Frustration Intolerance: Signs You Have It & 4 Fun Ways to Build Patience
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- Опубліковано 2 жов 2024
- Frustration intolerance is a problem where you become overwhelmed or frustrated quickly in tasks or situations. It's a common problem that can be difficult to overcome. In this video, we'll discuss 4 fun ways to build patience and improve your frustration tolerance
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I absolutely needed this. I was at work yesterday and my coworker looked at my face and said ‘I know you’re getting frustrated’. I’ve always seemed to have low tolerance for frustration but, there are instances where it seems to be lower. I know if I’m hungry or my head hurts and my attention is on the pain, my threshold is too low and it will show on my face. I’m going to follow these steps. Thank you
@colasticc7508 you and me both. Thank you✊🏽
Me too ;)
@@patrickreiter3319 ✊🏽🙏🏽
I think what I have is more of an exacerbation of my generalized anxiety disorder..
I panic and might actually get a panic attack. I start pacing back and forth, and sometimes even screaming.
I sure could use a actual sedative, but I know that alprazolam may not be the best idea because I could get dependent 😢
Chamomile tea, gonna have some now!!
@@samf.s.7731 I love that we are acknowledging a real issue. Healing is on the way.
Chamomile tea is perfect 🙏🏽😊
Those scenarios sound like spoiled brat reactions. Can childhood neglect be at the root of this? At my core I feel like my frustration stems from the feeling that my parents forced me to figure out life (or be punished) with little help from them and actually hindered progress by putting their selfish needs ahead of their kid's needs. For example, they wouldn't turn on the heat in winter to save money, then would spend $1000 (1970s price!) on a set of gourmet pots and pans. Not kidding! So now when I can't figure out a solution to a problem on my own, then I feel like the world is plotting against me or taking advantage and I can get very frustrated at this, even though mentally I know it's probably not true.
My situation my mother and father completely left me alone where I don't know how to speak read properly and communication, i lacked everything confidence, self esteem self worth they never helped me and which led to figuring out the career and job by myself, they created tons of problem which created tons of financial issue, they did whatvere they wanted and screwed their life and our life
Tracy Marks is hands down the most helpful person I have ever learned from. I love this video! She helps me gain insight and I’m grateful.
And this stuff is just out here, free for everyone to find. My life isn't all that much fun, but I can't help adoring this technology and the people who fill it with content. When I was a kid, it was normal to not have a phone at home (admittedly, I was born in Eastern Germany :) ), and now this. Weird. Awesome, but weird.
@@Volkbrecht❤
Yes!!! She is practical, concise, and most importantly, she is well-educated. Her content is such a powerful tool in healing.
Drip torture with recorded dripping / does it work?? For much work?
This has been the most helpful mental health video I’ve ever come across. FULL STOP! Thank you Dr, for all your great work.
I really needed this today. I have a very low frustration tolerance and it comes out at work alot. Thank you Dr. Marks you always show up exactly when I need your advice and instruction ❤❤❤
At work (ex barista here) we call that being "stressy aggressy", especially since you can't very well leave the floor, so some level of being curt is accepted
I like that term - stressy aggressy. 😀 I'll have to borrow that.
“Stressy aggressy” 😂
Me at work: I'm stressy agressy, I gotta lay off the espressy"
It sucks when you can't even take a second to go to the back and recollect yourself. Love our society.
I burned my hand with a Large Americano (boiling water is much hotter than steamed milk)...
I cried, sat in the back for all of 3 minutes before my manager told me to come back. She got demoted 😂
@@alphamail8974 oh that's horrible. Im glad she got what was coming! I've gotten burned on oven too, but the croissants don't stop coming
Working in customer service gave me some crazy tolerance in some areas. Alternatively, the only day I remember absolutely having to leave a shift as soon as humanly possible was basically a 5 hour drip torture, the Christmas music got stuck on Elvis’s Blue Christmas for my whole shift, I was absolutely desperate to get away.
I get that with rap, contemporary r and b and country. Especially if loud. REALLY makes me angry.
Number 3 method seriously works. Our minds tend to get there when trying to manage stress or organize thoughts.
Fun thing is I used to be super tolerant and patient but peopltkept being aholes until I changed. Now I have cero tolerance for any bs or anything really. Im not happy about it but its just how it is. Now I gotta work through that too.
