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Always remember that each adult relationship you have in your life, exists only as a curtesy. If someone treats you like a piece of trash, even if they are a family member, throw them away knowing that eventually, they will throw you away. Regardless of a diagnosis, or a personality trait, you deserve to be treated with respect, dignity and fairness.
It was a shock when I watched a bunch of the series on narricism and realized that I had lived it for years. I saw the same thing happening with a good friend and tried to get her out of the relationship but I guess she's going to have to learn for herself or die trying. I give up. This jerk fits just about every description and behavior of a narcissist. Along with always having someone else waiting on the wings in case she actually does leave him. He's actually told her that he hasn't had a phone since before Christmas 2021, n thinks she is buying this BS. She's not. She found one phone he was using and he kept it in demo mode when she was around. Then she found his "Cat controls" on it.
Most underrated comment. Even with 100 likes. I love this. Both of my parents said “you can leave anyone, anytime, for any reason…even a “bad” one.” I’ve taken that with me, and though I don’t go around using ppl like paper cups, in fact the way I was raised-context is everything-I stayed in a miserable marriage with someone with NPD years longer than I should of. Guilt is such a strong force when children are involved-now they are a giant motivator as to why I go
Yeah but some of this is the flaw of being human because we were built for bonding and socializing and it still motivates a lot of what we do, a lot of people down play it now but historically it was a death sentence to just rely on yourself
Learning about narcissism as somebody who has survived a narcissist is literally therapeutic. It's like you get those missing puzzle pieces you didn't have before .
Sometimes it can be a really distant old loss, because they have recurring anger of being "cheated" of something or someone they absolutely felt entitled to
When you see narcissism in your friend’s partner, you could do what my friend did. She knew I have an interest in psychology, so she posted articles about narcissism and gaslighting on her Facebook page, knowing I would read them out of interest. After I saw the narcissism in my now ex I asked her if this is what she did and she admitted it. I am forever grateful that she did it in a way that wasn’t confrontational or accusatory and respected my intelligence
My mother before she died, would say her biggest accomplishment was raising three children who ended up being kind, giving, and empathic. In spite of none of us being financially "sucessful" which she would of loved, she realized she had been sucessful in the end!
Trust me, in todays world I would rather be with someone empathetic (has a heart) then someone who is rich (has a big wallet). Makes night and day difference in how they treat you.
I read this, and it breaks my heart, my mother who is still alive is n Narc. My brother (who is a Doctor) is her golden child, but me who is not anything spectacular but happy and caring (example i always buy bread for the homeless) is a failure, rebel, mean, and all out bad child. I cant take it anymore. It hurts me to a point where i want to cry with anger.
I met my first Narcissist after losing my husband to cancer at the age of 62. I couldn’t understand how anyone could act that way and tried with all of my heart to help him but, he tried to destroy my life! Stay away from these people period!
The words of one reply resonated with me. She said and I quote, " I couldn't understand..." STOP !🙅🎯 THAT'S A PRESENT, A RED FLAG 🎭🎁, that their is a mask that hasn't slipped yet on the other person. DA TA DA !
@@janetdiaz8916 Comigo e a sim povo conta comigo e com os Generais. Qualquer coisinha de um Tok Tok aus Generais pois a Constituição vai and e a Doze junto #🎯
I was aware of narcissism for a long time but literally nobody has ever explained it so perfectly and made me feel so validated in my experiences as Dr Ramani. She's a wonder. Thank you for this series!
Yes. If you have been narcissistically abused....you tolerate managers who are narcissists. Ugh. I have seen it in health care settings more than once.
Man my ex checks every box she is pure evil I felt it one time when I looked at her sitting there with this scowl on her face just disturbing to witness wtf!! No empathy she faked crying a couple times I mean really no lengths they won't go to just to manipulate and get u to do there bidding!! I saw her bs a long time ago problem is I kept allowing it so I feel like an idiot knowing but hoping she would change!! Kept bouncing in n out of my life like she's entitled to my apt and would come back like nothing happened with absolutely no accountability!! Also she one time faked like she wanted to have a kid with me, (she has one already) by saying she isn't on the mirana (form of birth control)no more but I knew she was full of shit but I played along lol just sick people man fr she even held me in when I was bout to well ya know that is fd up!! Also the gas lighting was getting so ridiculous n we would argue over everything cuz she liked it or something idk but toxic as hell!! She'd say all u wanna do is argue bout shit I said no I don't u just can't handle being told u did something wrong n that I don't like it called communication but they will just spin the shit out of everything n blame u also they love to switch the subject or act like they forgot all sorts of games!! Never thought I would be here 10byrs later worn down cuz of her n the drugs I did yo help cope!! She is nothing but pure evil sent by the devil to kill u or help destroy ur happiness!!
@@bmac85north Go "NO CONTACT" as much as you can, without compromising your role as a parent. I KNOW it's hard, but you CAN do it! I did it with four children and I made it! You have to STOP sleeping with them! THAT really messes you up! If they won't leave, then you leave! Separation IS necessary unless you want to continue living like this! Just saying... Been there done THAT for waaay too long! I'm free now! Living near the Beach like I ALWAYS wanted, WITHOUT the cycle of drama and misery... It IS possible one day at a time! I Pray for a peaceful new beginning for you and your child, Amen! Be Aware! Be Safe! Be Blessed! 💯🙏👆💖🔥💪🌴🌈🌅🕊️
@@darlenenorton793 thanks man I too may be going to a beach soon!! My cuz called me out of nowhere yesterday n said to go out to this sober living house in San Monica, CA but I'm not ready to go just yet I got issues golore going on my head is about to explode I'm homeless atm too so it would be gre t to get out of Michigan as well it's shitty out right now!!! I'm sitting here living in my car but this bitch got her new supply over at her apt she just got!! Thought I would be the first one in there to check it out normal shit right wrong only reason I knew she had a place finally was cuz I texted her wyd? N she replied celebrating smfh so I said wow really bitch u not gonna invite me of all people then have another man in there before me and around the kid that's crossing the fuckin line I'm through wit the bs for good! I've said this many times but this is fr no matter what I can never let her back in my life n it's hurts to have to do that but it will only hurt a hell of alot more if I don't!! Done letting her help ruin my life and I gotta get as far away from her as I can and Cali would be pretty damn far!! 😎✊
You have 25 years of experience to fully understand these details. This makes you much more effective and compassionate in helping others who haven't gone through that length of time.
Finally the light dawns. I have been in a narcissistic relationship for 30 years / 4 children. Protecting my partner from criticism but dealing with their self-centredness on a daily basis. Being criticised and belittled. Then left in the lurch and being stonewalled for two years. Money stolen. Lies told in separation "mediations" and to children. Yet stilling love them and protect them. I guess a form of Stockholm syndrome.
No, peeps, no. "Social awkwardness" is no good indicator you're safe either. My worst nightmare embodied into a human being was an awkward guy who looked so out of place and socially unable. A covert narcissist, that's what he came out to be. A sneaky, self victimizing bastard who tried to eat me from the inside out weaponizing my compassion. Nah nah nah.
Same here! The ex-no contact/blocked since 26JUN21..& 99.8% of our mutual "so- friends" He acted like he needed my help all the time..how to look/dress..how to act in certain situations..how to control his temper..in the beginning..how to speak to his Mom! ...etc! I became his enabler & co-dependant...not meaning to..but I did. God woke me up & removed/lifted the veil..) I will never become reliant on another person if I can help it! But see! I was contributing in other ways..the ex just always convienently forgot about all the things that I did to help out. At least I wasn't sitting down at a bar..messing around on him..like he was me..& blowing anywhere from $1200-$1400-$1600-over $2000 in the gambling machines & then coming home drunk & cussing me out for blowing all the money!!!
This is true! I married a guy who was different from all the other guys I’d dated prior to him. He was sweet, funny, and treated me tremendously nicely. He was not my type as far as looks goes but I married him for his personality. Turns out, that too was a no, no. I know now that I need to heal. I am in no shape to choose a spouse, and that’s okay. It’s okay to know both our strengths and weaknesses. From here, I just want to serve the Lord and help my children to do the same.
My ex was kind of similar; he portrayed himself as having terrible, abusive ex girlfriends, but I dropped him after finding he was secretly, frequently active on a "Find a Rich Older Woman" site, plus he'd ignore all my own social media posts but I found evidence that while I was in the shower or out of the room he was constantly clicking on huge breasted bimbos, like all day. It really hurt. I immediately ended it.
Yes and I think to add to that it’s also good to teach how to read other people when you are empathic so you don’t get taken advantage of used and so forth.
@@tulip811 I mean, of course? That’s kind of the point, narcissistic parents CANT really teach their children to care about others because they have no idea how to do it themselves…
i got OUT....I Didn't even realize I was being abused. I thought I was in a relationship with a person with lots of trauma and thats why all the UPS & DOWNS. The rollercoaster was never ending with a few sprinkles if good moments. My life was turned upside down but I am claiming it back and have gone ZERO CONTACT with all points of contact BLOCKED! AMEN
27 years of it, now recovering at 50. He committed suicide 2 years ago after I asked for a divorce. I finally stood my ground, noticed the pattern etc. This information confirms my situation. I tried to help him but lost myself. Thank you 🙏🏼
@@Positivity337 somebody who threatens to kill themselves or does that as a form of controlling others is abusive… that’s the whole point of this video.
My step-mom was cruel from day one. Narcissist. My Dad was her enabler. My step-brother was the golden child. I was the scapegoat, & my sisters were the flying monkeys. I'm grateful to know this now, so that I can heal and move on. I have some personality quirks, but I'm really working on them.
Your were Dorothy and now you now you see the Great Grandiose Wizard of OZ and how little and insecure he is..! It's great to finally see this and begin your healing and transformation. I feel for people that don't do the work and refuse to see this and stay in that mentality and cont generational patterns.. .
same here but parents opposite. my dad was the main narcissist. but my mom enabled him and also joined him. she followed suit. be your best friend one day cause they felt bad for the narcissistic outburst. or thats how it seemed. then days later back to it lol. they also used manipulation, emotional blackmail and gas lighting like no tomorrow. i for one just can not anymore 😂 they cause too many problems to be worth being around. they are like a timebomb in my life constantly ticking. and i was the scapegoat so not a damn thing i say or believe matters to them 😂 i could be an astronaut, president of the world, the richest person on earth and i think they would still place me beneath them to belittle in some way shape or form lol. as jordan peterson said. stop telling yourself things that make you weak. only tell yourself things that make you strong. i have no idea to what % my parents are right or wrong about me. maybe i an a pos in some ways lol. but who cares. i choose what i do and who i am and how i am. and as if they are in a position to judge 😂 very empowering to realize ultimately what they think does not matter. only what i think and choose to do. they can think im a giraffe. doesn't make it so 😂 and even if i was thats my choice to identify as a giraffe 🤣
I'm going through it as we speak with my mom. I went no contact with her a few years ago. And finally felt safe to drop a comment about her being abusive towards me as a child on social media. My siblings, the flying monkeys and the golden child, called me and texted me that I'm the one with a problem, that I'm awful for telling on my mom, that I'm ungrateful... My brother told me of everything I did wrong growing up as I was trying to cope, alcoholism and many mistakes... As if they are worse than what she did to me and my brother. I've finally tried to go to a doctor and I have Cptsd and at 33 still trying to cope with the abuse from having a narcissist as a mother. I hope and wish you all the good things in life. It'll come, but it takes a lot of work.
@@flisan4385 ive just gone through that , (im 58) the only thing to do is have zero contact , i tried for years to let family realise i was a ok person , im not in debt , im not a drinker (like my stepbrother) i have produced 6 kids with 3 differnet people like my sister , then 6 months ago i snapped and relaised i was just making it worse , i was near death with cancer last year and they couldnt show any real emotion they would just talk about anything else (like the fact the bulb went in my mums kithen, ? or that i hadnt cut my grass and what would the neigbours think? ) so i wrote to them and told them to stay away , ive had enough of their crap. its so relaxing not dealing with it , i came off social media as well and changed my phone number
I’m 57 an was never aware of Narcissism until a year ago. Couldn’t figure out what happened to my newly wedded husband. He turned into a demon. It was a friend who said he sounds like a narcissist, it was a light bulb 💡 moment for me. Though he was never diagnosed he meets all the criteria. So glad I kicked him out. It’s been peaceful ever since.
I was 51 and two people told me he sounded like one when I described things I was dealing with which I was baffled by. Unfortunately, if he is one, he's covert but I felt back then that he didn't match up to any of the traits I was reading so I dismissed it. Well, that was bc whenever I searched I was seeing things that described the grandiose type and he is nothing like that. Took awhile before I learned about different types. Even 3.5 years later I'm really confused...but whatever the label is, he's toxic and I have to accept that.
I'm 53 and just heard about narcissism until 3 days ago. I have been binge watching her videos. I always just thought the person was just toxic and mean. My whole life makes so much sense now. I broke the generational sin of this because I know it probably ran in the family and nobody did anything or thought, "This is just not right." Well it was not right to me and I didnt want my kids to have a relationship with me out of fear or obligation. I wanted a healthy relationship with my kids.
Sadly, if you're stuck with one like me, they know exactly what buttons to push to fully gaslight you. And rage becomes the result - theirs and yours if you respond.
My first Narcissist was my ex-Husband at age 35 and it was devastating. I’m so thankful that I had a good support system and that my Mother saw what I didn’t see because I was questioning reality. These Narcs/demons steal, kill, and destroy…They’re not going to change because it’s always someone else’s fault. While talking with my Chaplain, pastor, therapist, and Military Family Life Counselor, I started watching Dr. Ramani’s videos, learning about NPD, and seeking a peaceful resolution. The peaceful resolution was physically separating, setting boundaries, grey rocking, limiting contact, and finally going no contact. Guard your peace beautiful ones at all times.
I agree that empathy is an important thing to have, but at the same time, you have to be aware that people will try to take advantage of a kind and gentle natured person.
I have a sales job and I completely agree that you have to be a narcissist to be good at sales. My sales are always on the low side because I'm more concerned with looking out for the customer's long term well-being than manipulating them into buying something they don't need just to boost my numbers.
Look deeper, what your clients tell you isnt always the absolute. Guide them into making a wise decision but if they want to make a mistake that is a part of their growth. Other than financial suicide on the customers part you should make the sale. They would not be talking to you. I am 62 had the same thoughts when I was in my 30's
@@youvegotmail9385 we all have narcissistic tendencies because we are human and we have wants and needs. Also you might’ve just picked up the extreme traits due to being exposed or subjected to their treatment. Also just because you know you’re empathetic doesn’t mean you’re not just a narcissist in disguise. If you have empathy then you have enough sense to change the bad things.
Being with my ex narc for the past 6 yrs. made me observe this very pattern. I think they wanted to feel very important in a way that is disturbing. Instead of building trust with their intimate partners, they destroy the trust that they built with you (in that case lying when they tried to put you in their pedestal). Once they have a committed partner, they can’t stand being loved authentically by one person. Instead they go on and prey on other women that is susceptible to their love bombing. My ex narc was a compulsive pursuer in a relationship. He would go back and forth to the women he were involved before or try to meet women in complicated situation so that going public isn’t an option while having you as their main supply. In the end they destroy the very person that loved them. They are like toddlers testing your love for them. Showing and telling them you love them isn’t enough, they will cheat on your face to make you feel inadequate even if you are more than they deserve. They want to test your love for them so they keep hurting you and when you have enough of their abuse, you leave. Then they tell you, ‘you never loved me because you abandon me’. Well in fact it’s their actions and narcissistic behavior that made you leave or in other cases they discard you and will give silly reasons of the discard. Mine would use, ‘she’s crazy’, ‘she’s a nega-star’, ‘she insults me’, ‘she cheated on me’ et al. So with this pattern of infidelities and emotional abuse (who knows what else) it’s better to walk away. I did walk away and is now rebuilding my life with our daughter. We are struggling financially because I’m not earning enough to provide for my daughter but now we get to laugh and bring with us sunshine every day. No lies, no abuse and no fake love. We only live once, forgive yourself and move forward but never forget the lesson that narc abuse taught you. That is to respect yourself to walk away from what’s hurting and destroying you. That you deserve a life of solitude, happiness and love. Hugs*** :) Additionally I hired a private detective Metaspyhub@gmail. com. Once I knew what the narc was up to, it got easier to get over that lying, cheating, sack of doo doo, loser. I didn’t need closure from the narc, I paid for it. Best money I EVER spent!
😍A healthy awaken mom with such a big brave heart is the most pressious gift to a child! 🎉And your both laughter and happiness will attract more freedom and abbundance!!!☘🌺
I became a narcissist, being with one for 7 years, I conformed and hated myself for it because inherently I knew it was wrong, she gave me these narcistic traits and when she wanted to move on, the black belt bowled over the blue belt easily and left me a completely empty shell in a mental institution, it took me 7-8 yrs to recover enough to truly move on. We come out at the other side eventually and are far better at choosing friends, as you say, I now live again in the world of hugs, kindness and simple happiness, take care
You describe my husband too, thank you for sharing. I had no idea people like that existed, 10 years and 2 kids later, I fell down the rabbit hole of his lies and manipulation. ❤
@@poojas1 yeah , it’s bs. See , this ‘community’ of ‘empaths’ is nothing more than a bunch of borderlines and narcs . These cluster Bs come online and play the victim. Just like they do in real life
@@jondhoe7023 i agree that being raised by a narc causes narc traits. Have seen firsthand. Just so I can help someone who is unwilling to accept anything wrong despite glaring behaviour - could you pls help with how you started to accept that you were a narc, or how it effected others or needed therapy etc
Good for you!!! Really and truly - I married two in a row. First an actual psychopath, then my knight in shining armour who saved me??? Covert man-child. Two decades I cannot retrieve. I’m truly so happy for you! What a blessing
I broke up 2 weeks ago. Still living together so that's not easy but I'm so glad to have my future back and a chance to find a kind man. It's not easy to get a new flat right now but I'm looking forward to the day I get out for good.
@@mosquito8038 thank you for sharing. It’s amazing to me that in a couple, the personalities are actually polar opposites (usually under cover). Proof in that all you ask for in your future partner is a “kind man”. I see the humility in that and have so much respect for this humble request. Also, I can’t believe this has taken me so long (years and years) to realize/identify narcissism and gaslighting behavior and the impact. I simply thought that these people were very smart and had intelligent arguments and ways of thinking about things that I questioned the value of my own ways and understanding. I feel so much better and empowered with this new found knowledge to identify and fight the battles worth fighting. Good luck and God bless you in your journey to joy in your life. It’s going to be a good one. Take care
It’s a mistake to think that because they have no empathy they feel no emotions. That would be a psychopath. Narcissists are full of negative, miserable emotions. That’s why they need ‘supply’. It’s horrible to be the subject of narcissistic abuse but worse to be a failed narcissist. And they do fail.
I'm sorry loves, choose yourself. I'm currently at 4 years of no contact and developed so much trauma I actually got diagnosed with bpd (never met these criteria before in my life). Be very careful, and get out if you can, fight for yourself. I don't wish the suffer I go through on a day to day basis on anyone. I also got (C)PTSD, nightmares, chronic depression, anxiety. I cannot date. @@snoozyq9576
Leave. They are the ones hurting their inner child. He has a choice, save himself or ruin himself. These people betrayed themselves before they betrayed you.
