was about image for her - it was important for her to be the perfect manager and role model at work, and yet her behaviour was the absolute antithesis of this carefully curated image.
And when I caught her, I got the usual closet narc excuses, 'You weren't meeting my emotional needs' (despite beding over backwards for her and the family constantly), 'I needed it, I'm sorry if that's selfish, but there it is', down to seeing someone ELSE and bringing him around our young children literally 3 weeks after I kicked her out of the family home. They 100% don't get it, nor care about the hurt they unleash.
But as my therapist says, 'it might not happen straight away, but they ALWAYS get theirs in the end.'
My covert narc was the most seemingly sweet and morally proper female. A mainstay of her personality was that a relationship should last forever and that cheating is the worst thing imaginable. I fell in love with her and we had a little girl and I just thought she was really insecure at first because I used to live a bachelor lifestyle. Anyway, she was really a horrible and cruel covert that was a complete fraud. But I still never thought she would cheat. It turns out she had many one night stands with men of various backgrounds lifestyles etc!! It still makes me sick thinking about it and also knowing she accused me of cheating and possibly giving her an std when she just felt worried from he’d own actions.
My question is how did she get supply by doing such horrible things that nobody would imagine she would do? This horrible situation doesn’t seem to fit with your examples of more traditional cheating. I’ve never heard of a baby mom who has a great loving and supportive man choosing to have one night stands with gross bar losers. Was she just bored? Did she get supply off of knowing how hurtful and disturbing her secret behavior was? Our sex was the last thing we had that made me feel in any way special to her for the last 6 months of our relationship. I knew that was something special that she only gave me. But, I was wrong on that too and just don’t see the supply in this situation other than her being truly evil and enjoying me sleeping with her thinking it’s love when the night before she slept with some stranger in like the back seat of a car while I’d be home caring for our baby girl. I still wanna puke just thinking of this.
Thanks and u r great and so helpful with all your videos.
You’ve encountered a real devil. Just like I did. He was so caring and sweet at first, I also thought that our sex was special as he always said that to me. Well, it wasn’t. There is no point in trying to find the logic behind it. I think duping people in general gives them pleasure. They duped those bar losers too. It gives them control to know that they’ve got this. How did you find out by the way?
Man, if you need an ear, I’m fuckin’ here! I have learned painful, ugly, and real lessons.
Karit K she still won’t admit it. But she had one close friend friend B who I always knew was a good person and not like Nex other friends. Anyway, my Nex and B had a falling out and B realized she was a Narc and a bad person. So B supported me when I started to end things with Nex. Nex found out she supported me and went into a n insane Narc rage!! It was clear she HATED knowing her friend B and me were talking without her approval or triangulation. My NEx couldn’t handle us talking so Nex spread horrible rumors about friend B to ruin her life on purpose. Once Nex sabotaged friend B for no reason, friend B told me about 2 people she cheated on me with and then I verified it all with various evidence and I still am sick as fuck just writing this. I can’t stomach knowing that every time she randomly accused me of cheating was probably cause she did.
It’s probably for the best because it’s truly the one trauma she caused that I can’t make any excuse for her and can’t find any place in my heart or mind to ever want to touch her again.
@@narckillaanon8567 Let me tell you this, and you will not want to hear it.
You will have to forgive (not forget) or you will remain chained to her and the situation forever.
I’m in a similar boat. I just started finding out in January of this year that my Wife is a Narc. I initially thought that she was going through depression all 13 years of our marriage, but came across a ton of videos on narcissism that made the emotional roller coaster in our marriage “make sense”. Cheating was the last thing I suspected because she would always tell me that she would never cheat and that her previous boyfriends cheated on her. She used to always jokingly accuse me of having someone on the side, or that maybe I mask my side chick’s name in my phone contacts by using an alias etc. little did I know that that was probably what she was doing the whole time. I also think she is on the DL with her sexuality and goes both ways. I recently came across some phone records that suggest that she’s having an affair with my 21 yr old son, her step son. Yeah you read that right. I’m here now trying to plan my escape.
This video was very informative. You can feel it in your gut but the Narcissist is an amazing manipulator, and they have the ability to conceal almost anything. Sometimes, I wish I could see what they're thinking 🤔. Very scary people. Thanks for sharing 👍
Gosh, you have an excellent channel and approach to these types of relationships! Keep up the great work.
