I Had a Surprise Pregnancy at 40
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- Опубліковано 17 сер 2023
- I Had a Surprise Pregnancy at 40
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Do not wait for your children to grow up to start living your life!! Develop career interests, take your family to trips, go camping, go out with your girlfriends on Fridays!! Do not make your world revolve around your children only. Children need to learn live in an adult world too.
Yes, agree! Also, don’t you want your children to know the best version of you? Not the version that is miserable at home playing mindless Barbie games or however the caller described it. Not just that but you are modeling for your children, especially your daughters. Do you want them growing up thinking they too have to sacrifice their entire identity to be a “good mom?” Heck no! Go live your life! When they’re older they’ll respect you for it.
Exactly! Go do something!
I totally agree. Take your children WITH you along your journey in life, but keep and develop your interests! They will admire and learn so much from you. In the long run, they'll be much more well adapted and in tune with their own needs and desires.
This 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
It’s easier said but in practice it’s a bit more difficult and it becomes more challenging when you become a single parent. If you are lucky you might get a wake up call at some point to reorganize. You are not invisible and you can find a way bring yourself back into the forefront.
We had #2 at 42. It was very very fun. Now 71 and 73 everybody's doin' great!
My mom was single till she was 45....met and married my dad ..a widower who had two children...and then..had my twin sister and I at 47. Mom was a nurse midwife in Africa....and never expected to marry..let alone have children. It was an adventure for them...and Not always easy. I just know we were still a blessing in her life!
Wow! Incredible! 👏🏻
So sweet ❤
That’s inspiring.
American white women are so pathetic lol they act like caring for children in a 1st world country is soooooo hard
Outliers don’t make the rule
This call was about so much more than a fourth child at 40. She had the guts to express the quiet desperation many women feel because we don't believe we DESERVE the time, the attention, the support or whatever it may be.
It never stops. I’m 60 and I now I spend a lot of time taking care of my Mom. There is always something.
I had disabled grandma until two years ago and disabled child,now i have my disabled child and disabled mom because grandma passed away,it's hard but it's posible,i have all the suport from my husband,without him i will be lost!
Yep.
I hear your heart. 💔
I'm 60 also and spend my days taking care of grand children and AM HAPPY TO DO SO>>>>>>>>>> THIS WOMAN NEEDS TO WORK A REGULAR JOB FOR THE NEXT 30 years so she can appreciate her life more. She comes off as spoiled.
I had a surprise pregnancy at 39. Best surprise of my life
I did the exact opposite and had my first baby at 40. Life is hard no matter what side of the grass you sit on. I feel for and understand her.
I had my first and only baby at 39 as well and I did not have a village and I did not contemplate childcare being such an issue. And it broke my marriage.
@@eclipse.5295 You mean he bailed on you, making you a single mom now?
@@jimv77 😉 you got it Jim!!
Me too; only child at 38 in a second marriage. Raising kids is hard no matter what . I am financially comfortable because I had my child later in life but it was hard on my body and I haven’t aged well due to this (I think). If I would have had her at 20, I would have been broke and depending on others to help, but I would have had tons of energy , there is no magical time to do any of this
@@Tristum1970 My brother in law and his wife waited to get married then maybe waited to have kids then tried for 2-3 years..... after scientific help, got twins at age 33....man, they always look tired and both gained weight...always taking naps with the kids...she had to stop working..had to change their car for a minivan....they finally got what they wanted.....but its difficult and safe to say they are done with two kids. I personally think kids are great between age 5-11.....middle school is when they change.....and become young adults.....
If the couple doesn’t connect while the children are little, they aren’t going to magically connect when the kids leave home. I saw it with my parents.
Very true
And also the kids learn to not connect to their future spouse’s!
That said, sometimes it takes awhile. I didn't bond with my firstborn until she was 18 months old, because I had terrible PPD and she was a high-demand infant. But we got there. Not quite the same, I know, but worth considering.
I’m glad you shared this, I got divorced and I wondered if we would have just stuck it out would we have made it? But, we were living two very different lives.
She's so articulate and brave for saying what she feels. Motherhood is so tough.
All jobs are tough. It’s part of life.
@@miltoncatWhat is the goal of your comment? Genuinely curious.
@@miltoncatJust wondering if you’re a mom?
@@miltoncatmotherhood is the only forever Job. Any other "hard" job is not a permanent position... Motherhood is not a job.
Youre joking right?
I got pregnant at 41 and lost her when I was 40 weeks. I’d give anything to have another chance at growing our family.
I'm sorry for your loss.
How awful. I’m sorry for such a brutal loss.
I am so sorry for your loss 💔
I’m so sorry this happened to you. I hope you find peace and comfort soon ❤
My heart is devastated for you (myself tried without results for years to get pregnant, now also my husband left because of that).
Listen, this lady's transparency on such a big and heavy topic is really refreshing.
my sister is 47 with an 8.year old. She's very exhausted. It's tough lol
😢guys need condoms
Had my surprise baby at 40 when I thought we were done and were just getting our life back as the older ones were in school. I used to joke with friends about how awful it would be to get pregnant and have to start over 😂 When i told one friend I was pregnant she said “I know it sucks right now but in year you won’t be able to imagine your life without her”. She was so right. She’s 4 now and it’s been hard but she completed something for our family I didn’t even know was needed. She’s the craziest, wildest child I’ve ever known and it was weird to pay for one kid’s college and another’s diapers but it’s also been the best thing ever. I don’t have the energy I did when I was younger but I have a little more wisdom to appreciate these moments more 😊
@@yeislyntorres5304 removing your tubes is pretty invasive. I trusted the pill and my previous diagnosis of infertility. We even tried ivf a few years before. If a pregnancy was a surprise to the mom, then I don’t see a problem calling it a surprise. I’ve known babies conceived after vasectomies and with iuds. Few methods are 100%. It’s like saying you know you could trip while walking so you can never be surprised when it happens. It’s not that deep. I don’t use the word accident when describing my pregnancy though because an accident is something you wouldn’t do over if you had the chance to change it. My surprise was a wonderful thing for us.
That's awesome that she's been such a joy, and such a surprise blessing! Hahaha!!! And crazy and wild sound like a lot of fun! Plus, now her older siblings have all the more reason to come home for visits! Congratulations on such an awesome new adventure! 🎊🎉🎊🎉
It is difficult to be a parent if you wanna do the things right, however I think it was more difficult for her that She did lots of sacrifice what would not needlessly would be needed if She would have some help from people around her or from a babysitter housekeeper when She needed a break or holiday, a hug, love or things what everyone feels alive, like going outside to a park. Yes it is not easy to stand up and tell that this is what you need especially if others don’t understand how much things you have to do as they never did it or if they don’t know that they could give more so that you could have fun too. Don’t let it go you deserve a good life too!
