"Both Empaths and Narcissists suffer from early developmental trauma. The difference is that Narcissists are essentially weak, and succumb to selfishness and hate, whilst Empaths rise above their torturous past, and continue to be there for humanity." ~ Rohit Barman (TheMindsJournal)
I had noticed that we all (kids from Hell-family) ended up one way or the other but never considered how much that makes sense before. I'm thankful every day that I am one of the "too sensitive " , mocked by the Nfolk. Too much can feel overwhelming but hollow must be awful
- Cut communication - altogether if possible - Stop reacting - they want your reaction good or bad - Remember none of it is about you or your worth, you are enough - it's about them and they do this in many relationships - Know that they are unlikely to change - they don't understand they are wrong and believe their own lies - Remember they don't love and hate - they win/lose - Put the energy back into loving yourself, chose you - Be okay without an apology and one day find forgiveness as they are a damaged human being (not to condone, for your own good)
Thank you for this. I have been struggling again about going back after we talked a couple days ago. I keep thinking I should forgive and be “a bigger” person, but at the same time, if my need for a deeper connection will never happen, why? My therapist said the same thing about my husband never being able to change. Sigh…
@@deborah5415 Being the bigger person can mean knowing you deserve to be treated with dignity, respect and civility. Things a narcissist will NEVER be able to give you. God said for us to be equally yoked, not a whipping post for others. Spend time investing in your growth and evolving yourself. That is self love.
It's impossible to have an intelligent conversation with a two-year-old so this is the same way that a narcissist person reacts to something that they may not like
“Narcissists can only focus on their injured feelings” Exactly - too self centered to acknowledge the pain they cause others, besides being so evil that they want others to hurt as they do… for their pleasure.
I said to One know- all big mouth " please talk to me respectfully- no nasty name calling, I will be Treated Right!" she was stunned,.... WHO RAISED HER? she's NUTs.
@@sickofcrap8992 …wouldn’t he be shocked if you flipped out and did small acts of kindness at times least expected - knowing what he’s like, and didn’t quit..? If you think about how much effect a candle has in a dark room, that’s what those acts of kindness are like: the light drives away the darkness.
It depends on the narcissist. When I called out my sister she went on a campaign of slander behind my back. When my husband called out my MIL she threw a glass of wine at his head. Some react violently while some react in non-violent but equally destructive ways. All of them are dangerous and should be avoided at all costs!
Hey Chelle.. I was commenting on when I come across you and all what you just said in your comments is great and amazing, I will like us to been a friend's, is that's okay with you..??
Yes. When I called out my sister, she proceeded to try to destroy my relationship with my kid's mother. The funny thing is, My kid's mother is a narc too. She went on a slander world tour after she cheated on me and left be with the new supply.
Oh, how I can relate to this! My narcissistic older sister does the same thing....if you call her out, she will trash you behind your back. Try to turn old friends against you. Turn family members against you, use them as flying monkeys. I had realized for decades she was profoundly neurotic. It's only been in the last eighteen months that I've realized she is a narcissist.
Don't know if this is the same thing: whole principle of presentation is N. going more aggressive. Your dude may have something else going on. So sorry, anyway.
Yep. They feel that if they're being helped, that intones that they are vulnerable or incapable, and HELL NO that is NOT to be the case! LOL So they freak.
"You can't help somebody or assist somebody who refuses to be helped." "Even if they say they don't believe in my good character, they can't take it away from me." These sentences (and the whole video) helped me a lot, thank you very much.
I 'm listening to this video, by according to the date is todays date. He is describing my X-hus to a tea. I cannot believe Dr. Carter has pin-pointed this mentally disturbed people, called narcissists. I'm so glad you have started these videos and I have followed ever since I did an essay on Chris Watts killings. I had no idea how these topic videos have helped me in my personal life. Thank you and bless you for your input. I really appreciate everything I hear and learn. 😄 p.s. I love Gus, too.
Treating them as though they are insignificant in your life will send them into a narcissistic rage. Their anger at you for not deferring to them or acknowledging them and their wonderfulness and giving them their narcissistic supply will bring out anger and a need for a revenge. Run, don’t walk away from this person. Permanently.
Being raised with narcissistic parents sets you up for failure like having a handicap for the rest of your life. I don't believe you can permanently break free from the trauma but you can certainly become a more functional adult.
@@cassiebrown9786 Exactly, I haven't been able to find much about how to deal with trauma bonds broken by the death of the narcissist but I have experienced this personally. It's really weird and difficult. Salud
@@womaninwood9177 I agree. My now deceased narcissist mother passed same behavior to my sister. Thankfully I have no contact ( with mean sister) and don't live close by. I only stayed in contact with my narcissistic mother ( who never showed love ) out of respect. I tried doing the right thing.
I feel for you. We lost so many family members by the damage our Narc did to us. We had to go "no contact" and move to the other side of the country to finally get some peace.
Im so sorry this is happening to you. It really sucks to be helpless and not being able to make other see what is really happening. The only thing we have is acceptance that we cant change anyones mind and it is none of our business to do it. They choose to believe the narc over your good character, so unfortunately they were never really in your corner :(
The narcissist is a sad, insecure, empirically immature person. I really saw this a few months ago with my father on the phone. He just raged and raged at me for no good reason and he wonders why I'm not around anymore. He wonders why nothing has changed or gotten better when I say that I want things to be better. I'm not the problem and I'm so glad I see it clearly now.
"You can't help someone that doesn't want to be helped" That took me way too long to learn. And then once you do learn to let go, they turn right around and use it against you. *shakes head*
I agree. It defies natural, human behavior. I had to start recording the conversations so that afterward I could listen again to the responses and go wow...they really did mean that. The "I don't think, I KNOW I have nothing to work on."
Saying “No thank you, not interested.”is going to be my new way of not playing the game or being around them. Because saying that you have plans already makes them mad.
Exactly 💯💯. My husband doesn't like to be questioned at all. He loves to be in control and doesn't like to talk things out at all. He's a big baby for sure. Yep he lashes out when I try to get us to talk. Yes he gets angry 😡. He doesn't like to be wrong. Yes I've been punished more times than I can count. He will turn it back on me if he can. He gets loud and tries to scare me with his tone. Brings back memories of domestic abuse with him.
PLEASE do NOT make the multiple mistakes I made since I left COVERT & MALIGNANT narc ex husband. Go FULL 💯 NO CONTACT. You will achieve NOTHING by continued contact. If you're married wait awhile before you file for a divorce. Go on with your life. Cut off the narcist in EVERY possible way. You will be SAFER that way.
Agreed. The only way to win with a narcissist is to not play the game = no contact. I am done loving him and feeling sorry for him. My peace and happiness is more important
I asked a narcissistic business partner to reflect on how her words and actions had upset me. She sent me pages and pages about how I'm mentally ill, delusional, scary, crazy, and so on... and she also told a mutual friend that I have had a mental breakdown. This video makes it so much clearer why a person would react that way.
They ALWAYS blame you! It's all of your fault of what happened wrong around the time they're around you! They're SO AWEFUL I simply call them Satan! If they ever say that they were hurt around you it's always a 1 up on you that they had it so much WORSE than you & you have NO reason to gripe at all!
