Reacting to my Pre-Transition Videos
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- Опубліковано 31 бер 2020
- Hi, I’m Elle. I’m a 20 year old FtMtF detransitioner. In this video I’m reacting to my old UA-cam videos from before I came out as trans. I was such a weird kid.
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We had the same obsessions lol. I watched ALL of rays video's and was also obsessed with toby lmao
I see that a lot of your problems come from diving so deeply into everything. I am 61, and I must say, I never did that, ever. Of course that makes for other regrets. We all have different regrets, but no need to be hard on yourself or drive yourself crazy with the shoulda, coulda, wouldas. You are who are. You did what you did. So what. You are human. You are a caring, moral person. And a beautiful woman who is finally allowing yourself to feel how wonderful it is to be a woman! I think part of the answer is to stay so busy, you don't have a lot of time for self analysis. Keep learning to love yourself. Add God to the mix. He can give you peace of mind.
Elle, your voice is getting higher. I swear it's not as deep as it was the first time I watched your videos. Pretty cool ,😁😉
I noticed that too. Thought it was just me.
Omg I thought she was sounding cute too!
I listened to them both in the same screen, switching from video to video within like 2 seconds. I don't know if Elle deleted some videos, but Elle sounds exactly the same, which is understandable because it's such a short timespan.
Same! I came here to say this! Yay!
@@Graanvlok Unfortunately that's just not how it works. When your voice drops, it has dropped. Suddenly being taken off testosterone does not change that.
Hello Elle. My name is Sarah Anne. I'm a Mom of two grown Sons & live in Los Angeles. I just found your channel only yesterday. I'm soo incredibly PROUD of you Little One. You have an old soul and YES, you are adorable & have a beautiful smile. You're going to be just fine. You have such an amazing life ahead of you. Surround yourself with ONLY people that LIFT YOU UP! You really do have a lot of wonderful people that truly care about you. We ARE & WILL always be here for you Sweetheart. xo
@Rosa1277 Thank you Darlin. Now that my own children are grown & out of the house I have a tendency to want to "Mother" all children. God luv ya Rosa1277 & thank you. Momma Sarah xo
Watch All her vids and check out the comments, Miss Palmer is a great counselor
@@matthewmutz9337 I absolutely will! I'm sure Miss Palmer is doing BEYOND amazing. This child really is special. I'm gonna keep a REAL CLOSE WATCH on my Little One. My Mom still to this day always says to me... "Biologically related means NOTHING!" When one "LOVES" that's it! I've basically adopted Elle. lol There sure is a lotta love on here! Stay safe Matthew. Momma Sarah xo
@@foryoumysexyman Very thoughtful of you thank you MJ Mutz
@TiaraShark I agree Darlin. And reading your beautiful comment, you too deserve lots of LOVE!!!! Take care of yourself Child. And if ANY TROLLS decide to make ANY NASTY COMMENTS on here.. I will PERSONALLY escort you to HELL!" That's a PROMISE!!! Momma Sarah
Makes me think how having access to the internet at such a young age can really mess up a young mind. There is way too much out there that can influence your psyche. I commend you Elle, you are so pretty and think watching your process can help a lot of young teens.
Sunnydreamer1470 many kids are growing very isolated this day, and they tend to have a very low self esteem.. a high self esteem is the key for a bright future..what I have notice is that for some kids is hard to make friends, the lack of friends is very bad for kids, they tend to do things to get other kids attention..it’s very hard for teenagers...
I disagree because everyone is different. Some people thrive on the internet that feeds their narcissism, others crumble, and some (like me) are fine.
Having zero information is no less damaging.
A good, supportive family is the first most important element. I eas obliged to attend therapy with a coercive abusive tverapist who practiced Conversion Therapy.
If a child has a good foundation it will not be shaken by mere websites
Long hair middle part looks so pretty on you.
Ah, Ray William Johnson... *looks off into distance* Haven’t heard that name in years...
Bruh the beginning gave me so many 2009 era UA-cam flashbacks. I remember making those as well
YourBoyJacques SAME LOL
Your smile as you’re watching yourself is so incredibly adorable I can’t get over it!!! Seeing you so genuinely happy is enough to make my tear up. I’m so happy that you are doing so well in comparison to how you used to feel. I definitely relate to a lot of what you went through.
The best part of this is the love in your eyes as you're watching your young self! ♥️ I *swear* that your voice is lifting and each time you upload your features are softer.
This was so interesting... and fun. We all cringe about things we did, said, wore, how we were, etc, when we were teens. It’s such an awkward age! The best takeaway is that you love yourself as you are now, and that you now know it’s a journey not a “destination.” And I’m so happy for you that you are happy. Hope you are ok in this crazy isolation time.
