Momma traumas should be healed before adult relationships... Women don't want traumapackages. Women want men to admit their faults like adults do. Walking on eggshells all the time is like having a relationship with a little fragile kid.
Leena Wahlberg I just think it is decency , politeness, and considerate, to ask or request things nicely...he would not be speaking with you so awfully, not requesting things ... respect... Avril
No one fully heals original hurts, they just learn to move beyond them. When you allow yourself to be vulnerable in a love relationship, all those sensitive spots can come up again. You want your man to be sensitive to you -- you have to do the same. A man doesn't want to admit weaknesses, he wants to be your hero. If you don't allow him to, or encourage him to be your hero, he will go elsewhere.
Avoid activating his Momma Trauma by NOT: 1. Constantly fixing/correcting him 2. Using guilt control/passive aggressiveness 3. Asking or telling him what to do 4. Being very aggressive and confronting
THIS IS A WAKE UP CALL FOR ME, I HAVE A SON & A NEW BOYFRIEND 💘 & I CORRECT & CRITISIZE THEM ALL THE TIME 😧, I NEED TO READ 1- 5 EVREYDAY !! 👏👏👏& BUILD A BETTER RELATIONSHIP WITH THEM😃🙌🙌🙌
@@elizabethwang8467 yes! I dated men who were 8+ years older then i and they treated me as a child that doesn't know stuff about life. A total turn-off.
"I feel statements" includes " I feel disappointed". This is not to guilt them but to express our authentic self. Otherwise I don't know what is left safe to say, it's tiptoeing around their ego. If they feel "emasculated" that easily, they should work on theirselves first and mature a bit. I think you're using the "momma" trauma excuse a bit too far here. Men who will shut down when you express your disappointment after poor behavior, are too immature to be in relationships.
I agree. I can feel angry and I have a right to voice when I'm upset, especially when he's four hours late for Thanksgiving dinner with the excuse that he was looking for a pie. If you don't want me to act like your momma, don't act like a child. Act like a man. If you didn't really want to come to Thanksgiving dinner in the first place, then just say so. Don't say yes and then engage in passive-aggressive behavior later and then accuse me of triggering your momma issues.
I get you but I think he meant when you abuse using the disappointment card. For example when you use it as disappointed in him as a person to make him feel bad vs being disappointed atm for the situation. I don't think it would effectively change a behavior in the long term for all cases. And also using the format (which takes practice but then becomes natural after some time), "x situation made me feel very disappointed" vs "you disappoint me" (bc it feels more like an attack and it tends to turn into a battle when we here you, in general both sexes feel accused). If he overall always disappoints you, at that point he's probably not the right person for the woman. I wouldn't say eliminating the word from our vocabulary either though.
@@klaudialacayo2333 Absolutely. However, this goes for both men and women in any kind of relationship. And in case you were wondering, I don't date the 4-hour pie guy anymore. LOL!
Dang. This was actually also very helpful in showing me some negative ways I'm interacting with my son. Here's to better connection with all the guys in our lives. 💓 Thank you, Mat!
THIS IS A WAKE UP CALL FOR ME, I ALSO HAVE A SON & A NEW BOYFRIEND💘 , I TEND TO CORRECT THEM ALOT😦 , IVE NEVER HEARD OF MAMA TRAUMA TILL NOW , I NEED TO BUILD A BETTER CONNECTION WITH THE 2 MEN💜💜 IN MY LIFE👏👏👏
This is the only video I have watched that not only addresses this very important subject matter but constructively provides history, relevance and guidance. It will definitely prove useful. (I've already rewound most parts three times especially how to open the teamwork and partnership conversation from a place of understanding.) Thank you, Mat! Hope your moving travels are going well. Stay safe.
@@Mat_Shaffer My privilege, Mat, and I know. You're one of the rare and sincere gentlemen who has not only found his passion, gifts and purpose but is using them to make a positive difference in this challenging world. Your authenticity and great sense of humour is why your channel will continue to grow leaps and bounds. To you and yours - stay healthy and keep safe. A. 🇨🇦
This was so good! I used to be the "momma" in past relationships! I was totally not aware of how I was coming across. In my relationship now I know that I am prone to do this and have made it a mission to be mindful. I even practiced changing the way I interact with my 19 year old son and now we have great communication. I am now practicing everything good that you said in this video and my relationship is going amazing. The dynamic between me and my man like I've never had in any relationship. This strategy WORKS!! Matt- Please keep doing videos like these! You are changing lives!
The difference between activation and assertion is finally clear to me! The difference is context. Thank you for yet another awesome video, Mat. Bless you.
As women we need to remember how important it is to evoke our true feminine energy by setting the right tone and waiting sometimes to express our needs so we don’t trigger momma trams in men.
Yes, my partner was 18 years older....I never needed to ask him to do anything..he saw what needed to be done or the help I needed... he was way ahead of his time.. but as you said Mat it was a partnership.... a beautiful one, and we were together 50 years....and never an argument, not even when we lost all our money .... a partnership is so different to a relationship.
Mmm. This video describes everything I've been doing for years! I don't want to walk on eggshells and baby talk men, yet I realize the value in what this video teaches. Men think, feel and behave differently from women. I know what Mat teaches is exactly true, based on my experiences with men. Time for a reboot.
Hey Matt! Thanks for this perspective. Us women are usually triggered when we feel abandoned or feel suddenly unimportant to our man, so it takes a mammoth amount of self control to be the neutral one in these cases and not react. Because at that point our hearts are a bit mashed and we feel betrayed or snubbed. Sometimes several times a week! I recently read a great article on how the Inuit raise their kids (the adults never ever get angry with them) and instead they wait until the child has calmed down and then tell them a story that includes lessons and a perspective for the child to view his actions better from. There’s no guilting the kid, no making him feel miserable about how he reacted, it’s just empowering him to next time choose to act in a more grown up and appropriate way. That article plus this video really helps with that new perspective. I’m starting to see that if I’m upset, to “park” that for a day so that the upset isn’t the thing directing the conversation. Instead, the conversation can lead with what my preferred outcome would be. It’s definitely worth a shot. ;) Thanks Matt !
Women have momma trauma too!! You made excellent points about momma trauma in your video but as I listened I began to feel my own anxieties start to surface. I have four siblings. Only one is male. My mom put him on a pedestal. He couldn’t do anything wrong which caused his own brand of momma trauma. He’s on his fourth marriage. As the oldest I got the full force of the trauma you spoke about that often ended with physical punishment. My mother’s theory was that my younger sisters would learn to behave themselves by watching me get punished and many times it was for their behavior. My brother fell off his pedestal and punishing me didn’t change my sisters behavior. We all have our own kind of momma trauma.
Damn Mat u just exposed me and I’m glad you did so....it’s so hard to check yourself and distinguish sometimes LIKE THIS IS SO ACCURATE HOWWW thank you so much
it depends on the guy. mine is so strong( has a good character, smart,tough, responsible and kind to me and our son) , i m not bragging, i am just saying not all men are like that, just big babies.
Wow. This was very helpful. My husband's mom was an alcoholic and untreated depressive, and he left home as a teenager as a result. As much as I love him, I have fallen into some of these behaviors. With a small change in choice of words, I can deliver the same message more effectively. Thank you Mat!
