A sociopath's idea of right and wrong, if he or she has one, can be summed up as follows: Right is what I want at the moment and wrong is when someone tells me no.
“There is simply no winning with a narcissist. He will treat you so horribly that you will become withdrawn and depressed and then he will turn around and say, ‘You’re no fun anymore, you’re always so depressed. I need to be with someone more positive.’” - Susan Williams
YES! It's the most difficult thing I've dealt with in my whole life because it is my mother and she has destroyed me! And I'm still struggling to put myself back together and I'm 55 years old!
My sister goes to such lengths to discredit me when I figured her out. I said I make accurate observations and I've proved that to myself time a d time again over the years... She told me outright I don't make accurate observations, and that nothing I've ever observed has ever been true..and the responsibility was on me to find the better explanation rather than on her to change so that I don't have anything bad to observe....that was blasphemy to her ears ..total projection.
Vengeance is of the Lords. Clearly the injured Narc doesn't know God (Jesus), because of all their back biting, back stabbing, gossiping & vindictive behavior. God despises the proud/egotist (Narc), but gives grace to the humble. A proud man/woman (narc) rarely cares to know God, because they are too busy looking down their nose at the world around them and can't know the one above it all = God. Pride goes before destruction. Haughty spirit goes before a fall and one day every knee will bow and every tongue will confess Jesus is Lord of all (Daniel 7:13,14). Isaiah 53 👀 John 16:33
@@jsf8145 that is so true. I actually asked a particular one this week thinking they were a Christian and he said he thought Jesus and God were made up. He said God had a poor way of showing him anything. I was shocked.
One thing I regret is not listening to my inner alert system. I knew there were red flags and hints of the relationship being unhealthy but I chose to ignore them and they gradually became worse and worse. His last text was extremely hurtful and full of hate. I’d never experienced someone who just was that downright mean and could never be accountable for his actions and was constant lying even about small as well as big things. My advice is to get out early and don’t ignore those hints of intuition you get about the person.
I agree wholeheartedly ! Trust your guts ! I myself am guilty of not listening to my “ inner alert system “ ! In my defence I had no idea that there are people in this world that operate without a conscience.
Feona I can relate so much. I dated a girl at work recently. I saw the signs of borderline narcissism, but chose to ignore them. The seduction, where she'd squeeze my waist when going past my station. Her "all or nothing" arguments. The belittlement ("Are you stupid, can you not read? Do you not remember, you idiot? You're not trying. You don't give a fuck"). She lied about her best friend and housemate. Her lack of empathy. I told her my business was struggling, her response was, "You poor baby.". I am more annoyed at myself because I ignored it. Probably because I thought I could "fix" her, now I know that will never happen.
This is what I have been dealing with. It’s like trying to treat a rattlesnake like it’s your dog or cats. It’s in the house just ready to strike, you have to be on guard and never ever forget it a snake Not a poor snake it’s a rattlesnake! God Bless us all with this wisdom from Dr Carter
And as soon as I made it clear I wasn't with them, I was automatically assumed against them. Thus becoming their #1 enemy. Because I used to be somewhat of an enabler. But more accurately, I saw the things they were doing. But wasn't really cool with them doing it. I just didn't do much to stop it. So knowing all that stuff and being made an enemy really puts a target on your back for knowing too much
“When a toxic person can no longer control you, they will try to control how others see you. The misinformation will feel unfair, but you stay above it, trusting that other people will eventually see the truth just like you did.” - Jill Blakeway
@@peetsz3732 God bless you Thnks for your response ➕🍀🙏Terrible shme they are this way, bec@use it does, to an extent, plant seeds of doubt, concerning the persons nme/ character they're sme@ring➕🍀🙏
They will, in time, yes. But, they'll be afraid they'll be treated just as badly if they dare to side with you on anything. They find it easier to fill the role of a flying monkey. Trust only in God and learn to respect your trust in God.
@@umarae27 Yes this is extremely true 👍🍀God bless you 🙏i oftentimes think, it's so simple to be wise with hindsight God bless you 🙌🍀🙏Like we must indeed trust God's guidance, His inner voice, our intuition, trying to s@ve us from destruction & dmging people ✌️🍀🙏God tries to forewarn us, but sometimes we didn't recognise that God ws spe@king to us, forewarning us, through our Loved Ones
What we don't know yet is that the whole humanity is going to be that way. There will be mostly narcissistic sociopaths as human beings. It spreads really fast as a soul disease, a spiritual pandemic ! So stay strong if you are immune to that and protect yourself as much as you can because you are among the last ones remaining. I know, I sound dramatic and maybe crazy, but the situation is truly dramatic, time will unveil it.
No, you don't sound crazy. I think we do live in a world that has become a very scary place. I'm 63 years old now and it's such a completely different place than it used to be. All the dishonesty. All the takers, scammers...so many people out there that make their living out of stealing from innocent people. And they do prey on the elderly. Everything has moved on and changed so much during my lifetime. Is hard to keep up with it all.
You described my first husband. He's been gone for over 20 years and I'm still blown away by how much someone could enjoy hurting those who only want to love him. He did a lot of damage. There was nothing for me to do but cut, run, and expect no compensation. Ever.
I'm in an ex wives club. Even the first who left him 20 years ago is still trying to heal. It's great to compare notes and endorse that idea that they never ever change.
I wanna personally thank all the commenters on your videos. These people are willing to express feelings and show others that we are not alone and all of us are humans.
I have found through educating myself through these videos that I am NOT ALONE,IM NOT CRAZY. IT HELPS TO REALIZE IM NOT ALONE IN THIS. THANK YOU FOR SHARING 🤗
My ex husband used to say " I don't mind and you don't matter " It took 30 years to realise he wasn't joking. I divorced him 10 years ago and no more walking on eggshells.
That was a phrase I often heard in the military. Superiors would say, "It's really just a problem of mind over matter. I don't mind and you don't matter." I gave them 12 years but couldn't take any more of the BS and escaped.
This is a reflection of my marriage. I married a sociopathic covert narcissist who outwardly is an overachiever and a caring individual. But behind closed doors she is a cold, selfish, gas-lighter who has destroyed my self-esteem and confidence. After 14 years and two kids, I’ve lost hope in ever thinking she will change or get better. I never thought one person could do so much mental damage. My heart goes out to all of you in the same situation who feel hopeless or trapped. These videos have been my biggest ally and I draw strength with every one.
Only God knows if someone is beyond redemption…Jesus’ death on the cross was for everyone meaning…no one is beyond redemption it’s just that only God can do it, not us.
@@scep8551 GOD gives us choice. If you reject CHRIST and follow the devil and his ways, you are beyond redemption. Hell will be full. CHRIST went to the CROSS for everyone and our sin. He already did it. Not all will benefit for the sole purpose of rejecting and never believing that they sin.Hebrews 12:17😊
@@scep8551 just remember sweet believer that the scripture says that “some” are given over to a reprobate mind. That is an unredeemable condition. Also, blasphemy of the Holy Spirit is an unpardonable sin. What is the one sin He hates most? Hint, his angel of music was cast out of heaven for it! It is pride, arrogance, which is one major characteristic these folks ALL have. Leviathan has taken them over. See what God himself says of leviathan in the book of Job. And google it as well. (John Eckart has explained leviathan really well in his book “Deliverance & Spiritual Warfare Manual”.) A narcissist has been taken over by the spirit of leviathan and that is one tough beast! One must have a repentant heart in order to be redeemed and acknowledge the need for (and receive the) Savior. They will not, no cannot do that because they believe they are the highest and most worthy. When folks think that the narcissists are redeemable through Christ they miss the point that God WILL NOT, CAN NOT usurp a persons will. You may disagree with that but what I am saying is sound biblical doctrine. In Hosea (book of) God spoke through the prophet saying My people perish for lack of knowledge. Just as there are judicial, governmental and scientific laws, there are spiritual laws as well. These can not be broken. That is why Jesus came in the form of man, so that legally man could be spiritually redeemed. God is certainly able to help someone rid themselves of leviathans influence but the individual has to want it (and a narcissist rejects God & mankind). Sometimes we love or care for others so much we will not believe the facts, we co-dependently make excuses or rationalize their behaviors which leads us to cognitive disassociation which in turn creates constant stress in our bodies resulting in adrenal fatigue and physical symptoms; and May eventually cause physical and mental breakdowns which eventually renders the victim helpless to make optimal choices for themselves and others. Very few therapists or Dr.s who are well acquainted with narcissists will agree that they are capable of changing their ways/behaviors/(evil tactics - my words). If empaths or Christians with Godly character (however you want to label it) do not ever acknowledge the truths about these folks they will never come to the point of healing what has been damaged within and returning (or getting to) a deep level of personal productivity and satisfaction in life much less be effective in sharing faith or influencing others regarding the gospel (good news) of Christ! No healthy person really wants to listen to (much less follow) a victim for a long period of time. You can be healed. You can become healthy. You can overcome! But not without education, understanding, faith, perseverance and facing hard truths. I hope this is received in a spirit of love which is how it was intended. Hopefully it did not come off harsh, critical or offensive. I truly wish all the best for you to include healing health and well-being as well as success in relationships and all things. Dr. Les Carter is a wonderful educator and a supportive advocate for healing and restoration of the soul broken by a narcissist (s)! Thank you Dr. C!! I appreciate you immensely! Dr. C. Dignity, Respect, Civility! Awesome!