Thank you for this….this is what I suffer from…I knew it had to be more than just my BP1…..I have come a long way but my frustrations get the best of me a lot of times….
Thank for this! I’m going to try some of these exercises. Because of frustration intolerance I have walked out on numerous jobs due to the overwhelming anxiety, anger and depression when I’m in a high stress situation. Like I’m being pushed into a corner and my fight or flight kicks in. I am going to bring this up with my therapist as well because now I can put a name on why I’ve likely given up on a lot of things in life.
This
Same
This video helped me realize that I have different tolerances for specific frustrations... Like, the water-dripping or creaking sounds almost never bother me even when I'm trying to sleep. But rushing through to the fastest line, especially the self-checkout is def one that i have low tolerance for. I like the examples, useful to identify ones to work on.
I am the reverse.
This video was incredibly helpful for me to shed a light on my own struggles with frustration, but it really opened my eyes to a family member I have who struggles with frustration significantly more than I do. I always thought this family member (a sibling) was just cranky and had a low tolerance for any inconvenience, however minor. It has actually gotten to the point where I don’t want to spend any time with this person due to their need to control their environment- including the people in it. Realizing they likely have something like this going on makes me feel less frustrated with them (pun intended!) While being aware of this issue will obviously not ‘fix’ the situation or the person, it will certainly help me have more empathy toward and develop more healthy coping mechanisms for future situations where they become frustrated. Thank you. ❤
Wow. I needed this. I recognized myself in so much of this video. The fact that the simple exercises suggested sounded excruciatingly unbearable to me tells me they are exactly what I need. Many (uncomfortable) thanks.❤️
I have low frustration tolerance but try to hide it. I have a history of developmental abuse/trauma, GAD and combined type ADHD. I live in a near constant state of overwhelm and am pretty much always at minimum a 6 on the SUDS scale (and that's on a good day) so I tend to get pushed into fight or flight mode easily and snap at people more often than others when pushed. I know I'm a terrible person and generally feel awful from a free floating anxiety/stressed out feeling...
You are not a terrible person!
I'm pretty much the same we have d.i.d and this is literally every day but then also have adhd and trauma. I think the trouble is these things can be linked to far too many things and so confusing to actually find the route course of it all. Like having D.i.D but then again I don't know who suffers from the adhd etc everything comes and goes. That alone is enough to cause the frustration but the system in this country UK is also horrible. Just have to live in this kinda low effort state to just get by. Worst thing is got nobody is around to relate. Because ironically this frustration thing drives them all away because they don't understand what leads to more frustration lol. Complete cluster fuck
I understand the feeling that you may be a terrible person. The more likely explanation is that your early caregivers did not fulfill your needs for reassurance or comfort - and that tracks with what you said earlier.
I have a lot of the same issues - anxiety, ADHD, autism, and emotionally unavailable parents. It’s helpful to understand where my frustrations are coming from - I especially resonated with the statements “I can’t lower my standards even if it would be convenient” and “I can’t stand being taken for granted.”
Changing my expectations of life over time, and going no-contact with my very demanding parents, has dramatically improved how I cope with frustration each day.
The one thing I can’t do from this list is the Zen Master Stare, because it was frequently employed as a punishment when I was a child. It’s too bad that a potentially helpful tool was employed on me with the goal of breaking my spirit.
Best of luck on your journey!
Yooo this is so relatable, ty for sharing! 😂🙏❤
Wow looks like I have to work on all of these. I get frustrated just having to go to the bathroom 😂 I often ask myself why GOD made us have to go to the bathroom 😂😂😂😂 Doing dishes, cleaning etc. I definitely make my life the easiest possible. But it's also because I'm physically tired everyday😢
Thank you for this! I definitely have a low frustration tolerance. Will be doing these exercises.
Seems another good identification test is how you react internally to hearing the first two coping practice exercises 😳😳😳
Frustration and getting excessively angry was part of my life for to many decades. Late in life I started taking a supplement GABA for tinnitus, didn't work. However my frustration levels changed for the good and my total energy level increased, crazy I know but it worked.