Hi Matt, I am back in the dating scene after 8 yrs of being a widow. I found a terrific guy who is really good with me. I have been following your videos and taking notes on certain videos. Thank you for being out there. It has been over 20 yrs since I have been with any man intimately because of my violent abuse in my past. Now I am breaking out and this new man in my life makes me feel comfortable with him. I will be watching more of you in the future.
Just the other day I was giving a guy friend some advice, said with love not in judgement, just kind, honest, constructive life advice and he said "you sound like my mom" lol i think i will keep my mouth shut from now on lol ughh this is going to be super challenging to alter as i am super nurturing with everybody in my life but I may need to rethink that! thanks for this, will work on it!
I have literally watched hundreds of videos trying to figure out what’s going on with me and this guy in my life. I could have just watched this one. Gave me a lot of clarity and actionable advice. Thank you!
Great video. MANY men have TOO much Mama Trauma to be in a healthy relationship. If at every turn, you are needing to modify everything you say to a man in a relationship, that might just be exhausting, not to mention; unrealistic. 😉
I have a handyman/contractor that MUST have some deep momma trauma, and it gets super tiring when I ask for information (status of job or a bid, etc....normal feedback or data) and he balks like I just criticized him. It’s getting to the point that I feel very forced to decrease his workload by a LOT. I have another contractor that is outbidding him by half and will get things done with two people in less than half the time. Getting info and to get him to report in and even getting invoices and receipts and keys is just so tedious. i feel he turns me into his free and nonstop secretary, when in actuality, I am his boss and the landlord and I sign the checks. And I feel like I have to always bolster his self-esteem, and say, you did such a good job. I feel like he both needs me to be his mommy and also hates his mommy. Dealing with someone this wounded and unconscious of his inner wounding, is just SO MUCH WORK. And this is supposed to be a PROFESSIONAL relationship. He gives me no context, and partial data. I give him full pictures. He’s writing himself out of my staffing choices. He could have major renovation work, ongoing, and he doesn’t seem to be able to handle the urgency, is in crisis if he has to compete for the job, feels entitled (territorial) and is just sloppy with business norms (invoicing, printing, follow through). Many contractor types, simply can not deal with a woman boss, period. Men don’t have to put in context a simple request or expectation, like dinner. So why , oh why do we have to put in context something like taking out the trash? Jeez. It’s simple. How hard is it to take out the trash? Why does she have to request it, exactly? That’s not partnership, that’s babysitting a 10 year old.
It makes so much sense to avoid triggering him in any way those all. So then you know that it is for the best of both of you to shut till you get it right. Thank you Mat
Your energy is amazing. This is also great to teach our daughters on how to treat others, not just men, In my opinion. My ex always tried to make me feel bad, or like I lost control as a parent, for not making our daughter feel bad for her actions or that she shouldn’t be given an explanation. Sometimes the “I’m your mom” bit is needed, but it can’t be the to-go method. Persuasive psychology-if you tell a person why they should do something, they’re more likely to do it. Of course, you yourself can’t use it as leverage for manipulation on people you love (marketing does the manipulation bit to us all of the time). This way our daughters don’t have watch “how to treat a person decently” vids 😆.
This is so good. I wish I knew this 10 years ago before we got married. A lot of damage has already been done and there was no one to help us. But there's always time to start again.
Mat, most women I know, when they say "aww, you're going out with the guys this evening, I thought we could spend some time together" followed up by "well have fun with the guys", that's not said to make a man feel guilty, that's said, because she's sad because she had missed her man, thought of him through out the day maybe, and when she hears that, she feels sad, because the man did not check up with her first, made her feel his first priority. But Jesus, all the woman get back from the man is "you're controlling" or "you're manipulative". And this man start to date others and tell this new woman, that his ex was controlling or manipulative, when only she was sweet and loving toward him 🤦♀️
I think a way to solve this is to handle our Father issues enough to pick a Man who we respect and feel safe enough with to be an equal teammate to. Picking an immature or "project" guy is really a way to protect ourselves from being vulnerable with a man who we truly admire and revere.
I'd add don't accidentally convey that your telling him how to feel either. Apparently I just made that mistake unknowingly when trying to say how i was perceiving him and his actions. Needless to say he threw me in the friend zone hard and told me i pushed him away by doing that. Though he didn't tell me until well after I had done it and i had no clue it happened. I feel like it was a miscommunication, he felt i guess controlled? Either way he hasn't spoke to me for 4 days now. But the last time he did, he said he just wanted friendship and i had to let any other expectation go. That hurt like A bitch since we've been doing whatever this was for a year now. For me its A catch 22. They say I want you to be yourself, i do that and its not what they wanted. Then I'm not myself or rather less myself and its not enough. If I try to hold balance between the two, I'm seen as fake or trying too hard. I give up! Its Damn if i do and damn if i don't. So I quit. I dont see the point of owning your self worth if no one wants to see it but you. 🤷🏻
Joleen Felio-Pettit watch SheRa seven1’s channel. She will teach you to level up and how not to get played by a man! Our society and families have trained women backwards. Even if you don’t agree with everything she says, her wisdom will help any relationship you have.
Yess i am a almost year follower of Shera seven n oh boy oh boy,,, changed my life!! U can still e urself but just a better version,, yess good luck sister see u at her channel 👑👋
I found your channel today, and I love the way you deliver the content!! Also, I'm very careful not to ever say talk that way to my 14 year old. He's in training to have a hv woman in his life someday.
When you are happily single is often when you find someone. But even if you don't, there is nothing that says you MUST have a man in your life to be happy.
Carol w Ikr this makes me feel like men are babies. The more I listening to this the more it seems like he wants to say women are to do all this to just not trigger a Guy gives guys a green card to not grow up an not get over hos momma trauma. IF a Guy needs to hear a context everytime he is asked to take out the garbage I would think he is Stupid and not worth my time: IF he has not learned that you take out the trash because it needs to be Done, what more reason need there to be?
Is it possible that subconsciously a man and his little boy could sabotage and create situations to get himself into trouble because that’s all he knows? That’s his place of what he knows?
Mat you are so insightful. On the sabotage issue I’d say women do this also because they were raised like this. We don’t know we are doing it. But for going forward your training gives us so much hope.
Will you please make a video on momma's boys? A man I care about and see a future with just asked me to be his girlfriend, which has been great. He also stated that his parents are going to sell their house and live between his sister's home and a home he is planning to buy in the near future. They also do his laundry and bring him groceries (they live 40 minutes away). He also bragged that his mom will be decorating his house because she was a professional... he is almost 35.... HELP ME PLEASE. I CAN'T.
My go to video when my masculine side takes over. I enjoyed watching live with Monday’s with Mat the other day. Your moving adventures puts a smile on my face. So exciting! Stay safe. Greetings from California. ~ Mary J
These videos are helping me sooo much. 🙌 I am can be aggressive and distant with my husband. I have a lot of unhealed trauma and I grew up around aggressive or distant family and parents. I'm learning so much and I can't wait to put these tips into action and apologize to my husband and treat him better. I give him major kudos for being so forgiving of my behavior he's a sweetheart😊
Mat: Can you tell me the difference between activating his momma trauma and displaying your standards? I want to tell him what I consider necessary in a relationship/what I will not accept without nagging or criticising him. One will obviously make him work harder for me and highly attractive if he's the right guy, but the other could break a relationship. Thanks for your immensely helpful videos!