If they appear to follow any societal "norms", keep in mind that it's all for show. Very sad when the only value such people see in others is "usefulness".
Or they BAIT you to react, then when you do, they call the police and tell them you are abusing them, when it is the other way around.....very sinister !
I met a guy who had a lot of relationships, and he said that the women he was with changed, he just said we didnt agree on the relationship. I had been around him for a few weeks and was drawn in by the fake charm and fake friendship, and then bang, the nastiness, gaslighting and hate. Thanks to you Dr Carter, I realised not only was this guy a narc, but my husband was a narc as well. I must be attracted to them after being with one for 35 years. lol. Learning some big lessons here.
"The smartest thing you can do is head for the exit"...exactly what I am doing. He has hurt me and caused a lot of pain, and I know he will NEVER change. Lesson learned...🙏💕
My first niece has a tendency to ask a question and then if she do not like your answer she gets loud and snatch things out of your hand my oldest sister is quick to tell you that she don't "give a Fu** about what you want or what you need" she enjoys saying that the people
I have lived with this for 37 years. I thought it was always my fault and I was stupid. Thank you Dr. Carter for this message. I now feel free from the guilt of always thinking it was me. You just described my husband to a T. God bless you.
I discovered Dr. Carter a year ago and almost 33 years of marriage feeling the same way. We must be married to the same man! If my husband and I weren't Christians things would be extremely different for us. It's all about being on Team Healthy. God bless you Suzanne.
@@deborahjohnson8853 Thank you for your reply. I don't understand how a Christian husband can be so cruel. I try to do everything I can to make him happy. Well, I've switched teams... I on team healthy now.
32yrs for me. Always wondering if you're crazy or what the nicer you are the worst they treat you and 1% of you hopes they will change but they won't run
I'm so tired of this. I never wanted this. Never. These people are evil. So let's fight back. We need to fight back. We need truly kind souls on our paths.
Leaving them with the children , the assets,.. leaving ... all the time only to be not in best state to make new connections - I agree , I want to fight.
Nope. You will never win. Take your loses and walk away...with your head held high. God loves you. We are worth more so lets stop settling for less ..RUN ...
do not waist your time, this types are like human roachs, they have a survival porpose for the species, the best we can do is educate "empaths" to heal personnal childish traumas, recognize unhealthy patterns of behaviour and avoid this personalities.
Those are evils just to destroy good humans! Forget about those, we don’t need this kind of people cause life is too short to spend it with such demons.
Thats because the whole time they are telling you how great you are, its all an act. They just need to suck you in, get you close and vulnerable and that makes them feel safe and secure. Then they power trip all over you, put downs, criticism, judgmental comments and worse. So what you though was love at first, was really nothing more than a very skilled set up.
@ Ray Nash - So true Ray, well said! 👍Not only are many people NOT able to afford quality Therapy... but many, far too many Licensed 🤯 Therapists are woefully ignorant in the field of Narcissism & Narcassistic Abuse. Secondly, most Medical Insurance limits your choice of Therapists & # of sessions. Even if someone is lucky enough to find a qualified Therapist - the co-pays can be cost prohibitive. 'Thank Goodness & Thank You' Dr. Carter - for all you do to help us, your grateful community! 👏👏👏💐👍🎈🎉🙏
I found the way to deal with any controlling person is just to tell the pure unbridled truth about everything that alarms you or makes you unhappy when you’re dealing with them. This might not be appropriate in a work environment but a: “No, I’m not comfortable with that,” or: “No, that’s not how I see what happened,” or: “No, I actually like that person,” or: “No, I’m having some alone time for the next week or so,” works wonders. The reaction really separates the wheat from the chaff. They count on manipulating you and bullying you into views, actions and reactions that gratify their ego, negative or positive. Starve them of attention and make it clear you know your own mind and they leave. It’s like the blood supply to a pile. If it stops, it shrivels up and drops off.
Tom, your insight is so smart and on point! In my personal experiences with several different narcissists over the years, I somehow survive d and came out alive by unknowningly doing things and handling situations almost exactly as you suggested. A narcissist hates it when you don't give into their need for control and let them know that you don't agree to their demands and opinions. Lucky for me, I was not ever married to one, but was in a sexual relationship with one. The fact that we lived in different cities (although only two hours drive apart) was a big help!!! I hope that the other people going through something like I did can tactfully break the relationship off. In my case, my partner had a violent temper that could arrupt at the drop of a hat! I became physically afraid of him and luckily told him I didn't want to continue seeing him before he directed his violence toward me. My advice is to have other people you know and trust around you(a public place is best) and don't raise your voice or let him talk you into continuing the relationship, just say you can't explain why you are ending it, you just feel you have to. By not embarrassing that person or giving a specific reason, they have no grounds for talking you out of it. Keep it brief and polite. Then leave with your friends and stay somewhere else for that night and maybe the next night or two. Don't take their calls or respond to their possibly many vile, hateful critical messages. Stay strong and don't be tempted to call back and reciprocate with any kind of.message!!! Just thank God that you were able to get out of that relationship with your life. Sadly Gabby Pettito wasn't so lucky!!!
Just had a friendship sever because I called her out on her trying to manipulate my point of view. Your comment gave me some comfort. While she’s not a huge narcissist a deliberately controlling but she fit all that you just write on
Thank you Tom. I’ve been telling him no a lot and. No to marriage, no to kids, no to moving out with him and have called him out on things. He also insults me to but then tries to change. He’s also jealous. It’s get super old.
Thank you, This is helping me understand my very sadistic, malignant, covert, self-righteous sister-in-law. She controlled my family with manipulation to such a degree I walked away from them all over five years ago. It was the best thing I ever did!
After going through covert narcissist abuse myself I wonder how many people have taken their own lives because of people like these. Mine gave me thoughts of wanting to hurt myself
My brother committed suicide after decades of dealing with our mother. She's the type of narcissist Les describes here. He could never quite separate himself from her and continued to go back to her and our father (who was useless and totally enmeshed with her) during tough times in his life - which of course only made things worse. His story is a long and sad one that's difficult to encapsulate here, but I am certain he wouldn't have done what he did if he didn't have C-PTSD and other symptoms of narcissistic abuse.
My ex was the only sociopathic narcicisst I had ever encountered..... My deep confusion of his actions towards me was shocking..... It's like he developed a vendetta to hurt me from the beginning..... He ripped my heart out so many times for the first eight years..... Last six years of our so called relationship I finally figured out what I was dealing with..... So I fought back , he refused to move out , after years of me telling him to move out..... No matter what I said to him it's like he did not hear a word I said and he kept on planning ( his future ) by way of using me to get what he wanted..... Despite me telling him that there was absolutely no future left for he and and to move out ASAP..... Every conversation I had with him even in anger went straight over his head like he never heard a word I said..... In the end he started telling me I WAS THE ONE THAT NEEDED HELP AND I SHOULD COMMIT MYSELF TO AN INSTITUTION !!! He always laughed and took great pleasure in telling me that.... His relentless control, insults , lies , entitlement , was an every day activity for him and he never let up .... And when I fought back he would laugh at me and say I was losing my mind..... I had to get the hell away from him as I was afraid of what he would be capable of next..... When I sit on my patio drinking my coffee now, I realize how much a simple moment like this could bring so much happiness now that I am free
6/26/22 Congratulations, Kristie! I'm presently sitting in my home office on a Sunday morning, drinking coffee WITHOUT feeling the weight of him sitting in the living room (30 feet away) stewing, thinking I am somehow short-changing him by not being at work! It's a sad fact that his recent death in the pandemic is what has set me free. But this freedom is bliss. Enjoy the rest of your life!
You’ve helped so much in understanding who I was married to. I’m out and happier than ever. I watch you now to remind me to not be sad or miss him. He was evil.
I hear you. What's there to miss? Chaos? Terror? Confusion? Grief? Constant gaslighting? Neglect? ABUSE! My life coach told me not to grieve too long because I wasn't in a "real" marriage with a "real" person. I was in an entrapment/captive situation with a horrifically toxic person. Who I missed most was my real self and I was never connected to that because I grew up in a psychopathic/narcissistic family where I was trafficked from age 2 until 20. I have D.I.D from all the lifelong horrific abuse but am working towards integration and have cultivated love/compassion and kindness for all parts of me now. Finally connecting within myself to the love that's been there all along.
