I don't think most men understand how insecure it can make women feel, I've never had insecurity over my looks until something similar happened recently. A part of you knows they aren't comparing you but another part thinks they do. It's a horrible feeling.
I agree with that. Just wondering if you went to counseling or read books about this. It really made me angry and feel awful because they say that the spouse/partner is always codependent. I hate this! How is a person codependent or responsible in any way if they never knew. Complete horse poop!
My husband's porn use demolished me years ago. It's ridiculous how bad this hurts. Life will never be the same. My view of life has completely changed.
I was introduced to porn at about 10 years old and have taken part in almost daily for the better part of 26 years. I am married and have 3 children. I have wanted to quit since basically high school but couldn't manage to give it up until just recently. It is sometimes a daily struggle to keep away. I have to actively run from it, but it's been working. In a matter of 2 months, I feel so much better. I've become more confident and outspoken and the relationship between me and my wife has improved. She never had a problem with it, but I think she is noticing how much closer we are with it out of the way because quite frankly, it puts an intimacy blocker up between the person using it and everybody else in the world. The wall is coming down! Pray for me
If you stopped by your own disgust of it, I pray for you. I caught my husband have been doing it secretly, he did not have any choice but to express regret, but I do not believe him.
@@CYNTHIAAAkitty thats not the kind of relationship we have. we dont pretend. Some people just don't care about it. I didn't for a long time either, but now I can tell it makes a difference in me and I want to be better.
How can you trust someone who has proven they are not trustworthy? I don’t think you can. You can pretend, and lie to yourself, but really the trust is gone.
I think of trust as a bank account. You can blow through it frivolously in a moment, and it takes much longer to build back up. One teeny deposit at a time, but you can regain it. First, it may be with some kind of monitoring on devices or going to counseling. Or it may be an entire year that you've never found anything on a spot check. Or it may be, him coming to you and saying I struggled the other night and I didn't do it. Slowly and steadily, it comes back. Maybe never with that perfect 800 credit rating, but close. But never again will you have that feeling that this could never happen to you.
You have to realize that humans are imperfect. Everyone screws up, including you. If you can legitimately say that you have never ever withheld information, exaggerated, brushed away, or bent the truth a single time with your partner about ANYTHING, then you are a unicorn and you can say no human will ever be good enough for you. When someone screws up, you (within reason) move past it and make the choice to trust again.
deaf people in the chat. He clearly prefaced that he’s can’t talk to the husband since he’s not on a call. I also think the assumption based on her saying they’ve talked and this is the most trust she’s had in him in a while is that he’s a willing party at the table to make it work. So he’s giving her advise based on that.
I stopped dating bc every guy was into watching porn when I wasn't around. Very disturbing and difficult to find a sincere man who doesn't think porn is a daily part of life. Any grown ups out there?
Unfortunately single guys all watch it. Once you start dating, you need to let them know they need to stop, and tell them it's an addiction. Will be hard, but you can work through it.
Im not gonna lie it just sounds like your insecure and uptight. What.. a man cant be sincere/loving because he enjoys porn ? Most men watch porn and ALOT of women do to. Hell.. alot of women make it LOL. You have no right to judge people and you are no better of a person than anybody else because you don't watch it. You don't know the definition of the word disturbing.. murder is disturbing, war is disturbing, genocide is disturbing. Not some guy watching an adult video, you mam are the one who needs to open your eyes and grow up.
@@SarahConnor562 you can lie to yourself all you want, but doing drugs once a month, is still a drug addict. Doesn't matter how much or little you have. Read some studies, on young minds and adult entertainment. It is destroying their minds, and boys at the age of 19 are experiencing ED. Only thing is, no one is telling them, it's that bad for them. So having the woman you live, tell you to stop, and that it's an addiction, is a good thing.
Buy a dog, die alone then. You lack some important perspective on men. I suggest you listen to Tom Leykis' analogy when it comes to men and their se*ual needs... In short "For a man, ejaculation is like urination. When you gotta go, you gotta go."
I don't understand bashing women for not allowing cheating. Porn is a sexual relationship with other women. You are getting off to them instead of your wife. This poor woman wants her husband's love and attention. Stop normalizing porn as OK because "at least I'm not actually sleeping with someone" or " the woman doesn't put out enough" etc... how is this disgusting degradation of love and intimacy accepted? It's awful! Have morals and don't get married if you can't be monogamous.
Yah, it's really sick. And I expected better from john than gaslighting this woman into believing it's her issue.. "your body image is the problem" "you're not all in on this marriage" . Say a man were watching these scenarios in person and masturbating in the corner of the room as he watched... Would that be extremely creepy and/or cheating? That's what porn essentially is
FYI, interactive p*rn exists. A p*rn star with a webcam talks to a paying customer. The p*rn star will talk and do whatever to satisfy the customer. How do I know? My ex-husband did this. He didn’t feel Ike he was being unfaithful.🤦🏾♀️. Like I said, he’s my ex-husband.
thats the pb with u ; when u have some pb we re together , but when a man has a pb u re alone . Grow a bite u re not a girl anymore . or stay like that and u gonna have only players ;)
Not straight myself, but as a lonely gay man I will say pornography absolutely affects how I feel about men. I feel more sluggish, more disconnected and more in isolated. Porn destroys your self confidence and natural dopamine rushes which is the foundation to relationships. I hope the straights learn to quit it, it’s not good for them. Most gay men and lesbians learn too late. Make the decision to be healthy for yourself!
As a heterosexual man, I love porn. My wife liked it and we had a lot of fun watching it. Then something horrible happened. She gave her life to Jesus and now I hate that mythical asshole! He made a good think bad.
im a straight beta male. i totally agree with your assessment. i probably watch porn at least 3 x. per week. after i get off, i feel nothing. i feel like i just wasted 2 hrs. like i could have been doing something productive like learning a language or playing a sport. but, it kills your drive. as men, we have that desire to conquer and keep progressing. pron keeps you stuck. you're just cycling.
I briefly dated someone with a p*rn addiction he literally picked at the flaws on my body, indirectly told me I was fat even though I'm not, he put no effort in the bedroom and told me I was bad in the sack he couldn't even maintain an erection. I told him where to go pretty quickly we only dated for 5 months the p*rn addiction was a deal breaker for me because it's taken me a long time to feel confident and comfortable in my own skin I had an ED which started when I was 13 and I overcame it in my late twenties I still have relapses but for the most part I'm over it I go to the gym regularly to maintain good health and nutrition...but yea I'm not gonna let somebody make me feel insecure because they have no control over their urges.
Good for you! I don't get why they were talking about her body image in connection to the husbands addiction. I get if it was a separate topic about her confidence. My point is, the person who should be ashamed and fix things is the husband with disgusting porn addiction, not the wife! I'd divorce the day I heard the 'news' about such addiction. Disgusting!
I've noticed people with addictions tend to nitpick. Someone I went to school with used to be very nitpicky and judgemental. The very things this person picked about was what they got arrested for...
Oof, I get you! My abusive ex was heavily dependent on p**n and he told me the same, couldn't get off because he said he found me unattractive and needed someone with huge breasts... killed my self esteem but now knowing what I know, I'm sure to keep my standards rather than settling with someone who has so many unhealthy habits
Wow, some men have no critical thinking at all. On porn sets, they have bright lighting and the ‘performers’ use tricks like tape, fake tan and various body oils to make their bodies look ‘perfect’ on camera. I would garuntee even they don’t look that in real life. If these sad men with porn addictions don’t get help and just expect their partner to look like a porn star…well, they are in for a lonely life.
Amen. Women in our society have been trained and brainwashed to believe that seeking sexual gratification from other women while being in a “ monogamous” relationship is “normal” and that is should be tolerated and normalized. There is nothing normal about it specifically if you are in an agreed upon monogamous relationship. If your partner feels the need to seek and achieve sexual gratification from other women while being in a monogamous relationship with you then it’s Not a monogamous relationship. Many women act like their man watching porn doesn’t bother them when it really deeply is completely disturbing to our peace and happiness. That’s because women have been trained to accept “it’s normal and I’m a man” “and that’s what men do”. Absolutely Not. Men in our society as well have been trained and brainwashed to believe these things are normal and acceptable. If your partner seeks and achieve sexual pleasure from some one other than you, then you are not in a healthy monogamous relationship. And from the beginning you have to set those boundaries and enforce them. And if those boundaries are crossed then move on. I will have my partners back until the end UNLESS they betray me. But this whole idea of trying to make a relationship work when sexual, physical, mental, emotional and spiritual boundaries have been completely betrayed is a big No. your partner is the one who promised not to betray your boundaries in your relationship and if they did exactly the opposite then it’s time to let them go. Let them figure out their problems on their own. For me personally at this point in my life The moment a partner betrays your boundaries that is the moment the love is gone. Not because I didn’t try but because they completely shattered the love with their chosen behavior. Get a therapist, get a doctor to help work on your “issues” cus I’m out. Your boundaries are their for a reason. Not seeking sexual gratification from other women while being in a supposedly monogamous relationship is 100% rational. Any one who tries to make you feel you don’t have a right to your boundaries and feelings needs to go as well.✌️
I completely disagree with this response. Once you’ve been compared to 10s of 1000s of other women you WILL NOT feel the same about yourself. You can put it on the woman to tell themselves they are a “woman of value”, but when the man in their life didn’t decide they were worth their fidelity, it is damaging. Let’s not talk to women about “what’s best for their body”- let’s talk to men about what is best for the emotional well- being of their wives. Editing to add that it is the HUSBAND with one foot in and one foot out, who is playing married.
If Dr John were talking to the husband I believe he would tell him exactly what you are saying needs to be told to the man. In this case the woman is calling and asking what she can do and he is telling her what she can do. He even told her if she gives her husband another chance and he screws up to be "all out".
Women need to understand this addiction usually starts at age 12-13. We grew up using porn as a binky when we were stressed growing up. It's not just about the woman. No man wants to be addicted to porn. Our brains have been absolutely destroyed at an early age. Access on every platform. It's not something to vilify a man over, saying he's one foot in the door and one foot out. Every friend I've had has had issues with pornography. They got us hooked at 12. He needs a support group. He needs a blocker on his phone. He needs an accountability partner that is NOT his wife. Because women just don't understand this addiction, or rather most women don't understand this addiction. They will judge him, devalue him, for something men my age have all struggled with. It's universal among men. Should he have taken care of this before marriage? Absolutely. Duuuuhhh. But most men feel trapped with it. Shamed by it. And when they tell their wives all they get is more shame. The same shame that fuels the addiction that started before they were 13. For any women or fellow porn addicts reading this Freedom is an incredible blocker I use for Chrome, ANY app on Android that I have on a recurring timer, so I'm not tempted in the evening. Furthermore, women think it's about them. It's not. Obviously it's hurtful, but it has nothing to do with who they are. It's an chemical addiction that starts at a young age, hidden from everyone else. On a phone or computer, the person isolated within four walls. It's a miserable, miserable existence. Fueled by shame and guilt. I wish I would have never stumbled upon porn at age 12. It messed me up beyond words. But everyone can be free of it. Tell your best MALE friend. Set up an accountability system. Find a blocker. PAY for it. Use it.
If you have a p0rn addiction, your sēxual expectations about women in real life or dating/relationships will disappoint you. Keep going and you’re no good for future relationships.
Same applies when a promiscuous woman expects her future husband to be as tall and good looking as the guys who are willing to sleep with her for one night
It's pretty disingenuous when women say things like this about porn. 1) Men have considerably higher libidos and levels of testosterone. So they start wanting sex as early as 10 years old and porn is their only outlet. Then that need for sex only grows with age. 2) Stats show that 80% of all men are not having sex and that 30% of all men from 18-30 are virgins. So porn continues to be their only sexual outlet. **I mean imagine being a guy that wants sex 24/7/365 and he has no ability to get it at all. What other outlet does he have besides porn? On the other hand, women can get sex very easily. So that's why they tend to lack any real empathy on the sexual struggles most men have..
A lot of the comments seem to be from women who don’t understand this addiction. Most of younger men grew up in a time where porn evolved from magazines to now being able to watch it anytime, anywhere, on a screen. The dopamine response & just how easy it is to get makes this extremely addictive and extremely difficult to quit for men. For me and most of my friends, this addiction started at a very young age - 14 for me. It was and still is very much a taboo subject and not well understood. This is also a new phenomenon that wasn’t previously available. Most men don’t understand the damage it really causes them and their partner. It took me till I was 28 to say enough is enough. I finally saw the damage it was doing to me personally, but I didn’t understand how hurt my wife would be. I confessed my addiction to my wife and did absolutely everything in my power to beat it. We discussed everything in length. She was obviously devastated. I allowed her to ask any questions she wanted and gave her full 100% honesty. We put website blockers and notifications on all our electronics - she’s able to view all my internet activity and she’ll be alerted if I ever visit any porn site. It’s been over 2 years since those discussions, I’ve never gone back, and we can both confidently say that our marriage has gotten dramatically better. It feels like a second honeymoon as times. Our communication about everything has gone to a new level and our level of trust is unmatched. If you’re a woman who has a man is struggling with this, don’t give up on him right away. It’s a dangerous addiction and most men don’t realize it yet… it’s extremely common. I’m willing to bet over 50% of men deal with this. Let him know how it makes you feel… give him ultimatums if necessary. But you need to try to work through it first. In the end, it could make your relationship that much stronger
This gave me a little bit of hope. I've found porn in my husband's phone multiple times including a couple days ago but I told him how it makes me feel and I've tried to get him to talk to me about it. Talk to me if he's struggling and feeling the urge to turn it on so that we can try to work through it because its not healthy. I check in periodically and ask him if he's watched any porn lately, and he tells me no but clearly that isn't the case. He still feels the need to hide it...its hurts. And i feel like there's nothing left for me to do.
@@nelle8630 we went through this as well for a long time. You as his wife can’t be his go to source for consolation. He’ll never be honest with you about it. It would be much better for him to find someone else he can confide in and be honest with. But He needs to actually want to confront the problem more than you do. & for that to happen, he needs to understand how much of a problem it actually is. Not saying threatening divorce should be the first go to…. But my father is a severe alcoholic. It took my mom filing divorce papers, my brother cutting off all communication & and me threatening to have him never see my family again for him to actually get the help he needed. He had to hit rock bottom in order to bounce back
I enjoy porn as well,soon as I climax its over till next time and I move on ,if my wife was checking my internet search and had internet block on...I would divorce her in a heart beat,lifes to short and you die
Just because it produces dopamine it doesn't mean that you're addicted like a drug addict! It's a choice you make and it's a selfish act. Every single thing we do, from anger to pleasure is in connection with hormones in our brains, but that doesn't mean we can blame those hormones for our actions! If you were on a deserted island, you wouldn't show any sings of withdrawal of porn, but a drug addict would physically suffer, so stop that b.s man! No woman should be dragged into a man's dirty filthy secret fantasy world.
lol so you have hated women from the time you were a child? Even more reason for you to stay single and alone. Stop dragging women down into your disgusting world. Only fans is not real. They pay chatter to talk to the guys for them. They are ai models and not even real women. So comparing actual human women to your fake ai robot porn imagination is the issue. No actual woman will ever look like that.
I feel for her. She's sharing her husand with 1000s of women on a screen and being compared, looks and performance wise. I was in a relationship with a porn addict for a few years. I saw it go darker and darker. He started getting into gay porn and then wanting to act out his attraction by going to gay strip clubs. He had erectile problems and he was only 25 at the time. It gets darker as the addiction gets worse. For some men the porn gets more violent, then younger, then they need a kid to act it out on. Porn fuels sex trafficking. It deranges the mind, its not normal and should not be normalized in schools. It erodes trust and this wife is struggling and her husband doesnt seem to care. It's selfish of him, and I'm sure she thought marriage would fix it and make him commit to just her. He wont change unless he gets sick of it and sees it as a problem. She needs to create boundaries with him and stick to them even if it means separating for a stretch of time. Right now he's comfy consuming porn and having her around. It doesnt cost him anything tangible. If she separates and he picks porn over her then she's saved herself and demonstrated self respect which will only repair and grow from there.
I guess everyone has their addictions. I usually write music about drug addiction. Sadly, the pain I hear in her voice is about another addiction. There are more “addicts” than drug addicts. Praying for her.
It is alarming that number of porn addicts grow every year. Now even WHO had classified compulsive masturbation as a disorder. What scary is that young men ( as young as 18) are struggling with erectile dysfunction and anxiety. I work at the pharmacy, and we see more than ever young guys filling their prescriptions for Viagra and Cialis, where typically that drug was used for men older than 50. Their hormone levels are messed up ( testosterone levels of 20 yo are at the levels of 70 year old). All of these young men have one thing in common - they've been addicted to porn since an early childhood ( as young as 6, since they had access to high speed Internet). Porn addiction is probably larger than alcohol or drug addictions.
My husband has had one the whole time we’ve dated. Doesn’t matter if we have sex 4x a day everyday … he claims he’s over it .. but now he looks at women in public so. I just wanna leave. Just leave.we deserve someone that is crazy about us
Check out a podcast called- Consider Before Consuming. I’ve found it very informative about porn addiction and it’s harms on relationships and people plus porn is linked to sex trafficking. Maybe he can get informed and get help... otherwise I would leave.
