What really helped my BPD was a total life change by choice. I eliminated all forms of stress. I now live a super simple life. I work from home and go to one bar for socializing. That's my whole life. Boring yes, peaceful yes. I choose it and I own it. It works for me.
as a friend of mine once said. You havent healed. You just removed your triggers. Once your triggers come back you will go back to your old ways. And unfortunately everything good like relationships, kids family will all come with triggers. But i get you. Its either intense therapy or a life of simplicity and isolation. Im starting to lean towards your end
@@dineshsivakumar6294 True. I haven't healed. In lieu of healing it's the next best thing. Some of my relatives have unresolved BPD as well. Seems to run in the family. Avoiding them is fantastic. Yeah, I'm isolated from my family but I have chosen my friends to be my family. I chose people who don't trigger me. Maybe they chose me also because I don't trigger them. It feels like healing. That's a win.
What I am most impressed with is the compassion shown to both person with the illness and people in a relationship with. That is really important, thank you.
I have autism, quiet BPD (it used to be self destructive) and cptsd, and memory loss. BPD and autism is a um unique experience. Because I perceive changes in the micro expressions and moods of others but I'm autistic so I have no idea what they mean. One thing that helps is recognizing and communicating my feelings constantly with my fiance and family. The more I communicate the better that we can manage and get through those emotions and thought processes. I'm very lucky to have a strong support system and that I don't have to deal with my episodes alone.
as someone with the same set of disorders I relate to the feeling of noticing every single slight change in emotion but having no idea how to recognize what the emotions are or what it actually means
My best friend also shares the same diagnosis, and I have AuDHD and it’s hard, it I know her family doesn’t validate her feelings a lot, but sometimes a reality check is helpful to her when she goes off the rails and it gets her back on. She’s been active treatment for years and my hope one day it can be more manageable to a point she’s kinder to herself and can be more communicative when she does have a problem. I have to do research because I did it fully understand it, but it’s nice to know she’s not alone in this. Thank you.
@@virgofairy88 oh, quit crying. You could also have one arm and live in Ukraine or Gaza or I don’t know Indonesia everybody tries to find anything in everything these days to have wrong with them like it’s a batch of honor we all have crosses the bear nobody’s life is easy quit freaking crying if you woke up today with both arms and legs with food in your refrigerator be thankful quit your fucking bitching.
Im married to my elementary school sweetheart, we’ve been in a relationship for more than 15 years and I’ve come to understand her very well and learned to navigate all her ups and downs. It was so tough, I wish I had studied BPD earlier - but just to hear someone else describe and externalize such a roller coaster with precise words is already super helpful towards healing. Thank you for your content 🙏
After ten years, today was my breaking point with my partner. I’ve tried to leave him so many times and somehow I get sucked in. I keep telling myself I can’t allow another ten years this way. 😢
That must have been a hard decision. Pat yourself on the back constantly for that strength. I made my decision that life will be MUCH better without a partner with BPD after 3 months, and that that was more than enough for a lifetime. Wishing you all the good feelings in the world to you my friend. Being alone creates strength and necessarily opens you up to new possibilities. Being a caretaker in a one-way relationship closes possibilities. You're awesome!
A couple of your videos have helped me understand what happened to me in the last year. I was a naive guy who'd been out of the dating world for a loooooong time, and when I found this woman online I truly thought I'd met my soulmate. Fast forward to today when I am dealing with a shattered heart and mental cacophony as I sift through the evidence and try to figure out what happened. You've given me the answers, and I am forever grateful. Now for the hard part, lol. But THANK YOU for setting me on the path towards healing.
I have BPD (Diagnosed). My husband calls everyday. He kisses me when he leaves for work. Comes home and kisses me when he returns. He thanks me for dinner, and cuddles me when we go to bed. He is beyond attentive to my moods and has the patience of a Saint. I think this is why my 'episodes' were few and far between. I did not know I had BPD until yesterday due to panic attacks caused by my husband being nice to another female. We have been together 9 years and this small act broke me into a shattered panic attack mess that lasted over a week. I blamed him, told him he broke my heart, that I considered him being nice to her as cheating on me. Crazy I now know. I went to a psychiatrist to seek help for the panic attacks and was given the diagnoses of BPD. I had no idea. I can now work on myself and get help. I think if the person that hurt you knew that they have this disorder, then they can get help and start healing. My BPD was caused from neglect and abuse as a child. I was abandoned by my dad at 3 and neglected by my mom then abused by my 10 siblings since I was the youngest. I have a LOT of trauma to work through but I will because I love my husband and I do not want to cause him pain because of my disorder.
Im with you brother. Prayers to you, especially for your vulnerability in your admission of your experience. I found this video tonight, for the exact same reasons you have. Keep strong friend. You're not alone. I'm going through the same....much love.
Oh God I have traits from all four, i'm so sorry for anyone that's been hurt by another person's BPD. Videos like this help us so much. The information of what is happening to us can snap us out of some of those patterns. Share stuff like this with people who might need it because we can function with treatment.
I think I might have some traits from most of these but I also realize that people surrounding me and my closest relationships also show symptoms. It makes me wonder.. do we all have some form of this? Or is this just regular complex human behaviour? Who is considered "normal" anymore? There is so much going on around us all the time, not only in our own circles but in the world...Humanity is constantly experiencing changes but in the last century change has gone faster than ever. Are we as human beings prepared to face this rapid change? Does this contribute to developing subtle patterns of mental illness? Is there a mass mental illness in the world? I know we all wish to be our best selves and all we want is to have love, and our own version of happiness. I'm trying to figure out if I have any of these borderline disorders but I just feel more confused.
Hi Lise! Could you do a video about how to support a friend with BPD? Or how to help maintain a friendship with someone with BPD? I began researching BPD because I have a friend that I love and care deeply about. I’m the first person she’s ever admitted to that she has a diagnoses of BPD. She is also bi-polar. When doing well, she is one of the kindest people I have ever known. She’s been through a lot in her life with her mother committing suicide when she was only 13 and she was mostly on her own since then. She’s had multiple events of trauma and yet, she treats people and the world much better they’ve treated her. She means the world to me. I’ve been doing better handling her episodes and not taking things personally, but wish there was more specific information about how to best support a friend, NOT a romantic partner. She’s worth it. ❤️
makes sure she eats well if y9ou can...... this is the foundation of emotional regulation and resilience.....low acid, organic, gm free, seed oil free, preservative free, sugar free....... this can help greatly
@Curious Bystander I'm a bpd and certain foods litterly send me like a gremlin, as I get older it has got worse, now can't even eat foods with hight levels of magnesium in like leafy greens or moringa leaves which I love, and cant take foods or pills with probiotics in. This isn't a mental illness it's a gut issue with serious consequences when not addressed. In saying that, even acupuncture and chiropractic treatments backfire on me. L-Theanine does the opposite, same with B vitamins or organic liver.
Thank you for all your content. I wish I would have found you years ago, but thankfully I got out of a relationship with an impulsive borderline personality disorder woman 7 years ago, and happy to have put it all behind me. What helped when it ended was a complete break away, no contact whatsoever. Time eventually heals the wounds and slowly you feel your old reality coming back. It was like living in an alternate universe. All the traits you describe are spot on, and any men out there, know that it's not your responsibility to "save them".
I danced in and out of all of these subtypes from late teens to early 40’s but remained very functional. I’m so much better now. Why I don’t know because I’ve only had my own self help. I can only assume that time, maturity, my amazing husband and son. Realizing that my mother, her mother and my much younger brother all had a personality disorder have helped me heal. They made each other and me which is very enlightening.
I pushed away someone who was really in my corner today and decided to do some research. Unfortunately, I have traits of all 4. I’m a very intense person… Thanks for the info. Now off to find healing. Wish me luck 🙌🏽
with subtypes named like this, its no wonder people with bpd are rarely given a diagnostic subtype. Its referenced to extreme negatively loaded behaviour, and is also very stigmatizing. Even the least antagonizing of the four, - "the discouraged type" - is still referenced in such a way that it sounds like the person is like "spineless" demoralized or just a vimp..
I have Autism and I think I developed complex PTSD 5 years ago. There is a lot of overlap between BPD here. I spent a couple months comparing and contrasting symptoms and I am greatful that I do have this disorder! I am sorry to anyone who does have this condition though. I definitely show similar traits, but in a different way... Like precieved betrayal not abandonment gets to me, but that's the cPTSD. Trust issues plus a bad self image is not good. In short, I hope anyone with this condition gets help! Challenge your thought process and realize you're a person with unfulfilled needs, not a broken machine. I can somewhat understand the self destructive behavior, and having a condition which makes people avoid you. One born from trauma... I have more empathy for you now after my research! You're still a person and people need to remember this.
@@J.QNobody please consider changing your diet..... low acid, organic, preservative, gum, and filler free, no seed oils, and no processed food.. Your dna is a guide that needs to nurtured by your biome. Eat well.
I have both autism and BPD. I tried the comparison thing in hopes to drop a diagnosis but in vain. I have both of em plus ADHD (grrrr) but I'm happy you figured it out and I'm happy you don't have both 😊 I think out of the lot my BPD is the one who's trying to sabotage and kill me and my Autism just eggs on the BPD and exacerbates it. The ADHD gets me all dizzy and unable to find a way out of this maze. I got a full three ring circus going on 🙄 But I hope everyone on here finds a way out of this. Blessings to all 🙏
Interesting that we can change types with time. I believe I had discouraged (quiet) bpd till my 30's and then became more petulant and destructive. My mom has impulsive bpd and it was scary when I was a child.
Discouraged BPD sounds like me, recently got out of a relationship with a psychopath that’s pregnant with my child. My life is very complicated at the moment.
I had a 4 year relationship with a self destructive BPD. She told me she had it but wasn't in treatment and I never bothered to learn about it. She was sweet and I took good care of her thinking that was enough. Boy was I naive! She was using me the whole time and left me. Thank God you made these videos👌 I hope this spares someone else the major heartbtreak!
I have BPD discouraged I would get the diagnosis 35 years ago when my life was one of addiction-fueled chaos it gets better over the years I think when I was 40 I had the worse behind me. I am telling this because I know for some it is a long ride they need to get thru. I am happy, clean, satisfied, and for some a shoulder, wise, or hand to hold. vind help you will get there.
Perfect timing Lise! I was just watching other videos about the subject as I feel like I have a great understanding of NPD because of people like you. You are a great portion of my healing journey. My mom is very NPD and my ex was very BPD. Thank you sooooo much for furthering my inderstanding of healthy mental state. You are a hero
OMG…this video popped up on my You Tube home page and it 100% verified what my ex-wife had. I did a little research on my own while we were to understand what was going on with her, and my unprofessional opinion was BPD. My hair is standing up on the back of my neck, as she met all 9 criteria for BPD…and your descriptions of the criteria sound as if I sat down with you and told you my story and you documented it in the video. That’s how accurate your description of the nine elements of BPD are…spot on. That’s so bizarre! We are divorced now as she became so out of control and aggressive with her behavior.
