A year ago, a video frome Lise literally saved my life. I was stressed so much to fill the needs of my covert narcissistic wife, that my blood pressure skyrocketed and I would have died from a stroke if it was not for the stray video in my autoplay and everything about my relationship fitted to together. I happily divorced, saved my children from an abusive mom, have a loving girlfriend and became healthy again. Thank you so much @Lise Leblanc
Thank you for clearly capturing many of the behaviours of a female narcissist. I lived this for 29 years and after 5 yrs separated I am feeling healthy and free again.
The major issue about narcissistic relationship is that almost all people who were in it have no idea that there’s an objective explanation for each of the types of abuses. They feel something is wrong, but they think is something that happens only to them. I still remember the first time I found out about “gaslighting”, “future faking,” “projection” and so on. My ex did all of that, and I had no idea that there was already a scientific explanation for her behavior. I went to a psychologist and then a psychiatrist thinking that I was crazy, and none helped me, because they had no clue about narcissism. I had to find out about it searching on the web.
Your not alone, I went to therapists seeking help, trying to make sure I wasn’t out of wack. Two female therapist immediately started talking to me as it was my problem, issues with my communication etc etc. then I finally found a male therapist, an older gentleman who was very experienced ( 35+ years). I explained the same things that were going on that I did to the prior two therapists. He immediately gave me some literature and some channels to watch to educate myself and he assured me it wasn’t me. After reading and watching I was like “holy s__t”, it’s not me, I’m not alone……. “OMG what have I got myself into”
Correct and same for me you are not alone. I went to the domestic abuse police and it took them four months to work out what was going on, they told me to immediately leave as she is a alcoholic corvert narc avoidant.
I can understand but not relate to that, since I always knew it wasn't my fault and I was being manipulated... I was there because I thought I could fix it. Only years later I found out she was a malignant covert narcissist... but I already went my way by that time (no contact if you prefer)
My wife told me she wants a divorce a month ago today, after almost 28 years together. She told me in a rambling text in which she also said, “I don’t know if you’re a covert narcissist, but I think you display some of the traits.” That led me to search UA-cam for videos about “Am I a narcissist?” It has been an eye opener. I am not a narcissist, but the victim of one. So much of what I’ve been going through the last 10-15 years makes so much sense now. She is a classic covert narcissist that is finally in the discard stage. She had me convinced everything is my fault, of if I just changed XYZ things would get better, but then she was always moving the goal post, and she is always either the victim or hero. I’ve started documenting the manipulations and subtle to not-so-subtle ways she demeans me. In the last 12 hours alone I’ve documented six instances, including two that were straight up gaslighting “I told you this last night!”, when it was something we never even talked about yesterday. I’ve convinced her to go to couples counseling twice over the last couple years. Both times, as soon as the counselor said anything just a little critical about how she could do things different, she refused to attend any more. When my mom died last year I didn’t even get a hug from her. She claims I’m remembering it wrong, but that pain and betrayal will stay with me for a long time. I’m glad my eyes are open and so much that I thought was wrong with me, isn’t me. I cannot wait to be truly free.
I noticed the cycle less than a year into the relationship. It took another year for me to start calling her out on it. When I stood my ground she made the discard. I started looking for answers when I found your videos. I took your advice about not watching the videos long term because it keeps you tied to them. 2 years later now and I still tend to think about what could've been sometimes. That's when I come back to your videos for a reminder. Thanks Doc. ✌️❤️
I'm going through weeks of confusion, day and night. We broke up recently. You are describing her so well! Thank you for the peace of mind that your explanations gave me!
Number 8 : a narcissist who sabotages you will also always think the are the victim and so they will say that they are never enough when you call out their sabotage.
Lise I wanted to give some positive feedback and I hope you read it. It really helps when you mentions the normal behavior so we can compare and know what’s healthy instead I hope you will keep doing that in future videos
Just wanted to let you know how much you have helped me the last 4 or 5 days. Because of your videos I was able to identify a number of things with my ex. You helped me dodge a big ass bullet!
Like in the dinner scene, American Beauty". "I'm sick and tired being treated like I don't exist", "You two do whatever you want to do whenever you want to do it"... this sums it up.
Yep 100%. - Only those who visit the Moon see the truth and the 'dark side' ... while everyone else from a distance only ever _always_ sees a 'bright shiny light'.
Oh, plenty of people see it when my wife is behind the steering wheel of her car. That and waitresses/waiters among other people in the services industry.
