The grand theme - Stop lying to yourself - I just love how he flips and lets one know what kind of life we have despite staying -which still equals pain, and that leaving at least means possibility, promise, hope and something different - being honest how a situation is making one feel miserable is just an eye-opener.
Wow Matthew was spot on! Everything he said was so true! Very empowering! I wish I had this video to watch 15 years ago! I unfortunately was in a relationship with a man who is a narcissist. I struggle with the years that I have lost. However I am a survivor and I will never be in that kind of relationship ever again! Thank you for having him on. I love your Channel. Thank you so much! I will watch this video over and over again! God bless you both!
It's not the ones that say they aren't ready for commitment that mess you up. It's the ones who say they are, get close, engaged even and then ghost you.
I love this. "I have a limited amount of energy and I can't give it to just anybody. My heart isn't something I can give it's a home that I invite people into"
That is beautiful! I'm on a journey of self help and enlightenment. I have anxiety and depression, so I only have a little energy to give. And sometimes I feel that it's all one sided because I pour all what I have into someone I'm interested in being with in the future. And I feel I simply don't have the energy for these ups and downs. And it's about filtering to whoever deserves our time or heart. Who reciprocates what I put into the communication.
Before I met my current partner, I would date people like this who really didn’t truly value me and all that I have to offer. But I met current partner while working at target, and my god he really is the real deal. Be patient ladies. The person who is meant to love, care and treasure you is around, I truly believe that, just be patient.
@@npkrn6764 having a hard time hanging on to someone who takes me for granted and only respects me when they need or want something. I know it's not always like that but on bad days I feel that's all they want. I was about to watch another video to attract your soul mate as It said but the 1st step was to not be connected to the past..which makes soo much sense.bc I don't want to imagine missing my chance with the perfect guy bc I'm still hung up on my ex.that would not be fair for him.i would never want to hurt them like that.so I'm beating myself up over sticking around.tellingbmyself stupid reasons like oh he has Noone or no girl ever stood by him like I did..but I think he doesn't even appreciate it...it's more like he expects me to give him everything even the shirt off my back if he wants or needs it. No even caring of my needs or wants. It's like if I was injured and we were on an airplane crashing I would need him to put my oxygen mask on.but I don't think he'd be even that considerate. I mean he has his habits and moments.like when walking to the store.i walk on the inside him outside.or texting him when I get home to let him know I'm ok..I feel like my loves unconditional he can do no wrong.i can never stay mad at him.but with him I feel like everything I do is never enough. I don't think I can rely on him for anything. Sad part is we both have Noone around.no family. No friends.i just wish we had that 1st year loving phase. Before that switch flipped and problems and issues arose and it became all dark
What he says about when someone says they are not ready/interested in a relationship...straight facts. In my 35 years of life I have learned when someone shows you who they are...believe them.
Old fashioned meeting someone and getting to slowly know them can still happen. I met my partner at 48yrs old and him 58yrs in a Cafe. We've been together 2+ years....its always been fun, easy and effortless, getting better and better. 👍🥰😊 hang in there, the right person shows up at the right time.
My dear if you seriously want to recover your relationship / get ex back or a specific person Mr wilson is the best when to recovery relationship, he recover mine and he can also help you
Matthew is completley right. Be honest with yourself and look after yourself and wellbeing. I was in a abusive and toxic relationship for 3 years and finally got the mindset and courage to leave him. My wake up moment was me sitting at a work function with an empty seat next to me. My bf cancelled on me at last minute so I went on my own. When he left for work the next morning I packed my stuff and walked out the door. He promised he would change blah blah ... 3 months later I left the country on my OE and was not in another serious relationship for 6 years. Needed that time to get back to my old self, enjoy life and be happy. I now knew all the red flags to look for and knew exactly what I didn't want in a partner and relationship which is important. Finally meet a lovely guy and still happy together 18 years now. Have a lovely child too. Hang in there ladies, just get rid of all the bad apples and time wasters.
Thank you for sharing your story. I am like you but in the beginning of your journey. Just finished a 3years toxic and abusive relationship and I also had to leave his country cause he made a mess. Hoping that I will have another chance to be in love when I can have a healthy relationship. Because it seems so impossible right now😢
Thank you for sharing your story!! Wow! It must have taken so much courage for you to do what you did. And here you are now in a healthy relationship with a beautiful child. I am happy so happy for you! And you deserve every happiness you are living right now. I have nothing but respect and admiration for you. You inspired me with your story to not settle in life.
@@lisabuckner243 I find the term "Baby Mama" to be derogatory. In my world, I am the mother of my husband's children. He has ONE woman he shares children with. And I had children with one man, in a marriage. I don't know about other women, and that is their business, but for myself, as a woman, I find the term "Baby Mama" to be demeaning to women. These days relationships do not last 18 days, much less 18 years! This woman who you insulted is in an 18 year relationship with someone and they share a child. Just because they chose not to get married does not take away from their relationship or family. Why are you here publicly posting such ignorant and hateful comments? After two years, the world is trying to come out of a global pandemic, only to be met with a possible World War 3. More kindness, and less hatred please.
If there's no compatibility, how on earth people engage in a relationship?!? Love only develops under companionship during the good and awful times, so if there's no affinities, love can never grow.
Love isn't enough, compatibility is crucial. Ok, that's true but most of the times there are interests ($) in between. Sometimes love isn't enough and compatibility neither
This video saved my life. I have been in limbo with a non-committal guy too long. I told him I am leaving, he initially did not believe me. I have been miserable for over a year. This video gave me strength to finally walk out. Thank you Matthew Hussey for your honesty, compassion, and truth. You have saved my life.
Yep! They won't change. The limbo is much worse than being alone. And I really want a relationship but in the end, you're unhappy ALL the TIME. So at least when you're alone, u can grieve and suffer but you're not inside that constant rollercoaster. That can destroy u for real.
It is not a good look at someone else as trash. What makes you think they are trash, not in fact, you yourself? It’s the same as women are all out for money and men are all pigs and only for sex. They are not the enemy, your attitude in your own mind and heart is the enemy.
What Mathew once said, you have to just trust, because nobody can guarantee you that they will never hurt you. You just have to know you will be strong enough to overcome any hurt. This was mind blowing for me..
It’s crazy to me because I’ve been in the exact soul crushing situation of wanting someone who wasn’t ready. I constantly blamed myself for not being good enough to change his mind, I left and doubted myself for so long. I’m happy he’s explaining the seriousness of losing yourself because of someone who can’t even see you! Don’t lose your life because of someone else.
When someone say they’re not ready for a commitment, they do that to girls for reasons, to lure you in for more because they know women in general can get emotionally attach easily. For women, you have to know when to go along with the situation but also know when to stop. You have to realized how far you want to go with it, before you get hurt.
Love this! Stop lying to yourself. Yes leaving will be difficult, but sometimes, when we're in the wrong relationship, staying is even harder and more painful.
For me at 42, one short marriage and 6 engagements since I was 22. The best thing I have learned from these relationships has been to listen to what the person in front of you is saying, they will always tell you who they are and you must heed that. No matter how charming they are, how hot they are, etc.
6 engagements? And a short marriage? Either you are player( some women love to collect engagement rings and men's hearts) or just had a very poor decisions all the time, can't see what right in front of you.
@@tarawiselove helpful? She is 42, grown adult. If she didn't learn anything by now, and keep doing same thing over and over again... sorry, truth is hurtful. I am a blunt and if you are so sensitive, it's not my problem
Thank you very much for the last few minutes. I walked away from my ex boyfriend after 3 years of waiting, hoping and lying to myself, that he will commit. I walked away with depression, diabetes and being certain I'm not worth to be loved, seen, understood and even spoken to, that I'm not worth to get help of any kind etc. Now, for me, being single at 36 is not easy. But at least I live in peace. I'm not crying, not sad, not lacking of energy. My depression just gone 2-3 weeks after a breakup. When I was in a relationship, I had terrible headaches. Now nothing hurts me... I'm still alone, but at least with a question mark. At least calm, living my ordinary life, getting healthier just because the stress is over. This is a winning, my winning.
Good for you,you can be happy alone being with someone should be a added bonus to your happiness if its not it's time to move on,you have to do what's good for you,your on a great path.
It feels like I typed this comment. I will be leaving an almost 20 year toxic relationship staying with the kids and trying to be a good Christian wife. I’m getting my conditions under control and starting to see the value in myself and realizing that I do deserve peace and happiness
I wish i had listened to such conversation or discussion while i was getting into relationships or looking for partner. I would have taken much more longer time to get to know them better. 🤣🤣🤣
It’s not even that simple you guys also have somebody that is willing to grow in the relationship and not be stagnant and someone that is accountable for their own issues that seems to be a big problem sometimes for some people.
The real problem is with the people who mirror your values and hopes and then once you have the whole life you dreamed of together they kick you out of it. Look for empathy and don't talk yourself out of your uncomfortable feelings.
@@nestorcharlotte7788 I think I'm experiencing the same and i went through enough hurt before in life and he knew 😢 I think he is gone 4vl days ago he texted that he missed having me around bc he is abroad for work so we didn't meet yet. 😢 hurts. I avoid checking whatsapp. I will go outside and stay active and unfortunately I will also have pain coming days.
My dear if you seriously want to recover your relationship / get ex back or a specific person Mr wilson is the best when to recovery relationship, he recover mine and he can also help you
The relationship that I was in for 9 years just ended a month ago. I definitely needed to hear this. I kept hanging on, trying to change him because I had changed. So much fighting could have been avoided if I had come to terms with the fact that our time together was over years ago.
@@seyni736 Thank you so much! I have never commented on a video before, but this one hit home for sure. I can now take responsibility for my part in the relationship falling apart.
@Reisa Parker i am in this right now. 13 years, ended in late May. I'm trying to look at it from the point of view that he was not the right one but i needed to learn the lessons i learned in the breakdown of this relationship for when i do meet the right one. all that still doesn't make this any easier or less painful to go through. someday we will look back on this time and see how strong we really are. I have to believe that this too shall pass. to everyone that is heartbroken 💔 right now, hang in there, you're not alone. I'm saying this to myself as well as whoever is reading this right now. we are going to be ok, believe that. say it to yourself "I am going to be ok".
@@cayad2591 The hardest part for me is being so lonely. I spent so much time clinging on to him and hoping he would make me happy. I put all of that on him and that was a huge mistake. I am working on ME now and I know this breakup is the best decision for both of us. I will say also, it was the most mature breakup I have had by a long shot. It's hard but I know that I'm gonna be Ok 😊💙
It's always good to be reminded that we need to believe people when they treat us poorly the first time and move on. Also, I love what you said about not being afraid to scare the right person away. Only the wrong one would be scared by a direct, but respectful question. "You'll never get to relive your 40's again." That was powerful. I'm 39 now and I intend to make this the best bloody year ever of my 30's after wasting 38 on the wrong guy - and my 40's will be even better than my 30's. :) Thank you.
I feel like "I'm not looking for a relationship" sometimes doesn't mean they're looking for casual fun but actually means they want everything that goes along with a relationship without treating you like you have any value whatsoever. You can set boundaries for casual fun with these people but they won't respect those boundaries so really you just have to leave.
