I Had an Affair . . . and Our Sex Life Is Suffering
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- Опубліковано 7 лип 2024
- I Had an Affair . . . and Our Sex Life Is Suffering
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Imagine a world where the guy is nauseated, back pain , exhausted, been cheated on, lost a baby , and now has to sexually perform. Makes ME nauseous!
Oh and pregnant
Men are devoid of empathy. I’m convinced
@@Emptytopfloor No. Mike is devoid of empathy.
@@liverfailure1597 sadly, so many men are this way.......
@@liverfailure1597 Mike is a man.
My wife is currently pregnant after two pregnancy losses. I couldn't imagine complaining to her about lack of sex in this season of life, let alone if I had cheated on her. Good lord dude
…and that is how a small problem grows into a gigantic one. Through well-intentioned neglect. That was also the point Dr. John was making. A guy who is simply an asshole doesn’t get in front of the nation and give his wife a chance to blast him for his mistakes.
This guy was probably like you… understanding…kept ignoring his own needs in favor of hers…until he ran into someone who wasn’t willing to neglect them (she is neglecting them and she knows it)….
….and discovers that he no longer has the will to say no.
You can ignore reality… but you can’t ignore the consequences of ignoring reality. His wife--to her credit--gets this.
He cheated. She helped to create an environment where he was vulnerable to being tempted. Two to tango.
I remember being pregnant again after two miscarriages in one year. I was terrified every day that this would be the day the cramps and bleeding would start. It took energy and intentionality for intimacy because the fear and guilt are real. Praying for your rainbow baby.
@@kellygreenii wow, your projecting a lot BS! This guy was and is a POS, that cheated on his wife…and is selfish as hell! By the way, if he would be half a decent man…you have the talk then leave, you don’t cheat! Stop incenting excuses for crappy men! The only issue here is that she didn’t divorce him straight away after his cheating! Thankfully, she is becoming a minority and women and men should divorce cheating spouses! It is simply as that! You are married : you don’t cheat! If the marriage doesn’t work, divorce and find someone else! But cowards would cheat and want the family too….then blame the women! She will divorce him hopefully,since a prick like this is a shitty father anyway…and he won’t accept that his needs are not before the children’s! Yeah, that’s not how a family works…!
Wishing you, your wife, and your baby good health on this pregnancy! Congratulations!
@@kellygreeniiwtf did I just read. Do you think men are helpless children that are too stupid to control themselves? Not cheating is the easiest thing in the world. There is no excuse. If your partner is "neglecting" you, then break up. He exposed her to possible infection, undermined her trust, and proved that at the first sign of trouble, he crumples like a wet bag. The only thing she should be criticized for is starting a family with a guy who has poor moral fiber.
That man is 100% going to cheat on her again.
Normally I'd agree with you but I don't think that's the case with this guy.
Why would you say that?
Well considering she still isn't sleeping with him, I would say he will. He should have left her and found a better woman instead of cheating and staying.
@@randybobandy9828Randy, you're still on here crying. Go tend your own scx life.
@@randybobandy9828Why does he deserve a better woman?
I’m 2 minutes in and I’m already so upset with this man. He cheated, his wife is pregnant, and he has no idea why she might not feel super sexy or sexual right now? Throw the whole man away
Yes, please call the Whole Man Disposable Service to come take out the trash.
@@sarahrobertson634 Oh wow, there is a service for everything these days : 3
8he 7@@sarahrobertson634
Yes it is quite sad. He has zero respect. She has it hanging over Her head that if She do not preform then He maybe will cheat again
@@lindalund9621Whole Man Disposal Service, here for pickup.
She’s worried he’s gonna cheat on her again while she’s pregnant because he did after the first baby? Omg no. I hope this woman eventually moves on and wants better than this guy. He’s like every woman’s nightmare.
Exactly!!
I know!!! She's basically blaming herself for him cheating in the first place and thinks when he cheats again (because statistically he will cheat again, cheaters most often are repeat offenders) that she'll be partly if not completely to blame. Poor girl, I hope she comes to her senses and gets out! Finds herself a real man who is unwavering in trust.
That's probably how she miscarried in the first child, this man is literally making her body SICK ! Stress kills, people! Life is too short to be stressed from your significant other!
Hope she gets lots of alimony and child support
I'm disgusted at how flippant he behaves starting @0:33 with all the laughing. He has no shame and no guilt for what he's done and it's blatantly obvious the only reason why he's subjecting himself to a 3-way call is in the hopes that Dr John will talk his wife into having sex with him or give him advice on how to get her into bed faster. Literally all he can think about. What a slime bucket!!
I hate when people make “YOU”problem a “WE”. you cheated on your wife and by the grace of whatever she forgave you and you are working it out with therapy and whatever. Now that she’s in her second trimester of pregnancy and not feeling well youre now struggling with the lack of intimacy? What do you expect her to do she’s pregnant and not feeling well but whatever reason your desire to get off trumps your sympathy and empathy for what she’s going through. That’s all on you sir and has nothing to do with her. He shouldn’t be leading any support group because he’s on the verge of cheating now
Well said. He is damn selfish.
ditto, very well said!
They explained how their views on physical needs are different. He was wrong to cheat but he has needs as well. He should have left her. Or, a compromise reached in some way. We'd be telling a woman to leave as well if her needs weren't being met and saying she was selfish if she went outside her relationship to get what she needed. We need to view it equally. He's bad, but not as bad as everyone is saying.
I think this perspective lacks grace. He cheated and he’s acknowledged that, but if you have empathy for your partner, past your own rage and pain, you’re able to recognise some ways you are able to support him in his reform that you previously may have underestimated which contributed to him looking outside your home. A married couple is a team. There are no ‘you’ problems
@@csx6910 I’m sorry he has desires not “needs”. No one needs sex to survive. His wife isn’t denying him sex cuz clearly her birth isn’t a virgin one. She pregnant and is constantly sick what’s she supposed to do compromise so her partner won’t stray to keep him happy. The moment he started feeling his desire trump his empathy for her he should have increased the amount of time he saw his therapist cuz he’s regressing.