4) Yesterday I sang on a Karaoke in front of some people, I was in anxiety, boarding panic, because I didn't know how I was doing it, I speak in public and meet new people and no problem, but singing scares me. Today I was thinking to quit singing and, right know, in this moment, I was thinking that I should persist doing it because it's a good therapy for frustration management, and surprise!!!! UA-cam recommended me this video. THANK YOU Dr.!!!!! By the way, Bipolar Disorder, so my threshold is too small. Greetings from Costa Rica.
I am so grateful for your channel Dr. Tracey Marks. Thank you so much for the content you provide us.
I’m 35 yrs old and just realized today that THIS was my problem I wasn’t a victim of circumstances in many cases as I felt. I feel so hopeful this is something I can work on it’s held me back so much in life and it affects everything in life that’s important to me, relationships and work and quality of life. I’m feeling so grateful today even though it has sucked so far haha! Working on it ❤
Yes .....i always think, i shouldn't have to deal with this BS. I have all of the above symptoms apart from substance abuse. I actually was over protected as a child and yes i did feel frustrated when i think back.
Just shared this on facebook. I know so many people IN ADDITION to myself that could use this.
Did the coping strategies give anyone else major anxiety 😂😂😂 I think ill die before I even get started
The last form mentioned, about ambitions and fulfilling potential, is interesting to me. I have VERY low frustration tolerance for the first and third form, but I've never had ANY ambitions, goals or aspirations, and don't even know how it feels to be fulfilled, satisfied, proud or to feel a sense of achievement or accomplishment. I wonder if this is a very early defense mechanism against fear of failure. I have very HIGH frustration tolerance for that, but only because I never try in the first place!
Will be trying these. Thanks for your content!
How did you know that I needed this like especially this week. (Btw, I literally thought every sentence in those 4 categories) Just yesterday I gave myself a homework of figuring out how to be less entitled and be content with the life as it is. Even coming to terms with the fact that deep down I am hella entitled is super hard and I feel so embarressed by it.
I think it’s awesome that you are aware of this. I think entitlement is something that exists in us all but it’s very taboo to talk about. No matter where we grow up, we are taught some way of life and how it’s supposed to go, so when we don’t get the expected results it’s frustrating. I will share an example of mine.
I was taught that going to school would get me a good paying job. Well, I went to school for tech and I have a decent job, but trying to get the ideal one in my head is not turning out so great. Sometimes I shake my fist at the sky and say “I worked so hard and now I can’t have what I deserve” when in reality, I have it so good and there’s more time in the future for me to get the job. So, I try to turn to gratefulness whenever I feel a bit entitled
I've been practicing gratitude every single day for the first time in my life since the beginning of the year, I cannot see it right now but I'm sure that it helped me in many ways.
I’m proud of you for trying to become a better human being.
Your heart will get bigger every day. 👍
@@kasondaleigh Aww thank you 🙈
RELATABLE 🙏❤
I noticed I was like this many years ago, and even after trying for years to deal with it, I'm still not very good at it. Even when I consciously understand that I'm getting frustrated for no reason and that I should be calm and patient, I feel a primal biological need to get frustrated. It's super weird. It's probably something learned for sure because my dad is like that, but it's so instinctive that it feels like a forceful behavior from my body.
Look up human design.
These videos are so necessary and helpful! Forever grateful to Dr. Marks for her expertise and content. Sincere gratitude. Your voice in this space is priceless.
I've always called it conflict theory: when something happens in a situation that you didn't imagine happening. Heh 😅 I guess the intolerance is the threshold for the stress caused when things happen differently than what you were imagining.
I could not do the drip method. I appreciate your videos.
I have been taking these antipoetic meds.. I came from Scandinavia .
Trying to gain the trust of pigeons to the point I can get them to stand on my hand or in my lap took over 2 years for me with some birds. It requires lots of patience and the birds have to trust you’re not going to harm them. Once a few of them trust you, it’s much easier for the rest to follow.
I suffer from depression and I get frustrated with most things I do especially when im in a que in shop. im trying so much
to change but dont know how! i guess when im more patient, my depression will have gone too
Okay the first two suggestions sound like my own personal hell but I can get behind 3 & 4
I just practiced on a run to town. Got stuck in construction traffic for 20 minutes and I waited in a line up instead of using self checkout.
Regarding the challenges .... 💧 I already live with #2 drip torture in my bathroom.
I'm willing to try 3 Zen Stare & 4 Fear Challenge.
