Most women find male anger terrifying -- which is why it is both tragic and ironic that they often play a part in encouraging it in their primary relationships. In effect, women inadvertently train men to be angry when they ignore, disrespect, or invalidate men who first attempt to communicate non-aggressively. If women only take men's complaints seriously when they escalate to aggression, then they reward men for aggressiveness, making it more likely that aggression will be utilized in the future. I discuss this phenomenon using an example from my own dating history. Book a paid consultation: oriontarabanpsyd.com/consultations Social Media Facebook: facebook.com/profile.php?id=100090053889622 LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/orion-taraban-070b45168/ Instagram: instagram.com/psyc.hacks Twitter: twitter.com/oriontaraban Website: oriontarabanpsyd.com Orion's Theme: ua-cam.com/video/WrXBzQ2HDEQ/v-deo.html Thinking of going to grad school? Check out STELLAR, my top-rated GRE self-study program based on the world's only empirically-validated test prep system. Use the code "PSYCH" for 10% off all membership plans: stellargre.com. Become a Stellar affiliate and earn a 10% commission for every membership purchased by a new student you conduct into the program: stellargre.tapfiliate.com. GRE Bites: www.youtube.com/@grebites4993 Become a Psychonaut and join PsycHack's member community: ua-cam.com/channels/SduXBjCHkLoo_y9ss2xzXw.htmljoin Sound mixing/editing by: valntinomusic.com Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world. #pubgmobile #relationship #dating
I have to say that to focus on male aggression is a very overplayed and corny thing when women commit most of the DV. Women are more aggressive in sexual relationships. Not men. This video in isolation isn't bad. But the fact that there are no videos detailing female relational aggression that becomes violent is a sad and terrible thing.
@@paccawacca4069 The low frequency below the radar, on going mental violence many women use towards men, often far more damaging than physical violence. Why is this never mentioned? Domestic violence always assumes its the men.
The absolute irony of this is that after you get to a point where you had to raise your voice, the issue becomes not what you’re saying, but how you were saying it, so they then ignore the issue and focus on the provoked, outrageous, overshadowing that lets them off the hook.
@@Woofreestyle Pull back? Why? If a woman doesn’t listen to you after you tell her to change her behavior once or twice. There is no need to pull back. You should just move on. This applies specifically for a long-term relationship or marriage. If you want to lead your relationship as the man, her listening to your instructions and following your lead is key.
I'm reminded here of an old "Farm Boy" bit of wisdom: "Never wrestle with a pig - you can't win, and after a while, you figure out that the pig is enjoying it.."
There’s a lot of “old wisdom” for example, when the author spoke about how he was a good communicator but couldn’t get her to understand. A fine example of “you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink”
Experienced divorce lawyer here. Brilliant video. I’d like to add: the message in this video is one reason why many successful, ambitious men choose to NOT live with a woman or get married. If she pushes your buttons, you can (and should) just leave and not look back. Also, I have seen 100’s of domestic violence cases in my career. In some cases, the woman will trigger the guy, and instead of leaving, he makes a bad decision by continuing to engage her in a heated argument. Guys, if you get a whiff of this kind of behavior from a woman, calmly walk away from the relationship. It almost never ends well.
I experienced this, got disrespected, she would create drama constantly. I went from a calm person, to getting really frustrated and a couple of times angry.. this was my cue to get the hell out.
This is so true for women with an anxious attachment style. Silence drives them crazy. But drama, chaos and toxicity makes them feel alive and loved. Sick but true.
fighting fire with fire, or ice with ice isn't going to fix anything. Either quit the relationship or take the Golden Path and lead her sacrificially and generously
What I love is that they get you to the point where you do have to raise your voice and then they act like you are some type of abuser. They try to make you believe you are a bad person because you got upset.
As a man you can never be right in a dispute with a woman. Even if you are in the right, your in the wrong. Most women don't respect a man who won't stand up for himself. They see you as weak and that turns them off. They tend to be turned on by aggressive men but then they cry abuse if they end up on the receiving end of the aggression. Its impossible to find a middle ground where your just as passive as necessary while being just as aggressive as necessary because women pick up on every little thing. Any passivity at all is taken as weakness and any aggression at all is taken as abuse. You can not come out of a situation like that without being labeled either weak and not worthy of respect or abusive and therefore only worthy of jail. You can not win.
I went through all three of these phases in order. Anger, internal collapse, and finally gathered the last bit of self respect I had to pull the plug. For the longest time I thought I was the only one going through this and in less than 10 minutes I heard everything I've been going through in the last 2 years explained perfectly. Good luck out there fellas
That just only proves that he made a mistake on that woman, as the onus is on HER to have the capacity to understand what is being told to her, whether it's smart or not. Psychotherapists and psychologists are not responsible for the mental capacity of others.
*results will vary from guy to guy on this. I have never heard a pleasant guy that actually offers dating value say outrageous blanket statements like this. I have however, heard 100 undesirable guys hammer this kind of talk down I’m not sharing your experience. My buddies aren’t sharing your experience. What if it’s you? Honestly? If you don’t like what she does, find another one. It’s pretty easy.
You hit the nail on the head there. 20 yrs of marriage and i should have left yrs ago. I am a shell of my former self. I was a happy go lucky funny comedic guy. Now i find myself blowing up over nothing. Angry at nothing. Just bitter. Now i know why. I have lost myself. No longer. Thank you.
This is a perfect video for people dealing with narcissists. You either comply with the BS becoming a shell of your former self or you run as fast as possible!
Narcissistic females love bomb and are seemingly agreeable. Till they have you hooked with kids and can drop the act. Sadly, I now realize that twenty years were wasted for the kids. It was hell for everyone. Don't stay for the kids with a crazy woman, it just gets sicker.
The third option is becoming a bigger monster than them, which I am not recommending. If you become a shell, they point to that and leave. If you become a monster, they point to that and leave. So yeah, just exit at that point.
Ball is now in your court @@HumbleHonkingEnthusiast . We are counting on you to take good care of your health and mind...lead a calm and productive 2024.
“Express anger, collapse internally, leave.” I went through all this and the ‘collapse internally’ phase literally almost killed me. After I separated it became clear she consciously knew all along what she was doing with her behavior. It wasn’t subconscious at all. It was how she had learned to manipulate people including the intentional emotional abuse. Her repeatedly pretending she didn’t understand was just gaslighting, compounding my sense of wtf is going on. Men, brothers, if you are experiencing this from a woman, leave, get out, walk away, the sooner the better. Set a firm boundary on what is acceptable and if that boundary is not respected, leave. Seek help from other men and professionals to make the tough transition. Despite the amazing experiences I’ve had on my road to recovery, which will last a lifetime, I will always wonder about the life I would have had if I had had this much-needed advice then,.
Same here brother. Luckily i am well last that part of my life but I am endlessly fascinated with videos like these which really break down what was happening in simple clear terms that I just didn’t understand at the time. If I have a son and maybe even if I have a daughter (wife just got preggo), he/she will be watching much of this channel and several others
My marriage got ruined in the exactly same manner as you described. She wouldn't listen anything I said. With time I got angrier and angrier and finally snapped. Then she started victimising herself and finally left me. Now I'm at peace again and not thinking of giving it up any time soon. Frankly, I think I've become a little misogynist... and think I just don't care about having a relationship any more. I'm also almost 54 now and tired. Tired of fighting and female drama. Doing what I enjoy the most - music, and trying to put my mental and physical health in order.
Jesus can give your rest. (Not religion). Feel for you brother it’s all too common. Take care friend ☺️ 15 A continual dripping on a very rainy day And a contentious woman are alike; 16 Whoever restrains her restrains the wind, And grasps oil with his right hand. 17 As iron sharpens iron, So a man sharpens the countenance of his friend. Proverbs 27:15-17 28 Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. 29 Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30 👍😊🙏📖❤️💪💥
So sorry for your trauma. I'm 67 and feeling the same way. I used to love and adore women...now if I see any pretty women, all I see are parasites and drama and manipulators. I know there are some good women out there but they are VERY rare. The truth is we don't NEED a woman to be happy...we need good friends and a joy and fascintation of life. I wish you peace.
I love how it's always the woman's fault for "training men to be angry," never the man's fault for being a simp, spineless doormat and staying with a woman who obviously doesn't respect him.
It's a lot of women? Women with weaker personality men.. Men that aren't men but boys.. Men that are grown boys.. they never were validated as kids. Mommy did Everting for them or they were soft with sisters.. or soft and coddled. U don't have to be a soft weak man to be assertive . Men can be kind and assertive from get go.. not.. let me repeat myself 1000 times and pick dominating women or women out of my league.. it goes both ways. This guy is doing a great disservice to humanity with the story of men get the way they do because of women... women get loud as well if they aren't heard. Except women in general absorb most ppls emotion. Estrogen isn't pleasing hormone. But your dragon testosterone or your outbursts of tiny testosterone aren't better
Some women won't let you walk away. Or have figured out how to intercept, especially after you've done it before. This is another issue. I call it "leaving it alone." Women will scream if a man, a stranger, or their own child, pulls their hair over and over. They will shout "leave it." However when women are told to leave it. It's worse than "relax." And as other people echoed here, the fact that this isn't even 100% conscious behavior is more concerning.
The ability to walk away comes from never emotionally investing. So relationships come down to being a pointless endeavor. No emotions means the other person can't manipulate you. No emotions means you have no relationship with that person. So why bother? I'm done with relationships because I'm done becoming what another person desires and I have no desire to force someone else to become someone they don't want to be.
Sometimes it's not as easy as just "walk away" when kids are involved. You might risk leaving leaving your kids at her mercy, without you present at all for half or more of their life until adulthood. That said, I agree with you 100%.
I wish I have seen this 5 years ago. I collapsed, then rebuild and left. 13 years down the drain, most of it spent frustrated and hurt. At least I learned what a narcis is.
In my own experience women either like to see you angry and aggressive because they find that version of you attractive or they are sh*t testing you and want to find out just how much patience you have. Regardless of their reasons for being difficult it is extremely unattractive and physically taxing to be in a relationship with someone aggravating…
Some women do that so they can then take the argument to bed. They often do this when they know they are being unreasonable and have no chance of winning so they offer edgy s*x as a way of deescalating and appeasing without being seen as losing or retreating. I've always hated this tactic and never let it happen.
that is a damaged woman, she should go to therapy, and that is why you should abandon her, and before you do so, hire a lawyer and do the break up in their office with cameras recording the whole deal. So she can’t say shit that went violent or something.
Inadvertently, this video helped me digest the idea that: if it is painfully difficult to be heard (let alone begin problem solving), then I can simply leave and shortcut all the anguish. I've spent too much time on self development to entertain this form of toxicity. Someone better deserves me, or I deserve the peace of being alone.
It's messed up that I laughed at that. Truthfully most battered woman are also violent with their partners, they just don't leave a mark. It's usually a mutually abusive relationship.
@@brendanthompson2082 By the way if I may add to what you said, when traced, you'll discover that the abuse actually started with them testing the boundaries through emotional manipulation. This is supported by research on IPVs.
They are women who didn't receive corporal punishment when they were children, so they still need it when they are adults. Except it is illegal to administer it to an adult.
Why do some women leave a relationship where they were hit, only to end up in another relationship where they are hit again? Because they won't shut up.
100% true. Problem is, 80% of women behave this way. If you don’t see it during the dating phase, you will during marriage. If you don’t see it in marriage without kids, you’ll see it in marriage with kids. For some bizarre reason, deep down, they want to make you angry. You’ll try communicating with them like a mature adult and they just can’t handle it. Eventually, they may even get violent with you and bait you into being violent with them. Way, way, way too many women behave this way.
