10 Signs of a Wife with Sadistic Personality Traits
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- Опубліковано 12 лис 2019
- This video answers the questions: What are the signs of a wife with sadistic traits? What is a sadistic personality?
If someone has sadistic traits, they have a tendency to engage in demeaning, antagonistic, or cruel behaviors with the purpose of experiencing pleasure, excitement, satisfaction, and/or to assert dominance.
There are three types behaviors associate with sadism:
1. verbal sadism: pleasure is gained through embarrassing or humiliating others
2. physical: physically hurting others
3. vicarious: pleasure is gained through fantasizing or observing violence
Buckels, E. E., Jones, D. N., & Paulhus, D. L. (2013). Behavioral confirmation of everyday sadism. Psychological Science, 24(11), 2201-2209. doi:10.1177/0956797613490749
Hyatt, C. S., Zeichner, A., & Miller, J. D. (2019). Laboratory aggression and personality traits: A meta-analytic review. Psychology of Violence, 9(6), 675-689. doi-org.mylibrary.wilmu.edu/1...
Međedović, J. (2017). Aberrations in emotional processing of violence-dependent stimuli are the core features of sadism. Motivation and Emotion, 41(2), 273-283. doi-org.mylibrary.wilmu.edu/1...
Music, G. gmusic@tavi-port. nhs. u. (2016). Angels and devils: sadism and violence in children. Journal of Child Psychotherapy, 42(3), 302-317. doi-org.mylibrary.wilmu.edu/1...
Pfattheicher, S., & Schindler, S. (2015). Understanding the dark side of costly punishment: The impact of individual differences in everyday sadism and existential threat. European Journal of Personality, 29(4), 498-505. doi-org.mylibrary.wilmu.edu/1...
Burris, C. T., & Leitch, R. (2018). Harmful fun: Pranks and sadistic motivation. Motivation and Emotion, 42(1), 90-102. doi-org.mylibrary.wilmu.edu/1...
Reidy, D. E., Zeichner, A., & Seibert, L. A. (2011). Unprovoked aggression: Effects of psychopathic traits and sadism. Journal of Personality, 79(1), 75-100. doi-org.mylibrary.wilmu.edu/1...
O’Meara, A., Davies, J., & Hammond, S. (2011). The psychometric properties and utility of the Short Sadistic Impulse Scale (SSIS). Psychological Assessment, 23(2), 523-531. doi-org.mylibrary.wilmu.edu/1...
Nitschke, J., Blendl, V., Ottermann, B., Osterheider, M., & Mokros, A. (2009). Severe sexual sadism--an underdiagnosed disorder? Evidence from a sample of forensic inpatients. Journal Of Forensic Sciences, 54(3), 685-691. doi-org.mylibrary.wilmu.edu/1...
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I see you've met my ex-wife.
:D
SKELTER1SKELTER -Hahaha!
......my sister! She also suffers from hyper religiosity.
I bet she was nice when you dated,so sad!!
😳....LISA REDONDO- ALONSO 🙄🎯🎯
Crazy this stuff exists. Helps victims understand how abnormal it all is.
abnormal? its an evolutionary adaptation.
@@rickdeckard1075 it's not normal, norm means regular. Just because something is evolutionary doesn't mean it's normal.
@@micahbinns2740 fax
@@rickdeckard1075 normal means first off contributing to the ecosystem on all levels ( like empathy) and usual.
@@katarinailic1095 you can re-construct and re-contextualize and impose your personal values all you want, behavior is evolutionarily deterministic. if a trait occurs with above-zero frequency, it is there for a reason.
So sadistic people hurt others who are weaker or more sensitive in order to boost their own self-esteem... Reminds me of the old saying, "shit flows downhill"
Whoever this woman is you are describing she sounds like a catch
😂😭😭
There's definitely a catch.
catch 22 yeah
Cluster B Disordered. I was involved with a BPD with Covert Sadistic NPD Traits.
Dr. Grande; I think that your definition of "S P" puts it into the Cluster B Spectrum. BPDs often display empathy in one or more dissociations.
I married young . My view is u r all like her. Real shit
I love these spicy titles
Lol this killed me
Titties. Not titles
@Ake Bolle Dsaheb amizon aapnea pase aepoment lithu 6 aj rvivarna thi hu kal aapne livarno aapna pase hu aais hve apomenmat mate khu ntene khbr 6 amozon mnej aavat jari ara dtna koi ntho janta pela aavgt tene khevi jou hu par tntrchu hu pagathi lachar6 hu 6mhinathi redstrchhu hu byhroom vokarthi jav chu aap bolo mne drna mokle ne drma kintji help vgtr kobaju nthi janti maro fon ma tong nthi vagti thtontjhi maro moto dikarni himt thij hu bhar ji sku gu aapneyya phenchta var lage kem ring karu te marathi dutr rhe6 aabthu vat amizosmjavio kerla nsib futela houya maa mari help karoine ya bhi kari patino aek pisanthi joys bsdutythi vat btavo temate timjoya frna khbr hovi joya ha hu aavis te mo fulvi ketli bliya me D sahebnu apoment lithu6 to ae maro hsabdn 6 kekuu to te koi sgvd karne mne lya jase apuri magiyoti tene smjvabmni mara vti aatli tklif lejo aalacharwomentmari go fuaath bhri dese
No one fucking cares
You just described my mother. Although her primary target was not my father, it was me. She would actually take it a step further where she would manipulate my father into being upset with me triggering a rage that he would then take out on me, never knowing his anger toward me was all fueled by falsehoods simply to create chaos and pain for her enjoyment. The more my father abused me the more delighted she became and the more he would then be praised.
She was jealous of her own daughter. Text book narcissist.
I hear u that must have been and must be horrible
I hear you this happened to me as well my mother and my sister targeted me
@@carmacollins521 I'm sorry to hear that. It takes a lot of courage to grow up alone and without love and support, and it can take a lifetime to heal.
As an empath I can't even fathom how anyone could find joy in causing someone's suffering.
I chose to distance myself for my own health and well-being, but I wondered what my mother would do once her scapegoat vacated.
Who would she find to blame in my place?
