7 Texting Manipulations By Narcissists
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- Опубліковано 31 тра 2024
- In this video, I explain the manipulative texting habits that narcissists use to control their romantic partners. Note: From love bombing to guilt-tripping, learn to spot the red flags and protect yourself from being manipulated by text. Note: This video is part 2 of 2.
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About Lise Leblanc
Lise Leblanc is a Therapist, Life Coach Practitioner, and Author with over 20 years of experience in therapeutic, educational, and leadership roles.
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DISCLAIMER: THE INFORMATION IN THIS VIDEO IS NOT INTENDED NOR IMPLIED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR PROFESSIONAL ADVICE, DIAGNOSIS OR TREATMENT. Lise Leblanc does not provide personalized psychological, health, or legal advice. Any information or responses provided on UA-cam are general and hypothetical, not individualized. This content is for informational purposes only and viewers should verify primary sources and/or seek professional services. Narratives about clients are heavily modified to protect their identities, using blurred details to teach and reassure without revealing private information about individuals.
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DISCLAIMER: THIS IS FOR INFORMATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR MENTAL HEALTH CARE.
Introduction (0:00)
#1: Short or Unrelated (0:47)
#2: Critical Texts (1:43)
#3: Lash Out Rage Texts (2:16)
#4: Keeping Tabs On You (3:47)
#5: Baiting You (5:10)
#6: Fake Crisis (6:23)
#7: Guilt Trip / Passive Aggressive (8:22)
Strategic Re-Engagement (9:50)
Outro (12:44)
#NPD #covertnarcissist #narcissist #narcissism #narcissistic #narcissisticpersonality
The constant "medical" problems....and its all my fault...the list is endless...she will never, ever apologize for anything
Some people have constant "medical problems" There's a difference between hypochondria and "real" medical issues.
Judge the narcissist on their actions, not their words
So true unfortunately. They don't care about your feelings honestly. They are so touchy & self centered😐. They play games, trying to gain sympathy, gaslight you. Sick individuals.
😂Spot-on! I’m laughing BC I just received a block of 30 texts..& you nailed em all! 1 more: I’m telling the Priest to take ur name out of the Book of Life! Unbelievable.
Wow I hadn’t hear that one yet!
@@LiseLeblanc only 29 texts to go… any dayyyy now… 🫡🔮🕵️♂️🤓
They don't like to be used. I had a really abusive relationship that completely destroyed my self esteem. One of the main thing is they isolate you even from your family and close friends and then brick by brick they make feel like you're crazy doubting your discernment. I am going out on dates and recently met another i could see through her bullshit lovebombing and insistent need for validation.
Yeah good point. It's weird because I'm not really the kind of guy that can get a woman easily but I now take that as a blessing because I'd absolutely hate getting someone again like my ex who was absolutely disgusting with me.
That hours of explanation for one little thing . Apologizing too many times for one thing , that .... That just sucked my soul and energy out of me.
Thx a lot for your informative content Lise, it just saved me my life . I broke up with her 50 days ago , and boy i just feel like I'm reborn ❤❤❤❤❤
Congratulations on breaking free!
@@LiseLeblanc I can't thank you more , i just can't find the words with enough power to emphasize my appreciation and yup I'm free ♥️🙂
Be glad you didn’t have any kids with her lol
The where you are text can also be to know where you are so they don’t bump into you when they’re out and about with the person they’re cheating with.
😂😂 Thank you for letting me know that my mom was in fact NOT even reading my texts before responding. I asked her that point blank one time when we were arguing via text. God that was maddening.
OMFG Lise..."you dont care about me" is the best one...this video hits it on the head...i cant believe how true all of this is....I NEED TO BREAK THE TRAUMA BOND!!!!
Me too my ex texting me old pictures of us , which I didn’t even know he had them attached wood a time clock , and a genie in a bottle. 🥴and at 2:30 am randomly text I deeply love you. Good morning text as well, all the freaking lies .
Deleting messages to try and get a reaction. They know it bothers you but do it anyway.
The narcissist I was involved with made me feel like the narcissist, which finally just ended with me writing all in caps that it was over and never ever contact me again.