@@Medietos I'm curious, why do you ask? I'll let myself ramble for a second then put a TLDR at the end lol. From my perspective usually it means including sexual contact. But to be clear when I say "everything that goes along with a relationship" I'm not referring to sex. I'm rather referring to things like spending a lot of time together, texting every day, talking on the phone for hours, hanging out/going out on dates frequently and regularly, holding hands (especially in public), having long deep conversations, cuddling, spending the night together, things like that. And when I refer to boundaries I'm not talking about the boundary of "I will not have sex with you if we're not in a relationship" but rather I'm referring to other boundaries such as "we're not in a relationship so I don't want to spend hours talking on the phone with you," or "it's okay that we aren't exclusive but I don't want to sit in bed with you while you scroll through a dating app," or "I know this isn't a serious relationship but I won't keep saying yes to hanging out with you if you keep not showing up half the time." In my opinion what matters is not "are we having sex" but rather the level of investment of time and facilitation of emotional connection. I've seen situations where someone who says they're "not looking for a relationship" will go really far with people, not just having sex but going so far as to introduce them to friends and family, hold their hand in public, text them every day and even talk on the phone with them regularly for several hours at a time, really developing a relationship that probably looks and feels to most people like an intimate romantic relationship. And then they'll be an absolute jerk to that person, being rude to them, gaslighting them, being really hot and cold, having a committed relationship with someone else and hiding what they're doing from both parties, and even ghosting them. Then blaming their crappy behavior on "Well we were just hooking up so it's not like any of it matters. I'm not going to try to be kind to someone who I don't care about. I'm going to save my effort for someone I actually like.'" Honestly seeing this makes me think twice about how I treat people. I feel that basic common decency should always exist and that you shouldn't go really far with a person who you not only don't want to commit to but who you're also not even committed to treating halfway decently. Just having sex with someone is one thing. If someone just, like, hooks up with you after a party or something then of course they're probably going to just leave and not call you the next day or whatever. I don't see that as being too upsetting because the expectation in that case is usually just "cool. We had sex after a party. Moving on." But some of the "hookups" that I've seen have just not been like that, and it doesn't matter if one person tries to set boundaries. The second you say something like "I don't want to spend the night with someone I'm not dating" or "I need to get off the phone now because I have some things to do today" or even "I noticed we spend a lot of time together. Are we still just hooking up?" That's when the gaslighting starts. *TLDR* : I define casual fun as including sexual contact. Sex or no sex, common decency is important. When I say "everything that goes along with a relationship" I don't mean sex and I don't mean friendly fun. I mean actions that I think most reasonable people would interpret as romantic and rather serious. When I say "without treating you like you have any value whatsoever" I don't mean refusing to commit but rather I mean being an absolute jerk.
@mike82 very well expressed. Or they will say that ‘they don’t know what they want’ but expect you to provide all you have mentioned…which is pretty committed as far as I am concerned.
Matthew is really having a positive impact on so many people's life. And Lisa is allowing him to do so by being a great interviewer. A great interviewer's main goal isn't to make themselves appear more interesting by talking as much as possible. They give space to the people being interviewed. I think she does an amazing job by engaging us through personal stories and not only making her guests talk but also letting them talk.
absta Thanks for the much needed laugh and it's definitely been the case with me! Mind you, I can admit that I've had large suitcases, so to speak, of issues as well, due to my horrrendous childhood and other traumatic experiences, hence why it's best if I stay single, even though I've been doing healing work for many years. I'm also aware that I've overshared, yet again, so that's another area in my life to keep working on, along with all the others. ☺
@@cyndigooch1162 Hey Cyndi, thanks for your response. Me too babe, me too! Glad it made you laugh. Oh everyone has large suitcases don’t give yourself a hard time about it, mine are massive!! Working on my ego and it’s a tireless journey. I’m sincerely sorry to hear about your childhood and experiences, it hurts when I know someone else has had a bad time, we’re all connected after all even though we can never get our heads around this. I find it hard to. You shared some high level detail no biggy and I appreciate it. I’ve just had a major falling out with someone this very evening, far too much to explain but it sucks big time, we’ve both said too many hurtful things and I find it hard to get over these things. Hey ho! Tomorrow’s another day and it’s my birthday next month so no doubt I’ll be celebrating it on my own. It’s all good. Keep learning and smiling. Much love ❤️💛💚
If ur intuition is saying something is not right for several times at several different moments, stop ignoring it and faking it to urself that everything is alright or it is going to be alright. If u r the only person sacrificing a lot and u r lying to ur own self about it bcz of the love u hv on the other person, u will continue to be the sacrificer and will be depressed. Show some love n respect to urself more than anyone. Make urself happy. Cut the relation if it is miserable. Initially it will be damn painful but gradually it'll be ok. Hope this helps someone reading and wish u will be happy soon.
The end made me cry, he is so right, what a waste of time, life is so short, we should love ourselves first, we should meet our needs first, we shouldn't try to change soemone. Believe what they show you the first time. Be blessed.
I'm not scared to ask the questions that need to be questioned and answered. I'm scared that I won't get the truth when I ask the questions. Because for some reason, Time After Time, every relationship I've ever been in, I have sat down and looked at them in the eye and ask them the hard questions. And they have looked me right back in the eye and lied to my face. It's hard to find true honesty in this world. And it's hard to find someone that won't deceive you just to save their face or even just to save your feelings. But unlike some people, I beg and I asked for the truth and I ask the hard questions. Because I'd rather want to know the truth then live and some false reality.
Same. Just know that people who deceive you are never trying to "save your feelings", they are just protecting themselves because they can't accept the idea of "being the bad guy"..
If your approach hasn't been successful perhaps it might be a good idea to switch things up. It's relatively easy for a dishonest person to parrot everything they hear you say. It's one of their most effective tools. I think there is quite a bit of value in open ended questions like so, what are you looking for at this point in your life? Or what do you think about X??? Sometimes being an upfront open book is like handing a unknown stranger your security alarm code. I think it's perfectly ok if I figure out who they actually are before I reveal everything about myself. And I think it's possible to do that while still being engaging and showing interest.
@@Astgsfgt so so true. Last guy I dated decided to end things with me because he doesn’t want a relationship. Commitment fearing type of guy. But even till the very end he told me he is looking for someone to settle because he can’t face to tell me the truth that he is looking for something casual. Yeah maybe he doesn’t want to hurt me but I also feel like he doesn’t want to be the bad guy.
I wasted nearly 25 years on the father of my two children. We never lived together, never married. Finally one day, I saw the light and told him to get the f out of my life. But indeed over time, I’ve realized, I had come from toxic/abusive family and needed to learn so much about relationships. I hope one day, children can get educated earlier about toxic dynamics & the effects, it’s honestly horrendous.
chilloften It's extremely sad about what you and your children went through and I'm so pleased that you were able to break away in the end! I can relate to what you wrote in regard to growing up in a toxic family environment, which causes immense harm, especially when both parents are highly narcissistic, or worse, due to their own unhealed childhood trauma issues. I'm in my 60s now and I've had extremely unhealthy "relationships" over the years. I've been doing healing work for many years now; however, more traumatic experiences happened to impede my progress. I've done a lot of grieving for my many losses though, as I can't turn back the time and might be able to assist others in the future. ❤
@@cyndigooch1162 I hope for you the best. Without failure no success. I know that I’d love you because you can acknowledge grief exists. It compounds, damn.
Thank you Matthew!!! I went away from a guy that told me after 3 months dating that he does not want a relationship. I felt insecure about my decision... and then I found this and watched it 3 x times entirely and at least 4 x over starting about min 46! Your passion about your message got to me - big time! You made me confident I did the right thing and you saved me a lot of time and heartbreak! I deserve better! THANK YOU!!!
Everything this man said I had to learn the hard way and it’s absolutely correct! Don’t waist your time trying to convince a man or even your “partner” to want a relationship!!! Loved this 🙏🏽🙌🏽
I lost my 20's to my ex who I just finally mustered the courage to break up with. Truly, thank you for this, it's given me the courage not to succumb to his messages. I just feel so grateful that I have my 30's to look forward to now and that I'm finally free.
Everything I needed to hear and wasn't willing to acknowledge...Getting to the end of the video without crying was impossible. From my heart, thank you. Both of you
This message is what I needed to hear. I recently cut ties. Told the person people don’t change and my needs aren’t being met. The direct communication blew him away 💥
Matt nailed it. It’s when I realized how utterly miserable I was that I decided it needed to end, for my own sanity and the sanity of my children. We only get one life and I refuse to waste any more of my time on men who cause me so much pain and suffering with no light or hope
@@mrtriyja7800 I adopted my husband's children in 2017 when their mother completed suicide. They keep me busy. I also maintain a private practice as a massage therapist specializing in trauma recovery. And I still menstruate, I could've had kids with him if I chose...we already have enough going on. These kids have been through too much. See what happens when you make assumptions? Have a great day
@@ifinditinteresting.8709 Perhaps he deleted it? He said words to the effect of..."so what do you do other than have sex? No kid possible." Nice guy, huh?
I just came out of a 16 year marriage. Hanging on for years hoping and begging for change and hoping for happiness for myself and my children. My siblings death woke me up to the fact that life is too short. I wasn’t supported through my grief and it was the final straw for me. I am the shining example of Matthew’s very passionate speech about not wasting your time with someone your not compatible with. I have days sometimes weeks of doubt as to wether I did the right thing. This reminded me that I made this decision for the right reasons and I’m excited to see what life has in store for me. I’m a Brit living in the USA too, so I love listening to these two chat xx
Sarah, I'm so pleased that you came to the correct judgement. It wasn't just about compatability but his lacking in fundamental character and hunan decency on a compassionate level. I too extricated myself from a situation where no amount of my investment was going to repair or bolster that relationship. By doing so I also protected my children and vowed to avoid any future entanglements to maintain that integrity. You don't necessarily need to wait as long as I have to become receptive to the possibility of a wonderful partnership - now in my 60's and its the right timing for me. Much healing and re-evaluation has of my own contribution (going against my better judgement at the outset being an instigator) as to how I had embarked on the wrong journeys in my youth. I am just at the exploratory phase with a genuinely like-minded gentleman with the generosity of spirit towards that makes me feel safe. It's relaxed, yet exciting, it's mature, yet playful and full of promise. So for you and all out there - the coincidence of timing and meeting the right person can bring joy and love into your life.
I dont lime ur story, what growing means when been with someone for 16years. U think u gonna easily find someone with no issues and just move on life is perfect. Becarefull jumping off relationships just because u see thing ur way, carefull u might get a dog die alone
Remember that money comes and goes, beauty comes and goes, status comes and goes, clout comes and goes, people come and go. Focus on the things you can control such as health, work, and most importantly, YOUR TIME!!! If you want somebody to be with you in this cluster f*ck called, be with someone that is on the same page as you. Life is too short.
It made me face some hard truths. I spent my whole 20s on the wrong guy. Can never get those precious years back. It literally destroyed what I thought about myself. I was so confident and sure of myself. I lost myself to the point I was so miserable and had to reach out for help, something I never had to do before.
I have come to the conclusion that dating is the most important phase, its like interviewing a partner for the most important job. The less one jumps into being physical too fast and keeps trying to be objective in every single date and having good and deep conversations about important topics, the easier it is to figure out if you are compatible or not. I agree with Matthew that women give too much importance to the connection. I want someone to build a castle with 🏰 Thanks Matthew and Lisa!
AMEN: "Unconditional love is just not true in the context of romantic relationships". I wish I had learned that when I first started dating. Would have saved me 15 years.
You and I know how valuable time is and out of my divorce used the time to heal and grow more and invest in me. The right people are out there but don’t be desperate is a thing women would stop being in that state!!!