We waited for years for our grandchildren through IVF. Both were born when the mom was in her early and mid forties. They are everything to their parents and relatives.
Our situations are very similar! Life is a bit crazy, but I love my kids!!
I got pregnant at forty. It was the best thing that ever happened to me. (Not to dismiss her feelings.)
No birth control.?
@@maryanntownsend2889No birth control is 100%
Obviously you had your time before having a child. Nowhere near the same. She's had no time, no career or outside interests and that will continue.
I'm so pleased for you! 🙂 I do wonder what that would be like, I'm also 40
@@hedge1417Yes I think that's the difference.
Friendly reminder that 40 is not that old and that being pregnant at 40 is not that unusual. Women older than 40 can and do have babies. There’s also evidence that in the years preceding peri-menopause, there’s a surge in oestrogen levels which can increase fertility (after a previous dip in oestrogen levels). It’s what the doctor on the TV show Parks and Recreation referred to as a “going out of business sale” when it was discovered that the character Leslie was pregnant with triplets! 😂 throughout history women had larger families, and continued to have children into their 40s. The only difference nowadays is that there are more women in their 40s who are first time mothers
A very close friend of mine had 5!!! Kids in her 40s 😳. I still tell her she is my hero lol
My mother and her friends ALL had surprise pregnancies in their early to late 40s 😂
yeah but thats not the problem she has
As a mom who married at 36 and gave birth at 38 and 40, I love the “going out of business sale” joke from Parks and Recreation.
Pregnancy is very likely at that age it’s just the quality of the pregnancy you need to worry about. Miscarriage, Down syndrome, Autism, genetic disorders, etc. It goes for older men and women though I’m not just picking on the females.
My mother had me @39, her mother had her at 40 and her sister at 43. All healthy
Exactly all the moms I know have kids well into their 30’s. Some even early 40
I don’t think it’s the age she had the baby . I think it’s more that she’s been having babies for the last 20 years and she hasn’t lived the fun stages of her 20s,30sand now 40s
@@elizabethkittyx9139true. She’s burnt out. I can barely handle our 4 year old daughter.
@@elizabethkittyx9139 she wasted her 20's being pregnant and sacrificing her body, beauty, youth, and opportunities..this is why I advise people not to have kids in your 20's or dont have them at all
@@dinajones2761This!!!!
I had my son at 37, and now at 41, I have an 8 month old baby! What a blessing to have them at this stage in my life. ❤
Gives me hope. I’m 36 and still single but want kids/husband.
Me too, I'm in the same boat, Lord hear our hearts desire and answer according to your will. Amen ❤️
37 is a great age yo have a kid. I must be the o ly one who thinks it's a dumb idea to have a kid(s) in your early 20s. You have a lot more to offer a kid in your late 30s/early 40s. People in their 20s are neither mature not financially ready for raising a human. Normalize 35+ pregnancy
@@Dahmer_JeffI highly agree, thanks for vocalizing it into words.
@BKv_ agree with you 100% its soooo much smarter better and easier to enjoy your 20s save some money and THEN have kids in your mid to late 30s....because once you have kids. Alonetime, quiet time, a day off is ALL gone for 20 to 25 years..... unless you have a very trusty nanny or babysitter or grandparents that love to watch theyr grandkids. And not everyone has the money or grabdparents......i have 3 kids and i definitely wish i waited a bit longer but its too late now! Lol 😂
I'm 40 and my 4th son is due in November. A blessing! I would tell this lady, the best thing she can do for her mental and emotional well being is delete social media asap.
It fosters discontented feelings, envy, coveting other people. Many people in my life are traveling, their kids are in high school or just graduated and now they have this perceived freedom. But, it's alot of performance imo. A lifestyle they want to project. Meanwhile, I'm asked, "But when will you travel? You're starting another baby at your age?" I have had 3 kids in 5 years, my eldest will be 15 soon and some days I'm touched out, exhausted, even bored. But I thank God I'm not on social media being fed peoples fake, curated existences. I feel free of that inadequate, left out/missing out, not content mindset. I'm telling you... get off social media.
YES. 100%. It’s impossible for a woman to be content, settled, and present in her own life AND use social media.
PS I’m 41… I feel like ladies around our age are starting to get it. Maybe because we’ve now spent large chunks of life both with and without SM.
I think it is quite unfair to call other people's experiences " fake and curated" just because they are different from yours. People out there choose to travel and not have kids and it is ok. It is as ok as having children at 40. Just because you guys don't share the same timeline as others, it doesn't mean theirs are wrong and yours are right. You may have social media without criticism over others, because otherwise you are not better than those that criticize you for having another baby at 40 instead of traveling/partying/whatever...
@@v.s.m.6281OP isn't saying their lives are fake. The way they present their lives on social media are, which really isnt controversial, its been pretty well documented.
What you are saying reminds me of those Christmas letters you get telling everyone how wonderful your life is.
I find this call ironic. I have the opposite perspective. Half of my friends didn't start having kids until they were in their 40's. They wanted freedom as young adults and now they are ready for the incredible responsibility of child-rearing in middle age. They are so grateful for their babies and chose to have them when they really wanted them.
Lisa, I like and appreciate this comment. Thank you.
I Agree. Once my kids got into private school, most of the mothers were much older.
The problem with waiting is that sometimes by then it doesn't happen or it happens only with very emotionally and financially costly assistance. I am glad at 32 that I am finished. No way I could have waited till 40. I was desperate have kids. I have 3 kids ages 4 and under. This is making me seriously consider an iud though.
But, they had a chance to live their own lives. She's not getting that chance.
Agree. I am 38 and have a 6 year old and a 1 year old. I would have more if my husband was on board! Most of my friends are at the same point with their kids or just getting started. It’s crazy to me to think of being an empty nester in my late 40s.
My mother had her 4th @ 42.
FstFwd 10 yrs & Dad has an MI heart attack that kills him.
Leaving Mom with a 10 yr old that kept her going for another 40 yrs.
She died a few yrs ago @ 82.
Leaving a 42 yr old daughter living in the farmhouse her other daughter built some 30 yrs prior.
Me? I was born first in '49 & watched it all unfold as God had planned all along.
I'm the oldest @ 74 & she's the youngest still alive @ 52.
Everyone else is gone.