It is in man's nature to want to look. it is frankly in every man's nature to want more than just want one woman. However as a superior man, you must forego the temptations of the flesh and focus on your purpose. Don't harass him for a glance. But do demand the best from him.
@@junebee5128 oh thank you for the info!! . He claims he hasn’t indulged in months but you can never believe an addict lol he’s been leaving his phone in the bedroom when he goes to the bathroom but when we fight he takes it lol I’m sick of not being able to go out places without him looking at women making me feel disrespected. I’m planning my escape. Lollll I need to find a job . I quit because we agreed it wasn’t safe for the pregnancy and they wouldn’t provide me protective covering :/ been applying places :)
@@anthonylozano8035 yeAaa but look once. If you keep looking it’s disrespectful. I’d rather just shun men completely than have to deal with this. Let him think I’m looking at another man he will flip out
I NEEDED to hear this video. Found my husband watching 🌽 for probably the 10000th time after having serious conversation about how it hurts me....I'm in the process of packing my bags right now to go stay with family. I've been ALL in & he hasn't. Update: he came home and acted like everything was okay and wasn't even concerned that I was leaving. The only thing he said was "I need the car at 8 a.m"
so he’s supposed to just wait until you’re ready to have sex with him when he thinks about it everyday, just suppress his desire to have you or any form of satisfaction until you’re ready?
This did not answer her question, I feel. She sounds so disappointed in what he gave her. I understand why she does. Trusting a person isn't something you can decide to do, it just has to be earned. Sucks so much having to or trying to trust someone...
I think that’s the piece that was missing from this conversation. She cannot just decide, if anything she does that to an extent everyday she chooses to stay with him. The question is what is he putting in place to rebuild and earn that trust? If the answer is nothing then the trust will never come. She cannot heal the trust from within just herself.
@@AaronD313 wrong. Regardless of whether you think it’s cheating or not, she set a boundary, he disregards it. Either respect it or leave, don’t be a coward
Here's my issue though....if you fully trust someone who you already know has broken that trust aren't you just choosing to be ignorant. If you fully trust how would you ever know if they are violating that trust or not? Maybe one day they would just randomly tell you?
Wow. What you said about being "all in" when married is so true. Hurt will happen in marriage, it's inevitable. Where there's truth, there can be trust. No deception means you confess your mess ups, knowing that you will still be loved. You also commit to continue loving your partner when they confess their mess. TRUST is paramount in marriage and it covers a multitude of sins. Without trust, there's deception, and staying means you have one foot in, and one foot out, which is doomed to fail. Powerful, Dr. Delony! You're amazing!
.Women in our society have been trained and brainwashed to believe that seeking sexual gratification from other women while being in a “ monogamous” relationship is “normal” and that is should be tolerated and normalized. There is nothing normal about it specifically if you are in an agreed upon monogamous relationship. If your partner feels the need to seek and achieve sexual gratification from other women while being in a monogamous relationship with you then it’s Not a monogamous relationship. Many women act like their man watching porn doesn’t bother them when it really deeply is completely disturbing to our peace and happiness. That’s because women have been trained to accept “it’s normal and I’m a man” “and that’s what men do”. Absolutely Not. Men in our society as well have been trained and brainwashed to believe these things are normal and acceptable. If your partner seeks and achieve sexual pleasure from some one other than you, then you are not in a healthy monogamous relationship. And from the beginning you have to set those boundaries and enforce them. And if those boundaries are crossed then move on. I will have my partners back until the end UNLESS they betray me. But this whole idea of trying to make a relationship work when sexual, physical, mental, emotional and spiritual boundaries have been completely betrayed is a big No. your partner is the one who promised not to betray your boundaries in your relationship and if they did exactly the opposite then it’s time to let them go. Let them figure out their problems on their own. For me personally at this point in my life The moment a partner betrays your boundaries that is the moment the love is gone. Not because I didn’t try but because they completely shattered the love with their chosen behavior. Get a therapist, get a doctor to help work on your “issues” cus I’m out. Your boundaries are their for a reason. Not seeking sexual gratification from other women while being in a supposedly monogamous relationship is 100% rational. Any one who tries to make you feel you don’t have a right to your boundaries and feelings needs to go as well.✌️
I also learned that trust is something that's given,not earned. It's a challenge for sure, because none of us deserve trust really. We all done messed up somehow. But when that trust is given, it influences people to try harder. Unless they don't. Sometimes that happens too. But I'm on the keep trying to love and trust till I die train lol
that is true, it is his fault, however she decided to marry him regardless, so both things are true at once, and he is being better, and she wants to be better too, so they have to deal with those feelings now that the addiction is over
@@amandacox5866 then you become petty, you fight, he goes to jail, thankfully pays you alimony and child support so that he doesn't have to look at you anymore. He successfully ignores you. You die alone and happy about it.
I agree with you. I feel like unfortunately society expects women to be perfect and ignore their feelings when it comes to mens issues. If a woman feels hurt that her husband is doing something that he knows hurts her, he needs to not do it. He’s choosing he addiction over his marriage. People need to stop expecting women to just “accept” all these destructive things that typically the man in the relationship does. People need to be having conversations about this stuff before marriage. My fiancé and I talk about all these things, we pretty much have no boundaries on what we talk about, and we aren’t afraid to have these conversations. He knows that if he gets into porn that he will lose me, but I don’t think he ever had an issue with porn to begin with. These rules need to be set in the relationship before commitment.
@@Madeline64 So true. And for alot of women, it comes down to morals, values, and the degradation of women. It's ok and normal to have this boundary, regardless of what society says.
.Women in our society have been trained and brainwashed to believe that seeking sexual gratification from other women while being in a “ monogamous” relationship is “normal” and that is should be tolerated and normalized. There is nothing normal about it specifically if you are in an agreed upon monogamous relationship. If your partner feels the need to seek and achieve sexual gratification from other women while being in a monogamous relationship with you then it’s Not a monogamous relationship. Many women act like their man watching porn doesn’t bother them when it really deeply is completely disturbing to our peace and happiness. That’s because women have been trained to accept “it’s normal and I’m a man” “and that’s what men do”. Absolutely Not. Men in our society as well have been trained and brainwashed to believe these things are normal and acceptable. If your partner seeks and achieve sexual pleasure from some one other than you, then you are not in a healthy monogamous relationship. And from the beginning you have to set those boundaries and enforce them. And if those boundaries are crossed then move on. I will have my partners back until the end UNLESS they betray me. But this whole idea of trying to make a relationship work when sexual, physical, mental, emotional and spiritual boundaries have been completely betrayed is a big No. your partner is the one who promised not to betray your boundaries in your relationship and if they did exactly the opposite then it’s time to let them go. Let them figure out their problems on their own. For me personally at this point in my life The moment a partner betrays your boundaries that is the moment the love is gone. Not because I didn’t try but because they completely shattered the love with their chosen behavior. Get a therapist, get a doctor to help work on your “issues” cus I’m out. Your boundaries are their for a reason. Not seeking sexual gratification from other women while being in a supposedly monogamous relationship is 100% rational. Any one who tries to make you feel you don’t have a right to your boundaries and feelings needs to go as well.✌️
@@Madeline64 .Women in our society have been trained and brainwashed to believe that seeking sexual gratification from other women while being in a “ monogamous” relationship is “normal” and that is should be tolerated and normalized. There is nothing normal about it specifically if you are in an agreed upon monogamous relationship. If your partner feels the need to seek and achieve sexual gratification from other women while being in a monogamous relationship with you then it’s Not a monogamous relationship. Many women act like their man watching porn doesn’t bother them when it really deeply is completely disturbing to our peace and happiness. That’s because women have been trained to accept “it’s normal and I’m a man” “and that’s what men do”. Absolutely Not. Men in our society as well have been trained and brainwashed to believe these things are normal and acceptable. If your partner seeks and achieve sexual pleasure from some one other than you, then you are not in a healthy monogamous relationship. And from the beginning you have to set those boundaries and enforce them. And if those boundaries are crossed then move on. I will have my partners back until the end UNLESS they betray me. But this whole idea of trying to make a relationship work when sexual, physical, mental, emotional and spiritual boundaries have been completely betrayed is a big No. your partner is the one who promised not to betray your boundaries in your relationship and if they did exactly the opposite then it’s time to let them go. Let them figure out their problems on their own. For me personally at this point in my life The moment a partner betrays your boundaries that is the moment the love is gone. Not because I didn’t try but because they completely shattered the love with their chosen behavior. Get a therapist, get a doctor to help work on your “issues” cus I’m out. Your boundaries are their for a reason. Not seeking sexual gratification from other women while being in a supposedly monogamous relationship is 100% rational. Any one who tries to make you feel you don’t have a right to your boundaries and feelings needs to go as well.✌️
It’s the lying to my face like I don’t already know. The not trusting and having to babysit a grown man and being exhausted of this game, of the ball dropping again. It’s the rejecting the real women in front of you, not fulfilling any of her needs or wants in the process. So much heartbreak and stress and time wasted and soul crushing and trama on top of trama. Like women that are so beautiful just wasting their good years waiting on their man to grow up and out of their addiction
Caught the boy I’m with for 10 years watching porn. It’s not about porn it’s more of trust-what else is he doing behind my back? Is he on chat room and onlyfans, too? It just shows that he has no love and respect for the person he’s with. He’s a grown man, he knows right from wrong. Anyway, I have been distant from him since the incident and plan on moving on once our lease is up in May. Lying and cheating are something I cannot tolerate and nothing he said will validate his deviant behavior. Have yourself worth and love yourself girlfriend. You deserve better.
You sound very confused and contradictory. You say it's a problem of trust and he didn't tell you, but then say he's a deviant not worth your time. How could anyone ever possibly feel safe opening up and being honest with you if you are going to dump on them like that when they do?
Don't listen to this people Lisa. You are the one that knows your relationship best. If you feel it's best for you to leave him, you should. Take good care of yourself, and good luck❤
This prgm saved our 20 year marriage. This was hard because I thought he didn't want a physical relationship basically, and I did approach him weekly and got turned down. It was hard to realize he'd been taking care of his own needs many years, and not taking into account mine or pursuing me. But now I realize how these issues work.
I'll speak for myself, but I didn't get into porn because of my wife. I became addicted as a kid when I had no idea what this was other than naked chics. Before you know it, I couldn't stop watching and was looking for it everywhere I went. I didn't even make the connection with being addicted until it all blew up with my wife.
How are u guys doing now? Are u trying to give it up? How is it affecting her? I’m in this spot and my husband isn’t being transparent, won’t do therapy, still lies to me,and even blames me even tho I try to satisfy him
I was in the same boat… It’s an addiction that isn’t well understood and recognized because it’s so new. Kicking the addiction was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. The admission to my wife was very difficult for the both of us. It was a long road to rebuild trust. But now our marriage is stronger than ever
@@summersalix I quit by making it literally unavailable. My problem was pulling it up on my the screens. I had my wife block access on all my electronics via a subscription service called familisafe. Over 2 years later, we continue to use it. It helps me make sure I’ll never go back and gives her the confidence that I’m not. There wasn’t a “patching things up”. It took us a while to heal and for her to trust me again. It helped that because I wasn’t watching anymore, I was just naturally more in to her and got my fulfillment through her and not porn. I didn’t really understand how she would feel through this whole experience, so we both just opened up with 100% transparency. I’d be happy to answer anymore questions, where is your husband at with this problem?
Most women think porn addiction is actually a sexual addiction and is about sex. While that can be very rarely true, most of the times it's not. Porn goes way deeper. It starts in the teenage years for a man. After a while it becomes a way of coping with your troubles, and it becomes a way to check out from reality when life gets tough. It becomes a drug of choice for some men. This becomes exacerbated from the fact that as a young man you are embarrassed to reach out for help for this kind of situations and the guilt that comes along with it takes you even deeper. I am speaking from a perspective of a guy who was a porn addict. In my addiction years there was really no time where I said, I am horny let me watch some porn, instead it was always I feel sad, anxious, depressed let me sooth myself with porn. So, if your guy has a porn addiction it's not because you are not enough or attractive, it has to do with his own daemons. Help your man get well mentally and spiritually!
Thanks for sharing, my husband has a similar story as you and I’m trying to understand him and help support him. He quit and I’m trying to heal my betrayal wounds from the situation. Ngl it really has destroyed my confidence and happiness in many ways but in trying to recover that as well.
@@ComfortASMRalicein the call John mentioned SA Sex Addicts Anonymous (and there’s also SLAA Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous) . You might find Al-Anon helpful. Originally set up for the families of alcoholics Al-Anon also welcomes the friends and families of other addicts. The fellowship is not about fixing the addict, it focusses on healing the pain the addict’s addiction causes their loved ones.
Im a porn addict, in most situations it has nothing to do with the wife. Saw an interesting comment recently "even if P addicted husband was married to his dream P star, he would still watch P" and thats so true. Its about the novelty and "more more more", it's how the brain of an addict works. So hopefully this helps ! You could be the most perfect woman from head to toe, his addiction would still exist. Good luck !
Porn gives men an unrealistic sexual expectation. Real sex is not like porn, if you are honest. If it is then you and your partner creat that experience. If that’s what you both enjoy then that works for you.
But by that same logic if a promiscuous woman is pumped and dumped by a tall supermodel then she will now expect her husband to have the same looks and height as the tallest best looking man who’s willing to sleep with her.
@@grizzlybear2702 not even the same thing. That is typically happens when there are conversations about things like this. You are comparing 1 actual sex experience to watching porn repeatedly. That’s like saying you can make the same amount of juice with one apple as you can with a whole bag of oranges. However you are entitled to your opinion, so I guess we have to agree to disagree.
@@brunsonts how is it any different. An ugly or average woman can hook up with a 2 meter tall supermodel for just the night but she will never get commitment from that guy. At most an average woman will be lucky to get commitment from a 185cm 7/10 face man. Can woman really be attracted to such a man after sleeping with a man with better specifications.
This is why people have got to be aligned with their expectations and values etc when selecting a partner. Men who need p*rn need to find someone who it okay with it and women who are not okay with it need to find someone who doesn't need it. Gotta have that honest open line of communication upfront. STAY AWAY FROM ANYTHING THAT STEALS YOUR PEACE no matter what the "thief". The biggest killer of relationships is selfishness and that goes for both sides.
A porn addiction is different than just watching it. No one would be okay with the effects it has on their relationship and self esteem. There’s no way a man can be a decent partner if he has a porn addiction
If only it was this easy. My husband never told me about his porn addiction. I had to find out about it cause I caught him playing hentai games. Then a year after that he’s confessed again that he never stopped and he told me a lot of his mental processes. It’s hard and it’s not just let’s talk about porn because I feel when you get in a relationship it’s the last thing you think about.
No one needs porn. Pornography is one of the most vile things in existence. It corrupts everyone involved and it impacts everyone around everyone involved.
Most of the advice I’ve heard is so good but this was awful advice because he’s proven she should not trust him completely. If he’s addicted he will do it again. What roadblocks are in place for him to not return to his addiction? What about SA or counseling for him before she gives him her trust. He’s shown her he doesn’t care about her values more than porn. Why ask her to be vulnerable until he demonstrates trustworthiness?
When he said “I don’t think you’ve gone all in with this guy” I LOSST IT! And then he tells her, “YOU’RE still lining YOURSELF up in this IMAGINARY line of women…” The level of dismissiveness and victim blaming here was dangerously unprofessional and likely she left this conversation much, much more self shaming than she ever had. This “Dr” validated the filth her husband has been choosing over her, in spite of her, and against her very soul. How a woman who has dated a man since high school, married him, and given birth to their shared children… is beyond my comprehension. They are married, her sexuality is supposed to be nurtured, honored and cherished by only one man, her husband. To anyone so deep in this depravity that they foolishly defend it, know that you are only exposing your poor character, lack of integrity, and inability to truly connect deeply in a loving human relationship. Stop pushing your sickness onto others just because it makes you feel better now that you have a team of pervs sitting on semen soaked gaming chairs, pretending to be “real men” as they sassily tap away at their cum-crusted keyboards. Misery loves company, and a coward never stands alone. If you want to damage your brain and blast away at your already desperately low potential to find fulfilling relationships, DO YOU, (literally), but don’t be so disgusting that you’re comfortable exposing others to your humiliating hobbies. If you’re single, this episode was not for you, if you’re in a relationship hiding porn, this was a sh*t representation of the immense trauma so many women are suffering through. The effects of porn addiction on the non addict partner are vast, long lasting, visible, mental, and incredibly physical. These women experience a condition that closely resembles PTSD called Betrayal Trauma, a medically recognized and well accepted diagnosis with very real, very painful symptoms. They experience internalized shame, not only for their own perceived insufficient level of attractiveness, but shame for believing that their husbands ever truly loved them, shame for believing in their marriage, shame for trusting, shame for never being able to “satisfy her man’s needs”…(an incredibly hurtful response nearly every single porn addict attacks their already beaten, broken, agonizing partner as a means of deflecting and blame shifting. Many of these women experience emotional abuse for years and never even know it, they’re beaten down, made to feel worthless, and then their husbands, the love of their life, their best friend offers them another debilitating blow…”You’re over reacting. Your issues are the problem. You need professional help. Everyone does it, because it’s nothing but a sexual release, a natural bodily need for men. Those women don’t mean anything to me, they’re trash. You need to get over this and let me know when you’re good, because I am not going to be attacked because you need to take better care of yourself but instead you don’t and lash out at me. Good night.” And they walk away with their electronic devices in hand, into the spare bedroom, and close the door behind them.” Wives are left in actual shock as their minds shift from frantic to flat, frantic to flat, desperately trying to process what just happened. The only conclusion to be found by a brain acting in response to extreme pain/shock/and trauma is this, “he said those women are trash, they mean nothing, but he won’t stop watching them even though it kills me, kills our intimacy, kills our bond, is destroying all trust, is effecting my ability to show up for our children, to care for myself, and will likely be the end of our family as we have always known it. He chose those women who were less than a piece of garbage to him, over all of us.” Imagine its you realizing your dearest person thinks even less of you than that, less that trash. Because thats what these married men are telling their wives. No one has the right to destroy another human being, especially when they have taken a vow to love, honor and protect. Porn use is indicative of cowardice so extreme it may as well be pathological. I’m sorry to all who have been hurt by this sadistic form of abuse.
