Narcissistic Rage Types and What You're dealing With
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- Опубліковано 4 гру 2020
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I know it's a bit shaky, sorry for that. In this video, I examine the 4 narcissistic rage types and give you the critical information you need to identify them. The 4 types are: Aggressive Type, Suppressive/Silent Type, Passive-Aggressive Type, and Violent/Explosive Type. These rage types often come out of the individual having experienced a narcissistic wound.
Daniel J. Fox, Ph.D., is a licensed psychologist in Texas, international speaker, and a multi-award winning author. He has been specializing in the treatment and assessment of individuals with personality disorders for over 15 years in the state and federal prison system, universities, and in private practice. His specialty areas include personality disorders, ethics, burnout prevention, and emotional intelligence.
He has published several articles in these areas and is the author of:
Antisocial, Narcissistic, and Borderline Personality Disorders: A New Conceptualization of Development, Reinforcement, Expression, and Treatment. Available at: www.drdfox.com/books
The Borderline Personality Disorder Workbook: An Integrative Program to Understand and Manage Your BPD. Available at: goo.gl/LQEgy1
Antisocial, Borderline, Narcissistic and Histrionic Workbook: Treatment Strategies for Cluster B Personality Disorders (IPBA Benjamin Franklin Gold Award Winner): goo.gl/BLRkFy
Narcissistic Personality Disorder Toolbox: 55 Practical Treatment Techniques for Clients, Their Parents & Their Children (IPBA Benjamin Franklin Silver Award Winner):: goo.gl/sZYhym
The Clinician’s Guide to Diagnosis and Treatment of Personality Disorders: goo.gl/ZAVe9v
Dr. Fox has given numerous workshops and seminars on ethics and personality disorders, personality disorders and crime, treatment solutions for treating clients along the antisocial, borderline, narcissistic, and histrionic personality spectrum, emotional intelligence, managing mental health within the prison system, and others. Dr. Fox maintains a website of various treatment interventions focused on working with and attenuating the symptomatology related to individuals along the antisocial, borderline, narcissistic, and histrionic personality spectrum (www.drdfox.com).
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I’ve learned to NEVER challenge a narcissist. It’s a complete waste of time because they will Never change their minds no matter what proven facts are laid out before them. Good series Thank you Dr. Fox
Agreed. It's best to just move on and ignore them or block them without guilt.
Both great points, i never knew of this personality disorder until my last serious intimate relationship with not only a mother , but grandmother (46 yr old) WOW! what a mental MF of a rollercoaster. Silent treatment, love bombing, ON again 0FF again, "loved me/hated me, rage fits, temper tantrums, (she actually tried to convince me awaking to her car starting at 1-2 a. M. "Just for a drive" that i was "Completely out of bounds to question her" 🤦🏽♂️🤷🏼♂️🤦🏽♂️
😆
Although easier said then done but being an empath/co dependent its not as easy as just wiping hands clean of what you believed to be sincere when told a girlfriend "loved" ya 😆 (furthest thing from love and TOTALLY thrown about as just another term) great intriguing stuff to learn although the hard way, there's a reason for it im sure. Lol
You challenge a narcissist and you will met with stonewalling, use the "Yeah, but..." argument on you, gaslighting, they'll interrupt you when you're trying to speak, they'll argue like a child. They'll frequently try to shame you and embarrass you. Narcissist personalities are one of the worst types in world..
Also new to the Borderline PD that my girl DEFINITELY had. Id say it was a BPD moreso that contains narcissistic behavior mixed in just for an extra "kick"
I like the fact that you mention that the rage is not always screaming and loud fits but also very passive aggressive. This should be a wake up call for anyone because it is very obvious and it comes out of nowhere and from the smallest critique or hardly even a critique.
I didn't even know there could be a silent rage. But I am glad I know now. This means the narc I know might always be raging
@@958342 The passive agressive type is the engryest and worst of them - silent poisen - they will even smile in to your face and pretend that all is just fine while slowly destroy or even really poisen you over time.
The silent type matches also the boxes for psychopathie - they are cowards that's why they stay silent and very cunning - 🥶🥶🥶
This is the one single box I couldn’t check 100%. Yes, he has a history of losing his temper, holes in walls, things broken/thrown, even his hand broken against a brick wall. But he has worked on his anger and much to my surprise, he’s actually quite successful. Like, the first and only time I’ve seen him work towards a goal and make progress. It’s a bit unnerving.
However, the past decade of my life has been consumed by his moods. The brooding, pouting, ice cold shoulder - constant, and more often than not I’m clueless as to why, and if asked he assures me he is not mad. He’s frustrated. 🙄 This still happens daily, sometimes hourly. I no longer care why he’s butthurt, although I’ve found it’s sometimes easier to get the spoon and give him a dose of caring supply so I don’t have to hover and make sure the children don’t get meanness they don’t deserve.
Bingo. This answered my question. Rage is not always shouting and yes, the smallest thing is grounds for annihilation.
@@averagejane09”the smallest thing is grounds for annihilation”. Thank you my friend you have just summed up the last 10 years of my life 🙏 It’s such a painful realisation made worse by realising it was deliberate
They lack motivation to change because of lack of consequences they are never held accountable for the damage they cause
A trail of unsuccessful relationships should give them a clue...
👍👍👍👍👍
Exactly, constantly getting away with what they do because they present a fake nice image to outsiders while treating the ones closest to them like shit! Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.
Violent abuser finally got arrested. Guess what he turned it to his advantage, a great actor and diplomat. Completely fooled everyone. Still going strong and coming in for the kill . A demon in a humans suit. I do feel sorry for him being trapped forever like that. Driven by torture of his mind, an ETERNAL SENTENCE IN HELL. I got off lightly so long as I stay in faith. God have mercy on him!!!