Don't ever think that because you wanted your life your way, that it was supposed to be just that way.
We are not in control of this life.
The Controller is someone else, Somewhere Else.
You never had control of your life in the first place.
What made you think that today is any different?
Live your life with this Gift you've been given like your life depends on it.
It just may be your lifeline that keeps you going for another 40 yrs.
Thank you I needed to read your msg. God bless you ❤️
I really cannot tell you how much I needed to hear what you had to say ❤️ thank you so much for this!
Beautiful… it really helps to pan out and let yourself see the bigger picture
Beautiful, thank you for telling your story ❤
Very true words ❤
My mom had her 4th kid at 29 and was done. Then she had me at 39. My dad (44 when I was born) wasn’t helpful, always had two jobs, and I know she must have been devastated. She didn’t even tell her mom she was pregnant. My teen siblings were embarrassed. I always felt loved and the older I got the more I envisioned what Mom went through for me. My dad died when I was a senior in high school. They never got to enjoy the empty nest or retirement together. However, I was the tag-along “only child” type that went on amazing vacations and overall had more attention and they had more to spend on me. I had a fun childhood. Thanks to my parents (RIP) for taking on the challenge and loving me even tho I was not part of the original plan. For all parents: Get a sitter and have a life separate from your kids!! That’s important.
Wow that was so well said. Thank you for sharing your experience. Im sorry your dad passed in highschool that must of been really tough. And 100% agree all couples NEED to continue dating and even if you cant afford a sitter once a week after all kids are asleep spend time together watching a movie or eating snacks and a glass of wine or something....it reallly helps.
❤
So beautiful ❤❤❤❤
If she wants a meaningful career, it's not too late. She can do whatever she wants. She's in her early 40's. Go for it.
I bet you the gaps in her employment history won't allow her to be competitive.
@@videofan1010you would be surprised. May have to bite the bullet and get a lesser job for 1-2 years but from there the sky is the limit
@@MrBarragemanmaybe? But the rat race is strong, especially nowadays. Life is hard, she will find her way ❤️
make it up, works for me@@videofan1010
I don’t think she will be happy either way , cause she is unhappy and she’s to unsure and in a negative head space , so if she worked mon-Fri 9-5 she would hate it too , like he said be happy with what side of the fence you’re on
I had a baby when I was 40 having already a couple of teenagers. It was deliberate! This last kid (who is now 39) is a firecracker !! She is a very competent appellate attorney in DC. (Rich too if anyone cares about that.)
No, don't care about the money.
It would be more impressive if she was a happily married homeschooling mom of a bunch of kids.
What would we talk about if we can’t brag about our kids ?
I love this Mama’s transparency and honesty. This has nothing to do with her love for her children. This, to me, sounds like she has bought into the whole idea that we have been trained into thinking that kids will hold you back, you won’t be able to follow your dreams, you won’t be able to do this or that for X amount of years…the lists goes on. But that’s not true, challenge those narratives that we are sold to believe. Being a mother makes you a powerful person. You can do anything. As much as we are told that kids will come between your marriage and make you guys distant. It doesn’t have to be that way. The kids can bring you closer together. They can make you and your husband’s relationship stronger.
I have four kids. I always swore that I wouldn’t have kids after 30(I’m 29), and I can honestly say that I would have more after I’m 30. This is life. And with or without kids it is hard. There is no easy way out. Relationships and marriages are hard. With our without kids.
Yes, good points. I think there are lots of valuable skills we develop as mothers that can serve us well in other pursuits. And in my experience, children have not driven my husband and I apart. It's actually been a catalyst that drives us closer because we *have* to be creative in figuring out ways to prioritize our relationship. Not that it's always easy, but parenthood will only drive a wedge if you let it.
Best comment
I don't think it's necessarily "buying the idea ", for some people that is what happens, they try to create a life for themselves outside 8heir children, wife role and career role and for some reason they end up sucked into those roles that they feel like they never had the chance to "just be", "just be themselves ". Many factors can contribute to this, some children are more emotionally high maintenance than others, some relationships are more demanding same for jobs.
@neisci it's true. And the reality is you can't have it all, atleast not at the same time. Pretending that something isn't going to go lacking, whether it be the kids, your career, your husband, etc. Is being disingenuous imo. You can't do 5 jobs well, it just doesn't work that way.
@@limiwathis is peak female delusion. If you a Boss B you a Bad Mom. Fullstop no exceptions there aren't 28 hours in her day lol
Duuude.... The heartbreak in her voice is PALPABLE! I cried right there with her. I'm sure just saying that statement in the beginning of the show was such a release for her. I'm so glad she was able to get some clarity into her personal guilt and I hope she was able to shift her mental and emotional outlook for something more positive❤
I'm a single father at 45. My youngest is starting kindergarten, and my oldest is starting college this year. I can feel her pain, but I wouldn't change it for anything.
❤️
My former manager had a kid at every school. From Kindergarten to senior in highschool. He was so happy when the senior got her driver's license.
I like what Dr. John has to say about the imaginary finish line. I have been guilty of waiting for my life to get easier and in doing so have missed seasons of my life that I wish I could have back. Life doesn't get easier and you just have to find the joy even in the hard stuff or you might look back and realize you missed your chance at living.
Agree, I needed to hear this, too
The finish line is death
So true.. I had an imaginary finish line to get married.. I was 24 and got married and then realized I could've done so much more with my single season and I was too focused on getting married that I missed out on what I could've done before marriage..
@@MrJimmy3459 - FR tho lol.
@@annav21 - eh being single is overrated and I know this through the girlfriends I've had for the 20 years of my adult life. Yes you can have some "fun" but is it really fun? I've been with my husband since I was 21. And I can tell you that most of my friends got super jealous by the time they were in their early 30s that I had married so early on and been with my husband for so long before they got married. There's no guarantee that you'd be married until much much later (or at all) if you didn't marry this dude you did at 24. Be happy with the choices you made.
Omg! This woman literally called in for me. I feel the EXACT same way and it’s so refreshing to know I’m not the only one feeling this way. Being a mom is a wonderful blessing but honestly it’s okay to have an outlet and another identity aside from mom. I’m learning that as I go through this season. It’s what helps me cope with the rough days.
The sacrifice of mothers is undeniable…I’m 41 now and trying to get pregnant…excellent advice John!
That said, my mom is 69 (70 in a couple of months) and will finish her PhD next year ❤
Congrats to your mom. Amazing! Good luck to you too.
