Wife Won’t Have Sex With Me
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- Опубліковано 7 лип 2024
- Wife Won’t Have Sex With Me
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9 times out of ten when you feel someone doesn’t care. They don’t.
Please do not think like that bud
@PreAlgebra Your username suggests you're about 14 years old. One of the greatest lessons you can learn in life is to trust your intuition. That person is 100% correct, when someone makes it clear through their actions that they don't care about you, they don't. Believe them, trust your gut, and move on. ❤
I get it if there are hints, but if I were to solely go on intuition I probably would have killed myself a while ago. My dad made me think nobody cared about me, but it isn’t true! You just gotta stay in the game!
@@PreAlgebrathere’s a distinction to be made between your example and the one in the video. The lesson is when someone’s words and behavior contradict one another, then you always listen to the behavior. This woman didn’t say “I don’t care about you” but her actions, or lack thereof, prove that she couldn’t give a rats ass. Although, I don’t believe it’s smart to rely solely on “instinct” or feelings. There are plenty of people who can’t self regulate their feelings and believe each are justified and true even when they’re not. However, I don’t believe thinking someone doesn’t care is a feeling, so the “instinct” of feeling like you aren’t cared about is to speak on how unheard you are, as well as the loneliness. It’s almost impossible to unjustifiably feel more lonely in a room with your partner than you do in a room by yourself. Hence, 9/10 of the time if you feel someone doesn’t care about you, you’re probably right. I do understand what you’re saying though
Yet they still expect a marriage to continue, uninterrupted.... It was promised with breadcrumbing, to be our awesome cross country retirement tour, promised and talked about for a couple of decades. In the efforts getting there, the RV was nefariously taken from its location, only to be sold, that plan would never come to be. The rest is best unsaid.....
I have been in enough relationships to know that when a woman checks out from intimacy...It's over...
I’m glad that I’ve never been in a situation like this. I’ve had a situation where I was dating a girl for over a month but she refused to even kiss me. That’s when I knew I had part ways with her. This is why I’m scared of marriage.
Yep . She used him tho, to have children. Now she withholds .
@@johngonzalez6690That's crazy! How can you even call it "dating" if you never even got a kiss in over a month of being with her...? Sounds like she was definitely trying to use you for whatever reason rather than forming a relationship with you. This is why I will never get married as well. "Most" guys end up like this guy. They basically just become a provider who might get a little something on their birthday. This is the sad reality for most men for sure!
Not necessarily...depends on what the issue is, if she's communicated about it and he's still ignoring it (granted, she could be communicating in a way that he doesn't understand) or if she's deemed the issue to be unfixable.
Same thing could be said for a man.
It’s not the lack of sex that breaks up marriages it’s the reason behind why the spouse doesn’t want to have sex.
Lack of sex almost broke up my marriage, there was nothing behind the reason for it.
I'm wondering what she resents him for. There's something we're missing. Some men expect women to be the same as they were when they met when they become mothers. It's just not the case!
@@julesj5853no babe there was definitely a reason but they may have not been able to talk that through with you cause it probably had nothing to do with you. All love here no judgement ❤❤
@@julesj5853bullshit...there's always a reason.
@@thatsthejobbb8587It doesn't matter. If she resents him, she should be talking to him about it. Men change too after their wives have children. Men's sex drives tend to lower after children are in the picture, but their need for intimacy doesn't change. They still love their wives and still want to connect physically. When a wife will not connect physically, the relationship is about as good as over.
To me, the wife is using the man at this point. She probably doesn't want to be a single mom, so she will pretend she's still in love with her husband. And most men will try and try and try to make it work before giving up. And when a man gives up, it doesn't always mean he will leave. He may just stop trying with his wife and put all his focus on the kids. This is when the wife gets upset and files for divorce because she thinks her husband is a jerk.
You guys are hitting home.
My husband had a car accident (not injured) 1 day after I had gone on vacation to visit our oldest daughter in Cali, we live in MI. I had planned for this trip for 6 months, 7 days away from work.
I purchased a ticket to return flight with a different airline for $700 one way after finding out about the accident. I had to use a different airline because my original one did not have a flight out that next day.
He told me I didn’t have to come home, he was ok.
I was back home by days end. I told him I just need to hold him for myself.
Other people were disappointed because I cut my trip short by 6 days. However, I wanted to be by his side. Money can be earned and trips/cars can be replaced, my husband of 24yrs could not.
You are a great wife
That's actually great to hear
you're a wonderful woman, good for you. Hope you guys have a lovely life together
You’re lucky my hubby was 10 minutes away helping his friend cut grass when I had a wreck which tore my back bumper off and did quite a bit of damage to the car I hit..I called my hubby as the couple I hit had 10 people come there for them..hubby asked if I was ok and said he’s see me at home so I just picked my bumper up and threw it in the trunk and drove home…he really cared about me..not..he was more interested in making money for his upcoming golf trip with his buddies than making sure his wife of 40 years was ok..sometimes I wonder why I even bother staying and the crazy thing is if he was 10 hours away he would never come home if I was in a wreck I injured but he’d hop the first plane to get home to his mother even if she was fine…he’s a ball less wonder if a mommys boy..wish he loved me half as much!
@@Shopgirl1 But you are still with him knowing all this about him ?
Intimacy isn’t just sex. It’s a hug. A kiss. Holding hands. A back rub. And even just a kind look. I feel for this caller. I’m going through similar issues where my wife refuses to do any of that. I cannot tell you the last time I actually was allowed to kiss my wife. I feel your pain brother.
This is so true this is what makes sex and relationships thrive, it's intimacy like you described.
Have you tried to have a serious convo with your wife about how you feel?
Look into narcissism or BPD and see what the issue is and if it’s related. If it isn’t , then there’s gotta be a reason and it can be spoken about unless she has always been a terrible communicator
@@daughteroftheking3220repeatedly. It always comes back to she’s stressed over finances, kids, work, etc. All that makes sense but I just can’t imagine being so stressed I don’t want to hug my wife. Or kiss my wife. So I don’t buy the reasoning. Maybe I’m off base. But I would assume if one was stressed, getting hugged by the person you are supposed to love the most would actually help you feel better. Instead I get total rejection.
Should leave. Why live your life like that?
She didn’t want to go to the hospital to make sure he was ok. Doesn’t get colder than that. Time to get out.
Exactly. So sad.
@@user-qp2qe5gf9b If my husband called me from the hospital, I would not ask him if he wanted me to go there. I would tell him that I am on my way. Even if he said he was ok, I would still go. I know he would do the same for me.
@@user-qp2qe5gf9b do you think the sit down conversations, letters, poems etc. weren't enough of a reminder?
@@user-qp2qe5gf9b Based on everything else he has said, I don't think it is the case that his attitude has communicated that.
Okay, I was there before. You and your wife need to become a 2.0 in this marriage. Start working out get a tan learn to run and swimming to build a nice toned body. Your wife has self-esteem issues possibly. Sex in my opinion has to be both parties need to be turned on. Find that spark again I did it, it takes work people.
When someone calls you "sensitive" and "needy" that is gaslighting and it is a red flag.
Gaslighting is manipulating someone to question their own sanity.
It is a definite red flag. It is not gaslighting. But it doesn’t have to be gaslighting in order to be a bad trait. Those words are demeaning, belittling and manipulative. They’re meant to shut you up. When someone speaks that way to us, they are saying they don’t care and don’t want to hear about it.
Sensitive is not ambiguous term. "Needy" is however. I call my wife sensitive all the time because there is so other word for it.
They’re basically admitting they no longer respect you.
Not necessarily.. my ex actually IS VERY NEEDY and narcissistic.. and didn't care what I had going on a the time, when he called I was supposed to answer rt away or he would call me 20 times, if he has a problem he would sulk but not talk about it, even if I asked him, he would make snide comments about me being in a good mood.. he was very passive aggressive, possessive and angry and would never let me address his selfish behavior and was a momma's boy to an abusive mother.. but would turn rt around and grab my 😻 why he wanted some with absolutely no buildup or romance to get me in the mood.. he didn't want to give massages or make me feel like a lady, but would hold on tighter when I would want to the things bc of his narcissistic attitude.. I was so sick and drained by this man bc of his endless clinginess.. sometimes when the shoe fits.. 🤷🏾♀️
I lived through a sexless marriage for ten years. As a woman, I cannot for the life of me get why people stay. I walked away from a wealthy man, took nothing from the marriage (money or anything), and ended up with joint custody of our son. Life is too short to sit in a miserable sexless marriage. Life is too short to live in a constant state of rejection by someone who is supposed to be there for you in every way. Be brave and find your happiness. You won’t regret it.
