Breaking Free From A Narcissist, featuring Dr. Ramani Durvasula
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- Опубліковано 13 лют 2023
- Recently Dr. Les Carter interviewed Dr. Ramani Durvasula on his Surviving Narcissism podcast, and it was video-recorded and posted here for your enjoyment.
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Dr. Les Carter is a best selling author and therapist who has semi-retired to Waco, TX. For 40+ years he maintained a counseling practice in Dallas, conducting more than 65,000 therapy sessions and many workshops and seminars. He specializes in anger management and narcissistic personality disorder.
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The collaboration I’ve been wishing and hoping for has come true! Content from both Dr Carter and Dr Ramani has helped me heal from narcissistic abuse for the last 2 years. I’m so grateful for the both of you!
Me, too! I just love these two. They have helped me tremedously.
Me too! Tq for this collaboration! God Bless
🙏🏽✌🏽
Me too!
Same here! They are like my mom and dad! 😂😂😂
Me too! They’ve helped me so much! ❤
These two have changed my entire life. I work in a sea of toxic people and they're like gnats that I have to swat away occasionally. A few years back? I would've just quit. Educate yourself on narcissists for a peaceful existence. Bless you both.
I work with an OCPD/Narcissistic person as my manager. Grey Rocking has finally led me down a much healthier path. He is so territorial and insecure it's hard to move without him latching on and trying to stop everything. I LOVE my career and I look at other jobs, but I don't want to uproot my entire life all because a narcissist won't get therapy or try to improve themselves. Everything just has to be a competition for them. I play pleasantly aloof, professionally unattainable, and quietly ambitious.
They have made my life more bearable.. My MIL is a Covert/Histrionic Narcissist and she is 86 and gets worse with every passing day.. She lives with my husband (her eldest son, the invisible child) and I for the last 4 years.. I discovered Dr C and
Dr R two years ago by accident! And even though I can’t change my circumstances they have made it possible for me to function in a place of peace.. most times.. Just knowing how to use Grey Rock technique and not sharing my life beyond surface level has been a priceless tool..
Like gnats 😆 so right! I am glad you are strong to the point that you don't have to quit. I am where I have to pull them like ticks because they still start to dig in before I figure them out. But then I laugh a little.
@@sage9836 The old trick of holding a lit match to a tick's butt to make them disengage..........
@@pianomaly9 🤣
Thank you for having me on your channel!!
Are you kidding...what a pleasure, and you can tell by the comments, others thoroughly enjoyed it!! Thanks, Dr. Ramani!!
Dr. Ramani, is it that they lack self-awareness or that they aren't governed by healthy, empathetic internal moral codes? In other words, as Dr. George Simon says, "they see (the negative effects of their behavior), but disagree (that it is change-worthy)."
Dream team! So nice to see you two together. ❤️
l agree 👍
My god I can’t believe the two of you are together ❤so happy
Thank you both. I'm over 70 with more than 50 years in this relationship and I've finally, within the last 6 years got a grip on what I've been facing. Never too late or too old. Please keep helping us cope. Because some cannot afford to escape. Thank God for you two.
I’m definitely in the same exact position but I let mines know immediately don’t start, when I finally realized was going on!!! They are speaking of exactly what I’ve gone through all these years!!!!!
Just learning about the source of supply and not treating me as a person. Also over 70 and over 50 years.
Same here. Almost 60 and still serving a life long sentence, 33 years in. The day he called his sister in law a Narc was the best thing to come out of his mouth. I didn't know what that was so i googled it..... I did not see Tina. But i did see my husband!!! A vail was lifted. So much suddenly made since.
@Eclectic Acre Same here! I was dealing with a narcissist at work and started watching these lovely doctors when I realized that I was also living with one at home. I am working on myself now and it is thanks to Dr. Ramani and Dr. C!!
Ivy, I'm 69 and it's exactly the same story for me. But you are right. Never too late.
A huge standing ovation for these two wonderful health care professionals ❤ 👏 👏 👏
These two are total rock stars in the world of narcissistic awareness and recovery. These Docs have changed my life in the best way possible. I can’t wait to hear what this powerhouse couple has in store for us today!
Our FAVORiTE Gray ROCK Stars. Go Team!!!!
Perfectly said!