So true. Lack of proper education, undeveloped intelligence and issues causes them to act childish. Who says that women are more mature than men are either women or never had a long relationship. Both men and women can behave childish and based on feelings instead of logic.
Makes me really happy with my girlfriend seeing these comments. Ironically, she's literally just like a dude in a lot of ways.... which significantly helps with our communication.
Yes, most are like that at least in my personal experience. I've found that the benefits of dealing with a woman never exceed the trouble that comes with one. I waisted a lot of time and energy on women when I was young and stupid. That's over now though. If it weren't for the fact that most men are strongly motivated by sex, I doubt there would be many relationships. As we get older and the sex drive becomes less an issue we see how we waisted so much time and energy on lost causes. At least that's what's happening in my case.
@@voraxumbra1 the communication is NOT like a dude, it is just respectful, w your ‘partner’ engaging in rules of conduct and communication that are effective. Does she have a sister? Haha
I'm a woman, and I used to have this same mindset of using so many words and tactics to "get my point across" to get people to change their minds and behaviors. And when it didn't work, I would resort to anger and aggression. And then I would feel like a monster, and be racked with guilt. Like you, I would just end the relationship because I didn't want to live like that. As I have gotten older, I realized that I was too much in my head. I held an unrealistic expectation, although at those times, I really believed them to be reasonable. Over the past few years, I realized that the more I let things slide and just try to understand the behavior of the other person, I don't get so angry.
I can relate except I don’t feel guilty for my reaction. There’s too many people that would just walk all over me if I didn’t get my point across. It’s society that is sick, not me.
Hi all! Thank you Dr Orion. My partner brought this video to my attention, as he has been trying to convey this message countless times. He has become angry and shut down, and often I’m unsure why he is so reactive to things I perceive as minor, or that i believed had already to be worked through. My dads the same. And that, all of this makes me feel dreadfully sad. I don’t want my partner to leave, and I don’t want this anger to be my young children’s norm. I feel unloved and a lot of the time my character is assasinated. I am robbed of energy and vitality. I was once confident and happy every day. I have read the comments and listened 3x over to your talk. Thank you for sharing your raw experiences everyone. But… I’m starting to come to the realization that I’m that woman that has driven my lovely man to what he is experiencing. And he is ready and willing to exit. I try to quieten him or divert his attention, or quickly add where he might be harsh or outright verbally abusive to bring his attention to the matter with the assumption he’ll see it’s off or damaging and stop to his outburst. He will then feel ignored and disrespected even though he’s swearing and speaking poorly to us. It then escalates, and becomes emotional irrational and he drags the past into it. And threatens to leave on an emotional outburst. All in earshot of our daughters. It’s terrible. His biggest complaint is that he’s not heard. I need your help to understand more. What can I do to turn this around and have my man feel like he has the space to be himself. A place where he can build himself back up, and trust that things can improve, and it’s not too late. I want to teach my young impressionable daughter and toddler how to respect men. But how do you respect when this upset is present.
I think this video just gave me closure to a 40 year relationship that ended last year. She would not stop reckless spending no mater how many times I asked her to. I shut down inside. Lost my self esteem. Became resentful and she left me for someone else. Now I know that I'm not the one to blame for everything. Thank you.
So, if a wife doesn't listen, the husband can either a) become a shell of his former self, b) get divorced with abuse charges and lose most of his stuff, c) divorce her and only lose half of his stuff. I can see why so many men choose A.
E) Stop blaming the world for not being able to provide for women. We won't listen when you aren't listening to us in a conversation and the conversation is one-sided. It's a 2 way Street.
My mother is just like that, but I never even realized it. I was so calm before but unbeknownst to me I became much more irritable and constantly have a deep desire for violence. Now that I look back this is exactly what happened😢
I've fallen into this trap. It's awful. I'll never do it again. I'm also a very good communicator. My message was twisted and turned and thrown back at me. Eventually she recorded my emotional breakdown and used it against me. It's tragic.
This is the main reason why I'm 42, no kids, never been married and currently single. I dealt with this exact same thing in almost EVERY SINGLE relationship. They will push you until you break. Once you break Your aggressive tone that SHE has pushed you too becomes the core problem now. There is no way around it but to walk away and move on.
You mean women will try to push you till you break unless they had already figured out that they will gain something from you and only then they will respect?
I am a Turkish guy and I'm amazed how well Google subtitle translation works in this video. it does not only translate entire sentences, it also gives the translation of each word at the best place. the language structure of Turkish and English languages are different, so when you translate the sentence the order of verb, subject and object changes entirely. but automated translation still gives words in perfect coherence with video, so the viewer can keep focus.
@@Azuosph ours dont act up as much cuz we beat the shit out of them and when the cops come they ask her "well what did you do to piss him off" we rarely have fights over here
The only thing some women understand is silence. Take your attention away is the only way to get your point across. You do this early not later in a relationship.
@@longsword1969Correct. The moment she feels she's being ignored or not getting enough attention or free energy from you, she's off to pick one of her orbiters to give her attention instead.
@@kimilsungthefirst6840maybe you are better PFF without her, but you will PROBABLY (but not necessarily) come across that in every single woman you meet. People have their needs and for women it is attention. You have to make a call as to whether you are willing to deal with that problem and come up with some strategies to deal with it so you can have a relationship with a woman, or whether you limit yourself to only casual relationships with women (but they will want commitment at some point, so you will still have to deal with it 😂)
@@longsword1969 That's the idea I want her to keep being thick headed it let's me know it's time to fire and look for a new hire. Remember Ryan said fire fast hire slow. If she can't respond to the way you do things hurts your ROI find a better employee.
My last ex would be a total juggernaut whenever we disagreed on anything. She would raise her voice short of screaming immediately, resort to a bunch of logical fallacies and would never listen to or accept my side. She was after total dominance. After several bouts of this kind I finally gave up trying to reason with her or compromise. I did not resort to anger as it is not my style and started stonewalling her instead. At that point the relationship was dead. During one of her rants she told me something that echoes to this day: "Whenever you disagree with me on something I feel wronged and mistreated". I wonder how many women feel like that when they don't get their way.
@@Vision-dd8fl No, she had a father, a likeable fellow who sadly died of diabetes. She also has a sister who I believe is subtly taking advantage of her.
I've been told that before too. That my dissagreement was disrespectful to her and that I was just wanting to display patriarchal dominence over the relationship. Then she drove the argument at this idea of hers that it's a mans (my) insecurity that was driving me and I needed to stop trying to exert control over her which made her feel threatened and scared. Typing this out now highlights how obvious it probably was I needed to end things. I stuck around and eventually she kicked me out of our place during an argument. I think that she lost respect for me for not "maning up" even though if I did the relationship would've still ended.
@@chaoscultus Mine wasn't into feminism, I know better than getting involved with such a woman. However she had some rather masculine traits like the extremely aggressive way she argued. Other women argued in more passive aggressive ways but the same tenacity. I have come to the conclusion that when women argue they have this mentality that they are somehow personally attacked and they *have* to win the argument or else they will show weakness and be overwhelmed.
@@ky7299 I think you are correct, and would further argue that is just another specific manifestation of the general principle that most women cannot admit that they are ever wrong ---- or even fractionally to blame ---- when something heads south. They either blame other factors or deflect like a politician.
I had internal thoughts of leaving my previous relationship fairly early on. My parents who were married for 31 years divorced just before I got into the relationship in question. I didn’t want to be like my father and abandon the woman I had committed to. I had thought of leaving within the first year but I stuck it out for four and half years. She was very dismissive and invalidated my feelings every time I expressed them. I became an alcoholic and husk of my former self. I fell down some stairs and injured myself. I tried to quit drinking but weakness got the best of me. She left went she caught me drinking again. She blamed everything on me and told me to go to rehab. She said we can reassess the relationship once I had done that but she needed no contact for the time being. She completely blocked me and it destroyed me for a while. I realize now I am a victim of emotional abuse. I am over a year sober and doing very well. This video was very helpful thank you!
Because society protects them from everything. Only when they feel like that protection isn't enough will they listen. It's a sad behavioral spiral. The more you protect them, the more power you give them, the more authority you give them, the WORSE they will behave. Men are born with the knowledge we are totally subject to the harsh realities of the universe, women are born with the knowledge that we will use our bodies as shields if need be to protect them. It used to be we raised them to understand that it was not a free service they were entitled to, but rather one paid for with respect and a certain level of mutually returned services like loyalty and raising our kids. Now they want to give nothing and reap all the rewards of society. No return of investment, no division of labor.
@@thecommenter9678That's exactly what's happened. Feminism is largely to blame. The ironic thing is that nobody is happy with the end result. Neither men or women are truly happy. Men need to know where they stand. Men need to know they can trust the people closest to them. Likewise women need security and protection. To spite what feminism has taught them, they need a man for these things. They can't provide them for themselves. Ultimately feminism has prevented both men and women from having their needs met and made both very unhappy.
@@beebee_0136Of course you can.. leave to do any kind of charity and make sure people notice. After that whatever she says is worthless for the consensus and she has to take the L as their personality get defined by public perception.
I experienced exactly what is described in the video in my first marriage (I haven't tied the knot again just yet, though am on my way to). For 13yrs, I communicated my feelings and concerns and was steamrolled and ignored the entire time. It eventually made me withdraw and become exceptionally resentful, until I finally felt like I had no other option and raised my voice and drew a final line. Her solution? Divorce. I learned from that experience and will never allow any partner to do that to me again. Thank you for the video! I'm sure it'll help many people.
What you're describing is my relationship with my mom. Only difference is that she just gets defensive and acts like I'm in the wrong rather than just rationalizing whatever I get loud. That's exactly why I never see her more than twice a year, and now we usually fight constantly whenever I see her. She acts like I'm coming out of nowhere when it happens too, but I refuse to be disrespected anymore. Avoid, and stay away from these types of women. If they're family, keep them at a distance.
A lot of women are FAR more interested in "being right" than getting along. Sadly, this is why so many women end up old and alone. Even their own children don't call anymore. But, hey, at least you were "right" ladies! 😐
Bud I'm 38. Vet. Father of 3. Been on my own since 16. And manage oil rigs. My mother's the same. ... The memes going round saying "I get why my father was how he was" are factual the older and more experienced you get. Likewise I couldn't even get her a new car without her arguing and trying to start a fight trying to tell me how good the new CVT transmissions were in comparison to other brands. Which they're all junk. I'm like. Mother dad ran a auto buisness'. I've got multiple restorations and drag cars I've built. You can't even change your battery. Fine. Stay right here on the lot. I'm going home. And you can buy / believe what ever you want. But note one thing. Never ever ask me auto advice..mechanical or to fix a damn thing. Just note... That's been a week ago. Almost 2 Saturday. The dealer already gave her an AWD model cause she didn't believe me on that one being a 2wd. And had the car back 6 times for them to fix their screw ups. They didn't nt change bud. They just get more stubborn and detrimental with age. Few actually mellow.
Your comment reminds me of one of my ex live-in girlfriends. She hated it when her mother disrespected her by contradicting her at every opportunity. When my girlfriend tried the same did-respectful tactics on me, I pointed out the hypocracy of her behaviour. Her disrespectful behaviour got worse over the years, u tip my boss asked why she was being so disrespectful. I eventually left her without an explanation. My only regret was not leaving sooner. I ended up paying alimony for 7 years!
I can count on my right hand how many times I would yell at my ex wife in a week! At first, I told her what I wanted/needed, and she wouldn’t comply. Eventually, I had enough. After four marriage counselors, I filed and went through with the divorce. I can tell you one thing I learned. I will not waste negative emotions on a woman again. Also, I won’t yell. I’ll tell her what I want/need, and if she doesn’t comply, the next thing I will tell her is, “I don’t control you. You are a big girl. What I need you to do is leave. Bye.” This video is exactly what happened in my marriage. Great video. And yes, my ex is now alone. Good luck.