I wonder how they would react if confronted with another narc
You can sometimes see the rage on their face for an extended period of time and they are outwardly just being a bit avoidant. It's almost as if the rage is just screaming at them inside their own head. If you see this on someone's face, where they seem like have have a head full of rage ... you need to beware. The rage is real. They know that they cannot just release rage all the time, because they will ruin connection to their supply which they need desperately. They are absolutely intensely miserable, and when coupled with rage it is genuinely terrifying to look at.
Absaloutely agree!!! I’ve seen it
Sounds a lot like myself
I just now witnessed this! Holy smokes I noticed something in as off all morning but did not expect the rage I just was a target for 😮
Every time a narcissist gets around me I gratefully play this video and set my phone down and act like I'm busy doing nothing.
Glad I can help. Be safe.
The passive aggressive type really triggers me the most
Same here, my reason ? cuz that was what i grew up in, I spot it easy now, for an extra measure I also married it for 22yrs just to make sure I won't forget.Yet, still that dosen't make it all better. It took me a very long time to understand to focus on self & my own BS.
Remember if you cant laugh at yourself, it makes you a Hypocrite when laughing at others!
Hang in there h heal, keep moving forward,despite yourself.
Me too.
They are really the worst.
U might be one of them
I was with a diagnosed NPD for 11 years. At some of his most vulnerable moments, he would say that he always felt rage. "Not always the kind of rage that makes you hit a wall, but something always raged inside of him"
He was a silent treatment, shut down and leave type, but he was also passive aggressive, manipulative and a pathological liar.
He had no idea how cruel this behavior was. It was torture.
Jewelmathewson.
Wow you got off lightly. How about;
1-40 yrs of covert abuse
2-lying
3-sexual sins
4-stealing:mother’s home,2 inheritances, father’s inheritance,sisters credit rating,2 sisters & brother’s inheritance,
Spying
Stalking
Threatening,
Throwing things
Screaming abuse
Withholding essential help
Slanderous lies
Legal action
Intimidation
Extortion
Lying under oath
Falsifying legal documents
Damaging property
Shouting
Driving recklessly
Causing injury
Blaming
Taking no responsibility
Justifying bad behaviour
Criticising
Defamation of character
Trickery
Double life
Deception
Using people
Divide and conquer
All done behind a mask of respectability, understanding, concern, humour, hardwork,
Stealing ideas, betrayal of trust
Disheartening, ridiculing, criticising, revealing sensitive information to strangers and using it against you, criticising EVERYTHING, EVERYONE,
Playing the victim when the perpetrator, emailing lies to everyone, disrupting funerals, playing on your feelings, damaging your possessions etc etc (have you got 40 years to hear the rest?
Then 20years of all this being revealed to you. Now a malignant, vengeful, destructive, deadly psychological killer.
RESULTS; (short list)
2 early deaths,
1 early death after 60 years of abuse.
2 x cancer bought on by unrelenting abuse
Financial control of 2 adults for 60 years,
Endless legal battles
Family beaten down by lifelong abuse and deprivation.
Agonising deaths
Penniless and then stole everything,
Lived in luxury, toured the world, did whatever he wanted. Now poses as a pastor and politician.
Sucked thy life out of everyone
Caused 2 x heart attacks, 4 cancer.
Every single aspect of life has been destroyed for his gain. Hundreds of lives affected.
Question is “WILL HE BE PUNISHED FOREVER IN HELL BY satan and his demons? I hope not.
Wouldn’t wish it on Hitler. Or him.
Did a huge amount of good to do evil with.
God have mercy on him and his next victims🙏🙏🙏
Jewel guess who the good man is? Also ridiculing the good men silenced by him.
Well, just like I said they’re”evil, thieving, lying, mean. Cruel “
No, your ex was a malignant narcissist who takes pleasure out of hurting you.
Really appreciate hearing from a doctor about NPD. I was married to a man with NPD for 18 years, had three children. He isolated me from family and home state, friends, took away the joy of Holidays and birthdays etc. He was always angry and irritated. The neighbors were scared of him. Things became worse and worse. I attempted to get help from pastors. One pastor had a degree in psychology. Always the same thing. No one told me what it was. Two said they would counsel me, but not him. Another one had no idea what I was trying to explain to him and said I sounded “needy,” and that if there were no bruises, I was not being abused. Oy vey. I think narcissism has exploded today. This happened with my divorce in 1993. Very very grateful to have run across these helpful videos three or four years ago. To finally know what I was dealing with. Healing complete. These videos are extremely important as many people may not be able to find a counselor or pastor or psychiatrist who is knowledgeable about narcissistic personality disorder. Thank you.
You’re welcome. I’m glad you found the video helpful. Be well
👍👍👍👍
On my moms deathbed she pleads with him ,"why didn't you love me?" His response" the only this i didn't like was your smoking
Even UN to death she suffers pleads and only asks for an answer
HOW DARE SHE
Agreed, though I believe it's deeper then a mental health disorder!
They are typically, wolves in sheep's clothing oftentimes. And not nearly as innocent in mind and intent as some describe and/or, convey them as being!
Unbelievable how they can go into an explosive rage, then they go out and smoke a cigarette and come back in and act like nothing happened. 😒
Rage episodes and insight is often a complex combination. Thank you for your comment and have a great day.
My husband rages at me and makes me cry, and then he goes to sleep, unbelievable.
They are enjoying every minute of it . They’re sadists. Eyes downcast, ears alert. Watching your reaction. It’s the reaction they love.
@@DrDanielFoxit’s a game for them. Underneath is the real person. On the surface is the fake playing a role.
Funny that ,cos the person I know can rage at me and then go talk to someone like it never happened but still turn round to me and act nasty , I sometimes wonder if it’s a mental illness
These personality disorders are difficult to get away from. They are everywhere. My entire family have a spectrum of each. Passive aggressive is the main with aggressive tendency when I stand up for myself. They are not loving in anyway. 1 sister “act” like she’s so nice because she gives money or gifts. Yet, she is passive and to me that’s manipulation. I’ve sent them different family videos for recovering dysfunctional relating so we can heal as a family. No reaction, silent dismissive avoidance. I haven’t spoken to them in over a year and that was for the Christmas FAKE appearance. No one is heart felt in my family.
