My first thought. The guy helps but if he was going to a school across the street she'd find someone going elsewhere... not even consciously. Her body knows she needs to get out.
And that's a good thing, but she doesn't need to break her father's back to do it. She's an adult. She knows that was not the plan. She needs to do it herself.
Maybe. Maybe not. The way geography works going to college out of state isn’t necessarily further away than going to an instate college. I lived on the Gulf Coast for most of my life. I could drive an hour east or west and be in a different state but our state capital was three hours north. My area also has more in common culturally with the people from adjacent states than a lot of people from the Northern part of our state. She is probably mainly chasing her boyfriend.
That’s why I went to school in Louisiana. It was almost as far as I could get away from Oregon. I somewhat regret that decision because it didn’t give me a lot of opportunities to grow closer to my dad who really deserved it. My cheating mother had convinced me that all men were evil, and I believed her up to a point even though I was a boy myself. She had brainwashed me, and I only halfway realized it and I knew I had to get away. Now I’m in my 40s and I have a much better relationship with my father and actually was able to hear his side of the story. Unfortunately, my mother has pushed both me as well as my wife and two children away, and even though I am somewhat thankful that we don’t have to be in her presence, it’s still somewhat sad. Though it is a lot more peaceful. 😅
Note to Self: The wife has BEEN GONE mentally/emotionally for at least the last 4 years. She's been planning her exit and realized it's time to end the marriage once the child graduated high school, trust me.
I will say this is the ideal way to do it and so far as not being blindsided, but even if you can’t stand each other but as long as you’re not arguing in front of the kids that it’s best to keep up appearances and you wait until that youngest child turns 18 and then get divorced ifinevitable.
That’s honestly the most selfless way anyone could choose to exit a marriage. The younger she is the better chance she’d have to remarry but she’s sacrificed that potential just to give her kids a stable upbringing. If ever someone becomes aware their wife is doing this, you should admire their commitment to the kids and make things easier by talking about it and assuring her even if the relationship is truly irreconcilable, you’re committed to co-parenting and don’t want to disrupt the lives of your kids either. The amount stress you’ll alleviate from her would be immeasurable. You’ll even enable the potential for reconciling relationship issues as you’ve opened up an avenue to safely speak honestly with each other about how you feel without her fearing her own emotional honesty could risk the stability of the kids upbringing. I have actually known of instances where people were able to rekindle their relationship once the stress of raising the kids is over. It actually makes some sense if you adhere to Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. Survival is the tier 1 Need, this need has to be met before any other unmet need can be addressed. Parenting can be unimaginably stressful and leave you in survival mode where your Tier 1 Need is what you’re struggling to fulfil, hence completely opting out of even trying to fulfil the Tier 2 Need of Love and Belonging. Typically once the slog of getting your kids through high school has past, the Tier 1 Need of Survival is finally able to be met, meaning the potential to consider the Tier 2 Need for Love can be considered again. So if there’s nothing toxic in how either person treats each other, a marriage definitely has the potential to be revived later on if both people are willing to give it shot. There’s also no better way to improve a wife’s perception of you than demonstrating you share the same value as her of prioritising the happiness of your kids above all else. That alone could do a lot to rebuild the foundations of your relationship.
True that! My parents divorced when I was six. Was it confusing did it hurt? Yes. But it was real and true and you grow up and appreciate that! I love them both so much and they taught me that life isn’t perfect, but be honest and life turns beautiful. Kids are resilient.
I totally agree with this. My brother once told me he was grateful our parents stayed together, and I told him I was resentful. They were so wrapped up in their own hurt there was nothing left for us. I never felt loved or wanted. I had no positive role models. I would have rather had one loving parent (not sure if that would have been the case though?) than two who were totally shut down.
The fact that he can't/won't articulate why he getting divorced makes me think there's much more to this story. My own dad never stopped loving my mother, but was a terrible husband. I wish him well and hope he gets clarity.
When your in the middle divorce and the answer to why is “ I don’t know. Just wants to leave. She doesn’t want me anymore.” I’ll tell you right now it didn’t come out of anywhere and he KNOWS why.
When someone calls themselves a workaholic I don't believe that. That's code for I don't want to deal with what's going on in my life so I absorb myself in my work.
Don't forget "Emotions and connections are hard for me, work is easier, so I'll focus on work". These are the same men that say "I have No idea What Happened! I never saw it coming!"
Lmao that’s why people are workaholics, it’s an addiction like every other addiction. I get what you mean but that’s literally the point of being an addict, I don’t want to deal with what’s going on in my life or in my past or in my head so I absorb myself in alcohol or work or porn so I don’t have to focus or think about real stuff.
Most “workaholic” males I’ve seen in the Army and in construction merely stay at work to avoid their wives and kids, and many times they’re having affairs after work and lying saying they’re still at work.
I was married for 28 years with someone who thought he was the husband of the year... years of ignorance, emotional and financial abuse, stonewalling, flirting and engaging with other women... i never felt so lonely when I was sitting in front of him. I told him for years that I was repeating myself again and again, merry go around kinda thing... when the moment came, the final drop in the bucket, I told him I was going to leave him and pulled through with it.. he told me multiple times he never saw it coming!!! Duh...
This is exactly what I think is going on with this man. He ignored his wife emotionally and physically for 20 years and she likely begged for him to pay attention to her and “their” connection. She emptied her emotionally tank and the engine blew. She is now ready to move on. He is self absorbed and can’t even see what he did, still. This is my opinion
At least she was honest enough to tell you ❤️ I'd rather them tell me the truth than keep hiding it for years I've been there and I know it hurts but I knew what to do
I think the daughter isn't responsible for their struggling marriage, but he never said she told her mom that she didn't expect them to struggle for the more expensive school or that she would take out loans for the remainder when it brought things to the breaking point. Sounds like she's spoiled and entitled more than just running away from a troubled home.
@@KEL364 The college conversation should have taken place long before she was ready to accept admission to an out of state school. The parents had an obligation to sit down and tell her what they could and couldn't afford early in high school. Also, escape might be driving the daughter to want the out of state school more.
The last time I tried to speak to my ex, he said "this again" before he even knew the topic. I was going to initiate a chat about planning retirement. Instead I left and emailed divorce papers
@@xIIIQueenOfSwordsIIIx Or maybe he's just bored of being nagged by a woman over and over again... You don't and I don't know the whole story, so don't.
@@xIIIQueenOfSwordsIIIxI doubt he’d say “this again” for no reason. Obviously I don’t know the details of the situation, but I wouldn’t be surprised if she constantly nagged him causing him to get defensive like that. Theirs always 2 sides to every story.
@@swuzz17Yall consider communicating issues as "nagging". Instead of listening, you tune out and don't care to fix it then act surprised when she leaves.If she's nagging it's because there's a problem the guy refuses to fix.
I watched the full length video and he refuses to be clear about why they are divorcing. He just beats around the bush. It’s clear that she just reached breaking point about something. 🤷🏾♀️
At one point he said something like “maybe there were problems I refused to see” that tells me that there were years of complaints from the wife on many issues and her asking for changes to be made and him maybe agreeing but not following it up with action and instead ignoring the issues letting them build up and break apart the wife’s bond with him. Also he said he’s a little “codependent” on his daughter. To me that give me a hint that he and probably his wife too are emotionally immature. As a daughter of two emotionally immature people I know that doesn’t play out well and turns very unhealthy. Also him saying he’s a workaholic and that he may have sacrificed parts of the marriage for work backs up the idea that he’s been ignoring issues in the marriage and instead burying his head and work. I’m sure the wife comes with her own host of issues but to me it’s apparent that he’s only just woken up to the state of their marriage even though his wife’s been screaming in his face for years most likely. Also imagine your husband is never home cause he’s always working but then doesn’t want to splurge on the expensive college (I think in state is smarter but this is just a possibility perspective) maybe this sparked a rage in the wife that wow all that time he spent away from us was for nothing and then all this built up resentment comes up and the wife says it’s happening now because of the collage situation but in reality all these issues have been there for years. My guess is that they both have issues and they’re both problematic in the relationship but that the husband for most of the relationship ignored the issues and warning signs from the wife and buried his head at work while the wife while still problematic was left feeling ignored and disconnected until this breaking point.
@@ellamackinnon6484The fact that his wife said she doesn’t want him anymore says otherwise. She didn’t actually come out and say “You don’t do this” or “you don’t do that” or “you’re emotionally abusive” etc etc, literally just a “i don’t want you anymore” Which is very believable cuz i’ve heard stories and know multiple guys who have had that happen to after they did everything they could for the relationship. A LOT of Women get bored and just hop to the next guy, it’s very common
@@nickfrison9716I mean both things can be true. I’ve had to tell my ex over and over about things I thought should change (which he agreed to btw) but he just never did. At the end, instead of repeating what’ve asked for again. I’ve decided to give up and decided that I don’t need a man like that and don’t want a man like that. Man’s clearly not saying the full story. As much as I feel bad, you don’t get divorced over loans for your only child - I wish we get an update on this one somehow
I don't have all the details, but this is what happens when a generation of men are taught that the only thing they have to do in a marriage is provide financially and they channel all their focus on that ONLY. Then they are broken and perplexed when their marriages and relationships fail because they thought it was enough. It isn't
And this is what happens when women are told to and raised as a generation that they need to find a man that makes six figures, 6 foot tall and a six pack and then complain he works to kucj and spends to much time at the gym. See how I can take one isolated part of a call and make it seem like all of society is to blame with some slight assumptions? Seriously. Grow up, be better
That could be it. Which is sad because in his mind he truly was a great husband. Seems like if they communicated this earlier they could've had potential to fix this
I recorded my last fight with my wife and then she struck me! After 7 years, I finally deleted it form my iPhone, but I don’t deserve anyone else. What did I do? I was soooo loving towards her, but it was 1 sided
I don’t agree .. yes sometimes you need to take action and seperate but I am a woman of faith ..and we need to step back and let GOD move . Divorce can be a blessing in some cases but sometimes -space and time is necessary and GOD can heal
My dad would say the same about himself. He was a provider, the picture perfect husband (to everyone else) and didn’t deserve the divorce. He was an angry man, verbally, mentally and financially abusive, cheated and lied many many times, threatened to ☠️ himself if he didn’t get his way. He still says he was the best husband ever. He blames everyone but himself. My mom begged him to be present in the marriage until she had the guts to finally leave when the kids got older. I bet $100 his wife has told him 1000x what she needed from him and all he did was work
@@chibi_undercover9663 Amen, it's a no win situation; they work too much to provide for the wife, and she'll complain that he is never home. Don't work too much, and she'll complain that he is always home, and have no money to provide.
The issue with most men, myself included is that we're never talked about what other people need and how to go out of our customs while receiving feedback and praise.
@@cagtbdyep, men get told they have to do the usual male role stuff, but don't get taught that marriage is much more than provider and house maintenance.
@@sensimaniaExactly, these men are always so oblivious and blind to everything around them. It's like they're emotionally, or socially stunted or something. For him to say, "She said she just doesn't want me anymore and doesn't need me..!!". Sweetheart, your wife was having these feelings for a long time. You were either blind to her feelings and behaviors, or didn't take her seriously until now.
@@wordsalad01 Had he filed for divorce instead of exposing her to potentially life-threatening diseases, I believe most of us would understand it in the same way. He could have killed her by his actions. My question is- why do you think that is the same? This woman hasn't put him at risk of dying.
