Hope my husband can get over it. I’m reading to leave . It ruins my self Esteem and I’ve never had this I’ve never cared about a man watching until now
I think p is like alcohol. It's not a problem until it's a problem. In my case, I found that I have an addictive personality and was hoarding highest quality vids I could download. Deleted everything about 60 days ago and have not been looking back.
Good on the guy for reaching out. Too many men keep it to themselves and/or believe they can do this on their own... which they quickly find they cannot. I hope this guy finds his saving grace and power to overcome this addiction. Keep getting back up my man!
See, that's the thing. I been with my husband for 21 years come march 3rd. Since I was 15 & he 17. 3 teen boys 19,15,14. Yes we was teen parents. He has been into the porn all the time that we've been together but never came out and told me that he was using it all the time and womanizing the women and pleasing himself any and everywhere all while our marriage fell to crap. I begged him over and over years and years and years to please stop that he was running our marriage and of course he would make all the promises and tell me that he loved me and I was the most beautiful woman in the world and that he won't do it again. Bam and then not even a week later maybe a month later he was right back on the crap on his phone doing it at work in the bathroom doing it as soon as I left for work or he would even do it while I was laying in the bedroom sick and he would go to the bathroom to do it. I would even get a feeling that he was going in there to do that even though I told him that we would be doing something later, and I still remember last year he walked out of the bathroom came in there and gave me a kiss on the forehead and said he loved me and I asked him what he had been doing and he said nothing! That he had just used the bathroom. Well needless to say he didn't clean up very well and then I found out later on that evening when we did decide to do something that once again he failed and not being able to do anything with me but of course he can always manage to look at that and get off to those women. You know the perfect figures the young pretty women that get all of the men's attention. I'm not a dog by any means but I am a mother that has stretch marks and cellulite and a c-section scar. I know that I can turn heads if I want to and get the attention if I want to. But I've not wanted anyone else's attention these past 21 years except for his begging him to please stop that he was running our marriage and he's ruined my complete self-image of myself and the image of how I thought that he viewed me, and that's what breaks me the most! He can sit and say that he loves me and that I'm beautiful and sexy and that he wants me and it makes me want to go jump off of a bridge and to never have to wake up again. I can't even believe anything he says that's a simple as he locked the door because I have to go back and double check that because I can't even believe him on that. And I get screamed at and cuz that and yelled at and told that I should trust him that he's a different man that he hasn't done anything in 8 months because he finally realized what he wants and that he doesn't want to mess our marriage up anymore and he doesn't want to be that guy anymore. And of course here I am waiting on the other shoe to drop because it always has in the past 21 years. I've asked him over and over and over again for us to be able to go to counseling and for him to call someone so that we can get help to make an appointment so that we can go see someone and save our marriage and not one time has he made that appointment or that call. He knows the options are that if he does it again I'm out the door this time I've got to go on with my life because I've wasted too much of it on someone that didn't want me back, he wanted his needs met with porn and then couldn't EVER meet my needs. And of course there I was standing thinking it was always me that was the issue but it was him and his porn and him sitting there taking care of himself Even though he could get it from me anytime the porn was always more important He chose it instead of me every single time. At this point I don't want to be this person anymore and the person that I thought I was in love with all those years was nothing but a nasty ass liar that made me see myself as beautiful and as a good wife and a hard worker but instead I was nothing and all of that was lost like everything else that came out of his mouth. I warn you man please do not do this to your wives it's not worth it please tell them what you're doing or leave. Please don't rip her down so low that she's unable to get back up because of how she has to view herself. I hate how I look and I hate going anywhere that there's other women because I can't go anywhere with him because I know that somebody's going to catch his eye as soon as they do he's going to have to run to the bathroom even though he swears up and down he don't do that crap anymore. It's not worth it it's not worth it I'm worth more than that with or without him and at this point it's more without him.
You’re right if it’s not porn will be alcohol. If it’s not alcohol it’ll leave marijuana. It’ll be something. An addiction has nothing to do with substance or consuming something. It’s a personality flaw
@@bluecollarnobody4217 It is often a cycle that is transferred to other addictions, yes. But it's not a personality flaw. It is a way of trying to self soothe from some kind of pain. Something deeper isn't being addressed and out of either not knowing what it is, or being afraid of what they'll find if they dig it up, they turn to something that temporarily relieves them of that feeling even though they know it makes them feel worse later, they can't stop. This is how Dr Gabor Mate quantifies addiction and he has a lot of very insightful talks on the subject. Lots on UA-cam!
As much as I can appreciate the psychoanalytical component to porn addiction there’s also a biochemical response that people don’t talk about, your brain gets flooded with dopamine whenever you watch porn and you feel a huge rush, and as you get deeper and deeper into it you need it more and more to get that same rush, just like a drug addict. Your brain needs to re-baseline so that you can have natural attraction to women the way you did before the porn addiction started. A big part of this is getting dopamine levels back down to normal levels and that only happens when you give it up completely
A lot if us are exposed to porn so early in life that we don't even know what it's like to exist in "normal" biophysical condition. I've been hyper sexual my entire life since I can remember.
This, exactly. We are wired to procreate so sexual stimulation has an incredibly high potential for addiction. And it absolutely affects the quality of their intimacy with their partner. People often want to defend porn as harmless because it's just watching videos, but the impact on the brain is huge
Aren't some things inherently shameful, and thus explanation enough for feeling shame? It just means his conscience is alive & working. That is actually good.
