How To Balance Wife-Mother Relation | Mufti Menk with Bilal Assad & Nouman Ali khan
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- Опубліковано 28 жов 2017
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📌#MuftiMenk highlights that It is very important is to support your #spouse to stand by your spouse to be fair and just when it comes to your relation with #wife & #Mother in this video clip with English Subtitle.
#BilalAssad points out that sister, take it easy on your husband and lessen the burden of him; try to tolerate as much as you can from the misbehaviour mistreatment of your in-laws. If you do that wallahi 90% of the time your husband will only grow to love you more. He will love you more because you are helping him; if he loves you more he will serve you better and he will protect you from them more. Bilal Assad mentioned above the quote in response to a sister’s question.
#NoumanAlikhan mentions that sisters you're stuck with your husband; stop being angry accept it and try to love your husband try to make your #husband happy because believe me if he gets even a little bit happy you will be really happy. Then, Nouman Ali khan advises #husbands to appreciate and to say good words to their wivies for making a good family which will raise their status on the day of Judgement.
💓💓💓Ismail Musa Menk was born in Harare, Zimbabwe. He is a student of knowledge trying to disseminate the Deen in the current age.
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Very true. Quran says " Stand for justice even if against yourself, your parents and your clan and relations. To be just is Taqwa and piety."
I am crying while watching this. My husband didn't know how to value me as his wife. We're separated now and soon to divorce. May Allah swt guide me. Please pray for me.
Same case here
Praying for you
Mufti Menk’s stance is on point- you need to draw boundaries.
As for the other speaker- shocked to see he’s telling wives to put with being abused, rather than telling the husbands to man up. That’s ridiculous!
I don't think he has female relatives who have suffered abuse. Abuse both physical and emotional are real! The effect on the wife and children is terrible.
This is so great. Some mothers are possessive and very manipulative
True 😓I
Separate living solves many problems
Unless u have a single mother who clings onto the couple and creates issues
If the mother in law is single, she will emotionally cling her son as a replacement husband for herself. They will send sihr of separation, constantly manipulate the son again the wife. Always bring problems because the mother in law will be jealous of the attention the son gives his wife and less attention to the mother. She will start competing with the wife and calling daily asking ridiculous questions from what did she cook to where did she go. Men need to learn how to have boundaries with their moms.
@@Rclsllh what’s the solution to this?
@@bigrahizzle
1. It starts way before you even get married. If your mother controls your life as a single man, please don’t get married but work in being independent from her. If you don’t, the day you get married she will want to still maintain the control she has in your life when she needs to stay out of your marriage and that’s the root of all problems. Do you talk to your mom everyday? Talk about what you eat, what you did, where you go etc? That’s toxic. She’s waaaay too much into your business. Call her every week to check on her, be sure she’s fine, send her allowance, respect her, love her, be kind to her but she should not be up into your business. It’s called boundaries.
2. After you get married, keep your mom out of your marriage. Whatever happens on your marriage, what your wife cooks etc. do not go to her to complain about your marriage but go to a third party Imam if you have problems. Speak up when she’s crossing boundaries not justify it like “but…she’s my mom”. Allah is al Adl, he did not give any creation even prophets right to do injustice and that includes your mother and every human being.
3. Point out her expectations that those are cultural and not Islam. If culture requires daughter in law to send gifts, cook etc point out to her Islam triumph culture and Islamic didn’t require daughter in law any responsibility to mother in law apart from respect (that’s because she’s older) and common courtesy and let her see her grandkids reasonably not cook for inlaws or serve them that’s culture, she has that responsibility toward her mother not in-law.
See now Muslim ladies are not putting up with abuse from any mother in law anymore after watching generations of women being miserable in the hands of mother in law with coward husbands that’s can’t stick up for their wives. Your Marriage will go down the drain if you don’t stand up to your mom on what’s right.
