I was having so much suicidal thoughts 10 years ago as a teenage, also suffered severe anxiety and mental disorder. I got diagnosed with bipolar, spent my whole life fighting bipolar. Not until my husband recommended me to psilocybin mushrooms treatment. Psilocybin treatment changed my life for better. I can proudly say i'm totally clean for 6 years and still counting. Always look to nature for solution to tough problems, Shrooms are phenomenal.
I love hearing great life changing stories like this. I want to become a mycologist because honestly mushrooms are the best form of medicine (most especially the psychedelic ones) There are so many people today used magic mushrooms to ween off of SSRI medication- its amazing! Years back i wrote an entire essay about psychedelics. they saved you from death buddy, lets be honest here.
Hey mates! Can you help with the source? I suffer severe anxiety, panic and depression and I usually take prescription medicine, but they don't always help. Where can I find those psilocybin mushrooms? I'm really interested in treating my mental health without Rxs. I live in Australia don't know much about these. I'm so glad they helped you. I can't wait to get them too. Really need a reliable source 🙏
YES sure of mycologist Pedroshrooms. I have the same experience with anxiety, addiction. Mushrooms definitely made a huge huge difference to why am clean today.
I'm so very happy for you mate, Psilocybin is absolutely amazing, the way it shows you things, the way it teaches you things. I can not believe our world and our people shows less interest about it's helpfulness to humanity. It's love. The mushrooms heals people by showing the truth, it would be so beneficial for so many people, especially politicians and the rich who have lost their way and every other persons out there.
That's almost the only time I feel calm and no wonder why I went single for 6 years and didn't want to get into a relationship but then I have a need for a person who I can be with to feel stable when things start to shake in other areas of my life. I think bpd people at core need security and stability that's why situations, career, work and people are our shelter but especially people.
@@QueenKaryBoO it takes someone with alot of patience and understanding to be in a relationship with a BPD person and alot of trust in both partners if a relationship had a chance..me being self aware these days may be different if I ever decided to start dating again...
Most people who claim to be single and live with bpd and are in there 30s to 50s are on dating sites and usually drink. Pretending we are normal, and having risky sex with strangers, or tell yourself they aren't strangers because ive spoke to them for a few days or weeks. Or met them but insist on no sex on 1st date, but it usually happens. Or you believe your value has went up because you resisted sex the 1st meet but meet up again few days later then have sex.
You guy's are brave AF and should be proud of yourself!! Knowing that it would just cause harm and choose to be alone must be very hard. I know most people with BPD are far from dumb! I pray for you guys!
If you have bpd don't let some of the people in these comment sections mess with your head. Bpd is not a death sentence. You CAN grow and learn to manage your reactions. You CAN learn ways to self soothe and regulate. BPD doesn't really go away, but you can learn to live with it and still have healthy and meaningful relationships. And not let it destroy your life or other's. You'd be amazed the difference a few years of putting in the work and learning about yourself can make in your life.
Very true! I have and still doing the work to handle my BP behaviors. I do know though that the person I fall in love with, if stable, helps me to be stable.
I have complete peace with just staying alone. I am absolutely miserable in any sort of relationships. It starts great but I start seeing ghosts everywhere sooner or later and I go crazy and make a complete fool of myself. It just happens on repeat I dont seem to learn Im so done with it. I burn my bridges everywhere with people I actually really liked. I drink my beer, snort my powder, play my video game and idgaf about anything else no more. Im at peace.
@@DanyTheMeis BPD supposed to be a watered down bipolar? Kinda sounds like it. People who are born with a genetic issue vs people who lived and believed in an ass backwards society (western society) who got chewed up and spit out by the false narratives and delusions propagated on its people by its society and culture controllers... please tell me how many people would be BPD if it wasn't for the false idea of "love" in relationships.
Notes from Video 10 Obsessive Behaviors: 1) Obsessive when it comes to love * mistaken lust as love * feeling of addiction, but feel safe putting all efforts into it * faults begin to be seen and love/hate cycle begins * it is not a game played, but real feelings of emotions * fears of abandonment, destabilizing emotions, and more symptoms 2) Obsessive replay of past occurrences trying to remember all details * feels as if something is wrong and trying to find a solution becomes the goal 3) Judgemental thinking (on accident) due to prior events or interpretations noticed * has episodes of not being able to believe the truth & then moments of completely trusting the person 4) Apologizing occurs profusely * guilt is easily felt over various reasons, even of things out of control * also, it is easy to lose control of emotions when dealing with BPD, so usually apologies occur for that 5) Becomes strangely obsessed with a favorite person * investigates the person even more, to the point of obsession * sometimes may try to mold themselves into what their favorite person wants them to be 6) Obsessively asking what's wrong * seeing someone upset can make us think that we did something wrong without knowing the full story * consistently asking or "assuming" may begin to irritate loved ones 7) Obsessed over self-insecurities * may make excuses to not go to: events, parties, & other social gatherings * hard to find satisfaction with self but finds things to feel anxious about instead 8) Impulsive actions based on constant obsession over something * wanting to buy something right away versus waiting * jumping into relationships because it may be wanted sooner than later 9) Obsession over being perfect and what others may think * black&white thinking * "all or nothing" feeling 10) Self-obsessive and overly self-conscious type of behavior * can be mistaken as judgemental or narcissistic * more of an anxiety causing the obsessive behaviors & it can layer upon itself in various ways
I was married to someone exactly like this. I loved being the favorite person… until her brother moved in with us and he became her favorite person. I became the bad guy in every situation. It completely destroyed the marriage, and was super creepy in hindsight. She also told me her therapist said I had BPD (had me so messed up I went to 4 different professionals to get confirmation I don’t). The divorce damn near destroyed me, and within a few months, she got with someone new while I was left picking up the pieces. The good thing is it broke me of a need to want to be the rescuer in a relationship and I’m hyper aware of codependency. But those lessons cost a lot of time and tears.
I've been switched to her father when she got pregnant, what a hellish mess it became. She plotted with her daddy, kidnapped our child, lied in courts (this has been noticed however), few years after there's fresh new boyfriend aka victim. I suspect he's there as her dad has been sucked all blood - switch flipped again. Switching is true indeed.
A lot of borderlines are borderlines because of their family (parents, siblings etc). I met my husband 16 years ago who is a very good person and I have changed enormously. When your family does not trust you and mistreat you then you develop all kinds of unhealthy behaviours. On the other hand, when someone shows you the opposite, you start developing trust and you become aware of your shortcomings and improve.
That’s the thing, is everyone seems to manage to find a spouse that helps them. It’s horrible to be single and alone with this especially when you’ve had family issues too.
That's great. And what about those who self sabotage the idea of anyone ever loving them at all. It's great to have a partner but healing is possible without one. As someone who's been single 5 years, it could be viewed as quite damaging to hear others proclaim how their "amazing supportive partner" helped them heal, when for alot of people with BPD who are alone feel chronic emptiness in it all, and incapable of attracting anyone which then perpetuates those feelings of emptiness and lack which creates this continuous self sabotaging cycle
I’m so happy you have met your person. Thank you for sharing as this inspires people like me to keep working on working on myself. I’ve been learning how to heal on my own for years before meeting my partner now. I still catch symptoms as they come but his patience inspire patience and trust in myself and our relationship. He is a wonderful man and deserves the same amount of love, patience and trust he generously gives me. I still have challenging moments and shortcomings but I am committed to giving him a soft and secure love because at the end of the day, the too is all I want. If this can happen to you, then so can it happen for the rest of us. Thank you again.
cPTSD is similar,and is curable. BPD not so much. Plus, if it is comorbid with narcissism or sociopathy in a male, good luck without suffering DV , physical type
My sister is borderline she destroyed our home. Tried to destroy me as her younger sister. She put my mother in a early grave. Her husband was a happy person before meeting her. She destroyed him he can't function without antidepressants. It's funny how you with BPD are still blaming others for how you are. Even with self-awareness, you can't stop.
9:06 obsessivly asking: „What‘s wrong?“ 9:50 obsessing over social events/catastrophising 10:45 obsessing over things to buy or to do 11:09 perfectionism, seeing everything in black and white 11:34 obsessing over internal experiences/identity crisis
"I'm so annoying. I'm kind of fine with the fact that I'm annoying. I annoy a lot of people. People tell me I annoy them. I try not to annoy people too much. Do you find me annoying?" "Well not as a person but this is getting ann..." "I KNEW IT."
I'm a self-aware BPD and Bipolar. It's hard to realize what's mood and what's personality. It took a long time for the doctors to figure out I had both. Cognitive Therapy and being mindful has helped a lot. I've been happily in a healthy relationship for 11 years now. It can be done, you just have to learn yourself- something that is easier said than done. You must be prepared to admit your own faults and take the time to think rationally. I know, hard, but it is possible!
May I ask you, how the doctors found out that you have both? What symptomps are for BPD and what for bipolar? They can be the same actually 😮 Im happy u are well❤
@annazawistowska2429 a lot of trial and errors. I wish I could say it was an easy find. A lot of it was looking at behavioral history, how I reacted in relationships etc (like in the video) to get the Borderline diagnosis. (I was diagnosed with it first after a suicide attempt). I was put on antidepressants and it triggered a MAJOR manic episode while I was hospitalized. Doctors documented it, but kept me on the antidepressants. It took 5 more hospitalizations for them to realize I was Bipolar I as well and probably had been since I was 14. I was put on different antipsychotics. This definitely helped the manic episodes but I still had BPD personality. It was the therapy that really helped me see that and it's a constant struggle. Meds really don't help personality disorders, only mood. Even after a twelve years of being in therapy, hospitals, and on medication, I still struggle. I'm just lucky I found a great guy that forgives my shortcomings and helps me. I was honest with him from the start that I was both, but we were friends first, which I think is important. We didn't rush things .
I was diagnosed both within 6 months seeing my psychiatrist. What helped her diagnose me was watching me and my actions over that time after I started medication for my bipolar. She saw significant improvement on meds but I still had some other things that didn’t quite go away or explain itself when I was on them on my therapeutic dose! I ironically brought it up this one session after reading a dsm-5 psychology book and all the symptoms summarized my life and what I was going through currently. It made me cry! But I asked her about it and was curious and she said I actually was gonna talk to you about it this session because I believe you may have it along with bipolar. It is hard to diagnose both though!
As someone who suffers with extreme severe anxiety I can totally relate to her. I would stop eating for days at a time as a punishment. I worry a lot about my life, everyone around me and pleasing everyone. It's absolutely crippling, so glad she got the help she needed, lovely young lady it's so sad that society has 1 in 3 people suffering mental health issues. I hope everyone seeks help
Can you help with the reliable source I would really appreciate it. Many people talk about how mushrooms and psychedelics treats anxiety, but nobody talks about where to get them. Very hard to get a reliable source here in Australia. Really need!
Yes, doctor Greg mushroom I have the same experience with anxiety, depression, PTSD and addiction and Mushrooms definitely made a huge huge difference to why am clean today.
Face all the demons- the anger, the sadness. The only time I’ve feel control is when I meditate. I become mindful. I’m able to look past my feelings in the moment and say to myself “my feelings change. Soon my anger will pass and love will come back. Just hold on.”
The brain/ mind can be damaged just like a limb or an ankle etc... mental health support and therapy should be easily available to everyone. Starting at school and throughout life. Unfortunately it's not taken seriously enough. Therefore we are left to it. Many many people have mental health problems and are walking around not realising that's it's not them. They can get help and heal.
As a diagnosee, it is really difficult to deal with the guilt of splitting. Obsessing over some minor actions that partners do, or wanting to get that one thing that you know you don't need (like an overseas vacation, or time spent in productive but no long term hobbies), even when that can ruin long term plans. It's exhausting to obsess, and even more to obsess over obsessing (poring over the guilt over and over again in the odd hours of night, losing sleep, catastrophizing). Your videos really give perspective. So does comments from fellow warriors in this page. Sharing light and love.
DBT therapy was life changing for me. We're not perfect, but we all deserve to be loved. These are hard, but we are all a work in progress. For every one bad thing about us, there's 2 good things about us. Don't give up.
I didn't mean to like the comment, only that i relate, but it hasn't helped me at all, after 20 or so years of thinking that, i realize, that cant be the answer, f that.
Best thing to do is get help for it. I'm with someone who continues to destroy friendships and relationships because of him not getting help and just letting it go. He says he's tired of losing people but does nothing about it. I've tirelessly tried to help and in the end if he won't do it then I have to stop. It's breaking me completely. The games he has played the last 8 months has ruined me more than anyone else I've dealt with and we aren't even together yet do everything a relationship entails. He plays on that and I know i need to stop and distance myself but I can't help how I feel. He idealized then devalues me so much and I can't take much more honestly. If he won't get help I have to save myself. This has me at the lowest I've ever been on my life.
@@PeachChantilly I think for a lot of people it becomes a matter of self preservation. The highs and lows becomes too much for a healthy person and they eventually have to withdraw for their own sanity. Don't feel bad for that. As for your feelings for them, you have to take care of yourself *first* Maybe look into codependency. It's common for partners of people with bad Wishing you strength and self love
@@TwistedRootsMelody I agree with the highs and lows. It’s why I don’t show too much of myself to anyone but to those who are close to me. Even then I try to suppress. I have a wall that even if someone cracks it a little, I go back to patching it up. I’m so scared of someone seeing the dark parts of myself cos I don’t like them myself. I’m scared of actually being a horrible person. I wish I could be a light spirits heartwarming person.
I have been on the receiving end of almost all of these for 43 years. Your videos have helped me "put a name on it". Your presentation of the inner turmoil of someone with BPD was helpful. I so appreciate the compassion you show for those with BPD.
@@ssing7113 May I also add, now that your consciously aware of the damage you’ve caused to others, and that you may be toxic to be around, staying out of close relationships, and working on yourself, may be your best option to living a better life! Wishing you the best!
This is so me. I've never been diagnosed, but I am horrible in relationships/marriages. I'm 10+ years single and love it. It's freeing. I attract men who have issues, and then it triggers my unhealthy personality disorder.
I've been single 2 years and it's so nice because I find that I have so much less to worry about and I can actually enjoy my life and pursue my own goals without being stifled by men who are threatened by my success. I finally feel like I'm on my way to thriving!
I don't remember attracting a man who wasn't controlling right from the beginning and after 16 years of being single, I get more vigilant about staying that way.