Her exact words were “ It’s your fault I’m doing this “ 🙁
What about the so-called opposite sex friendships 'just a friend' and 'you don't have to worry about that person' BS excuse? All the partners I met in my life and that did cheat had multiple friends from the opposite sex without sharing genuine platonic interests. Some of them were ex-lovers or ex 'side' fcks. They kept them on the hook, so to speak. Always had that gut feeling there was something wrong about those friendships. It was also used to spark jealousy and creating deliberate drama in the form of gaslighting and triangulation.
💥
Mine still talks to his ex and sees her. Intimate partners are not friends, its way deeper than that. He also told me "she's an advocate 4 our relationship." Such bs.
Just a friend. I've heard that before while his d**k was in her mouth !!
My dumb ass ex narc believed it wasn't cheating unless penis was in vagina. Dumb.
They never give up supply and that includes exes.
This is SUCH a brilliantly done video. Your clarity and ability to explain the concepts is really terrific.
On your point, around catching the narc cheating; I almost laughed out loud. It's true- their ONLY care is; they were caught.
When I caught my narc wife, the only thing she said to me was "how did you know where to find me?"
I was devastated, and she was annoyed that I showed up at her boyfriend's house.
Three years since, and I STILL can't completely compute what an utterly crazy response that was.
I suppose that's part of their mastery of skills - they depend upon us not being able to comprehend their acts and behaviors.
Great info, spot on! My wife is the very worst for shifting the blame for everything she does onto me. I have honestly watched her with my own eyes but she will still lie right to my face over and over trying to convince me that I didn't see it knowing good and well I did!!!
Jill you’re the only “narcissist” counselor for me among the millions on UA-cam. ❤️🌹
Thank you for getting me out of the cycle of blaming myself for being cheated on repeatedly by the same person... Bless✨
My narc is 100% covert. Had like ten guys online and at least 3 IRL including me, using each of us for something different (other than supply), somehow has managed to keep us all from finding out about each other even though she gives herself away triangulating and by patterns of devaluation. Has a bright and shiny public face but behind the scenes that face is COVERED IN DIRT. She lies like she breathes.
Ssssooooo true. This is exactly happened to me by the narc I married. I was always blamed myself for his cheating! Thanks for your kind video.
Ah yes, Todd would say I pushed him to cheat 🤷... Common line ... 9 yrs and as I told him I chose him everyday and he would state he knew I would never cheat on him.
I was not built that way. It's not like getting out of a "normal" relationship ....
Trauma bonds are real equated to a heroin addiction . After 9 years (how many cheats? 7 ... I can't even say I love him.
I get back on my feet and herr comes hooking me back.
This back-and-forth crazy dance, all the while there others are being groomed to take my
spot....
Well my supply has been drained my confidence, my approach to life, my success, my laughter how I missed that (the POS informed me I left laugh too loud ... But you m*********** I cried a whole lot damn louder... As you raised in walked out.
I think I had an end, I could talk forever as you can tell but the trauma Bond, the trauma bond is where it all begins and ends so please take care of yourself 😘
Yes that's what mine did too. My ex-husnand narcissist said it was my fault he had an affair with another woman because I didn't want him. He never apologized for the affair and in fact kept it going. I know because I hired a private investigator. Thank God we are divorced now.
Coverts are wolves in sheep’s clothing. I was deep in a relationship with one. Thank you God for exposing his sins otherwise I would have married him.
God bless you in Jesus name Amen
Same here. God saved me.
Hi Yen yes so glad for you that it didn’t happen. I’m blessed everyday for these videos to put me on the path to heal and repair 😁❤️
I almost married mine too. Luckily, God spoke to me and told me it was over before I even found out about any of the cheating and lies. I believe God has some good karma waiting for him and I was spared confronting him which would only feed his need for drama and chaos.
This video is 100% spot on it’s actually amazing. Amazing how people without the disorder have studied their tactics and manipulation tricks.. even down to the exact words of a person with npd.
Great video. Accurate. I am now totally convinced from my own experience with the narc and the timing of her discard of me, that two words produced this reaction months before the discard.....if you want rid of a narcissist or to out them just leave these two words spread around your house and computer......
SPIRITUAL AWAKENING.
"SUPERMAN" and "KRYPTONITE" spring to mind.......those to words show that you are onto SOMETHING...but prepare yourself for an explosion of emotional manipulation because when it arrives, it is on a truly epic scale.
You nailed it!!!! I couldn't help but think that the Covert Narcissist would make great professional actors.
Thank you for explaining about how a narcissistic mother-in-law can wreak havoc on a marriage! Who knew about narcissism 48 years ago or even speaks now about the mother-in-law, daughter-in-law relationship!