I use to do this. It’s fruitless. Also hard not to do. What I learned, which changed the whole game for me was, it was my frustration and anger that they couldn’t or wouldn’t see my side. To not get consideration, you feel powerless. But the goal is not to have power over them, but over yourself. You can’t do anything for them. You live in reality narcissists live to be right.
Dr Carter. Can you please cover the topic of why narcissists are "wound collectors" (as in they always hold grudges and engage in circular arguments about the same issues repeatedly no matter how much time has passed)?. They also use the same standard stock phrases over and over again. Another suggestion for a video might be why narcissists are not relationship material. Thankyou !
Yes i would like to try and understand there circular arugments, my narc is extremely repetitive he repeats the same words even in the say way so much so that I can predict his words behaviour and outcome
@@mirandapitzer4330 Keeps us mixed up about them. It's a tactic of theirs. Go flat on them. Pay attention when they do that. Mine says I don't pay attention. They absolutely have my attention now. I just watch & listen to them. I try not to react. It works to not get confused about them.
@@lindasharpe7039 Absolutely you are right. After 23 yrs together I don't even give him a response at all. I no longer am confused by him bullshit and keeping myself on the topic in hand keeps me holding him accountable! Which makes for things to be miserable to a certain extent until you get away. But im getting away!! Im staying in MY REALITY! Not his wonderland if misery
Had I known all this at the start, I would have been done at hello. “Let’s talk.” They dont do that. Immature. I initiated no contact so they will surely let others know they are a pathetic victim.
"Stay inside your good character!" Such a protection for mental and emotional peace....'and no one can take that away from you". Thanks Dr C, more valuable insights on how to handle these difficult interactions 💜
"Stay inside your good character." Thank you Dr. C!!❤️ You are very wise and also you are very non judgmental. I appreciate how you never lecture people or look down on them.
The problem is you don't even need to do something for them to feel injured by you. Just being annoys them if they think you are smarter/prettier/more successful/whatever
Is it a trait of a narcissist that they expect you to say things, and when you do not respond with whatever they expect you to say, they explode? I constantly said the wrong things and he always questioned me. “I expected you to say ____, not what you said. Why did you say that?”
Exactly ! I remember their face expressions. Completely dumbfounded when I would called them out on their intentions. Duh ! Hello ! Hello ! Obviously obvious.
So, last Sunday I got my own apartment and am moving more stuff in tomorrow so this is our last night in his home. Well, today he lashed out bad. But, I got through it.
They will say “what can I do to make it better “ when you are leaving them…but of course they NEVER mean it, it’s just a tactic to suck you back in and make you believe they can and will change for you. Been there done that!! Never again!!!
A loved one reminded me not to lose my Christian witness. Even Jesus called the hypocrites , snakes. And it was true, not sin. So tbh I taught my children no name calling. Yet I have sincerely called the narc jackass hundreds of times over the years. Question. How sad would the current world be without these videos!
I believe it’s all about consequences & they must hit rock bottom alone before they can even get a glimpse of their abusive actions. Until that happens they feel in their minds to be in total charge & that those around them have given them the reigns to continue cracking the whip. They are like a spoiled child acting out for correction & structure.
I wished they could be reasoned with, but it's not possible, even if they know there are consequences. I've had my fair share of dealing with those evil people. Too many to mention.
My husband realizes he's abusive, he says things just come out without thinking, like he doesn't have control over himself when he's angry and doesn't remember the things he says and does, and says he didn't mean for it to go that far .Some how I believe him ,it doesn't make it right ,then he goes off and punches himself for doing and saying things ,like really down and depressed, I just leave him be until he comes out of it ,I don't feel one bit sorry for him I am the victim.
They don't hit rock bottom. They cause you to hit rock bottom. They don't ever see anything they do as abusive. You are the abuser by default, even when you don't do anything. You are deluding yourself if you think "consequences" will ever change anything.
@@sickofcrap8992 I really struggled in my marriage with feeling like my consequences for him would never change him. But you’re right. They never did change him. What changed was me. When I started having better boundaries and I changed into a person who didn’t respond to him in the same way he was used to, he decided to leave me. I was devastated at first but now I realize it was one of the best things that ever happened to me. So, to your point, I agree with you but we don’t have to change them, we just have to change us. That’s all we have control over anyway!
Gus looks so peaceful laying on the couch. He's heard it all most of it twice we can learn from him too. Ask him if he cares what narcissists say and I would think he wouldn't raise even one eyelid. He has found the peace you always wish for us. Perhaps thats the doggie version of Grey Rock Idk.
I was just thinking what a friendly and cozy place that room is with the scenic cabin and River on the wall the soothing green super soft sofa and pillow and the cuddly golden retriever waiting. If there's one thing this gentleman project it is goodness Goodwill and safety. That makes for one safe and pleasant space.
My friend thinks that all you have to do is show them love and they'll "love you back." He's so positive all the time, I don't think he has a narcissist in his family. I'm happy he hasn't needed to face a personal narcissist but his happy rays sunshine are funny. It isn't going to work. My therapist told me to stay far away from them. That surprised me. Therapists aren't acting the way they did years ago. They're not trying to get you together with narcissists anymore. It still feels weird though.
My therapist said the same about keeping my distance from narcissist sister, neighbor and others showing narcissistic behavior. They aren't willing or capable of change.
It's hard to give them love if the only thing you getting from them is toxicity, criticism, judgment, anger and abuse. It's inevitably going to impact your soul. The best way is to stay away. The only solid advice. The therapist is right. Edit: of course it helps to understand how their own trauma formed their personality. But don't get entangled with them through feeling guilt, too much compassion and love for them. It's a waste of time. Think of your own protection.
Me and my husband have been married for 21yrs . And always thought it was just me that was doing something wrong. But now , I know what is going on here. My husband is actually a narcissist . I try to talk to him about things and he always turns things around saying it's my fault things are the way they are. When we first got married he wasn't like that. I didn't see it coming. He really started when are son was born it 2002.
Maybe he knows full well what he is doing and was waiting for your kid to be born to show his true face so that he would have "tied you" to him on a permanent way.
Thanks Dr. C! Life is so much better now I really know I'm not the defective one, that I'm worthy of being treated with Dignity, Respect, and Civility. I've seen more than enough overt and passive aggressive outbursts for a lifetime. No more, done with all of them going on a year now! Looking forward to my first ever narcissist-free holidays, and concentrating on my goals and growth in the next year. My best wishes to all out there striving for freedom, it's tough but so are you, and you're worth the effort, believe it!
Thank you for the lovely comment! The narcissist family member makes the holidays exhausting and all about themselves. My New Year's resolution has been to no longer spend any get-together or celebration with them, and since then, I've actually come to enjoy the holidays and view them in a more favorable light and have positive experiences the way we all deserve!
My estranged husband is a prime example of what you are talking about. The “straw” for me was when he went bananas over me suggesting we hire a plumber for a very serious plumbing problem. It turned ugly real fast and physical. Done. Trying to get a divorce now. It’s been 18 months.