🛒 As for #1, no way. I am so grateful that Costco and (many) Aldi now have self-checkout. I wouldn't go to those stores otherwise because before self-checkout, it was a snail test nearly 100% of the time.
Thank you for all you do Dr. Tracey you’re such a blessing.🥺🫶🏾🦋🌹
You are so welcome! ❤️
I have frustration when things move at a glacial pace. Especially in my job when [literally] 17 folks must take [literally] 23 hours and [literally] 5 meetings just to let me take an hour or three to just let me do my work...
The feeling of frustration is a horrible one. For me it feels like: I'm talking to a wall, that nobody listens to what I am saying, helpless, trapped, out of place, unable to accept there is another way, unable to sit down and rethink this, unable to accept that people are taking advantage of me, depowered, staring things from a window, constricted, unable to see that I am creating this.
As someone who works retail I do ask if u don't have the patience please go to a shorter line...especially if the sales associate seems new...
Inability to accept reality between one's expectations and reality.... Frustration Dyscomfort scale !
I'm confused wether this applies to me or not.
First I thought it would describe perfectly how I can't cope with the stress when I'm trying to look for something that's not where is supposed to be. But I don't really recognize the examples and I could with no problem stand in line or look at paint dry lol (unless my toddlers are around but that's a different thing I believe).
This is very interesting. I feel like too high a frustration tolerance is probably also not ideal - it would keep you from changing things that need to be changed.
Agree completely. There are some people who put up with frustration for way longer than it seems worth it.
I'm confused, how is the concept of "the problem isn't the stressor, it's your reaction to it" compatible with the concept of validating feelings?
Just because a feeling is valid doesn’t mean the thought that triggered the feeling is true. If someone lies & tells me something terrible happened to someone I love, my feelings of sadness and pain are real and valid, even though they are rooted in something false. Similarly, feelings of frustration are valid feelings, but they may be rooted in us telling ourselves untrue or unhelpful things, like “I SHOULD be a success”, especially if we have internalized an unhealthy and rigid definition of success that may be unrealistic for us.
Wow. Sometimes the Holy Spirit will tell me too take the slow way home or just relish in a moment that usually causes me anxiety/frustration/anger. Watching this is confirmation. Thank you so much.
imagine watching these and always thinking: oh I have this too?
or don't, cuz I'm not the only one 💀
But, I live in Argentina.
Now just have to figure out how to get my step daughter and mother in law to watch this... and my boss...
This describes me perfectly. I get angry not so much at the problem or situation, but at the timing of it happening. In other words, it feels like problems happen at the worst possible moment and sometimes continue to do so. It is almost like a situation where you are planning a picnic or going to the park, and it begins to rain. You can’t make it stop raining but eventually it will stop. Getting angry about it makes it worse. So if you are at work and things are not clicking as they should, that is like the rainstorm. Remain calm and know it will eventually stop. Getting angry at work makes it rain harder and longer than originally planned. I have learned this the hard way. Unfortunately, some folks seeing a person go through this will not understand it or be empathetic. They will seize the moment to hurt you. Anyway I hope this makes sense and helps someone. Excellent video with some challenging exercises to do.
That's me! I struggle to cope with frustration.
Dealing with idiots and idocracy, how???
I have sensory problems that exacerbate my cognitive limit for frustration so my baseline is already at a disadvantage. Trying to push through the confusion as it only intensifies makes me melt down.
Same. I went into a store and walked by a security guard, he had the worst body odor! But other customers could not smell anything. I casually made small talk with the pretty cashier and she noticed the repulsion on my face and when I told her that the security guard had awful body odor she said 'Oh my god, I thought I was the only one who could smell it'. That assured me that my nose was not playing tricks on me. Having a good sense of smell is a blessing and a curse. And don't get me started on keypad tone on cellphones.😠
I get easily frustrated but bottle it up
Totally me
Omg this is so me… i consider myself patient but I do get easily frustrated I just keep the reaction inside most of the time to not hurt ppl with my outburst of frustration. But ummmm sit with a leaky faucet?? No WAY!! My nerves are rattled just thinking about it.. lol. Stare at a blank wall for TWENTY minutes???? Yikes!!! That sounds like torture lol. Man oh man I need help lol 🤦🏾♀️
Here’s another exercise suggestion: Have kids. Try to get them out the door to daycare/school in the morning. Whatever happens, don’t scream or abandon your family.