You could knock me over with a feather right now. This info is deeply insightful and also concerning as I can both relate to what I've been going through in the last few decades but never fully understood what it was. I was in one of the most intense relationships with an Impulsive and OH MY GOD I always called that the 'rollercoaster relationship' that I never forgot. My jaw hit the floor when you said that line. This info is also helping me face my own Cluster B / sub category BPD issues. WOW... incredible it's taken me so many years to find this info. It explains so much of myself and my life. My goal is to be hyper aware now and when issues manifest, I can course correct with a different pattern or simply realize what it is and not allow it to spiral as it usually does/did. THANK YOU SO MUCH Lise Leblanc!!!
I have BPD. Self Diagnosed. Probably inherited it from my mom. Volatility. Paranoia. Susceptibility to Depression. Mood instability. Other than that I am doing great. I stay to myself - this helps eliminate social situations - where I do not adapt well in real time.
This is an amazing video and such a great distinction between the subtypes of BPD. I am very grateful to you for bringing awareness to such a misunderstood and highly stigmatized illness with truth and without judgement. It not only helps those of us who have BPD, but also our loved ones as well. Thank you for all you do.
Hi Amanda I hope my comment didn't sound as a form of privacy invasion your comment tells of a wonderful woman with a beautiful heart which led me to comment I don't normally write in the comment section but I think you deserve this compliment. If you don’t mind can we be friends? Thanks God bless you….🌹🌹
You could B talking to a majority of people in this world.....we all have different ways about ourselves.... doesn't mean you have a borderlines mental illness. It is, I feel, it is somewhat deceptive
The description of discouraged BPD reminds me of the effect being in a relationship with a girl in high school who I (much) later realized was a narcissistic abuser. I didn't have a lot of self-esteem to begin with; my younger sister (who was one grade below me) socially bullied me pretty much until high school. So it wasn't that hard for this girl to completely destroy what little self-esteem I had over the course of two years, the entire time making me feel like she was the only person who could ever love me. I felt terrible all the time, like I wasn't good enough, and I was constantly tearing myself apart internally. Didn't help that after she dumped me for a homeless guy (who she made a point of telling me had only like three teeth) and tried to force me and him to become friends, she kept calling me almost weekly for another couple of years, primarily to update me on the graphic details of her sex life. Finally, she stopped calling me after she dropped out of college and joined the Navy. It took a while, but I eventually realized I didn't actually hate myself or think I was worthless, I was just allowing my views to get twisted by her influence. Discouraged BPD sounds strikingly similar to the behaviors and thought processes I exhibited at that time. I consider that the lowest point in my life and now have a hell of a lot more sympathy for people with BPD, especially the discouraged type.
I have been diagnosed with BPD for over ten years but was too busy getting on with life to give a toss what the psychiatrist and doctors had suggested I had. This is the FIRST time I've actually looked it up to find out what it is... I am definitely a quiet BPD (discouraged) but I am grateful for these descriptions of the disorder. I also identify as the impulsive BPD as I enjoy substance abuse and put myself in danger.
Thank you for this video, I have have seen the sub types previously, but you communicated it in a much clearer way. I do not have an official diagnosis, but I have 8/9 traits out of the DSM, i found I evolved over time untreated I was self destructive and impulsive in late adolescence early adulthood, I hit a point where I cut off all relationships outside of work, I have evolved into the discouraged type over the next 20 years. There are a bunch of other things going on, grew up in institutions labeled duel diagnosis with teams working on me from 13-17yo. I shifted towards high functioning at 22 CPTSD, codependency, disorganized attachment, abandonment anxiety, and dissociative episodes are a few of the things that stick out recently. Just recently I have started looking rather than running from myself and want help but do not have the financial resources. I appreciate videos like this and others, BPD would have never crossed my mind, never saw it on any charts growing up. Recognition atleast points me in the direction of something I can work on; finding resources and build a strategy to manage and begin to address. Recently, I have been able to expand my network developing friendships with secure attachments.
I have bpd, but I am well collected and to my friends- the nicest and most loving person. The media has made us out to be horrible people. I help myself everyday, sure I have my problems but I don’t bring it to my people. It’s possible to be better!
U don't have bpd. So many comments *I'm doing great with bpd!* no U don't do great. U have uos and down and every God Damm second I swear it fricon sucks. Pls don't act like it's all easy and crap. U are normal human. I have no-god dang friends
This is very helpful in being able to understand myself, thank you. To anyone trying to understand people who have BPD, I’m simply waiting until I get a diagnosis of cancer, or some sort so that my time in this planet is done. I think I’m passed being able to be helped. Once this is done I’m sure I’ll be happier to know I’m going soon.
I’ve been there … trying to end my life . I live with this disorder and as painful as it is … it is treatable . Im soon to be 62 and have only been diagnosed since the age of 50 . I life fear of abandonment was the very worst I can’t tell you how I begged chased stalked people to please don’t leave me . I live alone I’m a mother of an adult female we have a very rocky relationship on again… off For very long periods . I love her dearly as my only child but I’m okay being alone now . I know the pain is real but please hang on it does get better with age . I’m living proof … ❤
I am all of these. Emotional abandonment and early childhood splitting (in the form of running away), plus long periods of isolation created distinctive personalities within me. It should not be overlooked at my mother was prescribed methamphetamines during her pregnancy with me. This was 1957. The personalities were created within me in order to protect me, but now they just are. I have to live alone because of it, after having destroyed six long-term relationships in 45 years. There's really no other hope for someone with extreme BPD. I can see that now.
I hear that brother. The only time I ever functioned well was after a 2 year stay in a locked Psyche ward. That was only temporary and that was in 1988. Back then, their understanding of psychiatric treatment was questionable. They used bed restraints and sitting in a chair all day long in silence when not in a therapy session, as a means to regress patients in order to get them to ally with the treatment team. That is how they effectively controlled their patients behavior.. It was brutal. Now they recommend DBT Dialectic Behavioral Therapy as the gold standard.
These videos help a lot. There was a time when my diagnosis was new, that I believed my illness was like a reason to have unconditional compassion from others (I still wanted to get help back then, I was just more vulnerable and hopeless without access to treatment I have now.💪🏼) Years later I am more aware of how BPD affects people like me who have it, & also those close to us. It doesn’t only affect me. It’s hard to accept but it is necessary for my healing. I appreciate what you do, because you’re right; there isn’t a lot of help for men dealing with women who do not want to better themselves & get the help they need.
Damn, It’s probably time for me to go get assessed. I’ve watched so many videos on BPD and I feel so seen every time, and the description of Quiet Borderline is literally a description of me. I’m not self diagnosing tho, but I probably need to get checked up about this.
My x boyfriend is the impulsive borderline. And yes it was a rollercoaster ride I will never forget. I’m so glad I was able to finally get over that relationship and grow to a place where I can say no to that.
My mother passed last year at 85 years old. She was a very complex borderline, and spread chaos throughout our family, eventually requiring my elderly father to be her main caregiver as she passed on into dementia. While I see a need for compassion for persons with BPD, one will pardon me if I'm more sympathetic to the people they hurt than the patient themselves.
Hurting people hurt people. We don’t HAVE to pick one side to sympathize with more or less. Each person is their own case. We don’t have to have animosity towards people with mental health problems. They had no control over the pain and difficult circumstances that helped to shape them into what they are. They deserve grace and compassion as well. Not without wisdom to protect oneself from pain they may bring on us for sure but still. Giving them the love, patience, grace they never received growing up is therapeutic and healing for them. When we withhold that from them, we only become guilty of perpetuating the same lack of acceptance, love, validation that was the cause of their disorder in the first place. Stop hurting hurt people.
Look if the person suffering from bpd thinks that its okay to display the negative traits of their disorder or don't even have any self awareness or never try to seek help bc they would rather hurt their loved ones than fix their disorder, then yes they deserve to be blamed. They should be termed an abuser. But abusers can be people without bpd too. So I'd suggest you view your abusers as just that instead of equating their abusive behavior to being borderline. It tremendously harms people with BPD who are genuinely trying to be better people
Well I am learning that I am BPD and I certainly understand where you are coming from. It stinks to feel like a prisoner of your own mind while imprisoning others in vain attempts to self soothe. I can't help but to think that I will never truly know the damage my damaged mind has done.
@@itsamerrylife9128 Thanks for not being like many of the rest of these comments. I swear people check these videos just to validate mistreating someone they feel has wronged them and it's disgusting. Was accused confidently of having BPD by friends and was told - by many therapists over many years - that I didn't have it. Didn't hide anything, was completely transparent with them, brought my partner in to make sure I didn't leave gaps. People watch these videos and think they're suddenly professionals when even therapists who specialize in that area will have different takes on diagnosis. It's malicious to lord these videos over someone and I think therapists sometimes ignore their impact on people eager to validate why they mistreat or abandon others. UA-cam therapy often replaces real help for people (whether it be by a personal therapist or a loving friend or partner) and falsely makes people think they're experts. (p.s. I am considered healthy now after finding a reliable partner and just receive a medication for PTSD. I refill with a psych I mostly have a fun chat with for the half hour once every few months)
My ex gf of 10yrs has all four of these in some way. Smh. It took me many years to finally realize that she was suffering with something. I thought i could help her bc i truly love her. And when you truly love someone thats just what you do in my book. I tried and tried and tried. But evantually it got to the point where i had to get my self worth back she was driving me crazy. It was so sad. But finally i had to let her go bc i couldmt help her. I wish i could of .
I cant keep a relationship i seem to always run away b4 im dumped. I feel like ive done something wrong when i dont get calls or texts back. I crave being loved yet i live alone became im scared of being dumped. Ive been told i over think. Im also impulsive. I keep emotions inside unless im being hurt then i lash out. I cut myself when I get really down and hurt. Wow can i relate to everything you say. This is me 100 percent and yet i hate how i am and how i act and think
Thank you for your compassionate approach and sensible warnings and advice to guide the one who loves the person with BPD. It's taken me a long time to get my head around the subject of BPD. I have a family member with this and am trying to respond effectively. Your channel has given me hope for the future.
My partner had the impulsive type - her aggression and violence were causing anxiety and shame rather than being caused by it. Underneath the surface she had a well of emotion. Letting her back in with open arms the instant that the episode subsided helped her get a hold on her behaviour and formed a background for a full recovery using cbd therapy.❤
Thank you, Lise, for this video. your description of discouraged BPD (3:00) gave me a strong sense of closure related to my past relationship. they seemed to match 99% of the symptoms of discouraged BPD. thank you also for your continued compassion towards people who suffer with BPD.