Well (as we now have learned) she began tormenting my father. She would make up injuries that he caused her and frame him as an abuser and began injecting him with lethal doses of insulin while he was sleeping. He would fall and collapse to the floor and she would call an ambulance and were miraculously able to revive him in the ER and kept him for several days to stabilized his blood sugar.
After so many ER events they kept him for more testing. Fortunately my father survived all of these attempts. but the hospital became suspicious and reported their conclusion of insulin overdose to the Adult Protective Services.
The investigator questioned all of us about my mother's motives which revealed that she was not bothering to check his blood sugar before giving his injections.
They were unsure if she was attempting to murder him or not.
All these years he's been suffering with all these emergency visits, falling, having horrible symptoms, and wishing he was dead, never knowing he was being POISONED 😭 !!!
He didn't know, no one did until the investigation began and revealed what my mother had been doing this for who knows how many years. As a result of her last injection that nearly killed him he is now in hospice and I will probably never see him alive again.
She did reach out to me a month or two prior and asked me to put him in an assisted living facility so that she wouldn't have to deal him anymore and wished he was gone. She wanted him out because his dementia irritates her. This didn't make sense to me, but I trusted her word that he was being difficult so I looked into it and learned that there was no basis to any of it.
It was after that call that she aggressively started injecting him with dangerous levels of insulin BUT was telling me that he was being hospitalized for other reasons like his so-called bizarre psychotic rages. I couldn't make sense of this but NOW WE ALL KNOW that's how she was covering up his horrible symptoms of insulin overdose and of near diabetic coma that SHE WAS inducing.
My head is spinning from shock and heart is crushing in agony knowing how much he must have suffered for, who knows how many years, while innocently trusting that she was lovingly caring for his needs.
This is by far the worst level of betrayal I can imagine... harming a helpless person in need that has put their life in the hands of someone they trust to care for them with their highest good in mind.
This was worse than having her do it to me. To this day I still don't believe that my father knows what she had been doing. But since she is now under investigation the lethal insulin overdose injections have stopped. Who knows what she's feeding him or if she is even feeding him at all. He complains often that he's very hungry.
I have no power or authority so I can do is pray. But I was honest with the investigator and let him know that she confessed that her ultimate goal was to have him removed from the home. I'm sure she's not happy that I revealed her intentions.
I chose to do the right thing for the right reason. I'm not about to be a co-conspirator to whatever it is she's up to. My goal is to save my father's life and to help the investigation.
Sorry about the long message but basically this is the kind of thing that happens when you are dealing with a narcissistic psychopath. This is the kind of family dynamics it plays out when you're dealing with someone that is so mentally ill.
I don't know if there is a perfect antidote for all this chaos, but I do know that Psychopaths rule the world.
I suppose acceptance of what is and forgiveness to the hurt people that are hurting people.
We each have free will to behave as we like and all we can personally do is change our own perception of what we observe and raise those souls it into a higher chamber where Divinity may reach those that may have previously been denied. ✨🙏💕🌿
@@juricpro jeez, people need to stop referring to psychopaths/sadists as narcissists. Narcissists don’t do stuff like this. You’re giving them a bad name.
When she is happy because you are sad that's how :(
When you talked about a lot of these traits I saw in my ex who's a male though he used to flaunt his cheating in my face and he loved seeing my pain and inadequacy but now he's in jail for aggravated assault domestic violence for the 3rd time. Its a.blessing this channel thank you..
My second marriage seems like an excellent case study for this topic- it could've gone fully through the Jerry Springer wringer. When your wife starts deliberately coloring so far outside the lines and openly abuses you, there are no good answers. Whether you stand up for yourself or play along, the abuse will intensify. That marriage's descent into madness and abuse was so very gradual that I was the proverbial frog in the boiling water. Had to play the separation/divorce/retirement cards extremely close to the chest lest I lose everything. One thing's for sure, no woman is worth wearing orange for 20-life over. Any man going through this should start planning his escape- the marriage may never get better, but life is certain to once he is able to extricate himself.
Erik Wade it’s scary to believe that any one of us could be a victim. I’ve certainly experienced narcissistic behaviour. You are right, no-one is worth doing time for, getting out with as little damage as possible must be the goal
Yep. I had to remind myself a few times while getting out from under her control. Not worth 20 to life. :)
Erik Wade abusers never show their true colors right away. It’s always gradual, otherwise it would be too easy for their victims to escape. However, I’ll bet there were a few very small things she did before you were married that you made an excuse for (she probably gave her most sincere apology) so you forgave. I know that was the case with my husband. I look back and I can pinpoint a few things he did that were red flags, but he profusely apologized and said that’s not really who he is. I should have known by the fact that he was so anxious to get married. There aren’t a lot of men who are dying to get married. And as you know, I’ll bet your ex wife got worse after “I Do”. It’s in their nature. The more vulnerable you are, the more emboldened they are. Glad you got out.
@@mommabear5059 "It’s in their nature. The more vulnerable you are, the more emboldened they are.".....yep. This is why narcs want you vulnerable.
This condition is so close to narcissism, it almost seems to be a result of it.
I watched a documentary that said they thought Ted Bundy was an all out psychopath until recently, as though he meets most of the criteria for it, because of the fact he was sadistic, meant he had to be a narcissist. So it seems to be a strong indicator.
It's all the same : evil souls
@@HAL-dm1eh it's all the same
@@HAL-dm1eh nice name, also, someone can be both, it's tragic some people only stick one disorder to him
Maybe you’re wrong about what NPD is.
Thanks for addressing this.
My dad had full blown sadistic personality disorder. He would laugh hysterically when something tragic happened to one of us. His happiness in life came when others were in pain. He was very violent and filled with a deep hatred that I never understood. The stories I could tell. We all have CPTSD because of this.
He should’ve never had kids 🙁
Does anyone have any idea what CAUSES this? I checked with his family and they said he was the first boy and his mother doted on him. His father was a very kind man. He got in trouble when he was a boy for fighting and he was in corrigible. That’s all I know.
That's so sad I'm so sorry
If the Dad has an addiction..or is violent after drinking..it is because they have opened the door to demonic spirits..the harsher the thoughts imaginations or bad acts the more the person BECOMES evil..especially noticible is hideous laughter..the Dad is following the commands in his mind to hurt violently another person..Anger/ Rage is a type of POWER! That person is being feed sadistically everytime they hurt another person!