Honestly, I keep watching this video, I must have watched it 4x now and listened to it jogging. Today’s dating culture is so emotionally tough. So many people do not want to commit, it makes me sad just thinking about it. I love being single and I’ve been enjoying this time, and I’d like someone great to share my life with. I don’t know, I feel discouraged in this department
Women being "single" is vastly different from average men being single. Average Joe can have no sex for years if he's unlucky. An ugly and boring woman can always hookup with a random dude out there. The real problem is that women try to not only date a small pool of men but also to keep the 1% domesticated. It doesn't work like that. Average men are opting out of this madness and stay single or at least non-committing. That's quite rational.
@@mortalkomment8028 have you ever thought about the fact that maybe most women don't really put sex at the center of the universe? It's not all about sex. It's sad that people are loving less and less
@@mortalkomment8028 You're just referring to sex. That is one component (often a small component) of a much, much bigger picture of a committed long-term relationship/marriage. The original poster is talking about the desire to have someone to share her life with, not a meaningless one-night stand. Most women have enough sense and self-preservation not to want to be with some "random dude."
"We don't need to live together or have an official relationship in order to be together, we don't need to do what others are doing, we are unique", said the man who used me almost 8 years and moved to live with another woman just after our break-up.
This is a reality for me as well, I don't even know if he has someone else but he keeps giving me little things enough to keep staying in the relationship. I'm tired.
@@anissabeeban9602 I hope you will not let him waste your time. I wasted 8 years... It was wonderful to fall in love with a man who said to me, he wants to live with me in a relationship... Then I realised what O deserve. You deserve more as well.
I agree, I should have believed him the first time. I'm now coming into the knowledge of certain things in a relationship. I hope that I don't make the same mistake again. 😕
Writing down this gem because I need to remember it: "Unconditional love isn't real in the context of romantic relationships. Romantic relationships are conditional because who would wanna be in a relationship long term with someone who never gave back. Because you're choosing to enter into an agreement with someone about us being together, us spending time together, us having an effect on each other's energy, on how we spend our time and I'm going to give to you...There's an opportunity cost to that because it means I can't give to somebody else and, therefore, I need a genuine teammate. Assess is this person acting like a teammate... or is this person just using me because they want some validation at this point in their life. Am I just a brief chapter for them but I'm actually investing in this as if it's going somewhere." Ask the questions to find out, be brave to hear the truth, don't go with the flow or fear they'd be scared away because if it's the right person that won't happen.
This was also my favorite part. So greatly put. The reason I hate dating and am avoidant is because all the guys I dated sucked me dry and forced me to “commit” and were obsessed if I was cheating on them… all the while sucking me dry and keeping me trapped and stuck. I don’t want commitment. I want someone I can grow with.
This was also my favorite part. So greatly put. The reason I hate dating and am avoidant is because all the guys I dated sucked me dry and forced me to “commit” and were obsessed if I was cheating on them… all the while sucking me dry and keeping me trapped and stuck. I don’t want commitment. I want someone I can grow with.
It's so amazing to me how Matthew being so Young in his years can give such Realistic advise in human nature when it comes to relationship issues. I TRULY believe that it's a God given gift of wisdom. I ABSOLUTELY love listening to him 😍.
It took me until my mid twenties to learn that some partners think they can get good relationship advice from family and friends even when they fail to relay their part in any given issue. It definitely fails to accomplish anything good. Especially when concerned family and friends relay the skewed story to the other side in hopes of getting them to act better. I later became aware that some families will always take the side of their relative regardless of obvious right or wrong. I feel fortunate that my mother was able to say to me: "You're my daughter and I love you, but you're wrong and you should change what you're doing." I still remember how mad that made me when she took my young husband's side in a disagreement. All these years later I'm truly grateful that she loved me enough to kindly point out my sometimes harsh or demanding young and unreasonable expectations. Especially considering the fact that she was none too happy with my decision to marry young or even with the man I chose to marry. Unfortunately, as was often the case, she was able to see much further into my future than I could. I'd give anything to have her wise and unbiased advice today.
I'm really glad that he mentioned that we get to see the best of ourselves even at the end of a relationship when we gave it our all we gave hundred and 10% and then some. Even though it didn't work out at least we got to see the best of ourselves and that really helps with your self confidence when somebody breaks up with you store has lied to you and caused a breakup in the relationship. It's a good foundation to perceive your future whether it be alone or it be starting a new relationship.
Yes, absolutely. We also can see the value we brought to another person- the shared good memories goes both ways, and we have so much good to offer another partner despite the union ending
The Lord has really given Matthew a gift of understanding and wisdom regarding relationships, it's beautiful to witness. He is able to break things down in a very precise, yet simple, way. Thank you for the video. God bless you~ John 3:16
21:29 - That was powerful for me. I've been repeatedly bombarded over eight years with the words: "I said I was sorry. Why are you still acting like this?" This happens within a half hour of the apology and it happens regardless if it is the first ever apology or the tenth for the exact same behavior. It's as if he truly believes that 'I'm Sorry' is a magical wound dressing that removes all hurt and instantaneously mends critically broken trust. And not only does it have those magical qualities but it can be used repeatedly to instantly heal the same wound over and over again. I truly never thought that a grown man could be so utterly stunted in his awareness of what I'm sorry actually means. I've honestly tried to explain why it does not work like that but I've never once dented his expectation that it should.
Thank you for stating that there is no such thing as “unconditional love” in a romantic relationship. I learned of this in the last four years and found it to be pivotal. Moreover, unconditional love only applies to very young children. Past a certain age it doesn’t even apply anymore! It’s a developmental thing.
Excellent message. At the age of 57 I needed to hear this. Time is too valuable. He is not stepping up after all these years...I hear you. Let's see how honest I can be in 2023. Thank you indeed 💫
Yes you CHANGED my life. Thank You! I was so mad at myself for so long for giving and not receiving. I told myself,”How stupid was I” “ Look at all the time I wasted.” I love too much, invested so much. So when you put it in a different perspective that, that was your best self, just with the wrong one. Mind blowing…I will never dislike myself again. Thank You!!!
Thank you for saying this!!! 💓Young women need to hear it. The first time a guy told me he was not in a place to date (while we were out on a date which he invited me on) and then proceeded to ask me out multiple times the same week and blow up my phone each day, I simply thought, "Wow, this Christian guy is really confused and conflicted." I didn't realize that caveat was code for, "You're about to get played like you have never been played before..." What he did to me in a matter of months took me Years to recover from. When you hear those words, "can't have a relationship," "can't date right now," or anything of the like, all while he is pursuing you, RUN and block. It is code for the no-fault contract he is drawing up in his head.
Thank you so much for this. A few weeks ago I had to walk away from my boyfriend with whom I was with for 7 years. He did not value me and couldn't even hug me or show me support when a loved one died.
Man I'm going to be 50 this year ,along with the entire video the last part reallly drove it home. So much time wasted on empty promises throughout the 40's. Such a crucial time ❤
With tears in my eyes , this discussion today saved me. I needed this terribly. I've listened to this over and over. Youre amazing with a true gift Matthew! Thank you, both of you. ❤
I'm 50 & a widow. Married all my young adult life. Not interested in dating & wouldn't even know how anymore. At my age, if a man isn't interested in marriage I've got no time for him & I'm good being single for now anyway. Ugh the thought of trying to date again, especially in this current day & age. I'm going to watch because I find this topic interesting & I'll share it with my daughter. Less than 10 minutes in & this is all great truths being shared.
My dear if you seriously want to recover your relationship / get ex back or a specific person Mr wilson is the best when to recovery relationship, he recover mine and he can also help you
50’s here, too; “retired” from dating because my life is already full, with career & family …dating for years felt like such an exhausting, soul crushing treadmill, I had to get off. I’d like a companion, but it seems pretty unlikely now that health declines as we age (both genders), everyone’s already married, etc. But being single isn’t so bad!
What most simps, feminist fe/males, white-knights, betas and conservative guys fail to realize: bad boys provide excitement, novelty, unpredictability and fun (fear, roller-coaster drama) to a new level. In other words, stability and commitment (no longer) won't cut it for today's 🦄. Why is that? Before she was your girlfriend, wife or lover, she already had been "run through" so many guys. And each time she slept with someone (both wo/men), she lost a part of her psyche, well-being or mind/soul/spirit. In other words, she is no longer able to have emotional attachment in a healthy or committed way. *Sex and Culture* by Joseph Daniel Unwin *The Rational Male Series* by Rollo Tomassi *The Manipulated Man* by Esther Vilar *The Myth of Male Power* by Warren Farrell *The Feminist Lie: It Was Never About Equality* by Bob Lewis *Anatomy of Female Power* by Chinweizu Ibekwe *Men on Strike* by Helen Smith *Silent Weapons for Quiet Wars: An Introductory Programing Manual* by Anonymous Feminist's Ideology from Sheryl Sandberg, chief operating officer of Facebook: '''My advice to women is date all of them: the bad boys, the cool boys, the commitment-phobic boys, the crazy boys. But do not marry them. The things that make the bad boys sexy do not make them good husbands. When it comes time to settle down, find someone who wants an equal partner. Someone who thinks women should be smart, opinionated and ambitious. Someone who values fairness and expects or, even better, wants to do his share in the home. These men exist and, trust me, over time, nothing is sexier.''' Cardi B. artist & role model for the most privilege 🦄 on the entire planet: '''My music is always going to make a woman feel like a bad bitch. When you make a woman feel like she’s the baddest bitch in the room, to me, that’s female empowerment.''' Isaiah 3:12 *Childish* leaders oppress my people, and *women* rule over them. O my people, your leaders mislead you; they send you down the wrong road. Proverbs 31:3 Don't give your strength (attention, resources, mental point origen) to women, nor your ways to that which destroys kings. Ezekiel 23:20 There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses. 🕊💚🙋🏻♂️
@@sunvavachi Do u know--- Africans, living in USA from more than 200 yrs, but they're still dont get that fame as some newly arrived Japanese for a reason.
This was presented to me at the right time. I have been this type of woman for years. The steaker, I took a 3 year break & worked on myself but once I got back into the dating world, I was broken twice because I thought giving love was enough, and he’s right. Giving love just shows me how compassionate I am, that I’m not broken but it’s not everything. Relationships are really partnership & ultimately giving & receiving. And if it’s not like this keep it stepping. This really saved me ❤
47:07 & on is all I needed to hear. I dated someone who I truly love. They were unsure if they wanted a “serious committed relationship.” I never took it as my heart would break or a red flag. Time is too precious and I don’t want to change him. I wish I watched this 6 months ago. I’m staying positive & working on my own growth. Your words are powerful & healing. Thank you opening my eyes a little more.
He is SO insightful about things that should be common sense. This hit me as I battle in a divorce: it’s hard to stay with a question mark and it’s hard leave with a period. Both are HARD but leaving gives you options for joy in the future. I love her big deep *sigh* after his closing fabulous rant! That was deep! This is why I decided to leave. It’s HARD to leave, but after 14 years, I didn’t want to live that way for the next 30 years.
He said: "you'll never be 33 again" and I just turned 33 😱. This is full of shocking info and I was ready to listen to it and process it. It really reassured me on moving on and appreciating my time and paying attention to who I let in in my life. Thank you!
The problem is many guys and women too don't really want relationships anymore they want all kinds of arrangements and get married only to divorce after a period of time any way the world has just seemed to change significantly. Not just cynical just been living and observing for a long time.