Once she's lost respect for you, it's over. Trying to hold onto it just deepens her contempt. He needs to break free from this toxic situation to get a better perspective. Once out it takes a few years. But when a woman's that dismissive, it's over. The Courts tend to rule in women's favour & he definitely should be recording interactions proactively, dismissal can turn to hate & deliberate incitement to get more from the Court's as well as justifying her reasons for leaving. 80% of Divorced women I've met all blame thier ex husband's & he was abusive, cheating, violent, useless etc. Sadly defending yourself from allegations is necessary these days. There's posts on line in the femosphere that outline in detail the things women need to do to win in div0r¢e, how to set men up, get the best lawyers, get the man out of the house with Police then Restraining Orders. The whole works. Inciting him to assault through vicios words, often followed by initiating assault is a favourite tactic. Keeping calm uin this situation is really hard, from personal experience. The video on a guys phone is his best friend. 😔
Him being the type to blame his child for issues in his adult relationship, absolutely shows why his wife wants to leave him. And the reason for his divorce, he's completely jumping to blaming his wife. He hasn't even looked at himself and figured out where things went wrong. And now he's clinging onto his daughter and transferring his frustrations and his emotional needs to his daughter and that's completely unfair.
I actually think his daughter is selfish too. If I knew my parents were divorcing because of the school I wanted to go to.. and it's all over a boy... I would feel like an asshole
@@CrustyUgglmao no one gets divorced after a 20+ year marriage over a daughter who wants to go to out of state school. She could take out a loan if it was that serious. I guarantee you the wife has been contemplating this for several years. Calling the daughter selfish when she is a victim in this situation and is probably trying to go out of state to get away from this is wrong
That’s not what he’s saying. Way to show the world just how shitty women can be. The man is clearly broken. He doesn’t want to lose his wife. If I had to guess, he can’t articulate the problems because he probably worked a ton and didn’t make the time of communicate and connect. Yea, that’s a problem, is it worth waking up the day your daughter is out of the house and leaving because you don’t need him anymore? No. That phrase killed me. "She said, she didn’t need me anymore". If that’s how you view your husband, you suck as a wife.
I’m married to a workaholic. He also thinks he’s a good husband. And in many ways he is. He is a great financial provider. A good father. A fantastic grandfather. He has a short fuse, but he’s not physically abusive. As far as I’m aware he hasn’t been unfaithful. But here’s the thing. He’s not present in our life together. I’m so lonely. I fill my life with my family and friends but the one connection I crave for simply isn’t there. He knows how I feel and he makes sporadic efforts to improve things but he always reverts to type. And in my head I’m constantly telling myself how lucky I am and how ungrateful I am when other people are in so many worse situations. But I can’t help how I feel. It’s very rare that one person is solely responsible for the failure of a marriage, and what feels like compromise to one person may feel like agony to another. I wish this man well, I really do. But I’m not about to condemn the woman who has shared his life for 20 years without hearing her side of the story.
This is the story I hear from so many widows in my church. They felt like single mothers for 20 years, and then ignored. A fair few of them have multiple widower suitors, but only one has remarried.
Have you talked to him? It's sounds like you live two separate life's. It also takes two person to tango. If money is so necessary. Do you work too? Most men think that to be a provider is all it takes to be a good husband. But that's so 1950s...
Yet you wouldn’t sell your husband into a lifetime of debt, would you? And if a wife has a tendency to overspend isn’t it possible that would push a man to workaholism? You sound like you’re doing better than this woman, but you’re right that it’s ungrateful. You can’t have it all. Of course this woman has her gripes. But there is no evidence that his behavior justifies her nuclear actions. More context would be nice but we know enough… she’s a contemptible and ungrateful wife.
@@irishhoopers6899he did admit to being a workaholic and that he was working on things. He just downplayed what his own actions and focused on the daughter’s college, when that wasn’t even the main issue. Read between the lines. Even I could hear through his narration that his wife was put through a lot.
“I’ve been a good husband” ACCORDING TO WHO? According to you? You don’t get to boast about being a good husband without a wife that can give you a glowing review. That’s like me taking my paper to the teacher saying “I already gave myself an A+”
It was that part for me too. I was skeptical from the start bc he won’t say what happened but that part made me think he’s a perpetual victim. He even tried to guilt the daughter into staying home. Makes me think he triangulates her and the mother and uses her as an excuse to stay in the basement. He claims to be a workaholic but also complains about the cost of out of state tuition. Lots of missing info in this story.
He said his "only" problem is, that he is a Workaholic, as if this is something minor or even not that bad. There is a reason, why it sounds like its a adiction, because it is. And often times it is no better than being an actual alcoholic. Workaholics tend to ignore their partners (and kids) emotional needs to the point of abuse.
I don't get why this is an issue. Tell your daughter you saved X amount of money, and if she wants to go somewhere more expensive she can get loans and a job.
@@alittlepieceofearth My parents had nothing so when I went to school I got scholarships and worked full time. It was really hard but I believe I valued my education more than my friends who didn’t have to worry about it because their parents footed the bill. But, this was back when college actually taught stuff and gas was $2/gallon
That’s what my parents did. We talked about college together about where I wanted to apply. I had like a couple out of state schools I liked and thought I could get into. They asked me to stay in school and that they had a college fund for me. I always knew about the fund. They said they would rather not have to pay more. So I was like sure I’ll stay in state. Free college is awesome. That summer they got the funds ready for me and put it in my bank account. They made the initial payments for the first semester and my dorm and then after that said here you go. It’s your money. You pay for the semesters and classes on your own. You’re 19, an adult. Do what you want with it. I appreciate the way they did that. It helped to budget the money. It was a great learning experience and opportunity all around. I’m incredibly lucky.
Would love to hear the wife’s side! He isn’t able to articulate their actual problems, I am willing to bet on her side, it has nothing to do with her daughter going to college. Leave her out of it!!!!!
@@MrHCifywomen are different. There’s psychology behind it. When a woman has decided she’s done, she is. Men will still sleep with women they’ve said that to. Women are DONE.
This is very true. Women agonise about the decision to leave sometimes years before they actually decide. When we decide, it’s done. But unfortunately if we have been asking for things for years like more connection, more presence, for him to help more at home… once we decide to leave we don’t care about whether or not he will change his ways from that point onwards. Men hear that we are leaving and do a 180 on behaviour to save the relationship - by then it’s much too late. If she tells you she’s done, don’t change for her, change for you and move on and forward.
You need a lawyer to navigate and get the divorce up going and finalized. I borrowed $1500 from my sister for my lawyer and it was worth it to be done with everything. ASAP. It took 18 months in my state.
@Tellthetruth-ns9ze I don’t think your anecdotal evidence is suffice. That situation is much more likely to be a human problem than a man problem. I have seen plenty of women do the same exact thing. You cannot always blame men.
He said his family called him a workaholic. Which means his wife has been a single mom in their marriage for years. He wasn't listening when his wife was talking. Now she's done and wants her freedom. He provided, but she's been alone for so long. It's so isolating and lonely. He's only focusing on the college. This goes much deeper than that.
A friend of mine had parents who "stayed together for the kids." All they accomplished was making her and her sister feel like they were the only thing holding the family together and they were losing their grip fast. Finally, during one of their bouts of tense silence she burst out screaming at them that she was done being their bandaid and begged them to get a divorce.
💯💯 While most women don't communicate, there are plenty of times things are communicated but are then ignored, dismissed, or invalidated. 17 years with my husband. After clearly communicating on numerous occasions, his words "I don't care about what you think or say" have been proven true consistently.
It sounds like the daughter is trying to escape the burden of her parent’s toxic relationship. Being a workaholic means you’re escaping the responsibility of your marriage and home, when you should’ve been leading it. His wife has probably expressed her needs and he’s ignored them all. Now she files for divorce and it’s “out of nowhere” 😤
Yeah my Dad led all of Eli Lilly's Kentucky street plant in Indianapolis in OT more then one year...and at night. It was like my Mom was a single parent. I think he was just trying to get away
How does being a workaholic mean your escaping home and marriage responsibilities? Isn’t that something women crave? A provider? A man that can support their family? Most people need to be out working in order to make money, you can’t have both. He can’t be home all the time and a provider. And by the sound of this he has to work to try and give the wife what she wants for their kid, college tuition. And he’s probably trying to work more to afford it to possibly save his marriage, but it’s not working. On top of it she just doesn’t love or want him anymore no matter what. At the end of the day we don’t know what’s really going on because we aren’t there.
@@BeetleBro978he literally said that his workaholism in part probably has to do with him trying to escape his failing marriage. There’s a big difference between providing for your family and being a workaholic to the extent that you barely see your family at all, and to the extent that every single other responsibility that comes with running a house and raising children is on your spouse.
1) he didn't say that it was out if nowhere 2) it takes two to tango - the fact that you can hear this man bleeding his heart out in front of you and think "nope, all his fault" says a lot about your character 3) yes, his workaholism is very likely a big factor in this, but God damn you make it sound so much simpler than it is. He was trying to provide for his family. How dare you over-simplify it as him "escaping his responsibilities". It is simply not that simple. Have some perspective and have some compassion - just a bit of each would do.
@@BeetleBro978 to put it bluntly. No. Women who love you DON'T crave you being gone and away for most of the week and being mentally absent when your home. They may tolerate ans understand it but want it? No.
Not paying this ridiculous college fee is the only thing this guy should care about. Dont give up your money, because that wife and daughter sure as hell aren't paying it back or helping this guy rebuild. Get a golden retriever and a farmhouse dude. More to life than some old broad and a selfish kid.
I Mean, it's not like they didn't have 18 years and a 30 year old student loan crisis to anticipate befire 2024. Stop it. Not being able to afford college for your 18 year old in 2024 is madness. Just save about 200 a month for 18 years. If you don't have the money by 18, you failed. It's that simple.
My friend has been in 3 major car crashes..Every time the reason was: "that car came out of nowhere". That's this guy talking about his marriage --doesn't think he has anything to do w/ the 'crash'.
I am so thankful that DeLony is there for people, especially men. He is tender and kind to them. People need to realize that men need kindness and understanding as well.
Yes they do. I met my hubby when he was heart broken because his wife of 15 yrs had left him for a guy over 20 yrs younger than her. He wouldn't hire a lawyer for himself. All I can say now is her decision placed the best man I have ever met in my life. So I thank her for that. 30 yrs later and I still feel blessed.
When he blamed the daughter its obvious that he acted victim his whole life and wife had enough. She was waiting for her to reach 18 so she can finally get free.
Divorced after 27yrs…. He wasn’t a bad person but he neglected me year after year… when I finally made up my mind to leave nothing could change it… I don’t regret it
For him to think not cheating or not being abusive is the only reason someone would leave is his problem. When you do things that make your loved one feel unheard or under-appreciated, when they bring something to You MULTIPLE times that hurts them and you’re unwilling to ACTUALLY change, please know that your partner is done, buddy. I recently heard this quote which is so true “women falsely believe they can change a man and men falsely believe that she will never leave him.” Men, stop thinking we won’t leave you…… grow up or get left behind
his inability [or unwillingness] to articulate the reason for his divorce is very telling. i bet his wife could. she's likely fed up from years of trying + him not listening. his daughter is likely going out of state to get away from this mess. he slipped up + blamed his daughter for the split of his marriage out loud. again, telling. everything he's saying + not saying told us more than he ever will or can admit to himself. SMH
I mean it’s obvious he constantly has to work because the wife is like „omg my friends husband Chad can easily pay for his childrens college out of pocket, you are such a loser“ and then decides to divorce and cheat on his ass because she thinks she can do better. Thats literally the case in 80% of divorces. If the guy isn’t perfect the woman loses respect and is gone or already cheating.
Maybe dear old dad has an unnatural transference of his needs from wife gave up mothering him to his daughter being responsible for him, his daughter is not his surragate wife. These workalcoholic men are often addicted to other things like booze and escapism from being a grownup, partner or parent, avodiant, emotionally stunted and entitled and needy. His fear of his daughter who he likely has groomed to be his substitute wife, and legit wife want as far away from his neediness as they can get. He sounds threatened by his daughters natural need to have her own boyfriend. Poor guy, no woman gonna hold his hand and be his mommy any more. Guy is twisted, guarenteed.
His mind/thoughts are in a loop. He is trying to use logic to solve the problem but can’t. Time to find a new approach or to gain clarity. Moving out is a good start.