The higher the addiction sin or evil..the more corrupt they can become! Get Away from them..get to safety or an abuse shelter..cut off all TIES..they DON'T love or care about You..Forgive them but get to safety! Ask JESUS to SAVE YOU and to provide SPIRITUAL PROTECTION Thru HEAVENLY ANGELS & HOLY SPIRIT ON EARTH! GOD WANTS TO PROTECT YOU! This is NOT your fault..this person is MENTALLY ILL!
They need counseling..but they are actually doing assalt/ battery possibly desiring to commit murder/ cause death...GET OUT FOR YOUR SAFETY & YOUR LIFE! CUT OFF ALL CONTACT...YOU CAN'T CHANGE OR HEAL THEM! 😫
(Ask JESUS to forgive all your sins..turn away from sin..choose to forgive everyone...ask JESUS for HIS SALVATION & RECEIVE IT...ASK JESUS to Be Your LORD & SAVIOR..THEN YOU BELONG TO FATHER GOD..and Now GOD CAN HELP HEAL PROVIDE & PROTECT YOU)..I did this at 8 yrs old...a person in my family had a mental breakdown and abused me even trying to choke me...JESUS SAVED MY LIFE and protected Me till l could get Out! Pray and talk to JESUS OFTEN! Ask for GOD'S TRUTH WISDOM UNDERSTAND DECERNMENT..AND ADVICE..HE WILL GUIDE YOU! JESUS LOVES & ADORES YOU..HE WILL NEVER LEAVE NOR FORSAKE YOU! 😍
YOU ARE AMAZING INCREDIBLE AND WE ARE HAPPY YOU ARE ON EARTH..YOU HAVE A DIVINE DESTINY..ASK FOR THIS AFTER SALVATION! 😊 Begin a fellowship companionship relationship with JESUS! YOU ARE LOVED! 💖
Pray prayers: Dear Heavenly FATHER..then say your prayer..end prayer: in JESUS NAME AMEN! GOD HEARS YOUR PRAYERS! 🙏
I am so sorry..praying for You! ❤
This salvation is for you and your sisters or brothers..tell them also to get SAVED...JESUS wants to help You ALL! 😊 JESUS WILL PROVIDE TOO! BLESSINGS & FAVOR TO YOU! 😍
My brother is somewhat same with same story.
My whole family is like that
❤
Demeaning behaviors.
Emotional deficit towards violence.
Violence is acceptable to meet goals and receive pleasure from violence.
Lack of empathy - SP tend to have cognitive empathy to gain please from sadistic act. But they don’t have sympathy.
1. Wife betrays cooperative husband to make them suffer.
2. Wife embarrasses Husband in public. She enjoys seeing him embarrassed.
3. Causes heated argument and then leaves. She knows that unresolved arguments cause pain.
4. Infidelity to cause husband pain. Inadequate.
5. Interfering with care. Husband in hospital and wife in room. He’s in pain. Wife says I’ll find nurse but doesn’t. “Oh I meant to do but got sidetracked.”
6. Waiting for audience to deliver bad news. Wife knows first and wants to tell him but wants audience.
7. Wife magnifies husbands concern. Like symptoms to cause stress.
8. Fantasizing husband dies or gets hurt, be there & have on video.
9. Wife laughs hysterically when bad things happen to husband
10. We tend to see this happen when her own mortality is threatened, like an narcissist.
God made hell for a reason after all
Here is an example: When my son was about 7 he wanted to ride his bike to his friend's house. I practiced with him a few times, then sent him off with a reminder to call me when he got there to let me know he arrived safely. After about 15 minutes I called his mom at work to let her know. She started screaming at me about how he could be abducted and raped and murdered. I immediately called the other kid's house and the mom (with whom my son's mother is good friends) told me my son arrived about ten minutes ago and she'd already called his mom to tell her. So when my son's mother was screaming at me on the phone, she already knew he'd arrived safely.
That’s borderline
My mom is the same.
That title is a must watch lol how horrible! It’s hard to believe that actually happens and people are that sick. Good video
Eeeww it's terrible
This can apply to both male and female narcissists.
@@vampireslayer1989 I think the thumbnail is self explanatory..who would have thought!
But it does, there's many more sadists out there than many think.
Eh, people are sick true. But you think labeling people make you look good right
That is sickening.
Right especially the hospital part I was like....who does that. He said he’s seen it a number of time too,scary.
Thanks for "catastrophize." I'd never heard it before today. I Googled it, and it is a "real word."
I think all the "behaviors" you've described are common to all narcissists with sadistic tendencies. I've seen them all in all kinds of people in all kinds of relationships, "up close and personal" and at a distance. I think sadism is common in most or all narcissists, and it's good to be more aware of how they coincide.
See one, expect the other.
Thanks, again.
Thank you, Dr.Grande very interesting topic.
This sounds like my ex girlfriend. She did one more thing though. She could make up a story or a situation that would have boosted me in some direction carreerwise etc, just to then "take it away" since it wasn't true just to create dissapointment.
She even made made up phonecalls to people in the music industry. People that didn't even existed telling me they had heard my recordings and needed a guitarist like me etc. After watching this video at least I'm figuring this out. I can't come up with a better explanation than that it was a manifistation of sadism. She created faked e-mail adresses on where they contacted me from etc and eventually I figured it all out. Back then I thought she was a pathological liar, but when taking everything else she did into consideration I guess she was sadistic. She even had a book on medevil torture contraptions she got in her early teens which I thought was weird. Never sadistic during sex though. However I hold no grudge against her at all. It became a bit too much eventually. She could be very loving as well though.
She also liked to dress in a innaproparate manner to shame me. She could come to my office where I worked dressed as a trashy hooker just to shame me. At the office we had big windows to the outside. And just outside theres a green sandbox which is used during the winter to sand the ground. On that sandbox she could sit (indian sitting I think its called) smoking, dressed as a trashy hooker, waiting for me to end my shift. My office was a very formal place so it became a extra stark contrast from how I was dressed.
