STOP OBSESSING over them! Limerence isn't REAL LOVE
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- Опубліковано 28 сер 2023
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nothing worse than finding out you're a love addict! loving the idea of being in love, you're just truly not in love with that person. and yet even after going no contact, the rumination and withdrawals are torturous! but getting better day by day as the fog clears. love your videos! glad I could add you to my limerence awareness/help!
Glad my videos are helping you. As with all addictions, there are just there to help us cope with something else. When we do the work to find that, the addiction will no longer be needed. You’ve got this 💜
without realizing it, I have been doing some "shadow work" and I found I have some cptsd/attachment issues to deal with. fascinating stuff when you find out your self-deprecating style of humor is a way of stuffing it all into a box of repression! unfortunately, all boxes have a max amount they can hold before breaking. thanks again!
the no contact can make it worse... but it is, at the end of the day, necessary... it'll heighten for a period of time, but it'll begin to lessen its grip eventually. you can speed up the process of recovery by doing therapy, and doing some inner child psychology work. another way you can mitigate the limerence towards the other person is transference, as in, find someone else to make your limerent object (not advisable), and limerence often vanishes if the other person confesses similar feelings for you (but dependent on the situation, unlikely)... and it's very dangerous on numerous fronts to continue to pursue a limerent object. the best way is to no contact and enter a period of healing... which would look like therapy and inner child work... once you drop out of limerence, you can't believe how much of a relief it is, and how much you realise there are many others out there who are better for you and just as amazing as you thought the LO was, and you often find the LO wasn't good for you, and wasn't as amazing as you thought, and how easy it is to live without them.
"Limerence once saved your life and noe probably ruining it." ❤
I’m already saving this because I need to watch it on repeat. Thank you for this.
You’re welcome. Re watching content around limerence is a good way to stay conscious of it! 😘
This should get more views. This was helpful. Thank you
Thank you for this information. I've been limerent since 2020 and it has been awful. Glad thst the fog is clearing, the intoxication is easing and I'm finally able to see and accept the reality
It can really waste so much of our lives. Glad the fog is clearing out - reality will be hard at first, but if we stay present with it long enough we can make it better 💜
Weeping like a baby over your videos. Thank you for your insights and your compassionate delivery.
I'm to shy to talk to people, so I live in a dream world
I find all the discussions on limerence so elevating and motivating that they are a lot better than the motivational talks, thanks
My limerence obejct doesn't have the traits I admire. They just showed me the slightest interest and I fell into limerence. I am too desperate for love and very very want any man to be my soulmate 😔
whoa this was rly good, thanks for sharing it and I hope everyone gets the help they need
Thank you for your videos, they have really been helping me a ton on my self improvement journey!!
Thank you❤
"Limerence once saved your life.. now is ruining it", you won yourself a new subscriber
Thanks.
I am the 500th subscriber.....plz gimme a heart 😊❤
Hello mam,
Definition of love like or enjoy something very much.
When is something like love possible if you are able to assimilate or bond or create an union within your layers of thought feelings and memories of events happening consciously and have full control
Else it's compulsive.
If we drink water it becomes me (a part of my body)when it's assimilated or absorbed into our(my) system or excepted by our body.
Best regards...
Creating a bunch of words and painting some Narative.
I knew my brain was heading towards limerance when it was happening, yet I was unable to stop it. I knew it was a coping mechanism, yet my brain still went there. Been fighting it for 8 months. It's really hard. I'm also entering a stressful period in my work schedule, which I worry will intensify things. I'll try the journal prompt. Is there anything special that I should try as someone with ADHD? I feel like my brain wiring makes this situation all the more difficult.
You are right to think this way- ADHD makes all of this harder as the activation towards obsession is geared fast. Symptoms can really ease out as we learn how to stay present rather than spiral left & right trying to find more relief.
Thing is I got to know that person, spend moments with them, confessed , rejected but now I am stuck with the feeling of limerance :(
I had clear signs of rejections ,but this obsession is what made me undergo limerance.
There was also no reciprocation ,yet I wanted that human being.
