Sweethearts, here are Mat's 4: 1. He needs a clear target of you (boundaries, likes and dislikes) 2. He needs to see and feel your depth (deep questions, vulnerability) 3. Make him understand that the water is warm (emotional safety, 5 love languages, praises) 4. The current is steady and calm (your inner dialog, are you emotional stable, look after yourself, love yourself, be positive)
*Love is like a friendship caught on fire. In the beginning a flame, very pretty, often hot and fierce, but still only light and flickering. As love grows older, our hearts mature and our love becomes as coals, deep-burning and unquenchable.*
Provide Emotional Safety Treat yourself like someone you LOVE Ensure the current is CALM and SMOOTH Ask Quality Questions Be vulnerable and set the stage Cater to his love languages
I love to watch Mat's videos because most of them are so accurate and the biggest point is, Mat's explanation in all of his video. He explained the points and elaborates it clearly every time. Big thanks, Mat!
I like how you summarize items at the end. I forget what the first steps are sometimes lol. You are the only one really speaking on emotional intimacy like this for men. Anyone else doing this?
Great advice Matt. And just to let you know, your eyes, are incredible! Carribean blue! 👀 😳😉 the " lucky girl" that gets to look into them. 👀😊 just "sayin." 😉
Those blue eyes were distracting! I like this one. Great points. I also would add that you may have to improve how your partner feels about themselves in order to get the love you want to receive.
Imagine if, instead of falling in love, we grow in love 💖 Diving and falling are not the same thing. Falling is an accident; Diving is deliberate. When we grow something, we work together with the natural flow of the thing that grows and support it, investing our time and care into it, nurturing it, learning its needs and meeting them wherever we can, removing that which works against it. Thinking of love like a garden is the best analogy I could think of.
BEST QUOTE/ADVICE I've ever heard when you said "another person cannot love you any more than you love yourself." Thanks sooooo MUCH for the AWESOME REMINDER and video! 💖🙏💙
I've been using the tools you've been teaching... We are classmates from HighSchool and have reconnected after 40 years 😳 both of us have shared with each other the way our lives were and where our life is going now... The various things I have communicated with him is basically like planting seeds and now I need to feed it... It's not manipulative ... It HAS been growing by his efforts of calling me and sharing his current events... I am looking forward to seeing where this is going to go 😊
this stuff is wonderful help. I am loving refining my skills as a woman dating a younger man. I do want support in asking deep and sensitive questions.
I am 63 and Ry is 30. He is laid back and quiet. Doing belly dance or strip tease attention to them, the men love it. I move better than most young girls and in better shape.
Love this advice Matt... also suggest...i told my Male interest that he should consider counseling (as I have)...to process past relationship issues ...before we totally dive in...and he is doing it...I am so grateful...bottom line... have self respect and ask for what you want and need! And yes...praise praise praise...I love how you meet my needs
Your presentation shows your professional training. I am a woman of a certain age(basically at that invisible stage) divorce is damaging the separation after a fourth years relationship. I've pushed anyone & everyone away. So over the passed three months I have unaware that I have been dabbling in you tips with out knowing it. So thank you for reinforcing what I have been ignoring right in front of my eyes.
OMG your blues eyes are just amazingly hypnotic. I’m gonna have to listen to this again to retain everything you were saying, I kept getting lost in your eyes , for real.
I know something for sure. Do not chase or cling or be overly giving with all your strong feelings towards him. Do a bit of hard to get. If he likes you from the get go this ALWAYS works.
I LOVE how you shot this video!! I LOVE the natural light and the background setting. GREAT JOB!!! I hope you continue to use this background and lighting set up for all your videos. AMAZING JOB!!!
Oh Thank you so very much Mat! This is such vital information! You make it so interesting and easy to understand! I truly appreciate and admire your genuine approach and heartfelt encouragement! Best, Linda
Happy Birthday Mat 🥳! I am so that that you have finally found your purpose! Your journey has lead you straight to where you are today. I appreciate the wisdom that you share with me. I will admit, I have had somewhat of a difficult journey myself, but in different ways. I am starting to realize that I live within my comfort zone. I am a shy woman. I am beginning to understand why I am the way I am. Now it is time to reform into a new me. Thank you for your encouragement and words of wisdom 🤗.
