I Wanted to Leave My Wife (Then She Got Pregnant . . . )
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- Опубліковано 7 вер 2023
- I Wanted to Leave My Wife (Then She Got Pregnant . . . )
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Correction: I wanted to leave my wife but I still was having *unprotected* sex with her even though I felt that way THEN I got her pregnant.
💯
Unprotected sex at that!
its his wife duh..
@@coconutwater4531
@@coconutwater4531 yes! I made the correction. Thank you.
Exactly! Used her body all the way, climaxing but now he but wants mercy and pity. Smh. If he can f like a man he can take responsibility like a man.
I love how he was still using her body even when he knew he didn’t want to be with her anymore. Men 🍺
A man is gonna be a man at the end of the day. For themselves and to hell with everyone else
Men I tell you smh
You’ve never slept with someone when you were having doubts? You’ve never wondered if maybe you wouldn’t be with someone, but been unsure, thought maybe it was just you and your issues, and been afraid of losing someone only to discover it was just you and your issues, and had that going on while still trying to not torpedo things? I have. These comments are sexist and shitty, it’s disrespectful and unkind to trash a bunch of people you don’t even know and stereotype people like that. Shame
@@justinmichaelknox nope because I’ve never done that. I’m not a user, my only sexual partner is my fiancé.
@@ladybug3380 what is a user? are you defining that as anyone who sleeps with someone they aren’t 100% certain they’re going to be with for the rest of their life? and, does that equate to marriage/engagement for you? ie, are you saying anyone who has sex before marriage is a “user”? if not, why not? i’m confused, and not sure you aren’t too
People need to realize that life is not always peaches and cream. Marriage is a commitment, a duty, a vow. It doesn’t always feel good and happy….you have to work hard and fight for your marriage.
What happens when you tell kids "you can do anything you want when you grow up".... only if your single and a millionaire. Otherwise you do what you can afford and works with the people around you.
Agree 💯
The majority of people unfortunately don’t accept/ realize they aren’t built for the true commitment of marriage until they’re in it.
@@inalaska1208so dont tell them that.
@@sarahs7253being able to do anything does require work it works hand in hand it’s about the mentality.
It takes two in a marriage. If both parties aren't willing to fight for their marriage, and only ONE party is fighting to stay married, then it won't work. It takes two.
“ NoT PlAnNeD”: When you dont plan to NOT get pregnant, you are by default planning TO get pregnant.
Who said they didn't plan? People get pregnant while using birth control every single day. Do you expect celibacy from married couples?
@@rachelmaddowswife8713We expect celibacy from those that don’t want to be tied to their spouse. Just have the courage and character to leave the relationship without producing a child whose life you’re going to ruin.
@@melstarr1864 I don't think you read my comment, I'm talking about loving married couples needing to be celibate, since no one in this day and age can afford the 15+ kids that would result from no birth control. So your advice is literally that every single married couple should divorce on their second child's birthday? And that's supposed to be good for the children? Yikes.
If you have sex - you will get preganant sooner or later. Only vasectomy or celibacy is birth control. Not pulling out.@@rachelmaddowswife8713
No adult can claim they didn't know that could happen. Sounds like he is looking for an excuse to leave now.
Dude is surprised his wife is pregnant and didn't wear protection if he didn't want a baby. I mean cmon Trent.
Totally
He was raw dogging it for his own pleasure. Never mind the consequences or her feelings.
Dude shot up the club with enthusiasm!
Right! Maybe he needs some biology lessons to go along with that therapy.
Lol 😁 he is delusional
It always surprises me when guys are dumping loads in a girl on the reg and yet are “surprised” when she gets pregnant.
My sister's ex was like this. He got her pregnant after one time of sleeping together and he didn't believe he was the father, so he accused her of having multiple men. "Go find your baby daddy and leave me alone", so in the end he is the dad.
Where was the woman’s responsibility? SHE’S the one who carries the child. HER BODY HER CHOICE? Shame on her.
@deeprollingriver52 I guess facts are not your strong point? How is a woman's fault or responsibility if she is under the impression she's happily married? If he's lying. He's faking the marriage? He's got the balls to sleep with her unprotected but not the balls to be honest? Behave! You cannot place the blame on her in this case.
@@lisadunn1138 boo hoo
He's a loser.
This one made me cry. I was that daughter with a restless dissatisfied dad. It does damage for sure. At 60 I'm still healing.
Keep healing and keep going Rachel ❤
I’m so sorry! I wish Love and healing for you.
In the words of Elsa just let it go
🩷
Ima be a dad soon, have issues of my own, learned to resolve some, still learning.
May i ask what you meant and what he did to make you feel that way?
Must not have wanted to leave bad enough to stop having sex with her!
😂😂😂 EXACTLY!
It looks like most of you missed the point: the central theme of his story is regretting life decisions, and feeling like a failure. Of course he knows he should have been more careful. Yet, he's done his obligations: he didn't break up the family and he has been providing for them. It doesn't mean his wife doesn't have her own struggles, or that she's a bad person. No one is perfect.
Apparently, men aren't allowed to regret their mistakes and express sadness.
@@ctorminoh spare the bs. He is there, but hating her and his family. He is there, but regrets marriage. Men who “regret” their wife and child are usually men who hurt their wife and child. He had plans to leave BEFORE she got pregnant. Never shared his intentions. Instead continued in his “regret” and put a woman and child in a hugely vulnerable state.
