8 Ways Narcissists Find Pleasure By Exploiting You
Вставка
- Опубліковано 29 тра 2024
- Narcissists are constantly looking for ways to find jollies at your expense, and they use an endless array of behaviors and attitudes. Dr. Les Carter identifies 8 of the most common ways narcissists try to exploit you for personal gain, but once you see them, you are less inclined to give the reactions they seek. They want to be superior over you, but you are under zero obligation to participate in their manipulations.
Sign up for Dr. Carter's course Free to Be HERE:
survivingnarcissism.tv/go/fre...
Use the following coupon code to get 20% off Free To Be: FTBUA-cam20
Dr. Carter's new course: This Is Me, Setting Boundaries With The Controllers In Your Life: survivingnarcissism.tv/this-i...
Join our Community HERE: survivingnarcissism.tv/subscr...
Dr. Les Carter is a best selling author and therapist who has semi-retired to Waco, Tx. In the past 40+ years he has conducted more than 65,000 counseling sessions and many workshops and seminars. He specializes in anger management and narcissistic personality disorder.
If you are interested in online counseling, Dr. Carter has a sponsor who can assist. As the need is there, please seek the help you deserve: betterhelp.com/drcarter
We receive commissions on referrals to BetterHelp. We only recommend services that we trust.
Sign up for our email list and check out other videos, articles, webinars, quizzes, and more at our website: survivingnarcissism.tv
Twitter: Surviving Narcissism @SNarcissism101
Instagram: @survivingnarcissism101
Tik Tok: www.tiktok.com/@survivingnarc...
Dr. Carter's personal website: drlescarter.com/
Dr. Carter's other UA-cam channel: / drlescarter
Bookstore: survivingnarcissism.tv/books-...
Narcissists will grind you down until you're depressed and miserable, then they leave you because you are depressed and miserable.
That's what I told her ; those comments hurt and they really grind a person down until there's nothing left but a bitter husk. That's exactly what I was becoming because I kept hearing her words echo over and over and would fixate on my flaws and how "yellow" my teeth are
They make you depressed and miserable and then blame you for it lmao
100 %
Yes, and Enjoy every minute of it as well as making it all much worse whenever possible.
I was in a relationship with an alcoholic, drug abusing womanizer. I put up with it for years because I thought that was all I deserved and he would one day see the light and change. Lol! I ended up depressed and suicidal and a shell of my former self. He told me he couldn't handle my depression after I had put up with over a decade of his disgusting behavior. They truly are sick creatures.
NEVER give a narcissist what they want.
NEVER let them see you angry.
The best attitude to have is to "not give a sh*t". After all why give them ANY energy!
Walk away.
Yes. It’s not like they give a shit about us
Seriously. Dr. C
If only it was that easy. How can I make it easier on myself? I'm open for feedback please?🙏
Using words like “NEVER” is like saying we all are living the exact same narc nightmare. In many cases desperate abuse victims may see “NEVER” as “this must be only way.” when it’s not.
If I used your exact rulebook. I would “walk away” while Mama Narc verbally abused and manipulated our 8 and 10 year old daughters.
My NEVERS would be…
Don’t waste time thinking about what they want. Make sure you do everything in your power to love, help, and support the 2 individuals that didn’t choose any of this.
I could care less if the narc sees me angry. My kids on the other hand…I want them to see daddy get a little crazy when defending them.
Don’t give a shit is nice, but I’m too busy giving a shit for my girls. How the narc perceives me is irrelevant. But turning my give a dam on and off continuously would probably confuse the girls on the stability of their dad.
And if I walked away…I’d keep walking straight into oncoming traffic. Cuz living with that decisions wouldn’t be an option.
I apologize if this comes as an attack on you. We aren’t the bad guys here. When I was learning about this world, I got sucked in by so many statements like “It’s never a good idea to…”. Motives aren’t being questioned. Would hate for that desperate victim to live by a thesis meant for you. Thanks.
Yes!
Children stuck in adult bodies cannot regulate themselves emotionally, so they resort to bullying, passive aggressiveness, and other nasty behavior. They really believe they are the victims when all is said and done.
It's amazing how on point this is about Trump, a textbook case of narcissism, magnified by unmerited wealth and brought up with an aggressive sense of entitlement. Are narcissists more likely to be behind a narcissist candidate like him? Do they enjoy identifying with him? Does he validate their sense if self? Is this a statement about the prevalence of narcissism in the US?
narcissists and codependents are victims of an abusive childhood
Truthbomb
Even 3 yr old children behave better than narcs
Its a spiritual problem
for Years my brat Cousin used my apartment like a Gas Station Toilet- when i avoided her ( she was 20) she told HER MOTHER " carol isn't nice( lying snitch)
Narcissists suffer emotionally, so they need to offload that suffering onto others. That is what makes them “feel better”. It also gives them supply.
You get it. Dr. C
exactly.
Sick
but when they offload, they feel really GOOD.
100% correct
"They take delight in turning people against you." How true that is. They love to isolate you from family. They love to see you suffer.
Constant baiting is probably among them... Baiting in every possible way, with comments, remarks, jabs, etc. and then waiting for a harsh, negative reaction from the target person. That reaction is their ultimate joy. How pitiful!
yep, I do my best not to take the bait.
Sounds like how I was raised.
and what made me "good supply" incredible
The constant poking can truly be a challenge for me to not go into unglued mode.
Agree with the baiting…recently happened to me and my reaction after months of this was to blow up….and I immediately went ‘no contact’ with the offending narcissist . Not willing to put up with this any longer. Peace in my world since!