@@dropdead_redwell said, delony tried to make this all about her needing to have more self confidence. “Put him back in the box” in my opinion this has NOTHING to do with “body positivity”
@dropdead_red I'd like to give a males perspective. To start off. I definitely think he could have helped her more than he did. But, in my case I never chose to be exposed to porn. At 9 years old my friend had found a pornographic website and showed me the images. I couldn't fully understand what I was looking at or how much it would effect me into my teen years. I knew it was bad but I wanted to fit in with my friend, so I looked. At 11 I started masturbating to pornography. I knew what I was doing was wrong. But I couldn't stop. It was like a drug i could access at anytime. I was too afraid to disappoint my parents, so I never told them. This kept going until I was 17. I tried harder than ever before to stop looking at these disgusting videos. But I just couldn't. I'd go on streaks of a week or two and then fall right back into the addiction. One thing to note is, for me, I found myself using the hit of dopamine as a stress reliever. I had family members passing away, getting sick, and the new responsibilities of adulthood piling up. It became an easy way to forget about all those things. Now as a 19 year old I've made slow progress to breaking this cycle. But it will always be a struggle for the rest of my life. I guess the point is. Not all men enjoy porn. Many, including all of my friends suffering with this, hate what they're doing and hate themselves because of it. None of us wanted to look at those things most of us were exposed to it or abused and used it as an escape. Once you become addicted you may want to stop more than anything. It's led me to want to end my life so I could be rid of this. But, porn holds you captive. And the ease of access to it makes it that much easier to keep going back. Just remember ladies. Alot of men are SUFFERING from this, and want to change. But porn is one of the hardest addictions to break. So if a man opens up to you about this and wants to change, please, help him to do so. We can't do it alone and that's a fact. I've tried. I know it's a long read and it's hard to convey my thoughts through text, but hopefully this will help you to understand.
Victim blaming: "Victim, this is your fault." Dr. Deloney: "I can't speak to both parties because both parties aren't on this call, but here are some actions you can take for yourself." Yes, I can see the relationship between these two...
@RocketMomma-ig5tt its natural! you ask for men to do the impossible all while women use "body positivity" to get fatter than ever before in history, and we're supposed to find you physically attractive? HAHAHAHA! How dare women who want to be as big as a planet then tell men they need to find them physically attractive, the crap men are having to accept these days is absolute filth! you should be grateful a man is willing to put up with you and look at you at all
I have a question extremely similar to Samantha's as a newly-wed and I was SEARCHING the web high and low for this. Finally found it. THANK YOU, Dr. John Delony for giving me what I needed to hear. It was hard to hear, but I felt the truth from your words. Thank you.
I'm going through very similar. I'm at gym daily trying to get hot body for him. It doesn't change it trust me. It's not us it's him! Only Jesus can comfort u no one else can! Trust me. No one can get your identity like Jesus does
There are some complex issues that take more than 20 minutes to pick apart live on camera, and this seems like one of those. Kudos to both Delony and the caller for trying!
I feel so badly for young people today. Because of the easy access to porn, children are getting exposed and truly messed up before they have the ability to understand what it is and how it hurts them.
Only because the parents allow it. The kids don't need smartphones with browsing data, nor computers in their bedrooms. A flip phone would suffice til driving age.
The things people put up with. Just because you’re married, doesn’t mean it’s a life sentence. Let him have the computer in the divorce and you get your peace of mind.
😂Exactly. Staying with your partner should not be a challenge. Staying with your partner should Not hurt you! .Women in our society have been trained and brainwashed to believe that seeking sexual gratification from other women while being in a “ monogamous” relationship is “normal” and that is should be tolerated and normalized. There is nothing normal about it specifically if you are in an agreed upon monogamous relationship. If your partner feels the need to seek and achieve sexual gratification from other women while being in a monogamous relationship with you then it’s Not a monogamous relationship. Many women act like their man watching porn doesn’t bother them when it really deeply is completely disturbing to our peace and happiness. That’s because women have been trained to accept “it’s normal and I’m a man” “and that’s what men do”. Absolutely Not. Men in our society as well have been trained and brainwashed to believe these things are normal and acceptable. If your partner seeks and achieve sexual pleasure from some one other than you, then you are not in a healthy monogamous relationship. And from the beginning you have to set those boundaries and enforce them. And if those boundaries are crossed then move on. I will have my partners back until the end UNLESS they betray me. But this whole idea of trying to make a relationship work when sexual, physical, mental, emotional and spiritual boundaries have been completely betrayed is a big No. your partner is the one who promised not to betray your boundaries in your relationship and if they did exactly the opposite then it’s time to let them go. Let them figure out their problems on their own. For me personally at this point in my life The moment a partner betrays your boundaries that is the moment the love is gone. Not because I didn’t try but because they completely shattered the love with their chosen behavior. Get a therapist, get a doctor to help work on your “issues” cus I’m out. Your boundaries are their for a reason. Not seeking sexual gratification from other women while being in a supposedly monogamous relationship is 100% rational. Any one who tries to make you feel you don’t have a right to your boundaries and feelings needs to go as well.✌️
Yep. Pornography is a form of cheating. You are giving something to a screen that you are depriving your spouse time and time again, which results in a myriad of issues in the marriage. It's sad that many people do not see it this way until they're in the thick of it. Ive been there. Thankfully, we got the help we needed and it's not a problem, but my spouse has a clear understanding of what I will and will not tolerate.
This was a great conversation! Ms lady made me sad because I just started dealing with my personal situation and I’m caring but my values are more than that. I plan to have a firm conversation.
I feel like the idea of "you can't lose enough weight to fix you inside" may not always be true. For instance, I lost weight, gained muscle, and got tan while working at a summer camp and for the first time in my life I loved my body. That summer was the most confident in my life, and I ended up asking a girl out for the first time, and she's now my wife. Then I went to college and my self esteem plummeted as my looks got worse. Thoughts on this, am I wrong that sometimes looking the way you've always wanted to look can help a lot with mental health?
Understandable but how you feel about yourself maybe tied to what society finds attractive. You loved your body thE minute you lost weight and gained muscle. Once that was gone, your self esteem and looks went down according to you. You’re body should be special to you at any stage of transition. You can have a great body but still terrible mental health.
Yes, I agree. It doesn't always help, i think it's more true in the opposite direction. If i gained 50 lbs it would definitely harm my mental health. From an extremely shallow perspective, going from a 9 to 9.5 or an 8 to a 9 won't solve you solve inner emotional world problems and no amount of good looks takes away the existential worries/realities of life that we all often face
Not always. For me. I got model hot. I was literally runner up for a beauty calendar. I look in the mirror and still saw an ugly fat ogre. (That's how bad it was.) My husband made it worse because he was really vain. Finally, after pregnancy when I was obviously overweight. I had enough. I made myself look on the mirror and told myself I was beautiful and attractive regardless of others opinions. Including my vain spouse. Oddly enough that confidence made me attractive, even when I was fat. So my culture talks about all encompassing health. It's called Hozho. Spiritual, mental and physical health. I prayed. That helped. I changed my perspective of myself. That helped. And eventually I got healthy physically. This also helps. We are people and flawed somewhere so we just gotta do what we can and make peace. I wasn't a "bounce back mom" looked how I was before immediately after labor. It took time. And during that time, I nurtured my spiritual health. I nurtured my mentality. What was a challenge was resisting temptation of guys who thought I was hot when my man treated me like garbage. :( But in that process I come to know who I wanna be. And that's thinking I'm beautiful and attractive without any validation from anyone else. And to remain pure, even if times get difficult. So I attribute good health to all three. Spiritual, mental and physical. If you look around. You'll see even physically attractive people might be having issues with mental or spiritual issues. So that's how I've seen it over time. I think this is going to help me as I age.
One of the many sucky things about dealing with having a spouse with this addiction is that it is extremely difficult to truly know when or if the spouse has honestly really completely stopped watching it. They not only get to be pros at hiding and lying about it, but because of modern technology the access is everywhere-- like how can you really know if they really and truly have stopped?? I believe some better advice would have been for the caller to be honest with her husband and express that he needs to perhaps go out of his way to vocalize that he sees her beauty inside and outside-- and for the husband to truly admit how his actions have damaged her self-esteem and feelings about her body. The addicts need to take ownership of the emotional and mental damage that they have caused their spouses and accept that they need to work hard on helping to build their spouses back up...
@@exnecross3141 Don’t excuse it by saying it’s normal. While it is true that a high percentage of males watch p0rn to a certain extend, it does not means ALL do. It takes a real man to resist it. Not all males are real men, in fact very few are. Porn viewing is destructive in so many ways. For starters, it highly objectifies women, robbing them of their humanity. When men view porn on a regular basis it trains their brain to only view women if they look a certain way and ignore their personality traits, inner beauty, etc. Secondly, porn viewing actually changes your brain chemistry by releasing different neurotransmitters such as dopamine which then acts like a reward and this leads to a desire to repeat the experience over and over again. The trouble with this is that in order to derive the same amount of pleasurable sensation, the porn needs to be more riské, more tantalizing, etc to achieve the same degree of pleasure. This is where the addiction takes hold. Still another problematic aspect of watching porn is the viewer is actually a participant in the sex trade. Many of these adult film “ stars” are the product of sex trafficking. A high number of them are addicted to drugs and the suicide rate is fairly high. So ask yourself, as a man, why would you want ANY part in supporting this sordid and evil practice of sex trafficking of young girls and women?? It’s wrong and highly exploitive. Yes a woman’s body can be and is beautiful but only to be enjoyed by a loving and committed husband not to display it for the whole world to see and lust after. Women are people just like men are, not merely objects for the immediate gratification of…males.
Around 08:20 it reminds me of a video I saw a couple of days ago in which it they said to say the following things to yourself everyday and really try to feel it (like a meditation): I love myself. I trust myself. I honor myself. I value myself. This has been helping me out with my lack of confidence. It's been on repeat a lot, especially in the mornings and when I go to sleep, it really helps me to calm down.
Let’s not forget… the husband must do his part too, he is also one foot in and one foot out the door…he made porn his alter and shame on him for it. The support and approach for this woman should have been different; the words spoken to her at the end should have been spoken to her at the beginning. The beginning of this segment was a mess… Caller, if you’re not already, seek marriage counseling the both of you should go. If he isn’t willing to put in the work he does not deserve you and don’t waste your life on this guy. Also, don’t let his addiction dictate how you view your body, (easier said than done I know) 💛💛You are fearfully and wonderfully made
It is all about the dopamine, dopamine, dopamine...the relax feeling after an organism and often people (men, women, etc..) will use masturbation as a coping mechanism; it relieves stress and can be initially very soothing, but also shaming. Porn is the titillation to get the juices flowing. Dopamine is very addictive.
It’s true and I don’t know HOW I feel about porn honestly. Obviously an addiction is something else entirely and I’d never put up with that. I know my husband watches it every once in a while and I was okay with it (for the most part) until reading all the comments of people calling it cheating. The way I see it is that he has a higher sex drive. I try to keep him satisfied but, especially if he’s working out of town or whatever, I’d much prefer he watch a 10 minute movie than go out and fulfill that need with another woman. It’s just difficult because men and women are so different. Obviously there’s exceptions but for me, men just seem like pervs. I love my husband but him texting me sexual references every single day seems so childish. It’s nice to feel wanted but my goodness. There’s SO much more to life than sex!
@@supernova11711 we really all are pervs deep down lol but thats our penis talking, we can also have big hearts and feelings like anyone else. it doesnt have to be so deep, we're visual, you could be a 10/10 to your man and he'll still get bored looking at the same thing, thats just life i guess.
Don’t most addicts start before teen years? Not to take away from her side, but this is solely him, not sure if there is a concouling for it, but he has to take care of this, if he didn’t like you why would he continually pursue a relationship with you and ask you to marry him if he didn’t love you?
I've decided to stop watching porn, not because I think it's cheating (it's not, not even on an emotional level - women don't really understand that bc we love in different ways), but because it's degrading to women and it messes people up.
Wow this video was awful. His advice was terrible… of course she doesn’t trust him, he lied to her!!! She might have body issues but that’s one thing and her husband watching porn and lying about it is another. Most of this “issue” is him. Him lying, him watching porn. It’s not about her at all. If she found out three times in their relationship, that means he has lied or been deceitful 3 times. That’s a lot! Marriage should based on trust and trust is based on honesty. If someone is not being honest, it’s impossible to trust them. He makes it sound like trust is a choice and it is but it mostly isn’t. If you’re doubting someone’s honesty then you don’t trust them!! Anyway, sorry for my rant.
Eh what do you expect when you’re asking a man for advice on porn. They will defend that to their last breath. I’ve seen this happen with my own eyes. Men love their porn, they are in relationships for convenience and social pressure, and very rarely do they see their partners as someone they appreciate and respect.
I like your rant! You made some good points! I'm not sure about his trust comments either. I hope the caller approaches him one more time and let him know she WANTS to trust him but if it happens again, she is out. She is worth more than this crappy treatment.
@@Mercury688 and @DebMel74 I didn’t know he had it. But yeah, I’m sure a pice of 💩 can figure out how to be a piece of 💩 even with something like Covenant Eyes. Doesn’t mean it hasn’t helped many 🤷♀️.
I would never be able to forgive someone who has this addiction. I have already been there, done that and it ruined me. I will never let someone ruin me again. Good luck to the caller.
You are right real women deserve better. I had two men with alcohol addiction but they never insulted me or had remarks on my body although not perfect and never let me felt insecure. I would never accept a man with this issue never.
My partner blamed it on my menopause-yes I’ve aged but so has he. I’ve basically been discarded since I turned 50, and the big P has replaced our sex life. It’s very demoralizing.
This is victim blaming. Gross. Even if the girl was fine with her body before, porn addiction alone is enough to utterly destroy that. This is what you don't understand, Dr.
The justifications I hear for porn are contradictory: "it's not about you," and "if she would just ________ then I wouldn't need porn." A woman can be very attractive, very loving, sexually available, good in bed, etc, but she could still be cheated on. So, a woman is either dismissed or blamed.
I have had the same conversation with my 13-year-old son about his body fight (also a cross-country kid who has no fat to lose). It's a real problem with girls and boys.
My cousin who just finished bootcamp at marines is still trying to figure out how to lose fat that he’s gained in bootcamp (which it wasn’t yet muscle)
Because they compare themselves to Instagram fake photos where everyone looks perfect and kids don't realize nobody looks like that in real life, including the actual people in those photos.
Honestly the answer for me was to leave. My ex would pay women for specific roleplaying videos and it would be like $50 per scene. I only know THAT specifically because he told me carelessly when he was cancelling his paypal. I think his mind was just so obsessed that he would never truly respect me. I broke up with him and made sure the next guy did NOT watch porn and I have very very happy with the man that I found. Make it a boundary because you deserve a man's respect and devotion mentally and physically.
And thank you as a educated doctor and male ❤ to hear you speak on this and not just on a “society” common theme of making you just want to give up… completely. The trust was just so incredibly insightful. Samantha thank you so much for your courage and strength. I’m so proud of you.
Still struggling with husband addicted to pornography. I have lost respect and trust. I have also started having body image issues since having our second child. I don't know what to do.
They didn't go in depth about how his addiction was causing issues in the marriage, besides her insecurities. There must be more...unrealistic expectations or performance issues during sex?
He's not blaming her, he's just pointing things out where SHE could think about, not her husband. He said early on that this phone call would've been different had it been addressed to the husband, or if he was on the phone call at all.