First time rhat happened I got really upset and asked what she was doing. Shw just replied like she didnt know what I was talking about. She also brought a "friend" to witness it all, and made me look lika a total jerk. At the same time I'm sure she took pleasure in it. Same thing happend when we went to my cousins birthday party, but by than I had stopped caring. And when I did, she stopped dressing like that.
Majic C histrionics are similar to borderline personality disorder types I think, right?
@@genevawelch9865 Yeah. She also self harmed. So pathological lying, dressed like I told earlier from time to time. Always had to be the center of attention. But she also had hallucinations every now and then. And threw temper tantrums in public and could get violent. Mostly if we had been out drinking a little and were on our way home. I eventually developed burn out syndrome. Not only because of the relationship but it was probably a contributing factor. She tried commit suecide one time and by overdosing sleeping pills and was hospitolised for a couple of days. But as I said. I hold no grude at all. I even miss her a lot since all of her bad sides had equally big good sides. And she was never boring to be around. And heck, I'm not perfect eiter.
I just couldn't keep up after I became sick and she didn't seem to take it as serious as it actually was or the fact that my health became centre of attention and not hers. Now two years later I instead was diagnosed with ME/CFS since I not only didnt recover. I never seem to get any better either.
Whaaaaaattt!?!?! Not sadistic IN BED!?! Demand a REFUND!!!
@@markstahl1464 Yeah.. She was more of the mindfucker-type :p
Sounds like she blended all of the cluster fuc....er, I mean cluster b personality disorders into one cluster f*. Look up Narcissistic Personality Disorder. She was love bombing you and you still have an addiction response to her sweet/mean cycle.
Thanks for sharing this psychological information with us and putting the spot light on these personalities. Psychology has influenced me a lot in life and hopefully one day I can share what I’ve learned with many people..
Ha, ha, ha, read your comments section on still being in love with your narcissist, lover boy.
I understand. I was the same way. Now, I don't want to tell my story. Too intimate and personal. I keep it close to my heart. ❤️
Nancy Ayers which one
I agree with you on helping others. If I find anyone suffering... I hope I will be able to help them too. By the way... I think Nancy may be drunk. Anyone should be able to understand there are different stages of healing from narc abuse. I heard that some heroin addicts said narc abuse pain is many times more powerful than the pain of needing heroin. It is a lot to deal with. If you still love someone it is not a crime. It is simply an indicator that you do not reside in the malignant narc world. I think Nancy is aware of all aspects of her remark. She can be identified in the same way as one could identify a tree while you are on a canoe floating down a river. Some trees may be snarled, dead or broken. So it is better to enjoy the voyage by enjoying the beautiful aspects of scenery. It is better to truly enjoy the beautiful things in life and enrich ourselves with knowledge, ethics, strength and power. I think it is important to not be drawn in by sarcastic sadistic people. This is something I am personally working on. You have my highest respect and best wishes.
@@jilltheprivateinvestigator3328 and you're the problem. people like you have kids and do not teach them about reality bc youre running from it.
Sometimes Divorce is necessary.
Dr. Todd Grande.
I would like to thank you from the bottom of my heart for your articulate videos on mental health topics.
It has really enlightened and given context to a lot of experiences from my childhood.
I thoroughly enjoyed your video on borderline+psychopathic couples, and wondered if you could -please-do a video on how a relationship with someone that has Histrionic Personality Disorder manifests itself. Especially if someone has prior PTSD, clinical depression and anxiety walking into the relationship.
HPD seems to be a very under-discussed disorder, yet very real.
Thank you.
As a society and in families, people need to be more informed of toxic behavior. It’s all around us.
This sounds like malignant covert NPD.
I thought so too.
Of course, I am not a mental health professional, although I have taken a deep interest in the subject since I was young and would have entered the field if I had the opportunity when I graduated high school twenty years ago. You are SO GOOD at explaining these complicated mental health topics. My ex-wife has displayed 10/10 of these traits during our 11 year marriage and even during the 4 1/2 years since we separated and divorced. And my family wonders why I'm so concerned for my son's welfare.🤦🏾♂️ We definitely need more well-versed, caring, objective clinicians like Dr. Grande to raise awareness and help people who are actually seeking treatment to get better. You are appreciated. Keep up the great work!
Now THIS should be interesting!! 🌻 Thanks for the video, in advance. Just letting the commercial run. 😁
OMG!!! For decades all my German in laws + wife did this to me. From great grand mother to grand daughter based the family dynamic on this failed conduct. They failed in every way, health, wealth, happiness . . . I ended up completely detaching after endless futile attempts at improving the situation. Needless to say It was a complete purge on my part and am very grateful for Dr. Gande helping me calm my mind by understanding how groups of people can be so self destructive. Bless you Dr. Todd
@nomar Dinkleberg Thanks Norm, for a long time I wondered if it was me. Decided to live as moral of a life as one could. The only thing that helped was interacting with people of moral character.
Thank you Dr Grande for a very interesting video . 💜
Another excellent video - thank you
Thanks for this video and thanks for the scientific references. Lack of affective empathy seems to be a shared trait of all the dark personalities. Lack of breaks.
Fascinating, you describe my ex wife in so many ways, thank you so much for the mind opening information.
Thanks for the video! It is informative. I'd like to learn what could cause developing sadistic personality. I find it more interesting than the implications
Good video Dr.Grande. 👍🏻 One of your mentioned signs, reminded me of something that happened years ago. A childhood friend started laughing hysterically when I fell down a hill as we were walking. ( we were high on cannabis lol) He tried to stop laughing but could not, so I told him one day he would fall and I would laugh, and just by chance he ended up falling down a few of my mothers steps the very next day and I couldn’t believe it happened right before my eyes so soon after his laughing at me...so I laughed hysterically when he fell!! However he was soon laughing with me. I always remembered it because I liked him more then I ever let him know, 😃
Hi Dr Todd Grande. I couldn't relate with this topic...but l suppose there are types of people,just as these women who have this trait !!!
Thanks Dr Todd Grande great informative video and very insightful 🙂👍
I had a sadistic mother.