Those inherently shameful things are always bandaids for something deeper. Healthy, happy, and whole people don’t do inherently shameful things for no reason. There is always something deeper not being addressed or dealt with.
The part about taking a moment to ask why is my body doing this is such great advice! Whenever I have a long day of studying ahead of me, I'll be tempted to scroll through UA-cam or possibly go to an adult website. Now, I will know why and I can counter act it!
Thank you Dr. Delony! This was very inspiring. I have been struggling with similar things and I look forward to being able to face my feelings instead of numbing them.
In all honesty his advice is not that good. He rambles and makes so many assumptions and then tries to get the caller to agree with whatever he says. "Just stop" ? Good luck telling an alcoholic to just stop. I would think someone with a doctorates would be wiser than that.
This is just one more reason why i will remain single the rest of my life. My ex was addicted to porn, amongst other things and it destroyed our intimate life. And when i tell people that, certain men blame me and say i mustn't have been attractive enough for him. This is how men think today. P*rn addiction so common now, that i just can't anymore. Its easier to stay single. Maintaining a healthy sex life long term is difficult enough without that bomb being tossed into the mix.
My husband is a porn addict, for the last 25 years of marriage. He’s lied for our entire relationship and I just don’t want to continue any longer. At some point it no longer matters if we’re sorry, vulnerable,or remorseful. What matters is our actions, what we do. His choice to use it and lie are the only important points now. If his remorse was real, if his love was real, his actions would be different. It is time to reject the relationship because this hasn’t changed.
We are 4.5 months post D-day when I found out my husband of 39 years has had a PMO addiction for 30 of those years. I completely hear what you're saying. Their lying and keeping a huge secret for so long (in my case 3 decades) is almost impossible to handle. My first inclination was to RUN. I've known this man for 42 years; I have so much invested in him that it seems awful to just say goodbye to so much of my life. He has worked very hard in these last months to heal; quitting porn, getting a counselor and of course apologizing and seeking forgiveness. I appreciate it but still....I struggle to trust. VERY hard to do.
I’m 3 weeks out from telling my wife I have been watching porn for the past 7 years. Luckily, I too have an incredible wife who took the path of forgiveness and moving forward together. Even just 3 weeks later life is exponentially better. It’s crazy. The aura of honesty, love, closeness, its so much stronger then I can ever remember. It’s worth telling the truth and its worth stopping porn. I can’t wait to see where else this journey takes us.
Truth! I also, I think struggling with alcoholic. I have read articles on this, and experts say, that you have a vitamin deficiently. For my New Years, goal is to eat better, as of today, 12/28/2021, to take my vitamins and exercises for my leg and sitting at the computer for long hours. I believe, it is working. I still drink, but it doesn't taste so great. I will keep going on my new routine. I not so worried about my name, due to who knows where I live? I culd be telecommuting from Mars.
@@conniebarrick8265 I was addicted to tobacco and smoking cigarettes. I could do two packs a day. The only way I was able to get over it after trying to quit over and over again was by changing this bad habit for a good habit was exercising
@@WilisWar Very good, I agree, and I'm still in that process, also. I also know, thru other people, tobacco is so awful, that it is worse than heroine. So, keep trying, my blessings are with you.
I am badly badly struggling. I got into webcam addiction and in addition to the financial harm it caused it also sunk me into a deep dark depression. I am going to be getting rid of my cell phone and trying to stay away from it. I don't know if I reached bottom yet but I don't want to go any further. I pray for all those going through this. I am afraid I'll never find a way out but I keep asking the Lord for strength to do whatever is necessary to break this addiction. I struggle with mental health issues as well and it feels overwhelming between fighting a fight on two fronts.
@@arfriedman4577 I should have. I am still working on that but am no longer on webcams right now! I ended up getting rid of my cell phone completely so that helped. I am still struggling a little with Porn but am mostly clean🙂
Took guts and I appreciate that. I am tired of hearing the phrase "my sexual needs". Please take this in the tone it is intended. Sex is not a need. No one will die from a lack of sex and orgasm. Porn addicts have developed need instead of desire and this line of talk/thinking is not helpful. I really hate the suggestion of encouraging your partner to dress like this or behave like that...feels like a porn replacement. A real live flesh and blood woman cannot replace porn addiction. The desire and push to keep the same frequency and sexual energy as porn and self-love becomes abusive behavior. It induces PTSD in the partner and breaks people on both sides of the fence. Adultery induces shame. Solo sex is just as harmful as connecting skin to skin outside of your partner. I have never once heard John talk about the brokenness this induces in the partner that can NEVER satisfy the "need", the destructive bonding to oneself that happens in masturbation and porn settings, and how to deal with the trauma. Why aren't we talking about guarding your eyes and heart? I feel like the men who call in get so much grace. Where is that for the women who are broken by this behavior?
SAY IT LOUDER FOR THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK!!!!! John does NOT conduct himself like a doctor of psychology. Often times he dismisses the betrayal trauma endured by the wife/partner & does not even recognize the severe emotional damage the actions of the husbands cause. Men need to know & remain aware of the damages porn causes to ALL INVOLVED, including the CHILDREN that are sex trafficked thanks to the porn industries financial backing of that evil, dark industry. Every single time anyone clicks on a video, they are putting money in the pockets of the child sex traffickers pockets!!!!!!
And SOMETIMES you can have some wild delulu fantasy that you share with your partner that you never need to DO. Don't FORCE a partner into bizzare fetishes.