There are many different signs. These include spending time on phone that was not spent previously, withholding sex from you, withdrawing in communication with you, agitation or anger over Petty stuff or making up situations to get angry or agitated over, lying, being secretive in any way, randomly spending more time caring for and pampering oneself such as putting on makeup or wearing cologne or coloring hair etc. Any type of changed behavior that is not aimed at pleasing or benefiting your relationship. With all of that though, follow your gut. your gut is telling you that something isn't right and it's telling you that this could or is happening, therefore listen to it. Just Free yourself from all of it! Run and don't look back. Go 100% no contact. The mental and emotional abuse is not okay at all! Do not bring anything up to her. Don't try to rationalize or have a conversation about anything. Don't let her know that you know she's in narcissist. All of that can cause a narcissistic rage. If you have not yet witnessed one of those just trust me that you don't want to! A narcissistic rage is beyond any rage I have ever seen or witnessed in my entire life. I am an army combat veteran and served front lines for a year and afghanistan. I have abuse going back from as long as I can remember, the first time in my personal memory is 2 years old. With everything I have been involved in, and my rape, other sexual abuse, their physical abuse, etc in narcissistic rage is by far the worst! If you need to contact your local police department and start a new contact order. No one can protect you like you can! free yourself from it all and move forward in your life. The minute you run and go no contact is the minute your life begins again. If need be seek out professional help. Therapy is the best thing I did for myself. The best gift I gave to me! The abuse is so deep and overwhelming that having a professional guide you through the steps of the healing process is extremely beneficial! Just remember, there is great strength in asking for help. There is great lack and strength or no strength at all in putting on a mask and hiding behind the opinions of society and pretending that you are okay! As human beings we all witness A Time In our lives where we are not okay! Those that heal, move past, and move forward, and have a brighter future are those who ask for help and do the work that is needed through the help! I'm so sorry you are going through this and I wish you the very best! Good luck! Always remember that you are stronger than you believe you are, you are worthy and deserving of better and always, and you are enough just the way you are and who you are today! Take this time for you! Get yourself again. Fix that meal that you're all time favorite, rent that movie you've been wanting to see, have a guys night out with your best friends, remodel a room in your home, go purchase that item you've been wanting to for so long, just do for yourself! Self-acceptance, self-love, and being able to forgive yourself is far more important than what anyone else can give to you! Believe in who you are! You deserve nothing less than that! You're not alone! Feel free to tag me in any other questions that you have! I'll help if I can. Additionally you can hire a cyber expert to help you get remote access to their phone so you can track them and monitor all of their activities without them knowing. You may locate the top cyber specialists locally at digitalinvestigate@gmail . com where you can engage a well-trained professional to assist you..........
Thank you for your insight and information. You have been very helpful in finally making me realize what I have been dealing with. I felt like things were off and it's now starting to make sense. I seriously thought I was going crazy. Literally
Unfortunately didnt have a lot of relationship experience prior to running into a lot of this stuff. I greatly appreciate the content its been a life saver getting through thr aftermath of being discarded and the relationship as a whole
The way you broke down the exploitation of vulnerabilities really hit home for me. It ties in so well with the confirmation bias-when someone in a toxic relationship seeks validation of their insecurities from a partner who exploits them, it creates a dangerous cycle. I know someone who went through this and always believed their partner’s criticisms were justified because they already had low self-esteem. Your video makes it clear how manipulative this behavior is. Thank you for addressing this so clearly!
omg totally dead on. thank you for the crystal clarity. a partner w NPD fits this exact criteria and description and still the manipulation is so devastating you find yourself questioning yourself and all of it. time and time again.
Thanks, Lise, for these videos. It's not been easy dealing with my family, and it took a long time for me to realize what I was dealing with. Thanks for presenting it in a clear, compassionate way. Part of the reason I struggled with the truth is the fact that the aggressors in my case were female. I just mistakenly defaulted to always giving females the compassion, until I couldn't anymore. In 2021 my health completely shattered. The health effects from the constant somatic nervous system bombardment, the "flight or fight" mode, led to a major cardiac event. I would often have anxiety attacks lasting well into the night. Though I'm not physically separate from the problem, knowing the truth has helped immensely. Unwinding the knot of confusion is such a relief, and this channel has helped tremendously in that regard for years. Thanks again.
Thanks Lise, you're such a great help. I am a woman just out of a relationship with a narcissist female. I have left once but went back but I'm trying to be strong and stay away.
I’m pretty sure my ex was a high functioning borderline. I experienced almost all of these relationship dynamics and she exhibited all of the BPD traits in the DSM 5 (ALL OF THEM WITH BRIGHT ORANGE HIGHLIGHTS SCREAMING OFF THE PAGE). I am aware that BPD and NPD are different diagnoses. But I learned the hard way that the experience of being in a relationship with them is, essentially, the same. Watching this video, almost two years out from that relationship, feels like an out of body experience. It’s unreal and horrible that people like this exist. And it’s super weird that strangers can describe everything that happened without any specific knowledge about her or me. Watch yourself out there.
Hey brother! Same here- it’s been 2 years since her final discard to me after 7 yrs together, 1 of those being engaged- and I still haven’t FULLY broke the cognitive dissonance :( hope you’re doing alright
@@vand8n Thank you so much, Brother! I hope the same for you. It's one of those things that you have to have experienced to understand. It's been 10 years since we met. We were together for about seven years, also. The last three years since we both agreed to end it have seen their own set of artfully applied torments. But, yeah. By the grace of God, it feels like I've made it to better days. I really do hope the same for you. No one should have to experience that. I wish you peace.
I would say the first sign will come from your own gut feeling which will send signal to your body telling you that this person doesn't make you feel comfortable being around him/her. The fact that you are already asking this question should alert you to be careful. Something will feel off and you won't know what it is exactly. Covert narcissists can act very charming in the beginning but there will be often also present underlying sense of superiority about them. That sense is actually deriving from them feeling insecure about themselves, so they tend to quietly degrade others in order to feel better about themselves. On the other hand if covert narcissist feels that you are above his league, he will act like your servant, trying to please you - almost annoying in a way. But make no mistake. If you decide to stay in a relationship with him, he will downgrade you and abuse you like all the others. Because in his mind, if you love him, he thinks you are unworthy of him. Covert narcissists hate themselves so if someone loves them, than they think this person is worth less than them and that they can do better. Other sign to look for is any kind of judgment towards others. If he criticises other frequently, he will more likely criticise you as well once he gets more comfortable around you. Pay attention to how he treats people that are dependent on him as well. Narcissists hate those especially if they can't get anything of of that for themselves. Moreover, Cheating in marriages is not restricted to only men. Women cheat as much as men do. If you're suspecting your wife of infidelity, you'll have to keep an eye on her of her without her knowledge of her. One of the best ways to know if your spouse cheats on social platforms is by paying close attention to how your spouse behaves while online. The signs are pretty the same. Is your spouse more time on the app without explanation and gets unnecessarily defensive when you ask about it? If your spouse behavior has changed lately, and continues to spend more time on social apps, it's time for you to take action, with the help of a private investigator (suggested; METASPYHUB@GMAIL. COM , you can find out what is taking all their time on social apps, who they are talking to and other things happening,,
True. I went to date with a guy that I knew from high school. I swear to you I was not comfortable. The vibe was weird asf. Even trough texting something was off . He was behaving certain ways , love bombing, distant, hot and cold . The gaslighting was crazy. I had to trust my intuition and let him go cause I will not putting myself through stress for foolishness. Them covert narcissist are sneaky asf . Danm snakes .