I feel this. But I also can't get past that I made a promise to my husband and God til death do us part. Rn i just feel stuck.
@@user-fx7je6jh5z He also made vows that he isn't upholding, so there's no point in upholding yours if he doesn't care about his.
@@user-fx7je6jh5zI am in the same boat
Some women stay with a pos man because she fears for her children if she breaks up with him. He’s got the kids alone for visitation.
@@user-fx7je6jh5zis this Gods will for you to be miserable?
It''s not the lack of sex part that is most concerning, but the coldness and lack of respect that is more concerning. I hope Joe finds the peace and love that he deserves.
@kristen-ek Welllll....actually, it is BOTH.
It’s more than concerning, it’s everything.
This fellow needs to realize there's nothing he can do about her. He can only fix how he act upon this situation. If you are in a valid sacramental married you're not eligible for divorce remarriage. But the church allows the separation of bed and board which means you are allowed to separate from her meaning a civil or secular divorce. And and start a new life without her in any part of it. That is your only option move on.
no sex = roomates
@@tomstulc9143that amounts to living in sin. You aren’t allowed to deny yourself tot he other in marriage. What would be the point of leaving your spouse in that situation when you can not marry someone else? Your ONLY option is to reconcile. That is easier done when you are together and not physically apart.
She is 100% gaslighting you. You are not needy and sensitive for wanting intimacy. That’s what a marriage is for! You have every right to end this toxic relationship and find a healthy mutual relationship
Its her duty as a wife to service her husband - she's a shill
Get a northern woman period 😂
@@kingscairn Hopefully you are using irony. Nothing chills desire in a woman more than words like "service". Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.
@@elibennett6168I dislike terms like service, duty, and needs relative to sex.
They are all true but they're mutual. The relationship requires it. The same spouse that denies the other will be the first to go off the rails if there is infidelity.
@@s6g2k Mutual is not what was said. It was "service her husband" like it's Jiffy Lube. It is one-way, brutal, and demeaning language. And it was meant to be. If a man's aim is to humiliate a woman and show his inner creep, that's a good way to do it, and women get the message that he is not approaching her with honor, love, and respect so essential for women to be intimate. It is like an cold shower and will move most women to withdraw.
I felt all the hurt in this man's voice, I feel terrible for him.
Same. I feel so bad for him.
Women getting off birth control is a serious problem, I'm willing to bet she got off to start having kids and her hormones changed. It's fairly common
@@outdoorfr3akvery good point that barely anyone thinks about
@ouwell......gi Get HELPtdoorfr3ak
His wife has zero respect for him, which is horrible. I hope this man finds someone who loves and appreciates him
I want to hear her perspective on it. Kids change the dynamic of a marriage and sadly lots of men push the majority of the childcare on women, which burns them out. If I was being touched and screamed at by children all day, the last thing I’d want is to be touched by a man who’s making my life harder
I disagree with you. Something is wrong with her as a person
@@TipTheScales27
That’s a good heads up for any man not to put a ring on you. Well done!
@@TipTheScales27if she feels miserable being with him even after she talks about it with him, then she should leave! Not stay and make his life just as miserable.
I'm wondering if she's been abused, so she picked a sensitive "safe" man, but that's not the kind of man she knows how to respect. He doesn't sound that sensitive even, just attentive and normal.
My heart breaks for this caller. My husband was never a big physical contact guy when we first met. I knew physical intimacy matters, so I made adjustments to my behavior (a random kiss, touch his arm, giving him a hug, give him compliments, etc.) and he "caught the fever". One time, he asked me why I did these things and I told him intimacy is more than just sex and those little things are my way of letting him know I love and care about him. And btw, if my husband was in a car accident, I would move mountains (and break a few laws) to get to him and rub his sore shoulders.
@ImAKangwithnokingdomcan you take your dirty laundry elsewhere? You’re clearly projecting. Get help😬😬
My grandmother had severe MS in 1975. My Grandfather took care of her until the day he died. 16 years.
@ImAKangwithnokingdom You apparently don't know my husband then. Because we been there done that and he's still here.
@ImAKangwithnokingdom don't project shitty men do that but most normal loving men don't
@ImAKangwithnokingdom don't get me wrong, there are a lot of terrible people out there - men and women. But I like to think most people are decent humans and the bad ones are the minority.
My failed relationship taught me that there's absolutely nothing you can do to make someone “like” or desire you. That's a them issue. You can write all the letters, sing all the songs, cook all the meals but it will never be enough. It's NOT normal that your partner wouldn't want to have sex with you.
You can’t negotiate desire. Learned that hard lesson going through divorce.
You're right. He should file for divorce and find someone who will desire him. Why extend the divorce clock so she can claim more alimony and all the extra bs American women get.
@kamiliachadli That's the beauty of being a man. You can create your own character and add value to it. Men that are on their purpose age like fine wine. Just a reminder. Kevin Hart is 5,2ft and winning in life.
Agreed. Male or female. Same same. 🌹
@@kroenkeout708🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
I am her, not literally but i was in her place. It was due to the fact that i grew resentful towards my husband. Because he got to sleep, he got to go out and have hobbies and my baby girl was not sleeping for at least 1 and a half years and I was so tired and got ppd and felt awful. I breastfed and my baby was 24/7 attached to me and my skin and every time he tried to get intimate i felt like i got to pour out of me something that I didn’t even had for myself. After she started sleeping through the night and he stepped in on her education and spend more time to her so I can get some free time for myself our marriage started to get better. My libido grew and now I can’t get enough of him. I love him with all my heart. There was just a season and I’m glad he stayed and waited for me to get better.
But he said he's tried all of that. She's not willing to go to counseling anymore or anything she's just done
@@bonnemoms5413 I wasn’t willing neither because I thought I wasnt’t the problem. I was wrong? Maybe, but after he stepped up and started to show more as a husband and a dad and I could get some rest, piece and time for myself I started feeling alive again.
@@cozmacelina7511 happy ending to a potential disaster
My marriage was sexless for most of 15 years. My ex showed no concern for me right up until another woman showed interest. Looking back, I should have stood up for myself earlier. Spent too many years trying to please a woman who could not be pleased.
I didn’t repeat the same mistake. I’m now with a woman who shows gratitude and appreciation. She also understands the importance of intimacy. My first marriage was lonely. My second is fulfilling. Thankfully, I was able to make a wiser choice the second time.
Great decision man! I wish I could find one like yours!
It sounds like you were married to someone who was gay.. which had nothing to do with you, glad you got out
@@AMM3. My ex has only dated men since we split.
Here is the twist: My 2nd wife dated a couple of guys in high school to try to fit in. She came out as a lesbian her senior year (this was before it was cool) and only dated women since then. She now says she is a lesbian who just happened to fall in love with a man.
@@groatswerth2073 ah, i misunderstood, I thought you meant another woman showed her attention and she left for a woman. I didn't realize it was a jealousy thing
Married sixteen years, the last twelve without sexual intimacy after my wife's hysterectomy at age 48. We've lived ever since as friends and housemates but nothing more, sleeping in opposite ends of the house. There's no loneliness like the unending loneliness I've found in a marriage like this.
I feel for you
I'm so sorry
I'm sorry that you're going through this.
She needs hormone therapy!!! It’s a huge thing losing the uterus… it’s your identity as a woman and makes a lot of oestrogen… that they thought only your ovaries made. Get her on HRT!!!
Sorry bro
I feel for this man. Me and my wife went through something similar but we went the counseling and DR.
It fixed it mostly.
Secondly I am a owner operator ( truck driver)
I broke my ankle and tore 2 tendons at work one day.
I was the primary bread winner she was a stay at home mom.
She hot two jobs within a week and helped take care of me for 3 months while I healed.