I always like your videos but I never intentionally hit the like button. Today I did because in this video I feel you offered me some really valid, tangible and great advice. Thank you 🙏🏽
John delony, thanks for everything that you're doing for all these people and for me. I'm all the way in south africa, a 25 year old black boy. Thank you very much! Honestly this is a problem affecting us men and we keep it secret because it is truly embarrassing. I'm starting my reboot now, I have been off Por n and masturbation, for a week I'm proud. I used to watch some of the most intense porn that does not align with my own values, it escalated to the point of acting out. Stay in the fight gents, we can win this!! I've never been more willing and encouraged to do this, for my God, family and future.
You’re going to fail and one reason I will tell you why when you do something to change you don’t do it for anybody else you do it for yourself You have to worry about yourself before you worry about everybody else. If you can’t take care of yourself, you can’t take care of anybody else.
I had this problem before I married and also in the beginning of my marriage until one day my wife check my phone and she find out , it’s worse feeling in my life . Just pray and god for help it will go away slowly thanks god since I get catch I never looked back
I was always addicted to porn since I was in middle school. I’ve found that I’ve been doing much much better ever sense I started dating my gf, who I love more than life itself. I was always ashamed of watching porn and knew it was bad, but I continued to disrespect myself by watching. Now however, I feel like I’m disrespecting my girlfriend by watching pornography, which gives me the motivation I need to resist. Now I won’t act like I have slipped up a few times, but I’ve been doing so so much better than I ever have before. I will quit permanently, everyone can go it, it just takes effort and conscientiousness
Great advice John. I used to have a porn addiction and I totally stopped and have been fully celibate for 2 years and am not missing it. I feel much better and have more self respect. I prayed and fasted to ask God to take all the desires and compulsions away until/unless I have a kingdom spouse and He did. Praise God! Self-Control is a fruit of the Spirit.. a sign of inner growth in God's ways.
@@bradastra6111 Yes, no sex outside marriage, no porn, no masturbation, no lusty thoughts or dreams. I truly thought that was impossible back when I was enslaved to sexual desires. But with God, ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE. I am careful not to do anything to rouse the fire of passion within...aka no watching sex scenes in movies or TV shows etc. It sounds so prudish but I feel so free. I feel like I can do a better job picking a spouse too because I am not driven by lust anymore...I can watch and observe the behavior of men on dates with CLARITY of thought and really wait to find someone compatible, without rushing into anything stupid just to get physical desires met.
Being vulnerable at least with my wife, is like me walking through a buzz-saw. My wife wanting me to be like that is suicide. It’s like from “A Few Good Men.” “You want the truth? You can’t handle the truth! - Jack Nicholson.” I have to wear a mask and it sucks. I don’t know how many other men out there feel this way, but I’m sure I’m not the only one.
My husband and I were together twice. Once without porn. Sex was great. 7 years later we get together again and get married... That 7 years of porn ruined our sex life. And once he quit totally, he has little or no interest in sex at all, period. He relates it to porn, which he won't do.
I’m in this same situation, except I haven’t told my wife. I’ve had addictions to weed and alcohol and also gambling for a short time too. I just don’t even know where to start or begin. I think I’ve always had issues with addiction and self control from quite a young age… back then it would be with food. Really hope I can crawl out of this but I’m terrified of telling my wife.
The man on the phone was looking for a Scape goat. He was using the right speech but was really blaming his wife for not connecting with him enough. Assuming she should take responsibility with him for his porn addiction. I think he needed some hard love, it's up to him to solve, not his wife.
Dude…. John is not answering any of this guys questions… John seems way too focused of bringing the PORN fantasies into the bedroom. I love that this guy told John that he does not need or want any fantasies with his wife bc he is happy with their sex life already. Then what does John do? He keeps pushing it 🙄 He is making ZERO sense besides ONE thing… just STOP the porn consumption no matter what it takes. I agree that you guys can NOT tell us every time you feel like using… that WILL kill us slowly. That’s like saying “hey I thought about cheating on you today, 6 different times”. NO. I hope us women can have our amazing men back sooner rather than later 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
@@unwarysage05w32 my point, if you ‘hide’ anything between each other, you cause a rift which widens over time until it breaks💔 - spouses MUST speak to each other about everything.
Uhm what? You didn't even help this guy. You forecasted the assumptions you made about him back on to him and were rambling about unrelated topics. Maybe his inner shame comes from something deeper than "someone telling you once it's wrong" !!!
If one is addicted to porn, then who am I to say otherwise, but let me speak to the men for a moment with regard to the zero-tolerance mindset. Men, if you drink beer, does that make you an alcoholic? If you play blackjack, does that make you a gambling addict? If you don't want to look at porn, then don't, but otherwise stop letting zealots run your life.
Appreciate listening to Dr John. I like how you peel the layers to get to the root of problems. However not everything we do is because of some trauma or what others have said about us or ways are parents have failed us. We are sinful people therefore we sin. And lust is one of them. Along with lying stealing etc. you don’t have to teach a child to lie they do it all on their own. My point is that as sinners we have greed lust etc. Jesus addressed the heart of man. Meaning mankind. And he hit it at the heart. Matthew 5 :27 - 30 27 “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ 28 But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart. 29 If your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body be thrown into hell. 30 And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body go into hell. There is grace and mercy when we turn from our Sin and put our faith and trust in Christ. He gives us a new heart with new desires to want to live righteously.
If your single cranking one out to maintain sanity is normal i think. When your in a marriage is the difference. When one person stops putting out its better than cheating i think.....🤔
Good for you for wanting to kick that addiction. I’ll be honest my man, telling her was a big mistake. She will remember this FOREVER and your marriage dynamic has changed and will be permanent. She will ALWAYS be wondering are you thinking about other women or visualizing them regardless of what she told you. Best of luck.