Hi Lise, I am new to your channel. Just wanted to say "Thank You". Your explanation & insights into the weird & wacky world of BPD is fascinating, terrifying, & kind of sad. I dated a BPD woman (on & off) for 2 years. Looking back, I feel a great deal of shame, pity, anger (but only sometimes) & most of all a tremendous sense of RELIEF. The various stages & associated behaviors that you described... absolutely spot on. All of it, from the wonderous start to the various stages of rollercoasting, manipulation, bizarro behaviors & mood swings, lying, splitting, etc. Another thing that she did was collect things from people. From small to large items, didn't matter. So weird... Your channel has provided great insights. I truly feel sorry for her & for those with BPD. It did not take me long to determine that there was something was very wrong with her... & I tried my best to be her person... but finally dumped her & have maintained absolute zero contact. Not pining over the relationship, but feel bad as she is & without treatment will always be struggling with a perpetual state of being angry, alone, & insane.
Thank you Lise for publishing this wealth of information, I was not aware just how severe this mental illness is. Can you share with us what "intense BPD treatment" consists of? How does a partner participate if at all in such treatment? I was in a 4 year relationship with a BPD diagnosed lady. She disclosed this to me a year ago and I under estimated how serious this condition is. I have recently been devalued. She falls into to the impulsive type and started an affair as I was not as attentive to her (just busy with work challenges). Out of self respect I have to stay away but I am certain she will try to go into the repair stage. While all cases are individual how realistic is it that intense treatment will prevent toxic behavior?
I don't know. My mom goes pretty far out of her way to destroy people once she devalues them. As the scapegoat of my family, I have to say sometimes they actually are evil and do want to destroy your life.
Another great video, thank you. Perhaps this was mentioned, but... Can there be an element of "dissociation" entwined in any of these subtypes? (and) Where might pushing sexual boundaries for control of the partner fit into (female) Borderline patterns of behavior? Thanks again --Love your channel and presentations!
You know, the comments saying they are done with the people suffering from bpd are heartbreaking to the point where I struggle to even want to move on and get help. It seems like there isn't much in it for me and that's insanely discouraging. I was (un)fortunate enough to have had many friends when I was younger. These people always helped me and they were there for me when I had breakdowns, even though I wasn't kind to them. Now, 15 years later, I nearly made half of them dislike me and I'm about to lose the rest within the next few months/years if I continue at this pace. I really don't want this to happen, but a part of me feels like it's better that way, because it looks like I won't be able to not hurt them in the future.
Good way to look at BPD is through lens of attachment theory. Using this method category 1 (high functioning internalizing) would be FA person with BPD comorbid with OCPD (obsessive compulsive personality disorder). Category 2 would be AP person with BPD and HPD (histrionic personality disorder). Category 3 would be AP person with BPD with possible comorbidity but not HPD present. Category 4 would be FA person with BPD but no OCPD. Easy way to spot difference is by remembering that FAs always internalize and blame themselves while APs will externalize and blame others.
I have the petulant subtype. She's spot-on. It's literally like living every sin in the Bible. Just wish she would have said something positive about having this disorder. I have it as a result of my biological parents abandoning me at age 2. Therapy helps but it's always there.
Think of it this way-it is your cross you must bear but not alone! “No man is an island “ so don’t go it alone. Group can help and definitely solo therapy with someone well trained in the disorder. I have my sack of rocks to carry and sometimes I go to the bathroom and cry into a towel, like “why me”? Well that’s the roll of the dice. Don’t give up my friend…
The key, as with all recovery, is to put ourselves back into that painful moment and sit with the horrific terror that is associated with it; you'll know when the room is shaking. After we sit with it, we will naturally start to think of new ways of thinking about that experience. This is because, by sitting with it, we have done what we could not do as children (or infant\toddler in your case). Our adult mind will look at it with fresh and mature insight and quickly come up with infinitely more comfortable ways to think about what happened to us. It is the infant\toddler\child RESPONSE that causes us all of the pain we have now. CAUTION: This is extremely painful and delicate work. I've found sugar is a great drug that allows me to work through this without TOO much damage to my body. Best case scenario would be tailored medication in a treatment facility. The good news is, once the feeling is felt, and processed, the pain is gone FOREVER - #NoMaintenanceNeeded. I have discouraged type, which started precisely at age 5. Good luck.
@@DavidAKZ I was raised Mormon but I no longer practice. After therapy, I’ve found God again. I’m very much a practicing Christian and firmly believe in God. Currently looking for the right “flavor” of Christianity in which to receive the blessing of baptism.
@@seanbangerter4145 Hi, thanks for responding. My partner was brought up in a religious Christian family and her sister has kept the tradition going- unlike my partner. . After 24 years together, for me the 'penny has dropped'. My partner has bpd and has a split in her personality I do not recognise(it is terrible). She is estranged from her religious sister who basically displays hatred to my partner - funnily enough since the religious parents died about four years ago. My partner describes being fearful out of the blue and is flooded with what she calls 'pure emotion', which I interpret as a flood of stress hormones creating the terrible bpd aspect of herself in an attempt not to remember the past. Regardless, she and her sister seem to be locked in what I would call an 'immortal embrace' which leads me to believe there has been abuse and/or neglect of one or both of them in their family of origin. No one is talking about it of course except myself and my counsellor. Wondered if you had any thoughts on the matter. Thanks again for responding.
I have parts of alll of these at times and am finding that each one does tie into a factual trauma event or relationship ending causing complete future erasure. That’s what causes my episodes. And the type of people I’ve been with and around I found I was always the submissive type in every situation to the point I believed it’s what I deserved etc. but I was gaining true skills and treatment throughout my last relationship but found myself with a BPD woman as well. I can’t believe I caused it by proximity based on our history and the fact I live hour and a half away and have been last 4 years it’s like as soon as I left she needed me back and missed me and I just tried to always remember what my mom said, hard to miss someone if they don’t actually leave. So I would ask to text less like that, as I would be back in the morning or another day after and the things I had to do, work, house repair deal with custody of my older children. It just wore me down into straight co dependency, until she pushed me enough I took my things from her home and said I was done. But I wasn’t didn’t want to be, felt compelled to do this. And when I left was so hurt and upset that my boundaries and respect and ability to be me without constant question of my intents. I can’t say I didn’t fall victim to the impulsive BPd traits at those time. I reached out for validation out of my relationship and was still trying to give what she wanted to. But we were lacking connection for some time. I was just a hyper fixation and the sex became tied to fights and make up… much like you said in your video. And for me; the already at times impulsive borderline who was also much more promiscuous in my youth and in a state of therapy I recognized the pattern and stopped it. When I saw the same anger or jealousy or whatever shift over to sensual and sexual and reminders with videos or pics of what we do I was easily able to submit many times. I didn’t the last two times, and that led up to our final fight when my car was breaking from all the travel, all the times I rounded up my kids to being down to visit with their so sister and be apart of the family there too, it was the anniversary of my sisters death and holidays coming up, I had many things I was and always do process. But the break up hurt. Bad. I bottomed out in terms of bpd reactions. I won’t harm her, or her new rebound who was there the next freaking day. I won’t destroy property or ruin lives and jobs. I have realized how isolated o became when I had only 2 support people and none of her friends family or otherwise ever got to know me or us as a couple. Her mom died in 2019 having met me total for 30 mins in life, yet hating me to my core for my traumatic past and life choices and things her daughter must have shared. I didn’t know the woman. And when she died I was right there for my ex. She literally died 5 mins after a phone call together, and was already coming back to my house, where my dying mother had moved in. It was an abrupt and sad end. I hurt for my ex, because I saw what was coming and had already lost so many. She cut me out of the rest after that day for weeeks, i couldn’t support her because her deceased mother hated me and this her family hated me to. It was absurd. I got rejection feelings from that. So backed off. She ended up sticking around me for some support eventually and we had a daughter so we kept trying to communicate for her when my mom died the same year and I had just moved away when she went assisted living for a job, and to get my mental health straight. My ex was there for me in person, but emotionally. She was still hurt from her own loss too. She had unpacked feelings and trauma from her childhood and her dad was gone at work 16 hours a day, the entire time. So just the mom. I wish I knew why she was doing this to me now but ultimately I caused just as much. I pulled away and flirted and just attempted to socialize in general. It wasn’t until I was accused of nothing but cheating and flirting that I began to actually do that. And hide it. Then I started having to hide every single woman in my phones which half were work contacts; family, and a couple actual friends(I was a cheerleader and did show choir) I have always had men and women friends. My ex however has 2 main female friends and a handful of aunts uncles and coworkers who always cheeer her on and validate. Within 2 hours of any Facebook update she has 30 or more likes. That’s cool too. Until those likes coke from orbiters and people who are being lined up to replace you with. I can’t say I’m innocent as I said I had cheated and flirted in the past with this relationship at times when the label was not there, or whatever. I can’t honestly say there’s been a clear time we even had the label “couple” other than we designed our lives together. That my goal was to move back down to her town; and start my business in the spring. And how’s she’s had the new guy over day and night the last 2 weeks/ not a moment alone. My previous ex, who was very much also disorganized and did nearly the same things to me. I was so blinded by so many other things and as my family and friends died off and disappeared I’ve been left with nothing. She promised to never do the things my ex did to me. She promised to love me and never abandon me. If I chose her. But even when I did. She didn’t believe it from all the times I said I wasn’t ready, I wanted more time and space. And then I had to. Or lose her. And my family. And i knew I had genuine care and love with her, but I wasn’t in love with the fake. I wanted the real thing too. I chose her many times. And each time she chose to repeat the cycle without ever resolving things. Right now it’s easier lighter and free to be with someone new. He’s alot like me except he has the things my ex always value. Camping fishing lifestyle. Sports fan. Big truck; something I don’t do or really care to have. Bearded. Works a stable job like her dad. I’ve always worked whatever jobs as mt life has always been about trying to juggle custody children and relationships my jobs have come and gone and I work contractor dj work and marketing now it’s enough, but my business was the focus and always had to give up focus on it for her. By all accounts he is perfect for what she wants, but I would have to accept I was just a FP, and even with my hesitation education, treatment and resistance to things, I still fell for again and attached my emotional well-being to an avoidant BPD. I want to wish and believe what I feel is true love. It doesn’t feel like any of the times before. I do just feel bad for hers and myself. For not being able to get it controlled. I’m hopefully aware enough in myself now to stop these patterns and learn to love and connect in a true and healthy way. I know I have done it. I just need to do more. Stop existing and surviving. And really begin to thrive. It’s just me and my kids now. Truly. I’m the top of my family at 36 and it’s terrifying and sad at times. That’s likely why I held on so long. But I have to do better for me. For my kids, and the rest will come.