@@ctormineverybody here on the internet is criticizied. For whatever they do or don’t do. No man or woman is special from that
Nah men are like that its just sex. As I hate the feminist movement where they tell women to think like a man about sex to not relate love to all sex with men. I know men who would tell me that they will bang plenty of women and never feel any feeling for them at all. Where women we really do relate sex to love and men do not.
I wanted to leave my wife but was still having unprotected sex with her to get my needs met. Oh & then she magically got pregnant which was super inconvenient for me.
did life get more miserable after this?
Consequences!!!
Yep
Dude is neither marriage material nor father material.
I think he definitely is. I think he's been a people pleaser for years and parents' expectations on a man. He's 27 years old. He loves his wife and daughter. no one should carry that load of a heavy weight . He's open, kind, and willing, and his wife sounds awesome too! ❤
At this time, correct. But there's still hope!
And it's too late to do much about that, in.both counts. Time for him to belt up and fulfil his responsibilities.
Interesting how everyone seems to miss the fact that he said, he struggled with mental health issues which affects the way you think and feel in a relationship. We are living in a world that dismisses mental health struggles, your comment is proof of that.
@@freespiritwithnature4384 wth are you talking about? Who should carry the load of a man voluntarily choosing a wife and impregnating her? Should the trees carry the load or the child?. 🙄😒
Can you imagine the anxiety and fear the wife is experiencing? That on any random day, this guy could actually call for divorce or separation so he can "find" himself blah blah.
Yes wife is probably lonely since he’s so busy focused on himself
Yeah, I feel bad for her. She's in a very vulnerable place right now. If he felt that way, he should have not lead her her and had sex with her.
@@charlotteboyett-napper4780 - yes! So annoyed with all of the comments on this video of people saying “poor guy”. I’m thinking “his poor wife”! How sad to be married to such a self absorbed, whiny jerk! And to also have such a low character person as the father of her child! 😢💯
@@tippietoe7777 I agree. I didn't hear what Dr. John heard out of this guy. He didn't sound like he loves his family. He sounds like he wants someone to give him permission to leave and be happy.
Yeah this is a pathetic man. Can you imagine to have this as a husband and father?
He says, "IF I left my family . . ." It would never occur to him that his wife could leave him and his daughter. He thinks it's only an option for HIM. Mothers are just expected to be the sacrificial lambs.
Exactly, little do they know women can leave just as fast
@@millicentnaominaomi3178 They depend on us us having more integrity than them.
@@lorrilewis2178 In cases like these the assumption is the woman wants to have the baby because its still HER choice whether she has the child or not. She could abort or give up the child for adoption, hence the man does assume she likely wants her kid. If a man could abort or even give up the child for adoption that might be his form of running off but these options are not on the table usually, he may realize now he is not ready for a child but he may be legally held to be responsible either way.
So the woman who gives up the child because they realize they are not ready or their partner is not ready or they abort is the female version of running off. They are both ultimately humans of different genders with the same immature problem, putting sexual pleasure before the potential life outcome of a possible child. The male just does not have the same options unless the woman grants him all rights and then he can give the child up for adoption or she may let him give up his rights but often these "prettier" options are not on the table for him.
@@th3realgoat499the point is, m3n are quicker to run away than w0m3n are likely to ab0rt. It is 1diot1c to call ab0rtion or ad0ption as prettier 0ptions. M3n are more likely to be less c0nsisertae towards their ch1ldren or in general about thinking things through. Single m0ther h0useh0lds 0utnumber s1ngle fath3r h0useholds. We are all aware of the stereotype of a gf getting pr3gnant and the man being m3an to her, than a gf say1ng she is g0ing to ab0rt. The former is more likely to happen than than the later.
@@th3realgoat499the point is, m3n are quick3r to run away than w0m3n are likely to ab0rt. It is 1diot1c to call ab0rtion or ad0ption as prettier 0ptions. M3n are more likely to be less c0nsisertae towards their ch1ldren or in general about thinking things through. Singl3 m0ther h0useh0lds 0utnumber s1ngle fath3r h0useholds. We are all aware of the stere0type of a gf getting pr3gnant and the man be1ng m3an to h3r, than a gf say1ng she is g0ing to ab0rt. The former is more likely to happen than than the later.
The problem is not his wife or his marriage or his daughter, it’s him and how he feels about himself. He should try individual therapy, and couple’s therapy, exercising more, meditation, and maybe even journaling.
I feel like people in these kind of situations often blame the wife/partner and the relationship and end the relationship only to find themselves in the same situation as before. Changing partners is not always the answer.
THIS 💯
THIS!!!! 🙌🏾
Well said. Depending on the relationship dynamics and life events the first 2-5 years can be the most difficult. People need to grow up frankly. Life and marriage takes work and commitment.
Yeah, he's not happy with himself. It also seems like he's impossible to please, but he doesn't want to look inward, so he blames everyone else. My dad is like this. No matter how much money he makes, he's always depressed and angry, but everyone else is the problem.
@@snsn7251exactly. He's only cares about he feels, and that's a recipe for disaster. He needs to learn to be grateful for what he has.
I dont understand how she got pregnant? how can someone get pregnant if their husband is thinking of leaving them? oh yeah, he was still getting his husband benefits anyway!
Selfish.
Well, yeah, of course, because something is better than nothing, as some men tend to think
Dr. John!
This was my life.