Research has shown (Bessel van der Kolk etal) that more than 80% of diagnosed BPD patients actually suffer from CPTSD aquired after ongoing severe childhood abuse by primary 'caregivers' and their siblings/related family. The betrayal and abuse they suffered in childhood/adolesence forced to adapt a very cautious and anxious attachment style. No wonder. This attachment style born out of fear will always cause them to test the limits in every deeper relationship. They keep hoping for the best but always expect the worst. Which they've experienced in their past from their primary 'care-givers'. They tend to work out a self-fulfilling profesy. Always testing your loyalty and trust. It's a dead-end street for everyone involved including them. Until you start to adress the childhood trauma's they endured (they often have disassoiated from). Then you'll see most of their behaviour is completely logical. They tried to survive in a 'war-zone' with a lot of courage and preserved self-respect. They acted normal on very abnormal circumstances/abuse. That's why I don't consider BPD as a personality disorder in more than 80% of cases. Those are all cases of CPTSD. Their trauma's should be adressed and treated. Not their 'disordered personality'. For with their 'personality' nothing is basically wrong in far of most cases. As long as therapist treat BPD as a 'personality disorder' only aming to control their emotional disregulation with medication and coqnitive therapy tactics, they won't succeed or help any sufferer from BPD-symptoms. It will only make them more desparate and sick. You'll have to dig in into the childhood abuse background which is almost always there and start treating that. For it's mainly the cause of all their present symptoms. Once they learn to see this and are not to blame for it (the abuse) they can start to make progress.
@@cm5065 I can’t stop crying because everything you said was 100% accurate. Reading it was like therapy because they say the truth will set you free. I’ve always described my childhood as “being born and raised on a battlefield” “having an innate sense of fear ever since I can remember” “hateful and violent” was diagnosed with bipolar 2, but wondered if there was more to it. Found BPD, and I’m thankful I just found you. Because I have always felt I’ve needed to just cry with a therapist who really cares and will listen.
@@oocloudoo1549 Just read your comment. In a way I'm glad I made you cry. For I believe most people diagnosed with BPD have very logical and legitimate reasons to cry over the often extreme abuse they expierenced in their childhood/life. Mostly they take it on themselves, internalising the 'bad, unworthy person' their abusers installed in them. They take the 'blame' by punishing themselves in self-destructive ways and by 'acting out' to preserve some kind of self-respect and identity. I think your crying non-stop about what happened to you during your childhood might be a first significant step in your healing and claiming your self back. You (like most diagnosed with BPD) had the misfortune of being raised by moral-disordered people (mostly Narcissists/Sociopaths or addicted to substances). You maybe/probably were the most healthy minded who had to be destroyed by them, seeing you as a threat (even as a child). Often the next step after grieving is getting really angry about what they have done to you and let this all out (in a sensibel way ofcourse that won't harm you further..). Then it comes to accepting the reality of those people(abusers) and what they have done to you. Realizing it was never really about you in the first place but about them trying to kill the light you have but they lack profoundly. Reclaim your light dear and let them stay in the dark. They aren't worth one second of your consideration anymore. If you are ready move ahead and leave them behind. And stop punishing yourself for abuse others did to you!
@@greintje6941 this was very insightful and accurate. I loved split 50/50 custody mom and dad, and left moms at 18 . It’s hard for me because I still live with my abusers at my dads place and am challenged in the sense I don’t know how to take care of myself on my own. So I feel as if I’m trapped with my abusers, and if I were to leave I would fail as I was never taught to meet a girl and move out and take care of myself. I don’t even have proper dietary guidelines. So my diet is unhealthy, and now I’m starting to notice I’m becoming more dumb because of it. Factor that in with a complete lack of self identity. I basically feel like I’ve been setup to fail in this life from the start. If I had been born in a normal household where people encouraged me to eat right, take care of myself and have adult like goals. I would be retired at 30 but instead my one valuable trait of hard work has been washed away as I’ve spent all the money I’ve made on street racing.
It's painful for the person having it, and painful for everyone that's involved in a relationship with the person. Like most disorder, it's not the person's fault.
Yes it is. It’s known within psychiatry that people with BPD in particular experience some of the most painful emotional distress contributing to the well documented suicidal thoughts and self harm behaviors. Please consider getting proper support from your health care system. Set up a contingency for when you begin becoming distressed. Sending strength and love
'google' what mental/emotional disorder has one of, if not the highest, suicide rate. I'm almost sure it's borderline personality. I have it myself, it's tried to take everything.
Just get used to working closely with a therapist for the next several years. You can tone down the symptoms but it takes a lot of hard work and dedication.
For those who want academic keywords and notes : 2:14 - approach-avoidance repetition compulsion ; borderline suffer from two different types of anxiety in an intimate relationship "abandonment anxiety" & "engulfment anxiety". 07:04 - the need to merge, and fuse with the intimate partner. 10:07 + (#9 & #10) - bad object internalization , low sense of self-worth, fear of rejection. Seeing everything in black&white : "dichotomous thinking" which is an infantile defense mechanism.
I went researching for help with c-PTSD, but then started hearing about BPD and so many of the experiences I hear shared I relate to so much. The crushing fear of abandonment, becoming completely absorbed by relationships, the obsessive thoughts, personality always fluctuating but never feeling concrete. I haven't been able to see a professional yet, but I've experienced too much of this since I was a kid to not ask about it.
@@Vollbio3 - I started out by looking into inattentive ADHD (28yrs ago), along the way PTSD then CPTSD then Childhood CPTSD have been flagged up too... A couple of friends suspect I may be ASD too... I've also worried about cluster Bs It's so difficult to know who I am sometimes 😬 (& I don't even know if I trust the psych assessments process as in the UK the NHS lacks resources for mental health and if you pay privately, it seems like you can almost pay to be diagnosed with anything you want to be?) 😞
@@garybartlett9697 Diagnosises are men made and prone to biases. So don't be upset if you can't find yours. There are overlaps in almost all of them. And the root cause seems to be trauma in general. :) Maybe you want to look into MBTI? it offers a strict categorization without putting a bad conotation on them. And Prof. Sam Vaknin is the best source for Cluster B. His content is also mentally disturbing. Consider yourself warned. Get to know your Carl Jung shadow, if you haven't yet. :)
Hi! Former severe case of bpd here, you can heal. This lovely lady nailed the symptomatology of exactly what it was like for me as a teenager. It was gruelling, and the worst eras of my life. But you can heal!!! I went from an 11/10 to a 1/10, 3/10 on a bad day. CBT, trauma-informed therapy, and mindfulness have CHANGED MY LIFE!!! ❤❤
@@LiseLeblancif you do not mind, I do not want to come across funny, but I dealt with a person with severe BPD symptoms when I was in college. In my last semester of college, the friendship having ended, I studied this issue extensively and intensively. I remember distinctly - now this was over ten years ago - constantly coming across information that emphatically stated that "BPD is not a mental illness, it is a Personality Disorder". Okay. Suddenly, 14 or so years later, everyone and their therapist is insisting that it is a "mental illness"?? Oh, and a person can be *healed" from it through intensive therapy (CBT & DBT), no medicines required. My question is how exactly is this a "mental illness" then??
@@thekingslady1 great questions.. 1, all personality disorders are classified as a mental disorder in the DSM; 2. BPD is not curable however with intensive evidence-based treatment, many people with BPD can learn to manage their symptoms and greatly improve their quality of life and relationships. Some can make so much progress that they may be considered in remission.
@@LiseLeblanc thank you very much for responding. I have to say that I think this is America/The West trying to turn into a "we are a society of victims". And I do want to say that yes, I understand that BPDed persons have suffered through a lot and from the research I did back then (and continue to do) their behavior makes sense. However, at the time, I really did suffer emotionally, mentally and psychologically at this person's hands. Completely affected and damaged my college experience. She had all 9 symptoms and exhibited them all very, very, strongly. She also showed all symptoms of HPD and exhibited them all very, very strongly as well. I will say she was much lower on NPD and APD though (I classify BPD and HPD as the more feminine PDs and NPD and APD as the more masculine PDs). I think BPDed persons are people for whom the switch for taking responsibility and accountability for their own lives never came on because of the severe, sometimes long term trauma they had to go through. Stunted inner-child and all. I distinctly remember deciding to start taking responsibility for my life decisions when I was 8, and to do well in school for myself and not just to please my parents. I believe BPDed persons have never had this type of interior dialogue in their entire lives. About anything whatsoever. Ever. Which is strange as I believe most people have this type of dialogue with themselves almost every single day. They lack self-awareness. It is at a solid zero. Zero spirit of reflection and contemplation. From the research I did back then and continue to do, there are many, many cases of BPDed people completely *healing* - as in all 9 symptoms gone *forever* - from these issues. Without medicine. So how exactly is this a "mental illness"?? I do have to disagree about this being a "mental illness". It seems like everything is being turned into a "mental illness". Sorry if I sound cold and harsh. I do not feel sorry for her. I empathize with what she suffered in life and her interior suffering but no I do not feel sorry for her. People with this issue need to hit rock-bottom multiple times in their lives to finally "get it" and start the journey to self-awareness. I had to make the decision to be one of her first many life rock-bottoms. I do not regret it. At some point, she went into therapy briefly and came back with reports of how she "was even the one trying to help the therapist". Like a slap to our faces. We were all in college. It was an extremely stressful situation. Extremely stressful. I was her so-called FP. Anyways sorry for the long story.
"Quiet" BPD here, and you (or your respondents) hit the nail on the head with each and every one of these. And for what it's worth, despite outwardly displaying every one of these symptoms on the list to the letter, it took almost FIFTEEN YEARS to get a diagnosis, and even then, I had researched it myself and actually brought it up to my therapist. We need SO much more awareness on a mass level. And also - it DOES get better.
Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.
Can you help with the reliable source I would really appreciate it. Many people talk about mushrooms and psychedelics but nobody talks about where to get them. Very hard to get a reliable source here in Australia. Really need!
I wish they were readily available in my place. Microdosing was my next plan of care for my husband. He is 59 & has so many mental health issues plus probable CTE & a TBI that left him in a coma 8 days. It's too late now I had to get a TPO as he's 6'6 300+ pound homicidal maniac. He's constantly talking about killing someone. He's violent. Anyone reading this Familiar w/ BPD know if it is common for an obsession with violence.
Wow, spot on! Constantly asking what's wrong, I've been abused for asking people what's wrong, screamed at. I obsess over interests I have and want to share my likes with others, if they don't show enthusiasm or respond the way I'd hoped, I become very upset, I take it personally because I'm looking for a connection with that person and want deep closeness. I cannot control the emotional reaction that takes over when I'm triggered, my behaviour is not consciously acted out, my behaviour is the result of losing control of myself, the emotions bubble up and depending on what's triggered me is how extreme my behaviour looks. I've seen and heard myself in the middle of an episode, I'll be yelling, swearing, throwing objects, saying horrible things etc. and then I become guilt and ashamed, I tell myself and believe I'm a loony, I'm extremely embarrassed by my actions, I'm appalled at myself so I go drink or gamble which feeds this cycle of chasing my tail. It's exhausting. I'm aware of my issues and I know certain people or situations aren't good for me, yet I ignore my gut feelings, if I want something, I do it even when I know it's going to end badly or not work out, I find myself unable to walk away, very determined once I want something, regardless of reality telling me no, I live in a bubble believing what I want to happen will happen, but always ends disastrously.
Same I find being alone is best but the depression from being alone is almost more than I can bear I cry all the time lonely to the Core but at least I'm not in a drama filled situation or my heart's not getting ripped pieces by deception of others I find it almost impossible to trust now I've just given up even looking four meaningful lasting relationship just staying alone is all I can do but like I said the loneliness is almost more than I can bear
Hi, I was wondering if you have anyone in your life who is good at caring for you? I ask because I have a friend who I think may have BPD…. And I make allowances for her. I’m sure some people will look from the outside and think I’m crazy to stick around. Or some people might say that it points to some sort of codependency within myself….. I just like to think that everyone should be as they are, and if I can understand what drives my friend sometimes…. Then all I need to do, in those moments when she can’t see the wood for the trees, is take a step back and have some kindness. I don’t make a big deal of apologies or explanations…. Clearly she’s upset because she’s upset. Going round in circles making someone explain their pain isn’t needed
Most end up like this for they were most likely left all alone as children and formed insecure attachments to themselves, the people and world around them. They don't know who they are for they may have never been able to be who they are to protect themselves from emotional abuse. They probably had a narcissistic parent.
great explanation . I fell in love with a woman before I knew about BPD. Four years later I'm still the bad guy for leaving. So sad still love her and hope she gets the help she needs. Great channel thank you,must be very challenging to treat these clients.
So astounding to see all the very many comments from people who went through and are going through the same experiences. I applaud your efforts with these very complex cases. Thank you
It is very hard to live with this disorder. I am 38 and it is bad again because I have an FP and it is draining for him and me. Constantly feeling anger and then happiness act. All day long
I was diagnosed with BPD 11 years ago. As my Psychologist read straight from the BOOK, everything she said struck me like a bolt of lightning, I could remember an exact moment in my life that matched every symptom. I finally knew why. Life has always been filled with anxiety and depression,fear. People just don't understand that it's Hell most days. I'm so very tired,
Idk if I have BPD or not, but alot of these things I feel like I can relate to looking back. Especially the part about social gatherings. I dont go to anything anymore, I wont get in a relationship because I can't handle having another person there. Relationships always seemed to bring the obsessive aspect youre speaking about to an unbearable level.....so I dont even bother because I know it won't end well, and my personal space always remains my personal space. Its very lonely, but its all I can handle.
JTCT The world is a horrible place !!! Humans are built to be scared of a sabre toothed tiger and run away. We're expected to endure stress all the time, of a boring job, all sorts of problems, brainwashing by the Media, worrying how to pay the bills etc. Valerian capsules are good to relax you and take away the stress and help you sleep !!!!
currently as a BPD im addicted to Alcohol, tramadol, gabapentin, zimovane, Watching UA-cam shorts for hours, just to stop the thoughts 😅 its a horrible mental health issue but my wife is a strong woman who helps me
I've watched alot of therapists on UA-cam, and I was in therapy myself for a long time- and you're the first therapist to portray the client's instead of just explaining it, and it's very helpful. Thank you.
I’ve had a lifelong friendship with a borderline since I was 11. I’m 52. Always thought we’d marry eventually. Every time we’ve gotten close to getting together he pulls the rug out from under me. It’s been so incredibly heartbreaking. Even after being in therapy for the last year it still blows my mind. He was diagnosed & hospitalized was in therapy. When I brought up buying & reading the book his therapist recommended by Marsha Linehan about bpd he denied ever having it & went into this whole “you don’t know me” schpiel.
@persisrose I went through something similar actually so I’m giving advice I would take. Except I didn’t want to waste another 3 years. In this persons case it was way more
Listening I hear how far I have grown since learning BPD is what I was dealing with. I did my research to gain an understanding. I wanted to be free of guilt that was weighing my heart down. So I began at the present moment working my way backwards taking my life's inventory. I found most of the guilt I carried was not mine. I let it go. Then changed the things I was doing that were my fault. I found the moment I developed BPD. I nurtured that part of myself. Then I found the moment and what triggered my depression. I nurtured that part of myself too. I wanted to find who I am in my own heart. I found the name my children gave me, Mama. That is who I was taught to hurt in myself through abuse, so I directly was hurting my children, by not nurturing myself but hurting myself with drugs. 5 years sober. 4 years aware of Mama, my children named me. 🥰 💕
I'm proud to say that studying DBT has greatly helped me to get a lot of these into a managable state. I am in a happy relationship and have a somewhat stable career. I wish I could thank Marsha personally for helping me deal with my personal hell.