Same. I've sent all kinds of info & videos and got ignored every time... I eventually gave up & have gone no contact for my own well-being.
Stand strong. God made you different. They hated Jesus too. Obviously God has a mission for you. He needs you to get rid of all of the Jezebels that you are trying to appease or whatever.
Mine either. Very limited contact I have
Mine, as well
My ex was extreme and violent, often from nowhere. I realise I was there to regulate his emotions, so the unexplained immediate violence was because of events with others outside of the home and I got the brunt of that. Two years out, no contact, still stalking me and smear campaigning to avoid exposure of what he is. A dark, demonic entity with no soul.
I honestly believe that the most severe cases of npd have no souls. They are demonic npcs
Exactly !!!!! That's exactly what happens to me
"Enlistment" Nice. Being aware of this anti social behavior is valuable and signals a person to pullback from the 'recruiter'.
I see that my mild narc always exploded when I was encouraging him. And I didn't understand why me being supportive but also challenging him triggered his wound. I thought I was a burden when talking to him because I never knew when a good conversation would flip on me. He just doesn't thing he could be challenged. He's perfect as he is.
I heard narcissism only get worse with age.
To any woman watching this, my narcissist cornered me for 2 hours last night until I slept with him and was incredibly aggressive, do not stay. I only gets worse ❤️
That's called rape. It's against the law.
You need to leave. It is possible.
Please leave as soon as you can!!!
Please God I hope you are doing ok. These men are not only monsters they are Satan’s followers. Please involve the police but don’t tell him you are. Move out, go no contact don’t let him know your whereabouts & file a restraining order
This same thing happened to me the other night he had me cornered while yelling at me with rage..I'm done!!
You can give a person the benefit of the doubt (you can be helpful but with healthy boundaries) When you witness various abnormal behaviors, and you gently warn, address in love, but sometimes you just have to ghost the angry, bitter, false accusing, jealous meanspirited person who won't apologize and aware of their wrong behavior.
My ex-stepdad is a narcissist. He was often very verbally abusive towards me. He has a quick temper and is usually very aggressive and violent-explosive when he's angry. However, since he was situationally limited in the ways he could unleash his aggression towards me, he would often give me the silent treatment. I'm so glad he's out of the picture now.
My mother is a narcissist and I was diagnosed with BPD. I am trying to understand more. Thank you for this video :-)
Change is possible, remember that you are worth it - from personal experience. All the best to you
I discovered recently with my therapist that my mother is a narcissist (the suppressive/silent treatment type, it's painful and threatening even as I'm 31), and I have been diagnosed with bpd. It makes so much sense and gives some relief to learn more about it! I wish you the best 💪 don't remember that it's not your fault if your mother is like this or whenever she rages out. Excuse my poor English! 😊
OMG thank you so much guys! I really appreciate your support! Your comments are very valuable to me ❤️
@@LaGrossePaulik Zinila! Seems like you’re Czech! I am also and I am also 30 years old 😁 seems like we have a lot in common ❤️ I feel you sister
@seraphxl18 oh no 😢 i am so sorry
My mother is an angry narcissist who even at 70 is absolutely terrifying. My family is Greek and mum has this way of taking over entirely so it's impossible to talk to her or stop her.
I completely understand this comment
Greek, Mom in her early 70’s who is always taking over and controlling everything - you must be my long lost sister.
@@maralfniqle5092 Ha ha...that's exactly what I was going to say. I'm a Greek, oldest daughter, therefore the bossiest and the person in the family that no one can challenge (we are brought up that way) I have three sons, two grandsons and two great-grandsons and have to constantly check my behaviour to stop trying to run everyone's life. You know what Marie in Everybody Loves Raymond says...It's done out of LOVE 😃😃😃😍😍😍
My dear Barbara...she's just being a Greek mum, grandma, whatever. That's not narcissism
@@trkstatrksta8410of course someone over the internet knows more 🙄
Thank you for this info, I'm currently in a cold war. Barricaded in my room while I look for a job. The last rage hit on Thursday and I'm done. 7 years
If they only realize they need mental help for their impulsive,violent and outrageous behavior and actions things for them will be easier for them to handle. Anything you point out to them only makes things worse. It absolutely must come from them to make the change.
Change for all of us must come from the inside.
I love that you keep things so positive on your channel and stick to providing information. I know individuals who have narcissistic traits if not possibly a full blown personality disorder and I think turning these people into monsters isn't helpful. As someone who has borderline traits, therapy has helped me to try to avoid this black and white thinking and have empathy as people often stigmatize borderline.
BPD sufferers have an abundance of empathy fyi
It is hard to empathise with people who intend to harm you
I don't think that people are trying to turn them into monsters. I think it's that when someone has seen and heard things that a person shouldn't see or hear, or experience, they talk about it because they are trying to let go of anger themselves. But I also know what you mean too.
@@palesarobyn6310 I know! That's why I think most ppl say so many negative things. It's not that they're trying to paint them as "bad" but that they've been hurt a lot by it.
@@palesarobyn6310 Amen!
Good information. Putting a label on each one of these types of RAGE and understanding what each one of these areas are,; is so important for me. Seen them all. The "Passive Aggressive", was what I called 'sniping'. They use a certain tone, to cut you down. Even when you've achieved success, they try & demean you. Ex: "Nice car. You've got good taste". How much are your car payments"? And they say it in a very hateful & haughty tone. And they hate it, when you don't take the bait. And if fact, you got a FANTASTIC DEAL on the car. AND you paid cash for the car. That drives them insane. They have no where to go. Month's later, they'll want to see your W2's to prove you didn't make enough money to buy the car. They keep beating you or death by a thousand cuts.