The more videos you make, the more you describe my narcissistic partner (it’s over thankfully). Thank you so much for making these. I had the feeling you described my ex, even with all the details. It was a huge revelation for me and it finally helped me to really break up after 13 years.
Your videos are always eye-opening and affirm everything I went through in my most recent relationship with a covert narcissist. Thank you for making these videos! 🙏🏻
After the breakup and the year or so of hoovering on and off, its actually kind of comical once you detach yourself from them. Even after a year with no intimacy and several break-ups, my ex still acts like we are dating when she comes around to hoover. She doesn't find it funny when I remind her that she broke up with me.
I know statistically women are the victims of this more than men, but thank you for takign a moment to focus on men. You've described in detail two relationship I've had in the last 10 years. I grew up the son of a hippie, and I was told relationship were all about love. I thought that was true, and I continue to see them as that from my end. But it seems a lot of people don't see them as that. I've decided abuse is a human problem, not necessarily a male problem. But men and women act out that abuse differently.
It is exactly what I am going through since a few years. It is absolutely crazy. The cycles of punishment, the pressure cooker, it is exactly what she does. Gaslighting typical. Changing reality. What should I do? Is this curable? We have two children.
I would recommend therapy before splitting. At least you know you tried. As far as I understand a true narcissist will never change and is impossible to change. Because that means they would have to have accountability.
Get out. I was with my ex for 18 years. They will never change. I tried marriage counseling, and she would pretend while in session, then mask off and demons out as soon as we were in the vehicle. Lies, lies, and more lies constantly flowing out of their mouths. Make an exit plan. DO NOT GIVE THEM THE SLIGHTEST CLUE!!! We have a son together, and she has alienated me from him and now has taken him 1800 miles away. It is a terrible legal mess now. So talk with legal council to figure out your rights before exiting, so that you and your children are protected. I wouldn't wish this on anyone! Bedt of luck and be safe.🙏🏼❤️🔥
Two years of all of this signs. I left her 3 days ago after moving up together to another town and everything, she literally isolated me from everyone and everything and the masks disappeared and she showed me her true self. As soon as i stood for myself she accused me of everything she was doing, i felt insane. Thanks to these videos i can see that im not crazy but a victim. And that hits insanely hard. Im a 6'1 220lb man so you wouldn't even think that a small 5'1 dancer could be this terrible monster and make you feel like you worth nothing
This is very good for me ,but there are things that I do and this helps me recognize my facts that I need to work on but my wife fits all this to a tee,
I live a polyamorous lifestyle, and fell into what I thought was true, genuine love with my new partner. 5 months of tumultuous highs and lows ensued, and then suddenly, as if the algorithm gods had mercy on my soul, Lise’s video came up in my feed. I can’t tell you how QUICKLY I left that relationship; I had no idea of the signs either. THANK YOU!
I grew up in a covert narcissist trait/enabler home and ended up in basically the same relationships again and again. I finally had to admit being a doormat wasn't working and I would have to set way better boundaries and enforce them. Lost my marriage and quite a few so called friends. But I am not living in fear based anxiety anymore and life is ok.
My ex showed most of these traits but I still don't know if she was a narcissist or a mixture of borderline and narcissist, why do I need to know? All I do know is it was extremely controlling and toxic. She could show empathy or maybe she was just a good actor. She used me and I allowed it to happen, at the end I was suicidal. Rant over. 😅
@@JohnSmith-wo7ns I've had 2 bad relationships with toxic women...the first, I was with her for a year and she was a malignant overt narcissist, it took me nearly 2 years to get over that ordeal...the 2nd and most recent was a vulnerable covert narcissist, I've been away from that horrendous being for 6 months and I'm starting to recover now. They are truly awful specimens...me personally, I'm staying single until I get my marbles and energy back, I might even stay on my own for good. Good luck with everything man, you'll get there👍
@pauljordan3272 wow, youve certainly had your share! I feel the same, maybe it's safer to stay single but I'd like to try a relationship again. Never thought life would be this hard. I appreciate your words, take care.
How did I not know? “ April 17: Blocked all access to our family home. April 16th: Shared she sometimes feels that her personality is taken over by her dead grandmother and that she is “out of control” of her actions in this state. She feels angry and aggressive and knows it’s “not her” but is unable to stop. Shared she feels like “borg queen” being taken over. “Possession” April 16th spoke about suicide. Wondered if my friend had a “death cocktail” of pills. April 16th: Shared that her “star chart” told her she is known for “crying wolf” and that she knows it true. I told her if she wants a divorce just give me the paper and I’ll sign. She does not need to “destroy me” to get me to sign. Just give me the papers. April 16th: shared just like “Picard’s mom, she knows she sometimes sees monsters where none exist.” This makes me so sad. I love her so much but how can I stay in this madness?”
Ms NiceyNice in public, but a horror behind closed doors. I lived win this for 13 years, separated almost 6 weeks ago, and the biggest difference is the peace...... At church on Sunday, she was all smiles and giggles and loving. As soon as we got in the car, it was like a switch was turned off and the beast emerged...
