A Three Trait Combination That Makes Narcissists Dangerous
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- Опубліковано 28 кві 2024
- Over time, relationships with narcissistic people generate disappointed feelings. But in some cases, narcissists are more than disappointing, they can become dangerous. Dr. Les Carter describes how narcissists at their core are exploiters, and there is a combination of three distinct traits that can alert you to an extra measure of sociopathic tendencies. Knowledge is power, so the more you understand their capabilities, the more you can practice self care.
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They don't just become hardened to the pain they cause others... they DELIGHT in it! Horrid.
Sad but true. Dr. C
I recently said to my husband... you are being cruel on purpose. And he smiled and agreed... he was enjoying saying horrid things. After 20 years of abuse ... I laughed out loud and told him he could do his best... but I am done with this game. I am an amazing woman and you are blessed to have me. You will not crush my spirit! I moved into the guest room and am joining women's groups to add love and appreciation to my life. At 75, I am staying but we will lead separate lives in the same house. He can join me in fun and joy... but I will never join him in negatively and cynicism and abuse.
Yes...they find some pleasure in making plans to harm someone.
@@janarnold9033 Jan, you described a lot of what I'm going through with my husband. I'm 63, he's 72 and we've been married 40 years. I found out on our honeymoon that I married someone who is childish, selfish, cruel, and loves to inflict pain on me. He actually said to me on more that one occasion - "I love to see you cry." I'm glad you are standing up for yourself and doing things that will strengthen you. My husband loves CONTROL, so getting away is nearly impossible for me.
@@janarnold9033 Your answer helps me. I'm keeping my marriage vow (given to God first) to stay in the marriage, but after 43 years I'm wondering how to keep on going, how to deal with each day. His selfishness and callousness have worsened badly with retirment, and I'm no longer going to keep being patient. Staying in the same house but leading separate lives, as you've said, is the key. I don't know how he'll handle it, but it's the only way forward I can see as possible for me, so I'll have to figure out how to work that out for myself. Thanks!
Absolutely the case. We must remove ourselves from the presence of those kind of dangerous people. They are driven by evil.
Demons!!
Talk about a contradiction -calloused nature while being so consumed with making sure strangers view them as an amazing person
So true. Dr. C
Sadly it is very true. So many others think my husband is the Best.
This narky tactic is so bizarre - I have seen them tear up the people who would support them, then turn around and use a honey coated voice to others. I always wondered if the other person believed that, or if they were just playing along.
yes, and Once you see their TRUE SELF, now they hate me! ( after back stabbing me 50 yrs I spoke up!))) glad to go " NO CONTACT WITH 3 HATERS!!!!!
@@CamperEra Just a Mask. Very sad and pathetic. We are now wiser, than most people in that regard.
I was married to a man like this for over 20 years. I came to the conclusion that there was "nobody home" inside him. He had no authentic self, he was a chameleon. He would "be" whoever he needed to be to fit a situation. So many people thought he was the nicest guy in the world but at home there was always the threat of an explosion any time he didn't get his own way. I came to realize that even when he was being nice to me, it was only for the purpose of manipulation. He saw life as a zero sum game and he HAD to win at all costs.
Definitely tried to be whoever people want him to be at that time. 💥🎯💯
They are despicable. Watching them mirror the expectations and likes and interests of others is astonishing! Especially when you know they hate some of the things they pretend to like. Or did they like them all along? Who knows? I was verbally and physically assaulted just because he thought someone looked at me like I didn’t appear “right.”
I’m not kidding. “The bartender looked at you like you look funny (odd).” So I’m going to yell at you for two hours straight. Everything is about their ego and who they’re wanting to be perceived as. It’s absolutely insane. I began to shut completely down. There’s no arguing with them, especially when they’re in blind rages.
@@bearbernard6510 So SORRY he treated you with contempt. I'm convinced there is an absolute evilness to these people!!!! Like demonically influenced or something and I had a handful of people tell me this right after I married him. They would say, HE IS FILLED WITH DEMONS!! 💥😳 NO joke!!💥🥺🙏 Idk.....it's just pure EVIL. Praying you find someone who is deserving of you and treats you with respect and honor. 💥😊❤️🙏
The anger was pathetic and scary at the same time. Volatile and unbelievable to witness.
Totally agree. They are pathetic monsters - so hard trying to get those who have not experienced it get it
When I was 20, I spent a couple of days during a college break visiting my mother and little brother(16 at the time). I remember being in the kitchen with my brother washing the dishes. My mother came in ranting and screaming about something. She often did that, but this particular time I was not scared. It was like I was watching a bad actor on tv and the thought came to me, "Oh. This is a temper tantrum. My mother is throwing a temper tantrum." I have a terrible poker face and I think my mother was unsettled by the look of contempt I know I had, so she stopped yelling and apologized for "scaring" me. (Sure, you wish I was scared, lady.) And I remember thinking just how patheic she was and wondered why I had never realized it before.
Yes ex was
I find them very childish/immature - it seems to become more pronounced as they age. Scary stuff.
Lying makes them dangerous, which comes standard with all narcissist.
Yes, yes, and yes. Don’t ever forget these people don’t ever change. If you’ve distanced yourself from them for a time and forgotten how cruel they can be, beware, particularly if you appear to be in a healthy place. They don’t want to see you thrive! Stay strong and learn to laugh at their petulance.
You must have boundaries with these people. And realize who you are in Jesus Christ. Love them and pray for them and leave them to God.
Thanks for the reminder
yes! my Toxic cousins and Slimy sibling-- simply leave a wake of Chaos and Rumours everywhere they go. I'm DONE.
Thats what i'm telling my children about some relatives and neighbours to beware but they think i hold on grudges.I tell them its not about holding grudges, that i know those people aren't friendly from the bottom of their hearts.
Rose colored glasses causes blindness
This is exactly how my ex wife was. Completely angry all the time, manipulative, fake, hateful of everyone, and extremely phony with people. Smiling in their faces, hugging them, then talking about them seconds after they turned their back. Very judgemental and extremely physically violent towards me. The mental, physical, verbal, and emotional damage is real.
Replace ex With my mother and thats a 10/10
You just described my mother-in-law to a T! Scary how many carbon copies of these devious demons are out there wreaking havoc on this world!
Yes you have described my soon to be ex and also a neighbour. They're everywhere 🙄 Glad you broke free☀️
Glad you're finally out of that marriage. Congrats.