I can count on two fingers how many times I spoke angrily to my now ex wife during our 25 yrs together. She used me divorcing her from our loveless Sexless Marriage to brainwash and alienated our 6 kids that your father " gets mad and angry a lot" when I asked my 6 kids ( now adults) for examples, they can't give me a single one! But they still live in fear and stay alienated.
I had a gf who constantly pushed buttons. I’ve never met anyone who could anger people like she could. Her dad, brothers and every guy she dated had the same experience. She was a master at finding sensitive topics and pushing until you reacted. She had many wonderful traits as well, but she thrived on conflict and drama. I found her making out with another guy after a 3 year relationship and I was done. She tried to get back together with me when she saw me having a wonderful, calm amazing relationship with someone else 6 months later. She got into a physical fight with her father and asked if she could stay at my house. I had a separate house from the main house. I told her she could stay there but she got really mad when I went and stayed at my Grandmothers house those two weeks. I knew exactly how she planned to get back together with me. We had a very intense physical connection and we both knew if I stayed there I’d never be able to resist. Sadly, she is now married and still is exactly the same. Her brother is a good friend so I hear about her constant fights. I hoped as she got older she would mature out of it. It hasn’t happened. I dodged a bullet.
Another excellent episode. A man’s true power in a relationship is really just his ability to leave. When he surrenders that power, he loses himself, and the woman.
That’s the sad and horrifying thing. There’s virtually no other way a man can “not let a woman do that to him.” If she knows he cares and doesn’t want to lose her, she used that power. He has to be willing to leave at a moment’s notice in order to maintain respect. Which is truly heartbreaking to men who genuinely want companionship
in my experience, women also do this in the talking phase as well. Most talking phases are just women playing games and doing emotional manipulation to test boundaries. I am personally confused on how so many women are able to win over men. It is hard walking away but this behavior is evident in the modern woman. So women are even nice and polite but the undertones are there.
That's been pretty much every woman I've met over the past 20+ years, with one exception who very clearly didn't do it. It's now so bad that the tests at boundaries and frame crop up within the first 10 minutes of talking with a woman. In the 1990s it pretty much never happened. End result is that I walk away from every woman I meet.
This has mostly been my experience since the 90s and seems to have become the mode most women are now in, where even hitting a man is ok to prove a point, however any aggression from a male is seen as oppressive.
I went to a lecture by a female dating coach once, she said women often try to provoke men's anger because they want to see our strength. I've been applying this as a strategy for years,- doing something to show strength instead of getting angry, and it's worked really well most of the time.
@@Kuk0san One simple way to show strength is during simple acts of affection. If you are able to easily lift the woman while kissing or hugging then this demonstrates strength. I don't think it has to be thought of as a test though. High physical strength is a masculine trait that many women think is attractive. So, similar to how many men like seeing a woman with a nice body shape, many women like to see demonstrations of strength. Mastery over physical objects is just one form of strength.
This video is so therapitic that i put it on loop because how much stress it relieves me as a 19 year old guy that has experienced this over and over. Thank you my well spoken gentleman for making this video that calms me down as i go to sleep knowing that someone understands this shit.
I married in 1989. Once the kids arrived my wife was toxic and abusive. This got to the point i lost my temper in april 2002. I ran to the bathroom and locked myself in. Calmed down. Had a shower. And when i came out i announced to my wife i would divorce her. I was not going to do 20 years in jail because of her. They are all the same fellas.
@@bolt-dbtfg I have been the worlds highest profile man defending the rights of men and boys and saving mens lives for 15 years. This is very dangerous and expensive work.
I had the opposite problem. She would get very angry over boundaries, didn't like being told what to do, in any way shape or form. Would resort to agressive outbursts. I tolerated it for a while, till I realised I was getting frustrated and angry myself.. This was my cue to get the hell out of the relationship.
oh! you were in a relationship with an "alpha-female boss-babe bad-bitch" who was more masculine and had more Testosterone than the top 5 selling K-POP bands put together.
Same thing happened to me brother and what I can say is that certain types of women will always have their selfishness, childish and stubborn ways and aren’t worthy of a relationship. Stay away from those types and find a more feminine and peaceful woman that you deserve! Also, good on you putting on boundaries, never submit frame for a woman, she’s either on your program or she’s gone. She was getting mad and aggressive because she couldn’t exercise her hypergamy so good on you brother!
@@dimsworld6877 thanks man. I tried to be patient. One time she got angry over a little disagreement & she told me to "Shut The Fvck Up" She didn't even apologise or acknowledge any wrong doing. I walked away & she sent me a text message & ended the relationship. Two days later she starts pleading for another chance & promising she will behave better in the future. Foolishly I gave her a chance, then 5 weeks down the line she aggressively starts raging at me, because I didn't want social media usage at the dinner table. She was a social media addict & her phone usage all the time was a problem. She began raging at me.. I told her to leave my house & I never talked to her again. I'm not going to tolerate such childish, selfish aggressive behaviour.
Amazingly correct and true in every sense! Thank you! 8 years is more than enough, and all because children were in the equation... But at some point you have to draw the line and save yourself and whatever is left of yourself.
I’ve dealt with borderlines like this. I ask them a simple question and they say something off topic then say “Why are you giving me a hard time?”… then proceed to gaslight more. Stay away from girls like this men, they are my name.
I think even using such gals recreationally is probably ill-advised. After all, they can make any accusation, whether true or entirely fabricated, about you any time they wish. These gals ain't even worth the cheap dopamine hits.
Lol even recreational use leads to trouble that just isn't worth the crazy....... Those chicks will ruin you or live to try to when you ignore their BS or are done with their BS even it's casual they think they have the right to do whatever they want, the moment you make contact with them, they think that you are theirs....... DANGER DANGER DANGER AVOID AT ALL COSTS.
And then one day, you finally reach the point where you realize you not only cannot fix them, but you genuinely do not care anymore, and you move on with your life of cultivating self-knowledge and wisdom with the goal of supreme peace. And that is the first day of your transcendent freedom.
And once they achieve the angry outburst - it provides the "justification" to withdraw, withhold and complain about her "safe space", etc.. When they do this after so many years and saddled with children and responsibilities, it traps you in a spiral of unhappiness and frustration.
Oof that's called cheating. If it helps I don't know a single cheater that suddenly started after marriage. Cheaters always cheat just a matter of time
10 years doing meditation and being a meditation teacher for high achievers. My ex was a normal woman but she always had this thing were she wanted to make me mad or angry. I told her that that was hard because it is a thing of stimulus vs reaction and we as meditators learn how to separate the two of them. She tried one time driving back home drunk: It didn't work. She tried hosting a party with his girl friends were two of our furniture were set on fire (I'm not lying): It didn't work. She tried hitting me once really hard and I (being also a BJJ purple belt) just control her in the ground until she calmed down. Shit escalated to the point that she cheated and for the first time I was mad and I left. She told me that she did it because I never showed her that I cared and that being with me was too "peaceful" but now that she saw she could make me mad she wanted to be with me. I left immediately. I still think that somewhere inside of her she's more happy that she "broke" the meditator rather than regretting that she lost a 2 year relationship over some BS.
Yep, that's women for sure! She'd rather subject herself to the humiliation of being called a cheater than live at peace with a man who could not easily be provoked. Weird girl-logic!
Meditation is a simp creating strategy. As your explanation is a perfect example of this. Tolerating BS is not strength, its weakness mascaraded as strength, but it isn't.
@@fanaticfloyd Nope. Simps are needy and remain too long in an abusive relationship. Meditators are not. Meditation makes you adult in the room watching the temper tantrums of a child. The gap between stimulus and response provided by meditation gives you the clarity to make wiser decisions (like leaving for instance).
Dammit, I literally had this experience with a new woman last night. This video really helps. I have one foot out the door already, and I'm glad that you encourage men to leave when needed.
Every single word doc utters in this video is pure gold. ✨️👌🏼 I'll add the following: Men who are unaware of the mind games being played, and rather than choosing the paths doc mentioned, they instead choose a destructive path that escalates to violence, puts the man who was initially a victim, in the role of the aggressor. Fellas: Unawareness and weakness are our worst enemy when dealing with these types of women. Beware! 💯
True, some women only listen when shouted at. My mother is like that, she does it to my dads and me. I’m a grown men and there is simply no way to get to that woman.
This is true. Most men should have learned this with their mothers when they would nag needlessly to your fathers to cause an argument or when you were growing up how your mother and sisters used to provoke fights with your father or other siblings or relatives. The women in the world are no different than your mothers and sisters.
@@jacqueslee2592 My mother doesn’t nag, but she is terrible communicator and she doesn’t take feedback. Nothing is ever her fault and she cannot figure out some things they doesn’t matter to her matter to others. I’m 40 yo and she treats me like a child and doesn’t respect my opinion.
You are right. If you use that calm voice, they won't hear you. But if you raise your voice, they will hear it but they will also get afraid and then angry because you raised your voice. The better option is to walk away. Silence is a man's best friend.
They see their world through emotions. And can only understand you through an emotional lense. They know what anger means bcuz when they get angry it means you had enough. Covert vs Overt Communication. For women when they talk overtly they have had enough of the bs. For men,from their perspective,it means they are in danger.
Clear logic, raw data and articulate rational explanations seldom get through to women as much as emotions do. One is dry and boring and the other is stimulating self-feeding drama .
That's why it's so important to get through to men, these women won't listen. They only way this changes is if men stop rewarding this behaviour and even then they might never change but at least we won't have to deal with it.
Haha, Does this fit with your own experience? Absolutely! It's now 6 years since I split with my 30 year long partner, what you are talking about in this episode is exactly the point we got to. This channel feels like a documentary on the last 5 years of that relationship, its quality observations and advice came along too late for me, but it has really helped with my understanding of 'what the hell went on' 5 star channel
Holy shit man,it's late at night and I'm just listening to your playlist and this episode has provoked an absolute breakthrough in my own psychology! I've literally done the wrong things with the right gals. When I spot easy prey,my game turns on and all discouragement dissipates,however with girls whom I actually care about getting with ,I tend to stutter and mumble... excellent work doctor! I literally can't believe how much of my daily doubts and sadness is directly linked to a form of cowardice that I had never been able to identify as being cowardice. I've been to prison and will fight with the toughest of characters and it doesn't bother me, but when confronted with certain circumstances, I am a complete and total coward and I can't express how happy I am to finally acknowledge this, because now I can take action and I know this will change my whole life, absolutely incredible man!
Women want your anger at some level because it shows them that you are emotionally invested, and, more importantly, they have control over that part of you !
No when they do something it isnt about you. Its about them. Only thing in their mind when they are trying to communicate with you is getting same amount of emotional investment as this is the only way they understand. Or feel understood. That is the avg women . then there's the outliers who focus more on logic then feeling.
@@user-nu2vc9mp5j First of all, 87 men who read my comment disagree with you. Second, what exactly do think they are understanding when they are getting an emotional investment from a man. What exactly is that a man is supposed to understand about a woman by his becoming angry at her ? Third, there are no logical females PERIOD !
@@user-nu2vc9mp5j First of all, 87 men who already read my comment agree with my statement. Second, what exactly is that women are supposed to understand by getting the same amount of emotional investment from a man, that they can't get without arousing his anger ? Third, what are men supposed to understand about women by them getting angry at these women who cause their angry reactions ? Fourth, how does anger and emotion ever help anyone understand anything ? Fifth, where are these supposedly logical women -- on Mars ?
People don't realise how much we are accountable for how we are treated, including people taking advantage of you. Understanding human nature is the key to being respected.