This is why 90% of parents should have never had kids. They were completely unfit to be parents. For those of us with BPD all of this stems from inheriting our mother’s dysfunctional internal state in the womb and our crappy childhoods.
And what about those whose fathers were the ones who had the genetics, left during the child's infancy, and the child actually had a decent childhood.... but who still have BPD?
I have BPD. I'm 50 and spotted this early on. Hence the reason I never wanted kids. I didnt want to pass this trait to my children. I'm better not having them.
You were all right ( the answers and commentators) but it is not only due to the genetics. It is more of the life style some parents are leading. Dropping their kids at somebody else to watch for or any other psycho-abuse is even more scary. Instead of an intact family boundaries or more decent parenting style. All the mamas, who get their babies just because they wanted to keep daddy along herself when he did not wanted or had their panic because the bio clock was thiking- their kids may pay for mamas moods later.
Thank you for explaining this this order to me.Cause my girlfriend had it.I love listening to you.Thank you taught me an answered a lot of questions that were unanswer.Ed thanks again😢
Dr Daniel Fox has a workbook for BPD and there is hope in getting out of the default behavior patterns BPD’s generally fall into without early intervention.
I am 99% sure I have quiet BPD and boy do i exhaust myself on a daily basis simply going through a normal day. I am not a "poor me" victim and it is not something I desire to label myself as but the questions I have always had about myself are all almost answered by QBPD. and like she said, I do notice that I fit the different types too at different times. Interesting... Im 43 this year, recently out of a 20 + yr rlshp finally realizing I've been going through covert narcissistic abuse and that Im NOT crazy like she made me believe. Im deflated yet feel free and relief, everything is spinning I feel like I have lost almost everything and everyone even though I think I am a nice caring person. But I also thought I was with someone who loved me like a total idiot so, lol what do i even know anymore. Im so blind. I thought I had a good idea of people and to be so wrong is very hard to accept. Anyway, I found out about BPD searching online for answers about everything that I finally realize and nothing is what i thought all these years. Uhhg. Thank you Lise. And sadly I have reached out for help locally after years of being treated this way I am a shell of what I was and I either cannot afford it or the wait list is YEARS. (Mental health care and the focus that should be on it is pathetic in The USA, like our federal government right now.Spending money to kill and lying to make the world a less safe and more dangerous place, I feel lost like everything is a LIE,idk wtd anymore.
Sorry to hear of this ongoing situation. If I understand this correctly, you have been the victim of narcissistic abuse for 20 years? And you also suspect you are BPD?. First I would say that BPD is not necessarily easy to diagnose, especially not easy to self-diagnose. We all have some of these symptoms of personality disorders to varying degrees. There could be other explanations for your situation. The first one I would look at is... that perhaps you are experiencing the effects of narcissistic abuse which can be devastating on the psyche. My suggestion would be to consult with someone who has experience with Cluster B personalities. The context with which you live your life around these issues is critical to your well being and happiness. Educate yourself, and remember self compassion. Best Wishes --
Hoping the best for you too. Take some space to figure out who you should keep in touch with and who you should not. There still are some good people out there. Narcs can send us bananas and have a fog like outlook. Stay strong if you can. Yeah, spending money on war is beyond stupid. Don't feel lost. Find one friend. Think hard and make sure they are a trustworthy friend, it will make all the difference.
I just read an article regarding a study that was able to prove that BPD does not always show up at a young age. In this study, BPD showed up later in life, typically after losing someone close to them, or after experiencing some type of trauma that triggered their fear of abandonment. Almost like it remained dormant until triggered. The article also mentioned that the age group that had the highest percentage of BPD showing up later in life was 40-49 years old. Meaning, out of all age groups used in the study, the group who had the highest percentage of people having had BPD diagnosed later in life was the 40-49 y.o. age group. I happened to find this study when looking for reasons as to why my (now) ex would act the way he did. I now fully believe that he is 100% , without a doubt, someone who suffers from BPD and he is 49 y.o. He was never diagnosed with BPD or any type of personality disorder or mental disorder previously, but he also never went for help when he was younger. He would swear up & down that he was never like this before and it was all my fault that he was like this now, because he never met someone he loved so much in his life. That being said, he lost someone extremely close to him approx. 10 years or so ago, and since then, he hasn't had a real relationship. I am his first real relationship since the passing of his loved one that occured, so the article that I read, makes a lot of sense to me, even though they say that BPD has to be diagnosed at a younger age.
I just was diagnosed with BPD officially at 32 and now know I have discouraged BPD. I am trying to navigate it and I am so overwhelmed and disheartened.
I'm sad because I don't want to manipulate anyone. I know I wear a lot of masks. I want to know which is the real me. Sometimes I feel like I'm nobody. I'm highly charismatic and am well known in the small community I live in. I hate myself and idolize myself at the same time but mostly self hating. The real me is a loner but I need people to give me a buzz. I don't like to be alone at all. This is soooo hard to live with. It's better to know but it doesn't entirely give you control. Emotions trump the logical brain. It's a cycle, once it's started I have to shut down, but I also want to have a hug. My temper scares me. I also do hurt myself. Can't afford to see my therapist anymore.
Thanks for your honesty. I would say , living with someone with what you describe, as a partner, I have to let the person describe what is happening and listen, almost silently. If anyone is able to vocalise the issues without interruption as you have the problems can be robbed of their emotional intensity which has to be positive- at least until the next time. As a sufferer , you have to be able to reflect as you have done. Thanks again for your honesty. Much love.
I was diagnosed with BPD in the Marines when I was 19. However, it later got reevaluated for generalized anxiety disorder. I tend to agree with that change. However, I still struggle as badly as everyone else.
Lisa People need to know more about this my daughter has the worst one i am her person , and her mother ! i have suffered for ten years dealing with this we need books and the mental health system is broken. . .
I have a ton in discouraged and petulant. It depends on my mood. If I'm in a good mood, I'm more toward petulant, and if I'm sad, I'm discouraged. But a bit of all, too. I need to find another girl with bpd. Help each other
O have BP but my partner just got diagnosed BPD so I’m watching these to learn more about it. And the more I watch the more I start to wonder if my BP could be misdiagnosed BPD, I see a lot of similarities
Dang, at first I was like, man I'm the discouraged one for sure, then was like, ooff* I feel a little bit of the impulsive traits too, but not so much luckily, then I was like oh, am I more petulant than discouraged, then feared I had some of the self-destructive qualities too, then you mentioned the overlap, and I was like, oh ya, I'm a nuanced human being who feels too much and overthinks everything. I probably have BPD, but I understand I shouldn't self-diagnose, but if I were a betting man, I'd expect to have it. My girl showed me a couple videos a few months ago, and now I sorta see how I'm floundering through this thing called life a bit more than before. Awareness itself can be a big help! And an amazing caring better half, I am very loved and am so lucky and grateful, she was a preschool teacher for a long time, so she knows a thing or two about psychology, we've been together over 8yrs now, and my depressionsand worries have made it difficult in certain aspects, but she sees how it's real for me, especially in the moment, and is highly understanding, she is an angel. Man, it's a lot to take in when I reflect on things that have happened :/ but having this mental shift in how I can notice things is still kinda new for me.
What really helped my BPD was a total life change by choice. I eliminated all forms of stress. I now live a super simple life. I work from home and go to one bar for socializing. That's my whole life. Boring yes, peaceful yes. I choose it and I own it. It works for me.
I'm in the process of doing the same! Routines and lots of alone time.
as a friend of mine once said. You havent healed. You just removed your triggers. Once your triggers come back you will go back to your old ways. And unfortunately everything good like relationships, kids family will all come with triggers. But i get you. Its either intense therapy or a life of simplicity and isolation. Im starting to lean towards your end
@@dineshsivakumar6294 True. I haven't healed. In lieu of healing it's the next best thing. Some of my relatives have unresolved BPD as well. Seems to run in the family. Avoiding them is fantastic. Yeah, I'm isolated from my family but I have chosen my friends to be my family. I chose people who don't trigger me. Maybe they chose me also because I don't trigger them. It feels like healing. That's a win.
Well said
I love living that life, I work in a gym I don't go out, I just learn and train
God help me
God help me too !
me too ! And everyone
Jesus can
😂
Jesus loves you and he will never leave you
What I am most impressed with is the compassion shown to both person with the illness and people in a relationship with. That is really important, thank you.
I have autism, quiet BPD (it used to be self destructive) and cptsd, and memory loss. BPD and autism is a um unique experience. Because I perceive changes in the micro expressions and moods of others but I'm autistic so I have no idea what they mean. One thing that helps is recognizing and communicating my feelings constantly with my fiance and family. The more I communicate the better that we can manage and get through those emotions and thought processes. I'm very lucky to have a strong support system and that I don't have to deal with my episodes alone.
as someone with the same set of disorders I relate to the feeling of noticing every single slight change in emotion but having no idea how to recognize what the emotions are or what it actually means
My best friend also shares the same diagnosis, and I have AuDHD and it’s hard, it I know her family doesn’t validate her feelings a lot, but sometimes a reality check is helpful to her when she goes off the rails and it gets her back on. She’s been active treatment for years and my hope one day it can be more manageable to a point she’s kinder to herself and can be more communicative when she does have a problem. I have to do research because I did it fully understand it, but it’s nice to know she’s not alone in this. Thank you.
@@virgofairy88 oh, quit crying. You could also have one arm and live in Ukraine or Gaza or I don’t know Indonesia everybody tries to find anything in everything these days to have wrong with them like it’s a batch of honor we all have crosses the bear nobody’s life is easy quit freaking crying if you woke up today with both arms and legs with food in your refrigerator be thankful quit your fucking bitching.
Im married to my elementary school sweetheart, we’ve been in a relationship for more than 15 years and I’ve come to understand her very well and learned to navigate all her ups and downs. It was so tough, I wish I had studied BPD earlier - but just to hear someone else describe and externalize such a roller coaster with precise words is already super helpful towards healing. Thank you for your content 🙏
After living with someone with BPD for over 43 years and watching these videos I am committed to spending my remaining time solo.
After ten years, today was my breaking point with my partner. I’ve tried to leave him so many times and somehow I get sucked in. I keep telling myself I can’t allow another ten years this way. 😢
@@lillyosorio8358:( that sucks!
As someone with borderline I've come to the same conclusion 😅😂 always with the drama in my mind... easier alone, sadly.