I found the polar opposite regarding apologies with my ex-BPD partner. No matter how bad or cruel I was treated there was never, ever an apology. On the occasions that I would bring up the lack of any remorse or apologies, my partner would tell me that my wanting an apology was "unattractive" or "off putting". I finally realized that this was happening because my partner felt no empathy for me and simply did not believe they ever did anything wrong. I finally realized that in a million years nothing was going to change. I'm out of the situation now, but it has been painful, to say the least.
As a woman who has been diagnosed as Borderline several times throughout my life by several different psychologists, this is a very nuance subject. If you yourself feel you might have a mental illness like this, I strongly encourage you to seek a diagnosis from a psychological professional. I was first diagnosed around 16 and I'm now 26. It has taken a long time and a lot of work on myself to get to a point where I am much more stable through daily medication. Something that is deeply misunderstood about this mental illness is that it is much more about how someone's thoughts reflect inward and how much we as people can hate ourselves
I'm 69 yrs old and in my Experience, everyone is a bit Nuts !!!! What is a Normal Person ???? Everyone drinks too much, loses their temper, makes terrible mistakes, crashes their car, or has a failed marriage !!! Life is enough to drive anyone Mad !!!!
@@jillferrier8715 , Amen to that! Truth! “Normal” people, people without BPD, can control their thoughts and behaviors, people with BPD can NOT! Even with extensive therapy and medication!! Which helps, but, never cures! It’s a very sad existence..
Been copping this for 25 years and just woke up. Thanks for spelling this out, it's good to know that not all of it was an act and the person I love is somewhere in there. I'll never be happy because she can't be, but at least I know much of it is not intentional.
I was diagnosed with BPD at 18, over the last 2-3 years my BPD has become so much worse. I’m almost 40 now and these obsessions I can relate to so much. It is so exhausting to feel so much all of the time!
Great video. I have BPD and I’ve never heard anyone talk about the obsessive behaviors related to going out to an event or family gathering. I’ll try on so many outfits because it has to feel completely right (side effect of the anxiety of interacting with people I think will judge me.) and I practice conversations in my head. it’s caused me to be extremely isolated. I’d rather stay home and not interact with anyone… except my partner that I’m obsessed with 😂😅
I love watching your videos and learning more about my diagnosis when I begin to have negative thoughts or episodes. Becoming self-aware definitely has helped me to understand how my behaviors affect others and how I can do better, but there is so much more to understand. I think most of us (those with BPD) hit a point of, "Why am I like this and how do I stop? Can I really get better and have healthy relationships? What will I lose in this journey, and is it worth it? Will I ever be stable?" Idk those are things I think of when I feel hopeful that I'm not just a meat sack with a brain and skeleton that lets a mental illness define my life.
I feel you, i wonder if my brain will allow me seratonin just staying at home sometimes i have to be around someone or something for it to work, friends, pets, car, but alone i have not found a single thing that works, alone is either workaholic mode so i can feel useful or spend time by myself avoiding reality including eating usually because the longer im in it the more i feel like i don't belong in it & the more my inner thoughts are telling me to end it all because everyone else doesn't need me and would find a way to be okay without me, and whenever im with friends it instantly goes back in like "okay nevermind i can stay a bit longer for these people or my cat, or for being able to drive, but for myself it feels literally impossible. im so drained from picking up pieces i dont even have much sense of where i want to be, im constantly splitting on myself as well as others, most ppl dont understand with bpd they are splitting on you, but i can guarantee you they are splitting 10x harder on themselves and their own existence, because its like feeling like a robot constantly, and the abusive bpds are the only ones that get talked about because of how thier actions affect others, but not all bpd are like this, and most therapists refuse to even treat us.
As someone who was diagnosed abit late I’ve come to understand a lot of friendships have been ruined and abandoned because of alot of these facts. Thank you for this video. It may help me explain things to people in the future.
I have been diagnosed with BPD and as with other people who have commented, this describes me perfectly, but to give a positive slant on the issue and hopefully encouragement, i have been married for 45 years and have 2 grown up children who have no mental health issues at all.
My best friend for 20 years had this. I finally had to break ties. It just was so hard to help someone who is constantly in crisis 24 hours a day 7 days a week, and it's a relationship all about them all the time. I hope she gets the help she needs.
I spent 5 years with a BPD, I knew he was struggling with something, but he would never discuss it. He needed therapy but never took care of himself. I loved him with everything I had, but it wasn't enough. I wish him well.
I'm in a situationship. It was amazing and he wanted me all the time. Then he started getting cold and distant. Months of this. Still on going except we had a huge fight to where I moved out after only 2 months and now we're not the same. I didn't have contact for 9 days then had to see him and he was staring at me like he was infatuated. Wanted me. Everyrhing. After he got ehat he wanted it was back to no contact as of now unless it has to do with my extra car he's using and the cable I left on there. The fact he idealized and then devalues is killing me. I can't understand why he won't be with me when we were everything a relationship was and he would tell people we were together but when back home we were friends again. The mental and emotional is insane. I don't know ow what to do with myself. He says I'm anything anyone could want. He's incredibly attracted but won't be with me. I do t get it at all
@wakpak4399 it's rough trying to love someone with BPD and go through severe mental and emotional trauma every single day. I wish he would get help but the fact he won't do anything like it will keep him doing this and losing people. He's lost everyone. Literally. He said he's tired of losing people yet he doesn't do the necessary work to fix it.
@@PeachChantillyJust like my ex. She said, "I have a fear of abandonment", "I have no friends", "No one understands me", "No one fights for me", "I'm going to end up alone". It's so hard to hear all that, offer all the love and support possible yet making no difference all the while living with a lot of stress. Perhaps she did me a favour blowing up on me and leaving. I hope she gets well, it's no way to live.
At the begaing of this I thought it was things I already knew about myself and my BPD. but at the end I found myself astonished at WHAT I ALREADY KNEW ABOUT MY BPD ......BUT NOT THE SEVERITY I HAD IT AT AND IS! Self realization is a bxtch! But is needed to go forth without false conceptions and mis guided treatmets,etc. Thank you 💯🤘
I was diagnosed with BPD about a week ago by my current psychiatrist after asking my former psychiatrist about it for many years, and man I resonate so hard with all of these points. I'm self-aware and lean more towards "Quiet Borderline" so I experience some points differently, but still very real. Thank you for this video, I feel validated having my symptoms talked about in a caring way when many people can tend to only focus on the "bad" aspects of BPD. 💜
Hearing this is definitely making me see how much I did hurt people before I knew what was wrong with me but I’m getting better with therapy and personal responsibility and improvement
I just wanted to say what an extremely intelligent & insightful person you aware. I'm a mental health prof who specialises in personality disorders. On an important side note, please remember to be kind to yourself & don't wholly focus on the negative consequences of your BPD. Yes we all need to take accountability for our actions but I'm guessing what led you to the diagnosis in the first place was having experienced some significant trauma yourself. Please remember that it's ok to put yourself first as well; yes be accountable but don't beat yourself up over that which is been & done, you deserve more than that. I really do wish you all the best with your recovery journey; I don't know if you think you're on that journey but your level of insight & perspective speaks volumes. You deserve empathy for that which you have struggled with 😊
As a person clinically diagnosed with bpd (quiet bpd) at 19 years old It’s great to hear you say that not everyone will experience these traits as many people reporting on bpd like to lump us all in the same categories and same traits. When each type of bpd can be a combination of a number of symptoms. I strongly advise those self diagnosing to speak to a professional about your symptoms as many symptoms are mirrored in other conditions and you don’t want to misdiagnose yourself and miss on on the appropriate medical help and support that can be available to you. Please be mindful of how actions of those who don’t have a full diagnosis yet can be harmful to the bpd community. As stigma is extremely difficult to navigate with this condition. It is not a quirky designer label. 😅
My ex definitely has BPD. I was eventually discarded. It hurts. As much as I love her, I'm starting to realize she wasn't and isn't emotionally ready for a relationship. I actually knew it, but didn't fully understand why. Now I know why everything happened they way and how it did. Hopefully, she gets the help she needs and doesn't get involved again anytime soon. I'm starting to work on my own healing from how her BPD impacted me.
had the EXACT same happen to me except mine was a guy. I feel you. Love him deep down and hope he soon gets the help he deserves since my attempts of supporting him are completely blocked off now
Interestingly this happens the other way as well. People can easily cross the boundaries of a person with BPD because they know they might not enforce them. They know they won’t want to risk losing them or making them unhappy (fear of abandonment). So the person with BPD won’t say anything and will tolerate hurtful/toxic behaviors
I am sobbing watching this video. As someone currently without access to DBT I'd literally give my entire savings for a magic pill that would cure me or stabilize me which just isn't possible. It feels so defeating. Especially to be aware and not be able to do anything about it. A daily battle.
I am very concerned, because you just described me and my thought processes, even down to the social events or gatherings. I am my own worst critic and a prisoner to my own mind. It's really a terrible existence.
Been in therapy about 8 months or so for my anxiety and after learning about myself I check every single last box on this list. Being self aware is a blessing and a curse. But putting in the effort is worth it. Thank you for another amazing video
*Just because we don't talk, doesn't mean I don't think about him. I think about him constantly. I distance myself from him, because I know I can't be with him...* When he'd get mad/upset/hurt/whatever: he'd give me the silent treatment. REMINDER TO SELF: Reasons for narcissistic silent treatment: * Stonewalling * Gaslighting * Emotional immaturity * Lack of interpersonal skill * Victimhood * Dysregulation * Doing to me, what was done to him * Terrified of conflict * Not knowing any other way * Fear/panic/anxiety/terror * Desperation * Power over * Regaining a (false) sense of control * Punishment EVEN STILL, regardless of the above, I miss him and what we had, our friendship, our connection: WITH EVERY FIBER OF MY BEING. But he never really cared about me. He used me and discarded me. Replaced me so easily. Why is she better than me? Why? What makes her so much more profoundly better than me? Is he her best friend now? Or maybe is there even more between them? Why couldn't he love me like he loves her? He's replaced me with another. In an instant: just like that. HE REPLACED ME. HE SHATTERED MY HEART. HE RAPED MY SOUL. I'm all alone and suffering in anguish, and they are living happily ever after together. The PTSD and the loneliness and the grief that he's given me... Makes it so that I can't breathe. I drowned. I suffocate. I die inside. I'm in hell with no escape. NO ESCAPE. I need him. I loved him. He raped my soul: brutally viciously violently maliciously. Every night: nightmares. Every day: panic attacks. I want to die. Every morning I wake up in despair, desperately praying to die. I can no longer bear the pain. I could die from the pain of missing my best friend. He betrayed and abandoned me, discarded me like garbage. My mind can't fathom, my heart can't comprehend. I live in perpetual panic and terror and loneliness and longing... I'm so alone in the world. I die of fear. I'm so fucking traumatized and terrorized and terrified. I'm dying inside. My soul is raped. He's given me severe PTSD. Severe! Severe! Severe! How and when will I ever heal? In 2 days, it'll be exactly 5 months... God, as I walk through this hell and heartache and grief, I pray you guide and direct and hold me... I won't be stuck in hell anymore. Enough is enough!!! It's time to be free: in Jesus's name! I’m giving my life to Jesus! 100%! (ANOTHER REMINDER TO SELF: When you chase a man, you NEVER get the man, and you ALWAYS lose yourself!) *I will no longer be the kind of person who trembles when life walks by her door... I will, instead, be the woman who makes life tremble... when I walk by ITS door!*
5 months isnt years - dont dwell any further in regrets or else what choice do you have? Look: the guy cheated you, dont bother anymore. Its not him you want but the idea of the man you dreamt of - which he couldnt be. Sorry for your grief but let time do its thing. Just remind yourself of people around you who also went through break-ups: that is what heppened to you. Its a common life event, happens to all of us - except a few mormons perhaps 😅
AND: stop now this competition/comparison with his new female - who knows what will happen to her? Maybe she did you a favor for a lifetime. And please dont idealize neither yourself nor the ex-guy. Lifes to be lived not thought about - go on living, there are literally billions of men on the surface of our planet 😊 Best wishes and peace to you Hope i didnt say anything too stupid btw - if yes, dont take a youtube comment too seriously 😊
AND: Jesus is an idea, je wont come back So give yoir life to yourself and the worthy man youll one day come accross - the ex-guy wasnt him, its only your idealistic nature that created the whole bullshit aura about this prick 😊
Also, were you lonely all your life before you met him? Most probably not. HE IS NOT YOUR GOD - let him curse someone else and be grateful you got out early enough 😊
Its so sad to hear how BPD struggle with everything, these uncontrollable thoughts and emotions sound devastating 💔 its good to hear there is effective treatment for the willing and self aware ~ Hope & Faith 💟
Thanks for being humane. I'm thankfully very high functioning bpd ( now diagnosed with cptsd and not bpd / God knows why or how definitions changed).. I knew someone with full on bpd and life was hell for her. Literally you could see different states cycling through her in a matter of minutes. I found it exhausting and I'm a sufferer myself so God knows what normies think they've got involved in. She was in extreme pain and it was almost heroic how she was trying to deal with her suffering. She both knew and was in the grip of these emotional ravages
I suffer the same way. I can literally feel myself cycling through the craziness, yet so powerless to stop it. It's maddening. It's dark and lonely and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.
My husband had BPD, I wish I had known this before he passed away last year. Everything you mentioned I experienced, James was very caring and loving but had a very difficult upbringing and he was a victim .
She's soooo describing me when i was 15-20 yo!! It got far worse after that... i'm narcissistic on top of that and i started to drink heavily. The insane controlling mental abuse sadly left (at least) one of them afraid of commitment to this day. This video made me think about her and what a danger to others i was back then....I have the decency to stay completely isolated from all social life inclulding job, family, friends for 5 years now. I have cause enough pain and destruction i think that's the socially responsible thing to do at this point
I had a baby with someone who has BPD, who is also a severe alcoholic. These videos have helped. My babies mom is in denial about her diagnosis, her family has to tell me about it and idk how or who can tell her. I’ve never been more miserable in life since we broke up while she was pregnant. I moved across the country to be a dad and now I have my 18 month old full time. I’m in such emotional pain over this emotional roller coaster. I wish I could pay you to be my therapist.
I am borderliner myself learned bout that this year and damn you called me out so hard... I feel heard and understud... Thank you. My biggest fear is to never beeing able to really love or having a real relationship... Cause of those uncontrollable issues...
I thank you for bringing to light these problematic interpersonal issues. These concepts make sense to me and I now know how to be more compassionate to my feely friends, and myelf, mahalo.