@@Rclsllh I appreciate your words. I’m going thru something similar but we all live in the same house. My mom relies on me since my dad passed away. It’s or more less similar issue but being the same house it’s different. Been married 3 years and both of wife and mom dealing with difference had led up to very difficult times. I pray to make this hardship easier but it seems like I will have to leave my mother and find another place for my wife since they cannot get along anymore
About the 2nd speaker...Unfortunately some mothers treat daughter-in-laws like a second class human being or a pet. It becomes such a challenge to find the balance when in her eyes there is no balance and everything must be about and revolve around her.
If a grown child is being set back in life because a selfish need there needs to be a foot put down - to “endure it” and then eventually develop depression and anxiety is not a solution. That goes for all parties not just the daughter in law.
I believe that everything uve said is on point. So wise. I been married for 11 years and dated 5 years before that. My in-laws don’t like me and I have tried for years to please them for my husbands’ sake. But 4 years ago, my mother in law disrespected me in a horrible way and my husband has been torn because of it. It all lands on me! It created a huge wedge in our marriage. We r only now, after four years honestly dealing with it and trying to move forward, thanks to speakers such as yourself! Thank you for allowing us to view all the possibilities of different perspectives!💜
Is not right...it felt on you because she is ill and may Allah help her and have mercy on her...it is not your fault if you have pressurised him ..11years of hatred and sadness ,abuse ,is unacceptable in Islam
Islam believes not in joint family system. It believes in separate family system. Even today in Arabia having separate house is a prerequisite for getting married life.
Yes..but we want to ignore this fact for our own conveniences.
Yup. Saheeh Hadith says “a brother in law is death” yet those ignorant Muslims call it a joint family where they “help each other”, not realizing their family system is haram. It’s a joke how they call themselves “an Islamic country”
Mufti menk is correct how can the other say to tolerate.....
I’ve respected Bilal so much up until I heard his one sided point of view. I will never tolerate the mistreatment of my mother in law, I’ve seen how my own mother is when it comes to my brothers wives and she is not at all oppressive like how my MIL was/is to me. My mother is kind and loving and demands my brothers be respectful to their wives, asks them to be good to them and cares about their wellbeing. My MIL hasn’t ever cared about me, whether it’s because I’m Muslim or because I’m black, I’ve never gotten her respect.
May Allah ease your pain
I think if a mother want her son only for her, he shouldnt never marry. why he marries? Why? Dont marry nd stay with ur mom
Exactly!! I agree.
True😥
It's true yaar
Rights of husband and wife are such that only the flexibility and accommodation for each other can smoothen the married life. This understanding should be based on benevolent justice.
I Completely disagree w brother Bilals response for wives to just bear it. The torturesome emotional group-abuse by a MIL and the rest of her family has a deep and profound impact on a person. So much that it leads to severe resentment. This is damaging to a whole other level for the wife; you are left as an abused, used and damaged person which will kill your marital relationship and your spirit as a whole because there is no accountability for their actions of injustice. There is only so much a person can give up of themselves. And this much I do know, is that the Almighty is not supportive of injustice.
Agreed
Exactly
Agreed, that woman how much can she bear? Til she get psycology ill? So opression must be stoped, not bearing, u one has posibility to bear so very good, but if spmeone cant bear it, i think she free to go away from that headache
When Imam Gazali was asked how to reach Jannat easily,he said "put your first step on your nafs and your second step will be in Jannat" . Quran says " He succeeds who purifies his nafs." Each act in Islam is to inculcate certain morals and principles of justice in muslims. Unfortunately muslims have become ritualistic and therefore the tragedies in muslim houses and lives. May Allah guide me to be alright.
Mufti mashallah is good but the other speaker....wth. you are not just supposed to endure injustices. U have a right to speak up when people aren't treating u right. Yeah a mother is a mother and alhumdoallah we just take care of them. But a man and woman get married... It's not a marriage between man woman and mother. Give me a break.
Subhanallah... Jazakhalahu Khairan 😊 😊 😊
Masha Allah I love all his videos
good video thank u
thank u so much for all e better videos for help me a open my mind thank u
Masha Allah jzkaAllahulkhair
Made Hassan may Allah bless u more
True 100%pray for me also same problem ongoing😥💔
Subhanallah i really relate ths video, and i suffer now how to removed hatred and pain in my heart
So true even educated male highly educated want highly educated wife to sacrifice herself for his mother even if she is not allowing husband and wife to stay together still he says don't tell this anyone sacrifice yourself.