Oddly enough, I find myself having these urges to be validated. I want to send him a video. A picture. Something funny. Something I’m wanting to impress him. But now o stop myself and I realize this is unhealthy. It doesn’t stop the feelings and wanting to do it. It doesn’t stop me thinking of him. But now I don’t follow through with the action. The interesting thing is this causes him to try and connect with me. I think he wants to hook me. And want me vying for his attention and affection. But nope. I’m trying so hard to refrain.
What I didn’t realize is, it never was all in my head. This person was manipulating me because he is a people pleaser. He will say anything to get somebody to like him. He will have the common interest. He will laugh at your jokes and he will be so interested in your life. So you will naturally think you have found the perfect person because everything just seems to line up. What I never realized is, if something seems too good to be true, it probably is, and this applies to people not just corporations. This is just what I tell myself to, because really so many of our beliefs, interests, and personality traits line up so perfectly. What is this person really did care about me the way I care about them, they would remember things that I say. Because I’ve noticed overtime, so many times I can bring up certain things and they have no idea about them. Even though it’s something I have told them before. I’m trying to look at the facts instead of listening to. If this person had any feelings for me, there would be signs. But it’s confusing because it feels like it’s a sign when somebody is messaging you trying to make conversation about common interests. But the problem is, I give into the temptation and so in my brain I start feeling like this is the most wonderful person I’ve ever met. But that means it hurts even more when they don’t like something I say. When they don’t like, the TV show I’m watching. We have a disagreement and they look at me like I’m a complete idiot… so realized I don’t let him take me on a high, he cannot take me down a low. Therefore, no matter what the common interest is, I have to tell myself it’s all a game, and I cannot allow myself to get excited and share my stories that connection. I know it’s just going to result in fantasizing and feeling like I’ve met the perfect person, when the feelings clearly are not reciprocated. Even if they were, the fact that this makes me feel horrible, just tells me this is not the right person for me regardless.
But the problem here is, now that I have finally gotten rid of those loving feelings. I have whenever I’m away from him, the obsession didn’t stop. Instead of spending every waking hour worrying about his well-being, and fantasizing about us being together and feeling euphoria like I’m a kid again finding my soul mate with genuine and pure love, I’m just thinking about how I worry about being around them, and when the next subtle jab is gonna be, and what the next manipulation tactic is going to be, and how bad it’s going to hurt and how much of an idiot I’m going to feel like and how I’m going to stumble over my words.
And I know they say that once you get over someone like this, you’re just going to find somebody else. But I don’t think that’s true. I have never felt this way about a person to this extent in my entire life. I’ve been working so hard at it and I have not been able to find a solution to the problem. So every day I just for the day that this person is no longer in my life.
But instead, if I found a way to just be comfortable around this person, and to stop obsessing and spending every minute of my life thinking about him, and being confident and happy around him and having healthy boundaries, then that would be AMAZINGGGG.
but that’s the problem with manipulators. Sometimes there’s really no way around it and you just have to get away from the person. But I’m constantly gaslighting myself telling myself that it’s the obsession thinking that they are manipulating me. But again, I have to stick to the fax. I’ve seen them do it to other people I’m sure.
It’s the weirdest fucking thing I’ve never met anyone like this before. It’s really weird because outside of manipulation I think I’m seeing, it’s true. This person really does line up with me in a million different ways. But then again, perhaps he has spent his entire life trying to create the profile of someone that a person like me would be into.
To be fair, I do witness them sucking up to people quite often. So that’s a bit of a confirmation to me.
But when I stop playing the game, and I go more neutral, it seems like the negativity I receive becomes worse. The condescending comments. And then my obsession of love becomes obsession of anger and resentment.
And this is someone who is taken, and I’ve never been in a relationship with them. This is awful. I’m just trying to stand my ground. Be supportive and positive, but clap back when needed, and have boundaries.
And yes, part of the obsession is me constantly worrying that my messed up brain is having unrealistic expectations for this person and that I’m not actually having a boundary, but I am being angry that they are not fitting the mold of the perfect person I am wanting. So I’m trying to be conscious of that as well. But I can’t help but be jealous whenever I see him seemingly flirting with other people. But at that point, I can’t tell if he’s actually flirting, or if my brain is being extremely toxic and defensive for some reason. But I guess at the end of the day it doesn’t matter. Keeping to myself means keeping to myself. But I can’t help but just listen in conversations from a distance. I try different things. I try humming. I try looking away. But no matter what I do, there’s a flight or flight response. Something I have never experienced with a person like this.