That part about giving your best self to a relationship that didn’t work out showing how you are at your best is just an amazing perspective to have. 7:06 It shows you your skills and abilities in a relationship, and how good you actually are. Amazing ❤️ Rather, focus on giving to the right person, and seeing what you overlooked when you were giving to the partner that didn’t work out 8:00
I’m 17 minutes in and this is for me. I’m always giving so much of myself and it wasn’t being reciprocated. I was alway reaching and and if I didn’t he didn’t. However when he wanted to spend time it was always on his terms and I allowed it. I’m taking ownership for the part that I took in this situation-ship. I’m new to attempting to get to know people and possibly dating someone in the near future after being married for 18 years. 😩
Same here after 24 years. The situation-ship is the same with me always giving and reaching out. no reciprocation with effort. This video helps❤ time to leave this situation -ship after a year.
Matt's heartfelt and passionate speech in the last 10 minutes of this video (starting with Honda example) was absolutely on point and I felt every word of it very deeply.
You just nailed it Matthew , there’s pain when you stay and there’s pain when you go - thank you for being so passionate and raw honest , I told myself this when I had to leave my horrific marriage
Thanks Matt & Lisa for having this conversation, it hits me so hard to the ground really.. I'm in loved with someone who's not ready for a relationship for about 3 months now, and now I realized that he never loved me back and he's never been ready to start relationship with me.. I will take a brave move to leave and never going back to him again, coz' he just needs me whenever he's feeling lonely, thank God it's just happened for about 3 months 😩 well thank u so much for having this conversation ❤️
Oh man 9:59 I struggle with unconditional love and hearing this is SO GOOD. I recently realize that unconditional love is an unhealthy goal for a non parent & child relationship. Because I was shooting for this goal, I ended up giving more and ignoring what I wasn’t getting, all in the name of sticking by him through thick and thin; and we were only dating for 8 months. His expectations of me was through the roof, yet didn’t have the same standard for himself. 👏
Thank you both. I’ve stayed in a relationship for future promises of marriage never happened, that almost broke my confidence to the floor. Yes sitting with the pain of lying to myself. Hurts to hear but glad to see it ❤️☘️
matthew thank you so much ..I'm 33 and just got out of a miserable relationship i had for past 5 years and ended up physically ill.. i was devastated and ended up diabetic...I'm gaining so much clarity everytime i watch your shows.. thank you and may god bless you both...
This is so deep for me, toxic after toxic again! Now I decided to take care myself, the right one will come what I really deserves because I am genuinely lovable person.! Thank you!❤️
Thank you Matthew Hussey! You're quite the remarkable thinker and contributor to ease the suffering of others in this world. This is a note that I sent someone after watching this video: Dear ... You did tell me from the start that this was not good timing. I'm sorry because I should have accepted that and given you space to work through the things that you needed to work through. I should have accepted that it didn't matter how much I wanted a thing. It was a terrible wager on my part to invest my time and effort on someone for whom it is the wrong time. I know that you were probably not even emotionally open enough to actually see me, the person in front of you for all that I was. You weren't interested in getting to know me on that level because you weren't open to building a life with anyone. In the end I think we never had a chance because you were not ready. You were always holding a piece of yourself back. It's like if I was trying to convince you that you wanted a Honda. It's hard enough to sell someone a car who wants a car because they have options, right? Don't go to Ford. Honda is great. The thing is, you might have just been happy enough with a bicycle. I can't stake my time and my life on that. It isn't enough. I can't make that kind of sacrifice when my needs are not being met. Because I'll start to hate myself and resent myself and loathe myself for being in this situation. I can't stake my sense of joy in life praying and hoping that one day you will invest in me as much as I invest in you. I know it would be foolish to expect you to be anything other than what you are right now. I can't change you. People wake up in January and want to go to the gym to lose a few pounds only to find themselves three weeks later eating pizza and doing the same thing they've always done. It's hard to change even when we want to change more than anything in the world. What makes me so arrogant as to think that I'm powerful enough to make you get over Charlotte when you don't even want to stop loving her? I'll never be 55 again. Time is not a commodity that I can afford to waste. Betty
This video saved me from the relationship I do not want to be in. I was on the fence and this video solidifies my choice to end it. No more one way street for me.
Wow starting from 50:14 never seen him so passionate. He was spitting gold. I started crying, needed to hear the truth, and loved how he became SO PASSIONATE.
You are so absolutely right.... I am that person that NEEDED to hear this! Man.... the hours I have wasted with my good heart thinking and hoping that good heart would change them... Thank you, Matthew, for making it real for all of us genuinely goodhearted women!
Validation in knowing and loving yourself enough to recognize when someone is not the right one... you are healed and healthy to give and receive the love you deserve. You cannot love someone out of their pain and trauma, that is their internal work and responsibility to overcome. I learned the lessons from my past and walked away this time with no malice, resentment, or insecurity. This was a refreshing convo with lots of great points.
This is exactly what everyone should be hearing before they begin dating in the first place. This can be a life saver for so many people's lives. This was so educational. Awsome job! Thank you.
Yeah, I'm accepting that I'm going to feel pain either way, probably always. Pain is inevitable, but I don't have to suffer. This was a good wake-up call.
Oh Matthew, how I relate to everything you’re saying. 36 years I hung in there, but finally had to leave cause it hurt so much even from the beginning. He revealed things to me 36 years later that I knew in my heart but chose not to end it. Love is not enough!! Compatibility is key! I am now finding myself and learning from you what a true relationship should look like. Thank you so much for the work you do. Blessings to you.
52:46 onwards... message received. I randomly clicked on this, listened and this message resonated so deeply. Thank you Matthew and Lisa. This was GOLD 🥇
Whew. A lot of what Matthew says here encapsulates the last 12 months or so, of my life. I was so unhappy but so yearned to connect. He did carefully let me know he wasnt interested in anything serious. It took a few months but eventually I knew I had to leave. I knew I'd never get what I longed for with him. Now I'm away from that situation. Yup. I hurt. But just exactly as Matthew says, at least there can be hope of a better possibility. And it does help to know that I can respect myself for taking action to be true to my path.
OMG I’ve watched so many of Matthew’s videos but I felt this deep down my bones. What’s hear felt and passionate message. He had me crying like a baby from 50:00. It’s exactly what I needs to hear.
The last part of this video melted my heart. I am 22 and I have always wanted to be in a serious and committed relationship, at times and out of desperation I settled for less and I was in situations that did not go anywhere! This happened over a course of a year. A year of my life wasted where I could have been invested in myself, my dreams and goals. I am so grateful that it was only 1 year and not 10! This video was the reinforcement that I needed. Thank you so much for your words of wisdom. This helped me more than you know. Much love 💕
Thank you so much Matthew, after I listened to you, I was able to stand up for my self and asked questions that I will never had the courage to ask and I was miserable. it's freedom, I gained back my respect to my self. Thank you
The last 4 minutes of this video are SO POWERFUL...they just hit me to my core. The decisions you make are life or death. Not the literal death of you, but the death of your soul, the death of your confidence, omg it is SO GOOD. Matt Hussey is speaking FACTS!
I had a person tell me about their past, I believed him, he was priming me, getting me ready for what was to come for me....⌚⏳⌛🛍🚪🚫🙏🏽 Thank You for sharing !!
54:44 those 30 seconds were powerful. Matthew just laying down the FACTS.
Right? He was sooooo fire!!!!
The grand theme - Stop lying to yourself - I just love how he flips and lets one know what kind of life we have despite staying -which still equals pain, and that leaving at least means possibility, promise, hope and something different - being honest how a situation is making one feel miserable is just an eye-opener.
Wow Matthew was spot on! Everything he said was so true! Very empowering! I wish I had this video to watch 15 years ago! I unfortunately was in a relationship with a man who is a narcissist. I struggle with the years that I have lost. However I am a survivor and I will never be in that kind of relationship ever again! Thank you for having him on. I love your Channel. Thank you so much! I will watch this video over and over again! God bless you both!
I said f! This January 2020.
Found someone who is worth the f!
@@lisabilyeu8103 f
It's not the ones that say they aren't ready for commitment that mess you up. It's the ones who say they are, get close, engaged even and then ghost you.
I know of a man who could help you restore back your relationship either your ex or soulmate.
He was the one who helped me in restoring back my ex partner three day ago without delay.
Whtsaap him"**.
Aka narcissists.
This literally just happened to me. We were together 3 years. We were engaged with a 2 year old son and the coward ghosted me. I'm devastated.
I love this. "I have a limited amount of energy and I can't give it to just anybody. My heart isn't something I can give it's a home that I invite people into"
My favorite Matthew Hussey quote!
I love this so much!!
That is beautiful! I'm on a journey of self help and enlightenment. I have anxiety and depression, so I only have a little energy to give. And sometimes I feel that it's all one sided because I pour all what I have into someone I'm interested in being with in the future. And I feel I simply don't have the energy for these ups and downs. And it's about filtering to whoever deserves our time or heart. Who reciprocates what I put into the communication.
Such a perfect expression.
I love that too
Before I met my current partner, I would date people like this who really didn’t truly value me and all that I have to offer. But I met current partner while working at target, and my god he really is the real deal. Be patient ladies. The person who is meant to love, care and treasure you is around, I truly believe that, just be patient.
👍
#Believe
It depends. Some people never find that. No one wants to hear this or admit it - but it doesn't make it any less true.
Is it possible that there may be someone out there willing to care for someone who so broken on the inside but not showing it
@@npkrn6764 having a hard time hanging on to someone who takes me for granted and only respects me when they need or want something. I know it's not always like that but on bad days I feel that's all they want. I was about to watch another video to attract your soul mate as It said but the 1st step was to not be connected to the past..which makes soo much sense.bc I don't want to imagine missing my chance with the perfect guy bc I'm still hung up on my ex.that would not be fair for him.i would never want to hurt them like that.so I'm beating myself up over sticking around.tellingbmyself stupid reasons like oh he has Noone or no girl ever stood by him like I did..but I think he doesn't even appreciate it...it's more like he expects me to give him everything even the shirt off my back if he wants or needs it. No even caring of my needs or wants. It's like if I was injured and we were on an airplane crashing I would need him to put my oxygen mask on.but I don't think he'd be even that considerate. I mean he has his habits and moments.like when walking to the store.i walk on the inside him outside.or texting him when I get home to let him know I'm ok..I feel like my loves unconditional he can do no wrong.i can never stay mad at him.but with him I feel like everything I do is never enough. I don't think I can rely on him for anything. Sad part is we both have Noone around.no family. No friends.i just wish we had that 1st year loving phase. Before that switch flipped and problems and issues arose and it became all dark
If someone is mistreating you and tells you they haven’t done anything “wrong”, listen to them. They are telling you they are going to continue😔✨☘️🙏
thank you ! I just really needed to read your comment !!
@@SarahlovesSerge You're Most Welcome Sarah
God Bless You
I'm Praying Life Begins Bringing You The Utmost Very Best, Immensely Soon, Sincere Soul
💚🕯️💚
What he says about when someone says they are not ready/interested in a relationship...straight facts. In my 35 years of life I have learned when someone shows you who they are...believe them.
Just like the late, Great Maya Angelou told us!
Old fashioned meeting someone and getting to slowly know them can still happen. I met my partner at 48yrs old and him 58yrs in a Cafe. We've been together 2+ years....its always been fun, easy and effortless, getting better and better. 👍🥰😊 hang in there, the right person shows up at the right time.
It can happen! I met my husband at 46, married (first time for me) at 49. Always been fun and easy company.