@@jennyanderson4796 Thank you Jenny. You can do it, though it's not an easy road. I had lot of very good help along the way, I've been lucky in that regard. Doing the inner work to reconnect with the Truth/Love within us is the most precious gift we can ever give ourselves and we have always, always been worthy of it. I had to learn to reparent all my wounded child parts and do my best to have a nurturing, warm, welcoming inner place for them and me to heal together. What I learned after being surrounded by the worst of humanity is that "evil" so to speak, cannot destroy out true self. Sending you warmth and kindness.
Thank you thank you!!!!! Sadly these people are in the church, I am dealing with it right now! These people have no love, they call people stupid for not doing what they do or saying what they say! These people cannot be influenced to take a look at how they are acting, even by the example of others who act rightly, because they cannot see beyond themselves. Also, often the people who are this selfish will attack anyone who attempts to show them a different way.
Yes, you are so correct..they are everywhere in the churches. Having seen the George Barna and Pew Research polls of the last few years of "Christians surveyed"....62% don't believe the Holy Spirit is real..or satan. Something like 50% believe it's morally acceptable to live with someone outside of marriage. And the biggest documented report of all was that only 6% have a biblical worldview. It's exactly the thing that Jesus and the Apostle Paul warned would be a sign of the last days...the great falling away...And in Jesus' own words "When the Son of Man comes will He find faith on the earth? So sad.
What rules? What accountability? And my God, they never learn from their mistakes. If their lips are moving, they're lying. Mine spent other people's money with no regard for how he was hurting anyone. No empathy, no sympathy. Worst people you can get involved with. I gave it a number of years and learned the hard way that these people will never change. Oh, they lie so convincingly but there's actually nothing but coal in their chests where a heart should be.
I know one who likes giving people pain and making them cry etc, yet plays the victim and acts like I’ve killed someone when I make a simple mistake. It’s crazy. No getting through to them either to fix any issues, like talking to a brick wall.
My son is 24. He has had years of therapy and he has managed to manipulate his therapists to get pills. He has misrepresented his childhood to get sympathy. He uses everyone around him. Girlfriends etc. Lies with ease. It's painful to realize that he will probably end up in jail. He lives with us and goes to college. I dont know what to do except get help for myself.
I wonder what it would be like when Narcissists vs Narcissists hang out in social scenes. Apparently they love conflict and chaos. Remind me to EXIT the door immediately.
15 years I was married to this exact person. Regrettably, I didn’t realize this until the final year. Let me tell you, the price tag is unbearable… my story would absolutely floor you.
Me too, 25 years. Things he did, I can't repeat yet. I've been out 5 months now, and healing. When i think about my story, i get panic attacks. Hope you're doing okay. Godspeed.
Your comment reminded me how many times I’ve told people “Dr Phil and Steve Harvey wouldn’t even believe my story”. SMH and I’m 8 years in right now I hope all of us end up spending some of the best years of our lives when we all finally get away from abuse I also didn’t realize all the explanations and traits untill a few years ago bcuz this person is so mysterious and quiet and was nice at first but man after so many times of cheating and all the crying and hurt he’s had to hear outta me afterwards he’s started to resent me and show all these traits and more putting me thru hell if I even offend him accidentally or disagree and the part that scares me the most is I just had his baby a few months ago now I have a whole new reason to keep trying but I’m dying inside and don’t want my baby even to be exposed actually to this nonsense outlooks and dark ways
@@sammorton2023stay strong .dont give in to the fear it is what they feed on..Do what you can to protect you and the baby.Speak out dont suffer in silence.
@@sammorton2023 Be very aware when the quiet, sneaky, malignant type is alone with your baby. If he's upset over something you didn't do, he will hurt your baby to get back at you. Take your baby and run, the narc-hole isn't worth the pain you will inevitably go through.
Dismissive of your legitimacy!! Yes! I wasn't "allowed" to be upset about anything, but he could blow up over tiny, non issues. Money issues, yes! He spent every dollar we made, and blamed me for us being in debt.
I have a child by the sociopath,same bs over and over,every chance to learn and do right,never did despite me helping many times. Narcissistic mother,no bringing up with boundaries or right from wrong,it nearly killed me emotionally and almost physically. They are dangerous and I give them no get out of jail free cos they’ve been told how to be helped. Devils children who will go to the pit if they don’t stop.
@@gate101101 it’s horrible,it ruined my working years,ten years has put me in debt while his asshole family just backed anything he did. There are no words for their enabling. Anyway they and his lying ex are all on the road to destruction. If he comes to his senses great but I’ll never speak to his family again after what they did last year with their meddling
I wish I would have had this knowledge 40 years ago. My narcissistic/ sociopathic/psychopathic husband of 30 + years made sure I was too afraid to leave. Then he left me and came back to attack me. Then he hoovered his way back and I didn't know which end was up.He died 12 years ago and I am still trying to get over it the trauma. All this knowledge came to me this year when the flood gates of psychology opened up and I am soooo grateful for that. I had been so confused, terrorized and felt crazy. Now at least there's an explanation and it wasn't me. Thank you for these videos to help me along my way.
Yes, it’s so liberating when you come to understand the narcissistic disease, the more knowledge you have the stronger you become and they will be completely oblivious to your inner strength.
This sociopath hacked on me for 10 years and he's still doing it. He tried so hard to make me feel rejected and put me in a third party situation, but I never engaged. I was trully sorry for him and for the other girl. She was beautiful when they started dating, now she looks horrible... at least, the last time I saw an image of her, which has been some time, you could tell he took the life out of her. She's probably no angel, but I feel sorry for her nonetheless... having to deal with someone like that must be very draining. Dodged a bullet.
This is exactly the case. Covert narcisists are often sociopaths they know the difference between right and wrong and know exactly what they are doing. Thank you dr Carter.
I’m preparing to leave a 6 year long physically and mentally abusive relationship. I’ve been watching your videos for the last 2 months and the deadline for the breakup I’ve given myself is fast approaching. I’m scared of what will happen but I also am so ready to breathe again. Whenever I start to feel weak or guilty about it I just come listen to you. Please pray for me. I hope I’m strong enough.
When they drag you along into something stupid, and it goes bad, expect to be blamed and it is not unlikely that the whole purpose of the whole thing was to harm you, while they "tried to stop you"
I've learned that every day I should ask myself the question: what am I doing to protect my own tiny but significant, fragile life? I've had a lifetime dealing with narcissists... mother, husbands, friend... and have found that my ability to protect my own life, and make rational decisions, was greatly marred by those narcissists. The question bears repeating, every day.
my narcissist is my son-in-law, who took my daughter away. I have to wait for her to open her eyes. She has disowned her Mom and me and we aren't allowed to contact her. She's also disowned all family by not communicating with anyone. Pray for her and our granddaughter that I'm not allowed to talk about.
Hi :) Are you aware that you can go to court and get grandparent rights to see your grandchildren? It may vary from state to state, but where I live you get the child on A Wednesday one week then the whole weekend the next week! It’s better than no contact at all. I truly hope things work out for you. May Yahuwah bless you and your family. Stay Safe. Prayers up 🙏🏻
Hey been there, she probably doesn't like the set up any more than you, my ex wouldn't let me see my mom on mothers day with my new baby .... crushing devastating the consequences lasted forever, I should have gotten violent & done something drastic that evening like take the dam car & ditched him as things escalated anyways. Don't blame her.. he puts thoughts into her head, get creative . I always wanted my mom,... my dad would do similar .... my poor mom .
My Father is a NARCISSIST. He refused to come over to my house to see his grandkids for Thanksgiving or Christmas. When I told him...My kids felt let down that he didn't come over.. He became defensive and said "They can get over it, that's too bad!" It was such a strange response... No remorse, no I am sorry I missed them. It was just strange!
Excellent advice! I think the hardest thing to do is to see these red flags before you're invested in a relationship. Most people, especially men, will turn on the most magnificent charm when you first meet. They can drag you in with record speed and slowly show you who they really are in such a way that you ignore or do not even see these red flags until it's far too late. No matter how much love or time or effort you have already invested into this person...find the exit!! Fast! Do not argue with them, do not negotiate, do not fall for the charm! Stand your ground and walk away with definity. No looking back. They can crawl through even the smallest cracks in your wall of boundaries. You cannot fix or change this person. Move on with your sanity and grace intact. And know it wasn't your fault.
I worked with a person like this and he was more satisfied with running our work into the ground than seeing it finished. The completed work would have benefited him more than anyone else, but to satisfy his ego total destruction and humiliation of myself was the better route. He harassed me for up to 2 years after the project was destroyed at his hands, before finally going away and leaving me alone. He was desperate to look like a big shot or a decision-maker and also didn't want to look like a fool when people found out he had lied about his ability to finance the project we were working on.
I’ve been around these people most of my life! I’m a very empathetic person and even though my dad was one, brother and other family members as well as an ex best friend of 28 years and lastly an ex husband I figured out and left, I refuse to become like them! God says DO NOT REPAY EVIL FOR EVIL! If 2 people can’t live peacefully the best thing is to walk away.