I've watched many bpd vids since my diagnosis but this video hit home the hardest. Every thing you said was so true. I wish there was people like you in the UK working in our NHS. Ive just discharged myself as they are useless, most dont know what bpd is. I've just lost someone incredibly close to me because of my BPD, im devistated. Listening to this video I can see how I ruined things and no idea how to stop it happening again. Thankyou for sharing this in detail video x
This is a great video Dr. When my dear friend told me she'd been diagnosed with this and other challenges years back, I really wanted to understand. It sounded so ominous from her & other net phsycs. It's not. It's plain insecurity. Hyper tho. I couldn't or likely wouldn't have understood it without your perspectives's. Your work with patients and thier family's. She my extended family member # 1.!! I can help her navigate this. Much easier now. Thank you. This is a keeper tool. Not even aware of this important info, I'd like to say I've managed to do the right things for her, with her. Even when she's a brat. It's part of loving women, properly, Flaws and all. She's vastly more calm, less moody than when we'd met 4 yrs ago. She's my dear friend and sister. I won't leave nor abandon her. She's amazing. Perfect as she is. I think I understand her a little better now. Ty again.
I've been on and off dating someone with BPD. I wouldn't recommend dating someone with BPD unless you are incredibly mentally stable and strong willed because it is not for the weak lol. The push and pull and ups and downs are tough and incredibly frustrating, but the high points are so rewarding, so it sucks you back in. Trying to leave this person is harder than just staying with them because they will latch onto you and not let up, so you just give in. :')
@dharma6525 sorry, but you don't know me but if you did, you would understand why I say what I do. When everyone who's ever been in your life tells you that you're somehow different, after a while, you realize that you are. Sorry, but you got this one wrong ole buddy.
My BPD husband quickly got jealous of my son around our wedding day. Shortly after, he became more jealous and unstable and abusive, pushing my adult son i to a wall and creating a hole in the process. We are now seperated and i am shocked i was not more scared of him during our relationship!! Looking back is terrifying and i now have CPTSD, anxiety, and have dissociated many times as i realise how dangerous this man was and is.
I'm in a custody battle with my ex wife. She made the court impose drug tests on me to see my kids. I've done that for a year, and they've been clean. Now I'm supposed to have overnights. As soon as a reached that, she took me to court and wants me to do another year of drug tests and now wants me to only have supervised visits. I've done everything she asked for. I don't know if I can do this much longer. She's taking the only thing I live for, and it's killing me inside. I love my children more than anything or anyone I have ever known, and have completely changed my life for their benefit. But it's never good enough. It never ends.
Your kids are worth the fight. They need you just as much as you need them! Things do get better. My situation is proof that things do get better with time. My ex has covert NPD and we are 4.5 years out of court, co-parenting with no drama or attorneys in our lives anymore. He gets his child support payment monthly and I get my peace. Stay strong. 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼
Was just diagnosed and I’m doing my research. Every single one of these I do. I know I have a long road to recovery but it just feels impossible right now. This is what goes on in my mind 24/7.
@@annah2214 thats literally not true... any therapist I've talked to and the information I've gathered has shown you can get better... you may still have some uncontrollable feelings but you can always change the way you react which makes a world of a difference. Not sure who's telling you your information but its more damaging than helpful... especially with how high suicide rates are among bpd..... just a DISGUSTING comment.
@@donniellama4463 don't listen to her, she's wrong, you can get better in therapy and through dbt courses, they teach you how to react differently than the reaction you initially have with bpd which is to lash out. It can get better though, it just takes a will and an effort because medication doesn't make it go away, only work you put into yourself can make it better.
This has been the best explanation and understanding of BPD. I sympathize with them, because they have to be in a constant state of anxiety and insecurity, which defeats any chance of a healthy relationship, even with themselves. 😢
ive dealt with some of them splitting like all of the sudden i become a bad person, when before we were great friends but ive never dated a borderline. I was talking to one i think and she revealed my text messages to a group of people that where private and could have left me in a bad spot. Triangulated. Unable to accept or own up to it. Perhaps feels like victim. I survived a narc family system, I had a narc parent . I have 3 years in healing from cptsd, i got to safe enough support groups and found a safe enough fellow traveler for relational attunement and healing. He mirrored more gentleness on me as a survivor from a narc family system and the scapegoat i was very hard on my self due to the narc projecting all the hate onto me,. With selfcompassion also healthy boundaries where mirrored eventually i started becoming more asertive, and knowing and recognizing boundary violations and speaking up. The narc tries to bulldoze over peoples boundaries and needs. Projecting it as selfish because their too busy controlling and trying to get supply and praise admiration and to make it all about them , and are entitled, exploitative, and lack empathy for others, they have a false aggrandized self, they're abusive and just hateful people. Im grateful to be in healing, and to love honor and protect my inner child, and be able to chose safe enough people for connection and not manipulative narcs that want supply . And subjugation. I exercise my individuation, independence, and protect my connection to my inner child and true self............ I dont want much to do on a personal one on one level really with people who lack empathy, and where the connection is an attempt to control as its the case with those narcs. Im commited to stay gentle on myself keep healthy boundaries stay true to my inner child and healing , trying to thrive go after my passions and havefun and enjoy my life. Those of us who're empaths with boundaries are really blessed, and we gotta keep healing staying true to ourselves choosing safe enough people and raising awareness. Godspeed, we keep healing , and keeping distance from the abusive narcs....
I can’t tell you how many times I heard “what’s wrong?”. At the time, I honestly thought that I was the issue which prompted the question. After trying to help her in every way I could, I found that the more you try to help, the more you are ridiculed and blamed. Thank you for your wisdom, Lise.
24 years before the revelation about my wife having BPD...I never knew. But learning about this stuff now...all these things from "what's wrong" to her actually telling me that I'm her "favorite person" has been eye opening.
I never thought anything of it, when my GF asked "Is everything okay?" "What's wrong?" "Something bothering you?" at least 20 times a day. I found it strange, a weird quirk. Sometimes annoying, because "What's wrong?" made me think about what could be wrong, even when there was nothing wrong, and always had a tiny. but negative impact on my mood. But now, seeing the complete picture, and hearing how that phrase is such a common BPD thing, and what's behind it.... makes me shiver, with a cold, sinking feeling in my heart.
Mine used to say something's wrong to be fair there was, she had mentally exhausted me I used to just say I was unwell ot tired because if I told her the truth she would fly into a toxic rage. Im a very strong willed person but this woman wore me down especially when she consumed alcohol, she always said,,,,,, you will hand me back ,,,,,after two years I had to, funnily enough I don't feel sorry for her I feel sorry for me her behaviour has certainly rubbed off on me I need to get back to the old me ❤
I would love to hear more about BPD in the workplace and BPD and social media. Made a big move and couldn't bring my DBT therapist with me😢😅 Thank you for these videos. Helps me and my loved ones.
Broke up with my ex who had BPD. Thank you for all the info you give….Understanding it really helps understand why she did everything she did which really hurt especially with the monkey branching like I was nothing.
I suspect my ex GF was BPD or at the very least exhibited many of these traits. She would tell me she thought we were soulmates and then break up with me over the smallest things (not texting her back quickly enough, if I ever showed any upset with her at all, and the strangest one was over dreams she had). It was a seven year emotional rollercoaster that led me to an emotional breakdown due to the CPTSD and intermittent reinforcement.
Remember the next dude will go through the same shit if not faster .He’s just a fantasy a prop, a stage hand in her world. It’s normal to be hurt after being in a relationship with a borderline. My ex after 6 years 6 months broken up got married in less than a month . Fools rush in !And yes I was also a fool and a prop . But the only thing we can take away afterwards is that these type of people exist they’re like vampires .
10:44- #8 i had no idea was a common shared experience of others with bpd, i thought there was something deeply wrong with me because i can't tell you the lengths i've gone to to obtain the thing i obsess over, and while i feel immense guilt after the fact, i do get that sense of relief because i'm no longer obsessing over it. kinda makes me feel a little better that i'm not the only one who experiences this
I tell everyone know when they/I am considering trying - I want them to know beforehand how things will probably end up going. I don’t want to hurt anyone, and I also don’t want to be hurt.
I've been diagnosed with BPD and for me it's a never ending nightmare. I hate the way I am but I keep doing the same things over and over again. I have no control of my emotions. It seems like I'm either sad or angry all the time. I have a constant feeling of shame and guilt for the way that I've behaved. I feel like I'm trapped in here with myself and there's no escape. I hate myself more than anything. I don't want to be me anymore. I don't want to be around other people and I don't even want people to see me. It gets worse the older I get. I've ruined my life and I just wish that it would hurry up and be over. I'm too much of a coward to do it myself. *I'm also a "cutter". When things get really bad I cut myself. My whole left forearm is scars from my elbow to my wrist. The physical pain helps to dull the emotional pain a little bit, but it seems to help less with time. I've had to get stitches a few times because I have to do more and deeper for it to work. Every time I look at my arm I'm reminded of what a loser I am and it makes me hate myself even more. I know that there's no hope for me. I've already passed the point of no return.
If you have a tendency for self punishment, or relieve through pain, have you ever tried working out? Not as in "working out to get better", but as dumb as it may sound, "working out to punish yourself and vent the energies"? Because working out can be the "healthies" self destruction and self punishment there is. It works just as well, the only difference being that by working out instead of cutting you don't give yourself even more reasons to hate and judge yourself. On good days it might even help you to be proud of yourself, and of the fact that you use your negative patterns in a way that at least has a positive effect on your body. Also, it helps stabilizing the mood. I recently, and currently have multiple crisis, and feel really overwhelmed, depressed, and angry. And most of the time it is unbearable. I don't feel like doing good things for myself, and usually I see working out as a good thing for myself, which is why I stopped doing it. But then I thought, maybe, because I do not want to do it, it's an appropriate "punishment" for my failures. And I scream, I shout, sometimes cry, while working out until the pain becomes so unbearable that I have to stop. It's a catharsis. And afterwards, I can't judge myself for it, because in the end, it makes me stronger and more healthy, even though it feels just as bad, if not worse, as cuts would do.
the first point is spot on. i do warn them from the start. unfortunately, it’s typically insecure people who find the obsession aspect cute, only to realize what abandonment/attachment issues actually consist of. then they’re out. this isn’t only unfair to the partner, but the sufferer of bpd as well. i always say, “don’t sign up for something you can’t handle.” the only thing i’d add, is, even during the idealization phase, i still have a strong distrust going into the relationship, just like i do months into the relationship. that aspect doesn’t change for me.
Yeah, I was properly diagnosed wi BPD some years ago. It was awesome, suddenly, my crazy mind began to make sense. The best thing that happened, was when I got a pooch... a little Shihtzu... he loves all the attention and being the absolute centre of my universe, I can completely obsess about him. We help each other, we never fall out or have uncomfortable social moments. My mind is much much calmer now and life is definitely more simple and manageable... maybe Shihtzus should be proscribed for everyone who has BPD. 🐕 xx
I was having so much suicidal thoughts 10 years ago as a teenage, also suffered severe anxiety and mental disorder. I got diagnosed with bipolar, spent my whole life fighting bipolar. Not until my husband recommended me to psilocybin mushrooms treatment. Psilocybin treatment changed my life for better. I can proudly say i'm totally clean for 6 years and still counting. Always look to nature for solution to tough problems, Shrooms are phenomenal.
I love hearing great life changing stories like this. I want to become a mycologist because honestly mushrooms are the best form of medicine (most especially the psychedelic ones) There are so many people today used magic mushrooms to ween off of SSRI medication- its amazing! Years back i wrote an entire essay about psychedelics. they saved you from death buddy, lets be honest here.
Hey mates! Can you help with the source? I suffer severe anxiety, panic and depression and I usually take prescription medicine, but they don't always help. Where can I find those psilocybin mushrooms? I'm really interested in treating my mental health without Rxs. I live in Australia don't know much about these. I'm so glad they helped you. I can't wait to get them too. Really need a reliable source 🙏
YES sure of mycologist Pedroshrooms. I have the same experience with anxiety, addiction. Mushrooms definitely made a huge huge difference to why am clean today.
I'm so very happy for you mate, Psilocybin is absolutely amazing, the way it shows you things, the way it teaches you things. I can not believe our world and our people shows less interest about it's helpfulness to humanity. It's love. The mushrooms heals people by showing the truth, it would be so beneficial for so many people, especially politicians and the rich who have lost their way and every other persons out there.
Where do I reach this dude? If possible can I find him on Google
As a self aware BPDisordered person - I haven't been in a relationship for 16 years as its much less heartache for all involved if I stay single.
That's almost the only time I feel calm and no wonder why I went single for 6 years and didn't want to get into a relationship but then I have a need for a person who I can be with to feel stable when things start to shake in other areas of my life. I think bpd people at core need security and stability that's why situations, career, work and people are our shelter but especially people.
@@QueenKaryBoO it takes someone with alot of patience and understanding to be in a relationship with a BPD person and alot of trust in both partners if a relationship had a chance..me being self aware these days may be different if I ever decided to start dating again...
Most people who claim to be single and live with bpd and are in there 30s to 50s are on dating sites and usually drink. Pretending we are normal, and having risky sex with strangers, or tell yourself they aren't strangers because ive spoke to them for a few days or weeks. Or met them but insist on no sex on 1st date, but it usually happens. Or you believe your value has went up because you resisted sex the 1st meet but meet up again few days later then have sex.
I'm sorry you're suffering!
You guy's are brave AF and should be proud of yourself!! Knowing that it would just cause harm and choose to be alone must be very hard. I know most people with BPD are far from dumb! I pray for you guys!
If you have bpd don't let some of the people in these comment sections mess with your head.
Bpd is not a death sentence.
You CAN grow and learn to manage your reactions.
You CAN learn ways to self soothe and regulate.
BPD doesn't really go away, but you can learn to live with it and still have healthy and meaningful relationships. And not let it destroy your life or other's.
You'd be amazed the difference a few years of putting in the work and learning about yourself can make in your life.
That's all well and good IF you have a few years left to do the 'work', I suppose.
@@dust-dog there's no time limit the work begins when it begins and it helps trough the rest of your life.
Very true! I have and still doing the work to handle my BP behaviors. I do know though that the person I fall in love with, if stable, helps me to be stable.
I have complete peace with just staying alone. I am absolutely miserable in any sort of relationships. It starts great but I start seeing ghosts everywhere sooner or later and I go crazy and make a complete fool of myself. It just happens on repeat I dont seem to learn Im so done with it. I burn my bridges everywhere with people I actually really liked. I drink my beer, snort my powder, play my video game and idgaf about anything else no more. Im at peace.
@@DanyTheMeis BPD supposed to be a watered down bipolar? Kinda sounds like it. People who are born with a genetic issue vs people who lived and believed in an ass backwards society (western society) who got chewed up and spit out by the false narratives and delusions propagated on its people by its society and culture controllers... please tell me how many people would be BPD if it wasn't for the false idea of "love" in relationships.