The husband seems to think his infidelity history is hilarious - it's not. His role at this point is to protect his wife and unborn child, especially since there's already been a miscarriage. There also seems to be little understanding for her physical and emotional discomfort, something she is going to remember for a very long time.
Well he probably thinks the relationship is a joke because he completely disrespected it and she didn’t divorce him. Why should he take it seriously if there were no consequences?
@@standground7956exactly! He’s disrespected her over and over again and she STILL forgave him
Because he's not a child. While it is her responsibility to herself to set boundaries or to leave if she wants to, it's not her responsibility to 'teach' a grown man right from wrong through her reactions to his actions. That's what parents are supposed to do. Don't blame women for men's actions and choices. He should be intrinsically motivated to do the right thing. Even if she were to completely roll over and set bad boundaries, it's still his responsibility if he violates them. @@standground7956
It’s called, “nervous laughter”. Many people try manage their anxiety with humor or with laughter. I know because I’m one of those people.
He stepped into an arena where he --emotionally--rolled over on his back and and exposed his throat to his wife.
With only his trust that she won’t publicly savage him and humiliate him in front of the world to hold onto. He took a huge risk in doing something that was almost certainly HER idea.
To her credit, she respected him and the risk he took. Treating him with love, kindness, and respect…and not taking this as an opportunity for revenge. Many women wouldn’t not have been so kind and mature about this.
So don’t mistake his reasonable fear for flippancy.
Interesting that you equate accountability and bringing his own actions to light as vulnerability akin to a prey animal exposing themselves to a predator. @@kellygreenii
This women is going through the major physical discomfort of pregnancy, along with the mental anguish of fearing this pregnancy won’t progress to term like the last one, all while her husband can’t handle the discomfort of not getting what he wants when he wants it. Ridiculous.
“This guy is going to through the major physical and emotional trauma of a clinical depression. It takes every ounce of energy he has to haul himself out of bed every morning…all while his wife can’t handle the discomfort of his being unwilling to sit and listen to her go on about the insignificant details of her day. Ridiculous. “
How does that sound when we switch the genders around, and show the same level of contempt for her emotional well-being??
Where’s the outrage at her selfishness??
@@kellygreenii I’m not sure if you realize you’re proving my point.
@kateluck1555 …and your hypocrisy is proving mine.
@@kellygreeniiYou are literally the one being hypocritical here 😂
@@limiwa Nope. I’m the only one NOT indulging in a double standard. You ladies just don’t have problems with them when they work to your benefit…
THAT man is an embarrassment to ALL MEN!
All men as a human race are an EMBARRASSMENT!
Exactly the type of "man" you don't want to marry. The fact that he leads a group about infidelity and pornography and is asking for help to control his urges because his wife is the problem says a lot doesn't it?
How?? Because he cheated? Men and women do not cheat the same
@@englandhall5316not because he cheated you smart smart no soul. He's blaming it all on the wife and demanding sexual needs and she's pregnant! After a pregnancy loss!
@@englandhall5316 yes they do
What did he think the outcome was going to be? Every time they’re intimate she thinks about how he was in some other woman and wonders if that’s who he’s thinking about.
Then she should have left. If you stay after a partner cheats, you can’t just hold it against them for the rest of time.
True. I would constantly be thinking the same thing. That's why I know if I ever got cheated on I would not take him back. She probably shouldn't have either.
@@Dansyoung I mean it’s only been 2 years. Until the end of time yeah but you should expect it to affect things for several years imo.
No... She wasn't intimate before.. and that's the whole reason why he went elsewhere for sex. And. Don't blame it on her being pregnant. Because she was refusing sex for A LONG TIME before.
That too. Probably only had sex just to get pregnant and then refused after.
@@randybobandy9828he knew who he was marrying. That's on him.
And this is why you leave the first time everytime
This!! 100%. If your partner makes you their second choice, let them have their freedom to explore other alternatives.
Why do these people who have affairs think their behavior has no permanent impact?
And she got pregnant. Why did she do this knowing they are not in a good state? Ugh!
@@ST-rj8iu desperation. Codependent. Low self esteem. She could've divorced and left a childfree woman with no permanent ties to this man or his family. I highly believe he will cheat again. And soon actually.
So if you CHOSE to stay with your husband that had an affair, you would never sleep with him again?
@@John-du2mqhell naw, I wouldn't. At that point she should just agree to an open marriage if she doesn't want to let him go. He's not gonna stop cheating. But if she continues sleeping with him, she's putting her health at risk. You'd be surprised how many wives get STDs from their cheating husbands. It's more common than ppl think.
@@ST-rj8iuShe saw a window for what she REALLY wants. Children.
The husband speaks like his cheating just ‘happened’ to him when he was just standing around minding his own business, as if he had no active part in it. I guess that’s why he thinks it’s so funny.
Thats how they view it when they feel they deserve sex every 5 minutes no matter what. Doesn't matter where it comes from.😮
Exactly! I heard no accountability from his side of the story
My mouth can't hang any lower. I'm in total shock. 😮
I think John is way off. There is a young man who has a channel Jimmy on Relationships mind blowing info.
John's focus is on sex. This woman has been violated. Her trust not too mention this guy is more of an advocate for his penis versus her health.
That shows her how selfish this person is and deep down this woman knows it.
She says she's too sick. John's answer is let the husband decide if he is willing to get thrown up on. No she said she's too sick. (.)
@@user-qp2qe5gf9b 100%
@@user-qp2qe5gf9b well said. I can't see where this guy has the audacity to be so demanding when he cheated on her.