That gives me hope, age is just a number ♥️
My dear if you seriously want to recover your relationship / get ex back or a specific person
Mr wilson is the best when to recovery relationship, he recover mine and he can also help you
These kinda messages are hope for 37 me
I LOOOVE THIS so much!!!! 🥰❤️
Matthew is completley right. Be honest with yourself and look after yourself and wellbeing. I was in a abusive and toxic relationship for 3 years and finally got the mindset and courage to leave him. My wake up moment was me sitting at a work function with an empty seat next to me. My bf cancelled on me at last minute so I went on my own. When he left for work the next morning I packed my stuff and walked out the door. He promised he would change blah blah ... 3 months later I left the country on my OE and was not in another serious relationship for 6 years. Needed that time to get back to my old self, enjoy life and be happy. I now knew all the red flags to look for and knew exactly what I didn't want in a partner and relationship which is important. Finally meet a lovely guy and still happy together 18 years now. Have a lovely child too. Hang in there ladies, just get rid of all the bad apples and time wasters.
Wow!
Thank you for sharing your story. I am like you but in the beginning of your journey. Just finished a 3years toxic and abusive relationship and I also had to leave his country cause he made a mess. Hoping that I will have another chance to be in love when I can have a healthy relationship. Because it seems so impossible right now😢
Thank you for sharing your story!! Wow! It must have taken so much courage for you to do what you did. And here you are now in a healthy relationship with a beautiful child. I am happy so happy for you! And you deserve every happiness you are living right now. I have nothing but respect and admiration for you. You inspired me with your story to not settle in life.
18 YEARS, A child and.... did he marry you??? Nope! You're a baby mama.
@@lisabuckner243 I find the term "Baby Mama" to be derogatory. In my world, I am the mother of my husband's children. He has ONE woman he shares children with. And I had children with one man, in a marriage. I don't know about other women, and that is their business, but for myself, as a woman, I find the term "Baby Mama" to be demeaning to women. These days relationships do not last 18 days, much less 18 years! This woman who you insulted is in an 18 year relationship with someone and they share a child. Just because they chose not to get married does not take away from their relationship or family. Why are you here publicly posting such ignorant and hateful comments? After two years, the world is trying to come out of a global pandemic, only to be met with a possible World War 3. More kindness, and less hatred please.
51:10 Love isn't enough, compatibility is crucial. 💥🔥
If there's no compatibility, how on earth people engage in a relationship?!? Love only develops under companionship during the good and awful times, so if there's no affinities, love can never grow.
Marriage is about duty and responsibility, not love.
Love isn't enough, compatibility is crucial. Ok, that's true but most of the times there are interests ($) in between. Sometimes love isn't enough and compatibility neither
Yes and…constant communication
Communication and comprehension aswell super crucial
This video saved my life. I have been in limbo with a non-committal guy too long. I told him I am leaving, he initially did not believe me. I have been miserable for over a year. This video gave me strength to finally walk out. Thank you Matthew Hussey for your honesty, compassion, and truth. You have saved my life.
Hi, I am just seeing this video, how did it go? We're you able to end it?
❤️👏👏👏👏
Yep! They won't change. The limbo is much worse than being alone. And I really want a relationship but in the end, you're unhappy ALL the TIME. So at least when you're alone, u can grieve and suffer but you're not inside that constant rollercoaster. That can destroy u for real.
Finding a man who wants a relationship… like panning for gold in a trash heap.
I love the appropriate analogy of a trash heap.
hahahaha oh so true and sad!
You are choosing the wrong men. Take responsibility for that. Men are not the issue. Who you choose to let in your life is.
It is not a good look at someone else as trash. What makes you think they are trash, not in fact, you yourself? It’s the same as women are all out for money and men are all pigs and only for sex. They are not the enemy, your attitude in your own mind and heart is the enemy.
@@Alnivol666 wise
What Mathew once said, you have to just trust, because nobody can guarantee you that they will never hurt you. You just have to know you will be strong enough to overcome any hurt. This was mind blowing for me..
A Successful Relationship IS one where BOTH people are mature and wanting to BE committed. 💯💓
It’s crazy to me because I’ve been in the exact soul crushing situation of wanting someone who wasn’t ready. I constantly blamed myself for not being good enough to change his mind, I left and doubted myself for so long. I’m happy he’s explaining the seriousness of losing yourself because of someone who can’t even see you! Don’t lose your life because of someone else.
Ive had the illusion that love conquers all. Pffft😏. Some dont love themselves so dont care if anyone else does
When someone say they’re not ready for a commitment, they do that to girls for reasons, to lure you in for more because they know women in general can get emotionally attach easily. For women, you have to know when to go along with the situation but also know when to stop. You have to realized how far you want to go with it, before you get hurt.
Love this! Stop lying to yourself. Yes leaving will be difficult, but sometimes, when we're in the wrong relationship, staying is even harder and more painful.
POWERFUL
Exactly leaving is painful while staying is painful as well. Choose your pain wisely!
“Your heart is not something you give, it’s a place you invite someone into”. A necessary shift in thinking. ❤
For me at 42, one short marriage and 6 engagements since I was 22. The best thing I have learned from these relationships has been to listen to what the person in front of you is saying, they will always tell you who they are and you must heed that. No matter how charming they are, how hot they are, etc.
Aaa
Not only saying, but also doing
6 engagements?
And a short marriage?
Either you are player( some women love to collect engagement rings and men's hearts) or just had a very poor decisions all the time, can't see what right in front of you.
@@ingakamynina8056 It's better to be helpful, not hurtful.
@@tarawiselove helpful? She is 42, grown adult. If she didn't learn anything by now, and keep doing same thing over and over again... sorry, truth is hurtful.
I am a blunt and if you are so sensitive, it's not my problem
"You can ask a serious question in a casual way"... Tone is everything!! Golden quote🙌
Thank you very much for the last few minutes. I walked away from my ex boyfriend after 3 years of waiting, hoping and lying to myself, that he will commit. I walked away with depression, diabetes and being certain I'm not worth to be loved, seen, understood and even spoken to, that I'm not worth to get help of any kind etc. Now, for me, being single at 36 is not easy. But at least I live in peace. I'm not crying, not sad, not lacking of energy. My depression just gone 2-3 weeks after a breakup. When I was in a relationship, I had terrible headaches. Now nothing hurts me... I'm still alone, but at least with a question mark. At least calm, living my ordinary life, getting healthier just because the stress is over. This is a winning, my winning.
I’m so proud of you.
Good for you,you can be happy alone being with someone should be a added bonus to your happiness if its not it's time to move on,you have to do what's good for you,your on a great path.
Well done! Enough to feed the ego of such guys!
This is healing. The winning is just ahead #Lovely
It feels like I typed this comment. I will be leaving an almost 20 year toxic relationship staying with the kids and trying to be a good Christian wife. I’m getting my conditions under control and starting to see the value in myself and realizing that I do deserve peace and happiness
"Love isn't enough, compatibility is crucial" Matthew Hussey Love this whole interview. It was so eye opening.:) Wish I listened to this years ago.
I wish i had listened to such conversation or discussion while i was getting into relationships or looking for partner. I would have taken much more longer time to get to know them better. 🤣🤣🤣
It’s not even that simple you guys also have somebody that is willing to grow in the relationship and not be stagnant and someone that is accountable for their own issues that seems to be a big problem sometimes for some people.
What is compatibility ..? Bcz i am not sure ..he played me so many times i am confused. I dont know who he was.
It is me 😢😢😢❤
Connection is even more important.
The real problem is with the people who mirror your values and hopes and then once you have the whole life you dreamed of together they kick you out of it. Look for empathy and don't talk yourself out of your uncomfortable feelings.
This right here is still killing me. I was literally blindsided 😢
@@nestorcharlotte7788 I think I'm experiencing the same and i went through enough hurt before in life and he knew 😢
I think he is gone 4vl days ago he texted that he missed having me around bc he is abroad for work so we didn't meet yet.
😢 hurts. I avoid checking whatsapp. I will go outside and stay active and unfortunately I will also have pain coming days.
Dear lovely person that's reading this, we may not know each other but I wish you all the best in life! ✨
I believe in you! Love - Nat ❤️
Thank you nat💗
And back at you💯🥰
My dear if you seriously want to recover your relationship / get ex back or a specific person
Mr wilson is the best when to recovery relationship, he recover mine and he can also help you
Te x t hlm via what'sapp
➕2348160595563⏭️⏭️⏭️
The relationship that I was in for 9 years just ended a month ago. I definitely needed to hear this. I kept hanging on, trying to change him because I had changed. So much fighting could have been avoided if I had come to terms with the fact that our time together was over years ago.
Well you didn't know... now you do and you've learned from it there is no time wasted if you have learned from it!!! I'm proud of u Reisa ❤️
@@seyni736 Thank you so much! I have never commented on a video before, but this one hit home for sure. I can now take responsibility for my part in the relationship falling apart.
@Reisa Parker i am in this right now. 13 years, ended in late May. I'm trying to look at it from the point of view that he was not the right one but i needed to learn the lessons i learned in the breakdown of this relationship for when i do meet the right one. all that still doesn't make this any easier or less painful to go through. someday we will look back on this time and see how strong we really are. I have to believe that this too shall pass. to everyone that is heartbroken 💔 right now, hang in there, you're not alone. I'm saying this to myself as well as whoever is reading this right now. we are going to be ok, believe that. say it to yourself "I am going to be ok".
@@cayad2591 The hardest part for me is being so lonely. I spent so much time clinging on to him and hoping he would make me happy. I put all of that on him and that was a huge mistake. I am working on ME now and I know this breakup is the best decision for both of us. I will say also, it was the most mature breakup I have had by a long shot. It's hard but I know that I'm gonna be Ok 😊💙
@@reisaparker1947 yes! exactly the same for me, exactly what you said. we are gonna be ok 💪, better than ok. we are gonna thrive! ❤️
It's always good to be reminded that we need to believe people when they treat us poorly the first time and move on.
Also, I love what you said about not being afraid to scare the right person away. Only the wrong one would be scared by a direct, but respectful question.
"You'll never get to relive your 40's again." That was powerful. I'm 39 now and I intend to make this the best bloody year ever of my 30's after wasting 38 on the wrong guy - and my 40's will be even better than my 30's. :) Thank you.
@Matthew Hussey Thank you for your work. :)
@@sarakjeldsen769 thats the fake Matthew account, do not fall for it
@@electricityofmind6300 Oh OK 😅
Beautiful #Intention
💯👑💃
I feel like "I'm not looking for a relationship" sometimes doesn't mean they're looking for casual fun but actually means they want everything that goes along with a relationship without treating you like you have any value whatsoever. You can set boundaries for casual fun with these people but they won't respect those boundaries so really you just have to leave.
Amen. You have preached to the choir.
Mike82: Does casual fun mean including sexual contact, or just playing platonically as friends?