I can blame him. He's had around two decades to figure this marriage out, communicate with his wife, find a balance that works. Instead he painted this picture all about him being the victim, how he's bent over backward without concrete examples, slipped in a workaholic comment... this man knows why his wife is leaving, why she held out for their daughter to reach 18, but isn't admitting it. Until he accepts responsibility for his part he feels justified blaming everyone but himself. Edited because autocorrect reaaaallly autofailed on this one
Yeh this channel is starting to suck. John seems to be very one sided some times. We don't know the wife or the full story. Maybe there's nothing wrong with the woman, maybe this husband has been problematic all along and she finally snapped
Actually, I think his goal is just for him to be ok with her leaving. He knows as well as the rest of us that there is more to the story. But he redirected him to focus on his daughter. This guy has difficulty taking accountability. He is choosing to ignore the truth. That level of crap will not be resolved in a phonecall. So he is going to respond based on the information he is receiving. Regardless, this man has been going to therapy for being a workaholic for years with clearly no sign of improvement. The wife probably felt like a married single mother. They may have completely lost each other. And the best way to resolve that is time apart. Low key, he also sounds like a control freak as well, which is normal for people who are addicted to working. His daughter and his wife probably just need to get away so they can get reacquainted with themselves.
This guy is very weak and defeated Most likely no one takes his side (most of weak people have lived a life of being blamed) so yea he needs to take his side It’s essential for him to start to grow He doesn’t need play a devils advocate for this case the most good he can do is to build this guy up a bit and nodge him forward
@basselalkhoury7697 I would be careful. Based on his responses, everything is everyone else's problem. Woe is me. It was all her fault. If it weren't for my daughter, then my marriage wouldn't be ruined. If you just stuck with the plan, we would not be in this situation. We don't have enough information to confirm who is at fault. He didn't say she cheated, even though he had every opportunity to. He is still continuing to fund her, which shows some level of guilt for the situation. In reality, none of us know except he and his wife.
This man is telling half truths during the whole call, making excuses for himself and blaming all problems on everyone else around him, even his own daughter.
Someone’s daughrer was visiting me. And started crying. Her parents were dead set on Chapel Hill one of the best instate deals in the country. She wanted to go to Tennessee with her boyfriend. I just said whose life is it. Yours or theirs. She got a masters in five years. The graduated I got to go to their wedding. Ive watched their kids grow up. Their vacations. Their job promotions. I’m so glad she knew what she wanted. The out of state expense bought all that.
Women don’t just wake up one day and say “hm I think I’ll divorce my husband today”, he’s been told why multiple times and has likely ignored it or thought she would never leave. I don’t feel bad for him.
When two people who are divorced stay in the same house as one another with children the dynamic is so traumatizing to everyone. It’s like living in a prison of tension. Invisible laser beams of frustration to jump over in every hallway. Your body absorbs it. Going back to hell, that was the exactly right, it’s not a home anymore. You have to move on and let the hearts break instead of dangling them over a ledge.
Yes but sometimes there’s not a choice. If the other half is dangerous to the children sometimes you get stuck doing your best to keep them safe within the lions den.
What has been going on the last 20 years. Someone doesn't wake up one day and say ' I dont want to be married anymore' It is important to hear both sides of the story. This not the whole story.
Perfect marriages or relationships simply don't exist. There's no one-size-fits-all approach to navigating them. What may be effective for Adam might not resonate with Peter. However, I've come to realize that there's always a solution to every problem. Half a decade ago, my wife and I faced such difficulties in our marriage that divorce seemed imminent. Despite the ordeal, we persevered, and today, we've triumphed over that rough patch, reunited and stronger than ever.
There is a lot of sense in what you just said and I hope mine works the same way too, we are currently separated but I cant live without her, I love her so much. wish I can get her back I can do anything to have her back, we have tried therapy amongst other things
Its always difficult to let someone you love go, but in my case I had the help of a spiritual adviser who saved my marriage from collapsing her name is Suzanne Ann Walters..
"I'm going to give my daughter a picture of what dignity and self-respect look like..." This is so important. Our kids repeat what they see us tolerate.
That's what I told myself too. Until she started crying cus we would have to give up her pets. It broke me and I had to ask him again if we could try... he still said no. Cus "it's not gunna Workout." he keeps on telling me this, and I just feel like he doesn't want to take the responsibility of having a family anymore and doesn't have the balls to say it. And it infuriates me cus I always tell him everything and I feel like he's just stringing me along...
He truly is in pieces. "I am a good husband I don't deserve this". Men only call for fairness after they used every little bit of fighting spirit. It takes years to fix yourself at that point.
Yes, it was heartbreaking to listen to. I’m sure he made mistakes as well, but somewhere down the road, his wife emotionally divorced him and married their daughter, making her the center of their universe. I know she probably thinks she is making their daughter happy by flippantly ignoring him and giving her what she wants, but someday that girl will become a grown woman and realize she got every THING she wanted but never had a sense of security in her parents’ relationship. I know what that feels like, and I would give up every material thing I had to see my parents happy and in love.
Just a kind reminder that there are 2 sides to a story. I feel for this whole family, I am sure each person is heartbroken in this situation. I pray for a miracle for them.
I will never understand how people get so desperate once it's over but didn't actually want to resolve the "small" issues that occurred early on and throughout the relationship. It's like they want to test how far they can go before you walk away. I don't know about calling his wife "not well" when you have a man who is clueless about why his marriage is falling apart and all you're hearing is his side.
You need an attorney to inform you of your legal rights and protect your legal interests. One can be represented and still experience an amicable dissolution.
I’ve lived long enough to know there’s another side to this story. Their marriage has been broken for years and they’ve just been waiting for the kids to get old enough to finally leave. I’d love to hear the mom and daughter’s side of the story.
@@KristaldeauCityLights if you have to work 100 hours a week, get another job. Sounds like you didn't family plan. Don't have kids you cannot afford. That is on both of you.
@@KristaldeauCityLights it sounds like you’re saying the wife might’ve wanted the 100k high income but somehow expecting the man to give 110% on the emotional side, too. Nobody has 210% to give.
They had one child and he said she doesn't work. So she's been leeching off him since the kid went to school. Easiest way to tell someone married a pampered princess, typically a narcistic trait.
This divorce is not about paying for college. That’s just what he’s telling himself so that he doesn’t have to take responsibility for his part in the demise of the marriage. I’m sure she’s been telling him the issues for yearss and now he’s “blindsided”
If I am the daughter, I would not do that to my parents. Going to a state college is good enough. She is so lucky her parents are willing to pay for her education. She is very lucky, many of us don’t have that.
When I was 19 my parents divorced and put our house in foreclosure. I did the same thing this girl did. I left from Florida to Tennessee 😂. I cant tell this girls experience but my parents did not reach out to me for a while and I felt free. I got a scholarship to pay out of state tuition and kept it moving. I'm 35 now and I have a better relationship now but that time was terrible I felt like I had to get away.
@@VashtiPerryyes but you see you did it independently, on scholarship. The concept of this girl wanting to get away from her parents but still at their cost and not only that, at five times the cost just seems ludicrous to me.
Ive been there, with a minor child. Im in Ohio. My atty told me DONT LEAVE THE HOUSE. DONT LEAVE THE KID. I didnt. I got all my possessions, most of the possessions, cleaned out the savings account, got half the house and FULL LEGAL AND PHYSICAL SOLE CUSTODY. It was 26 years ago and my daughter has never seen her dad since. His choice. Shes great, a star. We adore each other. No regrets.
@@queenbee3647- parental alienation is nothing to brag about. Read the work of Dr. Wexner, Dr. Coleman & others. (Their books are free via library.) Very few kids - young or grown - truly want to exile their blood (forever.) Food for thought. Best to you -
His daughter also has a obligation to live in reality. She's an adult, if she wants it so badly, she'll find a way, other than liquidating her parents entire life, as well as their marriage.
But she isn't. She is letting her parents destroy thier own lives to do so, she doesn't care about him and as John eluded to is living in the same deluded fantasy thay his wife is, thays what this man has been dealing with for 20 years. No wonder he's a workaholic if he has had to deal with the insane financial logic of his wife. My advice for Greg or any ithrr man in this situation. If your wife wants out tell her to pack her bags and leave then. Your not moving out , the kids stay and you will allocate and allowance till the divorce is final and she'll need to get a Job. If she wants a divorce you shownher the door of the house you've been paying for alk that time. Never leave the house
I don't believe for one bit that he's being divorced over his adult daughter's finances. He did hint that there were problems before this issue. So he has habit of ignoring problems, letting it pile up then acting like he's a victim of a situation he created. He needs to tell himself the truth instead of balling his eyes out. That's not gonna change anything. Start with first admitting that is not the reason why she's divorcing you. There were issues that preceded this. Don't dig yourself another hole of lies to keep yourself going. You're only playing yourself further because this woman is leaving you. It is what it is.
Exactly this. He told us what her issue was, he ignored his wife for work. He said "I am a bit of a workaholic". Wen people say that listen. She would have tried to get them to address the issues and he thought working hard and making money was the way he would show her how much he loved her. I d o notthink the wife was draining him. I think e may have been drained by trying to prove how much he loves her by proving for the family. Sadly that was probably not what she wanted and he never heard her when she told him. Now she has found a way to use what he was always working for (rather than being with her and the family) and he is saying "nope". She now thinks all he did was a lie and not for love and she has said "I'm done".
Dr. John my best friend is going through almost this exact same situation with a kid who hasn't even gotten to kindergarten yet. I sent him this video and he said honestly if you had sent me this video one month ago I would have been crying my eyes out. I'm sure videos like this make a difference. Thank you for all you do.
So true. I finally saw my mother for who she was when she wondered aloud why my husband’s aunt didn’t also ask for his social security even though she got everything else. My mom thought it was perfectly fine to financially destroy this man. I never looked at her the same again.
@@butreally289if it takes you're entire life to pay $100k back than you're a terrible worker or bad with money. The whole goal of university is to make far more money.
Workaholic - male or female - means 1 thing. I choose work over (fill in the blank), my family, my faith, whatever. If a person chooses work, they also chose the consequences.
@relics2397 no fairytale, just facts. Some people go to work as needed. Multiple jobs or working longer hours for pay your bills isn't being a workaholic. Workaholics say longer than work necessitates.
My mother absolutely crushed my dad. It was horrible seeing him crumble for years after. He is finally sober and retired. Still expresses that she was the love of his life (not that he is chasing her). I wish she loved him half as much as he did her. But there is hope!! Your kids want to see you succeed!!! Please take care of YOU! Also, side note, don’t rebound marry some psycho lady from your childhood, it won’t last and the kids will be even more traumatized. ✌️
@@user-qp2qe5gf9byou're right, they carefully plan it out to make sure they end up with the better half of the deal. I am a woman and totally disgusted by the way so many other women treat men and their husbands. One example, a man my husband works with, worked many hours of overtime for about 3 years in a row, because his wife encouraged it. After the 3 years, he got a surprise divorce letter in the mail and wouldn't you know it, the court system here based child and spousal support on the last 3 years of income. She calculated that precisely so she could screw him over for every dollar he had. This is the reality of what many women do. A woman could cheat in the marriage and be the reason for divorce, yet she still ends up on top while the ex-husband is left with pennies. It's sick!
It takes a woman a long, long time to walk away. She most probably has been thinking about a long time in her head. This woman maybe tried her hardest, but maybe, her husband never listened. I never gave up on my marrate, but after 20 years of my husbands cheating, I finally was done. And no matter how much he cried (I cried a river over the years) I did not care, his tears meant nothing to me, or his feelings, I was done I was in a breakdown mentally. The love I once had was no more, he destroyed it completely. This was 24 years ago, now life is good.