Spent a year dating a covert narc. I tried so hard to do what I thought was helping her only to realize she’d just been using me. Reality set in when she finally cheated on me recently. After everything we’ve been thru I didn’t even think she was capable of going that far until she did. She also admitted that she knows she fed into the validation and just didn’t care in the moment. It hurts to accept that somebody can pretend to love you so deeply but in reality they’re just taking advantage of a good person. Be safe out here warriors, we’re enduring a spiritual fight.
You are so right about this! I experienced it first hand with husband of 30 years. I couldn’t believe you could hurt someone you’d been with that long without a second thought! Easy as pie, no remorse. I had such a hard time wrapping my head around this fact. Your videos are very good! Thank you for doing them!
Darla Wright I too have recently left a marriage of over 30 years. I am 6 months out and I still can’t get my head around the fact that he had an affair. Yes, he was a covert narcissist, but he had me trusting him more than I ever trusted anyone. Needless to say, I still have a lot of healing to do...
Kim Stopak I trusted my husband 100%, if someone had told me he would cheat with a 25 year old I would have thought they were crazy. This went on over a year too! So believe me I feel your pain! It’s been 2 years now and I’m just starting to not wake up thinking about it every day! Unbelievable pain. What kind of person are these people? It’s scary that you don’t know someone after all that time. I didn’t know we were even having trouble- he was that good! My story ended sadly, he had a heart attack and died or I would have never known. Talk about double whammy! I believe it was the stress of worrying about splitting his money with me that caused his heart attack, because he never showed an ounce of guilt about hurting me at all. I’ll never know for sure when hat happened but I do now understand he was a covert narcissist to a tee.
@@darlawright9219 I don't want to sound flippant but the heart attack might've been your best outcome.
You don't have answers, but probably very few commenting here ever got any real answers either. We're still married (have kids) and I have no more information than what I had by accident finding out about her affair. I no longer look for any logic in it. I don't think it's any more logical than any other addiction.
I'm so over this. I need to get out. I learn daily about narcissistic behaviors and I'm so done. I need to walk the walk. I'm experiencing covert narcissism. 5 years running. 😢
They are the epitome of a Wolf in sheep's clothing...
That's what I called the covert Narc I had a child with.
@Single & Celibate Is A Super Power and your point is..?
Thanks for the great video. What's so surprising to me is when I caught my narc ex is instead of being remorseful or apologetic she flew into a rage and physically attacked me.
Spot on!!! My ex narc gf went as far as to lie to her own family to cover her manipulating, lying and cheating! Sick!
Oh yeah. They like to accuse you of cheating out of nowhere (projection) at some point in the relationship. If hindsight was 20/20 I would've dropped that skank right then and there!
Thank you. Terrible. I've been married 22 years to a narcissist man and now trying to get divorced. 4 kids. Is true, deep inside I knew, in some way, that something wasn't ok, that I was not free. But I was not a le to see that but I keep triying to get on w family and give all to the relation fot the well beeing of we all. Finally, everything was distroyed. He doesn't even care about the kids, his lack of emphathy is amazing, manipulation is so present! He play the victim so well! Recognizing my own reality and trauma bond is hard. Painful. They can damage us so hard. Trying to recover myself now, is difficult to accept the dinamycs of this kind of toxic relationships. And how we were playing the supply rol. Thank you for this video
I have just become enlightened, after 33 year's of marriage. I always knew, but could never prove anything. Reflection upon the past has shown me many instances, that were not okay, but because of my children, I looked the other way and brushed it all off. Finally in a 1 on 1 setting, his mask pretty much fell to the floor. I began sleeping in the spare room, with the door locked. So many lies! Wow! I gave up trying to prove the particulars when he pretty much tried to pick up women, right in front of me! And of course all the other lies,that became quite clear, once I started really paying attention. I am in a state of no contact, witnessed some temper tantrums, in text, and shut him down. Not doing that anymore. Looking forward to my happy new life!
Coverts are the worst...….
Vampire Slayer agree!
Agree
who are the best?
Definitely !
Yes they are! I live with one. Nutty as a fruitcake.
There are lots of great insights in this video. I would never pardon anybody who cheats. I wouldn’t overthink/overanalyze this --
once a cheater, always a cheater. I’d move on with my life with a new, non-toxic person and be cheerful. Can't imagine ever loving a narcissist.
That talk was just outstanding. And so accurate.
Mine is a woman I befriended 30 years back, during the liberation war back in South Sudan. I knew she was cheating on me right from back home all the way till USA. I have 4 kids with her, and that was always the trap she used to control me. Your video has opened up my eyes and as the kids are already grown, she can now go to hell.