I feel soooo much better because I literally focused so much on empathy with my daughter because my husband is so narcissistic and literally lacks empathy. I feel like I did something right now!!!
I knew Dr Ramani had experienced narcissistic abuse first hand. It's almost impossible for anyone who have not experienced narcissistic abuse to understand it so well. first hand experienced combined with education makes you one of the top therapist. Thank you Dr Ramani. through you and Dr Pete walker have taught me alot, gave me a voice and are helping millions ❤️
I tried to explain to my sister how the narc communicates. It’s way not normal. We were just sitting around. My narc went into the kitchen and loudly says, ‘who did this!! heavy huffing’. My sister and I looked up. This accomplishes the whole ‘I’m the star here’ statement. I looked at my sis and said…that was one. Why did he draw attention like that? It’s important to the narc that people think he’s perfect so he has to announce someone else screwed up. Everyone runs into a little mess sometimes. We just clean it up. It’s an accident, right? Not the narc….he needs to assert dominance and perfection. He’s now turned, what’s probably spilled milk, into a situation where he is the center of attention
I firmly believe in this: Gotta live it.. To give it. “In theory” is worthless next to “actual application” and first-hand, personal experience within the very specialty one endlessly seeks to master provides the ideal platform for top-shelf creators to be developed.. and how fortunate for the other side, yeah that side that houses the consumers who consume creator’s creations. (Wordy. I know. Trying to be succinct yet clearly challenged in capturing it. Still, the trying continues😝.) A big bundle of well-spent time with Dr. Ramani’s recorded findings has been invested by me and the returns have been nothing short of fantastic. Gratitude, Doc R!! Know without doubt your efforts have and will continue to grow in value.. it takes a village, right?? And your village is a place I call home. Mí casa es su casa, neighbor. One of these days it will be pretty darn great to make you the best cup of Joe and relish in the opportunity to learn from you directly. Martha Beck say’s (roughly) “dream big.. like WIG BIG” (WIG: Wildly Impossible Goals) and I believe the point is why the hell not when it’s a option to choose.. it’s truth that the fruit on the tippy top of the tree is by far the most delicious! This gig we are fortunate to have, this life to live is covertly (meant as a double entendre🙃) expeditious and too mellifluous to not cherish daily. Lastly, I believe in choosing to transform whatever isn’t serving the greater good by shifting the perspective and more specifically transforming narcissistic abuse/cptsd/energy vampire-ism residue into fuel for the newborn warrior to blaze a path toward greater enlightenment. Wordy. Still! I digress.. We can get better with time.. if we make time better used. I prefer to see it as a tremendous challenge rather than a hard hope to manifest. Challenge sparks intrigue, whereas hard upon being thought consumes energy as quickly as a boat consumes gasoline. Keep the faith and respect the process.. investing in these values caters to a life story that alienates shame and promotes profound gratitude. XO
@@leahflower9924 i'm sure you're👍 right&covert nrcissists will h@ve the tr@its & ch@r@cteristics of p@ssive @ggressiveness within their personlities God bless you 👍🍀🙏
@@evelina787 You mean that guy that may judge you, but whom you are not allowed to judge? The guy that is allknowing, allseing and allways right but calls you a sinner? That guy that threathens you with endless punishment if you dont obeye but calls it "Love". Your sad christian image of a god is the most severe narcissist ever and the spread of christianity and worshipping this asshole is the exact reason why there are so many N in this world. Tuck your "good bless" and tuck your god, mkay?
When it comes to narcissistic abuse, it's crucial to focus on understanding the dynamics of the abusive relationship and the impact it has on the victim, rather than making assumptions or generalizations about their behavior. Narcissistic abuse can have a profound and complex effect on victims, often leading to emotional trauma, low self-esteem, and a distorted sense of self-worth. It can erode trust, create feelings of isolation, and manipulate the victim's perception of reality. Some victims of narcissistic abuse may struggle with maintaining healthy boundaries, trusting others, or recognizing their own value. In some cases, individuals who have experienced narcissistic abuse may engage in behaviors that are out of character, including cheating or seeking validation outside the relationship. These behaviors can be a response to the emotional turmoil and manipulation they have endured. It's important to approach this with compassion and understand that these actions may stem from a desire for validation, escape, or a misguided attempt to regain a sense of control or self-worth. However, it's essential to note that not all victims of narcissistic abuse engage in infidelity or seek external validation. Each individual responds to abuse differently, and their actions may vary depending on their coping mechanisms, personal values, and circumstances. If you or someone you know has experienced narcissistic abuse, it is crucial to seek support from professionals such as therapists or counselors who specialize in trauma and relationship dynamics. They can provide guidance, healing strategies, and help rebuild a healthy sense of self-worth and trust. Remember, the effects of narcissistic abuse are complex, and the healing process is unique to each individual. Judgment and assumptions can hinder the understanding and support that victims need. Providing empathy, compassion, and access to appropriate resources can contribute to the healing journey and empower survivors to rebuild their lives. Additionally, If you need to find out about a cheating narcissist; send a request to: *Barryinvestigation@gmail. com* .
I left my narcissistic husband at the beginning of this year and I know that you are spot on with your take of why a person doesn't always recognise that they're in a relationship with a narcissist. Because of my childhood I was easy to manipulate and abuse because I felt I didn't deserve any better. With almost a year of pattern change group therapy and now weekly sessions with a psychotherapist I'm getting much better. I didn't think I would ever recover but I'm becoming a better version of my previous self because I see my family for who they are and I see him for who he is and I won't let anyone abuse me ever again!
Congratulations, time tries to fool one into thinking the bad times weren't that bad, but eventually we learn to put it down and not pick that up ever again
I am glad for you being out of that. Sadly, even people with high self-worth can get pulled in and beaten down. I’ve seen extremely confident strong people lose themselves to attrition.
Narcissism seems to be a pandemic! So sad! We have to do better at healing ourselves and begin to raise healthy children. Society will fall if we don't focus on mental health as a society!
I used to think that love could cure anything but it only fed my narc's enormous ego. It is important to be wise when dealing with a narcissist and I’m glad that cyberhackingsage helped cloned my wife’s phone. I got access to all her dealings both on phone and social media without touching her phone. I’m here in Nevada USA and able to access my wife’s phone with a cloned app even while she was away in the UK and cheating on me. All I did was share my wife’s phone number with cyberhackingsage and I was able to read both her new and deleted messages from my phone through a remote link to a programmed app containing cloned cell information without having to touch her phone. My wife was a cheating Narcissist and I’m glad to find out all her secrets and infidelity with the help of Gavin. My wife also tried to use this coronavirus outbreak as a means to get back to me but I’m not stupid enough to allow someone so toxic back into my life. I’m finally going through divorce with lots of evidence against her. I read all her deleted and recent chats on Whatsapp, Facebook and Instagram. Hacker Gavin also helped me in checking if my phone number is being hacked and he secured all my numbers from unauthorized access with a very powerful encryption software. You can contact this great hacker through his email cyberhackingsage@gmail•com and You can also call and text his Cellular number on +1(571)375-8467 and thank me later for this great information.
Dr. Ramani saved my life!! Her book gave me clarity to make the decision to walk away from a narcissistically abusive marriage. It’s been years now and I’m still listening to her. Love u doc!
There are many different signs. These include spending time on phone that was not spent previously, withholding sex from you, withdrawing in communication with you, agitation or anger over Petty stuff or making up situations to get angry or agitated over, lying, being secretive in any way, randomly spending more time caring for and pampering oneself such as putting on makeup or wearing cologne or coloring hair etc. Any type of changed behavior that is not aimed at pleasing or benefiting your relationship. With all of that though, follow your gut. your gut is telling you that something isn't right and it's telling you that this could or is happening, therefore listen to it. Just Free yourself from all of it! Run and don't look back. Go 100% no contact. The mental and emotional abuse is not okay at all! Do not bring anything up to her. Don't try to rationalize or have a conversation about anything. Don't let her know that you know she's in narcissist. All of that can cause a narcissistic rage. If you have not yet witnessed one of those just trust me that you don't want to! A narcissistic rage is beyond any rage I have ever seen or witnessed in my entire life. I am an army combat veteran and served front lines for a year and afghanistan. I have abuse going back from as long as I can remember, the first time in my personal memory is 2 years old. With everything I have been involved in, and my rape, other sexual abuse, their physical abuse, etc in narcissistic rage is by far the worst! If you need to contact your local police department and start a new contact order. No one can protect you like you can! free yourself from it all and move forward in your life. The minute you run and go no contact is the minute your life begins again. If need be seek out professional help. Therapy is the best thing I did for myself. The best gift I gave to me! The abuse is so deep and overwhelming that having a professional guide you through the steps of the healing process is extremely beneficial! Just remember, there is great strength in asking for help. There is great lack and strength or no strength at all in putting on a mask and hiding behind the opinions of society and pretending that you are okay! As human beings we all witness A Time In our lives where we are not okay! Those that heal, move past, and move forward, and have a brighter future are those who ask for help and do the work that is needed through the help! I'm so sorry you are going through this and I wish you the very best! Good luck! Always remember that you are stronger than you believe you are, you are worthy and deserving of better and always, and you are enough just the way you are and who you are today! Take this time for you! Get yourself again. Fix that meal that you're all time favorite, rent that movie you've been wanting to see, have a guys night out with your best friends, remodel a room in your home, go purchase that item you've been wanting to for so long, just do for yourself! Self-acceptance, self-love, and being able to forgive yourself is far more important than what anyone else can give to you! Believe in who you are! You deserve nothing less than that! You're not alone! Feel free to tag me in any other questions that you have! I'll help if I can. Additionally you can hire a cyber expert to help you get remote access to their phone so you can track them and monitor all of their activities without them knowing. You may locate the top cyber specialists locally at Digitalinvestigate@gmail. com, where you can engage a well-trained professional to assist you..........
If you need to call a doctor an attorney or a policeman it's time to exit a relationship safely. 🤐 We learn from experiences. Failure, losses and hardship. That creates resiliency. All humans are self centric in ways.
Our oldest son got involved with a narcissist. We saw signs, some family members did not like her immediately. As a mother, tried giving her a chance, but she lied on me to my son. It has been three years years since I've hugged him. He married her and she has convinced him to leave the church, his children, siblings and parents. Our hearts are broken, he was not raised in this manner. We are a close knit family and have gone no contact. Just do not understand how he could have been loved bombed by this evil person. Prayers everyday to God to bring him home. 🙏
Lovebombing and future faking is manipulation. That's pathology. Gaslighting is abuse. Healthy love does not correlate to abuse. Healthy relationships are based on equality mutuality and reciprocity. Many people choose someone based on the external. Narcissistic ideals. Adults choose their family and relationships. Relationships are a choice. Statistically most relationships fail- James Sexton
@@nancymelloh4222 I'm sorry about your son. It sounds like she has the power control and dominance in the marriage. There may be a point where he has realizations or the marriage will go south. I'm sending you hope 👃
The second hand smoke analogy is incredible! I’m in the process of leaving a narcissistic marriage. I am determined to break this generational curse and get back to living a life of peace and joy and safety. Thank you so much for this information! You are making a huge difference in the world! 🙏💜
I did it you can do it too. No more gaslighting making me feel crazy when they stop upsetting you they go for your children please leave for their sake too. Non engaging is so freeing and you take back your power.
I think, I’m a covert narcissist. Definitely learned from my mother, because I see so much of her in myself. But those that find themselves fitting in the narcissist and want to change, just know that you may never be 💯 from being one, but you can learn to become more self aware and it’ll come easier. Best of luck to you all.
None Ya; there's a thing called "catching fleas" which refers to non-narcissists that have been influenced by relationships with the narc/toxic person, and have taken up learned behaviors or attitudes of the toxic influences. It's human to be impressionable
I’m in the same situation as you but i like to think of myself as a nice person who learned some unhealthy habits to survive in that toxic environment. If you’re self-aware and are actively trying to change i don’t think you have full-blown npd.
I think being aware is a big step. I know so many people are not believers in God and his Son but I know what change took place in my life when I met my God and if you want to read your Bible with an open heart and get on your knees and pray sincerely to God daily for a change in your life He will answer and you will experience a change and greater than that others will see a change in you. That change will be everlasting. With that change in my heart I’ve been able to forgive my ex-husband and that is perhaps the greatest gift I’ve given to myself.
I love this comment section. Thank you all who are sharing. It can be so hard to find resources and communities of support in times of crisis while being a victim of a narcissistic relationship, whether it be platonic or romantic or parental. Me, I am stuck financially with a controlling narcissist who I already successfully left once but unfortunately my kindness and love for them let me give them a second chance after the seemingly “cured it”. And now I’m stuck. If you are currently about to leave or have left a narcissist….STAY GONE FROM THEM. they go even harder the second time around. Because now you have given up all the power, you went back. They see your kindness as weakness. Do not fall into the trap because the second time around they will be smart enough to pin you into a hole that is hard to get out of. If you are like me and have fallen into that hole, you can get out. But please take this doctor’s advice…leave quiet. Don’t let the narcissist get the idea that you’re preparing to save yourself from them. They will do everything they can to pin you down even harder. Play the game until it is safe for you to leave. But always ALWAYS stay ten toes down and don’t let the “good days” or “good memories” trick you.
I was with my late husband for 17-1/2 years .I have multiple autoimmmune conditions that seemed to be getting worse while I was with him. Including a rare allergic condition. It was getting worse until I found out why my LH acted the way he did. He had an entire different personality and life. He was dating many women, using drugs and stealing. After he died I felt better! I’ve the last year I’ve improved so much I feel like I have my life back.
Not here for you, Thanks for your story. Having had difficulties with people I learned this: Who are the most important people in your life? The people who aren't!
So glad you are doing better. I have been having Crohn’s flare ups and am sleeping constantly.. I am starting to think it’s cos of the environment I am.
I was in a marriage with a narcissist for 28years , and wasn't aware until it was too late. But I'm free of it now...praise God. Thank you for talking about this topic
You mean that guy that may judge you, but whom you are not allowed to judge? The guy that is allknowing, allseing and allways right but calls you a sinner all the time? That guy that threathens you with endless punishment if you dont obeye but calls it "Love". Your sad christian image of a god is the most severe narcissist ever and the spread of christianity and worshipping this asshole is the exact reason why there are so many N in this world.
Thank goodness that you were able to get out and move forward with your life! My dad stayed married to my malignant narcissist mother for 30 years bc of his beliefs. And at only 60, he died suddenly of a heart attack. I have *no* doubt that dealing with my mom's chaos and BS sent him to an early grave. The only thing I'm thankful for is that I happened to be visiting my parents house when he had his heart attack and, as traumatic & horrible as it was, I was the only one with him in his last moments bc I performing CPR on him. My mom ran screaming out of the room and left me to try and deal with it. Which I did of course bc my dad needed me and he and I had a wonderful, close relationship. Life is SO short! All my best to you in your future!
Number 1 you not mentioned: Need for control. That's defying narcististm. ( of course other like lack of empathy emotional immaturity,etc...But first is control. Easyest to recognise: how they react to conflict.
Have you ever realized narcissism is less about empathy and more about boundary setting? They have blurry boundaries so they project those same blurry boundaries on you. When you keep them out of the deepest circles of empathy and set them at least 20 circles out, suddenly narcissists are a bit easier to handle. I am so empathetic I can feel emotions across the room. When someone has strong emotions I feel them like waves washing over me from the outside. That empathy makes me a target. Without boundaries, I was a Lamb for Slaughter. Empathy is your focus in many lectures, but when raising children in a narcissistic society my focus is discernment, not empathy. I conceptualize the dark triad as stages of death of the human soul: the conscience dying while the outside is made more ornate. Also known as a white washed tomb. There is no end to the pain these people will inflict and the games they will play, because they suffered aggregious wounds and that part of them died while their body lived, or they were raised by someone who was dead inside. Something inside them knows a part of them is missing, but they cannot produce it themselves. They get it by feeding on others. Like vampires, their morality becomes self consumed with their own needs, desires, and impulses. Their neuroticism drives the ship. They leave broken souls in their wake as they keep people around like living blood bags to feed upon. They are no longer connected to others with healthy bonds, but trauma bonds, enmeshment, and codependancy. When you seek independence, personal strength, and set boundaries, you become less able to be manipulated. Breaking free is incredibly damaging, but it can be done. It is like escaping a cult. I've noticed our society is too obsessed with political correctness, hyper sensitivity, and reputation. These are the most preyed upon aspects by the narcissist to break the victim down and keep them trapped. Children sniff right through the lies, but adults scold them and tell them to defy their instincts and be kind to monsters. I decided to try something different. I do not break the will of my children. I teach them to understand their instincts and decide what is real and what is imagination. To See people by their results and decide how far to let them in based on those results. Not individual incidents, but multiple data points used to construct a better view of the person. To be cautious when their instincts say to be wary and save their compassion for situations where it will be recieved and will do the most good. When you sew goodness into a good person, you get goodness back. I teach them to be harmless as doves but wise as snakes. Make their results good, honorable, faithful, loving, kind, honest, and compassionate, while making sure the people closest to them are doing the same. Repeated exposure to lawlessness (breaking the social contract) makes the heart grow cold. They need to guard their heart above all things, because everything in life comes from it. I am less concerned about empathy, and more concerned about their wholesomeness, their light shining all the way to the end. That means their relationships need to add oil to their lamps not drain it out. I teach my children to fortify the doors to their heart. Don't build walls, but make sure those they allow to enter are worthy. Not perfect, but genuine and true. Being an adult means you can make and break bonds. My goal is that my children feel empowered to both love and disappoint. To both accept and deny access. That they can practice discernment without allowing the peer pressure of this world to drag them into abusive situations. That they are sheep amoung wolves, so they would be harmless as doves and wise as serpants. Thanks Dr. Romani. I got all this by listening and digesting your words over the past few years as I healed and turned my wounds into something useful.
Dr. Ramani has to be the best Therapist out there on narcissism. So much love for the work. You can feel her passion to help her clients as well as millions online. I am so glad that she found her voice and can share her wisdom with us all. Thank you to Red Table Talk for introducing her work. Most of my narcissistic clients have been to other therapists who have/had no clue that they are/were dealing with narcissism not depression. You would literally give those narcissists everything and yet it still would not be sufficient then you start questioning your expertise only to later realize that you were dealing with a narcissist. Thank you Dr. Ramani and Med Circle for all the good work.
That narcissist trick where they show or tell you they're vulnerable and make you feel sorry for them cause they suffered in life and they can't help their behavior...my first bot parents...I recognized I was copying the behavior early on and decided I did not want to be that way...I hope I succeeded.
This narc trick is called 'covert narcissism'. Ppl confuse this a lot b/c these folks use a victim mentality to make ppl fall for them or give them attention so they can control you THAT way. It's a very sly, sneaky manipulative tactic. This is why most ppl give them favors, space, control ultimately when it's all said and done. What makes it worse is how so many ppl react to these types of narcs by being naive and gullible and living in a fantasy bubble where they assume the best w/out digging deeper into seeing others for who they REALLY are. We tell ourselves lies b/c lies are comforting and helps us cope but they also destroy your life if you don't face them and handle them properly b4 it's too late. Most folks believe in lies all the way through their senior yrs and then it's too late to change and face the music.