Exactly. John missed the mark excusing this donkey of a man for not putting the needs of his wife and family ahead of his for a few months coupled with the emotional trauma he cause his wife. He’s probably to blame for the miscarriage…
@@user-qp2qe5gf9b I agree...if this is John's day job, he should quit his day job! He gives terrible advice.
big SAME the first thing I said after hearing them was: this is about everything but the sex
Did anyone else notice his use of words... *"I confessed 2 and a half years ago"* instead of
"yes I cheated like 4 years ago after my daughter was born" ..?
I noticed. He skipped right over that bc he didn't want to go into how many times it happened, how long he kept it a secret from her and at what time period it begin, i.e. during/around the first pregnancy. His phrasing at the beginning od the call was about keeping it "tidy" and palatable so he wouldnt sound like a total trash husband but I knew he was a piece of work just going by that.😂
or instead of "Hi I am a cheating piece of crap, but have my wife trapped with a bunch of accountability groups and now she'll look like a quitter if she leaves. Now I can use that to get away with what i did!"
Why would he say it that way? Both are the truth..he confessed to cheating
Confession is confession. It sounds to me he takes responsibility. And btw I invite all the righteous judges here to consider what cheating on is a reaction to. To explain, not to justify or excuse
@@RCGuitar982 his wife isn't fcking Trapped... She is choosing to stay.
So she wants basically wants to meet his needs because she feels that he might cheat again? Oh no
she would no longer be "eating her own cooking" if she left. So sad
Exactly
Cringe
That makes no sense.
She's crazy for intentionally having a child with this man when they haven't worked out their issues and he's clearly still highly self focused and has little to no empathy, companion, or care for his wife.
She needs to leave immediately.
I totally agree. She’s responsible for her part. Staying with him and not protecting herself and allowing another pregnancy. He’s a porn addicted sex addict selfish man child. She needs to leave him before more trauma happens. With love 💛
Yes. He needs to work on his childhood trauma
Men we need to do our part around the house, dishes, laundry picking up. Take small things off their plate. No woman is turned on by some lazy guy who just goes to work and wants to sit on the couch all day
Beta male
My ex used to tell me it turned her on if I did housework…. And it eventually led to me doing the dishes, vacuuming, cleaning toilets, showers etc, and then at the end she didn’t feel like it - classic manipulation technique.
Women hold sex like a carrot on a stick and will manipulate you, and then resent you for it.
Not Remotely true. You putting on an apron and acting like a woman is not a turn on. Going deeper into your masculinity would. If your wife is not having sex with you, it’s likely cause she has ZERO respect for you. Get her respect, by acting more like a man.
Edit: I see the post I was commenting on was removed - it stated, maybe she did find it sexy but she still didn’t want s-e-x.
Moving the goal post. How about if a man said “it makes me love you if the house is clean and supper is ready”. But then he doesn’t say it or even mean it, because she didn’t clean the house the right way and supper was slightly overcooked. This is a form of manipulation and is unhealthy because the love and affection is subjective to performance.
@@user-qp2qe5gf9bTo get to this level of relationship you need communication. A lot of modern women expect a man to read minds. I can fix the cars, file the taxes, pay all the bills, mow the lawn, clean the house, but I (as well as almost all) men can’t read minds.
Women will also state it’s not fun if I have to tell him what I want. He should just know 🤔. This leads to the men who do know (because they have been with ALOT of women) taking over 😂. Until he’s bored….
People that stay together after infidelity amaze me. I know for myself that there is no way I would even try to make it work if my husband cheated on me. The constant concern - like the ones stated by this wife - that he would do it again would make me unable to ever feel safe in the relationship again. I have made that clear to him from Day 1, and we’re 33 years in. If he ever finds someone he wants more than me, he needs to go be with her. I’m not interested in being anyone’s second choice, no matter how many decades I have invested.
My dad cheated on my mom after 48 years of marriage and left her for the other woman. My mom would have taken him back in a heartbeat. I can’t wrap my brain around that.
I really believe there’s a reason that Jesus gave infidelity (abuse/abandonment) as the only valid reason for divorce. Once that intimacy and trust is gone, it’s nearly impossible to rebuild.
For me, people that choose to leave after infidelity aren't any less than people that choose to stay. Both sides, and in between, have different stories and lessons to offer people.
@@alexnightray3204I definitely agree. Everyone has to do what they feel is best. I just know my own limitations. 😉
Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the face - M. Tyson
@@Phidias1234 Did you miss the part where I said this was my personal position for over 30 years? Or when I said I watched my parents go through it? 🙄
You don't actually know what you'll do until you're faced with reality. You can say what you would do until you're blue in the face. It's unfortunate your parents lacked the discretion to spare you from their marital issues. You were never supposed to shoulder that as their child.
I don’t understand why a person can’t go without sex for a period of time. It’s ridiculous. If he cheated and now he can’t support and be understanding then I don’t see how she can stay with him.
This is because you are viewing it with a female lens. It would be like if a husband ignored you for several weeks. It would feel bad and like your partner doesn’t want you.
@@Dansyoungyeah exactly. They should imagine if their husband ignored them for weeks, didn’t text them or give them a kiss in the morning. Basically, no attention or affection given. That would be the female equivalent to this.
@@italkgory99 men do this all the time, then they still expect sex...... haven't you heard countless women complain that their husband's only give them attention when they want sex???? I hear it ALL THE TIME.
@@Dansyoung yes, I have a vagina, so I understand that sex can be painful and uncomfortable for a number of reasons. Even being bloated and/or having gas can make sex painful. If your husband doesn't properly simulate you beforehand AKA foreplay, sex can be painful. Chore sex usually equates to BAD sex, and it doesn't make a woman want to do it again when sex is bad and/or painful. And women complain all the time about their husbands only giving them attention when they want sex, so a lot of men do ignore their wives. It's probably why a lot of married men have shitty sex lives..... maybe pay attention to your wife and give her non-sexual affection once in a while, and do a few household chores too.