Exactly the same with my so called partner
And they all love him
I don't worry
What's done in the dark will come to light
Praise god
I’m one year out from a ten year marriage to a narcissist. So many realizations have come to me in moments of clarity. A few years into the marriage I shut down and shut up to avoid his bursts of explosive anger. and I avoided initiating certain conversations that needed to happen. After being a strong and independent woman my entire life, I let him control everything. I folded in upon myself to keep the peace. It’s taken many months but I finally feel as though I’m coming back to the surface. My mission now is to have compassion for others but never let anyone into my life that shows the slightest signs of narcissism.
Deanna Larkin,God ❤️ is always with you 🙏🙏🙏
Exactly how I dealt with my ex until I couldn’t take his constant meanness anymore.
@@cheryl5517 No one deserves to be treated that way.
Accept some don't show they are a narcissist until you get way down the line with them. I've known my husband for almost 9 years. We've been married for almost 1. A few mos in I started seeing these signs and now I'm concerned. Some days are fine others are like "I don't know who it is here that I'm dealing with"
@@jessicaatkins3173 if you want to find out for sure, just tell him ‘no’ to something and see how he reacts. Only if you feel safe in doing so though. 💗
Yes Dr. C. They are scary and I don’t scare easily. They are the true definition of crazy
Crazy people don't know what there doing they know exactly what there doing that's why they enjoy it so much
Evil is my word of choice
@@taylorknight3577 yes and that’s what makes them crazy …..to know you DO these things and be good with it, is crazy. Mentally I’ll people and crazy people are 2 different things to me.
1. Pathological liar 2. Extremely vuilerable inner-self 3. Lack of empathy.
So they create the situation, they overreact and blame others, they unable to find a healthy resolution, bacause they will not try to find it.
They inevitably will create the situation when they will be very angry with you, and mean to you, will treat you worse than strangers.
I wish people can avoid this, but they don't take it serious
One year later.
I got a note.
Blaming me again
That's right. They have no inner self of self or esteem for self and so they must fill the hole with something, and for them it is the sorrow of others. It's perverse, non-narcissists would enjoy being showered with love. Narcissists enjoy being showered with other's anger towards them (the anger rightly being directed that way), because it gives them a reason to be cruel , gives them justification. They are just sadists who are looking for a reason to hurt you. And anything is a reason.
They are very cold and callous individuals.
@@sylvanascott1166 They may be inside, but most narcs I know are very confusing. More vulnerable than cold and grandiose, so I have no idea if they are callous or too self-centered and fragile to consider others.
They just ooze negativity and contempt. They over react to a simple question; their answers don't even answer the question - they just take it to an entirely different level that is just bizarre/unreasonable. They just pop off.
Zero empathy/zero remorse- Refusal to be wrong/proven a lier- Humiliation, especially during a separation & then divorce🤦♀️Thank God for Dr.Carter👊
Totally agree. Even when we won a court case against a narcissist neighbors he still refused to accept the ruling. He builds without planning permission, drives despite being disqualified and yet expects everyone else to do what they tell them to do. We found ignoring them drives them away as there's no fuel to be gained to further their arguments.
@@PaulRansonArt It truly is sad-
Been my experience here to !
Not just spouses, parents with pd’s do it to their kids as well. Sad indeed. Thank you Dr Carter 💗
@@motorcityblacksheep121 why are we Not warned at school, that those Kind of Patents exist? Took me 36 years to figgue IT Out on My own. Trip to hell and Back again...
I don't even think they get angry. They pretend to be angry. So they have an excuse to abuse you again.
Yeees. A narcissist was almost laughing while he was supposedly throwing an angry fit. They are testing you. They want to see how much abuse you can take before you leave them.
Good point. I think you're right. It's a big charade.
Yeah I’ve wondered that … when the covert turns from vulnerable victim to hitler in a second over something so irrelevant
Good point... because what ever it was we did wasn't really a thing at all & even as we are extra careful to get things right ... they want our state to remain frazzled tense unclear -
Yes, I saw a smirk once in the middle of a tantrum
The words "I don't care" still echo in my brain. I heard them so often. And, he definitely meant it. He enjoyed inflicting pain. He had developed this hardened persona through the years of his struggles. But, I knew that inside of his hard, callous and tough exterior was a broken, insecure man. I am just glad I finally stepped away from him. I really enjoy watching and listening to your videos. Thank you.
Petra Tuomi,You don't need a narcissist in your life!
I'm so happy that I made my husbands day and tell him I'm so happy you got your supply today. Where's mine? Then I say I might just let it accumulate and give it to you in one lump sum. But I am happy for you today
Petra Tuomi:
I undersrand this because my husband who I am separating from did all that to me he loved to see me suffer. Dr. Carter is great Petra so warm and down to earth and personal at it's best. 👋 wife is great too. Love them both!
I’ve heard the “I don’t care” so many times.
I had him for two years and took him back twice in that time. He had a temper and got worse after I set boundaries after he said he loved me sooo much.... Will I ever be loved
These people are very destructive , they confuse kindness with weakness.Another common trait is a German word called schadenfreude taking delight in another misfortune.They love seeing others suffering love to gossip to others about them ant their weakness.
The problem is, that the calloused narcissist believes that what they do and how they behave toward others is being loving. If you do not think or behave the way they want you to think or behave, then they believe that you are not deserving of love by anyone, especially the narcissist.
Their capacity for rationalization is astonishing. Dr. C
SPOT ON! I endured this and after 12 years of on again and off again....i had to let it go. I knew something wasnt right....he had all the signs yet i was hopeful....the issue of wanting to be loved by this person was never going to happen. God woke me up. Now im healing. God Bless
Transactional. Nothing they do for anyone else is free and clear, even when they are ACTING nice.
@@SurvivingNarcissism I have one for the Guinness Book -he had an affair with his brother’s wife, married her and completely wrecked multiple families and walked away with a big cheese eating smile on his face. Totally pathological.
Tit for tat. Contemptuous. Hostility. Anger. Disrespectful and ultimately no empathy. The narcissistic rage was worst when I called out his behaviour & ultimately discovered his lies….& more lies….& more lies!. I thought I was going crazy because he was so illogical and made no sense at all when he was found out…and of course pushed it all back into me. Even when I got cancer. I kid you not. And now he’s trying every avenue to contact me inc my son (not his) but I’ve woken up finally - no more Mr Pathetic.