Same here, true for me, too. So grateful for their content, it has helped me make changes for the better.😊
Indeed, indeed !!! 🦾
Go team healthy/ Happy Friday 🎉
I struggled with a narcissistic husband for 7 years and were it not for you two I would be dead now. Am now a psychological counselor. I broke free the hardest I ever had to do. Went to school now am a psychological counselor
This is so encouraging ❤️
Dr. C and Dr. Ramani, the Dynamic Duo! What a force! I’ve been listening to both of them for years now. My eyes have been opened to what I’ve been dealing with for 44+ years, I can’t unsee it.
One thing I know for sure is that the nicer you are to a narcissist the meaner they treat you. The true narcissist has no morals, no conscience and no remorse the less you have to do with them the better off you will be.
True!!!!😮😮
@@Mushroom321- Keep well.👍🙂
This.
This right here! That’s all there is to say. Dream team. I seriously thank God almost on a daily basis for… Dr. George Simon, Dr Carter, and Dr Ramani. There are a few others but these are literally the top of my list.
Yay!
@@SurvivingNarcissism 😊💜
Dr C and Dr Ramani, a potent combination… Your collaboration says so much about the efficacy of “team healthy”. No ego here, god bless you both.
Nailed it!!
Another great was Angie Atkinson, who survived a narc mother then marriage. Sadly, she left us way too young a few weeks before Christmas, but her son still uploads "best of" videos to keep her work alive.
I’m divorcing a covert narcissist tomorrow. Thank u both so much for your knowledge ❤and doing my inner work
Best wishes to you, Kim!
Congratulations! How are you doing now? Do you have to co-parent?
Your head is going to explode if you think that you are in a narcissistic relationship. Why? Because you could not protect yourself from Emotional Abuse and Mental Health Problems caused by Paranoid Schizophrenic Guru Durvasula and her anti-scientific videos:
• Go to a professional Psychiatrist and ask him to check if you are suffering from Paranoid Thoughts!
• Stop taking advices from the Paranoid Schizophrenic and a single mother without friends Ramani Durvasula as there is NO threat in this World for anyone from Narcissism, particularly if these people are your family members or friends!
• Study basic Psychology such as Myers-Briggs, Maslow's hierarchy of needs and Skinner's learning theory so you will understand how Paranoid Schizophrenic Guru Durvasula fooled you turning you into the Paranoid Schizophrenic.
• Due to the Non-Existence of Narcissists Abusers within your family and friends, just reconnect back to them and enjoy your healthy relationships and life!
• Explain to others, who were scammed by Paranoid Schizophrenic Guru Durvasula, that she is just a mentally sick person without a husband, normal family and friends fighting non-existent evil Narcissists like Don Quixote was fighting Windmills!
So proud of you. Wish you all the best Kim.
Wondering, after 8 months, if she made it through... 🤔
They’re aware . .they don’t care! To a Narcissists whatever serves their purpose at the moment is the right and proper thing!
Wow! They're teaming up! Dr. Ramani and Dr. Lee have helped me get out of a toxic narcissistic relationship after 15 years of gaslighting and mental abuse. I'm eternally grateful! Thank you! I got prepared, I planned my "escape", I did everything they advice about and everything is great now! When I feel like I'm doubting or insecure about my decision - I listen again to their channels. Thank you!
I just can't wait to watch. I found Dr.C first, and I was in my darkness moments. I really thought I wouldn't get past it. He was my light at a very dark time. Then I found Dr. Ramani & she helped me along my healing journey as well. Without these two, I don't know where I would be. I recommend them both because they have so much to offer. This is going to be so awesome.💗👏👏
Same.. But i found Dr Ramani first
Completely understand, it’s also my story. Glad we found them ❤
Narcissists are on a different planet.
“Empty you of you so they can fill you with themselves.” OMG! That s exactly what I’ve lived with for the past 54 years! Explains why he has always expected me to simply know what he wants without his having to open his mouth. I’ve decided that try to read his mind will take me to that deep dark place and I never want to go there again!
Both of these wonderfully caring doctors are angels in disguise! I am now in the process of making my plans to bring this world of crazy to an end. I pray for strength . I’ve expended all of my patience.
I hope you got out and are living your best life! Luckily, once you gain that assertiveness and self-concept they tend to lose interest anyway lol.
Narcissism and narcissists are like a beautiful frosted wedding cake filled with garbage on the inside. Others cant see it until they have a piece
And many would even eat the garbage and pronounce it good...because they wouldn't see the truth and don't want to see the truth.
Or white washed tombs as the Bible talks about ..
I love that you're a teaming up. I'm grateful for both of you!