She never complained or talked down to me.
At 1 1/2 mark after the injury I thought hey I can walk. I hot a stair wrong and twicked the injury.
She went to the podiatrist with me he said it was still nroke I couldnt walk and I was stupid . Thats all she needed to hear she didnt let me do anything else till he cleared me.
I think I have a great woman.
yes sir you do, cherish her
Yup, keep her and be good to her. Often times, men mistreat good women, mistaking them as weak.
Please appreciate her. Because she appreciate you. Blessings.
You think! You are blessed you got a gem ..take care of her and cherish
Yeah seems like you really do
Marriage is not for selfish people. Make sure you pick a spouse that is not selfish and also make sure you are not selfish as well. It makes a huge difference.
I actually disagree. My wife is so selfless that it’s a problem. She’ll starve herself all day only caring for the kids. Then she’ll be far past reason then yell and scream at the kids for just playing and being kids. When if she would have just been “selfish” and ate food she would be so stressed out.
I can hear the women already. “Why don’t you help her with the kids?”
I do. But she is so infatuated with caring for the kids it doesn’t matter what I do. She’ll and up taking over anyway.
I even made reservations for her to have a getaway for night at a hotel and spa. Just so she can relax without the kids. She got mad at me for spending the money without us talking about it first. Then refused to stay at the hotel. I couldn’t get a refund because it was an online deal. So that was a waste of $245.
I hate her. But I really want to love her.
@@sixofsix if she only cares about taking care of her kids and not you as well, then I’d still say she is selfish.
@@jaketokarczyk4509 She cares for the kids, nothing else.
@@sixofsix that’s selfish. The husband should also matter.
@@sixofsix how many kids do you have? Are they infants or toddlers? Have you had an honest conversation with how you feel?
"We don't choose the abuse or trauma that comes our way, we choose how we respond". Well said Dr.
This doesn't sound like a good woman. Sounds like she just wanted kids and doesn't care about you. You need to leave.
Fully agree! He said in the beginning she really wants kids and they wasted no time with that, yet after she refuses to give him sweet time
The bible even says the whole purpose of marriage and sex is to procreate. It never mentions anything about affection
Song of Solomon is a book solely on affection and intimacy. There isn’t any mention of procreating.
@@boston312have you never read Song of Solomon.??? Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth: for thy love is better than wine.
I stand corrected. I meant to say the religion of Islam@@CindyReyesCortes
As a wife, I’m so sorry! Intimacy is woven into all areas of my marriage. It’s hand holding, snuggling, back rubs, and s ex. It’s emotional connection, it’s our life force!
That's most likely because you love your husband and he loves you back, which is what it should be, but in the case of this video love wasn't even a thing either of them considered before they got married, he wanted a "good women", she wanted a man who can pay the bills for her kids. There is no love from either side, never was and therefore there is no intimacy anymore after the woman got the kids she wanted. She made that absolutely clear before they got married, he was just too dumb to understand that getting married doesn't automatically mean having sex when there is no love.
Perfectly said!
Yes
Not everyone is the same. Some people are just not that touchy feely
Facts.
I had to end a relationship with someone i wanted to spend the rest of my life with because he didnt think intimacy was that important. I tried everything & struggled for over 2 years to regain my self-esteem.
Its rough when the only person you want to be close to, shoots you down time & time again.
Sorry to hear that sweets. When you want to give yourself to your love physically, spiritually & emotionally they just turn you away. Its time to move on, no matter how much it hurts you just have to look after yourself & heal from this abuse. Stay strong & find that person who truly wants all of you.
2 years lol, try 10 or 15. you're smarter than me
Leave, brother. Your story is an exact reflection of mine. Remember, the good man/husband/father you are will always exist even when you’re not with her anymore. You deserve to be happy. Hope that helps, brother. God Bless.
Oh man. This guys wife sounds EXACTLY like my ex wife of 20 years. I was with her for 28 years. No hand holding. Go hugs. No kissing. No sex the last 3 years of the marriage. Bro, you need to leave. That is your ONLY OPTION. My ex was toxic. I tried everything. I offered her stay at home mommy-ing. I covered all bills. I did all the housework. I tried to accommodate everything and nothing worked. She had me really questioning who the hell I was. Divorce is the only option. 2 years after divorce, even with a $40,000 IRS bill she stuck me with, leaving her was the best thing that ever happened to me.
Omg! That’s horrible…. better you got out
Wow I feel bad for you 😞
Good on you bro. You’re better in every way now, take a minute and thank yourself
Man u must have felt like a huge burden was lifted off ur shoulders..
Lord. May our father and son in heaven protect our men from such evil nibbling cankles.
Wow, “You are dealing with someone who doesn’t give a crap about you!” Thank you for your honesty because I felt the same way when he was telling his story. I’ve been where he is.
When you're married and have kids it sucks.
@@mfawls9624yip, been in the exact same position as him. Now divorced for 8 years. It's not something can be fixed. Once a woman acts like this, she's already checked out.
Im there
Hugs
@@mfawls9624 What lady wants to risk more pregnancy for unsatisfying sex? She did her bit.
To the women out there, rosehip tea and red raspberry leaf tea is a fantastic hormone balancer.
I struggled after birth, didnt want any sex. But happy to have other intimate interactions.
Those two teas really helped balance out my hormones and after a few weeks the drive came back. 🙃
Worth a try
I’m a SA victim, in childhood and through other relationships.
Been through lots of therapy in order to fix my dislike of intimacy and I do not mind holding a partner, kissing and showing that side of intimacy but sex just ain’t working for me. It’s literally the worst thing for me.
At this point in my life, I’m 37, luckily not in need to have a partner to support me and so I decided to simply no longer put a partner through that. I am simply not able to provide it the way it should be, for me it feels forced and I hate myself afterwards.
So for victims of SA, I learned it’s common to feel like that.
I'm with you. I'm learning that many people try to regulate their nervous system with sex. I refuse to let anyone use me to regulate emotions. Don't dump your trauma on my body. It feels gross. Work out your emotions, we'll come together and celebrate joy, love and connection with our bodies... I refuse to be used... Even in a marriage.
I am also an SA victim and he literally said he doubted her story. The worst is telling someone you think you can trust and confide in only for them not to believe you. So if he showed or expressed he didn't believe her, I can see where she'd pull back and act like this. I was my ex for 2 yrs and have been friends with him for 6 yrs to this day. I realized very quickly that he didn't really care about me. So yes, now my attitude is a lot less accommodating and caring to his needs and feelings as friends.
@@YurrahAlHadiYeah. Would love to hear her side of the story. You don't just stop loving someone all of a sudden. He never once admitted to any of his own failings. It's all her. There's definitely more.
Maybe you should partner with an asexual person, not that you need someone but it's just an option ❤
@@bisiilkithat’s actually helpful for me.
He sounds very honest and sincere…his sadness is palpable. I truly hope he moves on and is loved & desired the way he deserves to be.
He probably won't cause an average man doesn't have options... some woman just sees him, and thinks; this guy is easy to manipulate... and the story starts all over again...
Walked away from my ex-wife after years of little or no sex, and telling me she wanted sex, just not with me. It's called self respect. Men (and women), just walk away from these narcissists.
Maybe she was just being honest to help you understand how she felt. She didn't trust you to give her good sex, but that doesn't mean she's lost all interest in sex.
@@ramsrnja she also said it wasn't a performance thing with me. No, it was just hypergamy in action.
The vast majority has become programmed narcissists. As an average guy in his 30’s under 6 feet I feel like I’ll never even find someone to divorce…
why get married in the first place if your not going to stick around through the tough times?
@@boston312 when your partner is openly talking about wanting to sleep with other people, you can probably guess that it's only a matter of when, not if, they haven't done so already.