Usually, by the time you learn the person is a "covert narcissist", you have already 'dealt' with them in one way or another. You cannot and will not recognize the person as a 'covert narcissist' just by looking at them or having casual interactions with them. You have to observe, listen, and understand what you SAW,what you HEARD, and WHY you SAW and HEARD that. Now don't that sound easy. The better question is how do you STOP 'dealing with' a covert narcissist once you understand what you SAW, what you HEARD, and WHY you SAW and HEARD that? The 'best way' to 'deal with a covert narcissist' is to STOP listening, STOP observing, STOP wondering WHY, and STOP having ANY interaction with them. If you MUST have interactions with them, limit the interactions as much as possible. No "hi, how are you doing", no "hi, I wish I had time to talk to you", no "hi, it's nice to see you", just "hi, hope you're doing well, I've got to run" or just "hi" and keep walking. If at all possible avoid ANY setting or situation where the narcissist or a 'flying monkey' can observe you or listen to you. 'Flying monkeys' are the narcissist's 'possessions'. Dealing with or interacting with anything or anybody the narcissist 'owns' is considered the same as 'dealing with' or interacting with the narcissist. The more you 'deal with' a covert narcissist, the more you will have to 'deal with'. Do not 'run' from a covert narcissist unless you can 'run' totally away from them. When you 'run' from a narcissist, it makes them feel powerful and important. They like that and will make a sport out of watching you 'run'. Once you 'learn' the person is a 'covert narcissist', you have to 'learn' to either 'covertly' avoid the hell out of them or 'overtly' have NO CONTACT with them and refuse to 'deal with' them. This all SOUNDS so simple and easy, but ask anybody who has ever "dealt with" one and they'll tell you it's one of hardest things they've ever 'dealt with'. Additionally, Metaspyhub@gmail. com is a company that is ideal if you need to be able to confront a cheating spouse because they have some of the most advanced features in the industry.
Today’s society absolutely does reward narcs. Especially in business. They are viewed as being able to get things done. Narcs carry themselves arrogantly and for whatever reason, people look up to them. If the companies would pay attention to how these people destroy their business over time due to how narcs treat people and will absolutely do whatever they have to to get ahead, they would NEVER put another narc in charge of Even a peanut gallery. Unfortunately, even when the whole company has people getting let go or fired for crazy reasons by the narc , employees at each other’s throats, the lies, manipulating to get what they want and on and on and on... companies STILL keep hiring them and putting them in management positions. For some reason, people are drawn to these very arrogant, entitled people. And THEN the first one hires other narcs and before you know it, there’s a narc swarming! Have witnessed this.
No truer words have been written! I've experienced this myself during my internship year. The narcissist nearly broke me, but I held on. Unfortunately though that wasn't my last experience. The industry I'm in, TV is a filthy, grungy, cesspool of narcissists. I'm trying to figure my way out of this hell.
I needed to hear this. I am going through narc abuse at work. The company is allowing these narcissists to push people around. I'm very depressed as it seems to be everywhere lately. The company I work for has a 150% turnover. Isn't that enough proof that the narcs are causing people to quit left and right? It's a revolving door at this very popular company.
@@lindaschultz7900 I worked at top level collection agency and also seen this but collecting A type like me with empathy made money. Be strong think of self and how special you are to survive and thrive. Andy
After watching this I am so in shock, majority of my family members have this personality disorder, that is why I feel so drained, feel like an outcast etc, Wow
@@pricilacortezoeur2654 You put a laugh in my soul and a smile to my face after considering how to move Forward. I've decided to do like you Pricila, I'm going to get Immune against them. Best idea I've heard all year.
My mother, sister brother.....all completely selfish, lying manipulative and "innocent" of it all. Everyone else has a problem but them. Very scary and devastating. I saw my mother turn into a monster, literally, possessed. I'm going to have to cut them all off for good and become immune! Great comment.
Great video, I was in a beautiful marriage before my now ex wife left me,i still love her and most times i cant stop thinking about her, i am doing my very best to get rid of the thought of her, but i just cant, i love her so much, i dont know why i am bring this here for, i cant stop thinking about her..
Min 41 - The narcissist says "I'm sorry you feel that way" as a response to the victim letting them know how they feel. I heard this for 4 years from my ex-GF! For 3 of those years, I accepted it as an apology. The word sorry is in the sentence. Slowly, it dawned on me that she wasn't actually saying she was taking responsibility for her behavior, truly apologizing, feeling empathetic, or going to take steps to make things right. Another phrase she used was "It sounds like a YOU problem." It just left me feeling awful that I brought it up and somehow to blame for any chaos that ensued. Ugh! When this came up, I honestly, screamed in recognition.
Same, my ex/sons mom loved to use both of those phrases heavily. I didn't realize until after recently, yrs after that relationship ended that she never actually apologized or took accountability
She REALLY is amazing. Nights I am able to sleep,I'm listening to her videos,my favorites on a playlist. When Im not able to sleep,I binge watch videos. She has given me HOPE ,for the first time in many years
I LOVE what you said about your main goal with your kids was to teach them to be empathetic. I was very focused on this in raising my children and often felt guilty because I was not pushing them to be super-achievers. I was surrounded by ‘super-achievers’ in my neighborhood. The kids on our block who were in enrichment classes were very snooty about their ‘high intelligence’ and others were proud of their expensive shoes and matching outfits. One neighborhood father never PLAYED basketball with his son - he harassed and criticized the poor kid till he cried every time they came over. Sometimes I felt like sending the dad home because he couldn’t play nice. I made sure my kids knew that basketball was a game, games are for playing and playing is for fun. When people are being mean to each other the ‘fun’ isn’t worth having.
Thats what i hate, when i want to go out and have fun even as an adult. People turn mean and ugly, and start being very judgemental and competitive that its not fun anymore until they know they made me feel really crappy!
The narcissist person I was looking after him. He was client. He said to me just before he got mad at me for breaking his figurine. Lol true. He said to me “ I am trying to not lie “. I knew then. The whole time I knew him. 24 hours per week. Was a total lie.
I have one of those he is a habitual and chronic liar on a daily basis even about little things example today I asked him if he put the tea bags in the tea container he said yes he did!!!however when I went to go grab the tea container it just had water no tea bags..Even though I just bought and cooked a fantastic dinner for him he appeared to be happy and grateful at the moment but then he does back door bullshit all the time repeatedly daily I am just now learning by these videos and I am so grateful for the Internet and these videos because I thought I was crazy I thought I was overreacting or thinking too much about things
Does anybody else have a narcissistic husband that completely and 100% refuses intimacy directly after having their first child the child now is 17 years old going to be 18 in two months I’m asking for a friend LOL not funny at all though please if anybody on here is going through this let me know thanks
this video has honestly helped me more than anything on youtube ever has and I'm 29. my dad is an extreme narcissist and even tho he broke my mom and I never really believed her, its all clicking in now. I've been a severe addict for the last 12 years, been to rehab a few times and really struggled to be sober. i am finally understanding where so much of my low confidence and self doubt is coming from and its very very sad to me to realize I've been letting this happen for so long. this video has made me realize I need to move out. my finances are absolutely ruined, and my dad thrives off that cuz he knows im stuck here with him. but I am now moving out in the next 2 months. i will be living in a closest and it is going to be incredibly hard to get by, but this video made me see that this is never going to change with me staying with him. its going to be relapse after relapse. he makes me feel so bad about myself all the time. he is 73 and cares more about his life than my future.
The pattern of narcissm seems to have been spawned in my family of origin by emotional trauma suffered by both sides. Narcissism played a huge role in my mother's and at least one sister's lives. It has taken me 70 years to understand this much. I am working hard to heal from CPTSD and I fear what else I may learn about my family... including myself.
Strength to you. I’m glad you’ve found labels, explanations, for some of the things that have plagued you for so long. I’m much younger, but learning about these things literally changed my life - for the better. Hopefully the same is true for you!
Thank u for sharing so honestly... I will turn 48 next week... am still single, frustrated in my career, wanted to be a psychologist but ended up doing plumbing instead like 3 generations of males before me, and really just beginning to break the ice on long-standing family trauma, pain and non-empathy... my mother passed away two years ago this past July (in some ways from a broken heart) and I like to think of this work as an ongoing tribute to her spirit 😳
I realized I was in an abusive relationship with a narcissist about a month ago. He passed away in 2021, so it took me over a year to come to that realization. My psychiatrist that I had been seeing for 4 years recently had a talk about it and she said that now that I realized it, I need to get on a path of self-awareness, self-discovered, and watch videos on UA-cam, read, listen to podcasts - understand it. Heal. Even if I'm still beating myself up over it, she knows me well enough that I will become like the phoenix rising from the ashes. All us victims have to be - and to all victims, I love you.
its the topic of our generation because we have finally determined this is a "pattern" but many don't have a way to classify or address it. Giving it a name is empowering. Thank you !
I can't thank you enough for providing free mental health treatment. You have helped me tremendously! Among a hundred other despicable narc behaviors my narc mother is currently threatening to kill herself if I go home to a different state. Everything you've said in a ton of videos I've watched multiple times is that I should go. I'm having anxiety attacks and I can't catch my breath but I'm still planning to go. Thank you again for your invaluable help.
Right when she said narcissism if you stand close enough to it you get sick. Wow that is how I have felt with my ex since I can't remember. They have this ability to throw their negative energy off their body in waves and it just hits you like a ton of bricks they don't even have to say anything. Like an evil emotional super power.
Yes well said they are evil and we need to keep labeling them as this they have a demon inside of them and that's why we feel physically sick! I felt this way around my mother and my ex I started having health problems because of it until I got away from them and then all my mysterious ailments left!
I have dealt with a sister whom I believe is a narcissist since being a child. It took me 72 years to realize what her bullying behavior was. What her cackling laugh towards me was.. Your videos/ podcasts have helped me tremendously. I finally demanded she leave my house. She went to live with her son and daughter in law who saw I was telling the truth. She was treating her daughter in law just like me.
Wow! I am 49 years old and just learned today (while speaking to a therapist), that many of my family members are narcissistic. It has cleared up so much and answered questions about events from the past that I couldn't figure out. She literally called my little sister out as a Narcissist when I told her that she had attempted to steal my sunglasses. I knew she had packed them in her luggage and I went to the bathroom and pretended to wash my hands. I knew it would give her time to return the glasses so there would not be any confrontation. Isn't this crazy. As her constant victim I was avoiding confronting her on the thievery.
Man, I remember telling my psychologist "How a person could be so cruel and just wrong and mean!" I couldn't just conceive it. And now I get that some people just have a serious disorder.
We can learn to understand them and how they got that way from childhood. Just know it’s not YOU if you are a caring empathetic person. We have to just stay clear of them because we and most psyche docs can’t fix them! God bless 🙏
I had malignant narcissist mother who destroyed whole families but I had compatriots and after leaving at 17 led joyful life away from her. Genetics factored in my son who had complete love and support from us and turned into malignant narcissist himself. A child growing up into narcissist, despite all of our love, and intentional care and support, is by far the greatest heartbreak of all.
@@Yarblocosifilitico no. This goes much deeper than 'tough love' will ever touch. He'll just move on to other people who are unaware, who he can manipulate and use. Narcissists fully believe they are better than everyone else and need no correction at all. Their externals often look that way, but they're not accountable for the cold destruction of others they did to achieve it. As with any other narc, the only answer is to walk away, heal your own heartbreak and find someone who has empathy. Narcs are dead inside.
@Day Sam Vaknin and Richard Grannon also alude to this and ultimate lack pf scientific knowledge about the brain to be able to determine genetic nature of psychological issues. Psycopathy does have, NPD may have. Parenting by NPD can produce both empaths and NPDs. Science not up to being able to tell why unless there is genetic component, like kids born to same parent, 1 with blonde, 1 with black hair. No one knows so still mucking about in the dark. Tough for those like me and my grandmothers stuck between 2 generations of these cruel types. Thanks, peace, take care.
@@paysonadams4597 Spot on! History clarifies and I remember all the friends he cruelly treated and discarded since he was 12and the. cruel things he would say about his "friends".Just never thought he would turn against me who had his back since he was born, who sacrificed everything for him. Only being dead inside can explain that.
Mental health issues have become increasingly prevalent in recent years, particularly among younger generations. It is important that we have experts like Dr. Ramani who can provide guidance and support to those who are struggling with mental health problems.
Since we might as well give up on meaningful weapon control, I think we owe it to the children that attend our schools, whatever amount of mental health care it takes for all age groups, to bring this horrible and embarrassing obsession to an end.
A large part of it better diagnosis. Like a REALLY large part. However, that's more an indictment of our previous stance on mental health and our attitudes towards kids. I'm not saying that to dismiss the very real uptick in issues being seen. That's another thing to do, I think with worsening socioeconomic prospects and, perversely, a cultural insistence that "you can do anything you want." With social media and reality TV fame that "seems" to be more true than ever, despite the fact that social mobility is down and wages have been stagnant for decades and life expectancy is actually falling in some places. Kids see all this and naturally get really fucking anxious as they try to reconcile the world they see (the subliminal information taken in all the time) with the world they're told about.
Actually these mental health issues have been around for a looooong time. It’s only now that it’s become normal to speak openly about the unhealthiness.
I just discovered this series. It is wonderful. Dr. Ramani is not just intelligent, but she is articulate to a finite point and easy to follow. The two of you are wonderful. Thank you!
I couldn't agree more! I raised my daughter to be compassionate with herself, first, and then everyone else. That does not mean mean she is a doormat, because you can teach your kids how to know the difference, but to be caring and kind-hearted. Doctor R,, thank you for being open about this topic.
I know narcissist who are. Succesful drs narcissists thrive in the work environment because. They are proud confident selfish and competitive.money gives them a sense of power
I’ve been with one for 20 years… I had no idea that what I was going through was actually abuse. I had a feeling it was but honestly he made me feel like I was going crazy. I had a heart attack two months ago and I’m only 52 years old. I have been praying for an answer, and God gave it to me, and I finally realizing what he is and taking steps to get away. Thank you so much for coming out and teaching us about this.
Yep they can make you ill. It’s the anxiety, stress, cortisol, adrenaline etc etc. Get away and don’t look back!!!! There is light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm so narcissistic but I'm one of the few people trying to change. Dr Ramani has been some of the painful chemo I've needed to become far more aware of some of my behaviours (and my partners') we've both changed positively due to me taking the first steps to improve our psychology. So if there are any other people out there that want to change you can, I've changed and I'm a much better father for studying all of this. I can't say I'm a virtuous beacon of light. But let's face it most people aren't even if they don't get to hold the badge of narcissist on their chest. I'm definitely happier and definitely better for it. Love UA-cam
That's beautiful that you know and you are trying to better your self for yourself and your partner and child , ☺️ I wish you all the best and most importantly never give up on your self or your family and treat others as you want to be treated .
I’m someone who didn’t have any close relationships with anyone narcissistic until my brother married one, and, it’s been pretty shocking and awful to me and other family members. I’m really glad to see someone with the self-reflection to acknowledge they have a problem and really try to do something about it. I hope you can stick with it. Your kids are going to be so much healthier and happier if you can. Good luck.
I don't fully understand this paradox. Are you actually a narcissist if you break the pattern or are you someone that sees an opportunity to be praised but will relapse once the praise from others turns into the day to day expectation? The weird part about it is also the way you paint it as "I'm not a beacon of light or anything BUT...". I don't think any of this has to do with being a beacon of anything. It's about not hurting and manipulating others around you. It's about being a normal, regulated human being. It's about being able to maintain relationships that don't have a self serving agenda. Nothing more or less than that. I do hope you are sincere for the sake of the people that truly care about your well being and for theirs as well.
This should be taught to children starting in elementary school. We can do that without using adult language and phrases, but it must be done early. By the time we are blind sided by an narc, and haven’t had the training to counter that behavior, it’s too late and the next step is to enter recovery from narcissistic abuse.
You are correct, but that would require the boys to be taught the selfish nature of female vanity. The projection, distraction and deception that is the female "survival" techniques that have been hidden from the males for centuries. But "believe all women", right? You're not as innocent as your pretty face portrays.
I lived with this for over 3 decades. I had no idea about narcissism . Once I started researching, I understood. It is one of the most unhealthiest way to live. Finding out it coincides with Bipolar and this just blows me away.
Empathy is something I teach my kids, I also have to make sure that it is enforced with self awareness of how people treat them. Making sure that how people treat them is enforced with being followed up with proper behaviour.
It’s so true that society reinforces narcissism and now we’re going into a post-narcissism time where we have to learn skills to deal with the hurtful behavior. I thought I was done with all that but just recently got sucked into a relationship with one and now trying to untangle once again. Thanks for the wonderful class!
@@jannekegerritsen9067 you’re so right. I wish people could just be happy. It seems like we have so many issues and sometimes it feels so frustrating to deal with!
Thankyou for believing as I do about having children who care about others ❤️🙋🙌 as being the greatest thing a parent can instill in their child(children)!!!🙌
Thank you for this video, it was so great and interesting. I was raised by a malignant narcissist mother..and until I was 40 years old and I went to see a therapist, I always thought my mom was *just* selfish, disrespectful and unsympathetic & lacked empathy. I asked her to come to a therapy session with me and of course she said "why?, I don't need any help..you do because you have no self esteem, care too much about other people around you and your just like your father (that's totally true and I'm so thankful for that!) My mom is now 82 and she's *still* behaving like she did from as long back as I can remember. And now that she's obsessed with loss of her looks and the basic ailments that come with age, she's *really* unhappy and in a constant state of panicking and misery. My wonderful dad stayed married to her for 30 years and became a workaholic..part was to provide a great life for all of us and the other part was to not have to deal with her ridiculous self centered tantrums when he got home after a 12-14 hour workday. I don't blame him at all for any of it..there's obviously a lot more to all of it I even encouraged him to divorce her when I was in high school bc of all of the chaos that she constantly caused..but bc of his beliefs, he chose to stay married to her and I don't have *one* shred of doubt that was the reason why he died suddenly/unexpectedly of a heart attack at only 60. I have one older brother who hasn't talked to her for 20 years. I have the most minimal contact I can with her-she lives in a senior apartment complex and has activities that keep her busy. So it's been okay.. In the last couple of years, she's begun to apologize for a lot of things from the past and bc of her behavior and actions(which involved stealing from a family trust in which she didn't honor any of my dad's wishes for my brother and I) and instead used it to travel the world etc. However, in true narcissistic fashion, she doesn't concede to any of that-she just complains that she should have a better life now(which means people waiting on her 24/7) And the irony is that IF she HAD in fact followed everything that was set up for ALL of us, she would be in a REALLY great place financially wise. Of course, she's FAR from any needs or discomfort.. BUT she just wants *more!* It's ironic because at 82 years old, she's FINALLY realizing that her actions and behaviors are what led her to not having any real friends nor having a relationship with her son or her only 2 granddaughters. I see a therapist and a psychiatrist who are excellent. I understand that it's an ongoing process. I'm *SO* thankful for the knowledge that I was a great kid/adolescent who was capable of doing many more good things with my life. But unfortunately, I had the *huge* disadvantage of having a malignant narcissist mother.