Notes from Video
10 Obsessive Behaviors:
1) Obsessive when it comes to love
* mistaken lust as love
* feeling of addiction, but feel safe putting all efforts into it
* faults begin to be seen and love/hate cycle begins
* it is not a game played, but real feelings of emotions
* fears of abandonment, destabilizing emotions, and more symptoms
2) Obsessive replay of past occurrences trying to remember all details
* feels as if something is wrong and trying to find a solution becomes the goal
3) Judgemental thinking (on accident) due to prior events or interpretations noticed
* has episodes of not being able to believe the truth & then moments of completely trusting the person
4) Apologizing occurs profusely
* guilt is easily felt over various reasons, even of things out of control
* also, it is easy to lose control of emotions when dealing with BPD, so usually apologies occur for that
5) Becomes strangely obsessed with a favorite person
* investigates the person even more, to the point of obsession
* sometimes may try to mold themselves into what their favorite person wants them to be
6) Obsessively asking what's wrong
* seeing someone upset can make us think that we did something wrong without knowing the full story
* consistently asking or "assuming" may begin to irritate loved ones
7) Obsessed over self-insecurities
* may make excuses to not go to: events, parties, & other social gatherings
* hard to find satisfaction with self but finds things to feel anxious about instead
8) Impulsive actions based on constant obsession over something
* wanting to buy something right away versus waiting
* jumping into relationships because it may be wanted sooner than later
9) Obsession over being perfect and what others may think
* black&white thinking
* "all or nothing" feeling
10) Self-obsessive and overly self-conscious type of behavior
* can be mistaken as judgemental or narcissistic
* more of an anxiety causing the obsessive behaviors & it can layer upon itself in various ways
Thank you for this summary!
Thank you!
Thanks
They're not capable of loving people, they cannot even see love VS lust. I knew it. It applies to all Cluster Bs, even non-violent psychopaths.
He never molded himself, but he was obsessive because he needed to use peoole for personal reasons. He doesn't have BPD, he has NPD.
I was married to someone exactly like this. I loved being the favorite person… until her brother moved in with us and he became her favorite person. I became the bad guy in every situation. It completely destroyed the marriage, and was super creepy in hindsight. She also told me her therapist said I had BPD (had me so messed up I went to 4 different professionals to get confirmation I don’t). The divorce damn near destroyed me, and within a few months, she got with someone new while I was left picking up the pieces. The good thing is it broke me of a need to want to be the rescuer in a relationship and I’m hyper aware of codependency. But those lessons cost a lot of time and tears.
Your post really helped me. I'm someone's favorite person right now and trying to navigate through it. Thanks for sharing
You’re lucky you escaped . I have similar story and I’m lucky to be alive and have also escaped.
You are not alone in this, friend.
So sorry. Keep growing! You made it through and became stronger!!
I've been switched to her father when she got pregnant, what a hellish mess it became. She plotted with her daddy, kidnapped our child, lied in courts (this has been noticed however), few years after there's fresh new boyfriend aka victim. I suspect he's there as her dad has been sucked all blood - switch flipped again. Switching is true indeed.
A lot of borderlines are borderlines because of their family (parents, siblings etc). I met my husband 16 years ago who is a very good person and I have changed enormously. When your family does not trust you and mistreat you then you develop all kinds of unhealthy behaviours. On the other hand, when someone shows you the opposite, you start developing trust and you become aware of your shortcomings and improve.
That’s the thing, is everyone seems to manage to find a spouse that helps them. It’s horrible to be single and alone with this especially when you’ve had family issues too.
That's great. And what about those who self sabotage the idea of anyone ever loving them at all. It's great to have a partner but healing is possible without one. As someone who's been single 5 years, it could be viewed as quite damaging to hear others proclaim how their "amazing supportive partner" helped them heal, when for alot of people with BPD who are alone feel chronic emptiness in it all, and incapable of attracting anyone which then perpetuates those feelings of emptiness and lack which creates this continuous self sabotaging cycle
I’m so happy you have met your person. Thank you for sharing as this inspires people like me to keep working on working on myself. I’ve been learning how to heal on my own for years before meeting my partner now. I still catch symptoms as they come but his patience inspire patience and trust in myself and our relationship. He is a wonderful man and deserves the same amount of love, patience and trust he generously gives me. I still have challenging moments and shortcomings but I am committed to giving him a soft and secure love because at the end of the day, the too is all I want.
If this can happen to you, then so can it happen for the rest of us. Thank you again.
cPTSD is similar,and is curable. BPD not so much. Plus, if it is comorbid with narcissism or sociopathy in a male, good luck without suffering DV , physical type
My sister is borderline she destroyed our home. Tried to destroy me as her younger sister. She put my mother in a early grave. Her husband was a happy person before meeting her. She destroyed him he can't function without antidepressants.
It's funny how you with BPD are still blaming others for how you are. Even with self-awareness, you can't stop.
1:14 love
4:01 overthinking
4:58 splitting bad/good hate
6:30 apologizing
7:02 favorite person
Thank you
9:06 obsessivly asking: „What‘s wrong?“
9:50 obsessing over social events/catastrophising
10:45 obsessing over things to buy or to do
11:09 perfectionism, seeing everything in black and white
11:34 obsessing over internal experiences/identity crisis
"I'm so annoying. I'm kind of fine with the fact that I'm annoying. I annoy a lot of people. People tell me I annoy them. I try not to annoy people too much. Do you find me annoying?" "Well not as a person but this is getting ann..." "I KNEW IT."
At least you care if you annoy someone
It's more than some can say 😜
Real
yep.
I'm a self-aware BPD and Bipolar. It's hard to realize what's mood and what's personality. It took a long time for the doctors to figure out I had both. Cognitive Therapy and being mindful has helped a lot. I've been happily in a healthy relationship for 11 years now. It can be done, you just have to learn yourself- something that is easier said than done. You must be prepared to admit your own faults and take the time to think rationally. I know, hard, but it is possible!
May I ask you, how the doctors found out that you have both? What symptomps are for BPD and what for bipolar? They can be the same actually 😮 Im happy u are well❤
@annazawistowska2429 a lot of trial and errors. I wish I could say it was an easy find. A lot of it was looking at behavioral history, how I reacted in relationships etc (like in the video) to get the Borderline diagnosis. (I was diagnosed with it first after a suicide attempt). I was put on antidepressants and it triggered a MAJOR manic episode while I was hospitalized. Doctors documented it, but kept me on the antidepressants.
It took 5 more hospitalizations for them to realize I was Bipolar I as well and probably had been since I was 14. I was put on different antipsychotics. This definitely helped the manic episodes but I still had BPD personality. It was the therapy that really helped me see that and it's a constant struggle. Meds really don't help personality disorders, only mood.
Even after a twelve years of being in therapy, hospitals, and on medication, I still struggle. I'm just lucky I found a great guy that forgives my shortcomings and helps me. I was honest with him from the start that I was both, but we were friends first, which I think is important. We didn't rush things .
@@Mo_Makeup_Please thank you so much for your reply! :-) I hope you are happy and all will be well in your life and health ! :-)
I was diagnosed both within 6 months seeing my psychiatrist. What helped her diagnose me was watching me and my actions over that time after I started medication for my bipolar. She saw significant improvement on meds but I still had some other things that didn’t quite go away or explain itself when I was on them on my therapeutic dose! I ironically brought it up this one session after reading a dsm-5 psychology book and all the symptoms summarized my life and what I was going through currently. It made me cry! But I asked her about it and was curious and she said I actually was gonna talk to you about it this session because I believe you may have it along with bipolar. It is hard to diagnose both though!
Wow, both! That must be hard work!
As someone who suffers with extreme severe anxiety I can totally relate to her. I would stop eating for days at a time as a punishment. I worry a lot about my life, everyone around me and pleasing everyone. It's absolutely crippling, so glad she got the help she needed, lovely young lady it's so sad that society has 1 in 3 people suffering mental health issues. I hope everyone seeks help
Can you help with the reliable source I would really appreciate it. Many people talk about how mushrooms and psychedelics treats anxiety, but nobody talks about where to get them. Very hard to get a reliable source here in Australia. Really need!
Yes, doctor Greg mushroom I have the same experience with anxiety, depression, PTSD and addiction and Mushrooms definitely made a huge huge difference to why am clean today.
Please, how do I reach doctor Greg?
Is he on the internet?
Yes, Doctor Greg mushrooms
Face all the demons- the anger, the sadness. The only time I’ve feel control is when I meditate. I become mindful. I’m able to look past my feelings in the moment and say to myself “my feelings change. Soon my anger will pass and love will come back. Just hold on.”
Dawg, u sound exactly like me rn ✌️
The brain/ mind can be damaged just like a limb or an ankle etc... mental health support and therapy should be easily available to everyone. Starting at school and throughout life. Unfortunately it's not taken seriously enough. Therefore we are left to it. Many many people have mental health problems and are walking around not realising that's it's not them. They can get help and heal.
As a diagnosee, it is really difficult to deal with the guilt of splitting. Obsessing over some minor actions that partners do, or wanting to get that one thing that you know you don't need (like an overseas vacation, or time spent in productive but no long term hobbies), even when that can ruin long term plans. It's exhausting to obsess, and even more to obsess over obsessing (poring over the guilt over and over again in the odd hours of night, losing sleep, catastrophizing). Your videos really give perspective. So does comments from fellow warriors in this page. Sharing light and love.
light and love to u to🤍
God is my strongest warrior 👍
DBT therapy was life changing for me. We're not perfect, but we all deserve to be loved. These are hard, but we are all a work in progress. For every one bad thing about us, there's 2 good things about us. Don't give up.
I've decided to stay alone from now on. I find its a lot easier to be alone. I don't want to hurt or ruin people lives anymore.
I didn't mean to like the comment, only that i relate, but it hasn't helped me at all, after 20 or so years of thinking that, i realize, that cant be the answer, f that.
Best thing to do is get help for it. I'm with someone who continues to destroy friendships and relationships because of him not getting help and just letting it go. He says he's tired of losing people but does nothing about it. I've tirelessly tried to help and in the end if he won't do it then I have to stop. It's breaking me completely. The games he has played the last 8 months has ruined me more than anyone else I've dealt with and we aren't even together yet do everything a relationship entails. He plays on that and I know i need to stop and distance myself but I can't help how I feel. He idealized then devalues me so much and I can't take much more honestly. If he won't get help I have to save myself. This has me at the lowest I've ever been on my life.
@@PeachChantilly I think for a lot of people it becomes a matter of self preservation.
The highs and lows becomes too much for a healthy person and they eventually have to withdraw for their own sanity.
Don't feel bad for that. As for your feelings for them, you have to take care of yourself *first*
Maybe look into codependency. It's common for partners of people with bad
Wishing you strength and self love
i know what you mean. but being alone is so hard =(
@@TwistedRootsMelody I agree with the highs and lows. It’s why I don’t show too much of myself to anyone but to those who are close to me. Even then I try to suppress. I have a wall that even if someone cracks it a little, I go back to patching it up. I’m so scared of someone seeing the dark parts of myself cos I don’t like them myself. I’m scared of actually being a horrible person. I wish I could be a light spirits heartwarming person.
BPD stems from childhood neglect that mirrors as we get older.
No, not always.
@@jacobus57In my case,it does stem from childhood trauma.
@@Evaisgalaxysame
Unfortunately this is correct. They try to say BPD is partly “genetic” but nobody in my family was diagnosed but me 🤷🏼♀️
Genetics are Real !
Stop blaming parents! We are suffering 😢
I have been on the receiving end of almost all of these for 43 years. Your videos have helped me "put a name on it". Your presentation of the inner turmoil of someone with BPD was helpful. I so appreciate the compassion you show for those with BPD.
Therapy. For codependency / childhood trauma
@@ssing7113 May I also add, now that your consciously aware of the damage you’ve caused to others, and that you may be toxic to be around, staying out of close relationships, and working on yourself, may be your best option to living a better life! Wishing you the best!
you should get a licensed prof involved before you put a name on it. she's a life coach.
This is so me. I've never been diagnosed, but I am horrible in relationships/marriages. I'm 10+ years single and love it. It's freeing. I attract men who have issues, and then it triggers my unhealthy personality disorder.
Getting to the point where I may accept the single life too
I've been single 2 years and it's so nice because I find that I have so much less to worry about and I can actually enjoy my life and pursue my own goals without being stifled by men who are threatened by my success. I finally feel like I'm on my way to thriving!
I don't remember attracting a man who wasn't controlling right from the beginning and after 16 years of being single, I get more vigilant about staying that way.
Lots of cope here.
Same!! 😑😐 Being single is easier for me 😔
Research has shown (Bessel van der Kolk etal) that more than 80% of diagnosed BPD patients actually suffer from CPTSD aquired after ongoing severe childhood abuse by primary 'caregivers' and their siblings/related family.
The betrayal and abuse they suffered in childhood/adolesence forced to adapt a very cautious and anxious attachment style. No wonder.
This attachment style born out of fear will always cause them to test the limits in every deeper relationship. They keep hoping for the best but always expect the worst. Which they've experienced in their past from their primary 'care-givers'. They tend to work out a self-fulfilling profesy. Always testing your loyalty and trust.
It's a dead-end street for everyone involved including them.
Until you start to adress the childhood trauma's they endured (they often have disassoiated from). Then you'll see most of their behaviour is completely logical. They tried to survive in a 'war-zone' with a lot of courage and preserved self-respect.
They acted normal on very abnormal circumstances/abuse.
That's why I don't consider BPD as a personality disorder in more than 80% of cases. Those are all cases of CPTSD.
Their trauma's should be adressed and treated. Not their 'disordered personality'.
For with their 'personality' nothing is basically wrong in far of most cases.
As long as therapist treat BPD as a 'personality disorder' only aming to control their emotional disregulation with medication and coqnitive therapy tactics, they won't succeed or help any sufferer from BPD-symptoms. It will only make them more desparate and sick.
You'll have to dig in into the childhood abuse background which is almost always there and start treating that. For it's mainly the cause of all their present symptoms.
Once they learn to see this and are not to blame for it (the abuse) they can start to make progress.
Exactly!!!!!
@@cm5065 I can’t stop crying because everything you said was 100% accurate. Reading it was like therapy because they say the truth will set you free. I’ve always described my childhood as “being born and raised on a battlefield” “having an innate sense of fear ever since I can remember” “hateful and violent” was diagnosed with bipolar 2, but wondered if there was more to it. Found BPD, and I’m thankful I just found you. Because I have always felt I’ve needed to just cry with a therapist who really cares and will listen.
Thank you for being so compassionate instead of posting another "my crazy ex with BPD..." story.
@@oocloudoo1549 Just read your comment. In a way I'm glad I made you cry. For I believe most people diagnosed with BPD have very logical and legitimate reasons to cry over the often extreme abuse they expierenced in their childhood/life. Mostly they take it on themselves, internalising the 'bad, unworthy person' their abusers installed in them. They take the 'blame' by punishing themselves in self-destructive ways and by 'acting out' to preserve some kind of self-respect and identity.
I think your crying non-stop about what happened to you during your childhood might be a first significant step in your healing and claiming your self back.
You (like most diagnosed with BPD) had the misfortune of being raised by moral-disordered people (mostly Narcissists/Sociopaths or addicted to substances). You maybe/probably were the most healthy minded who had to be destroyed by them, seeing you as a threat (even as a child).
Often the next step after grieving is getting really angry about what they have done to you and let this all out (in a sensibel way ofcourse that won't harm you further..).
Then it comes to accepting the reality of those people(abusers) and what they have done to you. Realizing it was never really about you in the first place but about them trying to kill the light you have but they lack profoundly.