24 years of marriage and my story is just like his story. He refuses to communicate…won’t look me in the eye. Intimacy on any level is a no go. No spiritual leadership. I asked him if he was done and then told him a while back that I did not want to do this for the next thirty years and he blew up at me…but even with that the conversation went no where. It hit me in the face like a wet rag when you told the caller that his wife just doesn’t care about him. I have felt that way a long time. 😢
Ditto, but shorter duration. Time to go! Here's how to process it all Brandy. Ask yourself if you've done everything you could to support your partner. Though not married, at the outset I chose to LOVE (and I told her that), and I did everything in my power throughout the entire time to do so without judgment or expectation of anything in return from my partner. Of course, I've tried the communication approach (without anger), I've consulted others, etc.. I've never spoken badly about my situation and I've processed my actions enough in my head to know it's not me. In fact, I'm proud of my performance! I've helped raise two teenagers (not mine) into more stable young adults than they otherwise would be and provided a secure place for all 3.
Throughout all of this, I've kept my cool. The gift to me has been that I've come to realize that happiness comes more from giving, than receiving, love. I'm still f-ing happy, because I've done a pretty good job on the things I can control.
What does that tell me. A) I'm f-ing stable and able to hold secure attachment in crazy ass situations. B) I can, and have, loved unconditionally, C) I've found a way to be happy in the face of shitty headwinds. In short, I'll be fine.
We always have a choice, Brandy. I'm choosing to detach at this point, because it's time and I deserve better. You can too.
On a side note. When a woman tells a man she doesn't want sex very much, what she's really saying is she doesn't want it with him.
Nope. People don't all have the same sex drive and women don't all say or feel the same. This woman's response is part of a constellation of signals. it isn't a smoking gun in and of itself.
I was married for 19 years and my wife never wanted to have sex. I've since divorced and remarried and my current wife loves having sex. I certainly didn't marry her for that reason alone but intimacy is important. It's not about actually having sex, it's about not being rejected constantly by the person who should be your biggest advocate and companion. I never wanted to get divorced but it was making me a worse version of myself being married to the wrong person.
All too common my friend. All too common. Unfortunately.
Well written. I didn't remarry but I went through a sexless 10 year marriage. She finally left us. I am still relieved she is gone and someone's else's problem.
Wow you lasted 19!!! I’m sorry that happened to you. I’m a wife and we are 12 in. I’ve gone through periods where I’ve struggled to want to but I pushed myself to do it anyway and it always made me end up wanting more. So I realized it was good for me too to have it often. I hope we never lose it.
Many women are literally narcissists and men aren’t taught this. All men need to educate themselves on narcissists and women with borderline personality disorder .
If someone is so wildly unreasonable, it’s probably a literal mental disorder. I used to think I had to be overly patient with people bc I knew I could change, so I assumed they could too, there are some who don’t care to change ever
@racebannon96
Please reply man
How did you end up in a sexless marriage? Where there any signs in the relationships that we should look out for?
Need help man
I dated a man that did this and it truly hurt me more than I ever thought possible. It destroyed my self confidence, I felt super unloved and uncared for and to top it off it was like a roll reversal. All the comments are from men here and I hear stories like that all the time. But I was the women getting rejected over and over and over again so it made me feel like there must be something super extra wrong with me.
The chances that he has one of the dark triad personalities (narcissist, psychopath, machiavellian) are very high. Dark triad males are probably the only type of males who would do something like that where s_x is concerned.
It's a 2 way street, absolutely!
I have dealt with the same. It's rough.
Ooof he messed up lol😂
Been there, I used to cry, and he would get so mad at me and try to insist he cared but certainly didn't feel like it. I felt so alone
If a woman makes up excuses to not have to touch you, like in this guys scenario, rub his shoulders. It’s over. You disgust her.
Sometimes, it's the fault of the party that becomes controlling and emotionally abusive. That behavior will diminish any feelings of love.
I was married to a miserable woman like this for 10 years. So glad that I’m not anymore.
Leave, bro. It’ll hurt like crazy for a bit. Then it’ll feel so much better.
She sounds like a narcissist. When you leave she will be hurt
don't be her provider while she's fks other men. if she's not having sex w/you she's doing w/tyrone. don't be her provider
@@muddleofpuddpsn8843 She'll viciously lash out and try to take every bit of money and life he has left in him.
They have kids. This is a horrendous sad situation. But the whole leave and have your kids grow up in a broken home and set them up for failure in life is horribly selfish. What he should do is tough to say. But I certainly do not recommend broken homes. Sometimes you need to bear your cross and give up your own happiness for your kids sake.
@@alqoshgirl my ex and I have a daughter. And I can tell you She is a much happier child with us functioning as 50/50 separated parents. And this is a testament many kids of “broken homes” will give. Staying together means your kids will see you “ bearing that cross” and they will internalize relationships as being a cross to bear. Not healthy.
Sounds EXACTLY like my marriage. After 26 yrs together I got divorced. It was the hardest thing I ever went through. Been gone 2 yrs now and it was the best decision I ever made. Found out after I left the multitudes of betrayal she did to me throughout the years. Maybe some day I will forgive her but it's not in the cards right now. Peace to you brother.
After that long being married it’s no different than fighting addiction to drugs or alcohol. I know what you’re saying and agree 100%! I’m going through it currently after being together 21 years 11 dating/10 married. Personal experience and research has shown me that it starts atleast 3 years before the day comes when she makes the move. Within that timespan is when they’ll start depreciating your value and be spreading around the love glove. It’s extremely hard to regain your footing and rebuild your foundation after everything you invested in just don’t care anymore in the least. We lived on 16 acres in a house that was built out of pocket had nice vehicles and lived more well off than anyone else in our family’s. I financed and started a business that brought in between 180-230k a year as sole proprietor. None of it was worth fighting for to better our lives in her mind. Only thing that mattered was the half she expected to be getting when she ran off with the bar trash she had been hanging around. It’s world shattering but in time you’re thankful that you’re no longer in it and free from their grip! Karma is a real thing and it will water the seeds in which you planted in your life! You gotta know when you’re planting weeds or flowers!
Oh my goodness! Everything he said, including having a really bad car accident, and him saying “do I need to come?” Is my situation too! I cried when he said that. I still think about that. I had to drive myself home, and I’ve been on disability since. That hit hard! This man does not deserve this, and I’m finally realizing I don’t either. What I don’t understand is why these spouses, who clearly don’t care about us, stay??? Or tell us/me, that they don’t want a divorce, and love us.
I'm sorry to hear that you're going through this. In my experience, people often say "I love you" because they believe it's the right thing to say, even when their actions don't align with their words. It's a positive sign if they genuinely believe in those words and aspire to be that loving person. This means you can work together to support and love each other genuinely. Remind her that love is not just a word; it's demonstrated through actions. Encourage her to show love through her actions rather than just saying it. You might even ask her to focus on expressing love through actions only, to emphasise this point. She might reply, "Well, I cook, I clean, I do this and that," and it's important to be thankful; however, remind her that love is not about doing what she thinks makes you happy, but rather what truly makes you happy. And that of course goes both ways. When she asks you to do something around the house, spend quality time with her and/or the kids etc. that's truly important to her.
I fawn over my husband like crazy. I always feel the need to let him know how important he is to me in little ways. The physical intimacy has never been a problem with us but every time I watch these videos, I just get the urge to go in and love all over him even more. I know he didn't get the attention he deserved when he was growing up and has mentioned that his parents were not affectionate at all and I have made it my duty in life to try and make up for that. If he needs me to be something, that is what I will be. And that man is the most loving, and understanding man I have ever met. It breaks my heart every time I hear someone has to go through a sexless marriage.
You're an amazing wife then.
@@riflebear1711 I can always be a better wife but my husband really is just a fantastic husband! I always tell him, he is just such an easy person to love
That woman is filled with rage and contempt. Who knows what triggered it? I just know I wouldn’t want to be around her - and I’m a woman. I can’t imagine being a guy trying to be vulnerable with her. Poor guy. He needs to get out and save himself.
@@Austenfan177💯💯💯
This is the reason men like me never show vulnerability to anyone - ever. You seem to understand, thank God.
@@Austenfan177 with ur insight u should consider sharing the intellect(start ur on pod)
@@Genxrgonemad even if she’s not cheating. Even if she’s a stiff upper lip sort of woman. I’m sorry but even the British have improved lol. She need to learn someway or another. Had she not had therapy I would have said okay marital issues. And he may not be listening to her. But usually therapists work on that. When she left that therapist the issue is her: whatever it is.