#MeToo How many times my mother has said to me with disdain, “You’re just like your father”. She didn’t realize that I took that as a compliment because I did NOT want to be like her at all. My mother is 73 years old and suffering the same fate. It’s sad. I’m glad that you have found healing.
The pain of a highly sensitive person: you see narcissist's bad behaviour, but you empathise them because of their childhood trauma, and you can even think you can heal all that by being a "good" close person. But then comes the reality. And even if they realise what they are doing is wrong and say they want to change, can it all outweigh the pain they give us?.. that's the question.
Dr. Ramani has literally saved my mental life in terms of time spent trying to figure out patterns and how to value them over words. It is literally text book. Once you get it, you can spot it a mile away. Even though we cannot fix or change situations we do have the ability to either manage them, or leave them. Thank you so very much Dr. Ramani, for you have given me direction to research study and complete my psychology degree so that I can better assist the empathic mindsets in our world. You are a paragon and I value you so many times fold. I just want you to know how much you are truly appreciated by I can imagine many out there. I for one feel more comfortable and confident to be able to establish healthy boundaries without the guilt.
That right there is what got me to stay for way to long... I believed the words over the behavior over and over. Ugh. It's embarrassing and when others ask me how I could have possibly gone that long and not left, it doesn't help. I tried to figure out I could change to stay in the relationship even though I knew there was something wrong with him, like a child trying to figure out how to survive the abusive home. I guess I had a head start on learning how to be in abusive relationships.
@@karenstrode9636 they will never change. I tried everything I could think of, even tried counseling to find a way to be able to live with him and be ok, nothing is ever enough, ever. Wasted 25 years and most of my strength trying to make it work, loving him while he treated me like garbage unless he was trying to get something from me or impress present company. It's a sick way of living.
I swear I thought I was losing it, trying to figure out my coworker. I had NEVER met anyone like her. Never. I'm 49, too. I stumbled upon one of your videos about people who lack empathy. Then, I realized that a narcissist was MUCH deeper than them loving their outward appearance. I had no idea how deep this was! I understand so much more about what I have to deal with at work, now. It has really helped me understand how to create boundaries and stand my ground. I don't like being "too agreeable" anymore around this one person. It has caused me so much confusion and doubts about myself. I am just NOW figuring out that this coworker of 7 years actually has NPD. Everything you talk about makes me understand this so much more. I am finding it easier to deal with, knowing all of this information you kindly share! Thank you so much, Dr. Ramani! You are helping so many people!
The emptiness. I’ve looked into the eyes of my narcissist and there really is nothing there. I struggled for years wondering if I’m the narc and maybe they weren’t really narcissistic? But that one line about the emptiness puts it in a nutshell. I’d recognise it if I saw it again.
Yea I had to question myself too. Like I was on the verge of suicide and my ex told me it wouldn’t make a difference to him anyways because I am dead to him anyways. He’s mad at me because I kept the car and I have his stuff. Which is offered several times to give back but he refused.
What she said about being a shell of yourself and some of the conversation following that statement resonated so much with me. When I left the narcissist I was with I always said I was a shell of my former (and current) self. I thought I had a laundry list of problems that “I” needed to work on. I’m not exaggerating when I say I used a special kind of deodorant, special kind of soap, wore certain clothes, ate certain foods, ordered drinks without alcohol, took medicine for sleep, and used strips for snoring all because the narc convinced me that I needed work on all of those things. I had none of those issues! I don’t snore, no out of the norm odor problem, no alcoholism, etc. It was enlightening when I met my now husband who encouraged me to be the real me and found my quirks to be “cute.” 🥰
Thanks to her I was able to put a name to the monster that tormented me for over 20 years. Once I learned from Dr Ramini I followed her religiously. He never beat me at his game. It was game over for him and I owe it all to the Doc!
From a mum to a mum. Kindness, compassion and empathy is in our core……. It’s refreshing to see. Something our beautiful world and souls need more of. Spread the love ❤ worldwide
Dr. Ramani, I just wanted to say thank you for doing this work. I am an empath who has been affected by narcissistic abuse. I don't choose the word victim because to me it makes me sound weak and knowingly accepting of the behavior of the narsasists who have affected me and that is not the case. I stood up and left every narcissist in my life except the one who is a close family member and who is suffering a second bought of cancer with no one else to help, but i see myself as a visiting caretaker and i see this person as a client. I have chosen to emotionally devorce myself from them. I choose kindness towards this person because i am kind and i am caring and i am not letting them change that about me. The worst thing narcisists do to their supply is change them at the core of who they are, im not letting that happen. I have my own conscious to answer to any showing kindness is what I need to do. Having that said, you are truly a light shining directly on one of the darkest parts of the human experience and the work you are doing is priceless.
I am still in contact with my narcissist which a close family member. This education has been enlightening and has explained so much to me. Knowledge is power. I already detached emotionally and I have been much happier not being sucked into the drama and do not allow myself to be dumped on. I live out of state from the family member but I "choose" to call weekly to show love and kindness as well. I know when the time comes if I need to cut ties that I will and will have no guilt. It's quite freeing.
@@yvettebennett6170 I think no contact has to happen in stages, I still struggle with my guilt, and as I begin to heal I still struggle with thinking my healthy thoughts and boundaries are selfish. I find that no matter if I'm around my narcissist or not, I'm still struggling to make choices based on what I want for myself and not how they will react
@@allisonharranmua8193 I am sorry you still struggle with this. I am 53 and it has taken me a long time to get to where I am at today. I knew my family member was mean and toxic and my husband told her that she will never be able to come into my house and treat me the way she did so many years ago. This has gone on my whole life so I have already been setting boundaries and have checked out emotionally in the relationship. I have already cut off ties for months at a time and they were some of the most freeing and happy times. Not having to deal with her at all. There is no gradual with my family member. It also helps I no longer live in the same state but I did not talk to her for about 6 months to a year when I lived only 10 minutes away from her. You are important. I use to feel guilt but as I get older, I just dont have time for these kinds of people.
I am INFJ and tend to be very low-key about my achievements and intelligence to the point that a lot of people treat me like I'm incompetent. While I don't think every one of these people are narcissists, there are definitely some in the mix. What has been equally stressful about that is encountering enablers who don't understand NPD and cannot tell when someone is being incredibly manipulative and insincere.
I’m so relieved to hear her say empathy is #1 for her children. We’ve lost that so much it’s been so concerning to me even as a child. I’m now in the healthcare field and i myself struggle because of burnout and what not. So many people are selfish, non-compliant, want everything now, it’s SO HARD to continue to stay in this field and not think negatively so much.
I have been following your talks for quite a while now. I had been gaslighted into believing that I was a dumb person with only book learning, no sympathetic traits, brash, without judgement, apart from living through verbal, emotional, financial and physical abuse! It's only after hearing your talks I realized that I had been dealing all through my life (I am 70) with 5 narcissists(overt and covert). There's nothing on earth wrong with me! Hallelujah!
I think we really need to have a lot more concern about the victims of these predators and the incredible amount of damage they do to them, especially if you have a Malignant Narcissist as a mother and she has turned your siblings against you. These are the people society and the so called mental health professionals need to be educated about and concentrate on. These are the people we need to be studied!!! These are the ones who need to be forefront in the hearts and minds of the "helpers". So much has been said about these monsters and who they are. I hear very little about the damage they do, especially if your Narcissist is your mother. What does the damage look like, how does it affect your life. This is what needs to be studied. These are the people that truly need help.
They are often drawn into the very professions that one would expect to help survivors. They do so much more damage. They may be credentialed but not qualified to treat this specific kind of trauma victims. Few have the heart or mind like Dr. Ramani. There are entire counseling centers with like minded employees, that ultimately feed the beast your life force
Yes. I agree. We definitely need longevity studies done on the impact of the children in these dynamics. Especially the kids of divorce, forced, or living the almost mandatory 50 50 custody in our family courts. I don't agree that children do better with both parents being a part of their life....NO!! Its actually teaching them disregulation, and how to be manipulative, it's actually asking them to almost have to split their personality, and be different people at each house hold, especially during critical developmental stages, it's absolutely horrifying to me. Granted, this is JUST my opinion, based off my personal experience, and I sure don't mean to generalize... But I believe to my bones, that there is a huge truth..and am on to something here. I so don't want to sound like an arrogant prig..and am not a psychologist, but, there has to be some merit to this theory Because, my,
What is most confusing is how the narcissist pretends to be the victim/empath and that base is one they often believe. Trauma can make a narcissist and that trauma is their ongoing bait for supply and ongoing excuse for their lack of introspective behavior. Regardless of why someone is a narcissist the one thing that connects them all is their inability to self reflect or have the HUMAN desire to not hurt others. It’s all about how they are being hurt and even if they go to therapy it’s not to improve themselves and what they’re doing to other people it is to gain supply
My malignant narcissist boss also seems to enjoy pestering me. Fortunately there is another boss above him, who seems to realize that the "smaller boss" is crossing the line.
2:09 why it resonates 7:08 Ramani’s work 9:45 changing? 10:30 their emptiness 11:51 NPD 16:07 self confidence 18:21 co occurring disorders 23:31 grandiose 24:11 covert/vulnerable 27:49 benign narc 30:11 lens of patterns 30:58 set goals 31:23 no empathy 31:52 no intimacy 32:33 core insecurity 33:02 how it’s caused 39:26 why they can’t change 49:03 signs 53:49 how early to know 55:30 questions to ask 57:46 if you’re stuck with one 59:41 not realizing abuse 1:00:50 which relationships worst 1:02:19 what triggers abuse 1:03:15 abuse starts right away 1:04:26 prevention 1:05:44 romantic relationship abuse 1:08:34 coworker 1:12:10 help a friend 1:15:00 hope and helpless 1:15:57 can’t change 1:24:31 get them to leave
I just graduated out of a 14 yr marriage with a malignant/toxic narcissist. I did it by growing into a person with boundaries and self respect. Jesus gets all the credit for my growth and graduation because He taught me my value inspite of my ex's devaluing and gaslighting. He was like the concrete covering the soil, and Jesus gave me the rain and sunshine I needed to burst through the crack and bloom anyway! Now I'm free indeed, praise God forever!!!
Empathy is the one thing I've ALWAYS tried to instill in my kids. My oldest is 10 now, and I'm happy to say that she is the most empathetic loving kind understanding and just such a good child. I find that what really really helps was anytime she did a behavior I would want to correct, I would ask her to put herself in the other person's shoes, and how would it feel, not how would you like it if, but how would you feel if this had happened to you? and I let her think about it and come to the conclusion that she wouldn't be very happy. so the behavior would get corrected and she never do it again. because she understood what the other person felt and why that wasn't nice and she got it. I also always tell her that her feelings are her feelings, nobody and I mean nobody not even mommy not Daddy not anybody, can tell her that what she's feeling is incorrect or wrong or make her feel bad for the way she feels about something , because her feelings are her feelings and she's the only person on this planet that gets to decide how she feels at any given time. even if that's different from how Mommy feels about something I always tell her that that's okay because Mommy and her are different people so mommy and her are going to have different feelings towards different things and that's okay. she also knows that she can always tell me the truth about her feelings because Mommy will listen to her feelings always and never get mad at her for the way she feels. We also compliment her on her traits more than her beauty. She is definitely a beautiful girl, and she does hear that from us, but when she hears more is how smart she is how kind she is how loving she is how understanding she is how empathetic she is and I found that that really helps too don't compliment just on their looks or on their accomplishments but on the good traits that are in their heart their soul who they are like her compassion
That's a good thing to do, some children need it, most would benefit from it, but honestly a true narcissist doesn't have the capacity to learn and there are those who had the most awful upbringing and recieved none of the guidance you provided, and yet they have a profound capacity for empathy. It's nature and nurture.
@@nataliebutler very true! I'm glad my daughter seems to have been born with a huge empathic ability, and I just hope that I can help her grow into the woman I know she will be one day. And if I'm lucky ill do so in a healthy way, that helps her create and foster the self-esteem and self love that I am still unable to have for myself.
@@HarleyQ604 we give ourselves our self esteem at 7 years old then spend the rest of our lives trying to protect it or build on it, or resolve things which made it low. this is a bit crazy really because its like running an adult body with a childrens 'script' , i realised that we can scrub out this childish script which usually says 'Im no good,' to one which says 'im a decent human being and i have as much right to be here as everyone else' Im not perfect but i dont have to be. you sound like a great mum.
Having a narcissistic sibling doesn't only have the effect of "not having a confidante," it can sorely damage one's identity, manifestation, confidence, personality. The narc sib's constant gaslighting, competitive domination attempts, triangulation, shunning, dissing--all take their toll. The recipient sibling of this behavior gets the message that it's not okay to fully express their own competencies and gifts because they are always perceived as a competetive threat by the narc sibling.
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The end here is missing 1:24:30
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@@matej1987 ppppppppppp1¹pppppp
This sounds like Johnny Depp🥵
Always remember that each adult relationship you have in your life, exists only as a curtesy. If someone treats you like a piece of trash, even if they are a family member, throw them away knowing that eventually, they will throw you away. Regardless of a diagnosis, or a personality trait, you deserve to be treated with respect, dignity and fairness.
It was a shock when I watched a bunch of the series on narricism and realized that I had lived it for years. I saw the same thing happening with a good friend and tried to get her out of the relationship but I guess she's going to have to learn for herself or die trying. I give up. This jerk fits just about every description and behavior of a narcissist. Along with always having someone else waiting on the wings in case she actually does leave him. He's actually told her that he hasn't had a phone since before Christmas 2021, n thinks she is buying this BS. She's not. She found one phone he was using and he kept it in demo mode when she was around. Then she found his "Cat controls" on it.
The ice age is over
Ele Ficou Furioso de eu ter votado fora a Abortion 😌🤰🤱#
Most underrated comment. Even with 100 likes. I love this. Both of my parents said “you can leave anyone, anytime, for any reason…even a “bad” one.” I’ve taken that with me, and though I don’t go around using ppl like paper cups, in fact the way I was raised-context is everything-I stayed in a miserable marriage with someone with NPD years longer than I should of. Guilt is such a strong force when children are involved-now they are a giant motivator as to why I go
Yeah but some of this is the flaw of being human because we were built for bonding and socializing and it still motivates a lot of what we do, a lot of people down play it now but historically it was a death sentence to just rely on yourself
Learning about narcissism as somebody who has survived a narcissist is literally therapeutic. It's like you get those missing puzzle pieces you didn't have before .
It's helped me so much to understand it. It's helped me not be suicidal about it
Sometimes it can be a really distant old loss, because they have recurring anger of being "cheated" of something or someone they absolutely felt entitled to
It builds a good defence against it
Exactly. Im sitting here like wow…thats why she did that!
This talk is keeping me from losing my mind, right now
When you see narcissism in your friend’s partner, you could do what my friend did. She knew I have an interest in psychology, so she posted articles about narcissism and gaslighting on her Facebook page, knowing I would read them out of interest. After I saw the narcissism in my now ex I asked her if this is what she did and she admitted it. I am forever grateful that she did it in a way that wasn’t confrontational or accusatory and respected my intelligence
Wow she seems to be a good friend 😍
@@minajdm4343 She really is
Now THAT is a FRIEND.❤
That is a good friend
@@fareladee5970 agreed
My mother before she died, would say her biggest accomplishment was raising three children who ended up being kind, giving, and empathic. In spite of none of us being financially "sucessful" which she would of loved, she realized she had been sucessful in the end!
Trust me, in todays world I would rather be with someone empathetic (has a heart) then someone who is rich (has a big wallet). Makes night and day difference in how they treat you.
I read this, and it breaks my heart, my mother who is still alive is n Narc. My brother (who is a Doctor) is her golden child, but me who is not anything spectacular but happy and caring (example i always buy bread for the homeless) is a failure, rebel, mean, and all out bad child. I cant take it anymore. It hurts me to a point where i want to cry with anger.
I met my first Narcissist after losing my husband to cancer at the age of 62. I couldn’t understand how anyone could act that way and tried with all of my heart to help him but, he tried to destroy my life! Stay away from these people period!
Shoulds extremely accurate. Smh
The words of one reply resonated with me. She said and I quote, " I couldn't understand..." STOP !🙅🎯 THAT'S A PRESENT, A RED FLAG 🎭🎁, that their is a mask that hasn't slipped yet on the other person. DA TA DA !
Just like my ex and she’s currently trying to destroy me.
So true. They want you broke and helpless so you can't leave them. I am very sorry you had to go through this.
@@janetdiaz8916 Comigo e a sim povo conta comigo e com os Generais. Qualquer coisinha de um Tok Tok aus Generais pois a Constituição vai and e a Doze junto #🎯
I was aware of narcissism for a long time but literally nobody has ever explained it so perfectly and made me feel so validated in my experiences as Dr Ramani. She's a wonder. Thank you for this series!
We're so glad you found it helpful!!
Yes. If you have been narcissistically abused....you tolerate managers who are narcissists. Ugh. I have seen it in health care settings more than once.
Ditto
@@OrryaKim by Dr
@@sueshe8986 \
7 key characteristics of a narcissist:
1) Lack of empathy
2) Entitlement
3) Grandiosity
4) Superficiality
5) Constant seeking of praise
6) Tendency to rage
7) Arrogance
Additiional:
8) Jealousy/Envy
9) Sadistic - derives pleasure from other people’s pain
10) Engages in gaslighting
11) Projection of their faults onto other
12) Lying
13) Cheating
14) Controlling/Manipulative
MY ex husband! Ex's are ex's for a reason! ALSO my father was a covert and my mother was a overt narc...No wonder 🤔
Man my ex checks every box she is pure evil I felt it one time when I looked at her sitting there with this scowl on her face just disturbing to witness wtf!! No empathy she faked crying a couple times I mean really no lengths they won't go to just to manipulate and get u to do there bidding!! I saw her bs a long time ago problem is I kept allowing it so I feel like an idiot knowing but hoping she would change!! Kept bouncing in n out of my life like she's entitled to my apt and would come back like nothing happened with absolutely no accountability!! Also she one time faked like she wanted to have a kid with me, (she has one already) by saying she isn't on the mirana (form of birth control)no more but I knew she was full of shit but I played along lol just sick people man fr she even held me in when I was bout to well ya know that is fd up!! Also the gas lighting was getting so ridiculous n we would argue over everything cuz she liked it or something idk but toxic as hell!! She'd say all u wanna do is argue bout shit I said no I don't u just can't handle being told u did something wrong n that I don't like it called communication but they will just spin the shit out of everything n blame u also they love to switch the subject or act like they forgot all sorts of games!! Never thought I would be here 10byrs later worn down cuz of her n the drugs I did yo help cope!! She is nothing but pure evil sent by the devil to kill u or help destroy ur happiness!!
and inability to take responsibility and accountability for most anything.