And then there is the narcissist who has acquired a sophisticated repertoire of spiritual/emotional lingo. So now it's, "YOU're projecting", or "YOU don't trust ME" or "you don't know how to receive love, you're blocked, you need to learn how to trust people" or "you don't give me the space i need to be vulnerable". A whole other level of manipulative self preservation. But the more you are centered and non reactive the more transparent and powerless these strategies are. All you have to do is show alittle bit of self respect (boundaries and consequences) and they flip out. Dont react to their flipping out at all and watch them turn themselves inside out. So glad I no longer find myself in physical proximity to these people. It only happens through text now and only for as long as it takes for me to recognize what I'm dealing with. Compassion for myself is more important now than compassion for the other.
Its difficult to anticipate what will injure them, since their fragile ego is so easily hurt. Who can know that asking them to put a new bin liner in the kitchen bin can be taken as a criticism. Talking to them AT ALL is a very treacherous process, as it is impossible to guess how they will react to any verbal exchange. In my current relationship, this is even more perilous as there is no surface reaction, I might only find out weeks later that something upset him, after I find some item of mine broken, or sabotaged. He's very passive aggressive. The element of doubt is what has kept our relationship going so long, but he's blown his cover recently.
The paranoia is a big tell. I recently had a supervisor who thought our director was out to 'get' him. I spent a lot of time trying to reassure him before realizing he was redirecting his paranoia onto ME. That's when I realized there was no way to have a rational discussion with him and I had to leave the job.
I’ve dealt with this from my husband’s family. I didn’t comply with their demands that I delete an innocuous Facebook post that was none of their business. The three of them called me 65+ times each, for three days in a row. At that point I was permanently done with them.
Did the Facebook post have anything to do with their family?? Even if it did- calling you that often is harassment. I'm glad you had the fortitude to withstand their onslaught. You're a strong person.
From childhood all the way to adulthood, I can't even begin to remember how many times or people have either lashed out to someone else in front of me or at me for God knows what. Watching videos like this really put me to ease and gives me a much bigger and better self awareness with what and who I deal with.
WARNING ~ with fentanyl poisoning being all over the news these days, be EXTRA careful if you're dealing with a narcissist whose AIM is to destroy due to jealousy/envy & loosing control. Remember, there's no logic or reasoning with a narcissist, and you never know when they're going to turn on you. You could be cooking & caring for a narcissist, but UNFORTUNATELY they can SNAP with NO WARNING. Protect yourself and your family.
Thanks Dr Carter. I understand now there's no point trying to work things out with the narc. I tried that once and came away feeling like I'm the one that has to change. The more kinder and helpful I became the more I got abused and dominated. So I just treat this person like I do a stranger.
I love to watch Dr. Carter's newest video every Saturday morning while I eat my breakfast. Its a great way to start the day! Thank you, as always, for your insight, Dr. C! 🙂
He was always asking "Who's in charge?" I quickly learned to respond, "Who do YOU think is in charge?" and just agree with his answer, because obviously it's just words that don't change the reality.
What a gem from Heaven! Thank you So Much for this multi-faceted revelation that shores-up my spirit for another great day of forging ahead on the High Road
I can either concentrate on the reason for my mother’s narcissistic behavior or save myself. At this point I literally can no longer be objective with her reasons…I just want to survive her abuse and get away from her. She will never change! It’s only getting worse. The only way out is to shut the door on her or simply put not give a damn anymore about her.
This definitely helps me to empathise with the narcissist's experience. But it also helps me to understand better how I can and must stay outside of their games.
The main narcissist in my family, my niece - who did a wondrous job of kicking me out of my own family - well I asked her sometime within the past 2 yrs (I forget) if me and her could make up and let bigones be bigones and she declares "No, It's to late bla, bla, bla, ...").
To salvage your mental health, QUIT immediately. There are a lot of jobs out there these days due to the shortages. The people there obviously want you gone and they will never change and will keep it up until they succeed. Find another job first (making certain to VET the bosses and employees there so that you don't end up in the same situation)
@@EphemeralProductions I'm discerning a bit of this, as I was telling my pops they are at the point of sabotaging my time logging and work accountability on the digital system, where it would show that I've nothing logged for the entire day yet I've been working all day. They are very low people even production manager, mostly because lack of control and the things that I do or say come to fruition or bore fruit showing them up as I sense, I only want to be good at my job and make positive contributions.
I never thought I would meet someone who could relate so well to what I have dealt with for many years and all the pain I have endured from a narcissist. I have told several people in the same boat about you Dr. Carter. Wonderful information. So sad those injured souls don't see what they are doing to those they claim they love.
He made me drive 2 hours at 3 in the morning because he was too drunk. Yet he blamed me for being drunk! I wasn't! For 2 hours I feared for my life. So much venom towards me and my family. Threats, abuse, demands! He literally screamed at me all the way home. That was the last straw. I agreed to some of his demands and promised I would never argue with him again (wasn't me who was arguing!!) I promised because I knew I'd never be controlled by his insanity again. Blocked. Within 3 weeks he'd a new supply. Wanted me back (to triangulate) I stayed strong. Do not accept the insanity. Do not have any contact.. You want an apology, closure, but they will only use and abuse again. He wanted to break me, but I have come out of this stronger, despite the lies he's telling everyone. No contact! It's the only way. Xxxx
The blame and victim mode. That's just what's happened with me. I got all the blame and she played the victim by saying she was only ever trying to be a good friend to me. She listed the "things" that she did for me and said it was my problems that caused all the trouble in our friendship. That's a load of baloney. She's trying to gaslight me as well. Thank you Dr Carter for these videos xx
Depending on the role a Narcissist plays in your life, meaning their power to do you some actual harm it can be advantageous to dial up the empathy, compassion, and forgiveness towards them. I have found they often respond positively to this approach. Understanding that in some situations this is not going to work when it becomes absolutely necessary to place firm boundaries in an effort to protect yourself from actual harm.
My older sister (was 3 of us now only 2) has stop talking to me because her slandering and lies has gotten out of hand and all the family and her friends told her to stop communicating with me and now the only person she really felt safe with has to stay out of her life, (I will feel peace over time)!. But all the wolves are at her door now. She let them in and threw me out.
I left my ex narc many months ago The police had to get involved I didn't want it that way, but he wouldn't leave me alone. I feel sorry for anybody who is a narciccist, they are just sad and pathetic. They need help, I thought I could help him, but no, he only destroyed me. But I'm very aware now and understand these kind of people. Love should never be hard, but easy and smooth. Respect and civility and equality should be normal, but never with a narccistist. God help these sad people, that's all they are, is sad and insecure. Much respect to u Dr, for educating us.
You know you've won against a narcissist when you ask them to stop texting you, so they change their number and not give it to you. Peace at last peace at last. Blew up the bridge.😂
Dr. Carter, thank you for helping me find strategies and some ways to seek order in the chaos of dealing with multigenerational narcissistic behaviors in too many of the people whom I love. I have been praying for years for healing and peace. Learning from you that no amount of love and empathy can fix their brokenness has freed me to begin to establish boundaries and to a live as myself. I am so exhausted from years putting out fires and making excuses for rude behavior and repairing their damage.