@@blueravenchickWell that is also not a healthy relationship. Healthy is caring about your partners needs and wants.
This poor woman. I wish her best.
If he cheated after the first baby I would be concerned he’d cheat after this one, too.
He shouldn’t demand anything from her!
Not to mention, he’s wanting sex after a betrayal, miscarriage, and her being INCREDIBLY sick?
No. He’s on her time now. He has to put in more than a couple years to make up for what he’s done.
Full compassion for the lady, where she currently is and what she has gone thru. That said who are you to put the man on parole for life. He made a huge mistake, that's obvious. What led him to that belongs to them. What I heard here is a couple who want their needs to be HEARD, not met, just HEARD. And Dr John did a masterful job as most often.
@@benascg-ll7sq”He made a huge mistake”? NO! HE MADE MANY, MANY DELIBERATE CHOICES! He CHOSE TO BETRAY HER! He CHOSE to keep secrets! He CHOSE to lie to her! He CHOSE to break his marriage vows! He CHOSE to make plans to be with his affair partner! He CHOSE to ROB his wife of her choices! He CHOSE to lose his integrity! He CHOSE his selfish gratification at her expense! He CHOSE someone else over his wife and child! THERE WERE NO MISTAKES HERE! These were a series of CHOICES that HE made at her expense! The only mistake here was hers for marrying that childman!
So he was frustrated because he was in a sexless marriage that he cheated but now you think he should just not complain about a sexless marriage? What?
@@randybobandy9828It turns out that cheating on a woman doesn’t turn her on.
Aint no way i would ever get on a podcast with a cheating partner.
I would be out the door that night.
I’m so grateful that my husband never pushes sex on me… I feel like this is such a toxic situation
You’re blessed.
I can only hope he hasn't gotten to the point where he makes you initiate all the time. If so, you shouldn't be so grateful.
TBH your situation might actually be worse. That usually implies he’s not that into it.
He'll be gone soon and is probably cheating already.
Your poor husband.. in a Sexless marriage... You're very lucky he doesn't leave.
I wish her nothing but the best and lots of strength.
I don't know any man that just stops cheating after they've been forgiven and rewarded again. And an affair is basically a long stint of cheating. Good luck lady. You might be spending a lifetime forgiving and being exhausted and hurt over and over. Men learn through fear and consequence. If you didn't divorce him after he cheated the first time, what you're signaling to him is he can cheat and be forgiven as long as he shows how remorseful he is and has the right language to make you feel better from being betrayed.
I’m 38, and just now learning that men only learn through fear and consequences. I also am a mother to 3 sons, and it took me forever to understand. Men/boys use language to hurt others, or lie/manipulate to get what they want. Period.
@@krystalgardiner5591am praying for those kids cause u doin a number on them 😂
He will get better at hiding it like all cheaters do , I doubt he told her the whole truth
@@krystalgardiner5591So you're 38 and that immature? OK... 😒
Well if that’s case good luck finding that none cheater lol 😂
She is an angel to stay with him, and if she is not in the mood due to pregnancy discomfort and hormones, WHAT COMPELS YOU TO PRESSURE HER. LEAVE IT IN YOUR PANTS. Think of what kind of person you've become, and thank your lucky stars that your wife forgave you. Improve on yourself, Mr. Husband. Because you are the root of the problem here.
Especially after he was unfaithful he shouldn’t be complaining about anything forever. It’s pure selfish behavior and they’ll be in the same boat again
for real. I'd be like "oh, you're horny? the bathroom is right over there :)"
You are so right.
Why would he thank her? He's still in the same situation... A marriage without sex, that sucks.
@@docmbrown5096 why do you think he cheated in the first place? She withheld sex.. so you think he is going to stick around in a sexless marriage and never complain about sexless marriage? You're kidding
My then husband cheated on me when I was pregnant. He then chose to leave me when I was 7 months along. Wasn’t at the hospital when my baby was born. ( His choice) divorcing him was a blessing in disguise. I don’t wish him bad or anything. We both have moved on.
I think she has made getting cheated on her identity in order to deal with it. Like she has to stay married now because she sets the example in the group she runs. We all have things that we go through in childhood, thats no excuse to break your wifes heart and trust.
I agree with you! When they said that they run a group... I was oh no!
She likely believes she can earn his love and fix him but he lacks any ability to set internal limits and her nagging and coddling will not change that. Lust is a cheap inward oriented experience while loving your wife and limiting yourself actually costs something. He is cheap and probably stupid
I'm not sure how he thinks this will not have consequences....... I wish her luck if she truly wants this.
Me Sowing Me reaping meme… this is why you think with the brain upstairs (all people are sinful but some sins are far more costly)
I think that's the consequences especially of people who don't care about there actions God gives them over to there depraved mind which I find demonic
I love when both people come on!! more of these please
True, two sides of the story
These 2 people are trying for something that IS NOT there. Now they are having a baby. They should had broken up 2 years ago. This is not going to work out long term
The old 'a baby will make our weak relationship stronger,' fallacy. Babies test the strongest of relationships. Destined to fail. She enables his lack of self-control
When I was 19 I was madly in love with girl. Together for awhile…she cheated, I “forgave” her but for the next month every day I saw her and every time I was with her I was mad and disgusted. I never got over it. Went on like that for about a month and I left.
Yep, that’s why you should always leave. Me personally, I’d always dumped them without even confronting them or honoring their cheating with a conversation.
If that’s your personality (mines the same way) I know I would never get over the cheating. My mind would always worry, wonder, think about either it or then doing it again. I would never be able to be myself fully open in the moment ever again. It would slowly ruin me inside and the anger and blame would slowly kill any type of relationship left. I learned this along time ago. I have no room for forgiveness except for forgiving myself for choosing wrong and moving on. That’s the only way to love yourself moving forward from someone cheating….
poor woman, she's blinded by the company they keep. Its probably much easier for him to talk about it since he knows she's not going anywhere!