He keep it real
masha Allah
MASHA ALLAH
Masha Allah sheikh💯✔👌🙏👍😁👏👏👏
mufti this was really good Bayan but unfortunately still this type of things are happening in our society
Sheikh mufti my dear sheikh what u are today the knowledge what u have is becoz of ur parents love, affection, and kindness towards u u didn't do any favour for them but what they did for u is uncountable so plz remember my dear sheikh
Tolerate? Seriously? You tell an oppressing wife tolerate? This man should quit preaching for good. Wives are suffering at the hands of mother in law so it’s your responsibility as a preacher to address what is wrong not ask wives to deal with it.
ua-cam.com/video/MFN7Toyrlxw/v-deo.html
Exactly! Tolerate until the mother in law destroys the marriage than what?
@@genesishernandez7079 The daughter in law will be blamed yet again for EVERYTHING. She will be blamed for the divorce and the disaster that the marriage has gone to when in reality the real culprit is the mother in law for raising such a weak man on purpose and the husband for watching his mother cause such pain on a person!
Not Muslim but this man preaching
Subhanllah
Hi Sir,
I m in bug dilemma , can i please speak out with u
He has the same authority to his wife as his mother over him? That's wrong
And most of all the things. Husbands should love their wives but not more than ur mothers becoz in compare to mothers we are everything becoz of them
Mother you know better than me...by Allah...that may not be the right wards ...
“My wife has served me well”? That’s messed up mentality
Plz read these comments below
I love what Bilal Assad said
What to do when husband is Mummas Boy and she is single without fater in law...
To hw tel yhtas
If is the other way that is the wife' mother not the husband
appreciate mufti menks lecture, he makes sense in any way but the second lecturer lost all credibility, why do a woman with all right of life have to tolerate when she gets constantly disrespected by her in laws, why does she have to suffer jusy to get her husbands love. Are husbands more worth than wifes....wifed deal with so much stress, household,kids, physical pain during her menstruation....bilal is a veru one sided lecturer to please only the husbands.
squishy lover exactly
True...
No body deserves to tolerate an abusive relationship!
I totally agree 10000%
💯
Brother's Newman's speech started differently and the piece it started with made it sound all wrong...brother Ali is not condoning serving your husband like a slave..what he meant was "humble down" for Allah's sake
If you can live separately do that. If husband is looking after parent/parents, wives should leave them to do that and support them anyway you can. Be nice to each others parents. If both husband & wife are true muslims they will find a way inshallah. Sometimes we can't control our tongues and thats the problem in most cases. Be patient, make Dua but dont be rude to each other.
That bilal guy the other speaker was ridiculous, he made absolutely no common sense at all.
Bilal asad what if the mother in law abuse physically and verbally?????and the mother in law and daughter in law live in same house .
Then the house needs a stern talking to!
What if husband is happy only when his mother is happy and his mother's happiness is abusing daughter in law and her parents and family and beating her and even forcing her son to beat his wife as well what should we do we should still be tolerant towards that beating and abuse to just make them happy by showing tolerance. A Muslim is one who never allows injustice in any form in society 2nd and 3rd brother really need to investigate master in depth before giving any statement for people again just hear the stories of oppressed wives I am sure you will change your perspective.
Please we need a speech on how shud a wife and mother in law balance thier replation wen with soo many sister inlaws at hom or married along with the other situation wer thers no sister inlaw but one how shud a wife treat and live in a joint family
If I were you I would not bother to have a relationship with them at all. They are your husband's family, not yours. Be polite with them, but don't be friendly, and never do anything for them unless you can be sure that you are going to get something tangible in return (this can occasionally even include good deeds from Allah, but not too often, because that will overwhelm you). If this upsets your husband, well, he can get over himself. It's not an obligation upon you to cater to his family. That is literally your husband's job that Allah Himself told your husband to do for his female relatives.