Hey, Mat This has been one of the most useful pieces of info about what guys want. A lot of women want the same things too. And you really have a fantastic eye colour, it's crazy man. Love it
Great tips Matt i agree strongly i have warm, calm and soothing, waters within me an my friend fell in love with me first, before i fell in love with him. You are so right about the touching on a man, i started first with his hair, playing in it then he became comfortable, moving into warm water's. I experience this 3 years ago. Now we are bestie. Matt you are giving very good advice.😍😍😍
Hey Mat, I just found you and love the way you softly speak and review at the end. You have a unique way of helping us ladies understand how to communicate with our man. Thank you ❤
I know your main audience is young singles, but this stuff is great for old married farts, too, who might have forgotten among the tides of conflict and overwhelm life with a household full of children can bring. Have you done videos specific to marraige types who have ridden out a few tides and might be exhausted or exhasperated with each other by those efforts?
Thank you, Matt. Your points are so true. I have a great lesson from a recent date about myself. I will love myself as I loved him so that I prepare for the right one to present. Thank you. You are an excellent teacher.
I just got back with a guy that had drawn away from me for about 5 months, and it seems to be going great, but I tried telling him that " I missed this." and he just ignored that.
Very greatful videos you make mat.. I really appreciate you dive deep into my heart, its bulls eye.. Very heartwarming. Thank you so much for this lesson
I followed these steps. I do think abstractly and and trying to put the pieces of him together with my observations. I asked deep questions and told him I remembered everything he ever said because I think he is so interesting. He almost left dinner. 🤦🏾♀️
This is great.your voice and new set make for a wonderful video. Loyd and clear what your discussing, I made mistakes in. I learned do much through your course Mat.
Congratulations great topic .Very interesting. I like your new studio , Lighting is woww. And You Mat looks excited, inspired and energized🙏❤️💪🤗💥 Be well always❤️. I'm going to watch again...net is slower here😊
You have seriously made me miss David alot more now thanks for that. 5 kids under 10 and trying to do everything is hard enough but now I miss David alot more
@@Mat_Shaffer hey Mat do you ever think we can ever truly find ourselves again after a loss and is it wrong that I have fallen for Davids best mate, is it wrong that I moved on and sure found happiness within David's best mate
Another Great Video Mat! 👍🏽 - Being a swimmer 🏊🏽♀️ there are some things I’d do in water that I wouldn’t do with a man!!!! 😁 - I’d dive into cold water!! - It would a planned dive!! - I’d definitely do it!! 😃 Also, Men will look at whatever a woman touches - that can be a fun experiment - run your hands along a table - men will look! - Patty Contenta is the person to look up to find out more about sensuality!! 😃 - Spot on as usual Mat, Thank-you. 👏🏽👏🏽💫😃🌟
I wish every guys are truthful to every relationships in real life! If have one genuine that this will just good luck🤣 and happiness for the person. Your advices and informations are great. Thank you 😊
The only problem for me is that I ask all of the deep questions and he just tells me the stories. He doesn't know how to ask questions of me. Great video as always with the "diving into water" analogy.
I just had a guy tell me I don’t ask enough questions or personal ones and all his other girlfriends did. I’m a learn as I go person and don’t want to just like interrogate him about his life,& said so. He wasn’t happy with that. What would be good questions to ask? You actually have a video I see underneath this,going to check it out next. 🙂
@@zuzu7250 I actually forgot all about this comment. We’ve been dating about 7 months now. We worked it out pretty quickly & he’s legitimately a good guy. My sons dad however is a narcissist.
Not easy to touch being thousands of miles away from each other.He lives in Paris and I live in South Africa. We speak a lot about what we want to do to each other and how we miss our touches and kissing and going to sleep together and waking up together.Doing things together.We have a lot of same interests. THIS lock down us causing so much pain and heart aches and causing misunderstandings. WE are due to be married before Christmas. From the start I told him my boundaries and he also says that his is the same.The one problem is that he is very controlling and stubborn. I keep asking him to stop trying to control our relationship and he says that he feels that he is in a cage.So I have to do all the compromising and sacrifices to keep the peace.