XX OO I did too
Fly Where -- constantly projecting, deferring responsibility, acting with cruelty, being manipulative, instigating, being sneaky, gossiping/slandering/humiliating you behind your back, divorce/disloyalty, hateful/spiteful, acting chaotically, being amoral, selfish. 🤷🏼♂️
Same here, I just posted my story. Sending love and healing to all of us survivors. I believe we are finding it here, thanks to Dr Grande.🙏🌿💕
My mother does the dementia thing. She started after she learned my father has anxiety about it because one of his brother’s got it young. It’s sadistic to see the pleasure she gets from it.
After decades of being invalidated by those closest to me, after having my pain be laughed at and mocked and ridiculed, I now enjoy inflicting pain on my narcissistic partner. I will humiliate him and do the cruelest things possible to him. He will never again laugh at my pain.
It's sounds more like an untreated past condition and projections. Thank you for the revelation of the truth, Dr. Grande!! God bless🙏🤞
There is something uncanny about someone having enough empathy to enjoy your misery.
How unnerving that a psychopath seems preferable!
I think he said they cognitively can understand your suffering that is because they suffer like this and have learned to get rid of their own suffering by making you suffer. So say your brother hits you, well if you hit him back you feel immediate relief. So say your boss hits you well you can't hit him back so you wait till you get home and then you use your wife to hit to get relief. That's just my guess I'm not positive. So they lack empathy. It's really primitive. If you think about it. You know they probably learn how to push you just enough not to make you leave and if you do leave, they'll just find somebody else.
interesting and informative
Oh...
Thank you
Who would stay married to someone like this? I know it's a composite, but no one should stay with someone who is like this.
E W my mother stayed with my dad even though he was like this. It’s always baffled me. She was a very dependent person, but it seemed like as much danger as we were in she would’ve gotten us out of there.
Dependent personalities. Insecure/low self-esteem, abuse, manipulation. Financial circumstances, children, or some other mitigation that conflicts with their ability to leave the relationship.
My father remained with my mother who has NPD out of love. It's not easy to realise what's going on...
@@attheranch873 my mother left my violent alcoholic dad due to his physical abuse (I think the verbal and emotional abuse was under her radar though). Then like so many dependent, needy people, she ended up with someone probably much worse. Although she always worked, and had the support of her extended family, she was unable to understand that she would be better off unencumbered unless her partner was an asset. After a ver brief honeymoon, throughout my childhood their boozy fights and her obvious dislike were obvious to a child. But she nursed him through a very long cancer convalescence and eventual death, and this involved very significant financial sacrifice. People are SO complicated.
@@user-xh7gb6zm1q Mine baited me into compromises which delighted her when they failed and I became less in my own eyes. they are insidious
Great insight, God bless you for this information... everyone should protect themselves from evil people
Excellent video topic, would you expand on the subject of sadistic adult siblings?
Great idea!
Intriguing, informative and appreciated, as always! Whilst this already seems to, at least from my experience, largely cover how trait sadism may manifest in a husband; I very much look forward to a possible husband version, for further insight!
The way you’re dressed seems like either you’re actually the sadist, or you enjoy receiving the sadism.
If your the one that's sadistic...I'd LOVE to be your husband!
Well, that was an eye opener.
Also- giving bad gifts. Ignoring special days on purpose. Making meals and leaving it on the counter so when you get home it’s ruined. The abuser will say they cooked! Avoiding you when you’re sick. Destroying your property
Thank you.
Why am I only find this out now.... On the bright side, I received the greatest gift in this world, my daughter.
Hi doctor Grande, nice videos. Can you do a video about revenge fantasies and trauma? Which one from the personality disorder who had trauma is more likely to have violent fantasies. And who will act who not..etc
Thank you
This was really interesting. Thank goodness I've never witnessed a sadistic wife punishing her husband. The sadist might see my jaw drop and make me a target. Thanks for sharing it. 😊
Thanks 😊
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On a dark desert highway, cool wind in my hair
Warm smell of colitas, rising up through the air
Up ahead in the distance, I saw a shimmering light
My head grew heavy and my sight grew dim
I had to stop for the night.
There she stood in the doorway;
I heard the mission bell
And I was thinking to myself
'This could be heaven or this could be Hell'
Then she lit up a candle and she showed me the way
There were voices down the corridor,
I thought I heard them say
Welcome to the Hotel California
Such a lovely place (such a lovely place)
Such a lovely face.
Plenty of room at the Hotel California
Any time of year (any time of year) you can find it here
Her mind is Tiffany-twisted, she got the Mercedes bends
She got a lot of pretty, pretty boys, that she calls friends
How they dance in the courtyard, sweet summer sweat
Some dance to remember, some dance to forget
So I called up the Captain,
'Please bring me my wine'
He said, 'we haven't had that spirit here since nineteen sixty-nine'
And still those voices are calling from far away,
Wake you up in the middle of the night
Just to hear them say"
Welcome to the Hotel California
Such a lovely place (such a lovely place)
Such a lovely face.
They livin' it up at the Hotel California
What a nice surprise (what a nice surprise), bring your alibis
Mirrors on the ceiling,
The pink champagne on ice
And she said, 'we are all just prisoners here, of our own device'
And in the master's chambers,
They gathered for the feast
They stab it with their steely knives,
But they just can't kill the beast
Last thing I remember, I was
Running for the door
I had to find the passage back to the place I was before
'Relax' said the night man,
'We are programmed to receive.
You can check out any time you like,
But you can never leave!'
How is this relevant?
@@t5396 I'm just informing everybody to what the lyrics are
That is so eerie,
🙄
Omg this has clicked something for me that was totally unrelated! Thanks for the lyrics
i just realized what i had been dealing with lately and it really helped getting that weight of m shoulders that it ended with the girl i startet to develop something like a relationchip, she ticks 10/10 of the signs you describe here and i felt really bad before the video but now i feel kind of free.
Dr Grande, thank you for helping me understand me.
This is the first lecture of yours that has ever frightened me.
@Meister Medusa..... it is real.
run with the wind my dad had it, what do you think causes it?
My mother is quite like this
@@attheranch873 I read your comment immediately however needed to think before replying to your question.
Here are my thoughts:
Causation is difficult to identify when both chaos and complexity factors are obscuringly prevalent.
I attempt to first remove the layer of chaos, place this aside and then try to simplify the complexity as best as possible.