That must have been a hard decision. Pat yourself on the back constantly for that strength. I made my decision that life will be MUCH better without a partner with BPD after 3 months, and that that was more than enough for a lifetime. Wishing you all the good feelings in the world to you my friend. Being alone creates strength and necessarily opens you up to new possibilities. Being a caretaker in a one-way relationship closes possibilities. You're awesome!
At 48, same. I can’t get upset, disappointed, hurt, traumatised then. I choose loneliness over that. Can’t do it anymore
A couple of your videos have helped me understand what happened to me in the last year. I was a naive guy who'd been out of the dating world for a loooooong time, and when I found this woman online I truly thought I'd met my soulmate. Fast forward to today when I am dealing with a shattered heart and mental cacophony as I sift through the evidence and try to figure out what happened. You've given me the answers, and I am forever grateful. Now for the hard part, lol. But THANK YOU for setting me on the path towards healing.
I have BPD (Diagnosed). My husband calls everyday. He kisses me when he leaves for work. Comes home and kisses me when he returns. He thanks me for dinner, and cuddles me when we go to bed. He is beyond attentive to my moods and has the patience of a Saint. I think this is why my 'episodes' were few and far between. I did not know I had BPD until yesterday due to panic attacks caused by my husband being nice to another female. We have been together 9 years and this small act broke me into a shattered panic attack mess that lasted over a week. I blamed him, told him he broke my heart, that I considered him being nice to her as cheating on me. Crazy I now know. I went to a psychiatrist to seek help for the panic attacks and was given the diagnoses of BPD. I had no idea. I can now work on myself and get help. I think if the person that hurt you knew that they have this disorder, then they can get help and start healing. My BPD was caused from neglect and abuse as a child. I was abandoned by my dad at 3 and neglected by my mom then abused by my 10 siblings since I was the youngest. I have a LOT of trauma to work through but I will because I love my husband and I do not want to cause him pain because of my disorder.
Im with you brother. Prayers to you, especially for your vulnerability in your admission of your experience. I found this video tonight, for the exact same reasons you have. Keep strong friend. You're not alone. I'm going through the same....much love.
I also recently had something like this happen to me
Oh God I have traits from all four, i'm so sorry for anyone that's been hurt by another person's BPD. Videos like this help us so much. The information of what is happening to us can snap us out of some of those patterns. Share stuff like this with people who might need it because we can function with treatment.
I think I might have some traits from most of these but I also realize that people surrounding me and my closest relationships also show symptoms. It makes me wonder.. do we all have some form of this? Or is this just regular complex human behaviour? Who is considered "normal" anymore? There is so much going on around us all the time, not only in our own circles but in the world...Humanity is constantly experiencing changes but in the last century change has gone faster than ever. Are we as human beings prepared to face this rapid change? Does this contribute to developing subtle patterns of mental illness? Is there a mass mental illness in the world? I know we all wish to be our best selves and all we want is to have love, and our own version of happiness. I'm trying to figure out if I have any of these borderline disorders but I just feel more confused.
Me too. All four.
This describes...wait for it...humans!!
oh the humanity!
My wife won’t watch any of this stuff
Wishing you well. Much love.
Hi Lise! Could you do a video about how to support a friend with BPD? Or how to help maintain a friendship with someone with BPD? I began researching BPD because I have a friend that I love and care deeply about. I’m the first person she’s ever admitted to that she has a diagnoses of BPD. She is also bi-polar. When doing well, she is one of the kindest people I have ever known. She’s been through a lot in her life with her mother committing suicide when she was only 13 and she was mostly on her own since then. She’s had multiple events of trauma and yet, she treats people and the world much better they’ve treated her. She means the world to me. I’ve been doing better handling her episodes and not taking things personally, but wish there was more specific information about how to best support a friend, NOT a romantic partner. She’s worth it. ❤️
makes sure she eats well if y9ou can...... this is the foundation of emotional regulation and resilience.....low acid, organic, gm free, seed oil free, preservative free, sugar free....... this can help greatly
@Curious Bystander I'm a bpd and certain foods litterly send me like a gremlin, as I get older it has got worse, now can't even eat foods with hight levels of magnesium in like leafy greens or moringa leaves which I love, and cant take foods or pills with probiotics in. This isn't a mental illness it's a gut issue with serious consequences when not addressed. In saying that, even acupuncture and chiropractic treatments backfire on me. L-Theanine does the opposite, same with B vitamins or organic liver.
@@iamthatiam44444 please try eating chevre goat cheese and cantaloupe each morning... and better, again later in the day...smaller servings...eat well
@@curiousbystander9193 what does goat cheese and cantalope do
@@iamthatiam44444 nurtures a healthy gut biome and normalizes defecation each morning.
This is life-changing info. Three of my immediate family members have BPD. Throw in some NPD and bipolar and it's super great times.
Thats funny and very sad. I have traits from all 4, and how could I wish this on anybody? Its fucking distressing.
😂😂😂 I feel ya ! 😭🤣😂
@@apove1814 🤯🥳🥳😑 crazy good times.
Thank you for all your content. I wish I would have found you years ago, but thankfully I got out of a relationship with an impulsive borderline personality disorder woman 7 years ago, and happy to have put it all behind me. What helped when it ended was a complete break away, no contact whatsoever. Time eventually heals the wounds and slowly you feel your old reality coming back. It was like living in an alternate universe. All the traits you describe are spot on, and any men out there, know that it's not your responsibility to "save them".
I danced in and out of all of these subtypes from late teens to early 40’s but remained very functional. I’m so much better now. Why I don’t know because I’ve only had my own self help. I can only assume that time, maturity, my amazing husband and son. Realizing that my mother, her mother and my much younger brother all had a personality disorder have helped me heal. They made each other and me which is very enlightening.
After the age 35, around 50% of people diagnosed with BPD lose the diagnosis. It's not me saying this, it's professor Sam Vaknin.
I pushed away someone who was really in my corner today and decided to do some research. Unfortunately, I have traits of all 4. I’m a very intense person… Thanks for the info. Now off to find healing. Wish me luck 🙌🏽
I can definitely relate on pushing all the cool ppl away
I was just thinking I have the traits of all four, I also identify as "intense" and have a strong attachment to 420 🤷
Much ❤
Why don’t you heal the person you hurt
This sounds more to me like Autism, PDA. The word "intense" is pretty much a giveaway.
with subtypes named like this, its no wonder people with bpd are rarely given a diagnostic subtype. Its referenced to extreme negatively loaded behaviour, and is also very stigmatizing.
Even the least antagonizing of the four, - "the discouraged type" - is still referenced in such a way that it sounds like the person is like "spineless" demoralized or just a vimp..
I have Autism and I think I developed complex PTSD 5 years ago. There is a lot of overlap between BPD here. I spent a couple months comparing and contrasting symptoms and I am greatful that I do have this disorder!
I am sorry to anyone who does have this condition though. I definitely show similar traits, but in a different way... Like precieved betrayal not abandonment gets to me, but that's the cPTSD. Trust issues plus a bad self image is not good.
In short, I hope anyone with this condition gets help! Challenge your thought process and realize you're a person with unfulfilled needs, not a broken machine. I can somewhat understand the self destructive behavior, and having a condition which makes people avoid you. One born from trauma... I have more empathy for you now after my research! You're still a person and people need to remember this.
sounds like you swallowed a dsm
I agree whole heartedly with your comparison. In fact I for a moment considered I had Asperger Syndrome because of the co-morbidities.
@@J.QNobody please consider changing your diet..... low acid, organic, preservative, gum, and filler free, no seed oils, and no processed food.. Your dna is a guide that needs to nurtured by your biome. Eat well.
You are beautiful. Thank you for your kind words.
I have both autism and BPD. I tried the comparison thing in hopes to drop a diagnosis but in vain. I have both of em plus ADHD (grrrr) but I'm happy you figured it out and I'm happy you don't have both 😊 I think out of the lot my BPD is the one who's trying to sabotage and kill me and my Autism just eggs on the BPD and exacerbates it. The ADHD gets me all dizzy and unable to find a way out of this maze. I got a full three ring circus going on 🙄
But I hope everyone on here finds a way out of this. Blessings to all 🙏
Interesting that we can change types with time. I believe I had discouraged (quiet) bpd till my 30's and then became more petulant and destructive. My mom has impulsive bpd and it was scary when I was a child.
Discouraged BPD sounds like me, recently got out of a relationship with a psychopath that’s pregnant with my child. My life is very complicated at the moment.
Very useful video - clarifies for me my quiet and self-destructive BPD features.
I had a 4 year relationship with a self destructive BPD. She told me she had it but wasn't in treatment and I never bothered to learn about it. She was sweet and I took good care of her thinking that was enough. Boy was I naive! She was using me the whole time and left me. Thank God you made these videos👌 I hope this spares someone else the major heartbtreak!
I have BPD discouraged I would get the diagnosis 35 years ago when my life was one of addiction-fueled chaos
it gets better over the years I think when I was 40 I had the worse behind me.
I am telling this because I know for some it is a long ride they need to get thru.
I am happy, clean, satisfied, and for some a shoulder, wise, or hand to hold.
vind help you will get there.
Perfect timing Lise! I was just watching other videos about the subject as I feel like I have a great understanding of NPD because of people like you. You are a great portion of my healing journey. My mom is very NPD and my ex was very BPD. Thank you sooooo much for furthering my inderstanding of healthy mental state. You are a hero
OMG…this video popped up on my You Tube home page and it 100% verified what my ex-wife had. I did a little research on my own while we were to understand what was going on with her, and my unprofessional opinion was BPD. My hair is standing up on the back of my neck, as she met all 9 criteria for BPD…and your descriptions of the criteria sound as if I sat down with you and told you my story and you documented it in the video. That’s how accurate your description of the nine elements of BPD are…spot on. That’s so bizarre! We are divorced now as she became so out of control and aggressive with her behavior.
I used to be married to the same type. DO NOT ever let her back in! She's DEFINITELY coming back to destroy you.
You could knock me over with a feather right now. This info is deeply insightful and also concerning as I can both relate to what I've been going through in the last few decades but never fully understood what it was. I was in one of the most intense relationships with an Impulsive and OH MY GOD I always called that the 'rollercoaster relationship' that I never forgot. My jaw hit the floor when you said that line. This info is also helping me face my own Cluster B / sub category BPD issues. WOW... incredible it's taken me so many years to find this info. It explains so much of myself and my life. My goal is to be hyper aware now and when issues manifest, I can course correct with a different pattern or simply realize what it is and not allow it to spiral as it usually does/did. THANK YOU SO MUCH Lise Leblanc!!!
I have BPD. Self Diagnosed. Probably inherited it from my mom. Volatility. Paranoia. Susceptibility to Depression. Mood instability. Other than that I am doing great. I stay to myself - this helps eliminate social situations - where I do not adapt well in real time.