@@bmac85north Go "NO CONTACT" as much as you can, without compromising your role as a parent. I KNOW it's hard, but you CAN do it! I did it with four children and I made it! You have to STOP sleeping with them! THAT really messes you up! If they won't leave, then you leave! Separation IS necessary unless you want to continue living like this! Just saying... Been there done THAT for waaay too long! I'm free now! Living near the Beach like I ALWAYS wanted, WITHOUT the cycle of drama and misery... It IS possible one day at a time! I Pray for a peaceful new beginning for you and your child, Amen! Be Aware! Be Safe! Be Blessed! 💯🙏👆💖🔥💪🌴🌈🌅🕊️
@@darlenenorton793 thanks man I too may be going to a beach soon!! My cuz called me out of nowhere yesterday n said to go out to this sober living house in San Monica, CA but I'm not ready to go just yet I got issues golore going on my head is about to explode I'm homeless atm too so it would be gre t to get out of Michigan as well it's shitty out right now!!! I'm sitting here living in my car but this bitch got her new supply over at her apt she just got!! Thought I would be the first one in there to check it out normal shit right wrong only reason I knew she had a place finally was cuz I texted her wyd? N she replied celebrating smfh so I said wow really bitch u not gonna invite me of all people then have another man in there before me and around the kid that's crossing the fuckin line I'm through wit the bs for good! I've said this many times but this is fr no matter what I can never let her back in my life n it's hurts to have to do that but it will only hurt a hell of alot more if I don't!! Done letting her help ruin my life and I gotta get as far away from her as I can and Cali would be pretty damn far!! 😎✊
I wish I had watched this video 28 yrs ago. It would have saved me 25 years of misery. Thank you for creating this excellent interview.
AGREEEEEE.. We have help now.. I RECOVERED IN 5 MONTHS.. I DID INTENSE WORK!
Fantastic! At least I can tell my kids (when they are older) to avoid borderlines and narcissistic PDs. @@almohvn33
You have 25 years of experience to fully understand these details. This makes you much more effective and compassionate in helping others who haven't gone through that length of time.
21 years 4 children effcted.. slowly the healing begins
Finally the light dawns. I have been in a narcissistic relationship for 30 years / 4 children. Protecting my partner from criticism but dealing with their self-centredness on a daily basis. Being criticised and belittled. Then left in the lurch and being stonewalled for two years. Money stolen. Lies told in separation "mediations" and to children. Yet stilling love them and protect them. I guess a form of Stockholm syndrome.
No, peeps, no. "Social awkwardness" is no good indicator you're safe either. My worst nightmare embodied into a human being was an awkward guy who looked so out of place and socially unable. A covert narcissist, that's what he came out to be. A sneaky, self victimizing bastard who tried to eat me from the inside out weaponizing my compassion. Nah nah nah.
Same thing happened to me.
Same here!
The ex-no contact/blocked since 26JUN21..& 99.8% of our mutual "so- friends" He acted like he needed my help all the time..how to look/dress..how to act in certain situations..how to control his temper..in the beginning..how to speak to his Mom! ...etc! I became his enabler & co-dependant...not meaning to..but I did. God woke me up & removed/lifted the veil..)
I will never become reliant on another person if I can help it!
But see! I was contributing in other ways..the ex just always convienently forgot about all the things that I did to help out.
At least I wasn't sitting down at a bar..messing around on him..like he was me..& blowing anywhere from $1200-$1400-$1600-over $2000 in the gambling machines & then coming home drunk & cussing me out for blowing all the money!!!
Same
This is true! I married a guy who was different from all the other guys I’d dated prior to him. He was sweet, funny, and treated me tremendously nicely. He was not my type as far as looks goes but I married him for his personality. Turns out, that too was a no, no.
I know now that I need to heal. I am in no shape to choose a spouse, and that’s okay. It’s okay to know both our strengths and weaknesses. From here, I just want to serve the Lord and help my children to do the same.
My ex was kind of similar; he portrayed himself as having terrible, abusive ex girlfriends, but I dropped him after finding he was secretly, frequently active on a "Find a Rich Older Woman" site, plus he'd ignore all my own social media posts but I found evidence that while I was in the shower or out of the room he was constantly clicking on huge breasted bimbos, like all day. It really hurt. I immediately ended it.
I have said my whole adult life, the MOST important thing to do as a parent is to teach your kids to be empathetic and care about other people!
Yes and I think to add to that it’s also good to teach how to read other people when you are empathic so you don’t get taken advantage of used and so forth.
Would be helpful if you're parent cared about you too😂
@@tulip811 I mean, of course? That’s kind of the point, narcissistic parents CANT really teach their children to care about others because they have no idea how to do it themselves…
Amen
Including animals.
i got OUT....I Didn't even realize I was being abused. I thought I was in a relationship with a person with lots of trauma and thats why all the UPS & DOWNS. The rollercoaster was never ending with a few sprinkles if good moments. My life was turned upside down but I am claiming it back and have gone ZERO CONTACT with all points of contact BLOCKED! AMEN
Congrats
27 years of it, now recovering at 50. He committed suicide 2 years ago after I asked for a divorce. I finally stood my ground, noticed the pattern etc. This information confirms my situation. I tried to help him but lost myself. Thank you 🙏🏼
damn you killed him
@@Positivity337do we have a little covert here? Just remember how many people they hurt for years so maybe they deserve retribution.
@@Positivity337is definitely a covert
@@Positivity337 somebody who threatens to kill themselves or does that as a form of controlling others is abusive… that’s the whole point of this video.
@@Positivity337 Only a narcissist would make a comment like that... lol
My step-mom was cruel from day one. Narcissist. My Dad was her enabler. My step-brother was the golden child. I was the scapegoat, & my sisters were the flying monkeys. I'm grateful to know this now, so that I can heal and move on. I have some personality quirks, but I'm really working on them.
Your were Dorothy and now you now you see the Great Grandiose Wizard of OZ and how little and insecure he is..! It's great to finally see this and begin your healing and transformation. I feel for people that don't do the work and refuse to see this and stay in that mentality and cont generational patterns.. .
same here but parents opposite. my dad was the main narcissist. but my mom enabled him and also joined him. she followed suit.
be your best friend one day cause they felt bad for the narcissistic outburst. or thats how it seemed. then days later back to it lol.
they also used manipulation, emotional blackmail and gas lighting like no tomorrow.
i for one just can not anymore 😂 they cause too many problems to be worth being around. they are like a timebomb in my life constantly ticking. and i was the scapegoat so not a damn thing i say or believe matters to them 😂
i could be an astronaut, president of the world, the richest person on earth and i think they would still place me beneath them to belittle in some way shape or form lol.
as jordan peterson said. stop telling yourself things that make you weak. only tell yourself things that make you strong.
i have no idea to what % my parents are right or wrong about me. maybe i an a pos in some ways lol. but who cares. i choose what i do and who i am and how i am.
and as if they are in a position to judge 😂
very empowering to realize ultimately what they think does not matter. only what i think and choose to do.
they can think im a giraffe. doesn't make it so 😂 and even if i was thats my choice to identify as a giraffe 🤣
Very cool
I'm going through it as we speak with my mom. I went no contact with her a few years ago. And finally felt safe to drop a comment about her being abusive towards me as a child on social media. My siblings, the flying monkeys and the golden child, called me and texted me that I'm the one with a problem, that I'm awful for telling on my mom, that I'm ungrateful... My brother told me of everything I did wrong growing up as I was trying to cope, alcoholism and many mistakes... As if they are worse than what she did to me and my brother.
I've finally tried to go to a doctor and I have Cptsd and at 33 still trying to cope with the abuse from having a narcissist as a mother. I hope and wish you all the good things in life. It'll come, but it takes a lot of work.
@@flisan4385 ive just gone through that , (im 58) the only thing to do is have zero contact , i tried for years to let family realise i was a ok person , im not in debt , im not a drinker (like my stepbrother) i have produced 6 kids with 3 differnet people like my sister , then 6 months ago i snapped and relaised i was just making it worse , i was near death with cancer last year and they couldnt show any real emotion they would just talk about anything else (like the fact the bulb went in my mums kithen, ? or that i hadnt cut my grass and what would the neigbours think? ) so i wrote to them and told them to stay away , ive had enough of their crap. its so relaxing not dealing with it , i came off social media as well and changed my phone number
I’m 57 an was never aware of Narcissism until a year ago. Couldn’t figure out what happened to my newly wedded husband. He turned into a demon. It was a friend who said he sounds like a narcissist, it was a light bulb 💡 moment for me. Though he was never diagnosed he meets all the criteria. So glad I kicked him out. It’s been peaceful ever since.
Dad mom divorced mom health parent Dad is narcissistic felt dying Lives somwhere else. Feel think more clearly not drained
I was 51 and two people told me he sounded like one when I described things I was dealing with which I was baffled by. Unfortunately, if he is one, he's covert but I felt back then that he didn't match up to any of the traits I was reading so I dismissed it. Well, that was bc whenever I searched I was seeing things that described the grandiose type and he is nothing like that. Took awhile before I learned about different types. Even 3.5 years later I'm really confused...but whatever the label is, he's toxic and I have to accept that.
@@trishk5686 Acceptance is the tool!
I'm 53 and just heard about narcissism until 3 days ago. I have been binge watching her videos.
I always just thought the person was just toxic and mean. My whole life makes so much sense now. I broke the generational sin of this because I know it probably ran in the family and nobody did anything or thought, "This is just not right." Well it was not right to me and I didnt want my kids to have a relationship with me out of fear or obligation. I wanted a healthy relationship with my kids.
Lots of narcissistic people never look for any help. No help of course. No diagnosis
"Never get in the mud with a narcissist "
Totally agree!!
Amen!
@Jimmy
Ewwwwww....lol
Totally disgusting 🤣🤣
👍👍💯
Truth. You will find out sooner or later.👍👍👍
Sadly, if you're stuck with one like me, they know exactly what buttons to push to fully gaslight you. And rage becomes the result - theirs and yours if you respond.
My first Narcissist was my ex-Husband at age 35 and it was devastating. I’m so thankful that I had a good support system and that my Mother saw what I didn’t see because I was questioning reality. These Narcs/demons steal, kill, and destroy…They’re not going to change because it’s always someone else’s fault. While talking with my Chaplain, pastor, therapist, and Military Family Life Counselor, I started watching Dr. Ramani’s videos, learning about NPD, and seeking a peaceful resolution. The peaceful resolution was physically separating, setting boundaries, grey rocking, limiting contact, and finally going no contact. Guard your peace beautiful ones at all times.
I agree that empathy is an important thing to have, but at the same time, you have to be aware that people will try to take advantage of a kind and gentle natured person.
But that’s the problem of the person that takes advantage. We can only control ourselves.
Don’t misunderstand my kindness for weakness. I’ve had to draw lines while maintaining my good nature.
@@eamcbmsc I ❤️ U
no. you must become fiercely righteous against these Satan's.
That's what I thought
I have a sales job and I completely agree that you have to be a narcissist to be good at sales. My sales are always on the low side because I'm more concerned with looking out for the customer's long term well-being than manipulating them into buying something they don't need just to boost my numbers.
...textbook covert.
Look deeper, what your clients tell you isnt always the absolute. Guide them into making a wise decision but if they want to make a mistake that is a part of their growth. Other than financial suicide on the customers part you should make the sale. They would not be talking to you. I am 62 had the same thoughts when I was in my 30's
Dude, I got written up multiple times because I didn't trick customers into signing up for a membership.
@@aquamarinemystique You are right, I dont know what I am talking about... good luck with things
You do need to be if you're selling something you don't believe in, but if its something you know will absolutely help people, it becomes easy
I have said many times, the thing that I am most proud of with my kids is that they display empathy!!❤️
I consider myself as an extremely empathetic person, however, a lot of the other things point me out as a narcissist. So...
My sons the same
Hell yes. You’ve done your job in showing them love and they understand without words.
@@youvegotmail9385 we all have narcissistic tendencies because we are human and we have wants and needs. Also you might’ve just picked up the extreme traits due to being exposed or subjected to their treatment. Also just because you know you’re empathetic doesn’t mean you’re not just a narcissist in disguise. If you have empathy then you have enough sense to change the bad things.
If you have an ability to self reflect and make changes you are not a narcissist. Narcissistic ppl will make you feel you yourself are the narc
Being with my ex narc for the past 6 yrs. made me observe this very pattern. I think they wanted to feel very important in a way that is disturbing. Instead of building trust with their intimate partners, they destroy the trust that they built with you (in that case lying when they tried to put you in their pedestal). Once they have a committed partner, they can’t stand being loved authentically by one person. Instead they go on and prey on other women that is susceptible to their love bombing. My ex narc was a compulsive pursuer in a relationship. He would go back and forth to the women he were involved before or try to meet women in complicated situation so that going public isn’t an option while having you as their main supply. In the end they destroy the very person that loved them. They are like toddlers testing your love for them. Showing and telling them you love them isn’t enough, they will cheat on your face to make you feel inadequate even if you are more than they deserve. They want to test your love for them so they keep hurting you and when you have enough of their abuse, you leave. Then they tell you, ‘you never loved me because you abandon me’. Well in fact it’s their actions and narcissistic behavior that made you leave or in other cases they discard you and will give silly reasons of the discard. Mine would use, ‘she’s crazy’, ‘she’s a nega-star’, ‘she insults me’, ‘she cheated on me’ et al. So with this pattern of infidelities and emotional abuse (who knows what else) it’s better to walk away. I did walk away and is now rebuilding my life with our daughter. We are struggling financially because I’m not earning enough to provide for my daughter but now we get to laugh and bring with us sunshine every day. No lies, no abuse and no fake love. We only live once, forgive yourself and move forward but never forget the lesson that narc abuse taught you. That is to respect yourself to walk away from what’s hurting and destroying you. That you deserve a life of solitude, happiness and love. Hugs*** :) Additionally I hired a private detective Metaspyhub@gmail. com. Once I knew what the narc was up to, it got easier to get over that lying, cheating, sack of doo doo, loser. I didn’t need closure from the narc, I paid for it. Best money I EVER spent!
Hi, are you on Instagram? I want to inbox you to ask some questions. I hope you read this...
😍A healthy awaken mom with such a big brave heart is the most pressious gift to a child! 🎉And your both laughter and happiness will attract more freedom and abbundance!!!☘🌺
I became a narcissist, being with one for 7 years, I conformed and hated myself for it because inherently I knew it was wrong, she gave me these narcistic traits and when she wanted to move on, the black belt bowled over the blue belt easily and left me a completely empty shell in a mental institution, it took me 7-8 yrs to recover enough to truly move on. We come out at the other side eventually and are far better at choosing friends, as you say, I now live again in the world of hugs, kindness and simple happiness, take care
This is a good description of how they behave.
You describe my husband too, thank you for sharing. I had no idea people like that existed, 10 years and 2 kids later, I fell down the rabbit hole of his lies and manipulation. ❤
I overcame my narcissist traits and turned it around. I just didn't practice hurting people, being selfish. I changed myself to be better
Wow is that even possible how long did it take you and at what age you started. Your answers will help a lot.
@@poojas1 I doubt if you’ll get an answer
@@juanvaldez5422 cuz its not possible ?
@@poojas1 yeah , it’s bs. See , this ‘community’ of ‘empaths’ is nothing more than a bunch of borderlines and narcs . These cluster Bs come online and play the victim. Just like they do in real life
@@jondhoe7023 i agree that being raised by a narc causes narc traits. Have seen firsthand.
Just so I can help someone who is unwilling to accept anything wrong despite glaring behaviour - could you pls help with how you started to accept that you were a narc, or how it effected others or needed therapy etc
If it wasn’t for Ramani Durvasula’s wisdom I’d have married to the covert narc I was dating till 3 months ago. Thank you Ramani Durvasula
Am glad you excaped
Congratulations on getting out.
Good for you!!! Really and truly - I married two in a row. First an actual psychopath, then my knight in shining armour who saved me??? Covert man-child. Two decades I cannot retrieve. I’m truly so happy for you! What a blessing
I broke up 2 weeks ago. Still living together so that's not easy but I'm so glad to have my future back and a chance to find a kind man. It's not easy to get a new flat right now but I'm looking forward to the day I get out for good.
@@mosquito8038 thank you for sharing. It’s amazing to me that in a couple, the personalities are actually polar opposites (usually under cover). Proof in that all you ask for in your future partner is a “kind man”. I see the humility in that and have so much respect for this humble request. Also, I can’t believe this has taken me so long (years and years) to realize/identify narcissism and gaslighting behavior and the impact. I simply thought that these people were very smart and had intelligent arguments and ways of thinking about things that I questioned the value of my own ways and understanding. I feel so much better and empowered with this new found knowledge to identify and fight the battles worth fighting. Good luck and God bless you in your journey to joy in your life. It’s going to be a good one. Take care
Must be hard for narcissists to realize that anyone is better off without them in their life.
I don't think they realize it, I think they make up stories to tell others so they can be the victim
They probably don't realize it and if they did they're so full of themselves they don't care
Narcissist don’t care! They move on to the next victim!
It’s a mistake to think that because they have no empathy they feel no emotions. That would be a psychopath. Narcissists are full of negative, miserable emotions. That’s why they need ‘supply’.
It’s horrible to be the subject of narcissistic abuse but worse to be a failed narcissist. And they do fail.
Haha this makes me laugh because I know one who is proud of how helpful he is towards others and absolutely doesn't get it
I often saw his child side, i adored that side, i felt so sad and empathic for that side. I always wanted to give that side all the love it deserved.
Yea I know a man with npd. I do see that sad little child and want to make him feel enough. But he also scares me because of his bad behaviour
I'm sorry loves, choose yourself. I'm currently at 4 years of no contact and developed so much trauma I actually got diagnosed with bpd (never met these criteria before in my life). Be very careful, and get out if you can, fight for yourself. I don't wish the suffer I go through on a day to day basis on anyone. I also got (C)PTSD, nightmares, chronic depression, anxiety. I cannot date. @@snoozyq9576
But he's an adult. You are not MOM. Hello?
Leave. They are the ones hurting their inner child. He has a choice, save himself or ruin himself. These people betrayed themselves before they betrayed you.
I feel soooo much better because I literally focused so much on empathy with my daughter because my husband is so narcissistic and literally lacks empathy. I feel like I did something right now!!!
and u did I applaud you for being an amazing parent 🎉🎉❤
If you are empathetic they will learn it from you. Sounds like they will pick it up from you no problem ❤
I knew Dr Ramani had experienced narcissistic abuse first hand. It's almost impossible for anyone who have not experienced narcissistic abuse to understand it so well. first hand experienced combined with education makes you one of the top therapist. Thank you Dr Ramani. through you and Dr Pete walker have taught me alot, gave me a voice and are helping millions ❤️
Lived with narcissistic dad mom divorced best tjing ever happend to me think more clearly about life
1000%% I love her so much she helps me process the abuse in a healthy way, she’s so smart and empathetic 🤍🤍
Yes thank you Dr Romini
I tried to explain to my sister how the narc communicates. It’s way not normal. We were just sitting around. My narc went into the kitchen and loudly says, ‘who did this!! heavy huffing’. My sister and I looked up. This accomplishes the whole ‘I’m the star here’ statement. I looked at my sis and said…that was one. Why did he draw attention like that? It’s important to the narc that people think he’s perfect so he has to announce someone else screwed up. Everyone runs into a little mess sometimes. We just clean it up. It’s an accident, right? Not the narc….he needs to assert dominance and perfection. He’s now turned, what’s probably spilled milk, into a situation where he is the center of attention
I firmly believe in this:
Gotta live it..