What sucks the most is when your living with a life threatening medical problem and all you hear is just be lucky your life isn’t as bad as mine ☹️
"You will not get to know the inside of me.... They don't even know the inside of themselves." So true Dr. C! I knew my current husband most of my life but we've only been married 11 years. I thought I knew him. I had no idea who I was marrying. Within two years of marriage, he became someone I didn't know, I didn't recognize, and someone I had no idea he was capable of being... A true narcissist, victim, and spoiled toddler.
I had a relative that I thought was the greatest guy until I tried to stay with him after I’d just graduated from college, and this was after years of him having a key to my parents’ house and making himself at home any time he wanted. Within 2 days after I came, he turned into a person I never knew. Let’s just say there’s no longer a relationship.
@@CodyCole80some people wear a mask. Even my kids said: Dad is different with other people or strangers. At home the mask dropped
Wow so true of a narcissist. Same experience here.
Every so often I lose my resolve and begin thinking, "well, it wasn't REALLY that bad..." Maybe I overreacted. Maybe I should call...and so, I come here to you, Dr. C - I listen to a video or three - and WOW! I am reminded of how fortunate I am to have survived this, and how I will never have to make those compromises again. I am eternally grateful to you and Gus.
My fiancee is fed up with his narscicistic sociopathic mother. His health has been at risk.
Fake trustworthiness, manipulation, no empathy. Really sad, actually. This is how they break you, ruin your name, and have no shame, guilt or insight.
I agree - there is a point where a narcissistic indiviual tips over to being dangerous simply because of his or her sense of entitement. Simple little opportunities like slyly dumping eye drops into a cup of tea, or prowlng on someone (happened to me) to scare them and drive them crazy are two examples. One other that I discovered men do is hide car keys from a woman and then 'find' them for the distressed woman Honestly, I vowed off men a long time ago because of these behaviours. I have had a female friend (thought she was a friend ) show me that there never was a friendship at all. Dr Carter and Dr Ramani are part of the dream team that has helped me start recovering from the trauma in my senior years. i am so thankful!!!!!
Amen to Dr.Carter & Dr.Ramani & Laura- The sence of entitlement is a excellent one- they sure do create order out of the chaos they created🤦♀️& you are correct that it's not just men, its women too- These videos do help to learn to trust again but with boundries cause we sure are worthy to be loved by someone who isn't a wolf in sheep's clothing🤗Big hugs Argile!
God will bless them the doctors experts coaches, etc for we the people.
I had a narcissist neighbor that tried to scare me. It happened early one evening. I invested in pepper spray, just in case I feel threatened by her another time. Yes, it is perfectly legal to carry pepper spray for self defense ( at least in my area ). These people are scary crazy.
The key scenerio has happened to me too!
@@cassiebrown9786 so true
My 94 year old adoptee mother personifies this Trifecta. I grew up with a lump in my throat and a twisted gut. With Dr. C I've found peace and resolve. Best therapy I've ever had.
My 92 year old egg donor fits perfectly. Don’t know if she’s alive or dead.
My egg donor is 92. I am her scapegoat and siblings scape goat too. It had taken me a lifetime to figure this out. I spent life time blaming myself. Now…..can’t seem u to recover. Stuck in the quagmire
@@mysterydiaz5302 Watch Dr. Carter and Laura every Monday and Thursday. They are angels.
@@mysterydiaz5302 Took me 36 years. Trip to hell and Back again. We are not alone.
That's wonderful, share your peace of mind.
This man's gentle demeanor is extremely refreshing.
Phoney, Anger , Callousness
He's either the devil or good friends with him.
My so called “Christian” narcissistic husband of 36 yrs said one time at a friends cookout to other guests that he used to “run with the devil” and I mumbled the words that he still does! I don’t know of course what they thought of his remark. He was and still is a Deacon in our church! He made that statement like he was bragging about it.
"She's COLD as ICE, willing to sacrifice our, er, MY love..." The toughest lesson I learned was that It never was "OUR" love. That's why you should never accept a "Hoover". It's like reloading the gun for her, because she missed you the first time.
So true and 😥 sad
That was a truly GREAT Foreigner song.
I was too young & naive to get it, THEN.
@@martcichocki5571 Check out "I WILL SURVIVE" I never realized it was about an NPD abuse survivor.
--> But THIS one blew my mind, I thought it was written about MY narc-Ex, it fit so well! I would really like to hear your thoughts about the lyrics, you can take or leave the music. I only had to flip genders in one or two lines to fit my female Narc. The link I provided takes you to a video with a lyrics roll.
---> JULIAN CASABLANCAS - OUT OF THE BLUE
ua-cam.com/video/mTNpQKIVtrs/v-deo.html
251omega the song says it all. If only we'd known from the start, the lovebombing stage.
@@sharilyon5983 No kidding! It took me my whole life. I'm 70 now, and I admit I've indulged myself briefly, in bitterness thinking of what might-have-been had I not been CHEATED. That goes nowhere good.
---> But I realized I could be lining up another narcissist to torture me! I've broken that habit, and whether I die tomorrow or live until I'm 105 years old and then die, I will not be suffering from the abuse of a narcissist or dying by the hand of one.
---> At this point, even if I never get to know what a caring, sharing, loving relationship feels like when those sentiments are shared equally by BOTH partners, instead of just by me, I still feel that I'm ahead of the game! That makes it a "WIN".
---> Every day I think how grateful I am that I have broken free and begun to grow again. I remember how surprisingly sudden the feeling of relief was, as I walked out and went NO CONTACT over 3 years ago.
---> I'm almost wearing out the phrase I coined to describe that lifting of anxiety, but I call it a "Full Body Smile".
There’s no use in reasoning with these individuals. Unfortunately enablers will make things worse by making excuses for them so they can continue the bad behavior. I’ve seen this play out so many times at work and ended up leaving the jobs.
Totally agree, this knowledge should be tought in school,.
So we get some kind of "herd immunity" aginst this beavour.
Anyone can be an enabler.....even church leaders who have no discernment can enable a malignant Narc. as the Narc is usually an excellent actor/liar, often gifted and charismatic, often deceiving church leaders.
It's sad and v scary x
DmL.....totally agree that schools should be teaching this......it would have helped me a lot and saved me from mental health difficulties as an adolescent which still dog me. In my 70s
Having to leave jobs is a real problem. I'm in the same boat.