This is an amazing video and such a great distinction between the subtypes of BPD. I am very grateful to you for bringing awareness to such a misunderstood and highly stigmatized illness with truth and without judgement. It not only helps those of us who have BPD, but also our loved ones as well. Thank you for all you do.
Hi Amanda I hope my comment didn't sound as a form of privacy invasion your comment tells of a wonderful woman with a beautiful heart which led me to comment I don't normally write in the comment section but I think you deserve this compliment. If you don’t mind can we be friends? Thanks God bless you….🌹🌹
You could B talking to a majority of people in this world.....we all have different ways about ourselves.... doesn't mean you have a borderlines mental illness. It is, I feel, it is somewhat deceptive
The description of discouraged BPD reminds me of the effect being in a relationship with a girl in high school who I (much) later realized was a narcissistic abuser. I didn't have a lot of self-esteem to begin with; my younger sister (who was one grade below me) socially bullied me pretty much until high school. So it wasn't that hard for this girl to completely destroy what little self-esteem I had over the course of two years, the entire time making me feel like she was the only person who could ever love me. I felt terrible all the time, like I wasn't good enough, and I was constantly tearing myself apart internally. Didn't help that after she dumped me for a homeless guy (who she made a point of telling me had only like three teeth) and tried to force me and him to become friends, she kept calling me almost weekly for another couple of years, primarily to update me on the graphic details of her sex life. Finally, she stopped calling me after she dropped out of college and joined the Navy. It took a while, but I eventually realized I didn't actually hate myself or think I was worthless, I was just allowing my views to get twisted by her influence.
Discouraged BPD sounds strikingly similar to the behaviors and thought processes I exhibited at that time. I consider that the lowest point in my life and now have a hell of a lot more sympathy for people with BPD, especially the discouraged type.
I have been diagnosed with BPD for over ten years but was too busy getting on with life to give a toss what the psychiatrist and doctors had suggested I had.
This is the FIRST time I've actually looked it up to find out what it is... I am definitely a quiet BPD (discouraged) but I am grateful for these descriptions of the disorder. I also identify as the impulsive BPD as I enjoy substance abuse and put myself in danger.
Thank you for this video, I have have seen the sub types previously, but you communicated it in a much clearer way. I do not have an official diagnosis, but I have 8/9 traits out of the DSM, i found I evolved over time untreated I was self destructive and impulsive in late adolescence early adulthood, I hit a point where I cut off all relationships outside of work, I have evolved into the discouraged type over the next 20 years. There are a bunch of other things going on, grew up in institutions labeled duel diagnosis with teams working on me from 13-17yo. I shifted towards high functioning at 22 CPTSD, codependency, disorganized attachment, abandonment anxiety, and dissociative episodes are a few of the things that stick out recently. Just recently I have started looking rather than running from myself and want help but do not have the financial resources. I appreciate videos like this and others, BPD would have never crossed my mind, never saw it on any charts growing up. Recognition atleast points me in the direction of something I can work on; finding resources and build a strategy to manage and begin to address. Recently, I have been able to expand my network developing friendships with secure attachments.
I’m a psychiatrist. Great video Lise.
I have bpd, but I am well collected and to my friends- the nicest and most loving person. The media has made us out to be horrible people. I help myself everyday, sure I have my problems but I don’t bring it to my people. It’s possible to be better!
U don't have bpd. So many comments *I'm doing great with bpd!* no U don't do great. U have uos and down and every God Damm second I swear it fricon sucks. Pls don't act like it's all easy and crap. U are normal human. I have no-god dang friends
Best to you❤ Keep up the good work and never give up!
You sound like a quiet Borderline. They're the nicest and highest functioning.
Hey good job I hope your still doing good, I also have BPD and am trying to get better
@@ipt3000 man you are just full of hate hey? Have you ever been tested for npd? And actually been honest with the councellor?
Wow, you captured the essence of my impulsive BPD ex-wife. I've felt sorry for her other victims.
This is very helpful in being able to understand myself, thank you. To anyone trying to understand people who have BPD, I’m simply waiting until I get a diagnosis of cancer, or some sort so that my time in this planet is done. I think I’m passed being able to be helped. Once this is done I’m sure I’ll be happier to know I’m going soon.
😢
I’ve been there … trying to end my life . I live with this disorder and as painful as it is … it is treatable . Im soon to be 62 and have only been diagnosed since the age of 50 . I life fear of abandonment was the very worst I can’t tell you how I begged chased stalked people to please don’t leave me . I live alone I’m a mother of an adult female we have a very rocky relationship on again… off For very long
periods . I love her dearly as my only child but I’m okay being alone now . I know the pain is real but please hang on it does get better with age . I’m living proof … ❤
Thank you, Lise! This was such an informative video. I didn't realize the differences were so vast.
I am all of these. Emotional abandonment and early childhood splitting (in the form of running away), plus long periods of isolation created distinctive personalities within me. It should not be overlooked at my mother was prescribed methamphetamines during her pregnancy with me. This was 1957. The personalities were created within me in order to protect me, but now they just are. I have to live alone because of it, after having destroyed six long-term relationships in 45 years. There's really no other hope for someone with extreme BPD. I can see that now.
Nope we screwed. I've only had 2. I gave up sooner than u
I hear that brother. The only time I ever functioned well was after a 2 year stay in a locked Psyche ward. That was only temporary and that was in 1988. Back then, their understanding of psychiatric treatment was questionable. They used bed restraints and sitting in a chair all day long in silence when not in a therapy session, as a means to regress patients in order to get them to ally with the treatment team. That is how they effectively controlled their patients behavior.. It was brutal. Now they recommend DBT Dialectic Behavioral Therapy as the gold standard.
Ill drink to that 🍻
These videos help a lot. There was a time when my diagnosis was new, that I believed my illness was like a reason to have unconditional compassion from others (I still wanted to get help back then, I was just more vulnerable and hopeless without access to treatment I have now.💪🏼) Years later I am more aware of how BPD affects people like me who have it, & also those close to us. It doesn’t only affect me. It’s hard to accept but it is necessary for my healing. I appreciate what you do, because you’re right; there isn’t a lot of help for men dealing with women who do not want to better themselves & get the help they need.
Damn, It’s probably time for me to go get assessed. I’ve watched so many videos on BPD and I feel so seen every time, and the description of Quiet Borderline is literally a description of me. I’m not self diagnosing tho, but I probably need to get checked up about this.
My x boyfriend is the impulsive borderline. And yes it was a rollercoaster ride I will never forget. I’m so glad I was able to finally get over that relationship and grow to a place where I can say no to that.
I'm sorry he wouldn't get help for you
@@Shortkonnerallow pá away wa A AAAaaawWWaq10:16 aaqpaaAaW 10aaa 10:21 wa wawa AAaSSWWaaaaa 10:23 ssaq 10:24 😊away aaaWWQ:19 a Wawa aasaaaWWWaaq 10:21
@@Shortkonner😂❤
Well done ! When it comes down, you have to choose for your own quality of life.
My mother passed last year at 85 years old. She was a very complex borderline, and spread chaos throughout our family, eventually requiring my elderly father to be her main caregiver as she passed on into dementia. While I see a need for compassion for persons with BPD, one will pardon me if I'm more sympathetic to the people they hurt than the patient themselves.
Hurting people hurt people. We don’t HAVE to pick one side to sympathize with more or less. Each person is their own case. We don’t have to have animosity towards people with mental health problems. They had no control over the pain and difficult circumstances that helped to shape them into what they are. They deserve grace and compassion as well. Not without wisdom to protect oneself from pain they may bring on us for sure but still. Giving them the love, patience, grace they never received growing up is therapeutic and healing for them. When we withhold that from them, we only become guilty of perpetuating the same lack of acceptance, love, validation that was the cause of their disorder in the first place. Stop hurting hurt people.
Look if the person suffering from bpd thinks that its okay to display the negative traits of their disorder or don't even have any self awareness or never try to seek help bc they would rather hurt their loved ones than fix their disorder, then yes they deserve to be blamed. They should be termed an abuser. But abusers can be people without bpd too. So I'd suggest you view your abusers as just that instead of equating their abusive behavior to being borderline. It tremendously harms people with BPD who are genuinely trying to be better people
@@itsamerrylife9128 Well said.
Well I am learning that I am BPD and I certainly understand where you are coming from. It stinks to feel like a prisoner of your own mind while imprisoning others in vain attempts to self soothe. I can't help but to think that I will never truly know the damage my damaged mind has done.
@@itsamerrylife9128 Thanks for not being like many of the rest of these comments. I swear people check these videos just to validate mistreating someone they feel has wronged them and it's disgusting. Was accused confidently of having BPD by friends and was told - by many therapists over many years - that I didn't have it. Didn't hide anything, was completely transparent with them, brought my partner in to make sure I didn't leave gaps. People watch these videos and think they're suddenly professionals when even therapists who specialize in that area will have different takes on diagnosis. It's malicious to lord these videos over someone and I think therapists sometimes ignore their impact on people eager to validate why they mistreat or abandon others. UA-cam therapy often replaces real help for people (whether it be by a personal therapist or a loving friend or partner) and falsely makes people think they're experts.
(p.s. I am considered healthy now after finding a reliable partner and just receive a medication for PTSD. I refill with a psych I mostly have a fun chat with for the half hour once every few months)
Thank you for sharing this information Lise, your explanation of BPD really helped me understand my self-destructive and anti-social behavior.
My ex gf of 10yrs has all four of these in some way. Smh. It took me many years to finally realize that she was suffering with something. I thought i could help her bc i truly love her. And when you truly love someone thats just what you do in my book. I tried and tried and tried. But evantually it got to the point where i had to get my self worth back she was driving me crazy. It was so sad. But finally i had to let her go bc i couldmt help her. I wish i could of .
I enjoy the videos. I learn a lot about my self. I'm encouraged. Learning to survive my own shortcomings and those I love.
Liked very much . Dare say for my situation- you saved lives. Thank you
Thank you for the very good descriptions of the complexities of this emotional and behavioral patterns of behaviors
I love how you provide references! Thank you!
Very insightful. Lord have mercy on us all.
I cant keep a relationship i seem to always run away b4 im dumped. I feel like ive done something wrong when i dont get calls or texts back. I crave being loved yet i live alone became im scared of being dumped. Ive been told i over think. Im also impulsive. I keep emotions inside unless im being hurt then i lash out. I cut myself when I get really down and hurt.
Wow can i relate to everything you say. This is me 100 percent and yet i hate how i am and how i act and think
Wishing you well. Much love.
Wish these was a visual competent to this video as it helps me process better, thanks for the info! Very informative
You're articulate in your teaching and I find it easier to understand. Thank you.