A lot of guys say they've been "blindsided" when their wife repeatedly asked for changes. She gives up, starts planning her exit, and he thinks that, because she stopped "nagging" or complaining, everything is resolved. But so often, she's grieving the marriage and getting ready to leave. This happens to husbands who aren't abusive or entertaining side chicks. Who are decent. But when a guy renegs on the promises he made, and treats a wife's bid to renegotiate as an attack, it doesn't end well.
@@lucindabreeding Yeah, they're only "blind sided" because they never expected her to actually leave. IMO I think men have a tendency to think that relationships revolve around them, because women typically cater to what they want the most in order to keep the peace. So when she finally wants to prioritize her needs or wants in the relationship, the man doesn't take it seriously because she's at the bottom of the hierarchy in the relationship and historically, what she wanted and needed in the relationship didn't matter.
So true.. There is definitely several reasons his wife got sick of him. Over a decade or more. Its not the result of a conversation about different colleges.
Some people are blindsided. There are good people who never really do anything wrong in regards to their relationship who are dismissed every day. Some people require you to change parts of yourself that are so insignificant that it shouldn't even bother them. Some people require you to change because they want to know they have power over you. Some people will create problems because they need an excuse to shift the personal responsibility of maintaining personal happiness towards an external source. Some people just want to leave. Not saying that this guy is perfect and we'll never hear the other side of the story but people can justify almost anything to themselves and their partners aren't always privy to internal thoughts.
@@maximumjongs If someone is regularly dismissed and ignored in their relationship everyday, or they have a partner that is constantly demanding change. It isn't a blindside if that persons partner eventually leaves, there have been significant problems literally detailed. It makes no sense how someone can pinpoint these specific issues and say "It's a mystery why this is over now."
Men never notice anything no matter how many times you have told them what is wrong. They never try to make any legitimate changes until they have the divorce papers in hand!
Lived it. Throughout our 15 year marriage (3 kids), my ex slept in every day until 10:30am. I asked him, begged him to get up with me to help with the kids. He never did. How he kept his sales job is beyond me. I decided that when our youngest was in first grade, I was filing for divorce. It might sound like a stupid thing to divorce over, but feeling like a single mother within a marriage is a very lonely way to live.
This is usually the result of the dad providing nothing other than $$$ as the foundation of the relationship. Meaning he's not a source of love, guidance, stability, emotional connection etc. Eventually she asks for more $$$ than he's willing to give and the whole thing falls apart because there's nothing else. To be clear, that's 100% the dad's fault.
Totally wrong lol. He is saying no to his daughter but his wife wants to say yes to everything. His wife has probably spoiled thier daughter her whole life.
@es8117 how do you deal with something like that? I have a daughter and wife and my wife is in a wheelchair now for about 5 years. Due to RA that she never took proper care of. Now I do everything and I ask her to make phone calls and schedules but she doesn't. I'm fixing the house and working from home and cleaning and cooking and the taxi lol Yada Yada Yada. Anyway I'm getting more frustrated and angry and my wife doesn't do anything so I try to keep up with it but I forget things so we end up being late to things and just generally unorganized. Now my daughter is catching my frustration and I'm totally lost 😂 nobody will take care of my wife so I would not leave her but mannn your comment hit me hard. We are emotionally stunted
This is so hard, i felt this way when my marriage fell apart. The worst part is, I did lose everyone, but i am slowly finding new people. It does get better.
i wonder what complete happened because women contemplate long and hard before divorcing, considering the fact that his wife told him that she doesnt love him anymore lets me know she is mentally checked out. When women mentally check out its because shes tried everything she could, nobody just says “i dont love you anymore out of nowhere”
You're 100% correct. And the kind of man that will end up in a situation as this collar or the ones in the comment saying he should make sure she doesn't get anything. If the daughter gives him attitude he should keep the money and not let her go to college at all etc. If a woman doesn't want anything to do with you she has cried her last year well before she decided she wanted a divorce
Not in today's society, it's statistically proven they'll marry just to divorce and get the money. Many have done it multiple times even. As soon as the moment is right, they strike and the sheep online immediately believe all women
My Dad would never not tell us when things get hard. He and my Mum would sit us down and tell us what is going on and what is it they think is the best solution moving forward. It really makes me grateful that we were never in the dark about things.
My heart broke for this guy :( He sounds like a good father and she's blessed to have him as a father. I lost mine when I was 21. I hope this daughter appreciates her father. I love Dr. John's compassion for his callers, especially this guy because it sounds like he's drowning.
Half the reason the daughter wants to go to an out of state school is to get far away from her parents.
My first thought. The guy helps but if he was going to a school across the street she'd find someone going elsewhere... not even consciously. Her body knows she needs to get out.
And that's a good thing, but she doesn't need to break her father's back to do it. She's an adult. She knows that was not the plan. She needs to do it herself.
Can confirm, I did this
Maybe. Maybe not. The way geography works going to college out of state isn’t necessarily further away than going to an instate college. I lived on the Gulf Coast for most of my life. I could drive an hour east or west and be in a different state but our state capital was three hours north. My area also has more in common culturally with the people from adjacent states than a lot of people from the Northern part of our state. She is probably mainly chasing her boyfriend.
That’s why I went to school in Louisiana. It was almost as far as I could get away from Oregon. I somewhat regret that decision because it didn’t give me a lot of opportunities to grow closer to my dad who really deserved it.
My cheating mother had convinced me that all men were evil, and I believed her up to a point even though I was a boy myself. She had brainwashed me, and I only halfway realized it and I knew I had to get away.
Now I’m in my 40s and I have a much better relationship with my father and actually was able to hear his side of the story. Unfortunately, my mother has pushed both me as well as my wife and two children away, and even though I am somewhat thankful that we don’t have to be in her presence, it’s still somewhat sad. Though it is a lot more peaceful. 😅
Note to Self: The wife has BEEN GONE mentally/emotionally for at least the last 4 years. She's been planning her exit and realized it's time to end the marriage once the child graduated high school, trust me.
If your name is on the deed never move out without an agreement.
Facts
I will say this is the ideal way to do it and so far as not being blindsided, but even if you can’t stand each other but as long as you’re not arguing in front of the kids that it’s best to keep up appearances and you wait until that youngest child turns 18 and then get divorced ifinevitable.
That’s honestly the most selfless way anyone could choose to exit a marriage. The younger she is the better chance she’d have to remarry but she’s sacrificed that potential just to give her kids a stable upbringing.
If ever someone becomes aware their wife is doing this, you should admire their commitment to the kids and make things easier by talking about it and assuring her even if the relationship is truly irreconcilable, you’re committed to co-parenting and don’t want to disrupt the lives of your kids either. The amount stress you’ll alleviate from her would be immeasurable. You’ll even enable the potential for reconciling relationship issues as you’ve opened up an avenue to safely speak honestly with each other about how you feel without her fearing her own emotional honesty could risk the stability of the kids upbringing.
I have actually known of instances where people were able to rekindle their relationship once the stress of raising the kids is over. It actually makes some sense if you adhere to Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. Survival is the tier 1 Need, this need has to be met before any other unmet need can be addressed. Parenting can be unimaginably stressful and leave you in survival mode where your Tier 1 Need is what you’re struggling to fulfil, hence completely opting out of even trying to fulfil the Tier 2 Need of Love and Belonging.
Typically once the slog of getting your kids through high school has past, the Tier 1 Need of Survival is finally able to be met, meaning the potential to consider the Tier 2 Need for Love can be considered again. So if there’s nothing toxic in how either person treats each other, a marriage definitely has the potential to be revived later on if both people are willing to give it shot.
There’s also no better way to improve a wife’s perception of you than demonstrating you share the same value as her of prioritising the happiness of your kids above all else. That alone could do a lot to rebuild the foundations of your relationship.
They realize the grass isn’t greener and want to come back.
I once heard a true statement- kids would rather be from a broken home than live in one.
True that! My parents divorced when I was six. Was it confusing did it hurt? Yes. But it was real and true and you grow up and appreciate that! I love them both so much and they taught me that life isn’t perfect, but be honest and life turns beautiful. Kids are resilient.
What happens if the boyfriend and her breakup then what?
I totally agree with this. My brother once told me he was grateful our parents stayed together, and I told him I was resentful. They were so wrapped up in their own hurt there was nothing left for us. I never felt loved or wanted. I had no positive role models. I would have rather had one loving parent (not sure if that would have been the case though?) than two who were totally shut down.
The fact that he can't/won't articulate why he getting divorced makes me think there's much more to this story. My own dad never stopped loving my mother, but was a terrible husband. I wish him well and hope he gets clarity.
This
Yep. He's not being honest, even with himself.
Yeah definitely, can't be anything to do with the woman.
@henrikibsen6258 Nobody is saying that, but we aren't hearing her side at all.
My ex husband exactly. He begged and pleased but when I begged and pleased over the issues he was immovable
When your in the middle divorce and the answer to why is “ I don’t know. Just wants to leave. She doesn’t want me anymore.” I’ll tell you right now it didn’t come out of anywhere and he KNOWS why.
🎯🎯🎯🎯🙌🏽
This one! A woman married for 20 years does not usually ever just decide to break the marriage out of nowhere.
One thing about women is that they’ll stick it out until it’s just unbearable! No way he doesn’t know what made her want to leave
I'm sure she told him many, many times. He obviously didn't listen to her, since all he can say is "she didn't want me anymore".
And did anyone else catch his work-aholic comment? The wife was probably holding on until her daughter graduated from high school.
When someone calls themselves a workaholic I don't believe that. That's code for I don't want to deal with what's going on in my life so I absorb myself in my work.
Don't forget "Emotions and connections are hard for me, work is easier, so I'll focus on work". These are the same men that say "I have No idea What Happened! I never saw it coming!"
FACTS
If so, this is incredibly tragic.
Lmao that’s why people are workaholics, it’s an addiction like every other addiction. I get what you mean but that’s literally the point of being an addict, I don’t want to deal with what’s going on in my life or in my past or in my head so I absorb myself in alcohol or work or porn so I don’t have to focus or think about real stuff.
Most “workaholic” males I’ve seen in the Army and in construction merely stay at work to avoid their wives and kids, and many times they’re having affairs after work and lying saying they’re still at work.
I was married for 28 years with someone who thought he was the husband of the year... years of ignorance, emotional and financial abuse, stonewalling, flirting and engaging with other women... i never felt so lonely when I was sitting in front of him. I told him for years that I was repeating myself again and again, merry go around kinda thing... when the moment came, the final drop in the bucket, I told him I was going to leave him and pulled through with it.. he told me multiple times he never saw it coming!!! Duh...
This is exactly what I think is going on with this man. He ignored his wife emotionally and physically for 20 years and she likely begged for him to pay attention to her and “their” connection. She emptied her emotionally tank and the engine blew. She is now ready to move on. He is self absorbed and can’t even see what he did, still. This is my opinion
@@MrsK976 a decent woman would never leave a great husband
So sorry 😢
@@annea6288 he wasn’t a great husband if he was a workaholic who was never ever present.
You stayed too long. You gave him your youth. I hope your well and find someone.
Thank you John for stopping him when he blames his daughter for the failure of his marriage...👍🏻
Yeah, that was a little too revealing tbh... tells me he doesn't want to take responsibility for his role in the disillusionment of his marriage.
At least she was honest enough to tell you ❤️ I'd rather them tell me the truth than keep hiding it for years I've been there and I know it hurts but I knew what to do
I think the daughter isn't responsible for their struggling marriage, but he never said she told her mom that she didn't expect them to struggle for the more expensive school or that she would take out loans for the remainder when it brought things to the breaking point. Sounds like she's spoiled and entitled more than just running away from a troubled home.
@@KEL364 The college conversation should have taken place long before she was ready to accept admission to an out of state school. The parents had an obligation to sit down and tell her what they could and couldn't afford early in high school. Also, escape might be driving the daughter to want the out of state school more.