→ Sign up to get access to my weekly email exploring love, life and relationships you won’t find anywhere else here 👉 www.matshaffer.com/
Sweethearts, here are Mat's 4:
1. He needs a clear target of you (boundaries, likes and dislikes)
2. He needs to see and feel your depth (deep questions, vulnerability)
3. Make him understand that the water is warm (emotional safety, 5 love languages, praises)
4. The current is steady and calm (your inner dialog, are you emotional stable, look after yourself, love yourself, be positive)
well done Irma! thank you!
Thanks Irma 😊
As usual, it's such a pleasure listening to your wise words 👏👏 Thank You Mat ☺️☺️
5. Have a Life...that doesn't include him. Men love a challenge!
Thank you for the summary, I took notes 🙂
His eye colour is amazing
Just the way he explains in depth with great examples to remember what he is explaining.
Yes, he's one of my blue-eyed guys!
Cause it’s blue 😂
that’s exactly what i was thinking aqua color
I really like the shorter hair style. That, along with the lip hair and beard, shows how handsome he is. I like his videos and great information.
*Love is like a friendship caught on fire. In the beginning a flame, very pretty, often hot and fierce, but still only light and flickering. As love grows older, our hearts mature and our love becomes as coals, deep-burning and unquenchable.*
Provide Emotional Safety
Treat yourself like someone you LOVE
Ensure the current is CALM and SMOOTH
Ask Quality Questions
Be vulnerable and set the stage
Cater to his love languages
you got it Taymar!!!
Treat yourself like someone you love
Thanks so much my dear!
Inner dialogue is definitely something I have to stay consciously aware of
Exactly you got it Santos Acosta!
I love to watch Mat's videos because most of them are so accurate and the biggest point is, Mat's explanation in all of his video. He explained the points and elaborates it clearly every time. Big thanks, Mat!
You are welcome! I appreciate that🙂
I am always hot for my husband after 47 years married...got married at 23....we still got it.
Happy to hear that!
Beautiful.. xx
I listen to advice when it’s given in this way calm voice I have sensitive hearing issues,thank you for not yelling.
Thank you so much!
Love your new backdrop, Mat! 😍
Great points, thank you!
Yay, thank you Ladanii! Yes we are very excited about the new studio set up, appreciate that feedback :)
I like how you summarize items at the end. I forget what the first steps are sometimes lol. You are the only one really speaking on emotional intimacy like this for men. Anyone else doing this?
Thank you!
Great advice Matt. And just to let you know, your eyes, are incredible! Carribean blue! 👀 😳😉 the " lucky girl" that gets to look into them. 👀😊 just "sayin." 😉
Thanks so much Shelley Loewen! 👀😀
Wow! Beautiful eyes matt! 😀
Your videos are well constructed and simply powerful...thanks..great program.
Glad you like them!
Those blue eyes were distracting! I like this one. Great points. I also would add that you may have to improve how your partner feels about themselves in order to get the love you want to receive.
Exactly Stacey Biddle! Thank you
One of the BEST videos I have watched! Wonderfully honest information expressed authentically. Thanks Mat!
You are so welcome Kiva Girl! 🙏
Imagine if, instead of falling in love, we grow in love 💖
Diving and falling are not the same thing. Falling is an accident; Diving is deliberate.
When we grow something, we work together with the natural flow of the thing that grows and support it, investing our time and care into it, nurturing it, learning its needs and meeting them wherever we can, removing that which works against it.
Thinking of love like a garden is the best analogy I could think of.
This is an inspiring story!
BEST QUOTE/ADVICE I've ever heard when you said "another person cannot love you any more than you love yourself." Thanks sooooo MUCH for the AWESOME REMINDER and video! 💖🙏💙
You're so welcome!
I've been using the tools you've been teaching... We are classmates from HighSchool and have reconnected after 40 years 😳 both of us have shared with each other the way our lives were and where our life is going now... The various things I have communicated with him is basically like planting seeds and now I need to feed it... It's not manipulative ... It HAS been growing by his efforts of calling me and sharing his current events... I am looking forward to seeing where this is going to go 😊
Update?
This is an inspiring story!
this stuff is wonderful help. I am loving refining my skills as a woman dating a younger man. I do want support in asking deep and sensitive questions.
I am 63 and Ry is 30. He is laid back and quiet. Doing belly dance or strip tease attention to them, the men love it.