Reclaim your light dear and let them stay in the dark. They aren't worth one second of your consideration anymore.
If you are ready move ahead and leave them behind. And stop punishing yourself for abuse others did to you!
@@greintje6941 this was very insightful and accurate. I loved split 50/50 custody mom and dad, and left moms at 18 . It’s hard for me because I still live with my abusers at my dads place and am challenged in the sense I don’t know how to take care of myself on my own. So I feel as if I’m trapped with my abusers, and if I were to leave I would fail as I was never taught to meet a girl and move out and take care of myself. I don’t even have proper dietary guidelines. So my diet is unhealthy, and now I’m starting to notice I’m becoming more dumb because of it. Factor that in with a complete lack of self identity. I basically feel like I’ve been setup to fail in this life from the start. If I had been born in a normal household where people encouraged me to eat right, take care of myself and have adult like goals. I would be retired at 30 but instead my one valuable trait of hard work has been washed away as I’ve spent all the money I’ve made on street racing.
This disorder is so painful to have.
It really is!!
I know right
It's painful for the person having it, and painful for everyone that's involved in a relationship with the person.
Like most disorder, it's not the person's fault.
Yes it is. It’s known within psychiatry that people with BPD in particular experience some of the most painful emotional distress contributing to the well documented suicidal thoughts and self harm behaviors.
Please consider getting proper support from your health care system. Set up a contingency for when you begin becoming distressed.
Sending strength and love
'google' what mental/emotional disorder has one of, if not the highest, suicide rate. I'm almost sure it's borderline personality. I have it myself, it's tried to take everything.
“Not everyone with BPD will have all of these” I HAVE ALL 10 😭😭😭😭😭
lol i was thinking the same
Right There with ya
same
Just get used to working closely with a therapist for the next several years. You can tone down the symptoms but it takes a lot of hard work and dedication.
Exactly not all bpd have them I have it.
For those who want academic keywords and notes :
2:14 - approach-avoidance repetition compulsion ; borderline suffer from two different types of anxiety in an intimate relationship "abandonment anxiety" & "engulfment anxiety".
07:04 - the need to merge, and fuse with the intimate partner.
10:07 + (#9 & #10) - bad object internalization , low sense of self-worth, fear of rejection.
Seeing everything in black&white : "dichotomous thinking" which is an infantile defense mechanism.
You are correct.
😴
What does “affected” mean? Is it good or bad?
Thank you for the timestamps!
Thank You
I went researching for help with c-PTSD, but then started hearing about BPD and so many of the experiences I hear shared I relate to so much. The crushing fear of abandonment, becoming completely absorbed by relationships, the obsessive thoughts, personality always fluctuating but never feeling concrete. I haven't been able to see a professional yet, but I've experienced too much of this since I was a kid to not ask about it.
Yes, the symptoms are literally the same.
Therapy..
I used to have CPTSD, nightmares, anger etc. all gone after group therapy. The BPD in the group therapy didn’t dissolve their anger, not “cured”.
@@Vollbio3 - I started out by looking into inattentive ADHD (28yrs ago), along the way PTSD then CPTSD then Childhood CPTSD have been flagged up too... A couple of friends suspect I may be ASD too...
I've also worried about cluster Bs
It's so difficult to know who I am sometimes 😬
(& I don't even know if I trust the psych assessments process as in the UK the NHS lacks resources for mental health and if you pay privately, it seems like you can almost pay to be diagnosed with anything you want to be?) 😞
@@garybartlett9697 Diagnosises are men made and prone to biases. So don't be upset if you can't find yours. There are overlaps in almost all of them. And the root cause seems to be trauma in general. :)
Maybe you want to look into MBTI? it offers a strict categorization without putting a bad conotation on them.
And Prof. Sam Vaknin is the best source for Cluster B. His content is also mentally disturbing. Consider yourself warned.
Get to know your Carl Jung shadow, if you haven't yet. :)
Hi! Former severe case of bpd here, you can heal. This lovely lady nailed the symptomatology of exactly what it was like for me as a teenager. It was gruelling, and the worst eras of my life. But you can heal!!! I went from an 11/10 to a 1/10, 3/10 on a bad day. CBT, trauma-informed therapy, and mindfulness have CHANGED MY LIFE!!! ❤❤
Thank you for sharing your experience and providing hope to others!
@@LiseLeblancif you do not mind, I do not want to come across funny, but I dealt with a person with severe BPD symptoms when I was in college. In my last semester of college, the friendship having ended, I studied this issue extensively and intensively. I remember distinctly - now this was over ten years ago - constantly coming across information that emphatically stated that "BPD is not a mental illness, it is a Personality Disorder". Okay. Suddenly, 14 or so years later, everyone and their therapist is insisting that it is a "mental illness"?? Oh, and a person can be *healed" from it through intensive therapy (CBT & DBT), no medicines required. My question is how exactly is this a "mental illness" then??
@@thekingslady1 great questions.. 1, all personality disorders are classified as a mental disorder in the DSM; 2. BPD is not curable however with intensive evidence-based treatment, many people with BPD can learn to manage their symptoms and greatly improve their quality of life and relationships. Some can make so much progress that they may be considered in remission.
@@LiseLeblanc thank you very much for responding. I have to say that I think this is America/The West trying to turn into a "we are a society of victims". And I do want to say that yes, I understand that BPDed persons have suffered through a lot and from the research I did back then (and continue to do) their behavior makes sense. However, at the time, I really did suffer emotionally, mentally and psychologically at this person's hands. Completely affected and damaged my college experience. She had all 9 symptoms and exhibited them all very, very, strongly. She also showed all symptoms of HPD and exhibited them all very, very strongly as well. I will say she was much lower on NPD and APD though (I classify BPD and HPD as the more feminine PDs and NPD and APD as the more masculine PDs).
I think BPDed persons are people for whom the switch for taking responsibility and accountability for their own lives never came on because of the severe, sometimes long term trauma they had to go through. Stunted inner-child and all. I distinctly remember deciding to start taking responsibility for my life decisions when I was 8, and to do well in school for myself and not just to please my parents. I believe BPDed persons have never had this type of interior dialogue in their entire lives. About anything whatsoever. Ever. Which is strange as I believe most people have this type of dialogue with themselves almost every single day. They lack self-awareness. It is at a solid zero. Zero spirit of reflection and contemplation.
From the research I did back then and continue to do, there are many, many cases of BPDed people completely *healing* - as in all 9 symptoms gone *forever* - from these issues. Without medicine. So how exactly is this a "mental illness"??
I do have to disagree about this being a "mental illness". It seems like everything is being turned into a "mental illness".
Sorry if I sound cold and harsh. I do not feel sorry for her. I empathize with what she suffered in life and her interior suffering but no I do not feel sorry for her. People with this issue need to hit rock-bottom multiple times in their lives to finally "get it" and start the journey to self-awareness. I had to make the decision to be one of her first many life rock-bottoms. I do not regret it.
At some point, she went into therapy briefly and came back with reports of how she "was even the one trying to help the therapist". Like a slap to our faces. We were all in college. It was an extremely stressful situation. Extremely stressful. I was her so-called FP.
Anyways sorry for the long story.
@@LiseLeblanc CBT is a fever dream.
"Quiet" BPD here, and you (or your respondents) hit the nail on the head with each and every one of these.
And for what it's worth, despite outwardly displaying every one of these symptoms on the list to the letter, it took almost FIFTEEN YEARS to get a diagnosis, and even then, I had researched it myself and actually brought it up to my therapist.
We need SO much more awareness on a mass level.
And also - it DOES get better.
Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.
Can you help with the reliable source I would really appreciate it. Many people talk about mushrooms and psychedelics but nobody talks about where to get them. Very hard to get a reliable source here in Australia. Really need!
I wish they were readily available in my place.
Microdosing was my next plan of care for my husband. He is 59 & has so many mental health issues plus probable CTE & a TBI that left him in a coma 8 days. It's too late now I had to get a TPO as he's 6'6 300+ pound homicidal maniac.
He's constantly talking about killing someone.
He's violent. Anyone reading this
Familiar w/ BPD know if it is common for an obsession with violence.
Is he on instagram?
Microdosing helped me get out of the pit of my worst depressive episode, a three year long episode, enough to start working on my mental health.
Are they really? Could you please explain to me why?
I think people also need to realize that a lot of these behaviors can be seen in highly insecure people as well.
Yes agreed it is also the same for narcissists too
Greetings from an AvPD sufferer
No. A BPD is far from the average sheep
You’ll know if you are in the toxic milkshake where it’s like eating glass and smiling
All cluster B's are highly insecure by default.
@@ShoJ369 Borderlines are Narcissistic. There's very little difference among the Cluster B personally disorders.
Wow, spot on! Constantly asking what's wrong, I've been abused for asking people what's wrong, screamed at. I obsess over interests I have and want to share my likes with others, if they don't show enthusiasm or respond the way I'd hoped, I become very upset, I take it personally because I'm looking for a connection with that person and want deep closeness. I cannot control the emotional reaction that takes over when I'm triggered, my behaviour is not consciously acted out, my behaviour is the result of losing control of myself, the emotions bubble up and depending on what's triggered me is how extreme my behaviour looks. I've seen and heard myself in the middle of an episode, I'll be yelling, swearing, throwing objects, saying horrible things etc. and then I become guilt and ashamed, I tell myself and believe I'm a loony, I'm extremely embarrassed by my actions, I'm appalled at myself so I go drink or gamble which feeds this cycle of chasing my tail. It's exhausting. I'm aware of my issues and I know certain people or situations aren't good for me, yet I ignore my gut feelings, if I want something, I do it even when I know it's going to end badly or not work out, I find myself unable to walk away, very determined once I want something, regardless of reality telling me no, I live in a bubble believing what I want to happen will happen, but always ends disastrously.
Same I find being alone is best but the depression from being alone is almost more than I can bear I cry all the time lonely to the Core but at least I'm not in a drama filled situation or my heart's not getting ripped pieces by deception of others I find it almost impossible to trust now I've just given up even looking four meaningful lasting relationship just staying alone is all I can do but like I said the loneliness is almost more than I can bear
This is me also. At least I know now from reading comments like yours I'm not the only one going through this.
Hi, I was wondering if you have anyone in your life who is good at caring for you?
I ask because I have a friend who I think may have BPD…. And I make allowances for her. I’m sure some people will look from the outside and think I’m crazy to stick around. Or some people might say that it points to some sort of codependency within myself…..
I just like to think that everyone should be as they are, and if I can understand what drives my friend sometimes…. Then all I need to do, in those moments when she can’t see the wood for the trees, is take a step back and have some kindness. I don’t make a big deal of apologies or explanations…. Clearly she’s upset because she’s upset. Going round in circles making someone explain their pain isn’t needed
The most objective, illustrative and detailed video about BPD I've ever watched. Congratulations.
Most end up like this for they were most likely left all alone as children and formed insecure attachments to themselves, the people and world around them. They don't know who they are for they may have never been able to be who they are to protect themselves from emotional abuse. They probably had a narcissistic parent.
Nailed it 👌
great explanation . I fell in love with a woman before I knew about BPD. Four years later I'm still the bad guy for leaving. So sad still love her and hope she gets the help she needs. Great channel thank you,must be very challenging to treat these clients.
So astounding to see all the very many comments from people who went through and are going through the same experiences. I applaud your efforts with these very complex cases. Thank you
Very informative, thank you. These poor people , it much be so exhausting and stressful living with BPD
It is very hard to live with this disorder. I am 38 and it is bad again because I have an FP and it is draining for him and me. Constantly feeling anger and then happiness act. All day long
I was diagnosed with BPD 11 years ago. As my Psychologist read straight from the BOOK, everything she said struck me like a bolt of lightning, I could remember an exact moment in my life that matched every symptom. I finally knew why. Life has always been filled with anxiety and depression,fear. People just don't understand that it's Hell most days. I'm so very tired,
Idk if I have BPD or not, but alot of these things I feel like I can relate to looking back. Especially the part about social gatherings. I dont go to anything anymore, I wont get in a relationship because I can't handle having another person there. Relationships always seemed to bring the obsessive aspect youre speaking about to an unbearable level.....so I dont even bother because I know it won't end well, and my personal space always remains my personal space. Its very lonely, but its all I can handle.
JTCT The world is a horrible place !!! Humans are built to be scared of a sabre toothed tiger and run away. We're expected to endure stress all the time, of a boring job, all sorts of problems, brainwashing by the Media, worrying how to pay the bills etc. Valerian capsules are good to relax you and take away the stress and help you sleep !!!!
currently as a BPD im addicted to Alcohol, tramadol, gabapentin, zimovane, Watching UA-cam shorts for hours, just to stop the thoughts 😅 its a horrible mental health issue but my wife is a strong woman who helps me
I've watched alot of therapists on UA-cam, and I was in therapy myself for a long time- and you're the first therapist to portray the client's instead of just explaining it, and it's very helpful. Thank you.
I’ve had a lifelong friendship with a borderline since I was 11. I’m 52. Always thought we’d marry eventually. Every time we’ve gotten close to getting together he pulls the rug out from under me. It’s been so incredibly heartbreaking. Even after being in therapy for the last year it still blows my mind. He was diagnosed & hospitalized was in therapy. When I brought up buying & reading the book his therapist recommended by Marsha Linehan about bpd he denied ever having it & went into this whole “you don’t know me” schpiel.
You need to realise that he most likely never will change. Zero contact and move on with your life.
Still hasn't suffered enough
I hope you move on and marry someone who loves you.
@@perborjel7928 I’ve had zero contact for over a year. I’ll never have anything to do with him again. Nor anyone in his family.
@persisrose I went through something similar actually so I’m giving advice I would take. Except I didn’t want to waste another 3 years. In this persons case it was way more
Listening I hear how far I have grown since learning BPD is what I was dealing with. I did my research to gain an understanding. I wanted to be free of guilt that was weighing my heart down. So I began at the present moment working my way backwards taking my life's inventory. I found most of the guilt I carried was not mine. I let it go. Then changed the things I was doing that were my fault. I found the moment I developed BPD. I nurtured that part of myself. Then I found the moment and what triggered my depression. I nurtured that part of myself too. I wanted to find who I am in my own heart. I found the name my children gave me, Mama. That is who I was taught to hurt in myself through abuse, so I directly was hurting my children, by not nurturing myself but hurting myself with drugs. 5 years sober. 4 years aware of Mama, my children named me. 🥰 💕
I'm proud to say that studying DBT has greatly helped me to get a lot of these into a managable state. I am in a happy relationship and have a somewhat stable career. I wish I could thank Marsha personally for helping me deal with my personal hell.
I found the polar opposite regarding apologies with my ex-BPD partner. No matter how bad or cruel I was treated there was never, ever an apology. On the occasions that I would bring up the lack of any remorse or apologies, my partner would tell me that my wanting an apology was "unattractive" or "off putting". I finally realized that this was happening because my partner felt no empathy for me and simply did not believe they ever did anything wrong. I finally realized that in a million years nothing was going to change. I'm out of the situation now, but it has been painful, to say the least.