Other things that are deal breaker: 1) breaking the peace, as in being someone who would rather have a fight and argument over being calm and in silence. If they love drama more than peace then they will put the relationship and the family at risk just to get their emotional fix going. 2) Not beign humble and being unable to understand and admit when being wrong. If they're not adult enough to understand the difference between feeling that they are right and actually being right then they don't deserve to be in a mature relationship with an adult, specially since that would mean that they'll be willing to trow the relationship out the window before even considering that the spouse is actually right. 3) choosing emotions over logic. This shouldn't even be an issue for people over twenty years old. People are supposed to think things through, not allowe themselves to be possessed by their feelings to the point that they either willfully ignore reality or are legitimately unable to percive reality as it actually is in favor of their own delusional and emotion based worldview. 4) Being unable to understand another person's point of view. If they cant see things in a different way or understand what someone else is trying to say then they will not be able to be a good partner or even a good friend to someone else. 5) Being able to empathize and with their spouse and partner, or anyone else in their close social circle. 6) Not showing understanding and appreciation for the struggles and hardship their partner goes through for them, the relationship and the family which is definitely why so many relationships and families are breaking up. And that goes double for refusing to help or ease said spouses fellings of stress and frustration brought out by said hardship.
This video is great and the comments section is even greater. So many men have been thru the exact same thing. I dated a drug addict for several years and she gave me the gift of eternal patience. It's impossible for a woman to make me angry after what she put me thru. I'm actually grateful to her for the experience.
Thank you for helping me realize what happened to my sense of self during my last relationship. I refused to get loud and aggressive and refused to leave the relationship so I failed to be the person I once respected. Resulting in severe episodes of depression with seemingly no explanation until now.
It's been my observation (and I'm no psychologist, I'm just a guy with a few engineering and physics degrees who's done a lot of living) that the more insecure a woman is about herself personally, the more insecure she tends to be in her relationships. And that makes her terrified of abandonment. As a matter of evolutionary biology, I suspect this is because women are more physically vulnerable, particularly during pregnancy, and abandonment has more immediate fatal consequences. Women therefore (more than men) depend on having the assurance that there's enough emotional connection to a partner to keep him attached. Provoking a man and not having him get angry says that he's behaving rationally, which isn't what they want. A rational man could say, "This relationship is full of red flags, and I'm outta here." But if he responds in anger, the emotion reflects his frustration with being trapped. And an insecure woman wants him trapped. It's a control thing. Like the good doctor, I have a very long fuse. I didn't always, but a few years under the tutelage of an elderly Chinese gentleman who lived most of his own life in a Shaolin temple changed all that. So I am now very low in volatility. And I can't tell you how hard some women work to make me angry just to see if I'm committed somehow. Ironically, women who do this are the first ones I leave, since although I'm charitable, I'm not inclined to disturb my own peace to be with someone with that many control issues. I'm a good engineer. I don't get paid nearly enough to be somebody's psychotherapist, nor would I want the job. I leave that work to the pros.
💯 am also not a psychologist but I also came to a similar conclusion... That the more emotional a man reacts whether it's breaking down in tears or angry rage it tells the woman he is emotionally invested and her actions can affect him and also she can push buttons to manipulate him. But no reaction suggests low investment and won't care enough to disrupt your peace to fix or address whatever issue she has brought up and likely leave.
It began in early summer, when I got myself into an altercation in a bar that ended with a night spent on the county. I was an angry young man. Monday morning, black and blue, I showed up at work, and one of the mousier little guys in the lab (who turned out not to be mousy at all) said, "You need to see Master Yang" and gave me the address of an Asian health food store with instructions to show up half an hour after the place closed. And that's how it all started.
In my relationships over the years, I have had to point out numerous times that the anger she just saw me express was not where the conversation started, but was rather the result of a series of increasingly desperate attempts for me to be understood and/or respected. Unfortunately women often latch onto anger like it was the *first* place I went in a long conversation, and it simply never is.
Unpopular opinion: men NEED anger. We need to feel it, we need to understand it, we need to HARNESS anger. Most of male motivation originates in anger, not wild, reckless, undisciplined anger, but cold, calculated, white-hot burning slow-rage that drives you to the gym when that's the LAST place you want to go. That cold, white-hot rage that pushes you to finish that project you've been putting off for 2 weeks. Let it burn icy hot BUT contain it, harness it, and channel it. You must know what your anger is as a man, how to focus it, how to harness it, how to call on it, how to stoke it up when you need it, how to slow it down when you need that. Otherwise you become a pushover and your shadow is out of your control, and WILL take over at the worst possible time. sometimes this guy is spot on, sometimes he's far too new-age "anger is always bad"... which in my estimation is a fatal flaw. Anger is human, period. Learn to harness it to have it at your command or it will command you.
First of all, great interior home design. Over listening to your videos , I made a commitment that if I raise my voice in a relationship that’s it’s best to end it. I ended a 6 month relationship a month ago after I raised voice and realized it was due to a stark difference in how we live. I’m so glad I was able to recognize this. Thank you
I had never yelled at a partner until my ex. Then suddenly I was yelling constantly. Nothing was ever good enough and no amount of me trying to figure it out got anywhere. Her needs were never met but she couldn't ever tell me what her needs were. She sure could tell me about how much I upset her though. I left when she made it clear it wouldn't get better. New relationship and I still haven't yelled. Never even got close. But this one actually talks about her problems and seeks resolution rather than constantly telling me I'm screwing up.
next time you are faced with stuff like that keep asking questions asking to elaborate on the most confusing parts of what she says, until it makes sense or it falls apart, then tell her you don't have those issues and give examples how you don't care about things like that when they happen to you and how you deal with them easily, and maybe she should do the same cause it's better that way, and if she insists it has to be done that way, ask her where she thinks something different happened in her upbringing or past experiences that created this issue and what she thinks would be the best way to deal fix them cause surely she doesn't seriously think that inflicting them on you long term is going to be a thing
@@iufbriufbwhenever I tried that, asking for clarity or details, she wouldn't tell me or say I ask too many questions, I "should know". The frustration just built up over time, again and again, and I yelled in a way I haven't ever done in my life.
Making you angry is a form of control. Little children do it too, it is one of the very few ways they have to assert some semblance over control of people who are otherwise hierarchically above them. It is a button to push.
I divorced my first wife because of her temper and always pushing me to anger. I confronted her about it and she finally admitted that all she wanted was to fight. I told that's not what I wanted and I found someone else and she's just as bad.
replacing / substituting any such with just another one doesn't seem to lead very far. as for that, I'd prefer to appreciate j.o.m.o. on 1st one already. I won't expect else than gyn.fasc mental infestations or other redflags anyway. (and what maight be found positebly appealing for now is rather likely to be prone to impermanence).
@@Vision-dd8flyes both parents were there till she left home but they were emotionally immature. Constant fighting and physical as well but she had the chance to live in a better environment and refused to change so there's nothing a guy can do but to leave. It's painful but had to be done.
You just hit that nail squarely on the head; this is the issue I constantly have with my wife of 23 years and I have not found a way around it. Being a communicator myself, this leads me into utter frustration and often anger; I will therefore send her your explanation hoping she will get the message from you because from me, she accepts nothing. Thank you for your precious input on the matter.
This is one of the primary reasons I walked away from dating & relationships 16yrs ago. I knew I had anger issues back then, coupled with witnessing the frustration some of my closest friends endured at the hands of their gfs, I knew had to just walk away altogether in order to keep my sanity, and save myself. I knew women were manipulative, and that I was not privvy to all their tactics at the time. And I refused to become victim to their emotional game playing. It's one of the best decisions I ever made. Though I had some moments of loneliness, it was a very small price to pay in order to have peace & tranquility. Fast forward to 2023 when I discovered countless vidoes on female nature. Through these videos, I educated myself on female nature further, only to end up feeling extremely vindicated.
Had an ex who ONLY paid attention when I got angry. After a while I found that I was angry all the time. Had to end things because I didn't like who I became with her.
Wow! Eyes started to roll and leave but, the core message landed! And not just with one woman, but could be a committee of women with one male. Thank you for the insight!
Fantastic breakdown as usual. I would add there are only three things that you can employ to get point across to a woman i.e. withdraw attention, affection, or commitment.
You are spot on about almost everything. But, I do believe in marriage as a bond that should be fought for and not simply looking for exit strategies when things aren't going smooth.
But thats the point, they act this way cause they know you will never exit the relationship. If your always fixing the situation due to her behaviour and you have the mindset to never walk away she will continue playing that game with you. Which is why when you do commit to leaving they act like their worlds falling apart
This happend to me recently, the worst was being pulled out of me, I began to collapse and feel like a shell. Ultimately I had to survive so my option was to leave.
And that shows, if the worst can be pulled out of you, then the best can be pulled out of you. Gotta find those people (friends and family) who pull the best out of you.
They „make“ men to perpetrators in order to be victims. And they meanwhile love the highly emotional path. Women are in good, safe times hard to handle. If she doesn’t get it, she doesn’t love you. So, leave early, without ending up as a perpetrator
It goes both ways. I experienced this with an ex. He spoke over me on a regular basis to the point that we often couldnt carry a conversation and I would calmly voice my need for him to listen more (at least enough for me to speak) and eventually I ended having to resort to yelling... quite literally to be heard. Then he started accusing me of being angry 🤷♀️ as if I just became angry out of no where.
Coming from a women’s view there was a lot of resentment that I didn’t know how to get rid of. This caused me to care less of what he wanted from me. Didn’t help with the feminist ways that I watched growing up. Fast forward to my new man. I had self work done and found out how to make myself happy in order to make my life easy. Now decided to give it a go to date again. We went a few rounds of insults. Told myself to stop being rude of you want to keep this man. Now I’m on my best behavior and wow. He is so good to me. I could call him my soul mate but it’s the art of knowing how you want your man to mirror you.
Thanks for sharing It's amazing how much difference behaving well and generously giving people what they want makes to relationships - if you do that you get a whole lot in return. I think for a lot of people it takes a leap of faith to be the one to be good first, because a lot of people don't want to invest something without some assurance of return. But if you take the lead, amazing things happen. And I think being generous by being the first to give really impresses the other person, instead of you doing a transaction, which now makes them feel like they have to weigh the costs and benefits. I think of it as: If you identify the problem, then you take responsibility for fixing it. This gets you out of the game of who goes first, or waiting for someone else to fix a problem that "obviously they see but are ignoring" (in reality, they likely DON'T see a problem.
And all these other videos that don’t hold the women accountable for her actions. He’s just not for you they say. It’s mostly because of how she treats him.
One thing observed in psychology is that regarding relationships, like attracts like. Many women whom claim to always be in abusive relationships generally are abusers themselves, not always in a physical capacity. As noted in these videos. Same holds true for men. Only when the individual man and woman work on being their best selves and are functional humans, then the relationship works. If one is dysfunctional in some manner or behaviour, then the relationship fails. It takes two complete and developed individuals who share common values and beliefs that end up in successful long-term relationships.
@@thecurrentmomentI wish that was the recipe. The argumentative woman comes in many shapes and forms. Your approach was mine for years, and the one-way street turned out to be a dead end.
Thanks. Finally, you just described my entire marriage of 18 years. That's over since 2000. But she labeled me a jerk, bully, anger problem, etc. You name it. Thanks again. I always knew it and said this was what was happening. But no response. Very insightful!
I was married to a Finnish woman for 38 years. As such, she was never neurotic, never nagged, never drenched you in talking, was pragmatic, never played "games", always had my back, accepted and helped with my weaknesses and openly admired my strong sides. Loyalty and respect from both sides.
Maybe I am wrong. But in my experience, many women (particularly those with an anxious attachment style) love the drama and chaos. They feel most alive and loved when things get toxic. Some even want to see the man lose it so they know they have to power to manipulate and control him, and send him to jail if necessary.