Had 2 homes, business owners, great earning, trips, 2 dogs…etc
He never liked himself. I tried to help him. It drained me.
I spent 20 years married to this man!
I am free now!!!!
❤
If you were gonna leave her.....why were you having sex with her?????
Complicate your life, justify why??
Probably cause it feels good. Derp
Exactly. If he was planning to leave, why did he have unprotected s3x? That’s on him. How will she know he was planning to leave if he was having unprotected s3x with her?
@@shawnanderson7858that is lack of accountability. Which most men are well known for. They can’t make rational decisions to save their lives.
@@shawnanderson7858 Luckily now he'll get 18 years and 9 months of "feeling good"
I asked the exact same question the moment I saw the title of this video
Your wife didn't "just get pregnant" by herself. It didn't just happen- you were responsible for creating this little human. Dude is incredibly irresponsible. He wanted to "feel unencumbered" when he comes home. Life changed when you made a child.
A man has only one form of protection (condoms) which can easily be tampered with (poking holes, pulling the sperm out the trash, etc) whereas a woman has over 10 forms of birth control. He already stated that she always wanted a kid, it wouldnt be a far stretch to think that she lied to him (lying about taking the pill) to trick him into being a father. Major double standards here. If a man wants a child but the mother doesnt she can legally abort the fetus and there is nothing the man can do. However, if the woman wants a child and the man doesnt she can legally have the child and also force the man to pay for that child.
Exactly, what part of being a man includes being free of responsibility? He doesn't want to grow up, and having a child ruined his perpetual boyhood.
@@carolyn9961 I would ask for a paternity test to make sure the child is mine.
I personally know 2 men who got tricked into having a kid against their explicit will. My ex tried the same with me. Since I was prepared for it, it didn't work.
So no women don't get pregnant by themselves. They need to get off birth control, trick their distant partner into having another "last fling to save the marriage", ... a lot of premeditated actions are required.
But it's not wrong to say she got pregnant. Are you one of those woke trans lib ?
If this was a woman caller the comments would tear her to shreds
They would have said “women will never have accountability, bla bla bla” 😂
Exactly. Men are allowed slack to ditch their responsibilities. Back in the day, they would just walk off and start a new family elsewhere. Now the court systems have overly corrected that problem with tracking and jail time. People should wait after their 20s to settle down.
Yep. There's a certain community of men in particular that love to flock to videos like these and use it as their platform to complain about women.
The same happens with cheating.
what? comments are tearing him to shreds.
Social media has sold us all a terrible amount of lies of what life can and supposed to look and feel like. I’m old enough to have barely escaped social medias grasp in my younger years but for young adults like Trent, social media is so damaging! I’m sure social media has played a part in Trent’s ever changing goal posts and ideas of what marriage and life look and feel like.
Absolutely.
Society has sold that bill of lies before social media ever has.
Plenty of adults get caught up in this too. Unrealistic expectations and wanting from others what you should have within yourself.
ALL 👏🏻 OF 👏🏻 THIS 👏🏻 !!! 💯
@@rebeccaoprea9917 yea but it’s never been more accessible than it is today.
I'm sorry, but "she GOT pregnant"??? Because women just get pregnant. 🙄
Edit: I don't like this phrase for some reason, it has always bothered me. I guess it feels like a woman is being blamed for her body doing exactly what it's designed to do. Can't we change it to like "we got pregnant" or something?
In the eyes of the gynocentric, feminist "family courts," it's her baby anyway, when it comes to vice-gripping the man into necking himself.
Exactly, like he wasn’t the one who impregnated her
"It happens that way sometimes." ~god
OH puhlease, he's in the wrong here and you know it@@Guts318
I agree !
This right here is why it makes me so mad when men tell single moms, “Chose your partner better”. This woman married this man and even though he was thinking of divorce he still made a baby with her. How are we supposed to chose a good mate when men lie to our faces just to ensure their own desires are satisfied while they are “figuring out” what they really want.
This!
The men who say that are the same men who are out here manipulating their partners. Of course they would tell women to “chose Better men” because any one who can mindlessly make that statement lacks to comprehend that each individual is responsible for themselves and their actions, and by blaming women and writing it off as us having poor judgment just allows them to take No accountability for their own actions and the actions of others like them. It is yet just another form of manipulation and abuse by blaming female victims of abuse. Because that’s what manipulation, lying, cheating etc is, it’s Abuse
It shows in other aspects of their lives. Do they over exaggerate when telling stories? Do they tell white lies? It’s silly to assume they’re not lying to you.
Exactly
Trent, you sound like my ex-husband years ago. He really needed therapy and never got it. He left his religion and myself and our 2 kids behind when my son was 9 mos old. Fast forward 12 years, he has had a string of unsuccessful relationships, fathered a child with a married women who couldn’t get pregnant with her husband and was trying to have a baby who turned out to be a schizophrenic alcoholic and who is still unhappy with life. He still says to this day that he “feels empty inside” and he thinks the right person is going to fill that void for him. Turns out because of childhood trauma that he has an emotional attachment disorder and suffers from anxiety and depression. He lost everything and, like what John says “wherever you go, there you are.” There is deep seeded fear, anxiety and maybe depression. Your childhood has created a pattern for you that your body thinks you need to relive. I hope you can commit to uncovering what is going on inside, tackle it, and that you can find joy in your life with your wife and child. If you can’t find peace and joy in the little things, something inside you is preventing that from happening and even if your circumstances change, it’s going to follow you. I wish you much luck and a happier brighter path than my ex-husband choose to take. ❤
Love this comment! I agree the guy is being selfish but we should respond with firm truth and compassion.