Wow! I just found your channel today and I want to say that your content is REALLY helpful and original. I’m discovering things I’ve never heard of. Thank you so much!! 🔥🔥🔥
I’m not going to confront him. I’m not going to spell it out. I’ve made my business requests, and if I don’t get a bid and someone else bids , then THEY get the job. I’m not going to enable stalling and making me wait. I have a business to run. I’m not going to ask 5 times either while he thinks about it. It’s all so silly. But in a business, it’s not silly or fun, it’s costly. It is not my responsibility to teach him, spell it out, etc. Men don’t do this with each other, they just make decisions based on what is good for them or their business. And I’ve noticed that he listens to a MALE property manager (with no authority and the PM was MY employee), and the current project manager. It is so bizarre. The new handyman has more skill, is half the cost or less, has a nephew working under him and will get the work done in half the time or less for less than half the cost with no pushback, no passive aggressive bs, no victimhood, no whining...etc. it sounds like my new Salvadoran renovation team is WAY healthier internally. Sad, but true. The first guy had ALL of my business for a 12 Plex, but now that he balked at the granite top and the plumbing (and he has a contractor’s license) he opened the door for the other guy to come in and outbid him and outwork him and to not make my life miserable. This is the power of being aware of your own inner work and to face it and heal it. It can make the difference between successful relationships, whether they are business (financial success) or relational (romantic). We ALL need to do our own INNER WORK, otherwise we just respond to the world in inappropriate and limiting ways.
Great video content! I believe I’ve found a mans man who is more sensitive than he lets others see. He loved his mother dearly and has verbally told me so. I’m looking forward to being loved by a strong man that has tender sensitivity for his woman. I will absolutely follow your tips. Thank you!
That would be a good video, on how a woman can be a man's muse, inspire him to be the best and fullest expression of himself so he can pursue his goals and accomplish his dreams and be the man we respect, love an adore who makes us feel safe to be vulnerable with, that we feel we can allow him to explore and really know the full mystery of who we really are. That would be a powerful video because then as the feminine we have permission ( we give ourselves permission because we can let down our guard) and feel free to be more feminine and receptive to him knowing he's in this energy. Does that make sense?
Such a great video. When a woman has activated the momma trauma accidentally in her guy and her guy has gone into the wounded state and the walls have gone up what can a woman do to bring the walls down again and reconnect? Men will often stonewall shut down shut out and then make it impossible to communicate...ie. refusing to pick up the phone, blocking texts and becoming defensive. How do woman break these patterns and reestablish communication? This will be a very useful video. Thanks so much.
@@Mat_Shaffer What do you mean by that? I accidentally did this and he ended it with me by saying he didn't have feelings, though all of the signs were there from your video was there. No how do I untrigger those?
Being vulnerable and communicating from authenticity (original feelings...fear, hurt) gets a way better result than fast forwarding to an aggressive, offensive stance. Works for both sexes. If you want a relationship to work, you have to look at your negative part and how it needs to change. Choice is - be right, or be happy.
Thank you for this video ! This is exactly how I lost my relationship!!! I wasn’t trying to be his mom but he had so much potential and I feel as if it was my job as his woman to push him to do better n of course it back fired . He received it differently eve tho I’ve expressed time n time again in the nicest ways what I’m trying to say . Then again mayb he was a child
What about women with DaddyTrauma? My father was sorry he had children. Had no idea that 20 years a military brat affected their life until later in life. there are fathers in other careers who move, move to different locations. General family trauma? Mother was queen of divide and conquer, keep everyone to her self, but apart from each other. We have Momma Trauma, too.
Mat, this is one of the best videos I've seen from you 👍😊I was triggered earlier today and had such a hard time but to go all aggressive and throw everything in his face, only per WhatsApp though 😅🙈luckily I remembered that I need to stay rational and stick to what he actually wrote, turned out he had a different kind of mommy trauma, he needs to travel to see his mom for Christmas and due to Covid its almost impossible to get there without huge effort, Covid test etc. So glad I didn't lash put on him for bring wishy washy 😅please keep up doing videos with this kind of content 🙏
Why do guys have these issues with their mom and not their dad? Don’t dads tell boys to “brush their teeth” and “do this better” etc. Why is it just “momma trauma”? Why are guys able to take advice from other men fine but feel threatened from women? Women don’t have these problems with men or other women. Girls are also raised being told to “do the dishes” and “brush their hair” by both their moms and dads and got in trouble for things just like boys do but women don’t seem to have these fragile egos like men.
Men have father issues that come out with their relationships with other men. Men generally don't like to take advice from other men. Momma issues come up in relating to women. I know lots of women who are insecure about a lot of things, it's not just men who deal with personal insecurities.
Oh wow, this is a lesson as a mumma to boys aswell as anything else. I know I have said in a slight strop to my boys, giving them instructions, they will ask why and I have in the past said “just do it”, or “because I said so”, “don’t question why, just do it” ah man. Ok I am very grateful for this, and I though it was relatively conscious but we never stop learning, right🙏🏻❤️🙏🏻 thank you Matt
Thank You so very much for this video. I got alot out of this and going to try all of this. I am hoping that I'll have the courage to talk to him and that it works for me and my guy. Him and I have been together for 6 years now and been through alot together and don't want to see his and my relationship completely die and I don't want him to leave me and my 8 year old that knows him as him being dad.
Thank you for all the videos you have shared with us. I would love it if you could make a video teaching us how to discuss money with our partners without hurting his feelings. Thanks again.
All men have it inside them, and all women have it inside them, boys are still little boys inside, and girls, are moms cause we played since little that we are moms with our dolls... So it is really tough one, but not impossible....
The holistic view of the issue is when men who have momma trauma often failed at taking responsibility at home which makes them bad at being life partners. If anyone need context to why it is necessary to take out the trash other living in the house that means he/she is bad at being a life partner. You don’t partner with the newbie in the business world, you partner with the seniors, someone who knows the context and knows what they are doing. Study shows men suffered from more long term negative health effect and significant drops in life quality when after terminating a long term romantic relationship.
