3 Powerful Ways To Get Over Feeling Angry, Frustrated, or Resentful
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- Опубліковано 1 лют 2017
- There are times for all of us when we feel angry, frustrated or resentful because of how we see a certain situation, but don't actually realize it's our personal perspective or negative beliefs about ourselves or others that are getting us in the way.
In this video I talk about 3 different situations that can cause many of us unnecessary anger, resentment or frustration, and then give you practical strategies to deal with them in healthy and effective ways.
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How do you get through feeling Angry, Frustrated, or Resentful?
Well, some days ago, I watched a video of yours, where you said anger is a secondary feeling, so after that, whenever I felt angry (it happens every day), I remember what you said and begin to look at the primary one. I don't always realize what it is, but at least it distracts me from being angry and the anger passes away. I would say some things more, but english is not my first language, and I get a headache when I try to say too much in english at once.
Thanks for the videos!
I dont
Journaling and writing poetry.
Anger is my main emotion, I have been angry and frustrated all my life, the only way I deal with it is to be alone, and avoid people, but having listened to this video, I have just realised that it is the fact that people don't live up to or by the standards I think are right, just and good, my neighbour never shuts his gate, I always shut mine, I hate the sloppy bastard, he makes me very angry.
Scaramouche you write well.
1. Stop expecting from others what they’re not offering
2. Focus on what went right, rather than obsessing over what went wrong
3. Allow yourself to step out of situations that make you uncomfortable
The reason why I am angry is because I’ve literally devoted my life to making sure everyone is happy, regardless of how I feel.
I feel worthless, not enough and just plain old dead inside. The thought of me being happy instead of angry scares me because it makes me wonder about everyone else. Will they be happy too? I’m too worried about making sure everyone in my family is happy and alright.
This makes me angry because I have put so much of my life on hold because I have been there for everyone ALL THE TIME. Now I have no clue how to break loose. I don’t know how to focus on my life. I’m scared of being happy because it seems to not last long because I almost like, give my happiness to someone else. I put my energy into someone’s else’s life. Leaving mine behind.
I feel like I am not living for me, but I am living for everyone else. Making sure everyone is moving in their life and I’m not going anywhere because I’m helping others move.
It’s my fault, I know. I get taken advantage of.
No one is there for me but I have to be there for them.
damn I feel ya, but your time will come .... there i go doing it again trying to make others happy except me :(
🥺🥺
I think your identity is wrapped up in being available for EVERYONE. Narrow your focus to the people who have your back and choose a different identity. So many choices, you could be the cat person, the curious person, the person ready for an adventure, the person who will listen with no judgement, the person who makes the best cookie, the person who does Yoga, the creative person....you pick!
@Roy Savage read my comment above.
@@elana5544 it's not amazing, it's codependency. Be should be our own priority
When I get in the car i tell myself "Expect poor driving from others" No more road rage lol. Really works
Feeling mad but this made me feel better
Espeeeeeecially the pickup truck drivers. 🙄
@@-EmilyGrace- we dont get them in europe
Lmfao facts 🤣
Oh my God!!! That's exactly why I'm here
A mad guy kept shout on me and at the end hit my car . I was outraged I just wanted to kill him. I don't how I calmed myself down but I'm still angry about I couldn't forget.
I think some people have a right to be angry and resentful. Also it's very hard to change it when the reminders or triggers are there daily. Whether they be other people or not.
Your right it is okay, the thing is how can we channel our anger some where else and change our anger into a positive
Anger yes ... resentful no
You are so spot on!
YO THATS A FACT
@@familiaabc1 outside your safespace.. yes
You'll never be able to control the actions of others. My bf betrayed me what's worst was I thought he was my forever guy so my anger lasted a year. Anger brings physical disease and I want perfect health. So!! I imagined he apologized and told me exactly what I wanted to hear. I imagined it over n over until I got peace within. Never let anger get the better of you. It will only take from you. Release yourself. Let me know if it worked.
Yes
Wow that’s really interesting. I wish that would work for me..
I’m so sorry you were betrayed by your ex. It sounds like you are stronger and in control now! You imaging he apologized to you over and over until you became at peace…I’m going to try that. Thank you for giving us your advice.
This is actually wise advice. Because at the end of the day we want the other person to be accountable, admit their faults, apologize and change
Oh my gosh I hold people to a very high expectation! You are spot on! I expect people to be as nice as I am and they always let me down. Why do people think it’s okay to say whatever they want? I’m nice and polite and just want that back. I do find people end up not liking me because I’m happy and they start saying things they shouldn’t.