Mufti menk understandings aren't clear 😢
And never will you be able to deal justly between [the] women even if you desired, but (do) not incline (with) all the inclination and leave her (the other) like the suspended one. And if you reconcile and fear (Allah) then indeed, Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful. Sura al Nisa.
So how can you be fair and just between mother who has always given you love and wife who demands love.
If these wives ask what is the problem of my mother in law why is she entering in our life,so plz let me tell u one thing the wives are the one who entered into the son and mothers life becoz the mother is the who gave birth his life.mother has the full right and authority towards his son and u can't utter a single word against any one of them and if the wives want to tell about urself to ur husband u can but not exceedingly to the cause where wives come and say why are u doing for them (parents) so much I have been taking care of u so much.say to these womens that its none of their business that they should shut their mouth becoz not only u took care of me I too took care of u as well and even more than that and first of wives have not done favour for their husbands but instead husbands have done favour for them wives have to respect their husbands
I'm sorry to hear this . But I'm guessing you are a brother?.
Brother did you go to you're wife's house to ask for her hand in marriage from her father and mother. Therefore u asked for her to leave her home and everything she ever knows. You when requested her hand in marriage you asked for her to sacrifice the life she knows to come and do for you and yours. So brother just think of it. We people are culturalised and as far as I'm concerned that's a disgrace we choose our culture over our religion.
all the women's are not lucky to have a good husband
The second speaker is wrong. We as women should not always tolerate everything.
We got this world not becoz of our wifes but coz of parents who did for us every thing they can. We cannot go against them in any matters. Wifes can ask their husbands to go against their mothers if that's true why cant mothers say their sons to go against their wives. Wives dont have authority towards their husbands but mothers have authority towards their sons = this is true totally true. First When we were brough to this world by our parents at those times what had we done for them? We didn't even gave them a smile actually but infact what they have done for us is truely truely uncountable but yet they want the best for us no matter how we deal with them. But in terms of wives they do for us is becoz we do for them not even a little kind of what parents do .they are just doing for us is becoz we do for them and infact our favour is more on them in compared to what they have done for us
I tolarate everything.. but my husband doesn’t care .. m pregnant right now Bt my husband doesn’t care me .. and my mother in law always advise him .. and he maintains everything.. he didn’t come home before night 12 .. his mother doesn’t like his early come house and spent time with me .. now m getting mad
Sheikh mufti, I have to tell u one thing that u told parents would also be a door for hell. one moret hing I have to tell u is our paradise lies under our mothers feet and the father is the key for entering in jannah so its certainly not only the parents a door to hell but even our wives and children. Becoz can we listen to our wives and disobey our parents and make the relationship worse, its certainly the wrong thing .
It is bitter for almost 90% of mothers
But sheikh one thing I have to say is how about wife's taking their husbands away from their parents it's not fair. Our parents raised us we have to give them first priority in fact we are in this world becoz of them
We are men. We are a pillar . We are not furniture that can be moved from left to right we are the pillar the foundation.
I am responding to you're message where u have said wife takes u away from ur mother . Be a man we are men. We love and cherish and should not let anything or anyone come in between our relationships
lec are good but what happens when mother is a widow and daughter in law always gv it out not happy to look after yr mother. .....Allah says yr mother
z k it’s not her responsibility to look after husband’s mother. She should take care of HER mother not YOUR mother. Even if your mother is a widow it doesn’t automatically switch responsibilities to her.
Assuming the second speaker is brother Bilal. because of your saying if any perosn start behaving like what you said to his wife and wife suffers because of that you are responsible for that. You will b ein hell for this.