Most women aren't that naïve in this day and age. If they don't think their husband takes a second look when they see an insanely hot woman they are stupid. By far the most important thing to women is their emotional connection to their husband, as this will give them much better indication if they would act out on lustful feelings.
Weakeye is right. Women aren't stupid, this is the age of technology. We know what kinds of things are available at the click of a button. We are not your grandparents generation 🙄
That’s a wrong mindset to have. Seek God and repent. Porn is a destructive force that needs to be destroyed and ask God for forgiveness first and foremost to help you get out of this trap!
“As a pornstar” you’re saying that with so much pride. You are part of the problem and you need to repent and turn your life around. You are indirectly causing so many issues in society I hope you can turn your life around.
I don’t think there’s nothing wrong with moderation when it comes to porn just like anything else alcohol whatever but on the flipside of it all as long as you’re satisfying your partner, sexually who the hell cares how much porn you watch
I used to think like this when I was younger but now I realize that’s it’s infidelity in the case of married couples. It can start small and then lead to flirty conversations with women, and beyond that. If a man or woman is having their needs met outside of their marriage, that is infidelity.
One of the porn problems I wasn't aware of is that they pay money to cam people, buy photos and videos. The money can add up over time and even put them in debt.
@@luminous6969 women have this sixth sense, just like they know when some creep is staring at them and they’ll turn directly at them not knowing why but just happened to turn and look at that direction at them. It’s crazy, ask any woman you know
@@ffrnando4388 There's no proof that they have any sort of extrasensory abilities otherwise the phenomena would be well-documented by the scientific community.
@@nicolab2075 look into the persons page before defending him, unless both of you are into the same weird “skimpy” things then I suggest you should link up.
@@dalidaregina this comment is childish. The vast majority of people don’t get addicted to porn, and many people who say they are are exaggerating the truth
If it's an addiction, it's bad. Like anything. I don't have a problem with my husband watching porn, but I probably would be upset if it was an addiction and affecting my marriage.
been off the p for 2 months now. all the hope in the world for ya brother. life is so much better with out it.
HALLELUJAHHHHHHHHH 🔥 🔥 🔥
Hope my husband can get over it. I’m reading to leave . It ruins my self
Esteem and I’ve never had this
I’ve never cared about a man watching until now
I think p is like alcohol. It's not a problem until it's a problem. In my case, I found that I have an addictive personality and was hoarding highest quality vids I could download. Deleted everything about 60 days ago and have not been looking back.
Keep going
How’s it going now? 2 years later !
Most men hide it and won't talk.. good on him for being brave
Bollocks.
Woman too lol...
I don’t hide it and hey call me a freak.
Good on the guy for reaching out. Too many men keep it to themselves and/or believe they can do this on their own... which they quickly find they cannot. I hope this guy finds his saving grace and power to overcome this addiction. Keep getting back up my man!
See, that's the thing. I been with my husband for 21 years come march 3rd. Since I was 15 & he 17.
3 teen boys 19,15,14. Yes we was teen parents. He has been into the porn all the time that we've been together but never came out and told me that he was using it all the time and womanizing the women and pleasing himself any and everywhere all while our marriage fell to crap. I begged him over and over years and years and years to please stop that he was running our marriage and of course he would make all the promises and tell me that he loved me and I was the most beautiful woman in the world and that he won't do it again. Bam and then not even a week later maybe a month later he was right back on the crap on his phone doing it at work in the bathroom doing it as soon as I left for work or he would even do it while I was laying in the bedroom sick and he would go to the bathroom to do it. I would even get a feeling that he was going in there to do that even though I told him that we would be doing something later, and I still remember last year he walked out of the bathroom came in there and gave me a kiss on the forehead and said he loved me and I asked him what he had been doing and he said nothing! That he had just used the bathroom. Well needless to say he didn't clean up very well and then I found out later on that evening when we did decide to do something that once again he failed and not being able to do anything with me but of course he can always manage to look at that and get off to those women. You know the perfect figures the young pretty women that get all of the men's attention. I'm not a dog by any means but I am a mother that has stretch marks and cellulite and a c-section scar. I know that I can turn heads if I want to and get the attention if I want to. But I've not wanted anyone else's attention these past 21 years except for his begging him to please stop that he was running our marriage and he's ruined my complete self-image of myself and the image of how I thought that he viewed me, and that's what breaks me the most! He can sit and say that he loves me and that I'm beautiful and sexy and that he wants me and it makes me want to go jump off of a bridge and to never have to wake up again. I can't even believe anything he says that's a simple as he locked the door because I have to go back and double check that because I can't even believe him on that. And I get screamed at and cuz that and yelled at and told that I should trust him that he's a different man that he hasn't done anything in 8 months because he finally realized what he wants and that he doesn't want to mess our marriage up anymore and he doesn't want to be that guy anymore. And of course here I am waiting on the other shoe to drop because it always has in the past 21 years. I've asked him over and over and over again for us to be able to go to counseling and for him to call someone so that we can get help to make an appointment so that we can go see someone and save our marriage and not one time has he made that appointment or that call. He knows the options are that if he does it again I'm out the door this time I've got to go on with my life because I've wasted too much of it on someone that didn't want me back, he wanted his needs met with porn and then couldn't EVER meet my needs. And of course there I was standing thinking it was always me that was the issue but it was him and his porn and him sitting there taking care of himself Even though he could get it from me anytime the porn was always more important He chose it instead of me every single time. At this point I don't want to be this person anymore and the person that I thought I was in love with all those years was nothing but a nasty ass liar that made me see myself as beautiful and as a good wife and a hard worker but instead I was nothing and all of that was lost like everything else that came out of his mouth. I warn you man please do not do this to your wives it's not worth it please tell them what you're doing or leave. Please don't rip her down so low that she's unable to get back up because of how she has to view herself. I hate how I look and I hate going anywhere that there's other women because I can't go anywhere with him because I know that somebody's going to catch his eye as soon as they do he's going to have to run to the bathroom even though he swears up and down he don't do that crap anymore. It's not worth it it's not worth it I'm worth more than that with or without him and at this point it's more without him.