Same darling. NM survivor here. No contact. There's another guy who is a sociopath obsessed about me, he hacks on me. These people are sick... evil to the core... they find peace boring, they can't live in peace...
No sympathy for people who struggle. Exactly. I told a sociopath narcissistic sibling about having to sleep in my car for a couple of nights during a rough patch and they acted like I was going on a fun camping trip. Total disconnect, could not read my distress, or maybe enjoyed it. I have dozens of stories of strange behavior. Like this: She happened to be at my parent's house when they said they would babysit my brother's newborn so he could run an errand. Well, she "helped" babysit, but he didn't know that. He thanked my parents and left. She got mad because he didn't thank her personally. She ran outside while he was heading to the car and shoved him hard in the back as he held his newborn son and said something nasty about not getting a thank-you.
that's some same experience I had. when I tell someone the hardship I was having, they would say they had some worse one or someone can do better than me. soon it becomes a competition and no help will be offered
My sorrow is that this person is my daughter and, after 30 years, I’m just now realizing what her mode of operation is. My deepest sorrow is that she’s isolating us from our 4-year-old granddaughter and creating confusion in our granddaughter’s life. 😢💔
This is the best video I've heard on this. It explains "why" "what" certain behaviors take place. The hard part is to "get away" - the tendency is to think, "Oh, it can't be that bad." If I think in positive terms, positive actions, it will be well received. Can everything about these people be this bad? (That's what you think.) Why does the narcissist work to create pain in your life? Why is that "their definition of winning?" Yet nothing works out the way you think with narcissists: happiness is not in their playbook. I'll have to listen to this video many times to pound the message in.
I've been asking that same question. Who would want to live being angry and resentful and hateful towards everyone. It's so sad and is so painful if you're on the receiving end.
There is no future. I dated mine for 7 years and we stayed on square one the whole 7 years. It's like we have no history together in his mind. He wants me to treat him like we just met.
I was born the youngest of 4 kids. Covert narc Dad and partner in crime, the oldest child, my brother. Me and my Mom were covertly and constantly emotionally traumatized through the most devious methods imaginable. The middle kids were brainwashed to beieve we were the problem, while they were deemed the beacons of truth and respect. As the youngest, my live ended at 5 yrs old. 55 suicidal years followed. It took 50 yrs to unravel, but I now have zero family. The middle kids still have no idea what's going on, blaming themselves for their messed up lives, never the tricksters who made them confused and against me and mom (the only christians). The oldest is rich and has a million dollar home in florida, while the other 3 kids are all unemployed, on disability, and living in a psychological hell. Hell yes, there are evil, a special type of evil. My faith in God keeps me alive, barely.
Similar here, oldest daughter with younger brothers. My dad is all this and trying to talk with him, is impossible. I told him once, he hated being a father, of course he denied. My brothers aren’t even aware of this. When I first learned of this, I tried talking softly, because of his childhood, but no luck there. I was a whole different parent because of him. My mom is passed. She’s finally in peace, I say, but I miss her terribly. Had I known about all this, I would of gotten her out. Heal well, because for me, it’s really hard to just not think of my life as a child, being a big lie.
My brother - the worst of narcissistic bullies - goes into vicious rages at anything he sees as provocation. If there is no provocation, he creates it out of nothing. His behavior is childish and ridiculous and yet he thinks of himself as the cleverest of persons. He has a perpetual sense of grievance.
This kind of person doesn't just hurt you, they relish the complete destruction of your life. They laugh at your isolation and pain.
Artie Anderson,You look stunning,hope you are not with a narcissist......
@@jamesarmstrong4179 🚩
100% true
Not only that, they try too hard to make you believe that you are in pain... they manipulate you all the time to feel less...
So true
"The smartest thing you can do is look for the exit"
And at best walk past the entry!
Took me long enough... & I also put out there , for next time an arrest is possible let it happen for Pete's sakes, stop covering for him.
Yes.
Totally agree.
Go 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
A sociopath's idea of right and wrong, if he or she has one, can be summed up as follows: Right is what I want at the moment and wrong is when someone tells me no.
Sue B isn't that the truth!
EXACTLY...
Perfectly stated
On point !!!!!!!!
Very good. In describing my ex and the things he did in our divorce, I described his thinking as "Right is whatever I can get away with."
“There is simply no winning with a narcissist. He will treat you so horribly that you will become withdrawn and depressed and then he will turn around and say, ‘You’re no fun anymore, you’re always so depressed. I need to be with someone more positive.’” - Susan Williams
That's how it works, unfortunately.
@@SurvivingNarcissism Extremely true 🍀🙏
Or her..
Yep and it’s never them ..because they like outsiders to think it’s you
@@heatherpesterfield8121 yes they Most Surely do 💯percent God Bless You
We need a twelve-step program for people who have been abused by narcissists.
So true.
One step! away!
perfect hahahha @@michaelthompson-li7zs
Absolutely
YES! It's the most difficult thing I've dealt with in my whole life because it is my mother and she has destroyed me! And I'm still struggling to put myself back together and I'm 55 years old!
They can't hurt you when you have figured them out. They are so predictable
Boring but evil. We can't let ourselves be dulled by their shallowness.
@Mary Carroll u Right
My sister goes to such lengths to discredit me when I figured her out.
I said I make accurate observations and I've proved that to myself time a d time again over the years...
She told me outright I don't make accurate observations, and that nothing I've ever observed has ever been true..and the responsibility was on me to find the better explanation rather than on her to change so that I don't have anything bad to observe....that was blasphemy to her ears ..total projection.
Very true
Correct 👏👏👏
“Revenge over Reconciliation.” Is very true. Please pray for those who are being run into the ground by these sociopathic narcissists.
Also need to pray for the sociopathic narcissists
Vengeance is of the Lords. Clearly the injured Narc doesn't know God (Jesus), because of all their back biting, back stabbing, gossiping & vindictive behavior.
God despises the proud/egotist (Narc), but gives grace to the humble. A proud man/woman (narc) rarely cares to know God, because they are too busy looking down their nose at the world around them and can't know the one above it all = God. Pride goes before destruction. Haughty spirit goes before a fall and one day every knee will bow and every tongue will confess Jesus is Lord of all (Daniel 7:13,14).
Isaiah 53 👀
John 16:33
YEA! My son mom would rather break up then to prove that she’s not lying to me
@@jsf8145 that is so true. I actually asked a particular one this week thinking they were a Christian and he said he thought Jesus and God were made up. He said God had a poor way of showing him anything. I was shocked.
No reconciliation is possible....but revenge?? I think revenge can set you on the same path they are on!
One thing I regret is not listening to my inner alert system. I knew there were red flags and hints of the relationship being unhealthy but I chose to ignore them and they gradually became worse and worse. His last text was extremely hurtful and full of hate. I’d never experienced someone who just was that downright mean and could never be accountable for his actions and was constant lying even about small as well as big things. My advice is to get out early and don’t ignore those hints of intuition you get about the person.
Sorry you been thru that, he was a weaken man to do such a thing to you.
I agree wholeheartedly ! Trust your guts ! I myself am guilty of not listening to my “ inner alert system “ ! In my defence I had no idea that there are people in this world that operate without a conscience.
Feona I can relate so much. I dated a girl at work recently. I saw the signs of borderline narcissism, but chose to ignore them. The seduction, where she'd squeeze my waist when going past my station. Her "all or nothing" arguments. The belittlement ("Are you stupid, can you not read? Do you not remember, you idiot? You're not trying. You don't give a fuck"). She lied about her best friend and housemate. Her lack of empathy. I told her my business was struggling, her response was, "You poor baby.".
I am more annoyed at myself because I ignored it. Probably because I thought I could "fix" her, now I know that will never happen.
Well said Feona.
Fiona I just went thru this, still am getting over it now!! It’s painful but I have to keep going!!
"They will create pain and hurt you."
Words to the wise....
A seared conscience; a damaged conscience; eventually a destroyed conscience is a path. They chose it
This is what I have been dealing with. It’s like trying to treat a rattlesnake like it’s your dog or cats. It’s in the house just ready to strike, you have to be on guard and never ever forget it a snake Not a poor snake it’s a rattlesnake! God Bless us all with this wisdom from Dr Carter
A snake is a snake.
That's what it means to "walk on eggshells". Sometimes you can feel these snakes are looking for any excuse to strike.
@@wifferstess2824 I’ve walked on eggshells but that didn’t have fangs! 🙂
Great analogy. People call dubious people " a snake in the grass " for a reason .
Yes, and whenever I've forgotten they are snakes is when I've been bitten. Great insights Susan!
Narcopaths are also greedy. They want what you have. They will take what belongs to you. They withhold what they owe to you.