My NPD partner seems to recognize her issues and tries to correct her actions but it seems it's always that revolving door. I have to keep reinforcing her. It's exhausting
In relationships, both partners should learn about ego (the narcissist in us all). And learn how to begin catching it in themselves before it creates problems in the relationship. Confessing to each other things that are happening internally is part of this. Because it is like blowing the whistle on the ego/narcissist and what it is attempting to do. Ego is the enemy of love. Love is blessed relief from ego. In a nutshell, just a big hunch based off what you said - what is happening is she wants to address some issues without giving up control. Wants the whole cake so to speak. And to remain ego while fighting ego. Can't be done.
@@passerby6168Agree totally. It's certainly a challenge of ego's but I love this woman and her daughter that I refuse to give up. I understand her behavior was cultivated from her childhood and now a way of life now in our 40's. Lise's advice and information on this behavior has really helped me/us in so many ways I wish I could shake her hand. I now understand the red flags, the emotional rollercoaster and the prognosis because of her content. Being in the medical field I always go into each patient with this attitude. *I have patience for my patients* and I will continue with her.
She had it all, except she wasn't into exploiting others from what I could tell, at least not in noticeable ways - -she was exploitive in romance, all of her romances. She was even trusted with money by people in her family who do not trust others with their money.
I had a male friend who was like this. He would stop talking to me for days without an explanation and then one day suddenly come and sit next to me and restart our friendship🙃and this repeated pattern repeated over and over again.
Miss, if you ever get in an auto accident with a immigrate or section 8 person, make to find out if they were on the cellphone when the accident occurred. Check out if they were on a voice over ip phone call. Most of the rideshare drivers have their earbuds in their ears. Make sure they were not on a phone during the accident.
While it’s sort of easy to identify a narcissist, even of the covert type, one key question for me is: why are they so attractive? Why they can be so irrrsistible for so many years regardless all the pain they inflict you? Two possible answers, imho, is that they touch the the strings of our own positive narcissistic nucleus in ways that the “normal” people don’t, but at the same time they break through our vulnerabilities, those vulnerabilities often developed living with a narcissistic parent. Hence we accuse them to lack empathy, while it is also us who grew up tolerating the lack of empathy in our relationships. We get trained to elaborate any kind of pain to the point where pain in a relationship is just an undesirable trait rather than a game stopper. Pain we are willing to accept just to avoid staying alone and to get that little sparse emotions that any narcissist can give.
I think the term 'Gaslighting' came about from an old film where the husband deliberately dimmed the gas lights in the house to confuse his wife, and then denying he ever touched them when she asked him... which is part of the manipulation game these ghouls play
Dear Lise, could you please recommend a video from your channel that I can share with my wife so that she can recognize that she has narcissistic traits. I would like to share a video like this with her before going to couple's therapy. Thank you
Good luck with that. If she is like mine was, even saying that she has one trait is akin to saying she is a full board narcissist and then some. You won't even break even; not by a mile. In the end, she will find a reason to quit going to couples therapy.
That is a dangerous approach. The best thing, in my opinion, is to keep it to yourself. Again, knowledge is power. Work on yourself and figure out a way to leave with the least amount of conflict. Learn gray rock technique.
Call them out… but you must be prepared to leave. If they project and deflect and have no consequence, they will never accept anything is wrong with them and will devalue you big time. You must be prepared to go full and strict no contact if she refuses. Then she might promise to go to therapy if you take her back after a few months after an in person hoover. AND ABSOLUTELY DO NOT GO TO COUPLES THERAPY. They will manipulate the hell out of the therapist and make you look like the crazy one. You both should go to therapy to the same therapist but separately. Honestly you might as well grieve now for the loss of the woman that never existed and go full no contact and take time to heal.
Narc's don't change, couples therapy won't work. She will be unable to recognise there is anything wrong with her. You can't save the relationship, get out and save yourself.
Just got out of a 13 yr relationship with a narcissist. Feel broken but each day makes me think I should’ve left sooner.
I've saved this video to my playlist, so every time cognitive dissonance hits me, this video will remind me of the truth.
My friend，what does cognitive dissonance mean?
A year ago, a video frome Lise literally saved my life. I was stressed so much to fill the needs of my covert narcissistic wife, that my blood pressure skyrocketed and I would have died from a stroke if it was not for the stray video in my autoplay and everything about my relationship fitted to together. I happily divorced, saved my children from an abusive mom, have a loving girlfriend and became healthy again. Thank you so much @Lise Leblanc
The worse bit is the projection onto you whilst they are doing it 😂
I'd think I was crazy if it weren't for these kinds of videos and comments. Wow this is all so crazy. I'm currently in the middle of a divorce...
She is calling me a narcissist now after all her I love yous didn't make me stay this time.
I try my best not to project onto others.
Really, I do.
The baseline I'm on tho? Is _massively_ skewed.
Every single fight or discussion she started somehow was always my fault
Thank you for clearly capturing many of the behaviours of a female narcissist. I lived this for 29 years and after 5 yrs separated I am feeling healthy and free again.
25/3 for me.
The major issue about narcissistic relationship is that almost all people who were in it have no idea that there’s an objective explanation for each of the types of abuses. They feel something is wrong, but they think is something that happens only to them. I still remember the first time I found out about “gaslighting”, “future faking,” “projection” and so on. My ex did all of that, and I had no idea that there was already a scientific explanation for her behavior. I went to a psychologist and then a psychiatrist thinking that I was crazy, and none helped me, because they had no clue about narcissism. I had to find out about it searching on the web.