Me too. This is going to be epic!
Amen.
I second this emotion. These 2 doctors are the most inspirational people in the history of UA-cam.
Since I broke with my trauma-bond relationship almost a year ago I haven't watched your videos anymore. But now to see you both again feels like I see two of my old friends at a reuniun, after I survived a storm, a shipwreck, and just got back form a uninhabited island. Thank you both very much for all your help! I couldn't do it without you. I'm very happy I met you in my life.
I broke free. I moved away. (Dr. Ramani loves stories like mine.)
It was extremely painful, but I'm starting to heal. As an impath, I am a magnet 🧲 for narcissists.
No more.
I'm grateful for the years of training and all Les Carter and Dr. Ramani have taught me.
So grateful to be free. 🥳
What would you say was the biggest thing that helped you to stop being a narc magnet?
🎉❤❤❤❤❤
These two have helped save my life. I found Dr. Ramni first, then Dr. Carter. This is the dream team, right here. Since listening to them, I have finally realized what an abusive sham my marriage is, and finally taking steps to get out. I am so grateful to have found a wealth of knowledge and support from these amazing people.
This is amazing. I’ve listened to both for two years and love you both. I am now divorcing my wife of 47 years and am happier than I have been in decades. My adult children are cheering me on!
Congratulations!
Never too late to stand for yourself! Good job.
My husband divorced his ex after 23 yrs & kids were grown-up. He's paying $78k/yr in alimony til he's over 65.. She was a total narcissist. He said it's worth every penny to be rid of her.
11:00 nutshell review
Took me 35 years to rid myself of her. 35 years of a lying cheating thieving evil conniving manipulating mean sadistic insidious woman. I look back and wonder how I survived. There’s no telling what she was doing to me. I’m free to be me and that’s troublesome after that long of abuse. Hard to believe I ever cared for, much less loved such a creature. Unimaginable 35 years.
You both are helping me to heal. I am divorcing one, and I never realized why I never felt myself the entire time. Nearly 20 years and children...The emotional abuse is ABSOLUTELY real. Covert narcissism is so sneaky and destructive. I appreciate your informative coverage on this topic
I truly had no idea what was wrong(the gaslighting and manipulation!)...now that I know, I am almost free and I am trying to live and be me again.
Speaking from experience!You’re going to discover a world of peace and inner contentment you’ve never experienced before.
Congratulations on starting over and discovering who you truly you are ❤
I’m leaving my husband too after 17 years of abuse. He hacked my accounts and stalked my social media and did a whole list of unimaginable things. I’m so done after he pushed his daughter down trying to get the phone. I don’t have a car and recovery from an extended and severe back injury for a decade. I had surgery two years ago and he pushed me and hurt me badly. I can’t put my kids through anymore. Now I need to figure out how to make it on my own. We just filed bankruptcy too.
@@melissanichols1200 I’m praying for you and your children. I’m praying you’ll find a way to be free from the abuse so you and your children can find peace happiness and stability ❤️❤️
@@mariekam738 thank you so much! It truly means a lot! God bless you!
I have learnt so much from you 2 guys over the last 12 months so thank you for showing me I'm not insane. I and my son haven't quite figured out how to escape yet (due to housing crisis in Australia and no funds) but we/he has finally made the decision he has to get out. Having said that I am scared to death of what's coming. The rage and control and stalking and hate speech is going to escalate and has left him broken and me with PTSD. It's the grandkids who are suffering. They swing between appeasing the mum to begging her to stop. I loved this woman for 8 years but I'm completely broken down. In that negative note, I'm hopeful that if I keep watching, well find a way
I don't want to think of it as "breaking away from a narc", but rather "building up a refreshed foundational relationship with me."
If I'm running toward something good rather than away from something negative, I already feel so much more stable and confident.
Good way to look at it.
I totally agree you can’t just get rid of the negative but put some positive in its place so there’s no empty space to be filled
Ok there is deep wisdom here I need to learn from.. love this idea.. would be so great to put a new frame on this that’s so much more empowering mentally, personally. Thank you for sharing!
They don’t always Hoover. Once he got the big house, he didn’t hoover me back in. He’s holding that over my head because he knows how much our family meant to me. You saved my life too, both of you ❤
This is like a dream come true, my two favorite doctors in one video!!! I'm SO glad that you two connected! This is going to be GREAT! ❤️❤️❤️
Right??😁
Like, am I dreaming??🤣
Hope for humanity…from NPD….