Pretty sure the ones who gave this video a thumbs down are the narcissists she's talking about!! Great content, Enlightened Target!
Been married for 29 years. Over these years, I traveled almost every week. I ran the most successful consulting group in a fortune 100 Corporation. When I traveled, my wife cheated on me close to 200 times, she was arrested 3 times for drinking and driving. Totaled a brand new BMW and ruined several Families.
I am now in the process of leaving her...
Mine called me from work and just had to tell me how ugly the man was at her job as a dentist hygienist. Came home 3 hours late after? I’m a dope!!
I know the feelings. Chances are the reason she hooked up with you in first place was the opportunities. All the opportunities while you were away! So many people I worked with had same problems during their absence from home.
Mike Ackerman after such outings mine smelled and well tasted different! I’m sure their was internal gloating while I showed disgust and turned away.
Jill - you are so very good at understanding covert narcs. I spend five decades with one and you nail what he was and what he did every single time. Thank you! I'm in the process of viewing all of your videos.
My ex narcissistic girlfriend,bought a dog so that she could go out on her own,every new supply has a dog so it worked,a normal person wouldn't have thought of this .Very decieteful and clever.
My former narc begged me for a dog and then didn’t want to take care of it. It was too much “work.” All of that money 💰 down the drain just like everything else I spent/gave them. It wiped me out financially
wow!!
You mean she used the dog as an alibi? Because it would be weird if she was not allowed to go out by herself like ever?
I'm sorry, I don't understand this.
Excellent video! Everything you described was so on point!
This is exactly what I am experiencing now. So spot on.
Great video, your exactly right !
This describes my ex narc girlfriend perfectly. Experienced all of this in a years time, broke my heart
I learned that I had a narcissistic mother for years ago with a new therapist. I have been in therapy since I was 14 years old. I turned 60 last year and I’m still trapped in this relationship with my mom. I am a recovering alcoholic and drug addict. Sober for many years! I am the scapegoat in my family since forever! Both of my husbands are also alcoholics. Both of my parents were very covert narcissists ! My dad died 4 years ago. He didn’t even let me off the hook on his deathbed! I keep getting stuck in my life and self sabotage just about everything that is good for me! I just move on to a new therapist believing there is something so profoundly wrong with me that I just can’t figure it out! Now I have totally isolated myself from my friends, if I still have them. I have been disabled for 9 years now with horrible chronic pain illnesses and had to quit working. I used to love working! I do have a son from my who is the light of my life! He’s 30 now and in The Air Force. I can see how my parents were covert with him too! I miss him so much but glad he got away. Now I’m finally realizing that my whole life has been ruined by my parents! I am still struggling with my mom. I don’t know how to walk away. I will lose my relationships with my 2 sisters and the rest of my large extended family! My mom is the Queen of the world! Everyone loves her and think that she is the most amazing woman ever. She’s got a ton of friends who love her!
My Dad was just as great! Therapists called us the ‘looking good family’!
I wish I had discovered what they are decades ago! Covert Abusers!!
This sounds like a scam. I see this post on many videos, similar wording and length. Beware, scammers will take advantage of others weakness and come to these comment sections because they know many will fall for there trap.
When caught out she didn't even apologise. I just got a blank stare and excuses. She said she had broken contact with the other person, in actuality she just hid her tracks whilst I fell apart. I should have mortified her by exposing her to friends and family. I didn't, I lived in hope but nothing ever changed. Getting divorced soon, can't wait to have my life back but beware of them letting their claws out of you. Don't ever let your guard down, no matter how nice and reasonable they are, remember them at their lying and most devious, that's their true nature.
I have been married now to a man almost 16 years and am slowly being awakened to this terrible reality. He did such an amazing job hiding his narcissism to the point that I have struggled to even believe if he was one or not. What on earth causes someone to become this way????? I mean I am not trying to boast by any means but I would give my life for my husband, but yet I just found out that he could have had many affairs with other women right under my nose and I never knew about it. I have had suspicions esp with how secretive he is over his phone and not wanting to be "micromanaged" but still. UGH!!! This is the most unbelievably painful thing I have ever walked through. I mean here I am a 41 year old woman who now feels as if she has just thrown her whole life away. I mean shoot the world is coming to an end right so it's too late to start over now smh.
Early 40s is young. I’m 63 he’s 73. Let that sink in. It’s like being married to my grandfather. The only thing he cares about are his grandkids. He acts like he’s 14. Run 🏃♀️ while you can girl!!!