Exactly what I say and think. The reason they never follow through with help is the enablers rescuing them and keeping them in a place of psychopathy.
Yes, ‘secret-keepers’ and backstabbers!! They seem to have an unfounded loyalty to others.
they say they do
Not loyalty, its a scheme, if they convince others to help sabotage they are.also keepinng that info to use against them as well if the tables were to turn on them or get caught. They all store artificial information on each other which they use in conjunction to make each oyher do their bidding when need be.
Dr Carter has hit the nail on the head once again. I always feel like he is talking directly to me. When he says the narcissist acts like he has so much contempt for you " lower than a snake's belly" that's exactly right! Thank you for your kindness and caring manner Dr C. You've no idea how much it helps restore my confidence.
They are horrible human beings,even to their own children. The ex narc husband put himself first the entire time they were growing up. They all realize that now and have nothing to do with him.
My mother and sisters are covert narcissists and the abuse I endured in her household I can put in a book. I wish I could produce video evidence. It's just so nasty and a drain to the spirit! They repeatedly hurt me and label me emotional/overreacting when I cry. They repeatedly violate my boundaries and label me just an angry person when I react. I hate being picked on, it's such a dirty feeling.
I can relate. I get accused of being "mean and nasty" when I defend myself or don't agree with them. Went no contact with sister 2 1/2 years ago. Since she lives with mom and sucked mom in to her toxicity, I ended up going no contact with mom about a year later. I'm good.
Leave and don't tell them where you are. Break all contact or go very low contact. They will become more abusive. I have relatives like that and they will end up stealing from you or trying to kill you, etc. I know. Been there.
@@hurricanelorraine2206 👌🏼This is my story! My sister has always been EVIL with me (once, she asked me to care for her dog, then called the police and accused me of stealing it!) My mother is 86 and still cares for my sister who pretends she's my mother's caregiver! Sister is abusing mom (and everyone in the family 24/7,) but mom doesn't want to hear about that. I had to stop seeing everyone who sees my sister in order to find peace, but she always come back.
I had the same problem with two sibling and a mother, I feel you must get away permanently and live with a grandmother anyone else you can TRUST! They will sabotage everything in you life and destroy and your life! I say, GET AWAY FROM THE NOW, NO SECOND GUESSING! God always protects good people, no worries! 😇🎊🌟❣️
🙏🏻🤗🙏🏻
Hidden narcissism is very dangerous. The red flags were there in the way of anger and he changed job, home and place without discussion. He pretended to listen but it took me a long long time to work it all out. In the meantime he was secretly ruining all our lives.....
My two adult daughters have encouraged me to divorce my narc! I'm just weeks into getting over my denial that he's a narc - steep learning curve.
Lack of conscience, no empathy, and…brazenness?? Better wait to see what Dr C says…LOL
Very close. Dr. C
Surviving Narcissism ahh! No remorse. That’s it! Thank you, Dr. C. ❤️
Consequences should be given for those who ignore boundaries. Part of the problem is that narcissists think laws/rules/guidelines/boundaries do not apply to them, and some will do ANYTHING (legal or illegal) to avoid taking responsibility or detection. Those with the "Dark Triad" may deflect the problem onto you, or "Set you up" to fall (Loss of career, Defamation of Character, loss of relationship, plant evidence, lie in court or to those in a position of authority) just because they think they can, and may use financial + psychological abuse to watch you squirm !! It is sinister and the epitome of evil !
My cousin, dear Donald.
Evil demonic people. I have a son in-law who is one.
In fact, those who think they "Know it all" may have the most skeletons in their closet ! For example, a Psyche Nurse who thinks that I have problems, (What is the problem.?!? ..oh that is right ..speaking FACT/TRUTH @ victimization +other crime !) When clearly...the bones have been rattling in more than one way (so to speak) in her closet for years !..Unbelievable !
Yep!
I'm going through this now at work. Malignant narc ex-manager has almost got me "managed out" by way of a smear-campaign.
She almost killed me literally. They are dangerous no matter how much you want to save them in the end you will need saving.
I know! F that
The dark triad, i.e., a combination of narcissism, Machievellianism, and psychopathy?
There is the dark tetrad too, which is the triad with sadism.
My thoughts also. My step father. And yes sadism so maybe that too. Even in his mid 80s he pulled a real stalker creeper move on me that left me reeling for a few days. It was more like a thinly veiled threat directed right at me really. He wanted me to go back to being scared of him again alright but he also wanted a bit of plausible deniability with it. They are horrible. I don’t “fear” him anymore per se, but I’m def wary and I keep my distance. He used to be able to intimidate me to great extremes and just flat out scare the crap out of me at times.
Lonely Lantern My ex is a dark tetrad in a human body.
She has psychopathy, npd, Machiavellianism, AND sadism.
"But how twisted can that be?" you ask. "It can't be that bad."
-car keys going "missing" only so the psychopath can "find it"
-the psychopath standing in the door way at night, not saying anything, watching you sleep.
-Sometimes waking up to them standing right above you, just staring.
-your cat going missing and you never see it again.
-switching one pill bottle for another, so you take the wrong amount
-calling you late at night "in tears" (ha!) as they cry to you how sorry they were for yelling at you the other night.
Etc etc
@@specialtwice4975 Wow that is so awful, I bet it scares your little cotton socks off. You should get them sectioned.
I think this things should be taught in schools from a young age to stop this traits and understand how they come about.Teachers should retrain as well.
This makes me feel better about not having contact with my daughter. I spent 30 years of her adult life, especially after she gave birth to a precious grandchild, trying to show love, mollify, appease, comfort,show respect, accommodate my adult daughter. Then we had a disagreement and all the typical bullying, gaslighting, smear campaign tactics. In hindsight, I see how much denial I had for the fake, callous, bullying behavior. I walked on eggshells and lost my boundaries. But what I learned makes me stronger and wiser. I still have to grieve at times for the loss of a daughter.
That's so sad, but as you indicated, it can also be quite necessary. Best wishes, Dana.
Yes! This is so much like my situation! My 30 year old daughter has nothing but contempt for me! I thought she would grow out of her narcissistic ways but sadly, she didn't. I thought when she had a child she would realize how much I love her, but she only uses my beautiful 5 year old granddaughter. I've been keeping her since she was a baby, but I didnt follow one of my daughter's rules and now am not allowed to keep my granddaughter. It is heart wrenching! I do fear for my granddaughter! I'm afraid my daughter will lash out at her next!