Love them ❤
Honestly, you two saved my life. Thank you for standing up for me, for helping me understand what I was experiencing.
You are so worth it! I don't even know you and feel grateful you are still with us on behalf of all who care even a little if not dearly about you. So glad you are still here.
I feel exactly they same, they saved my life and helped me realize I am not the crazy, horrible one when I'm trying so hard to be the wife he wanted.
@@brightpage1020 Thank you. Remarkable kindness from a total stranger. Thank you.
@@kristinechristlieb1383 You deserve that "kindness," because I daresay you speak for all of us visiting these channels and are also recovering
Same to me! It's been almost 2 months since I left. I've finally started receiving intimidation messages and blocked all contact for good. It just goes to say that if I hadn't left how would the rest of my life be.
For those who can leave, live the healing journey, it will take time but it is part of us getting our lives back, in fact, a new life starts now. Hold on, trust the process we'll get there. 🙏 Thankful for these 2 for saving my life and my son's.
Personally speaking about my own battle as a black sheep in a family of narcissists. I am nearly 60 and have battled with abuse for decades. With my father passed on and my mum is now in a care home, I have found out how abusive and controlling my brother and sister really are. I didn't want to accept it previously. I personally feel and think that no contact is the only way forward in healing from this kind of abuse. Obviously this is my own personal experience. But looking back on all the red flags that were waving, I now feel I have wasted a lifetime nearly of being trapped with a family of origin, when I really should have escaped 40 years ago. I don't think grey and yellow rock is a compromise. This will only affect your own mental health. Narcissistic people will not change. Go no contact for your own sanity. God bless x
Thanks for sharing this, Elaine...and best wishes to you.
wow , so many of us awakening later in life. I always say, better late than never , for myself. Its true that no contact is the preferred. take care.
I feel.for you. I am 45 and also come from a narcissistic family of origin. I wish i would have just cut all ties decades ago -- i didn't have this knowledge about what the conditions are back then, but i knew something was very very 'off' and not safe. I do find it inspiring that you are learning and making changes no matter what your age is. To me it seems braver of you now. You really know
Not everyone can do that
I can relate to your story about feeling you have wasted your life. The truth is that narcissistic behaviour has not long been in the spotlight and it's never too late once we receive the knowledge to take back out power and live our lives on our own terms. It's up to us now to create our own happiness and let go of all those toxins and as Dr Carter says live in Peace. Blessings to all of us
She hit this SPOT ON around 7 minutes!!!! PREACHHHHH!!!! Ughhhh it’s almost a relief to hear someone explain it and also it’s so sad when you realize what that you’ve been dealing with a narcissist all along! 😢
Yep very sad especially when children are evolved with this drama
Dr. Ramani and Dr. Carter, together, at last! Thank you for all of your courage, compassion, perseverance, insight, wisdom, dedication, and kindness! Together, you are helping to improve the lives of millions of people so much for the better!
42:00
Both of you saved my life and my children's life. Not an exaggeration. I am a stronger better person because of you. 🕊🕊🕊 BLESS YOU BOTH FOREVER. 💙
The hardest, most painful realization as the victim is knowing and trying to accept the narc will never, ever acknowledge, accept, understand, believe or have a single spec of accountability for who they are and what they’ve done to you.
I just want to say what Dr. Ramani & Dr. Les Carter are doing is spectacular! It’s helping us survivors of Narcissistic Abuse understand & not be so undermined & confused. Very grateful for you two! I couldn’t feel more validated !
So pleased!
I recently ended a 16-month relationship, deeply steeped in vulnerable narcissism. Despite my advanced degrees and a lifetime of counseling people in another field, I had no idea the depths and intractability of the personality with which I was dealing. These two advisors, above all others, provided the wealth of information and guidance for me to extract myself from the relationship and, a month out now, to regain my bearings. My eternal thanks to them both for their clean, balanced, informative teaching styles and ongoing references and examples.
I have helped a friend leave a covert narcissistic relationship. Then some years later I fell for the same thing!
These people are really good at worming their way into your deepest self.