@@colasfalon6470 I know this happens, in real life, but I also find It's funny. I didn't see that coming when I was reading the comment slowly, the "jail" part felt like, " woah that escalated " 🤣
Excellent explanation of this. A lot of men are actually rational, reasonable and want to communicate with a woman, rather than have a heated argument.
As a woman, I've felt this exact same way about men in my relationships. I could take this entire video and swap genders. I don't see how this is specific to women. He's ultimately describing two participants in a relationship who could both benefit from training in non-violent communication (NVC, Marshall Rosenberg).
@@mythos.geometry - Problem is, men are supposed to lead, women are supposed to submit and follow. Feminism has destroyed it all. Masculine women like you are the problem.
100%. The exit solution is exponentially more complicated once married and with kids. They change after they get the ring and contract, and kids, have no false illusions. If you can see them this clearly ahead of time, brilliant, you can exit and move on, but the change up catches us out and we find ourselves trapped trying to mitigate the mayhem and provide the stable home we believe our kids deserve while our drama queens perpetuate the chaos they’re oblivious to. Unfortunate all-too-common reality for some (maybe a lot) of us today
This happens to women, too. The man suddenly changes once he's "got" her. Or once there's a baby. There's just a certain kind if person who does this and it's devastating!
I stayed stoic, for the most part. After communicating my red lines clearly, i gave them 2 strikes. Every time i ended things because of strike 3, they said "but...i didnt think you MEANT it!" I stayed calm and cool, and i got "you're being cold and cruel". Yeah. Dont suffer this stuff. Leave quickly.
I have to admit this is true. Patiently discussed a problem on repeated occasions with my wife to no success, lost my temper once (which I hate to do) and she snapped into line instantly and hasn't been a problem again.
@@beebee_0136Of course it is. It’s the ultimate power game. Very enjoyable when you can go as far as you want while your opponent is bound by rules of engagement. It’s the schoolyard bully’s dream.
Most women find male anger terrifying -- which is why it is both tragic and ironic that they often play a part in encouraging it in their primary relationships. In effect, women inadvertently train men to be angry when they ignore, disrespect, or invalidate men who first attempt to communicate non-aggressively. If women only take men's complaints seriously when they escalate to aggression, then they reward men for aggressiveness, making it more likely that aggression will be utilized in the future. I discuss this phenomenon using an example from my own dating history.
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I have to say that
to focus on male aggression is a very overplayed and corny thing when women commit most of the DV.
Women are more aggressive in sexual relationships.
Not men.
This video in isolation isn't bad.
But the fact that there are no videos detailing female relational aggression that becomes violent is a sad and terrible thing.
Did it cross your mind that many women LIKE aggressive men?
Never is a powerful word & attraction is relative and resource dependent.
Your chain of reasoning has some weak links imho.
@@paccawacca4069 The low frequency below the radar, on going mental violence many women use towards men, often far more damaging than physical violence. Why is this never mentioned? Domestic violence always assumes its the men.
Dr. Taraban, where do you get the art or template for your video stills?
The absolute irony of this is that after you get to a point where you had to raise your voice, the issue becomes not what you’re saying, but how you were saying it, so they then ignore the issue and focus on the provoked, outrageous, overshadowing that lets them off the hook.
100% correct. Really the only thing you can do with women is pull back or walk away.
Men need to learn to turn their back and walk away...
there is nothing complicated behind it
she dismisses you when you ask calmly
she dismisses you when you ask not so calmly
she sees you as a puppet
@@Woofreestyle Pull back? Why? If a woman doesn’t listen to you after you tell her to change her behavior once or twice. There is no need to pull back. You should just move on. This applies specifically for a long-term relationship or marriage. If you want to lead your relationship as the man, her listening to your instructions and following your lead is key.
It's why you gotta be in control of your anger and be willing to walk away.
I'm reminded here of an old "Farm Boy" bit of wisdom: "Never wrestle with a pig - you can't win, and after a while, you figure out that the pig is enjoying it.."
Damn, that farm boy knew something… 👍🏽
Damn, spot on!
There’s a lot of “old wisdom” for example, when the author spoke about how he was a good communicator but couldn’t get her to understand. A fine example of “you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink”
Are you saying that women are pigs?
Dang. Great metaphor.
I was perfectly identifying with your story right up to "and then she changed her behavior".
Lmaaaooo bro
😆
That means it's time to leave, bruthah!
😂😂😂😂😂😂🎉
🤣🤣🤣🤣😂
Experienced divorce lawyer here. Brilliant video. I’d like to add: the message in this video is one reason why many successful, ambitious men choose to NOT live with a woman or get married. If she pushes your buttons, you can (and should) just leave and not look back.
Also, I have seen 100’s of domestic violence cases in my career. In some cases, the woman will trigger the guy, and instead of leaving, he makes a bad decision by continuing to engage her in a heated argument. Guys, if you get a whiff of this kind of behavior from a woman, calmly walk away from the relationship. It almost never ends well.
Great advice.
The problem is that she just does the same to the next and next and next guy on and on. She is a false accuser that is all.
I experienced this, got disrespected, she would create drama constantly. I went from a calm person, to getting really frustrated and a couple of times angry.. this was my cue to get the hell out.
Thanks for the advice.
This is good advice
Emotional manipulation is their number one weapon . Just give them silence it drives them crazy
Exactly.
This is so true for women with an anxious attachment style. Silence drives them crazy. But drama, chaos and toxicity makes them feel alive and loved. Sick but true.
How ironic men love silence aka peace lol
I Prefer silence over getting screamed at, unless it’s to the point of days or weeks of silence repeatedly that’s manipulation.
fighting fire with fire, or ice with ice isn't going to fix anything. Either quit the relationship or take the Golden Path and lead her sacrificially and generously
I am so happy to see more intelligent criticism of female behavior in these modern days
What I love is that they get you to the point where you do have to raise your voice and then they act like you are some type of abuser. They try to make you believe you are a bad person because you got upset.
That's call "gaslighting"
That’s called gaslighting
@HandlezX3Yes and with the cake they are succeeding.
People like that should be avoided at all costs. There's nothing wrong with being mad as long as it doesn't go to far.
Thank you guys, I finally understand the word now. I didn't before.
"Fighting a woman isn't worth it for a man because there's no way he can win" hit the nail right in the head.
What do you say to other women with 2 black eyes? Nothing she’s s already been told twice
As a man you can never be right in a dispute with a woman. Even if you are in the right, your in the wrong. Most women don't respect a man who won't stand up for himself. They see you as weak and that turns them off. They tend to be turned on by aggressive men but then they cry abuse if they end up on the receiving end of the aggression. Its impossible to find a middle ground where your just as passive as necessary while being just as aggressive as necessary because women pick up on every little thing. Any passivity at all is taken as weakness and any aggression at all is taken as abuse. You can not come out of a situation like that without being labeled either weak and not worthy of respect or abusive and therefore only worthy of jail. You can not win.
@@sergesavard636😂😂😂
That applies to narcissistic women.
@@ryaneiler1422 It's unfortunate but true. We live in a culture of victim mentality.
I went through all three of these phases in order. Anger, internal collapse, and finally gathered the last bit of self respect I had to pull the plug. For the longest time I thought I was the only one going through this and in less than 10 minutes I heard everything I've been going through in the last 2 years explained perfectly. Good luck out there fellas
THis isn't a one sided thing. Men do this too.
@@marysmith4811 cool
It isa womans goal to destro a man and then leave
If Doc as a Therapist can't get through, we normal guys have no chance haha
LMAO. Facts
Best to keep away from the doom and gloom mindset, he did have to yell but did get through.
😂😂😂
There's some people beyond saving
That just only proves that he made a mistake on that woman, as the onus is on HER to have the capacity to understand what is being told to her, whether it's smart or not. Psychotherapists and psychologists are not responsible for the mental capacity of others.
Men:
Women DO NOT care.
End of message.
Exactly.
Pretty much. Women know they're full of shii. They absolutely do. They simply do not care. The very women in my own family tell me so.
Thats what i am doing walking away
Yes. Hundred percent self-serving
*results will vary from guy to guy on this.
I have never heard a pleasant guy that actually offers dating value say outrageous blanket statements like this.
I have however, heard 100 undesirable guys hammer this kind of talk down
I’m not sharing your experience. My buddies aren’t sharing your experience. What if it’s you? Honestly?
If you don’t like what she does, find another one. It’s pretty easy.
You hit the nail on the head there. 20 yrs of marriage and i should have left yrs ago. I am a shell of my former self. I was a happy go lucky funny comedic guy. Now i find myself blowing up over nothing. Angry at nothing. Just bitter. Now i know why. I have lost myself. No longer. Thank you.
I am on the. Ledge , I know exactly how you feel but don’t give up, you deserve better.
You deserve peace of mind
So do I 🥲
I can relate
❤️
@@matthewosburn i hear that the devil you know for some reason is better than the one you don't
Most of the men out there just want to be loved i figure. Someone thats got your back.
This is a perfect video for people dealing with narcissists. You either comply with the BS becoming a shell of your former self or you run as fast as possible!
Narcissistic females love bomb and are seemingly agreeable. Till they have you hooked with kids and can drop the act. Sadly, I now realize that twenty years were wasted for the kids. It was hell for everyone. Don't stay for the kids with a crazy woman, it just gets sicker.
All women
The third option is becoming a bigger monster than them, which I am not recommending. If you become a shell, they point to that and leave. If you become a monster, they point to that and leave. So yeah, just exit at that point.
Wife moved out literally yesterday, and at times really pushed me to the brink of a mental breakdown. So fucking happy she's out
Ball is now in your court @@HumbleHonkingEnthusiast . We are counting on you to take good care of your health and mind...lead a calm and productive 2024.
“Express anger, collapse internally, leave.” I went through all this and the ‘collapse internally’ phase literally almost killed me. After I separated it became clear she consciously knew all along what she was doing with her behavior. It wasn’t subconscious at all. It was how she had learned to manipulate people including the intentional emotional abuse. Her repeatedly pretending she didn’t understand was just gaslighting, compounding my sense of wtf is going on. Men, brothers, if you are experiencing this from a woman, leave, get out, walk away, the sooner the better. Set a firm boundary on what is acceptable and if that boundary is not respected, leave. Seek help from other men and professionals to make the tough transition. Despite the amazing experiences I’ve had on my road to recovery, which will last a lifetime, I will always wonder about the life I would have had if I had had this much-needed advice then,.
You've just explained my girlfriend
Same here brother. Luckily i am well last that part of my life but I am endlessly fascinated with videos like these which really break down what was happening in simple clear terms that I just didn’t understand at the time. If I have a son and maybe even if I have a daughter (wife just got preggo), he/she will be watching much of this channel and several others
I did too.
I wish I knew this when I was younger. Would’ve saved a whole lot of heart break and just time wasted with the wrong person.
@@pinkinthesushi same here
My marriage got ruined in the exactly same manner as you described. She wouldn't listen anything I said. With time I got angrier and angrier and finally snapped. Then she started victimising herself and finally left me. Now I'm at peace again and not thinking of giving it up any time soon. Frankly, I think I've become a little misogynist... and think I just don't care about having a relationship any more. I'm also almost 54 now and tired. Tired of fighting and female drama. Doing what I enjoy the most - music, and trying to put my mental and physical health in order.
Jesus can give your rest. (Not religion). Feel for you brother it’s all too common. Take care friend ☺️
15 A continual dripping on a very rainy day And a contentious woman are alike;
16 Whoever restrains her restrains the wind, And grasps oil with his right hand.
17 As iron sharpens iron, So a man sharpens the countenance of his friend.
Proverbs 27:15-17
28 Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
29 Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.