So many complexities in narcissistic family systems, crazy keeps chasing it’s own tail because resolution actually isn’t a goal. I have found a little peace in an unlooked for place. I’ve never been fond of dogs but my wife bought a GSP ‘Ernie’. No matter what sort of day you’ve had Ernie loves you unconditionally, and just wants to be with you. Maybe you let go of unrequited love and be open to wherever it might flow? Otherwise, intellectually I can process the whole 30 year train wreck but can never seem to process it emotionally. Nearly time to just let it go.
By God’s divine intervention, this video popped up in my YT feed today! For years my husband & I have been trying to deal with my now elderly mother’s personality problems, but only last week I read an article about narcissism related to something else & realized that was her to a T!!! Watershed moment! And now today I discovered your channel. Praise God! I can’t wait to delve into your other videos to learn how I can continue to care for her without losing my mind. God bless you, sir!
This describes my recent X wife to a tee. The fact we share custody makes it impossible for me to totally grey rock her. She has to be in total control and constantly tries to blame me for anything going wrong in her life or the life of our child. I have held my breath so many times and just take it. I don't want our young child to experience any more than he has to. I feel so bad for him. This lunatic has to be his mother for at least 12 more years.
there were several moments of injury, and boy did he LASH in response. the first night we spent in his newly purchased condo, we heard gunshots outside. he was MORTIFIED, and enormously embarrassed. a little while later i confessed that i was uncomfortable with his neighborhood. a very nasty discard followed.
I know this video is a yr. old but so familiar. I lived this. But I like Gus's idea! Watching him get up and change his position to get comfortable made me think how I would continually change my position to get comfortable with the NARC. I now ask myself WHY? I don't do that anymore and it feel comfortable for me where I am. I can stand now and hold my ground!! Thanks Dr. C.
I don't take most things personally. They try to hurt you because they need to see you suffer because of them. It makes them feel especially cared for. They need that.
My husband has had several professional diagnoses, medication and therapy but nothing has helped. He knows he has childhood emotional injuries from abuse but this acknowlegment never changes his behaviors. He has not been diagnosed as a Narcissist but your videos describe his behaviors to a T and are so helpful.
"They have to be admired"..... at the time my words for it were...... "Do you ever get a nosebleed up there on that pedal stool that you have placed yourself upon?" She was always the BEST at everything.
Thank you for all the videos! Dealing with narcissism at the workplace and at home. Ugh! At least we have this knowledge though. Once you hear this, everything about them starts to make sense
Awwww what a cute pup in the background lol Thanks for the video..... I'm dealing with more than one. Ugggh I'm worn out from the drama! I'm moving far away from them. I feel sad about losing the relationship with my sister and other family members.... but I will not be sucked into all the BS drama..... I like my peace. I had to learn about and set healthy boundries . After a LOT of self help n growth , I can recognize unhealthy folks and relationships more easily And it sure has been an eye opener Even in how I have played a part in the sickness of it all..... life is SHORT and nothing is worth living this ABUSIVE HELL. I MOVE ON No matter what it takes. Sad though.... in how high the price of peace can be. 😔
"Both Empaths and Narcissists suffer from early developmental trauma. The difference is that Narcissists are essentially weak, and succumb to selfishness and hate, whilst Empaths rise above their torturous past, and continue to be there for humanity." ~ Rohit Barman (TheMindsJournal)
I never saw it said this way, and it is really giving me a lot to think about. It makes so much sense. Thank you for sharing this quote!
@@emilystribling7796 Your welcome!
Thank you much for this insight
I had noticed that we all (kids from Hell-family) ended up one way or the other but never considered how much that makes sense before. I'm thankful every day that I am one of the "too sensitive " , mocked by the Nfolk. Too much can feel overwhelming but hollow must be awful
Thank you Aaron for this post! I agree!
The narcissist lashes out because he or she can't control you or manipulate you. The narcissist wants capitulation.
- Cut communication - altogether if possible
- Stop reacting - they want your reaction good or bad
- Remember none of it is about you or your worth, you are enough - it's about them and they do this in many relationships
- Know that they are unlikely to change - they don't understand they are wrong and believe their own lies
- Remember they don't love and hate - they win/lose
- Put the energy back into loving yourself, chose you
- Be okay without an apology and one day find forgiveness as they are a damaged human being (not to condone, for your own good)
Thank you for this. I have been struggling again about going back after we talked a couple days ago. I keep thinking I should forgive and be “a bigger” person, but at the same time, if my need for a deeper connection will never happen, why? My therapist said the same thing about my husband never being able to change. Sigh…
@@deborah5415 Being the bigger person can mean knowing you deserve to be treated with dignity, respect and civility. Things a narcissist will NEVER be able to give you. God said for us to be equally yoked, not a whipping post for others.
Spend time investing in your growth and evolving yourself. That is self love.
Wow to all these -esp. "They don"t love and hate . . . . "
Great words of advice. I need to memorize this.
Very true, and very well put.
It's impossible to have an intelligent conversation with a two-year-old so this is the same way that a narcissist person reacts to something that they may not like
“Narcissists can only focus on their injured feelings”
Exactly - too self centered to acknowledge the pain they cause others, besides being so evil that they want others to hurt as they do… for their pleasure.
Mine said 'we need to be nicer to each other' which meant me being nicer to him, and him not being any different!
@@susiefoxy8130 I have given up. I treat mine like he treats me. He doesn't like it. I don't care.
I said to One know- all big mouth " please talk to me respectfully- no nasty name calling, I will be Treated Right!" she was stunned,.... WHO RAISED HER? she's NUTs.
So true Sa Lauerman.
@@sickofcrap8992 …wouldn’t he be shocked if you flipped out and did small acts of kindness at times least expected - knowing what he’s like, and didn’t quit..?
If you think about how much effect a candle has in a dark room, that’s what those acts of kindness are like: the light drives away the darkness.
It depends on the narcissist. When I called out my sister she went on a campaign of slander behind my back. When my husband called out my MIL she threw a glass of wine at his head. Some react violently while some react in non-violent but equally destructive ways. All of them are dangerous and should be avoided at all costs!
Hey Chelle..
I was commenting on when I come across you and all what you just said in your comments is great and amazing, I will like us to been a friend's, is that's okay with you..??
Slander is the narcissists middle name. Gotta bring in those flying monkeys, too, for additional damage. You have my best wishes.
Yes. When I called out my sister, she proceeded to try to destroy my relationship with my kid's mother. The funny thing is, My kid's mother is a narc too. She went on a slander world tour after she cheated on me and left be with the new supply.
Oh, how I can relate to this! My narcissistic older sister does the same thing....if you call her out, she will trash you behind your back. Try to turn old friends against you. Turn family members against you, use them as flying monkeys.
I had realized for decades she was profoundly neurotic. It's only been in the last eighteen months that I've realized she is a narcissist.
Exactly, mil decided to make my husband's family think bad about me. Im so awful becaus i don't comply and give her her way
Friend or foe - you just cannot ever have a real conversation with them about anything !
Boy isn't that the truth 💯
Protecting myself. Not falling for traps.
Vickie Snow,You look beautiful 🌷🌹,Hope you are not with a narcissist!