I move better than most young girls and in better shape.
You got this!
Love this advice Matt... also suggest...i told my Male interest that he should consider counseling (as I have)...to process past relationship issues ...before we totally dive in...and he is doing it...I am so grateful...bottom line... have self respect and ask for what you want and need! And yes...praise praise praise...I love how you meet my needs
Love that!
Love the new set up Mat. These are some really great tips to remember and to live by!
Thanks so much angela! 🙏❤️
Your presentation shows your professional training. I am a woman of a certain age(basically at that invisible stage) divorce is damaging the separation after a fourth years relationship. I've pushed anyone & everyone away. So over the passed three months I have unaware that I have been dabbling in you tips with out knowing it. So thank you for reinforcing what I have been ignoring right in front of my eyes.
Glad my content resonated with you ❤❤❤
OMG your blues eyes are just amazingly hypnotic. I’m gonna have to listen to this again to retain everything you were saying, I kept getting lost in your eyes , for real.
OMG are his eyes real? I'm curious!
Aw thanks you’re making me blush ;)
Wow, I actually had a pen and paper put and was Journaling in some of the tips, advice amd words of wisdom. Very well done! 👏
Thanks so much!
Mat is spot on and most informative with all his subjects.
Thank you Susan🙏❤
Love when you summarize all the important points at the end of the video!
Glad you like it!
I like my men like I like my tea: strong, hot, & sweet
That's great!
Treat yourself like your own best friend.
Amazing! love hearing that!
This dominant emotional set point concept is really resonating.
good!!
I know something for sure. Do not chase or cling or be overly giving with all your strong feelings towards him. Do a bit of hard to get. If he likes you from the get go this ALWAYS works.
Thank you for sharing!
I LOVE how you shot this video!! I LOVE the natural light and the background setting. GREAT JOB!!! I hope you continue to use this background and lighting set up for all your videos. AMAZING JOB!!!
🤗
Oh Thank you so very much Mat! This is such vital information! You make it so interesting and easy to understand! I truly appreciate and admire your genuine approach and heartfelt encouragement! Best, Linda
Thank you so much your beautiful words, Linda R 🙏❤️
These are great tips Matt, you are the best relationship coach on YT.
Thank you so much Natalia Wisniewska, your beautiful words truly touch my heart! It's my honor and purpose to support you 🙏❤️
Provide a safe place
Give him something warm to fall into
YES you got it!!
Yes and no. Be Warm...Hot. Sometimes. Cold. 🤣
Happy Birthday Mat 🥳! I am so that that you have finally found your purpose! Your journey has lead you straight to where you are today. I appreciate the wisdom that you share with me. I will admit, I have had somewhat of a difficult journey myself, but in different ways. I am starting to realize that I live within my comfort zone. I am a shy woman. I am beginning to understand why I am the way I am. Now it is time to reform into a new me. Thank you for your encouragement and words of wisdom 🤗.
Interesting perspective, thanks so much!
Hey, Mat This has been one of the most useful pieces of info about what guys want. A lot of women want the same things too. And you really have a fantastic eye colour, it's crazy man. Love it
I appreciate that!
Here is another compliment to a man "you're the only attorney I ever trust " :)
Thanks so much my dear!
Amazing, briliant, breaktrough content. Thank you so, so much, Mat. 🤗🙂
Thanks so much Týna Turková! 🙏❤️
Great tips Matt i agree strongly i have warm, calm and soothing, waters within me an my friend fell in love with me first, before i fell in love with him. You are so right about the touching on a man, i started first with his hair, playing in it then he became comfortable, moving into warm water's. I experience this 3 years ago. Now we are bestie. Matt you are giving very good advice.😍😍😍
Thank you so much!
Thank you for such a great and precise good advice.
You are so welcome rolita12! 🙏
I am sooo on fire about one particular man while watching this. ^^
Glad you like it
Dear Mat! Congratulations! Best wishes for your personal and professional life! You are sweetest man and kindest soul!
Thank you! You too!
Hey Mat, I just found you and love the way you softly speak and review at the end. You have a unique way of helping us ladies understand how to communicate with our man. Thank you ❤
Awesome! Thank you!
Super great analogy with the water :) it works so well for all the points !
Thanks so much for your feedback!