He said he has other hang ups in the past and I couldn’t help but think often times people recover from one addiction and resort to something else
You’re right if it’s not porn will be alcohol. If it’s not alcohol it’ll leave marijuana. It’ll be something.
An addiction has nothing to do with substance or consuming something. It’s a personality flaw
@@bluecollarnobody4217 It is often a cycle that is transferred to other addictions, yes. But it's not a personality flaw. It is a way of trying to self soothe from some kind of pain.
Something deeper isn't being addressed and out of either not knowing what it is, or being afraid of what they'll find if they dig it up, they turn to something that temporarily relieves them of that feeling even though they know it makes them feel worse later, they can't stop. This is how Dr Gabor Mate quantifies addiction and he has a lot of very insightful talks on the subject. Lots on UA-cam!
As much as I can appreciate the psychoanalytical component to porn addiction there’s also a biochemical response that people don’t talk about, your brain gets flooded with dopamine whenever you watch porn and you feel a huge rush, and as you get deeper and deeper into it you need it more and more to get that same rush, just like a drug addict. Your brain needs to re-baseline so that you can have natural attraction to women the way you did before the porn addiction started. A big part of this is getting dopamine levels back down to normal levels and that only happens when you give it up completely
A lot if us are exposed to porn so early in life that we don't even know what it's like to exist in "normal" biophysical condition. I've been hyper sexual my entire life since I can remember.
I mean, that is it, no matter how you dress it up.
I'm trying that now. I hope it's not in vain.
This, exactly. We are wired to procreate so sexual stimulation has an incredibly high potential for addiction. And it absolutely affects the quality of their intimacy with their partner. People often want to defend porn as harmless because it's just watching videos, but the impact on the brain is huge
When you stop porn your body starts craving feeling good from other things like eating better, running and exercising. Stopping will change your life.
I needed to read this
@@halothreekiller yep! Dopamine withdrawal
Aren't some things inherently shameful, and thus explanation enough for feeling shame? It just means his conscience is alive & working. That is actually good.
That makes sense.
Yes that’s right
Those inherently shameful things are always bandaids for something deeper. Healthy, happy, and whole people don’t do inherently shameful things for no reason. There is always something deeper not being addressed or dealt with.
Exactly
Shame leads right back to the addiction it's a vicious cycle. It needs to be managed
Women struggle with this too, I did. It's a black hole and REALLY affects intimacy in a marriage 😞 it ruins our natural affections!!!
My thoughts exactly.
All Relationships even with pets.
You said "hole"! Hehehehehe!!!
Agreed.
It destroyed my self confidence. I was literally hurting myself :(
The part about taking a moment to ask why is my body doing this is such great advice! Whenever I have a long day of studying ahead of me, I'll be tempted to scroll through UA-cam or possibly go to an adult website. Now, I will know why and I can counter act it!
So it's been two weeks with NOFAP, PMO and porn use. Am keeping journals, exercising and reading to stay off the Internet. Am also seeing a therapist.
Good job
How is it going so far?
Awesome! Keep up the good work
Congrats!
Thank you Dr. Delony! This was very inspiring. I have been struggling with similar things and I look forward to being able to face my feelings instead of numbing them.
John you ramble on about what you assume about the caller. Ask more questions!!!
Yes !
In all honesty his advice is not that good. He rambles and makes so many assumptions and then tries to get the caller to agree with whatever he says.
"Just stop" ? Good luck telling an alcoholic to just stop. I would think someone with a doctorates would be wiser than that.
Yeah it’s so frustrating to watch him do this every time
@@Data29th Do you expect him to give someome a pity party then?
I think people need to see actual councillors rather than a call in show to be honest.
This is just one more reason why i will remain single the rest of my life.
My ex was addicted to porn, amongst other things and it destroyed our intimate life.
And when i tell people that, certain men blame me and say i mustn't have been attractive enough for him. This is how men think today.
P*rn addiction so common now, that i just can't anymore. Its easier to stay single.
Maintaining a healthy sex life long term is difficult enough without that bomb being tossed into the mix.
My husband is a porn addict, for the last 25 years of marriage. He’s lied for our entire relationship and I just don’t want to continue any longer. At some point it no longer matters if we’re sorry, vulnerable,or remorseful. What matters is our actions, what we do. His choice to use it and lie are the only important points now. If his remorse was real, if his love was real, his actions would be different. It is time to reject the relationship because this hasn’t changed.
How much was he watching?
Absolutely
We are 4.5 months post D-day when I found out my husband of 39 years has had a PMO addiction for 30 of those years. I completely hear what you're saying. Their lying and keeping a huge secret for so long (in my case 3 decades) is almost impossible to handle. My first inclination was to RUN. I've known this man for 42 years; I have so much invested in him that it seems awful to just say goodbye to so much of my life. He has worked very hard in these last months to heal; quitting porn, getting a counselor and of course apologizing and seeking forgiveness. I appreciate it but still....I struggle to trust. VERY hard to do.