My husband never got along with his mum as she always blamed him for everything that went wrong but he grew up hating women and always abused me emotionally
No seriously thanks i needed to watch this so i can try calm his farm and bring him down a peg or two. Not easy when he know my weakness and how to make me smile again and calm down. Yes my man gets lucky after i listen or watch your videos you have inspired me and now my new man has learnt that
Would it be possible to leave the text boxes of your points on screen a little longer? Sometimes I have to rewind & pause the video to read them properly and I find the text very helpful. :-)
Mat 🙂 🥰 💐 , I see how you were an attorney , you obviously were interested in helping people but wanted to be honest about what represented of them in cases , and people aren't always honest about these things with an attorney , they assume an attorney (most) will represent them no matter what it is they are- Do these points about men and their mom's apply to older men who had very good relationships with their mom's who passed away before you met him-? And does your advice also apply to friendship 🥰 relationships with men-? Thank You So-o-o Very Much For Your Intelligent and Detailed descriptions in videos 🥰
@@Mat_Shaffer Mat 🥰 I thought I had sent this message to you 🙂 months ago , I didn't actually expect you 🥰 to reply but I am So-o-o 🥰 grateful 🥰 that you 🙂 did 🙂 It's Friday 13 January , on the up side it's one 🕐 month to save up courage or whatever 🥰 , for Valentine's Day ♥️🌹🌞 , for new relationships. . . Still have to wonder 🤔 about ♥️ how close this recognised day 🌞 is to reality , ♥️🥰how meaningful is🤔♥️ although some married couples go to the most romantic♥️ levels of showing off love ❤️🥰 for each other , as though it is an anniversary but these sorts of couples ♥️♥️🌹🌹 they seriously don't lose ♥️♥️ their connection to their hearts 🥰 being entwined with each other ♥️♥️ , in the most respectful way 🙂🙂 which makes their love true to every last detail ♥️♥️. . . I am still in South Africa 😳 , still feeling that horrible nauseating Curator ad Bonis (Sanlam Trust) oppressive feeling 😔😞 in a country where the food prices keep going up , and it works out to be expensive to be single but , what can I do-?(men don't want a woman to be dependent on them for food (my case ; it's pathetic but I am ten kilograms underweight and it's not funny) , so I am avoided. . . although I love decent conversation about life 🧬 stuff 🙂 Wishing you a beautiful 🥰 weekend 🙂 Mat it's already twenty to two Friday afternoon here. . . and it's a heat wave at the moment too until probably another two 🕑 weeks until it rains 🙄🤣 It must be a great 🥰 theme Mat 🥰 is going to work on for the Valentine's Day 🌞♥️♥️🌹🌹 video of yours-?(have time to work on it too 🙂🙂♥️♥️)- Everything of the absolute best for your 🥰 weekend 🙂 Mat 🥰 Sending L ♥️🌹 E Always ♾️🥰 Bianca
Another great video. This was very helpful. Can you activate momma trauma in a guy friend? One of my guy friends said woman are always leaving him. I graduate in May, and I reminded him I am moving this summer. I'm not leaving to get away from him, it's to better myself. I'm the only person that has been there for him, during a horrible time in his life. That's what friends do be there for one another.
I had to tell him, I couldn't be around him. He just keeps focusing on negative things and he is trying to bring me down with him. I think he is trying to get me to change my mind. I can't do that. I have goals I want to accomplish. I really want to work with children.
I’m a woman and I had a mother who pulled all that same nonsense on me when I was growing up, too. And you know what I consider that nonsense now? Abuse.
Hey, Mat, it make total sense, I'm now still practicing what u have taught us with my German bf. Yet, I feel it's super hard, like communicating with one another from another planet lol but hey I'm not giving up, I want to be a better woman that know how to make best use of great feminine power Xxx
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Momma traumas should be healed before adult relationships... Women don't want traumapackages. Women want men to admit their faults like adults do. Walking on eggshells all the time is like having a relationship with a little fragile kid.
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Yes, just what I say too...I realize that men need/want to be babied. I want to be babied too! Will he do that for me?!!
honoring each others wounds isnt babying!
Leena Wahlberg I just think it is decency , politeness, and considerate, to ask or request things nicely...he would not be speaking with you so awfully, not requesting things ... respect... Avril
No one fully heals original hurts, they just learn to move beyond them. When you allow yourself to be vulnerable in a love relationship, all those sensitive spots can come up again. You want your man to be sensitive to you -- you have to do the same. A man doesn't want to admit weaknesses, he wants to be your hero. If you don't allow him to, or encourage him to be your hero, he will go elsewhere.
Avoid activating his Momma Trauma by NOT:
1. Constantly fixing/correcting him
2. Using guilt control/passive aggressiveness
3. Asking or telling him what to do
4. Being very aggressive and confronting
THIS IS A WAKE UP CALL FOR ME, I HAVE A SON & A NEW BOYFRIEND 💘 & I CORRECT & CRITISIZE THEM ALL THE TIME 😧, I NEED TO READ 1- 5 EVREYDAY !! 👏👏👏& BUILD A BETTER RELATIONSHIP WITH THEM😃🙌🙌🙌
love it!
Cewek Boston why I have found similar symptoms in some men?
@@elizabethwang8467 yes! I dated men who were 8+ years older then i and they treated me as a child that doesn't know stuff about life. A total turn-off.
Men do this a lot! Why can’t someone make videos for men to create good relationships. Oh yes because only women cares about this stuff...
"I feel statements" includes " I feel disappointed". This is not to guilt them but to express our authentic self. Otherwise I don't know what is left safe to say, it's tiptoeing around their ego. If they feel "emasculated" that easily, they should work on theirselves first and mature a bit. I think you're using the "momma" trauma excuse a bit too far here. Men who will shut down when you express your disappointment after poor behavior, are too immature to be in relationships.
I agree. I can feel angry and I have a right to voice when I'm upset, especially when he's four hours late for Thanksgiving dinner with the excuse that he was looking for a pie. If you don't want me to act like your momma, don't act like a child. Act like a man. If you didn't really want to come to Thanksgiving dinner in the first place, then just say so. Don't say yes and then engage in passive-aggressive behavior later and then accuse me of triggering your momma issues.
I get you but I think he meant when you abuse using the disappointment card. For example when you use it as disappointed in him as a person to make him feel bad vs being disappointed atm for the situation. I don't think it would effectively change a behavior in the long term for all cases. And also using the format (which takes practice but then becomes natural after some time), "x situation made me feel very disappointed" vs "you disappoint me" (bc it feels more like an attack and it tends to turn into a battle when we here you, in general both sexes feel accused). If he overall always disappoints you, at that point he's probably not the right person for the woman. I wouldn't say eliminating the word from our vocabulary either though.
@@klaudialacayo2333 Absolutely. However, this goes for both men and women in any kind of relationship. And in case you were wondering, I don't date the 4-hour pie guy anymore. LOL!
@@wittymystic7361 Great!! Lmaooo
Well said Sarah. I was just about to comment similar to this
Dang. This was actually also very helpful in showing me some negative ways I'm interacting with my son. Here's to better connection with all the guys in our lives. 💓 Thank you, Mat!
THIS IS A WAKE UP CALL FOR ME, I ALSO HAVE A SON & A NEW BOYFRIEND💘 , I TEND TO CORRECT THEM ALOT😦 , IVE NEVER HEARD OF MAMA TRAUMA TILL NOW , I NEED TO BUILD A BETTER CONNECTION WITH THE 2 MEN💜💜 IN MY LIFE👏👏👏
Amazing Kesha Kellogg love hearing that! Congrats on the breakthrough 🙌
Ditto 💓💓
"Share your feelings as his partner, not his prosecutor", hahahahahaha just love it!! So true!!
HA thank you that was my favorite line of the whole video :)
AMEN
@@Mat_Shaffer Definitely is!
This is the only video I have watched that not only addresses this very important subject matter but constructively provides history, relevance and guidance. It will definitely prove useful. (I've already rewound most parts three times especially how to open the teamwork and partnership conversation from a place of understanding.) Thank you, Mat!
Hope your moving travels are going well. Stay safe.
Thank you so much Amanda TML23, your beautiful words truly touch my heart! It's my honor and purpose to support you 🙏❤️
@@Mat_Shaffer My privilege, Mat, and I know. You're one of the rare and sincere gentlemen who has not only found his passion, gifts and purpose but is using them to make a positive difference in this challenging world. Your authenticity and great sense of humour is why your channel will continue to grow leaps and bounds.