Yes, very true. Another common response from these types of individuals is, they will lash at you when what you tell them isn't all about them and they tell you what to do and give you advice you never even asked for. They think that you need to be talked to like a child or like you are incapable of taking care of yourself and aren't able to make your own decisions, according to them. This is very common with these types of individuals and a way that I handle them rationally is say something such as, I see that you are upset, bothered by something that I was just trying to tell you for no reason whatsoever and I no longer wish to engage or interact, no further contact. I then tell them, I wish you all the best and take care. I immediately block them all together and don't look back. The point is that, these types of individuals don't ever change for the best and they aren't good or healthy to be around and we can't change them. Not only that but knowing how they act via text messages or phone calls if you are interacting with them on the phone or by text messages and they get this angry and irrational like that when you don't see them in person, that's also how they are going to act also in person as well. Those are signs to get away from that person and never look back. I've been there in past friendships and relationships as more than friends, as well.
Thanks for this information👍🏻👍🏻 Helping me to not feeling guilty to keep blocked this kind of people (to many in my life)
💯 never noticed at first looking back they only respond about the end of text
Im in a relationship with someone who i think has some form of personality disorder. She is getting worse. I have always put it down to perimenopause but the doctors have ruled that out. So i do not know what to do because i have been really supportive believing she was menopausal but im starting to believe she is seriously sick mentally.
The anger outburts are becoming worse and more frequent.
I live with her. So not easy to walk away.
Pretend you want to move then don’t move with her just sell up or end your lease then end the relationship.
She’ll get more cunning as she ages.
@@andersdottir1111 I even doubt myself. "Am I to sensitive?' Or did I forget what was said.
I have been with her for 41/2 years and we have had some amazing times. But she seems to be angry all the time. If I ask what's up I am met with anger. If she talks to me poorly, il pull her up on it and tell her she is being disrespectful. Then, silent treatment. She will walk away, refuse to talk.
But she used to be so fun to be around. Very very loving and supportive.
But now, she just seems angry all the time. I come from work and she is just moody and snappy.
Dear Sir. I moved country to gently let he down. So that we can get a divorce eventually. She kept threatening suicide.
The biggest mistake I made, is that we never had children at that point. She followed me, abd on the rare occasions that she allowed sex, she got pregnant. She ran back to England. Since then she has controlled me via fake emergencies, so many ambulance calls, and everything is never proven. She manages to get illnesses that are not provable.
My life has been hell. She has also made false allegations of abuse and I've wasted thousands in court over last few years.
Why am I telling you this? Run. Please run. Find a way to it be tied to her in any major way. Be kind as you can but YOU CANNOT KEEP FEELIJG SORRY FOR HER. She will CRUCIFY YOU WHEN THE TIME COMES. I believed the tears. I believed that her family wanted her killed. I believes because I couldn't understand someone deliberately being a victim and not wanting to be happy and grateful everyday. Run. Please believe me. It will be worse and you will get illnesses.
Dont,,,,,,yep I thought it was menopause as well so I got even more forgiving for her behavior...turns out she had a new supply months before the disgard and just didn't care anymore so be careful...oh! after the relationship I was trauma bonded, cognitive dissonance and cptsd....still going to therapy and still pretty shit so be careful the more she abuses you the more damage it is doing to you...
I liked the crap sandwich analogy. Spot on as usual !
lol spot on. This was my ex. She is definitely a covert narc. Dealt with this abuse for 5 years, and I have a child with her , pray for me lol. Im an anxious individual and I was never this way growing up. I didn’t even know what anxiety was til about three years ago lol. I just learned to use the grey rock method when having to deal with her and use little to no contact as much as possible. Just crazy how accurate all this is in a person with NPD
Misery loves company
Omg Lisa, the hospital thing actually made me leave my marriage. He accused me of not caring for a routine check up he had, even though I had walked in to make the appointment for him. I realised then that this was a pattern, something that would never change because variations on the theme had happened in the past.
That’s massive gaslighting…. He won’t change.
@@derekmarks8969 I realised it that day.
Absolutely my ex wife was similar. Now uses my son as the victim
I’m afraid I’m in a relationship with someone who does these things.