Sounds like he's a sociopath and you got away
I hope Dave pays you a premium for what you do for the Ramsey organization. It’s one thing to recite the baby steps. It’s a whole different level of skill to take these types of intimate calls on the fly. Bravo to you John!
🙄when a grown man gets his partner pregnant and says it was “unplanned” when they weren’t using any form of birth control is beyond weaponized incompetence
Change the title to read “ Wanted to leave my wife, the I got her pregnant “ more fitting title.
I agree
Way too many people prepare for the wedding and not the marriage! He needs to go to therapy for his mental
health! Each person is responsible for themselves too.
Caller was too immature for marriage. Why get involved and stuff up another's life? Why continue sex if you knew you had unaddressed childhood issues? Life is hard Caller. There are too many of these type of men in the world trapping women into dead end marriages.
Women out number men 4-1. Women don’t want marriage they wanna brag to their friends and have a party celebrating them. That’s it that’s all. The man is expendable always has been. His feelings thoughts emotions only matter when they are causing the women a problem or the kids a problem. Women are beyond selfish. All of you and I’m married. It in your nature to be selfish. Yaw have created the dating world yaw live in and then wanna complain about it. Sad
As a woman I’m going to say it goes both ways. All of us humans do things to eachother, good and bad. I don’t know if I have ever met anyone in my life who decided to stop having sex because they had unaddressed childhood issues? For one thing… we were all in lockdown at the time. Sex was one of the only things there was to do. Right now, instead of going out and making things worse he is making a call to someone he knows will help him. He deserves huge points for that. How about having some compassion for him and some hope that he gets the help that he needs for he and his families sake. It’s really easy to sit here and judge, isn’t it.
He knows if he leaves he will be miserable, yet he feels trapped in the marriage.
Yes! The big losers!
Yup
Sounds like my ex husband, I decided to leave my marriage because he went for the point of becoming abusive because he hated his life and our children are making him lose his youth.
Did you at least take him to the cleaners after the divorce?
There's always light and happiness at the end of a divorce. My husband just did this. Told me he has been thinking of leaving for over 11 yrs. Before I got pregnant with our son. But then I got pregnant and he dumped me, but I guess he changed his mind and then married me. Twelve years later he decided he could no longer stay married, after 2 kids, 2 homes and a successful career. It was hard for me. But it's been 9 months now and I'm finally able to see the light at the end of the tunnel. God bless you and wishing you a life of joy and happiness 😊
I was in this spot & it was a living nightmare.
It's not your fault that's his take on life, marriage and family. Most people don't feel that way so it's all on him👌🏼 You did the right thing making the decision for him and leaving👏🏼
That's wild
Dr. John nailed this one. He needs to find happiness within, where he is. Out there isn't going to change the inside.
He doesn't know....like he morphs into creation of others expectations ....but he is lost himself😮
I have no sympathy for this guy. He had unprotected sex with her when he wasn’t fully ready to have a family. All bro had to do was wear a dom
John is the non-toxic version of Dr. Phil, lol
I love this show!!
Not liking yourself. I think a LOT of people are suffering from this. I love listening to your shows. ✌️
"18-year-old-you was an idiot" truest words I've heard on this show 😆
I agree with Dr. Deloney. I had that feeling about a year in and I know my husband had that feeling too. It’s the time when the honeymoon phase is over and you begin to see all your spouses flaws that you were blind to before. But We just celebrated 19 years! And things aren’t perfect but I’m happy although we sometimes have bad days but who doesn’t???
You didn't see or talk about flaws before marriage?
Thank you!
Exactly!
@@robr268- dude… even after 4 years, sometimes you look over the “flaws” because you know that no one is perfect and you still get married. Everyone has issues. It’s whether they’re dealbreakers or not. The problem is some people turned what was not a dealbreaker into one after the fact.
Sounds like Trent got married because he thought that's what he was supposed to do. A few years in and he realizes it's not what he wants, but now there's a kid and he's responsible enough to stay instead of running off. So he's miserable but trying to find a way to make himself content.
the guy is screwed. He is having a child during record high inflation and an uncertain economy. He will have many years of stress and long hours of work ahead
@@boston312one kid per a 2 parent household, he’ll be fine financially. Just don’t have anymore
No, Trent is selfish and needs therapy. These type of guys always blame the person closest to them about the emptiness they feel inside.
Glad this guy admitted to being selfish. Cause you are. You have a wife and a kid. You are blessed dude. This guy needs to man up. No man’s life is easy. Life is really hard. Marriage is hard. You have to just keep on pushing.
Some adults just arnt ready for a major step like that. I wasn't ready to have a kid until I was in my 50s. I never would have been a good father if I had a child in my 20s, 30s or 40s
You should tell women why a man got to stay when he not happy but a female can leave at any time
@@saferides2474bullshit.
@@saferides2474 A ton of women stay in unhappy marriages for kids and because they made a commitment. What are you talking about?
@@raechelstaffel7298 studies show women divorce 80% of the time so your claim is false. Also the woman is going to get the kids anyway if she wants a divorce so that just killed your argument
Life is so easy .....we make it complicated . The stories we make up in our heads and believe it ....let us just live .