I am grateful to you both for helping me understand these very difficult people. I am worthy and deserve dignity respect and civility. Thank you doctors! ❤️
Yes my ex was yelling abuse at me on the phone and a mutual friend came into the room and saw my distress and took the phone to listen to him and as soon as she spoke to him he stopped yelling and was quiet and calm. So incredible to hear the quick change in him. He seemed out of control with me but his manner changed so quickly and I knew he was very much in control and his threats to me were totally criminal. I believe these narcs do know their power and choose vulnerable people they can control. Sick and nasty
Thank u for the conversation
I believe the narcissist has adapted this personality in childhood in order to survive. They all have childhood trauma
Both of you have literally changed my life as a former codependant
Only realised at 37 that narcissism had permeated my entire life. Ten years later, endless therapy and listening to both of these voices (and so many others…), one thing is for sure - knowledge IS power!
That moment Dr Ramani mentioned the number 2 characteristic of a narcissist was a great moment and so validating for me, the good memories were hard for me to put behind me but the shaming, gaslighting and one sided convos were paramount. Gotta stay vigilant
The fact that narcissism cannot be eliminated convinces me that this is a disorder, much in the same way that ADHD cannot be eliminated.
Dr. C and Dr. Ramani helped me through the worst 4 years of my life! Abundant gratitude to you both! Not enough words to express the help I received from learning what in the hell was happening!
Life is a beautiful dance now! 🎶💚🎶
I have tried to leave my narcissist husband several times over 40 years. You are right…they have a way of “hoovering” and then I’m back into the chaos again. Thank you for helping me to understand I’m not crazy.
Ms. Invisible Nana, what is it in you that is drawn back to going back for 40 yrs to a narcissist? Why blame it on his hovering? Doesn’t it take 2-to tango?
@@jeanie5074it takes two to tango? People have many difficult reasons for staying or leaving. Be careful when you fall off your high horse, you might break a leg
I understand how you feel with the hoovering, they know how to manipulate and get you right back into their good graces. Good luck to you and keep your head up 🙏💕
“Not everyone you lose is a loss”. -Dr. Phil I love that! You guys have taught me more than any school I’ve ever attended!
Dr Ramani is just an angel on earth. Probably 8 years ago now, I started listening to her on Medcircle when she talked about sociopathy - an issue with someone I was dating at the time. When she pivoted to narcissism, I mostly stopped listening as I thought it wasn’t an issue in my life.
Fast forward to today, I just broke free from a narcissist yesterday, and came to the realization that yes - it did stem back to my childhood, and there were so many dots I hadn’t connected, including the toll it had taken on my health. I will forever be deeply grateful to people like Dr. Ramani and you Dr. C - I don’t think I would have broken free without you both, and if I had, it would have been further down the road with significantly more damage. Thank you again
Thanks, Dr. Ramani was a pure delight.
I was so glad to see this collaboration today! Dr. Carter and Dr. Ramani helped me to make sense of the madness my ex was putting me through and helped me gather the strength to walk away. I didn't even feel like I knew myself any more and I was so mentally beaten down by all the emotional abuse and neglect. You both helped save me from enduring additional years of misery with a toxic person who didn't know (or care to know) how to love.
“Care to know” how to love… I think that’s what most of us didn’t see at the time with these perpetrators? Perhaps due to our lack of boundaries, our expectations, maybe what had been normalised for us, we didn’t recognise their lack of care and interest into how their behaviour hurt us was wrong, unfair and that we deserved better.
I feel like this right now. I just left a malignant narcissist husband. I feel so mentally and physically drained and feel like ive aged 20 years from my awful relationship with my husband .
@@Summerlove23 I remember those days vividly, I wrote in my journal that I was like a dishrag that had been wrung out and hung over the edge of the sink
Remember that narcs are emotional vampires, you feel drained because you ARE drained. The way to build back up is to dive into yourself and your own loves and hobbies. It only gets better from here, and you're going to learn sooooo much as you ruminate. Many light bulb moments await. Make sure you're getting enough sleep and keep a journal.
The dynamo duo! What a great show! I’m divorced 20 years and was married to a narcissist. At that time, counselors kept saying, “it’s a communication issue”. Luckily, I had several priests who guided me and told me “he is never going to change”. And then some, and supported my divorce. The divorce process was a big smear campaign. No counselor ever mentioned the word narcissist, I figured it out by watching both of your videos the last few years.
Thank you both. I have only had one serious, short term relationship since and and I left due to issues unrelated to narcissistic personality.
The "and supported my divorce" part is key -- there are people, sometimes clergy, who will tell you "s/he is never going to change" -- and they say this about family members as well as spouses -- but they refuse to support you/us in fleeing or otherwise escaping / setting up boundaries
If someone has had narcissists in their life, beginning with their parents, learning WHO they authentically are, what they like, having confidence in their own decisions, etc, is challenging.