"When we disagree, how can I run you into the ground and make you sorry for doing it." That's about right
And as soon as I made it clear I wasn't with them, I was automatically assumed against them. Thus becoming their #1 enemy. Because I used to be somewhat of an enabler. But more accurately, I saw the things they were doing. But wasn't really cool with them doing it. I just didn't do much to stop it. So knowing all that stuff and being made an enemy really puts a target on your back for knowing too much
“When a toxic person can no longer control you, they will try to control how others see you. The misinformation will feel unfair, but you stay above it, trusting that other people will eventually see the truth just like you did.” - Jill Blakeway
Agree with you on that point.
@@peetsz3732 God bless you Thnks for your response ➕🍀🙏Terrible shme they are this way, bec@use it does, to an extent, plant seeds of doubt, concerning the persons nme/ character they're sme@ring➕🍀🙏
They will, in time, yes. But, they'll be afraid they'll be treated just as badly if they dare to side with you on anything. They find it easier to fill the role of a flying monkey. Trust only in God and learn to respect your trust in God.
@@umarae27 Yes this is extremely true 👍🍀God bless you 🙏i oftentimes think, it's so simple to be wise with hindsight God bless you 🙌🍀🙏Like we must indeed trust God's guidance, His inner voice, our intuition, trying to s@ve us from destruction & dmging people ✌️🍀🙏God tries to forewarn us, but sometimes we didn't recognise that God ws spe@king to us, forewarning us, through our Loved Ones
David Dobrik
Sam Bankman Fried😉
Thank you. You just summarised 20 years of my life. But I survived.
Once a former boyfriend, lover, husband looses control we turn into enemy number one. He did everything possible to destroy my life.
Agreed...I was his scapegoat until I slammed him on it
And more-all he can do for you to dare to leave his greatness delusion.
Hey Girl, as long as you removed him from your life your on the right road now stay far from that. Oh Yeah.
Or mother
my husband did too. EVERYTHING. How scary
What we don't know yet is that the whole humanity is going to be that way. There will be mostly narcissistic sociopaths as human beings. It spreads really fast as a soul disease, a spiritual pandemic ! So stay strong if you are immune to that and protect yourself as much as you can because you are among the last ones remaining. I know, I sound dramatic and maybe crazy, but the situation is truly dramatic, time will unveil it.
I agree. To me everyone is angry, selfish and cant be trusted
This is what happened to alot of ET's.
@@amnrasellassie sorry, what is a ET ?
@@irishelinac extraterrestrials .... And their demise
No, you don't sound crazy. I think we do live in a world that has become a very scary place. I'm 63 years old now and it's such a completely different place than it used to be. All the dishonesty. All the takers, scammers...so many people out there that make their living out of stealing from innocent people. And they do prey on the elderly. Everything has moved on and changed so much during my lifetime. Is hard to keep up with it all.
I figured out how to deal with narcissists , move far away and have no contact , done
EXACTLY DON'T ENGAGE
👏🏽
1,
7,6,0
8,3,6
narcissists and sociopaths are seldom lone wolfs
they are organizing
That part
Gosh, it’s just so scary when the mask drops or when they start to see you as the enemy. They can be so dangerous.
That part
I know.
They are very dangerous people!
Most definitely. Especially if you notice an action when they aren’t aware you see them. Like a toddler throwing a fit.
You described my first husband. He's been gone for over 20 years and I'm still blown away by how much someone could enjoy hurting those who only want to love him. He did a lot of damage. There was nothing for me to do but cut, run, and expect no compensation. Ever.
Julie Abraham,You are absolutely gorgeous,you don't need a narcissist in your life.....
I'm in an ex wives club. Even the first who left him 20 years ago is still trying to heal. It's great to compare notes and endorse that idea that they never ever change.
This sounds like how my wife describes me! She is diabolical! No one believes me.
The smartest thing you ever did,
No. 1. Run!
No. 2. Expect no compensation! Bravo!
@@allennorman1628 I believe u. This woman is probably a liar too.
Narcissists fabricate offenses of which to accuse you. Strong boundaries such as no contact are healthy when it comes to such toxic people.
Jessica Landi,Hope you are not with a narcissist. ...
They hate happiness in you and try at all costs to dim your light, they are the definition of true evil.
Yes, they are beyond redemption.
Walk away from these people as fast as you can, they will never change , I've seen it in someone for 40 years and they only got worse
I wanna personally thank all the commenters on your videos.
These people are willing to express feelings and show others
that we are not alone and all of us are humans.
Yes great idea, I am one such soul appreciating these pouring out of similar heartaches 👍
Me too. I really appreciate the honest sharing that percolates in the comments sections, as well as Dr C's wonderful help.
I think the comments section is just as educational as the video session itself.
Amen to that! Thank you all, it makes it a little easier to shoulder when you see these encouraging comments.
I have found through educating myself through these videos that I am NOT ALONE,IM NOT CRAZY. IT HELPS TO REALIZE IM NOT ALONE IN THIS. THANK YOU FOR SHARING 🤗
You never know what you're going to get from these people from one moment to another. They create chaos. It's simply exhausting.
Yes ! You may feel like you are interacting with two to three different people in the course of a day !
My ex husband used to say " I don't mind and you don't matter "
It took 30 years to realise he wasn't joking. I divorced him 10 years ago and no more walking on eggshells.
That was a phrase I often heard in the military. Superiors would say, "It's really just a problem of mind over matter. I don't mind and you don't matter." I gave them 12 years but couldn't take any more of the BS and escaped.
❤miss kitty❤
Dr. C has such a big, empathetic heart.
This is a reflection of my marriage. I married a sociopathic covert narcissist who outwardly is an overachiever and a caring individual. But behind closed doors she is a cold, selfish, gas-lighter who has destroyed my self-esteem and confidence. After 14 years and two kids, I’ve lost hope in ever thinking she will change or get better. I never thought one person could do so much mental damage. My heart goes out to all of you in the same situation who feel hopeless or trapped. These videos have been my biggest ally and I draw strength with every one.
Another very helpful video. “Some people are beyond redemption.” That’s what I needed to hear. Thank you!
Only God knows if someone is beyond redemption…Jesus’ death on the cross was for everyone meaning…no one is beyond redemption it’s just that only God can do it, not us.
@@scep8551 GOD gives us choice. If you reject CHRIST and follow the devil and his ways, you are beyond redemption. Hell will be full. CHRIST went to the CROSS for everyone and our sin. He already did it. Not all will benefit for the sole purpose of rejecting and never believing that they sin.Hebrews 12:17😊
@@scep8551 just remember sweet believer that the scripture says that “some” are given over to a reprobate mind. That is an unredeemable condition. Also, blasphemy of the Holy Spirit is an unpardonable sin. What is the one sin He hates most? Hint, his angel of music was cast out of heaven for it! It is pride, arrogance, which is one major characteristic these folks ALL have. Leviathan has taken them over. See what God himself says of leviathan in the book of Job. And google it as well. (John Eckart has explained leviathan really well in his book “Deliverance & Spiritual Warfare Manual”.) A narcissist has been taken over by the spirit of leviathan and that is one tough beast! One must have a repentant heart in order to be redeemed and acknowledge the need for (and receive the) Savior. They will not, no cannot do that because they believe they are the highest and most worthy. When folks think that the narcissists are redeemable through Christ they miss the point that God WILL NOT, CAN NOT usurp a persons will. You may disagree with that but what I am saying is sound biblical doctrine. In Hosea (book of) God spoke through the prophet saying My people perish for lack of knowledge. Just as there are judicial, governmental and scientific laws, there are spiritual laws as well. These can not be broken. That is why Jesus came in the form of man, so that legally man could be spiritually redeemed. God is certainly able to help someone rid themselves of leviathans influence but the individual has to want it (and a narcissist rejects God & mankind). Sometimes we love or care for others so much we will not believe the facts, we co-dependently make excuses or rationalize their behaviors which leads us to cognitive disassociation which in turn creates constant stress in our bodies resulting in adrenal fatigue and physical symptoms; and May eventually cause physical and mental breakdowns which eventually renders the victim helpless to make optimal choices for themselves and others. Very few therapists or Dr.s who are well acquainted with narcissists will agree that they are capable of changing their ways/behaviors/(evil tactics - my words). If empaths or Christians with Godly character (however you want to label it) do not ever acknowledge the truths about these folks they will never come to the point of healing what has been damaged within and returning (or getting to) a deep level of personal productivity and satisfaction in life much less be effective in sharing faith or influencing others regarding the gospel (good news) of Christ! No healthy person really wants to listen to (much less follow) a victim for a long period of time. You can be healed. You can become healthy. You can overcome! But not without education, understanding, faith, perseverance and facing hard truths. I hope this is received in a spirit of love which is how it was intended. Hopefully it did not come off harsh, critical or offensive. I truly wish all the best for you to include healing health and well-being as well as success in relationships and all things. Dr. Les Carter is a wonderful educator and a supportive advocate for healing and restoration of the soul broken by a narcissist (s)! Thank you Dr. C!! I appreciate you immensely!
Dr. C.
Dignity, Respect, Civility!