Your not alone, I went to therapists seeking help, trying to make sure I wasn’t out of wack. Two female therapist immediately started talking to me as it was my problem, issues with my communication etc etc. then I finally found a male therapist, an older gentleman who was very experienced ( 35+ years). I explained the same things that were going on that I did to the prior two therapists. He immediately gave me some literature and some channels to watch to educate myself and he assured me it wasn’t me. After reading and watching I was like “holy s__t”, it’s not me, I’m not alone……. “OMG what have I got myself into”
Correct and same for me you are not alone. I went to the domestic abuse police and it took them four months to work out what was going on, they told me to immediately leave as she is a alcoholic corvert narc avoidant.
I can understand but not relate to that, since I always knew it wasn't my fault and I was being manipulated... I was there because I thought I could fix it. Only years later I found out she was a malignant covert narcissist... but I already went my way by that time (no contact if you prefer)
So, of course, I was in denial and in full cognitive dissonance, but the narc never managed to make me think I was crazy or I was the problem
My wife told me she wants a divorce a month ago today, after almost 28 years together. She told me in a rambling text in which she also said, “I don’t know if you’re a covert narcissist, but I think you display some of the traits.” That led me to search UA-cam for videos about “Am I a narcissist?” It has been an eye opener. I am not a narcissist, but the victim of one. So much of what I’ve been going through the last 10-15 years makes so much sense now. She is a classic covert narcissist that is finally in the discard stage. She had me convinced everything is my fault, of if I just changed XYZ things would get better, but then she was always moving the goal post, and she is always either the victim or hero. I’ve started documenting the manipulations and subtle to not-so-subtle ways she demeans me. In the last 12 hours alone I’ve documented six instances, including two that were straight up gaslighting “I told you this last night!”, when it was something we never even talked about yesterday.
I’ve convinced her to go to couples counseling twice over the last couple years. Both times, as soon as the counselor said anything just a little critical about how she could do things different, she refused to attend any more. When my mom died last year I didn’t even get a hug from her. She claims I’m remembering it wrong, but that pain and betrayal will stay with me for a long time.
I’m glad my eyes are open and so much that I thought was wrong with me, isn’t me. I cannot wait to be truly free.
Took me a long time to wake up to this and realizing how much of the abuse was pure projection. Thanks for the video
I noticed the cycle less than a year into the relationship. It took another year for me to start calling her out on it. When I stood my ground she made the discard. I started looking for answers when I found your videos. I took your advice about not watching the videos long term because it keeps you tied to them. 2 years later now and I still tend to think about what could've been sometimes. That's when I come back to your videos for a reminder. Thanks Doc. ✌️❤️
I'm going through weeks of confusion, day and night. We broke up recently. You are describing her so well! Thank you for the peace of mind that your explanations gave me!
Number 8 : a narcissist who sabotages you will also always think the are the victim and so they will say that they are never enough when you call out their sabotage.
You know how to win an argument with a narcissist...you cant!...
Walk away and block...Unfortunately that's hard with the trauma bond
The only way to win is to not play the game. Learned this from Patrice O’Neal on the black Philip show. R.I.P.
How to win WHEN arguing with a narcissist--makes sense though. Radical acceptance. :)
Yeahyou can. Just dont argue at all
...because they cheat! (Pun intended)
Lise I wanted to give some positive feedback and I hope you read it. It really helps when you mentions the normal behavior so we can compare and know what’s healthy instead I hope you will keep doing that in future videos
Thank you so much for your positive feedback, it is truly appreciated
They are a bloody headache...
And you're so right - "Whatever you do is never enough"..
Lol at Miss Nicey nice!
Perfect! 😂
Just wanted to let you know how much you have helped me the last 4 or 5 days. Because of your videos I was able to identify a number of things with my ex. You helped me dodge a big ass bullet!
Like in the dinner scene, American Beauty". "I'm sick and tired being treated like I don't exist", "You two do whatever you want to do whenever you want to do it"... this sums it up.
Spot on as always Lise, thank you. Almost to 200k 🎉
I just broke my engagement with my narc last night
good job man, stay strong, don't capitulate
I know how hard it is , mine it was three weeks ago.
i did last week. it was insane.... she was beautiful, thats what got me.
Thanks for the great video!!
It’s true, no one else sees it or believes it because she’s so nice to everyone else
Yep 100%. - Only those who visit the Moon see the truth and the 'dark side' ... while everyone else from a distance only ever _always_ sees a 'bright shiny light'.
Oh, plenty of people see it when my wife is behind the steering wheel of her car. That and waitresses/waiters among other people in the services industry.
There are many different signs. These include spending time on phone that was not spent previously, withholding sex from you, withdrawing in communication with you, agitation or anger over Petty stuff or making up situations to get angry or agitated over, lying, being secretive in any way, randomly spending more time caring for and pampering oneself such as putting on makeup or wearing cologne or coloring hair etc. Any type of changed behavior that is not aimed at pleasing or benefiting your relationship. With all of that though, follow your gut. your gut is telling you that something isn't right and it's telling you that this could or is happening, therefore listen to it. Just Free yourself from all of it! Run and don't look back. Go 100% no contact. The mental and emotional abuse is not okay at all! Do not bring anything up to her. Don't try to rationalize or have a conversation about anything. Don't let her know that you know she's in narcissist. All of that can cause a narcissistic rage. If you have not yet witnessed one of those just trust me that you don't want to! A narcissistic rage is beyond any rage I have ever seen or witnessed in my entire life. I am an army combat veteran and served front lines for a year and afghanistan. I have abuse going back from as long as I can remember, the first time in my personal memory is 2 years old. With everything I have been involved in, and my rape, other sexual abuse, their physical abuse, etc in narcissistic rage is by far the worst! If you need to contact your local police department and start a new contact order. No one can protect you like you can! free yourself from it all and move forward in your life. The minute you run and go no contact is the minute your life begins again. If need be seek out professional help. Therapy is the best thing I did for myself. The best gift I gave to me! The abuse is so deep and overwhelming that having a professional guide you through the steps of the healing process is extremely beneficial! Just remember, there is great strength in asking for help. There is great lack and strength or no strength at all in putting on a mask and hiding behind the opinions of society and pretending that you are okay! As human beings we all witness A Time In our lives where we are not okay! Those that heal, move past, and move forward, and have a brighter future are those who ask for help and do the work that is needed through the help! I'm so sorry you are going through this and I wish you the very best! Good luck! Always remember that you are stronger than you believe you are, you are worthy and deserving of better and always, and you are enough just the way you are and who you are today! Take this time for you! Get yourself again. Fix that meal that you're all time favorite, rent that movie you've been wanting to see, have a guys night out with your best friends, remodel a room in your home, go purchase that item you've been wanting to for so long, just do for yourself! Self-acceptance, self-love, and being able to forgive yourself is far more important than what anyone else can give to you! Believe in who you are! You deserve nothing less than that! You're not alone! Feel free to tag me in any other questions that you have! I'll help if I can. Additionally you can hire a cyber expert to help you get remote access to their phone so you can track them and monitor all of their activities without them knowing. You may locate the top cyber specialists locally at digitalinvestigate@gmail . com where you can engage a well-trained professional to assist you..........