1. Narcs like being feared.
2. Narcs wield power for superiority
3. Narcs enjoy watching you decompose in anger
4. Narcs portray that you misunderstand them to others..play the good guy.
5. Provoke allies to turn against you....aka smear you...which provokes you to react
6. Provoke discomfort in routine matters......passive aggressive discomfort ...leaving u hanging
7. Enjoy you being ineffective, depressed, anxious
8. False is true, True is false. AKA gaslight. Cause confusion and agitation.
Summary: they are codependent out the wazoo, they need you to be disregulated.
Thanks for this I’m printing to remind myself 🤗
Thank you Joy
It's disgusting.
My narc dad demands fear disguised as loyalty. Yet, he shows me no loyalty.Two-faced liar!(Dad)
When you refuse to be a doormat they get rid off you.
Please God let them get rid of me!
@@reneesoli5345 I feel the same way…..
100%
it s hilarious, but they still track u, and wonder what your doing
It's really sad but no matter how good you are to them, they'll never reciprocate. Then publicly "Out" you for being a horrible person for not putting up with their shit
Get the narc, and any controlling monkeys out of your life. At any cost. Forever.
I am 70 and only allow healthy people into my life!
@Mary Carroll Just work on yourself, with 0 expectations, and good luck!
The best way to treat these narcissists is to emotionally detach yourself from them or go no contact.
agree
the bit that riles me is laughing in my face saying im a fckn lazy b#####d and all other names and then blames me saying it all my fault and putting me down everywhere we go.
I dumped one 2 months ago - no contact sent them insane, I gave no reason or explanation just left them hanging, they had nothing to control me with, best day ever. Best laugh is they moaned and complained how nasty I was just made them look nuts, it backfired.
Yes unless on deed to house try that with undiagnoised NPD
They are messed up. They are actually literally mad. But the good thing is that the more you read and watch such videos, the more you are able to see their madness and detach from it.
Yes madness!! Good word.
I’m hoping for that. I keep on going back over and over somehow I can’t break off from this bad relationship
@@ediekovac9112 Keep watching these videos and otherwise getting educated. Even if you never decide to leave you'll be in a better place. If you get enough self esteem you may decide you're getting nothing from the relationship and you will leave. Either way you win.
@@steviep9780 I just need the strength not to feel lost without him and when he’s around I’m only miserable and being blamed for everything is going wrong. 😔
@@ediekovac9112 I am meditating for your favourable outcome. Sending you strength. You will be victorious. Trust yourself to handle the situation. You can do it.
Emotional vampires! They suck the life out of you.
they try but then came you stay strong
They create drama and then say, I can’t stand drama, please stop, when they are the one that created the drama! Soup sandwich!
Anytime I have called the narc out or am upset with them about their behaviors or actions, I"M the one who's creating all the "constant drama". It's pure insanity.
Look at their reaction when they manage to upset you, a lot of satisfactory smiling.
Oh , the smirk !
They can even get that smirk in their voice somehow. The narc evicted me effective July 1st. I was shocked, he claimed he was giving up the property due to ill health (I'm a nurse, where is the ill health?......anyway he promised to help me find a new place to live as I don't know the city well, help me move, help me settle in, and make sure I have everything I need. Hmmmmm. It's August 19th, the property is sold. Technically (if I were a believer) I'm still waiting for him to tour me around the city and look at apartments....because after making all those reassuring promises he vanished. Not one lick of help. I found my own spot, moved my bedroom, and kitchen gear. So 2 days ago I get a call, after months of silence, full of dupers delight smirk voice, "is there anything you need me to do to make u comfortable?" (I have no furniture still as he has that locked in storage). So I replied when are we going to look for places to live like you promised in April? Gee he hung up. LOL
Yes, always great satisfaction in causing great harm.
@@joywebster2678 They love to be needed so that they can say no. Power trip.
I know....🤮
I hate their little "gotcha" grin after they pulled a good one. (Glad I have not seen that in years.)
Reading your comment I saw my mother smirk. (Gotcha grin and your whole comment is perfectly well-put!)
Sage: You just made me remember a look that my now ex-friend (whom I knew all my life and could not realize how abusive she was until decades later to me) gave me some years ago. Sorry about that convoluted sentence but I am dictating. I have turfed her from my life and it is sad and a relief. Years ago she absolutely insisted that her husband do my yearly income taxes for free because I was “a friend” as she said. I tried to insist on paying but she said no way I was “a friend”. After a couple of years she came over to get me to go out somewhere. I was visiting my parents in my hometown from Toronto where I worked for 25 years. She was looking up at me from the doorway and handing me my taxes done by her husband. I had a funny feeling since I am intuitive about the look on her face and have always remembered it. I think it was that gotcha look and that is what I felt afterwards although in those days I had no words for what I was going through except hurt and then she would be nice and confuse me. When I opened the envelope later when I got home, and I was visiting my parents from another city at the time, they had charged me for the taxes. I could easily pay it but what kept going through my mind was this terrible hurt that she said they would not charge me because I was a friend. It was as if she was saying to me I wasn’t a friend. I knew it could not be her husband‘s decision since he was terrible at collecting his bills even from his clients who were not friends head and I knew by that look on her face as well that she was the one that had made the decision to charge me. Even my mom who adored my now ex friend commented on how they had charged me. I used to stay in the bedroom downstairs when I visited home and when I was finally alone hours later I had a big cry. I did fight back in my own little way in that the next year when they asked where my taxes were to be done by the husband I told them that it was easier for me to get them done in Toronto and that was the end of that. But as always with this particular ex friend the hurt was incredible. I think my problem with emotional abusers or narcissists or people with Narcissistic traits has always been with female friends.
