I had a therapist once ask me, when I was saying that I was scared to get my hopes up about things, if I could envision a child building a tower and how that child would react once the tower fell. She then asked me how the child would react if you had told them there was no point in building it in the first place because it was going to fall anyway. The second answer was obviously no better than the first, if anything it would upset the child more. I think about this now every time I try to suppress my joy and excitement about something for fear that it won't last or have the outcome I was hoping. I don't know if this analogy will have the same effect on anyone else, but it really altered my mind set when it came to disappointment and falling from the height of that high.
I think it’s better to try and to maybe achieve rather than not, even if the outcome ends up the same, you’ve experienced and learned something in the process. Failing is essential, if we never try for fear of failing we’ll never achieve anything and learn even less. Easier said than done I know! I fail at shit all the time, but never trying for fear of failing eats away at me. As for the fear of flying high in case I fly too close to sun, depends what it is. Relationships - yes. Crashes and burned too many times, although I never say ‘never’… But right now I’ll take a few highs, the lows will come anyway!
@@rachdoesyoutube I'm so glad! it changed the way I think so much and allowed me to let myself to just be excited and happy about things so hopefully it'll do the same for others too!
Washout days are crucial for understanding ourselves better. So far, I've learned I have to be 5 days on and 2 days off in full ADHD mode or I'm going to grind until burnout. Being lazy on meds feels wrong, almost like I waste food or money
@@rachdoesyoutube My theory is that I need full ADHD mode for proper self-regulation. On washout days, I try to nurture the inner child neglected when medication empowers the inner parents. I ask myself, "How are you, buddy? Are you OK? What would you like to do today?" Through meditation, I've learned to be genuinely curious about the answers: "Are you sure that will make you feel better, or do you just want to do something out of uncertainty?" I try to offer my inner child guidance. I also keep my "To-Do" list minimal and move most tasks to a "Can Do (if I feel like it)" list. PS: Did my email make it through your spam filter? PSS: You made me want to try 4 days on and 3 days off meds.
I swear, every time you have an idea that you share, you heal a piece of me. I feel less like I want to fix myself and more like I want to find myself. I started to make lists of what to be aware of that can trigger over stimulation to prevent the lows, and it started to feel like I would always be worried and avoiding things. But the idea instead, of teaching myself how to bounce back better and handle anything thrown at me makes me feel optimistic and strong. I really fucking love your brain.
Please do share your toolbox. One thing I struggle with is that ADHD and my comorbid depression aren't in sync, right? So occasionally, the ADHD low and a depressive low line up to really tank my mood. This can be extremely challenging to deal with. Great video!
@@rachdoesyoutube you're like a magical adhd fairy!! ✨🥰 so grateful for your vulnerability, insights, and perspective! *flings hands up on the big hill* 🎢
I've got no problem with 'high' highs either, for me they're a huge part of what makes life exciting and worth living, in a sense they also make me, me. In regards to bouncebackability (love the word, lol) - I have made notes and recorded videos for myself and it's helped in the past. However, once the novelty wears off they lose their 'potency' and I can't for the life of me do them anymore. That's where I'm at. Can't wait for your video on it.
That cycle sounds a lot like the emotional part of PMDD also, just on a monthlyish scale. I get the cycle you describe with ADHD also. With anxiety/overwhelm thrown in. Going through a down day right now because I was very busy yesterday.
Waiting on an NHS assessment at 42, with 'a bit' of a history of depression and was also assessed at one point for bipolar disorder but mood swings were reactive, so this video struck a chord. Kind of makes sense that ADHD brains feel things a bit more strongly - had not made that link before. Also makes my musical tastes make sense. I don't have any tips for bounce-back-ability beyond doing some dopamine building activity - in my case hands on workshop stuff (I co-own and run a design/engineering firm) and maybe some good heavy metal. Thanks for doing these videos.
I love this. It feels kind of philosophical but I'm just trying to accept what 'is' at this point and stop fighting myself. I also really strongly agree with your 'moments' concept, cause I literally don't remember my highs or my lows strongly, they happen, I deal in those moments but I don't have lingering shame on any of it. Truly I only feel shame when I know I was an asshole or cruel to someone else. Shame about my ADHD, nope, frustration, definitely but shame, not really.
Thanks for making this great video - I recognize it takes time and detailed editing. I enjoy hearing your thoughts and insights. Helps me as I can relate. Thanks again. And keep going with the flow!!