So yes I try to be careful that I’m not being toxic and possessive. But I stay grounded by comparing things he says and does, to things other people say and do. To confirm to myself that I am NOT crazy. That he is NOT appropriate and it’s not just me holding him to a higher standard. These jabs and breaches of trust are real. Then he wants to act like a victim when others put him down. And to see him on that situation makes me want to defend him. Normally. Now that I’m in my resentment era, sometimes if people are dismissive and insulting to him, I tell myself maybe that’s for a reason and he deserves it. Although it does seem excessive.
But lately I feel myself wanting to be more defensive about him. But that’s when I stop myself and realize he has not been insulting me lately. So am I being used? It feels like he wants me on his good side so the jabs are fewer. So naturally, this makes me a lot more empathetic for him, which might be confusing because I wasn’t that way just a week ago.
Part of me thinks this means he’s trying to manipulate me and jerk me around to whatever he wants that day. So the key is just trying to stay out of it regardless.
This is all so weird and gray to navigate.
But it should say something the fact that I get so depressed after being around him. Even if nothing even happened, I just get that feeling you described, like nothing in the world matters. All I can think about is being validated by him. I go on the dating apps and all I think of is how stupid everyone seems and how they’re not him and how he would laugh if he saw the losers I was chatting with.
Everything about me and my life feels so small in comparison to him.
This really makes me think I’m the victim of manipulation and emotional abuse and I just don’t realize it. I might be dealing with a narcissist.
I will tip you anyway I can, if you end up replying with some insights. I’m sorry this is so much information, but I have been to multiple therapists and they just don’t seem to get it. They’ve been so useless. They don’t even know what is. They just tell you to stop obsessing over somebody. Yeah okay…..
As far as the term goes, yeah most people don’t know what I’m talking about so I just say infatuation. I would say it’s the closest thing and it paints the picture.
Also, it’s interesting how you say to take note of all the traits you you find attractive with them and find out what it is you’re missing. That’s not what makes me attracted to someone. It’s more about the traits that we share. The deep ways we are similar. I mean there are a couple qualities I’m envious of such as ability to get close and be everyone’s friend. But at the same time I understand that’s probably a coping mechanism on his part and is a LOTT of work. That I just don’t feel the need to put in. Laughing at people’s jokes and sharing stories and interests for everyone is just exhausting. I don’t know, I felt like we really matched up in an entirely unique way that I haven’t matched up with anyone in my life. And now that I think about it, we really do share very specific very similar interests or traits.
I don’t know, this is insane. I’ve never experienced something like this on my life. I want it over with. I NEED it over with. I can’t live my life. It’s almost been an entire year.
Also note, contrary to the experience of some other people with limerence, thankfully I forget ALL about this person if I haven’t seen them in a week. As long as I’ve been around OTHER people to take my mind in a different direction. This really confirms with me that if I never saw him again on my life, I would be perfectly fine.
It's a stretch but my favorite depiction of Limerence is Cassie from Euphoria in Season 2. People shit on her for being immature but connect season 1 to 2 it makes sense and it's just sad. To love someone who dosent love you is A Bad Religion said Frank Ocean
How do I stop it? I break up with someone and then obsess over them, get them back, and feel bored and hurt them. I feel like such a burden.
Keep watching these videos.. i talk a lot about how to get out of these states 💜
Stop obsessing
You stopped posting new videos i miss your content😢
I am back 💜📝
@@evitapkcoaching yayyyy welcome back habibi💜
1:07 you’re basically obsessed with the idea of someone, this real person with imaginary attributes
1:45 we’ve normalized this kind of state/response to love
I think I'm in love with you.
Great video. Until you realize shes selling something.
The course is absolutely optional - feel free to continue to consume the free content as it's packed with a lot of information as it is.
Glad you enjoyed the video.