@@Medietos I'm curious, why do you ask? I'll let myself ramble for a second then put a TLDR at the end lol. From my perspective usually it means including sexual contact. But to be clear when I say "everything that goes along with a relationship" I'm not referring to sex. I'm rather referring to things like spending a lot of time together, texting every day, talking on the phone for hours, hanging out/going out on dates frequently and regularly, holding hands (especially in public), having long deep conversations, cuddling, spending the night together, things like that. And when I refer to boundaries I'm not talking about the boundary of "I will not have sex with you if we're not in a relationship" but rather I'm referring to other boundaries such as "we're not in a relationship so I don't want to spend hours talking on the phone with you," or "it's okay that we aren't exclusive but I don't want to sit in bed with you while you scroll through a dating app," or "I know this isn't a serious relationship but I won't keep saying yes to hanging out with you if you keep not showing up half the time." In my opinion what matters is not "are we having sex" but rather the level of investment of time and facilitation of emotional connection. I've seen situations where someone who says they're "not looking for a relationship" will go really far with people, not just having sex but going so far as to introduce them to friends and family, hold their hand in public, text them every day and even talk on the phone with them regularly for several hours at a time, really developing a relationship that probably looks and feels to most people like an intimate romantic relationship. And then they'll be an absolute jerk to that person, being rude to them, gaslighting them, being really hot and cold, having a committed relationship with someone else and hiding what they're doing from both parties, and even ghosting them. Then blaming their crappy behavior on "Well we were just hooking up so it's not like any of it matters. I'm not going to try to be kind to someone who I don't care about. I'm going to save my effort for someone I actually like.'" Honestly seeing this makes me think twice about how I treat people. I feel that basic common decency should always exist and that you shouldn't go really far with a person who you not only don't want to commit to but who you're also not even committed to treating halfway decently. Just having sex with someone is one thing. If someone just, like, hooks up with you after a party or something then of course they're probably going to just leave and not call you the next day or whatever. I don't see that as being too upsetting because the expectation in that case is usually just "cool. We had sex after a party. Moving on." But some of the "hookups" that I've seen have just not been like that, and it doesn't matter if one person tries to set boundaries. The second you say something like "I don't want to spend the night with someone I'm not dating" or "I need to get off the phone now because I have some things to do today" or even "I noticed we spend a lot of time together. Are we still just hooking up?" That's when the gaslighting starts.
*TLDR* : I define casual fun as including sexual contact. Sex or no sex, common decency is important. When I say "everything that goes along with a relationship" I don't mean sex and I don't mean friendly fun. I mean actions that I think most reasonable people would interpret as romantic and rather serious. When I say "without treating you like you have any value whatsoever" I don't mean refusing to commit but rather I mean being an absolute jerk.
@mike82 very well expressed. Or they will say that ‘they don’t know what they want’ but expect you to provide all you have mentioned…which is pretty committed as far as I am concerned.
Matthew is really having a positive impact on so many people's life.
And Lisa is allowing him to do so by being a great interviewer. A great interviewer's main goal isn't to make themselves appear more interesting by talking as much as possible. They give space to the people being interviewed. I think she does an amazing job by engaging us through personal stories and not only making her guests talk but also letting them talk.
Relationships are like garage sales. From a distance they seem interesting but up close it's just a ton of shit you don't need. 🤔😂
absta Thanks for the much needed laugh and it's definitely been the case with me! Mind you, I can admit that I've had large suitcases, so to speak, of issues as well, due to my horrrendous childhood and other traumatic experiences, hence why it's best if I stay single, even though I've been doing healing work for many years.
I'm also aware that I've overshared, yet again, so that's another area in my life to keep working on, along with all the others. ☺
@@cyndigooch1162 Hey Cyndi, thanks for your response. Me too babe, me too! Glad it made you laugh. Oh everyone has large suitcases don’t give yourself a hard time about it, mine are massive!! Working on my ego and it’s a tireless journey. I’m sincerely sorry to hear about your childhood and experiences, it hurts when I know someone else has had a bad time, we’re all connected after all even though we can never get our heads around this. I find it hard to. You shared some high level detail no biggy and I appreciate it. I’ve just had a major falling out with someone this very evening, far too much to explain but it sucks big time, we’ve both said too many hurtful things and I find it hard to get over these things. Hey ho! Tomorrow’s another day and it’s my birthday next month so no doubt I’ll be celebrating it on my own. It’s all good. Keep learning and smiling. Much love ❤️💛💚
😂😂😂
You're so right 🤣👏👏👏
That's right
I’m married for 31 years. Commitment scares ppl in relationship. Don’t get fixated on commitment but continue to connect with each other.
Wow that's powerful, definitely resonated with me. Thanks 💖
Yes! Real commitment is not an empty promise or decision, but rather the accumulation of deep connection. It’s less words than actions.
Oh wow so true
Persevere and don't give up. Love is a choice we must make daily. Marriage is a covenant. A life time commitment until death.
Are you with a covert narcissist maybe?
If ur intuition is saying something is not right for several times at several different moments, stop ignoring it and faking it to urself that everything is alright or it is going to be alright. If u r the only person sacrificing a lot and u r lying to ur own self about it bcz of the love u hv on the other person, u will continue to be the sacrificer and will be depressed. Show some love n respect to urself more than anyone. Make urself happy. Cut the relation if it is miserable. Initially it will be damn painful but gradually it'll be ok. Hope this helps someone reading and wish u will be happy soon.
Everything you said made sense and thank you for sharing that.wishing you all the best
The end made me cry, he is so right, what a waste of time, life is so short, we should love ourselves first, we should meet our needs first, we shouldn't try to change soemone.
Believe what they show you the first time.
Be blessed.
Someone is not going to love you more because you love them more...facts 💯
I'm not scared to ask the questions that need to be questioned and answered. I'm scared that I won't get the truth when I ask the questions. Because for some reason, Time After Time, every relationship I've ever been in, I have sat down and looked at them in the eye and ask them the hard questions. And they have looked me right back in the eye and lied to my face. It's hard to find true honesty in this world. And it's hard to find someone that won't deceive you just to save their face or even just to save your feelings. But unlike some people, I beg and I asked for the truth and I ask the hard questions. Because I'd rather want to know the truth then live and some false reality.
Omg dude!! I’m literally dealing with that dilemma heavy rn & have been talking about this problem a lot lately 🥺
Same.
Just know that people who deceive you are never trying to "save your feelings", they are just protecting themselves because they can't accept the idea of "being the bad guy"..
If your approach hasn't been successful perhaps it might be a good idea to switch things up. It's relatively easy for a dishonest person to parrot everything they hear you say. It's one of their most effective tools. I think there is quite a bit of value in open ended questions like so, what are you looking for at this point in your life? Or what do you think about X??? Sometimes being an upfront open book is like handing a unknown stranger your security alarm code. I think it's perfectly ok if I figure out who they actually are before I reveal everything about myself. And I think it's possible to do that while still being engaging and showing interest.
@@Astgsfgt so so true. Last guy I dated decided to end things with me because he doesn’t want a relationship. Commitment fearing type of guy. But even till the very end he told me he is looking for someone to settle because he can’t face to tell me the truth that he is looking for something casual. Yeah maybe he doesn’t want to hurt me but I also feel like he doesn’t want to be the bad guy.
I totally agree with you, and this is exactly what I'm doing and experiencing what you are. Men lie, sometime a lot, we need to be aware of that!!
I wasted nearly 25 years on the father of my two children. We never lived together, never married. Finally one day, I saw the light and told him to get the f out of my life.
But indeed over time, I’ve realized, I had come from toxic/abusive family and needed to learn so much about relationships.
I hope one day, children can get educated earlier about toxic dynamics & the effects, it’s honestly horrendous.
Fatherless children r betas easily
Always the man's fault, hmmm? I wonder what he would say??
chilloften It's extremely sad about what you and your children went through and I'm so pleased that you were able to break away in the end!
I can relate to what you wrote in regard to growing up in a toxic family environment, which causes immense harm, especially when both parents are highly narcissistic, or worse, due to their own unhealed childhood trauma issues.
I'm in my 60s now and I've had extremely unhealthy "relationships" over the years. I've been doing healing work for many years now; however, more traumatic experiences happened to impede my progress. I've done a lot of grieving for my many losses though, as I can't turn back the time and might be able to assist others in the future. ❤
@@cyndigooch1162 I hope for you the best. Without failure no success. I know that I’d love you because you can acknowledge grief exists. It compounds, damn.
'Crappy Childhood Fairy' is a great UA-camr for self therapy about how to regain strength and choose good matches. Good luck
Thank you Matthew!!! I went away from a guy that told me after 3 months dating that he does not want a relationship. I felt insecure about my decision... and then I found this and watched it 3 x times entirely and at least 4 x over starting about min 46! Your passion about your message got to me - big time! You made me confident I did the right thing and you saved me a lot of time and heartbreak! I deserve better! THANK YOU!!!
Everything this man said I had to learn the hard way and it’s absolutely correct! Don’t waist your time trying to convince a man or even your “partner” to want a relationship!!! Loved this 🙏🏽🙌🏽
I lost my 20's to my ex who I just finally mustered the courage to break up with. Truly, thank you for this, it's given me the courage not to succumb to his messages. I just feel so grateful that I have my 30's to look forward to now and that I'm finally free.
57:54 - 57: 58
His facial expressions
His got a beautiful soul which also got hurt in the past...
God bless and creates more people like you gentleman
Good actor
Everything I needed to hear and wasn't willing to acknowledge...Getting to the end of the video without crying was impossible. From my heart, thank you. Both of you
Thanks so much sweetie! Super impressed you were able to be open to the message!
Sending love Sofia. ❤
This is why you ladies need to listen to The godfather Mr Kevin Samuels. He tells you the truth without sugar coating anything
Me too!
This!
Leaving or staying either way is painful so choose you pain wisely. That part hits hard. Thank you mathew and Lisa.
This message is what I needed to hear. I recently cut ties. Told the person people don’t change and my needs aren’t being met. The direct communication blew him away 💥
Matt nailed it. It’s when I realized how utterly miserable I was that I decided it needed to end, for my own sanity and the sanity of my children. We only get one life and I refuse to waste any more of my time on men who cause me so much pain and suffering with no light or hope
I found Matthew's work in 2014 when I was 44. I met this great guy in 2016, we married in 2019. (My first) This guy is on to something.
@@mrtriyja7800 I adopted my husband's children in 2017 when their mother completed suicide. They keep me busy. I also maintain a private practice as a massage therapist specializing in trauma recovery.
And I still menstruate, I could've had kids with him if I chose...we already have enough going on. These kids have been through too much. See what happens when you make assumptions? Have a great day
@@cthornton523 can't see the comment tho. 😂
@@ifinditinteresting.8709 Perhaps he deleted it? He said words to the effect of..."so what do you do other than have sex? No kid possible." Nice guy, huh?
And he just called my actual age...25
I just came out of a 16 year marriage. Hanging on for years hoping and begging for change and hoping for happiness for myself and my children. My siblings death woke me up to the fact that life is too short. I wasn’t supported through my grief and it was the final straw for me. I am the shining example of Matthew’s very passionate speech about not wasting your time with someone your not compatible with. I have days sometimes weeks of doubt as to wether I did the right thing. This reminded me that I made this decision for the right reasons and I’m excited to see what life has in store for me.
I’m a Brit living in the USA too, so I love listening to these two chat xx
Hello i can reacommed you to someone who help me bring back my ex he can also help you
What's sap him now
Thank you but I do not want my ex back. I left for good reasons.
Sarah, I'm so pleased that you came to the correct judgement. It wasn't just about compatability but his lacking in fundamental character and hunan decency on a compassionate level. I too extricated myself from a situation where no amount of my investment was going to repair or bolster that relationship. By doing so I also protected my children and vowed to avoid any future entanglements to maintain that integrity.
You don't necessarily need to wait as long as I have to become receptive to the possibility of a wonderful partnership - now in my 60's and its the right timing for me. Much healing and re-evaluation has of my own contribution (going against my better judgement at the outset being an instigator) as to how I had embarked on the wrong journeys in my youth.