Let’s be clear, if my husband cheats on me, he will never lay another finger on me for as long as I live, and it should be the same for every other woman. Period.
💯💯
They were not strong enough in their marriage to then go through a pregnancy. Talk about bad timing...
Husband, here is your test. I am currently pregnant and have been very sick from the beginning. I just can’t have sex sometimes. It is what it is.
Can the husband be understanding and patient? I don’t know why that’s so much to ask. This is your time to step up and show that you’ve changed and are loyal to her no matter what. Especially as she carries your child. She shouldn’t have to carry the weight of your unmet desires. She’s going through and has gone through enough.
I thought ALL women were so strong and independent
How about this test for the females. Your husband stops working for a year because he doesn’t feel like it. Doesn’t care at all about how that affects you - would you not be concerned by this?
@@Dansyoung BINGO
you triggered the in-els
@@johnlanier3616do you know any women or do you just take in social media posts? Many women are weak and spineless. My mother is one of them. She let men dog-walk her ass for decades. Strong, independent women, on the other hand, don't marry....cuz why would we? Most women are somewhere in between. Those are the women who will likely get divorced at some point.
How can anyone whose beloved wife or husband had an affair NOT think of who their wife or husband bumped uglies with? I mean...Even if the non-cheating partner was intensely invested in rebuilding the marriage, that non-cheating partner would be UNABLE not to think about it in any sexual encounter.
The husband is so immature and lacks empathy for his actions and for his wife’s physical state.
Does she lack empathy for his desire for sex as well?
@@mxusa8383 it's not about empathy. She's pregnant and feeling ill 24/7. He has two hands, he can take care of himself.
@@BagznBirdz Jenny in the office has hands just like his wife. Be careful rejecting your partner too often…
@@mxusa8383 And your wife has the feet to walk out of the door any given moment and never return. Be careful violating your spouses, not everyone is a doormat.
@@mxusa8383He needs to control himself.
The level of selfishness in this guy amazes me. Why in the world would you try to salvage a marriage where you have to force yourself to be intimate with this guy so that we doesn't go be selfish again and cheat on his family again. He has a daughter and a pregnant wife and the only thing he cares about is his sex life, this guy will not change with all the therapy in the world, it's a fact that it hasn't done it in 2.5 years. Run girl! rebuild your life with someone you can trust, someone you will not fear will cheat on you the first time he doesn't get what he wants.
he watched porn when he was young--give him a break!!
I stayed after my husband cheated. Twice. He eventually left me anyway.
let him go as its his loss not yours.
I am so sorry you went through that!
I’m so sorry. My husband betrayed me too.
Did you do everything to keep your marriage healthy ? If you denied him sex..especially for long periods of time...betrayal was probably inevitable anyway! A man will only wait for so long if he does not feel needed, respected, at peace, no sex !
@@misterb5926What? That is so frigan crazy to blame the wife for the unhealthy choices the husband made. That was all him needeing his ego boosted because he’s weak and lacks integrity and morals. The wife played no role in his decision to cheat. He is a selfish human being period!
The people in the comments seem to make more sense then the whole show. Everyday it is another story on the internet of two people having another child, when they can't handle the life and family they have now. Can everyone stop having children for five seconds.
Your coment made me laugh! Thanks!
This, lol. I'm so sick of people being disasters and having babies.
Ugh, this
The birth rates n this country proves that everyone is not popping out babies left and right...barely replacing the population
If I were married, and my spouse cheated, I would divorce him immediately. Absolutely no (i.e. ZERO) second chances allowed! Cheaters CHOOSE to destroy the trust and the intimacy completely.
Does a cheating spouse really ever escape the ditch they dug for themselves? Maybe, but that ground is always going to look different. Don’t this guy has any place to ask for, expect, and / or demand intimacy at this stage of the game
If you have to ask or beg for sex then that’s a problem because it means they don’t want you. Me personally it’s ’s beneath me and I’d rather have dignity and self respect by not asking for pity sex. If you don’t dump a cheater then you’re opening yourself up to further disrespect.
@@standground7956 100%
John….how are you completely ignoring the fact he CHEATED on her?!? That would be my big BRAKE. He’s a cheater…..
Guess he's giving them grace...smh. especially since there's kids mixed in with it and they want to make the effort to fix things, even though it's only the man that needs to fix the issue 😒
And that she's pregnant. That guy needs self control, clear boundaries, and not force his wife who is in a lot of stress and discomfort to have sex. I was like "You really gonna make her compromise right now? Seriously?" WTF Dr. John!
So are you of the belief that people can’t change? This couple is making an attempt and you are already condemning them to the worst possible outcome. Have you ever made mistakes? Have you ever had to rebuild trust with a loved one after you failed them? Humans are not perfect. Would you be okay being labeled a tyrant or a difficult person for the one day you had a lapse in judgment and yelled at everyone or would you want to be given the space to change? I don’t understand “once a cheater, always a cheater” mentality. So sad.
Really unlike John. Usually he always goes after the guy.
My husband tried to cheat and walked away from our marriage after we had two kids. I fought to bring him back and he finally came back. The man isn't tech savvy at all and super sloppy even with surprises. I could easily find out everything about him. He bends over backwards to make sure I know he loves me and would never do that again. People can change if they really want to. I had to forgive and he had to work very hard to earn my trust back. It's taken lots of years to get to the point we are now and our marriage is better than it ever was.
He gonna keep cheating so good luck Tara. Mike lacks sexual discipline and made his deficiency her problem.
It's called sex addiction. They even stated at the beginning of the call that they are in a couples recovery group for it.