Amazing. Love the style and deeply involved motivational tools.
Glad you like it!
Mat, thank you for the wise words. You are so much more informative than any other one on here! I appreciate your time.
My pleasure!
Amen!
I need to look at myself again! I feel open, but he does not know my questions......
I need to listen....🥰🌻🌻🌻🌻🙏🏻🧚♀️🧚♀️😔
Exactly you got it Nancy McLoughlin!
so true and got it all except the touch language cause we are 8k miles apart .thank u dear matt for this
Thanks so much Grace Jones GJ! 🙏❤️
I like how you did a recap Mat. Thank you! 🙂
Thanks so much Teresa Nunez! 🙏❤️
i loved this video you look great thank you for all this bucket of useful tips 🤩💁♀️
You are so welcome Luna Ghr! 🙏
I know your main audience is young singles, but this stuff is great for old married farts, too, who might have forgotten among the tides of conflict and overwhelm life with a household full of children can bring.
Have you done videos specific to marraige types who have ridden out a few tides and might be exhausted or exhasperated with each other by those efforts?
Absolutely! While our main audience might seem to be young singles, our content is for everyone, including couples in long-term relationships.
So helpful; and your analogy of diving into water explains so much. You are gifted !
Glad it was helpful!
Thank you, Matt. Your points are so true. I have a great lesson from a recent date about myself. I will love myself as I loved him so that I prepare for the right one to present. Thank you. You are an excellent teacher.
Perfect!
Thank you Mat. Relate much to this four ways... It is true. Yours truly from Germany❤️
Thanks for watching!
Another great video mat thank you ❤️
Glad you enjoyed it!
I just got back with a guy that had drawn away from me for about 5 months, and it seems to be going great, but I tried telling him that " I missed this." and he just ignored that.
It’s 100% possible to heal and create something new
Happy Birthday! :) I bet it was wonderful, We are grateful for you and all your work you put in here, there, everywhere ...
Thank you so much!
So inspired and deeply touched by what you shared in this video ! Thank you Mat !❤
Thanks so much too!
Great video and I love the new backdrop :)
❤
Very greatful videos you make mat.. I really appreciate you dive deep into my heart, its bulls eye.. Very heartwarming. Thank you so much for this lesson
Thanks so much elvira labartine! 🙏❤️
Great analogy with the pool and depth of ocean. I put in my notes for reference
Thank you so much!
I followed these steps. I do think abstractly and and trying to put the pieces of him together with my observations. I asked deep questions and told him I remembered everything he ever said because I think he is so interesting. He almost left dinner. 🤦🏾♀️
I promise there are good guys out there my dear!
Thank you so much , you are the best English teacher too ! And your videos are so real and positive !
Wow, thank you!
This is great.your voice and new set make for a wonderful video. Loyd and clear what your discussing, I made mistakes in. I learned do much through your course Mat.
Glad it was helpful!
Really good talk! Smart, articulate man! Thank you, Mat Shaffer. Jackie 💙
🤗
So true! Thank you 😊
I love watching & listening to your channel..thanks for sharing.
Thank you so much! So nice of you ❤❤❤
Congratulations great topic .Very interesting. I like your new studio , Lighting is woww. And You Mat looks excited, inspired and energized🙏❤️💪🤗💥
Be well always❤️.
I'm going to watch again...net is slower here😊
YES! It's a huge upgrade. 😊Thank you Be Enthusiastic Be Inspired
for noticing the positive energy.
thank u again so inspiring being old now i realized loving a new man is awesome .
You are so welcome 🥰
Your channel is Amazing ,Thank you 👍🏻😁
You're welcome!
I so needed to hear this. In so in love and don't know what to do with it.
You love him...do you feel his love? Don't fall in love by yourself.
THANKS for your videos, I like your calm voice and logical simplicity of guidance 💚
Amazing! love hearing that!
Very interesting vlog 👍. Thanks for sharing this @mat shaffer 🙏🌸
Thanks for visiting
@amyindenver1
Love your voice Mat..I am watching your videos just to listen to your voice..the learnings obtained are secondary. Thank you nevertheless.
Glad you like them!
Such a great video from a great coach, thanks Matt.
My pleasure! Hope it helps
Thank you. Very valuable information.