To give it.
“In theory” is worthless next to “actual application” and first-hand, personal experience within the very specialty one endlessly seeks to master provides the ideal platform for top-shelf creators to be developed.. and how fortunate for the other side, yeah that side that houses the consumers who consume creator’s creations.
(Wordy. I know. Trying to be succinct yet clearly challenged in capturing it. Still, the trying continues😝.)
A big bundle of well-spent time with Dr. Ramani’s recorded findings has been invested by me and the returns have been nothing short of fantastic. Gratitude, Doc R!! Know without doubt your efforts have and will continue to grow in value.. it takes a village, right?? And your village is a place I call home. Mí casa es su casa, neighbor. One of these days it will be pretty darn great to make you the best cup of Joe and relish in the opportunity to learn from you directly. Martha Beck say’s (roughly) “dream big.. like WIG BIG” (WIG: Wildly Impossible Goals) and I believe the point is why the hell not when it’s a option to choose.. it’s truth that the fruit on the tippy top of the tree is by far the most delicious!
This gig we are fortunate to have, this life to live is covertly (meant as a double entendre🙃) expeditious and too mellifluous to not cherish daily.
Lastly, I believe in choosing to transform whatever isn’t serving the greater good by shifting the perspective and more specifically transforming narcissistic abuse/cptsd/energy vampire-ism residue into fuel for the newborn warrior to blaze a path toward greater enlightenment.
Wordy. Still! I digress..
We can get better with time.. if we make time better used. I prefer to see it as a tremendous challenge rather than a hard hope to manifest. Challenge sparks intrigue, whereas hard upon being thought consumes energy as quickly as a boat consumes gasoline.
Keep the faith and respect the process.. investing in these values caters to a life story that alienates shame and promotes profound gratitude.
XO
“Narcissistic love is riding on the rollercoaster of disaster filled with a heart full of tears.” - Sheree Griffin
And suicidal thoughts
@@indiahaze2197 God bless you 😔🍀🙏
Sincerely hope you're not suffering with these😔🍀🙏
It's funny because when she gave examples of covert narcissism I always thought that was just passive aggressive
@@leahflower9924 i'm sure you're👍 right&covert nrcissists will h@ve the tr@its & ch@r@cteristics of p@ssive @ggressiveness within their personlities God bless you 👍🍀🙏
@@evelina787
You mean that guy that may judge you, but whom you are not allowed to judge?
The guy that is allknowing, allseing and allways right but calls you a sinner?
That guy that threathens you with endless punishment if you dont obeye but calls it "Love".
Your sad christian image of a god is the most severe narcissist ever and the spread of christianity and worshipping this asshole is the exact reason why there are so many N in this world.
Tuck your "good bless" and tuck your god, mkay?
When it comes to narcissistic abuse, it's crucial to focus on understanding the dynamics of the abusive relationship and the impact it has on the victim, rather than making assumptions or generalizations about their behavior. Narcissistic abuse can have a profound and complex effect on victims, often leading to emotional trauma, low self-esteem, and a distorted sense of self-worth. It can erode trust, create feelings of isolation, and manipulate the victim's perception of reality. Some victims of narcissistic abuse may struggle with maintaining healthy boundaries, trusting others, or recognizing their own value. In some cases, individuals who have experienced narcissistic abuse may engage in behaviors that are out of character, including cheating or seeking validation outside the relationship. These behaviors can be a response to the emotional turmoil and manipulation they have endured. It's important to approach this with compassion and understand that these actions may stem from a desire for validation, escape, or a misguided attempt to regain a sense of control or self-worth. However, it's essential to note that not all victims of narcissistic abuse engage in infidelity or seek external validation. Each individual responds to abuse differently, and their actions may vary depending on their coping mechanisms, personal values, and circumstances. If you or someone you know has experienced narcissistic abuse, it is crucial to seek support from professionals such as therapists or counselors who specialize in trauma and relationship dynamics. They can provide guidance, healing strategies, and help rebuild a healthy sense of self-worth and trust. Remember, the effects of narcissistic abuse are complex, and the healing process is unique to each individual. Judgment and assumptions can hinder the understanding and support that victims need. Providing empathy, compassion, and access to appropriate resources can contribute to the healing journey and empower survivors to rebuild their lives. Additionally, If you need to find out about a cheating narcissist; send a request to: *Barryinvestigation@gmail. com* .
I left my narcissistic husband at the beginning of this year and I know that you are spot on with your take of why a person doesn't always recognise that they're in a relationship with a narcissist. Because of my childhood I was easy to manipulate and abuse because I felt I didn't deserve any better. With almost a year of pattern change group therapy and now weekly sessions with a psychotherapist I'm getting much better. I didn't think I would ever recover but I'm becoming a better version of my previous self because I see my family for who they are and I see him for who he is and I won't let anyone abuse me ever again!
hopefully so.. good luck to you! i was unfortunately so tricked and confused i spent 20 yrseach with 2of them!
Yes!
Congratulations, time tries to fool one into thinking the bad times weren't that bad, but eventually we learn to put it down and not pick that up ever again
I am glad for you being out of that. Sadly, even people with high self-worth can get pulled in and beaten down. I’ve seen extremely confident strong people lose themselves to attrition.
Mad that so many people are going through this, the degradation of society means this exponential damaging trend is only going to get worse.
Narcissism seems to be a pandemic! So sad! We have to do better at healing ourselves and begin to raise healthy children. Society will fall if we don't focus on mental health as a society!
Truth! 💯
Well said 👏👏👏
Amen and Amen.
Think narcissistic destroy world 🌎
I used to think that love could cure anything but it only fed my narc's enormous ego. It is important to be wise when dealing with a narcissist and I’m glad that cyberhackingsage helped cloned my wife’s phone. I got access to all her dealings both on phone and social media without touching her phone. I’m here in Nevada USA and able to access my wife’s phone with a cloned app even while she was away in the UK and cheating on me. All I did was share my wife’s phone number with cyberhackingsage and I was able to read both her new and deleted messages from my phone through a remote link to a programmed app containing cloned cell information without having to touch her phone. My wife was a cheating Narcissist and I’m glad to find out all her secrets and infidelity with the help of Gavin. My wife also tried to use this coronavirus outbreak as a means to get back to me but I’m not stupid enough to allow someone so toxic back into my life. I’m finally going through divorce with lots of evidence against her. I read all her deleted and recent chats on Whatsapp, Facebook and Instagram. Hacker Gavin also helped me in checking if my phone number is being hacked and he secured all my numbers from unauthorized access with a very powerful encryption software. You can contact this great hacker through his email cyberhackingsage@gmail•com and You can also call and text his Cellular number on +1(571)375-8467 and thank me later for this great information.
Dr. Ramani saved my life!! Her book gave me clarity to make the decision to walk away from a narcissistically abusive marriage. It’s been years now and I’m still listening to her. Love u doc!
There are many different signs. These include spending time on phone that was not spent previously, withholding sex from you, withdrawing in communication with you, agitation or anger over Petty stuff or making up situations to get angry or agitated over, lying, being secretive in any way, randomly spending more time caring for and pampering oneself such as putting on makeup or wearing cologne or coloring hair etc. Any type of changed behavior that is not aimed at pleasing or benefiting your relationship. With all of that though, follow your gut. your gut is telling you that something isn't right and it's telling you that this could or is happening, therefore listen to it. Just Free yourself from all of it! Run and don't look back. Go 100% no contact. The mental and emotional abuse is not okay at all! Do not bring anything up to her. Don't try to rationalize or have a conversation about anything. Don't let her know that you know she's in narcissist. All of that can cause a narcissistic rage. If you have not yet witnessed one of those just trust me that you don't want to! A narcissistic rage is beyond any rage I have ever seen or witnessed in my entire life. I am an army combat veteran and served front lines for a year and afghanistan. I have abuse going back from as long as I can remember, the first time in my personal memory is 2 years old. With everything I have been involved in, and my rape, other sexual abuse, their physical abuse, etc in narcissistic rage is by far the worst! If you need to contact your local police department and start a new contact order. No one can protect you like you can! free yourself from it all and move forward in your life. The minute you run and go no contact is the minute your life begins again. If need be seek out professional help. Therapy is the best thing I did for myself. The best gift I gave to me! The abuse is so deep and overwhelming that having a professional guide you through the steps of the healing process is extremely beneficial! Just remember, there is great strength in asking for help. There is great lack and strength or no strength at all in putting on a mask and hiding behind the opinions of society and pretending that you are okay! As human beings we all witness A Time In our lives where we are not okay! Those that heal, move past, and move forward, and have a brighter future are those who ask for help and do the work that is needed through the help! I'm so sorry you are going through this and I wish you the very best! Good luck! Always remember that you are stronger than you believe you are, you are worthy and deserving of better and always, and you are enough just the way you are and who you are today! Take this time for you! Get yourself again. Fix that meal that you're all time favorite, rent that movie you've been wanting to see, have a guys night out with your best friends, remodel a room in your home, go purchase that item you've been wanting to for so long, just do for yourself! Self-acceptance, self-love, and being able to forgive yourself is far more important than what anyone else can give to you! Believe in who you are! You deserve nothing less than that! You're not alone! Feel free to tag me in any other questions that you have! I'll help if I can. Additionally you can hire a cyber expert to help you get remote access to their phone so you can track them and monitor all of their activities without them knowing. You may locate the top cyber specialists locally at Digitalinvestigate@gmail. com, where you can engage a well-trained professional to assist you..........
If you need to call a doctor an attorney or a policeman it's time to exit a relationship safely. 🤐 We learn from experiences. Failure, losses and hardship. That creates resiliency.
All humans are self centric in ways.
Our oldest son got involved with a narcissist. We saw signs, some family members did not like her immediately. As a mother, tried giving her a chance, but she lied on me to my son. It has been three years years since I've hugged him. He married her and she has convinced him to leave the church, his children, siblings and parents. Our hearts are broken, he was not raised in this manner. We are a close knit family and have gone no contact. Just do not understand how he could have been loved bombed by this evil person. Prayers everyday to God to bring him home. 🙏
I needed to read this today. Thank you for your kind words of wisdom and support ❤
Lovebombing and future faking is manipulation. That's pathology. Gaslighting is abuse. Healthy love does not correlate to abuse.
Healthy relationships are based on equality mutuality and reciprocity.
Many people choose someone based on the external. Narcissistic ideals.
Adults choose their family and relationships.
Relationships are a choice.
Statistically most relationships fail- James Sexton
@@nancymelloh4222 I'm sorry about your son. It sounds like she has the power control and dominance in the marriage. There may be a point where he has realizations or the marriage will go south. I'm sending you hope 👃
The second hand smoke analogy is incredible! I’m in the process of leaving a narcissistic marriage. I am determined to break this generational curse and get back to living a life of peace and joy and safety. Thank you so much for this information! You are making a huge difference in the world! 🙏💜
🙏🙏🙏
Absolutely
I did it you can do it too. No more gaslighting making me feel crazy when they stop upsetting you they go for your children please leave for their sake too. Non engaging is so freeing and you take back your power.
I think, I’m a covert narcissist. Definitely learned from my mother, because I see so much of her in myself. But those that find themselves fitting in the narcissist and want to change, just know that you may never be 💯 from being one, but you can learn to become more self aware and it’ll come easier. Best of luck to you all.
None Ya; there's a thing called
"catching fleas" which refers to non-narcissists that have been influenced by relationships with the narc/toxic person, and have taken up learned behaviors or attitudes of the toxic influences. It's human to be impressionable
Thank you for your comment, it gives me hope for a friend of mine. 💖
I’m in the same situation as you but i like to think of myself as a nice person who learned some unhealthy habits to survive in that toxic environment. If you’re self-aware and are actively trying to change i don’t think you have full-blown npd.
I know.
I think being aware is a big step. I know so many people are not believers in God and his Son but I know what change took place in my life when I met my God and if you want to read your Bible with an open heart and get on your knees and pray sincerely to God daily for a change in your life He will answer and you will experience a change and greater than that others will see a change in you. That change will be everlasting. With that change in my heart I’ve been able to forgive my ex-husband and that is perhaps the greatest gift I’ve given to myself.
Dr Ramani is such a magnetic and engaging speaker... Really a genius in this field
maybe she's a narcissist 😂
@@kalvinp9693 notice they did not say charming. Those words were chosen very careful.
I love this comment section. Thank you all who are sharing. It can be so hard to find resources and communities of support in times of crisis while being a victim of a narcissistic relationship, whether it be platonic or romantic or parental. Me, I am stuck financially with a controlling narcissist who I already successfully left once but unfortunately my kindness and love for them let me give them a second chance after the seemingly “cured it”. And now I’m stuck. If you are currently about to leave or have left a narcissist….STAY GONE FROM THEM. they go even harder the second time around. Because now you have given up all the power, you went back. They see your kindness as weakness. Do not fall into the trap because the second time around they will be smart enough to pin you into a hole that is hard to get out of. If you are like me and have fallen into that hole, you can get out. But please take this doctor’s advice…leave quiet. Don’t let the narcissist get the idea that you’re preparing to save yourself from them. They will do everything they can to pin you down even harder. Play the game until it is safe for you to leave. But always ALWAYS stay ten toes down and don’t let the “good days” or “good memories” trick you.
I was with my late husband for 17-1/2 years .I have multiple autoimmmune conditions that seemed to be getting worse while I was with him. Including a rare allergic condition. It was getting worse until I found out why my LH acted the way he did. He had an entire different personality and life. He was dating many women, using drugs and stealing. After he died I felt better! I’ve the last year I’ve improved so much I feel like I have my life back.
Not here for you, Thanks for your story.
Having had difficulties with people I
learned this:
Who are the most important people
in your life?
The people who aren't!
So glad you are doing better. I have been having Crohn’s flare ups and am sleeping constantly.. I am starting to think it’s cos of the environment I am.
They deplete you of the life force you need to maintain your health! It starts with chronic fatigue and pain! These people are silent killers!
I was in a marriage with a narcissist for 28years , and wasn't aware until it was too late. But I'm free of it now...praise God. Thank you for talking about this topic
You mean that guy that may judge you, but whom you are not allowed to judge?
The guy that is allknowing, allseing and allways right but calls you a sinner all the time?
That guy that threathens you with endless punishment if you dont obeye but calls it "Love".
Your sad christian image of a god is the most severe narcissist ever and the spread of christianity and worshipping this asshole is the exact reason why there are so many N in this world.
Thank goodness that you were able to get out and move forward with your life!
My dad stayed married to my malignant narcissist mother for 30 years bc of his beliefs.
And at only 60, he died suddenly of a heart attack. I have *no* doubt that dealing with my mom's chaos and BS sent him to an early grave.
The only thing I'm thankful for is that I happened to be visiting my parents house when he had his heart attack and, as traumatic & horrible as it was, I was the only one with him in his last moments bc I performing CPR on him.
My mom ran screaming out of the room and left me to try and deal with it. Which I did of course bc my dad needed me and he and I had a wonderful, close relationship.
Life is SO short! All my best to you in your future!
What were the signs you realized?
Amen
@@binaryfairy4197 My Condolences, glad you were there to help your father.
21:14
Basic Patterns:
1. Lack of Empathy
2. Grandiosity
3. Entitlement
4. Superficiality
5. Chronic seeking of validity outside of them.
6. Arrogance.
7. Tendency towards Rage.
8. Tendency to Manipulate other people.
9. Tendency to Exploit other people.
Narc Types:
1. Malignant/Toxic Narc.
2. Grandiose Narc.
3. Covert/Vulnerable Narc.
4. Communal Narc.
Number 1 you not mentioned: Need for control. That's defying narcististm. ( of course other like lack of empathy emotional immaturity,etc...But first is control. Easyest to recognise: how they react to conflict.
I have been a mental health therapist for over 30 years. I have learned so much from you! Thank you so much.
Have you ever realized narcissism is less about empathy and more about boundary setting? They have blurry boundaries so they project those same blurry boundaries on you. When you keep them out of the deepest circles of empathy and set them at least 20 circles out, suddenly narcissists are a bit easier to handle.
I am so empathetic I can feel emotions across the room. When someone has strong emotions I feel them like waves washing over me from the outside. That empathy makes me a target. Without boundaries, I was a Lamb for Slaughter.
Empathy is your focus in many lectures, but when raising children in a narcissistic society my focus is discernment, not empathy.
I conceptualize the dark triad as stages of death of the human soul: the conscience dying while the outside is made more ornate. Also known as a white washed tomb. There is no end to the pain these people will inflict and the games they will play, because they suffered aggregious wounds and that part of them died while their body lived, or they were raised by someone who was dead inside.
Something inside them knows a part of them is missing, but they cannot produce it themselves. They get it by feeding on others. Like vampires, their morality becomes self consumed with their own needs, desires, and impulses. Their neuroticism drives the ship. They leave broken souls in their wake as they keep people around like living blood bags to feed upon. They are no longer connected to others with healthy bonds, but trauma bonds, enmeshment, and codependancy.
When you seek independence, personal strength, and set boundaries, you become less able to be manipulated. Breaking free is incredibly damaging, but it can be done. It is like escaping a cult.
I've noticed our society is too obsessed with political correctness, hyper sensitivity, and reputation. These are the most preyed upon aspects by the narcissist to break the victim down and keep them trapped. Children sniff right through the lies, but adults scold them and tell them to defy their instincts and be kind to monsters.
I decided to try something different. I do not break the will of my children. I teach them to understand their instincts and decide what is real and what is imagination. To See people by their results and decide how far to let them in based on those results. Not individual incidents, but multiple data points used to construct a better view of the person. To be cautious when their instincts say to be wary and save their compassion for situations where it will be recieved and will do the most good.
When you sew goodness into a good person, you get goodness back. I teach them to be harmless as doves but wise as snakes. Make their results good, honorable, faithful, loving, kind, honest, and compassionate, while making sure the people closest to them are doing the same.
Repeated exposure to lawlessness (breaking the social contract) makes the heart grow cold. They need to guard their heart above all things, because everything in life comes from it.
I am less concerned about empathy, and more concerned about their wholesomeness, their light shining all the way to the end. That means their relationships need to add oil to their lamps not drain it out.
I teach my children to fortify the doors to their heart. Don't build walls, but make sure those they allow to enter are worthy. Not perfect, but genuine and true.
Being an adult means you can make and break bonds. My goal is that my children feel empowered to both love and disappoint. To both accept and deny access. That they can practice discernment without allowing the peer pressure of this world to drag them into abusive situations.
That they are sheep amoung wolves, so they would be harmless as doves and wise as serpants.
Thanks Dr. Romani. I got all this by listening and digesting your words over the past few years as I healed and turned my wounds into something useful.
TJBrown....What a wonderfull speach.🎩off!
Thank you 🌹🙏🏽
Yes and Amen 🙏 🙌!!
❤❤❤
Same ❤
I will pretend you are my mom for a moment, your children are very blessed!