@@DoctorSmartyPants I doubt he's a sex addict. That's a cop out. He just lacks loyalty and morals.
Sometimes John gives really really bad advice. He should have told the wife to file for divorce immediately and run. Telling a sick pregnant women that het body no longer belongs to her and suggesting she should have sympathy sex with her husband after he cheated is just low. Really low.
John’s comment about her body not being hers is do to the pregnancy AND their 4 yo child. At 4 yo they are climbing on you and want to be held. You DO end up becoming a playground which is what Dr. D was referring to!
SUPER LOW!
Yeah, the wording there was kind of in an odd placement but I 99% feel like he was talking about being pregnant and in young motherhood....which does make it true, I've been there .... kinda stilll there with my youngest the 6 year old 😅
I have been sick and pregnant for the 9 months . It's time for him to take care of her . Redeem himself . Be selfless and sacrifice instead of having affairs . That's the real problem here. The wife worries and is not able to just relax and try to enjoy the pregnancy .
No way would I go to any group this husband is hosting. Nope.
It's always the one's struggling the most who are in a position of "advising" someone else. The audacity and delusion is strong, I'll give them that much.😮 but that mentality is probably closely linked to the type who cheats in the first place. Entitlement is something else.
Truth is, there is no comeback from infidelity. It will ALWAYS sit there and linger, and NEVER go away. The world is too big and there are too many options out there, rather than staying with someone who doesn’t like or care about you.
He cheated and then she got pregnant when their relationship was suffering. Sounds like they are both idiots. Also sounds like alot of excuses on both sides .
Sorry to this lady. Good luck with that.
Then she gets pregnant again...with a cheater 😢
Great to hear both sides. Awesome job Dr. John!
Even after the pregnancy is over and the child has been delivered, a woman must heal her body and her birthing area for two months. When the pregnancies over he is still going to have to wait two months. I would never procreated with a cheater, or continue with a cheater. He's going to continue to cheat because she staying with him. The baby is the cheaters reward as is the wife if they can't leave him for betraying their marriage. I do not advocate for staying together after betrayal. It's not good for children at all. And there's a horrible imbalance in the marriage.
I actually try to get some sexy time in prebirth because not much is happening when I'm not sleeping and feeding a baby all the time.
This is why you never give cheaters a second chance. It’s not worth the strain on your mental health.
Proud of the courage it took for them to come on the show and the courage to continue working towards each other. ❤
It’s disgraceful. 🤡
He is NOT working on himself. He's trying to make her feel guilty for the past affair and probably looking for validation to cheat again
Work on what? He cheated. He broke all the rules of their marriage convenent and now there is nothing to work on. He felt inconvienced, because she was pregnant and did not have much interest interest in sex and to compensate or to just get even he choose to have an affair. He could have easily deterred from this if he had love and compassion for his wife and her pregnancy.
I hate the word infidelity. Just say what it is, cheating, betrayal.
That is pretty much the definition of infedelity, so... you can hate the word all you want, but it's easier to say one word than stringing out a phrase that means the same thing.
If a woman galvanizes a relationship with access to regular sex in the beginning of the relationship and then dials it back isn’t that betrayal as well? She sold this idea and lifestyle and then said nope I was lying I’m not sex 10 times a week I’m only 2 times a month. Many times the betrayal comes from the female long before he steps out to another woman…
@@sweetiespoon5150 I know that. But infidelity just sounds better on the tongue, less harsh than cheating.
@naomi-so5sr The ability to be concise when communicating is important. Infidelity is a very action specific term. Cheating, OTOH, can also be used for a spectrum of offenses (major to minor) that have nothing to do with being unfaithful in an intimate partnership.
IMHO, the level of harshness between the terms is simply your perception. If you don't like the term, then by all means, don't employ it in your daily vernacular. Word policing other people's speech to suit your personal sensibility is gross.
"your body is not yours anymore, you share it"
Wtf John
It’s not. He’s 100% right. She has a 4 year old, that age wants to be held and hanging on you all the time. He didn’t mean it’s now her and her husbands!
F that lol
I mean it's true if he's talking about her being pregnant lol
He’s talking about her being pregnant, not within the marriage.
He wasn't talking about the baby. He was talking about her body belonging to her husband. His body belongs to her as well. That's what MARRIAGE has always been. Two body's become one flesh. Two become one. This is a Christian channel. Traditional marriage is rooted in Christianity. Marriage is failing today because people think they know better than a tradition that's been successful for thousands of years.
Yaye finally both people are on the line !
This drives me crazy that relationships are so much work. You work a full time job. You deal with raising your kids. That is work. I don't want to come home and work more. Been single for 10+ years and life is waaaaaayyyyy easier. Never going back.
Me too, I love being single I don't have to go to work, get pregnant, cook clean after a man and children. Then be his sex toy lol. Other women can get stuck with that.
Weird flex but okay
jajajaja, you made me laugh! Thank you so much!@@user-if4ke6en9r
That sounds very lonely.
@@godpilled9077 My wife and I both had this mindset until we met while hanging out in a mutual friend’s group in our final year in college. We’re completely different in personality, both attractive but we enjoy deep meaningful conversations and one another’s company. After we started dating neither of tried to make a move, through conversation we learned one another were virgins, we actually waited until marriage. We’re now mid 30s, with 3 children, together 14years and you saw us you’d assume that we just started dating (flirting, communication, smiling, genuine, etc). Sometimes while I’m holding her in my arms - we reminisce about the fact that for two years, 5 days a week around 4pm - we’d passed each other on the sidewalk and just smile, wave and say hi. She’d be on her way to work and I’d be on my way to basketball practice. I’ll call it God’s work… my wife didn’t think men like me existed and she’s is far superior than any woman I imagined. We wouldn’t trade our relationship for any dollar amount and I wish everyone could experience a relationship like ours.