This is the first time I really hated the counsel. I feel like John's lecturing her about being overweight and being a better steward over her body so she'll feel better about life but she feels sexually unsafe because her husband has committed adultery. He's saying that her not trusting her husband is more important than the issue of porn...which is the thing that is making her feel unsafe. Why does his infidelity mean less than her trusting him? That is what caused the trust issues. This session just feels not helpful for the caller. The best advice I've heard is making sure you're all in and if you do it again I'm going to be all out. I just feel like he is eye rolling the issue of porn when it literally destroys people's lives.
13:46 - 14:05 THAT is the ROOT issue if he has a real porn addiction (or sex addiction) if its a REAL addiction, and its not a matter of thinking or comparing porn women to real women. there are definitely 2 VERY distinct roads here.... one is much deeper than the other... Find out how far he is willing to go to fix his issues and you'll know what road HE is on.
If it was an addiction and he hasn't done it at all for a year and a half, then there is no," it's kindof dealt with". You have to deal with you, anything else is on you if he has held up his end
I would say its wrong and us men should do better. This addiction for alot of us however started before we knew better and is a genuine addiction that has led to depression and suicidal thoughts. Often has very little to do with finding other women attractive but rather internal conflicts and pain, trauma and plain sin. Reading a book called ‘the last relapse’ by sathyian and looking into giving my wife parental control over my phone as embarrassing as it is. Therapy is also helpful to be healthy.
I also think women need to do better and stop feeding men with it. If the women who act in it didn't want money and attention then the rest of us might have an easier life.
I broke up with a man a few years ago because he consumed porn and was registered on a live cam website. I think it's important to differentiate between whether the man consumes porn secretly or communicates it openly, how often he does it and what kind of porn he watches (with violence, very young actresses, etc.). In general, I am critical of pornography. Above all, I think it is wrong that it is so easily accessible and trivialized by society. ("Don't be like that. At least he's not cheating.") Studies have shown that porn has a negative impact on individuals and relationships. Those who frequently consume porn show demonstrable changes in the brain's cerebral reward system. Men who watch porn are 60% more likely to divorce and 80% more likely to have an affair. Recent studies even show a link between frequent porn consumption and domestic violence.
If someone is struggling with something but is being honest about it, it's never okay to just leave them. Do what you can to help them, but if that doesn't work, then leave them.
Umm gunna say your husband constantly looking at other women and thinking about them well getting off wpukd be enough to cause body inches. I never any until an ex traumatized me qith his porn addiction
Single problems always become married problems. "Godliness with contentment is great gain" as the Bible states. There is always another beautiful and sexy person out there. Both people must be CONTENT and SECURE with who they have or the person is never enough and they are never satisfied!
@@nawal10 Indeed. Majority of us give our ear to what entertains us, but not what edifies us, and we keep scratching our head to why we keep having the same problems. What has our ear has our mind, and what has our mind has our life because our life flows in the trajectory of the waves of our thoughts
This comment section proves that men can't have problems without women making it about themselves. I dont think porn is some great thing. It is a tool for masturbation which is natural and normal. Exessive masturbation with or without porn intake is not good and can be indicative of mental health problems. Also, for you women saying, "Porn is cheating," do you consider the romance/smut books you guys devour cheating?
Interesting, I have never heard anyone else make that point. I've been saying that for a long time. The terrible thing about the romance/smut books is that the characters Automatically Know what the woman wants Without her Telling Him What That Is. No man can live up to that. That being said, often what happens is the man fails to continue to Cherish his wife-Which He Promised to do when they got married. Therefore, she longs for that love-they way God made her. (It's like saying to a man, I said I respected/ admired you the day we were married, and if anything changes, I'll let you know. He needs respect--that's the way God made men.) My experience with men and porn is that they continually compare their wife's body and performance to what happens on the screen. Women can not live up to those fantasies either! When you watch your husband's eyes follow other women, but they don't have eyes for you, etc, etc, I can guarantee it hurts women in a place that is so incredibly deep.
It’s not okay that he “messed up” it’s cheating. If she’s okay with continued “mess ups” she will never trust. It’s not just the lying it’s the act itself. Not sure Dr Delaney understands this. It’s smart if she doesn’t trust him and she shouldn’t be shamed for it or made to think he did porn bc she doesn’t trust. My guess is he has other issues and he isn’t a trustworthy person
It’s best to get out of that relationship, men don’t overcome porn, even with help. throughout my marriage I’ve found out about porn use, it’s devastating. It’s not worth your pain and lost youth. If the man doesn’t value you and keeps causing you pain then he’s not worth it for you. You deserve someone who doesn’t want to harm you.
I can't get my boyfriend to touch me. He watches porn when I'm home. I don't know what to do, I feel ugly and asking questions won't work. I've been pretty depressed over it :(
I’ve been on the end of you know what, I’m in this let’s trust him and that never ends well. The women agreeing to trust him doesn’t fix the man, the man has to fix himself
Im with a man who i found a saved bookmark tab on his laptop, I clicked it BECOHSE I was curious and I was terrified on what I found, I was so heart broken and felt like crying, I confronted him about it and he said it’s been a bad addiction sense he was young and even then I gave him the benefit of the doubt Becouse it sounded really bad and I wanted to help him. Said he would stop it as best as he could but when I asked him again he said “babe, it’s not that easy” smh, yeah it should be if you really loved me cared instead of jacking off in the middle of the night under covers looking at naked people. I feel like I’m not good enough yet he just gives excuses like it should be okay to do that
How did it become the woman’s fault or responsibility? His addiction problem is an issue with a connection with himself and God. If the husband is not taking real action to make a change to honor himself, honor her, and honor God. He was the one not all in which lead to her having to take a step back.
It's a 2 way street. Women certainly have some fault in it in many cases. If a wife is boring in bed and treats it like an obligation, then he's going get off by watching a woman on a screen who is at least acting like she's having fun and enjoys what she's doing with the guy she's with. No guy wants to be with a woman who doesn't crave his body and isn't playful, spontaneous, and initates. It feels like a betrayal when a wife isn't that way -- especially if she used to be. Generally, a guy won't communicate and we internalize things. This quickly turns to a deep resentment that would otherwise cause husbands to leave the relationship altogether. The pron use is the pressure release valve to compensate for what they are not receiving in the bedroom. Should guys be more romantic and attuned to their wives needs and desires without having to be sexual? Absolutely! But the incentive wears off quickly if she's boring in bed. Guys aren't complicated. We want a peaceful home, food, and exciting times in the bedroom. That's it.
I hate how he tried to help. He talks about himself to start off, instead of addressing how her husbands prob addiction is affecting her. It’s not her past insecurities, it’s her husbands cheating
Her husbamd has the reaponsibility to be transparent about everything he does. That is the only way theough this. He needs to say what he means and means what he says. She will then start to heal.
I’m going to assume you’re married and wow is she a lucky lady. I wish their were more people like you in the world. Thank you for all you do! When I got with my bf, I had such great confidence and I have had that stomped into the ground every time I start to get it back. I’m sure if I did these things to him he would be self conscious but I don’t have the heart to hurt him like he has me.
Run from negative crap. Life is so good in the positive. Men are not the answer. Follow your dreams and never look back. Negative crap will kill your soul. Life is fun. Don't look for love, love you first and foremost. Once you run in your positivity, life's doors open in spectacular ways. Retrain your thoughts to positive only.
There is no more room for messing up. Stop giving these men a free pass. If a man is struggling he needs to call his wife so they can go into prayer together before he decides to go through the sick motions of searching for a perverse video and gathering all the lotion etc to be a sick idiot. Call ypur wife before it happens. There is no more "slip ups"
I dated plenty of women who watch, and would never have known other than having that discussion. Seems like its not uncommon, but its a problem when it affects other aspects of life?
That’s a pretty misplaced thing to say. Love and attraction goes very deep and who are you to say that because the man had an addiction that she shouldn’t have married him? Maybe, maybe not. What if it was a drug addiction instead? Alcohol? Something else? Would that be different or not? Interesting questions. But it is the biological nature of women to believe that they can take men who they love and change them; help them get rid of whatever demons they have.
@@ethanlculver anyone with half a functioning brain cell doesn't get involved with anyone who has addiction issues, of ANY kind. She ignored a huge red flag. I have no sympathy for her at all.
@@ethanlculver oh, I comprehend very well. All people with addiction need to be avoided for personal relationships of our choosing. Family we can't choose but as for romance? No way.
I really wish women could see that for many men it’s not about dissatisfaction with the woman they’re with or comparison or envy or any of that. It’s dissatisfaction with themselves and with their own life. It’s a way to distract themselves so they don’t have to think about what they’re not doing, closer to social media or drug addiction than anything infidelity related. I understand how belittling it can feel, but if your man has this problem and he is honest about it and is truly working on ridding himself of it for your sake, then know that that man really does love you and trust him when he says he’s more attracted to you than any other woman he sees online. It’s a chemical dependency, it doesn’t necessarily reflect their love and commitment to you.
I appreciate this. It's very difficult not to take it personally since the drug of choice happens to be of my gender. Rationally, of course it's an addiction to dopamine. Emotionally...
Yah being in a mental health subreddit heavy porn use is almost always about emotional regulation then sex or attraction, usually takes a complete overhaul of how you regulate emotions internally and externally as well as how you go about life. The only time it isn't about emotional regulation is with hypersexual people.
You have to call in for something like this. This is been going on since he is probably been eight years old. You have two choices, divorce or acceptance.
I love how none of the women in this thread take any responsibility for what they might be failing to do in their relationships that is leading a guy to turn to pron to open the pressure release valve on his boredom and frustrations with the relationship. Feminism really let's ya'll escape any responsibility and accountability. Pathetic.
Super ignorant comment. Literally google “porn addiction” and feel free to click any of the licensed psychologists websites about how to change. Never mind the hundreds of thousands of men who struggle with it openly online.
I just found out my husband for 6 years has a porn addiction. He lied to me this whole time. I made it a clear rule, from day 1, i thought it was cheating. Im heart broken. Im trying to watch this with him and he just got angry. He says he feels uncomfortable, like my feelings dont matter. How i have self body images, and he told me i was pretty, and then looked at other women. I didnt consent to this. But now i know why he was always so lazy in our relationship. No effort whatsoever and i was so desperate to be loved i stayed. Now im only fucking staying for financial reasons.
Some of these responses are so bizarre. Basically calling for divorce if someone watches porn……all your husbands have and likely still do sometimes watch porn.
Feminism makes all the women in this thread immune to any responsibility or accountability that they might have in their husband's pron use. They can do no wrong and it's all his fault.
I have a question for everyone who is reading comments. I had explained in the past to my boyfriend that I DO consider watching corn 🌽 cheating. I know he watches it behind my back, and once when he was drunk he told me he likes to watch redheads. 3-4 months later he kept trying to persuade me to change my hair colour to red “cuz it would suit me better” . I started going on strict diets as I struggle a lot with body image and I have the obese gene, however I was never fat, just slightly chubby. He made plenty of comments about that, too. I found out again last night that he watched corn while I went to see my mom, and I confronted him about it and he just told me that “what he does is not my business”. I am extremely hurt and I’m seeking to find help or a little advice from someone who thinks the same. I don’t have any friends to advise me neither can I speak to anyone about it. I’ve been feeling very insecure every time I find out, and, it makes me reconsider if I want to get married with him or not. Please, someone advise me what should I do..🙁
So your in a relationship with someone who crosses your boundaries, puts you down, and want to marry you but what they do isn't any of your business... Yah the only reason those shouldn't be a red flag are because they are black flags. If you don't mind answering some questions here are some. What was your self esteem like before you met this person, did you have friends before them if so what happened to your friends and are you highly empathetic?
1. Stop saying there’s a fat gene, there isn’t. You just eat to much food, calories in=weight 2. He told u he likes redheads? Then said u would look good with red hair and he thinks red hair is hot. Maybe u should buy a wig or dye your hair. Spice up your sex life and try new things with your partner who literally just opened up about their fantasies or tastes and instead u jumped str8 to how your hurt and attacked 💀. Thats wild
Figure a way out, I've been in 30 years of hell, don't let that happen to you, where you're totally dependent on him financially and can't get out like me, get out ASAP and don't ever turn back, once they start they will never ever stop and even if they do stop there will always be something else around the corner, if I had the money I would been out years ago, I'm stuck , don't let it happen to you, I'm warning you. Good luck and enjoy life, let them wallow in porn and fantasy!!!
I don't think most men understand how insecure it can make women feel, I've never had insecurity over my looks until something similar happened recently. A part of you knows they aren't comparing you but another part thinks they do. It's a horrible feeling.
Exactly 😢
It destroyed me
Me to
I agree with that. Just wondering if you went to counseling or read books about this. It really made me angry and feel awful because they say that the spouse/partner is always codependent. I hate this! How is a person codependent or responsible in any way if they never knew. Complete horse poop!
@@Ss-dz6cm
I'm seeing a Trauma Therapist and a Psychiatrist to deal with the Post Traumatic Stress that it has caused me.
My husband's porn use demolished me years ago. It's ridiculous how bad this hurts. Life will never be the same. My view of life has completely changed.
🙄
I was introduced to porn at about 10 years old and have taken part in almost daily for the better part of 26 years. I am married and have 3 children. I have wanted to quit since basically high school but couldn't manage to give it up until just recently. It is sometimes a daily struggle to keep away. I have to actively run from it, but it's been working. In a matter of 2 months, I feel so much better. I've become more confident and outspoken and the relationship between me and my wife has improved. She never had a problem with it, but I think she is noticing how much closer we are with it out of the way because quite frankly, it puts an intimacy blocker up between the person using it and everybody else in the world. The wall is coming down! Pray for me
I am praying for you!! You are becoming an amazing dad and other parts of your life will benefit. Good job!
If you stopped by your own disgust of it, I pray for you. I caught my husband have been doing it secretly, he did not have any choice but to express regret, but I do not believe him.
There is no way she doesn’t have a problem with it, she’s probably trying not to upset you
@@CYNTHIAAAkitty thats not the kind of relationship we have. we dont pretend. Some people just don't care about it. I didn't for a long time either, but now I can tell it makes a difference in me and I want to be better.
@@DrExpertPhd sure, sound like you both pretend
How can you trust someone who has proven they are not trustworthy? I don’t think you can. You can pretend, and lie to yourself, but really the trust is gone.
I think of trust as a bank account. You can blow through it frivolously in a moment, and it takes much longer to build back up. One teeny deposit at a time, but you can regain it. First, it may be with some kind of monitoring on devices or going to counseling. Or it may be an entire year that you've never found anything on a spot check. Or it may be, him coming to you and saying I struggled the other night and I didn't do it. Slowly and steadily, it comes back. Maybe never with that perfect 800 credit rating, but close. But never again will you have that feeling that this could never happen to you.
You have to realize that humans are imperfect. Everyone screws up, including you. If you can legitimately say that you have never ever withheld information, exaggerated, brushed away, or bent the truth a single time with your partner about ANYTHING, then you are a unicorn and you can say no human will ever be good enough for you. When someone screws up, you (within reason) move past it and make the choice to trust again.
Exactly! This makes no sense!!!! The other person has to work at gaining it back. And sadly sometimes they can't!
@@sarahhaxton9234 looking at porn makes you untrustworthy? maybe hes hiding it to preserve her feelings about her insecurities.
deaf people in the chat. He clearly prefaced that he’s can’t talk to the husband since he’s not on a call. I also think the assumption based on her saying they’ve talked and this is the most trust she’s had in him in a while is that he’s a willing party at the table to make it work. So he’s giving her advise based on that.
I stopped dating bc every guy was into watching porn when I wasn't around. Very disturbing and difficult to find a sincere man who doesn't think porn is a daily part of life. Any grown ups out there?
Unfortunately single guys all watch it. Once you start dating, you need to let them know they need to stop, and tell them it's an addiction. Will be hard, but you can work through it.
Im not gonna lie it just sounds like your insecure and uptight. What.. a man cant be sincere/loving because he enjoys porn ? Most men watch porn and ALOT of women do to. Hell.. alot of women make it LOL. You have no right to judge people and you are no better of a person than anybody else because you don't watch it. You don't know the definition of the word disturbing.. murder is disturbing, war is disturbing, genocide is disturbing. Not some guy watching an adult video, you mam are the one who needs to open your eyes and grow up.
@@SarahConnor562 you can lie to yourself all you want, but doing drugs once a month, is still a drug addict. Doesn't matter how much or little you have. Read some studies, on young minds and adult entertainment. It is destroying their minds, and boys at the age of 19 are experiencing ED. Only thing is, no one is telling them, it's that bad for them. So having the woman you live, tell you to stop, and that it's an addiction, is a good thing.
Buy a dog, die alone then. You lack some important perspective on men.
I suggest you listen to Tom Leykis' analogy when it comes to men and their se*ual needs... In short "For a man, ejaculation is like urination. When you gotta go, you gotta go."
Yup its cheating and they don't even care because they want it to be OK so they can keep doing it
I don't understand bashing women for not allowing cheating. Porn is a sexual relationship with other women. You are getting off to them instead of your wife. This poor woman wants her husband's love and attention. Stop normalizing porn as OK because "at least I'm not actually sleeping with someone" or " the woman doesn't put out enough" etc... how is this disgusting degradation of love and intimacy accepted? It's awful! Have morals and don't get married if you can't be monogamous.