I deliberately do the first one you mentioned. The reason is I keep contact to an absolute bare minimum with my ex because we share children. She likes to send me the long and drawn out text messages and every time I have ever responded with anything beyond monosyllables or responses, I get drawn into pointless arguments. so, now, this is my way of doing a gray rock. I keep texting with her to an absolute bare minimum necessary for communication.
You are so on this. I think narcissists are the demons we hear about. I remember a time she texted me a random name of a cafe and stalled telling me what it meant despite asking relentlessly. Turns out I was supposed to know she liked it and wanted to go there. Then she expressed that I'm a certain way and it always comes to this. And now she would not even wanna go there anymore. I just couldn't get it.
Oh my God!!! You are 100% correct!!! Im six months out of the relationship and it has been difficult going no contact. I believe he knows this! ALL of the examples you have given of what they may say, he has said to me!! Amazing! Thank you for sharing such valuable information. You have truly helped me.
Yes I aware of a person doing that my neighbour used to do it until I woke up to her manipulation
But you hit them all in a row 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
I found your channel through the UA-cam rabbithole. It's definitely given me a lot to think on. My situation lines up with most of the content I've watched so far. I really appreciate the info.
This is ringing so true, recently went no-contact and she had an episode of vulnerability (possibly hoovering) but then stonewalled - when I called it that she’s not telling the whole story (long text) I get told how inconsiderate I am all while hinting at vague things.
Finally ended when I asked directly what changed and if she still cared - couldn’t answer that but could say how she would just be defending her (previously incredibly hurtful) actions and it’s not a relationship she wanted.
Needless to say, it ended without it being called.
Interesting my ex narc girlfriend virtually never said anything negative in texts. She saved all her verbal abuse for the phone or in person. I think this was by design because It would always freak me out when I would scroll through the history of our text messages and it didnt look like she was abusive which left me wondering if I was imagining things.. When the abuse is verbal theres no record of it and no way to prove it. Her abuse was so subtle and searingly painful. It was in her soft volume, it was in the way she timed what she said. It would usually happen when I was relaxed and in a good mood and feeling like finally this relationship is getting on track. She would pick the absolutely perfect moment paired with the exact right tone and I would be stunned every time wondering did she just say what I think she said. I really sometimes didnt know if I was imagining it. Could she really be so cruel and then slowly I would start to feel the crushing weight of what she said descend on me. She was in my head and my god was that scary.
DP, sounds just like my ex, a covert covert...leaves no trail...perfect, nice...the tell tail sign was for 14 years I had a sore neck from all the double takes! They are good and in public? Gods gift.. cheers
Yes exactly. I like that term- a covert, covert.
DP, if she plays the victim while still doing all the things a covert does and stays calm and sweet doing it it sounds familiar..my ex picked the wrong guy in the past and he from what I have worked out hit her in the face.. instead of learning her games were wrong she became more sneaky getting her needs met..she learned that to push but not to the point where there would be a reactive reaction..subtle sweet deadly...and all behind closed doors... cheers
Excellent and informative video! I can't believe I have dealt with everything that you mentioned in your video for years! Dealing with that type of behavior on a consistent basis can cause you to go insane especially if you don't know what's going on.
This is so opening my eyes! Thank you Lise.
She helped me get out of such a relationship within two months
Hi Lise, I think they just want you there right next to them so they can have their server at call.. So they'll say anything to get you back there, some major catastrophe..many times I rushed back for nothing....well... nothing that couldn't wait..and I was left shaking my head..personally I think they treat you like their pet so having you there completes the "look" a dog at her feet in her perfectly controlled world.. Looking back I never said anything because she always came across as soo timid...at least now in hindsight I'm not so fast to jump to anyone's calls..☮️
We were off and on for 13 yrs ,one crisis after another, I used to wonder how her heart could take the strain, so much anxiety. Ended in 2022, she called in 2023, new crisis, getting evicted, nobody else to ask. Sound familiar?? I did help her. But won't again.
Promise yourself?
@wandRng I have. I cant fall for the fake tears and lies again.
@@JohnSmith-wo7ns Never again. I believe in you. Stay solid. You are worthy. Godspeed on your journey
@wandRng thank you I appreciate that.