As a woman who has been diagnosed as Borderline several times throughout my life by several different psychologists, this is a very nuance subject. If you yourself feel you might have a mental illness like this, I strongly encourage you to seek a diagnosis from a psychological professional. I was first diagnosed around 16 and I'm now 26. It has taken a long time and a lot of work on myself to get to a point where I am much more stable through daily medication. Something that is deeply misunderstood about this mental illness is that it is much more about how someone's thoughts reflect inward and how much we as people can hate ourselves
The bigger the vibrator the better the weekend
I'm 69 yrs old and in my Experience, everyone is a bit Nuts !!!! What is a Normal Person ???? Everyone drinks too much, loses their temper, makes terrible mistakes, crashes their car, or has a failed marriage !!! Life is enough to drive anyone Mad !!!!
Unfortunately there is a huge difference between normal human failings and experiences and BPD.
There is no medication for BPD?
@@jillferrier8715 , Amen to that! Truth! “Normal” people, people without BPD, can control their thoughts and behaviors, people with BPD can NOT! Even with extensive therapy and medication!! Which helps, but, never cures! It’s a very sad existence..
Been copping this for 25 years and just woke up. Thanks for spelling this out, it's good to know that not all of it was an act and the person I love is somewhere in there. I'll never be happy because she can't be, but at least I know much of it is not intentional.
these videos make me feel less alone in my experiences thank you for making these
I was diagnosed with BPD at 18, over the last 2-3 years my BPD has become so much worse.
I’m almost 40 now and these obsessions I can relate to so much.
It is so exhausting to feel so much all of the time!
❤ 😊 *** Thank you 😊 🙏 ❤ for Sharing Your Innermost Feelings * with us; * it has truly ❤ helped me
immensely! 😊 ❤ 😊 . . .
Its called being human 😊
Great video. I have BPD and I’ve never heard anyone talk about the obsessive behaviors related to going out to an event or family gathering. I’ll try on so many outfits because it has to feel completely right (side effect of the anxiety of interacting with people I think will judge me.) and I practice conversations in my head. it’s caused me to be extremely isolated. I’d rather stay home and not interact with anyone… except my partner that I’m obsessed with 😂😅
Ive never heard someone articulate BPD in such a way. Wow, spot on! Thank you for the vid
I love watching your videos and learning more about my diagnosis when I begin to have negative thoughts or episodes. Becoming self-aware definitely has helped me to understand how my behaviors affect others and how I can do better, but there is so much more to understand. I think most of us (those with BPD) hit a point of, "Why am I like this and how do I stop? Can I really get better and have healthy relationships? What will I lose in this journey, and is it worth it? Will I ever be stable?" Idk those are things I think of when I feel hopeful that I'm not just a meat sack with a brain and skeleton that lets a mental illness define my life.
I feel you, i wonder if my brain will allow me seratonin just staying at home sometimes i have to be around someone or something for it to work, friends, pets, car, but alone i have not found a single thing that works, alone is either workaholic mode so i can feel useful or spend time by myself avoiding reality including eating usually because the longer im in it the more i feel like i don't belong in it & the more my inner thoughts are telling me to end it all because everyone else doesn't need me and would find a way to be okay without me, and whenever im with friends it instantly goes back in like "okay nevermind i can stay a bit longer for these people or my cat, or for being able to drive, but for myself it feels literally impossible. im so drained from picking up pieces i dont even have much sense of where i want to be, im constantly splitting on myself as well as others, most ppl dont understand with bpd they are splitting on you, but i can guarantee you they are splitting 10x harder on themselves and their own existence, because its like feeling like a robot constantly, and the abusive bpds are the only ones that get talked about because of how thier actions affect others, but not all bpd are like this, and most therapists refuse to even treat us.
Let me know if you figure it out, please
As someone who was diagnosed abit late I’ve come to understand a lot of friendships have been ruined and abandoned because of alot of these facts. Thank you for this video. It may help me explain things to people in the future.
I have been diagnosed with BPD and as with other people who have commented, this describes me perfectly, but to give a positive slant on the issue and hopefully encouragement, i have been married for 45 years and have 2 grown up children who have no mental health issues at all.
My best friend for 20 years had this. I finally had to break ties. It just was so hard to help someone who is constantly in crisis 24 hours a day 7 days a week, and it's a relationship all about them all the time. I hope she gets the help she needs.
I spent 5 years with a BPD, I knew he was struggling with something, but he would never discuss it. He needed therapy but never took care of himself. I loved him with everything I had, but it wasn't enough. I wish him well.
I'm in a situationship. It was amazing and he wanted me all the time. Then he started getting cold and distant. Months of this. Still on going except we had a huge fight to where I moved out after only 2 months and now we're not the same. I didn't have contact for 9 days then had to see him and he was staring at me like he was infatuated. Wanted me. Everyrhing. After he got ehat he wanted it was back to no contact as of now unless it has to do with my extra car he's using and the cable I left on there. The fact he idealized and then devalues is killing me. I can't understand why he won't be with me when we were everything a relationship was and he would tell people we were together but when back home we were friends again. The mental and emotional is insane. I don't know ow what to do with myself. He says I'm anything anyone could want. He's incredibly attracted but won't be with me. I do t get it at all
@@PeachChantillyfellow person with bpd here all I'm going to say is I liked your story.
@wakpak4399 it's rough trying to love someone with BPD and go through severe mental and emotional trauma every single day. I wish he would get help but the fact he won't do anything like it will keep him doing this and losing people. He's lost everyone. Literally. He said he's tired of losing people yet he doesn't do the necessary work to fix it.
I feel your pain. I wasn't enough for her, either. One day I'm in love, the next she's gone. It's tough to take 😌
@@PeachChantillyJust like my ex. She said, "I have a fear of abandonment", "I have no friends", "No one understands me", "No one fights for me", "I'm going to end up alone".
It's so hard to hear all that, offer all the love and support possible yet making no difference all the while living with a lot of stress.
Perhaps she did me a favour blowing up on me and leaving. I hope she gets well, it's no way to live.
I’m diagnosed BPD. This video felt like each one of these was written about me!!!
It brings tears in my eyes to see this video cause I am exactly like this And I have BPD And everyday it Gets harder. I am really tired tbh
At the begaing of this I thought it was things I already knew about myself and my BPD. but at the end I found myself astonished at WHAT I ALREADY KNEW ABOUT MY BPD ......BUT NOT THE SEVERITY I HAD IT AT AND IS! Self realization is a bxtch! But is needed to go forth without false conceptions and mis guided treatmets,etc. Thank you 💯🤘
I was diagnosed with BPD about a week ago by my current psychiatrist after asking my former psychiatrist about it for many years, and man I resonate so hard with all of these points. I'm self-aware and lean more towards "Quiet Borderline" so I experience some points differently, but still very real. Thank you for this video, I feel validated having my symptoms talked about in a caring way when many people can tend to only focus on the "bad" aspects of BPD. 💜
Hearing this is definitely making me see how much I did hurt people before I knew what was wrong with me but I’m getting better with therapy and personal responsibility and improvement
I just wanted to say what an extremely intelligent & insightful person you aware. I'm a mental health prof who specialises in personality disorders. On an important side note, please remember to be kind to yourself & don't wholly focus on the negative consequences of your BPD. Yes we all need to take accountability for our actions but I'm guessing what led you to the diagnosis in the first place was having experienced some significant trauma yourself. Please remember that it's ok to put yourself first as well; yes be accountable but don't beat yourself up over that which is been & done, you deserve more than that. I really do wish you all the best with your recovery journey; I don't know if you think you're on that journey but your level of insight & perspective speaks volumes. You deserve empathy for that which you have struggled with 😊
As a person clinically diagnosed with bpd (quiet bpd) at 19 years old It’s great to hear you say that not everyone will experience these traits as many people reporting on bpd like to lump us all in the same categories and same traits. When each type of bpd can be a combination of a number of symptoms. I strongly advise those self diagnosing to speak to a professional about your symptoms as many symptoms are mirrored in other conditions and you don’t want to misdiagnose yourself and miss on on the appropriate medical help and support that can be available to you.
Please be mindful of how actions of those who don’t have a full diagnosis yet can be harmful to the bpd community. As stigma is extremely difficult to navigate with this condition. It is not a quirky designer label. 😅
thank you .
WOW !!!! You are explaining exactly how I think!!! Thank You I'm going to share this with my wife. She knows me but this would explain what I can't.😊
My ex definitely has BPD. I was eventually discarded. It hurts. As much as I love her, I'm starting to realize she wasn't and isn't emotionally ready for a relationship. I actually knew it, but didn't fully understand why. Now I know why everything happened they way and how it did. Hopefully, she gets the help she needs and doesn't get involved again anytime soon. I'm starting to work on my own healing from how her BPD impacted me.
had the EXACT same happen to me except mine was a guy. I feel you. Love him deep down and hope he soon gets the help he deserves since my attempts of supporting him are completely blocked off now
You never love her❤
@@TheQueen-yb3xpwhy are you even saying that to a complete stranger
@@bodhi9937that’s how a person with BPD reacts to everything..
Where do you even find Hope?
😢
Keeping boundaries was impossible, they were always torn down.
Interestingly this happens the other way as well. People can easily cross the boundaries of a person with BPD because they know they might not enforce them. They know they won’t want to risk losing them or making them unhappy (fear of abandonment). So the person with BPD won’t say anything and will tolerate hurtful/toxic behaviors
I am sobbing watching this video. As someone currently without access to DBT I'd literally give my entire savings for a magic pill that would cure me or stabilize me which just isn't possible. It feels so defeating. Especially to be aware and not be able to do anything about it. A daily battle.
I’m so sorry to hear that you don’t have access to DBT… you can email me and I can try to help you find treatment (info@liseleblanc.ca)
Wow that is really sweet of you to do that!
@@LiseLeblanc like treatment is a must
HOW DID PEOPLE DO CENTURIES AGO???
Dammit pharmaceutics like your profession 🙄
I am very concerned, because you just described me and my thought processes, even down to the social events or gatherings. I am my own worst critic and a prisoner to my own mind. It's really a terrible existence.
Been in therapy about 8 months or so for my anxiety and after learning about myself I check every single last box on this list. Being self aware is a blessing and a curse. But putting in the effort is worth it. Thank you for another amazing video
This is unbelievable with the accuracy… I knew this was deeper than what my knowledge could grasp, thanks for the insight
*Just because we don't talk,
doesn't mean I don't think about him.
I think about him constantly.
I distance myself from him,
because I know I can't be with him...*
When he'd get mad/upset/hurt/whatever:
he'd give me the silent treatment.
REMINDER TO SELF:
Reasons for narcissistic silent treatment:
* Stonewalling
* Gaslighting
* Emotional immaturity
* Lack of interpersonal skill
* Victimhood
* Dysregulation
* Doing to me, what was done to him
* Terrified of conflict
* Not knowing any other way
* Fear/panic/anxiety/terror
* Desperation
* Power over
* Regaining a (false) sense of control
* Punishment
EVEN STILL, regardless of the above,
I miss him and what we had,
our friendship, our connection:
WITH EVERY FIBER OF MY BEING.
But he never really cared about me.
He used me and discarded me.
Replaced me so easily.
Why is she better than me? Why?
What makes her so much more profoundly better than me?
Is he her best friend now?
Or maybe is there even more between them?
Why couldn't he love me like he loves her?
He's replaced me with another.
In an instant: just like that.
HE REPLACED ME.
HE SHATTERED MY HEART.
HE RAPED MY SOUL.
I'm all alone and suffering in anguish,
and they are living happily ever after together.
The PTSD and the loneliness and the grief that he's given me...
Makes it so that I can't breathe.
I drowned. I suffocate. I die inside.
I'm in hell with no escape.
NO ESCAPE.
I need him.
I loved him.
He raped my soul:
brutally viciously violently maliciously.
Every night: nightmares.
Every day: panic attacks.
I want to die.
Every morning I wake up in despair,
desperately praying to die.
I can no longer bear the pain.
I could die from the pain of missing my best friend.
He betrayed and abandoned me, discarded me like garbage.
My mind can't fathom, my heart can't comprehend.
I live in perpetual panic and terror and loneliness and longing...
I'm so alone in the world. I die of fear.
I'm so fucking traumatized and terrorized and terrified.
I'm dying inside. My soul is raped.
He's given me severe PTSD. Severe! Severe! Severe!
How and when will I ever heal?
In 2 days, it'll be exactly 5 months...
God, as I walk through this hell and heartache and grief,
I pray you guide and direct and hold me...
I won't be stuck in hell anymore. Enough is enough!!!
It's time to be free: in Jesus's name!
I’m giving my life to Jesus! 100%!
(ANOTHER REMINDER TO SELF:
When you chase a man,
you NEVER get the man,
and you ALWAYS lose yourself!)
*I will no longer be the kind of person
who trembles when life walks by her door...
I will, instead, be the woman who makes life tremble...
when I walk by ITS door!*
5 months isnt years - dont dwell any further in regrets or else what choice do you have?
Look: the guy cheated you, dont bother anymore.
Its not him you want but the idea of the man you dreamt of - which he couldnt be.
Sorry for your grief but let time do its thing.
Just remind yourself of people around you who also went through break-ups: that is what heppened to you. Its a common life event, happens to all of us - except a few mormons perhaps 😅
AND: stop now this competition/comparison with his new female - who knows what will happen to her?
Maybe she did you a favor for a lifetime.
And please dont idealize neither yourself nor the ex-guy.
Lifes to be lived not thought about - go on living, there are literally billions of men on the surface of our planet 😊
Best wishes and peace to you
Hope i didnt say anything too stupid btw - if yes, dont take a youtube comment too seriously 😊
AND: Jesus is an idea, je wont come back
So give yoir life to yourself and the worthy man youll one day come accross - the ex-guy wasnt him, its only your idealistic nature that created the whole bullshit aura about this prick 😊
Also, were you lonely all your life before you met him? Most probably not.
HE IS NOT YOUR GOD - let him curse someone else and be grateful you got out early enough 😊
LAST POINT: a soldier rzturning from Ukrain might have severe severe SEVERE PTSD! - you had a break up. It sucks, but its life .
ROAR on Lionness 🦁
Its so sad to hear how BPD struggle with everything, these uncontrollable thoughts and emotions sound devastating 💔 its good to hear there is effective treatment for the willing and self aware ~ Hope & Faith 💟
🤣
There i is no treatment what so ever
Thanks for being humane. I'm thankfully very high functioning bpd ( now diagnosed with cptsd and not bpd / God knows why or how definitions changed)..
I knew someone with full on bpd and life was hell for her. Literally you could see different states cycling through her in a matter of minutes.
I found it exhausting and I'm a sufferer myself so God knows what normies think they've got involved in.
She was in extreme pain and it was almost heroic how she was trying to deal with her suffering. She both knew and was in the grip of these emotional ravages
I suffer the same way. I can literally feel myself cycling through the craziness, yet so powerless to stop it. It's maddening. It's dark and lonely and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.