This is so true! ❤ there’s no greater value than peace and we are so focused on bs
💯
Trent hearing you speak,you hear your anxiety, nervousness and regret. I hope you find peace and contentment in your life.
Why he still sleeping with her if he was trying to leave 🙄 jackass
This is inner problem, no matter if he gets divorced or stays marriage it’s all in him. He is very anxious and depressed back and forth. He will feel that way despite getting divorced or staying in a marriage.
hey Trent buddy... I hope that you have a happy ending in all this, i hope you do whats right for you, your wife and child. The best thing you can give your daughter, is 2 parents that love and respect each other. Not a guy lounging around the house that doesnt wanna be there. She needs a solid example of love and peace, because what you're showing her now is what she will accept in future relationships. She deserves better.
💯
I, I, I, me, me, me. This guy never should’ve gotten married to anyone, period. I’m all for guys showing their emotions - BUT not like this where they play this woe is me, victim card. You CHOSE to get married. You CHOSE to have unprotected sex even though you knew you didn’t still see a future with your wife. YOU are responsible for these decisions YOU made! To string your wife along KNOWING you felt this way makes you a COWARD. Men are supposed to be leaders. This guy definitely gives insecure, follower vibes. If the wife doesn’t “like” him, it’s because she’s not stupid and she now knows what he feels and isn’t coming out and saying out loud. This has NOTHING to do with her. John hit the nail on the head by saying this guy doesn’t like himself and is self sabotaging. I hope things work out for the best for everyone. His wife deserves to be with someone who is proud of her and adores her, not a wishy washy person who only thinks of themselves and their “happiness”.
All of this!
Best comment ever!! Very well said!👏👏
women have over 10 forms of birth control, shouldnt the wife have used one if she knew the husband didnt see a future with her? I dont see how having a baby is going to save the marriage for her nor how it will create a happy environment to raise a kid. I think it would be best to abort the child and have this couple go their separate ways
@@boston312 did you watch the video? She didn’t know.
You are just oozing self righteousness. This is a scared kid with horrible punishing thoughts going on in head head on the regular. We cannot control all the thoughts that go through our head. It’s impossible. And imagine if we were punished for our thoughts…..We would all be screwed.
The important thing is, instead of acting on those thoughts he reached out to the right person and asked for help. He admitted what had been going through his head and he asked for advise.
And John told him several times that he had had those exact same thoughts at different times during his marriage (He told his wife after a year that he thought they made a mistake). I don’t see you insulting John for doing that to his wife.
He could have gone out and done all sorts of things to really damage his marriage, but he didn’t. He stayed out and is trying to do right by his family. He already doesn’t like himself so if he’s reading this let’s pile on some more and tell him what a loser piece of crap he is? What was the point of ripping him to shreds? How was that helpful?
This was God saying stay put. People so quick to give up a marriage these days
I agree that people are quick to leave now a days, but I don’t think this is a sign from god
No. It was birth control saying, "Why didn't you use me?"
@@lorrilewis2178 😂
@@melinated2497 😁
Lesson: if you don't want a lifelong commitment to someone--or are reconsidering the one you already made--have protected sex or no sex.
It's amazing how quick Dr. John can get to the root of the problem.
My husband was not excited when I was pregnant. Even though it was planned. That's called normal. He is a great dad.
Not excited is normal when planned? Are you sure?
Excellent advice for Trent. I was in my 50s before I became aware that the voice in my head telling me I wasn’t good enough wasn’t my own. I’ll be praying for Trent.
Most of the time, the wrong voice are the falling spirits keep insult you, prayer is a good option to get out those things. Good luck!👍🙏👊
Sorry Dr but when someone says they dont want to be with me, its over. Marriage isn't dating.
People go through their own issues. Marriage is a lifetime commitment. Sometimes a spouse has to fix their own stuff to be able to show up fully. Patience is required in marriage. And compassion.
"I don't know what I want from life" meanwhile cream pies his wife and gets her pregnant, well life happens TO YOU that way dodo 😂
He's always a victim 😬🤮
@@sarahw7616yep, and he will cry louder when he gets her "bill" for such disrespect.
A lot of people feel the same way anxious , uncertain I’m glad he called asking for advice because he just made a lot of people feel better
I hope he gets snipped soon or he’ll be even more depressed when the second baby arrives. He needs to cut out the intimacy until he sorts out his feelings.
and she will get pregnant a second time once she feels him slipping away from the marriage
Man, Dr. John hit the nail on the head. And I could hear angst coming out of every pore of Trent's body and mind. That's hell right there.
He wanted to leave but was still using her body to satisfy his sexual desires! Did she force him to have sex? Just divorce her, smh. Not happy but having sex and using a woman but some how wants pity. I love karma.
Usually side with the guy but he is not smart. Yes s3x can lead to pregnancy, who woulda think it? 😅
Sweetie, you comments are more accepting to Reddit. Go post there. Its obvious that you are extremely triggered, and probably emotionally immature. You should call this show because sweetie, you really but really have a warped view of sex within marriage and in life. And sweetie, if you look past your triggers, you and actually listened to the call, you would not make the stupid comments. But you are American, you lot lack critical thinking and exceed in victimhood.
@@SarahConnor562 I mean if you're thinking of leaving, having sex is unfair to your wife as it's an emotional bonding thing for women, but of course most men only care about their own selfish sexual desires.