The last time I tried to speak to my ex, he said "this again" before he even knew the topic. I was going to initiate a chat about planning retirement. Instead I left and emailed divorce papers
Good job! If he can’t even be a$$ed having simple life conversations with you, then he’s wasting your time x
@@xIIIQueenOfSwordsIIIx Or maybe he's just bored of being nagged by a woman over and over again... You don't and I don't know the whole story, so don't.
Good for you Linda
@@xIIIQueenOfSwordsIIIxI doubt he’d say “this again” for no reason. Obviously I don’t know the details of the situation, but I wouldn’t be surprised if she constantly nagged him causing him to get defensive like that. Theirs always 2 sides to every story.
@@swuzz17Yall consider communicating issues as "nagging". Instead of listening, you tune out and don't care to fix it then act surprised when she leaves.If she's nagging it's because there's a problem the guy refuses to fix.
“Don’t put that on her dude, she didn’t split your marriage”
Great words!!
She’s probably the only reason they held on to a bad relationship so long.
@@toosense No it was just the kid. She's 18 and moving out. No reason to hang out anymore .
Most chics file for divorce!!
?
@@ihateutube1143Exactly. When you want to be happy and a man is making you miserable, it's better to be alone.
Imagine being married for 20+ years and you still have no insight to the problems in your marriage
The women wants to control the money and that's why she is wanting a divorce. We all know what the problem is
Men dont get it
@@lmiller1413you're dumb
@@lmiller1413not "men"... some men, misandrist.
@@lmiller1413It's because you expect us to be mind-readers.
I watched the full length video and he refuses to be clear about why they are divorcing. He just beats around the bush. It’s clear that she just reached breaking point about something. 🤷🏾♀️
At one point he said something like “maybe there were problems I refused to see” that tells me that there were years of complaints from the wife on many issues and her asking for changes to be made and him maybe agreeing but not following it up with action and instead ignoring the issues letting them build up and break apart the wife’s bond with him. Also he said he’s a little “codependent” on his daughter. To me that give me a hint that he and probably his wife too are emotionally immature. As a daughter of two emotionally immature people I know that doesn’t play out well and turns very unhealthy. Also him saying he’s a workaholic and that he may have sacrificed parts of the marriage for work backs up the idea that he’s been ignoring issues in the marriage and instead burying his head and work. I’m sure the wife comes with her own host of issues but to me it’s apparent that he’s only just woken up to the state of their marriage even though his wife’s been screaming in his face for years most likely. Also imagine your husband is never home cause he’s always working but then doesn’t want to splurge on the expensive college (I think in state is smarter but this is just a possibility perspective) maybe this sparked a rage in the wife that wow all that time he spent away from us was for nothing and then all this built up resentment comes up and the wife says it’s happening now because of the collage situation but in reality all these issues have been there for years. My guess is that they both have issues and they’re both problematic in the relationship but that the husband for most of the relationship ignored the issues and warning signs from the wife and buried his head at work while the wife while still problematic was left feeling ignored and disconnected until this breaking point.
@@ellamackinnon6484The fact that his wife said she doesn’t want him anymore says otherwise. She didn’t actually come out and say “You don’t do this” or “you don’t do that” or “you’re emotionally abusive” etc etc, literally just a “i don’t want you anymore” Which is very believable cuz i’ve heard stories and know multiple guys who have had that happen to after they did everything they could for the relationship. A LOT of Women get bored and just hop to the next guy, it’s very common
@@nickfrison9716 I think both could be true
@@nickfrison9716I mean both things can be true. I’ve had to tell my ex over and over about things I thought should change (which he agreed to btw) but he just never did. At the end, instead of repeating what’ve asked for again. I’ve decided to give up and decided that I don’t need a man like that and don’t want a man like that.
Man’s clearly not saying the full story. As much as I feel bad, you don’t get divorced over loans for your only child - I wish we get an update on this one somehow
He’s a cheater
I don't have all the details, but this is what happens when a generation of men are taught that the only thing they have to do in a marriage is provide financially and they channel all their focus on that ONLY. Then they are broken and perplexed when their marriages and relationships fail because they thought it was enough. It isn't
And this is what happens when women are told to and raised as a generation that they need to find a man that makes six figures, 6 foot tall and a six pack and then complain he works to kucj and spends to much time at the gym. See how I can take one isolated part of a call and make it seem like all of society is to blame with some slight assumptions? Seriously. Grow up, be better
That could be it. Which is sad because in his mind he truly was a great husband. Seems like if they communicated this earlier they could've had potential to fix this
Given that his wife wants to enable the daughter to go to a 5x more expensive school, I wonder why he might have reached that conclusion?
The answer for men is to NOT marry!!
The wife accepted/sucked the money and life all those years. Probably not using any sense about practicality.
Once people finally decide it’s over…it’s over. By the time it’s said out loud, it’s done.
I recorded my last fight with my wife and then she struck me! After 7 years, I finally deleted it form my iPhone, but I don’t deserve anyone else. What did I do? I was soooo loving towards her, but it was 1 sided
Not true at all
Until they say they want you back lol
Very well said! Learned this the hard way in my first breakup, spent like 2 months trying to get her back when that lesson finally hit me
I don’t agree .. yes sometimes you need to take action and seperate but I am a woman of faith ..and we need to step back and let GOD move . Divorce can be a blessing in some cases but sometimes -space and time is necessary and GOD can heal
My dad would say the same about himself. He was a provider, the picture perfect husband (to everyone else) and didn’t deserve the divorce. He was an angry man, verbally, mentally and financially abusive, cheated and lied many many times, threatened to ☠️ himself if he didn’t get his way. He still says he was the best husband ever. He blames everyone but himself. My mom begged him to be present in the marriage until she had the guts to finally leave when the kids got older. I bet $100 his wife has told him 1000x what she needed from him and all he did was work
« I want you to be more present, also I want a family vacation in the Caribbeans »
@@chibi_undercover9663 Amen, it's a no win situation; they work too much to provide for the wife, and she'll complain that he is never home. Don't work too much, and she'll complain that he is always home, and have no money to provide.
@@chibi_undercover9663 nope never went on vacations
The issue with most men, myself included is that we're never talked about what other people need and how to go out of our customs while receiving feedback and praise.
@@cagtbdyep, men get told they have to do the usual male role stuff, but don't get taught that marriage is much more than provider and house maintenance.
When a woman says it’s over, it’s over.
Anyone.
@@wordsalad01 Why would you think an exit plan equates to having another man? You get that women are self sufficient, right?!
@@sensimaniaExactly, these men are always so oblivious and blind to everything around them. It's like they're emotionally, or socially stunted or something. For him to say, "She said she just doesn't want me anymore and doesn't need me..!!". Sweetheart, your wife was having these feelings for a long time. You were either blind to her feelings and behaviors, or didn't take her seriously until now.
Very true
@@wordsalad01 Had he filed for divorce instead of exposing her to potentially life-threatening diseases, I believe most of us would understand it in the same way. He could have killed her by his actions.
My question is- why do you think that
is the same? This woman hasn't put him at risk of dying.
It's beautiful how quickly Dr. John cut through the BS and got the caller to admit the truth, as painful as it was.
That was a Masterclass in Psychology
Once she's lost respect for you, it's over. Trying to hold onto it just deepens her contempt. He needs to break free from this toxic situation to get a better perspective. Once out it takes a few years. But when a woman's that dismissive, it's over.
The Courts tend to rule in women's favour & he definitely should be recording interactions proactively, dismissal can turn to hate & deliberate incitement to get more from the Court's as well as justifying her reasons for leaving.
80% of Divorced women I've met all blame thier ex husband's & he was abusive, cheating, violent, useless etc. Sadly defending yourself from allegations is necessary these days.
There's posts on line in the femosphere that outline in detail the things women need to do to win in div0r¢e, how to set men up, get the best lawyers, get the man out of the house with Police then Restraining Orders. The whole works. Inciting him to assault through vicios words, often followed by initiating assault is a favourite tactic. Keeping calm uin this situation is really hard, from personal experience. The video on a guys phone is his best friend. 😔
@@shieldwolf65 could you link to some of those posts? Considering they’re ‘everywhere’?
He does that often. It's amazing
Him being the type to blame his child for issues in his adult relationship, absolutely shows why his wife wants to leave him. And the reason for his divorce, he's completely jumping to blaming his wife. He hasn't even looked at himself and figured out where things went wrong. And now he's clinging onto his daughter and transferring his frustrations and his emotional needs to his daughter and that's completely unfair.
Exactly.
I actually think his daughter is selfish too. If I knew my parents were divorcing because of the school I wanted to go to.. and it's all over a boy... I would feel like an asshole
@SarahSoLovelyXo the school probably is not the reason that mom is divorcing him lol
@@CrustyUgglmao no one gets divorced after a 20+ year marriage over a daughter who wants to go to out of state school. She could take out a loan if it was that serious. I guarantee you the wife has been contemplating this for several years. Calling the daughter selfish when she is a victim in this situation and is probably trying to go out of state to get away from this is wrong
That’s not what he’s saying. Way to show the world just how shitty women can be. The man is clearly broken. He doesn’t want to lose his wife. If I had to guess, he can’t articulate the problems because he probably worked a ton and didn’t make the time of communicate and connect. Yea, that’s a problem, is it worth waking up the day your daughter is out of the house and leaving because you don’t need him anymore? No. That phrase killed me. "She said, she didn’t need me anymore". If that’s how you view your husband, you suck as a wife.
I’m married to a workaholic. He also thinks he’s a good husband. And in many ways he is. He is a great financial provider. A good father. A fantastic grandfather. He has a short fuse, but he’s not physically abusive. As far as I’m aware he hasn’t been unfaithful. But here’s the thing. He’s not present in our life together. I’m so lonely. I fill my life with my family and friends but the one connection I crave for simply isn’t there. He knows how I feel and he makes sporadic efforts to improve things but he always reverts to type. And in my head I’m constantly telling myself how lucky I am and how ungrateful I am when other people are in so many worse situations. But I can’t help how I feel. It’s very rare that one person is solely responsible for the failure of a marriage, and what feels like compromise to one person may feel like agony to another. I wish this man well, I really do. But I’m not about to condemn the woman who has shared his life for 20 years without hearing her side of the story.
This is the story I hear from so many widows in my church. They felt like single mothers for 20 years, and then ignored. A fair few of them have multiple widower suitors, but only one has remarried.
Have you talked to him? It's sounds like you live two separate life's. It also takes two person to tango. If money is so necessary. Do you work too? Most men think that to be a provider is all it takes to be a good husband. But that's so 1950s...
@@ireefree2024she says he knows how she feels…so chances are it’s bc she told him.
Yet you wouldn’t sell your husband into a lifetime of debt, would you? And if a wife has a tendency to overspend isn’t it possible that would push a man to workaholism?
You sound like you’re doing better than this woman, but you’re right that it’s ungrateful. You can’t have it all.
Of course this woman has her gripes. But there is no evidence that his behavior justifies her nuclear actions. More context would be nice but we know enough… she’s a contemptible and ungrateful wife.
@@scratch57Caller said maybe there were issues before but I refused to see those!🎯🙄
Caller has no idea what is going on around him, saying "it came out of nowhere" about everything 😂
Points to a lack of communication really doesn't it 😂
@@irishhoopers6899he did admit to being a workaholic and that he was working on things. He just downplayed what his own actions and focused on the daughter’s college, when that wasn’t even the main issue. Read between the lines. Even I could hear through his narration that his wife was put through a lot.
When a woman leaves, it’s never just “out of nowhere”. Women plan their exits YEARS in advance.
@@AureliaSWV82or have made several plans then canceled them until the plan becomes easier & less stressful to stay
His family told him the issue, he wasn't listening.
“I’ve been a good husband” ACCORDING TO WHO? According to you? You don’t get to boast about being a good husband without a wife that can give you a glowing review. That’s like me taking my paper to the teacher saying “I already gave myself an A+”
Agreed
Well put
I bet he is AND HAS ALWAYS VEEN A GOOD HUSBAND!! IT'S POSSIBLE SHE CHEATED!!! MOST MEN CHEAT, BUT SO DO THE WOMEN!!