Thanks for sharing these thoughts, Rachel! I'd be really interested in hearing your tips for bouncing back. I just started stimulants a few days ago and it's bewildering how my motivation's increased. It's helpful to hear your reflections on how the medication has affected you on a big picture level- it will make me mindful of what to watch out for as I build my own experience with taking them
When I had an introductory call with my therapist, I said something like “I just can’t enjoy feeling good because I know the better I feel, the harder the inevitable fall will be” Somehow this has only just clicked
Not caught one of your videos for awhile, so glad I jumped in for this one ! Love these videos and can resonate with so many of them :) I got diagnosed with ADHD last year and battle with Anxiety, Ocd and Depression and I completely get the oh waitttt I'm happy here, what's bringing me down this time.... oh wait there it is 😂 Sometimes its hard for me to break out of the lows with OCD thought loops and depressive episodes, sometimes the only way to reset it is to start a new day and get some sleep. So I cant wait to see your future vid on the bounce backs ! The meds infinitely help bounce back though and not really been in a rut like that since I've took them thinking about. I'm thankful for your videos, they were massively helpful aswell to follow your journey when I was getting diagnosed and resonate with the part in this video where you said I've already got the job. That's how I felt with my diagnosis I felt I was already diagnosed before my assessment and I was already living on the other side. Crazy how similar ADHD brains can be. Great Work 😊
Great video and I will be re-watching it again. I see a lot of myself in what you describe I do have one related or un-related question. Do you ever wake up on some days super happy but on other days quite low? Even when the day ahead has the same routine (eg breakfast work etc) ? Is this yo-yo fairly normal or part of these super high and super lows. On top of this, are you able just to go to bed and sleep each night comfortably? Which could be due to being so tired, regardless of waking up super happy or super low that day.
You/we have the highs and lows because we have ADHD. The dysregulation is, well, dysregulated. ADHD is so often , "thought + action = meh", even when anticipation is expecting "thought + action = whoopee time" (whatever that may mean within the context of the thing). Shouldn't be taken to be a wossname, a euphemism. Many ideas of "coping with ADHD" seem to revolve around mysteriously finding a way to "not be ADHD anymore" rather than being about those without ADHD accepting what ADHD is and then stopping with all these, "a new way to have ADHD without having ADHD" solutions.
I was told ADD is without the hyperactive part. But i have fatigue syndrome as well and some other mental health issues. So idk. I was diagnosed with it as a adult and my son was diagnosed with ADHD.
That's actually an outdated way of looking at it and "ADD" doesn't get used anymore. Now it's all seen as ADHD, but different variations (hyperactive, inattentive and combined). So people that don't seem "hyper" get categorized as the "inattentive" type. You also have to keep in mind that you can be hyperactive in your mind without it showing too much on the outside.
Does anyone else have bad experiences with the ADHD stimulant meds? I experience a LOT of anxiety and actually feel like I can think less clearly. Like I drank 3 liters of coffee or something. I already changed the type of medication, but even with very low doses I feel like it's making some things worse than without taking the meds. I tend to have strange reactions to things that affect your "awakeness", but this is off the charts. I am a textbook ADHDer and scored pretty high on all the tests during diagnosis, so in theory the meds should work for me.
@@rachdoesyoutube Thanks for answering, Rachel! At least it seems I am not the only one then. But it's still a bummer, I had very high hopes for the meds. I'll continue to try a few things out.
Rachel, the part about feeling tired because of boredom really hits close to home 🥲. Do you have any insights on how to tell if you’re actually tired or just understimulated?
Oooh this is a biggie and probably one for a whole video - but initial thoughts, I try to change up what I'm doing. Sometimes I think I'm tired after doing admin, but I switch to a more creative task and i'm full of energy - then I know it's boredom. If I switch and I'm still tired, then I take a break. I also find at points in the day where I'm tired (3pm lull) I take a break I usually need a nap or exercise. I try one and if it doesn't feel right, switch to the other.
Your expression made me remember the easy things feel the hard to us
I had a therapist once ask me, when I was saying that I was scared to get my hopes up about things, if I could envision a child building a tower and how that child would react once the tower fell. She then asked me how the child would react if you had told them there was no point in building it in the first place because it was going to fall anyway. The second answer was obviously no better than the first, if anything it would upset the child more. I think about this now every time I try to suppress my joy and excitement about something for fear that it won't last or have the outcome I was hoping. I don't know if this analogy will have the same effect on anyone else, but it really altered my mind set when it came to disappointment and falling from the height of that high.
I think it’s better to try and to maybe achieve rather than not, even if the outcome ends up the same, you’ve experienced and learned something in the process.
Failing is essential, if we never try for fear of failing we’ll never achieve anything and learn even less. Easier said than done I know!
I fail at shit all the time, but never trying for fear of failing eats away at me.