@@SarahConnor562upheld vows are the precondition for healthy marital sex. One person is inevitably going to feel used in a situation where the vows have been broken but sex proceeds. Just as sex with strangers can “feel good” but still leads to feeling used later on.
@@SarahConnor562You sound unbelievably immature.
I was married 28 years. I wished the minute my ex knew he didn’t want to be married anymore he had walked out and filed for divorce. I regret staying in loveless and sexless marriage. After his girlfriend called me to say I’m having affair with your husband I was so mad at him that I wouldn’t give him a divorce. It took me 10 years to give him that divorce. When ever I talk to young men I tell them if you know you don’t want to be married walk away don’t stay. I’m so mad at myself for staying I did it because 2 boys I told my son at 14 years old that I didn’t want to be married anymore and he said no. He and I don’t speak anymore. The divorce has ruined my relationship with my 2 boys.
You ruined it. Not your divorce.
You cultivated your spite for 10 years? You made yourself lose another 10 years, this time to inner ugliness. That's sad.
Thank you, Dr. Delony, for normalising intrusive thoughts that creep up on couples in long-term unions. Those thoughts can make you feel crazy, and alone and fantasize about an imaginary ‘grass is greener on the other side’ scenario. It takes work to constantly re fall in love with your partner and even your own life.
You literally can get married and just not have kids. So many people think that having kids is mandatory and don't realize they never were fit for parenthood or even wanted to take that path altogether. That's why so many couples are miserable now. Doing things on autopilot out of societal pressure.
@@wordsalad01it was never advice. Clearly he can't go back, the kid is already here. It was an observation and I was giving my two cents to people who haven't made that permanent decision yet who might be watching this video.
This comment is a cancer to society, good grief
It is completely pointless to get married and not have kids.
As a guy the only potential benefit in marriage is children because it is SLIGHTLY more difficult for your beloved to “I’m not happy” you.
Everything else is risk.
@@chitlinjuice you're right. It's insane the way that adults fall into peer pressure just like school kids. Walking away from a spouse has less consequences than splitting up a home with children.
It's sad that you think that way.
This sounds like my father when I was 18 years old in 2004, and that same year he died by suicide. I was very young at that time, but as I was listening to this caller, I could hear some of my dad in Trent's voice. I didn't start learning to hear anxiety, depression and a call for help in that voice until many years later because I was young and selfish. I kept replaying my memories over and over until one day I heard it, but he was already long gone. It's hard.
You were not selfish, you're not selfish even now You were so young You do realise it's not your fault, right? If he wanted to take his own life he would have regardless of what you did or said It was his choice and he decided to exercise that choice You could not have prevented it from happening even if you watched him 24/7 Never blame yourself for something that was neither your choice, nor your responsibility to begin with You're not responsible for his death He IS Sometimes the deepest truth hurts the most Big hugs ❤❤❤
I'm sorry you lost your dad. :(
@@SandraStachowiczLtdI really want to thank you so much for taking the time to share your thoughts and your kind words with me. I know that - deep down - I just forget sometimes.
A happy divorced dad is better than a dispondent miserable married father.
I'm not sure he's gonna be happy. Sounds like many of his problems come from within.
Nonsense. Happiness is an elusive goal, and it’s never achieved by hurting everyone closest to you to pursue some selfish ideal. Buck up, work at serving your family, and stop naval-gazing. Get daily exercise and find time to build relationship with your spouse again. Running away wasn’t a solution at 5 and it’s not at 35 either.
Getting a divorce isn’t going to make him happy, because he’s not happy with himself. Besides, whoever came up with this idea that the goal of life is your own personal happiness is quite frankly stupid. It’s a selfish and pointless goal. The goal of life should be purpose and helping to make the lives of others better. Millions of people chasing the ever elusive “goal” of “happiness”. To me, it seems so vapid and weak to only ever think of one’s self.
@@cathyl7944- YES! ❤💯
Selfish me me Dads serve no one. Who has unprotected sex with their wife when they want to dump her and the kid they already have. His wife did not get pregnant alone for gosh sakes. Had he even shared his angst with her.
He was struggling at the beginning of the call and by the end of the call his eyes were open
I think he's gonna get counseling and be a better man, husband and father
This was a good call ❤
A friend of mine, as he tells it, literally signed the divorce papers and he and his wife figured they'd have one last romp to cap it off (odd, but I'm guessing both parties are pretty emotional at that time), and his ex-wife ended up pregnant with their (now adult) son. Irony is too simple of a word for it.
Did they end up back together?
Why do some women do that? As soon as they break up with a dude, they get pregnant by him. It happens so often that it doesn't seem like a coincidence. More so, deliberate. Like they want a piece of him forever. It's weird.
No. They stayed divorced.@@blueseptember2174
Who knows. My wife (still married!) got pregnant with our second when we weren't planning on having any more. It was such a one off thing, and it took her a _year_ to conceive our first with lots of planning ...go figure. @@chitlinjuice
@@chitlinjuice I mean to be fair the same could be said of him. He's the one going in not to be graphic
She was great enough to be intimate with uh? SMH
It saddens me that so many people don’t know what they want out of life and end up in a state of autopilot, as I did for most of my young adult life.. luckily I was fortunate enough to discover a passion, lifestyle and career that worked in harmony. Which was sailing. All I knew was that the ocean brought me happiness and figured the best way to be there as much as possible was to live on a boat. 3 years later, I’m an experienced sailer with a captains license, I work a great job as harbor patrol in Catalina, and this Fall I’ll be cruising the Caribbean. Life has never been better and I thank myself for having the courage to take a chance. We have ONE precious life.. Don’t waste it. Take that chance to do something crazy! It might be the best thing you ever do.