Yes every time I try to have an adult conversation he tells me that I’m attacking him. And he starts crying and acts like a child.
That's wild. Darn. Good luck, girl.
Yep and it works to never get anything solved!
Mine 'wants to finish his playstation game first' lol
Don't know if this is the same thing: whole principle of presentation is N. going more aggressive. Your dude may have something else going on. So sorry, anyway.
@@susiefoxy8130 Wasn’t the fact that an adult male is on a PlayStation warning enough? Seriously 😳
When they know they are losing the argument they'll use every and any means to deflect the topic. 🍒
My ex used to be a master at changing the topic to ME. How I fell for it year after year.
or just get astronomically furious and either try to hurt you physically or tear you down in every conceivable way.
All you need to know is YOUR THE PROBLEM....no matter how vile, cruel, disrespectful or disgusting they are....its you.......
All the time. Cowardly.
Controlling people see ‘help’…as a loss of control. And that, to them…is defeat. Not help. Their own worst enemies.
That makes a lot of sense.
Yep. They feel that if they're being helped, that intones that they are vulnerable or incapable, and HELL NO that is NOT to be the case! LOL So they freak.
"You can't help somebody or assist somebody who refuses to be helped."
"Even if they say they don't believe in my good character, they can't take it away from me."
These sentences (and the whole video) helped me a lot, thank you very much.
I 'm listening to this video, by according to the date is todays date. He is describing my X-hus to a tea. I cannot believe Dr. Carter has pin-pointed this mentally disturbed people, called narcissists. I'm so glad you have started these videos and I have followed ever since I did an essay on Chris Watts killings. I had no idea how these topic videos have helped me in my personal life. Thank you and bless you for your input. I really appreciate everything I hear and learn. 😄 p.s. I love Gus, too.
Auntie Lee and daughter ( if you disagree nicely) !" " Then i can never talk to you!" ----- is that a Threat or a promise-?????
Treating them as though they are insignificant in your life will send them into a narcissistic rage. Their anger at you for not deferring to them or acknowledging them and their wonderfulness and giving them their narcissistic supply will bring out anger and a need for a revenge. Run, don’t walk away from this person. Permanently.
Have zero desire to cross paths with them again but it will inevitably happen. They are babies.
Being raised with narcissistic parents sets you up for failure like having a handicap for the rest of your life. I don't believe you can permanently break free from the trauma but you can certainly become a more functional adult.
You can break away from their abuse/trauma WHEN THEY DIE
I agree with you. Something I wish I never had this “lightbulb moment “, I call it, and it was downhill from there. Big lie.
@@cassiebrown9786 But their legacy lives on.
@@cassiebrown9786 Exactly, I haven't been able to find much about how to deal with trauma bonds broken by the death of the narcissist but I have experienced this personally. It's really weird and difficult. Salud
@@womaninwood9177 I agree. My now deceased narcissist mother passed same behavior to my sister. Thankfully I have no contact ( with mean sister) and don't live close by. I only stayed in contact with my narcissistic mother ( who never showed love ) out of respect. I tried doing the right thing.
It's hard to ignore them when they separate you from other family members.
I feel for you. We lost so many family members by the damage our Narc did to us. We had to go "no contact" and move to the other side of the country to finally get some peace.
Im so sorry this is happening to you. It really sucks to be helpless and not being able to make other see what is really happening. The only thing we have is acceptance that we cant change anyones mind and it is none of our business to do it. They choose to believe the narc over your good character, so unfortunately they were never really in your corner :(
The narcissist is a sad, insecure, empirically immature person. I really saw this a few months ago with my father on the phone. He just raged and raged at me for no good reason and he wonders why I'm not around anymore. He wonders why nothing has changed or gotten better when I say that I want things to be better. I'm not the problem and I'm so glad I see it clearly now.
They have no self awareness.
It strikes me that, in person, we recognize these people as narcissists and interpersonal authoritarians. Online, we call them trolls.
Yup! Dr. C
"You can't help someone that doesn't want to be helped" That took me way too long to learn. And then once you do learn to let go, they turn right around and use it against you. *shakes head*
I agree. It defies natural, human behavior. I had to start recording the conversations so that afterward I could listen again to the responses and go wow...they really did mean that. The "I don't think, I KNOW I have nothing to work on."
Saying “No thank you, not interested.”is going to be my new way of not playing the game or being around them. Because saying that you have plans already makes them mad.
So… give the injured soul space to heal when they’re ready - understanding that may be never, but no one needs to stick around for continuing abuse!
They do the name calling thing and threaten you, when you challenge them with the truth.
Exactly 💯💯. My husband doesn't like to be questioned at all. He loves to be in control and doesn't like to talk things out at all. He's a big baby for sure. Yep he lashes out when I try to get us to talk. Yes he gets angry 😡. He doesn't like to be wrong. Yes I've been punished more times than I can count. He will turn it back on me if he can. He gets loud and tries to scare me with his tone. Brings back memories of domestic abuse with him.
Best thing is (if possible) to go no contact with them and their flying monkeys and heal the trauma bond.
👏
Block on everything too, including your phone.
It is what our family had to do.
PLEASE do NOT make the multiple mistakes I made since I left COVERT & MALIGNANT narc ex husband. Go FULL 💯 NO CONTACT.
You will achieve NOTHING by continued contact.
If you're married wait awhile before you file for a divorce. Go on with your life. Cut off the narcist in EVERY possible way.
You will be SAFER that way.
Agreed. The only way to win with a narcissist is to not play the game = no contact. I am done loving him and feeling sorry for him. My peace and happiness is more important
I asked a narcissistic business partner to reflect on how her words and actions had upset me. She sent me pages and pages about how I'm mentally ill, delusional, scary, crazy, and so on... and she also told a mutual friend that I have had a mental breakdown. This video makes it so much clearer why a person would react that way.
Maybe we can set her up with my narc.....sounds very alike
It's always about them , that you must fix you how they say , and that is where they devalue you 😔
They ALWAYS blame you! It's all of your fault of what happened wrong around the time they're around you! They're SO AWEFUL I simply call them Satan!
If they ever say that they were hurt around you it's always a 1 up on you that they had it so much WORSE than you & you have NO reason to gripe at all!
I find my anger erupts around narcissists and they stay calm and call ME crazy.
Wow that's me too lol
I use to do this. It’s fruitless. Also hard not to do. What I learned, which changed the whole game for me was, it was my frustration and anger that they couldn’t or wouldn’t see my side. To not get consideration, you feel powerless. But the goal is not to have power over them, but over yourself. You can’t do anything for them. You live in reality narcissists live to be right.
Exactly, because they know what buttons to push....then sit smiling and watch us melt down....the. blame us
@@coggsy100 right. Once you figure out what they are you start to feel bad for them. I think of mine as my nephew. He’s 5 and so I act accordingly.
Dr Carter. Can you please cover the topic of why narcissists are "wound collectors" (as in they always hold grudges and engage in circular arguments about the same issues repeatedly no matter how much time has passed)?.
They also use the same standard stock phrases over and over again. Another suggestion for a video might be why narcissists are not relationship material. Thankyou !