Dr. Ramani has to be the best Therapist out there on narcissism. So much love for the work. You can feel her passion to help her clients as well as millions online. I am so glad that she found her voice and can share her wisdom with us all. Thank you to Red Table Talk for introducing her work. Most of my narcissistic clients have been to other therapists who have/had no clue that they are/were dealing with narcissism not depression. You would literally give those narcissists everything and yet it still would not be sufficient then you start questioning your expertise only to later realize that you were dealing with a narcissist. Thank you Dr. Ramani and Med Circle for all the good work.
How to move on to what at 81, narc family. Friends are shocked at my ,other, life.
That narcissist trick where they show or tell you they're vulnerable and make you feel sorry for them cause they suffered in life and they can't help their behavior...my first bot parents...I recognized I was copying the behavior early on and decided I did not want to be that way...I hope I succeeded.
❤
This narc trick is called 'covert narcissism'. Ppl confuse this a lot b/c these folks use a victim mentality to make ppl fall for them or give them attention so they can control you THAT way. It's a very sly, sneaky manipulative tactic. This is why most ppl give them favors, space, control ultimately when it's all said and done. What makes it worse is how so many ppl react to these types of narcs by being naive and gullible and living in a fantasy bubble where they assume the best w/out digging deeper into seeing others for who they REALLY are.
We tell ourselves lies b/c lies are comforting and helps us cope but they also destroy your life if you don't face them and handle them properly b4 it's too late. Most folks believe in lies all the way through their senior yrs and then it's too late to change and face the music.
Usually, by the time you learn the person is a "covert narcissist", you have already 'dealt' with them in one way or another. You cannot and will not recognize the person as a 'covert narcissist' just by looking at them or having casual interactions with them. You have to observe, listen, and understand what you SAW,what you HEARD, and WHY you SAW and HEARD that. Now don't that sound easy. The better question is how do you STOP 'dealing with' a covert narcissist once you understand what you SAW, what you HEARD, and WHY you SAW and HEARD that? The 'best way' to 'deal with a covert narcissist' is to STOP listening, STOP observing, STOP wondering WHY, and STOP having ANY interaction with them. If you MUST have interactions with them, limit the interactions as much as possible. No "hi, how are you doing", no "hi, I wish I had time to talk to you", no "hi, it's nice to see you", just "hi, hope you're doing well, I've got to run" or just "hi" and keep walking. If at all possible avoid ANY setting or situation where the narcissist or a 'flying monkey' can observe you or listen to you. 'Flying monkeys' are the narcissist's 'possessions'. Dealing with or interacting with anything or anybody the narcissist 'owns' is considered the same as 'dealing with' or interacting with the narcissist. The more you 'deal with' a covert narcissist, the more you will have to 'deal with'. Do not 'run' from a covert narcissist unless you can 'run' totally away from them. When you 'run' from a narcissist, it makes them feel powerful and important. They like that and will make a sport out of watching you 'run'. Once you 'learn' the person is a 'covert narcissist', you have to 'learn' to either 'covertly' avoid the hell out of them or 'overtly' have NO CONTACT with them and refuse to 'deal with' them. This all SOUNDS so simple and easy, but ask anybody who has ever "dealt with" one and they'll tell you it's one of hardest things they've ever 'dealt with'. Additionally, Metaspyhub@gmail. com is a company that is ideal if you need to be able to confront a cheating spouse because they have some of the most advanced features in the industry.
What's difference in no contact and running???
Today’s society absolutely does reward narcs. Especially in business. They are viewed as being able to get things done. Narcs carry themselves arrogantly and for whatever reason, people look up to them. If the companies would pay attention to how these people destroy their business over time due to how narcs treat people and will absolutely do whatever they have to to get ahead, they would NEVER put another narc in charge of Even a peanut gallery. Unfortunately, even when the whole company has people getting let go or fired for crazy reasons by the narc , employees at each other’s throats, the lies, manipulating to get what they want and on and on and on... companies STILL keep hiring them and putting them in management positions. For some reason, people are drawn to these very arrogant, entitled people. And THEN the first one hires other narcs and before you know it, there’s a narc swarming! Have witnessed this.
No truer words have been written! I've experienced this myself during my internship year. The narcissist nearly broke me, but I held on. Unfortunately though that wasn't my last experience. The industry I'm in, TV is a filthy, grungy, cesspool of narcissists. I'm trying to figure my way out of this hell.
I needed to hear this. I am going through narc abuse at work. The company is allowing these narcissists to push people around. I'm very depressed as it seems to be everywhere lately. The company I work for has a 150% turnover. Isn't that enough proof that the narcs are causing people to quit left and right? It's a revolving door at this very popular company.
@@lindaschultz7900 I worked at top level collection agency and also seen this but collecting A type like me with empathy made money. Be strong think of self and how special you are to survive and thrive. Andy
@@fruitypopwhickle6806 See if you knew about these behavior patterns and don't talk someone you too will go down the rabbit hole. good luck Andy
That's a long climb back to fresh air not polluted with negativity. Thank you to help me on my journey to enlightenment.
After watching this I am so in shock, majority of my family members have this personality disorder, that is why I feel so drained, feel like an outcast etc, Wow
me too xx
Same here! But I’m not drained by them because I know is not me that has the issue but them. I’m what you can consider “immune” to this people.
@@pricilacortezoeur2654
You put a laugh in my soul and a smile to my face after considering how to move Forward. I've decided to do like you Pricila, I'm going to get Immune against them. Best idea I've heard all year.
My mother, sister brother.....all completely selfish, lying manipulative and "innocent" of it all. Everyone else has a problem but them. Very scary and devastating. I saw my mother turn into a monster, literally, possessed. I'm going to have to cut them all off for good and become immune! Great comment.
You're not an outcast. You're the strong one for dealing for this for so long ❤
Great video, I was in a beautiful marriage before my now ex wife left me,i still love her and most times i cant stop thinking about her, i am doing my very best to get rid of the thought of her, but i just cant, i love her so much, i dont know why i am bring this here for, i cant stop thinking about her..
@jay pritchett wow, how did you get a spiritual adviser, and how do i reach her?
@jay pritchett Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked her up now online. impressive.
@jay pritchett oh please
@@juanderuano8969 don’t go to her. Your life will be worse. Find Jesus
I always fault for this spams
Min 41 - The narcissist says "I'm sorry you feel that way" as a response to the victim letting them know how they feel. I heard this for 4 years from my ex-GF! For 3 of those years, I accepted it as an apology. The word sorry is in the sentence. Slowly, it dawned on me that she wasn't actually saying she was taking responsibility for her behavior, truly apologizing, feeling empathetic, or going to take steps to make things right. Another phrase she used was "It sounds like a YOU problem." It just left me feeling awful that I brought it up and somehow to blame for any chaos that ensued. Ugh! When this came up, I honestly, screamed in recognition.
Same, my ex/sons mom loved to use both of those phrases heavily. I didn't realize until after recently, yrs after that relationship ended that she never actually apologized or took accountability
Thank you is not enough! Two years now following the greatest Psychologist of all times! Continue to help us and save lives. You''re the best!
She REALLY is amazing. Nights I am able to sleep,I'm listening to her videos,my favorites on a playlist. When Im not able to sleep,I binge watch videos. She has given me HOPE ,for the first time in many years
I LOVE what you said about your main goal with your kids was to teach them to be empathetic. I was very focused on this in raising my children and often felt guilty because I was not pushing them to be super-achievers. I was surrounded by ‘super-achievers’ in my neighborhood. The kids on our block who were in enrichment classes were very snooty about their ‘high intelligence’ and others were proud of their expensive shoes and matching outfits. One neighborhood father never PLAYED basketball with his son - he harassed and criticized the poor kid till he cried every time they came over. Sometimes I felt like sending the dad home because he couldn’t play nice. I made sure my kids knew that basketball was a game, games are for playing and playing is for fun. When people are being mean to each other the ‘fun’ isn’t worth having.
Good for you on all. I feel badly for the boy you describe. I’m very glad for ppl like you-but why the minority?! Could cry at that.
Pride is a sin, not a virtue. People have everything backwards nowadays.
@@brunetteXer that’s the truth! Narcissism seems to be spreading in society like an undiscovered cancer.
Thats what i hate, when i want to go out and have fun even as an adult. People turn mean and ugly, and start being very judgemental and competitive that its not fun anymore until they know they made me feel really crappy!
And also chronic lying and cheating! Thank you Dr. Ramani! My Narcissistic ex was a Malignant Narcissist who crossed back and forth with Grandiosity.
Dr. Ramani is amazing. Thanks for supporting mental health education!
The narcissist person I was looking after him. He was client. He said to me just before he got mad at me for breaking his figurine. Lol true. He said to me “ I am trying to not lie “. I knew then. The whole time I knew him. 24 hours per week. Was a total lie.
Lying, cheating, scheming and stealing.
I have one of those he is a habitual and chronic liar on a daily basis even about little things example today I asked him if he put the tea bags in the tea container he said yes he did!!!however when I went to go grab the tea container it just had water no tea bags..Even though I just bought and cooked a fantastic dinner for him he appeared to be happy and grateful at the moment but then he does back door bullshit all the time repeatedly daily I am just now learning by these videos and I am so grateful for the Internet and these videos because I thought I was crazy I thought I was overreacting or thinking too much about things
Does anybody else have a narcissistic husband that completely and 100% refuses intimacy directly after having their first child the child now is 17 years old going to be 18 in two months I’m asking for a friend LOL not funny at all though please if anybody on here is going through this let me know thanks
this video has honestly helped me more than anything on youtube ever has and I'm 29. my dad is an extreme narcissist and even tho he broke my mom and I never really believed her, its all clicking in now. I've been a severe addict for the last 12 years, been to rehab a few times and really struggled to be sober. i am finally understanding where so much of my low confidence and self doubt is coming from and its very very sad to me to realize I've been letting this happen for so long. this video has made me realize I need to move out. my finances are absolutely ruined, and my dad thrives off that cuz he knows im stuck here with him. but I am now moving out in the next 2 months. i will be living in a closest and it is going to be incredibly hard to get by, but this video made me see that this is never going to change with me staying with him. its going to be relapse after relapse. he makes me feel so bad about myself all the time. he is 73 and cares more about his life than my future.
The pattern of narcissm seems to have been spawned in my family of origin by emotional trauma suffered by both sides. Narcissism played a huge role in my mother's and at least one sister's lives. It has taken me 70 years to understand this much. I am working hard to heal from CPTSD and I fear what else I may learn about my family... including myself.
Strength to you. I’m glad you’ve found labels, explanations, for some of the things that have plagued you for so long. I’m much younger, but learning about these things literally changed my life - for the better. Hopefully the same is true for you!
Thank u for sharing so honestly... I will turn 48 next week... am still single, frustrated in my career, wanted to be a psychologist but ended up doing plumbing instead like 3 generations of males before me, and really just beginning to break the ice on long-standing family trauma, pain and non-empathy... my mother passed away two years ago this past July (in some ways from a broken heart) and I like to think of this work as an ongoing tribute to her spirit 😳
I realized I was in an abusive relationship with a narcissist about a month ago. He passed away in 2021, so it took me over a year to come to that realization. My psychiatrist that I had been seeing for 4 years recently had a talk about it and she said that now that I realized it, I need to get on a path of self-awareness, self-discovered, and watch videos on UA-cam, read, listen to podcasts - understand it. Heal. Even if I'm still beating myself up over it, she knows me well enough that I will become like the phoenix rising from the ashes. All us victims have to be - and to all victims, I love you.
Lisa Kennedy,You deserve better
@@oscarwilliamson6163 who's Lisa ?
its the topic of our generation because we have finally determined this is a "pattern" but many don't have a way to classify or address it. Giving it a name is empowering. Thank you !
I can't thank you enough for providing free mental health treatment. You have helped me tremendously! Among a hundred other despicable narc behaviors my narc mother is currently threatening to kill herself if I go home to a different state. Everything you've said in a ton of videos I've watched multiple times is that I should go. I'm having anxiety attacks and I can't catch my breath but I'm still planning to go. Thank you again for your invaluable help.
Right when she said narcissism if you stand close enough to it you get sick. Wow that is how I have felt with my ex since I can't remember. They have this ability to throw their negative energy off their body in waves and it just hits you like a ton of bricks they don't even have to say anything. Like an evil emotional super power.
So true. Their very presence is strife
I....
Literally....
Said this verbatim tonight...as I described him...🤯 Just wooooow!!!!
Yes well said they are evil and we need to keep labeling them as this they have a demon inside of them and that's why we feel physically sick! I felt this way around my mother and my ex I started having health problems because of it until I got away from them and then all my mysterious ailments left!
So true. I am sleeping constantly at the moment.
I have dealt with a sister whom I believe is a narcissist since being a child. It took me 72 years to realize what her bullying behavior was. What her cackling laugh towards me was.. Your videos/ podcasts have helped me tremendously. I finally demanded she leave my house. She went to live with her son and daughter in law who saw I was telling the truth. She was treating her daughter in law just like me.
I'm 53 and it took the death of my brother's son to see that my sister has been abusing us both for decades.
Bless your soul🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾🌹
have you lived with your sister for 72 years ?
I'm surrounded by 70-year-olds who just "got" it after watching these videos. They don't know what to with their damaged lives.
Wow! I am 49 years old and just learned today (while speaking to a therapist), that many of my family members are narcissistic. It has cleared up so much and answered questions about events from the past that I couldn't figure out. She literally called my little sister out as a Narcissist when I told her that she had attempted to steal my sunglasses. I knew she had packed them in her luggage and I went to the bathroom and pretended to wash my hands. I knew it would give her time to return the glasses so there would not be any confrontation. Isn't this crazy. As her constant victim I was avoiding confronting her on the thievery.
It's amazing how well she understands and explain these concepts
Dr. Ramani is is simple a genius...
Man, I remember telling my psychologist "How a person could be so cruel and just wrong and mean!" I couldn't just conceive it. And now I get that some people just have a serious disorder.
We can learn to understand them and how they got that way from childhood. Just know it’s not YOU if you are a caring empathetic person. We have to just stay clear of them because we and most psyche docs can’t fix them! God bless 🙏
I had malignant narcissist mother who destroyed whole families but I had compatriots and after leaving at 17 led joyful life away from her. Genetics factored in my son who had complete love and support from us and turned into malignant narcissist himself. A child growing up into narcissist, despite all of our love, and intentional care and support, is by far the greatest heartbreak of all.
sorry to hear that. Perhaps some tough love is needed. There's still time for him to change, I wish you the best
Hope and prayers for you and your son.
@@Yarblocosifilitico no. This goes much deeper than 'tough love' will ever touch. He'll just move on to other people who are unaware, who he can manipulate and use. Narcissists fully believe they are better than everyone else and need no correction at all. Their externals often look that way, but they're not accountable for the cold destruction of others they did to achieve it.
As with any other narc, the only answer is to walk away, heal your own heartbreak and find someone who has empathy.
Narcs are dead inside.
@Day Sam Vaknin and Richard Grannon also alude to this and ultimate lack pf scientific knowledge about the brain to be able to determine genetic nature of psychological issues. Psycopathy does have, NPD may have. Parenting by NPD can produce both empaths and NPDs. Science not up to being able to tell why unless there is genetic component, like kids born to same parent, 1 with blonde, 1 with black hair. No one knows so still mucking about in the dark. Tough for those like me and my grandmothers stuck between 2 generations of these cruel types. Thanks, peace, take care.
@@paysonadams4597 Spot on! History clarifies and I remember all the friends he cruelly treated and discarded since he was 12and the. cruel things he would say about his "friends".Just never thought he would turn against me who had his back since he was born, who sacrificed everything for him. Only being dead inside can explain that.
"what am I not asking you about NPD that I need to be asking" this is such a great question!
Mental health issues have become increasingly prevalent in recent years, particularly among younger generations. It is important that we have experts like Dr. Ramani who can provide guidance and support to those who are struggling with mental health problems.
Since we might as well give up on meaningful weapon control, I think we owe it to the children that attend our schools, whatever amount of mental health care it takes for all age groups, to bring this horrible and embarrassing obsession to an end.
A large part of it better diagnosis. Like a REALLY large part. However, that's more an indictment of our previous stance on mental health and our attitudes towards kids. I'm not saying that to dismiss the very real uptick in issues being seen. That's another thing to do, I think with worsening socioeconomic prospects and, perversely, a cultural insistence that "you can do anything you want." With social media and reality TV fame that "seems" to be more true than ever, despite the fact that social mobility is down and wages have been stagnant for decades and life expectancy is actually falling in some places. Kids see all this and naturally get really fucking anxious as they try to reconcile the world they see (the subliminal information taken in all the time) with the world they're told about.
Actually these mental health issues have been around for a looooong time. It’s only now that it’s become normal to speak openly about the unhealthiness.
I just discovered this series. It is wonderful. Dr. Ramani is not just intelligent, but she is articulate to a finite point and easy to follow. The two of you are wonderful. Thank you!
simplify is the genious
There is too much animation in her talk. Difficult to gauge herctrue self
I couldn't agree more! I raised my daughter to be compassionate with herself, first, and then everyone else. That does not mean mean she is a doormat, because you can teach your kids how to know the difference, but to be caring and kind-hearted. Doctor R,, thank you for being open about this topic.
“You’ll find them at home on their computer trolling or coming up with their next big plan”. Good description of the covert. Thanks Dr. Ramani 💛
Yeah you forget that there are mentally ill people on the Internet. I just think they’re bullies or insecure.
I know narcissist who are. Succesful drs narcissists thrive in the work environment because. They are proud confident selfish and competitive.money gives them a sense of power
I’ve been with one for 20 years… I had no idea that what I was going through was actually abuse. I had a feeling it was but honestly he made me feel like I was going crazy. I had a heart attack two months ago and I’m only 52 years old. I have been praying for an answer, and God gave it to me, and I finally realizing what he is and taking steps to get away. Thank you so much for coming out and teaching us about this.
Yep they can make you ill. It’s the anxiety, stress, cortisol, adrenaline etc etc.
Get away and don’t look back!!!! There is light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm so narcissistic but I'm one of the few people trying to change. Dr Ramani has been some of the painful chemo I've needed to become far more aware of some of my behaviours (and my partners') we've both changed positively due to me taking the first steps to improve our psychology. So if there are any other people out there that want to change you can, I've changed and I'm a much better father for studying all of this. I can't say I'm a virtuous beacon of light. But let's face it most people aren't even if they don't get to hold the badge of narcissist on their chest. I'm definitely happier and definitely better for it. Love UA-cam
That's beautiful that you know and you are trying to better your self for yourself and your partner and child , ☺️ I wish you all the best and most importantly never give up on your self or your family and treat others as you want to be treated .
I’m someone who didn’t have any close relationships with anyone narcissistic until my brother married one, and, it’s been pretty shocking and awful to me and other family members.
I’m really glad to see someone with the self-reflection to acknowledge they have a problem and really try to do something about it. I hope you can stick with it. Your kids are going to be so much healthier and happier if you can. Good luck.
Good one mate. So good to hear. While a little knwledge can be a dangerous thing: it also can be so helpful!