Juice fasting got me pregnant and being plant based (whole food only)
@@melissam7067 thank you 🙌🏾
@@USA1492 I hope you are getting vitamin K2 from either supplements or natto or drinking copious amounts of unpasteurized, unheated sauerkraut. The amount in unheated sauerkraut is tiny, only like 5 micrograms or something like that.
@@moondog7694or just have a healthy gut microbiome that produces your K2 like it's supposed to
I just turned 37! and we are wanting to have our first baby next year. It took me a very long time to decide whether I wanted a child (due to childhood trauma, anxiety, and fear). Now I do want a child in our lives! Wish us luck. :)
Many blessings to you.
Good luck 🤞
Why are you waiting another year?
@@gbaca07 Well they take about 9 months to cook in the womb, so that leaves out this year....🤣🤣
Blessings!
My mother in law had a surprise baby at 42. He is graduating high school this year and he's growing up to be a lovely young man and she's living her best life.
Having young children does not make women invisible…unless they tell themselves that all the time. There is so much joy to be found in the hard things.😊
Came here to say this!
@@wordsalad01bet the support isn’t there though
being a mother makes you a little invisible..its not sexy and there's no point in having kids
@@KatieLHall-fy1hw I thought the same thing at her reaction when John said to speak to her husband. She didn’t seem too confident that voicing her needs would go over very well.
@@wordsalad01 but don’t forget, the time away has a cost: her husband has to watch them. What if he doesn’t want to? What if they can’t get a baby sitter? What if she is gone “too long” as designated by whoever? There is always a cost. I am sure this hasn’t gone I weighed by her in some aspect
Im 55 never pregnant working all the time count your blessings lady
I was married for 25 years and just became an empty nester and found out I was pregnant and before I found out I was pregnant we were traveling and living the dream it was quit the surprise to say the least !!! My youngest was 18 years old .I was bitter because I felt like my life had to change and my husbands didn't' , It was such an adjustment !!! I did choose to enjoy my daily life and once I did that it became a very positive in my life ! My daughter is almost 16 years old now and most of our travels are based on things she wants to do and I feel like she is keeping us so young with down hill skiing and camping and all the activities they bring . She is one of the greatest joys of our lives!!!! I pray you will feel the joy they bring!!! Use your voice and live your life with your children it goes by fast !!! I definitely feel your pain !!! I really like the saying " I choose joy " It really helps ! If we make the best of any situation our life is much happier ! I know it's easier said than done but the more you choose joy the easier it is to be happy ! God Bless your family !!!
AMEN! I love it. My youngest was unplanned. He is now 27 and my greatest joy. He’s out on his own and though I see him regularly, I sure do miss having him at home.
I empathize with this caller. This was me: I had my boys at 24 and 28. Thought we were done and had my daughter at 36. My husband was 42. I was very depressed the whole pregnancy about starting over after 8 years. I got her in my arms and never looked back. She has absolutely changed our family dynamic for the better. Everyone in my household is that much more gentle and caring. I also realized that having large gaps between children was more common than I thought. At the end of the day, our daughter was God's Plan and she is supposed to be here. I have nothing but gratitude in my heart, even with the sleepless nights. Thank you for this call, Dr. John.
I'm turning 40 this month and wish we could have more kids. That said, don't let them stop you from having fun! Just do it with them
Wow this might be my favorite episode! John was so clear on his advice. Man, that advice can really go for everyone! Life is not what happens when you finally… Life is happening now!
It's true. There is NO finish line. Living in the present is all we can do to keep us sane.
I wonder how they can reorient their lives to not feel in a fog. I’m 37 with a new baby and trying for another. I also had a son in my early 20s. You have to build your children into your life and not worry so much about the general expectations. I’m a SAHM and my husband works from home, which gives us a lot of time together during the day in general, but also we don’t inflate our evenings with a million expectations and extracurriculars. I think it’s also so important to stay off social media and not see how other’s are living their 40s. Comparison is the thief of joy. Children are such a blessing.
Well said
Mothers wouldn't feel like they were in a fog if families and communities actually lived close to each other and helped out daily....like we are wired to and did for millinium!!
She can just say, “Let’s find a daycare. I’m not staying home with this one.” The kid will turn out ok.
In my opinion a good education focused daycare is in many cases better because it helps socialize the child earlier. It seriously helped my daughter come out of her shell and speak more when we got her in. She was almost silent when she started, I was so worried I saw a speech pathologist. Six months later my little girl was a total chatterbox, didn't need to see the speech pathologist again. I however don't like the kind of daycare that lets the kids run wild.
None of my kids went to day care & all of them were socialized just fine. All married, all working full time, all have purchased homes...obviously I don't buy into putting your infant into day care.
@@ddawe31635 this is what my daughter says "why have kids and later put them in day care"
Christian Nanny and Christian daycares is a good option if they have money😢or see if any family member's need a child?
Am I the only one who cringed when the caller said her husband wears the pants in the family? Dr. Delony asked if she could tell her husband her wants and needs. Her response, “Oh I don’t know, he wears the pants in the family.”
Aside from the reason she initially called, this spoke volumes to me. I may be 100% off base (I actually hope I’m wrong), but I got the impression her husband doesn’t support her and maybe contributes to her feeling invisible.
Finally someone like me who gets her! Im 45, our last is of to college next month and I cant wait to enjoy my next season of just the two of us. I'm right now renovating and furnishing our home for us. All white coz no kids! I can't imagine starting again from scratch at my age. I have an IUD and I still do safe days!! No taking chances! I've told myself that if I end up pregnant I wont even be angry, I'll know God really wanted it and just accept. Who am I to say no???
Bingo! There’s more to this story
100%. Grown ass women who are true partners with their husbands don’t sob on the phone to some UA-cam therapist. They talk it out with their spouse and figure out how they’re going to help support each other through this new chapter of life. Sounds like she’s got zero support at home.
@@jackieyoung3359agreed.
Also made me wonder why her husband didn’t just get a vasectomy when they had their first surprise at 30.
Um housewife here and our kids are teenagers and sometimes I am invisible at 46, but I am in control of my own destiny and I lean on my husband when times are rough and not keep it inside and try to do it all on my own. It is ok to grieve, but then you find a way to make things work. My husband and I find ways to connect--we go to the store together or lunch, when the kids were small I found babysitters. You have to find a way. Stop comparing yourself to other couples--everyone posts the best part of their lives on Facebook or Instragram--that doesn't mean it is real.
Being a mom is tough. Being a woman is tough. I can’t imagine how I would feel knowing that I planned for a next phase in life, only to find myself back at square one. She needs her own identity. Something that makes her just her - a business, a hobby, a passion project, something. She should work with her family to create something like that.