I fell in love with the cutest guy on Earth. But he raged. He always denied it, said it was his Middle Eastern culture. Blamed society at large for making him rage. Strange luck for me, I had previously married a raging Narcissist so I knew I had to end it and I did end it. But these people really take a part of our hearts with them, because I WISH I could have helped him. But you can't help if they don't see that they have a problem, if they're always the victim. And then you go out into the world thinking: hey I was a victim of a Narcissist! The whole experience is very draining and mentally exhausting. I really hope that I am done with the heartbreak and the many depressive episodes I had after that last bf. But one good thing that came out of it is that now if I see red flags, I believe myself.
At least you got away. What a relief. Happy for you. Still trying she 75 . A family member . The worst!!
She rages under stress and fear is when rage happens then hurtful words come our
"If it's hysterical, then it's historical" -- a.k.a. Dr. Fox's 'core content' principle.
The narcs I 've known all are too steeped in their behavior to EVER think about changing - least going to a counselor. They would NEVER consider that action. I experienced that rage today for just exposing truth about his actions that he has been subjecting me to for years. And he got Very angry about it. While he usually is in the suppressive mode and I am just supposed to go along like it's normal and it's fine - without complaining. The jig has been up for awhile and it's just a matter of time for me to go silent
My wife is a injured vulnerable narcissist, and her narcissistic rage type is the suppressive/silent type. She ends up sleeping on the couch, for months at a time, refusing to interact, and has recently gone so far as to switch to second shift so she isn't at home when I am off of work. Her children are deeply concerned about ME and how I react to her behavior. Unfortunately, she isn't willing to hear her children or me when we express that she needs assistance and we are concerned. I personally believe her core content in regards to this injury is her happy place, and where she is most comfortable living and seems to thrive on this behavior.
That could also just be depression and avoidance..
Maybe she feels safer away from you?
You're not in a place to diagnose her.
And if mental health means so much to you, why not take it upon yourself to go to therapy?
Even if you truly believe your wife to be a narcissist, shouldn't you be working on yourself to heal and get out of the relationship?
I cannot help but think you're the actual narcissist in your relationship.
The way you talk about your wife, her avoidamt behavior, you diagnosing her, the fact that you've campaigned you get your kids to tell her she needs mental help.
Narcisists are NEVER the ones who get ganged up on. It's always the victim who does.
I don't think we know the whole story (or both sides to the story) to make fair judgement here. But just from the brief comment I agree it doesn't really sound like narcissism- although you don't mention things she's said or done to you, interactions you've had with her. In fact you say she refuses to interact. As the other person pointed out, that sounds more like depression (or possibly another similar mental illness). I would try to have an open, honest, caring and non-judgemental conversation about what's going on with her and how she feels about everything, and suggest she speak to a professional. If she refuses, you should still seek out a counselor or therapist for yourself to get advice on how to handle this. I've dealt with depression & anxiety myself and my partner is a narcissist (who, from this video, experiences the passive-aggressive, violent, and silent-subversive rage reactions the most). I hope you are able to get to a better place, as much as anyone else in the comment section who's struggling too.
@@YTStoleMyUsername Thanks for the concern. I've done most of what you referenced. We asked her to go to therapy. She refused and made accusations we were ganging up on her. So I started going to therapy. She had been constantly demanding to know what I was saying in therapy, and as of January 13, 2023, our divorce will be final.
So very familiar with it! I saw it many times. Each time, it was scarier than the time before!! You have nowhere 2run or hide.Oh, you’re just trapped there!
My Narcissist parent does ALL OF THESE. Mostly the first ones, the violent rage /tantrums has always been maybe a few times a year... But they do it to not just me but others, so it's frequent. The passive aggressive stuff and ignoring is constant, plus playing victim is a CONSTANT, and enlisting whomever they are sleeping with or even friends(who often don't want to get involved.. it's so awkward) to do their dirty work/abuse me/my sibling and it's been a pattern in my parent for 30 years ..(and before I was born obviously) it's fkd
1)Aggressive - devalue others put you in situations that make you uncomfortable.
2)Passive aggressive -silent rx put you in uncomfortable situations.
3) violent Explosive throw things or domestic violence.
Use rage as a tactic to make others suffer thru rage or silent rx
* why are they using these specific tactics?
What is the level of insight or ego function deficits- they use this counterphobic method to hide their shame, inner doubt.
The person has to realize their rage is a problem. Talk to them in a way they benefit. But might not work
I have experienced the rage too. I've seen all 4 stages. Mostly stage 1,2,3. The narc I know tries to hold back from stage 4 I have noticed as best as they can. I've seen the person swear, spit, insult, give silent treatments, etc. Before I knew about narc and splitting and their inability for object constancy etc. I never ever could fathom how the person used to turn so nasty and treat close members like bottom of the barrel crap. Like spitting on those closest to you is very insulting and that's just one example. Then I learned about the object constancy theory and how it relates to splitting and it started making a lot of sense. Now, when this member behaves in insulting way, and swears a lot (not the spitting anymore) , I just decided to observe. I remove myself and observe. Let them have at it! I don't take anything personally.
I believe some of us have experienced a incarnate demon like Tea on NPD says. I think there is a ancient demon and a present day Narcissist. The spitting and other you mention remind me of the old Exocist movie w/ Linda Blair. I don't know if we all have experienced the ancient or present day, manipulative one. I believe there are ancient demons walking among us today. Demons and angels in our world today. You know the saying , becareful how you treat people , you might be encountering one of GOD'S angels. You might be crossing tje path of one of Satan's children too.🙏
No one talks about their emotional dysregulation. Which cause them to be very reactive to their environment as it pertains to narcissist vulnerable or grandiose.
See his videos about core content - he explains the reason behind the emotional dysregulation.
Grateful for your insightful help.
Your videos are really well made, both in content and editing. Congrats its a lot of work that goes into it.