Yes i would like to try and understand there circular arugments, my narc is extremely repetitive he repeats the same words even in the say way so much so that I can predict his words behaviour and outcome
Yes WHY are they such grudge collectors and they can hold a grudge for a lifetime.
@@mirandapitzer4330 Keeps us mixed up about them. It's a tactic of theirs. Go flat on them. Pay attention when they do that. Mine says I don't pay attention. They absolutely have my attention now. I just watch & listen to them. I try not to react. It works to not get confused about them.
@@lindasharpe7039 Absolutely you are right. After 23 yrs together I don't even give him a response at all. I no longer am confused by him bullshit and keeping myself on the topic in hand keeps me holding him accountable! Which makes for things to be miserable to a certain extent until you get away. But im getting away!! Im staying in MY REALITY! Not his wonderland if misery
@@mirandapitzer4330 💙🌹
Recently, I told mine...the BIGGEST mistake I ever made was HIM....and it true
Had I known all this at the start, I would have been done at hello. “Let’s talk.” They dont do that. Immature. I initiated no contact so they will surely let others know they are a pathetic victim.
"Stay inside your good character!" Such a protection for mental and emotional peace....'and no one can take that away from you". Thanks Dr C, more valuable insights on how to handle these difficult interactions 💜
Yes! I really liked it when he said that, I was looking for a way to be able deal with the gaslighting ❤❤❤
Yes Susan! Like Dr. C. says...Stay on Team Healthy..DRC Dignity, Respect, Civility!😊
"Stay inside your good character." Thank you Dr. C!!❤️ You are very wise and also you are very non judgmental. I appreciate how you never lecture people or look down on them.
Thanks so much. Dr. C
The problem is you don't even need to do something for them to feel injured by you. Just being annoys them if they think you are smarter/prettier/more successful/whatever
Is it a trait of a narcissist that they expect you to say things, and when you do not respond with whatever they expect you to say, they explode? I constantly said the wrong things and he always questioned me. “I expected you to say ____, not what you said. Why did you say that?”
You're onto it. In their need for control, they already have the agenda written in their minds. Dr. C
Exactly ! I remember their face expressions. Completely dumbfounded when I would called them out on their intentions.
Duh ! Hello ! Hello ! Obviously obvious.
So, last Sunday I got my own apartment and am moving more stuff in tomorrow so this is our last night in his home. Well, today he lashed out bad. But, I got through it.
They will say “what can I do to make it better “ when you are leaving them…but of course they NEVER mean it, it’s just a tactic to suck you back in and make you believe they can and will change for you. Been there done that!! Never again!!!
A loved one reminded me not to lose my Christian witness.
Even Jesus called the hypocrites , snakes. And it was true, not sin.
So tbh I taught my children no name calling. Yet I have sincerely called the narc jackass hundreds of times over the years.
Question. How sad would the current world be without these videos!
I believe it’s all about consequences & they must hit rock bottom alone before they can even get a glimpse of their abusive actions. Until that happens they feel in their minds to be in total charge & that those around them have given them the reigns to continue cracking the whip. They are like a spoiled child acting out for correction & structure.
I wished they could be reasoned with, but it's not possible, even if they know there are consequences. I've had my fair share of dealing with those evil people. Too many to mention.
Yep your on point
My husband realizes he's abusive, he says things just come out without thinking, like he doesn't have control over himself when he's angry and doesn't remember the things he says and does, and says he didn't mean for it to go that far .Some how I believe him ,it doesn't make it right ,then he goes off and punches himself for doing and saying things ,like really down and depressed, I just leave him be until he comes out of it ,I don't feel one bit sorry for him I am the victim.
They don't hit rock bottom. They cause you to hit rock bottom. They don't ever see anything they do as abusive. You are the abuser by default, even when you don't do anything.
You are deluding yourself if you think "consequences" will ever change anything.
@@sickofcrap8992 I really struggled in my marriage with feeling like my consequences for him would never change him. But you’re right. They never did change him. What changed was me. When I started having better boundaries and I changed into a person who didn’t respond to him in the same way he was used to, he decided to leave me. I was devastated at first but now I realize it was one of the best things that ever happened to me. So, to your point, I agree with you but we don’t have to change them, we just have to change us. That’s all we have control over anyway!
Gus looks so peaceful laying on the couch. He's heard it all most of it twice we can learn from him too. Ask him if he cares what narcissists say and I would think he wouldn't raise even one eyelid.
He has found the peace you always wish for us.
Perhaps thats the doggie version of Grey Rock Idk.
I was just thinking what a friendly and cozy place that room is with the scenic cabin and River on the wall the soothing green super soft sofa and pillow and the cuddly golden retriever waiting. If there's one thing this gentleman project it is goodness Goodwill and safety. That makes for one safe and pleasant space.
That dog is adorable
@@myfirstnamemylastname2994
Gus has peace in that place. Inspiring isn't it.
My friend thinks that all you have to do is show them love and they'll "love you back."
He's so positive all the time, I don't think he has a narcissist in his family.
I'm happy he hasn't needed to face a personal narcissist but his happy rays sunshine are funny. It isn't going to work.
My therapist told me to stay far away from them.
That surprised me. Therapists aren't acting the way they did years ago. They're not trying to get you together with narcissists anymore.
It still feels weird though.
Hey Vicky.
How are you feeling today I hope your day is as bright as your pretty smile today.
I love the awareness. That's what we need.
My therapist said the same about keeping my distance from narcissist sister, neighbor and others showing narcissistic behavior. They aren't willing or capable of change.
@@cassiebrown9786 true, and they can be very dangerous.
It's hard to give them love if the only thing you getting from them is toxicity, criticism, judgment, anger and abuse. It's inevitably going to impact your soul. The best way is to stay away. The only solid advice. The therapist is right. Edit: of course it helps to understand how their own trauma formed their personality. But don't get entangled with them through feeling guilt, too much compassion and love for them. It's a waste of time. Think of your own protection.
It explains much. Self-centeredness encompasses a multitude of wrongs and creates a multitude of pain for self as well as for others.
Me and my husband have been married for 21yrs . And always thought it was just me that was doing something wrong. But now , I know what is going on here. My husband is actually a narcissist . I try to talk to him about things and he always turns things around saying it's my fault things are the way they are. When we first got married he wasn't like that. I didn't see it coming. He really started when are son was born it 2002.
Maybe he knows full well what he is doing and was waiting for your kid to be born to show his true face so that he would have "tied you" to him on a permanent way.
Or maybe he is jealous of the kid gaining a big part of the attention that, until the birth, was going to him.
My narc lashed out and tried to kill me. These people are dangerous.
Yes, I don't deserve verbal abuse. No more.
Thanks Dr. C! Life is so much better now I really know I'm not the defective one, that I'm worthy of being treated with Dignity, Respect, and Civility. I've seen more than enough overt and passive aggressive outbursts for a lifetime. No more, done with all of them going on a year now! Looking forward to my first ever narcissist-free holidays, and concentrating on my goals and growth in the next year. My best wishes to all out there striving for freedom, it's tough but so are you, and you're worth the effort, believe it!