If u are not with ur parents as much u should do then ur children will also turn against u inspite u doing everything for them
U just realize that what u are doing for ur children and expecting that in turn they will do as much as they can in future so its foolish of u becoz ur parents had the same thing for u but as u turned opposite from them ur children will do the same. This is for the wives who have a problem with their husbands. Just remember about ur kids when they get married
Sheikh mufti can't u speak on behalf of ur parents, well u should speak on behalf of ur parents, the way u answer these type of questions is taking away children's from their parents and leading to disobey them. And one more thing I have to clarify is that son's should be just on both sides but by pleasing our parents and with their support and talk to them and make them understand u had tell in this way but u were talking as we have disobey at the extinct so that they will be too far from us. thats very unjust and unfair words u have used against ur parents and as well as others u are the one who will become the sinner my dear sheikh
First of all what sheikh bilal Assad us saying is true. Becoz every husbands has an authority on their wives and every parent has the authority towards their sons. It is also an unjust thing that ur wife speaks abt ur mother in a bad manner.mothers give birth to us they taught us, they raised us and the wives are the one who came into their sons lifes so how can he leave his parents alone and keep on feeding u it's just totally unfair. What ever our parents have done for us should we forget that? Come on wives r not worth in front of parents. But wives are every thing for their children right ?. What favours our parents have done for us, mother carrying her son in stomach is it just a waste? He wouldn't have been ur husband if they hadn't done that. So who are the wives to ask their husbands to go against their parents it's a totally unfair and unjust to parents. Some wives say that I did more for u than ur parents. So the husband should ask can u give birth to me again or can u feed me with milk? all the time like a baby? can u wash my dirt all the time? can u teach me? Or make me to go to school again? Can u earn for me and I will just stay at home simply without any responsibility? Can u take us out for a ride outside or for a picnic? Etc. These all things are what husband does for his wifes not all things which I asked in above but certain things. So its obvious that wifes should be thankfull to their husbands not husbands should be thankful to them.
You are just beating around about your mother. Give one example of parents instruction which you don't like. You marry with a relatively stranger to your parents.
Talking bad about in-laws is bcoz you only one side story. It is very common with women to boast about parents which will hurt your parents. My own father-in-law who believes that he is rich told me that I was a beggar.
This Bilal guys is talking utter Shit this is not islam he is not just and he is biased so he shouldn’t be giving advice about this in the first place we need to gave a complete understanding of both side issues for us to pass judgment and give advice ALLAH suhana wa taala created human kind free it is a sin for man to take advantage of woman and ask her to suppress her human rights
Mufti menk talks only about one aspect of coin... First achieve the complete information, then talk... Those who come to the heart speak.... The wife has only three rights in shariah... Food, clothing and house... If the wife only USES that...?
If not, then with which mouth only these laws apply... All the rights of parents are maintained in.. If you have more than your hand, then the wife should also look after her husbands parents... This is, walking with humanity and law...
You say mother in law gets jealous. You are silent on wife getting jealous too when son gives sufficient attention to his mother. A lady, when daughter in law, has one set of morals and principles. When the same lady one day becomes mother in law,she has other set of morals and principles!!! This opportunistic behaviour is a direct result of her being without Islamic morals and principles. Even in a joint family peace will reign if all have knowledge of Islam and determination to act upon it. All have to appreciate husband doing justice and husband requiring to know where the justice is.
Change the wive , easier than changing the mother. Wives can leave you for not providing enough or can leave you for certain things as petty as coming home late here and there. Mothers are more acceptable. There are always good women to marry to. It's a women issue , mens get screwed.
Fear Allah and set boundaries so that both women don’t cross. If mother is wrong speak up be a man and tell her in a respectful manner.
U r relating wives and mother equal. Mother hav more right on you than ur wives are. Wi especially don't understand that. What u r suggesting is totally wrong. Nothing to be a man or not, follow the religion, the guidance not what media and school books tells you. Now listening mothers to do something not right in Islam, yes u have to say no. Mother can be wrong too like wives. So in order to make that decision u have to be wise and brave and ready to make either party unhappy regardless of the outcome.
@@RADIANT333 no I’m not I’m saying if the mother is wrong be a man and standup to her. If the wife is wrong tell her she’s wrong. Set boundaries for both ppl. Just because your mom isn’t replaceable doesn’t give you an excuse to allow her to be unfair and intervene with your marriage. May Allah bless you.