@@evandegenfelder4554 What is PMO?
@@sabrinashelton1997 A short cut term that refers to habitual Porn/Masturbation/Orgasm
What am I numbing out from? What is my body trying to protect me from? Those are my takeaways from this video!!
The way you feel about yourself.
Props to you bro. Confessing is the hardest but frees the heart👍🏻👍🏻
too embarresded to confess my dark chok choks
I’m 3 weeks out from telling my wife I have been watching porn for the past 7 years. Luckily, I too have an incredible wife who took the path of forgiveness and moving forward together. Even just 3 weeks later life is exponentially better. It’s crazy. The aura of honesty, love, closeness, its so much stronger then I can ever remember. It’s worth telling the truth and its worth stopping porn. I can’t wait to see where else this journey takes us.
AMEN! I pray everything is going great for you both!!!! ❤❤
I was an alcoholic, and part of the reason you have an addiction is because the substance is freaking addictive.
Give yourself a little grace.
Truth! I also, I think struggling with alcoholic. I have read articles on this, and experts say, that you have a vitamin deficiently. For my New Years, goal is to eat better, as of today, 12/28/2021, to take my vitamins and exercises for my leg and sitting at the computer for long hours. I believe, it is working. I still drink, but it doesn't taste so great. I will keep going on my new routine. I not so worried about my name, due to who knows where I live? I culd be telecommuting from Mars.
@@conniebarrick8265 I was addicted to tobacco and smoking cigarettes. I could do two packs a day. The only way I was able to get over it after trying to quit over and over again was by changing this bad habit for a good habit was exercising
@@WilisWar Very good, I agree, and I'm still in that process, also. I also know, thru other people, tobacco is so awful, that it is worse than heroine. So, keep trying, my blessings are with you.
Honesty is beautiful- no matter what.
Glad that this man loves his wife.
I am badly badly struggling. I got into webcam addiction and in addition to the financial harm it caused it also sunk me into a deep dark depression. I am going to be getting rid of my cell phone and trying to stay away from it. I don't know if I reached bottom yet but I don't want to go any further. I pray for all those going through this. I am afraid I'll never find a way out but I keep asking the Lord for strength to do whatever is necessary to break this addiction. I struggle with mental health issues as well and it feels overwhelming between fighting a fight on two fronts.
Im sorry you spent all t hat money on web cam. Why didnt you find other things to do such as art, music, joining a club in your interest etc?
@@arfriedman4577 I should have. I am still working on that but am no longer on webcams right now! I ended up getting rid of my cell phone completely so that helped. I am still struggling a little with Porn but am mostly clean🙂
@@Brian6587how r u now
Took guts and I appreciate that. I am tired of hearing the phrase "my sexual needs". Please take this in the tone it is intended. Sex is not a need. No one will die from a lack of sex and orgasm.
Porn addicts have developed need instead of desire and this line of talk/thinking is not helpful. I really hate the suggestion of encouraging your partner to dress like this or behave like that...feels like a porn replacement.
A real live flesh and blood woman cannot replace porn addiction. The desire and push to keep the same frequency and sexual energy as porn and self-love becomes abusive behavior. It induces PTSD in the partner and breaks people on both sides of the fence. Adultery induces shame. Solo sex is just as harmful as connecting skin to skin outside of your partner. I have never once heard John talk about the brokenness this induces in the partner that can NEVER satisfy the "need", the destructive bonding to oneself that happens in masturbation and porn settings, and how to deal with the trauma. Why aren't we talking about guarding your eyes and heart? I feel like the men who call in get so much grace. Where is that for the women who are broken by this behavior?
SAY IT LOUDER FOR THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK!!!!! John does NOT conduct himself like a doctor of psychology. Often times he dismisses the betrayal trauma endured by the wife/partner & does not even recognize the severe emotional damage the actions of the husbands cause. Men need to know & remain aware of the damages porn causes to ALL INVOLVED, including the CHILDREN that are sex trafficked thanks to the porn industries financial backing of that evil, dark industry. Every single time anyone clicks on a video, they are putting money in the pockets of the child sex traffickers pockets!!!!!!
And SOMETIMES you can have some wild delulu fantasy that you share with your partner that you never need to DO. Don't FORCE a partner into bizzare fetishes.
I always like your videos but I never intentionally hit the like button. Today I did because in this video I feel you offered me some really valid, tangible and great advice. Thank you 🙏🏽
John delony, thanks for everything that you're doing for all these people and for me. I'm all the way in south africa, a 25 year old black boy. Thank you very much!
Honestly this is a problem affecting us men and we keep it secret because it is truly embarrassing. I'm starting my reboot now, I have been off Por n and masturbation, for a week I'm proud. I used to watch some of the most intense porn that does not align with my own values, it escalated to the point of acting out. Stay in the fight gents, we can win this!! I've never been more willing and encouraged to do this, for my God, family and future.
Your power will be NOT acting out. Stay in that power!
Peace be with you, brother.
Why do you need porn to masturbate? As a woman, i dont need anything to do that.
You’re going to fail and one reason I will tell you why when you do something to change you don’t do it for anybody else you do it for yourself
You have to worry about yourself before you worry about everybody else. If you can’t take care of yourself, you can’t take care of anybody else.