Thank you for the lovely comment! The narcissist family member makes the holidays exhausting and all about themselves. My New Year's resolution has been to no longer spend any get-together or celebration with them, and since then, I've actually come to enjoy the holidays and view them in a more favorable light and have positive experiences the way we all deserve!
My estranged husband is a prime example of what you are talking about. The “straw” for me was when he went bananas over me suggesting we hire a plumber for a very serious plumbing problem. It turned ugly real fast and physical. Done. Trying to get a divorce now. It’s been 18 months.
They can be awful when you are trying to negotiate a settlement. You get to see the fullness of their (non)character. Dr. C
I am so so glad you got away from the freak! Wishing you well in your new life of freedom!
I'm sorry but I am mesmerized by Gus licking his paws in the background. I love that you bring him with you to work.❤️🐕
He's definitely my good little buddy. Dr. C
And then there is the narcissist who has acquired a sophisticated repertoire of spiritual/emotional lingo. So now it's, "YOU're projecting", or "YOU don't trust ME" or "you don't know how to receive love, you're blocked, you need to learn how to trust people" or "you don't give me the space i need to be vulnerable". A whole other level of manipulative self preservation. But the more you are centered and non reactive the more transparent and powerless these strategies are. All you have to do is show alittle bit of self respect (boundaries and consequences) and they flip out. Dont react to their flipping out at all and watch them turn themselves inside out. So glad I no longer find myself in physical proximity to these people. It only happens through text now and only for as long as it takes for me to recognize what I'm dealing with. Compassion for myself is more important now than compassion for the other.
Its difficult to anticipate what will injure them, since their fragile ego is so easily hurt. Who can know that asking them to put a new bin liner in the kitchen bin can be taken as a criticism. Talking to them AT ALL is a very treacherous process, as it is impossible to guess how they will react to any verbal exchange. In my current relationship, this is even more perilous as there is no surface reaction, I might only find out weeks later that something upset him, after I find some item of mine broken, or sabotaged. He's very passive aggressive. The element of doubt is what has kept our relationship going so long, but he's blown his cover recently.
The paranoia is a big tell. I recently had a supervisor who thought our director was out to 'get' him. I spent a lot of time trying to reassure him before realizing he was redirecting his paranoia onto ME. That's when I realized there was no way to have a rational discussion with him and I had to leave the job.
I’ve dealt with this from my husband’s family. I didn’t comply with their demands that I delete an innocuous Facebook post that was none of their business. The three of them called me 65+ times each, for three days in a row. At that point I was permanently done with them.
Hey Beauty.
How are you feeling today I hope your day is as bright as your pretty smile today.
@@jeffreyrossman8661 thank you!! I’m doing well and I hope you are too 😊
@@Beauty-and-the-Dia-betes Yeah, I'm doing great my friend, that's nice hearing from you, It's nice meeting you, it's my pleasure.
Did the Facebook post have anything to do with their family?? Even if it did- calling you that often is harassment. I'm glad you had the fortitude to withstand their onslaught. You're a strong person.
My Toxic mean girl Cousin had ugly temper, alcoholism, raging big mouth AND bulimia but she is a " winner"- she only fools her self.
I see Gus engages in soothing behaviours everytime Dr C talks about hidden shame…😂😂😂
"When reason is an illusion" - exactly
I have had a migraine headache for the last 2 days but it’s better than having a narcissist in my life 😱👍
That's a sad commentary. Hope your headache subsides real soon! Dr. C
It’s so hard when you have a child with that person too
Quite difficult. Dr. C
It as a scary day when I caused my narc a narcissistic rage!!! I left quickly and went no contact.
From childhood all the way to adulthood, I can't even begin to remember how many times or people have either lashed out to someone else in front of me or at me for God knows what. Watching videos like this really put me to ease and gives me a much bigger and better self awareness with what and who I deal with.
There is a better way, and I hope you can move in that direction. That's what we do here on Team Healthy! Dr. C
This was very insightful. Especially the part about when you said the narcissist will say to themselves "why are you hurting me again?"
WARNING ~ with fentanyl poisoning being all over the news these days, be EXTRA careful if you're dealing with a narcissist whose AIM is to destroy due to jealousy/envy & loosing control. Remember, there's no logic or reasoning with a narcissist, and you never know when they're going to turn on you. You could be cooking & caring for a narcissist, but UNFORTUNATELY they can SNAP with NO WARNING. Protect yourself and your family.
Thanks Dr Carter. I understand now there's no point trying to work things out with the narc. I tried that once and came away feeling like I'm the one that has to change. The more kinder and helpful I became the more I got abused and dominated. So I just treat this person like I do a stranger.
I love to watch Dr. Carter's newest video every Saturday morning while I eat my breakfast. Its a great way to start the day! Thank you, as always, for your insight, Dr. C! 🙂
I am so thankful for you!!
You're kind, thank you Deborah. Dr. C
I CANNOT THANK YOU ENOUGH.
I’m learning and learning and learning AND… it’s actually helping my sorrow.. helping me to BE ME… Be free
This was excellent!!
Its so nice to be on the "foolish" IDC side of life 😃
He was always asking "Who's in charge?" I quickly learned to respond, "Who do YOU think is in charge?" and just agree with his answer, because obviously it's just words that don't change the reality.
Great response! Dr. C
What a gem from Heaven! Thank you So Much for this multi-faceted revelation that shores-up my spirit for another great day of forging ahead on the High Road
Thank you so much. Your videos really help and I appreciate you sharing your knowledge.
I can either concentrate on the reason for my mother’s narcissistic behavior or save myself. At this point I literally can no longer be objective with her reasons…I just want to survive her abuse and get away from her. She will never change! It’s only getting worse. The only way out is to shut the door on her or simply put not give a damn anymore about her.
Maintain your good character. Set boundaries for yourself, not them. Thank you.
This definitely helps me to empathise with the narcissist's experience. But it also helps me to understand better how I can and must stay outside of their games.
The main narcissist in my family, my niece - who did a wondrous job of kicking me out of my own family - well I asked her sometime within the past 2 yrs (I forget) if me and her could make up and let bigones be bigones and she declares "No, It's to late bla, bla, bla, ...").
I'm currently on the receiving end of this bullying and scapegoating mentality, at work, gather their flying monkeys for further abuse.
Quit today! The abuse will NEVER change. Staying longer at that job equals higher stress and lower self-esteem, guaranteed.
To salvage your mental health, QUIT immediately. There are a lot of jobs out there these days due to the shortages. The people there obviously want you gone and they will never change and will keep it up until they succeed. Find another job first (making certain to VET the bosses and employees there so that you don't end up in the same situation)
@@EphemeralProductions I'm discerning a bit of this, as I was telling my pops they are at the point of sabotaging my time logging and work accountability on the digital system, where it would show that I've nothing logged for the entire day yet I've been working all day. They are very low people even production manager, mostly because lack of control and the things that I do or say come to fruition or bore fruit showing them up as I sense, I only want to be good at my job and make positive contributions.
I never thought I would meet someone who could relate so well to what I have dealt with for many years and all the pain I have endured from a narcissist. I have told several people in the same boat about you Dr. Carter. Wonderful information. So sad those injured souls don't see what they are doing to those they claim they love.