@@Austenfan177couldn't say it any better. 👍
When a guy spills his guts out to you, he is being extremely vulnerable. That means dont EVER shame, or belittle him. It changes a man forever when you do that.
Or he's throwing a guilt trip or pity party for sex
@@hiddenhand6973 you are another clown
@@hiddenhand6973That's why we keep to ourselves, until sadly it literally kills us but I am sure you didn't mean to belittle anyone, have a nice day.
Being vulnerable never comes with a guaranteed response. Strong people choose to be vulnerable because they want to be authentic regardless of the consequences. After being vulnerable on a regular basis, it's not even a big deal anymore. I was emotionally abused when I was at my most vulnerable (during a mental health crisis). I cut ties with that person (my mother) but I still choose to be vulnerable because I don't let people change me.
It takes a lot for a man to admit any of this
This guy is just like me. I went through this with my ex-husband. It’s the worst.
He needed too hear it, he knew it but needed the frendly push.. ❤
This call sounded nearly identical to what I have been dealing with for the last 14 years. For years I tried to eliminate all the reasons why my wife said she didn’t have time for me but each time I eliminated one there was always another excuse. I pleaded with her for years and explained that it was destroying me but there was never much emotion on her part. Finally this year after 16 years of marriage I decided I didn’t deserve to live like that anymore and decided to divorce. I hope Joe can realize he’s not crazy and she’s not going to change.
As a single christian I often wish I could find à good loving husband. I'm very loving caring humble and respectful and it's so sad to hear what happen to the man based on what he said . This wife fall out of love with this husband a long time ago. He just have to start loving himself and move on with wit his kids.
We are raising our grand. Lost my daughter some years ago. I can't walk away because of my kids. Should I put me first? Just needing input to make it all make sense.
You are a strong guy for doing what's necessary. I know it's very very hard. As guys, we don't want to divorce because we feel like complete failures.
We are built to give, to sacrifice and protect.
But is hanging on the side of the cliff for 14 years with one hand a life? Sometimes we just have to admit we didn't fail , that we shouldn't accept this level of neglect and disrespect.
Let go and you'll find out you got wings.
We all would
Being emotionally vulnerable around a woman is the worst thing you can do as a man. When a woman stops putting out, it’s time to leave
Husbands and wives see their own situations very differently. Would love to hear her side because usually there is a whole other point of view and it is very hard to judge this relationship. Single-sidedly
The woman is a school teacher and is responsible for probably 30 kids on a daily basis and then comes home to be responsible for her own as well as run her household. Maybe that Sunday morning church service that her husband takes the kids to is her ONLY break all week away from children to have some quiet time to herself.
My husband sent me this video today because he obviously wants me to know he feels similar to this man. I have raised my husband's daughter along with my own daughter and our own two children, worked full time, run a business, cook 95% of the meals and do 95% of the housework (including home remodeling projects and yard work). My husband works hard and helps when he can but likes his downtime first when he gets home from work instead of jumping in and helping with the children and the home we've created. He also loves any intimacy of any sort ...I truly believe if he had his way he would want to spend every waking moment he had holding hands hugging cuddling or being intimate in any type of way. As a mother of several children in a busy household, I admit I think about most other things, cooking, cleaning, laundry, bills, work, running our business, raising children and all of their busy schedules etc. My husband constantly thinks about intimacy with me and if I reject any type of intimate action, it's a complete shutdown to him.
I tried to always look at things two-sided, I see how my husband feels like he is being rejected and that I do not want to be intimate with him. But in my situation I see how I feel that I have built up years of resentment towards my husband for the lack of help in all the areas that I have needed help. Family do not run by themselves and if you have one parent carrying the majority of the load It does not leave much time to think about intimacy.
At that point everything just becomes a vicious cycle, he feels this way, she feels that way and it goes round and round for years until someone either breaks and wants to fix it or the relationship ends 🤷
except you're not looking at it two sided. You're a women and of course you put on your cape and support the other women. in fact you're even projecting your experiences to her as well. "She must be doing all the chores or he must be doing something to make her feel this way". I don't think you saw the whole video because she clearly dismisses his feelings. If Hubby is writing notes, poems and sitting her down to communicate then she is wrong completely when she says you're just too needy. If hubby goes to therapy with her and she refuses to accept help or even talk about it and cancels therapy then she's in the wrong. You are extremely biased and its egregious. But, like most women you are incapable of sympathizing with a man. Like how heartless can some women be and its allover the comment section, you can actually hear if not feel the pain in his voice and how uncomfortable he is yet, you still find a way to sympathize with her. It's insanity, men are supposed to sit there and listen and hear all of women's problems but as soon as the shoes on the other side nope you cant even receive a shred of sympathy.
like seriously how can you sympathize with a women who tells her husband who got into an accident "do I need to come see you". would you not go see you husband right away?
Why would you reject a man who loves you and desires you just because he doesn't place as much emphasis on chores? It is ok to be flexible. Remember, you are the only one be can do this with and to take it away is very cruel. Yes, he can improve and do more. Sometimes it takes the first person to make the move and then things start to work out. Talk about a reasonable intimacy schedule for you both and then work on that. It's good for you too. ♡
I completely understand where you are coming from. He’s one more thing you have to take care of .
Heidi. Sounds like you are the same kind of woman as this guys wife. You are making excuses for her because you make excuses for yourself. Shame on you.
I experienced this as well. It was such a dark lonely marriage during the pandemic with a toddler. I always felt like I was walking on eggshells in my own home, like I was going crazy inside. Fearing I can't even touch her in bed but wanting to so bad to connect with my best friend and just feel loved. She admitted to withholding sex because she didn't feel emotionally connected (basically blamed me for everything even though she never communicated this to me until it was too late). We never communicated well with deep stuff like this early on about a lot of these things and I learned a great life lesson to voice my needs, wants and be more aware. I finally got into therapy for myself to learn, grow in hopes to save my marriage. The problem was that she didn't want to look within and do the same it was only about fixing me. I would use things from my therapy to have better open conversations like "I" statements and she laughed at me and gaslit me like I'm some monster. It crushed me and I started to realize I deserve better than this. Great life lesson for me, I have grown and learned a lot about myself and what I need in my future partner. I don't wish this upon anyone but sometimes we go through hard things to become even better. Very dark to deal with separation and divorce with a young kid and all I care about now is being there for him every single day I get to see him or talk to him. -Thank you for sharing this video, glad to know I wasn't alone in some ways.
This sounds so much like my own experience. Best decision in my life was to walk away. Never regretted it a single day.
Dude feels so genuine and real from the heart.. That's the worst nightmare in a marriage
Ahahahahahaha!!!! Women have to worry about their husbands killing them and killing the kids. Not to mention marital rape and domestic violence. You're such a lightweight.
This man sounds like an incredible gentleman that many solid women would love to have! I pray his wife wakes up before it’s too late.
You’re praying for the relationship between two strangers? You’ve actually spend time in your mind doing this? Good lord. I truly do not believe you said one prayer for these people.
@@RenataKleinRK I just said a prayer for them because of your comment ... and one for you too since you sound like an enemy! When an ambulance passes by me I say a prayer for whoever is in trouble. Why not?
@@Timotimo101
Absolutely!
John, you are very sweet and smart. I just discovered you and listened to two stories only, and both of these made me cry. Thank you for trying to help in a such incredibly short amount of time and I hope that there are many lives that were changed for the better because you gave the final push.
My beloved late wife & I were last intimate on our wedding anniversary 15 months before she passed (6 years ago). It was getting less & less frequent. This was primarily due to her deteriorating health. When we were checking into the hospital (her final time), the nurse asked her a bunch of questions, one of which was- "Are you sexually active?". She responds clearly "yes". Thank GOD I caught myself before saying something frustrated / stupid along the lines of "With WHO?!" or "Can I join you?". That night she had a complete cardio-vascular collapse, was comatose on a ventilator for 12 days. A week or so after she "returned", I was feeding her dinner, and I happened to mention that to her, and said to her- "I heard you say "yes", and I thought- "Well, Okay!". She knew I'd been feeling "left out", and said- "We need to find some "work-arounds" that I can manage". At this point, she wasn't even able to shift position in bed on her own, I had to do that (I was there 22 hours / day, minus 2 daily trips home to feed our dog & give him an outing).