You are so beautiful, Elle! ❤️ And btw, those aren’t cringy, they are adorable 🥰😂
Omg I was obsessed with Ray William Johnson too, I don't even know why. He was literally so unfunny
Oh my god same! I'd totally forgotten his existence 😂😂😂 (I don't remember any of his videos at all tho)
“There’s nothing to figure out, you just have to go through life.” I didn’t know I needed to hear this today, but oh my god it hit hard. It’s so easy to get caught up in trying to fix things, and you end up missing valuable experiences. I wish I could’ve heard this sooner.
I swear your voice has gotten higher! No idea if it’s natural or with voice training, but I just wanted to let you know that it really has changed since I watched your first video about your journey 😌💕
"...if I could go back to this time, I would..." "...I would want to tell my old self, like, that it's okay..." "...that you don't have to figure all of this stuff out, like, there's nothing to figure out, you just have to go through life..." - [She] "needs to be told that she's okay, the way she is."
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I think you just did.
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Good on you.
I think a good axiom is "The fewer labels the better"! Really, we are terrible judges of ourselves and always changing.
That's exactly right. And this younger generation is the exact opposite, obsessed with lables and terms. And they're slowly finding out that that is not all good.
@@doubleboy2388 Especially college kids...Just be you and live your life without ANY labels. We are pressured to categorize ourselves to sections to "fit in".....If someone asks me if I am binary this binary that, I respond, no clue.....what you see is what you get, take it or leave it.
your hair looks great! I love how calming your videos are
You really are inspiring. Thank you for sharing your story and your views on life. Self exeptence is really is important and sometimes it is easy to forget. So thank you
4:11
Detransition Elle: "This is really cringy!"
Pre-transition Elle: "Really?"
:O
Ahh your such a sweet likeable person Elle , it’s weird to be so happy and share in your life’s little moments without knowing you 🌷🌸♥️🐸 gzzz on switch
I get so excited every time you upload!! 💙💙
This was very entertaining, and I'm glad you can look back and laugh, but also reflect. You are strong, and I will continue to encourage you to just keep being you. By the way, you were a very adorable kid.
I think the first clip of you trying to sing, reminds me so much of myself as a kid😂
Hi! I really enjoy your videos. It's very inspiring to follow your journey, thoughts and positive vibes. I myself am a 23 year old woman living in Sweden, and I've been extremely depressed and suicidal, especially during my teenage years. I never ever came across anything about transitioning during that time, but I know for a fact that if I were, I would of been convinced that all of my self hatred, low self esteem and not fitting in with the other girls, was a result of being born in the wrong gender ...
A few years later, little by little, life changed and I am today a completely different person. Just like you. The only difference is that, before, only one of us was exposed to the idea of transitioning.
My point is, we all go through different stages in our life and it is not rare that people, teenagers or not, feel bad about ourselves. And I believe that your journey is important to display. I'm very glad that you've chosen to display it and that you show to the world that you're stronger than ever from this experience, and that you're never alone, and we are all very much alike, just with different backgrounds and stories to tell.🤗
I hadn't thought about Ray William Johnson in like a decade! Love you Elle!!
You are just the sweetest person. I love your gentle spirit and it's obvious you have the kindest soul. Thanks for sharing yourself with the world. So beautiful, inside and out, no matter the circumstances.
You've such a warm personality. I could watch your videos all day. ❤
Life gives answer in 3 ways, it says Yes & gives U whant U want, it says No & gives U Something Better, it says Wait & gives U THE BEST.
@Ivana Fagulova Tank You 😀 👭 💕 👋👋
Glad to hear you are getting better day by day. . Have overcome and grown so much and making a difference by sharing your trials
I don't even know how I came across your channel but I like you very much - you should be so proud of yourself - sending you a virtual hug x
I smiled like an idiot watching this because self love is the best love. I am so proud of you for being so open about your journey with all of us!
powerful message, i like your positive view on your situation even while looking back on difficult times, im sure it's going to have a positive impact on others, wish u the best :)
You are such a beautiful person. You were then, and you are now. Thank you for sharing your beautiful life!
love the harry merch !!!!! keep doing what you’re doing elle ❤️
Oml hahahah! I actually thought you sounded more British than Aussie! Hahah loved that video!
And hey. You actually seem like a super fun person to hang out with!
Your bit about not wanting to go back to your younger self. That's exactly how I feel about it. I'm 39 now and I wouldn't even want to go back 5 years from now...
Unlike you though I have a crappy memory, so I don't even identify with pre-transition me. I just can't remember what I was thinking or the circumstances of pictures, etc.