Amen! Thank you for validating me. They know the abuse is wrong, so they know good from evil. Thats why they have to hide it and do it behind closed doors.
Yessssss! My two favorite professionals in one vid, filling the shared space w/ their knowledge & wisdom. Ty, for this gift on Valentine's day.❤️
Exactly! Perfect valentine's gift as far as I'm concerned 💕 Dr's Carter & Ramani to help me 🕊 or 🦅
Exactly 😄👌🙏💛
I don't follow Dr. Ramani although I am aware of her and she seems nice. I always like Dr.C's choice of guests so I'm looking forward to this gift 🎁 ☺
Dr. C, Dr. Ramani, as well as Dr. Craig Malkin, are the trifecta of superheroes who have helped save my life! How nice to see two of you together in one broadcast. Thank you!!!
KNOWING who you are makes all the difference ❤ makes one narcissist proof. Personal impenetrable validation allows one to be kind which is often confused as weakness by the narcissist. When you don't have anything to prove to the narcissist the narcissist is defeated.
Once you’re able to accept what they are - pure evil - and that they cannot and will not change then leaving is possible. As long as you think or hope they’ll change you’re forever trapped.
True ❤
These two have helped me deal with my narcissistic father, narcissistic golden child sister, and all their enablers/flying monkeys than anyone else has including a one and one sessions with a psychiatrist and a psychologist. Many mental health professionals do not have the level of knowledge and experience that these two have.❤
How great is this that you guys collaborated on my 3-year anniversary of breaking free!
3 years ago today, I got the strength to do what I knew I had to do to gain back my identity.
I have so much appreciation for both of you, and just as Dr ramani stated, just because I broke free didn't make me whole again. Physically yes, I was out! It was an emotional uphill battle, but I never gave up.
As my son told me, we don't give up, we tighten up. That has been my mantra for 3 years. And I am living the life that I was meant to live-maybe not as ideally as I once thought it would be, but I'm doing it my way. Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU both! ❤️❤️
At this point in my life, recovering from narcissistic abuse by mom, and ex-hubby, you two are my favorite people in the whole world, literally. Thanks a million!
You are quite welcome!
It s hard to keep living without love with the narcissistic guy, who has no empathy 💔
Two of my favorite experts on narcissism and toxic relationships who have helped me getting back on my feet! Dr. Ramani, Dr. C, thank you both so much for this video.
These two selfless people are changing the world! Their insight and education are saving us from the tyranny of these dark personality types. Thank you both very much!
I saw a person consumed with a narc,& then consumed by the narc. It was disturbing to see.
This person lost themselves & their personality. Thank you for educating us on the subject. I was truly confused in this regard.
Finally free after 21 years of trauma in marriage. Thank you for your support 🙏🏽
I’ve learned so much from these two people, it’s amazing (and heartening) to see them together!!
Bravo! To both Doctors for standing up for us and for their years of hard dedicated work! I’m so, grateful to the both you. Literally, life changing for me .❤❤❤
I agree Dr. Ramani. I don't look at this like "poor them! They aren't well". "It's a disease!" Uh, no. Don't make excuses for them.
I stayed away for a year and a half. It was counseled by a minister telling me that I needed to go back… I did for a month, and nothing had changed… I found myself back in the same situation, and very miserable… So I left again and I’ve been gone almost 2 weeks… This time I’m going to stay strong and continue after a peaceful life
Can y’all do this kinda thing monthly? Such an enriching conversation between people who really get it. Thank you.
Our dream team, indeed!
I have been following Dr.Ramani and Dr.Carter since 2011 when I was so deep into my Narc marriage!I just got out 3 months ago,together with my kids
In my studies of malignant narcissism, it seems that some ARE self aware but the pleasure they derive from the manipulations overrides everything. For example, in discussing 'trauma' that the person has caused in another person's life, I get a sense that the narcissist is internally fist-pumping and going "Yes! I caused that!" It may contribute to their sense of power.
I definitely had one that derived pleasure from the frustration and stress he caused.
I agree with you so much.. I have seen my own sibling having her evil satisfaction and sense of power that she made others life miserable and still she was not done with her and still was continuing to do manipulations against her.. Never knew or saw such an evil person close by.. I was hell shocked to realise that few people can be so cruel among our own family members..💯💯
My narc mother is now dead. But when I hear her invalidating voice I put her in her place (something I was never able to do when I was growing up) When I succeed in something, I say in my head "See that Mom? I did really well with that" Just as she discredited me for so many years, I now discredit her. It's almost to a point of mockery now. Instead of a feared presence in my life she is a bit of a joke.