It’s got a name, that smirk - it’s called Duper’s Delight. Witnessed it my whole life.
@@motorcityblacksheep121 Devil's Delight - Evil
@@kimvannote5024 Indeed!
A family member made it their mission to turn others against me. She resorted to telling vicious lies. Because she was successful in her career no one suspected she would stoop so low. I basically was shunned. I even began to believe something was wrong with me because folks were willing to abandon relationships with me. What I have learned in these videos has changed my life. I understand it all better, it just makes it so much easier to cope with. Thank you, Doctor Carter.
You are saved 👍
I know exactly how you feel. Same things happened to me from members of my family and I couldn't understand why they hated me, were so mad at me so much all the time when I didn't do anythings to them and found out they had told ppl it was a surgery I had got bcuz I didn't get 1 stretch mqrk with 2 pregnancies and my body stayed I'm shape and apparently they hated it so they told ppl very harsh lies they made up about my vagina and what I do to make a living.
Watch for manipulation and exploitation - 1. Like being feared, 2. Take pleasure at your expense, 3. Enjoy watching you decompose in your own anger - provoking, dismissive, argumentative, 4. Portray themselves as a misunderstood, good person, 5. Can provoke your allies to turn against you - smear campaign, 6. Enjoy creating an awkward discomfort in routine matters,. 7. Like watching you being ineffective in general - when you're depressed, anxious,. 8. Gaslight - false is true - true is false. Codependent - need you to need their approval.
You found the exactly the right words. Well said! To point 6: my daughter and me call it the "stickyness" , made up (emotional quicksand?) and probably only found around certain narcissists.
@@luxurylifestyle2510 , it is a bad, painful situation and you have to have a lot of patience. I had a long term friend in the neighborhood my narc husband turned against me . I avoided her for a while, but we are getting to be on friendly terms again. Now I am seeking to join groups, that he has no access to (women only, different native language etc ) My best wishes to you.
Yes, I am currently the object of a narc smear campaign but I'm praying the tables turn.
@@lynniekaye7513 I turned the tables around on my narcissist sister. I started to expose her and 100% was truth. It's all about timing, but it will be in your favor at some point. The narcissist personality is hard to ignore, but the opportunity to reveal is there, just by educating and observing the signs. I'm grateful for videos on this subject and person's relating their own stories.
@@cassiebrown9786 Thanks for the encouragement ☺️
I’m not one to be controlled, I am not created to be angry and frustrated but too be caring and wise. Isn’t it funny that the ones that can’t control themselves are the ones that think they need to control everyone but not their own self?
I said that to him one day “You can’t control you self but you think your going to control me ?” The look on his face was priceless!!
They only act the way they act, because they feel miserable. They don't love themselves or have peace within themselves. So, they try to cause you misery by arguing, saying ugly things to you or about you, and even talking about you behind your back.
Right. They know it all, but u know more
The sad part is... This isn't exclusive to narcissists. This could be a reaction to having never really been in control of your life. I have caught myself doing that with people, where I'm sometimes controlling as a defense mechanism of not wanting to let myself be controlled.
@@Junokaii but if you're not a narcissist, you learn that's not a nice kind of behaviour and feel guilty afterwards.. at least that's what I had. I was very controlling in my first relationship, but after we had broken up I felt super guilty I acted this way and before the next one I wanted to better myself so I would stop being so controlling of others (or in my case my SO)..
WHY? How can someone enjoy all that? Being awful to another person can't be so wonderful unless they are just pure evil.
Right how can they enjoy it, being hurtful and destructive. It makes them feel powerful. It's a cheap high.
Don't try this.
Once upon a time I had a cat. Recognizing the difference in capability, i intentionally did something a little mean to it. It was an experiment -- to see what it felt like. For an instant I felt that huge difference in power. I could do ANYTHING to it and no one would know. But then I saw it squirm & wiggle, it was uncomfortable. I felt guilty and ashamed
In the previous comment I told you about my cat. You may have noticed I called her "it". I had to objectify her to do this experiment. That is what the narcoholic does to us. We get objectified, we are just "things". (I didn't harm my sweet cat in this experiment)
....unless they are pure evil. You answered the question, they ARE pure evil.
They are evil! Make no mistake about it!
@Mary Carroll I do hope they wind up in hell. They get away with so much here on earth.
You have described why I had to go no contact with my entire toxic family. I finally had enough. These people don't change. It's an endless cycle of abuse.
Bad associations ruin good habits. Education helps you see through them. Courage helps you let them go. Experience helps you respond with wisdom. Flee from those who disrupt peace.
Well stated. Dr. C
Once they've made themselves happy, feeling good, by making you feel bad, they see you offended and going away from them. So then, out of their ill gotten gain of feeling good by upsetting you, they then put you back together with a compliment. That way you will still.hang around with them.
LAURA CATOLDO ... It's laughable now but I used to get the flowers and chocolates to try and get himself to feel better/good. He thought that would make me softer toward him but I was much more clever than that.
Once I divorced him, I was free.
The therapist term for the token compliment or other token kindness is "breadcrumbing."
It was hard to realize when I being abused I have been around narcissists most my life but when I found out on thing about them they couldn't touch my authenticity I'm proud of who I am
This is why I drank. I am now 18 months alcohol free. Still with the narc.
After forcing me into a blowup, he acted as if I was crazy and even called my therapist to say I was having a breakdown! Luckily, my therapist had met him.
Therapists lol
After making you doubt every reality and rational thought process and start to feel that you are losing control they will have achieved their goal: You are now crazy and need them to control your life because you are a bad person who needs them to " Control You!"