In this instance the chaos primarily manifests in the bewildering interfacing interactions the observer experiences. Putting this aside momentarily, the complexity may well likely simplify to long ago and deep damage to or neglect of the child trapped within; screaming for a way out.
Replacing the layer of chaos allows understanding of an approach to causation and the resulting bewildering manifestations.
The damage or neglect (or both) needs careful consideration for the strategy and tactics of moving forward for all involved.
I am disturbed mostly that these descriptions are so familiar to me, they remind me of people in my family. How common is this kind of sadism?
No, not VERY common. About 10% of the population has a personality disorder. Then there are 10 different personality disorders. Thats according to NCBI.gov
according to JAMA about .2% (thats point 2 percent) of the population has Sadistic Personality disorder.
While these traits may seem familar to you, personality disorders have a way of resembling each other because they are on a spectrum. Even some psychologists make mistakes in diagnosing.
I thought my mother had Borderline Peronslity disorder. She did BUT earlier this year I discovered that she also had Narcissitic Personlity disorder. While she did have some sadistic traits she squarely fit into the Borderline/Narcissism category. I had lots of help figuring that out too.
Once I understood what was going on it helped me to find a community on-line that had gone through some of what I had and made understanding/reflecting/decision making easier and more grounded in reality.
Extremely common, I think. Happens everywhere all the time. I'm shocked that people don't recognize it and think this was something special. How superficial and shallow have people become in their observations of their social surroundings...🙁
Every family/ extended family has at least one.
@@meera2531 If you live with someone who is sadistic your expereince is valid. Many people have a different family situation. Many people will have someone in their family who has Autism and THEY may beleive that every family has an autisitic person in it.
I know a few people who have had OCD. They beleive that every family has OCD people in it.
We often want to beleive that others are like us so that we can be validated in our struggles. Your struggle is true regardless of other families' struggles. Your struggle is difficult and valid.
Be kind to yourself. Be kind to others : D
@@351cleavland I didn't ask you to agree. It's just my opinion.
I had an ex or two that were sadists and thank you for this helpful content. Much love namaste 🙏
GREAT video!!!!!!!! It scares me to death to sit and actually think that there are people out there like that. It scares me, but captivates every bit of my attention. How do you deal with that? Can it be fixed, or medicated? My belief has always been, the mind is so very complex, it will never be mastered. I'm willing to help try it, though. Lol These people have friends and family, so how do you deal with/treat it? I think I got my question/point across. Lol I'm always afraid my comments will be read out of context, accidentally.
Jill ThePrivateinvestigator my dad was suggested, so I’d like to know this too.
@@attheranch873 Really? Very interesting. I wish you the very best. If you don't mind, may I ask if it's very difficult? Is it daily, or do they have bouts of it? Does it take many family members to deal with it? I can't imagine. Bless you and your family.
It is usually a collection of responses. My mom died at 9 and im still a great person. Some people could say differently if it happened to them. I think its your relationship with yourself.
This describes a dark experience with what I thought was a relationship attempt with a gf after spouse loss that redefined emotional abuse to me. No boundaryys whatsoever. And actually that was my problem too. Thus the need to have figured out that as a priority. Didn't know a person could be such a wretched evil cloaked in what image implies should be upscale appearing and having it all together. It was always strange to be warned by others. Loss is a time of great vulnerability.
Yes, most people get trapped by cluster B types especially Narcissists and Sociopaths when they are at their most vulnerable. I ended up attracting a malignant narc after a very big loss in the family.
Dsheb marpti sathe mara pita jbrjssti kavi hu lgbhg men phechn teni vrtn teni vat yebo chal par jani lav te jova gya mne saaro nlagiyo me nakkhi marapita xaarkarnokri sicndrbadma karta temohma aro jbjsto erj karya mar sakjotu noline mne khoya bola hargo ngme saoachha pggarma sarra drni diktone kyagyo 20 dovsma ktm vatcjhi nntj bs nokti tyathi aavi khua pi 7vagge soya jya alg rom maro ko rom nhi tni ichha terite 3barko thya 4padvi nakhiyu mara bthi jrurt marbarkone 7vars byhi jrurt mne kavani nana barko te sujane mne bharnu kam te derma karu trmj ddrnu bthu maapisa momlta jses gobsyo te mne mujava nthi dithi ke tya koine khbrnthi mne aanu thnu diyhu yemama 16 vasrs nikri gya vekrsnma mara barkona kpdabe but chppl aarite 18 varsrhi rakot aavi ba thodo aasro mne mlyo ne treni bhenio snsar jooyu ke ahi brja levi marji pade jaya bnevi fayad kate bhn gali aape pela thi tr aeva gya maro dikaaro C.A. yhyo ne mejr karya ne nokari lagho me chhidi ditho ha dr mere karn aepela chhodva na hta pamn barko kane me smjoto kayo teloko gith bolvo chori ae soviy biji pan aaadt aavama mara batkonu bhvisyapar asr padr me drek pursthi nffrt thya gya ne tyarthi kam puru bivu ne hve hu help chhokarni j lav mara dikrodikri jane6 hve chokara jane6 aane ashy pida mli6 mate me khu ke aajpN duniyama 6 mamarenthi teni rja jiya tene thhi vat kavijoya ame timena pabnd aakarn bthi thyu dorrysheb
No relesn koi chij nthi hu muslim hhu ama ijjt bhu muli mani kooi tachpn nkari ske ketla lokone te btha savthn karya ha keyla tena motthi mrya ne hve ketla6 me bthi bnth kari dithu no koibolava aaj nochet no mlvu jyato koibaju skti nthi 6varsyhya tmne btava aavis tyyare nikaris ha mar mate thobhjo aajnhi aave rvivar kal aavse D bhppl mara femeli D 6 tya lovano akxra nu lkhbi trsinu 6 tema kavid maro dikjaro tena ghethii aavta lavse ne tmara aedtrspar ame avsu olk ajnane maf
All I can think about is the series "Billions." Thanks!
Dr Grande, I love that beautiful brain! Humanity loves you
Pretty sure my mum had this. I think I live in terror of the situation being replicated in my present life.
I'm terrified of women who remind me of her.
Wow! Sounds chillingly familiar.
How many wives are watching to see if they have any of the traits?