Same here, and I grieve the grandchildren.
Wow, you just described a person I have been befriending and considered dating, but I've been hesitant because he has been furtive and at times distant. You spared me a lot of heartache! Thank you so very much.
15 years too late for me.
He might just have been using a tactic.
@@leonardgibney2997 not worth the risk.
Bc if your an empath they can make u suicidal.
My God. You just described my life....I thought no one would ever get this. Thankyou
Ditto
My husband is this. I knew he was “off” but I never dreamed this had a diagnosis. I have lived 40 years like this. If I had knowledge of narcissism 40 or more years ago, my life would be very different and probably filled with love. Now when I get my daily dose of nastiness from him, I feel more empowered against it. Thank you Dr. Les Carter. Thank you!
@@pattihiggins1079 Can you leave him?
They are all the opposite of good, bad to the core, mega dangerous beings. Seriously one of my biggest dreams that one day a law punishes this destructive cancer of society, believe it or not this earth is the way it is because narcisism, is a battle between empaths and narcs in this millennium, good vs evil. I believe good will win.
I feel the same exact way!!!
Exactly I totally agree with you .
There are simply not human beings. DEMONS
@@deepaaiyer5080 - Demons are exactly what we’re dealing with, no doubt…
Well said
This is my firm belief as well. These creatures are under demonic influence, be it an attachment, oppression or possession. Narcissism equals evil. I’m CERTAIN of that! The biggest battle we face, empaths (good) and narcissists (bad) is in the unseen. The spiritual forces behind the behavior directing our thoughts, emotions and actions.
Zero Empathy , - pathological liars , - Denial of Secret Self - Falling into the same hole several times ?? - even a donkey doesn 't ▪️◾◼
boorish stupidity
Pathological lying is what led me to the narcissism he stood right there and lied to me I knew he was lying he knew that I knew he was lying and he did it anyway usually if somebody knows you’re lying they stop doing it no not narcissist they keep right on doing it and smirk at you while they’re doing it.
Yes !! They are pathological LIARS !! They will say anything to gain favor, in addition, they can be so covertly jealous, and will do anything to set you up for failure.
Don't lower donkeys down to the level of these people lol they are smart and loyal to those they love.
@@jengable4888 After 2 years of no contact, I have started to doubt everything he told me about his past relationships. According to him, everyone of his failed relationships was the fault of the woman. He told me many times that his teenaged wife packed herself and their 2 boys ups and left while he was at work. Now I know more and question what he was doing to alienate her to that point (probably cheating). He could not understand why his younger son blamed him for breaking up their family and had not talked to him in years. They married because she was pregnant at 18 when he was 17 and had 2 kids in a year, 12 months apart but the same calendar year. Dumb kids did not learn anything from one unplanned pregnancy.
My malignant narcissist husband has done all of this. He has threatened my lawyer, smashed my mailbox, stalked me, damaged my car, and shown up at work. I called the State Police and his lawyer has told him to stay away from me. He now calls my son to ask about me. So there is always a way. My husband took my car, I had to buy one so I could work, now he is asking for spousal support and half the value of the car I had to buy! It never ends.
Courage, Beth! Your husband sounds like someone that can't hide his abusiveness/craziness very well. I hope you have smart, experienced people to strategize with to protect yourself and your son. Family court can be extremely slow to protect partners and children, but with patterns of bad behavior this obvious, I hope that he will face legal consequences that stop/contain him.
Knowing the signs, teaching your children what to look for in a partner, is the best option. Get out, as quickly as you can. 20 years ago, we didn't know. Move on, as the only way they learn is to hit the bottom. Videos like this, are so appreciated. Thank-you.
We need legislation that protects children from this abuse. As serious as this is, nothing and no one is resourced for child victims of narcissistic abuse. The damage that's being done to them as a minor is phenomenal.
I've dealt with two different types of narcissists, one was an overt narcissist and the other was a covert narcissist. In my opinion a covert narcissist will have a delayed reaction to an issue. Whereas an overt narcissist will react in the heat of the moment. Both are equally as dangerous and dishonest and both have the same traits as the other..
Thanks. In my experience the single biggest difference is that the covert presents to the world as saint, victim, martyr with an a disturbing quiet arrogance. The contempt is more hidden and others won’t believe you. The overt doesn’t bother (in my experience) with any such pretense - same result though
I agree- coverts, once they think they might be losing the game- are more calculating in their vengeance . Overts are consistently loud and controlling….
@@girlinterrupted9145 in my experience females tend to be covert, guys overt. The coverts play a more strategic game - equally bullying to the target but keep the damsel in distress, martyr act in public and any hint of challenge or exposure brings on the tears and everyone buys it - that’s the part that sickens me
Coverts are the most deadly.
@@MJ-qb5ph I don't think such difference exists.....both types present in both gender
A narcissists can be extremely dangerous. It's not necessarily a physical violence. They can be covert and sly with a planned out vengeance. And I noticed that planned vengeance can occur when you become a threat to the narcissist, or their ego. They can manipulate situations and other people in ways that can be harmful to you, and sometimes the damage can be permeant. Some people lose jobs, friends, etc because of it. And the rabbit hole goes deep too on all the other things they can do to you. And sometimes you won't even know that it's going on, nor why. That's why it's hard to disown this kind of narcissist. Some just won't let you walk away. Either way, stick to your guns. Eventually they'll give up.
So very dangerous and sneaky; they can be just awful with the outrageous lies and character assassination that you can be totally unaware of until after it has happened!!
I agree. I think some narcossists are more dangerous than people realise. It's difficult to imagine that a person who looks like a human being, and seems nice enough, would do something so crazy.
Sebastien it was so harmful the circumstances manipulated and exaggerated to his friend..highly jealous and toxic also..that I was left home alone to face an armed robbery of an extreme nature...9 yrs on Im still suffering Ptsd so on..he knew our home was gonna be targeted and roughly who by..yet did nothing to stop it..talked vividly of this raid happening months before...it seemed everyone knew but myself victimised and lucky I came out alive..😥😥😕
I did no contact 1 day after New Years Eve. They try to stalk me. Etc. But each day i got stronger and heal after 20 yrs. Enough is enough. 2022 i am free
@@kimmonks116 🙏
I wasted so much precious time trying to reason with insanity and having to endure the misery from years of abuse and cheating from a malignant narcissist alcoholic ex I finally divorced
I hear you. Bless
Oh my, I have such experience with this combination. I am having a hard time commenting. I kept trying to work things out but, you can’t work things out a wicked person that enjoys being evil! Thank you Dr. Carter. This video is moving so deeply in my heart
@Mary Carroll just...wow. it's always pretty deep when God speaks to ya. And it's definitely best to listen and pay attention. Many blessings to you. I'm seriously blown away.