Also, I love your voice! :)
Elle, after hearing your story and How you've handled everything it has helped me to keep at it. You Are a Quality Person. May The Road Rise
You were so cute!
You are a very sensitive, intelligent and beautiful person! I really like your videos
You're a beautiful person and your videos bring me joy 💚 ily
Very enlightening what you said about adding the diagnosis to teenagers. Makes them think all of their problems will be solved if they can change genders??? Glad you're forgiving yourself. And Think of all of the people you can help since you've actually gone through this experience.
I'll be 28 in July and grew up in the middle of nowhere in Tennessee, didn't have internet in my house and I'm so thankful for all those factors because with the way I felt as a young teen I know I would have highly considered transitioning and by the way I feel now, is totally different. I love myself so much more now. There were YEARS I was so depressed and hated myself so much, I didn't see anyone, I would only wear sweat pants and baggy shirts. I'm a bisexual female but at the time I felt everything about me was wrong and I didn't know how to "fix" myself so I'd like myself...I'm so glad I don't feel like that now💖🌻
Didn't play much Maple Story but I played Gaia Online for like 6 years 😂
Yuukire you were very lucky....
do you think that we should be stricter with our languege in regards to trans issues or that the entire concept should be abolished.
@@nataliedell6515 yes, I believe so too
@@sjkdsfsdf52 no, nothing should be abolished but I think we as a country needs to calm down even more with the message of "the cure all", whether it's religion for some, plastic surgery for some, transition for some, or "if I just had a girlfriend\boyfriend, I'd be happy!"....those type of ideas that media just puts in our head since the beginning of it all. We need to love ourself above all else.
I love watching your viedo's! The Chubby Bunny was so cute! Thank you for sharing your story! 💖
Your voice is honestly really lovely and calming I like it
Your voice is definetly getting higher so thats good, but either way I think its really unique and cool and i like it high or low!!! your videos are really awesome and Im not trans but I still relate a lot to the identity issues you talk about so keep making videos!
I hope you don't mind that I say this but your voice is sooo nice and soothing to listen to, I love it and I love your videos and your personality is splendid. So happy to have you back reconnecting to your womanhood, continue to be brave and awesome, cheers 👌✌💟💚
You are GREAT exactly how you are! Don’t waste time and energy thinking about how things could have been...focus on making the best you. We all change in different ways as we age and mature, sometimes because of choices we make and sometimes because it just happens to us. Sometimes we like the changes and sometimes we don’t. So much of life is out of our control, but you are able to control your reactions and choose happiness. Stay positive and try not to spend too much time being critical of yourself, instead spend time improving yourself. Learn something new, volunteer your time to others in need, be creative, and laugh as much as you can. You are worthy and have so much to contribute to this world.
you were just a kid, kids are very strange. Your brave for watching and reacting. I can never sit through videos of myself as a kid. I always watch like 2 seconds and turn it off lol
That nintendo switch panic was great
The maturity of perspective from a later date...It gets to us all in some way shape or form.
Are you planning on making non trans related content,it's ok if you aren't ,love you
Absolutely right! "Putting a label on something teenagers already go through" is VERY dangerous!
Elle, I really love hearing your story. You are a brave and remarkable individual. I am glad people like Blair White are open to sharing your experiences as well as opposed to people like, Sam Collins, who seems to hate on anybody who talks about retransitioning or making sure that transitioning is the right choice, calling them liars, transphobes, etc. I loved watching your old videos. It really takes me back to that time on the internet when UA-cam was new to everybody. My daughter used to make videos similar to yours when she was your age. At 18, she is now dealing with her own problems and seeing you with such a healthy attitude gives me hope that she will make it to the light at the end of the tunnel as well. I think that I speak for a lot of your viewers when I say that your voice is really needed in the whole discussion of transgenderism and transitioning. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and experiences with us. I would say "you go girl" if it weren´t such a terribly dated expression.
You’re so cool, and I find your videos so interesting and informative. Thank you so much for sharing your journey.
Your hair is so beautiful in that light setting!!
The only constant is change. There is no going home. I think the biggest challenge, is being able to look back, and accept yourself for who you were, love yourself, and let go. I think just about everyone has that experience, and it is perfectly normal.
You are not only a beautiful person, but very strong. I believe you are helping a lot of people by telling your story. : D
I am so happy your voice is coming back! Very nice video.
The last minute of your video really got to me. Thank you for that.
You have a fabulous voice for radio. Love it!!