Hopefully before that happens you can start seeing the pattern and get very . Very far away!!!
Wow! Yes. I experienced that: "You need to see your psychologist! You're really having a hard time!".....and all of it over what THEY were doing. It is, truly, impossible to negotiate with them.
@@deadmanswife3625
Exactly
Nobody.Repeat.Nobodu calls your therapist unless there is a previous arrangement.
There's no need to establish boundaries when you go no contact.
That is the ultimate boundary! Often the best one, too.
@@chelleb3055
In some cases, it's THE ONLY boundary that works
“They need you to need their approval.” Bingo!
One of my " favorite" responses from my ex husband was " just because you remember what "really" happened " doesn't make it true" 🥴
They just can't say, You're right. Dr. C
The major response the narc wants is the anxiety levels through the roof .Always focusing on your Achilles heel ,they are friggin evil
I was very afraid of my vulnerable, covert mother. I didn't know what was going on and kept trying to appease her, hoping for her acceptance. She punished me through other people with decades of character assassination, so I was confused. Thank you for teaching me about narcissism and how to stop enabling/ hoping in vain, and recover, Dr Carter.
Same - I’m 56 and my mother still terrifies me
@@diannebrett4074 may you find freedom from her. I found the book Mothers who Can't Love by Susan Forward helpful.
Mine died and I had nightmares and day scares about her for some months. Distancing from bullies and learning better ways and being safe with kind people for some years has brought me to a happier, calmer place. I hope you can get away and recover. We are not obliged to stay with a cruel mother or any other tormentor. I thought I was, but now I know.
@@michelepascoe6068
Thank you very much - I will look up that book. Wish you well in everything.
@@diannebrett4074 thanks. Courage and joy to you on your journey x
They turn everything around as if you are the one that is making everything about you. Call you names and ignite others in the family to pile on. Just happened to me and all I was trying to do is have a birthday party for my 89 year old mother. I took a stand and blocked all their phone numbers, and I feel better. It's sad, though, that this happens in families.
Yeah my block list has all good part of my family on it to you. Have a wonderful day
I haven't spoken to my family in quite a while either. Dont plan on it soon if at all
This is very sad, the shredding of what could otherwise be a strong family.
Yes, it is very sad. It's sad for everyone, but especially my 90½ yr old parent, who has been my siblings' target.
It is incredibly sad. In my family I think it partly comes from their total inability (and need) not to have their pathetic lives of failure exposed. So they target those whose lives are defined by the opposite
They are evil. The best and really only way to deal with them is to get them completely out of your life.
Now I know what the word gaslighting is. I face it every day.
It’s such a revelation when you know.
You can gauge how you have been portrayed to all your common relatives, former friends and former acquaintances by how disgusted they look if you happen to run into them. You also find your invitations ignored or declined and no invitations extended to you. You are an outcast.
They get help from their good ol' boy network to extend the blacklisting to everywhere you go.
It’s really bewildering at first . Especially as they are good at portraying themselves as on your side HA. As if.
Thanks for the heads up. So glad I kept from My Droid the levers that could cause the most harm. To know now he would use them against me makes my blood run cold and has me thinking Wild Thoughts.
@Millicient Aspinet And many more outside your county, as we live now in a very connected world.
Yes, they want you left with nothing and no one. They can all go to hell.
my life the now
I am signing up for counseling today because I feel surrounded by narcissists. Team Healthy all the way!
Best wishes with the counseling! Dr. C
They need you to need their approval! Codependency!
I think what has helped me break off relationships like this in the past is the absolute knowledge that they didn't respect me. They didn't honor me or our relationship. It takes two. I didn't "lose" love, as they never loved me. They used me. I thought they loved me, but I was wrong. And looking back, I see so many things that I should have understood then, but I didn't want to. I cannot be the only one loving in a relationship. Love doesn't do what they do. Someone who loves you doesn't shame you, criticize you, blame you, call you names, belittle you and your efforts and NEVER celebrates your accomplishments. Love doesn't always act angry or dissatisfied, doesn't sound sarcastic or flip into anger over nothing. Love doesn't always make you feel that you are never enough, and that you haven't proven yourself to them. Love doesn't keep moving the goal post of making them happy. Love doesn't nit pick on little things like how you make toast, or how much butter you put on it. Love feeds the object of their love, support them, honors them, and protects them. Love wants to make you happy, because when you are happy, they are happy. It hurts them to see you sad. So many of us grow up not even knowing what love is supposed to look like, and we get sucked into these relationships thinking we are loved, and cannot figure out what is going on. Love feels really, really good when two people feel the same way. Love isn't supposed to be hard. If you feel like you've worked all day in a coal mine just dealing with someone, it's time to leave.
Make sure you see the video, Recovering Your Worth After Leaving A Narcissist. Best wishes to you, Lynn. Dr. C
My simple definition of love: brings out the best of both. Do well.#2, the 💯opposite of "you hurt most the ones you love" NO‼️
They Walk away after Stealing your money, Cheating and knowing you will Struggle and die and lead a very difficult life. They Win and they Love it.
No they don't win 👉 GOD FORBID!
Listening to these cold, hard truths makes me sad and weary because the good Dr. is describing events that was my reality. It's like a flashback not so far back in time and still fresh on my mind that I can personally relate to. These methods describe exactly my own experiences of exploitation by a covert narcissist and sheds light to all the abuse and trauma I had tolerated for 3 long yrs, before I finally decided to leave everything behind and walk out of a toxic relationship in order to save myself. A narcissist taking delight in someone else's misery is a form of cruelty that is too sick and unimaginable to me.