You know my wife very well!
Do you plan to stay with her?
Thank you for your insight and information. You have been very helpful in finally making me realize what I have been dealing with. I felt like things were off and it's now starting to make sense. I seriously thought I was going crazy. Literally
Unfortunately didnt have a lot of relationship experience prior to running into a lot of this stuff. I greatly appreciate the content its been a life saver getting through thr aftermath of being discarded and the relationship as a whole
Totally all ten for my wife now divorcing. But she don't see it that way, nor sees she is a narc even thou she is a theorpist.
The way you broke down the exploitation of vulnerabilities really hit home for me. It ties in so well with the confirmation bias-when someone in a toxic relationship seeks validation of their insecurities from a partner who exploits them, it creates a dangerous cycle. I know someone who went through this and always believed their partner’s criticisms were justified because they already had low self-esteem. Your video makes it clear how manipulative this behavior is. Thank you for addressing this so clearly!
omg totally dead on. thank you for the crystal clarity. a partner w NPD fits this exact criteria and description and still the manipulation is so devastating you find yourself questioning yourself and all of it. time and time again.
Sis u are amazing as always right on spot hi from slovenia
This lady is awesome
Thank you for ALL your help
Do You really talk about my ex … look like that you knows her .
Congratulations for the video!!!
Thanks, Lise, for these videos. It's not been easy dealing with my family, and it took a long time for me to realize what I was dealing with.
Thanks for presenting it in a clear, compassionate way. Part of the reason I struggled with the truth is the fact that the aggressors in my case were female. I just mistakenly defaulted to always giving females the compassion, until I couldn't anymore.
In 2021 my health completely shattered. The health effects from the constant somatic nervous system bombardment, the "flight or fight" mode, led to a major cardiac event. I would often have anxiety attacks lasting well into the night.
Though I'm not physically separate from the problem, knowing the truth has helped immensely. Unwinding the knot of confusion is such a relief, and this channel has helped tremendously in that regard for years.
Thanks again.
Thanks Lise, you're such a great help. I am a woman just out of a relationship with a narcissist female. I have left once but went back but I'm trying to be strong and stay away.
You’re welcome! I hope you can break free for good. Narcissistic relationships are just so damaging
I’m pretty sure my ex was a high functioning borderline. I experienced almost all of these relationship dynamics and she exhibited all of the BPD traits in the DSM 5 (ALL OF THEM WITH BRIGHT ORANGE HIGHLIGHTS SCREAMING OFF THE PAGE). I am aware that BPD and NPD are different diagnoses. But I learned the hard way that the experience of being in a relationship with them is, essentially, the same. Watching this video, almost two years out from that relationship, feels like an out of body experience. It’s unreal and horrible that people like this exist. And it’s super weird that strangers can describe everything that happened without any specific knowledge about her or me. Watch yourself out there.
Hey brother! Same here- it’s been 2 years since her final discard to me after 7 yrs together, 1 of those being engaged- and I still haven’t FULLY broke the cognitive dissonance :( hope you’re doing alright
@@vand8n Thank you so much, Brother! I hope the same for you. It's one of those things that you have to have experienced to understand. It's been 10 years since we met. We were together for about seven years, also. The last three years since we both agreed to end it have seen their own set of artfully applied torments. But, yeah. By the grace of God, it feels like I've made it to better days. I really do hope the same for you. No one should have to experience that. I wish you peace.
I would say the first sign will come from your own gut feeling which will send signal to your body telling you that this person doesn't make you feel comfortable being around him/her. The fact that you are already asking this question should alert you to be careful. Something will feel off and you won't know what it is exactly. Covert narcissists can act very charming in the beginning but there will be often also present underlying sense of superiority about them.
That sense is actually deriving from them feeling insecure about themselves, so they tend to quietly degrade others in order to feel better about themselves. On the other hand if covert narcissist feels that you are above his league, he will act like your servant, trying to please you - almost annoying in a way. But make no mistake. If you decide to stay in a relationship with him, he will downgrade you and abuse you like all the others.
Because in his mind, if you love him, he thinks you are unworthy of him. Covert narcissists hate themselves so if someone loves them, than they think this person is worth less than them and that they can do better. Other sign to look for is any kind of judgment towards others. If he criticises other frequently, he will more likely criticise you as well once he gets more comfortable around you. Pay attention to how he treats people that are dependent on him as well. Narcissists hate those especially if they can't get anything of of that for themselves.