It helps me understand my behaviour. Silent type. Thank you Dr. Fox. 🙏🏼
When someone is screaming at you in your own home, it doesn't matter how calm you remain. Your silence makes them even more angry. When someone comes within 3 feet of you with their fists clenched and teeth grinding, you're dealing with a monster. I'm partially disabled. I actually thought that I was going to have to defend myself against my narc daughter.
I was flummoxed. (Don't feel bad. I heard that word in an episode of Curb. I had to look it up) Just 2 weeks earlier, I told her she was the best daughter ever.
Things can change like the wind on your cheek.
My sister is a narcissist and I’m trying to learn how to handle the rage episodes. Thank you for this ❤️
You’re welcome ☺️
I love the part about the silent treatment! I just love this whole channel so much. Dr. Fox, I can’t even begin to thank you enough. You’re the best shrink I never had, haha! I say that kindly. I don’t have a diagnosis of a personality disorder, but I do recognize many BPD traits in myself. Your videos and workbook have helped me change my behavior and take better charge of my life. My life is still one long recurring trauma, but at least now, I feel like I have the tools I need to at least avoid making my plight worse through unwise actions. Thank you, thank you, thank you! Please don’t ever think your work doesn’t make a difference. It’s life-changing for some of us. 😊
Very helpful to my healing and recovery
Good video. I have had my entire life destroyed by my malignant narcissistic wife to the point where I never see my son who isn't even 4 yet, and I am currently completely destitute and living on the streets, and have been for the past year + now. A narcissist will NEVER admit they have a problem or seek treatment from everything I've experienced and seen and heard. So I am amazed when Dr. Fox speaks of having patients with NPD.
I think they (I have a long time friend in mind) use the threat of their rageto control the people around them.
Yes like hulk! "Dont make me angry! You won't like me when I'm angry!"
Congratulations, dr. Fox for your amazing material!
I have this problem with my narc husband. He is an overt, but he becomes very gulible when people feed his ego. We have a business together and he always ends up doing crap business with people who know how to feed his ego. When I point out to him he could have done it better, he becomes very enraged and acts psychopathic.
I would suggest finding a mental health provider we can provide you some support and insight into this ongoing issue.
I love it when someone points out anything that I could do better
Up till today l cannot believe what l saw in her. She has a 10 out of 10 NDP disorder. My daughter who the narc grandmother was the cause of my divorce from her dad took my children without address nore any contact for 25years. Now l found them disturbed humans running around looking like they are Gods children 😳. And they behave all rage, hands on, and crazy drama. She made shore l was uncomfortable, scared, and disappointed. Yet she feels shameful inside?
Im so grateful i see these signs right away and cut ties. Just had a really aggressive experience with an alcoholic violent one.
I'm so glad this video was helpful for you. I wish you well.
The abusive treatment and 90 day cycle of trauma has changed me. Now Im so resentful and angry and hopeless. Now Im the one raising my voice. Now im the one acting disconnected and depressed. My positive cheerful vibe has disappeared. I don't talk to anyone anymore. I don't leave my house anymore. There is no rest day or night. My health is declining. And he smiles. Enjoying it all.
That’s exactly what the result he wants. Saw your beauty and loves to destroy it. Never changes. Don’t be fooled. Unfortunately escape is so hard, if not impossible. Only a few make it. Don’t you be destroyed. 70 years of watching Narc in action, and trying to make sense. Just about literally killed me and I’m still financially trapped. Only by building my faith in God will I get justice and escape. Best of luck to you. I hope you get a lucky break, a stroke of luck. When it does come, please don’t hesitate, try once more. It may be too late. Take advice from one who knows beyond a shadow of doubt. How can I know? 60 years experience and still trapped. TRAPPED. Hope I don’t prove to be a fool too anymore. God help me.
@@user-px2mu1rd5b wow i hope you get away somehow. You deserve a rest by now! Is there not any shelter you can go to or anyway to get money ? If i was rich i would help ppl like you. Maybe yoi can start a secret youtube and ppl donate on patreon to help?
Could you please do a video on borderline rage?
I ask as a borderline in hopes of better understanding and evaluating my own behavior. Your videos are always so kind, compassionate, loving, encouraging, supportive and non-judgemental 😊
(😊(
I had a friend of ten years who manipulated me and fooled me for much of that time, and I was unaware because we live 1½ hrs. from each other. 99% of our friendship was hours long phone calls several times per month and texting a couple times per week.
Her preferred method of narcissistic rage was via text. She wouldn't do it on the phone. I appreciate your content so that I can unpack what happened. It was pretty disorienting every time she had a rage, which was only about 4 times over the course of 7 years. Which is still one too many.
🙏🏻
Glad you found this helpful. Be well.
Lord help me. I’m surrounded by a family of narcs who rage. The brother that has given me the silent treatment for two years is by far the one I prefer to be around.
Go no contact. Block them.
Likewise.
Allah akhbar
Please do more on Depression and BPD. You are doing a lot on narcissicm. The world is a mess and anxiety and fear and suicide are affecting the World and we all could use HELP.
Dr. Fox has tons of videos on BPD. Take a look at his playlists.
I understand that you may be more interested in BPD content, but please keep in mind that other people may want to hear about other PDs. I think Dr. Fox tries to keep the content balanced.
Just got your bpd workbook in the mail, so excited to start reading :)
Love your explanations, I like how you present topics and your character 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼✨✨
Glad I stumbled across this channel. Great content.
Thanks for the videos you're putting up.
Dr Fox, thank you for this video, thank you for all the videos that I've already watched and thank you for all those videos which I will be watching in the future. I’ve always felt it yet I’ve not expressed my gratitude towards you and the help you offer through this channel. Thank you 😊
Ex was diagnosed as narcissist and he used passive aggressive primarily. He would directly confront quite aggressively with threats to clear a path to flee the situation. He dealt with conflict by withdrawing.
Same thing i experienced with the most recent ex.
Deflection, denial, blaming me, smoke and mirrors, and gas lighting. Usually questioning my sanity.