#3 Zen Master Stare - stare at a wall for TWENTY MINUTES with no distractions.
I can't correctly convey how impossible that sounds to me LOL
The very first suggestion of exposure therapy caused a visceral reaction in me…. So i guess I have stuff to work on 😅
Sounds a lot like my daughter, who I also suspect may have adhd. I’m working on getting her the support she needs
Wish I had a parent like that
needed this!! your content is amazing and so helpful!!!
I feel frustrated just listening to the exercises 😂😂😂
Same😂
2:02 Good video but the chipmunk voices when reading statements ("I can't stand waiting for what I want") are really off-putting. Just read them in a normal voice. Your audience is smart enough to understand when you're reading a quotation and doesn't need a comic pitch change to help.
Great video beautiful lady. Walking the snail pace in the supermarket will make the other customers frustrated. 😆
I hate it but all of these are me to a T. I'm a highly sensitive person (HSP) and I have borderline personality disorder which are two issues that definitely don't help. I have generalized anxiety and persistent/major depression. Fourteen years and counting of trying to bring down symptoms and growing up in a household that always discouraged the expression of emotions, especially anger...and, yeah. Let's just say I'm in therapy lol. I'm also severely perfectionistic to a point where it qualifies for a mild OCD diagnosis. These challenges though? No thanks. 🥴🙃 I'll continue my maladaptive coping mechanisms of scrolling and gaming lol.
Thank you for your tips and strategies! I definitely have a low tolerance for frustration ever since I was a little girl, I was a tantrum thrower and really that’s carried into my life. I struggled with substance abuse issues for 20 years and now that I’m clean and sober it’s been really difficult navigating my mental and emotional states with no buffers.
I love your content. Thank you!
Geez I try to rewind the part you were talkin about frustration and the button goes back 30 seconds I only want to go back 15 seconds this piece of crap UA-cam is so annoying can't they design something that works and then I fast forward and it goes too far it's unbelievable the more advanced humans get the worst technology becomes it's disgusting our entire culture is doomed.
Now, what were you saying?
Finally I understand what my deal is with frustration. Like you said, most of the time it’s not what happens to me it’s how I see it that makes me frustrated. Thank you very much for your video
Acievement frustration is my one, I can think of how to do something well but when I do it in real life distractions get in the way and get me incredibly frustrated. There is an underlying problem there which has nothing to do with frustration which is my ADHD. Ego and entitlement are not a problem at all.
What great timing of this video. Not only do I have this, but now I know that some of my coworkers have the same issues. This past week, I had 2 incidents with 2 different co workers that turned confrontational when all 3 of us have this issue. Or do they???!!! because they rather have their eyes in their phones and be distracted while working... Instead of keeping themselves busy until breaks. 🤔
I needed this today, Dr. Marks.
Me too
Hi 👋 Thank u for post. Finding is helpful to live 😊.
Regards
some of this advice seems wacky. Youre telling me the reason I cant tolerate frustation is because I dont sit there and tolerate it? Every day is filled with sensory issues and emotional triggers, shouldnt I be some some of god at managing this issues with your logic? In my experience im becoming less tolerant over time. I dont get any time away to collect myself and prepare, its a constant daily battle.
Thank you for your videos. My patience is very low and I cope bad with frustration ; in my case ,it turns to anxiety...
would you consider doing a video on this topic for people with adhd or autism, as I know sometimes our frustration does fit into some of these categories but some are more specific to those conditions, like communication frustration, frustration around managing your own expectations, frustration around boredom, a need for clarity, information or answers.
Any meditation will do. We'll do anything except raise the standard of living for our wage slaves.
I hope this helps someone survive through hell long enough to see better days
I have no tolerance for frustration to the point it’s hard to value relationships. Went the sigma route.
I think my husband has low frustration tolerance. Everyday all day it is something different, and as a result I'm walking on eggshells around him pretty much all of the time. I just want to block the pain I feel by his constant poor treatment of me but I can't. Would you have any advice for me on how to cope with it? Thank you.
It’s not your job to ‘cope with HIS frustration’ it’s his job to do something about it if he values you.
If he doesn't go to therapy just divorce him. Good luck!