Thank you for this video!
I am happy that it resonated with you, Deaner. 😊 Thank you for watching!
just keep being your sweet self.
Deaner Jean Williams Please don’t change. The world needs kind people like you! I can relate to what you’ve said.
Yes, don’t ever change. You’re AWESOME 🦋
Be proud of being human
Brilliant! I learnt:
1. Lower my expectations
2. Just notice the what is, not what it should have been!
3. Take a break from uncomfortable/toxic situations.
Thank you, therapist Julia. 💖
I resent people who send double messages a lot. I resent preachers that are phony. I resent people who borrow money and don't repay. I sometimes read t people who ALWAYS say they will call back and then they don't. Key word here is always. Codependents have a lot of one sided relationships. I feel hurt when in the hospital for days and no family member visits and In their mind they have a good excuse. I resent a lot of things but I am really trying to be way more aware of any part I played In any and all of these scenarios. I don't want to be around rotten people who are nasty or mean once I see a pattern and know who these people are. I am responsible for my own happiness.
How about triple message..?
Those things make me frustrated and angry too🦋
@mary wolfe Check out John Ruskan's emotional clearing process its helped me so much
mary wolfe I agree with you
This is exactly what I needed today. I just realized most of my health issues are from my anger at myself or towards others. Thank you so much
Bingo. You hit the nail on the head, Julia. The reason for the strife in my family is just that - I've realized I have set my expectations too high, and the family member I'm having issues with is just not wired the same way as me. I would bend over backwards for other members - be there at a moment's notice- be there to help and assist however needed. I AM definitely a people-pleaser, and always trying to do something nice for others. That's just ME! I'm NOT overbearing, though - I've never imposed myself upon others, and have backed away when I noticed my attention was not being well-received. But, somehow I thought my family members would BE the same way as me; would WANT to be. And yet, when I didn't see this - the reciprocity wasn't there - the willingness to give and take absent - well, heck yeah, I did get frustrated, and angry. I felt rejected, and unimportant. I DO see it now. But letting go, or lowering my expectations is going to be really difficult. I'm always going to wish for a relationship from my son which matches the one I want to give him...
It’s heartbreaking because my kid is this way.
All we can do is try to meet them halfway and hope they pick up our bids for connection.
Otherwise, we can pray about it and move forward because we have a life to live.
I’m convinced they have NO IDEA how much their actions hurt us.
Parents are human, too!! 😢
💕
Please don't stop making these videos! They're very helpful 😊
I'm so so happy you find them helpful Jane! Thanks for your support.
I am trying to overcome feelings of resentment and two things you said that resounded with me is "focusing on what is, not what isn't" and to find what will empower me in this situation. This will give me a starting point. Thank you....
Me walking away is controlling my anger depending on the situation.
Walking away and taking a little time to breathe is a VERY helpful strategy.
Tokelisas I walk to bring back my Happy too.
Julia Kristina Counselling I walk away when I can when I’m about to start arguing.
Thank you for this. As I'm typing up this comment im alonw reflecting on how angry, irritated and frustrated I've felt all day. Im exhausted from it all. I get those emotions when im around my boyfriend of two years. I feel like he just does and says things that piss me off or that i think are just dumb and wrong. I hate feeling like that and feeling resentment towards myself. I took down notes from your video and im going to try my hardest to relax and reevaluate my emotions. I hate being so critical of him but im critical of even myself. I have so much more to say but for now thanks for putting this information out there.
That would be so frustrating!
I relate a lot to what you’re going through. I get angry, irritated at my fiancé over things that are not my kind of values and honestly aren’t a lot of peoples values. I Feel like if I don’t show him how upset and disrespected he’s making me feel, he will never make a change. But I’m starting to realize, there’s other more healthy ways to get our point across rather than getting angry and irritated. Bc really we’re just hurting ourselves more than we’re hurting or trying to change them. I hope things get better for you.
I’m 27 and I just got out of a toxic relationship that lasted 5 years. I moved back in with my parents over a week. I looked up tips on how to say stop being angry and this video popped up. It was the most helpful and eye opening to me because I’ve been doing all those things in all my past relationships. Especially my last one I just got out of. Thank you for sharing this! I just subscribed to your channel and really looking forward to watching and reading everything you share! ❤️
I love my dad and I respect and admire him but he makes me angry. I hate that I let myself get angry over things he says.He taught me and my brother to be respectful of others opinions but whenever we try to show our point of view on a topic we are automatically labeled as “inexperienced” and that we don’t know anything about anything.