30 For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”
Matthew 11:28-30
👍😊🙏📖❤️💪💥
Sounds like a sane and sober plan
Misogynist checking... i kepty trying to teach them but theyre brains have been ruined by their fathers or lack thereof
So sorry for your trauma. I'm 67 and feeling the same way. I used to love and adore women...now if I see any pretty women, all I see are parasites and drama and manipulators. I know there are some good women out there but they are VERY rare. The truth is we don't NEED a woman to be happy...we need good friends and a joy and fascintation of life. I wish you peace.
I love how it's always the woman's fault for "training men to be angry," never the man's fault for being a simp, spineless doormat and staying with a woman who obviously doesn't respect him.
A lot of women are like that, because if you are calm and collected, they think you're not being serious.
Cuz most are stupid and immature; they never had to be anything more!
That’s how you act when everything get handed to you cuz you got a 🐱
It's a lot of women? Women with weaker personality men.. Men that aren't men but boys.. Men that are grown boys.. they never were validated as kids. Mommy did Everting for them or they were soft with sisters.. or soft and coddled. U don't have to be a soft weak man to be assertive . Men can be kind and assertive from get go.. not.. let me repeat myself 1000 times and pick dominating women or women out of my league.. it goes both ways. This guy is doing a great disservice to humanity with the story of men get the way they do because of women... women get loud as well if they aren't heard. Except women in general absorb most ppls emotion. Estrogen isn't pleasing hormone. But your dragon testosterone or your outbursts of tiny testosterone aren't better
No, if you are calm and collected they assume you are weak
@@IvoKevin Potato potatoe, either way they are wrong.
This is why it is of paramount importance to develop the ability to walk away at any time.
no marriage until the courts change how they treat men
Some women won't let you walk away. Or have figured out how to intercept, especially after you've done it before. This is another issue. I call it "leaving it alone." Women will scream if a man, a stranger, or their own child, pulls their hair over and over. They will shout "leave it." However when women are told to leave it. It's worse than "relax." And as other people echoed here, the fact that this isn't even 100% conscious behavior is more concerning.
@@Direwarlord213 you STILL CAN walk away
The ability to walk away comes from never emotionally investing. So relationships come down to being a pointless endeavor.
No emotions means the other person can't manipulate you. No emotions means you have no relationship with that person. So why bother? I'm done with relationships because I'm done becoming what another person desires and I have no desire to force someone else to become someone they don't want to be.
Sometimes it's not as easy as just "walk away" when kids are involved. You might risk leaving leaving your kids at her mercy, without you present at all for half or more of their life until adulthood. That said, I agree with you 100%.
I wish I have seen this 5 years ago.
I collapsed, then rebuild and left. 13 years down the drain, most of it spent frustrated and hurt. At least I learned what a narcis is.
This one was scary accurate.
Say nothing and lose yourself.
Argue and lose argument because you cannot win.
Leave.
Or to do the exact opposite of the mans point of view even if he was warning her not to back up into the street a truck is coming
In my own experience women either like to see you angry and aggressive because they find that version of you attractive or they are sh*t testing you and want to find out just how much patience you have. Regardless of their reasons for being difficult it is extremely unattractive and physically taxing to be in a relationship with someone aggravating…
It also demonstrates that she matters to you. Twisted.
Some women do that so they can then take the argument to bed. They often do this when they know they are being unreasonable and have no chance of winning so they offer edgy s*x as a way of deescalating and appeasing without being seen as losing or retreating. I've always hated this tactic and never let it happen.
Some people seek anger and excitement more than peace & happiness.
@@macc1370 It could be reflective of their early life and thus has a measure of comfort to it.
that is a damaged woman, she should go to therapy, and that is why you should abandon her, and before you do so, hire a lawyer and do the break up in their office with cameras recording the whole deal. So she can’t say shit that went violent or something.
Inadvertently, this video helped me digest the idea that: if it is painfully difficult to be heard (let alone begin problem solving), then I can simply leave and shortcut all the anguish. I've spent too much time on self development to entertain this form of toxicity. Someone better deserves me, or I deserve the peace of being alone.
I knew a therapist that jokingly told me that “all battered women have one thing in common, they don’t know when to shut up”
It's messed up that I laughed at that. Truthfully most battered woman are also violent with their partners, they just don't leave a mark. It's usually a mutually abusive relationship.
@@brendanthompson2082 By the way if I may add to what you said, when traced, you'll discover that the abuse actually started with them testing the boundaries through emotional manipulation. This is supported by research on IPVs.
They are women who didn't receive corporal punishment when they were children, so they still need it when they are adults. Except it is illegal to administer it to an adult.
Why do some women leave a relationship where they were hit, only to end up in another relationship where they are hit again?
Because they won't shut up.
What the heck? What do you mean by "corporal punishment"?@@ericjames7819
100% true. Problem is, 80% of women behave this way. If you don’t see it during the dating phase, you will during marriage. If you don’t see it in marriage without kids, you’ll see it in marriage with kids. For some bizarre reason, deep down, they want to make you angry. You’ll try communicating with them like a mature adult and they just can’t handle it. Eventually, they may even get violent with you and bait you into being violent with them. Way, way, way too many women behave this way.
So true. Lack of proper education, undeveloped intelligence and issues causes them to act childish. Who says that women are more mature than men are either women or never had a long relationship. Both men and women can behave childish and based on feelings instead of logic.
Makes me really happy with my girlfriend seeing these comments. Ironically, she's literally just like a dude in a lot of ways.... which significantly helps with our communication.
Yes, most are like that at least in my personal experience. I've found that the benefits of dealing with a woman never exceed the trouble that comes with one. I waisted a lot of time and energy on women when I was young and stupid. That's over now though. If it weren't for the fact that most men are strongly motivated by sex, I doubt there would be many relationships. As we get older and the sex drive becomes less an issue we see how we waisted so much time and energy on lost causes. At least that's what's happening in my case.
@@voraxumbra1 the communication is NOT like a dude, it is just respectful, w your ‘partner’ engaging in rules of conduct and communication that are effective.
Does she have a sister? Haha
@@alineharam you seem fun
I'm a woman, and I used to have this same mindset of using so many words and tactics to "get my point across" to get people to change their minds and behaviors. And when it didn't work, I would resort to anger and aggression. And then I would feel like a monster, and be racked with guilt. Like you, I would just end the relationship because I didn't want to live like that. As I have gotten older, I realized that I was too much in my head. I held an unrealistic expectation, although at those times, I really believed them to be reasonable. Over the past few years, I realized that the more I let things slide and just try to understand the behavior of the other person, I don't get so angry.
So true...
I can relate except I don’t feel guilty for my reaction. There’s too many people that would just walk all over me if I didn’t get my point across. It’s society that is sick, not me.
I relate to this perfectly
The difference is that men are supposed to lead and women are supposed to follow.
Hi all!
Thank you Dr Orion.
My partner brought this video to my attention, as he has been trying to convey this message countless times. He has become angry and shut down, and often I’m unsure why he is so reactive to things I perceive as minor, or that i believed had already to be worked through. My dads the same.
And that, all of this makes me feel dreadfully sad.
I don’t want my partner to leave, and I don’t want this anger to be my young children’s norm. I feel unloved and a lot of the time my character is assasinated.
I am robbed of energy and vitality. I was once confident and happy every day.
I have read the comments and listened 3x over to your talk.
Thank you for sharing your raw experiences everyone.
But… I’m starting to come to the realization that I’m that woman that has driven my lovely man to what he is experiencing.
And he is ready and willing to exit.
I try to quieten him or divert his attention, or quickly add where he might be harsh or outright verbally abusive to bring his attention to the matter with the assumption he’ll see it’s off or damaging and stop to his outburst. He will then feel ignored and disrespected even though he’s swearing and speaking poorly to us. It then escalates, and becomes emotional irrational and he drags the past into it. And threatens to leave on an emotional outburst. All in earshot of our daughters.
It’s terrible.
His biggest complaint is that he’s not heard.
I need your help to understand more. What can I do to turn this around and have my man feel like he has the space to be himself. A place where he can build himself back up, and trust that things can improve, and it’s not too late.
I want to teach my young impressionable daughter and toddler how to respect men. But how do you respect when this upset is present.
I think this video just gave me closure to a 40 year relationship that ended last year. She would not stop reckless spending no mater how many times I asked her to. I shut down inside. Lost my self esteem. Became resentful and she left me for someone else. Now I know that I'm not the one to blame for everything. Thank you.
I wish you a fast recovery sir.
40 years , wow !
Thank you. @@istanbulmuskisi5705
We all have the same story... I just can't believe that society was able to run this hustle for so long before we found out...
I wish you all the best brother.
So, if a wife doesn't listen, the husband can either a) become a shell of his former self, b) get divorced with abuse charges and lose most of his stuff, c) divorce her and only lose half of his stuff. I can see why so many men choose A.
they should choose d) not getting married
E) Stop blaming the world for not being able to provide for women. We won't listen when you aren't listening to us in a conversation and the conversation is one-sided. It's a 2 way Street.
@@DiamondsRexpensiveprovide your self, as grown ups should.
@@DiamondsRexpensiveare you an adult or child?
@@DiamondsRexpensivefeminist don’t need a man to provide anymore
My mother is just like that, but I never even realized it. I was so calm before but unbeknownst to me I became much more irritable and constantly have a deep desire for violence. Now that I look back this is exactly what happened😢
I've fallen into this trap. It's awful. I'll never do it again. I'm also a very good communicator. My message was twisted and turned and thrown back at me. Eventually she recorded my emotional breakdown and used it against me. It's tragic.
wtf!
That's fucked up. 😭
she's a psycho
Sounds like a narcissist
Oh yes. They love the recording. Let the girlfriends listen in. Love the drama. Can't get enough.
This is the main reason why I'm 42, no kids, never been married and currently single. I dealt with this exact same thing in almost EVERY SINGLE relationship. They will push you until you break. Once you break Your aggressive tone that SHE has pushed you too becomes the core problem now. There is no way around it but to walk away and move on.
Well done you.
I'm is a very similar situation - but I'm 67 ! Stay your course, steady as she goes..
@@gary6449It gets worse as you age, noted lol. Good luck out there! Lone Wolf life💪
Same here. Better alone than living with a lunatic.
You mean women will try to push you till you break unless they had already figured out that they will gain something from you and only then they will respect?
I am a Turkish guy and I'm amazed how well Google subtitle translation works in this video. it does not only translate entire sentences, it also gives the translation of each word at the best place. the language structure of Turkish and English languages are different, so when you translate the sentence the order of verb, subject and object changes entirely. but automated translation still gives words in perfect coherence with video, so the viewer can keep focus.
Ok good. And what did you think of the video as a Turkish man?
@@Azuosph ours dont act up as much cuz we beat the shit out of them and when the cops come they ask her "well what did you do to piss him off" we rarely have fights over here
@@web3wizard381 hahaha!!
The only thing some women understand is silence. Take your attention away is the only way to get your point across. You do this early not later in a relationship.
Do that enough and she will seek attention elsewhere, you can't win that battle.
@@longsword1969Correct. The moment she feels she's being ignored or not getting enough attention or free energy from you, she's off to pick one of her orbiters to give her attention instead.
@@kimilsungthefirst6840maybe you are better PFF without her, but you will PROBABLY (but not necessarily) come across that in every single woman you meet. People have their needs and for women it is attention. You have to make a call as to whether you are willing to deal with that problem and come up with some strategies to deal with it so you can have a relationship with a woman, or whether you limit yourself to only casual relationships with women (but they will want commitment at some point, so you will still have to deal with it 😂)
indeed. Thats her free pass to cheating and will be supported or even encouraged by her unmarried girlfriends!@@longsword1969
@@longsword1969 That's the idea I want her to keep being thick headed it let's me know it's time to fire and look for a new hire. Remember Ryan said fire fast hire slow. If she can't respond to the way you do things hurts your ROI find a better employee.