Yah, it's really sick. And I expected better from john than gaslighting this woman into believing it's her issue.. "your body image is the problem" "you're not all in on this marriage" .
Say a man were watching these scenarios in person and masturbating in the corner of the room as he watched... Would that be extremely creepy and/or cheating? That's what porn essentially is
FYI, interactive p*rn exists. A p*rn star with a webcam talks to a paying customer. The p*rn star will talk and do whatever to satisfy the customer. How do I know? My ex-husband did this. He didn’t feel Ike he was being unfaithful.🤦🏾♀️. Like I said, he’s my ex-husband.
Katrina, you're always correct.
Agree
Exactly!
My ex had a porn addiction. So glad I’m out. Never again will I try to “fix” someone else. You lose yourself in the process. It’s not worth it 🤷♂️
Yep, you aren't Jesus
Good to know if you ever have a partner who is struggling with something that you'll leave them by the curb.
Good decision i would do the same. I put it on the same level as a drug or alcohol addiction .
@@pinkkfloyddwill you stand by a woman who has a sex addiction and can’t stop cheating on you?
thats the pb with u ; when u have some pb we re together , but when a man has a pb u re alone . Grow a bite u re not a girl anymore . or stay like that and u gonna have only players ;)
Not straight myself, but as a lonely gay man I will say pornography absolutely affects how I feel about men. I feel more sluggish, more disconnected and more in isolated. Porn destroys your self confidence and natural dopamine rushes which is the foundation to relationships. I hope the straights learn to quit it, it’s not good for them. Most gay men and lesbians learn too late. Make the decision to be healthy for yourself!
U need Buddha
As a heterosexual man, I love porn. My wife liked it and we had a lot of fun watching it. Then something horrible happened. She gave her life to Jesus and now I hate that mythical asshole! He made a good think bad.
@@MrMuaythai84yes he definitely does he's crazy
im a straight beta male. i totally agree with your assessment. i probably watch porn at least 3 x. per week. after i get off, i feel nothing. i feel like i just wasted 2 hrs. like i could have been doing something productive like learning a language or playing a sport. but, it kills your drive. as men, we have that desire to conquer and keep progressing. pron keeps you stuck. you're just cycling.
I briefly dated someone with a p*rn addiction he literally picked at the flaws on my body, indirectly told me I was fat even though I'm not, he put no effort in the bedroom and told me I was bad in the sack he couldn't even maintain an erection. I told him where to go pretty quickly we only dated for 5 months the p*rn addiction was a deal breaker for me because it's taken me a long time to feel confident and comfortable in my own skin I had an ED which started when I was 13 and I overcame it in my late twenties I still have relapses but for the most part I'm over it I go to the gym regularly to maintain good health and nutrition...but yea I'm not gonna let somebody make me feel insecure because they have no control over their urges.
Good for you! I don't get why they were talking about her body image in connection to the husbands addiction. I get if it was a separate topic about her confidence. My point is, the person who should be ashamed and fix things is the husband with disgusting porn addiction, not the wife! I'd divorce the day I heard the 'news' about such addiction. Disgusting!
I've noticed people with addictions tend to nitpick. Someone I went to school with used to be very nitpicky and judgemental. The very things this person picked about was what they got arrested for...
Oof, I get you! My abusive ex was heavily dependent on p**n and he told me the same, couldn't get off because he said he found me unattractive and needed someone with huge breasts... killed my self esteem but now knowing what I know, I'm sure to keep my standards rather than settling with someone who has so many unhealthy habits
Wow, some men have no critical thinking at all. On porn sets, they have bright lighting and the ‘performers’ use tricks like tape, fake tan and various body oils to make their bodies look ‘perfect’ on camera. I would garuntee even they don’t look that in real life. If these sad men with porn addictions don’t get help and just expect their partner to look like a porn star…well, they are in for a lonely life.
Amen. Women in our society have been trained and brainwashed to believe that seeking sexual gratification from other women while being in a “ monogamous” relationship is “normal” and that is should be tolerated and normalized. There is nothing normal about it specifically if you are in an agreed upon monogamous relationship. If your partner feels the need to seek and achieve sexual gratification from other women while being in a monogamous relationship with you then it’s Not a monogamous relationship. Many women act like their man watching porn doesn’t bother them when it really deeply is completely disturbing to our peace and happiness. That’s because women have been trained to accept “it’s normal and I’m a man” “and that’s what men do”. Absolutely Not. Men in our society as well have been trained and brainwashed to believe these things are normal and acceptable. If your partner seeks and achieve sexual pleasure from some one other than you, then you are not in a healthy monogamous relationship. And from the beginning you have to set those boundaries and enforce them. And if those boundaries are crossed then move on. I will have my partners back until the end UNLESS they betray me. But this whole idea of trying to make a relationship work when sexual, physical, mental, emotional and spiritual boundaries have been completely betrayed is a big No. your partner is the one who promised not to betray your boundaries in your relationship and if they did exactly the opposite then it’s time to let them go. Let them figure out their problems on their own. For me personally at this point in my life The moment a partner betrays your boundaries that is the moment the love is gone. Not because I didn’t try but because they completely shattered the love with their chosen behavior. Get a therapist, get a doctor to help work on your “issues” cus I’m out. Your boundaries are their for a reason. Not seeking sexual gratification from other women while being in a supposedly monogamous relationship is 100% rational. Any one who tries to make you feel you don’t have a right to your boundaries and feelings needs to go as well.✌️
I completely disagree with this response. Once you’ve been compared to 10s of 1000s of other women you WILL NOT feel the same about yourself. You can put it on the woman to tell themselves they are a “woman of value”, but when the man in their life didn’t decide they were worth their fidelity, it is damaging.
Let’s not talk to women about “what’s best for their body”- let’s talk to men about what is best for the emotional well- being of their wives.
Editing to add that it is the HUSBAND with one foot in and one foot out, who is playing married.
If Dr John were talking to the husband I believe he would tell him exactly what you are saying needs to be told to the man. In this case the woman is calling and asking what she can do and he is telling her what she can do. He even told her if she gives her husband another chance and he screws up to be "all out".
@@artiemcdonald7197 fair enough
1000% agree!
The husband should prove he is worthy of trust …he’s the one who broke it it’s not supposed be given to him! She has every right to feel this way
Women need to understand this addiction usually starts at age 12-13. We grew up using porn as a binky when we were stressed growing up. It's not just about the woman. No man wants to be addicted to porn. Our brains have been absolutely destroyed at an early age. Access on every platform. It's not something to vilify a man over, saying he's one foot in the door and one foot out. Every friend I've had has had issues with pornography. They got us hooked at 12. He needs a support group. He needs a blocker on his phone. He needs an accountability partner that is NOT his wife. Because women just don't understand this addiction, or rather most women don't understand this addiction. They will judge him, devalue him, for something men my age have all struggled with. It's universal among men. Should he have taken care of this before marriage? Absolutely. Duuuuhhh. But most men feel trapped with it. Shamed by it. And when they tell their wives all they get is more shame. The same shame that fuels the addiction that started before they were 13. For any women or fellow porn addicts reading this Freedom is an incredible blocker I use for Chrome, ANY app on Android that I have on a recurring timer, so I'm not tempted in the evening. Furthermore, women think it's about them. It's not. Obviously it's hurtful, but it has nothing to do with who they are. It's an chemical addiction that starts at a young age, hidden from everyone else. On a phone or computer, the person isolated within four walls. It's a miserable, miserable existence. Fueled by shame and guilt. I wish I would have never stumbled upon porn at age 12. It messed me up beyond words. But everyone can be free of it. Tell your best MALE friend. Set up an accountability system. Find a blocker. PAY for it. Use it.
If you have a p0rn addiction, your sēxual expectations about women in real life or dating/relationships will disappoint you. Keep going and you’re no good for future relationships.
Same applies when a promiscuous woman expects her future husband to be as tall and good looking as the guys who are willing to sleep with her for one night
💯
Facts.
It's pretty disingenuous when women say things like this about porn.
1) Men have considerably higher libidos and levels of testosterone. So they start wanting sex as early as 10 years old and porn is their only outlet. Then that need for sex only grows with age.
2) Stats show that 80% of all men are not having sex and that 30% of all men from 18-30 are virgins. So porn continues to be their only sexual outlet.
**I mean imagine being a guy that wants sex 24/7/365 and he has no ability to get it at all. What other outlet does he have besides porn? On the other hand, women can get sex very easily. So that's why they tend to lack any real empathy on the sexual struggles most men have..
Spot on. If you have that addiction fix it first before starting a relationship our leave real women alone. It will save them a lot of heartache.
A lot of the comments seem to be from women who don’t understand this addiction. Most of younger men grew up in a time where porn evolved from magazines to now being able to watch it anytime, anywhere, on a screen. The dopamine response & just how easy it is to get makes this extremely addictive and extremely difficult to quit for men. For me and most of my friends, this addiction started at a very young age - 14 for me. It was and still is very much a taboo subject and not well understood. This is also a new phenomenon that wasn’t previously available. Most men don’t understand the damage it really causes them and their partner.
It took me till I was 28 to say enough is enough. I finally saw the damage it was doing to me personally, but I didn’t understand how hurt my wife would be. I confessed my addiction to my wife and did absolutely everything in my power to beat it. We discussed everything in length. She was obviously devastated. I allowed her to ask any questions she wanted and gave her full 100% honesty. We put website blockers and notifications on all our electronics - she’s able to view all my internet activity and she’ll be alerted if I ever visit any porn site.
It’s been over 2 years since those discussions, I’ve never gone back, and we can both confidently say that our marriage has gotten dramatically better. It feels like a second honeymoon as times. Our communication about everything has gone to a new level and our level of trust is unmatched.
If you’re a woman who has a man is struggling with this, don’t give up on him right away. It’s a dangerous addiction and most men don’t realize it yet… it’s extremely common. I’m willing to bet over 50% of men deal with this. Let him know how it makes you feel… give him ultimatums if necessary. But you need to try to work through it first. In the end, it could make your relationship that much stronger
This gave me a little bit of hope. I've found porn in my husband's phone multiple times including a couple days ago but I told him how it makes me feel and I've tried to get him to talk to me about it. Talk to me if he's struggling and feeling the urge to turn it on so that we can try to work through it because its not healthy. I check in periodically and ask him if he's watched any porn lately, and he tells me no but clearly that isn't the case. He still feels the need to hide it...its hurts. And i feel like there's nothing left for me to do.
@@nelle8630 we went through this as well for a long time. You as his wife can’t be his go to source for consolation. He’ll never be honest with you about it. It would be much better for him to find someone else he can confide in and be honest with. But He needs to actually want to confront the problem more than you do. & for that to happen, he needs to understand how much of a problem it actually is.
Not saying threatening divorce should be the first go to…. But my father is a severe alcoholic. It took my mom filing divorce papers, my brother cutting off all communication & and me threatening to have him never see my family again for him to actually get the help he needed. He had to hit rock bottom in order to bounce back
I enjoy porn as well,soon as I climax its over till next time and I move on ,if my wife was checking my internet search and had internet block on...I would divorce her in a heart beat,lifes to short and you die
Just because it produces dopamine it doesn't mean that you're addicted like a drug addict!
It's a choice you make and it's a selfish act.
Every single thing we do, from anger to pleasure is in connection with hormones in our brains, but that doesn't mean we can blame those hormones for our actions!
If you were on a deserted island, you wouldn't show any sings of withdrawal of porn, but a drug addict would physically suffer, so stop that b.s man!
No woman should be dragged into a man's dirty filthy secret fantasy world.
lol so you have hated women from the time you were a child? Even more reason for you to stay single and alone. Stop dragging women down into your disgusting world. Only fans is not real. They pay chatter to talk to the guys for them. They are ai models and not even real women. So comparing actual human women to your fake ai robot porn imagination is the issue. No actual woman will ever look like that.
Addiction is addiction, no matter the vice. Its debilitating to your mental, spiritual, and physical health. It DOES affect you, and those around you
I feel for her. She's sharing her husand with 1000s of women on a screen and being compared, looks and performance wise. I was in a relationship with a porn addict for a few years. I saw it go darker and darker. He started getting into gay porn and then wanting to act out his attraction by going to gay strip clubs. He had erectile problems and he was only 25 at the time. It gets darker as the addiction gets worse. For some men the porn gets more violent, then younger, then they need a kid to act it out on. Porn fuels sex trafficking. It deranges the mind, its not normal and should not be normalized in schools. It erodes trust and this wife is struggling and her husband doesnt seem to care. It's selfish of him, and I'm sure she thought marriage would fix it and make him commit to just her. He wont change unless he gets sick of it and sees it as a problem. She needs to create boundaries with him and stick to them even if it means separating for a stretch of time. Right now he's comfy consuming porn and having her around. It doesnt cost him anything tangible. If she separates and he picks porn over her then she's saved herself and demonstrated self respect which will only repair and grow from there.
I guess everyone has their addictions. I usually write music about drug addiction. Sadly, the pain I hear in her voice is about another addiction. There are more “addicts” than drug addicts. Praying for her.
It is alarming that number of porn addicts grow every year. Now even WHO had classified compulsive masturbation as a disorder. What scary is that young men ( as young as 18) are struggling with erectile dysfunction and anxiety. I work at the pharmacy, and we see more than ever young guys filling their prescriptions for Viagra and Cialis, where typically that drug was used for men older than 50. Their hormone levels are messed up ( testosterone levels of 20 yo are at the levels of 70 year old). All of these young men have one thing in common - they've been addicted to porn since an early childhood ( as young as 6, since they had access to high speed Internet). Porn addiction is probably larger than alcohol or drug addictions.
😆. Thanks Lord for your peace
Thanks Lord for your salvation.
Thanks Lord no Viagra here
My husband has had one the whole time we’ve dated. Doesn’t matter if we have sex 4x a day everyday … he claims he’s over it .. but now he looks at women in public so. I just wanna leave. Just leave.we deserve someone that is crazy about us
Check out a podcast called- Consider Before Consuming. I’ve found it very informative about porn addiction and it’s harms on relationships and people plus porn is linked to sex trafficking. Maybe he can get informed and get help... otherwise I would leave.
It is in man's nature to want to look. it is frankly in every man's nature to want more than just want one woman. However as a superior man, you must forego the temptations of the flesh and focus on your purpose. Don't harass him for a glance. But do demand the best from him.
@@junebee5128 oh thank you for the info!! . He claims he hasn’t indulged in months but you can never believe an addict lol he’s been leaving his phone in the bedroom when he goes to the bathroom but when we fight he takes it lol I’m sick of not being able to go out places without him looking at women making me feel disrespected. I’m planning my escape. Lollll I need to find a job . I quit because we agreed it wasn’t safe for the pregnancy and they wouldn’t provide me protective covering :/ been applying places :)
@@anthonylozano8035 sorry but no. Women do not have to tolerate this behavior.
@@anthonylozano8035 yeAaa but look once. If you keep looking it’s disrespectful. I’d rather just shun men completely than have to deal with this. Let him think I’m looking at another man he will flip out
I NEEDED to hear this video. Found my husband watching 🌽 for probably the 10000th time after having serious conversation about how it hurts me....I'm in the process of packing my bags right now to go stay with family. I've been ALL in & he hasn't.
Update: he came home and acted like everything was okay and wasn't even concerned that I was leaving. The only thing he said was "I need the car at 8 a.m"
So sorry. See if there’s a Celebrate Recovery in your area. Also check out live free for wives online.
So sorry he is not taking this seriously. You will need to. Try to get him into a Celebrate Recovery class for sex addict.
so he’s supposed to just wait until you’re ready to have sex with him when he thinks about it everyday, just suppress his desire to have you or any form of satisfaction until you’re ready?
Do you listen to songs about love, do you watch rom coms or read novels about love. All of that is porn for women. Same thing.
You must not be a good wife for him if that was his reaction. Sounds like you two are incompatible regardless of the videos
This did not answer her question, I feel. She sounds so disappointed in what he gave her. I understand why she does. Trusting a person isn't something you can decide to do, it just has to be earned. Sucks so much having to or trying to trust someone...
Courage is trusting even when your afraid.
trusting what? you better not look at images! man thats a tough life right there
I think that’s the piece that was missing from this conversation. She cannot just decide, if anything she does that to an extent everyday she chooses to stay with him. The question is what is he putting in place to rebuild and earn that trust? If the answer is nothing then the trust will never come. She cannot heal the trust from within just herself.
@@ArianaEverdeen umm how about he never cheated that’s where the trust comes from.
@@AaronD313 wrong. Regardless of whether you think it’s cheating or not, she set a boundary, he disregards it. Either respect it or leave, don’t be a coward
Pouring his life away into tissues
lmao
im gunna name an album after this
This is dumb as all heck. People can watch porn and still have successful relationships, as long as their partner isn’t pathetic insecure prudes
Yet you women are crying about it
@RocketMomma-ig5ttlol most men watch porn. Welcome to reality
Here's my issue though....if you fully trust someone who you already know has broken that trust aren't you just choosing to be ignorant. If you fully trust how would you ever know if they are violating that trust or not? Maybe one day they would just randomly tell you?