It’s extremely frustrating because its always us who have to shut up and be “the bigger person”.After years of dealing with this I have learned to disengage from the conversation that is making me angry but it’s so difficult to do this without making him more angry for not just agreeing with him or being “dismissive”.I’m always just left feeling resentful and bitter towards him after these discussions.I wish he could just listen the same way we listen to him….It’s so infuriating.
I also would be super frustrated if I was treated like that!
People, first and foremost, want to be seen and heard.
It’s supremely ironic that your Dad taught you to respect others but he isn’t respecting you kids!
I’m a parent of 3 - to me it sounds like your Dad wants validation that he is always right.
He sounds insecure to me.
You are the bigger person because you’re smart enough to disengage.
IMO, your Dad should at least hear you out and NOT insult you by saying you are ‘inexperienced.’
I wasn’t heard or seen as a kid so I tried to listen to my kids when they were growing up.
Sometimes kids have insights and observations that we adults don’t have.
There are no perfect parents -
We ALL make mistakes.
Now you have found that out about your own Dad.
I think you are doing the right thing by creating distance when he does this since you know you will NEVER win.
I hope you can teach these skills to your brother, so that he can also protect himself from this negativity.
You guys deserve to be seen and heard.
Not dismissed because your Dad’s ego won’t let him see that he could learn a thing or two from his own children!
This is more about HIM than it is about you kids.
I know it’s hard, but try not to take it personally.
I hope you show this post to your brother, dear.
💕💕💕
Whenever I get angry, I always try to go somewhere quiet, as soon as I possibly can, and try to calm down. I take my time, voice my concerns to myself, and always find out what made me angry in the situation. An angry mind always jumps towards irrationality over logic, reason, and understanding in the heat of the moment. After things cool down, I always want to talk about things amicably if I can, or understand what made me so bitter and brooding. It's tough to work with anger, it's like herding wild dogs. However, with practice, and the acknowledgement that anger is/can become an issue, is a positive step in the right direction.
I think my happiness will come once I’m not around people and only have a dog and my kitty❤️
Thank you for the third point-it’s ok to say “no” to some social situations. I do this very often and have been much happier since giving myself permission to avoid social situations where the negative is likely to outweigh the positive. However, I’ve encountered some criticism and feel some guilt by making these decisions. It’s encouraging to receive validation. I give myself permission to hang out with people I like and who like me, or participate in groups with a common agenda/cause. Also, I trust myself to know when people are talking negatively about me behind my back (or just are being individually judgmental) and to avoid those situations.
These videos have really helped me. Thank you. I carry around a lot of resentment that I'm trying to overcome and videos like this help keep me balanced. Remember that no matter what you're going through emotionally, you are not alone.
Thank you for making these videos! It's so relatable and helpful.
Thank you so much for having a channel to help others! I have this built up anger and I often have times where I just have get angry and let it consume me. Watching this video really helps my mind bring up those things or events in life. It also gives me a different way of thinking or adding to what I know but didn’t know, if that makes sense. I love this video and I hope I can let go of this struggle so that I can be me again. Thank you for sharing!
Wow, this really helped put things in perspective. Thank you so much!
Julia Kristina, you are insightful, intelligent, logical and so very helpful. You are a shining star! 🌟
thank you so much for making this video, you've helped me very quickly transfer my bitterness into this blissful contentment, I've not even finished the video, just understood that people have different values and so lowered my expectations of others and written it as a reminder ;)
I am getting to the point where I don't want to have any expectations at all. Focus on taking care of myself and being true to myself.. I seem to have people who like to cross boundaries and show disrespect.... I need to be more assertive, discerning, and being true to self. I always go back to what part in whatever scenario do I play? people will treat me the way I let them.
You are not alone. People who sacrifice alot for other people often feel resentful. Here is the solution. Begin immediately to put your needs first. A person who has sacrificed as much as you have could never be truly selfish, since you need not worry about it. But you must begin today to treat yourself as well as you treat others. Make a list of everything you couldn't do because you sacrificed for others. Then live out a portion of those desires. A portion often satisfies. So if you wanted to be a school teacher; teach something to someone. If you wanted to be a doctor; volunteer at the red Cross etc. Find a way to taste all your lost dreams. If you have the energy pursue the original dream, if not, taste the dream. It is never too late to try out one of your dreams or to create a new one. Remember, your virtue is that you are not selfish, so be generous with yourself.
Thank you so much for this video which was just what I needed today. I am really grateful for you offering such great and helpful content for free. It really makes a difference in my life. And yes, I am guilty of all 3, but working on it!
Great Video. Thank you for posting. This was informative and helpful.