I’m left, even during no contact, paranoid, scared, angry, and an anxiety ridden mess. My family, 4 out of 5 of them, do all of this stuff and they’re good at it. Things improve slowly, but it’s gonna take awhile while I become deprogrammed to this sick way of life.
Meditation has helped me in this area, consider it, it really works!
@Mary Carroll oh jeez I think magnesium has saved my life lol/ No more paralyzing anxiety as I try to get out of bed in the morning. So great for keeping that cortisol under control
Yep, you do have to "deprogram" your entire life, after having been entangled with any kind of narcissist!
Let me guess. Was thw 5th one an enabler who considered themselves to be a "peacemaker" and in reality was using you as a shield? If yes, that was my family too! Except there were 3 narcs out of 4 family members (and the 4th an enabler)
Since learning what my narc's tactics are, I work hard to not react in ways that give them what they want (their "supply"). I either do the opposite or I don't react at all...and then I hear the sigh and grumble because they didn't get their "fix".
David P. I was in that situation. If I reacted I got a hiding, If I didn't react I got a hiding...
@@rosemarydudley9954 yup..fkd either way with them. Its always a Lose lose for the non narc.
Yes! The narcissist in my situation loves to see others turn against me.
Based on the lies he told about me, to others.
This describes my aging mother and sisters to the T!! Such an exhausting environment. I maintain civility in my interactions with them but I never forget what they are.
Baby M: I am dealing with the N. Aging parent too. Would love to hear Dr. C speak about “ The Aging Narcissist”. I am constantly wondering : is this aging or is it narcissism. Trying to maintain some patience and empathy…..
I had to cut ties with my sister, her husband and my step mother because of this. Good Luck out there.
Minimize contact…
My sisters mother and father lol
Wow
Totally experienced this. Being hurt, undermined, criticized and gaslit by them until I snap and get mad. Then scolded and told ‘don’t get upset’, even though they yell and get mad to try to manipulate me to do what they want despite me saying no. Super frustrating.
Don’t wrestle with pigs, they will drag you into the mud.
@Mary Carroll sorry to hear. Please find some good support systems like a therapist to help you navigate this and stay safe. 💖
Educating yourselves on the manipulative tricks of the narcissist is the best way to defend yourselves. It works!
It's really awful the way narcissists seem to view other people as experimental guineapigs, whose only purpose is to make them feel better and raise their own status!
The malignant narcissist ex I divorced thrives off of antagonizing, manipulating,exploiting , coercively controlling, and bullying.
Then when his chosen target/prey is set up to react in front of his audience he plays the imposter misunderstood victim while blame shifting triangulating and smear campaigning his victim.
How...
.....HOW are you so on point!!??
My mind is CONSTANTLY blown with how perfectly you describe universal interactions with these toxic individuals.
It's specific, it's CONSISE!
Keep up the great observational work!
This was my life growing up.
Basically, nothing good comes from engaging with them
Crazymaking. That's one of the best words I've heard that describes this behavior. This is excellent insight into the sick joy Narcs get from manipulating others, and it emphasizes the futility of trying to change a Narc or trying to reason with a Narc. Thank You, Thank You, Thank You for everything you do for this community!
I noticed Monday my counselor is narcissistic. Treatment doesn’t help but it makes things worse. She falls asleep during sessions. Makes rude comments and asks the same questions every week. It’s a waste of time.
That's why the videos are better than therapy. Most of them just buy their summer home with the tears of people like us.
dump her
Ugh. I realize that telling him I'm having a panic attack is just exactly what he wanted. No wonder he would sit there looking like a bump on a log. LOL! Thank you Dr. Carter! Your videos are priceless.
Pathetic that someone gets their jollies by tormenting a fellow human. Dr. C
Whenever I reacted with frustration to his nonsensical behaviors, his response would be that I need medication! Once I was onto him & learned to stop giving him the reaction he wanted, he seemed to lose all interest in me & want nothing to do with me. It wasn't long after that happened that it confirmed for me what type of person I was dealing with. I then, made my plan to get out!
Yay for you! Good job 👍
Once you call them out and its right on the mark, it is never the same for them. Ironically your intellect is not a value to them. A diabolical conundrum that only escape provides serenity.
Thats how they shift blame onto us.
Yes, it is so interesting to watch once you know what they are doing. So sad too.
@@bradmcewen Intellect and logic mean nothing to them. I stopped wasting my energy on trying to “talk sense into them”. 😩 ugh
They turn you against your family
Their acting abilities are often times equal to those of award winning celebrity actors and actresses who have years upon years of experience in the art. To the narcissist however, the “show” just comes naturally. SO DANG SCARY!!!!!!
Absolutely, I was so confused when my narc mother smeared me to others by calling me an “Oscar award winning actress”, while simultaneously gaslighting me. The reality was the projection was so real!
@@thecoldglassofwatershow Very well put and I completely understand!
Understanding narcissism is one thing... getting out of a narcissistic relationship is another. I finally figured out that my husband of 28 years is a covert narcissist. I finally understand why our marriage has struggled for so long! I want out but feel stuck. I have suffered long enough. Please pray for me.
❤
🙏🏼🙏🏾
It takes Time to heal.
Just like a physical wound.
Just prayed, Lisa, that you will find your way out and through and feel God's strength and love all the way through.
I hope you made it out!
It can be frustrating when I have an interaction with the narcissist in my life and they are being so mean and hurtful that I get so upset and in tears. And its always before we have company over and then they interact all sweet and kind. But there I am not wanting anything to do with them and it's like the company that's over then sees me as a cold heartless person, never knowing what took place behind closed doors minutes or an hour earlier. It's difficult. Hi Dr. Carter. I love your videos.
dont I know it LOL these jerkoffs
Can definitely relate, happily divorced now 😊
Always before people arrive.