My ex made me write her letters by hand about how great she is and how horrible I am. She cheated on me and I always had to work my way back into her favor somehow even though I didn't do anything wrong. Crazy. Glad I'm better now and out of that relationship.
I really appreciate as a man of God that I can find videos like this that don't have any profanity. You needed me a lot. Thank you for all you shared.
Everything you said in this video is more than super true thank you for.telling me all this its going to help me alot
Is it really that hopeless omg
The worst is when i start to also see myself into this 😂 doomed 😅
Texting is a set up for communication problems, and especially awful with narcs. I rarely text my narc mother because I just don't want to invite trouble. This morning she texted a religious link to me and my 2 sibs. She is fully aware that I am not interested in her religious links, but sends them anyway. I just don't respond. The other really irritating thing about my narc mother's texts is that they are very long and wordy. She says in 100 words what could easily be communicated in ten words. I guess it's just another way to grab attention. The neediness is so tiring.
Thank you Lisa, so far so good ,,,,I’m just ignoring her and I feel so free 😀👍🏻👏
True. Only in my case it wasn't about the dishes... My wife complained about the way I hung the socks out to dry!
Spot on
Oh, Lise... "They may fake a crisis to pull on your heartstrings." My covert narcissist ex faked pregnancy!!! She's an extreme case. One in a million, according to my therapist.
I’m sorry to hear that you had to deal with such an extreme case. Glad you got out!
I just send Buddy Holly videos; Oh Boy!
I assume getting messages like, thinking of me?, miss me? Are you gonna attack me tonight?, do you love me today? That those are all considered narcissistic texts...it frustrating and never ends
I would run far away from whoever is sending those text messages! That’s insanity.
@@jewelsbarbie thank you...I can't imagine that is a normal thing
Thank you for this video!! Yesterday my ex boyfriend contacted me for the second time since our breakup 1,5 year ago. Last time, a year ago he just asked for an advice with a simple thing and i didn’t respond. But yesterday he sounded so desperate in the text message. He said he was in a really acute situation,(don’t know perhaps lost his job or apartment) he said he had himself to blame but was in a need for a friend. And do you want to be my friend and just listen to me and perhaps advice and if we could meet somewhere?. I must say I both felt like I somehow wanted to help him but in the same time why??? He have only manipulated and abused me. And then I probably have some left over trauma bond to him.. sadly. I want to be completely free of him and I almost felt I was. I have not yet answered him back. I’m feeling a bit confused but this video helped me to realise that it’s probably a game to him and even if he really is in trouble he never helped me when I was in really need for help when I got a severe sickness etc.
I wish him luck and you freedom!
I can relate to everything, maybe except #8.
One time she was supposed to pick me up. She said she couldn't. I said it was OK and I'd get the train. She then said she didn't want me to come up and didn't want to see me. I was upset but said OK.
THEN, a couple of hours later she messages me to say she's got a surprise for me and can't wait until I get there. I screenshot her messages saying she didn't want me to come up and she didn't want to see me. She then goes absolutely nuts and said that I was a "typical man" and I let her down again.
THEN I said I'd get a taxi there right now and she says it's too late.
THEN later that evening, she gets drunk, drives her car and crashes it and then says that it was my fault because I wasn't there!
Also....the hospital thing happened twice.
And she also used to message me saying a guy was at her house. It could be an ex or a "friend" she used to sleep with. I'd be messaging and calling and she wouldn't reply.
I went through all of that, but the last part especially. I called it "twisting in the wind"...claims contact with an ex (and EVERYBODY was an ex), then silence. Nearly drove me to end myself with that craziness.
@@kimrobinson6285 Yeah I nearly ended it a couple of times too. I was really suicidal and sometimes still am.
Agreed. Great.
Shit sandwich!! Good one.