Wow. What you said about being "all in" when married is so true. Hurt will happen in marriage, it's inevitable. Where there's truth, there can be trust. No deception means you confess your mess ups, knowing that you will still be loved. You also commit to continue loving your partner when they confess their mess. TRUST is paramount in marriage and it covers a multitude of sins. Without trust, there's deception, and staying means you have one foot in, and one foot out, which is doomed to fail. Powerful, Dr. Delony! You're amazing!
.Women in our society have been trained and brainwashed to believe that seeking sexual gratification from other women while being in a “ monogamous” relationship is “normal” and that is should be tolerated and normalized. There is nothing normal about it specifically if you are in an agreed upon monogamous relationship. If your partner feels the need to seek and achieve sexual gratification from other women while being in a monogamous relationship with you then it’s Not a monogamous relationship. Many women act like their man watching porn doesn’t bother them when it really deeply is completely disturbing to our peace and happiness. That’s because women have been trained to accept “it’s normal and I’m a man” “and that’s what men do”. Absolutely Not. Men in our society as well have been trained and brainwashed to believe these things are normal and acceptable. If your partner seeks and achieve sexual pleasure from some one other than you, then you are not in a healthy monogamous relationship. And from the beginning you have to set those boundaries and enforce them. And if those boundaries are crossed then move on. I will have my partners back until the end UNLESS they betray me. But this whole idea of trying to make a relationship work when sexual, physical, mental, emotional and spiritual boundaries have been completely betrayed is a big No. your partner is the one who promised not to betray your boundaries in your relationship and if they did exactly the opposite then it’s time to let them go. Let them figure out their problems on their own. For me personally at this point in my life The moment a partner betrays your boundaries that is the moment the love is gone. Not because I didn’t try but because they completely shattered the love with their chosen behavior. Get a therapist, get a doctor to help work on your “issues” cus I’m out. Your boundaries are their for a reason. Not seeking sexual gratification from other women while being in a supposedly monogamous relationship is 100% rational. Any one who tries to make you feel you don’t have a right to your boundaries and feelings needs to go as well.✌️
I also learned that trust is something that's given,not earned. It's a challenge for sure, because none of us deserve trust really. We all done messed up somehow. But when that trust is given, it influences people to try harder. Unless they don't. Sometimes that happens too. But I'm on the keep trying to love and trust till I die train lol
He broke the vows. Marriage is null and void now
"He's married to a woman that's never trusted him" and why is that exactly? Maybe it's because he lied from day one.
that is true, it is his fault, however she decided to marry him regardless, so both things are true at once, and he is being better, and she wants to be better too, so they have to deal with those feelings now that the addiction is over
What happens when they delete their search history when you want to check anyway
@@amandacox5866 then you become petty, you fight, he goes to jail, thankfully pays you alimony and child support so that he doesn't have to look at you anymore. He successfully ignores you. You die alone and happy about it.
Then why say yes?
@@MickeyJaymz You're projecting...maybe she finds someone decent who isn't a liar and has a fantastic happy life while he dies alone.
So the husband deeply hurts his wife, is a slime all, and she has to go all in?
Nope, his things are at the curb. Problem solved.
👏👏
I agree with you. I feel like unfortunately society expects women to be perfect and ignore their feelings when it comes to mens issues. If a woman feels hurt that her husband is doing something that he knows hurts her, he needs to not do it. He’s choosing he addiction over his marriage. People need to stop expecting women to just “accept” all these destructive things that typically the man in the relationship does. People need to be having conversations about this stuff before marriage. My fiancé and I talk about all these things, we pretty much have no boundaries on what we talk about, and we aren’t afraid to have these conversations. He knows that if he gets into porn that he will lose me, but I don’t think he ever had an issue with porn to begin with. These rules need to be set in the relationship before commitment.
@@Madeline64 So true. And for alot of women, it comes down to morals, values, and the degradation of women. It's ok and normal to have this boundary, regardless of what society says.
.Women in our society have been trained and brainwashed to believe that seeking sexual gratification from other women while being in a “ monogamous” relationship is “normal” and that is should be tolerated and normalized. There is nothing normal about it specifically if you are in an agreed upon monogamous relationship. If your partner feels the need to seek and achieve sexual gratification from other women while being in a monogamous relationship with you then it’s Not a monogamous relationship. Many women act like their man watching porn doesn’t bother them when it really deeply is completely disturbing to our peace and happiness. That’s because women have been trained to accept “it’s normal and I’m a man” “and that’s what men do”. Absolutely Not. Men in our society as well have been trained and brainwashed to believe these things are normal and acceptable. If your partner seeks and achieve sexual pleasure from some one other than you, then you are not in a healthy monogamous relationship. And from the beginning you have to set those boundaries and enforce them. And if those boundaries are crossed then move on. I will have my partners back until the end UNLESS they betray me. But this whole idea of trying to make a relationship work when sexual, physical, mental, emotional and spiritual boundaries have been completely betrayed is a big No. your partner is the one who promised not to betray your boundaries in your relationship and if they did exactly the opposite then it’s time to let them go. Let them figure out their problems on their own. For me personally at this point in my life The moment a partner betrays your boundaries that is the moment the love is gone. Not because I didn’t try but because they completely shattered the love with their chosen behavior. Get a therapist, get a doctor to help work on your “issues” cus I’m out. Your boundaries are their for a reason. Not seeking sexual gratification from other women while being in a supposedly monogamous relationship is 100% rational. Any one who tries to make you feel you don’t have a right to your boundaries and feelings needs to go as well.✌️
@@Madeline64 .Women in our society have been trained and brainwashed to believe that seeking sexual gratification from other women while being in a “ monogamous” relationship is “normal” and that is should be tolerated and normalized. There is nothing normal about it specifically if you are in an agreed upon monogamous relationship. If your partner feels the need to seek and achieve sexual gratification from other women while being in a monogamous relationship with you then it’s Not a monogamous relationship. Many women act like their man watching porn doesn’t bother them when it really deeply is completely disturbing to our peace and happiness. That’s because women have been trained to accept “it’s normal and I’m a man” “and that’s what men do”. Absolutely Not. Men in our society as well have been trained and brainwashed to believe these things are normal and acceptable. If your partner seeks and achieve sexual pleasure from some one other than you, then you are not in a healthy monogamous relationship. And from the beginning you have to set those boundaries and enforce them. And if those boundaries are crossed then move on. I will have my partners back until the end UNLESS they betray me. But this whole idea of trying to make a relationship work when sexual, physical, mental, emotional and spiritual boundaries have been completely betrayed is a big No. your partner is the one who promised not to betray your boundaries in your relationship and if they did exactly the opposite then it’s time to let them go. Let them figure out their problems on their own. For me personally at this point in my life The moment a partner betrays your boundaries that is the moment the love is gone. Not because I didn’t try but because they completely shattered the love with their chosen behavior. Get a therapist, get a doctor to help work on your “issues” cus I’m out. Your boundaries are their for a reason. Not seeking sexual gratification from other women while being in a supposedly monogamous relationship is 100% rational. Any one who tries to make you feel you don’t have a right to your boundaries and feelings needs to go as well.✌️
It’s the lying to my face like I don’t already know. The not trusting and having to babysit a grown man and being exhausted of this game, of the ball dropping again. It’s the rejecting the real women in front of you, not fulfilling any of her needs or wants in the process. So much heartbreak and stress and time wasted and soul crushing and trama on top of trama. Like women that are so beautiful just wasting their good years waiting on their man to grow up and out of their addiction
yup
Why do that know this and still insist that you are insecure and that you are crazy and immaterial and making it up
Caught the boy I’m with for 10 years watching porn. It’s not about porn it’s more of trust-what else is he doing behind my back? Is he on chat room and onlyfans, too? It just shows that he has no love and respect for the person he’s with. He’s a grown man, he knows right from wrong. Anyway, I have been distant from him since the incident and plan on moving on once our lease is up in May. Lying and cheating are something I cannot tolerate and nothing he said will validate his deviant behavior. Have yourself worth and love yourself girlfriend. You deserve better.
You sound very confused and contradictory. You say it's a problem of trust and he didn't tell you, but then say he's a deviant not worth your time. How could anyone ever possibly feel safe opening up and being honest with you if you are going to dump on them like that when they do?
Wow ho relax
Don't listen to this people Lisa. You are the one that knows your relationship best. If you feel it's best for you to leave him, you should. Take good care of yourself, and good luck❤
You didn't catch him. You never asked about this topic years ago.
When the Ashley Madison 2015 scandal came up, you didn't discuss somewhat?
Boy? Lol. Just break up
I strongly recommend the Pure Desire Ministries support group for men looking to work through this issue. Great content and a great podcast.
This prgm saved our 20 year marriage. This was hard because I thought he didn't want a physical relationship basically, and I did approach him weekly and got turned down. It was hard to realize he'd been taking care of his own needs many years, and not taking into account mine or pursuing me. But now I realize how these issues work.
There's also an accountability software, Covenant Eyes, that is very effective breaking point addiction.
I'll speak for myself, but I didn't get into porn because of my wife. I became addicted as a kid when I had no idea what this was other than naked chics. Before you know it, I couldn't stop watching and was looking for it everywhere I went. I didn't even make the connection with being addicted until it all blew up with my wife.
How are u guys doing now? Are u trying to give it up? How is it affecting her? I’m in this spot and my husband isn’t being transparent, won’t do therapy, still lies to me,and even blames me even tho I try to satisfy him
I was in the same boat… It’s an addiction that isn’t well understood and recognized because it’s so new. Kicking the addiction was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. The admission to my wife was very difficult for the both of us. It was a long road to rebuild trust. But now our marriage is stronger than ever
@@lifeforgod07 can u share how u quit and how u patched things up w ur wife?
@@summersalix I quit by making it literally unavailable. My problem was pulling it up on my the screens. I had my wife block access on all my electronics via a subscription service called familisafe. Over 2 years later, we continue to use it. It helps me make sure I’ll never go back and gives her the confidence that I’m not.
There wasn’t a “patching things up”. It took us a while to heal and for her to trust me again. It helped that because I wasn’t watching anymore, I was just naturally more in to her and got my fulfillment through her and not porn. I didn’t really understand how she would feel through this whole experience, so we both just opened up with 100% transparency.
I’d be happy to answer anymore questions, where is your husband at with this problem?
@@lifeforgod07were you comparing while still watching?
Most women think porn addiction is actually a sexual addiction and is about sex. While that can be very rarely true, most of the times it's not. Porn goes way deeper. It starts in the teenage years for a man. After a while it becomes a way of coping with your troubles, and it becomes a way to check out from reality when life gets tough. It becomes a drug of choice for some men. This becomes exacerbated from the fact that as a young man you are embarrassed to reach out for help for this kind of situations and the guilt that comes along with it takes you even deeper. I am speaking from a perspective of a guy who was a porn addict. In my addiction years there was really no time where I said, I am horny let me watch some porn, instead it was always I feel sad, anxious, depressed let me sooth myself with porn. So, if your guy has a porn addiction it's not because you are not enough or attractive, it has to do with his own daemons. Help your man get well mentally and spiritually!
Helpful perspective ❤
Thanks for sharing, my husband has a similar story as you and I’m trying to understand him and help support him. He quit and I’m trying to heal my betrayal wounds from the situation. Ngl it really has destroyed my confidence and happiness in many ways but in trying to recover that as well.
@@ComfortASMRalicein the call John mentioned SA Sex Addicts Anonymous (and there’s also SLAA Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous) .
You might find Al-Anon helpful. Originally set up for the families of alcoholics Al-Anon also welcomes the friends and families of other addicts. The fellowship is not about fixing the addict, it focusses on healing the pain the addict’s addiction causes their loved ones.
Im a porn addict, in most situations it has nothing to do with the wife. Saw an interesting comment recently "even if P addicted husband was married to his dream P star, he would still watch P" and thats so true. Its about the novelty and "more more more", it's how the brain of an addict works.
So hopefully this helps ! You could be the most perfect woman from head to toe, his addiction would still exist. Good luck !
Interesting perspective thank you for the honesty.
He could replace you with any woman in the world and he would still be doing this. The most beautiful women in the world are married to PAs
So no men are capable of love? That's sad, but probably true.
@Sara-x6t3s there are definitely men capable of love. You must find one with emotional maturity to start.
Porn gives men an unrealistic sexual expectation. Real sex is not like porn, if you are honest. If it is then you and your partner creat that experience. If that’s what you both enjoy then that works for you.
But by that same logic if a promiscuous woman is pumped and dumped by a tall supermodel then she will now expect her husband to have the same looks and height as the tallest best looking man who’s willing to sleep with her.
@@grizzlybear2702 not even the same thing. That is typically happens when there are conversations about things like this. You are comparing 1 actual sex experience to watching porn repeatedly. That’s like saying you can make the same amount of juice with one apple as you can with a whole bag of oranges. However you are entitled to your opinion, so I guess we have to agree to disagree.
@@brunsonts how is it any different. An ugly or average woman can hook up with a 2 meter tall supermodel for just the night but she will never get commitment from that guy. At most an average woman will be lucky to get commitment from a 185cm 7/10 face man. Can woman really be attracted to such a man after sleeping with a man with better specifications.
@@grizzlybear2702 Anyone that uses terminology like "pump and dump" has zero respect for women and isn't worth a serious response.
@@grizzlybear2702 that’s not the same logic. Sounds like you’re projecting some insecurities?
This is why people have got to be aligned with their expectations and values etc when selecting a partner. Men who need p*rn need to find someone who it okay with it and women who are not okay with it need to find someone who doesn't need it. Gotta have that honest open line of communication upfront. STAY AWAY FROM ANYTHING THAT STEALS YOUR PEACE no matter what the "thief". The biggest killer of relationships is selfishness and that goes for both sides.
You censored porn. 🤣 See a therapist. You'll be amazed at how much your life changes if you treat yourself as the one with the problems.
A porn addiction is different than just watching it. No one would be okay with the effects it has on their relationship and self esteem. There’s no way a man can be a decent partner if he has a porn addiction
If only it was this easy. My husband never told me about his porn addiction. I had to find out about it cause I caught him playing hentai games. Then a year after that he’s confessed again that he never stopped and he told me a lot of his mental processes. It’s hard and it’s not just let’s talk about porn because I feel when you get in a relationship it’s the last thing you think about.
No one needs porn. Pornography is one of the most vile things in existence. It corrupts everyone involved and it impacts everyone around everyone involved.
@@heav2582 Watching pornography is evil whether you’re addicted or not.
Most of the advice I’ve heard is so good but this was awful advice because he’s proven she should not trust him completely. If he’s addicted he will do it again. What roadblocks are in place for him to not return to his addiction? What about SA or counseling for him before she gives him her trust. He’s shown her he doesn’t care about her values more than porn. Why ask her to be vulnerable until he demonstrates trustworthiness?
When he said “I don’t think you’ve gone all in with this guy” I LOSST IT! And then he tells her, “YOU’RE still lining YOURSELF up in this IMAGINARY line of women…” The level of dismissiveness and victim blaming here was dangerously unprofessional and likely she left this conversation much, much more self shaming than she ever had. This “Dr” validated the filth her husband has been choosing over her, in spite of her, and against her very soul. How a woman who has dated a man since high school, married him, and given birth to their shared children… is beyond my comprehension. They are married, her sexuality is supposed to be nurtured, honored and cherished by only one man, her husband. To anyone so deep in this depravity that they foolishly defend it, know that you are only exposing your poor character, lack of integrity, and inability to truly connect deeply in a loving human relationship. Stop pushing your sickness onto others just because it makes you feel better now that you have a team of pervs sitting on semen soaked gaming chairs, pretending to be “real men” as they sassily tap away at their cum-crusted keyboards. Misery loves company, and a coward never stands alone. If you want to damage your brain and blast away at your already desperately low potential to find fulfilling relationships, DO YOU, (literally), but don’t be so disgusting that you’re comfortable exposing others to your humiliating hobbies. If you’re single, this episode was not for you, if you’re in a relationship hiding porn, this was a sh*t representation of the immense trauma so many women are suffering through. The effects of porn addiction on the non addict partner are vast, long lasting, visible, mental, and incredibly physical. These women experience a condition that closely resembles PTSD called Betrayal Trauma, a medically recognized and well accepted diagnosis with very real, very painful symptoms. They experience internalized shame, not only for their own perceived insufficient level of attractiveness, but shame for believing that their husbands ever truly loved them, shame for believing in their marriage, shame for trusting, shame for never being able to “satisfy her man’s needs”…(an incredibly hurtful response nearly every single porn addict attacks their already beaten, broken, agonizing partner as a means of deflecting and blame shifting. Many of these women experience emotional abuse for years and never even know it, they’re beaten down, made to feel worthless, and then their husbands, the love of their life, their best friend offers them another debilitating blow…”You’re over reacting. Your issues are the problem. You need professional help. Everyone does it, because it’s nothing but a sexual release, a natural bodily need for men. Those women don’t mean anything to me, they’re trash. You need to get over this and let me know when you’re good, because I am not going to be attacked because you need to take better care of yourself but instead you don’t and lash out at me. Good night.” And they walk away with their electronic devices in hand, into the spare bedroom, and close the door behind them.” Wives are left in actual shock as their minds shift from frantic to flat, frantic to flat, desperately trying to process what just happened. The only conclusion to be found by a brain acting in response to extreme pain/shock/and trauma is this, “he said those women are trash, they mean nothing, but he won’t stop watching them even though it kills me, kills our intimacy, kills our bond, is destroying all trust, is effecting my ability to show up for our children, to care for myself, and will likely be the end of our family as we have always known it. He chose those women who were less than a piece of garbage to him, over all of us.” Imagine its you realizing your dearest person thinks even less of you than that, less that trash. Because thats what these married men are telling their wives. No one has the right to destroy another human being, especially when they have taken a vow to love, honor and protect. Porn use is indicative of cowardice so extreme it may as well be pathological. I’m sorry to all who have been hurt by this sadistic form of abuse.