As for the fear of flying high in case I fly too close to sun, depends what it is. Relationships - yes. Crashes and burned too many times, although I never say ‘never’…
But right now I’ll take a few highs, the lows will come anyway!
Oh myyyy, thank you for sharing that. I love a visual and that really hit home!
I love your positivity!
@@rachdoesyoutube I'm so glad! it changed the way I think so much and allowed me to let myself to just be excited and happy about things so hopefully it'll do the same for others too!
Just found your channel and your giving an answer to things I’ve googled before and never found answers to!
This makes me happy!
Washout days are crucial for understanding ourselves better. So far, I've learned I have to be 5 days on and 2 days off in full ADHD mode or I'm going to grind until burnout. Being lazy on meds feels wrong, almost like I waste food or money
Yesss love this self awareness! How do you spend your washout days?
@@rachdoesyoutube My theory is that I need full ADHD mode for proper self-regulation. On washout days, I try to nurture the inner child neglected when medication empowers the inner parents. I ask myself, "How are you, buddy? Are you OK? What would you like to do today?" Through meditation, I've learned to be genuinely curious about the answers: "Are you sure that will make you feel better, or do you just want to do something out of uncertainty?" I try to offer my inner child guidance. I also keep my "To-Do" list minimal and move most tasks to a "Can Do (if I feel like it)" list.
PS: Did my email make it through your spam filter?
PSS: You made me want to try 4 days on and 3 days off meds.
I swear, every time you have an idea that you share, you heal a piece of me. I feel less like I want to fix myself and more like I want to find myself.
I started to make lists of what to be aware of that can trigger over stimulation to prevent the lows, and it started to feel like I would always be worried and avoiding things. But the idea instead, of teaching myself how to bounce back better and handle anything thrown at me makes me feel optimistic and strong.
I really fucking love your brain.
Wahh that's so kind of you to say - thanks for the dopamine hit hehe! Yesss to feeling optimistic and strong!
Please do share your toolbox. One thing I struggle with is that ADHD and my comorbid depression aren't in sync, right? So occasionally, the ADHD low and a depressive low line up to really tank my mood. This can be extremely challenging to deal with.
Great video!
this timing is uncanny... gah, I needed this so freaking much right now 🙏❤😭
Glad to hear it! Poof, I appear from nowhere hehehe
@@rachdoesyoutube you're like a magical adhd fairy!! ✨🥰 so grateful for your vulnerability, insights, and perspective!
*flings hands up on the big hill* 🎢
@@quixotichippie eee love that, thanks! Also, I have never seen anyone use 'flings hands up on the big hill' before AND I AM HERE FOR IT. What a joy.
I've got no problem with 'high' highs either, for me they're a huge part of what makes life exciting and worth living, in a sense they also make me, me.
In regards to bouncebackability (love the word, lol) - I have made notes and recorded videos for myself and it's helped in the past. However, once the novelty wears off they lose their 'potency' and I can't for the life of me do them anymore.
That's where I'm at. Can't wait for your video on it.
That cycle sounds a lot like the emotional part of PMDD also, just on a monthlyish scale. I get the cycle you describe with ADHD also. With anxiety/overwhelm thrown in. Going through a down day right now because I was very busy yesterday.
Thanks for this Rachel. Wonderful, relevant and such useful insights!!
Thank ya kindly!
Waiting on an NHS assessment at 42, with 'a bit' of a history of depression and was also assessed at one point for bipolar disorder but mood swings were reactive, so this video struck a chord.
Kind of makes sense that ADHD brains feel things a bit more strongly - had not made that link before. Also makes my musical tastes make sense.
I don't have any tips for bounce-back-ability beyond doing some dopamine building activity - in my case hands on workshop stuff (I co-own and run a design/engineering firm) and maybe some good heavy metal.
Thanks for doing these videos.
Thanks for being here 💛 And yes, dopamine building activities is a great shout!
I love this. It feels kind of philosophical but I'm just trying to accept what 'is' at this point and stop fighting myself. I also really strongly agree with your 'moments' concept, cause I literally don't remember my highs or my lows strongly, they happen, I deal in those moments but I don't have lingering shame on any of it. Truly I only feel shame when I know I was an asshole or cruel to someone else. Shame about my ADHD, nope, frustration, definitely but shame, not really.
Looove that you don't have shame around ADHD - and yes, I think acceptance is such a key to that. Thanks for sharing 💛
Thanks for making this great video - I recognize it takes time and detailed editing. I enjoy hearing your thoughts and insights. Helps me as I can relate. Thanks again. And keep going with the flow!!
Thank you!!
Thanks for sharing these thoughts, Rachel! I'd be really interested in hearing your tips for bouncing back.