Distance is the best defense.
@Mary Carroll good luck on that one. There's too many of this type who are resident evil. Take care.
@@tamararutland-mills9530 Amen
@Mary Carroll sience. not religion.
I have experienced potential danger first hand with an old friend and by the Lords protection, I was spared going to the edge to look down. I won't travel with this friend any more, nor go with them to a remote place.
We should not expose ourselves to dangerous narcisists who are like chameleons, snakes and evil cold-hearts, cruel and intimidating presence who take pride and pleasure in watching other people’s fear and pain. And all of that torture and misery is being inflicted in the name of teaching somebody a lesson. evil at work. Thank you dr Carter. God bless you❤
You are describing my estranged wife. I’m going to need years of therapy because of this. I should have trusted my gut feeling at the beginning but I wanted to be loved so much I took a risk. Thank you for this video 🙏🏼
Live and learn...stay strong, Adam!
I’ll guess: delusion, denial, desperation.
Respect others and yourself, respect morals and laws and always respect property and boundaries. Anyone who can't do that can not be part of my family. Your series have saved me. Thank you!
So pleased for you, and thanks for these good words of admonition. Dr. C
Such as cannot respect boundaries, persons, property, laws, and morals is something that does not belong in society. No more. No less.
I had forgiven a narcissist over and over again. I thought he was just an angry person high on the autism spectrum, but now realize he is absolutely the definition of a narcissist.
Forgiveness is good. Boundaries are good too.
Now I fully understand why the relationship with my narcissist husband never made sense and never felt real. I was dealing with a phony, calus, disrespecful, someone who could not care less about love or how crappy he treats others, proud to hurt every woman like a badge of honor, who is extremely emotionally abusive, selfish, demeaning, unkind, gets so angry over every little thing, don't care how much hurt he causes, stingy, and don't understand there are consequences to our actions and words, and thinks he is entitled to respect while being extremely disrespectful with a side of arrogance. Let me not forget a professional liar! It all makes perfect sense to me now. Holy cow! Thank you so much for this video!
I've experienced this nearly cost me my life he kept saying "i am the dark triad" like that's something to be proud of, but he was proud of it. in his mind he was something to be worshipped for his evil deeds. truly delusional, truly!
This video should be on the NHS. I lived with a dangerous narcissist for 7 years, not realising what I was getting into. Had a complete mental breakdown with hospitalisation. The children were adversely and permanently affected by their home-life, and this has passed down to the next generation. Three decades later I still get flashbacks when triggered. Take time to get to know someone before committing and listen to your gut instincts. Avoid these people like the plague - once the damage has been done, it can never be completely put right.
It's true they are NEVER happy. Wasting their lives but trying to take you with them. I've seen it
They can Sabotage and they can make everything very difficult. I wouldn’t know any of this if I hadn’t stumbled upon you. I appreciate you so much you put a smile on my face thank you for this today… thank you for everything you do!!!
This video rang a lot of bells for me this morning and I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for you. I care about the subject so much and I care about you guys and thank you again
I watch it more than once just to remind myself I shut the door... for good
These are very sick and dangerous people to be avoided at all cost! They’ll attempt to destroy you and then blame you for the destruction. Including their own children! The lowest form of all.
The one thing I have noticed quite a bit besides all these other obvious traits is that they are extremely secretive with their phones. I have never met anyone so secretive with their phones like the two I know. They attack when their partner grabs the phone for more than two seconds- and they have the darkest screen cover. It's crazy how good they are with their narcissistic antics! For some reason I have always had that gift of seeing right through them right away!
I can't help but share this video and others, with my siblings, all of us experienced an extremely bad 6 years of conflict that started out with the one bad egg sibling who was not above committing what I believe was elder abuse in the pursuit of an inheritance designed to his own specifications. I never put the word narcissist on him, psycho yes LOL, but it wasn't until a judge removed his power and settled things for us, that I learned what his behavior all along was. After having experienced several incidences of rage with him, I determined him to be unstable and dangerous.
Thank you for your empathy, compassion and direction, Dr. C.
Thank you for confirming what I felt deep down.dangerous.dangerous individualsl.ive gone no contact and for the first time in decades I feel safe.
Thank you , I am really strict with myself now . I used to give most folks a second chance if they were unkind but I realise some of us do not even deserve a chance at all . I am much more discerning and prudent now . because of that change I now have some connections with sweet people whom are beautiful friends to us : ) Appreciate your time and energy shared freely . So many things I am learning about my self and my relationship to others . Grateful for all the free teachings online
I get what you're saying...tighten up your standards for those who get to be in your inner circle. Dr. C
What validated me most is she once told me her husband would call her a “cold hearted b$&&h”. Oh so I am not only one who has experienced some of this?
After watching this, I have become aware that I grew-up surrounded by narcissistic people. No joke both my parents and all three of my older siblings have all three of their traits and I was their victim for 17 years. The abuse I endured as a child almost killed me. It took a lot of therapy and my life has improved since going no contact. Just because Their you;re family you don't have t like them.
This is so sad. I've had a similar experience with a stepfather and siblings, to the point that I was labeled (for life) the troublemaker in the family. It's a difficult label to shrug off. I've since learned that narcissists thrive on reaction and hate being caught out. They also don't change and having cut ties, I do feel that the poison is dissipating, little by little.
Wow, it almost killed you. That is really sad. Same goes for me. Also have been suicidal because of all the shame induction. Both of your stories above make me feel stronger in going no contact. Its half a year now and I am also indeed happier en happier, very slowly.
Good luck to you! Love and warmth for yourselves!!
I meant to mention: both my parents too and my sister is a 'flying monkey' without her knowing it...
Yup, they lack self awareness, self reflection and introspection. They show no remorse for being irrasional, harsh, out of touch with healthy emotions, callous and insensitive. They are not open to discussion and finding a better way handling conflict and disagreements.
Had such a bad experience with a malignant narcissist who discarded me in the most cruel way ever. I never received an apology, clarity or any resolution from him or why he reacted and behaved the way he did. The callous cold blooded way in which he did it will possibly remain with me for the rest of my life. Thank God for the support of good people around me helping me to get over the pain.