@TeeQee Nelson well you are very angry. And 50 is young. Get help and start enjoying life
Sadly, we “assume “ because we are caring so are they also. We “assume” they are good people because they are well liked in the community. But They only care about themselves. It’s not their fault per se, but I don’t believe there is a cure.
@TeeQee Nelson I'm so sorry you are dealing with these feelings. Believe me, I know and I get it.
@@herertolearn3418 It truly is sad how selfish and self centered these people can be. They only "act" like they are or pretend to care about anyone when it benefits them in some way. But when you need them to be there for you and they are no longer in the "spotlight" even for just a few minutes, you can hang it up bc it will never happen.
Spot on i was so blind -its scary.. 27 years of bullcrap from a person I adored ,loved and almost worshipped. He was my "hero" my best friend- and treated me so good it was the envy of family and friends.. this was for years. The ugly head of jealousy anger and blame started to show in the past years which he describes as my down fall it was ALL me, my anger my unhappiness..... In the end he discarded me with cruelty. He cheated on me and blamed me and still does all the time.. so hard to heal from trauma bonds. He acts like he's the victim mainly. OF COURSE.. Its their MO But he is a very well liked soft spoken guy, so of course I am also not able to not look like the crazy one.. But not to the real people in my life who love me unconditionally...
Did you mention the part where the narcissistic cheating spouse blames his affair on the non-cheating spouse. Or then doesn’t blame anyone but says how “they still choose you”
Yes
When are you going to make a vid about the coward narcissist? 😊
My gut feeling told me from the very beginning something was off...years of suffering and I am still stuck.
What me triggers the most is a constant rejection I felt in the relationship. My ex was always very avoident and aloof, never validates me. She can be in a room with me and I dont even realize that I am there, too. 🤔😗 This was from the very beginning, there never was a lovebombing phase...when I pointed this disconnected behaviour out, she told me that it is normal and I was just too needy and sensitive. And I believed her, till I found out that with everybody else of her friends she can act quite normal, to say the least. In fact she is a wonderful friend to everybody, very supportive....its jusy me, the former spouse, that got her as a dark cloud sitting in the living room.
Can you imaging how puzzled I was when I found out that the same person who cannot speak more than 2 words in a row with me can act very communicative and charming with a bunch of friends or even strangers?
Your videos are very good. Clear and on the point.
Karla Shmeeda Vlasta they’re all cowards
They are cowards! Mine wouldn't acknowledge me either. He didn't look me in the eye for decades.
Mine wont face me either. Made it to where i have no contact and thats fine with me. The issue i had with this is her smear campaign shes convinced alot of people that im the bad guy and shes afraid of me.thus her reason for blocking me out of her life. Then creating temporary profiles on instagram, pinterest, tumblir etc etc...uses the profiles to befriend me and bash. Then when i point out i know its her the profile vanishes like it never existed. I began putting blocks on the i.g. ones so even if she destroys it.....i still have proof and the digi trail it always leaves.
There is a decent level of cowardice in them. Also an incredible ability to hunker down in the problems of their own making. I no longer see them as careless people flitting around. They really are reply unhappy. It's sad when you can actually see their potential, but of course they won't even let you begin down that line of reasoning. I guess there's too much down their bottled up for them to ever dream of facing it. Too bad because it is doable if they would just take a step or two toward it.
Yeah, there wasn't a love bombing phase for me either. There was some subtle future faking though which made it seem even more believable. He was so calculated but empty. Never complimented me or laughed at my jokes (I'm super funny btw). Lied about unnecessary things.. he was constantly in my bathroom for long periods of time, probably texting new supply. Uggh so happy to have gotten out before I wasted too much time.
Oh wow!! So true!! Love isn’t about sex!! It’s a deep bonded true feeling!! Thank you!!
This helped so much. I found out that my fiancée of 9 years had a relationship with another woman the WHOLE time! He tried to blame her which was crazy! I didn’t want to face the facts that he could really be like this. It was easier to accept and I did move out !! Before this video I was struggling, doubting myself. But when he lied about the small things my inner voice would scream what else is he lying about! I hope if you are in a similar situation remember to trust your gut! My instincts had been crushed and silenced over the years. Little by little!
I been married for 21 years to one I want a divorce I can do nothing right. She did some evil stuff but then acts what she did doesn't matter. Even when you do everything they wants still isn't enough. I'm so damn tired I just to be happy. Thank you I watched your video and seen every last thing you said in the video is all her
I needed to hear this! I wish I found this years ago. Thank you 🙏