As someone with BPD this is very helpful it’s helping me think about that I do
My husband had BPD, I wish I had known this before he passed away last year. Everything you mentioned I experienced, James was very caring and loving but had a very difficult upbringing and he was a victim .
You are so articulate and an on point.
She's soooo describing me when i was 15-20 yo!! It got far worse after that... i'm narcissistic on top of that and i started to drink heavily. The insane controlling mental abuse sadly left (at least) one of them afraid of commitment to this day. This video made me think about her and what a danger to others i was back then....I have the decency to stay completely isolated from all social life inclulding job, family, friends for 5 years now. I have cause enough pain and destruction i think that's the socially responsible thing to do at this point
but, can we stop being like this at some point in life? :(
I had a baby with someone who has BPD, who is also a severe alcoholic. These videos have helped. My babies mom is in denial about her diagnosis, her family has to tell me about it and idk how or who can tell her. I’ve never been more miserable in life since we broke up while she was pregnant. I moved across the country to be a dad and now I have my 18 month old full time. I’m in such emotional pain over this emotional roller coaster. I wish I could pay you to be my therapist.
Easily fixed. Go get therapy for codependency / childhood trauma
Start reading books on codependency.. if you can’t afford therapy
So sorry for the trauma you are going through. Since you have a kid you will never be able to fully dis engage 😢
Check out Gabor Maté.
I am borderliner myself learned bout that this year and damn you called me out so hard... I feel heard and understud... Thank you. My biggest fear is to never beeing able to really love or having a real relationship... Cause of those uncontrollable issues...
I thank you for bringing to light these problematic interpersonal issues. These concepts make sense to me and I now know how to be more compassionate to my feely friends, and myelf, mahalo.
You are so spot on, on everything!! You just described me..
I've watched many bpd vids since my diagnosis but this video hit home the hardest. Every thing you said was so true. I wish there was people like you in the UK working in our NHS. Ive just discharged myself as they are useless, most dont know what bpd is.
I've just lost someone incredibly close to me because of my BPD, im devistated. Listening to this video I can see how I ruined things and no idea how to stop it happening again. Thankyou for sharing this in detail video x
I too, wish that there were professionals like Lise in the UK. Useless is being polite! They do indeed not know their back ends from their elbows.
I’ve lost someone too for the same reason. I’m so crazy
It amazes me how much this disorder just overlaps with Generalized Anxiety disorder. For me, BPD is just an extreme form of GAD + trauma
Dude, you don't know how much this video resonated with me.
Omg, it’s like you know me personally. My life is crazy and exhausting.
This is a great video Dr.
When my dear friend told me she'd been diagnosed with this and other challenges years back,
I really wanted to understand.
It sounded so ominous from her & other net phsycs.
It's not. It's plain insecurity. Hyper tho. I couldn't or likely wouldn't have understood it without your perspectives's. Your work with patients and thier family's.
She my extended family member
# 1.!!
I can help her navigate this. Much easier now. Thank you.
This is a keeper tool.
Not even aware of this important info, I'd like to say I've managed to do the right things for her, with her. Even when she's a brat.
It's part of loving women, properly,
Flaws and all.
She's vastly more calm, less moody than when we'd met 4 yrs ago.
She's my dear friend and sister.
I won't leave nor abandon her.
She's amazing. Perfect as she is.
I think I understand her a little better now. Ty again.
As a person with BPD, this is very accurate
I've been on and off dating someone with BPD. I wouldn't recommend dating someone with BPD unless you are incredibly mentally stable and strong willed because it is not for the weak lol. The push and pull and ups and downs are tough and incredibly frustrating, but the high points are so rewarding, so it sucks you back in. Trying to leave this person is harder than just staying with them because they will latch onto you and not let up, so you just give in. :')
Naa I only did that with my ex my new partner I don’t
I support what fire said. U have to be very strong in every aspect
I don't believe my patience has been stretched this far so much in my life. It's as if something nonhuman is Inhabiting many of these people.
I had no idea! Now I know what's been wrong with me my whole life. I've always known that I was different from everybody else around me.
You are apparently 100% similar to everyone in this comment section
Sorry
Gonna have to find some other reasons to feel "different"
@dharma6525 sorry, but you don't know me but if you did, you would understand why I say what I do. When everyone who's ever been in your life tells you that you're somehow different, after a while, you realize that you are. Sorry, but you got this one wrong ole buddy.
@@Squirrel-i6u sorry i was being cynical for venting purposes
Actually i was probably talking to myself 😉
My BPD husband quickly got jealous of my son around our wedding day.
Shortly after, he became more jealous and unstable and abusive, pushing my adult son i to a wall and creating a hole in the process.
We are now seperated and i am shocked i was not more scared of him during our relationship!!
Looking back is terrifying and i now have CPTSD, anxiety, and have dissociated many times as i realise how dangerous this man was and is.
I'm in a custody battle with my ex wife. She made the court impose drug tests on me to see my kids. I've done that for a year, and they've been clean. Now I'm supposed to have overnights. As soon as a reached that, she took me to court and wants me to do another year of drug tests and now wants me to only have supervised visits. I've done everything she asked for. I don't know if I can do this much longer. She's taking the only thing I live for, and it's killing me inside. I love my children more than anything or anyone I have ever known, and have completely changed my life for their benefit. But it's never good enough. It never ends.
Keep fighting …those kids are worth it and YOU are worth it. It’s always darkest before dawn.
That's not BPD bro that's NPD. My guy she is pure evil. BPD would feel guilt over doing something like that.
I'm sorry. I can relate to this very much.
Your kids are worth the fight. They need you just as much as you need them! Things do get better. My situation is proof that things do get better with time. My ex has covert NPD and we are 4.5 years out of court, co-parenting with no drama or attorneys in our lives anymore. He gets his child support payment monthly and I get my peace. Stay strong. 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼
Just concentrate on you. Live a good life. Best revenge ever.
Was just diagnosed and I’m doing my research. Every single one of these I do. I know I have a long road to recovery but it just feels impossible right now. This is what goes on in my mind 24/7.
Knowledge of BPD is king and so is compassion for yourself. Wishing you all the best. Therapy is helping me. I'm fortunate to have a great therapist.
Recovery is not possible. You cannot recover. You just maintain, for life.
@@annah2214 thats literally not true... any therapist I've talked to and the information I've gathered has shown you can get better... you may still have some uncontrollable feelings but you can always change the way you react which makes a world of a difference.
Not sure who's telling you your information but its more damaging than helpful... especially with how high suicide rates are among bpd..... just a DISGUSTING comment.
@@donniellama4463 don't listen to her, she's wrong, you can get better in therapy and through dbt courses, they teach you how to react differently than the reaction you initially have with bpd which is to lash out.
It can get better though, it just takes a will and an effort because medication doesn't make it go away, only work you put into yourself can make it better.
@Dee Ethier Thanks Dee, DBT and schema therapy is helping. So fortunate to have a great therapist.
This has been the best explanation and understanding of BPD.
I sympathize with them, because they have to be in a constant state of anxiety and insecurity, which defeats any chance of a healthy relationship, even with themselves. 😢
You are a delightful Therapist. I am sure that your clients really respect you.
ive dealt with some of them splitting like all of the sudden i become a bad person, when before we were great friends but ive never dated a borderline. I was talking to one i think and she revealed my text messages to a group of people that where private and could have left me in a bad spot. Triangulated. Unable to accept or own up to it. Perhaps feels like victim. I survived a narc family system, I had a narc parent . I have 3 years in healing from cptsd, i got to safe enough support groups and found a safe enough fellow traveler for relational attunement and healing. He mirrored more gentleness on me as a survivor from a narc family system and the scapegoat i was very hard on my self due to the narc projecting all the hate onto me,. With selfcompassion also healthy boundaries where mirrored eventually i started becoming more asertive, and knowing and recognizing boundary violations and speaking up. The narc tries to bulldoze over peoples boundaries and needs. Projecting it as selfish because their too busy controlling and trying to get supply and praise admiration and to make it all about them , and are entitled, exploitative, and lack empathy for others, they have a false aggrandized self, they're abusive and just hateful people. Im grateful to be in healing, and to love honor and protect my inner child, and be able to chose safe enough people for connection and not manipulative narcs that want supply . And subjugation. I exercise my individuation, independence, and protect my connection to my inner child and true self............ I dont want much to do on a personal one on one level really with people who lack empathy, and where the connection is an attempt to control as its the case with those narcs. Im commited to stay gentle on myself keep healthy boundaries stay true to my inner child and healing , trying to thrive go after my passions and havefun and enjoy my life. Those of us who're empaths with boundaries are really blessed, and we gotta keep healing staying true to ourselves choosing safe enough people and raising awareness. Godspeed, we keep healing , and keeping distance from the abusive narcs....
I can’t tell you how many times I heard “what’s wrong?”. At the time, I honestly thought that I was the issue which prompted the question.
After trying to help her in every way I could, I found that the more you try to help, the more you are ridiculed and blamed.
Thank you for your wisdom, Lise.
That’s so true!
That ‘what’s wrong? What’s up?’
24 years before the revelation about my wife having BPD...I never knew. But learning about this stuff now...all these things from "what's wrong" to her actually telling me that I'm her "favorite person" has been eye opening.
I never thought anything of it, when my GF asked "Is everything okay?" "What's wrong?" "Something bothering you?" at least 20 times a day. I found it strange, a weird quirk. Sometimes annoying, because "What's wrong?" made me think about what could be wrong, even when there was nothing wrong, and always had a tiny. but negative impact on my mood. But now, seeing the complete picture, and hearing how that phrase is such a common BPD thing, and what's behind it.... makes me shiver, with a cold, sinking feeling in my heart.
Mine used to say something's wrong to be fair there was, she had mentally exhausted me I used to just say I was unwell ot tired because if I told her the truth she would fly into a toxic rage. Im a very strong willed person but this woman wore me down especially when she consumed alcohol, she always said,,,,,, you will hand me back ,,,,,after two years I had to, funnily enough I don't feel sorry for her I feel sorry for me her behaviour has certainly rubbed off on me I need to get back to the old me ❤
@@peterbalac1915 It takes a lot of self care and deep diving into one’s spirit to heal. I pray you heal from that anguish very quickly.
I would love to hear more about BPD in the workplace and BPD and social media. Made a big move and couldn't bring my DBT therapist with me😢😅
Thank you for these videos. Helps me and my loved ones.
Yes that’s a great idea!!
Thank you for this video. As someone with a partner with BPD this really helps me to understand so much more about what he goes through.
Broke up with my ex who had BPD. Thank you for all the info you give….Understanding it really helps understand why she did everything she did which really hurt especially with the monkey branching like I was nothing.
Don't let it hurt. Think of it as that's all it took for her to get out of my life. That's a win my friend as David Goggins would say stay hard
I suspect my ex GF was BPD or at the very least exhibited many of these traits. She would tell me she thought we were soulmates and then break up with me over the smallest things (not texting her back quickly enough, if I ever showed any upset with her at all, and the strangest one was over dreams she had). It was a seven year emotional rollercoaster that led me to an emotional breakdown due to the CPTSD and intermittent reinforcement.
@@danielhicks4040 Was the 🐈 good?
@@tkr212 it wasn’t worth the breakdown no
Remember the next dude will go through the same shit if not faster .He’s just a fantasy a prop, a stage hand in her world. It’s normal to be hurt after being in a relationship with a borderline. My ex after 6 years 6 months broken up got married in less than a month . Fools rush in !And yes I was also a fool and a prop . But the only thing we can take away afterwards is that these type of people exist they’re like vampires .
10:44- #8 i had no idea was a common shared experience of others with bpd, i thought there was something deeply wrong with me because i can't tell you the lengths i've gone to to obtain the thing i obsess over, and while i feel immense guilt after the fact, i do get that sense of relief because i'm no longer obsessing over it. kinda makes me feel a little better that i'm not the only one who experiences this
Very informative. Online bullying behaviors of pwBPD as next video plz.
I tell everyone know when they/I am considering trying - I want them to know beforehand how things will probably end up going. I don’t want to hurt anyone, and I also don’t want to be hurt.
As someone who recently got diagnosed with bpd this year .. these are all so accurate
I've been diagnosed with BPD and for me it's a never ending nightmare. I hate the way I am but I keep doing the same things over and over again. I have no control of my emotions. It seems like I'm either sad or angry all the time. I have a constant feeling of shame and guilt for the way that I've behaved. I feel like I'm trapped in here with myself and there's no escape. I hate myself more than anything. I don't want to be me anymore. I don't want to be around other people and I don't even want people to see me. It gets worse the older I get. I've ruined my life and I just wish that it would hurry up and be over. I'm too much of a coward to do it myself.
*I'm also a "cutter". When things get really bad I cut myself. My whole left forearm is scars from my elbow to my wrist. The physical pain helps to dull the emotional pain a little bit, but it seems to help less with time. I've had to get stitches a few times because I have to do more and deeper for it to work. Every time I look at my arm I'm reminded of what a loser I am and it makes me hate myself even more. I know that there's no hope for me. I've already passed the point of no return.
My heart goes out to you. I'm so sorry you are suffering with these emotions, and pain. You are not alone ❤️
If you have a tendency for self punishment, or relieve through pain, have you ever tried working out? Not as in "working out to get better", but as dumb as it may sound, "working out to punish yourself and vent the energies"? Because working out can be the "healthies" self destruction and self punishment there is. It works just as well, the only difference being that by working out instead of cutting you don't give yourself even more reasons to hate and judge yourself. On good days it might even help you to be proud of yourself, and of the fact that you use your negative patterns in a way that at least has a positive effect on your body. Also, it helps stabilizing the mood.
I recently, and currently have multiple crisis, and feel really overwhelmed, depressed, and angry. And most of the time it is unbearable. I don't feel like doing good things for myself, and usually I see working out as a good thing for myself, which is why I stopped doing it. But then I thought, maybe, because I do not want to do it, it's an appropriate "punishment" for my failures. And I scream, I shout, sometimes cry, while working out until the pain becomes so unbearable that I have to stop. It's a catharsis. And afterwards, I can't judge myself for it, because in the end, it makes me stronger and more healthy, even though it feels just as bad, if not worse, as cuts would do.
Get DBT therapy
@@EightfingerI actually love this
the first point is spot on. i do warn them from the start. unfortunately, it’s typically insecure people who find the obsession aspect cute, only to realize what abandonment/attachment issues actually consist of. then they’re out. this isn’t only unfair to the partner, but the sufferer of bpd as well. i always say, “don’t sign up for something you can’t handle.”
the only thing i’d add, is, even during the idealization phase, i still have a strong distrust going into the relationship, just like i do months into the relationship. that aspect doesn’t change for me.
Yeah, I was properly diagnosed wi BPD some years ago. It was awesome, suddenly, my crazy mind began to make sense. The best thing that happened, was when I got a pooch... a little Shihtzu... he loves all the attention and being the absolute centre of my universe, I can completely obsess about him. We help each other, we never fall out or have uncomfortable social moments. My mind is much much calmer now and life is definitely more simple and manageable... maybe Shihtzus should be proscribed for everyone who has BPD. 🐕 xx