She was gone a week later, now I'll be alone until we are re-united in paradise. I firmly believe that. It truly WILL be Paradise! People, CHERISH YOUR LOVED ONES, while they are in THIS world!!
I’m sorry for your loss ❤
Thank you for your kind words.@@katiedunk4901
God bless you
Thank you.@@edwardr.gheraii4716
True love and intimacy are complex. Sorry for your loss 🙏🏽
This is probably the scariest part about choosing a partner. Not to mention you never know how they change after you’re married. Smh
Marriage is unnecessary.
Most woman hardly get an orgasm during sex cause man only care about only pleasing themself eventually it gets draining to be having sex daily that hardly even satisfy , thats why theres more sex toys for woman than for man because man just dont know what they are doing, you can tell him today what you prefer but following day he will be back to that annoying unsatisfying same thing just because it works for him
I can see my husband portraying himself like this. Its the tip of the iceberg. He is needy in contrast to what he gives out. Its never fully MY turn for care, but he expects the world to revolve around his needs. I'd bet big $ that she feels neglected.
Very possible
I have a hard time believing that a guy who is writing his wife poetry is super neglectful but he could be giving love in a way that his wife isn’t receiving it.
It's possible but an individual who rejects their partner emotionally completely, refuses help and refuses to talk about the issue. Wanting to have sex with your wife or have her respect your emotions isn't "expecting the world" from her. It should be the bare minimum for a relationship.
@@xstevenx8132Those are the worst.
@@KingSensitivewhy should Woman Care about their Men Feelings when Men Made it very clear that they dont Care about their Womans Feeling?
Intimacy isn’t just sex. It’s the kisses, the hand holding, and warm hugs along with a plethora of other things. Love connects humans not just physically, but psychologically and emotionally. Love is a universal language.
I can’t imagine this guys pain. I’m so sorry.
This was basically my story. I used to pray she’d die in an accident or in her sleep or something. Therapy helped me realize that’s because I was being abused but also took my marriage vows seriously. She eventually had an affair. 24 years together since high school, 18 married with three kids. Divorce is nearly finalized now. What a nightmare, but the future is looking bright.
No, you didn’t leave because you were comfortable. Placing all the blame on her is comical. Takes two to tango. You’re not a victim, bud. We all have free will and live in a free country to divorce.
FYI, you’re actually disgusting enough to want your kids mom DEAD so that you didn’t lose money in a divorce. Disgusting you both deserved each other.
You're murderous over not getting sex? Males are such psychos. Ladies, avoid these creeps.
My god you are telling my exact life. Word for word.
That’s terrible. I’m glad the future is looking bright for you. I hear this from women all the time too where the husband is checked out, getting his needs met through porn, and she’s just dying for him to actually commit the affair or physically abuse her or something so she can justify getting out. I’m weirdly happy for you that your ex just had the affair so now you can move on.
Thank you. Although the whole thing is absolutely devastating. I do know what you mean, and that layer is there for me as well.
As a single man this is absolutely terrifying. My heart goes out to this man and i wish him prosperity in his next relationship.
do NOT ever marry these modern women
That’s what you men only complain about 🙄
@@isabella6075 found the female incel
@@isabella6075because that's how men feel loved, accepted and appreciated
@@isabella6075 Are you the caller's wife?
Oh man, my heart is breaking for this guy. Good luck to ya, sir. I hope you find real love.
Hearing this really makes me feel so grateful for where I am in my own life. How much I'm self aware and wanting to grow in areas where I feel I'm lacking. And when the time comes, it'll be for a man. It breaks my heart that people are in relationships like this and don't continue trying to be there for each other or to face their own inner issues and even try to hear their spouse. I hope that Joe finds his peace and happiness again.
My heart broke for this caller. 😢 I don't understand how anyone can treat another human this way, let alone your spouse. 💔
It's not a problem to not have sex.
look how most of women support zero accountability for the abusers of husband like form this video. these accomplices stain the entire gender doing so.
@@sarahrobertson634 its a huge problem to normal people. Also when a wife isnt having it with you more than likely its because shes getting it somewhere else. I hope you don't have a man because if you do im sure you make him miserable...
@@thisguyzach1095 I'm married, sugar muffin. But because my husband is a rare man who doesn't whine like a baby brat and has self control, I'm all over him. Self control is an aphrodisiac.
@@thisguyzach1095This is a non-issue. Males just need self control. Even d0gs can be trained to control themselves.
It breaks my heart because I just KNOW this sweet man was crying on the other end of this call 😔 It’s heartbreaking when you just want the person you love to really love you back. I hope he finds that, whatever that takes.
Listening to this is totally applicable to a lot of what I've been dealing with and I'm not even in a relationship anymore. Thank you
“She does not care about you” what do we do when someone doesn’t care about you. Leave them alone.
Man, I suffered through that for 20 years, and finally left her. It was excruciating. Stayed way, way longer than I should have because of what my family and my church would think. This poor guy needs to leave and have a life.
you let a house full of pedophiles (church) dictate how you ran your personal relationships (wife)? Bad move dude
Not only that it’ll be better for the kids. If he stays they’ll grow up thinking it’s totally normal to never be there for your spouse emotionally or physically. Sounds like she damn near can’t stand being in the same room as him and the kids will notice that mom and dad never hold hands or kiss.
Ditto for me. 20 years. Way too long with a sexless marriage, but much happier now.
Bravo !
Me too.
Telling him he’s not crazy is the best thing to hear and then realizing what that means also the worst
If I was in this situation, I would have a talk with her and ask for total honesty. I would ask her "do you love me, because you sure don't show it?" I think that this man wants his marriage to work but deep down inside, he senses that she simply doesn't love him. If it were me, I would do everything possible to salvage the marriage. However, if she's not putting forth any effort over the course of two years of trying, I would file for divorce. You cannot make somebody love you if they just don't.
I went through the same thing with my now ex wife. Sexually was always the same 5 minutes and done. On the honeymoon I had to beg for sex until she finally said ok just hurry up. She cheated on me and after I left her , not even 2 weeks later she had a boyfriend. I never cheated on her worked 2 jobs to make ends meet and this is how she she said thank you.
My man! My wife is the complete opposite, we’re not perfect by any means but I’m so grateful with her after hearing your story, but if this was a friend of mine my advice would be to leave her, especially if she’s not putting any effort, emotionally checked out, no sex, doesn’t care to see you after a accident, etc. This makes me feel so bad! This guy sounds like a genuine dude, I hope he can heal and move on from her gaslighting/toxicity.
He has kids, he’ll be raked over the coals in family court. He’ll end up losing custody, while she’ll keep eroding his image to his kids. He’ll struggle financially while she finds that spark that she was missing for so long with another man. Women like her look at men as disposable assets. His biggest mistake was marrying her in the 1st place since she was already divorced previously. I feel bad for this guy because he’s in a really bad spot.
@@Kevin93m3She may or may not be difficult or destructive in re to a divorce and child custody, etc ! She may be actually relieved, bc of no more expectations for her from his side!
He needs a good lawyer and his family’s/ friends’ support!!
He must leave for his own sanity and well-being!
His main priority is how to be present for his children !
He didn’t mention if she was caring and warm towards their Children! If she is as cold to the kids, he needs to get a sole custody! I fear she may play her head games with the kids, also! Her level of coldness and passive -aggressive behaviour is so extreme, it’s off the charts! She is not even trying to pretend to care about him!
A previous divorce is not unusual nor means she is a bad catch ! People divorce for a variety of reasons, they make mistakes in their marriage partners! We are all human! Of course, he does need to take it into an account and if anything was learned from the divorce and the past relationship!
I can understand why he is now questioning her story of her ex-husband’s abuse, etc!
Did he ask her parents, her relatives? Also, what are they like as people? How does she act with them? I wish this video was longer to get more info, in order to understand!
For his own piece of mind he may need to get a private investigator or approach her ex-husband himself for his side of the story! It’s likely she was just as cold, passive- aggressive and dismissive in her last marriage! It’s her normal go-to behaviour, it seems !
It seems she really snowed him, making him believe how ‘wonderful and caring’ she is! Just to produce children for herself??