@M Z
The women I've known with this problem would all but certainly not be watching this, because they have no interest in introspection or psychology and they see no reason to change themselves. I think that's what Dr. Grande means when he says they're "mentally ill," and it seems to confirm my experience. Just my observation. It's taken some time to get my mind around it, so to speak.
@@user-xh7gb6zm1q
I've never experienced that. Among the people I've known to be sadistic, almost all have had no interest in psychology. They learn as they go, and they're quick learners; they learn from experience and from their own abnormal psychology.
Maybe you know something I don't know. I guess "trolls" could be something like what you have in mind.
@M Z
Confusion between pleasure and pain is likely the deepest confusion anyone can know.
Imagine burning your hand on a stove and feeling pleasure, enjoying it--you'd be in trouble; imagine seeing someone else burn a hand and enjoying watching his or her shock and pain; it's difficult to imagine, but there are people who enjoy other people's pain.
I've had women in my family with this problem, and known women in circles of friends and acquaintances, and worked with women, who've had it, too, but I've never been romantically involved with one, thank god or the goddess. (And the problem is not confined to women, of course.)
I think the confusion goes way back, probably to infancy; back beyond the sick person's conscious memory.
I think people who experience pain as pleasure have serious difficulty feeling the real pleasure that's possible between healthy people.
Be careful when you choose your friends, because they'll be with you a long time; even after they're gone.
Kas A - Made the dreaded error of calling my spouse a narcissist......guess what, I’m called a narcissist every day now. So pathetic, but once your aware of what it is happening, use the tools to combat the behavior, it doesn’t hurt as much.
STOP ARGUING with them, and you regain all your power. Very hard to do however.
Nahhh I’m just trying to understand my MIL...
Thanks alot for making this video. I hope you may explain sadissm more. I wonder is there a difference between narcissist rage and sadissm. Thanks alot.
Eman Abdelmawla I’m not a therapist and have no credentials. But my understanding is narcissistic rage is an angry response usually to a blow to there self esteem. Sadism is having feelings of joy by causing pain and discomfort to someone else if not physically then atleast verbally. Embarrassing them or demeaning and hurting their feelings. But narcissistic rage I think is an angry response. Like a sadist would have fun hurting people even if they didn’t have a blow to their self esteem.They wouldn’t need to be angry they just straight up feel good hurting people I think.
Thanks alot Mike for answering my question. Now, it seems that my abusers are dark tetrad, not dark triad as I thought. It's really painful to know that my family ( abusers) are having fun through hurting me. Thanks God that I'm the victim and not the abuser, at least I can be treated. Thanks alot.
Be great to hear more about sadist including sexual sadism, please
My mom and half brother have so many of the symptoms you described
Hi Doc, your inputs are very much appreciated. I have a request of topic for you.. can you please give your input regarding on the down low gay men who are in relationship with women yet have a secret lifestyle with other men. Particularly, have narsassitic covert personality with sadisism within mental and verbal abuse when the female partner has discovered he's abuses is to hide he's sexuality with men. For further details if needed I'm agreeable. Thanks again. Your channel has been a blessing.
Watches many CSi, FBi Files for reasonings & ideas
Thanks for posting this. This describes my mother-in-law and my husband perfectly. So you know the shadows in my life. Is there a genetic basis?
I have personally found that these fear-based emotional conditions are definitely imprinted on the fetus, but it is not genetic. The emotional imprinting and the lack of love and nurturing withheld by a sadistic parent is traumatic enough to create PDs in the child that will manifest into adulthood. Traumas that takes place during hardwiring can actually alter the pathology of the child's brain permanently.
Dr. Todd❗‼️
for any GoT fans, Ramsay Bolton is often though of as having Antisocial Personality Disorder but I actually think he more closely aligns with Sadistic Personality Disorder! I read a really great argument for Sexual Sadism Disorder for him as well so there's a bit of discussion on this topic.
the topic of sadism is so taboo and I think we like to pretend that it's rare or doesn't exist at all but it does! I think everyone has had at least a moment of sadistic thought or action in their lives. think of the school bully who is acting that way because he is bullied at home. if we as a society could learn to identify sadism and its causes, we could redirect it appropriately and reduce it as well. (for example, I do think BDSM is an appropriate redirection of sadistic thought and action)
I lived through all of this
So are some of our friends!
When they take you for granted, hardly responds to your call, always busy to be punctual in appointments, always many shallow excuses for not replying but when they need something from you wow they are not busy anymore and no more excuses!😀😀😀😉😉😉
I really hate being a child of a narcissist I have so many traits thanks to them and constantly have to correct my behavior I dont want this for myself or any future bfs or husbands I need therapy asap to unlearn some of these toxic traits.
“Trait Sadism” ? Agreeableness, openness, etc. please elaborate as I had no idea “trait sadism” existed. I believed a combination of certain traits implied higher chance of certain personality disorders... but a trait sadism..
I am gonna have to google it.
Thx Doc
6:25 she performed that denial with anything important or regarding responsibility.
This is my mother almost to a thee. I've searched this because I feel like I'm having this feeling and I'm not happy with it so maybe not really but maybe it's in the family since not only my mother by my brother and sister exhibit this as well. Especially my brother as he loves to beat me up and my mother just let's him.
How can someone overcome insecurity, low self esteem, or being emotionally stunted? What therapies or treatment options are available?
I have all of those
I have felt like that most of my life and I have tried everything. Jesus Christ is the only way out. It sounds like nonsense I always thought. But it's not. Jesus Christ is the way the truth and the life. God bless you in Jesus name Amen
0 for 10 and I'm going to go ahead and appreciate that over my comparative low grade quibbles, Thanks Doc G!
Very informative as always. Unfortunately You describes my mother,only she were much worse.
I know it's taboo to talk about this,but I really would like if You found the time to bring up sadistic mothers some day.
To other fans of Dr Grande;is it just me or do you find your safe place on yt listen to him? Not many of such😅.
*Will you please please make a video on Russ McKamey of McKamey manner?*
Dr. Grande are these 10 signs a socio-economic problem or inherited through DNA? This video was so informative. Than you.