Dr. Carter, I didnt realize that they enjoyed manipulating so much. I thought maybe they didnt know it and it wasn't on purpose. Some therapist claim they are not aware and it is unintentional. I'm glad you did this video. It let's people know they are not dealing with unaware elementary school behavior and not to feel sorry for the narcissist !
It's very intentional. It's a matter of deliberate choice. Dr. C
I didn’t either. Always thought, and was told, I’m too sensitive and they didn’t mean it “that way.” They meant all of it 😢
He explained to me in the beginning that he loved causing fights arguments and pissing people off I said I didn't understand he described it in a bar setting so I just thought he ment he liked fighting men in bars. I ask why he said it gave pleasure a thrill. Wow
Boy did I misunderstand but lesson learned still don't understand why anyone could be like that crazy.
@@sophiablast7514 They're crazy, yes, but I see them as very seriously sick at soul level. There's something putrid inside that drives it all.
They have decades of baiting you, then sitting back & smirking when you finally unleash on them. As long as you remain unaware that they do this on purpose- you will remain their puppet. Stop being a puppet, try your hardest to remain impassive/non-reactive. Then, detach from these horrid people. It's awful until you learn learn their "games" & go gray Rock until you leave.
this is a primary focus of a malignant narc for sure.
Yes I've found the more malignant and farther down the narc scale they get the worse their destructive behaviours
Amen. Opting out of the crazy train is the best. It feels so good and it's such a relief to just say no to the garbage. They're nutcases. They'll find other victims. Don't worry.
My mother has turned my brothers and niece against me because I went no contact. My dad, who hasn’t been married to her for 25 years, stopped talking to me for about 6 months. A couple of family members have stood by me, but don’t understand why I don’t want to see her.
I recently left my narcissistic fiancé and realise I have attracted many in my life, thinking it was just how people behaved. I hope arming myself with knowledge, means I can avoid them in the future.
They will try a scorched earth plan to get others to do a family intervention to get you to " Come to your senses" since they will have everyone believe you are crazy. Then let the games begin. All over again!
They are lost insects who cannot fly!
That's some huge self control they have, they don't get angry once they've gotten the victim to blow. What an enormous waste of time! They could have more easily cooperated but chose this sick bizarre path. It's truly demented.
Crawling out of this is a fkng nightmare
That's so true. This demon has lived on this property for 12 years and everything is contaminated by his evilness. It's almost impossible to get out from under the weight of it. I've been knocked down so many times. He's going away in a couple of months and I'm going to take the poor dog he hoards and abuses and secretly run away. Not telling anyone .
Thank you Dr. Carter
@@martyrose Brave Warrior. Wish I couldve been that wise before things got this far.
@@morenitascorp9246 I'm sorry because I have some idea of what you're experiencing.
My intuition just tells me to keep this to myself because I can see the rage in his eyes when I defy him over small matters. I can't imagine the tantrum leaving would produce and I don't want to deal with it. At this point, I really don't care if he does kill himself so that tantrum wouldn't have the desired result and things would escalate.
Take care and please be careful.
@Mary Carroll Thanks Mary Carroll! Everyday I tell the dog we're leaving and I think he's beginning to believe me. LOL!
I used to reminisce about past events that were funny happenings in the family. My parents would ask, "Whose family were you brought up in. That never happened." They are pros at gaslighting, because these events did happen. They all take pleasure in being cruel. Forgive and get away.
Yes. Relationships are not a game. Or a chess match . It’s all about love.
Their behavior is evil...out the wazoo!
That’s it, they portray themselves as a misunderstood person who tries everything to make me happy and therefore I am at fault but in reality he is constantly undermining me, dismissing me, but of course not in public. I am so grateful for those videos!!!!
Christa Muths,You look stunning,hope you are not with a narcissist....
Thank you so much for these videos. 8 months divorced from a covert narcissist and still trying to make sense of it. These videos help!
If you don't mind me asking, how many years were you married? And when did you start to realize things were not healthy?
@@laurenbatson5918 22 years and I started noticing issues slowly starting around year 3-4 and especially once we had kids. It got worse over the years and took me awhile to identify what the issue was and stop pretending it was ok and making excuses for it. He had a rough childhood and for along time I felt bad for him but eventually I started feeling bad for myself. Then I left.
Congratulations on your divorce!!!! 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉
@@ndgirl584
Narcissists will always play the "bad childhood" card. It overlooks the fact that most who have had bad childhoods don't go on to hurt anyone because of it!
It's guilt tripping, manipulative BS. It is also a form of gaslighting they get into with it.
Most of the time the narcissists had an okay or good childhood and they are just making sh*t up. Like the rest of the Lies they tell you on a daily basis!
I knew a narcissist who told people his parents physically harmed him, in terrible details, and he admitted later that he enjoyed shocking people into sympathy for him. He enjoyed knowing they would never get those thoughts out of their minds after his fake emotional retellings. It was horrendous. They are psychos.