How long did they date for? A short courtship?
I actually appreciate guys like him that aren’t afraid to speak up about being mistreated. It also sounds like he’s a good guy & if that’s the case why do they always pick the worst partners lol anyway, wishing him the best! ✨
Well said, especially the last sentence.
Women are attracted to bad boys, thats why.
A good guy with some childhood trauma most likely like most of us.
Most enter relationships far to early. And I would bet a huge amount of money that she never wanted to French kiss him when they were dating. That is not just a red flag but an absolute stop sign.
A controlling woman looks for a man who can give her what she wants, but also one whom she can control. She shows her emotions to him at first and is tender to him lure the man into a relationship. But it is all a beautiful show. The man does not know that he is entering into a binding commitment with a controlling woman. He does not see the signs and certainly not the nature of the tragic and horrendous trap simply because he loves what he sees and believes the show.
Men do the same thing to put on a show for women whom they want to catch, but on the opposite side of the relational coin. Many women who are being lured do not see that they are entering into a relationship with an abusive man.
We are created in God's image, male and female. That is a very powerful reality. The longing for a perfect spouse is very strong and tends to cause both men and women to want to believe the false fronts that these deceivers present.
In earlier centuries, other family members were more involved, even with parents being involved in arranging marriages such that those who were less easily deceived were part of the selection process. Of course, this process opened the door for other abuses. Even so, it is a very good idea to have others, especially parents, involved in the selection process of a spouse. When two people are getting married, it is more than just two people being joined. Two families are being bound together, including all the good and the bad of multiple generations combined.
Lord please have his wife find this video and respond, amen
My heart goes out to this man.
Physical touch is at the very bottom of my list. I am exhausted all of the time with our wild boys & being a stay at home mom. I love my husband with my whole heart. That is his #1 so even when I am tired, I’ll ask him to take a shower with me. I’m instantly in the mood. Or I’ll ask him to brush my hair, or play a game (uno) & all of him starts coming out & I’m turned on. 85% of time time, I’m in the mood. When I’m not, I’ll engage with him so that he feels loved. On the rare occasion we go to bed without it, I make sure to connect in another way. I also couldn’t imagine shutting him down like this. This guy is gonna leave her & she’s gonna regret how she treated him because you can just tell he’s a gentleman who just wants to feel loved & wanted by his wife.
I wouldn’t be surprised if she were cheating on him.
Damn, you sound like a keeper, so keep it up! I bet your husband hella appreciates you!
Doubtful she is cheating from what he described.
Yikes you have to ask him that sucks
My husband got in a car accident where our car didnt get completely totaled and he didn't get injured, but I was at work when he called me about it, and it shook me up so bad I had to leave to go be with him. We are not perfect but I had to go, I had to see him. She doesnt care about him at all 😢
I’m kind of surprised by these comments. I usually really agree with Dr John, but I really think he was off with this call. Maybe this woman is really traumatized and needs some healing. What if this guy is just done with this relationship and is selecting out stories that make her look bad so he can leave, start a new relationship where he gets sexual satisfaction and breakup his children’s home. We don’t even know the ages of the children. If she has small kids she could be overwhelmed. Some therapists are terrible and so maybe the therapist he mentioned wasn’t worth it. He says he wrote letters and poetry- that might not be her love language and she wants other forms of affection. The car accident he says he told her not to come and so she didn’t. I don’t think that’s terrible. I feel like jumping to ‘she doesn’t care about you and make your next move’ gets this guy off the hook from a difficult marriage. He went to one marriage counselor and asked her to go to church a few times - that’s not going to the end of the earth. Women are really expected to give sex at all times or be discarded
@@eamsuttononce she had children he simply became another responsibility for her. He's her 3rd child and she has no interest in allowing him equal footing or respecting him as a man. Writing her poems? She's done with the marriage. They are better off apart
@@eamsuttonDid u hear the part , no sex after the last child was born!? And she wasn’t even willing to come halfway when he asked for some neck massage!? He needed her warmth and caring , but she gave him a brush off, despite a serious accident he was just in! Even a warm hug and saying how glad u are that he survived would have made a difference!
You are right about the love languages ! I’ve read several books on the topic! What happens when the spouse knows , but is still unwilling and refuses to do it!?
Yes, it would help to know her side also! Of course!
Some of us have had similar marriages, so his story is very relatable!
Staying too long in a marriage where the other partner is barely present and unwilling to work at it, is waste of time! In fact, staying for years after , creates an another type of a trauma!
Either way, such cold, indifferent partners destroy the self-confidence and self-esteem of their spouses!
It’s important not to get bitter and rebuild one’s self-worth!
Joe, your story is just like mine. I've stuck around because of my kids. I always hoped that wife would change, and that never happened. I am 52 too now, my kids are teens now and I still think of the emotional trauma I would cause if I leaved. My wife is the coldest most hurtful person I've known, she does not care about me at all. I accepted this, it is horrible way to live, my kids keep me going. Good luck my friend!!
youre never too old to move on man. you've got to be healthy for your kids and being in this type of a relationship is not healthy. easier said than done i know - good luck man
You have to consider that leaving this terrible relationship may be better for the kids than staying, in the end.
Your Children know how ur wife mistreats u and they are also hurting for you, for themselves and for their Family! Their Mom’s coldness towards u, the unhappy marriage will have the long-term consequences for them, also! Doesn’t ur wife realize this?
What do the children say to u?
Are u planning to leave later, after the kids are gone from home?
It’s so difficult to know how children will treat u once they are grown! It’s unpredictable! We think we know, but we do not!
They may be, hopefully, sympathetic to ur marriage predicament!
If they have any humanity in them, they will understand that ur staying is untenable and is very destructive to u!
Staying too long in such a marriage carries its own trauma! You need to care about your own well-being, also!
Therapy might help! It may be helpful to know how to cope, take care of urself in such a marriage, and how to talk to ur Children about this!
I wish you well!
@@lenitaa7938 Wonderful comment…..spot on.
Trust me when I say, as a daughter whose father was married to a narcissistic woman, it is high time you leave! I am an adult child of divorce, but to tell you the truth, it was long overdue. I just wish a woman would realize what an incredible guy my Dad is and date him! It took a long time for my Dad to break free of my mom even after they were divorced because it was like she put a spell on him, but eventually, his witty, wacky personality started showing through again...
I hope things are better for him now. He seems like a good dude.
If it was a hormonal issue or something, she would probably be distressed about this too. After our daughter was born I was so physically exhausted and hormonally whacked out that intimacy was the last thing I wanted. And that distressed me, because I know the importance of intimacy and I also wanted to make my husband happy and keep our relationship healthy. I made sure to check in with him emotionally often and let him know what was going on with me, and things got back to normal in a few months. But I had to at least let him know that I was aware it was a problem and it bugged me too and that it wasn't going to be forever and he was still attractive to me.
I was going to say the same thing. Seems like she is experiencing a hormonal imbalance BUT is defensive about it.
I would say hormones too but she’s extremely disrespectful. That makes me think there’s more.
@@kaylynreynolds6551 Hopefully it’s something “as simple” as she’s too proud to admit she’s struggling and is disappointed she wasn’t exempt from the hard adjustments that come after pregnancy
@@SarahConnor562yup! Utter violation. Let him bring his friends over when he wants...she will be pissed
@@SarahConnor562
This happens when women get comfortable in the marriage
I was in a relationship like this with a gf of 4yrs and honestly it devastated me in the end. I felt disgusting, unattractive, unloved and wanted. It broke me, I had enough broke up with her and then she put me through even more to the point I was in a suicide ward for a week. But luckily I made it through it all and even more some, rekindled with a previous fling, and now that same girl is my fiancé and I have never been happier. I went from the being depressed for 2 years of my life and feeling the worst and suicidal from the abuse, ending it all, building myself back up and then started talking, then dating and now engaged to the LOML in a year and a half.
Wauw so happy for you congrats!
So my first comment I wrote before John's response and I'm glad he said that because that's how I feel and I don't know what's going on but call her. You deserve so much better
Dr.Delony,
I have watched many of your videos and usually agree with what you say and how you encourage people to move forward. My push back
….. where is the push back
This I think is some of the most straight forward, yet difficult advice John has ever given. I hope this man can pull himself together and make some sound plans for his future.