Moreover, Cheating in marriages is not restricted to only men. Women cheat as much as men do. If you're suspecting your wife of infidelity, you'll have to keep an eye on her of her without her knowledge of her. One of the best ways to know if your spouse cheats on social platforms is by paying close attention to how your spouse behaves while online. The signs are pretty the same. Is your spouse more time on the app without explanation and gets unnecessarily defensive when you ask about it? If your spouse behavior has changed lately, and continues to spend more time on social apps, it's time for you to take action, with the help of a private investigator (suggested; METASPYHUB@GMAIL. COM , you can find out what is taking all their time on social apps, who they are talking to and other things happening,,
True. I went to date with a guy that I knew from high school. I swear to you I was not comfortable. The vibe was weird asf. Even trough texting something was off . He was behaving certain ways , love bombing, distant, hot and cold . The gaslighting was crazy. I had to trust my intuition and let him go cause I will not putting myself through stress for foolishness. Them covert narcissist are sneaky asf . Danm snakes .
The more videos you make, the more you describe my narcissistic partner (it’s over thankfully). Thank you so much for making these. I had the feeling you described my ex, even with all the details. It was a huge revelation for me and it finally helped me to really break up after 13 years.
Your videos are always eye-opening and affirm everything I went through in my most recent relationship with a covert narcissist. Thank you for making these videos! 🙏🏻
Experienced all the above !!!
After the breakup and the year or so of hoovering on and off, its actually kind of comical once you detach yourself from them. Even after a year with no intimacy and several break-ups, my ex still acts like we are dating when she comes around to hoover. She doesn't find it funny when I remind her that she broke up with me.
I know statistically women are the victims of this more than men, but thank you for takign a moment to focus on men. You've described in detail two relationship I've had in the last 10 years. I grew up the son of a hippie, and I was told relationship were all about love. I thought that was true, and I continue to see them as that from my end. But it seems a lot of people don't see them as that. I've decided abuse is a human problem, not necessarily a male problem. But men and women act out that abuse differently.
It is exactly what I am going through since a few years. It is absolutely crazy. The cycles of punishment, the pressure cooker, it is exactly what she does. Gaslighting typical. Changing reality. What should I do? Is this curable? We have two children.
I would recommend therapy before splitting. At least you know you tried.
As far as I understand a true narcissist will never change and is impossible to change. Because that means they would have to have accountability.
Get out. I was with my ex for 18 years. They will never change. I tried marriage counseling, and she would pretend while in session, then mask off and demons out as soon as we were in the vehicle. Lies, lies, and more lies constantly flowing out of their mouths. Make an exit plan. DO NOT GIVE THEM THE SLIGHTEST CLUE!!! We have a son together, and she has alienated me from him and now has taken him 1800 miles away. It is a terrible legal mess now. So talk with legal council to figure out your rights before exiting, so that you and your children are protected. I wouldn't wish this on anyone! Bedt of luck and be safe.🙏🏼❤️🔥
Two years of all of this signs. I left her 3 days ago after moving up together to another town and everything, she literally isolated me from everyone and everything and the masks disappeared and she showed me her true self. As soon as i stood for myself she accused me of everything she was doing, i felt insane.
Thanks to these videos i can see that im not crazy but a victim. And that hits insanely hard. Im a 6'1 220lb man so you wouldn't even think that a small 5'1 dancer could be this terrible monster and make you feel like you worth nothing
I feel so stupid and I'm still looking back at her behaviors And it was years ago!
This is very good for me ,but there are things that I do and this helps me recognize my facts that I need to work on but my wife fits all this to a tee,
I live a polyamorous lifestyle, and fell into what I thought was true, genuine love with my new partner. 5 months of tumultuous highs and lows ensued, and then suddenly, as if the algorithm gods had mercy on my soul, Lise’s video came up in my feed. I can’t tell you how QUICKLY I left that relationship; I had no idea of the signs either. THANK YOU!
No accountability, they are always the victim.
For real they have a list of all your wrong doings and never can remember theirs
@@dyreckta23facts
I grew up in a covert narcissist trait/enabler home and ended up in basically the same relationships again and again. I finally had to admit being a doormat wasn't working and I would have to set way better boundaries and enforce them. Lost my marriage and quite a few so called friends. But I am not living in fear based anxiety anymore and life is ok.
My ex showed most of these traits but I still don't know if she was a narcissist or a mixture of borderline and narcissist, why do I need to know? All I do know is it was extremely controlling and toxic. She could show empathy or maybe she was just a good actor. She used me and I allowed it to happen, at the end I was suicidal. Rant over. 😅
Same here brother...horrible 🧙♀️ 🧙♀️
@pauljordan3272 worst experience ever, hope you are recovering.
@@JohnSmith-wo7ns I've had 2 bad relationships with toxic women...the first, I was with her for a year and she was a malignant overt narcissist, it took me nearly 2 years to get over that ordeal...the 2nd and most recent was a vulnerable covert narcissist, I've been away from that horrendous being for 6 months and I'm starting to recover now. They are truly awful specimens...me personally, I'm staying single until I get my marbles and energy back, I might even stay on my own for good. Good luck with everything man, you'll get there👍
@pauljordan3272
wow, youve certainly had your share! I feel the same, maybe it's safer to stay single but I'd like to try a relationship again. Never thought life would be this hard. I appreciate your words, take care.
Don't let other people's shitty behaviour ruin your life
How did I not know? “
April 17: Blocked all access to our family home.
April 16th: Shared she sometimes feels that her personality is taken over by her dead grandmother and that she is “out of control” of her actions in this state. She feels angry and aggressive and knows it’s “not her” but is unable to stop. Shared she feels like “borg queen” being taken over. “Possession”
April 16th spoke about suicide. Wondered if my friend had a “death cocktail” of pills.
April 16th: Shared that her “star chart” told her she is known for “crying wolf” and that she knows it true.