@@dropdead_red you said that so well!! Amen!!!
@@dropdead_redwell said, delony tried to make this all about her needing to have more self confidence. “Put him back in the box” in my opinion this has NOTHING to do with “body positivity”
TL;DR@@dropdead_red
@dropdead_red I'd like to give a males perspective. To start off. I definitely think he could have helped her more than he did. But, in my case I never chose to be exposed to porn. At 9 years old my friend had found a pornographic website and showed me the images. I couldn't fully understand what I was looking at or how much it would effect me into my teen years. I knew it was bad but I wanted to fit in with my friend, so I looked. At 11 I started masturbating to pornography. I knew what I was doing was wrong. But I couldn't stop. It was like a drug i could access at anytime. I was too afraid to disappoint my parents, so I never told them. This kept going until I was 17. I tried harder than ever before to stop looking at these disgusting videos. But I just couldn't. I'd go on streaks of a week or two and then fall right back into the addiction. One thing to note is, for me, I found myself using the hit of dopamine as a stress reliever. I had family members passing away, getting sick, and the new responsibilities of adulthood piling up. It became an easy way to forget about all those things. Now as a 19 year old I've made slow progress to breaking this cycle. But it will always be a struggle for the rest of my life. I guess the point is. Not all men enjoy porn. Many, including all of my friends suffering with this, hate what they're doing and hate themselves because of it. None of us wanted to look at those things most of us were exposed to it or abused and used it as an escape. Once you become addicted you may want to stop more than anything. It's led me to want to end my life so I could be rid of this. But, porn holds you captive. And the ease of access to it makes it that much easier to keep going back. Just remember ladies. Alot of men are SUFFERING from this, and want to change. But porn is one of the hardest addictions to break. So if a man opens up to you about this and wants to change, please, help him to do so. We can't do it alone and that's a fact. I've tried. I know it's a long read and it's hard to convey my thoughts through text, but hopefully this will help you to understand.
Sooo much victim blaming with no actionable advice.
Girl leave.
or fix your insecurities and become a mature adult
@@AaronD313 Or learn to be a functioning man not a chimp fiddling with himself in front of a screen like the rest of the losers 😂
Victim blaming: "Victim, this is your fault."
Dr. Deloney: "I can't speak to both parties because both parties aren't on this call, but here are some actions you can take for yourself."
Yes, I can see the relationship between these two...
@@calebmote1133 a victim of someone else looking at pictures on their phone. dang thats a struggle there
@RocketMomma-ig5tt its natural! you ask for men to do the impossible all while women use "body positivity" to get fatter than ever before in history, and we're supposed to find you physically attractive? HAHAHAHA! How dare women who want to be as big as a planet then tell men they need to find them physically attractive, the crap men are having to accept these days is absolute filth! you should be grateful a man is willing to put up with you and look at you at all
I have a question extremely similar to Samantha's as a newly-wed and I was SEARCHING the web high and low for this. Finally found it. THANK YOU, Dr. John Delony for giving me what I needed to hear. It was hard to hear, but I felt the truth from your words. Thank you.
I'm going through very similar. I'm at gym daily trying to get hot body for him. It doesn't change it trust me. It's not us it's him! Only Jesus can comfort u no one else can! Trust me. No one can get your identity like Jesus does
There are some complex issues that take more than 20 minutes to pick apart live on camera, and this seems like one of those. Kudos to both Delony and the caller for trying!
No kidding. All of these calls require more than 20 minutes. This is what we call "a good start."
I feel so badly for young people today. Because of the easy access to porn, children are getting exposed and truly messed up before they have the ability to understand what it is and how it hurts them.
Only because the parents allow it. The kids don't need smartphones with browsing data, nor computers in their bedrooms. A flip phone would suffice til driving age.
I am very moved by this session. Especially the "all in" part.
The things people put up with. Just because you’re married, doesn’t mean it’s a life sentence. Let him have the computer in the divorce and you get your peace of mind.
😂Exactly. Staying with your partner should not be a challenge. Staying with your partner should Not hurt you! .Women in our society have been trained and brainwashed to believe that seeking sexual gratification from other women while being in a “ monogamous” relationship is “normal” and that is should be tolerated and normalized. There is nothing normal about it specifically if you are in an agreed upon monogamous relationship. If your partner feels the need to seek and achieve sexual gratification from other women while being in a monogamous relationship with you then it’s Not a monogamous relationship. Many women act like their man watching porn doesn’t bother them when it really deeply is completely disturbing to our peace and happiness. That’s because women have been trained to accept “it’s normal and I’m a man” “and that’s what men do”. Absolutely Not. Men in our society as well have been trained and brainwashed to believe these things are normal and acceptable. If your partner seeks and achieve sexual pleasure from some one other than you, then you are not in a healthy monogamous relationship. And from the beginning you have to set those boundaries and enforce them. And if those boundaries are crossed then move on. I will have my partners back until the end UNLESS they betray me. But this whole idea of trying to make a relationship work when sexual, physical, mental, emotional and spiritual boundaries have been completely betrayed is a big No. your partner is the one who promised not to betray your boundaries in your relationship and if they did exactly the opposite then it’s time to let them go. Let them figure out their problems on their own. For me personally at this point in my life The moment a partner betrays your boundaries that is the moment the love is gone. Not because I didn’t try but because they completely shattered the love with their chosen behavior. Get a therapist, get a doctor to help work on your “issues” cus I’m out. Your boundaries are their for a reason. Not seeking sexual gratification from other women while being in a supposedly monogamous relationship is 100% rational. Any one who tries to make you feel you don’t have a right to your boundaries and feelings needs to go as well.✌️
Yep. Pornography is a form of cheating. You are giving something to a screen that you are depriving your spouse time and time again, which results in a myriad of issues in the marriage. It's sad that many people do not see it this way until they're in the thick of it. Ive been there. Thankfully, we got the help we needed and it's not a problem, but my spouse has a clear understanding of what I will and will not tolerate.
@@brianachong5390 You spoke FACTS after FACTS!!❗️
Spoken like a single woman 🙄. Marriage is a vow for life
SMH Yeah because marriage is supposed to be perfect and with no challenges. Let me guess you’re not married
This was a great conversation! Ms lady made me sad because I just started dealing with my personal situation and I’m caring but my values are more than that. I plan to have a firm conversation.
I feel like the idea of "you can't lose enough weight to fix you inside" may not always be true. For instance, I lost weight, gained muscle, and got tan while working at a summer camp and for the first time in my life I loved my body. That summer was the most confident in my life, and I ended up asking a girl out for the first time, and she's now my wife. Then I went to college and my self esteem plummeted as my looks got worse. Thoughts on this, am I wrong that sometimes looking the way you've always wanted to look can help a lot with mental health?
Understandable but how you feel about yourself maybe tied to what society finds attractive. You loved your body thE minute you lost weight and gained muscle. Once that was gone, your self esteem and looks went down according to you. You’re body should be special to you at any stage of transition. You can have a great body but still terrible mental health.
Yes, I agree. It doesn't always help, i think it's more true in the opposite direction. If i gained 50 lbs it would definitely harm my mental health. From an extremely shallow perspective, going from a 9 to 9.5 or an 8 to a 9 won't solve you solve inner emotional world problems and no amount of good looks takes away the existential worries/realities of life that we all often face
Great, but just because that was your experience, doesn’t mean it’ll be that way for someone else.
@@sds6303 correct
Not always. For me. I got model hot. I was literally runner up for a beauty calendar.
I look in the mirror and still saw an ugly fat ogre. (That's how bad it was.)
My husband made it worse because he was really vain.
Finally, after pregnancy when I was obviously overweight. I had enough.
I made myself look on the mirror and told myself I was beautiful and attractive regardless of others opinions. Including my vain spouse.
Oddly enough that confidence made me attractive, even when I was fat.
So my culture talks about all encompassing health. It's called Hozho. Spiritual, mental and physical health.
I prayed. That helped.
I changed my perspective of myself. That helped.
And eventually I got healthy physically. This also helps.
We are people and flawed somewhere so we just gotta do what we can and make peace.
I wasn't a "bounce back mom" looked how I was before immediately after labor.
It took time. And during that time, I nurtured my spiritual health.
I nurtured my mentality.
What was a challenge was resisting temptation of guys who thought I was hot when my man treated me like garbage. :( But in that process I come to know who I wanna be. And that's thinking I'm beautiful and attractive without any validation from anyone else. And to remain pure, even if times get difficult.
So I attribute good health to all three. Spiritual, mental and physical.
If you look around. You'll see even physically attractive people might be having issues with mental or spiritual issues.
So that's how I've seen it over time.
I think this is going to help me as I age.
One of the many sucky things about dealing with having a spouse with this addiction is that it is extremely difficult to truly know when or if the spouse has honestly really completely stopped watching it. They not only get to be pros at hiding and lying about it, but because of modern technology the access is everywhere-- like how can you really know if they really and truly have stopped??
I believe some better advice would have been for the caller to be honest with her husband and express that he needs to perhaps go out of his way to vocalize that he sees her beauty inside and outside-- and for the husband to truly admit how his actions have damaged her self-esteem and feelings about her body. The addicts need to take ownership of the emotional and mental damage that they have caused their spouses and accept that they need to work hard on helping to build their spouses back up...
The better advice is to accept that it is normal, and work on your own self image. Stop blaming men for your own shortcomings.
@@exnecross3141 Don’t excuse it by saying it’s normal. While it is true that a high percentage of males watch p0rn to a certain extend, it does not means ALL do. It takes a real man to resist it. Not all males are real men, in fact very few are. Porn viewing is destructive in so many ways. For starters, it highly objectifies women, robbing them of their humanity. When men view porn on a regular basis it trains their brain to only view women if they look a certain way and ignore their personality traits, inner beauty, etc. Secondly, porn viewing actually changes your brain chemistry by releasing different neurotransmitters such as dopamine which then acts like a reward and this leads to a desire to repeat the experience over and over again. The trouble with this is that in order to derive the same amount of pleasurable sensation, the porn needs to be more riské, more tantalizing, etc to achieve the same degree of pleasure. This is where the addiction takes hold.
Still another problematic aspect of watching porn is the viewer is actually a participant in the sex trade. Many of these adult film “ stars” are the product of sex trafficking. A high number of them are addicted to drugs and the suicide rate is fairly high. So ask yourself, as a man, why would you want ANY part in supporting this sordid and evil practice of sex trafficking of young girls and women?? It’s wrong and highly exploitive.
Yes a woman’s body can be and is beautiful but only to be enjoyed by a loving and committed husband not to display it for the whole world to see and lust after.
Women are people just like men are, not merely objects for the immediate gratification of…males.
Around 08:20 it reminds me of a video I saw a couple of days ago in which it they said to say the following things to yourself everyday and really try to feel it (like a meditation):
I love myself.
I trust myself.
I honor myself.
I value myself.
This has been helping me out with my lack of confidence. It's been on repeat a lot, especially in the mornings and when I go to sleep, it really helps me to calm down.
hell yea, self compassion too, thanks for this
Cultivate a relationship with the Lord.
Read bible daily.
Find a bible study class.
Good luck
Let’s not forget… the husband must do his part too, he is also one foot in and one foot out the door…he made porn his alter and shame on him for it.
The support and approach for this woman should have been different; the words spoken to her at the end should have been spoken to her at the beginning. The beginning of this segment was a mess…
Caller, if you’re not already, seek marriage counseling the both of you should go. If he isn’t willing to put in the work he does not deserve you and don’t waste your life on this guy. Also, don’t let his addiction dictate how you view your body, (easier said than done I know)
💛💛You are fearfully and wonderfully made
It is all about the dopamine, dopamine, dopamine...the relax feeling after an organism and often people (men, women, etc..) will use masturbation as a coping mechanism; it relieves stress and can be initially very soothing, but also shaming. Porn is the titillation to get the juices flowing. Dopamine is very addictive.
It’s true and I don’t know HOW I feel about porn honestly. Obviously an addiction is something else entirely and I’d never put up with that.
I know my husband watches it every once in a while and I was okay with it (for the most part) until reading all the comments of people calling it cheating.
The way I see it is that he has a higher sex drive. I try to keep him satisfied but, especially if he’s working out of town or whatever, I’d much prefer he watch a 10 minute movie than go out and fulfill that need with another woman.
It’s just difficult because men and women are so different. Obviously there’s exceptions but for me, men just seem like pervs.
I love my husband but him texting me sexual references every single day seems so childish. It’s nice to feel wanted but my goodness. There’s SO much more to life than sex!
@@supernova11711 we really all are pervs deep down lol but thats our penis talking, we can also have big hearts and feelings like anyone else. it doesnt have to be so deep, we're visual, you could be a 10/10 to your man and he'll still get bored looking at the same thing, thats just life i guess.
No we are not all distorted pervs. Don't speak for everyone. Speak for yourself.
Thanks Lord single no kids
Don’t most addicts start before teen years? Not to take away from her side, but this is solely him, not sure if there is a concouling for it, but he has to take care of this, if he didn’t like you why would he continually pursue a relationship with you and ask you to marry him if he didn’t love you?
Yes, Children are exposed on average of 8 years of age...
I've decided to stop watching porn, not because I think it's cheating (it's not, not even on an emotional level - women don't really understand that bc we love in different ways), but because it's degrading to women and it messes people up.
Wow this video was awful. His advice was terrible… of course she doesn’t trust him, he lied to her!!! She might have body issues but that’s one thing and her husband watching porn and lying about it is another. Most of this “issue” is him. Him lying, him watching porn. It’s not about her at all. If she found out three times in their relationship, that means he has lied or been deceitful 3 times. That’s a lot! Marriage should based on trust and trust is based on honesty. If someone is not being honest, it’s impossible to trust them. He makes it sound like trust is a choice and it is but it mostly isn’t. If you’re doubting someone’s honesty then you don’t trust them!! Anyway, sorry for my rant.
This !
His advice is always pretty bad! Lol! This isn’t her fault in any way shape or form.
You are absolutely correct! Trust is EVERYTHING!
Eh what do you expect when you’re asking a man for advice on porn. They will defend that to their last breath. I’ve seen this happen with my own eyes. Men love their porn, they are in relationships for convenience and social pressure, and very rarely do they see their partners as someone they appreciate and respect.
I like your rant! You made some good points!
I'm not sure about his trust comments either. I hope the caller approaches him one more time and let him know she WANTS to trust him but if it happens again, she is out. She is worth more than this crappy treatment.
Two words:
Covenant Eyes. 🙏
That's what Josh Duggar had 🙃
@@Deb_Creamer . Yep! All those porn addicts know how to get around spy ware. It’s a joke to them
Yeah it worked great for Duggar!
@@Mercury688 and @DebMel74 I didn’t know he had it. But yeah, I’m sure a pice of 💩 can figure out how to be a piece of 💩 even with something like Covenant Eyes. Doesn’t mean it hasn’t helped many 🤷♀️.
Those two words are… get out.
I would never be able to forgive someone who has this addiction. I have already been there, done that and it ruined me. I will never let someone ruin me again. Good luck to the caller.
@SOUL SEEKER Oh a boundary is childish? Please troll someone else.
That is childish
@@MyCatChloe Sorry my boundary is childish.
You are right real women deserve better. I had two men with alcohol addiction but they never insulted me or had remarks on my body although not perfect and never let me felt insecure. I would never accept a man with this issue never.
@@peggydeweerdt4536 People should add to your life, not destroy it.
My partner blamed it on my menopause-yes I’ve aged but so has he. I’ve basically been discarded since I turned 50, and the big P has replaced our sex life. It’s very demoralizing.
This is victim blaming. Gross. Even if the girl was fine with her body before, porn addiction alone is enough to utterly destroy that. This is what you don't understand, Dr.
The justifications I hear for porn are contradictory: "it's not about you," and "if she would just ________ then I wouldn't need porn." A woman can be very attractive, very loving, sexually available, good in bed, etc, but she could still be cheated on. So, a woman is either dismissed or blamed.