To you and yours - stay healthy and keep safe.
A. 🇨🇦
This was so good! I used to be the "momma" in past relationships! I was totally not aware of how I was coming across. In my relationship now I know that I am prone to do this and have made it a mission to be mindful. I even practiced changing the way I interact with my 19 year old son and now we have great communication. I am now practicing everything good that you said in this video and my relationship is going amazing. The dynamic between me and my man like I've never had in any relationship. This strategy WORKS!!
Matt- Please keep doing videos like these! You are changing lives!
Amazing Clara Washington love hearing that! Congrats on the breakthrough 🙌
We cannot fix ppl, they can fix themselves if they're willing 🙏
amen sister! love it! 🙏
@@Mat_Shaffer thankzzz bro Mat Shaffer ❤️🤗 . How are you in your new place Portland?❤️
The difference between activation and assertion is finally clear to me! The difference is context. Thank you for yet another awesome video, Mat. Bless you.
Amazing Megan Wildhood love hearing that! Congrats on the breakthrough 🙌
As women we need to remember how important it is to evoke our true feminine energy by setting the right tone and waiting sometimes to express our needs so we don’t trigger momma trams in men.
yes beautifully put! :)
Yes, my partner was 18 years older....I never needed to ask him to do anything..he saw what needed to be done or the help I needed... he was way ahead of his time.. but as you said Mat it was a partnership.... a beautiful one, and we were together 50 years....and never an argument, not even when we lost all our money .... a partnership is so different to a relationship.
Thanks for the beautiful share Cliff Avril 🙏
Wow, id love to hear more about this. You could write your own book.
Mmm. This video describes everything I've been doing for years! I don't want to walk on eggshells and baby talk men, yet I realize the value in what this video teaches. Men think, feel and behave differently from women. I know what Mat teaches is exactly true, based on my experiences with men. Time for a reboot.
beautiful thank you Adele!
Hey Matt! Thanks for this perspective. Us women are usually triggered when we feel abandoned or feel suddenly unimportant to our man, so it takes a mammoth amount of self control to be the neutral one in these cases and not react.
Because at that point our hearts are a bit mashed and we feel betrayed or snubbed. Sometimes several times a week!
I recently read a great article on how the Inuit raise their kids (the adults never ever get angry with them) and instead they wait until the child has calmed down and then tell them a story that includes lessons and a perspective for the child to view his actions better from.
There’s no guilting the kid, no making him feel miserable about how he reacted, it’s just empowering him to next time choose to act in a more grown up and appropriate way.
That article plus this video really helps with that new perspective. I’m starting to see that if I’m upset, to “park” that for a day so that the upset isn’t the thing directing the conversation.
Instead, the conversation can lead with what my preferred outcome would be.
It’s definitely worth a shot. ;)
Thanks Matt !
Thanks for the beautiful share Studio Céleste 🙏
Women have momma trauma too!! You made excellent points about momma trauma in your video but as I listened I began to feel my own anxieties start to surface. I have four siblings. Only one is male. My mom put him on a pedestal. He couldn’t do anything wrong which caused his own brand of momma trauma. He’s on his fourth marriage. As the oldest I got the full force of the trauma you spoke about that often ended with physical punishment. My mother’s theory was that my younger sisters would learn to behave themselves by watching me get punished and many times it was for their behavior. My brother fell off his pedestal and punishing me didn’t change my sisters behavior. We all have our own kind of momma trauma.
great share and so so true! men and women are so similar in so many ways
Damn Mat u just exposed me and I’m glad you did so....it’s so hard to check yourself and distinguish sometimes LIKE THIS IS SO ACCURATE HOWWW thank you so much
amen sister! love it! 🙏
I’m so sick of having to baby our words and sugar coat or phrases to men when we need them to step up!
I agree! They are such babies! 🙄😑🤦😩
@@vhayashi7369 AMEN🙌🙌🙌
Well them hit them over the head with exactly what youre feeling in real time every time and see how that works out :)
it depends on the guy. mine is so strong( has a good character, smart,tough, responsible and kind to me and our son) , i m not bragging, i am just saying not all men are like that, just big babies.
Lydia Materno so agree men grow up 🤣😂🤣👍🏼
Wow. This was very helpful. My husband's mom was an alcoholic and untreated depressive, and he left home as a teenager as a result. As much as I love him, I have fallen into some of these behaviors. With a small change in choice of words, I can deliver the same message more effectively. Thank you Mat!
Thanks for sharing.
Hi Matt, I am back in the dating scene after 8 yrs of being a widow. I found a terrific guy who is really good with me. I have been following your videos and taking notes on certain videos. Thank you for being out there. It has been over 20 yrs since I have been with any man intimately because of my violent abuse in my past. Now I am breaking out and this new man in my life makes me feel comfortable with him. I will be watching more of you in the future.
Thanks for sharing!
Just the other day I was giving a guy friend some advice, said with love not in judgement, just kind, honest, constructive life advice and he said "you sound like my mom" lol i think i will keep my mouth shut from now on lol ughh this is going to be super challenging to alter as i am super nurturing with everybody in my life but I may need to rethink that! thanks for this, will work on it!
amazing love hearing that!! let us know it goes 🤗
THANK YOU SO MUCH! I can see you creating a book or retreat on this subject alone! We appreciate you! 🤎
You are so welcome J. Kasumi Kaizen! 🙏
I have literally watched hundreds of videos trying to figure out what’s going on with me and this guy in my life. I could have just watched this one. Gave me a lot of clarity and actionable advice. Thank you!
Glad I could help :)
Great video. MANY men have TOO much Mama Trauma to be in a healthy relationship. If at every turn, you are needing to modify everything you say to a man in a relationship, that might just be exhausting, not to mention; unrealistic. 😉
amen sister! love it! 🙏
Omg Mat, so enlightening and I wish I had known this 20 years ago! Makes so much sense in the way you have explained it! Thank you 🙏
wonderful so glad it rsonated with you!
This was actually really helpful. Particularly the part about context. Thanks!
so glad you enioyed it!
I have a handyman/contractor that MUST have some deep momma trauma, and it gets super tiring when I ask for information (status of job or a bid, etc....normal feedback or data) and he balks like I just criticized him. It’s getting to the point that I feel very forced to decrease his workload by a LOT. I have another contractor that is outbidding him by half and will get things done with two people in less than half the time. Getting info and to get him to report in and even getting invoices and receipts and keys is just so tedious. i feel he turns me into his free and nonstop secretary, when in actuality, I am his boss and the landlord and I sign the checks. And I feel like I have to always bolster his self-esteem, and say, you did such a good job. I feel like he both needs me to be his mommy and also hates his mommy. Dealing with someone this wounded and unconscious of his inner wounding, is just SO MUCH WORK. And this is supposed to be a PROFESSIONAL relationship. He gives me no context, and partial data. I give him full pictures. He’s writing himself out of my staffing choices. He could have major renovation work, ongoing, and he doesn’t seem to be able to handle the urgency, is in crisis if he has to compete for the job, feels entitled (territorial) and is just sloppy with business norms (invoicing, printing, follow through). Many contractor types, simply can not deal with a woman boss, period. Men don’t have to put in context a simple request or expectation, like dinner. So why , oh why do we have to put in context something like taking out the trash? Jeez. It’s simple. How hard is it to take out the trash? Why does she have to request it, exactly? That’s not partnership, that’s babysitting a 10 year old.
epic metaphor my dear! sounds like you have a GREAT DEAL more emotional maturity than he does... and you're worthy of more
You offer light and sometimes funny advice, but always on point, keep going
I appreciate that
It makes so much sense to avoid triggering him in any way those all.