Come to Me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you, and learn from Me; for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy, and My burden is light. Matt 11:28-30
-Many times people search high and low for answers to their troubles when all they really need is Jesus ❤
When life throws you blessings but you are too self centered/selfish to give value to what's just in front of you and keep choosing to feel miserable about yourself..... victim mindset.
Sounds like my old bf who wanted to have sex with me but when it came down to have a serious conversation about me being pregnant, he said i ruined his life and he was having a mid life crisis. the dad wasn’t happy I was pregnant and I had to grieve the fact that my pregnancy wasn’t a happy ending or a being one to being with.
My dad left us to find himself. Dude spent the last 15 years of his life in a nursing home. Only saw his grandkids once. Died alone and neither of his children went to his funeral.
He simply doesn't like his wife anymore. He was trying to build up the courage to tell her, but she got pregnant before that. Now he feels stuck in a life that he doesn't want. I`m sure it`ll wear him down untill he cant take it anymore, or she'll realize. And you best believe that she already knows.
He obviously liked her enough to have sex with her 🤷🏻♀️
He likes her enough to sleep with her though
@@Enigma32174 Well, if you've been married for 4yrs, you don't just stop sleeping with the person. No different when a woman is making her exit plans. She still have to sleep with him occasionally...then she bounce when the plan is set.
Then why did he have s3x with her?
HE GOT HER PREGNANT!
Don’t make decisions when you’re emotional, don’t leave in the heat of the moment, don’t cut down a tree during winter.
Super wise words
I’m really glad John is taking this so seriously because I think that this is a person who in a few years will kill himself; and everyone who knows him will ask “why did he do it, he had a great family, he was SO happy, no one not even his wife thought this would ever happen.” I’ve only been watching John’s show for a few months and I think this is the most unsettling one yet. This man is brave to ask for help and the amount of strength he has to combat this is insane. Depression is no joke and takes the least expected people sometimes. I hope God calls him to his flock and gives him new breath and life 💗
Trent is like a fish out of water. When a fish is taken from his natural environment it dies. Sounds like Trent is far far away from his natural environment which is GOD. Best of luck to him and everyone else that feels like their life is “missing something.”
Doesn’t want to be with his wife but was still having sEx with her; that’s weird. This guy needs to grow up and realize you don’t bail on a marriage that isn’t all rainbows and butterflies.
I never had these feelings but then again I'm a ride or die kind of guy.
He says he wants to leave and wondering what he's doing . . . . but is still sleeping with her! Did he think babies are dropped off via a stork? I don't understand why people don't want someone but continue to be intimate with them!!
Also, social media makes us think so many things are wrong with us/our lives that we shouldn't be happy with what we have or who we are, because we see other people's lives and we forget they just post the highlights of their lives - and only the 'instagramable' parts too. Its so sad that people en masse are so unhappy these days. I think its a myriad of things - Social media, the altered food/junk food we eat and unresolved issues.
Dude is afraid to be alone.
sad thing is he will eventually end up alone anyways but with half of his money being garnished each month (via child support) for a baby he will be lucky to see once every two weeks
There is a reason for Birth Control. Getting pregnant is a not a random thing with a spouse.
hub is free like youtube
People get pregnant on the pill every single day, no form of BC is 100% effective, even vasectomies fail. You could choose abstinence unless actively trying to conceive, but most marriages won't survive being celibate except for one or two sexual encounters your whole life. The divorce rate would be a hell of a lot higher.
Wow my husband went through these things. It’s the responsibility of shouldering the cares and burdens of being a provider and leader PLUS the craziness of the world mixed all up in it. We had 4 pregnancies back to back and there was loss and stress and sadness and sickness…felt like a scary roller coaster ride. We loved each other deeply but we fought a lot and had to grow up. The children have grown and so have we. You get through it if you work really hard.
Nonsense. Lead what? Men can't lead anything? And provide what? Just what he would be providing if he were single. Stop acting like men our out wrestling wild animals daily.
Y’all advising him to divorce… Yo! He’ll still be anxious and depressed, regardless of his marital status! If anything, without a loving wife to lovingly kick his butt out of the couch and outside to mow and play with the kids, he’ll likely not live to be 50yo!!! In due time, with proper guidance, the habit of lovingly kicking him out the couch will become internalized and he’ll develop the internal motivation to get the kids out for some fun and games… That’s how CBT works… That’s his way out… Love & works… ✌️
He definitely needs a social support system, for sure. The community of extended family, friends, and like-minded neighbors is vital for successful nuclear families.
So he wants his wife to be his mommy? These males need to man up!
I think the issue is that people have this idea of how marriage will be and when they actually get married their illusion is shattered. They are kinda like is this it? Is this the rest of my life, and they are terrified. Also alot of couple stop dating each other after their married the excitement and spontaneous moment dwindle because they dont put much effort into their relationship. Lastly I think the other killer is the measuring contest and resentment that one of them is not putting in the effort. It can be emotional, sexual or house or familial labor that one is not fulfilling their responsibility and the other is slowly growing in that resentment.
well yes, if marriage was so easy we wouldnt have a 50 percent divorce rate with about half of the remaining so called successful marriages just barely hanging on by a string
Society has taught us to do the right thing and follow this formula but what happens when the feelings don’t follow? Getting “there” won’t change who you are.