The rollercoaster of emotions tied to fund loss and the pursuit of recovery.
Oh thank you for this information! I've been delving into how I can manage my ADHD symptoms and having ways to practice building up areas that I struggle with is such a blessing. I will say, the very thought of sitting in the room with a dripping faucet makes me irritated, but I'm excited to grow
I truly have never once felt like I have identified with what I have read or watched until today. My 50th birthday, too. Happy birthday, Evey .
I asked Google today, "Why do I get angry at inconveniences?"
It came up with LFT. I read what it said and had a bingo baby moment. Wow!!! I pretty relieved that I connected to something. I am trying out your exercises. Thank you for posting this video.
Fascinating stuff! I have discovered since I've gotten in my 60's how intolerant I am regarding simple, stupid, & nonsignificant incidences. I don't know if age has anything to do with it or not. And I may not have this problem to the degree exhibited in the video, but this information has definitely given me something to think about. I'm hoping to mend my ways & calm down or get to the root of why I seem to have a meltdown over things that don't even matter. God help me! I'm grateful for this info.
Step 1: don’t work with the public. They have absolutely no idea what they’re doing but you can’t let them know that. It’s like they’ve never used a debit/credit card before, don’t know their phone number, and they enjoy coughing in your face. I’m surprised they clothe themselves and drive to the store.
Step 2: try to find a job where you are responsible for your productivity and not that of a team. Any team will have slackers.
Interesting. Very interesting.
Tracy, you haven't mentioned a meditation as probably the most popular form of coping. But what do I know?
This. This is me! Thank you. I’m just learning.
Listening to the sound of dripping water for a long period of time would give me an urge to pee.
excellent video i have known about this taken flower essences for this sat with my feelings to feel the intensity of them and gave comassion for them. i always wanted to know how to contact you but never knew how to to develop some sort of clarity mind out a very difficult sitaution i am unable to resolve as i have had many differnt diagnoses over the years that have left me empty and vancant after i did you autism questionaire i gave up and then watcghed a stanford unversity proferssor on ADHD and the different diagnoses in the NHS
“here’s some excersizes: torture yourself” no i don’t think i will
How does this work when you have adhd and d.i.d? Because we are lole this all the time but it's kinda all entangled together?
Speaking to a stranger? Ain’t nothing safe about that.
👋🏾 me! Definitely needed to hear this thank you 🙏🏾
High frustration tolerance would seem to lead to low levels of achievement.
Needed this. My frustration tolerance is low and people can see it! I’m going to work on this.
So I’ve always been striving to get better at this-literally since the day I was born: I hated being in my carseat so much that on the way home from the hospital, I was screaming and choking on my screams. I still have this problem. When I see that someone has read a text and not responded for hours, I get so upset. I try so hard to be patient, but it’s so difficult. It doesn’t seem to be getting any easier with time. Do you have any advice?
Please don’t do the leaky tap thing. It wastes water.
Wow. Thank you for helping me connect the dots on _why_ my frustration tolerance is so low right now. I'm out of practice.
Years ago I was a waitress/bartender, later worked in customer service - all front-facing jobs that seriously depleted my energy reserves. Oooo, the masking. I had more anxiety and stress overall, but also a lot more patience. My bar for getting frustrated was much higher.
After becoming disabled and not working for years now, while that comes with it's own set of stressors to manage, my frustration levels with others is way WAY lower. I've questioned myself recently about why I'm on a hair trigger of going from calm to Karen. Part of it is "Dangit, I finally have some peace" and all those reasons you mentioned are in play trying to guard it. But now I see a lot of it is also that I'm outta practice. Thanks for that.
Glad I found this. I struggle with traffic the most
All of these tips gave me instant anxiety! i for sure have negative levels of Frustration Tolerance 😂 But im shocked to find that the Snails Pace and Drip Torture are the hardest to consider! I suspect because I do versions of the wall stare and the fear challenge fairly regularly , (tho i def hate having to do them in those situations).
I was never good with this, but recently I tried switching to a different mood stabilizer med and it screwed up my distress tolerance. I'm usually fine, until something important to me goes wrong, and then I essentially throw a full-blown tantrum out of nowhere. Then I feel like shit for the rest of the day and sometimes even the day after. My provider recommended DBT, so I'm going to review my notes from the DBT class I took.