You're really over it when you don't care anymore and don't think about it.
I'm really sorry that you did not have the love from a mother that you deserve. I think it's great that you no longer see yourself through her invalidating eyes. In the long run, though, you may want to sit down and ask yourself if it is healthy to give her so much of your mental real estate. Blessings on your healing journey. 💕
@@TC-gx3qn So you apparently have not been in this kind of situation. It's not like you WANT to hear your abuser's voice. When you are brought up with invalidating parents, the words are branded in to your brain. It's not a choice. It takes many years of therapy, education, and healing to silence those voices.
@L. I was not referring to the voice. I was referring to the part where you stated what you say in your head when you succeed at something.
@@TC-gx3qn What I say in my head is in response to the discrediting voice that plays in my head. Clearly this is something you have not experienced so consider yourself lucky and refrain from judging.
OMG this is the Collab I didn't know I needed. I love both of you Dr. Carter and Dr. Ramani. You guys are amazing at your jobs. Thank you for bringing awareness to this very important topic.
We need so many more specialists in narcissism!
Thank you for this. 🙏🏼This was so insightful, and seeing you two together was amazing. I'd like to add, we are just "things" to the narcissist, they do not care about us, they care about what we can do for them. I would advise that you do not share your deep feelings with them, your creative writing, your past, because they will use it all against you. They will give you away in a heartbeat. They will take your words and use them as their own, because they have no true essence about them. One time the narc was emailing me, and copied and pasted someone's words as his own. He made a mistake, and accidently copied the woman's name. He messed up, and they are always caught. He was in triangulation mode. They want to take other personalities and creativity because they are lazy and insincere. Their love bombing phase is actually comical, because the use the same exact words with everyone. They simply just mirror back who you are, to win you over. They always have an ulterior motive. What they don't know is that the core inside of you, is not theirs; No one can touch your essence. You two were on point! Thank you again. 💯
I call it “glitter rock“, but this is how I have navigated my relationship with my nmom for the past 17 years. It CAN work. 🙋🏻♀️
I kicked my narc out two weeks ago, and it's been so frustrating to have people who saw them 2-3 times a year questioning my experience. I lived with them every day for eight years, do you REALLY think you know them better than I do? Makes me want to scream but it's a testament to how well they wear the mask in brief encounters
Dr. Ramani is so loved amongst her supporters. I just found her not long ago. Dr. Carter, thanks for bringing up that last question. My Dad was the first and most influenced narcissist in my life. I’m 65 and my Dad’s been gone for at least 20 years and those put downs, criticisms, gaslighting things he did to me, are still running through my head. Thank you, both. I learned alot while I watched your video.
Thanks, Lisa. She was a delight.
Ramani absolutely SHINES in this video. Dr, there are moments in here that are like full glasses of French Bordeaux - juicy, pleasurable, and oh so satisfyingly true. I literally yelled BOOM!!! and YES GIRL!! at this like probably at least six times.
I've been away from the ns for 16 years and I still am healing every day. What a gift of a video. Thank you both so much for this rock star collab!!!
Well, if it matters, my mother's maiden name was Guillebeau, and her ancestor, Andre Guillebeau came to the U.S. in the 1770's from Bordeaux, France. I love a good Bordeaux.
The Best Duo of the Century!
Dr. Carter and Dr. Ramani - you both are doing lord's work. I have a narciccistic parent and my childhood was spent walking on eggshells, terrified and controlled like a machine. I have been watching your videos for quite sometime and I can't explain how they have changed my life for the better. I literally used to make notes from your videos and deeply entrench the key points onto my mind. I no longer take things personally from the narcissists - they have now become so formulaic that they seem to be rodeo clowns present in the world for our amusement. I am deeply grateful for your work. To all the surviors, yes, there is hope. We can, not only survive, but thrive!
PS: for the adult children of narcissistic parents that got wired to become pleasers, please read Dr. Carter's book "When pleasing you is killing me." Totally eyeopening and life changing. You need this!
To understand narcissism in depth, I enjoyed reading both Dr. Carter's book "Enough about you, now let's talk about me" and Dr. Ramani's "Don't you know who I am."