My last ex would be a total juggernaut whenever we disagreed on anything. She would raise her voice short of screaming immediately, resort to a bunch of logical fallacies and would never listen to or accept my side. She was after total dominance. After several bouts of this kind I finally gave up trying to reason with her or compromise. I did not resort to anger as it is not my style and started stonewalling her instead. At that point the relationship was dead.
During one of her rants she told me something that echoes to this day: "Whenever you disagree with me on something I feel wronged and mistreated". I wonder how many women feel like that when they don't get their way.
Was she raised without a father?
@@Vision-dd8fl No, she had a father, a likeable fellow who sadly died of diabetes. She also has a sister who I believe is subtly taking advantage of her.
I've been told that before too. That my dissagreement was disrespectful to her and that I was just wanting to display patriarchal dominence over the relationship. Then she drove the argument at this idea of hers that it's a mans (my) insecurity that was driving me and I needed to stop trying to exert control over her which made her feel threatened and scared. Typing this out now highlights how obvious it probably was I needed to end things. I stuck around and eventually she kicked me out of our place during an argument.
I think that she lost respect for me for not "maning up" even though if I did the relationship would've still ended.
@@chaoscultus Mine wasn't into feminism, I know better than getting involved with such a woman. However she had some rather masculine traits like the extremely aggressive way she argued. Other women argued in more passive aggressive ways but the same tenacity. I have come to the conclusion that when women argue they have this mentality that they are somehow personally attacked and they *have* to win the argument or else they will show weakness and be overwhelmed.
@@ky7299 I think you are correct, and would further argue that is just another specific manifestation of the general principle that most women cannot admit that they are ever wrong ---- or even fractionally to blame ---- when something heads south. They either blame other factors or deflect like a politician.
I had internal thoughts of leaving my previous relationship fairly early on. My parents who were married for 31 years divorced just before I got into the relationship in question. I didn’t want to be like my father and abandon the woman I had committed to. I had thought of leaving within the first year but I stuck it out for four and half years. She was very dismissive and invalidated my feelings every time I expressed them. I became an alcoholic and husk of my former self. I fell down some stairs and injured myself. I tried to quit drinking but weakness got the best of me. She left went she caught me drinking again. She blamed everything on me and told me to go to rehab. She said we can reassess the relationship once I had done that but she needed no contact for the time being. She completely blocked me and it destroyed me for a while. I realize now I am a victim of emotional abuse. I am over a year sober and doing very well.
This video was very helpful thank you!
Not a victim but a survivor
A perfect description of male versus female relationships. In my experience many females completely dismiss anything which a man says about anything.
Unless they think the male is a guru.
Because society protects them from everything. Only when they feel like that protection isn't enough will they listen. It's a sad behavioral spiral.
The more you protect them, the more power you give them, the more authority you give them, the WORSE they will behave. Men are born with the knowledge we are totally subject to the harsh realities of the universe, women are born with the knowledge that we will use our bodies as shields if need be to protect them. It used to be we raised them to understand that it was not a free service they were entitled to, but rather one paid for with respect and a certain level of mutually returned services like loyalty and raising our kids.
Now they want to give nothing and reap all the rewards of society. No return of investment, no division of labor.
This is the case when she has no respect for him. And this isn’t her fault since getting respect from anyone isn’t a right.
@@thecommenter9678That's exactly what's happened. Feminism is largely to blame. The ironic thing is that nobody is happy with the end result. Neither men or women are truly happy. Men need to know where they stand. Men need to know they can trust the people closest to them. Likewise women need security and protection. To spite what feminism has taught them, they need a man for these things. They can't provide them for themselves. Ultimately feminism has prevented both men and women from having their needs met and made both very unhappy.
@@tomfournier4941 Hence RECORD levels of unhappiness amongst women, and record suicides amongst men. Total shit show.
When words don't work, use the silence of your absence.
There it is, Silence and Absence!
Guess what: They'd still call it abuse and label you an abuser, an emotional manipulator, etc...Either way: "You can't win"! Lol!
Turn off the utilities before you leave and give 'em another reason.@@beebee_0136
@@beebee_0136Of course you can.. leave to do any kind of charity and make sure people notice.
After that whatever she says is worthless for the consensus and she has to take the L as their personality get defined by public perception.
@@absolutium Hmmm I like this, reminds me of Will Smith's approach to Jada Pinketts drama and need for public attention. Lol!
I experienced exactly what is described in the video in my first marriage (I haven't tied the knot again just yet, though am on my way to). For 13yrs, I communicated my feelings and concerns and was steamrolled and ignored the entire time. It eventually made me withdraw and become exceptionally resentful, until I finally felt like I had no other option and raised my voice and drew a final line. Her solution? Divorce. I learned from that experience and will never allow any partner to do that to me again. Thank you for the video! I'm sure it'll help many people.
What you're describing is my relationship with my mom. Only difference is that she just gets defensive and acts like I'm in the wrong rather than just rationalizing whatever I get loud. That's exactly why I never see her more than twice a year, and now we usually fight constantly whenever I see her. She acts like I'm coming out of nowhere when it happens too, but I refuse to be disrespected anymore.
Avoid, and stay away from these types of women. If they're family, keep them at a distance.
I'm in a similar position. I'm with you.
A lot of women are FAR more interested in "being right" than getting along. Sadly, this is why so many women end up old and alone. Even their own children don't call anymore. But, hey, at least you were "right" ladies! 😐
Bud I'm 38. Vet. Father of 3. Been on my own since 16. And manage oil rigs. My mother's the same. ... The memes going round saying "I get why my father was how he was" are factual the older and more experienced you get. Likewise I couldn't even get her a new car without her arguing and trying to start a fight trying to tell me how good the new CVT transmissions were in comparison to other brands. Which they're all junk. I'm like. Mother dad ran a auto buisness'. I've got multiple restorations and drag cars I've built. You can't even change your battery. Fine. Stay right here on the lot. I'm going home. And you can buy / believe what ever you want. But note one thing. Never ever ask me auto advice..mechanical or to fix a damn thing. Just note... That's been a week ago. Almost 2 Saturday. The dealer already gave her an AWD model cause she didn't believe me on that one being a 2wd. And had the car back 6 times for them to fix their screw ups. They didn't nt change bud. They just get more stubborn and detrimental with age. Few actually mellow.
Smart move!
Your comment reminds me of one of my ex live-in girlfriends. She hated it when her mother disrespected her by contradicting her at every opportunity. When my girlfriend tried the same did-respectful tactics on me, I pointed out the hypocracy of her behaviour. Her disrespectful behaviour got worse over the years, u tip my boss asked why she was being so disrespectful. I eventually left her without an explanation. My only regret was not leaving sooner. I ended up paying alimony for 7 years!
I can count on my right hand how many times I would yell at my ex wife in a week! At first, I told her what I wanted/needed, and she wouldn’t comply. Eventually, I had enough. After four marriage counselors, I filed and went through with the divorce.
I can tell you one thing I learned. I will not waste negative emotions on a woman again. Also, I won’t yell. I’ll tell her what I want/need, and if she doesn’t comply, the next thing I will tell her is, “I don’t control you. You are a big girl. What I need you to do is leave. Bye.”
This video is exactly what happened in my marriage. Great video. And yes, my ex is now alone. Good luck.
I can count on two fingers how many times I spoke angrily to my now ex wife during our 25 yrs together. She used me divorcing her from our loveless Sexless Marriage to brainwash and alienated our 6 kids that your father " gets mad and angry a lot" when I asked my 6 kids ( now adults) for examples, they can't give me a single one! But they still live in fear and stay alienated.
I had a gf who constantly pushed buttons. I’ve never met anyone who could anger people like she could. Her dad, brothers and every guy she dated had the same experience. She was a master at finding sensitive topics and pushing until you reacted.
She had many wonderful traits as well, but she thrived on conflict and drama. I found her making out with another guy after a 3 year relationship and I was done.
She tried to get back together with me when she saw me having a wonderful, calm amazing relationship with someone else 6 months later.
She got into a physical fight with her father and asked if she could stay at my house. I had a separate house from the main house. I told her she could stay there but she got really mad when I went and stayed at my Grandmothers house those two weeks. I knew exactly how she planned to get back together with me. We had a very intense physical connection and we both knew if I stayed there I’d never be able to resist.
Sadly, she is now married and still is exactly the same. Her brother is a good friend so I hear about her constant fights. I hoped as she got older she would mature out of it. It hasn’t happened. I dodged a bullet.
Imagine paying and investing resources in women that are training you to be angry and to leave you after 3 years of marriage with half of your stuff.
And to then use your anger as the reason to leave you.
MGTOW is the only rational position
Dang.
And start calling you a manipulator just like the other men they dealt with in the past.
I don’t have to imagine, I did it for twenty years 🫤
Another excellent episode.
A man’s true power in a relationship is really just his ability to leave. When he surrenders that power, he loses himself, and the woman.
I wish I had figured that out thirty years ago.
@segurosincero4057 Sorry brother
Yep. I learned that the hard way.
Bingo and not been a simp..
That’s the sad and horrifying thing. There’s virtually no other way a man can “not let a woman do that to him.” If she knows he cares and doesn’t want to lose her, she used that power. He has to be willing to leave at a moment’s notice in order to maintain respect. Which is truly heartbreaking to men who genuinely want companionship
perfect info. i was married twice. when it got abusive, ijust moved on. single and dating at 76 and happy.
in my experience, women also do this in the talking phase as well. Most talking phases are just women playing games and doing emotional manipulation to test boundaries. I am personally confused on how so many women are able to win over men. It is hard walking away but this behavior is evident in the modern woman. So women are even nice and polite but the undertones are there.
Women don't win over Men, they have vaginas. If they didn't, men would want nothing to do with them.
You can’t love and understand women at the same time
The reason women are manipulative is because they get away with it.
That's been pretty much every woman I've met over the past 20+ years, with one exception who very clearly didn't do it. It's now so bad that the tests at boundaries and frame crop up within the first 10 minutes of talking with a woman. In the 1990s it pretty much never happened. End result is that I walk away from every woman I meet.
This has mostly been my experience since the 90s and seems to have become the mode most women are now in, where even hitting a man is ok to prove a point, however any aggression from a male is seen as oppressive.
I went to a lecture by a female dating coach once, she said women often try to provoke men's anger because they want to see our strength. I've been applying this as a strategy for years,- doing something to show strength instead of getting angry, and it's worked really well most of the time.
what are some examples of what you do?
Give us an example of demonstrating strength? Do you take her to the gym to see you sparring with other men? Engage in street fights?
But the problem is that, like other tests, this is inherently disrespectful. No woman is fit to be my tester.
@@Kuk0san One simple way to show strength is during simple acts of affection. If you are able to easily lift the woman while kissing or hugging then this demonstrates strength. I don't think it has to be thought of as a test though. High physical strength is a masculine trait that many women think is attractive. So, similar to how many men like seeing a woman with a nice body shape, many women like to see demonstrations of strength. Mastery over physical objects is just one form of strength.
This is not just a test of one's strength only; Let's call it what it actually is: *Abuse!* Lol!
This video is so therapitic that i put it on loop because how much stress it relieves me as a 19 year old guy that has experienced this over and over. Thank you my well spoken gentleman for making this video that calms me down as i go to sleep knowing that someone understands this shit.
I married in 1989. Once the kids arrived my wife was toxic and abusive. This got to the point i lost my temper in april 2002. I ran to the bathroom and locked myself in. Calmed down. Had a shower. And when i came out i announced to my wife i would divorce her. I was not going to do 20 years in jail because of her. They are all the same fellas.
4 Billion.
That's how many women are in the world.
No single one with worth ruining your life over.