I told my narc I had a client to see and I'd be down to see him later afternoon. He responded,cool! When I said I would be there at a certain time he said he was busy. I said but you said it was cool. He said wtf, I did not. I sent the screenshot a d he said oh I meant it was cool that you had a client. The text read, "I have a client. I'll be down later this afternoon." He completely made me think I see him and then got a better offer or was playing me. Two hours later he was not busy and asked me what I was doing and I got back to him and he said he had another errand to run:/ Completely blew me off to hang out with an old "friend." LoL
There's ALWAYS an ex in the wings, just waiting to be used to hurt you. Took me forever to realize there was no one who wanted that loser. 🙄
Do you have any UA-cams for Narc friendships?
how do normal people texting habits differ from narcissistic individuals? wouldn't some of the text habits actually be from a victim of narcissism especially when they go into panic and confusion mode caused by gaslighting?
Haven’t really gotten these in texts as my partner doesn’t want recorded proofs, but plenty of most of the above verbally almost daily lol.
What happens if you tell a narcissist that they are a narcissist?
Don’t
Only one way to find out
As the father of 3 daughters, I would like to know why some women are so vulnerable to the tools of a narcissist. I mean the whole love- bombing scenario, the soul mate nonsense, the sexting- in my experience, no normal man does that shite. So I wonder why a woman falls for that behavior- I certainly want to make sure my daughters aren’t in that group. For example, I saw The Tinder Swindler on Netflix last year- and we could definitely see a certain type of woman that the swindler preyed upon- I assume that the woman who fall in love with narcissists must have personality traits or a personality disorder that matches the narcissists’ no?
It's called co-dependence, if you want to research that term.
@@kimrobinson6285 IMHO co-dependence isn't really a useful diagnostic term in the context of the question i raised. In every relationship or marriage a certain degree of dependency is part of the balance.
Most of these texts are certainly controlling, but I would say its important to go beyond the term Narcissist and we certainly shouldn't be calling people out as such. If people are controlling there's reasons behind it.
I had a long term partner who was 'gaslighting' me ( another term we have to be careful with ) I spoke to my therapist about her behaviour and he advised me to save my skin and get out of the relationship ( after 5 yrs in ) even though this was the first time I'd been so-called gaslighted. I had to look the term up as I didn't know what it meant. I wanted to know more and in asking questions the therapist told me she was a 'perverted narcissist' and that she had certainly sniffed me out as 'supply' in the early days of dating and that it was his responsibility as my therapist to let me know that I was in an abusive relationship.
Like the immature person I was I eventually called her out on it and told her what the therapist had said. Not a good move.
It was like a volcano going off. The last three years have been hellish just trying to piece stuff together from that point. The relationship has just finally died. We worked hard to get things back together, individually and in couples therapy, but the use of that one phrase created a domino effect in behaviour that we just couldn't repair from. I in turn called the therapist out on it and he tried to play it down as if he hadn't said much "oh its a spectrum" I stopped seeing him.
I realise now that my ex's behaviour was a defensive mechanism as she was dealing with fear of rejection and commitment as we had just started talking about marriage . We both have our issues that co exist and we were struggling in our communication and trust more than anything. My use of the PN term didn't do much to help either of those things !
We're both wiser now and our paths are going separate ways and hopefully towards good things for both of us, but not a day go's by where I don't think about the therapist and his reaction to what I expressed I was living and how his words have impacted two lives.
I am now of the strong opinion that no-one, not therapists, friends or family should tell people to leave a relationship unless they are in serious danger of being abused. We need to listen and not rush to form opinions that once expressed could do more harm than good.
Culturally we are now banding about terms such as narcissist, BPD, with the Amber Heard add on for effect, Gaslighting, Toxic, red flags. The list go's on. These terms should be reserved for the therapy room and not used as verbal grenades in our relationships. I learnt the hard way.
For people whose relationships are over use of these terms can certainly help with closure, but if you are still in and want to stay in, repair etc then I'd suggest not using these terms that in most cases are on a spectrum and certainly with the narcissist have many types, grandiose, covert, malignant, etc..