It was that part for me too. I was skeptical from the start bc he won’t say what happened but that part made me think he’s a perpetual victim. He even tried to guilt the daughter into staying home. Makes me think he triangulates her and the mother and uses her as an excuse to stay in the basement. He claims to be a workaholic but also complains about the cost of out of state tuition. Lots of missing info in this story.
He said his "only" problem is, that he is a Workaholic, as if this is something minor or even not that bad. There is a reason, why it sounds like its a adiction, because it is. And often times it is no better than being an actual alcoholic. Workaholics tend to ignore their partners (and kids) emotional needs to the point of abuse.
I’d love to hear the other side of the story on this one
same!!
@@amberdeterman5815same here. The second you can't provide, or get weak, it's over.
Me three.
very much so
👍👍👍
I don't get why this is an issue. Tell your daughter you saved X amount of money, and if she wants to go somewhere more expensive she can get loans and a job.
I think things like this happen when we make Gods out of our children and the people we love most. - Very unfortunate.
Exacy if she then wants to dig her life into endless debt then she is grown amd free to do so wth
I agree. She is an adult. She can have what was allotted for her and figure out the rest herself if she really wants it badly enough.
@@alittlepieceofearth My parents had nothing so when I went to school I got scholarships and worked full time. It was really hard but I believe I valued my education more than my friends who didn’t have to worry about it because their parents footed the bill. But, this was back when college actually taught stuff and gas was $2/gallon
That’s what my parents did. We talked about college together about where I wanted to apply. I had like a couple out of state schools I liked and thought I could get into.
They asked me to stay in school and that they had a college fund for me. I always knew about the fund. They said they would rather not have to pay more.
So I was like sure I’ll stay in state. Free college is awesome. That summer they got the funds ready for me and put it in my bank account.
They made the initial payments for the first semester and my dorm and then after that said here you go. It’s your money. You pay for the semesters and classes on your own. You’re 19, an adult.
Do what you want with it. I appreciate the way they did that. It helped to budget the money. It was a great learning experience and opportunity all around. I’m incredibly lucky.
Would love to hear the wife’s side! He isn’t able to articulate their actual problems, I am willing to bet on her side, it has nothing to do with her daughter going to college. Leave her out of it!!!!!
Typical woman, only hear what they want to hear. That’s not the main issue and he said it as well but you missed that.
Women ☕ , you got no soft side for men , cause according to modern women, men are monsters , don't get married
hey why dont you have some empathy for a man whose life is falling apart.
@@andrephillips7764way to generalize a whole gender lmao
@@iwant2haveusounds like he is projecting his own issues and insecurities
Let me tell men this: when a woman is done, she is DONE! Actually, when she tells you, she’s been DONE for a long time!
Men too
And she already has your replacement in line!
@@MrHCifywomen are different. There’s psychology behind it. When a woman has decided she’s done, she is. Men will still sleep with women they’ve said that to. Women are DONE.
So strange when they can't make up their minds about anything else lol
This is very true. Women agonise about the decision to leave sometimes years before they actually decide. When we decide, it’s done. But unfortunately if we have been asking for things for years like more connection, more presence, for him to help more at home… once we decide to leave we don’t care about whether or not he will change his ways from that point onwards. Men hear that we are leaving and do a 180 on behaviour to save the relationship - by then it’s much too late. If she tells you she’s done, don’t change for her, change for you and move on and forward.
Having lawyers for a divorce is a sign of sensibility, not a lack of amicability. 🤦🏽♀️
I think he just meant you would go through a mediator and not both hire lawyers.
You need a lawyer to navigate and get the divorce up going and finalized.
I borrowed $1500 from my sister for my lawyer and it was worth it to be done with everything. ASAP. It took 18 months in my state.
@@persephoneszeligamediation is much faster and cheaper than litigation and is the best route for couples who are truly “amicable”.
I went through mediation not lawyers and it was much cheaper and easier
DO NOT CRY ON YOUR DAUGHTER’s shoulders
This!! Children are NOT the parents' emotional support!
Assassins don't say anything, they just delete you. --Good Delony 😂😂😂
Yeah that one was good. One of the more profound things I’ve heard recently.
Right on. 💔
😂
he said kill. You can write the word kill. Nothing happens if you write it.
It sounds like while he was putting his life into his job and not his wife, his wife put her life into her daughter and now it's over.
It takes two. The wife could have used her voice.
@Tellthetruth-ns9ze I don’t think your anecdotal evidence is suffice. That situation is much more likely to be a human problem than a man problem. I have seen plenty of women do the same exact thing. You cannot always blame men.
@Tellthetruth-ns9ze again, there is no evidence of what you’re saying.
He said his family called him a workaholic. Which means his wife has been a single mom in their marriage for years. He wasn't listening when his wife was talking. Now she's done and wants her freedom. He provided, but she's been alone for so long. It's so isolating and lonely. He's only focusing on the college. This goes much deeper than that.
Exactly; he probably escaped the home responsibilities! There is so much more to marriage than financial status. She probably had a lonely marriage.
A friend of mine had parents who "stayed together for the kids." All they accomplished was making her and her sister feel like they were the only thing holding the family together and they were losing their grip fast. Finally, during one of their bouts of tense silence she burst out screaming at them that she was done being their bandaid and begged them to get a divorce.
12:17
Iiiii>i>>>>>> 13:37 iiiiii>i>iiiiiii 17:54
I>>i>i
19:29 19:51
20 20:48 :19 20:48
He can give his daughter the money he would pay for state college and she can find the difference.
Good idea!👍
He can, but that wouldn't save the marriage.
Exactly
Or give her zero make her feel the consequences of her bad choices
Easy huh? Why didn't he think of it? Cuz he didn't wanna.
Never make a person tell you twice they don't want you
Shut up and stop parroting.
Women don’t suddenly wake up one day and say it’s over. It’s taken years of hurts and not being understood and criticisms and dismissings…
Maybe this woman in particular is just a gold digger and a brat
And not communicating it to the man, and then making sure she has someone to jump to.
💯💯
While most women don't communicate, there are plenty of times things are communicated but are then ignored, dismissed, or invalidated.
17 years with my husband. After clearly communicating on numerous occasions, his words "I don't care about what you think or say" have been proven true consistently.
@@stedunn563exactly brother.
Correct, they know it's over, plan for a year or two, find a new boyfriend and take your house and kids, call you an abuser.
It sounds like the daughter is trying to escape the burden of her parent’s toxic relationship. Being a workaholic means you’re escaping the responsibility of your marriage and home, when you should’ve been leading it. His wife has probably expressed her needs and he’s ignored them all. Now she files for divorce and it’s “out of nowhere” 😤
Yeah my Dad led all of Eli Lilly's Kentucky street plant in Indianapolis in OT more then one year...and at night. It was like my Mom was a single parent.
I think he was just trying to get away
How does being a workaholic mean your escaping home and marriage responsibilities? Isn’t that something women crave? A provider? A man that can support their family? Most people need to be out working in order to make money, you can’t have both. He can’t be home all the time and a provider. And by the sound of this he has to work to try and give the wife what she wants for their kid, college tuition. And he’s probably trying to work more to afford it to possibly save his marriage, but it’s not working. On top of it she just doesn’t love or want him anymore no matter what. At the end of the day we don’t know what’s really going on because we aren’t there.
@@BeetleBro978he literally said that his workaholism in part probably has to do with him trying to escape his failing marriage.
There’s a big difference between providing for your family and being a workaholic to the extent that you barely see your family at all, and to the extent that every single other responsibility that comes with running a house and raising children is on your spouse.
1) he didn't say that it was out if nowhere
2) it takes two to tango - the fact that you can hear this man bleeding his heart out in front of you and think "nope, all his fault" says a lot about your character
3) yes, his workaholism is very likely a big factor in this, but God damn you make it sound so much simpler than it is. He was trying to provide for his family. How dare you over-simplify it as him "escaping his responsibilities". It is simply not that simple. Have some perspective and have some compassion - just a bit of each would do.
@@BeetleBro978 to put it bluntly. No. Women who love you DON'T crave you being gone and away for most of the week and being mentally absent when your home. They may tolerate ans understand it but want it? No.
Going into massive debt for college, in today's world, makes zero sense. Especially to go out of state to follow a guy at age 18.
You said what I was thinking
Not paying this ridiculous college fee is the only thing this guy should care about. Dont give up your money, because that wife and daughter sure as hell aren't paying it back or helping this guy rebuild. Get a golden retriever and a farmhouse dude. More to life than some old broad and a selfish kid.
@@CK-oc3zs selfish kids don't exist in a vacuum. That kid has had to adapt to the clear dysfunction of the parent's relationship.
I Mean, it's not like they didn't have 18 years and a 30 year old student loan crisis to anticipate befire 2024. Stop it. Not being able to afford college for your 18 year old in 2024 is madness. Just save about 200 a month for 18 years. If you don't have the money by 18, you failed. It's that simple.
I agree !!
My friend has been in 3 major car crashes..Every time the reason was: "that car came out of nowhere". That's this guy talking about his marriage --doesn't think he has anything to do w/ the 'crash'.
I am so thankful that DeLony is there for people, especially men. He is tender and kind to them. People need to realize that men need kindness and understanding as well.
Yes they do. I met my hubby when he was heart broken because his wife of 15 yrs had left him for a guy over 20 yrs younger than her. He wouldn't hire a lawyer for himself. All I can say now is her decision placed the best man I have ever met in my life. So I thank her for that. 30 yrs later and I still feel blessed.
I agree❤
When he blamed the daughter its obvious that he acted victim his whole life and wife had enough. She was waiting for her to reach 18 so she can finally get free.
He didn't blame the daughter. But the daughter is being entitled.
He tried at 17:51, John shot it down with “don’t put that crap on her, dude.”
@@ChrisAndCatsyes he did. But yeah, the daughter is inconsiderate to the parents’ financial abilities. She should get a student loan.
Divorced after 27yrs…. He wasn’t a bad person but he neglected me year after year… when I finally made up my mind to leave nothing could change it… I don’t regret it
What does neglect look like to you? Did you have someone else lined up? In what ways is your life better or worse after the divorce?
For him to think not cheating or not being abusive is the only reason someone would leave is his problem. When you do things that make your loved one feel unheard or under-appreciated, when they bring something to
You MULTIPLE times that hurts them and you’re unwilling to ACTUALLY change, please know that your partner is done, buddy. I recently heard this quote which is so true “women falsely believe they can change a man and men falsely believe that she will never leave him.” Men, stop thinking we won’t leave you…… grow up or get left behind
Typical woman!! Everything is the man’s fault. A woman could never do anything wrong!! What a bunch of crap.
his inability [or unwillingness] to articulate the reason for his divorce is very telling. i bet his wife could. she's likely fed up from years of trying + him not listening.
his daughter is likely going out of state to get away from this mess. he slipped up + blamed his daughter for the split of his marriage out loud. again, telling.
everything he's saying + not saying told us more than he ever will or can admit to himself. SMH
All true but she wants to ruin him financially for life so that is a huge burden no matter what else
Exactly. He's needs to take accountability. If he did that 15 years ago they would probably have a happy marriage.
@listrahtes he said he was a workaholic he wasnt home.
I mean it’s obvious he constantly has to work because the wife is like „omg my friends husband Chad can easily pay for his childrens college out of pocket, you are such a loser“ and then decides to divorce and cheat on his ass because she thinks she can do better. Thats literally the case in 80% of divorces. If the guy isn’t perfect the woman loses respect and is gone or already cheating.
Yes, blaming the victim is cool if the victim is a male and terrible if the victim is a female. Excellent post here helping us see that.
John’s empathy toward this man was so unbelievably heartwarming.