I am just at the exploratory phase with a genuinely like-minded gentleman with the generosity of spirit towards that makes me feel safe. It's relaxed, yet exciting, it's mature, yet playful and full of promise. So for you and all out there - the coincidence of timing and meeting the right person can bring joy and love into your life.
I dont lime ur story, what growing means when been with someone for 16years. U think u gonna easily find someone with no issues and just move on life is perfect. Becarefull jumping off relationships just because u see thing ur way, carefull u might get a dog die alone
Remember that money comes and goes, beauty comes and goes, status comes and goes, clout comes and goes, people come and go. Focus on the things you can control such as health, work, and most importantly, YOUR TIME!!! If you want somebody to be with you in this cluster f*ck called, be with someone that is on the same page as you. Life is too short.
It made me face some hard truths. I spent my whole 20s on the wrong guy. Can never get those precious years back. It literally destroyed what I thought about myself. I was so confident and sure of myself. I lost myself to the point I was so miserable and had to reach out for help, something I never had to do before.
I have come to the conclusion that dating is the most important phase, its like interviewing a partner for the most important job. The less one jumps into being physical too fast and keeps trying to be objective in every single date and having good and deep conversations about important topics, the easier it is to figure out if you are compatible or not. I agree with Matthew that women give too much importance to the connection. I want someone to build a castle with 🏰 Thanks Matthew and Lisa!
AMEN: "Unconditional love is just not true in the context of romantic relationships". I wish I had learned that when I first started dating. Would have saved me 15 years.
Me too! My ex cheated multiple times, hid money form kids and me, use me, and a pathological liar (a great one!!)
You and I know how valuable time is and out of my divorce used the time to heal and grow more and invest in me. The right people are out there but don’t be desperate is a thing women would stop being in that state!!!
Right. Unconditional love isnt healthy on either side. People need to be challenged and ppl need boundaries. AMEN GIRL
The term unconditional doesn't exist (Even with God) He hates 7 things & 1 sin in #Unforgiven. 💞
Honestly, I keep watching this video, I must have watched it 4x now and listened to it jogging. Today’s dating culture is so emotionally tough. So many people do not want to commit, it makes me sad just thinking about it. I love being single and I’ve been enjoying this time, and I’d like someone great to share my life with. I don’t know, I feel discouraged in this department
Women being "single" is vastly different from average men being single. Average Joe can have no sex for years if he's unlucky. An ugly and boring woman can always hookup with a random dude out there. The real problem is that women try to not only date a small pool of men but also to keep the 1% domesticated. It doesn't work like that. Average men are opting out of this madness and stay single or at least non-committing. That's quite rational.
Oh no don't be discouraged it will come
@@mortalkomment8028 have you ever thought about the fact that maybe most women don't really put sex at the center of the universe?
It's not all about sex. It's sad that people are loving less and less
@@mortalkomment8028 You're just referring to sex. That is one component (often a small component) of a much, much bigger picture of a committed long-term relationship/marriage. The original poster is talking about the desire to have someone to share her life with, not a meaningless one-night stand. Most women have enough sense and self-preservation not to want to be with some "random dude."
Did you find your someone to share your love and life ❤🌟🌱
"We don't need to live together or have an official relationship in order to be together, we don't need to do what others are doing, we are unique", said the man who used me almost 8 years and moved to live with another woman just after our break-up.
This is a reality for me as well, I don't even know if he has someone else but he keeps giving me little things enough to keep staying in the relationship. I'm tired.
@@anissabeeban9602 I hope you will not let him waste your time. I wasted 8 years... It was wonderful to fall in love with a man who said to me, he wants to live with me in a relationship... Then I realised what O deserve. You deserve more as well.
I agree, I should have believed him the first time. I'm now coming into the knowledge of certain things in a relationship. I hope that I don't make the same mistake again. 😕
Avoid situationships at all costs!
Brianna Laola seems like you're listening to Mr. R.C Blakes, thank you.
Writing down this gem because I need to remember it: "Unconditional love isn't real in the context of romantic relationships. Romantic relationships are conditional because who would wanna be in a relationship long term with someone who never gave back. Because you're choosing to enter into an agreement with someone about us being together, us spending time together, us having an effect on each other's energy, on how we spend our time and I'm going to give to you...There's an opportunity cost to that because it means I can't give to somebody else and, therefore, I need a genuine teammate. Assess is this person acting like a teammate... or is this person just using me because they want some validation at this point in their life. Am I just a brief chapter for them but I'm actually investing in this as if it's going somewhere." Ask the questions to find out, be brave to hear the truth, don't go with the flow or fear they'd be scared away because if it's the right person that won't happen.
Yes #INVESTMENT IS THE KEY
A good quote I read recently:
"Unconditional love does not mean unconditional tolerance...unlearn that shit."
Absolutely True!
This was also my favorite part. So greatly put. The reason I hate dating and am avoidant is because all the guys I dated sucked me dry and forced me to “commit” and were obsessed if I was cheating on them… all the while sucking me dry and keeping me trapped and stuck. I don’t want commitment. I want someone I can grow with.
This was also my favorite part. So greatly put. The reason I hate dating and am avoidant is because all the guys I dated sucked me dry and forced me to “commit” and were obsessed if I was cheating on them… all the while sucking me dry and keeping me trapped and stuck. I don’t want commitment. I want someone I can grow with.
It's so amazing to me how Matthew being so Young in his years can give such Realistic advise in human nature when it comes to relationship issues. I TRULY believe that it's a God given gift of wisdom. I ABSOLUTELY love listening to him 😍.
This man GENUINELY calms me. Thank you for bringing him back xx
Yes very calming
It took me until my mid twenties to learn that some partners think they can get good relationship advice from family and friends even when they fail to relay their part in any given issue. It definitely fails to accomplish anything good. Especially when concerned family and friends relay the skewed story to the other side in hopes of getting them to act better.
I later became aware that some families will always take the side of their relative regardless of obvious right or wrong. I feel fortunate that my mother was able to say to me: "You're my daughter and I love you, but you're wrong and you should change what you're doing."
I still remember how mad that made me when she took my young husband's side in a disagreement. All these years later I'm truly grateful that she loved me enough to kindly point out my sometimes harsh or demanding young and unreasonable expectations. Especially considering the fact that she was none too happy with my decision to marry young or even with the man I chose to marry. Unfortunately, as was often the case, she was able to see much further into my future than I could. I'd give anything to have her wise and unbiased advice today.
agreed, when your partner goes to family and friends for relationship advice...that's when your relationship is doomed
#Triangulation
I'm really glad that he mentioned that we get to see the best of ourselves even at the end of a relationship when we gave it our all we gave hundred and 10% and then some. Even though it didn't work out at least we got to see the best of ourselves and that really helps with your self confidence when somebody breaks up with you store has lied to you and caused a breakup in the relationship. It's a good foundation to perceive your future whether it be alone or it be starting a new relationship.
Yes, absolutely. We also can see the value we brought to another person- the shared good memories goes both ways, and we have so much good to offer another partner despite the union ending
When he said “stop lying to yourself” it hit me like a rock
The Lord has really given Matthew a gift of understanding and wisdom regarding relationships, it's beautiful to witness. He is able to break things down in a very precise, yet simple, way. Thank you for the video. God bless you~
John 3:16
Lisa is such a great interviewer.
Just imagine a world where people are more authentic.
This is a revolution!💕🇨🇦
#EarthShaking
21:29 - That was powerful for me. I've been repeatedly bombarded over eight years with the words: "I said I was sorry. Why are you still acting like this?" This happens within a half hour of the apology and it happens regardless if it is the first ever apology or the tenth for the exact same behavior. It's as if he truly believes that 'I'm Sorry' is a magical wound dressing that removes all hurt and instantaneously mends critically broken trust. And not only does it have those magical qualities but it can be used repeatedly to instantly heal the same wound over and over again. I truly never thought that a grown man could be so utterly stunted in his awareness of what I'm sorry actually means. I've honestly tried to explain why it does not work like that but I've never once dented his expectation that it should.
You are with A. WRONG. MAN. can't help but say it. That man doesn't mean any of it. He is just keeping the peace of his mind.
In reality they aren't sorry. They are worried they got caught. Period. 💞
#AnxiousAvoidant #Detached
@@ifinditinteresting.8709 sociopath
Reminds me of 8 year old schoolboys who say 'sorry Miss!' to their teacher.... And gleefully learn that is all that they have to do...
Thank you for stating that there is no such thing as “unconditional love” in a romantic relationship. I learned of this in the last four years and found it to be pivotal. Moreover, unconditional love only applies to very young children. Past a certain age it doesn’t even apply anymore! It’s a developmental thing.
Unconditional love is a myth. Even God hates 7 things. & 1 sin is not forgiven. #Truth #Saves #beLove!!!
Excellent message. At the age of 57 I needed to hear this. Time is too valuable. He is not stepping up after all these years...I hear you. Let's see how honest I can be in 2023. Thank you indeed 💫
Yes you CHANGED my life. Thank You! I was so mad at myself for so long for giving and not receiving. I told myself,”How stupid was I” “ Look at all the time I wasted.” I love too much, invested so much. So when you put it in a different perspective that, that was your best self, just with the wrong one. Mind blowing…I will never dislike myself again. Thank You!!!
Thank you for saying this!!! 💓Young women need to hear it.
The first time a guy told me he was not in a place to date (while we were out on a date which he invited me on) and then proceeded to ask me out multiple times the same week and blow up my phone each day, I simply thought, "Wow, this Christian guy is really confused and conflicted."
I didn't realize that caveat was code for, "You're about to get played like you have never been played before..."
What he did to me in a matter of months took me Years to recover from.
When you hear those words, "can't have a relationship," "can't date right now," or anything of the like, all while he is pursuing you, RUN and block. It is code for the no-fault contract he is drawing up in his head.
Thank you so much for this. A few weeks ago I had to walk away from my boyfriend with whom I was with for 7 years. He did not value me and couldn't even hug me or show me support when a loved one died.
That's sounds pretty hurtful. How are you now?
His loss!!!!❤
Man I'm going to be 50 this year ,along with the entire video the last part
reallly drove it home. So much time wasted on empty promises throughout the 40's. Such a crucial time ❤
With tears in my eyes , this discussion today saved me. I needed this terribly. I've listened to this over and over. Youre amazing with a true gift Matthew! Thank you, both of you. ❤
This video is life saving FOR SURE
Thank you! I spent over 20 years wasting it on a relationship that ended a long time ago. Do yourself a favor, listen to this video and free yourself.
Exactly what I need to hear. Thanks Mathew
I'm 50 & a widow. Married all my young adult life. Not interested in dating & wouldn't even know how anymore. At my age, if a man isn't interested in marriage I've got no time for him & I'm good being single for now anyway. Ugh the thought of trying to date again, especially in this current day & age.
I'm going to watch because I find this topic interesting & I'll share it with my daughter.
Less than 10 minutes in & this is all great truths being shared.
My dear if you seriously want to recover your relationship / get ex back or a specific person
Mr wilson is the best when to recovery relationship, he recover mine and he can also help you
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@@ehiwariorvincent8731 my husband passed away, thank you though.
50’s here, too; “retired” from dating because my life is already full, with career & family …dating for years felt like such an exhausting, soul crushing treadmill, I had to get off. I’d like a companion, but it seems pretty unlikely now that health declines as we age (both genders), everyone’s already married, etc. But being single isn’t so bad!