So then you know that it is for the best of both of you to shut till you get it right.
Thank you Mat
You're very welcome. :)
Dear Matt, it would be great if you talk about dating for single mothers and give advice according. Thx💛
Great suggestion!
Your energy is amazing. This is also great to teach our daughters on how to treat others, not just men, In my opinion. My ex always tried to make me feel bad, or like I lost control as a parent, for not making our daughter feel bad for her actions or that she shouldn’t be given an explanation. Sometimes the “I’m your mom” bit is needed, but it can’t be the to-go method. Persuasive psychology-if you tell a person why they should do something, they’re more likely to do it. Of course, you yourself can’t use it as leverage for manipulation on people you love (marketing does the manipulation bit to us all of the time). This way our daughters don’t have watch “how to treat a person decently” vids 😆.
Thanks for sharing appreciated it
This is so good. I wish I knew this 10 years ago before we got married. A lot of damage has already been done and there was no one to help us. But there's always time to start again.
Happy I could be of help. Keep going.
Mat, most women I know, when they say "aww, you're going out with the guys this evening, I thought we could spend some time together" followed up by "well have fun with the guys", that's not said to make a man feel guilty, that's said, because she's sad because she had missed her man, thought of him through out the day maybe, and when she hears that, she feels sad, because the man did not check up with her first, made her feel his first priority. But Jesus, all the woman get back from the man is "you're controlling" or "you're manipulative". And this man start to date others and tell this new woman, that his ex was controlling or manipulative, when only she was sweet and loving toward him 🤦♀️
thats why we get to practice active vulnerable communication so these lines dont get crossed!
I think a way to solve this is to handle our Father issues enough to pick a Man who we respect and feel safe enough with to be an equal teammate to. Picking an immature or "project" guy is really a way to protect ourselves from being vulnerable with a man who we truly admire and revere.
Interesting perspective, thank you so much!
I just love you for you're work and the way you put all your heart into it. Sending you lots of love
aw thanks my dear truly appreciate that acknowledgment :)
This video is no joke, lots of information I’m going to take to heart & soak in
YESSS you got it my dear!! so glad this supported you😊
Mat! I love the way you wrap up your points at the end of your video! It makes that more clear and informative... Thank you!
Glad it was helpful!
Geeze I don't know ,some of your points make complete sense yet part of me thinks wow talk about having to tiptoe around and baby him!!!
its not about babying him but honoring that part of him!
Such a great video! Thank you Mat! Especially for specific examples for us! 👌
You are so welcome Raquel T! 🙏
I'd add don't accidentally convey that your telling him how to feel either. Apparently I just made that mistake unknowingly when trying to say how i was perceiving him and his actions. Needless to say he threw me in the friend zone hard and told me i pushed him away by doing that. Though he didn't tell me until well after I had done it and i had no clue it happened. I feel like it was a miscommunication, he felt i guess controlled? Either way he hasn't spoke to me for 4 days now. But the last time he did, he said he just wanted friendship and i had to let any other expectation go. That hurt like A bitch since we've been doing whatever this was for a year now. For me its A catch 22. They say I want you to be yourself, i do that and its not what they wanted. Then I'm not myself or rather less myself and its not enough. If I try to hold balance between the two, I'm seen as fake or trying too hard. I give up! Its Damn if i do and damn if i don't. So I quit. I dont see the point of owning your self worth if no one wants to see it but you. 🤷🏻
Joleen Felio-Pettit watch SheRa seven1’s channel. She will teach you to level up and how not to get played by a man! Our society and families have trained women backwards. Even if you don’t agree with everything she says, her wisdom will help any relationship you have.
@@luckyluckylucky2261 will check it out thank you
Yess i am a almost year follower of Shera seven n oh boy oh boy,,, changed my life!! U can still e urself but just a better version,, yess good luck sister see u at her channel 👑👋
Exactly you got it Joleen Felio-Pettit!
I found your channel today, and I love the way you deliver the content!!
Also, I'm very careful not to ever say talk that way to my 14 year old. He's in training to have a hv woman in his life someday.
amazing thank you my dear!! really appreciate that feedback AND how you are setting up your son to win... he is lucky to have you as his mom
The term high value is so degrading to men and women
I'm 31, kind of happy and enjoying my single life, should I be worried?
😂
NO!! ENJOY IT!!!
Nope
When you are happily single is often when you find someone. But even if you don't, there is nothing that says you MUST have a man in your life to be happy.
Nope enjoy
Mat
Thank you so much for all your information. I work for several men. I am learning how to support them and raise them up without momma trauma 👍
Wow..an adult man can’t guess on his own why he has to take out the garbage?? 😅🤣📝
Yeah what a hassle to have to remember to say a context for even small favours like that.
Ikr scary how pathetic that is.
Carol w Ikr this makes me feel like men are babies. The more I listening to this the more it seems like he wants to say women are to do all this to just not trigger a Guy gives guys a green card to not grow up an not get over hos momma trauma. IF a Guy needs to hear a context everytime he is asked to take out the garbage I would think he is Stupid and not worth my time: IF he has not learned that you take out the trash because it needs to be Done, what more reason need there to be?
Lol.
men love context! Im just saying :)
Is it possible that subconsciously a man and his little boy could sabotage and create situations to get himself into trouble because that’s all he knows? That’s his place of what he knows?
very possible! great observation!~
Mat you are so insightful. On the sabotage issue I’d say women do this also because they were raised like this. We don’t know we are doing it. But for going forward your training gives us so much hope.
Great advice, love your metaphor, "Momma trauma" -- helps remind us girls to trust and respect more.
so sweet thanks for sharing! it's a great connection:)
Will you please make a video on momma's boys? A man I care about and see a future with just asked me to be his girlfriend, which has been great. He also stated that his parents are going to sell their house and live between his sister's home and a home he is planning to buy in the near future. They also do his laundry and bring him groceries (they live 40 minutes away). He also bragged that his mom will be decorating his house because she was a professional... he is almost 35.... HELP ME PLEASE. I CAN'T.
Great idea!! It's on my list!
My go to video when my masculine side takes over. I enjoyed watching live with Monday’s with Mat the other day. Your moving adventures puts a smile on my face. So exciting! Stay safe. Greetings from California. ~ Mary J
YES so glad to hear that my dear! love having you on the journey!
So simple but so powerful you rock Mat!!!
Thank you!!!
These videos are helping me sooo much. 🙌 I am can be aggressive and distant with my husband. I have a lot of unhealed trauma and I grew up around aggressive or distant family and parents. I'm learning so much and I can't wait to put these tips into action and apologize to my husband and treat him better. I give him major kudos for being so forgiving of my behavior he's a sweetheart😊
That is awesome! I’m so happy for you my dear!
Mat: Can you tell me the difference between activating his momma trauma and displaying your standards?
I want to tell him what I consider necessary in a relationship/what I will not accept without nagging or criticising him.
One will obviously make him work harder for me and highly attractive if he's the right guy, but the other could break a relationship.