Currently me,soon to be an Ex.Cant wait
This was so information-packed I ended up taking notes.
Thanks, Dr Fox.
Dr. Fox thank you, I'm glad I found your channel.
Thank you! You’ve show how compassionate you’re in this video! It’s a difficult topic, specially for the family of those individuals!
Thank you for your content. Your videos help me understand my father and his NPD (that is formally undiagnosed) and my BPD.
Yesterday the police visited my neighbour in our apartment block for 45 minutes to warn him that he will be summoned to court if his aggressive behaviour continues. This took 2 minutes. The other 43 minutes were taken up by him playing the victim - claiming that the solicitor's letter about his aggression is harassment and intimidation. He makes totally false accusations of others. He sees his rage as necessary defence against these "terrible"others. It's shocking to see the negative impact of his behaviour on the environment. He's 82.
It's unfortunate to hear about the situation with your neighbor. Hopefully, he can find a way to address his behavior and the impact it's having on those around him.
This was very helpful in helping identify my issues and getting me motivated to change my behavior at whatever cost. Thank you so much for hard work!
The passive aggressive and silent treatment I know that behavior well. Seems non abusive but really is so hurtful and confusing bc you feel like a bad person and you start thinking you are bad. You think they love you and only want good for you so why would they purposefully make u feel bad .I mean, they raise their hands in church and blow snot all over you praying to God. They must mean good ...Dont be fooled by those sweet incisors, watch out for them canines ; )
Love your videos!
Thanks for this video😊
Good explanations
I have lived with a Narc for over a year...a smart guy but dt his Narc Rage he has lost 5 jobs in 14 months.He usually has a large stash of Cannabis to bring him down. But now he barely even has enough to pay his rent. He has been taking it out on me, which is scary BC my Dad was a Narc, so abusive she finalt suicides (back when Abuse Shelters were not avail). He also has a hx of spousal abuse when he was married. I know I need to leave, but rents have gotten so high and I live of a small Amy of Disability.
Anyway, thank you for your channel.
Be careful that he really doesn’t want to work and will take your guaranteed disability benefit! With that behaviour he will be unemployable and on the streets. If he can get you fooled he’ll use you to stay housed and climb up.. the worst is you’ve still got him there. He will ruin your life and trap you. I fear it’s too late for you. God help you. Ask Gods help. They’re such cunning devils. Don’t stay around to find out anymore. Red flags! You’re in grave danger with a man like that. Take notice of all these thousands of victims in the comments and the doctors, therapists that are confirming this truth. Persue your freedom while you can with everything you’ve got don’t look back. Sure in the future someone will find the way to understand and help them. Don’t wait around.
Remember- you can’t believe a word they say- they lie to save themselves. They can’t share. It’s life itself for them.
Very helpful, thank you Dr.
Hi Dr. Fox! Love your content :) Would you consider making a guided meditation for folks with BPD? It would help to hear your mantras/affirmations. Thanks for considering!
@LIVING WELLNESS Really? That would’ve great 👍 Would you do one on... Fear of being lonely, of being around crowds and not connecting with people. It’s a cold, empty, and frankly terrifying feeling. Like a baby being abandoned on the side of a busy road. Nobody sees you or if they do, don’t even recognize that you are human. You feel disgusting to others like trash or roadkill. It’s a kind of self-hatred. Remember, this isn’t logical - it’s an illness. If you can offer a meditation to rewire these intrusive thoughts - that guide people toward healthier thoughts? Well, that would be truly helpful.
I am specifically looking for a meditation like: being emotionally validated when hurt/misunderstood, mantras for catastrophic thinking, affirmations to prevent splitting, and addressing intense bodily sensations
@LIVING WELLNESS For some context, my splitting gets triggered when someone invalidates me/downplays my emotions/wants me to empathize for the person that hurt me *before putting enough spotlight on my emotions*. Emotional cues: 1) I feel numb, like words escape me. 2) I feel like I want to cut off that person 3) I feel intense electricity in my chest 4) it’s hard to concentrate 5) i ruminate 6) i feel like it is difficult to sit still 7) i want someone to “defend me”
@LIVING WELLNESS i appreciate the consideration!!
Setting boundaries is so important and healthy, as it sets the tone of our friendships and relationships.
💙UA-camr That Helps People Overcome Toxic Relationships
Very enlightening, Dr… thank you! 😊
why is there no law that deals with this abuse
Thank you for this video. I understand what’s going on now.
Core content vs Surface content = Conscious and Unconsious for the uninitiated. Love the creativity in the repackaging!
I agree this was a good video. I especially appreciated the analysis at the beginning identifying that the narcissist encounters a narrative that contradicts what they believe about themselves. I have found this is entirely true. Facts, evidence actual words and actions are subordinate to what they think about themselves. Meaning, if they think they are a nice guy and husband and thoughtful, and then they behave in thoughtless ways and you have the temerity to gently point out what happened, it’s first dismissive, then you’re attacked, then when you try to bring it back to the point, he may even call you a flat out liar and deny it happened or claim it happened completely differently. (I still keep some audio recordings he doesn’t know about to listen to occasionally to let myself know I’m not making it up or crazy… he really was raging…) I’ve made some progress in my relationship. You must know, even if you seem to share values, none of it applies when it relates to how he views himself. Because remember? Your opinion is stupid and he dismisses your feelings or explains away his behavior as “you deserved it” to the point of making up things that didn’t happen to justify aggression. He will literally alter memories of the past whether he is that stupid, or blocks things out because he can’t handle facing real criticism of who he is or he’s that manipulative and it’s his go to coping device become habit.
So the FIRST thing you have to do is fight for VOICE because his #1 goal is to shut your voice down. Most narcissists want to be seen as the nice guy so they may say of course you have a voice of course we’re equal I do listen (but behave the opposite) so you keep pressing, I don’t care if you think otherwise, I don’t care if you think my thoughts are stupid, that’s irrelevant, you’re in a relationship with me so I get to be heard too! And just keep hitting that from every angle … for me it took 3 years before any change really happened.