I told her if she wants a divorce just give me the paper and I’ll sign. She does not need to “destroy me” to get me to sign. Just give me the papers.
April 16th: shared just like “Picard’s mom, she knows she sometimes sees monsters where none exist.” This makes me so sad. I love her so much but how can I stay in this madness?”
Ms NiceyNice in public, but a horror behind closed doors. I lived win this for 13 years, separated almost 6 weeks ago, and the biggest difference is the peace......
At church on Sunday, she was all smiles and giggles and loving. As soon as we got in the car, it was like a switch was turned off and the beast emerged...
My NPD partner seems to recognize her issues and tries to correct her actions but it seems it's always that revolving door. I have to keep reinforcing her. It's exhausting
In relationships, both partners should learn about ego (the narcissist in us all). And learn how to begin catching it in themselves before it creates problems in the relationship. Confessing to each other things that are happening internally is part of this. Because it is like blowing the whistle on the ego/narcissist and what it is attempting to do. Ego is the enemy of love. Love is blessed relief from ego.
In a nutshell, just a big hunch based off what you said - what is happening is she wants to address some issues without giving up control. Wants the whole cake so to speak. And to remain ego while fighting ego. Can't be done.
@@passerby6168Agree totally. It's certainly a challenge of ego's but I love this woman and her daughter that I refuse to give up. I understand her behavior was cultivated from her childhood and now a way of life now in our 40's. Lise's advice and information on this behavior has really helped me/us in so many ways I wish I could shake her hand. I now understand the red flags, the emotional rollercoaster and the prognosis because of her content. Being in the medical field I always go into each patient with this attitude. *I have patience for my patients* and I will continue with her.
Awe, you look so pretty today
I don't know the difference between narcissism and lack of respect. So many people will do all of these things to you if you let them
1 through 10 check and double check
Well… goddamnit I think after watching this my stomach dropped. And then I think maybe I’m wrong, and this video is just feeding my anxieties
She had it all, except she wasn't into exploiting others from what I could tell, at least not in noticeable ways - -she was exploitive in romance, all of her romances. She was even trusted with money by people in her family who do not trust others with their money.
I had a male friend who was like this. He would stop talking to me for days without an explanation and then one day suddenly come and sit next to me and restart our friendship🙃and this repeated pattern repeated over and over again.
Miss, if you ever get in an auto accident with a immigrate or section 8 person, make to find out if they were on the cellphone when the accident occurred. Check out if they were on a voice over ip phone call. Most of the rideshare drivers have their earbuds in their ears. Make sure they were not on a phone during the accident.
Thank you.
While it’s sort of easy to identify a narcissist, even of the covert type, one key question for me is: why are they so attractive?
Why they can be so irrrsistible for so many years regardless all the pain they inflict you?
Two possible answers, imho, is that they touch the the strings of our own positive narcissistic nucleus in ways that the “normal” people don’t, but at the same time they break through our vulnerabilities, those vulnerabilities often developed living with a narcissistic parent. Hence we accuse them to lack empathy, while it is also us who grew up tolerating the lack of empathy in our relationships. We get trained to elaborate any kind of pain to the point where pain in a relationship is just an undesirable trait rather than a game stopper.
Pain we are willing to accept just to avoid staying alone and to get that little sparse emotions that any narcissist can give.
Thank you
Thank you!
What’s the difference between this and dating a regular woman in 2024? Be honest ladies ….
We live in a broken world, everyone is damaged in some way
I recommend reading the novel Rebecca by Daphne du Maurier
The link to your website isn’t working. What’s your website address? Thank you 😊
Lisa ❤
Why is gaslighting called gaslighting?
I think the term 'Gaslighting' came about from an old film where the husband deliberately dimmed the gas lights in the house to confuse his wife, and then denying he ever touched them when she asked him... which is part of the manipulation game these ghouls play
@@pauljordan3272 thanks!
I think I found the film: ua-cam.com/video/JBhhK_PPI6Y/v-deo.html
all accurate….
Describes my ex-wife to a T!
They're never wrong! It's always someone else's fault
Remembering my ex-wife, she's a cold demon.
I agree these people are demons.
❤
I MYSELF am a Narcissist, but I sure as hell dont want to be in a relationship with one!
What's it like being a pos?
Is there a llace for hr in this communist worker led workplace?
Shark of the Mud at 3:12!
Dear Lise, could you please recommend a video from your channel that I can share with my wife so that she can recognize that she has narcissistic traits. I would like to share a video like this with her before going to couple's therapy.
Thank you
Good luck with that. If she is like mine was, even saying that she has one trait is akin to saying she is a full board narcissist and then some. You won't even break even; not by a mile. In the end, she will find a reason to quit going to couples therapy.
Good luck
I did that, and it was a big mess
My advice is grey rock or no contact
That is a dangerous approach. The best thing, in my opinion, is to keep it to yourself. Again, knowledge is power. Work on yourself and figure out a way to leave with the least amount of conflict. Learn gray rock technique.
Call them out… but you must be prepared to leave. If they project and deflect and have no consequence, they will never accept anything is wrong with them and will devalue you big time. You must be prepared to go full and strict no contact if she refuses. Then she might promise to go to therapy if you take her back after a few months after an in person hoover. AND ABSOLUTELY DO NOT GO TO COUPLES THERAPY. They will manipulate the hell out of the therapist and make you look like the crazy one. You both should go to therapy to the same therapist but separately. Honestly you might as well grieve now for the loss of the woman that never existed and go full no contact and take time to heal.
Narc's don't change, couples therapy won't work. She will be unable to recognise there is anything wrong with her. You can't save the relationship, get out and save yourself.
i cant help but think of all the crazy people on tiktok crying over not finding a man in there 40s when i watch this video
😅😅