Thanks for your immensely helpful videos!
I've got several great videos on boundaries on my channel that will really help you, Golden Sprite - check them out!
This genuinely helped- I’ve noticed that this has applied to a lot of aspects of the relationship I’m in.. thankyou so much
I’m so glad this helped you!
Hey, Mat, I wondered if, in the spirit of Valentine’s Day, you might make a video on things men find romantic?😊
great idea I'l put it on my list for this month!!
Wow! I just found your channel today and I want to say that your content is REALLY helpful and original. I’m discovering things I’ve never heard of. Thank you so much!! 🔥🔥🔥
My pleasure!
Wow..fantastic...love your knowledge, your style of presentation and your willingness to share.
Keep making these videos
.....because I said so....😀
Aw so Glad this video resonated with you Jill!
I’m not going to confront him. I’m not going to spell it out. I’ve made my business requests, and if I don’t get a bid and someone else bids , then THEY get the job. I’m not going to enable stalling and making me wait. I have a business to run. I’m not going to ask 5 times either while he thinks about it. It’s all so silly. But in a business, it’s not silly or fun, it’s costly. It is not my responsibility to teach him, spell it out, etc. Men don’t do this with each other, they just make decisions based on what is good for them or their business. And I’ve noticed that he listens to a MALE property manager (with no authority and the PM was MY employee), and the current project manager. It is so bizarre. The new handyman has more skill, is half the cost or less, has a nephew working under him and will get the work done in half the time or less for less than half the cost with no pushback, no passive aggressive bs, no victimhood, no whining...etc. it sounds like my new Salvadoran renovation team is WAY healthier internally. Sad, but true. The first guy had ALL of my business for a 12 Plex, but now that he balked at the granite top and the plumbing (and he has a contractor’s license) he opened the door for the other guy to come in and outbid him and outwork him and to not make my life miserable. This is the power of being aware of your own inner work and to face it and heal it. It can make the difference between successful relationships, whether they are business (financial success) or relational (romantic). We ALL need to do our own INNER WORK, otherwise we just respond to the world in inappropriate and limiting ways.
this may have been the most epic professional metaphor for relationship dynamics ive ever seen... AMAZING job!!
Great video content! I believe I’ve found a mans man who is more sensitive than he lets others see. He loved his mother dearly and has verbally told me so. I’m looking forward to being loved by a strong man that has tender sensitivity for his woman. I will absolutely follow your tips. Thank you!
Many thanks!
That would be a good video, on how a woman can be a man's muse, inspire him to be the best and fullest expression of himself so he can pursue his goals and accomplish his dreams and be the man we respect, love an adore who makes us feel safe to be vulnerable with, that we feel we can allow him to explore and really know the full mystery of who we really are. That would be a powerful video because then as the feminine we have permission ( we give ourselves permission because we can let down our guard) and feel free to be more feminine and receptive to him knowing he's in this energy. Does that make sense?
Interesting perspective, thanks so much!
Thank you so much Mat! This is one of your best videos, and SO important! This information will help me avoid these mistakes. Thank you!
My pleasure! I’m so glad this helped you!
Such a great video. When a woman has activated the momma trauma accidentally in her guy and her guy has gone into the wounded state and the walls have gone up what can a woman do to bring the walls down again and reconnect? Men will often stonewall shut down shut out and then make it impossible to communicate...ie. refusing to pick up the phone, blocking texts and becoming defensive. How do woman break these patterns and reestablish communication? This will be a very useful video. Thanks so much.
You can't fix him. He is too immature to be in an adult relationship. Unless you want to live this way forever, say goodbye.
wonderful share Vandana! if he compeltely shuts down its up to you to walk away :)
@@Mat_Shaffer What do you mean by that? I accidentally did this and he ended it with me by saying he didn't have feelings, though all of the signs were there from your video was there. No how do I untrigger those?
Being vulnerable and communicating from authenticity (original feelings...fear, hurt) gets a way better result than fast forwarding to an aggressive, offensive stance. Works for both sexes. If you want a relationship to work, you have to look at your negative part and how it needs to change. Choice is - be right, or be happy.
Interesting perspective, thanks so much!
Hey Matt, this video is so precious and so so true. Thank you!🙏👌
You're so welcome!
Thank you for this video ! This is exactly how I lost my relationship!!! I wasn’t trying to be his mom but he had so much potential and I feel as if it was my job as his woman to push him to do better n of course it back fired . He received it differently eve tho I’ve expressed time n time again in the nicest ways what I’m trying to say . Then again mayb he was a child
thanks for sharing my dear!! really appreciate it :)
What about women with DaddyTrauma? My father was sorry he had children. Had no idea that 20 years a military brat affected their life until later in life. there are fathers in other careers who move, move to different locations. General family trauma? Mother was queen of divide and conquer, keep everyone to her self, but apart from each other. We have Momma Trauma, too.
Thanks for sharing!
It's pretty much the same thing as when men do the "Father trauma."
I appreciate your opinion on this!
Thank you!!!! Advice I’ve never heard before and so valuable yo know! 👍
wonderful so glad to hear that :)
Mat, this is one of the best videos I've seen from you 👍😊I was triggered earlier today and had such a hard time but to go all aggressive and throw everything in his face, only per WhatsApp though 😅🙈luckily I remembered that I need to stay rational and stick to what he actually wrote, turned out he had a different kind of mommy trauma, he needs to travel to see his mom for Christmas and due to Covid its almost impossible to get there without huge effort, Covid test etc. So glad I didn't lash put on him for bring wishy washy 😅please keep up doing videos with this kind of content 🙏
so sweet thanks for sharing! its a great connection :)
Thanks Mat super helpful video as always!
You are so welcome Lindsey H! 🙏
Why do guys have these issues with their mom and not their dad? Don’t dads tell boys to “brush their teeth” and “do this better” etc. Why is it just “momma trauma”? Why are guys able to take advice from other men fine but feel threatened from women? Women don’t have these problems with men or other women. Girls are also raised being told to “do the dishes” and “brush their hair” by both their moms and dads and got in trouble for things just like boys do but women don’t seem to have these fragile egos like men.
Tiffany Schiller b/c most men grow with single mom 😊
I AGREE WITH YOU👏👏 , THIS VIDEO IS A WAKE UP CALL FOR ME CUZ I HAVE A SON💘 & A BOYFRIEND💘 & I CORRECT & CRTISIZE THEM ALL THE TIME😧
we all have egos we are managing and working to heal... this is what men are going through :)
Nothing to do with fragile egos and everything to do with remaining a leader
Men have father issues that come out with their relationships with other men. Men generally don't like to take advice from other men. Momma issues come up in relating to women. I know lots of women who are insecure about a lot of things, it's not just men who deal with personal insecurities.
Hi Mat! Thank you for your insightful video! Unfortunately I watched this right after I did all those mistakes 😕. Is there anything I can do then?
Oh wow, this is a lesson as a mumma to boys aswell as anything else. I know I have said in a slight strop to my boys, giving them instructions, they will ask why and I have in the past said “just do it”, or “because I said so”, “don’t question why, just do it” ah man. Ok I am very grateful for this, and I though it was relatively conscious but we never stop learning, right🙏🏻❤️🙏🏻 thank you Matt
so welcome!