Low self disclosure and easily angered
Disappears for days when you are faced with tragedy
1) Being a complete phony
2) Having a pervasive anger issue
3) A strong calloused nature
I use to hear the words I don't care so much it got to the point I stop caring. When he gave me gifts I didn't care because when he got mad he would take them all back or destroy them. It was like a little kid taking his ball back and going home. The childish anger and behavior was crazy and it's worst when they are 70 years old.
08:00 Yes, it has happened to me. My father hates me to no end but it was my mother’s indifference that really made life hard for me. I went so far as to remind her that she’s a woman and my mother and how could she be so cold hearted and not have any compassion. I’m dealing with unusually dysfunctional individuals who have just decided to rip my life apart because they associate me with their shame.
Same situation with me.
Get away, far away. There are people who truly care, but don't subject yourself to abuse, move on. Only then will you heal and find those you want to associate with.
It will never change, remove yourself and heal elsewhere. I find the unfairness of the childhood stuff grabs me occasionally still, but being away from them for years and years helped.
Summed up in their telltale 3 words “I don’t care”. Sad indeed.
It can become dangerous when you want to leave.
NOT announcing your departure will be a safety measure.
Not exposing your destination too, is protective.
They can, and have frequently KILLED when they can no longer HAVE you.
My wife and I went to counseling and she said, “I don’t want him (me) to know me. I don’t want to share my deepest feelings with him.” The next day she denied what she said and said that isn’t what she meant. She does that often where she will say something but that isn’t what she meant. She admitted to me that she purposely likes to argue with me and be contentious to start a fight. The very next day she denied she said that and that she doesn’t do that. She has told me, “I don’t want to hear what you want to say. I already know what you are going to say. And I know how you feel.” She then proceeded to tell me how I felt which was nowhere near the truth but to her it was. When she told me this I realized that is exactly what she has been doing to me for years. Does any of this make sense? Is this narcissism? I was told by a therapist that it isn’t.
Believe me, it is! Same thing happened to me! A narcs mindest: that did not happen, and if it did,it was not that bad, and if it was, it is not a big deal, and if it is, it is not my fault, and if it was, I did not mean it, and if I did, you made me do it.
They build their own reality
I think it is. It's what Dr. C calls "gaslighting".
Sounds pretty narcissistic to me.
This is EXACTLY how I am treated by this person. I pitty him. I will remove myself... that is the consequence. I see a beautiful soul, but it is not that he chooses. He treats me with no dignity, no respect and no civility. Movin on now.
He’s explaines my spouse to the T in every video. It’s been 19 years and still trying to escape. Not only are they extremely difficult but it is also very difficult to escape their grips. I wish there was more support for people stuck in these relationships.
Pray and ask God for help. That’s what I did. I felt stuck. I felt like I wanted to leave but felt like I couldn’t. It felt like staying would hurt less than leaving but was I wrong. Once you leave and go no contact and ask The Lord for help. He will come alongside and help and deliver you❤️
At the end of the day - only you can make that jump.
I m working on it, leaving the NPM, after 44 years of hell, trying to hide the truth, he s a well known academic technocrat man, wishing to find a way of escaping.....
Narcissistists don't know the off switch to prevent their verbal abuse , they are sadistic
The moment this person tried to approach me in traffic in a work vehicle while I was transporting young people was the moment I realised this person is evil and only cares about themselves. They are disgusting
They may keep a violent flying monkey.
We were engaged 17 years and married 17 this sept. I never had a clue what I had in my life. He’s with his second girlfriend and we have been going through a divorce 2 years. It’s almost over with. I’ve never been treated so cruel in my life. Never felt such horrible pain. I’m better and healing pretty good. Been working on me. Yes we all that go through this deserve so much better yes. Thank God for kind Dr.s like you dr. Carter for helping so many. Keep up the fantastic helpful, life saving work. 👍❤️👏🙏🏼
I wish you well. Dr. C
Married 33 years, how do you deal with giving over half your life to this relationship?! Living in sadness but always having hope. Realization has left no hope. Years of mental abuses and so many ‘aha’ moments or he ‘got me’ memories has taken over my thinking. I can do nothing for hours without recognizing it. It has brought comfort to read others stories and not only understand but completely believe them.
@@2meagle I know it the hardest thing I have ever tried to over come. It’s been 2 years since my discard and I’m not near as screwed up in the head as I was. I just tried and prayed I could get him out of my head and heart forever it seemed. I got onto a narcissist survivor FB group and when through 100’s of narc videos on utube there are several different ones. Those helped me to understand and helped my healing quite a bit. Try to stay busy and be with good friends. My problem is I don’t have anyone around and I take care of my bedridden mother in my home in the country. So I’m pretty stuck. But I think it helps if you have support. If not use the groups and videos. Try to heal your inner child and meditation as well as make as many plans as you can to better your life on the future. Hang in there keep trying and never give up. It takes time and you may move forward and then back slide but keep coming it gets better.
@@RS-ww8jo yes, the videos help & being around healthy people- it's been a little over 2 years & I had to tell my friend that the next time she invites me somewhere I will not say no, she invited me to a ball game😳I had a blast!😆So out of my element going alone & meeting her & her family there, but its time🤗
@@salettamyers8845 good for you! Try new and different things. I wish I could get out more. Best of luck to you👍❤️🙏🏼
Finding creative non-destructive ways to release your anger is good anger management.
“You make the weather and then stand in the rain and say ‘shit, it’s raining!’” -Ruby Tues from the movie Cold Mountain
That sounds like my husband - a complete physically, emotionally, and financially abusive man who hides behind lies, manipulation and the ever present 'I didn't say that, you just imagine things'. A really horrible person who does not think twice to manipulate our children into championing his causes. Zero empathy and overall a really mean, hurtful person to whom you can never say 'No' or express a different opinion. We are undergoing a separation now and his smear campaign had made it the most traumatic experience of my life. However, I know that this will end soon. Thank you for these videos. They helped me see things straight and take the right decision.
Thank you so much for this video. I've been reminding myself for the past month and a half of "love bombing" . . . they can only do it for so long before their true nature shows . . . which occurred last night for me . . . within the blink of an eye.