Thank you for your compassionate approach and sensible warnings and advice to guide the one who loves the person with BPD. It's taken me a long time to get my head around the subject of BPD. I have a family member with this and am trying to respond effectively.
Your channel has given me hope for the future.
Im going to my Psychiatrist. I think i was misdiagnosed. Thank you for this video.
Thank you again. So informative. I will be watching all your videos
My partner had the impulsive type - her aggression and violence were causing anxiety and shame rather than being caused by it. Underneath the surface she had a well of emotion. Letting her back in with open arms the instant that the episode subsided helped her get a hold on her behaviour and formed a background for a full recovery using cbd therapy.❤
Thank you, Lise, for this video. your description of discouraged BPD (3:00) gave me a strong sense of closure related to my past relationship. they seemed to match 99% of the symptoms of discouraged BPD. thank you also for your continued compassion towards people who suffer with BPD.
Wow! 😮The explanation for the Quiet borderline is really accurate based on my two BPD exes!
Hi Lise, I am new to your channel. Just wanted to say "Thank You". Your explanation & insights into the weird & wacky world of BPD is fascinating, terrifying, & kind of sad. I dated a BPD woman (on & off) for 2 years. Looking back, I feel a great deal of shame, pity, anger (but only sometimes) & most of all a tremendous sense of RELIEF. The various stages & associated behaviors that you described... absolutely spot on. All of it, from the wonderous start to the various stages of rollercoasting, manipulation, bizarro behaviors & mood swings, lying, splitting, etc. Another thing that she did was collect things from people. From small to large items, didn't matter. So weird... Your channel has provided great insights. I truly feel sorry for her & for those with BPD. It did not take me long to determine that there was something was very wrong with her... & I tried my best to be her person... but finally dumped her & have maintained absolute zero contact. Not pining over the relationship, but feel bad as she is & without treatment will always be struggling with a perpetual state of being angry, alone, & insane.
In the end it's one or two persons drowning.
Thank you Lise for publishing this wealth of information, I was not aware just how severe this mental illness is. Can you share with us what "intense BPD treatment" consists of? How does a partner participate if at all in such treatment? I was in a 4 year relationship with a BPD diagnosed lady. She disclosed this to me a year ago and I under estimated how serious this condition is. I have recently been devalued. She falls into to the impulsive type and started an affair as I was not as attentive to her (just busy with work challenges). Out of self respect I have to stay away but I am certain she will try to go into the repair stage. While all cases are individual how realistic is it that intense treatment will prevent toxic behavior?
Very well-done Lise. Really excellent differentiation of the "types."
Thanks, a very comprehensive summary 💯👍
im learning so much..thank you for your videos! theyre amazing.
I don't know. My mom goes pretty far out of her way to destroy people once she devalues them. As the scapegoat of my family, I have to say sometimes they actually are evil and do want to destroy your life.
Another great video, thank you. Perhaps this was mentioned, but... Can there be an element of "dissociation" entwined in any of these subtypes? (and) Where might pushing sexual boundaries for control of the partner fit into (female) Borderline patterns of behavior? Thanks again --Love your channel and presentations!
You know, the comments saying they are done with the people suffering from bpd are heartbreaking to the point where I struggle to even want to move on and get help.
It seems like there isn't much in it for me and that's insanely discouraging. I was (un)fortunate enough to have had many friends when I was younger. These people always helped me and they were there for me when I had breakdowns, even though I wasn't kind to them.
Now, 15 years later, I nearly made half of them dislike me and I'm about to lose the rest within the next few months/years if I continue at this pace.
I really don't want this to happen, but a part of me feels like it's better that way, because it looks like I won't be able to not hurt them in the future.
Good way to look at BPD is through lens of attachment theory. Using this method category 1 (high functioning internalizing) would be FA person with BPD comorbid with OCPD (obsessive compulsive personality disorder). Category 2 would be AP person with BPD and HPD (histrionic personality disorder). Category 3 would be AP person with BPD with possible comorbidity but not HPD present. Category 4 would be FA person with BPD but no OCPD.
Easy way to spot difference is by remembering that FAs always internalize and blame themselves while APs will externalize and blame others.
Can we just refer to these people as “fucked up “ or “ crazy” ithis is all getting too complex for me. 😝
@@maynardbecker4613 fr :DDD
tf😆😆😆😆
Best explanation of BPD I have listened to.
Impulsive Type😊 BPD gets better with age . 65 🤙 All 4 types cross over into each other. Just like the Spectrum does
I have the petulant subtype. She's spot-on. It's literally like living every sin in the Bible. Just wish she would have said something positive about having this disorder. I have it as a result of my biological parents abandoning me at age 2. Therapy helps but it's always there.
Think of it this way-it is your cross you must bear but not alone! “No man is an island “ so don’t go it alone. Group can help and definitely solo therapy with someone well trained in the disorder. I have my sack of rocks to carry and sometimes I go to the bathroom and cry into a towel, like “why me”? Well that’s the roll of the dice. Don’t give up my friend…
The key, as with all recovery, is to put ourselves back into that painful moment and sit with the horrific terror that is associated with it; you'll know when the room is shaking.
After we sit with it, we will naturally start to think of new ways of thinking about that experience. This is because, by sitting with it, we have done what we could not do as children (or infant\toddler in your case). Our adult mind will look at it with fresh and mature insight and quickly come up with infinitely more comfortable ways to think about what happened to us.
It is the infant\toddler\child RESPONSE that causes us all of the pain we have now. CAUTION: This is extremely painful and delicate work. I've found sugar is a great drug that allows me to work through this without TOO much damage to my body. Best case scenario would be tailored medication in a treatment facility.
The good news is, once the feeling is felt, and processed, the pain is gone FOREVER - #NoMaintenanceNeeded.
I have discouraged type, which started precisely at age 5.
Good luck.
Can I ask, are you a religious person and/or from a religious family?
@@DavidAKZ I was raised Mormon but I no longer practice. After therapy, I’ve found God again. I’m very much a practicing Christian and firmly believe in God. Currently looking for the right “flavor” of Christianity in which to receive the blessing of baptism.
@@seanbangerter4145 Hi, thanks for responding. My partner was brought up in a religious Christian family and her sister has kept the tradition going- unlike my partner. . After 24 years together, for me the 'penny has dropped'. My partner has bpd and has a split in her personality I do not recognise(it is terrible). She is estranged from her religious sister who basically displays hatred to my partner - funnily enough since the religious parents died about four years ago. My partner describes being fearful out of the blue and is flooded with what she calls 'pure emotion', which I interpret as a flood of stress hormones creating the terrible bpd aspect of herself in an attempt not to remember the past. Regardless, she and her sister seem to be locked in what I would call an 'immortal embrace' which leads me to believe there has been abuse and/or neglect of one or both of them in their family of origin. No one is talking about it of course except myself and my counsellor. Wondered if you had any thoughts on the matter. Thanks again for responding.
Very helpful.very clear. Your videos are extremely informative and easy to follow. Thank you.
I’m gonna be listening to this again and again ❤
This video did my head in.
I have parts of alll of these at times and am finding that each one does tie into a factual trauma event or relationship ending causing complete future erasure. That’s what causes my episodes. And the type of people I’ve been with and around I found I was always the submissive type in every situation to the point I believed it’s what I deserved etc. but I was gaining true skills and treatment throughout my last relationship but found myself with a BPD woman as well. I can’t believe I caused it by proximity based on our history and the fact I live hour and a half away and have been last 4 years it’s like as soon as I left she needed me back and missed me and I just tried to always remember what my mom said, hard to miss someone if they don’t actually leave. So I would ask to text less like that, as I would be back in the morning or another day after and the things I had to do, work, house repair deal with custody of my older children. It just wore me down into straight co dependency, until she pushed me enough I took my things from her home and said I was done. But I wasn’t didn’t want to be, felt compelled to do this. And when I left was so hurt and upset that my boundaries and respect and ability to be me without constant question of my intents. I can’t say I didn’t fall victim to the impulsive BPd traits at those time. I reached out for validation out of my relationship and was still trying to give what she wanted to. But we were lacking connection for some time. I was just a hyper fixation and the sex became tied to fights and make up… much like you said in your video. And for me; the already at times impulsive borderline who was also much more promiscuous in my youth and in a state of therapy I recognized the pattern and stopped it. When I saw the same anger or jealousy or whatever shift over to sensual and sexual and reminders with videos or pics of what we do I was easily able to submit many times. I didn’t the last two times, and that led up to our final fight when my car was breaking from all the travel, all the times I rounded up my kids to being down to visit with their so sister and be apart of the family there too, it was the anniversary of my sisters death and holidays coming up, I had many things I was and always do process. But the break up hurt. Bad. I bottomed out in terms of bpd reactions. I won’t harm her, or her new rebound who was there the next freaking day. I won’t destroy property or ruin lives and jobs. I have realized how isolated o became when I had only 2 support people and none of her friends family or otherwise ever got to know me or us as a couple. Her mom died in 2019 having met me total for 30 mins in life, yet hating me to my core for my traumatic past and life choices and things her daughter must have shared. I didn’t know the woman. And when she died I was right there for my ex. She literally died 5 mins after a phone call together, and was already coming back to my house, where my dying mother had moved in. It was an abrupt and sad end. I hurt for my ex, because I saw what was coming and had already lost so many. She cut me out of the rest after that day for weeeks, i couldn’t support her because her deceased mother hated me and this her family hated me to. It was absurd. I got rejection feelings from that. So backed off. She ended up sticking around me for some support eventually and we had a daughter so we kept trying to communicate for her when my mom died the same year and I had just moved away when she went assisted living for a job, and to get my mental health straight. My ex was there for me in person, but emotionally. She was still hurt from her own loss too. She had unpacked feelings and trauma from her childhood and her dad was gone at work 16 hours a day, the entire time. So just the mom. I wish I knew why she was doing this to me now but ultimately I caused just as much. I pulled away and flirted and just attempted to socialize in general. It wasn’t until I was accused of nothing but cheating and flirting that I began to actually do that. And hide it. Then I started having to hide every single woman in my phones which half were work contacts; family, and a couple actual friends(I was a cheerleader and did show choir) I have always had men and women friends. My ex however has 2 main female friends and a handful of aunts uncles and coworkers who always cheeer her on and validate. Within 2 hours of any Facebook update she has 30 or more likes. That’s cool too. Until those likes coke from orbiters and people who are being lined up to replace you with. I can’t say I’m innocent as I said I had cheated and flirted in the past with this relationship at times when the label was not there, or whatever. I can’t honestly say there’s been a clear time we even had the label “couple” other than we designed our lives together. That my goal was to move back down to her town; and start my business in the spring. And how’s she’s had the new guy over day and night the last 2 weeks/ not a moment alone. My previous ex, who was very much also disorganized and did nearly the same things to me. I was so blinded by so many other things and as my family and friends died off and disappeared I’ve been left with nothing. She promised to never do the things my ex did to me. She promised to love me and never abandon me. If I chose her. But even when I did. She didn’t believe it from all the times I said I wasn’t ready, I wanted more time and space. And then I had to. Or lose her. And my family. And i knew I had genuine care and love with her, but I wasn’t in love with the fake. I wanted the real thing too. I chose her many times. And each time she chose to repeat the cycle without ever resolving things. Right now it’s easier lighter and free to be with someone new. He’s alot like me except he has the things my ex always value. Camping fishing lifestyle. Sports fan. Big truck; something I don’t do or really care to have. Bearded. Works a stable job like her dad. I’ve always worked whatever jobs as mt life has always been about trying to juggle custody children and relationships my jobs have come and gone and I work contractor dj work and marketing now it’s enough, but my business was the focus and always had to give up focus on it for her. By all accounts he is perfect for what she wants, but I would have to accept I was just a FP, and even with my hesitation education, treatment and resistance to things, I still fell for again and attached my emotional well-being to an avoidant BPD. I want to wish and believe what I feel is true love. It doesn’t feel like any of the times before. I do just feel bad for hers and myself. For not being able to get it controlled. I’m hopefully aware enough in myself now to stop these patterns and learn to love and connect in a true and healthy way. I know I have done it. I just need to do more. Stop existing and surviving. And really begin to thrive. It’s just me and my kids now. Truly. I’m the top of my family at 36 and it’s terrifying and sad at times. That’s likely why I held on so long. But I have to do better for me. For my kids, and the rest will come.