This doesn't qualify as advice
My husband isn’t affectionate, and I got accustomed to it over the years. A few months ago we were sitting next to each other and he placed his hand on my lap- I jumped back! Then got embarrassed. I wasn’t expecting it, I’m not use to touch outside of the bedroom.
When you’re married, you’re committed to another soul who is very different in every way. Just know when it’s truly toxic/abusive or when the behavior is just different. That’s when wisdom comes in.
Some married couples aren’t so different……. Crazy to even say that!
I had a heart attack...I called from the hospital to let her know...I talked to the kids, but she didn't want to come. I was done.
Wow. I'm so sorry you had this experience. I hope you are happy and well or are heading towards that place.
You are So Honest !!
I was surprised and impressed with how John handled this call. I 💯 agreed with his take. This wife doesn’t care about her husband, it’s obvious.
The wife cares about another man instead.
I would be concerned about his reaction (silence). Once Dr. John gave his verdict, not one word came out his mouth....concerned for this husband/father.
@@iTzBigbinkdid watch halfway or something? 😂
@@shachede6828he is saying that once John gave his verdict, the caller was practically silent. So we didn’t get to really hear what his reaction was.
We need to consider the possibility that her life with her abusive ex is her model of an exciting relationship. These sensitive, caring, nice guys are just boring. I'll bet her ex dumped her and she's still pining for the good old days.
“She doesn’t care about you” goodness that’s hurts. I hope he finds someone that does ❤
Leave walk, run intimacy is important part of a relationship
I lived through this in 1995. It was the hardest thing to realize that my wife just didn't love me anymore. I was devastated but it took a good person, a friend to tell me. It took a long to time to heal. The words offered in this video are done with decency and caring. Heed them well,
I can relate to John’s example of the car wreck. I was mugged in NYC, wound up in the hospital. I called my husband(didn’t answer for couple of hours) and he said well you must be fine since you’re here to talk about it. 😢 Never showed up…..
Good Lord... And you two are still married??
@@michaelh2282 divorced
Oh my God… that’s just awful… 🫢 I’m so sorry it happened to you… are/were you okay? How serious was it? 🥺
This is so sad. You can’t make someone love and understand you if they don’t want to. And being married (legally and spiritually bound to someone who’s suppose to be one flesh with you) who has no love for you and doesn’t want to even try, is a TRAGEDY. I pray you both heal and grow.
And they have children. Sad situation he’s in. Because if he gets sex from someone else , she’ll be the FIRST to exploit him. She’s disgusting!!!!
Being married spiritually is a fairy tale myth. Its a partnership between you, your partner and the government.
@@gabrielamartiniuc6322disgusting? you cant force a woman to physically be attracted to someone who no longer has a spark
you both???? the woman moved on
@@jadenpark7943 why so negative? I hope she did move on and has healed and grown from the experience. I wish the same for him….
You good?
Some people high in life switches, controlling others and dismissing their feelings become their new high in life
I wish there were followups to see how well the advice worked. I'm not doubting Dr. John at all just would be nice for an update. ❤
I've been with my husband 28 years, 4 kids later and neither one of us have checked out. I've always enjoyed intimacy with my husband even right after kids. I can't imagine being like this wife.
I hope this guy can find a happy life❤
That's because you all are mentally healthy and you are not a narcissistic b...with pycothapy. Good to hear. I feel for this dude. Been in his situation and of course the gas lighting of you are too sensitive comes out. You all take care✌️
You're a nut job, lady. Nobody should be fucking right after childbirth.
That’s because you like sex. Most women hate sex but do it anyway, but probably should’ve never married.. This one can’t hide it.
So what should we do with this information?
I can feel his heartbreak. He deserves so much better. This poor guy. His wife is being downright manipulative and neglectful.
When a man always hears the word "no " it does something negative to the man... My wife kept telling me no all the time after a while.I stopped asking cause.I didn't want to experience the rejection.And now I have a ton of resentment.I can't get past that
Why are you still with her? There are other women who’d love you! Coming from a woman.
If you can't afford divorce, get a side chick. Enjoy guilt free. You've been demoted to a roommate and you don't owe fidelity to a roommate.
Not just man. Woman as well... I had this with my husband, and it was harmful. Bothered my self esteem, all my confidence was gone, and I was blamed because, "That's tze only thing you want and think..."
And he said, he wants kids... But I don't know how he wanted, because I literally had to beg for kiss, touch and sex....
Men want woman with high sexdrive, but when they got it, they complain and getting avoidant...!
Amazing video.
Your advice is fantastic.❤
I feel sorry for this caller, he sounds like a genuine dude! Nothing worse as the villain masquerading as the victim 💔
Women don't want to sleep with good genuine dudes.
@Mr-Clark... Stop your lying.
You don't know what you are talking about.
@@dcarr-kr7hk Still simping trying to get your first crack at sex? lol
Once you wise up and become an old man, you'll get it.
@@Mr-ClarkI do
This call gave me the chills because of the comment his wife made “I don’t have to tell you.” Comments my ex husband made to me . She literally means “I don’t give a crap. “
Chilling. She’s most likely extremely narcissistic. Poor guy. He sounds so willing and kind and I truly feel for him that he’s stuck in this situation… 😢 This man is amazing. I wish I had a husband like him 😢 I really like the guy!! Just hearing his voice and his call and his seeking for help . What a great guy.
100% agree
The car accident story is worse "do you need me to come?" "I don't want to give you a massage" Wow just WOW
She's wicked, just used him to get kids
She doesn't respect him at all, it's over
I wish him a lot of luck - in finding happiness.
Listened to this and man great advice in helping this man. I’ve been there, I struggled…. 14 years later post divorce I’m friends w my ex, but wish I had the courage to speak with her back then when I avoided the conflict. Wish that guy and everyone dealing with this issue a better path. 🙏🙏🙏
If she refuses a full medical check and therapy is time to get a lawyer
I had a hard time with this guy's version of events, but when he talked about his wife ending marriage counseling after her past husband's abuse and withholding intimacy from him came out, his story became instantly more believable. My takeaway on her not communicating with him when visitors are stopping by is because she runs the house and she doesn't have to check in with a man she considers a child.
Dear Joe,
You deserve to be loved in all of the ways you want to be loved.
A friend of mine got married at 26 and spent the next 20 years (he still does) being absolutely devastated by his wife’s lack of intimacy and physical affection. She always found an excuse, if it wasn’t the kids then it was the stress, if not the stress then the daily chores etc etc until one day about 5 years into their marriage she confessed that she isn’t a very sexual person and she does not need intimacy. She said that to her being a good wife (cooking, cleaning etc) and mother is enough and that being a “woman” and a “lover” isn’t something that she finds important or even a basic human need. My friend felt cheated and betrayed by her, because she never mentioned that while dating and she pretended for a long time that she enjoyed sex with him. Basically, she just needed a man to marry her and give her a house and kids, the social status if you may. In front of their family and friends she pretends that all is great and that they are so very much in love. He is broken and feels lonely, he is only staying for the kids. He eventually fell for a work colleague and had an affair for about a year (I know!!) and he ended breaking that woman’s heart as well as his. He said that he couldn’t leave his kids.
I know all of this because he is a childhood friend and we are very close, but other than me, his cousin and his therapist, nobody knows.
He and his wife tried it all but it just doesn’t work. They are now roommates (they have sex every month or so as a basic human need in him) and parents. They are both quite miserable but they still stay.
What’s most damaging, they bring the worst in each other (he cheated and she is basically ignoring his emotional and intimate needs, treating him like a means to and end). He says that he doesn’t know what it’s like to take lovely walks with his wife, holding hands and kissing in the park; he doesn’t know what it’s like to watch a movie together and cuddle on the sofa or spend Sunday mornings in bed and have sex and cuddles and talks…. The youngest kid is now 10 so they could definitely do all of that without worrying too much about the kids….. But he will never have that and he accepted it but it still breaks his heart and spirit every single day. Once the children leave, he will be completely alone and broken.
What a shame and what a loss.
Please do not be that person. You deserve better.