It's time to sacrifice buddy , forget about yourself for a little until she can feel herself again. Remember you cheated which probably put her in a bad place for months years
once you cheat it is done.. people like to lie to themselves that it can be fixed.. that will be what gets written on your tombstone - "Spent his/her life trying to fix marriage after affair"
Thinking rationally, if our grandparent and parents ended every relationship after cheating, most of us wouldn't be here to watch Dr. Deloney. Heck the Dr probably wouldn't be here. If you're speaking for yourself then fine. However there are millions of marrieds ( and their offspring) that would beg to differ.
@@DeshaunDamon they did end relations, in some cultures punishment for adultery was death both for the man and woman who engaged in the act.. societies that normalized sex outside of marriage currently has largest increase in substance abuse, mental health issues and fastest population decline (having to import people).. this is the exact reason why Islam is the fastest growing religion in the world
Having a kid doesn't save a broken marriage. It prolongs the misery.
This call was like listening to my husband and I years ago. He walked away from our marriage many many moons ago (we had 2 kids at that time). I fought hard to get him back and he did come back. We had our 3rd kid and things got rocky again but not to the extent it was before. I was also molested as a child and then again in college. So I brought that mess into our relationship which started affecting our marriage after we started having kids (not sure why then) and I also had hyperemesis and symphysis pubis dysfunction during my first two pregnancies which affected our sex life as well. Many years of therapy later and things are better than any other time in our marriage. Something as simple as cleaning the kitchen for me, after I've made dinner, while I get the kids to bed or work on homework has really helped me mentally. Our sex life is awesome but I had to listen to his needs and he had to listen to my needs which was a clean kitchen and living room before going to bed 😆. I definitely wish we would have had a book like that around us a decade ago because it would have saved us from loads of heartbreak, disappointment and anger. I'm hopeful they'll be able to work together to better their marriage.
This man can eat grass. He cares for himself and is extremely selfish. No thank you. Praying for his wife.
I dont get this... I'd absolutely never cheat on a partner.
This ultimate betrayal happened so soon into a marriage. I hope she recovers and can live a happy life someday. More children will complicate it. They are opposites. That is why it is so important to be responsible and get to know the other person's expectations before getting married. When you are married to the love of your life you would not sleep with others. It wouldn't even cross your mind bad childhood or not. Pregnancy illness would not be an issue because when she is hurting he would hurt even more. So sorry for this family.
Im not restoring Ish and def not having your baby after infidelity. These women are crazy as heck sacrificing years of true happiness for what they think is love. Most men dont improve much
Sooo true. Why not just marry a normal healthy man? Why pretend he’s not continuing to cheat?
Pushing him to admit he doesn't like his sick pregnant wife with her on the line when talking about how he cheated her is.... something else. My heart broke for her because there was never thought that him being a cheater is an incredibly unattractive quality, just things that are wrong with her and things she can improve but his is just so .... low level. Clean the kitchen? Shouldn't he be doing things like that anyway? Especially if they're both working. I myself was in tears by the end of this call because there's just no empathy for the fact that she's in the same situation she was in when he cheated before and her child died and her world crumbled. He admitted what he did but used very minimizing wording and she's terrified he's going to do the same thing again and rather than having an expectation that he will not cheat on his wife, it's all about how she can give him more sex so he won't cheat on her because there's a continued expectation and acceptance that if she's ever in a situation where she can't put out, he will turn elsewhere.
Idk I just find infidelity too much . I’m 15 years in a marriage 2 kids and no I could not forgive infidelity. I love him but I’ll always love myself also. I don’t care what god or religion belief one might have . But I’m a Firm believer “ once a cheater always a cheater”. And it’s crazy because when they reoffend, the non cheater is surprised. Good luck with that .
Then you don't deserve forgiveness as well.
May you forgive your partner infidelity each and every single time. That’s your business.
I experienced a cheating wife after 7 years married and two kids. I walked away - ZERO regrets, I missed the person I thought she was, but that was fake anyways 🤷♂️. I think the best thing a person can do is walk away.
Good for you. The pain you’ll take with you for staying would probably haunt you a lifetime . So you’re better off and deserve more. Not sure now people can be so forgiving . It’s like , do you have a # on how many times you allowed to cheat and forgive ? But good for you 🙏🏻
@@samuelzulu9731 Men DO NOT forgive infidelity and I'm sick of women being asked to do so. They shouldn't.
I was once in a serious relationship and was cheated on. We tried to work it out for years but I could NOT get over it. We even went to therapy to try to help me move on but every time he touched me, I thought about the cheating. So **I** became the problem. After 2 years I just told him "sorry, I'm too damaged so this can't work for either of us." If I could go back, I'd tell myself to give up sooner.
Agree 💯. Principals, values and trust are needed for a strong, stable foundation in a relationship. Woman leave that jerk! That will NEVER work.
The audacity. He cheated and even expects his wife to have sex with him? If she cheated - he would be out. Women should stop staying with men who do not love them. Men marry their options while cheating with their preferences.
The kitchen sink thing was really off to me-most women I know it’s about things feeling good in the home to be able to relax to open up in general, not “I’m failing if I don’t clean the house”
Depends on how long it has been dirty for
Females don’t seem to care about the sink or the laundry in the beginning. It’s interesting why that becomes a chip in the game after he shows her commitment. Sounds like she has some work to do as well…
She has traditional values. IMO a clean, organized home is a sign of success; messy home - messy life.
For many reasons the grass is always greener on the otherside until someone mows the lawn.. this was such great and frank show. I really hope this couple are alot happer😊
Am proud of this guys, I pray they stay strong. Infertility is wrong but choosing to keep going that’s mad respect and am happy for them.😊
I love Dr Deloney, but I think he missed the mark on this one. She said what the issue was, and he proceeded to instead talk about traditional issues with sex in a normal marriage. There is so much more here. And no- she should not be expected to have sex when she feels sick and unwell. This is just ludicrous.