Being a man is also tough
It sounds like she doesn't have a supportive community of people that could help her with her kids. If I could do it all over again I would budget for childcare so I could carve out time for myself. I completely disappeared when raising my kids. It was ROUGH.
@@watchman9198??? Did I miss something? Did a man call in? Can we stay on topic please?
@@ms2bloved126 I agree. I don’t want to have children until at least I’m debt free and I’ve saved up money for their future.
When she said that she wasted her time playing barbies it hit me in the gut…I feel so bad constantly because I hate playing with my kid- or any kid at all. So she’s one huge step ahead of me in being accomplished as a mom!
I have 3 sons. Had had my youngest at 38. I think he has kept me young. I’m 61 and I’m so grateful that I have him. He has been such a blessing. I went back to school 4 years after he was born.
It is such a great gift to be a Mom. Don’t believe the lies society tells us as women. Make time for yourself. Find a hobby that you enjoy doing .
I had my surprise baby at 40. My older two were 12 and 9. My “baby” just graduated high school. I really got to enjoy him more than my other two when he was a baby.
The grass is always greener !!
We have to love the shade of green were in at the moment
I feel this lady. I think she needs a part-time job she enjoys to have an outlet where she can feel like herself. Part-time work has helped me so much!
My question in situations like this, is why didn't they do something permanent when they decided they were done? That's what we did. 2 kids in our 20's. Vasectomy when he was 33 and I was 30. That said, I would have been thrilled if I had gotten pregnant again. Just wasn't something we planned to do, but it would have been fine if it had happened.
I'm wondering the same thing. It didn't sound like she wanted anymore kids. So, why didn't she or her husband just decide to get a procedure where pregnancy wouldn't happen.
Exactly, and this is the exact reason why I do t feel bad for her, there are a bunch of options out there that will 100% eliminate the possibility of this happening and she decided not to do any of them, so no she just needs to make the best of her situation and not act like her life is cursed
I wanted 4. We had 3. And we thought we were done. Then surprise. We got a surprise. We absolutely love that child.
Had my tubes tight after that.
Agree. I’m guessing she’s religious but I would have had a termination. She’s suffering and knew it from the start of the pregnancy. Why go through with the pregnancy if you know it’s going to make you miserable? It seems like people invite these situations into their life sometimes although I do feel for her.
I thought the same thing. If you didn’t want anymore kids, DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!
Sorry but I can’t feel bad for her. It’s called being proactive………
Exactly why I got a hysterectomy at 35 - no surprises for us. I just want to hug her, she’s not selfish, she needs help ❤
I don't think you don't live while your kids are little and you live only after. This mindset hurts her.
The very best happiest days of my life was when my children's were young ,the empty nest has it's advantages but it is over rated. Live everyday like it's going to be your best ❤
I’m retired and now raising my granddaughter. I’m grieving the life I thought I would have
God bless you for being there for your granddaughter
Got my son at 41, and so grateful to have him.
And so she should be happy, too? 🙄
I'm the last of 3, my mom had me at 42. I'm currently pregnant with my 1st at 39 years old (baby is perfectly healthy). I can tell you I LIVED in my 20s so I'm at the point in my life where I'm completely ready for this step. That being said, not everyone's pathway is the same. People have to learn that our life paths are never one and the same.
I did the same as you and also felt lucky to have lived my 20’s and 30’s to the fullest but was NOT prepared for this new life once the baby came. I wish you a smooth delivery and all the best!! It’s hard mama!
My daughter is 36, my son is 38. Both never married nor have children. Happiness comes from within by not comparing yourself to what others have done or not done. Each of us have a choice on how we live a fulfilling life. I sympathise with the caller but she is so blessed to have a husband and children and if she desires a career she can have that to. She can start out either teleworking or part time work outside the home.
By LIVED in capitals, did you mean getting drunk a alot and taking various street drugs while moving from city to city?
Praise Jesus gives me hope. I’m still single at 36 and want children.
Hey my mom had ke at 43 and my dad was 45. I don't understand why people are surprised. Was it a thing for people in their 40s to have baies in the 90s?
I have 3 kids. 7, 4, 17 months. I’m in a registered nursing program living my life with my kids in tow. They enrich my life, they don’t stop me from doing anything.
The problem is that she was a SAHM, not that she’s having another kid in her 40s. If she had children and had a career at the same time, she would never feel like her life was “on hold” while she was raising her kids.
most people are commenting just based on the title
That's easy to say when y'all have someone practically raising your kids most of the day
Bruh this is why my husband got a vasectomy. Won’t catch me starting over. She should have gotten her tubes tied.
just got snipped. easiest decision, ever
That’s what I was thinking
I married late (39) and had my two kids at 42 and the second at 47. My wife was 29 and 33, respectively. It's been an awesome ride. Yes, it sort of sucks that when my youngest is 23 I'll be 70. But he loves both of us unconditionally. Being an older parent has kept me young.
Your first caller I am compassionate towards. I must tell you I had fertility issues. I joined IVF at 35. All I wanted was to experience motherhood. Never in my wildest dream did I think I would have a child with a disability. I am his carer/full time mum until I die. I am getting older and tired as he depends on me 100%. I have no choice but to do until I die for my 28 year old son. I envy everyone who has a normal child who moves out and gets on with their empty nest lives. I may have that in my next life.
Seriously? How could you not expect that given what society deems "advanced maternal age"
What despicable comment. @@ineedhoez
@@ineedhoezWHOS A HUGE PILE OF 💩?!
YOU ARE!
I hope nobody chooses your sorry ass for a partner cause what a joke of a partnership they'd get from you. I have never seen a more disgustingly despicable comment to this day as the one you made. I bet your mom regrets the day you were born! How do you feel about that sad truth?!
I’m so sorry for you Mama. Please try your best to take care of yourself.
@@user-cq1en7td4h Blessings to you for your kind response. Take care.
I had one at 40, 42, and 44. So grateful for these three girls!