Awesome!
@@Carol-nt1gk ...Thankyou for that very supportive and enlightening expounding, Sis. God Bless and reveal more gems of His kingdom ! X ;)
They don't want to "change"! Money is their god, and greed is the energy that they run on!
If they appear to follow any societal "norms", keep in mind that it's all for show. Very sad when the only value such people see in others is "usefulness".
Then they tell you that you are as handy as a pocket on a shirt.
🎃
They wait for the handshake, bite you, then call cops because you don't hand feed them.
Or they BAIT you to react, then when you do, they call the police and tell them you are abusing them, when it is the other way around.....very sinister !
I met a guy who had a lot of relationships, and he said that the women he was with changed, he just said we didnt agree on the relationship. I had been around him for a few weeks and was drawn in by the fake charm and fake friendship, and then bang, the nastiness, gaslighting and hate. Thanks to you Dr Carter, I realised not only was this guy a narc, but my husband was a narc as well. I must be attracted to them after being with one for 35 years. lol. Learning some big lessons here.
I don't accept or shoulder any of their labels but that doesn't mean they don't desperately try to dish it out.
"The smartest thing you can do is head for the exit"...exactly what I am doing. He has hurt me and caused a lot of pain, and I know he will NEVER change. Lesson learned...🙏💕
❤🙏
I would say, don't even tell them what you are doing....because they will try to destroy your plans to not be around their abuse.
They have zero conscience. Evil incarnate...
Thanks for the comments don't forget to hit the subscription button
and for narc mentorship
1,
7,6,0
8,3,6
6542
My first niece has a tendency to ask a question and then if she do not like your answer she gets loud and snatch things out of your hand my oldest sister is quick to tell you that she don't "give a Fu** about what you want or what you need" she enjoys saying that the people
This is the most confusing experience of my life, I'm quite glad that I've managed to gather myself and stick to my own gun.
I have lived with this for 37 years. I thought it was always my fault and I was stupid. Thank you Dr. Carter for this message. I now feel free from the guilt of always thinking it was me. You just described my husband to a T. God bless you.
37 years, you poor sausage, God bless your soul x
I discovered Dr. Carter a year ago and almost 33 years of marriage feeling the same way. We must be married to the same man! If my husband and I weren't Christians things would be extremely different for us. It's all about being on Team Healthy. God bless you Suzanne.
@@deborahjohnson8853
Thank you for your reply. I don't understand how a Christian husband can be so cruel. I try to do everything I can to make him happy. Well, I've switched teams... I on team healthy now.
32yrs for me. Always wondering if you're crazy or what the nicer you are the worst they treat you and 1% of you hopes they will change but they won't run
Your narcissistic husband husband studied you carefully before proposing. He was confident you would tolerate his ways and stay with him.
I'm so tired of this. I never wanted this. Never. These people are evil. So let's fight back. We need to fight back. We need truly kind souls on our paths.
Leaving them with the children , the assets,.. leaving ... all the time only to be not in best state to make new connections - I agree , I want to fight.
Nope. You will never win. Take your loses and walk away...with your head held high. God loves you. We are worth more so lets stop settling for less
..RUN
...
@@karenkoenig5518 the truth hurts. At least dr. C helps us get stronger
I’ve been standing up to these demons…
do not waist your time, this types are like human roachs, they have a survival porpose for the species, the best we can do is educate "empaths" to heal personnal childish traumas, recognize unhealthy patterns of behaviour and avoid this personalities.
Those are evils just to destroy good humans! Forget about those, we don’t need this kind of people cause life is too short to spend it with such demons.
Thats because the whole time they are telling you how great you are, its all an act. They just need to suck you in, get you close and vulnerable and that makes them feel safe and secure. Then they power trip all over you, put downs, criticism, judgmental comments and worse. So what you though was love at first, was really nothing more than a very skilled set up.
Some will show false empathy or selective empathy.
Well you hit another HOME RUN !!! So helpful, so many people can't afford therapy and you give us all hope ...
Yes!
I couldn’t afford therapy!
These videos have been my therapy!!
@ Ray Nash - So true Ray, well said! 👍Not only are many people NOT able to afford quality Therapy... but many, far too many Licensed 🤯 Therapists are woefully ignorant in the field of Narcissism & Narcassistic Abuse. Secondly, most Medical Insurance limits your choice of Therapists & # of sessions. Even if someone is lucky enough to find a qualified Therapist - the co-pays can be cost prohibitive. 'Thank Goodness & Thank You' Dr. Carter - for all you do to help us, your grateful community! 👏👏👏💐👍🎈🎉🙏
@Surviving Narcissism replied .
@Surviving Narcissism replied .
Most narcissistic people don't go to therapy unless court ordered.
I found the way to deal with any controlling person is just to tell the pure unbridled truth about everything that alarms you or makes you unhappy when you’re dealing with them. This might not be appropriate in a work environment but a: “No, I’m not comfortable with that,” or: “No, that’s not how I see what happened,” or: “No, I actually like that person,” or: “No, I’m having some alone time for the next week or so,” works wonders. The reaction really separates the wheat from the chaff. They count on manipulating you and bullying you into views, actions and reactions that gratify their ego, negative or positive. Starve them of attention and make it clear you know your own mind and they leave. It’s like the blood supply to a pile. If it stops, it shrivels up and drops off.
I so agree with you, Tom! Dr. C
💯💯 agree with u... strong boundaries only
Tom, your insight is so smart and on point! In my personal experiences with several different narcissists over the years, I somehow survive d and came out alive by unknowningly doing things and handling situations almost exactly as you suggested. A narcissist hates it when you don't give into their need for control and let them know that you don't agree to their demands and opinions. Lucky for me, I was not ever married to one, but was in a sexual relationship with one. The fact that we lived in different cities (although only two hours drive apart) was a big help!!! I hope that the other people going through something like I did can tactfully break the relationship off. In my case, my partner had a violent temper that could arrupt at the drop of a hat! I became physically afraid of him and luckily told him I didn't want to continue seeing him before he directed his violence toward me. My advice is to have other people you know and trust around you(a public place is best) and don't raise your voice or let him talk you into continuing the relationship, just say you can't explain why you are ending it, you just feel you have to. By not embarrassing that person or giving a specific reason, they have no grounds for talking you out of it. Keep it brief and polite. Then leave with your friends and stay somewhere else for that night and maybe the next night or two. Don't take their calls or respond to their possibly many vile, hateful critical messages. Stay strong and don't be tempted to call back and reciprocate with any kind of.message!!! Just thank God that you were able to get out of that relationship with your life. Sadly Gabby Pettito wasn't so lucky!!!
Just had a friendship sever because I called her out on her trying to manipulate my point of view. Your comment gave me some comfort. While she’s not a huge narcissist a deliberately controlling but she fit all that you just write on
Thank you Tom. I’ve been telling him no a lot and. No to marriage, no to kids, no to moving out with him and have called him out on things. He also insults me to but then tries to change. He’s also jealous. It’s get super old.
Thank you, This is helping me understand my very sadistic, malignant, covert, self-righteous sister-in-law. She controlled my family with manipulation to such a degree I walked away from them all over five years ago. It was the best thing I ever did!
After going through covert narcissist abuse myself I wonder how many people have taken their own lives because of people like these. Mine gave me thoughts of wanting to hurt myself
a lot
My brother committed suicide after decades of dealing with our mother. She's the type of narcissist Les describes here. He could never quite separate himself from her and continued to go back to her and our father (who was useless and totally enmeshed with her) during tough times in his life - which of course only made things worse. His story is a long and sad one that's difficult to encapsulate here, but I am certain he wouldn't have done what he did if he didn't have C-PTSD and other symptoms of narcissistic abuse.
@@ryanmetheny7940that’s horrific I’m so sorry to hear of this tragedy. 😢
Mine ambushed me for 6 hrs of blaming and berating. During and after I began to think of ways to end my life. Recovering.
Look at their face, if they have a smug expression that’s the first give away. Run and don’t look back.
My ex was the only sociopathic narcicisst I had ever encountered.....
My deep confusion of his actions towards me was shocking.....
It's like he developed a vendetta to hurt me from the beginning.....
He ripped my heart out so many times for the first eight years.....
Last six years of our so called relationship I finally figured out what I was dealing with.....
So I fought back , he refused to move out , after years of me telling him to move out.....
No matter what I said to him it's like he did not hear a word I said and he kept on planning ( his future ) by way of using me to get what he wanted.....
Despite me telling him that there was absolutely no future left for he and and to move out ASAP.....
Every conversation I had with him even in anger went straight over his head like he never heard a word I said.....
In the end he started telling me I WAS THE ONE THAT NEEDED HELP AND I SHOULD COMMIT MYSELF TO AN INSTITUTION !!!
He always laughed and took great pleasure in telling me that....
His relentless control, insults , lies , entitlement , was an every day activity for him and he never let up ....
And when I fought back he would laugh at me and say I was losing my mind.....