I am almost at the end of the video, but I need to pause it before I forget to say thanks. Thank you very much - this helped me a lot. You are the best - a rockstar!
I am glad that it resonated with you. Thank you for watching!
AndroidTempAcc And This Info is truly helpful
Thanks for the reminders, good to refresh these healthy ideas, as I tend to forget, and slip back into less positive territory.
So true. Thanks for uploading.
Thanks so much for this. I found it incredibly helpful and PRACTICAL!
Thank you for your videos Julia! They have been very helpful :)
This 100% hit home and is giving me the steps to start working on lowering muy expectations of my peers to solve some of the career dissatisfaction that I feel at times. I do hold it in and wonder my they do not jump in and volunteer to take on things for our site as I do. Then I find myself angry or resentful with them and its all because I expect them to be more like me. These videos are huge influence for my career development. Thank you
I find these videos very helpful and informative, Glad I found this UA-cam page
you can pretty much discuss any subject.
I'll like them all.
you have a way of expressing such a jovial seriousness and genuine concern to peacify.
Thank you for the tips. So happy that I found your channel!
Thank you so much. Your videos are extremely helpful for me. I really feel like you care and that you speak based upon your own experiences. I feel comfortable because you relate to me.
I have a friend who is everything you described. We never fight about anything and she's always there for me. And I'm watching this video. Explanation? Well, my crush just crushed me.
Had I seen these videos few months back, the situation in which I am in would have been way different. Thank you for helping. Please don't stop making these videos.
Pratik Basak WOW!!! I agree that this video is definitely transforming.
Thank you... I really needed this
Thank you for thoughtfully sharing. Some negative feelings have been coming up as I realize that past relationships have taken my words out of context in some really harmful ways which has made me hesitant to engage more optimistically in new relationships. Being able to learn from these experiences and set clear boundaries for the future is a positive take on these experiences. Ironically, it’s Valentine’s Day despite the subject of resentment. I sincerely hope you feel appreciated and loved on this day Julia!
This was a really great video, I took down a lot of notes that made me reflect on my previous experiences and actions, so thank you
I really needed this today thank you so much
Thank you. This was so powerful and has really helped me discover something about myself which has been frustrating for me
This has helped and definitely on point with how things are with my life at the moment. Thank you for sharing ☮️
Thank you so much. Unfortunately I had a hard childhood. It makes it worse because there are many worse things that could happen and I have had distant family members even shame me for saying I had a bad childhood when people have it so much worse. I delt with death of a parent.. apparently I'm not allowed to feel bad though because I had a "wonderful step parent who stepped up". I also dealt with a lot of abuse and maliciousness from my real parent as well as lack of empathy. They were always fighting and yelling. I was so angry I could have snapped. I thought I had come a long way but recently a failure to succeed in my academic pursuits and also being in a crappy relationship, as well as betrayal from a friend (let's not get into estrangement from most of my relatives) has brought out a very angry familiar side in me and I just want to not let it consume me. I had come to such a wonderful, carefree place for a few years and I just want that back.
SoniB Xo I pray you find joy
Oh gosh our situations sound soo similar. & yes! The anger!! Hugs to you, hope you find peace in knowing I feel what you feel 🤗
Keep it up, I hope you find how to deal it.
Same 😘
@Peach Life How are you doing now? (If you don't mind me asking?)
Thank you!! This was so helpful.
Julia: This is a beautiful information. I have lived all my life just feeling my emotions without knowing what, why and what I can do to feel well. You are big help to understand my emotional life. Thanks a lot to share your knowledge and your effective ness. I sincerely appreciate you!!!
Wow!this is really helpful to me,I'm glad I found ur blog.its educational and informative...
Thank you for this video! Love it!
Fantastic video! Thank you. 💗
This video is right on time for me! Thank you so much! I have recently discovered your channel and I love it!!! Greetings from Transilvania!
lower expactations doesn't feel better and doesn't work for anything. I don't think that is real a solution. I only agree with you about accepting what it is.
Miray Saygı agreed
Just because it doesn't work for you doesn't mean it doesn't work for others 👍🏽
It does work, You're just too dumb to know how to apply it 💜
@@russrn824 wow rude
you women should try to live in the real world
Thank you.. really needed this today
You're welcome! Thank you for watching!
Thank you. This was perfectly expressed. Virtual hug
Brilliant, really enjoy the way put things.
wow just wow. Thank you so much for this video!!!
This was helpful and motivating, thank you
Thank you for making this video ❤️
Thank you, Julia Kristina. I love your videos. I recommend them to my college students. Blessings to you.