Married just four months and she went from live bombing to total discard . For six months she told me to forget the past meaning her ex and the whole time she’s texting him cutting me up . She can’t do nothing on her own and I always have to help her and she could careless . She’s a cancer and she stop having sex , puts me down and calls me crazy of course … luckily I have tons of videos and texts of her . She’s so bad she called the cops twice on me first she told them I hit her which all I did was toss a love letter she wrote to her ex infront of her and other she said I stole her pendant and cut her LV bag . They came and did nothing . Now I have to diivoce
Her and cost me a fortune and have to throw her out . She will go crazy and call the cops when I do
Word narcissist is too good, they’re just a**holes. I’m dealing with someone like that at work every day. Fits the description 100%. Thank you for educating us and giving some tools to deal with these monsters
Yeah you're on target, but I have to be careful of the google censors. Dr. C
I sadly have first hand experience with this, My Mother & One Sister are both Narcissist. The rest of the family are all just flying monkeys yet because I spoke up,I'm the Outcast. Well, Guess what!? I finally did my own healing and went No contact.
Your Wisdom is appreciated Less❤🙏
Stay strong! You're why I do the videos. Dr. C
Narcissists sound utterly and completely evil.
They need to be put in a room with no way out and be treated the same way for a very long time until they break. Not all will break of course. The legit victim can watch.
But why would we want to watch the narcissist suffer?
It’s the lack of boundaries and ignoring boundaries that’s the major red flag. I always spot that as the first red flag.
Terrific video Dr. C. The public humiliations of me by the narcissist, all fabricated stories, often sick and perverted, were the hardest aspect of looking back at the time with my now ex husband. When I would ask why would he make up some sick story and tell it to people that thought well of me, his answer “because I can” was always delivered with such an evil tone, it was as if Satan himself were speaking those words. For anyone to delight in degrading others and get “supply” from that is truly a very dark, twisted individual.
Shari, I'm so glad you got away from this person. Dr. C
I’m in this predicament, right now he’s threatening to go to my church and make a scene and tell horrible lies and at my work, so stressed out by him constantly
Dad is my devil!
I recognize all of this. Being wound up and when you explode they make out there is something wrong with you. The tactic of creating instability in ordinary situations also rings a bell. I recall waiting for the narcissist to leave the club we were in and she was taking ages. She did this deliberately. Once to teach her a lesson, I left without her. She then accused me of disloyalty and said she could have been being attacked and I just ignored her. The smear campaign and making out there is something wrong with you is another one I recognize. When she eventually did push me over the edge and I went no contact and we began exchanging letters, she responded to my continual refusal to become friends with her again with 'well I've tried'. Making out I was this dysfunctional one and she was the reasonable one. As I have said in posts on previous videos, after an exchange of letters I was able to outsmart her and drop her. She never believed that I had the ability to do either.
That's exactly what they do. They are like creatures from the black lagoon. They will not except real relationships and real solutions.
yep, I would go so far as to say they are control addicts, getting their 'hit' from you...so yes, very co-dependent on you if you choose to play their ego games.
You are so right. I need to do a video that hones in on that angle. Dr. C
And no matter how much you plead with them they never stop
The thing is I never choose to play . I never realised game till I figure out what he was . Then I research and realised. Noone would volunteer to play .
Once realise your in a game it makes sense . So sick
@@SurvivingNarcissism yeah I agree...endless material I'll bet
Who's heard one or both of these from a narcissist-"relax" or "calm down"-after they do their narcissistic manipulating?
After a session of screaming at you loudly, while they claim they are not screaming, and you calmly replying, or calmly trying to make them understand this is too loud, too aggressive, but they just carry on screaming at you, never pausing to hear your replies as they throw questions at you.
AFTER all that, they catch their breath and tell YOU to CALM DOWN.
Really, a narcissists screaming at you, is just a monologue to them, the CALM DOWN they express at the end, is said to themselves, they dont even see you, other people do not exist to narcissists, that is why talking with a narcissist is like talking to a wall, they are just impenetrable, and then they start screaming from a speaker on top of the wall that is them.
the most horrifying is " they enjoy damaging you" my mother did it to me she enjoyed talking away my seflestim my confidence and made me hate myself and self reject my self Now I can accept something I was afraid to believe... yes she enjoyed damaging me
I'm so sorry. Thankfully you've found Dr. C and you can heal and have a wonderful life. 😊
Same here!! And it's hard to get away from thinking of them as "misunderstood," when really they were very deliberate and cruel. There's just no excuse.
Seeing her for what she is helping me build my confidence and self wirth back up though, instead of taking all the fault on my shoulders like I was raised to.
Actually, I used to think I had a really good poker face as a child because my mother never seemed to notice when she hurt me. But now I see the truth: I actually have a very expressive face, she saw how much she hurt me and she enjoyed it, and these days she tries to watch my face extra carefully to see if she can hurt me again.
Very sad. I also lived your experience. We are survivors thanks to Dr. Carter and many more.
Remember we can not replace our family once they are gone. But because they are so hurtful I wasted my time love them, I do love , They do not love. I just never was aware until now.
I had knee knee replacement last week. One of my nurses was a sadist/narcissist. She was trying to make we walk before the pain meds had time to kick in then when I could not walk and was screaming in pain, I saw pure pleasure in her eyes. They will find any way they can to make others hurt.
And remember Nurse Ratched.
@@wallymarcel1 I called her Nurse Satan. She was pure evil
I am sorry that happened to you ! That has occurred to me in the hospital as well, in addition, to where I have lived/ and currently living ! They create scenes to FORCE you to speak to them, use weapons (Finances, psychological, physical) to control, use what you cannot stand and use it either against you to highly irritate you ! For example, if you like a clean work/home environment, they will create a mess to agitate and leave it for you to clean up ! If you speak the TRUTH, you will be "Punished" or "Set up" to smear you ! These individuals are the epitome of sadists and the games they play are clinically insane and CRIMINAL ! (Illegally entering into your LOCKED bedroom, touching/stealing/destroying your property, eating your food, -despite leaving countless notes -in both the room/refrigerator, ignoring boundaries, then LYING about it). Then you hear the landlord say ," One more week"...while he is on the phone ? What ? One more week of sadistic torture ? I need one more week so I can smear her ? It is bad enough that I suspect that my privacy has been violated for a VERY, VERY long time ! The whole situation is INSANE and filled with criminality/victimization ! All true...