I am nearly over it. Thank god! And thanks to you! But what I find almost worse than what I have been through with this one poor narc is, that I feel like our society might never stop pushing those types high up the hierarchy.... Narcs will keep winning. It seems as though Dr. Ramani is the kind of person who adresses this part of the issue more than others. It is as if the threat is not only being produced from the one disordered person but society as a whole is disordered.
I bow my head in gratitude. It is a gigantic help for victims of narcissists. Thank you. Thank you so much.
Two favorite people getting together, likely we’ll get more of this. So important for these two, one in an area like Los Angeles that might pride itself on narcissism and the other in a contrasting Texas, to be seen by us interacting with each other. Wonderful. Be good to see more of both and more of Dr. Carter on Dr. Ramani’s channel.
WOOOHOOO! My two favourite clinicians. Between you both, you helped me stick in a Masters program and complete it, while surviving multiple narcissists. You helped me survive and thrive during the past 2 years while healing from a narcissistic marriage and family abuse. I start my new life as a preschool teacher tomorrow, and its thanks to your education and support. Big, big love from the bottom of my heart xxx (and hugs to Gus!)
Congratulations
I’m a suicide survivor and a narcissist survivor! I tried to escape the world that the ex had created for me. Even 18 years after the divorce- the trauma bond was intact. Then, my higher power stepped in. Diablo indeed!! God has helped me to recover! Now I live the life intended for me. Prayer does work! ❤ ~Em
2 years ago you (Dr. Les Carter) and Dr. Ramani Durvasula helped me a lot in saving my sanity, disillusioned about my dark empath malignant narcissistic father, strengthed me to slowly understand, digest, accept and stand on true reality. Thanks a lot for both of you.❤️♥️👍👏🙏🙂
So pleased!
Honestly, this video should be a YT highlight. You two are very valued in the community. Thank you both for doing this, as I've been waiting for this collaboration for years! I really enjoyed this video. The videos you both have provided has certainly helped me and countless others over the years. Thank you both for all of your work, your perspective, and encouragement in managing people with these difficult personalities.
So glad to finally see these two collaborating! They are the 2 who have helped me so much.
Thank God there isn't just one voice. Dr. Carter you have saved my life. You are also showing me that there are men in the world that are better❤️🙏
Thank you, Amanda.
The post abuse is very real. I've been no contact from my mother for the second time for 7 years now. It can be very difficult and isolating but you can still manage to live a great life. I'm blessed to have my husband supporting me now as he was used to hoover last time. He asserted boundaries and was told to "have a nice life" because they didn't like that he would do their bidding. These two professionals along with Dr Sherrie Campbell have really helped me in some very dark times in the last 7 years. I will be spending the rest of my life healing from the narcissistic abuse I have endured from both my parents (my father died 7 years ago after "disowning" me some 2 decades before his death). But I would rather be no contact than be in contact with my mother. It's the best decision I made for my own and my family's health and future. I completely understand that some are just not able to though.
A UA-cam dream team!
I love Dr. Ramini! Love you both for helping me on my journey to healing after a scary relationship!
My two favourite narcissist experts. I started with Dr. Carter and found Dr. Ramani. You’ve both been life savers ♥️🇨🇦
Thank you Dr Ramani and Dr Carter for your ongoing efforts to enhance the health and wellbeing of our human race. Appreciate the support . God bless you both. ❤
Dr. Les is a pure gentleman. Listening is time well-spent. Thank you.
Watching these two interact with each other was a delight. The mutual respect and humility reinforces my resolve to accept the things I cannot change, to change the things that I can and the wisdom to know the difference. Respect.
I left my spouse of 28 yrs and my sister sent him a birthday card say, remember I'm not the one that left you. Big eye opener. Thank you both.
Oh wow!!
Just wow!
Thought i was alone in being deceived by a narcissist friend for 50+ years and realizing my own sister is as well; incidentally my sis is now “besties” with my ex-friend. Tragically it hurts us the most until we recognize what’s happening. Now it’s like the sunshine has come out full force again in walking away. Thank you for your support of us out here shifting our lives away from these type of people.
what a valentine treat! my two favorite narc experts together! 💕
lol, I said the same exact thing!
I'm looking forward to this. Dr Ramani explains things so well with a nice humility that we could all learn from.
Exactly!
My 2 favorite psychologists. Thanks to both, you have much helped me!
My two favorite people, who opened my eyes and changed my life, and I'm sure for so many others as well. Thank you for your dedication and hard work.