Being a mother is tough. My heart goes out to you momma. Love to you❤️
What bothers me is that she clearly never had anyone come along side her and help her change her mindset about her kids' childhoods or the true beauty of life and potential and purpose she has raising her kids. She clearly felt it was something to be endured until she could be an empty nester. The "little kid fog" as she calls it isn't really a thing if handled in a healthy way. It doesn't sound like she had any sense of making life with kids a real true, vibrant life, one where she could be whole and happy along with her children. One where she could be herself, along with her kids. Kids need their mothers to be themselves, to be happy, to be whole. They can sense when their mothers are just "enduring." It's hard but possible and I have seen it done to have mothers be whole and happy. The key is that these mothers look at life with their children as real meaningful life, and they don't just see it as a waiting period. They embrace it as a wonderful task, and a wonderful time where they can use their potential to teach, train, love and raise those kids. They don't view it as a time of wasted potential, but a time to fully use their potential. They also take time to invest in themselves and their marriage. They make sure they have date nights, naps or quiet times scheduled so they can rest, read, or do hobbies, and keep a good balance in life as much as possible. The mindset she has had all these years is so toxic and ruins so many mothers lives and trickles down to the kids. I hope someone can help her understand that.
People act like pregnancy just happens...
My 54 year old aunt and her husband just welcomed their first children (twins) after trying for almost 2 decades. They used IVF and everyone is incredibly happy for them, they’ve had a lot of let down but Jesus came through!
Wow, I'm 38 and have some eggs frozen. This gives me hope.
Wow that’s amazing ❤
That's gross
@@Taylormademan900so are you 😂
@@Taylormademan900 nobody cares what you think.
I had my 7th baby at age 41. I love being a mother. I hope to have more. Being a housewife and mother is so fulfilling for me. I guess everybody is different.
Yes and you are special!
Yeah.. i would trade place with her or you in a heart beat. That life sounds so fulfilling and is my dream. Not every woman has the gift of fertility esp at that age
Great attitude, God bless you 🙏🏾
Cool but that's not HER story.
Yes. Everyone is different. The world would be very boring if we were all the same 😊
Do babysitters not exist? Live now, go on dates with the husband, and prioritize the marriage. The kids are only long term visitors, but marriage is life long.
Just another typical crybaby that calls in to this show… boo hoo, poor pity me, all my friends on Instagram have it better. There are people that are dying. Life throws ALL of us curve balls in one way or another! Count your blessings people.
I. 71 now, raised 2 kids and still remember my parents words……Always remember that you were a couple before you were parents. Nurture that relationship and your kids will thrive. They were so supportive and from the ages of about 2&4, they came to our house for a week once a year so my husband and I could go on vacation. That wisdom and their time was one of the best gifts they could have given us and our marriage. Find a way to make time as a couple. Your children will be fine without you for a bit, and they will be better because you will be stronger.
❤What precious gifts your parents gave you.
Why is she angry for not controlling her own fertility? My mother was like this. She hated the life she made with my father, hated being a mother, hated being a wife, and blamed the entire world for the choices SHE made - but never herself. It ain't over 'til it's over, girl. Take responsibility for your own actions - that's where healing starts.
Exactly.. this lady is crazy… too many birth control options out here now..
@@chrissy1448 ok so im not the only one who thinks she's nuts
Yes I agree! Did they just poke and pray?? 😂
She needs to take responsibility for what happens to her own body...
Although I do hope for the best ❤
I stopped at one I knew my limits 😂
I think she’s using this poor child as an excuse for not having achieved the things she wanted for her life, she may even have gotten pregnant so she would have someone else to blame for her perceived failures. I think her kids were grown and she finally didn’t have an excuse for not getting out there and achieving her goals, and she panicked and got pregnant so she had an excuse again. I think the post she made had her panicked because reality hit.
And totally disappointed that he didn’t even call her out for being responsible for her own contraception if she didn’t want more kids.
I had 2 boys, the second at 41. I never put my life on hold.
Man so opposite for me. I just had my 1st baby at 41, in 2020, and 2nd at 43. I am super happy. I'm exhausted but super happy. I don't understand how ppl want to get a babysitter and get away. I work full time, but rather be home. I think because I did things late in life, I may have something to do with it. But she has a right to feel the way she does. I do wish I could have more, but I met my husband late in life. And it took 3 years to even get pregnant. She is blessed, but it's hard to see that right now. I wish her well.
Seriously??? First she doesn't know contraception?? Ima 49 year old mother of a 5 year old daughter, it's the best time of my life... you control your life, make it fun and worth living everyday to the fullest. And so agree with Dr John they make their lives miserable it's up to them
Not "she doesnt know contraception"....THEY didnt know contraception.
@melissam7067 it may happen again... so She "doesn't" know contraception is still a reality 🤣 and yes THEY is right too
Back in my day they were called "change of life babies". Pre birth control pills, that happened a lot.
I thought it was funny this happened to her twice. I mean, birth control has been out a long time now. It's as if she's never heard of it.
@SirenaSpades unnecessary and unkind. My friend became pregnant a year after her husband had a vasectomy. His tubes reconnected. They fixed it. She became pregnant again. Even "permanent" birth control can fail. It's uncommon but it absolutely happens. And yes, before another unkind comment, both those kids are 100% his kids. Sometimes God has other plans.
@@chelsmaria👏 Yep! Good for these happily married couples still getting it on! Abstinence is the only 100% method and married couples really shouldn't take that route. 😉
@@chelsmaria I try not to be unkind either but I admit when I hear these stories the first question I ask in my head is, what birth control were these people using that failed? I know this doesn’t do the caller any good. I just wish people had a clear vision of the true effectiveness of different types of birth control
I really don’t think birth control pills are a great option for permanent birth control but we never know the entire backstory
Unpopular opionion: She has CHOSEN to have another baby even though she makes it sound like it was an "accident" If you made that choice own up to it and stop wishing it was any different It's not her reality but rather her expectations of what her life "should have" been that is causing her the suffering Let go of your expectations, grieve what is lost and never coming back and enjoy the moment Also, do you know how many single, childless women change careers in their 40s and start from scratch? Being an empty nester in your 40s is not some magic pill to having it all Not even close
This part!! Too many forms of birth control for family planning
Her husband should get a vasectomy.
100% agree. This was certainly avoidable and a choice.
Yeah I don’t get it. She’s maybe religious or has an opposition to birth control and abortion but if she really wanted to she could have ended the pregnancy. There’s a reason she decided to continue.
Geez kinda harsh
I swear 40 is the magic number for surprise babies.
I’m sure being a stay at home parent is mind numbing. I wonder if the caller is romanticizing what it’s like to have a career. There’s a lot of monotony, paperwork, and bureaucracy. As the late Studs Terkel said, most jobs are not big enough to fill people’s minds.
Yes, also, I know a lot of ladies whose jobs took so much out of them that they come home, hate home life, and have nothing left to contribute relationally anyway.
Has she heard of birth control?! A healthy woman who is menstruating can get pregnant; 30's/40's is young.