Mat, I love your insights!
so glad, thank you! :)
Thank You so very much for this video. I got alot out of this and going to try all of this. I am hoping that I'll have the courage to talk to him and that it works for me and my guy. Him and I have been together for 6 years now and been through alot together and don't want to see his and my relationship completely die and I don't want him to leave me and my 8 year old that knows him as him being dad.
Wonderful! I’m so glad this helped you!
Thank you for all the videos you have shared with us. I would love it if you could make a video teaching us how to discuss money with our partners without hurting his feelings. Thanks again.
Great suggestion!
Thank you for your videos, very enlightening!
Glad you like them!
they want a request not a command then rewards😁
Exactly you got it Be Enthusiastic Be Inspired!
@@Mat_Shaffer 🤗👍
You are right still for a grown man is OK to take responsibility for their own actions and behavior. Act as a grown up not a little boy.
amen sister! love it! 🙏
@@Mat_Shaffer ☺
All men have it inside them, and all women have it inside them, boys are still little boys inside, and girls, are moms cause we played since little that we are moms with our dolls... So it is really tough one, but not impossible....
Exactly you got it Michelle Jackson!
they don't need a mom, they need encourager, a sanctuary, a lover, a chef and the most important is a secret 😃
:) absolutely!
Love it
This is so true. I did this with my now ex bf and the day after, he broke up with me
I promise there are good guys out there my dear!
This video was very helpful. Thank you!
Glad it was helpful!
The holistic view of the issue is when men who have momma trauma often failed at taking responsibility at home which makes them bad at being life partners. If anyone need context to why it is necessary to take out the trash other living in the house that means he/she is bad at being a life partner. You don’t partner with the newbie in the business world, you partner with the seniors, someone who knows the context and knows what they are doing. Study shows men suffered from more long term negative health effect and significant drops in life quality when after terminating a long term romantic relationship.
Thank you for sharing!
My husband never got along with his mum as she always blamed him for everything that went wrong but he grew up hating women and always abused me emotionally
mmhm these cycles often continue unfortunately
Mat Shaffer Thanks for your input Atleast I don't blame him for everything I am good that way
No seriously thanks i needed to watch this so i can try calm his farm and bring him down a peg or two. Not easy when he know my weakness and how to make me smile again and calm down. Yes my man gets lucky after i listen or watch your videos you have inspired me and now my new man has learnt that
amazing love hearing that!! let us know it goes 🤗
It didnt work he is a mommas boy but fears his dad so i have used that it has helped big time.
This was brilliant. Thanks, Mat!
Glad you enjoyed it!
God forbid we hold them accountable.
accountability is important!
Really good & valuable tips here. Was just wondering why you hadn't initiated making plans with your ex?
Good question! its not in alignment for me anymore :)
Instead if telling him, ask him if he would do something for you and to say please.
good call!
Wow amazing and very interesting, thanks Matt😀🙏
Glad you like it!
Hi Matt! Love your videos , do you have any tips for dating 40 yr old man who still lives at home with mom and dad?
Maria Munoz Lol. 40 year old man still living with his parents? Gonna have problems with him down the road!!!
get to the bottom of whats up with that, and help him move through it :) failure to launch is a real thing!
mat, what made you so passionate about personal development and empowering women to leave Law? THAT IS SO COOL!!!
Would it be possible to leave the text boxes of your points on screen a little longer? Sometimes I have to rewind & pause the video to read them properly and I find the text very helpful. :-)
I flow them with the dialogue of the video :)
Mat 🙂 🥰 💐 , I see how you were an attorney , you obviously were interested in helping people but wanted to be honest about what represented of them in cases , and people aren't always honest about these things with an attorney , they assume an attorney (most) will represent them no matter what it is they are- Do these points about men and their mom's apply to older men who had very good relationships with their mom's who passed away before you met him-? And does your advice also apply to friendship 🥰 relationships with men-? Thank You So-o-o Very Much For Your Intelligent and Detailed descriptions in videos 🥰
so sweet thanks for sharing! its a great connection ❤️🔥
@@Mat_Shaffer Mat 🥰 I thought I had sent this message to you 🙂 months ago , I didn't actually expect you 🥰 to reply but I am So-o-o 🥰 grateful 🥰 that you 🙂 did 🙂
It's Friday 13 January , on the up side it's one 🕐 month to save up courage or whatever 🥰 , for Valentine's Day ♥️🌹🌞 , for new relationships. . .
Still have to wonder 🤔 about ♥️ how close this recognised day 🌞 is to reality , ♥️🥰how meaningful is🤔♥️ although some married couples go to the most romantic♥️ levels of showing off love ❤️🥰 for each other , as though it is an anniversary but these sorts of couples ♥️♥️🌹🌹 they seriously don't lose ♥️♥️ their connection to their hearts 🥰 being entwined with each other ♥️♥️ , in the most respectful way 🙂🙂 which makes their love true to every last detail ♥️♥️. . .
I am still in South Africa 😳 , still feeling that horrible nauseating Curator ad Bonis (Sanlam Trust) oppressive feeling 😔😞 in a country where the food prices keep going up , and it works out to be expensive to be single but , what can I do-?(men don't want a woman to be dependent on them for food (my case ; it's pathetic but I am ten kilograms underweight and it's not funny) , so I am avoided. . . although I love decent conversation about life 🧬 stuff 🙂
Wishing you a beautiful 🥰 weekend 🙂 Mat it's already twenty to two Friday afternoon here. . . and it's a heat wave at the moment too until probably another two 🕑 weeks until it rains 🙄🤣
It must be a great 🥰 theme Mat 🥰 is going to work on for the Valentine's Day 🌞♥️♥️🌹🌹 video of yours-?(have time to work on it too 🙂🙂♥️♥️)-
Everything of the absolute best for your 🥰 weekend 🙂 Mat 🥰
Sending L ♥️🌹 E Always ♾️🥰
Bianca
I’m so happy that I listened to this video before I called him out 😬😂
Amazing!
Another great video. This was very helpful. Can you activate momma trauma in a guy friend? One of my guy friends said woman are always leaving him. I graduate in May, and I reminded him I am moving this summer. I'm not leaving to get away from him, it's to better myself. I'm the only person that has been there for him, during a horrible time in his life. That's what friends do be there for one another.
YES in friends or lovers! all men carry it towards women!
I had to tell him, I couldn't be around him. He just keeps focusing on negative things and he is trying to bring me down with him. I think he is trying to get me to change my mind. I can't do that. I have goals I want to accomplish. I really want to work with children.
I’m a woman and I had a mother who pulled all that same nonsense on me when I was growing up, too. And you know what I consider that nonsense now? Abuse.
I appreciate your opinion on this!
Hey, Mat, it make total sense, I'm now still practicing what u have taught us with my German bf. Yet, I feel it's super hard, like communicating with one another from another planet lol but hey I'm not giving up, I want to be a better woman that know how to make best use of great feminine power Xxx
Don’t give up on love sister!
Awesome Tips! Thank you so much! 💜
You are so welcome Navyantara Reddy! 🙏
I had to learn, instead of asking "what's wrong with you?" Ask them "what's the matter?" As a way to make their feelings matter instead.
Yes, we have to consider their feelings and we dont invalidate them
It is so helpful to hear this from a masculine viewpoint, thank-you!
You're so welcome!
Thanks....i love listening to you, so clear and as if were facing each other ...
amazing!