It's so important to validate someone's pain even if they are the reason they're feeling it. We can talk about how you got in to this much pain later.
I wonder what his wife's side of the story is.
All he does is work.
Covert narcissist? Really playing the innocent victim who has been so wronged by others here.
What's most telling is all the things he's refusing to say.
Maybe dear old dad has an unnatural transference of his needs from wife gave up mothering him to his daughter being responsible for him, his daughter is not his surragate wife. These workalcoholic men are often addicted to other things like booze and escapism from being a grownup, partner or parent, avodiant, emotionally stunted and entitled and needy. His fear of his daughter who he likely has groomed to be his substitute wife, and legit wife want as far away from his neediness as they can get. He sounds threatened by his daughters natural need to have her own boyfriend. Poor guy, no woman gonna hold his hand and be his mommy any more. Guy is twisted, guarenteed.
Sure. Women can’t be bad people. Women totally don’t destroy husbands in divorce. Men are always at fault.
He cannot think straight. Can't blame him.
He can’t let go maybe until someone blocks the other or goes nuts
@@JeremyTheEntrepreneurpart of the process 😊
His mind/thoughts are in a loop. He is trying to use logic to solve the problem but can’t. Time to find a new approach or to gain clarity. Moving out is a good start.
I can blame him. He's had around two decades to figure this marriage out, communicate with his wife, find a balance that works. Instead he painted this picture all about him being the victim, how he's bent over backward without concrete examples, slipped in a workaholic comment... this man knows why his wife is leaving, why she held out for their daughter to reach 18, but isn't admitting it. Until he accepts responsibility for his part he feels justified blaming everyone but himself.
Edited because autocorrect reaaaallly autofailed on this one
@@Undomaranel😢
‘She is leaving you because something is wrong with her’ …now come on John, we both know that ain’t true 🙄
You just suck
Yeh this channel is starting to suck. John seems to be very one sided some times. We don't know the wife or the full story. Maybe there's nothing wrong with the woman, maybe this husband has been problematic all along and she finally snapped
Actually, I think his goal is just for him to be ok with her leaving. He knows as well as the rest of us that there is more to the story. But he redirected him to focus on his daughter.
This guy has difficulty taking accountability. He is choosing to ignore the truth. That level of crap will not be resolved in a phonecall. So he is going to respond based on the information he is receiving.
Regardless, this man has been going to therapy for being a workaholic for years with clearly no sign of improvement. The wife probably felt like a married single mother. They may have completely lost each other. And the best way to resolve that is time apart. Low key, he also sounds like a control freak as well, which is normal for people who are addicted to working. His daughter and his wife probably just need to get away so they can get reacquainted with themselves.
This guy is very weak and defeated
Most likely no one takes his side (most of weak people have lived a life of being blamed) so yea he needs to take his side
It’s essential for him to start to grow
He doesn’t need play a devils advocate for this case the most good he can do is to build this guy up a bit and nodge him forward
@basselalkhoury7697 I would be careful. Based on his responses, everything is everyone else's problem. Woe is me. It was all her fault. If it weren't for my daughter, then my marriage wouldn't be ruined. If you just stuck with the plan, we would not be in this situation. We don't have enough information to confirm who is at fault. He didn't say she cheated, even though he had every opportunity to. He is still continuing to fund her, which shows some level of guilt for the situation. In reality, none of us know except he and his wife.
Divorce grief is beyond words, at least as horrific as death. I'm SO sorry.
-You are not alone.
Fk marriage!!!
Asking someone to blow their retirement on some glorified high school is almost violent
@@seltonk5136I agree. Madness
This man is telling half truths during the whole call, making excuses for himself and blaming all problems on everyone else around him, even his own daughter.
Exactly, we need to hear the wife side.
Y'all never say this when a woman calls in
OR maybe he’s being truthful and she’s a snake who wants what she wants when she wants it, screw the marriage. Women like that do exist, you know.
@@amarjo351 pretty sure there will be comments saying the same
@@Dark_F9 from ppl like her, unlikely.
"Assassins don't say anything" 💯
Just because there's no yelling, doesn't mean there's no DEADLY HOSTILITY.
“I’m sorry, but I can’t afford it.” Difficult but sometimes necessary. I hear you, brother.
Someone’s daughrer was visiting me. And started crying. Her parents were dead set on Chapel Hill one of the best instate deals in the country. She wanted to go to Tennessee with her boyfriend. I just said whose life is it. Yours or theirs. She got a masters in five years. The graduated I got to go to their wedding. Ive watched their kids grow up. Their vacations. Their job promotions. I’m so glad she knew what she wanted. The out of state expense bought all that.
Women don’t just wake up one day and say “hm I think I’ll divorce my husband today”, he’s been told why multiple times and has likely ignored it or thought she would never leave. I don’t feel bad for him.
Yes they do
When two people who are divorced stay in the same house as one another with children the dynamic is so traumatizing to everyone. It’s like living in a prison of tension. Invisible laser beams of frustration to jump over in every hallway. Your body absorbs it. Going back to hell, that was the exactly right, it’s not a home anymore. You have to move on and let the hearts break instead of dangling them over a ledge.
Naa get her to move out, whoever moves out usually gets f****d in court.
Love that last sentence!
Stress is literally contagious
Yes but sometimes there’s not a choice. If the other half is dangerous to the children sometimes you get stuck doing your best to keep them safe within the lions den.
She wants the divorce. She should move out.
What has been going on the last 20 years.
Someone doesn't wake up one day and say ' I dont want to be married anymore'
It is important to hear both sides of the story.
This not the whole story.
Perfect marriages or relationships simply don't exist. There's no one-size-fits-all approach to navigating them. What may be effective for Adam might not resonate with Peter. However, I've come to realize that there's always a solution to every problem. Half a decade ago, my wife and I faced such difficulties in our marriage that divorce seemed imminent. Despite the ordeal, we persevered, and today, we've triumphed over that rough patch, reunited and stronger than ever.
There is a lot of sense in what you just said and I hope mine works the same way too, we are currently separated but I cant live without her, I love her so much. wish I can get her back I can do anything to have her back, we have tried therapy amongst other things
Its always difficult to let someone you love go, but in my case I had the help of a spiritual adviser who saved my marriage from collapsing her name is Suzanne Ann Walters..
This is helpful, I will look her up online right now...Thanks
You wont regret it
I hope this is the same for me. I made a stupid mistake and now she’s gone… the fucked thing is I did what I did to help the marriage 😢
"I'm going to give my daughter a picture of what dignity and self-respect look like..." This is so important. Our kids repeat what they see us tolerate.
That's what I told myself too. Until she started crying cus we would have to give up her pets. It broke me and I had to ask him again if we could try... he still said no. Cus "it's not gunna Workout." he keeps on telling me this, and I just feel like he doesn't want to take the responsibility of having a family anymore and doesn't have the balls to say it. And it infuriates me cus I always tell him everything and I feel like he's just stringing me along...
Yikes, this poor guy is SO heartbroken! 💔 He needs a good lawyer so his half of the assets doesn't go to paying for an overpriced college!
He truly is in pieces. "I am a good husband I don't deserve this".
Men only call for fairness after they used every little bit of fighting spirit. It takes years to fix yourself at that point.
Overpriced college? That is HIS OWN CHILD he should be contributing to his kid’s college education. Men like you are such bums and horrible fathers
Yes, it was heartbreaking to listen to. I’m sure he made mistakes as well, but somewhere down the road, his wife emotionally divorced him and married their daughter, making her the center of their universe. I know she probably thinks she is making their daughter happy by flippantly ignoring him and giving her what she wants, but someday that girl will become a grown woman and realize she got every THING she wanted but never had a sense of security in her parents’ relationship. I know what that feels like, and I would give up every material thing I had to see my parents happy and in love.
Hopefully the daughter will keep that in mind as well going forward.
He would be lucky to keep half.
Nothing sadder than listening to a broken person realizing the truth. My thoughts , prayers and good wishes Sir. Xx
I pray for this man. The pain in his voice is truly heartbreaking.
Just a kind reminder that there are 2 sides to a story. I feel for this whole family, I am sure each person is heartbroken in this situation. I pray for a miracle for them.
I will never understand how people get so desperate once it's over but didn't actually want to resolve the "small" issues that occurred early on and throughout the relationship. It's like they want to test how far they can go before you walk away. I don't know about calling his wife "not well" when you have a man who is clueless about why his marriage is falling apart and all you're hearing is his side.
You need an attorney to inform you of your legal rights and protect your legal interests. One can be represented and still experience an amicable dissolution.
Said the lawyer 🤣
@@lordtyrus1yup because its true
He said they both have their own lawyer.
As a divorced person. Make it final. ASAP. Then all these discussions such as college are moot. Your daughter will still love you
likely the daughter won't. Women hate men.
I admire the compassion you gave this Man.
I love this man so much, both of them! The divorced man for being strong enough to cry, and John for his amazing grace
I’ve lived long enough to know there’s another side to this story. Their marriage has been broken for years and they’ve just been waiting for the kids to get old enough to finally leave. I’d love to hear the mom and daughter’s side of the story.
@@KristaldeauCityLights😂 basically. You work too hard= I leave you
Work less but not enough money= I leave you.
@@KristaldeauCityLights if you have to work 100 hours a week, get another job. Sounds like you didn't family plan. Don't have kids you cannot afford. That is on both of you.
@@KristaldeauCityLights it sounds like you’re saying the wife might’ve wanted the 100k high income but somehow expecting the man to give 110% on the emotional side, too. Nobody has 210% to give.
They had one child and he said she doesn't work. So she's been leeching off him since the kid went to school. Easiest way to tell someone married a pampered princess, typically a narcistic trait.
@@scottwall8419 Lol. so she should work? Men need to make up their mind. Do you want a SAHM or a Career Woman. Either way you complain.
This man is hurting....thank you Dr. D for listening, hearing and advising from the heart.
This divorce is not about paying for college. That’s just what he’s telling himself so that he doesn’t have to take responsibility for his part in the demise of the marriage. I’m sure she’s been telling him the issues for yearss and now he’s “blindsided”
If I am the daughter, I would not do that to my parents. Going to a state college is good enough. She is so lucky her parents are willing to pay for her education. She is very lucky, many of us don’t have that.
she probably wants to get away from her parents, but you can’t really do that if they are paying for it.
The parents need to just say "NO".
She probably wants to get away from them because they stayed in a shitty marriage for years for some false sense of “this is better for our kid”😅
When I was 19 my parents divorced and put our house in foreclosure.
I did the same thing this girl did. I left from Florida to Tennessee 😂.
I cant tell this girls experience but my parents did not reach out to me for a while and I felt free. I got a scholarship to pay out of state tuition and kept it moving. I'm 35 now and I have a better relationship now but that time was terrible I felt like I had to get away.
@@VashtiPerryyes but you see you did it independently, on scholarship. The concept of this girl wanting to get away from her parents but still at their cost and not only that, at five times the cost just seems ludicrous to me.
This man sounds really kind and loving. Im so sorry Greg.
It’s usually over long before we say it’s over.
That's helpful for everyone 😂😂😂
@@myopiniongoodyouropinionbadimprove
Not true at all
One can only speak for oneself in regards to matters of the heart. There is no easy answers, especially along gender lines.
Have fun!
He will have a better chance of getting the house in the divorce if he remains in the house. You guys need a co-host with legal expertise.
Yea that advice just caused him to lose his house
Depends on the state.
Yeah, Delony is often off on divorce procedures & they're different in every state. Making a mistake w/o legal advice can ruin his financial life.
Ive been there, with a minor child. Im in Ohio. My atty told me DONT LEAVE THE HOUSE. DONT LEAVE THE KID. I didnt. I got all my possessions, most of the possessions, cleaned out the savings account, got half the house and FULL LEGAL AND PHYSICAL SOLE CUSTODY. It was 26 years ago and my daughter has never seen her dad since. His choice. Shes great, a star. We adore each other. No regrets.