Glad it was helpful!
Let me know when you're available Matt! You're the total package.
Your comment made my day! Keep shining and being fabulous.
love the way you mention about warmth! Let them know the water is warm to fall :p
Happy to heat that!
Best video i watched today. Thank you mat❤
Wow, thanks! really appreciate that
HOPE YOU ARE HAVING A HAPPY BIRTHDAY MAT, ENJOY YOUR DAY
"Your inner dialogue is painted on your face". Damn, that was powerful!!
Glad you like it!
🎉🎈🎉🎈🎉🎈🎉🎈🎉🎈🎉🎈🎉🎈🎉
🎉🎈🎉Happy Birthday Mat!!🎉🎈🎉
🎉🎈🎉🎈🎉🎈🎉🎈🎉🎈🎉🎈🎉🎈
Right on, Mat!
You have seriously made me miss David alot more now thanks for that. 5 kids under 10 and trying to do everything is hard enough but now I miss David alot more
You are so welcome!
@@Mat_Shaffer hey Mat do you ever think we can ever truly find ourselves again after a loss and is it wrong that I have fallen for Davids best mate, is it wrong that I moved on and sure found happiness within David's best mate
@@Mat_Shaffer I actually replied to one of your emails
Thank you ! Great video! I'm applying this to myself 😘💙❤
You got this!
Great video 😊👌
Thanks!
Thank you so much other tips you share us... 😘
You are so welcome CHONA MACALISANG! 🙏
Love so much this video thank you for amaizing advice 😍😍😍
You're so welcome! ❤❤❤
Another Great Video Mat! 👍🏽 - Being a swimmer 🏊🏽♀️ there are some things I’d do in water that I wouldn’t do with a man!!!! 😁 - I’d dive into cold water!! - It would a planned dive!! - I’d definitely do it!! 😃 Also, Men will look at whatever a woman touches - that can be a fun experiment - run your hands along a table - men will look! - Patty Contenta is the person to look up to find out more about sensuality!! 😃 - Spot on as usual Mat, Thank-you. 👏🏽👏🏽💫😃🌟
You're welcome! ❤❤❤
I’m so happy I subscribed to you ur so smart and You know it alll ty I will Learn off of you wish me luck 🙌❤️
Appreciate it hon!
I wish every guys are truthful to every relationships in real life! If have one genuine that this will just good luck🤣 and happiness for the person. Your advices and informations are great. Thank you 😊
I hope so too!
Love all these Matt!!!
Thank you!
The only problem for me is that I ask all of the deep questions and he just tells me the stories. He doesn't know how to ask questions of me. Great video as always with the "diving into water" analogy.
I’m happy this resonated with you, and don’t give up on love sister!
Thank you, this video is gold 🥰
You're so welcome!
I just had a guy tell me I don’t ask enough questions or personal ones and all his other girlfriends did. I’m a learn as I go person and don’t want to just like interrogate him about his life,& said so. He wasn’t happy with that. What would be good questions to ask?
You actually have a video I see underneath this,going to check it out next. 🙂
He sounds like a narcissist.... be careful!
@@zuzu7250 I actually forgot all about this comment. We’ve been dating about 7 months now. We worked it out pretty quickly & he’s legitimately a good guy. My sons dad however is a narcissist.
Happy that everything worked out well!
I love this content. It simple and very well explained in ways how to have a man fall in love to a woman. Thank you
Glad you like it! Many thanks, L D ❤️
Not easy to touch being thousands of miles away from each other.He lives in Paris and I live in South Africa.
We speak a lot about what we want to do to each other and how we miss our touches and kissing and going to sleep together and waking up together.Doing things together.We have a lot of same interests.
THIS lock down us causing so much pain and heart aches and causing misunderstandings. WE are due to be married before Christmas.
From the start I told him my boundaries and he also says that his is the same.The one problem is that he is very controlling and stubborn.
I keep asking him to stop trying to control our relationship and he says that he feels that he is in a cage.So I have to do all the compromising and sacrifices to keep the peace.
Thanks for sharing!
One of your best videos. Thank you ❤
So glad my content supports you :)
Always, it had helped me a lot.. I'm in a better place now. Thank you for you work❤
Amazing video and thank you for the wisdom 😃
Glad you enjoyed it!