I had to get the hell away from him as I was afraid of what he would be capable of next.....
When I sit on my patio drinking my coffee now, I realize how much a simple moment like this could bring so much happiness now that I am free
Bless your wonderful heart...!!
6/26/22 Congratulations, Kristie! I'm presently sitting in my home office on a Sunday morning, drinking coffee WITHOUT feeling the weight of him sitting in the living room (30 feet away) stewing, thinking I am somehow short-changing him by not being at work! It's a sad fact that his recent death in the pandemic is what has set me free. But this freedom is bliss. Enjoy the rest of your life!
Relearning to live life is ajoyuos feeling.slowly getting free. Be kind to yrself❤.
You’ve helped so much in understanding who I was married to. I’m out and happier than ever. I watch you now to remind me to not be sad or miss him. He was evil.
I hear you. What's there to miss? Chaos? Terror? Confusion? Grief? Constant gaslighting? Neglect? ABUSE! My life coach told me not to grieve too long because I wasn't in a "real" marriage with a "real" person. I was in an entrapment/captive situation with a horrifically toxic person. Who I missed most was my real self and I was never connected to that because I grew up in a psychopathic/narcissistic family where I was trafficked from age 2 until 20. I have D.I.D from all the lifelong horrific abuse but am working towards integration and have cultivated love/compassion and kindness for all parts of me now. Finally connecting within myself to the love that's been there all along.
@@annemurphy8074 beautiful to read where you are now, thats strength I need to allow for myself.
@@jennyanderson4796 Thank you Jenny. You can do it, though it's not an easy road. I had lot of very good help along the way, I've been lucky in that regard. Doing the inner work to reconnect with the Truth/Love within us is the most precious gift we can ever give ourselves and we have always, always been worthy of it. I had to learn to reparent all my wounded child parts and do my best to have a nurturing, warm, welcoming inner place for them and me to heal together. What I learned after being surrounded by the worst of humanity is that "evil" so to speak, cannot destroy out true self. Sending you warmth and kindness.
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Thank you thank you!!!!! Sadly these people are in the church, I am dealing with it right now! These people have no love, they call people stupid for not doing what they do or saying what they say! These people cannot be influenced to take a look at how they are acting, even by the example of others who act rightly, because they cannot see beyond themselves. Also, often the people who are this selfish will attack anyone who attempts to show them a different way.
Yes, you are so correct..they are everywhere in the churches. Having seen the George Barna and Pew Research polls of the last few years of "Christians surveyed"....62% don't believe the Holy Spirit is real..or satan. Something like 50% believe it's morally acceptable to live with someone outside of marriage. And the biggest documented report of all was that only 6% have a biblical worldview. It's exactly the thing that Jesus and the Apostle Paul warned would be a sign of the last days...the great falling away...And in Jesus' own words "When the Son of Man comes will He find faith on the earth? So sad.
Is this an LDS church?
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What rules? What accountability? And my God, they never learn from their mistakes. If their lips are moving, they're lying. Mine spent other people's money with no regard for how he was hurting anyone. No empathy, no sympathy. Worst people you can get involved with. I gave it a number of years and learned the hard way that these people will never change. Oh, they lie so convincingly but there's actually nothing but coal in their chests where a heart should be.
I know one who likes giving people pain and making them cry etc, yet plays the victim and acts like I’ve killed someone when I make a simple mistake. It’s crazy.
No getting through to them either to fix any issues, like talking to a brick wall.
Narcissism is so bewildering.
"They have No conscience".....wicked. Beware! Helpful advice, DR. C.
Very wicked in their ASS...
Yep! That is our government for sure!
My son is 24. He has had years of therapy and he has managed to manipulate his therapists to get pills. He has misrepresented his childhood to get sympathy. He uses everyone around him. Girlfriends etc. Lies with ease. It's painful to realize that he will probably end up in jail. He lives with us and goes to college. I dont know what to do except get help for myself.
No one's controlling me period!
And rightly so! Dr. C
As you said these people, cause they are much different than us! These people are among us to destroy good intentions of a real human being.
Indeed!
I love Gus. I want to sit on that couch and pet him. Such a sweetie. Gus is a cuddly buddy.
Gus would like that! Dr. C
I use the same phrase”cuddle buddy” or “snuggle buddy”
They don't know the meaning of loyalty.
@Surviving Narcissism replied I didn't understand the numbers or the message. Could you please clarify?
I have been going through this for 36 yrs. I woke up late, but I did. Thanks for the video .
I wonder what it would be like when Narcissists vs Narcissists hang out in social scenes. Apparently they love conflict and chaos. Remind me to EXIT the door immediately.
15 years I was married to this exact person. Regrettably, I didn’t realize this until the final year. Let me tell you, the price tag is unbearable… my story would absolutely floor you.
Me too, 25 years. Things he did, I can't repeat yet. I've been out 5 months now, and healing. When i think about my story, i get panic attacks. Hope you're doing okay. Godspeed.
I feel you
Your comment reminded me how many times I’ve told people “Dr Phil and Steve Harvey wouldn’t even believe my story”. SMH and I’m 8 years in right now I hope all of us end up spending some of the best years of our lives when we all finally get away from abuse I also didn’t realize all the explanations and traits untill a few years ago bcuz this person is so mysterious and quiet and was nice at first but man after so many times of cheating and all the crying and hurt he’s had to hear outta me afterwards he’s started to resent me and show all these traits and more putting me thru hell if I even offend him accidentally or disagree and the part that scares me the most is I just had his baby a few months ago now I have a whole new reason to keep trying but I’m dying inside and don’t want my baby even to be exposed actually to this nonsense outlooks and dark ways
@@sammorton2023stay strong .dont give in to the fear it is what they feed on..Do what you can to protect you and the baby.Speak out dont suffer in silence.
@@sammorton2023 Be very aware when the quiet, sneaky, malignant type is alone with your baby. If he's upset over something you didn't do, he will hurt your baby to get back at you. Take your baby and run, the narc-hole isn't worth the pain you will inevitably go through.
Dismissive of your legitimacy!! Yes! I wasn't "allowed" to be upset about anything, but he could blow up over tiny, non issues.
Money issues, yes! He spent every dollar we made, and blamed me for us being in debt.
They make you feel so unsafe, because they have no accountability. I'd take a common narcissist any time over a sociopathic kind.
👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
I have a child by the sociopath,same bs over and over,every chance to learn and do right,never did despite me helping many times. Narcissistic mother,no bringing up with boundaries or right from wrong,it nearly killed me emotionally and almost physically. They are dangerous and I give them no get out of jail free cos they’ve been told how to be helped. Devils children who will go to the pit if they don’t stop.
True true Dangerous
@@karriesaunders8597 me too my Daughters Father
@@gate101101 it’s horrible,it ruined my working years,ten years has put me in debt while his asshole family just backed anything he did. There are no words for their enabling. Anyway they and his lying ex are all on the road to destruction. If he comes to his senses great but I’ll never speak to his family again after what they did last year with their meddling
They use the "power of encouragement" when they are "Hoovering" you.
I wish I would have had this knowledge 40 years ago. My narcissistic/ sociopathic/psychopathic husband of 30 + years made sure I was too afraid to leave. Then he left me and came back to attack me. Then he hoovered his way back and I didn't know which end was up.He died 12 years ago and I am still trying to get over it the trauma. All this knowledge came to me this year when the flood gates of psychology opened up and I am soooo grateful for that. I had been so confused, terrorized and felt crazy. Now at least there's an explanation and it wasn't me. Thank you for these videos to help me along my way.
It was most definitely NOT you, Dear Katara Rose. Take good care and allow yourself to heal.
Yes, it’s so liberating when you come to understand the narcissistic disease, the more knowledge you have the stronger you become and they will be completely oblivious to your inner strength.
This sociopath hacked on me for 10 years and he's still doing it. He tried so hard to make me feel rejected and put me in a third party situation, but I never engaged. I was trully sorry for him and for the other girl. She was beautiful when they started dating, now she looks horrible... at least, the last time I saw an image of her, which has been some time, you could tell he took the life out of her. She's probably no angel, but I feel sorry for her nonetheless... having to deal with someone like that must be very draining. Dodged a bullet.
When it's your child and they stand between you and your grandchildren it's pretty hard.
There is nothing they would not do to secure their goal. 🍒
This is exactly the case. Covert narcisists are often sociopaths they know the difference between right and wrong and know exactly what they are doing. Thank you dr Carter.
I’m preparing to leave a 6 year long physically and mentally abusive relationship. I’ve been watching your videos for the last 2 months and the deadline for the breakup I’ve given myself is fast approaching. I’m scared of what will happen but I also am so ready to breathe again. Whenever I start to feel weak or guilty about it I just come listen to you. Please pray for me. I hope I’m strong enough.
I just said a prayer for you. May it all go well for you.
Please pray for me as well. I am also preparing myself to part ways from a very toxic relationship
@@minotimeetu9418 Leave NOW NOT TOMORROW.