Lol I love this ! 🤣 I swear you look the same ! Is that Zac Efron in the back tho? 😍
actually it's one direction! still love them to this day
I also had a dysphoria diagnosis and even though I was 18 and not 15 I completely agree and relate to everything you said you're speaking the truth
Your laugh on the ramen video is so contageous.
can confirm as a proud australian that that ramen vid was fucking hilarious 😂
Just want you to know I appreciate you making these videos. People can be very cruel.... and people say all sorts of things online they would never say face to face to another human being, the internet is a great place for cowards. But another problem is imitation complements. I suppose you gotta take the good with the bad. But I am very glad that you are happy, there's a lot of confusion in this world and many people are not as blessed to have the strength to make the change back. Good luck and God Bless
not gonna lie, in each and every video I'm really amazed by your smile/the shape of your mouth and I don't even mean it in a flirty way or in an envy type of way but rather just... it is just beautiful it's really hypnotizing xd Besides I LOVE these blue eyes and the voice!!
Lol awe. When I see videos like this it makes me grateful that I started high school in '04 and we didn't do things like this when we were kids so I dont have embarrassing videos to look back at and cringe at.
Your hoodie omggg
08:48 - your hair looks awesome here! Really suited you
Agree with other comments, your VOICE tho
"I was obsessed with mechanical switches", ofcourse you were...I wouldn't expect anything less😂
You are going to be OK. You are more than OK ♥
You're a very courageous person. Love from France
Elle I love them!!
Hi Elle. So good to see you again. You were such a doll. You really looked a lot like the famous young youtuber Piper Rockelle. Happy to see you happy. So glad you are healthy and safe from this scary world wide virus. Have a wonderful week, see you next week 🥰👋
I have the light blue version of your shirt !!! 💓💞💓💞💓
It sounds like you had dysmorphia instead of disphoria and body dysmorphia is common for most women. I've been on birth control for a long time and never gained any weight from it, but I can understand why you felt self conscious. All in all you were an adorable child and are a beautiful woman now.
I’m happy that ur happier
Your voice is absolutely beautiful even if it is something you regret, you are absolutely beautiful
Great video, Elle.
what was your parents' involvement/input throughout your pre-transition, transition, and de-transition?
Michelle Thompson She mentioned in another video that they were pretty much supportive of her decisions, because she was so determined.
Baby Elle in the maple story video was so cute.. child side profile and that hair!!! (Edit: more cooking videos when?? Lol)
Your identity is being human and being you. Yay you. Love you.
You are an amazing person!!!☺️
Ur so real that's it's shocking to see online. But also so wholesome!!❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Thank you for sharing Elle, Youv'e helped me greatly, Stay at it COUNSELOR
“I would go back because I would want to do better.” Honey you did your best, wether you misguided yourself at times or you let ideology misguide you at times, you did your best. You tried SO HARD and you know you tried so hard. You should be proud of yourself for that. And you did a damn good job, even if you need to find your way a little right now. And you are doing that, you will do that.❤️
That “darkness and lightness” brought me back lol
have you ever considered taking supplemental estrogen? i think it might help encourage your biological transition back to female. obviously i'm no doctor, but i know that taking supplemental hormones (not necessarily the dose someone would use to fully transition genders) isn't uncommon even for reasons like skin problems.
I think she may have mentioned it in another video, but I think she said that estrogen won't reverse the impacts of taking testosterone (which is why men who have gone through puberty and then transition need to do voice training etc.)
I’m a cis female but I have PCOS so I have elevated levels of testosterone. Your videos have made me feel oddly less alone in dealing with that and I’m grateful for that.
This makes me think back to the first upload me and my friends did on UA-cam when we were just kids, it was so sad because we only got like 10 views and one comment and the comment just said “lame” . Haha we were so confused because we just kept thinking what does this mean and what did we do wrong, because we were so excited to have done a film by ourselves!
I definitely subscribed, keep it up!
LOL, I'm shopping for a mechanical keyboard simultaneously to watching this video!
thank you for realizing so much truth. I don't understand why we're medicalizing puberty, what we just would have called teen angst at one point. you have learned so much about yourself and life. congratulations!
Oh my god RWJ lmfao I was super into =3 back in the day aaaaaa
Elle, what type of birth control was it that you were taking then that made you gain weight?
Thanks
Im 20 and considering it for both bad periods and hormonal acne
19:36 - hey, I send my support. Best wishes to you!
Elle, so much respect.
Also, more ramen videos, please.
Thank you!
unrelated but you look like harry styles’ ex camille rowe lmao, you’re both very pretty
i also got a switch a few weeks ago! I’ve been addicted to animal crossing. 😩
if you get it too you should do a video playing it
somewhere on my old computer i have a folder filled with minecraft videos i made when i was 11