Yes. BC, vas, tubal ligation and removable plus that reduces chances of certain cancers. Going to get mine done even if hubs gets a vasectomy. Very frustrating!
She's crazy. She had 2 kids in her 20s....a surprise one in her early 30s and now one at 40. Why nothing was done after the 3rd child? She isn't making sense!
I had the same thoughts. Why didn’t her husband get a vasectomy after the first surprise? I think that question was answered in some of her comments like how he “wears the pants” and how she wasn’t sure he would want her to have a voice. I have a feeling her husband is one of those men who has his entire masculinity tied to whether or not he can still reproduce. Sounds like there’s more going on here. She’s married to someone who’s ok with just watching her drown.
Poor lady I think if I had been in this situation I would have had my Dr put in an IUD that hubby did not know about...I get that many would think it wrong but it doesn't seam like she gets many choices
I'm in the middle of IVF...just waiting on the transfer. It will be our first and I'm 39...will be 40 by the time the baby comes...if we get pregnant. I am scared to have a kid so late in life, but I've wanted this my whole life!
Good luck and baby dust to you!❤
@@CF. thank you so much!
Hope it works out! ❤
I blame society for this one. Being a mother is the single most important/influential job you can do as a human.
When she's 60 70 or 80 and has a crazy amount of grandkids she's going to be incredibly blessed and I think she'll be super happy and surrounded by a ton of people who cherish her.
No, it is not the “single most important job you can do as a human”. I could find the cure for cancer, but it still wouldn’t matter as much as having a kid.
what? you think grandkids in this generation care about "old people"? they are too busy on snap chat and instagram
😆 that is quite a comment. If your family is close you are lucky. Don’t forget everyone isn’t like your family. I have to remind myself of this constantly, and my family is very close
Yes being a parent may be the most important thing anyone can do, but she still can find meaningful work to help her feel fulfilled and feel self sufficient and not forever dependent on her spouse.
@@dinajones2761 ugh not unless you raise them …. You gotta put an effort in actually raising them
I had a similar experience. I was 42 with my last. I had been coming out of a 3 year illness and just didn’t even think it would happen. I did nothing to prevent it as we were always open to life. But honestly, I didn’t think it would happen with me being ill and showing signs of menopause.
While I was happy to think of another wonderful human being in our lives i was also a little scared and disappointed at the same time.
I had 6 kids that I had just “neglected” for 3 years. I was looking forward to being a normal mom again and I was looking forward to spending more time with my husband.
We had started talking about vacations with just the two of us but we had to start all over again.
This guy is right, ya gotta roll with the punches.
I recently realized that with anything in life, my attitude is the problem. If I’m not living my best life, it’s because of me, no one else.
BTW, my last child just turned 10 yesterday. He’s a joy! Time went by crazy fast.
Also, in the past 7 years I’ve been to Cozumel twice and a few days here and there flying to see family and friends. And my husband and I occasionally get a hotel somewhere for the night and the older kids watch the younger ones. (For bigger Cozumel we flew in a trusted aunt to take care of the kids).
It can be done!!!
Ladies if you are still having a cycle and a period ad you aren't post-menopausal, you can get pregnant
@@sueblack5794 🙄 Like we don’t know that. You don’t know the whole story or our belief system.
Artificial bc is an abortifacient and I would never take something that has a “back up plan” of killing a child if it’s conceived.
And if I did believe in taking other forms that weren’t an abortifacient, they’re quite ineffective. So, I’d get pregnant eventually anyway.
Children are a gift from God not commodities to be had when we “feel” like it. This is why there’s been over 60 million abortions in America alone since 1973. That’s not including the spontaneous abortions from the “back up plan “ in the bc pill.
But of course that’s the modern day mentality. 🙄 No wonder society is going to hell in a hand basket.
I love this comment 100
This is great advise
I had a surprise pregnancy at 40: my fourth child. After my husband died, I moved into that same child's home. It would not have worked with the other three children. She is very blessed as an excellent daughter, wife and mother. She truly saved me when I was in need following my husband's death. In my grandparents' day, no one grieved a surprise baby due to missed trips, jewelry, nicer clothes, dinners out, etc. As I said, my surprise child is now the light of my life!! NO ONE knows what the future holds. My husband and I had so many plans after retirement that were never experienced.
Wow! Amazing story! Thank you for sharing! ❤
My best friend just had a perfectly healthy baby yesterday at the age of 43. Times have changed!
thats not the callers problem though, watch the video
@@michelleh4717 I did watch the video. He told the caller not to read the comments. So I decided to be in awe of the wonder of God instead!
This woman is living my worst nightmare. I didn’t have kids in my 20s just to have kids in my 40s!!!!!
wow
Hmm I can think of worse nightmares…
I'm 38 no kid's. I suggest condoms every time
When I was 34 and had 3 children, I was sure we were done. Had a surprise pregnancy and I cried. I didn't know how I was going to do it. Then I lost that baby amd grieved and felt so guilty for how I initially felt. I hope that baby knows I did want and love her. We then decided we weren't done and were blessed with 2 more after that. Unfortunately yesterday we experienced another loss. 😢 Most days I feel like I'm going insane, but I love my babies so much and never want to stop. Although yes, I know I need to some day 🙂
I hope this woman finds peace and knows how valuable her role as a mother is.
If she feels this way, part if the problem is her husband: does not appreciate her being sahm, reminds that he works, so he's cool . Just a theory, but possible
We were 50 when we adopted our 3 year old son…it’s a really long story but he was a big surprise….best best best thing that ever happened to us…there have been hard parts to raising a child at our age but we’re so blessed by him…
❤ this makes my heart so happy.
I can totally see how she is grieving the life she thought she would have.
I mean we can all have plans and dreams for the future.
She is not a monster for not dreaming to have another child at forty.
I had the same thing at 40. I already had a 15 and 20 year old. My surprise child is now almost 18. I felt the same way you do. I am 59 and my husband 62. We are living a great life. You will too ❤❤
Thank you! You don't even know how much you helped me! First son single motherhood. When my son was 16, I got pregnant very unwanted. I was starting to live and then such a shock came upon me. I gave birth to my second child at the age of 38. Now I'm 40. I feel bad every day. I'm thinking about running away. I'm afraid I'll die and the baby will be small and I won't enjoy life. It's all in my head. My husband works 10 hours a day. I'm under constant stress. I love my daughter but I am desperate. I lost my whole life.
How she felt about being stay at home mom was same as how I felt teaching HS English for the last 16 yrs.