@@queenbee3647- parental alienation is nothing to brag about.
Read the work of Dr. Wexner, Dr. Coleman & others.
(Their books are free via
library.)
Very few kids - young or grown - truly want to exile their blood (forever.)
Food for thought.
Best to you -
Your advice is spot on …listen to this guy his calmness in his voice
This was one of the most powerful calls I’ve heard.
His daughter also has a obligation to live in reality.
She's an adult, if she wants it so badly, she'll find a way, other than liquidating her parents entire life, as well as their marriage.
But she isn't. She is letting her parents destroy thier own lives to do so, she doesn't care about him and as John eluded to is living in the same deluded fantasy thay his wife is, thays what this man has been dealing with for 20 years. No wonder he's a workaholic if he has had to deal with the insane financial logic of his wife. My advice for Greg or any ithrr man in this situation. If your wife wants out tell her to pack her bags and leave then. Your not moving out , the kids stay and you will allocate and allowance till the divorce is final and she'll need to get a Job. If she wants a divorce you shownher the door of the house you've been paying for alk that time. Never leave the house
I bet she's majoring in a liberal arts too.
@@myopiniongoodyouropinionbad ahaha that got me😂
Her mom is validating this delusion. Apple not far from the tree.
They should tell the daughter no. Simples.
If she wants it bad enough, she’ll figure it out on her own. Ask me how I know. Lol
There's definitely much more to this story...
People never cease to amaze me w what they are willing to put up with from other people.
That was a tough one to listen to. Thank you Greg for your vulnerability. Praying the Lord intervenes in your situation. You are loved.
The lord? Come on. This is a reality based show.
🙏
@@claymac7895you don’t know what you’re saying when you say this, please do not think the Lord is a joke, He’s the one that made you!
I hope this guy’s attorney pushes that all marital assets be divided, including their house.
I don't believe for one bit that he's being divorced over his adult daughter's finances. He did hint that there were problems before this issue. So he has habit of ignoring problems, letting it pile up then acting like he's a victim of a situation he created. He needs to tell himself the truth instead of balling his eyes out. That's not gonna change anything. Start with first admitting that is not the reason why she's divorcing you. There were issues that preceded this. Don't dig yourself another hole of lies to keep yourself going. You're only playing yourself further because this woman is leaving you. It is what it is.
Exactly this. He told us what her issue was, he ignored his wife for work. He said "I am a bit of a workaholic". Wen people say that listen. She would have tried to get them to address the issues and he thought working hard and making money was the way he would show her how much he loved her. I d o notthink the wife was draining him. I think e may have been drained by trying to prove how much he loves her by proving for the family. Sadly that was probably not what she wanted and he never heard her when she told him. Now she has found a way to use what he was always working for (rather than being with her and the family) and he is saying "nope". She now thinks all he did was a lie and not for love and she has said "I'm done".
@@Pyrochik2 Do we know if the wife was working? Maybe he had to work that much
Hearing the pain in his voice hurts man wish him the best moving forward
Dr. John my best friend is going through almost this exact same situation with a kid who hasn't even gotten to kindergarten yet. I sent him this video and he said honestly if you had sent me this video one month ago I would have been crying my eyes out. I'm sure videos like this make a difference. Thank you for all you do.
"Assassins don't say anything, they just kill you!" WOW!!! Deep Word!!! I would add, "you don't really know a person until divorce time" ....
So true. I finally saw my mother for who she was when she wondered aloud why my husband’s aunt didn’t also ask for his social security even though she got everything else. My mom thought it was perfectly fine to financially destroy this man. I never looked at her the same again.
Even if you did reasonable people can be persuaded that you won't be reasonable by solicitors or friends.
Divorce brings out the worst in people
Tell your daughter to pay for her own college. Millions of us did it
That’s a big problem with US colleges, you have to pay so much to just get an education. We’re so lucky in Europe.
@@butreally289 No yall are not.......
@@MrJimmy3459So you prefer to end up with debts of $100,000’s, spending the rest of your lives paying it back? 🤔
@@butreally289if it takes you're entire life to pay $100k back than you're a terrible worker or bad with money. The whole goal of university is to make far more money.
@@MrJimmy3459
I’m curious, why do you think they aren’t lucky?
John Delony killed it with this one. Respect man
I can empathize with his pain and grief. The struggles that men silently go through in this world
Workaholic - male or female - means 1 thing. I choose work over (fill in the blank), my family, my faith, whatever.
If a person chooses work, they also chose the consequences.
Nice fairytale you got there.
@relics2397 no fairytale, just facts. Some people go to work as needed. Multiple jobs or working longer hours for pay your bills isn't being a workaholic. Workaholics say longer than work necessitates.
I love how John easily and graciously gets down to the heart of peoples story with them and talks them through it so nicely
My mother absolutely crushed my dad. It was horrible seeing him crumble for years after. He is finally sober and retired. Still expresses that she was the love of his life (not that he is chasing her). I wish she loved him half as much as he did her. But there is hope!! Your kids want to see you succeed!!! Please take care of YOU! Also, side note, don’t rebound marry some psycho lady from your childhood, it won’t last and the kids will be even more traumatized. ✌️
You are absolutely right. You just described my life
And mine. It’s all about me now life is just starting again that’s the positive 🫡
Thanks for sharing! ❤
So sorry you had to watch that. Men can be victims of abuse too, and it’s devastating.
My parents too 💔 my dad close to retirement but not sober yet
wow, this is sad. Hope everything gets better for him
Um, he’s the only one who can make his life better. He needs some self respect. He’s a door mat for these two women.
The pain is on the person who it belongs to now.
@@user-qp2qe5gf9byou're right, they carefully plan it out to make sure they end up with the better half of the deal. I am a woman and totally disgusted by the way so many other women treat men and their husbands. One example, a man my husband works with, worked many hours of overtime for about 3 years in a row, because his wife encouraged it. After the 3 years, he got a surprise divorce letter in the mail and wouldn't you know it, the court system here based child and spousal support on the last 3 years of income. She calculated that precisely so she could screw him over for every dollar he had. This is the reality of what many women do. A woman could cheat in the marriage and be the reason for divorce, yet she still ends up on top while the ex-husband is left with pennies. It's sick!
@Twinkie989 is that you cause your obviously so butthurtt over this?
It takes a woman a long, long time to walk away. She most probably has been thinking about a long time in her head. This woman maybe tried her hardest, but maybe, her husband never listened. I never gave up on my marrate, but after 20 years of my husbands cheating, I finally was done. And no matter how much he cried (I cried a river over the years) I did not care, his tears meant nothing to me, or his feelings, I was done I was in a breakdown mentally. The love I once had was no more, he destroyed it completely. This was 24 years ago, now life is good.
I literally never believe these people that pretend they have NO IDEA why their relationship or marriage is ending. This guys claims makes zero sense.
A lot of guys say they've been "blindsided" when their wife repeatedly asked for changes. She gives up, starts planning her exit, and he thinks that, because she stopped "nagging" or complaining, everything is resolved. But so often, she's grieving the marriage and getting ready to leave.
This happens to husbands who aren't abusive or entertaining side chicks. Who are decent. But when a guy renegs on the promises he made, and treats a wife's bid to renegotiate as an attack, it doesn't end well.
@@lucindabreeding Yeah, they're only "blind sided" because they never expected her to actually leave. IMO I think men have a tendency to think that relationships revolve around them, because women typically cater to what they want the most in order to keep the peace. So when she finally wants to prioritize her needs or wants in the relationship, the man doesn't take it seriously because she's at the bottom of the hierarchy in the relationship and historically, what she wanted and needed in the relationship didn't matter.
So true.. There is definitely several reasons his wife got sick of him. Over a decade or more. Its not the result of a conversation about different colleges.
Some people are blindsided. There are good people who never really do anything wrong in regards to their relationship who are dismissed every day. Some people require you to change parts of yourself that are so insignificant that it shouldn't even bother them. Some people require you to change because they want to know they have power over you. Some people will create problems because they need an excuse to shift the personal responsibility of maintaining personal happiness towards an external source. Some people just want to leave. Not saying that this guy is perfect and we'll never hear the other side of the story but people can justify almost anything to themselves and their partners aren't always privy to internal thoughts.
@@maximumjongs If someone is regularly dismissed and ignored in their relationship everyday, or they have a partner that is constantly demanding change. It isn't a blindside if that persons partner eventually leaves, there have been significant problems literally detailed. It makes no sense how someone can pinpoint these specific issues and say "It's a mystery why this is over now."
This poor man! I need an update! I sure hope he is ok!!
Men never notice anything no matter how many times you have told them what is wrong. They never try to make any legitimate changes until they have the divorce papers in hand!
Lived it. Throughout our 15 year marriage (3 kids), my ex slept in every day until 10:30am. I asked him, begged him to get up with me to help with the kids. He never did. How he kept his sales job is beyond me. I decided that when our youngest was in first grade, I was filing for divorce. It might sound like a stupid thing to divorce over, but feeling like a single mother within a marriage is a very lonely way to live.
*some men 💕
That's quite literally not true lmao...
Always the mans fault, amirite?
@@Bespoke-z8g wild 💀
Man, hearing this mans heart breaking on the phone hit me like a ton of bricks, i cant imagine, im praying for him 🙏🏻💔
Right!!! Poor dude was blindsided after 20 years. I just wanted to give him a big hug and tell him it's gonna be Ok.
He’s afraid to say no to daughter
This is usually the result of the dad providing nothing other than $$$ as the foundation of the relationship. Meaning he's not a source of love, guidance, stability, emotional connection etc. Eventually she asks for more $$$ than he's willing to give and the whole thing falls apart because there's nothing else. To be clear, that's 100% the dad's fault.
Totally wrong lol. He is saying no to his daughter but his wife wants to say yes to everything. His wife has probably spoiled thier daughter her whole life.
@@GoKU-xx2vg And it's not the daughters fault that she essentially grew up with two emotionally stunted people pretending to be adults.
@es8117 how do you deal with something like that? I have a daughter and wife and my wife is in a wheelchair now for about 5 years. Due to RA that she never took proper care of. Now I do everything and I ask her to make phone calls and schedules but she doesn't. I'm fixing the house and working from home and cleaning and cooking and the taxi lol Yada Yada Yada. Anyway I'm getting more frustrated and angry and my wife doesn't do anything so I try to keep up with it but I forget things so we end up being late to things and just generally unorganized. Now my daughter is catching my frustration and I'm totally lost 😂 nobody will take care of my wife so I would not leave her but mannn your comment hit me hard. We are emotionally stunted
This is so hard, i felt this way when my marriage fell apart. The worst part is, I did lose everyone, but i am slowly finding new people. It does get better.
This might be John’s best call.
i wonder what complete happened because women contemplate long and hard before divorcing, considering the fact that his wife told him that she doesnt love him anymore lets me know she is mentally checked out. When women mentally check out its because shes tried everything she could, nobody just says “i dont love you anymore out of nowhere”
Or she found something new. Women don't really ever love a man.
Omg, you are a guy!!!
You're 100% correct. And the kind of man that will end up in a situation as this collar or the ones in the comment saying he should make sure she doesn't get anything. If the daughter gives him attitude he should keep the money and not let her go to college at all etc. If a woman doesn't want anything to do with you she has cried her last year well before she decided she wanted a divorce
Not in today's society, it's statistically proven they'll marry just to divorce and get the money. Many have done it multiple times even. As soon as the moment is right, they strike and the sheep online immediately believe all women
My Dad would never not tell us when things get hard. He and my Mum would sit us down and tell us what is going on and what is it they think is the best solution moving forward. It really makes me grateful that we were never in the dark about things.
My heart broke for this guy :( He sounds like a good father and she's blessed to have him as a father. I lost mine when I was 21. I hope this daughter appreciates her father. I love Dr. John's compassion for his callers, especially this guy because it sounds like he's drowning.