I experienced lots of outrageous outbursts, stupid, immature, could have been handled very simply, rages… accusations, deflections, blame, always assuming the worst about me incredibly insecure which is so unattractive… lots of him sleeping on the couch, refusing to talk to me, walking around the house with his hands over his ears, telling me he couldn’t be around me keeping 10 ft from me because I’m “unsafe”.
So it’s a bit better now but be aware, even if they start changing it’s no huge 180… with any change it feels like a huge relief so we’re tricked into hope and believing it’s going to be ok but in reality either the change is put on to get what he wants or it’s a slow change with backsliding.
After he finally recognizes for real that in a relationship I get a voice too not just him… (which took him 3 years just to recognize) then you have to SECOND start slowly addressing all the ways he constantly makes fun of and minimizes your voice since he’s still in the habit of trying to shut you down. So that’s another long process… we’re still in that… but now that he’s accepted the first premise, he’s more able to hear, hey so when I shared my view you just made a sarcastic remark about it and that’s really hurtful. I don’t care if you agree with me or not, you can have your own opinion but I get to have mine too!
But just 2 days ago he put a really strong cleaner (hull cleaner for boats) in a kitchen plastic bowl. And I asked him very nicely because plastic is porous, could he please use any number of the cleaning bowls and buckets we have instead of our cooking plastic? And he immediately dismissed “my concerned them attacked me. (His regular MO) oh that won’t hurt it, just wash it off. And you’re one to talk, you microwave plastic”… so baby steps
We’re working on my next goal is we both listen to each other and acknowledge what the other says and we can both share our own view (without disparaging the other)
Good video. My family in Massachusetts benefits from your work. 👍
Try having a boss with all of these traits. It's pure hell.
Brilliant video. Truely hope these individuals go for therapy because alot of "broken" people have suffered due to their abuses and healing from their abuses can take years sometimes a life time. This is the reason the world is in such a mess. Thank you Dr Fox for such good information and its delivery is very professionally.
Thanks for this educational video! In a future one, could you consider discussing if and how the narcissists anger/rage could become contagious? I find myself getting frustrated, angry, & cursing under my breath over little things much more often since my partner revealed his narcissism (once the "lovebombing" ended). He has a constant black cloud over his head.
And if I get out, will I go back to my normal self?
I relate 100% with what you said. I’m experiencing the exact same emotions. I was always a positive and optimistic person but being with a constantly negative, pessimistic covert narc, I feel dysregulated emotionally, having a very hard time regulating my emotions. I’ve been no contact for about 10 months and still not regulating my emotions or feeling like my old self yet. I truly didn’t realize he impacted me like this until I went no contact and really had time to reflect on everything. Take care and sending healing vibes❤
I can 100% relate to that. The adaptation to the other person is terrifying and destructive
❤you are saving my life my relationship and giving me so much Hope 🎉
I wish I wouldve understood this a long time ago. My mother was one, and somehow I attracted them into my life. I currently live with one that when he rages, he goes off for hours. intoralable and gets worse when he drinks. he threatens suicide, and hurting my animals.
Excellent insights ⚘👑
Thank you
Hello Dr Fox you are one of the only experienced professionals I have found that not only knows what your talking about but encourage the idea that they treatable . I went through hell with my covert ex girlfriend . but even after the inhumane actions I just kinda feel bad for her the last 8 months I have been confused and extremely hurt , but compared to the lifetime of pain she has and is going through what was inflicted on me is nothing in comparison .
You are being ignorant about narcissism and damage they do. They take your love as their supply, like their blood supply or addicts, and constantly demand for more. No contact is the only way to go according to psychologist and experts
Wow! My mother!
Thank you for sharing this. 💯💯💯
You are so welcome
Are you opposed to doing a video on intermittent explosive disorder? I’d like to know the difference between that and the extreme rage you talked about in this video.thanks!
A neighbor who worked his way into my life has made my life a living hell. I realized we could not stop him but in 6 years he never hit me. He hit me a few months ago. He does crazy things to upset us. He made sure he knows everything about us so it is easy for him to do these things. I wish there was a way to make him stop. I just want peace. My 64 year old husband had a massive stroke last year and I and my son are disabled. Life is hell with this neighbor. No one understands.
If he put his hands on you, you should have called the police
You’ll have to hope and pray that God takes him out of your life. Start praying fervently every day. Pray that God will take him away and believe God will. Be very careful of churches. Just you and god is all you need. Pray “ thank you God for removing.... from my life “ thank you God. Nothing else is necessary. Imagine him gone and the peace you’ll feel. I did that with an evil co worker, it took time, but eventually she left. I didn’t pray for her to be punished, I prayed for god to BLESS her. I believed that one day I would hear she was leaving. That day came and boy did I thank God!!!
Imagine him selling up and leaving forever.
Thank you for this video , Very informative and helpful
You’re welcome ☺️
Great Video
Thanks!
She came to me in the sleeping hours
And she sang to me in the moonlight:
"Where did you dance when you baffled our chance,
And when did the motley bells chime?"
I summoned a verse from a chorus of blame,
But it drowned in the ghost of her song.
He came to me in the sleeping hours
And he called to me in the moonlight:
"Why does the fold now weep to behold,
And how does it feel to be free?"
I tendered the words from the tears of the same,
But they dried as the dawn came upon.
They came to me in the sleeping hours
And they whispered to me in the moonlight:
"What did you reap when you floated the keep,
And whom did you trust with the key?"
I buried my head in a cushion of shame -
And I woke to find them all gone.
Impaired insight
I just realized this is why the ex never understands what I'm saying or doing.
He always assigns his own meanings to everything.
The words/warning: «dont go there, u dont want to awaken the snakes…» with the transformation of the face, scary… Cold, lifeless … I called it his Putin-face, and it silented my questions because i became afraid of loosing him.