I just started stimulants a few days ago and it's bewildering how my motivation's increased. It's helpful to hear your reflections on how the medication has affected you on a big picture level- it will make me mindful of what to watch out for as I build my own experience with taking them
SOOOO TRUE ❤
When I had an introductory call with my therapist, I said something like “I just can’t enjoy feeling good because I know the better I feel, the harder the inevitable fall will be”
Somehow this has only just clicked
Because here I was thinking she would say “oh you’re bipolar”
Thank you for reminding me to enjoy the heck out of those highs
RIDE EM HIGHHHH
Flow. I’m here for it. I told someone the other day that the English language has a word for it; fun.
haha love that! Definitely a reminder to be more child like - kids just do the fun stuff!
Thank you for sharing. That's really relatable ❤
Not caught one of your videos for awhile, so glad I jumped in for this one !
Love these videos and can resonate with so many of them :)
I got diagnosed with ADHD last year and battle with Anxiety, Ocd and Depression and I completely get the oh waitttt I'm happy here, what's bringing me down this time.... oh wait there it is 😂
Sometimes its hard for me to break out of the lows with OCD thought loops and depressive episodes, sometimes the only way to reset it is to start a new day and get some sleep.
So I cant wait to see your future vid on the bounce backs ! The meds infinitely help bounce back though and not really been in a rut like that since I've took them thinking about.
I'm thankful for your videos, they were massively helpful aswell to follow your journey when I was getting diagnosed and resonate with the part in this video where you said I've already got the job. That's how I felt with my diagnosis I felt I was already diagnosed before my assessment and I was already living on the other side. Crazy how similar ADHD brains can be.
Great Work 😊
Thanks for sharing and being beside me on this journey!! Yes, good point on the meds. I also find they help with bouncing back more quickly.
Great video and I will be re-watching it again. I see a lot of myself in what you describe
I do have one related or un-related question.
Do you ever wake up on some days super happy but on other days quite low?
Even when the day ahead has the same routine (eg breakfast work etc) ?
Is this yo-yo fairly normal or part of these super high and super lows.
On top of this, are you able just to go to bed and sleep each night comfortably?
Which could be due to being so tired, regardless of waking up super happy or super low that day.
You/we have the highs and lows because we have ADHD. The dysregulation is, well, dysregulated.
ADHD is so often , "thought + action = meh", even when anticipation is expecting "thought + action = whoopee time" (whatever that may mean within the context of the thing). Shouldn't be taken to be a wossname, a euphemism.
Many ideas of "coping with ADHD" seem to revolve around mysteriously finding a way to "not be ADHD anymore" rather than being about those without ADHD accepting what ADHD is and then stopping with all these, "a new way to have ADHD without having ADHD" solutions.
Oof, such a good point about coping with ADHD being about not having it anymore. Inteeeresting. (also loved your equations!)
I was told ADD is without the hyperactive part. But i have fatigue syndrome as well and some other mental health issues. So idk. I was diagnosed with it as a adult and my son was diagnosed with ADHD.
That's actually an outdated way of looking at it and "ADD" doesn't get used anymore. Now it's all seen as ADHD, but different variations (hyperactive, inattentive and combined). So people that don't seem "hyper" get categorized as the "inattentive" type. You also have to keep in mind that you can be hyperactive in your mind without it showing too much on the outside.
Does anyone else have bad experiences with the ADHD stimulant meds? I experience a LOT of anxiety and actually feel like I can think less clearly. Like I drank 3 liters of coffee or something. I already changed the type of medication, but even with very low doses I feel like it's making some things worse than without taking the meds. I tend to have strange reactions to things that affect your "awakeness", but this is off the charts. I am a textbook ADHDer and scored pretty high on all the tests during diagnosis, so in theory the meds should work for me.
I don't personally but I know of other people who felt like this on stimulant meds and decided not to continue
@@rachdoesyoutube Thanks for answering, Rachel! At least it seems I am not the only one then. But it's still a bummer, I had very high hopes for the meds. I'll continue to try a few things out.
What about Add?
Heya! So I tend to talk about ADD as ADHD - I have inattentive type ADHD which I think in the past was referred to as ADD (in the UK anyway)
Rachel, the part about feeling tired because of boredom really hits close to home 🥲. Do you have any insights on how to tell if you’re actually tired or just understimulated?
Oooh this is a biggie and probably one for a whole video - but initial thoughts, I try to change up what I'm doing. Sometimes I think I'm tired after doing admin, but I switch to a more creative task and i'm full of energy - then I know it's boredom. If I switch and I'm still tired, then I take a break. I also find at points in the day where I'm tired (3pm lull) I take a break I usually need a nap or exercise. I try one and if it doesn't feel right, switch to the other.