Bravo Lee. My best to you my friend.
I don't fully understand this paradox. Are you actually a narcissist if you break the pattern or are you someone that sees an opportunity to be praised but will relapse once the praise from others turns into the day to day expectation?
The weird part about it is also the way you paint it as "I'm not a beacon of light or anything BUT...". I don't think any of this has to do with being a beacon of anything. It's about not hurting and manipulating others around you. It's about being a normal, regulated human being. It's about being able to maintain relationships that don't have a self serving agenda. Nothing more or less than that.
I do hope you are sincere for the sake of the people that truly care about your well being and for theirs as well.
This should be taught to children starting in elementary school. We can do that without using adult language and phrases, but it must be done early. By the time we are blind sided by an narc, and haven’t had the training to counter that behavior, it’s too late and the next step is to enter recovery from narcissistic abuse.
You are correct, but that would require the boys to be taught the selfish nature of female vanity. The projection, distraction and deception that is the female "survival" techniques that have been hidden from the males for centuries. But "believe all women", right? You're not as innocent as your pretty face portrays.
I always said the number 1 thing I wanted my kids to be was "kind." For me, empathy is part and parcel of kindness.
I lived with this for over 3 decades. I had no idea about narcissism . Once I started researching, I understood. It is one of the most unhealthiest way to live. Finding out it coincides with Bipolar and this just blows me away.
I’ve said for years my ex has Bipolar and he’s a narcissist for sure.
Empathy is something I teach my kids, I also have to make sure that it is enforced with self awareness of how people treat them. Making sure that how people treat them is enforced with being followed up with proper behaviour.
It’s so true that society reinforces narcissism and now we’re going into a post-narcissism time where we have to learn skills to deal with the hurtful behavior. I thought I was done with all that but just recently got sucked into a relationship with one and now trying to untangle once again. Thanks for the wonderful class!
yes exactly! we could feel so alone about this until now!
How long will this post narcissism period take? I feel like autisme is the new problem
@@jannekegerritsen9067 you’re so right. I wish people could just be happy. It seems like we have so many issues and sometimes it feels so frustrating to deal with!
Thankyou for believing as I do about having children who care about others ❤️🙋🙌 as being the greatest thing a parent can instill in their child(children)!!!🙌
I agree 💯 about teaching our children compassion for others being crucial thankyou ❣️
Thank you for this video, it was so great and interesting.
I was raised by a malignant narcissist mother..and until I was 40 years old and I went to see a therapist, I always thought my mom was *just* selfish, disrespectful and unsympathetic & lacked empathy.
I asked her to come to a therapy session with me and of course she said "why?, I don't need any help..you do because you have no self esteem, care too much about other people around you and your just like your father (that's totally true and I'm so thankful for that!)
My mom is now 82 and she's *still* behaving like she did from as long back as I can remember.
And now that she's obsessed with loss of her looks and the basic ailments that come with age, she's *really* unhappy and in a constant state of panicking and misery.
My wonderful dad stayed married to her for 30 years and became a workaholic..part was to provide a great life for all of us and the other part was to not have to deal with her ridiculous self centered tantrums when he got home after a 12-14 hour workday.
I don't blame him at all for any of it..there's obviously a lot more to all of it
I even encouraged him to divorce her when I was in high school bc of all of the chaos that she constantly caused..but bc of his beliefs, he chose to stay married to her and I don't have *one* shred of doubt that was the reason why he died suddenly/unexpectedly of a heart attack at only 60.
I have one older brother who hasn't talked to her for 20 years.
I have the most minimal contact I can with her-she lives in a senior apartment complex and has activities that keep her busy.
So it's been okay..
In the last couple of years, she's begun to apologize for a lot of things from the past and bc of her behavior and actions(which involved stealing from a family trust in which she didn't honor any of my dad's wishes for my brother and I) and instead used it to travel the world etc.
However, in true narcissistic fashion, she doesn't concede to any of that-she just complains that she should have a better life now(which means people waiting on her 24/7)
And the irony is that IF she HAD in fact followed everything that was set up for ALL of us, she would be in a REALLY great place financially wise.
Of course, she's FAR from any needs or discomfort.. BUT she just wants *more!*
It's ironic because at 82 years old, she's FINALLY realizing that her actions and behaviors are what led her to not having any real friends nor having a relationship with her son or her only 2 granddaughters.
I see a therapist and a psychiatrist who are excellent.
I understand that it's an ongoing process.
I'm *SO* thankful for the knowledge that I was a great kid/adolescent who was capable of doing many more good things with my life.
But unfortunately, I had the *huge* disadvantage of having a malignant narcissist mother.
Ouch I feel that
Me too
I am glad you are getting better! Feel for you!
I know this story. To a large degree, it's my own.
It will always matter because manipulators shape lives.
#MeToo
How many times my mother has said to me with disdain, “You’re just like your father”. She didn’t realize that I took that as a compliment because I did NOT want to be like her at all.
My mother is 73 years old and suffering the same fate. It’s sad.
I’m glad that you have found healing.
Solitude in the cabin is my choice too! Exactly what I am doing now at 77.
The pain of a highly sensitive person: you see narcissist's bad behaviour, but you empathise them because of their childhood trauma, and you can even think you can heal all that by being a "good" close person. But then comes the reality. And even if they realise what they are doing is wrong and say they want to change, can it all outweigh the pain they give us?.. that's the question.
Dr. Ramani has literally saved my mental life in terms of time spent trying to figure out patterns and how to value them over words. It is literally text book. Once you get it, you can spot it a mile away. Even though we cannot fix or change situations we do have the ability to either manage them, or leave them. Thank you so very much Dr. Ramani, for you have given me direction to research study and complete my psychology degree so that I can better assist the empathic mindsets in our world. You are a paragon and I value you so many times fold. I just want you to know how much you are truly appreciated by I can imagine many out there. I for one feel more comfortable and confident to be able to establish healthy boundaries without the guilt.
Definitely agree 👍
Was in a narcissistic relationship for 11 years and escaped. Ran into a religious narcissist in a charity shop. I escaped her too.
That right there is what got me to stay for way to long... I believed the words over the behavior over and over. Ugh. It's embarrassing and when others ask me how I could have possibly gone that long and not left, it doesn't help. I tried to figure out I could change to stay in the relationship even though I knew there was something wrong with him, like a child trying to figure out how to survive the abusive home. I guess I had a head start on learning how to be in abusive relationships.
where I fail is I always think that they can change and maybe there is something I would say to help that but it hasn't been successful so far
@@karenstrode9636 they will never change. I tried everything I could think of, even tried counseling to find a way to be able to live with him and be ok, nothing is ever enough, ever. Wasted 25 years and most of my strength trying to make it work, loving him while he treated me like garbage unless he was trying to get something from me or impress present company. It's a sick way of living.
Giving up one's addiction to social validation will definitely be of great help in getting rid of narcissism in oneself!
@@sunnyswiatlo6936 I agree, and many psychological professionals I respect are onto this phenom!
I swear I thought I was losing it, trying to figure out my coworker. I had NEVER met anyone like her. Never. I'm 49, too. I stumbled upon one of your videos about people who lack empathy. Then, I realized that a narcissist was MUCH deeper than them loving their outward appearance. I had no idea how deep this was! I understand so much more about what I have to deal with at work, now. It has really helped me understand how to create boundaries and stand my ground. I don't like being "too agreeable" anymore around this one person. It has caused me so much confusion and doubts about myself. I am just NOW figuring out that this coworker of 7 years actually has NPD. Everything you talk about makes me understand this so much more. I am finding it easier to deal with, knowing all of this information you kindly share! Thank you so much, Dr. Ramani! You are helping so many people!
The emptiness. I’ve looked into the eyes of my narcissist and there really is nothing there. I struggled for years wondering if I’m the narc and maybe they weren’t really narcissistic? But that one line about the emptiness puts it in a nutshell. I’d recognise it if I saw it again.
There's nothing behind the flat state .no depth ,no life. They are soulless
Yea I had to question myself too. Like I was on the verge of suicide and my ex told me it wouldn’t make a difference to him anyways because I am dead to him anyways. He’s mad at me because I kept the car and I have his stuff. Which is offered several times to give back but he refused.
@@brinalee3362 truth don't set u free
What she said about being a shell of yourself and some of the conversation following that statement resonated so much with me. When I left the narcissist I was with I always said I was a shell of my former (and current) self. I thought I had a laundry list of problems that “I” needed to work on. I’m not exaggerating when I say I used a special kind of deodorant, special kind of soap, wore certain clothes, ate certain foods, ordered drinks without alcohol, took medicine for sleep, and used strips for snoring all because the narc convinced me that I needed work on all of those things. I had none of those issues! I don’t snore, no out of the norm odor problem, no alcoholism, etc. It was enlightening when I met my now husband who encouraged me to be the real me and found my quirks to be “cute.” 🥰
Dr. Ramani is such a Beautiful and knowledgeable woman. People on so many sites absolutely respect and love her and so do I.
Thanks to her I was able to put a name to the monster that tormented me for over 20 years. Once I learned from Dr Ramini I followed her religiously. He never beat me at his game. It was game over for him and I owe it all to the Doc!
From a mum to a mum. Kindness, compassion and empathy is in our core……. It’s refreshing to see. Something our beautiful world and souls need more of. Spread the love ❤ worldwide
My moms an alcoholic
Aaa
Dr. Ramani is such a gift to all the decent humans out there.
YES!!!
Dr. Ramani, I just wanted to say thank you for doing this work. I am an empath who has been affected by narcissistic abuse. I don't choose the word victim because to me it makes me sound weak and knowingly accepting of the behavior of the narsasists who have affected me and that is not the case. I stood up and left every narcissist in my life except the one who is a close family member and who is suffering a second bought of cancer with no one else to help, but i see myself as a visiting caretaker and i see this person as a client. I have chosen to emotionally devorce myself from them. I choose kindness towards this person because i am kind and i am caring and i am not letting them change that about me. The worst thing narcisists do to their supply is change them at the core of who they are, im not letting that happen. I have my own conscious to answer to any showing kindness is what I need to do. Having that said, you are truly a light shining directly on one of the darkest parts of the human experience and the work you are doing is priceless.
@L agua U r a Guiding Light. Thank U
I am still in contact with my narcissist which a close family member. This education has been enlightening and has explained so much to me. Knowledge is power. I already detached emotionally and I have been much happier not being sucked into the drama and do not allow myself to be dumped on. I live out of state from the family member but I "choose" to call weekly to show love and kindness as well. I know when the time comes if I need to cut ties that I will and will have no guilt. It's quite freeing.
@@yvettebennett6170 I think no contact has to happen in stages, I still struggle with my guilt, and as I begin to heal I still struggle with thinking my healthy thoughts and boundaries are selfish. I find that no matter if I'm around my narcissist or not, I'm still struggling to make choices based on what I want for myself and not how they will react
@@allisonharranmua8193 I am sorry you still struggle with this. I am 53 and it has taken me a long time to get to where I am at today. I knew my family member was mean and toxic and my husband told her that she will never be able to come into my house and treat me the way she did so many years ago. This has gone on my whole life so I have already been setting boundaries and have checked out emotionally in the relationship. I have already cut off ties for months at a time and they were some of the most freeing and happy times. Not having to deal with her at all. There is no gradual with my family member. It also helps I no longer live in the same state but I did not talk to her for about 6 months to a year when I lived only 10 minutes away from her.
You are important. I use to feel guilt but as I get older, I just dont have time for these kinds of people.
@@allisonharranmua8193 I'm exactly like this. I can't get away and I struggle with the same things you're saying ✌️
I am INFJ and tend to be very low-key about my achievements and intelligence to the point that a lot of people treat me like I'm incompetent. While I don't think every one of these people are narcissists, there are definitely some in the mix. What has been equally stressful about that is encountering enablers who don't understand NPD and cannot tell when someone is being incredibly manipulative and insincere.
Me too....
I recently accidentally enabled a narcissistic man because I didnt know the signs. But Ive cut him off now
INFJ also. I’m discovering so much more depth to our minds and souls. The river runs deep with us.
Thanks!
I’m so relieved to hear her say empathy is #1 for her children. We’ve lost that so much it’s been so concerning to me even as a child. I’m now in the healthcare field and i myself struggle because of burnout and what not. So many people are selfish, non-compliant, want everything now, it’s SO HARD to continue to stay in this field and not think negatively so much.
I have been following your talks for quite a while now. I had been gaslighted into believing that I was a dumb person with only book learning, no sympathetic traits, brash, without judgement, apart from living through verbal, emotional, financial and physical abuse! It's only after hearing your talks I realized that I had been dealing all through my life (I am 70) with 5 narcissists(overt and covert). There's nothing on earth wrong with me! Hallelujah!
I think we really need to have a lot more concern about the victims of these predators and the incredible amount of damage they do to them, especially if you have a Malignant Narcissist as a mother and she has turned your siblings against you. These are the people society and the so called mental health professionals need to be educated about and concentrate on. These are the people we need to be studied!!! These are the ones who need to be forefront in the hearts and minds of the "helpers". So much has been said about these monsters and who they are. I hear very little about the damage they do, especially if your Narcissist is your mother. What does the damage look like, how does it affect your life. This is what needs to be studied. These are the people that truly need help.
Yes, absolutely! Narcs are causing PTSD & CPTSD in their victims.
Absolutely !!
I agree I thinky adoptive mother is a covert narcissist now I'm with a narcissist guy for 5 yrs I feel so alone in life rn I cry every day
They are often drawn into the very professions that one would expect to help survivors. They do so much more damage. They may be credentialed but not qualified to treat this specific kind of trauma victims. Few have the heart or mind like Dr. Ramani. There are entire counseling centers with like minded employees, that ultimately feed the beast your life force
Yes. I agree. We definitely need longevity studies done on the impact of the children in these dynamics. Especially the kids of divorce, forced, or living the almost mandatory 50 50 custody in our family courts. I don't agree that children do better with both parents being a part of their life....NO!!
Its actually teaching them disregulation, and how to be manipulative, it's actually asking them to almost have to split their personality, and be different people at each house hold, especially during critical developmental stages, it's absolutely horrifying to me. Granted, this is JUST my opinion, based off my personal experience, and I sure don't mean to generalize...
But I believe to my bones, that there is a huge truth..and am on to something here.
I so don't want to sound like an arrogant prig..and am not a psychologist, but, there has to be some merit to this theory
Because, my,
I wish I would known these things while younger. It would've saved me so much heartache. My husband is the worst type of narcissist.
What is most confusing is how the narcissist pretends to be the victim/empath and that base is one they often believe. Trauma can make a narcissist and that trauma is their ongoing bait for supply and ongoing excuse for their lack of introspective behavior. Regardless of why someone is a narcissist the one thing that connects them all is their inability to self reflect or have the HUMAN desire to not hurt others. It’s all about how they are being hurt and even if they go to therapy it’s not to improve themselves and what they’re doing to other people it is to gain supply
"It hurts to hear this, it must really hurt even more to be with this." 💗!
My malignant narcissist boss also seems to enjoy pestering me. Fortunately there is another boss above him, who seems to realize that the "smaller boss" is crossing the line.
2:09 why it resonates
7:08 Ramani’s work
9:45 changing?
10:30 their emptiness
11:51 NPD
16:07 self confidence
18:21 co occurring disorders
23:31 grandiose
24:11 covert/vulnerable
27:49 benign narc
30:11 lens of patterns
30:58 set goals
31:23 no empathy
31:52 no intimacy
32:33 core insecurity
33:02 how it’s caused
39:26 why they can’t change
49:03 signs
53:49 how early to know
55:30 questions to ask
57:46 if you’re stuck with one
59:41 not realizing abuse
1:00:50 which relationships worst
1:02:19 what triggers abuse
1:03:15 abuse starts right away
1:04:26 prevention
1:05:44 romantic relationship abuse
1:08:34 coworker
1:12:10 help a friend
1:15:00 hope and helpless
1:15:57 can’t change
1:24:31 get them to leave
1:11:56
I just graduated out of a 14 yr marriage with a malignant/toxic narcissist. I did it by growing into a person with boundaries and self respect. Jesus gets all the credit for my growth and graduation because He taught me my value inspite of my ex's devaluing and gaslighting. He was like the concrete covering the soil, and Jesus gave me the rain and sunshine I needed to burst through the crack and bloom anyway! Now I'm free indeed, praise God forever!!!
Amen!
Amen❤
Same Jesus saved me also God bless 🥰
Same
Empathy is the one thing I've ALWAYS tried to instill in my kids. My oldest is 10 now, and I'm happy to say that she is the most empathetic loving kind understanding and just such a good child. I find that what really really helps was anytime she did a behavior I would want to correct, I would ask her to put herself in the other person's shoes, and how would it feel, not how would you like it if, but how would you feel if this had happened to you? and I let her think about it and come to the conclusion that she wouldn't be very happy. so the behavior would get corrected and she never do it again. because she understood what the other person felt and why that wasn't nice and she got it. I also always tell her that her feelings are her feelings, nobody and I mean nobody not even mommy not Daddy not anybody, can tell her that what she's feeling is incorrect or wrong or make her feel bad for the way she feels about something , because her feelings are her feelings and she's the only person on this planet that gets to decide how she feels at any given time. even if that's different from how Mommy feels about something I always tell her that that's okay because Mommy and her are different people so mommy and her are going to have different feelings towards different things and that's okay. she also knows that she can always tell me the truth about her feelings because Mommy will listen to her feelings always and never get mad at her for the way she feels. We also compliment her on her traits more than her beauty. She is definitely a beautiful girl, and she does hear that from us, but when she hears more is how smart she is how kind she is how loving she is how understanding she is how empathetic she is and I found that that really helps too don't compliment just on their looks or on their accomplishments but on the good traits that are in their heart their soul who they are like her compassion
Wow.
I would do anything to have had a mom like you. Those beautiful things also apply to you. The evidence is how you raised your child.
That's a good thing to do, some children need it, most would benefit from it, but honestly a true narcissist doesn't have the capacity to learn and there are those who had the most awful upbringing and recieved none of the guidance you provided, and yet they have a profound capacity for empathy. It's nature and nurture.
@@nataliebutler very true! I'm glad my daughter seems to have been born with a huge empathic ability, and I just hope that I can help her grow into the woman I know she will be one day. And if I'm lucky ill do so in a healthy way, that helps her create and foster the self-esteem and self love that I am still unable to have for myself.
@@HarleyQ604 we give ourselves our self esteem at 7 years old then spend the rest of our lives trying to protect it or build on it, or resolve things which made it low. this is a bit crazy really because its like running an adult body with a childrens 'script' , i realised that we can scrub out this childish script which usually says 'Im no good,' to one which says 'im a decent human being and i have as much right to be here as everyone else' Im not perfect but i dont have to be.
you sound like a great mum.
Having a narcissistic sibling doesn't only have the effect of "not having a confidante," it can sorely damage one's identity, manifestation, confidence, personality. The narc sib's constant gaslighting, competitive domination attempts, triangulation, shunning, dissing--all take their toll. The recipient sibling of this behavior gets the message that it's not okay to fully express their own competencies and gifts because they are always perceived as a competetive threat by the narc sibling.