Sorry to hear, what you are going through, as a knee replacement is already difficult enough by itself. Wishing you strength and patience while you recover. When the wound is healed, you will be glad you had the surgery.
Oh yes
I totally agree Doc! they like being feared! today, my narc began to yell at me out of nowhere and when I demanded some respect he said 'don't yell at me!' and here I am, the silence treatment started again because I am the one who was disrespectful and provoked him 😵💫😵💫😵💫😵💫
They tell you they have control over you and that they own you!
That's twisted! Dr. C
Horrible, despicable, EVIL people.
You've described my life in a nutshell.
Another one my ex used was pretending he couldn't understand what I was saying. Like one time I said 'I feel I can't move on if you're still checking in on me' and he said 'what do you mean by move on..are you moving house?'. Drove me nuts!
The narcissist I have the misfortune to have to endure is exactly as described in this video! Yet, even people who have been hurt/insulted by her STILL forgive and forget and sign up to be flying monkeys 🐒 to hurt the next victim! It's beyond my comprehension and it's so painful to watch her have so much power over people! That's what gives her the power, her power is measured by how many people she can control, manipulate, exploit and recruit to be her little soldiers of character assassination! For heaven's sake, why can't people wake up and stop giving her power to keep wreaking havoc?!! 😖😖
According to the narcisist : False is true and true is falls = gaslighting=fire=hell=the kingdom of the father of deceit . Thank you dr Carter. You are the warrior for Good.
"When they see you over there in a defensive posture wondering what's next, are they gonna be mad at me? They like that a lot!" Oh my goodness... just hearing those words made the knot in my stomach even tighter. I wish it wasn't so hard to NOT CARE if they're mad at you.
There comes a time where you have to draw a line and force yourself to stop caring if they're mad at you...they don't care what you think, why not reciprocate the same action? The narcissist in my life (unfortunately, a family member) blew a lid on me a few weeks ago, yelling, name calling, the works. I stayed completely calm and silent (mostly) throughout the deluge and since then, haven't heard a word. Why? Because I put my foot down and wouldn't budge on what they wanted. All a narcissist wants from you is someone to use, nobody deserves that, nobody! Be the selfish person the narcissist may accuse you of being and take care of yourself first.
I wish I could remember which video it was on this channel (I've been watching a lot of them) but one that hit home for me was when Dr. Carter said to handle your interactions with the narcissist like they're business transactions. No emotion, just doing simple business like going to a bank to deposit a paycheck. Using that approach worked for me. Perhaps using a similar one might work for you as well. Best wishes!
CB Holmes -Thank you for your honesty. Not caring if they're angry is hard for me too. I feel like my mission is to completely accept the fact that the narcissists in my life are not the people I wish they were. I have to fully grieve the loss of my illusions about them. It hurts. But I think for me, feeling my grief is my way out.
@@lovesings2us very well said! I am there, right with you!!!
@@lovesings2us
As am I!! Right on target in the grieving process
@@123raven4 Thank you. May the power of love and wisdom continue to spark your hope!
Very true in my life/case. My brother has this personality and is not someone I want to be around. He's toxic! I've always been his all-ocassion target practice. For over 40 years, he has managed to convince all my family to go against me. So much so that I was the reason that my mother died. It goes on and on. He lies relentlessly. Frustrating. My other brother protects him so l find myself being thrown under the bus whenever I need help with support. I've resolved to standing firm as this is my brother and, even though I love him he still continues to be this cruel, heartless bully. I am the outsider trying to fit in in my own family. Without success. Without love.
The only way to beat this is to move to another country and without a phone!!!😄
You too huh?
You might only need to get 200 miles out of range of personal visits and quit Facebook
Block them all. You have to stop being reinjured in order to heal
So weird how this rings to me. These people like to have a scapegoat.
If someone is willing to exploit me for their personal pleasures and turn around trying to be a better person This is a sick way of having relationships. I am opting out of such relationships. I am not willing to be used. Take your manipulations somewhere else. I am on team healthy. I stand for dignity, respect and civility! Amen. God bless you dr Carter❤
He is brilliant ♥️
They are inconsiderate and have no manners.
"The best way to put it is these people are codependent out the wazoo!" Lol! Dr. C, another brilliant video! 👍👌👊
He says,"you don't love me any more." Now that I'm on team healthy.
What he means is, I need you to admire me. Dr. C
Exactly, once you're on team healthy (healthy boundaries) you realize it's an impossible love, never was a real relationship because +they+ can never let it be a real, loving relationship marked by mutual respect, peace, honesty, kindness, etc.
This is so right, that this is a child in a full grown person, throwing a fit. They only care about themselves. Get out, as fast as you can.
Yes a narcissists manipulation and explotive tactics are insidious,team healthy and no contact is the only way out of this type of insanity .
It's amazing that they do the same diabolical things; almost as though it were masterminded by someone else ... a leader who taught them a terrible way to live.
You are exactly right. Their leader is SATAN.
Narcissists hate beautifull souls becouse they can't have one, that's why they want to destroy it, kill or put down. This is the war between good and bad.
I agree. Dr. C
They hate empaths! I'm proud to be one! ❤
These narcissists are sadists!
Cruel disgusting individuals. The world would be so much better without them. Thank heavens I’m out of that lifestyle. Thanks Dr. C!