I can understand her but on the other side I think about my friends who have been trying to have kids for 6+ years and would do anything to have a kid at anytime. Children are a gift.
They are a gift, that comes with challenges, changes, heartbreak, and accomplishment. There's nothing else like having kids.
@@megalopolis2015 my daughter is 4 months today and man it’s the best gift I’ve ever gotten
And here I am at 41 still hoping to get pregnant yet knocking it out of the park in my corporate career.
How different our lives are.
She has choices. I don’t. My pregnancies never survive. That’s a cross I carry. But she can choose to either get pregnant-or not. She can choose to pursue a career-or not. She can choose to go on dates with her husband. She can choose to have adventure with a little one along for the ride-or not.
Some of us don’t have that choice. Some of us can’t even adopt if we wanted to. Stop using your kids as an excuse for living a lame life.
dont do it girl! you look young and beautiful because you dont have kids stressing you out
Hire a surrogate. It is 30k in the Ukraine
@@dinajones2761Life is more than vanity. In 30 years her looks aren’t going to matter. I’m sure she’d rather sacrifice her perceived beauty to successful gestate a child
Don’t ever encourage someone to not have children, having a child is the ultimate feeling a person can experience in life, there is nothing that comes remotely close to that genuine love and bond of your own child, well that’s how I feel about my children
@@vinniedeluca2188 misery loves company
I'm almost 40 and I miss the baby stage and growing up stage so much. I also understand and empathize with people who feel the opposite. She was very brave to tell her story it was very moving
I’m just a few years younger, but this caller’s perspective seems so foreign to me. Most of my female friends married and started having kids in their late 20’s and early 30’s and they all continued going to school and working at their careers and professional certifications throughout.Not everyone wants to or needs to have a career, but being involved in volunteer work, politics, or religious and civic organizations can help the caller make connections and provide a sense of meaning and purpose. She clearly doesn’t enjoy being a SAHM, and feels unseen, but she’s built that cage for herself - If her husband is doing well enough to support the whole family on his own, then she can definitely afford to spend some of her time on activities that make her feel valued.
Has she built that cage for herself? I disagree. I can totally see where she is coming from. Life is hard, and raising kids is SO HARD! My mom raised me and my five siblings, on my dad’s single teachers salary (no longer exactly feasible these days, for sure) but she also went and got her masters, when my brother was older, and she still made sure to invest in herself. When she could. She was in her 50s. It is not easy, and life is finite, and ANYTHING can happen, so you do the best you can. This caller needs lots of love and good family support. It isn’t her fault she is where she is and i’m sure she has given so much to her family and community.
You don’t know what support system or what finances she has, in comparison with your thriving friends. I am an SAHM myself, because we don’t have a village that will help raise our kids if I go to work. I do understand it could be momentary, her issue is that every time her kids became independent, she had to start all over again. I have friends that tell me I do nothing all day 😅… raising kids in a disconnected society is hard. I hope she finds spaces that will fill up her needs. Everyone’s reality’s different ❤
I am not discounting at all how hard it is to raise four children - However, I am wondering why the John did not also encourage the caller to evaluate why “ have two kids early be empty nesters by 40” was a life plan she committed to so early on ( and now is having difficulty letting go of) when the majority of women in the “elder millennial” cohort have taken the opposite path. It’s quite usual in 2023 for people in their 40’s to be raising young children. This wasn’t socially acceptable in previous generations for sure, which is why our mothers and grandmothers struggled in the way the caller has been. If the caller didn’t set this expectation for herself - who influenced her, or created those conditions? Are there specific cultural or religious ideals at play?
@@nikkikc9145 it is much more a question today than it was years ago ($$$$$!) and is dependent on where you live, how close your family is, etc. there are a TON of factors to this
Agreed pregnant here at 38 witha 2 ywar old and to imagine thinking like this lady is wild to me
Had a baby at 41- wish i could have another one, love her so much!
I Hope she loves her youngest child. Some mothers resent their own
She will. But she is allowed to grieve this, too
I am having my 8th child at 40! Honestly we have weird feelings that aren’t reality my Grammy had her last baby at 40 and so did my dad’s mother! (My Babci ) I and a homeschooling momma stay at home… it IS HARD!!! But it’s WONDERFUL FOR OUR FAMILY !!! My older kids watch our younger kids once a week and we go out to eat! Our older kids are 17&15 you need to take a deep breath and count your blessings each and every moment!💖 our society wants us to be free of “burden” and be selfish and doing for ourselves! This is not a good thing… oh yes definitely it feels awesome! Live your life WITH your children!! Treat yourself with love and kindness and give yourself a treat a massage or something nice to help YOU be better .. to relieve stress… live and be happy! You WILL be an empty nester at some point.. we all have needs … show your kids who YOU really are! Besides just momma!! But if you don’t get your needs met you won’t be the best you can for everyone else!🤷♀️💖💖 be kind to yourself
She is so articulate. I cried tears of compassion just hearing her explain her feelings.
Perspective is everything and essential. Having babies in our 20’s, 30’s & 40’s has been beautiful; money has been tight our first 30 years of marriage but we survived. Romanticizing working outside the home will not help your situation; work is work no matter where it happens. Sitting on the floor playing with children is not essential all day every day; teach your children to entertain themselves with their toys.
I get it. I’m 40 and would flip out if I got pregnant. My kids are grown and to start all over…. but that’s why I use protective measures to ensure that doesn’t happen. this Sucks for her. Kids are a blessing but also a huge burden so you must be ready for that responsibility. This is MY time in life now, time for me to be selfish and have the time I didn’t have for myself in my 20’s
I think me and you we're the only ones responded honestly to this
I had a plan. Two children in my 20's, study so I could have a job lined up by the time my children were at school. My birth control failed twice after the first two so I now have four boys. I'm now 41 and I won't let my husband near me until he gets the snip as I'm terrified of it happening again.
He is finally booked one for next month but there's this niggling terror at the back of my mind. What if that fails too? That would be just my luck.
The modern house that revolves around children is insane. He said that!!!!!! Amazing! So true!!! ❤❤
Soon the youngest will be in school, why is she limiting herself to only consider staying home? She has options to get out into the workplace and use her gifts, and allow her brain to be used in contributing her adult talents outside the home. Many women do that and still raise great, well adjusted kids who admire their mother's work. She has value and can feel more fulfilled by building her self esteem doing what she dreams of doing. There's no need for an expectation that she continues to feel trapped by an unnecessary burden of putting her life desires on hold for another 15 years.