You also need to LEAVE NOW. Stop putting it off @ stink
I left kept taking him back he PLOTS and tried to have new girlfriend meet me
When they drag you along into something stupid, and it goes bad, expect to be blamed and it is not unlikely that the whole purpose of the whole thing was to harm you, while they "tried to stop you"
I've learned that every day I should ask myself the question: what am I doing to protect my own tiny but significant, fragile life?
I've had a lifetime dealing with narcissists... mother, husbands, friend... and have found that my ability to protect my own life, and make rational decisions, was greatly marred by those narcissists. The question bears repeating, every day.
my narcissist is my son-in-law, who took my daughter away. I have to wait for her to open her eyes. She has disowned her Mom and me and we aren't allowed to contact her. She's also disowned all family by not communicating with anyone. Pray for her and our granddaughter that I'm not allowed to talk about.
Hi :) Are you aware that you can go to court and get grandparent rights to see your grandchildren? It may vary from state to state, but where I live you get the child on A Wednesday one week then the whole weekend the next week! It’s better than no contact at all. I truly hope things work out for you. May Yahuwah bless you and your family. Stay Safe. Prayers up 🙏🏻
Go to court !! God bless you !
Hey been there, she probably doesn't like the set up any more than you, my ex wouldn't let me see my mom on mothers day with my new baby .... crushing devastating the consequences lasted forever, I should have gotten violent & done something drastic that evening like take the dam car & ditched him as things escalated anyways. Don't blame her.. he puts thoughts into her head, get creative . I always wanted my mom,... my dad would do similar .... my poor mom .
@@ladyd1614 I’ll be praying for you all.... Our Father will lead the way! Be careful, and smart. I wouldn’t wish this situation on anyone!
Grandparents rights are HARD and Expensive thing to fight for
My Father is a NARCISSIST. He refused to come over to my house to see his grandkids for Thanksgiving or Christmas. When I told him...My kids felt let down that he didn't come over.. He became defensive and said "They can get over it, that's too bad!" It was such a strange response... No remorse, no I am sorry I missed them. It was just strange!
Excellent advice! I think the hardest thing to do is to see these red flags before you're invested in a relationship. Most people, especially men, will turn on the most magnificent charm when you first meet. They can drag you in with record speed and slowly show you who they really are in such a way that you ignore or do not even see these red flags until it's far too late. No matter how much love or time or effort you have already invested into this person...find the exit!! Fast! Do not argue with them, do not negotiate, do not fall for the charm! Stand your ground and walk away with definity. No looking back. They can crawl through even the smallest cracks in your wall of boundaries. You cannot fix or change this person. Move on with your sanity and grace intact. And know it wasn't your fault.
You described it exactly.
The worst is the covert rages you don’t see it coming! Very dangerous sociopath. Your video hits every pivotal point of this disturbing personality.
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I worked with a person like this and he was more satisfied with running our work into the ground than seeing it finished. The completed work would have benefited him more than anyone else, but to satisfy his ego total destruction and humiliation of myself was the better route. He harassed me for up to 2 years after the project was destroyed at his hands, before finally going away and leaving me alone. He was desperate to look like a big shot or a decision-maker and also didn't want to look like a fool when people found out he had lied about his ability to finance the project we were working on.
He sounds like one of the Narc idiots where I work…
Like a suicide
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Thank you. What is done in the dark will finally come to light.. After 29years my family and I can see the light coming
"It's ok, to fall down & lose your spark :-Just make sure, that when you get up, *you rise, as the whole complete* fire"Collette Worden
I’ve been around these people most of my life! I’m a very empathetic person and even though my dad was one, brother and other family members as well as an ex best friend of 28 years and lastly an ex husband I figured out and left, I refuse to become like them! God says DO NOT REPAY EVIL FOR EVIL! If 2 people can’t live peacefully the best thing is to walk away.
Hit home for me. My NM did this to me for decades. No contact 5 years now, it's the only way for peace.
Good for you and I like your user name. 💓
Same darling. NM survivor here. No contact.
There's another guy who is a sociopath obsessed about me, he hacks on me.
These people are sick... evil to the core... they find peace boring, they can't live in peace...
@Connard Cyndi Narcissist mother (NM)
Watch how these types shudder and snarl if you call them out on the obvious recklessness and invalidation on their part.
Unfortunately, I’ve known too many of these.
wallymarcel1 It's the case with me as well and I still know quite a few of them, as they're literally everywhere. 😥
@@cyndigooch1162 Have several in my family.
@@wallymarcel1 Wow, and I think 2 Nazi bros was bad.
I'm soo sorry. ~ Good luck and be SAFE! 🙏
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When we see the signs that we are dealing with sociopaths we should RUN! Thank you dr Carter❤ God bless you❤
This is my husband 💯. I’ve been with him since I was 17? I’m 52 now. What a wasted life I have had. Due to my own fault of staying.
Little Lamb14,You deserve better
No sympathy for people who struggle. Exactly. I told a sociopath narcissistic sibling about having to sleep in my car for a couple of nights during a rough patch and they acted like I was going on a fun camping trip. Total disconnect, could not read my distress, or maybe enjoyed it.
I have dozens of stories of strange behavior. Like this: She happened to be at my parent's house when they said they would babysit my brother's newborn so he could run an errand. Well, she "helped" babysit, but he didn't know that. He thanked my parents and left. She got mad because he didn't thank her personally. She ran outside while he was heading to the car and shoved him hard in the back as he held his newborn son and said something nasty about not getting a thank-you.
Omg! This story is so terrible allready.
Yes, they are nasty.
that's some same experience I had. when I tell someone the hardship I was having, they would say they had some worse one or someone can do better than me. soon it becomes a competition and no help will be offered
My sorrow is that this person is my daughter and, after 30 years, I’m just now realizing what her mode of operation is. My deepest sorrow is that she’s isolating us from our 4-year-old granddaughter and creating confusion in our granddaughter’s life. 😢💔
I’m in the same situation 😢
Me too
This is the best video I've heard on this. It explains "why" "what" certain behaviors take place. The hard part is to "get away" - the tendency is to think, "Oh, it can't be that bad." If I think in positive terms, positive actions, it will be well received. Can everything about these people be this bad? (That's what you think.) Why does the narcissist work to create pain in your life? Why is that "their definition of winning?" Yet nothing works out the way you think with narcissists: happiness is not in their playbook. I'll have to listen to this video many times to pound the message in.
Yes true religion teaching don't work for Narcassit.
Same rules cannot be applied to them.
Agree, the desire to believe they can change is strong, still have trouble getting that past my stubborn optimism.
I agree completely
I've been asking that same question. Who would want to live being angry and resentful and hateful towards everyone. It's so sad and is so painful if you're on the receiving end.
It sucks, but it really is that bad, if not worse.
There is no future. I dated mine for 7 years and we stayed on square one the whole 7 years. It's like we have no history together in his mind. He wants me to treat him like we just met.
Donna-Colorado,You don't need a narcissist in your life.....
You will face many defeats in life, but never let yourself be defeated. -
Love this quote
@@marienesq.3526 Thank you 🙏God bless you
Hope lifes treating you extremely kindly ✨☘️🙏
Its more a matter of inconvenience than hurt when your reputation is destroyed because you know who you are but they can make you look like garbage.
Time to rise up against evil.
I was born the youngest of 4 kids. Covert narc Dad and partner in crime, the oldest child, my brother. Me and my Mom were covertly and constantly emotionally traumatized through the most devious methods imaginable. The middle kids were brainwashed to beieve we were the problem, while they were deemed the beacons of truth and respect. As the youngest, my live ended at 5 yrs old. 55 suicidal years followed. It took 50 yrs to unravel, but I now have zero family. The middle kids still have no idea what's going on, blaming themselves for their messed up lives, never the tricksters who made them confused and against me and mom (the only christians). The oldest is rich and has a million dollar home in florida, while the other 3 kids are all unemployed, on disability, and living in a psychological hell. Hell yes, there are evil, a special type of evil. My faith in God keeps me alive, barely.
Similar here, oldest daughter with younger brothers. My dad is all this and trying to talk with him, is impossible.
I told him once, he hated being a father, of course he denied. My brothers aren’t even aware of this. When I first learned of this, I tried talking softly, because of his childhood, but no luck there.
I was a whole different parent because of him. My mom is passed. She’s finally in peace, I say, but I miss her terribly. Had I known about all this, I would of gotten her out. Heal well, because for me, it’s really hard to just not think of my life as a child, being a big lie.
So sorry I got involved with a person like this. At least now I know. Just need to heal and find inner peace again. Its coming. TG. Thank you.
My brother - the worst of narcissistic bullies - goes into vicious rages at anything he sees as provocation. If there is no provocation, he creates it out of nothing. His behavior is childish and ridiculous and yet he thinks of himself as the cleverest of persons. He has a perpetual sense of grievance.