This is how trauma bonding can look like and the worst part is that i eas aware that this was not good for me. I can just hope for now that he will stay away from me long enough for me to get strong enough to tell him no, i will not see you anymore… next time he hoovers back
I just blocked my ex a few days ago, so it’s funny this came out yesterday. Just gaining information so that I’m prepared if anything happens.
I really do believe that the person i love is a self aware vulnerable npd. He's suffering and i wish i could help. This video popped up today and i swear once i walked in his room and he was watching this. Ty dr fox. I have bpd and am in therapy. He i would assume is npd but he's extremely intelligent i know he's trying his best to sort himself out and heal.
I hope you both found a video helpful and I wish you all the best.
He’s got your kind heart and unfortunately you can’t save him. Doctors are yet to say they can help. Millions of people are hurt by them and destroyed.
One of their tactics are to lean on your idea of yourself as a loving, kind , giving person. Real narcs seek to use that to draw you in and suck you dry , trap you and destroy you. If you say that he ticks the boxes for npd don’t stay to have it proved to you a million per cent . If the medical profession of trained experienced doctors who are not living themselves with narcs and don’t give convincing proof that they can change your life to one of happiness with him why do you think you can? Are you training to be a Psychiatrist specialising in NPD . If you stay you will most likely, according to statistics become an expert yourself through experience. I have 65 years experience and I’m almost destroyed by 2 family members, one now dead and despite 65 years of total dedication to her, intelligence, catering to her every whim, temper, abuse. All the while working in a hospital for 40 years, studying every bit of knowledge to end my suffering at her hands, she finally burned out and me, well I almost died of a huge fast growing Abdominal tumour and came out of my abdominal wall, leaking pus that I hid from the doctors while I dealt with her. She died of dementia and I only survived because I was so sick I had to stay in hospital for 6 weeks I was nearly dead. Lost everything. Disabled and my poor little brother was left to be abused instead while he looked after her because his older narc brother prevented her going into hospital because he wanted her house and it would have been sold to pay for her care. He wouldn’t lift a hand to help with her even though she could have had a month free care. He wanted her dead and he sold her house for 1.666 million dollars. He’s still after me destroying my life . A heart as cold as steel. He reminds me of a steel cashflow machine. Skilled at his profession. Murder by abuse. BE WARNED! FEW MAKE IT OUT ALIVE, FEW MAKE IT OUt Millions are still trapped MAIMED, SUICIDAL, HEARTBROKEN,CHILDLESS, ISOLATED,PENNILESS, BROKEN, WITHOUT HOPE OR CHOICE OR OPPORTUNITY OR MONEY OR MEANS OR FAITH OR HEALTH OR HOPE ONCE THEY TAKE YOUR HEALTH FROM YOU BY STRESS ITS ONLY A MATTER OF TIME BEFORE YOUR DEAD AND THEYRE ENJOYING THE SCRAPS LEFT BEHIND. Your life is destroyed and they look like heroes.
The only real hope you can have and that’s to follow Jesus and your reward is in heaven. Beware of Church people. NARCS LOVE TO BE PASTORS IT REALLY BENEFITS THEM, you have to trust yourself and God. Finding God is a rocky path , repent of your sins, ie Gods laws10 commandments etc. you’re reward will be help in your suffering on earth and in heaven and not hell. God bless you everyone and myself too ❤️🙏❤️
Doctor, most clinicians steer clear of the narcissistic personality client for many, many reasons. What is it about you that feels confident enough to tackle this difficult (and often dangerous) client? Thank you for your insights.
New sub Doc. So relatable. (Just wished i listened to the GLARING signs from her looking back ) but wasnt all that long , and a great learning experience. Unfortunately it may make us somewhat apprehensive and unbalanced (towards bit too overly cautious) in next one (i also Never been on any dating app, she fell into my realm as her parents were moving in next door) thank you for this plethora of information. 👍🏼
Welcome to the channel and thank you very much for your kind comment and I hope that you find a lot of value and benefit to my material.
In my experience at least, the person who I now realise is a probably a vulnetable narcissist, she goes into a kind of quietly angry mode for a day to two, or even several days, and then she suddenly goes into a violent rags at a person in a split second. And she rages with this horrible tone of voice. She doesn't become physically violent but she makes it seem like she might. And it's always over a thing that was so tiny, that most people would not become angry about. Or maybe nothing at all, other than asking her to please do something (a small little request).But interestingly she doesn't become even annoyed at things that would annoy most ppl.
Sounds like some BPD MIXED in there, too.
Although if I'd been around helping her, at her Mom's even more often, those RAGING OUTBURSTS may have been more frequent.
Beyond, her usual 2 per year!
Which over decades, seemed to sort out to; as a late ex•bgff, Alciholic and "self-Trashing" Histrionic, I have to agree with her bros' Dx for her.
(The "Christian Fascist" who had No Lutheran Pastor at her funreral! For his 100 y.o. Mom's sake; still cognizant, and having Lost her 2nd alcoholic child.)
+ an Alcoholic, himself, and a "Rt.W.Authoritarian," besides!
Now, in charge of her Care. 😭
Seems he's an "Walking on Eggshells" type, now, too!
@@kathyadair8552 that may have nothing to do with any disorder, it may simply be the pain and anger
that she is suppressing because she doesn't know how to express it coming out all at once. It is all too common - look at the levels of domestic violence.
On point👍
As a resident of the state of TX...seems like we have a narc problem in this state.
Thank you Dr. Fox. Your content is so easy for me to understand. Thank you so very much!
I once asked a narcissist why they don’t have empathy and if they felt the pain and sadness that they inflict onto another person and there answer was…
There response was it’s not his fault if the person he upset gets emotional and upset all because he had called them nasty names and accuses them of not caring and other stuff ,but it’s funny how if they are called a name they get upset .
And if you catch them out ,they will call you a smart arse ,because they will never admit that they have double standards .
Thank you for sharing your experience. It's important to recognize these behaviors for what they are.