I have had the same conversation with my 13-year-old son about his body fight (also a cross-country kid who has no fat to lose). It's a real problem with girls and boys.
My cousin who just finished bootcamp at marines is still trying to figure out how to lose fat that he’s gained in bootcamp (which it wasn’t yet muscle)
Because they compare themselves to Instagram fake photos where everyone looks perfect and kids don't realize nobody looks like that in real life, including the actual people in those photos.
Honestly the answer for me was to leave. My ex would pay women for specific roleplaying videos and it would be like $50 per scene. I only know THAT specifically because he told me carelessly when he was cancelling his paypal. I think his mind was just so obsessed that he would never truly respect me. I broke up with him and made sure the next guy did NOT watch porn and I have very very happy with the man that I found. Make it a boundary because you deserve a man's respect and devotion mentally and physically.
Gosh, thank you for this beyond words. Both you and her. This has been so debilitating of a struggle in my life. Thank you 🙏 I send you so much love
And thank you as a educated doctor and male ❤ to hear you speak on this and not just on a “society” common theme of making you just want to give up… completely. The trust was just so incredibly insightful. Samantha thank you so much for your courage and strength. I’m so proud of you.
Still struggling with husband addicted to pornography. I have lost respect and trust. I have also started having body image issues since having our second child. I don't know what to do.
Tell him he needs to install porn blockers on all his technology. He can easily get blocker hero on Google play.
She should not tolerate this behavior at all. Why is John blaming her?
Because she had body issues before they met.
They didn't go in depth about how his addiction was causing issues in the marriage, besides her insecurities. There must be more...unrealistic expectations or performance issues during sex?
He's not blaming her, he's just pointing things out where SHE could think about, not her husband. He said early on that this phone call would've been different had it been addressed to the husband, or if he was on the phone call at all.
When he said you had to decide to make a choice and look in the mirror and decide that I have value before and beyond astethics made me cry ❤️
This really clarified a lot for me. Not because of porn; that’s not an issue for us. But trust is.
Yeah. I had to learn and am still learning that trust is given. Not earned :( and most likely I will be hurt badly.
This is the first time I really hated the counsel. I feel like John's lecturing her about being overweight and being a better steward over her body so she'll feel better about life but she feels sexually unsafe because her husband has committed adultery. He's saying that her not trusting her husband is more important than the issue of porn...which is the thing that is making her feel unsafe.
Why does his infidelity mean less than her trusting him? That is what caused the trust issues.
This session just feels not helpful for the caller.
The best advice I've heard is making sure you're all in and if you do it again I'm going to be all out.
I just feel like he is eye rolling the issue of porn when it literally destroys people's lives.
13:46 - 14:05 THAT is the ROOT issue if he has a real porn addiction (or sex addiction) if its a REAL addiction, and its not a matter of thinking or comparing porn women to real women. there are definitely 2 VERY distinct roads here.... one is much deeper than the other... Find out how far he is willing to go to fix his issues and you'll know what road HE is on.
If it was an addiction and he hasn't done it at all for a year and a half, then there is no," it's kindof dealt with". You have to deal with you, anything else is on you if he has held up his end
I would say its wrong and us men should do better. This addiction for alot of us however started before we knew better and is a genuine addiction that has led to depression and suicidal thoughts. Often has very little to do with finding other women attractive but rather internal conflicts and pain, trauma and plain sin. Reading a book called ‘the last relapse’ by sathyian and looking into giving my wife parental control over my phone as embarrassing as it is. Therapy is also helpful to be healthy.
I also think women need to do better and stop feeding men with it. If the women who act in it didn't want money and attention then the rest of us might have an easier life.
This is the worst answer I've ever heard - so she's blamed for having body images before him? Unreal. He's more than a "knucklehead" by your response.
" if you don't you will suffocate yourself and drown him" damn. powerful insight
I broke up with a man a few years ago because he consumed porn and was registered on a live cam website. I think it's important to differentiate between whether the man consumes porn secretly or communicates it openly, how often he does it and what kind of porn he watches (with violence, very young actresses, etc.).
In general, I am critical of pornography. Above all, I think it is wrong that it is so easily accessible and trivialized by society. ("Don't be like that. At least he's not cheating.")
Studies have shown that porn has a negative impact on individuals and relationships. Those who frequently consume porn show demonstrable changes in the brain's cerebral reward system. Men who watch porn are 60% more likely to divorce and 80% more likely to have an affair. Recent studies even show a link between frequent porn consumption and domestic violence.
Terrible advice. She doesn't need to check in or be all in with a lying husband. Throw the whole man out pronto!
We all have a vice or two. Show grace and communicate.
@@noellelane5229 he's not showing any grace with his actions so no, I wouldn't extend him any courtesy whatsoever.
If someone is struggling with something but is being honest about it, it's never okay to just leave them. Do what you can to help them, but if that doesn't work, then leave them.
Umm gunna say your husband constantly looking at other women and thinking about them well getting off wpukd be enough to cause body inches. I never any until an ex traumatized me qith his porn addiction
Single problems always become married problems. "Godliness with contentment is great gain" as the Bible states. There is always another beautiful and sexy person out there. Both people must be CONTENT and SECURE with who they have or the person is never enough and they are never satisfied!
Naw, the Bible clearly says the eyes of man are never satisfied. Don't kid yourself
@@dasmaverick1063 Yes, apart from God we all are
Sadly no one wants to listen to godly talk but all these addictions are routed in straying from God
@@nawal10 Indeed. Majority of us give our ear to what entertains us, but not what edifies us, and we keep scratching our head to why we keep having the same problems. What has our ear has our mind, and what has our mind has our life because our life flows in the trajectory of the waves of our thoughts
@@zeal4god402 👏🏽 they'll soon find out when despair takes over and they have no one to turn to but God 😩.
The married to a woman who never trusted him,…. Trust is earned and he never worked to earn it, that’s not her fault
This comment section proves that men can't have problems without women making it about themselves. I dont think porn is some great thing. It is a tool for masturbation which is natural and normal. Exessive masturbation with or without porn intake is not good and can be indicative of mental health problems. Also, for you women saying, "Porn is cheating," do you consider the romance/smut books you guys devour cheating?
Interesting, I have never heard anyone else make that point. I've been saying that for a long time. The terrible thing about the romance/smut books is that the characters Automatically Know what the woman wants Without her Telling Him What That Is. No man can live up to that. That being said, often what happens is the man fails to continue to Cherish his wife-Which He Promised to do when they got married. Therefore, she longs for that love-they way God made her. (It's like saying to a man, I said I respected/ admired you the day we were married, and if anything changes, I'll let you know. He needs respect--that's the way God made men.) My experience with men and porn is that they continually compare their wife's body and performance to what happens on the screen. Women can not live up to those fantasies either! When you watch your husband's eyes follow other women, but they don't have eyes for you, etc, etc, I can guarantee it hurts women in a place that is so incredibly deep.
It’s not okay that he “messed up” it’s cheating. If she’s okay with continued “mess ups” she will never trust. It’s not just the lying it’s the act itself. Not sure Dr Delaney understands this. It’s smart if she doesn’t trust him and she shouldn’t be shamed for it or made to think he did porn bc she doesn’t trust. My guess is he has other issues and he isn’t a trustworthy person
It’s best to get out of that relationship, men don’t overcome porn, even with help. throughout my marriage I’ve found out about porn use, it’s devastating. It’s not worth your pain and lost youth. If the man doesn’t value you and keeps causing you pain then he’s not worth it for you. You deserve someone who doesn’t want to harm you.
If a man gets into recovery, he can definitely overcome porn. I know lots of men that have and continue to do so
People can't overcome addiction? Are you a fucking moron? Talk about having an absolute zero sense of sympathy for those struggling.
@@mikepage29let her be divorced wither her 'body issues' so she can be truly happy
He deserves a wife that doesn’t project her insecurities onto his struggle with an addiction. Neither of these people deserve each other.
Yes we do? Many women struggle with porn addictions as well. You have no idea that struggle that it is to quit.
I can't get my boyfriend to touch me. He watches porn when I'm home. I don't know what to do, I feel ugly and asking questions won't work. I've been pretty depressed over it :(
I’ve been on the end of you know what, I’m in this let’s trust him and that never ends well. The women agreeing to trust him doesn’t fix the man, the man has to fix himself
Im with a man who i found a saved bookmark tab on his laptop, I clicked it BECOHSE I was curious and I was terrified on what I found, I was so heart broken and felt like crying, I confronted him about it and he said it’s been a bad addiction sense he was young and even then I gave him the benefit of the doubt Becouse it sounded really bad and I wanted to help him. Said he would stop it as best as he could but when I asked him again he said “babe, it’s not that easy” smh, yeah it should be if you really loved me cared instead of jacking off in the middle of the night under covers looking at naked people. I feel like I’m not good enough yet he just gives excuses like it should be okay to do that
And I don’t even want to ask what kind of porn he watches either Becouse it’ll probably make me puke. 🤢 I have no hope in relationships :/
People make a choice, and it has lifelong consequences, for oneself and one's family/friends. Choose wisely.
How did it become the woman’s fault or responsibility? His addiction problem is an issue with a connection with himself and God. If the husband is not taking real action to make a change to honor himself, honor her, and honor God. He was the one not all in which lead to her having to take a step back.
It's a 2 way street. Women certainly have some fault in it in many cases. If a wife is boring in bed and treats it like an obligation, then he's going get off by watching a woman on a screen who is at least acting like she's having fun and enjoys what she's doing with the guy she's with. No guy wants to be with a woman who doesn't crave his body and isn't playful, spontaneous, and initates. It feels like a betrayal when a wife isn't that way -- especially if she used to be. Generally, a guy won't communicate and we internalize things. This quickly turns to a deep resentment that would otherwise cause husbands to leave the relationship altogether. The pron use is the pressure release valve to compensate for what they are not receiving in the bedroom. Should guys be more romantic and attuned to their wives needs and desires without having to be sexual? Absolutely! But the incentive wears off quickly if she's boring in bed. Guys aren't complicated. We want a peaceful home, food, and exciting times in the bedroom. That's it.
I hate how he tried to help. He talks about himself to start off, instead of addressing how her husbands prob addiction is affecting her. It’s not her past insecurities, it’s her husbands cheating
Her husbamd has the reaponsibility to be transparent about everything he does. That is the only way theough this. He needs to say what he means and means what he says. She will then start to heal.
I’m going to assume you’re married and wow is she a lucky lady. I wish their were more people like you in the world. Thank you for all you do! When I got with my bf, I had such great confidence and I have had that stomped into the ground every time I start to get it back. I’m sure if I did these things to him he would be self conscious but I don’t have the heart to hurt him like he has me.
Run from negative crap. Life is so good in the positive. Men are not the answer. Follow your dreams and never look back. Negative crap will kill your soul. Life is fun. Don't look for love, love you first and foremost. Once you run in your positivity, life's doors open in spectacular ways. Retrain your thoughts to positive only.
LOVE THIS!!!! Real counsel from a gifted, learned counselor!!!
I understand women not wanting to date men who are into porn. However those who shame and shut them down for it are part of the problem.
Once your partner is wired to see these other people.He does not have any use for you anymore. It's nothing personal just to move on.
There is no more room for messing up. Stop giving these men a free pass.
If a man is struggling he needs to call his wife so they can go into prayer together before he decides to go through the sick motions of searching for a perverse video and gathering all the lotion etc to be a sick idiot.
Call ypur wife before it happens. There is no more "slip ups"
I dated plenty of women who watch, and would never have known other than having that discussion. Seems like its not uncommon, but its a problem when it affects other aspects of life?
She should never have married him. The second she knew what was up he should have been vapour.
That’s a pretty misplaced thing to say. Love and attraction goes very deep and who are you to say that because the man had an addiction that she shouldn’t have married him? Maybe, maybe not. What if it was a drug addiction instead? Alcohol? Something else? Would that be different or not? Interesting questions. But it is the biological nature of women to believe that they can take men who they love and change them; help them get rid of whatever demons they have.
@@ethanlculver anyone with half a functioning brain cell doesn't get involved with anyone who has addiction issues, of ANY kind. She ignored a huge red flag. I have no sympathy for her at all.
@@angelicaangel2624 Disagree, it’s far more complicated than you seem to ever be capable of comprehending.
@@ethanlculver oh, I comprehend very well. All people with addiction need to be avoided for personal relationships of our choosing. Family we can't choose but as for romance? No way.
@@angelicaangel2624 Romance isn’t a choice. There are some dark struggles that people can have in life despite otherwise being good people.
Me and my partner go all in all the time every day without problem. People call it co-dependency.
As if depending on one another isn't the goal
You will never get your positive image back. Mine lied about this for 5 years of my marriage
I really wish women could see that for many men it’s not about dissatisfaction with the woman they’re with or comparison or envy or any of that. It’s dissatisfaction with themselves and with their own life. It’s a way to distract themselves so they don’t have to think about what they’re not doing, closer to social media or drug addiction than anything infidelity related. I understand how belittling it can feel, but if your man has this problem and he is honest about it and is truly working on ridding himself of it for your sake, then know that that man really does love you and trust him when he says he’s more attracted to you than any other woman he sees online. It’s a chemical dependency, it doesn’t necessarily reflect their love and commitment to you.
Thank you so much for this comment, it’s like a healing patch for my heart.
I appreciate this. It's very difficult not to take it personally since the drug of choice happens to be of my gender. Rationally, of course it's an addiction to dopamine. Emotionally...
Yah being in a mental health subreddit heavy porn use is almost always about emotional regulation then sex or attraction, usually takes a complete overhaul of how you regulate emotions internally and externally as well as how you go about life. The only time it isn't about emotional regulation is with hypersexual people.
I love your videos… except this one.
Why?
You have to call in for something like this. This is been going on since he is probably been eight years old. You have two choices, divorce or acceptance.
I love how none of the women in this thread take any responsibility for what they might be failing to do in their relationships that is leading a guy to turn to pron to open the pressure release valve on his boredom and frustrations with the relationship. Feminism really let's ya'll escape any responsibility and accountability. Pathetic.
I really don't think there is such a thing like pron addiction, anyone gets bored with time
Super ignorant comment. Literally google “porn addiction” and feel free to click any of the licensed psychologists websites about how to change. Never mind the hundreds of thousands of men who struggle with it openly online.
Get your body perfect then leave him. Do better don’t be single fat !
I just found out my husband for 6 years has a porn addiction. He lied to me this whole time. I made it a clear rule, from day 1, i thought it was cheating. Im heart broken.
Im trying to watch this with him and he just got angry. He says he feels uncomfortable, like my feelings dont matter. How i have self body images, and he told me i was pretty, and then looked at other women.
I didnt consent to this.
But now i know why he was always so lazy in our relationship. No effort whatsoever and i was so desperate to be loved i stayed. Now im only fucking staying for financial reasons.
Some of these responses are so bizarre. Basically calling for divorce if someone watches porn……all your husbands have and likely still do sometimes watch porn.
Feminism makes all the women in this thread immune to any responsibility or accountability that they might have in their husband's pron use. They can do no wrong and it's all his fault.
Why we gotta stay with limp d*cks ? Are u joking 😁 those men are the bottom feeders who watches this sht
I have a question for everyone who is reading comments.
I had explained in the past to my boyfriend that I DO consider watching corn 🌽 cheating. I know he watches it behind my back, and once when he was drunk he told me he likes to watch redheads. 3-4 months later he kept trying to persuade me to change my hair colour to red “cuz it would suit me better” . I started going on strict diets as I struggle a lot with body image and I have the obese gene, however I was never fat, just slightly chubby. He made plenty of comments about that, too. I found out again last night that he watched corn while I went to see my mom, and I confronted him about it and he just told me that “what he does is not my business”.
I am extremely hurt and I’m seeking to find help or a little advice from someone who thinks the same. I don’t have any friends to advise me neither can I speak to anyone about it.
I’ve been feeling very insecure every time I find out, and, it makes me reconsider if I want to get married with him or not. Please, someone advise me what should I do..🙁
So your in a relationship with someone who crosses your boundaries, puts you down, and want to marry you but what they do isn't any of your business... Yah the only reason those shouldn't be a red flag are because they are black flags.
If you don't mind answering some questions here are some. What was your self esteem like before you met this person, did you have friends before them if so what happened to your friends and are you highly empathetic?
1. Stop saying there’s a fat gene, there isn’t. You just eat to much food, calories in=weight
2. He told u he likes redheads? Then said u would look good with red hair and he thinks red hair is hot. Maybe u should buy a wig or dye your hair. Spice up your sex life and try new things with your partner who literally just opened up about their fantasies or tastes and instead u jumped str8 to how your hurt and attacked 💀. Thats wild
Figure a way out, I've been in 30 years of hell, don't let that happen to you, where you're totally dependent on him financially and can't get out like me, get out ASAP and don't ever turn back, once they start they will never ever stop and even if they do stop there will always be something else around the corner, if I had the money I would been out years ago, I'm stuck , don't let it happen to you, I'm warning you.
Good luck and enjoy life, let them wallow in porn and fantasy!!!
Why do people always scapegoat the Pron?