Being pregnant and not wanting to have sex because you will literally throw up on your partner is entirely different than a woman simply not wanting to have sex ever. This is a temporary season of life. Good grief. Is he that selfish he can't wait? What's he going to do during the 6-8 week post partum period when women are advised not to have sex at AT ALL until they're fully healed? Cheat on her again? This guy needs to get a grip. At this moment, his needs do not trump hers. Once she's past all this, healed, etc, then discuss needs in the bedroom moving forward.
John crushed this one.
This woman should have left him years ago. Doesn’t sound like it’ll ever be a happy marriage. All that counseling and they still have issues.
This call is as infuriating as the one from a few weeks ago, guy with the pregnant wife, not having sex.
1.) My condolences on the miscarriage.
2.) Mike needs to take a chill pill on asking Tara for sex. SHE IS CARRYING YOUR CHILD. When my missus was pregnant, I did not ask for sex. It would have been weird for me to have sex under those circumstances.
3.) Tara is enabling Mike. She continues to award him with sex (albeit it's slowed down due to her pregnancy) in spite of his infidelity. She's awarding him with children in spite of everything.
4.) Behavior is a language. Tara has told Mike, through her behavior, that cheating is OK. I'm glad Mike is willing to address this, because his mind is telling him he has somewhat of a green light to get his desires met elsewhere
Pregnant sex is awesome. You missed out. Also, your wife was desperate for you to make a move.
Lmao... She's carrying YOUR child. Once the divorce happens, it then becomes HER child. You can't make this shix up.
@@johnlanier3616 Yeah, true, but he'll be on the hook for at least 18 more years.
@@liverfailure1597no. It will be his child. He will be paying child support. As he should lol lol lol
“Rewarding”, not “awarding”. 🙄
Just his nonchalant voice alone drives me up the wall. The lady is pregnant, sick, traumatized by miscarriage and his previous cheating. He has no business demanding sex! Make friends with your right hand, dude and grow up and be supportive!
I feel sad for them. Infidelity is a tough thing to work through, especially for the betrayed spouse. They have a rough road ahead of them. I wish people would really stop to consider the damage they're doing when they step out on their spouse. Its devastating.
Finally both ppl instead 1 party giving there point of view
John really missed the ball on this one. If he understood they are dealing w sex addiction in the marriage, it brings on a whole different conversation. And unless John has MSAT credentials, he has no business advising them. The root cause here is sex addiction, which takes on many forms. It causes intimacy issues, and this couple's situation is being complicated now by pregnancy. I could write a book from personal experience.
I think John believes because he has two PHDs ( that he mentions too often) he is qualified to give this type of advice. His entire conversation with this unfortunate couple clearly shows this is way above his pay grade. He should stop being a pseudo doctor.
Why have an affair, confess then rush into breeding? Give each other some time to process what happened! A baby is NOT going to keep you together. Giving him on-demand access to your body is not going to keep him faithful.
The wife says “after infidelity you have to start from ground zero…” you do not have to. You can chose to stick with your husband, but you do not have to….You do not have to chose to have a child to “rescue” a marriage that is falling due to infidelity as well.
What makes sense is to sit down and chill and make an important decision what to do in the future.
I would have left after the first time he cheated. Pregnancy is the time in a woman’s life where she is 100% vulnerable. I draw the line at cheating. You’ll never look at that person the same again. Ever. 😢
You cheated on your wife (while she was pregnant) then she had a miscarriage, and you’re complaining she won’t put out? Dude, you are a terrible person.
This was a great call. It was great hearing both perspectives. I thought John did a really good job with this conversation. I think the root of their issue is that they both have valid and complex needs. There is nothing wrong with desire to have sex in your marriage (sex in a marriage is a good thing!), and desire to have sex can grow and fade throughout the different phases or trials of life. I think John gave some great practical advice about how they should communicate with one another in a way that is edifying and fulfilling for everyone.
He completely missed the mark on this one. Their issue was nowhere near whatever he was discussing but everything to do with the fact the wife said she is constantly scared he will cheat on her again. She's scared he will cheat after she gives birth a 2nd time, and she's scared if she doesn't have sex even if she's sick that he will cheat on her then too. The issue is so clearly her not feeling safe and secure in their relationship and it's 100% the husbands fault.
You are spot on!
4:46 The introspection from both of them, but especially the wife is great.
Ok... So I felt like the fact he was unfaithful was brushed off.
@@user-qp2qe5gf9b she doesn't bloody want to have sex with him cos deep down she still hasn't moved on from his AFFAIR.
Except it was not....
John clearly stated that he’s jumping into the conversation in a place that would occur after year(s) of therapy for that scenario. It’s almost like a lot of commenters didn’t even listen closely to the prefaces given
He is fortunate his wife is so forgiving. If I were her I would have dumped him as soon as I found out no questions asked. Hopefully he will never stop demonstratng his appreciation for her willingness to give him another chance.
Ooh! There’s no such thing as recovering cheater. They don’t exist. He will be right back at it as soon as possible.
@@Emptytopfloor Not necessarily in all cases but I do agree with you that the odds are not great that he is remorseful enough to never betray her again. I hope that he is and will treasure her and prove through his actions that he will never let her down again. Trust once lost is exceptionally difficult to win back.
@@needmoney666 promises are comfort for fools. That’s all I’ll say.
It’s funny that alot of people say they will leave after their spouse cheats but the truth is when it actually happens to you, most dont from what i see around me
I feel compassion for this women .
This woman needs to learn to love herself, maybe then she'll see what a piece of work her husband is.
It is extrememly hard to work on a relationship when two people have very different sexual needs. Espcially when she said she can go without touch for the rest of her life. They can play this dance for awhile but he cheated once he'll do it again. I hope she gets out before he does it the next time
"Creating a world"
Super deep!