This viedo was very well explained and self reflecting. I was able to apply this to my relationship and we've grown exponentially. Thank you.
Yes I need this talk dealing with Anger, resentment bitterness and you right I had expectations and relate to all 3 causes you discuss
Really needed to hear this today! Such a helpful video ❤️
Thank you so much for these videos!!!! I need to hear them and continue to retrain my way of thinking, resenments you name it, and then my belly stays bloated lol...really...too much cortisol, but I'm working on it...and these videos are really helping, Good Bless You!!!
I have what's called emotional dysregulation disorder elsewhere in the world but is called borderline personality disorder in America thanks to resistance from those who compile the DSM to discard a gross misnomer. This and your video about naming, claiming, and taming emotions makes WAY more sense to me than at least 80% of what's presented in dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), which gets LOTS of press as the only therapy documented as being useful for people with BPD. I have bipolar disorder, too, as well as hoarding disorder, and as ALL of these conditions have a genetic component, I sometimes dream that DNA therapy will help those with them someday. Until then, though, I'm ever so grateful for you and your work here. Thank you.
Im such a good person in a world full of hate greed etc, but to end up knowing your own family are the culprits causing some of these symptoms really just boils me up Its ok though lesson learned moving on thanks for your video I need to see someone like you to help me understand these emotions. Now I know though to not ever come close to certain people, even for someone else its the only way to go. Thanks for this video !!
Thank you Julia for this video. i really need it.
This is a wonderful and accurate video - thank you xx
Thank you so much for this video, truly
Thank you, Thank you, Thank you. Im feeling really frustrated in this time of my life. Ill try to put your advices in practice.
Thanks a lot. This was very very helpful.
Very helpful, thank you so much 🙏
thanks, this was really insightful. I think my expectations of other people (and myself) are too high, and I end up becoming frustrated and angry if other people aren't as smart or moral as I think they should be. If I lower my expectations of average people I think I will get angry less and I will be more confident about myself
Amazing , really helped
Hard one, but I like the part about expecting what they are offering. That's really key in a situation I am frustrated with. They never offered and I am annoyed that they didn't and every day that they don't, I get more annoyed. That is a good way to move past it. Thanks!
This is so helpful, Thanks a lot Julia
This is so instructive!
Your absolutely right! Thankyou
This is helpful! I am a very feisty person and have continued frustration about the behavior or the LACK of action or behavior from others.
I want to much to not be inherently feisty and a high achiever at times 😔
Thank you for the video. Truly helped, a lot.
I always feel frustrated when things don’t go in a certain way but thanks that’s helped
thank you, it really helped me to get over smth. good job.
feeling angry will just get anyone frustrated and resentful these 3 ways always great to have in mind
Very helpful. My expectations of certain people are still up there, why do I do this to myself everytime. The good thing is I looked for help this time and found this video. Thank you.
Thank you. Great Video.
so glad it connected with you Jukey!
I found this really helpful and I feel less angry and anxious towards the end of this video and realised the different part of what I needed to focus on instead of negative like I forget more of the good and only focused on the bad but more good things happen in that day than bad so it’s much harder to let go of the bad then good but I’ve realised the good is more important and more helpful to learn from than the bad need to practice this more often thankuuuu.
Olivia Handforth It is really good info
I get so frustrated like for nothing I just start to hate my self 😕
❤
I've found that it is impossible to lower my expectations enough. There is always one more knife in my back.
I just wound your channel, and i absolutely love this! Keep on doing you❤️
I searched youtube for an angry frustration video and the first one I come to is this. And you are right I need to lower my expectations and look at what is instead of what isn't. It didnt take my anger away immediately though. I think it will take some time. And I'll let you know how it goes.
I just subscribed to your channel so thank you so much 😊
I'm extremely frustrated right now because I was in a Model UN conference and my chair is not calling on me because there are a lot of people in the conference. There are also two manipulative guys who's controlling everything and I'm super frustrated because of them. Thanks for the video, it really helped me get my frustration out and think clearly!!
Thank you for your positive wisdom Helps me great deal
Found this very helpful!
Needed this today 😩 thank you ❤️
Thank you for this. It has given me an epifany. I have been angry for years at someone who bullies me. This made me realize I can say no without requiring their permission. My no is a complete answer and I need not feel guilty that I am not acting a different way or giving in to their preferences.Thanks
I personally get angry when life and people meddle into my business and flip over my whole schedule so that I have to reorganize everything. I don't like it when I plan everything out and then something happens that forces me to change my plans
Same here☹