I am a nurse. For years I asked my husband to quit smoking because it causes cancer he would not. He died of lung cancer. I am not sadistic. I was just well informed and did not want to loose my husband prematurely
Ohhh number 9 - my wife always laughs if I fall over but apart from that I think she's ok!😂
Looking for something hurtful to happen. Isn’t that why people go to car races, etc?
And boxing matches. Someone ALWAYS gets hurt in a boxing match.
And--dare I say it?--football games.
My mom is narcissistic sadistic. I still cant believe how SPD is not included in DSM! THEIR abuse is real and damaging so much !
is it possible SPT to be connected to ASPD \ Type2psyhopaty ,because of emotions included . I think i was observing all aspects of SPD with a person having already been diagnosed with ASPD... i was unaware of . .but could see all signs as presented in this video... Might be its next step from ASPD. ..in personality development. But its not so obvious, for nonprofessional person like myself. But .. . I mostly "spoil" the game... or i do not show reaction when i became more aware , its not much you can do in a moment ..when you are in a trouble and someone close wants to see you more suffering. You ask yourself why?!@, but you do not see what emotions are going on inside that person. ..especially if person is seemingly calm or as usual while doing it. finally that person asked me" how are you so confident" when it was not able to penetrate any more .or whatever was trying.. .but continued the same game... Than i start to lough about ... when i realised.Than i spent time whit this person just to "Study" -WHATS GOING ON " ...to lern ....THE REASON I WAS GOING DEEPER INTO RELATIONshIP WITH THIS PERSON IS OBVIOUS PRESENCE OF EMOTIONS.. , LIKE WHATEVER YOU DO IS UNDERSTOOD BY THIS PERSON .AND EMOTIONALY UNDERSTOOD, BUT LIKE YOU SAID, THE MAIN DIFERENCE , YOU COULD SEE COGNITIVE EMPATY BUT NO AFECTIVE EMPATY... SO THE PERSON COULD FOLLOW YOU EMOTIONALLY ALLWAYS, BUT WHERE AFFECTION SUPPOSE TO COME THERE COMES SP...OFTEN WHEN YOU ARE NOT EXPECTING ..
I cannot understand why this terminology of SP which is important was taken off from the previous DSM criteria and replaced with the blanket term of APD. Makes no sense. I think this just caused more confusion as now there are various unofficial definitions floating around and so much misinformation. But this video was excellent and clarified a lot for me. Thank you.
Are you doing this year again a special video with Christmas Dr. Grande? Maybe one like how we cope with the narcissist on Christmas? For example if he asked you what you want with Christmas, he gives you something else and many more of that stuff they like to do.
Would be great 😃🇳🇱
Great idea! I will start planning one soon -
@@user-xh7gb6zm1q That's so sad. It's hard to believe a mother would do that.
@@connie5768
It is the "Play-them-against-each-other" game; use one against the other, create envy and animosity and other adverse feelings. Look at how some play the whole world this way, or do you not recognise it?
PS
Some will call this model "The adversarial system" to put a nice cover on it, others will call the same thing "satanic" (adversarial, accusative, set against) it is the same thing when cultivated like it is.
@@user-xh7gb6zm1q
I once had a conversation with a female of twenty-something, who told me how she liked to play people up against eachother to sit back and enjoy it, sometimes there would be blowback "but haha that was only part of the game"...
I had an old BF like that. Completely WIRED for serving up intermittent disaster to relish, like a dessert. A veiled history of this since childhood. He had every learning opportunity available. He converted it all to just another form of the same bad game. Outcome- him smirking into the faces of his staged observers. The more complex, intricate, and surprise, the more prolonged agony- the better. He explained it away saying he was an attorney. He journaled and collected maneuvers to advance. At the drop of a hat, on so called friends, “just to test the outcome” he would drop a disaster on a table of invited guests, then journal their responses. He did for a time make great $ rewards. If he could trick and flip a jury in front of a judge. Not just any judge, but “a good judge”- he would whisper with glee under his breath “look at that judges eyes”, voicing it over and over for a week after. It got old.
Wow. He sounds like a lawyer I would want only side. I wouldn't want any other relationship with him tho. Dude is nuts!!!
This person I mentioned in your other video was about a female who is proud to say she’s a sadist.
This is crazy! The one thing I have noticed is she will offer a gift then she’ll start saying negative things that only she was thinking.
Like a sudden self sabotage act.
Wow, my ex-wife did half of those traits. After she remarried, when her new husband had issues with her, for him to get into good graces with that woman she would tell him to call me and cuss me out or verbally abuse me. I had to change mobile numbers.
Damn. I thought she was only a narcissist. Now, I know it was even much more than that.
I apologize for being off-topic, but I was wondering if you would mind discussing the owner of McKamey Manor and what the heck you think is going on there mental-health wise? He’s been diagnosed with quite a few disorders, namely OCD, but they hardly account for the entirety of his publicized actions, alleged or otherwise. It really is quite the rabbit hole once you start researching (a very gruesome rabbit hole), and it also has me wondering why people choose to go to these “realistic” haunts. I’d really like to understand the thought process that would guide a person to seek what the majority of people abhor.
I am definitely sadistic didnt know that 😂😂😂 i always knew i wasnt a psychopath😂😂😂
And is there a counterpart for this, a masochistic personality-type who receives pleasure from receiving pain and suffering? Might the two types hit it off? Or would the masochist’s pleasure in being on the receiving end dilute the pleasure of the sadist who needs to see that they’ve dealt sufficient unwanted damage? This personality-type would have been manifest even in childhood? It seems to have very dangerous potential. Thank you, Dr. Grande, for bringing some of the more shadowy traits into the light.
I agree with the idea that maybe Sadistic Personality disorder should be added to the DSM if there begins to be a need for it in clinical practice again. My own reasoning for believing that is when a person has been practising both narcissism and aggresion in psychopathy for so long that they have lost the ability to express affective empathy along with cognitive empathy because they have not exercising it when at the same time they are showing a definite pattern of getting pleasure out of causing other people pain. There is more of a risk of people in some occupations like dentistry developing that kind of personality disorder than in other kinds of occupations.
Wow that's messed up, except for that chair breaking part. That was funny 😆. Thanks for another great video!
Kathrin Johnson it’s not funny when it’s you in the chair.
OMG that was my husband