Thanks for being and encourager and thanks for including me on your journey. Dr. C
He made me drive 2 hours at 3 in the morning because he was too drunk. Yet he blamed me for being drunk! I wasn't! For 2 hours I feared for my life. So much venom towards me and my family. Threats, abuse, demands! He literally screamed at me all the way home. That was the last straw. I agreed to some of his demands and promised I would never argue with him again (wasn't me who was arguing!!) I promised because I knew I'd never be controlled by his insanity again. Blocked. Within 3 weeks he'd a new supply. Wanted me back (to triangulate) I stayed strong.
Do not accept the insanity. Do not have any contact.. You want an apology, closure, but they will only use and abuse again. He wanted to break me, but I have come out of this stronger, despite the lies he's telling everyone. No contact! It's the only way. Xxxx
The blame and victim mode. That's just what's happened with me. I got all the blame and she played the victim by saying she was only ever trying to be a good friend to me. She listed the "things" that she did for me and said it was my problems that caused all the trouble in our friendship. That's a load of baloney. She's trying to gaslight me as well. Thank you Dr Carter for these videos xx
They take zero accountability. They have no self awareness. And have to be superior and always right. They dont change so leaving is best for me.
Dr. C., your videos are incredibly effective genuine transforming therapy.
So pleased! Thanks for letting me join you on the path. Dr. C
Depending on the role a Narcissist plays in your life, meaning their power to do you some actual harm it can be advantageous to dial up the empathy, compassion, and forgiveness towards them. I have found they often respond positively to this approach. Understanding that in some situations this is not going to work when it becomes absolutely necessary to place firm boundaries in an effort to protect yourself from actual harm.
My older sister (was 3 of us now only 2) has stop talking to me because her slandering and lies has gotten out of hand and all the family and her friends told her to stop communicating with me and now the only person she really felt safe with has to stay out of her life, (I will feel peace over time)!. But all the wolves are at her door now. She let them in and threw me out.
I left my ex narc many months ago
The police had to get involved
I didn't want it that way, but he wouldn't leave me alone.
I feel sorry for anybody who is a narciccist, they are just sad and pathetic.
They need help, I thought I could help him, but no, he only destroyed me. But I'm very aware now and understand these kind of people.
Love should never be hard, but easy and smooth. Respect and civility and equality should be normal, but never with a narccistist. God help these sad people, that's all they are, is sad and insecure.
Much respect to u Dr, for educating us.
You know you've won against a narcissist when you ask them to stop texting you, so they change their number and not give it to you. Peace at last peace at last. Blew up the bridge.😂
Dr. Carter, thank you for helping me find strategies and some ways to seek order in the chaos of dealing with multigenerational narcissistic behaviors in too many of the people whom I love. I have been praying for years for healing and peace. Learning from you that no amount of love and empathy can fix their brokenness has freed me to begin to establish boundaries and to a live as myself. I am so exhausted from years putting out fires and making excuses for rude behavior and repairing their damage.
Even as you wish good for others, you still have to take the initiative to practice self care. #TeamHealthy. Dr. C
A true light on the narcissistic lash out.
So many complexities in narcissistic family systems, crazy keeps chasing it’s own tail because resolution actually isn’t a goal. I have found a little peace in an unlooked for place. I’ve never been fond of dogs but my wife bought a GSP ‘Ernie’. No matter what sort of day you’ve had Ernie loves you unconditionally, and just wants to be with you. Maybe you let go of unrequited love and be open to wherever it might flow? Otherwise, intellectually I can process the whole 30 year train wreck but can never seem to process it emotionally. Nearly time to just let it go.
@OneOFThese NotLikeTheOther yeeep! You know it
"Cooking on the inside". (lol) Shame is absolutely the emotion here. Great analysis of abusive anger. Oh, thank you Dr. Carter. 💯
You're most welcome. Dr. C
By God’s divine intervention, this video popped up in my YT feed today! For years my husband & I have been trying to deal with my now elderly mother’s personality problems, but only last week I read an article about narcissism related to something else & realized that was her to a T!!! Watershed moment! And now today I discovered your channel. Praise God! I can’t wait to delve into your other videos to learn how I can continue to care for her without losing my mind. God bless you, sir!
Lifesaver as I wade into the unknown territory of radical acceptance for the 70 year old covert or vulnerable narcissist in my life 🙏
This describes my recent X wife to a tee. The fact we share custody makes it impossible for me to totally grey rock her. She has to be in total control and constantly tries to blame me for anything going wrong in her life or the life of our child. I have held my breath so many times and just take it. I don't want our young child to experience any more than he has to. I feel so bad for him. This lunatic has to be his mother for at least 12 more years.
Prayers for a peaceful resolution 🙏 There's nothing worse than having a child caught in the middle. Been there done that.
@@cassiebrown9786 most appreciated. We must journey forward and live with the bumps along the way.
My son told my Mom (his grandmother) that he doesn't like to come around because he feels that all we see in him is his father! Hmm?!
there were several moments of injury, and boy did he LASH in response. the first night we spent in his newly purchased condo, we heard gunshots outside. he was MORTIFIED, and enormously embarrassed. a little while later i confessed that i was uncomfortable with his neighborhood. a very nasty discard followed.
I know this video is a yr. old but so familiar. I lived this. But I like Gus's idea!
Watching him get up and change his position to get comfortable made me think how I would continually change my position to get comfortable with the NARC. I now ask myself WHY? I don't do that anymore and it feel comfortable for me where I am. I can stand now and hold my ground!! Thanks Dr. C.
I don't take most things personally. They try to hurt you
because they need to see you suffer because of them.
It makes them feel especially cared for. They need that.
Lashing at their fragile egos... Sniveling narcissist's are the worse.... embarrassing to say the least ... Have a great day.. :)
My husband has had several professional diagnoses, medication and therapy but nothing has helped. He knows he has childhood emotional injuries from abuse but this acknowlegment never changes his behaviors. He has not been diagnosed as a Narcissist but your videos describe his behaviors to a T and are so helpful.
"They have to be admired"..... at the time my words for it were...... "Do you ever get a nosebleed up there on that pedal stool that you have placed yourself upon?" She was always the BEST at everything.
Thank you for all the videos! Dealing with narcissism at the workplace and at home. Ugh! At least we have this knowledge though. Once you hear this, everything about them starts to make sense
Thanks again for posting this video.
you're welcome. Dr. C
I'm always intrigued by those who downvote these videos...I'd love to hear their reasoning
Cute puppers licking his paw
Awwww what a cute pup in the background lol
Thanks for the video..... I'm dealing with more than one. Ugggh I'm worn out from the drama! I'm moving far away from them. I feel sad about losing the relationship with my sister and other family members.... but I will not be sucked into all the BS drama..... I like my peace. I had to learn about and set healthy boundries . After a LOT of self help n growth , I can recognize unhealthy folks and relationships more easily
And it sure has been an eye opener
Even in how I have played a part in the sickness of it all..... life is SHORT and nothing is worth living this ABUSIVE HELL. I MOVE ON
No matter what it takes.
Sad though.... in how high the price of peace can be. 😔