Holy Stromboli!!! My mom is petulant borderline. The symptoms explain a lot of why mom is the way she is. Thanks Dr. Leblanc for this video!!!!
Very informative, helpful. Said very kindly with no judgement...thank you💜💜💜
This is why 90% of parents should have never had kids. They were completely unfit to be parents. For those of us with BPD all of this stems from inheriting our mother’s dysfunctional internal state in the womb and our crappy childhoods.
Facts
And what about those whose fathers were the ones who had the genetics, left during the child's infancy, and the child actually had a decent childhood.... but who still have BPD?
I have BPD. I'm 50 and spotted this early on. Hence the reason I never wanted kids. I didnt want to pass this trait to my children. I'm better not having them.
You were all right ( the answers and commentators) but it is not only due to the genetics. It is more of the life style some parents are leading. Dropping their kids at somebody else to watch for or any other psycho-abuse is even more scary. Instead of an intact family boundaries or more decent parenting style. All the mamas, who get their babies just because they wanted to keep daddy along herself when he did not wanted or had their panic because the bio clock was thiking- their kids may pay for mamas moods later.
Hard times create strong resilient men, imo this is just natural evolution process. Survival of the fittest!:)
Thank you for explaining this this order to me.Cause my girlfriend had it.I love listening to you.Thank you taught me an answered a lot of questions that were unanswer.Ed thanks again😢
Lise - thanks for making yet another great video!
Dr Daniel Fox has a workbook for BPD and there is hope in getting out of the default behavior patterns BPD’s generally fall into without early intervention.
So you have a link thanks ?
Therapy is awesome I thought at one time counseling was bull-shiz but I’ve been in therapy for 5-6 yrs and if you do the work you can skate by ❤
So a medley of almost everything, thank goodness I avoided the drugs
Very informative thank you for sharing your expertise
I am 99% sure I have quiet BPD and boy do i exhaust myself on a daily basis simply going through a normal day. I am not a "poor me" victim and it is not something I desire to label myself as but the questions I have always had about myself are all almost answered by QBPD. and like she said, I do notice that I fit the different types too at different times. Interesting... Im 43 this year, recently out of a 20 + yr rlshp finally realizing I've been going through covert narcissistic abuse and that Im NOT crazy like she made me believe. Im deflated yet feel free and relief, everything is spinning I feel like I have lost almost everything and everyone even though I think I am a nice caring person. But I also thought I was with someone who loved me like a total idiot so, lol what do i even know anymore. Im so blind. I thought I had a good idea of people and to be so wrong is very hard to accept. Anyway, I found out about BPD searching online for answers about everything that I finally realize and nothing is what i thought all these years. Uhhg. Thank you Lise. And sadly I have reached out for help locally after years of being treated this way I am a shell of what I was and I either cannot afford it or the wait list is YEARS. (Mental health care and the focus that should be on it is pathetic in The USA, like our federal government right now.Spending money to kill and lying to make the world a less safe and more dangerous place, I feel lost like everything is a LIE,idk wtd anymore.
Sorry to hear of this ongoing situation. If I understand this correctly, you have been the victim of narcissistic abuse for 20 years? And you also suspect you are BPD?. First I would say that BPD is not necessarily easy to diagnose, especially not easy to self-diagnose. We all have some of these symptoms of personality disorders to varying degrees. There could be other explanations for your situation. The first one I would look at is... that perhaps you are experiencing the effects of narcissistic abuse which can be devastating on the psyche. My suggestion would be to consult with someone who has experience with Cluster B personalities. The context with which you live your life around these issues is critical to your well being and happiness. Educate yourself, and remember self compassion. Best Wishes --
Hoping the best for you too. Take some space to figure out who you should keep in touch with and who you should not. There still are some good people out there. Narcs can send us bananas and have a fog like outlook. Stay strong if you can. Yeah, spending money on war is beyond stupid. Don't feel lost. Find one friend. Think hard and make sure they are a trustworthy friend, it will make all the difference.
I can relate to you . I to was tricked for 12 years , even after I thought I was a seasoned vet . Now we know tho ☝️🙏 good over evil
Diana Spencer.
Definitely a feeling of what you thought you knew is all wrong. Daily battle to understand what the truth is.
I just read an article regarding a study that was able to prove that BPD does not always show up at a young age. In this study, BPD showed up later in life, typically after losing someone close to them, or after experiencing some type of trauma that triggered their fear of abandonment. Almost like it remained dormant until triggered. The article also mentioned that the age group that had the highest percentage of BPD showing up later in life was 40-49 years old. Meaning, out of all age groups used in the study, the group who had the highest percentage of people having had BPD diagnosed later in life was the 40-49 y.o. age group. I happened to find this study when looking for reasons as to why my (now) ex would act the way he did. I now fully believe that he is 100% , without a doubt, someone who suffers from BPD and he is 49 y.o. He was never diagnosed with BPD or any type of personality disorder or mental disorder previously, but he also never went for help when he was younger. He would swear up & down that he was never like this before and it was all my fault that he was like this now, because he never met someone he loved so much in his life. That being said, he lost someone extremely close to him approx. 10 years or so ago, and since then, he hasn't had a real relationship. I am his first real relationship since the passing of his loved one that occured, so the article that I read, makes a lot of sense to me, even though they say that BPD has to be diagnosed at a younger age.
I just was diagnosed with BPD officially at 32 and now know I have discouraged BPD. I am trying to navigate it and I am so overwhelmed and disheartened.
I'm sad because I don't want to manipulate anyone. I know I wear a lot of masks. I want to know which is the real me. Sometimes I feel like I'm nobody. I'm highly charismatic and am well known in the small community I live in. I hate myself and idolize myself at the same time but mostly self hating. The real me is a loner but I need people to give me a buzz. I don't like to be alone at all. This is soooo hard to live with. It's better to know but it doesn't entirely give you control. Emotions trump the logical brain. It's a cycle, once it's started I have to shut down, but I also want to have a hug. My temper scares me. I also do hurt myself. Can't afford to see my therapist anymore.
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Thanks for your honesty. I would say , living with someone with what you describe, as a partner, I have to let the person describe what is happening and listen, almost silently. If anyone is able to vocalise the issues without interruption as you have the problems can be robbed of their emotional intensity which has to be positive- at least until the next time. As a sufferer , you have to be able to reflect as you have done. Thanks again for your honesty. Much love.
I spent last night reliving my latest impulsive disaster I'm exhausted with myself
1 discouraged/high functioning or quiet borderline (self blame, low self esteem) abandonment fears and desperate to fit in. Shape shifters 😅 loyal overthinkers
2 impulsive
3 petulant
4 self destructive type
I was diagnosed with BPD in the Marines when I was 19. However, it later got reevaluated for generalized anxiety disorder. I tend to agree with that change. However, I still struggle as badly as everyone else.
Lisa People need to know more about this my daughter has the worst one i am her person , and her mother ! i have suffered for ten years dealing with this we need books and the mental health system is broken. . .
I’ve got bits of 3 of the subtypes plus CPTSD, been in treatment for over 30 years.
This is really helpful. Thank you
Hi there, Lisa. Great video. Just a quick question. Do you think Holden Caulfield, the protagonist of The Catcher in the Rye had BPD?
I have a ton in discouraged and petulant. It depends on my mood. If I'm in a good mood, I'm more toward petulant, and if I'm sad, I'm discouraged. But a bit of all, too. I need to find another girl with bpd. Help each other
I've swayed between all four types for most of my life. I have general BPD.
very interesting and helpful thank you
i have BPD peeps in my fam. Thank you Lise
I'm see similarities in myself in the Self-destructive subtype minus the self-harm.
I have, at various times in my life, been each one of these types.
Thank you. So necessary!
O have BP but my partner just got diagnosed BPD so I’m watching these to learn more about it. And the more I watch the more I start to wonder if my BP could be misdiagnosed BPD, I see a lot of similarities
I feel like im screwed. I am all of these things, however I have learned to control some of my behaviors.
Dang, at first I was like, man I'm the discouraged one for sure, then was like, ooff* I feel a little bit of the impulsive traits too, but not so much luckily, then I was like oh, am I more petulant than discouraged, then feared I had some of the self-destructive qualities too, then you mentioned the overlap, and I was like, oh ya, I'm a nuanced human being who feels too much and overthinks everything. I probably have BPD, but I understand I shouldn't self-diagnose, but if I were a betting man, I'd expect to have it. My girl showed me a couple videos a few months ago, and now I sorta see how I'm floundering through this thing called life a bit more than before. Awareness itself can be a big help! And an amazing caring better half, I am very loved and am so lucky and grateful, she was a preschool teacher for a long time, so she knows a thing or two about psychology, we've been together over 8yrs now, and my depressionsand worries have made it difficult in certain aspects, but she sees how it's real for me, especially in the moment, and is highly understanding, she is an angel. Man, it's a lot to take in when I reflect on things that have happened :/ but having this mental shift in how I can notice things is still kinda new for me.