I don’t think most people in the comments are understanding that he is suffering from depression and anxiety. What he is describing is literally the definition of depression and anxiety. I’ve been there. He needs some meds at least temporarily, while he attends counseling to get his brain more “stabilized.” I know with depression it made me not happy or content with anything. I hope he gets some help. It’s such a terrible way to live. After my therapist told me to watch the Disney film, Inside Out, that’s when I finally understood that I needed help. As funny and trivial as it may sound, it helped a lot.
I've 'been there' too. It's a horrible place to be. Inside Out also touched a chord with me
I agree with you. He sounds like someone I know who suffers from Depression and Anxiety.
My husband is a therapist and we think Inside Out is a masterpiece. Maybe the best movie about mental health ever made.
The devil comes to steal, kill and destroy. He uses these “random” thoughts to do that. I pray that this man can overcome this attack. He has become a victim of a classic attack. But Jesus has come to give us life abundantly. Trent needs Jesus first. Then he’ll be happy.
This forum has to be so healing for all the people that call in and bare their soul publicly. Much respect to anyone brave enough to be this vulnerable.
Godliness with contentment. I want to be welcomed and find rest.
Poor guy I’ve felt the same way before. In my relationship we worked through things that needed to change and were happier than ever before 2 years in! It’s not easy adjusting your life for someone else but that’s where you can build something you BOTH enjoy. And communicate this to her, don’t leave her in the dark because that just isolates you.
A lot of people saying “why is he having sex with someone he doesn’t intend to stay with?”
The dude literally is on here asking for help because he wants to fight for his marriage and needs help. If he really wanted to leave, he would have left. Just because you have thoughts of leaving or question your marriage doesn’t mean you aren’t committed. It’s something a lot of people go through and even John said he had those thoughts. Judging a 27 year old new father off of a 30 minute call where he expresses his darkest thoughts is a bit harsh don’t you think?
Why are people pointing put that he's 27 and so young if this was a woman you wouldn't be saying that. Also if there wasn't any social shame with leaving your wife and kid he probably would have
He's so clueless.
Or he called to get himself some pity and maybe permission to leave his wife.
The guy has no excuse. He was being selfish in that moment...only thinking about his little ....you know what. We all know
Committed people don't doubt their marriage or want to leave. Stop making excuses for this cowardly pos
Laughable. Take responsiblity. Really. You want to leave your wife and having unprotected sex with her. Shame on you. If I were this wife, I will walk away, put you on child support, alimony. Some people think marriage is a toy. Get in jump out and play with people emotions. What did your wife do so much? You have not given any tangible reason to walk away from your wife?
alimony? lmao, i thought you were a strong independent woman. Why would you need someone else to fund your lifestyle when your a grown woman. Get a job you bum.
I’m a 27 year old female and I totally relate to everything this man is saying. Maybe this is a quarter life crisis issue. 🤔
This all to common type of man, is the reason I will never have children. My own dad was like this caller , decided after kid number two he didn’t like the life he created. Moved 20 hours away and lived the bachelor lifestyle. Of course my mom was the one to take on all the responsibilities he left behind. Men know they can just bounce and reset at any moment.
Not all men are like this. It’s not fair to group everyone into one category.
Wife said, saddle up daddy! You're not going anywhere 😆
thats right, i guarantee you she accidently stopped taking the birth pill.
Oh here it is! I knew somewhere someone would blame her!
So have all the millions of women before her. That’s the nature of marriage, sex, and pregnancy. Makes men grow up.
This was very insightful and helpful. Thanks to Jon for his empathy and the caller for his honesty.
I hate the comment sections in John’s videos. Everybody has an opinion or is so judgmental and no body know the nuance or complexity of this guys life. I hope people practice more empathy in their real life than in these comments.
Pretty easy to see why he’s feeling this way. Didn’t spend enough time being single, got married too young and had a kid he didn’t want (a massive, massive responsibility). He made a series of bad decisions, now wonder his life sucks and he’s fed up with his wife. John is fantastic the way he helps this guy to feel better about the consequences of his actions and to accept his life as it is.
Happiness is not a destination, you don’t get to unpack and live there, happiness comes in moments, honestly people need to rub some dirt on it and harden up, expect the worse then enjoy it when it goes well.
Well done Dr JD. That was handled well. You worked him out quickly.
When you think the grass is greener on the other side of the fence ...water your lawn
Hey men; please be selfless enough to leave BEFORE you get your wife pregnant and ruin her future. This guy shouldn't have gotten married, and his lack of sense of self is now dragging two other people down with him.
the wife knew what she was doing. She knew he had a foot out the door and trapped him back in with a so called accidental pregnancy
So the wife was the one who didn't pull out? Or was that him? Be for real@@boston312
@@boston312took a break from watching Tate to come here, huh?
This guy wants the Instagram dream. He expects it to "happen to him" but in reality it starts with him. People have to make their own happiness an peace. It doesn't just turn up with out putting the work in.
"she got pregnant" you kean you knocked her up lol. She didn't do it alone.
Dat 🐈 felt felt amazing. Mind blowing. He busted up inside her.
This Dr is so good that the caller only says something, and the doctor already have answers line up. WOW.
this man is a child
EXACTLY 💯