If you're placing blame on the therapist, that shows what role you played in that past connection. You had no place telling her what the therapist said to you in confidence, not to mention he was truly trying to break you both apart because it was for the best of everyone. The guy couldn't go tell people what you say to him due to legal reasons. But somehow, you're trying to exonerate yourself from taking his knowledge and using it as a weapon against her. That was proof that you played the overt narcissist role in your past karmic relationship. I have spent ten years breaking people like you two apart as a spiritual mission. Every time I do this, both parties get mad at me for doing them and the world a favor. Humanity needs less overt and covert narcissists leaching off emapths or good people. That same humanity needs even less covert and overt narcissists pairing up to make dark triads. It's bad enough when one narcissist destroys one empath or good person. It's even worse when both types of narcissistic people pair up. This pairing is destructive to the world and anything upon it, including animals and plants. If you're working on yourself, that's great. I wish you the best of luck. But if you ever hope to beat this problem, you have no choice but to engage who you are and accept that fact as reality. Only then can you truly modify your persona, as fully changing is nearly impossible. I am not picking on you, and I want you to succeed. I don't know you, but the first step is to figure out if your own character flaws are rooted in your childhood or if you got molded into who you became by your ex. I know it's tough, but I found out on my journey that I am not an overt narcissist at all. It turns out I am a heyoka empath, and my parents, as well my ex, all saw me as the ultimate supply to energy vampire for their gains. They had no idea I was a master empath, and we are a narcissists worst enemy that breaks their delusional tactics to their core. Since learning who I truly am, I now use my gifts to help humanity and the planet.
@@giliusifrit5595 Thanks for your reply. I'm not going to disagree with you. I did mention my immaturity at the time and I didn't go into all the details of a relationship that was very complex. My aim was to make a point that we need to be careful when we use these terms in relationships like I did and you're right I did weaponise the term and that's where the danger can be. I'm not proud of the way I handled things.
Re the therapist I did eventually in fact quite quickly realise that I was the energy vampire in the relationship and the one with narcissistic traits. My regret is that he didn't steer me in that direction, I'd given him enough information, but he thought it was his role to go for the jugular of the person who wasn't in the room. I realise now that I was making myself out to be the victim, even though I'd given him lots of back story re past relationships and my role in them. He still took it to 'protect' me and not look at what must have been the bigger picture.
I've become somewhat wary of therapists since. Alan de Botton says there is no such thing as a bad therapist only a bad match. Maybe he's right, but I personally don't agree.
The term narcissist is an interesting one. I know how my own traits tend to play out, but does that make me a narcissist or someone with NPD or just someone somewhat high on the spectrum ? As you say Im probably covert which is possibly the worst kind. I know people that show strong narcissistic traits at the same time as being capable of having great empathy.
Is not in human nature to be somewhat narcissistic in the same way that we are all manipulators to some degree ?
The therapists myself and my ex worked with over the past 3 years did everything to try and keep us together and to grow, but it was too much of a task. We are just too immature to grow together in the way we were.
It's only apart that we can actually do this work. The road least travelled and all that.
Thanks for your encouraging words and the exchange.
@@giliusifrit5595 Re your point about my character flaws being rooted in my childhood, this is what I'm working on now. There is a lot of trans generational trauma in my family that had strong criminal elements on the paternal side, alongside some suicide and childhood death. My father was the best of a bad bunch, his brothers and his father, my grandfather were clearly narc assists.
I liked everything except the pitbull reference. They already have it hard enough. It's not the dog, it's the owners.
naah its the dog too. they are bred as fighter n killers so they revert to that under stress or excitement n obviously under careless owners. pitbulls are crazy- demons waiting to be unleashed
cope
If you can’t go no contact with a narc relative- don’t answer their texts for about 8 hours or the next day. (Always add on a few hours to how long they respond to you).
Don’t answer their calls then call back the following day.
When you do call back pretend you have a call coming through, tell them you will call them back- then don’t.
Isn't it better just to let go of the person? I tried giving them back the same energy but it just brings out the worst in me
Shit I think I’m a narcissist
She manipulated me so much through text and i wasn’t allowed to turn off my location or respond to texts slowly
It was fucking horrible. I could never be alone. And being alone was my only way to recover from the stress of the abuse. It became this horrible vicious cycle
Jesus man. I was in a similar situation like this but not that bad. She would just always keep tabs on me and clock when I would be home from work or the store, it was a nightmare. Whenever she would have to work it was like a holiday to me to have alone time lol
I think Lise knew some mean girls once.