What most simps, feminist fe/males, white-knights, betas and conservative guys fail to realize: bad boys provide excitement, novelty, unpredictability and fun (fear, roller-coaster drama) to a new level. In other words, stability and commitment (no longer) won't cut it for today's 🦄. Why is that? Before she was your girlfriend, wife or lover, she already had been "run through" so many guys. And each time she slept with someone (both wo/men), she lost a part of her psyche, well-being or mind/soul/spirit. In other words, she is no longer able to have emotional attachment in a healthy or committed way.
*Sex and Culture* by Joseph Daniel Unwin
*The Rational Male Series* by Rollo Tomassi
*The Manipulated Man* by Esther Vilar
*The Myth of Male Power* by Warren Farrell
*The Feminist Lie: It Was Never About Equality* by Bob Lewis
*Anatomy of Female Power* by Chinweizu Ibekwe
*Men on Strike* by Helen Smith
*Silent Weapons for Quiet Wars: An Introductory Programing Manual* by Anonymous
Feminist's Ideology from Sheryl Sandberg, chief operating officer of Facebook:
'''My advice to women is date all of them: the bad boys, the cool boys, the commitment-phobic boys, the crazy boys. But do not marry them. The things that make the bad boys sexy do not make them good husbands. When it comes time to settle down, find someone who wants an equal partner. Someone who thinks women should be smart, opinionated and ambitious. Someone who values fairness and expects or, even better, wants to do his share in the home. These men exist and, trust me, over time, nothing is sexier.'''
Cardi B. artist & role model for the most privilege 🦄 on the entire planet:
'''My music is always going to make a woman feel like a bad bitch. When you make a woman feel like she’s the baddest bitch in the room, to me, that’s female empowerment.'''
Isaiah 3:12
*Childish* leaders oppress my people, and *women* rule over them. O my people, your leaders mislead you; they send you down the wrong road.
Proverbs 31:3
Don't give your strength (attention, resources, mental point origen) to women, nor your ways to that which destroys kings.
Ezekiel 23:20
There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses.
🕊💚🙋🏻♂️
I hope he finds happiness even in his own life. Nice topic.
R u a mallu ?
@@mrtriyja7800 Canadian born and raised. Indian ethnicity wise :)... Have a good one. 👍🏽
@@sunvavachi
Do u know--- Africans, living in USA from more than 200 yrs, but they're still dont get that fame as some newly arrived Japanese for a reason.
This was presented to me at the right time. I have been this type of woman for years. The steaker, I took a 3 year break & worked on myself but once I got back into the dating world, I was broken twice because I thought giving love was enough, and he’s right. Giving love just shows me how compassionate I am, that I’m not broken but it’s not everything. Relationships are really partnership & ultimately giving & receiving. And if it’s not like this keep it stepping. This really saved me ❤
47:07 & on is all I needed to hear. I dated someone who I truly love. They were unsure if they wanted a “serious committed relationship.” I never took it as my heart would break or a red flag. Time is too precious and I don’t want to change him. I wish I watched this 6 months ago. I’m staying positive & working on my own growth. Your words are powerful & healing. Thank you opening my eyes a little more.
He is SO insightful about things that should be common sense.
This hit me as I battle in a divorce: it’s hard to stay with a question mark and it’s hard leave with a period. Both are HARD but leaving gives you options for joy in the future.
I love her big deep *sigh* after his closing fabulous rant! That was deep!
This is why I decided to leave. It’s HARD to leave, but after 14 years, I didn’t want to live that way for the next 30 years.
He said: "you'll never be 33 again" and I just turned 33 😱. This is full of shocking info and I was ready to listen to it and process it. It really reassured me on moving on and appreciating my time and paying attention to who I let in in my life. Thank you!
better late than never...
"The wall" is coming....
The problem is many guys and women too don't really want relationships anymore they want all kinds of arrangements and get married only to divorce after a period of time any way the world has just seemed to change significantly. Not just cynical just been living and observing for a long time.
That part about giving your best self to a relationship that didn’t work out showing how you are at your best is just an amazing perspective to have. 7:06
It shows you your skills and abilities in a relationship, and how good you actually are. Amazing ❤️
Rather, focus on giving to the right person, and seeing what you overlooked when you were giving to the partner that didn’t work out 8:00
I’m 17 minutes in and this is for me. I’m always giving so much of myself and it wasn’t being reciprocated. I was alway reaching and and if I didn’t he didn’t. However when he wanted to spend time it was always on his terms and I allowed it. I’m taking ownership for the part that I took in this situation-ship. I’m new to attempting to get to know people and possibly dating someone in the near future after being married for 18 years. 😩
Same here after 24 years. The situation-ship is the same with me always giving and reaching out. no reciprocation with effort. This video helps❤ time to leave this situation -ship after a year.
Matt's heartfelt and passionate speech in the last 10 minutes of this video (starting with Honda example) was absolutely on point and I felt every word of it very deeply.
You just nailed it Matthew , there’s pain when you stay and there’s pain when you go - thank you for being so passionate and raw honest , I told myself this when I had to leave my horrific marriage
You can have a MONTHLY episode with Matthew and you, and I'll watch each one!! Loved this.
Thanks Matt & Lisa for having this conversation, it hits me so hard to the ground really.. I'm in loved with someone who's not ready for a relationship for about 3 months now, and now I realized that he never loved me back and he's never been ready to start relationship with me.. I will take a brave move to leave and never going back to him again, coz' he just needs me whenever he's feeling lonely, thank God it's just happened for about 3 months 😩 well thank u so much for having this conversation ❤️
Oh man 9:59 I struggle with unconditional love and hearing this is SO GOOD. I recently realize that unconditional love is an unhealthy goal for a non parent & child relationship. Because I was shooting for this goal, I ended up giving more and ignoring what I wasn’t getting, all in the name of sticking by him through thick and thin; and we were only dating for 8 months. His expectations of me was through the roof, yet didn’t have the same standard for himself. 👏
Thank you both. I’ve stayed in a relationship for future promises of marriage never happened, that almost broke my confidence to the floor. Yes sitting with the pain of lying to myself. Hurts to hear but glad to see it ❤️☘️
My heart isn’t something I give. It’s a house that I invite people into.
matthew thank you so much ..I'm 33 and just got out of a miserable relationship i had for past 5 years and ended up physically ill.. i was devastated and ended up diabetic...I'm gaining so much clarity everytime i watch your shows.. thank you and may god bless you both...
This is so deep for me, toxic after toxic again! Now I decided to take care myself, the right one will come what I really deserves because I am genuinely lovable person.! Thank you!❤️
I know of a man who could help you restore back your relationship either your ex or soulmate.
Whtsaap him"**.
Thank you Matthew Hussey!
You're quite the remarkable thinker and contributor to ease the suffering of others in this world.
This is a note that I sent someone after watching this video:
Dear ...
You did tell me from the start that this was not good timing. I'm sorry because I should have accepted that and given you space to work through the things that you needed to work through. I should have accepted that it didn't matter how much I wanted a thing. It was a terrible wager on my part to invest my time and effort on someone for whom it is the wrong time. I know that you were probably not even emotionally open enough to actually see me, the person in front of you for all that I was. You weren't interested in getting to know me on that level because you weren't open to building a life with anyone.
In the end I think we never had a chance because you were not ready. You were always holding a piece of yourself back.
It's like if I was trying to convince you that you wanted a Honda. It's hard enough to sell someone a car who wants a car because they have options, right? Don't go to Ford. Honda is great. The thing is, you might have just been happy enough with a bicycle.
I can't stake my time and my life on that. It isn't enough. I can't make that kind of sacrifice when my needs are not being met. Because I'll start to hate myself and resent myself and loathe myself for being in this situation. I can't stake my sense of joy in life praying and hoping that one day you will invest in me as much as I invest in you.
I know it would be foolish to expect you to be anything other than what you are right now. I can't change you. People wake up in January and want to go to the gym to lose a few pounds only to find themselves three weeks later eating pizza and doing the same thing they've always done. It's hard to change even when we want to change more than anything in the world.
What makes me so arrogant as to think that I'm powerful enough to make you get over Charlotte when you don't even want to stop loving her?
I'll never be 55 again.
Time is not a commodity that I can afford to waste.
Betty
This video saved me from the relationship I do not want to be in. I was on the fence and this video solidifies my choice to end it. No more one way street for me.
Wow starting from 50:14 never seen him so passionate. He was spitting gold. I started crying, needed to hear the truth, and loved how he became SO PASSIONATE.
I rewatch this every so often and it's just as powerful as ever. Such passion. I cried again
You are so absolutely right.... I am that person that NEEDED to hear this! Man.... the hours I have wasted with my good heart thinking and hoping that good heart would change them... Thank you, Matthew, for making it real for all of us genuinely goodhearted women!
Validation in knowing and loving yourself enough to recognize when someone is not the right one... you are healed and healthy to give and receive the love you deserve. You cannot love someone out of their pain and trauma, that is their internal work and responsibility to overcome. I learned the lessons from my past and walked away this time with no malice, resentment, or insecurity. This was a refreshing convo with lots of great points.
This is exactly what everyone should be hearing before they begin dating in the first place. This can be a life saver for so many people's lives. This was so educational. Awsome job! Thank you.
Yeah, I'm accepting that I'm going to feel pain either way, probably always. Pain is inevitable, but I don't have to suffer. This was a good wake-up call.
Oh Matthew, how I relate to everything you’re saying. 36 years I hung in there, but finally had to leave cause it hurt so much even from the beginning. He revealed things to me 36 years later that I knew in my heart but chose not to end it. Love is not enough!! Compatibility is key! I am now finding myself and learning from you what a true relationship should look like. Thank you so much for the work you do. Blessings to you.
He has so much heart and conviction. I can feel his emotion and brought tears to my eyes
52:46 onwards... message received. I randomly clicked on this, listened and this message resonated so deeply. Thank you Matthew and Lisa. This was GOLD 🥇
Whew. A lot of what Matthew says here encapsulates the last 12 months or so, of my life. I was so unhappy but so yearned to connect. He did carefully let me know he wasnt interested in anything serious. It took a few months but eventually I knew I had to leave. I knew I'd never get what I longed for with him. Now I'm away from that situation. Yup. I hurt. But just exactly as Matthew says, at least there can be hope of a better possibility. And it does help to know that I can respect myself for taking action to be true to my path.
Dating was HEAVEN 'back in the day' 💓💓💓
We even had a '3 month sex rule' 🚀🚀🚀 men were panting 247 🤣💓💓💓
Agreed 👍.
OMG I’ve watched so many of Matthew’s videos but I felt this deep down my bones. What’s hear felt and passionate message. He had me crying like a baby from 50:00. It’s exactly what I needs to hear.
The last part of this video melted my heart. I am 22 and I have always wanted to be in a serious and committed relationship, at times and out of desperation I settled for less and I was in situations that did not go anywhere! This happened over a course of a year. A year of my life wasted where I could have been invested in myself, my dreams and goals. I am so grateful that it was only 1 year and not 10! This video was the reinforcement that I needed. Thank you so much for your words of wisdom. This helped me more than you know. Much love 💕
Thank you so much Matthew, after I listened to you, I was able to stand up for my self and asked questions that I will never had the courage to ask and I was miserable. it's freedom, I gained back my respect to my self. Thank you
The last 4 minutes of this video are SO POWERFUL...they just hit me to my core. The decisions you make are life or death. Not the literal death of you, but the death of your soul, the death of your confidence, omg it is SO GOOD. Matt Hussey is speaking FACTS!
I had a person tell me about their past, I believed him, he was priming me, getting me ready for what was to come for me....⌚⏳⌛🛍🚪🚫🙏🏽 Thank You for sharing !!