I had this problem before I married and also in the beginning of my marriage until one day my wife check my phone and she find out , it’s worse feeling in my life . Just pray and god for help it will go away slowly thanks god since I get catch I never looked back
I’m ready to leave mine over his p and wandering eye . He’s made me so insecure
@@weekendnomad5038 hopefully you got out!
mom caught me out the window -it cause ahh fantsy about my stunning French tahiti girlfriend.
I was always addicted to porn since I was in middle school. I’ve found that I’ve been doing much much better ever sense I started dating my gf, who I love more than life itself. I was always ashamed of watching porn and knew it was bad, but I continued to disrespect myself by watching. Now however, I feel like I’m disrespecting my girlfriend by watching pornography, which gives me the motivation I need to resist. Now I won’t act like I have slipped up a few times, but I’ve been doing so so much better than I ever have before. I will quit permanently, everyone can go it, it just takes effort and conscientiousness
I wish my husband would openly admit, instead of lying and denying. His wife is lucky
It's hard. We think we're protecting our significant other, but instead, we make it worse with the lies.
Great advice John. I used to have a porn addiction and I totally stopped and have been fully celibate for 2 years and am not missing it. I feel much better and have more self respect. I prayed and fasted to ask God to take all the desires and compulsions away until/unless I have a kingdom spouse and He did. Praise God! Self-Control is a fruit of the Spirit.. a sign of inner growth in God's ways.
You mean no porn or no masturbation?
@@bradastra6111 Yes, no sex outside marriage, no porn, no masturbation, no lusty thoughts or dreams. I truly thought that was impossible back when I was enslaved to sexual desires. But with God, ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE. I am careful not to do anything to rouse the fire of passion within...aka no watching sex scenes in movies or TV shows etc. It sounds so prudish but I feel so free. I feel like I can do a better job picking a spouse too because I am not driven by lust anymore...I can watch and observe the behavior of men on dates with CLARITY of thought and really wait to find someone compatible, without rushing into anything stupid just to get physical desires met.
This was well said. Thank you Dr Delony
Being vulnerable at least with my wife, is like me walking through a buzz-saw. My wife wanting me to be like that is suicide. It’s like from “A Few Good Men.” “You want the truth? You can’t handle the truth! - Jack Nicholson.”
I have to wear a mask and it sucks.
I don’t know how many other men out there feel this way, but I’m sure I’m not the only one.
I'm a woman and feel this way in my marriage. I have spicy, albeit still normal proclivities, and he Saud I'm a freak. 😢
My husband and I were together twice. Once without porn. Sex was great. 7 years later we get together again and get married... That 7 years of porn ruined our sex life. And once he quit totally, he has little or no interest in sex at all, period. He relates it to porn, which he won't do.
The worst part is that the mainstream says it's normal and part of life. Oh sooooo misled
Yep on the misled. They made it normal to ruin people and society, admitted it themselves. How nice
ALL BY DESIGN!!!!!
Working hard to shake a very very long porn addiction
Thanks for saying STOP watching porn John.
It’s the answer.
I’m in this same situation, except I haven’t told my wife. I’ve had addictions to weed and alcohol and also gambling for a short time too. I just don’t even know where to start or begin. I think I’ve always had issues with addiction and self control from quite a young age… back then it would be with food. Really hope I can crawl out of this but I’m terrified of telling my wife.
?? Am I completely off, or did the answer NOT have anything to do with the question?? Maybe I missed the entire point?
The man on the phone was looking for a Scape goat. He was using the right speech but was really blaming his wife for not connecting with him enough. Assuming she should take responsibility with him for his porn addiction.
I think he needed some hard love, it's up to him to solve, not his wife.
"Just stop" Great advice. Why didn't he think of that? "Just say no" right? 😂
Sometimes it is as easy as just deciding.
Great info. thanks
🙌The pause🙌 between stimulus and response…this is mindfulness 🧘🏻♀️🧘 Get some! Thank you for spreading the word DR JM 👏🤩🫶
Good points
16:01 😂 Sorry I had to go there lol
Honesty heals.
Dude…. John is not answering any of this guys questions… John seems way too focused of bringing the PORN fantasies into the bedroom. I love that this guy told John that he does not need or want any fantasies with his wife bc he is happy with their sex life already. Then what does John do? He keeps pushing it 🙄 He is making ZERO sense besides ONE thing… just STOP the porn consumption no matter what it takes.
I agree that you guys can NOT tell us every time you feel like using… that WILL kill us slowly. That’s like saying “hey I thought about cheating on you today, 6 different times”. NO.
I hope us women can have our amazing men back sooner rather than later 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
He didn’t take this caller seriously.
🤷♀️why hide it - she may like some of it as well - role playing🥰 fun - marriage, being together, is being able to speak about EVERYTHING 🌏
Yeah that’s great for their marriage 🙄
@@inkpearls3364 the point, ‘hiding’ isn’t going to help - so bring everything out into the open (between them) and deal with it.
Seek Jesus Christ.
@@unwarysage05w32 my point, if you ‘hide’ anything between each other, you cause a rift which widens over time until it breaks💔 - spouses MUST speak to each other about everything.
This is me 100%
Uhm what? You didn't even help this guy. You forecasted the assumptions you made about him back on to him and were rambling about unrelated topics. Maybe his inner shame comes from something deeper than "someone telling you once it's wrong" !!!
I advise everyone to look up the recent interview Nick Frietas recent interview with a popular porn star. It will change you
If one is addicted to porn, then who am I to say otherwise, but let me speak to the men for a moment with regard to the zero-tolerance mindset. Men, if you drink beer, does that make you an alcoholic? If you play blackjack, does that make you a gambling addict? If you don't want to look at porn, then don't, but otherwise stop letting zealots run your life.