Learned something important this weekend. My situation w a covert narcissist now possibly facing death from an STD is not rare. Watched on Oprah a family, the father who cheated but did return. The wife is a journalist and so has written a book. One that hit me is the loss of trust. The second is that she writes of the issue of STDs. I do not feel as alone now and again count my blessings that I took care of my health and was not infected. Dangerous. Phony. Imperious....sadly now I see as not so rare. I am very glad he abandoned me and I have learned to appreciate my own loving kindness and integrity even if imperfect. Dangerous indeed. The loss of trust...still healing.
It’s constantly an adversarial relationship
Is anyone else surprised in how accurate Dr. C is, especially with this video?
(I think that he probably has Gus out quietly watching the interaction between this family member and I, and then reporting back. And that's why Gus is always enjoying a rest around the office.😎)
Semper Fidelis, Gus!
I feel like every one of his videos is directed at my situation with the narcissist I had to deal with at work 😀
@@lsfunk01 I'm glad that you've found Dr. C’s content to help prepare you for dealing with these types of people.
Stay Strong!
@@seanprescott2359 thank you!
As my mum always says “there’s always one”
And you know mums know best ( unless they’re narcissistic)
Yes, going to work is like roulette, I know something will happen but just not sure what!
It’s a workplace full of decent people ( men ) so I actually feel quite safe….
I do think however that he has potential to be dangerous but with the constraints of work there’s only so much he can do!
So I’m going to carry on being my lovely self and let him continue to be a very sad man!
I’m not quite at the point of feeling sorry for him but he is pitiful
@@lsfunk01 Mum sounds like a wonderful insightful lady! Your understanding of your situation gives you a shield against his behavior.
Semper Fortis! (Forever Strong!)
That simmering anger I called it lava in his heart... And it would build up and then blow all over me.
I am VERY fortunate that I was able to escape a narcissistic husband that you described in this video. I feared for my life; now I’m free!
Gina,I'm happy for you
when narcisstic gets caught anger comes out yelling screaming hey narcisstic u just got caught
It’s like you’re talking about my twin sister. She always expected for my life to be an open book but when it came to her life she was so secretive. She always has that seething 😡 underlying anger and can be set off by the simplest things..she holds a grudge until she feels she “got even” no matter how long it takes. She has no interest in anyone’s opinion if it differs from hers..it is quickly called “so stupid” ( her favorite phrase). I have cut her out of my life..for my own sanity I had to.
Wow, and I thought twins just naturally had a secure bond with each other. Thank you for sharing.
"In the presence of someone who hates me." Yep
"Anger driven by imperative thinking." Spot on.
When we met, I couldn't understand why this seemingly shy and married person behaved like I was their possession after only two interactions, spewing anger and jealousy at anyone who approached me and treating everyone as 5-year-olds. Only recently I've realized they are abusive when pleading with them not to scare me fell on deaf ears. I think they bet on this fear. It's the main power tool they operate with.
Everything Will be exposed
A layman's observation: the term, "narcissist," still tends to make people who don't know better smile, and roll their eyeballs. They think of narcissists as people who are stuck on their looks, are superficial otherwise, and are no serious threat. I don't know what clinicians think, but I think we patients think that almost all narcissists are malignant inherently. If that is true, then "malignant narcissism" is a redundancy. So, maybe we should consider referring to them as just "malignants."
Calling a person a narcissist is considered an insult - not an observation. I believe we people are protecting our own egos with that. Pointing someone having disproportionate ego, to the level of dangerous, triggers our own defenses that our ego is 'wrong' and we defend a person not being sick with _their_ own ego in order to justify our own egocentricity.
Bob, Absolutely. Unless they have been a victim if this behavior they don't understand. Hopefully, more awareness is being made through venues like this.
I call them mal-contents since they can't be satisfied. Unless of course they are getting over on someone. They enjoy covert sexual experience because the excitement of potentially getting caught is what they desire. Once they are familiar with you their desire wanes. salon as they lose admiration for you get out because they are admiring someone else
Correct. That is a major problem, people thinking that Narcissism is just about a conceited person, who cares about his/her look and think they are better than others.
If all narcissists were malignant, people wouldn't be rolling their eyes when the subject comes up.
Called me a disrespectful wife among other names that I can’t mention and left me for two days because during a discussion or a slight disagreement I had my hands on my hip while I was talking and he told me how dare you talk to me that way!!!!!!😳 I had five restraining orders because his anger and his rages were out-of-control unfortunately I was not healthy enough to keep them I am now two years with him out of the house there’s no contact there’s a divorce filed and a emergency motion for child support because he cut off all bank accounts and any access to money because I served him divorce papers we were married for 13 years living under the same roof it’s 15 years now married and I think I got out in the nick of time before something drastic happened to me I was abused in every single way except physically and I’m still suffering the consequences of emotional abuse verbal abuse Sexual abuse and because of Covid the courts are so behind I’m praying that I get before a judge soon and I could actually move out of town
❤
God loves you. You deserve better. Work with a counselor to help you get to a safe place.
@@rg-mi5hh Yes I’ve been with a counselor for a few months now I’ve gone to every narcology narcissism group that there is I do feel safe now because he is living in a Nother state but the healing process is very difficult plus I have a two year old daughter that he left me with that we adopted 13 dogs three horses eight cats everything that he brought home at or told me look this is going to be our life we’re going to rescue animals and have a wonderful life together and I’m trapped!!! He knew just what he was doing I quit my job as a registered nurse to stay home and take care of him his three children and all these animals that he brought home I became so mentally and physically oppressed that I couldn’t work anymore now I’m trying to rebuild my life somehow but he cut off all my money because I did serve him divorce papers and I have no money coming in except Social Security disability
This is exactly how my younger son is and I have decided I can no longer have conversations with him. He actually does hate me!
Both my parents are this way. Mom is diagnosed NPD, high level. Dad is covert but equally angry. Mom especially is incredibly forceful and aggressive. Both are callous and punishing behind closed doors. Evil. They are uncaring and cold. I was their only child and scapegoat. It's been scary and hard to back away because mom especially will not respect ANY boundaries. Dad just doesn't care. I let go and have a good life but they hate it because their contempt is endless. I may need to get a restraining order because mom has been showing up demanding little things..wanting to control. Nope. My answer is "No" because I'm not getting sucked into their power trips. The more they realize this, the more mom panics. Therapists always told me to "Run/move/get away" through the years and now I fully see why. It took me many years to get a peaceful life and will not let them hurt me anymore.