You clearly don't understand addiction. Addiction implies an inability to set limits.
@@CyeOutsider - You "clearly don't understand" the point I was making.
It’s a slippery slope once in a while becomes once a day
Appreciate listening to Dr John. I like how you peel the layers to get to the root of problems. However not everything we do is because of some trauma or what others have said about us or ways are parents have failed us. We are sinful people therefore we sin. And lust is one of them. Along with lying stealing etc. you don’t have to teach a child to lie they do it all on their own. My point is that as sinners we have greed lust etc. Jesus addressed the heart of man. Meaning mankind. And he hit it at the heart. Matthew 5 :27 - 30
27 “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ 28 But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart. 29 If your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body be thrown into hell. 30 And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body go into hell.
There is grace and mercy when we turn from our Sin and put our faith and trust in Christ. He gives us a new heart with new desires to want to live righteously.
Does anyone think these calls are maybe set up? lol
So what’s the difference with sleeping around vs watching p*rn? What’s worse? 🤔
If your single cranking one out to maintain sanity is normal i think. When your in a marriage is the difference. When one person stops putting out its better than cheating i think.....🤔
Neither one is bad
Adultery starts in the mind
Both are immoral and your defiling your mind,body, and spirit
@@alanparedes2034 Indeed if both partners agree are at least are informed but not behind backs. Very unrespectful.
Are there no boundaries in a relationship anymore, you gotta tell your partner all your personal stuff?
What is wrong with you??.
You shouldn’t be married. EVER.
Porn is quite aggressive these days, I highly doubt his wife will agree to a lot of the things he might've been watching.
It's extremely off-putting. It's so ramped up and brutal towards women that I can't bear to watch much of it at all.
1 hour no corn 🌽 never again
Good for you for wanting to kick that addiction. I’ll be honest my man, telling her was a big mistake. She will remember this FOREVER and your marriage dynamic has changed and will be permanent. She will ALWAYS be wondering are you thinking about other women or visualizing them regardless of what she told you. Best of luck.
Most women aren't that naïve in this day and age. If they don't think their husband takes a second look when they see an insanely hot woman they are stupid. By far the most important thing to women is their emotional connection to their husband, as this will give them much better indication if they would act out on lustful feelings.
That’s not always the case. I promise.
Stephanie Bogart I agree with you
Now we see how honest you are..these things require help and understanding and your partner should be your go to in times of need..
Weakeye is right. Women aren't stupid, this is the age of technology. We know what kinds of things are available at the click of a button. We are not your grandparents generation 🙄
late seeing this i know lol. but he had this issue before getting married im sure. and he didnt work on stopping and got married. that is deceit
You’re cheating on your wife. You should be ashamed
Thanks Lord single no kids
Thanks Lord for your salvation 🤘
Darn straight he is.
I treat p*rn like I put gas in my car.. once a week maybe twice
Still not commitment
Go get you an electric vehicle 😆
Bleh disgusting
That’s a wrong mindset to have. Seek God and repent. Porn is a destructive force that needs to be destroyed and ask God for forgiveness first and foremost to help you get out of this trap!
You guys give a free pass to men for their "porn struggles"... its not an addiction, t
Its a conciencious choice you choose to practice
I don’t feel ashamed.
As a Pornstar these types of conversations break my heart
Good. Porn is terrible for the human psyche
Drug dealer.
“As a pornstar” you’re saying that with so much pride. You are part of the problem and you need to repent and turn your life around. You are indirectly causing so many issues in society I hope you can turn your life around.
I don’t think there’s nothing wrong with moderation when it comes to porn just like anything else alcohol whatever but on the flipside of it all as long as you’re satisfying your partner, sexually who the hell cares how much porn you watch
Gross
No it is cheating plain and simple. You are getting sexual gratification from women who aren't your significant other. Have some discipline.
If you know porn is entertainment, there's nothing wrong watching sometimes.
You must not be comfortable with who you are.
I used to think like this when I was younger but now I realize that’s it’s infidelity in the case of married couples. It can start small and then lead to flirty conversations with women, and beyond that. If a man or woman is having their needs met outside of their marriage, that is infidelity.
One of the porn problems I wasn't aware of is that they pay money to cam people, buy photos and videos. The money can add up over time and even put them in debt.
This caller has a creepy vibe to him😖
Why?
@@luminous6969 women have this sixth sense, just like they know when some creep is staring at them and they’ll turn directly at them not knowing why but just happened to turn and look at that direction at them. It’s crazy, ask any woman you know
@@ffrnando4388 There's no proof that they have any sort of extrasensory abilities otherwise the phenomena would be well-documented by the scientific community.
@@luminous6969 I agree. I'm a woman, I don't think I have any special intuition, and this guy sounds OK to me
@@nicolab2075 look into the persons page before defending him, unless both of you are into the same weird “skimpy” things then I suggest you should link up.
Wish you would tell these people that porn isn’t bad. Sexual needs aren’t bad
it is something meant to cause addiction. Let's not be innocent and naive.
@@dalidaregina this comment is childish. The vast majority of people don’t get addicted to porn, and many people who say they are are exaggerating the truth
@@SwimSweetie100 you're saying that because you haven't suffered addiction. The moment you get addicted, you'll know.
😆. Yes it's bad and it's hurting people 😎
If it's an addiction, it's bad. Like anything. I don't have a problem with my husband watching porn, but I probably would be upset if it was an addiction and affecting my marriage.