@@bolt-dbtfg oh, my life was ruined divorcing her. I have been the worlds highest profile man defensible the rights of men and boys for 15 years now.
@@PeterNolan-009 Sounds like your doing great things as a result of the divorce.
@@bolt-dbtfg I have been the worlds highest profile man defending the rights of men and boys and saving mens lives for 15 years. This is very dangerous and expensive work.
You run an NGO or something?
I had the opposite problem. She would get very angry over boundaries, didn't like being told what to do, in any way shape or form. Would resort to agressive outbursts. I tolerated it for a while, till I realised I was getting frustrated and angry myself.. This was my cue to get the hell out of the relationship.
oh! you were in a relationship with an "alpha-female boss-babe bad-bitch" who was more masculine and had more Testosterone than the top 5 selling K-POP bands put together.
Good you exited. Never tolerate disrespect from anyone, including women.
Same thing happened to me brother and what I can say is that certain types of women will always have their selfishness, childish and stubborn ways and aren’t worthy of a relationship. Stay away from those types and find a more feminine and peaceful woman that you deserve! Also, good on you putting on boundaries, never submit frame for a woman, she’s either on your program or she’s gone. She was getting mad and aggressive because she couldn’t exercise her hypergamy so good on you brother!
@@dimsworld6877 thanks man. I tried to be patient. One time she got angry over a little disagreement & she told me to "Shut The Fvck Up" She didn't even apologise or acknowledge any wrong doing. I walked away & she sent me a text message & ended the relationship. Two days later she starts pleading for another chance & promising she will behave better in the future. Foolishly I gave her a chance, then 5 weeks down the line she aggressively starts raging at me, because I didn't want social media usage at the dinner table. She was a social media addict & her phone usage all the time was a problem. She began raging at me.. I told her to leave my house & I never talked to her again. I'm not going to tolerate such childish, selfish aggressive behaviour.
@@EriPages thanks man
Amazingly correct and true in every sense! Thank you! 8 years is more than enough, and all because children were in the equation... But at some point you have to draw the line and save yourself and whatever is left of yourself.
I’ve dealt with borderlines like this. I ask them a simple question and they say something off topic then say “Why are you giving me a hard time?”… then proceed to gaslight more. Stay away from girls like this men, they are my name.
I DEALT WITH A BPD, I LIKE YOUR NAME
I think even using such gals recreationally is probably ill-advised. After all, they can make any accusation, whether true or entirely fabricated, about you any time they wish. These gals ain't even worth the cheap dopamine hits.
Nice name 😂
Lol even recreational use leads to trouble that just isn't worth the crazy....... Those chicks will ruin you or live to try to when you ignore their BS or are done with their BS even it's casual they think they have the right to do whatever they want, the moment you make contact with them, they think that you are theirs....... DANGER DANGER DANGER AVOID AT ALL COSTS.
Hahahah your name. But facta
I’ve always felt very guilty leaving her. But this video makes me confident that I did the right thing.
Your mental health is the most valuable asset you have. Don’t regret leaving, you did what your mind decided was best for you.
And then one day, you finally reach the point where you realize you not only cannot fix them, but you genuinely do not care anymore, and you move on with your life of cultivating self-knowledge and wisdom with the goal of supreme peace. And that is the first day of your transcendent freedom.
And once they achieve the angry outburst - it provides the "justification" to withdraw, withhold and complain about her "safe space", etc.. When they do this after so many years and saddled with children and responsibilities, it traps you in a spiral of unhappiness and frustration.
that's called 'stonewalling'....aka 'silent treatment'
Oof that's called cheating. If it helps I don't know a single cheater that suddenly started after marriage. Cheaters always cheat just a matter of time
10 years doing meditation and being a meditation teacher for high achievers.
My ex was a normal woman but she always had this thing were she wanted to make me mad or angry.
I told her that that was hard because it is a thing of stimulus vs reaction and we as meditators learn how to separate the two of them.
She tried one time driving back home drunk: It didn't work.
She tried hosting a party with his girl friends were two of our furniture were set on fire (I'm not lying): It didn't work.
She tried hitting me once really hard and I (being also a BJJ purple belt) just control her in the ground until she calmed down.
Shit escalated to the point that she cheated and for the first time I was mad and I left.
She told me that she did it because I never showed her that I cared and that being with me was too "peaceful" but now that she saw she could make me mad she wanted to be with me.
I left immediately.
I still think that somewhere inside of her she's more happy that she "broke" the meditator rather than regretting that she lost a 2 year relationship over some BS.
Yep, that's women for sure!
She'd rather subject herself to the humiliation of being called a cheater than live at peace with a man who could not easily be provoked. Weird girl-logic!
Meditation is a simp creating strategy. As your explanation is a perfect example of this.
Tolerating BS is not strength, its weakness mascaraded as strength, but it isn't.
@@fanaticfloyd Nope. Simps are needy and remain too long in an abusive relationship. Meditators are not. Meditation makes you adult in the room watching the temper tantrums of a child. The gap between stimulus and response provided by meditation gives you the clarity to make wiser decisions (like leaving for instance).
"My ex was a normal woman but she always had this thing were she wanted to make me mad or angry. "
Narrator: She was not in fact a mormal person
@@janushomer9111 No that's pretty normal behavior for women.
Dammit, I literally had this experience with a new woman last night. This video really helps. I have one foot out the door already, and I'm glad that you encourage men to leave when needed.
Every single word doc utters in this video is pure gold. ✨️👌🏼 I'll add the following: Men who are unaware of the mind games being played, and rather than choosing the paths doc mentioned, they instead choose a destructive path that escalates to violence, puts the man who was initially a victim, in the role of the aggressor. Fellas: Unawareness and weakness are our worst enemy when dealing with these types of women. Beware! 💯
True, some women only listen when shouted at.
My mother is like that, she does it to my dads and me.
I’m a grown men and there is simply no way to get to that woman.
This is true. Most men should have learned this with their mothers when they would nag needlessly to your fathers to cause an argument or when you were growing up how your mother and sisters used to provoke fights with your father or other siblings or relatives. The women in the world are no different than your mothers and sisters.
@@jacqueslee2592
My mother doesn’t nag, but she is terrible communicator and she doesn’t take feedback.
Nothing is ever her fault and she cannot figure out some things they doesn’t matter to her matter to others.
I’m 40 yo and she treats me like a child and doesn’t respect my opinion.
@@valdius85Sounds like the model narcissist
You are right. If you use that calm voice, they won't hear you. But if you raise your voice, they will hear it but they will also get afraid and then angry because you raised your voice. The better option is to walk away. Silence is a man's best friend.
They see their world through emotions. And can only understand you through an emotional lense. They know what anger means bcuz when they get angry it means you had enough. Covert vs Overt Communication. For women when they talk overtly they have had enough of the bs. For men,from their perspective,it means they are in danger.
Clear logic, raw data and articulate rational explanations seldom get through to women as much as emotions do. One is dry and boring and the other is stimulating self-feeding drama .
That's why it's so important to get through to men, these women won't listen. They only way this changes is if men stop rewarding this behaviour and even then they might never change but at least we won't have to deal with it.
Haha, Does this fit with your own experience? Absolutely! It's now 6 years since I split with my 30 year long partner, what you are talking about in this episode is exactly the point we got to. This channel feels like a documentary on the last 5 years of that relationship, its quality observations and advice came along too late for me, but it has really helped with my understanding of 'what the hell went on'
5 star channel
I did 26 years of this and couldn't be happier now once I ended it.
Its why men get sheds.
Holy shit man,it's late at night and I'm just listening to your playlist and this episode has provoked an absolute breakthrough in my own psychology! I've literally done the wrong things with the right gals. When I spot easy prey,my game turns on and all discouragement dissipates,however with girls whom I actually care about getting with ,I tend to stutter and mumble... excellent work doctor! I literally can't believe how much of my daily doubts and sadness is directly linked to a form of cowardice that I had never been able to identify as being cowardice. I've been to prison and will fight with the toughest of characters and it doesn't bother me, but when confronted with certain circumstances, I am a complete and total coward and I can't express how happy I am to finally acknowledge this, because now I can take action and I know this will change my whole life, absolutely incredible man!
Women want your anger at some level because it shows them that you are emotionally invested, and, more importantly, they have control over that part of you !
So true my friend
Never give them that power. Stoicism is your friend when dealing with women, actually life in general.
No when they do something it isnt about you. Its about them. Only thing in their mind when they are trying to communicate with you is getting same amount of emotional investment as this is the only way they understand. Or feel understood. That is the avg women . then there's the outliers who focus more on logic then feeling.
@@user-nu2vc9mp5j First of all, 87 men who read my comment disagree with you. Second, what exactly do think they are understanding when they are getting an emotional investment from a man. What exactly is that a man is supposed to understand about a woman by his becoming angry at her ? Third, there are no logical females PERIOD !
@@user-nu2vc9mp5j First of all, 87 men who already read my comment agree with my statement. Second, what exactly is that women are supposed to understand by getting the same amount of emotional investment from a man, that they can't get without arousing his anger ? Third, what are men supposed to understand about women by them getting angry at these women who cause their angry reactions ? Fourth, how does anger and emotion ever help anyone understand anything ? Fifth, where are these supposedly logical women -- on Mars ?
People don't realise how much we are accountable for how we are treated, including people taking advantage of you. Understanding human nature is the key to being respected.
People who avoid accountability make horrible partners.
@@hugh261 Very true. You lose respect for them. It's an ugly trait.
I am a woman but what he is describing feels like I'm in the position of the man.....this goes both ways. Informative video!
Other things that are deal breaker:
1) breaking the peace, as in being someone who would rather have a fight and argument over being calm and in silence. If they love drama more than peace then they will put the relationship and the family at risk just to get their emotional fix going.
2) Not beign humble and being unable to understand and admit when being wrong. If they're not adult enough to understand the difference between feeling that they are right and actually being right then they don't deserve to be in a mature relationship with an adult, specially since that would mean that they'll be willing to trow the relationship out the window before even considering that the spouse is actually right.
3) choosing emotions over logic. This shouldn't even be an issue for people over twenty years old. People are supposed to think things through, not allowe themselves to be possessed by their feelings to the point that they either willfully ignore reality or are legitimately unable to percive reality as it actually is in favor of their own delusional and emotion based worldview.
4) Being unable to understand another person's point of view. If they cant see things in a different way or understand what someone else is trying to say then they will not be able to be a good partner or even a good friend to someone else.
5) Being able to empathize and with their spouse and partner, or anyone else in their close social circle.
6) Not showing understanding and appreciation for the struggles and hardship their partner goes through for them, the relationship and the family which is definitely why so many relationships and families are breaking up. And that goes double for refusing to help or ease said spouses fellings of stress and frustration brought out by said hardship.
good advice, very true
This is the best comment on all dating and relationship comment sections! 🎉🎉
This video is great and the comments section is even greater. So many men have been thru the exact same thing. I dated a drug addict for several years and she gave me the gift of eternal patience. It's impossible for a woman to make me angry after what she put me thru. I'm actually grateful to her for the experience.
These comments are pure gold indeed!
Thank you for helping me realize what happened to my sense of self during my last relationship. I refused to get loud and aggressive and refused to leave the relationship so I failed to be the person I once respected. Resulting in severe episodes of depression with seemingly no explanation until now.
It's been my observation (and I'm no psychologist, I'm just a guy with a few engineering and physics degrees who's done a lot of living) that the more insecure a woman is about herself personally, the more insecure she tends to be in her relationships. And that makes her terrified of abandonment. As a matter of evolutionary biology, I suspect this is because women are more physically vulnerable, particularly during pregnancy, and abandonment has more immediate fatal consequences. Women therefore (more than men) depend on having the assurance that there's enough emotional connection to a partner to keep him attached. Provoking a man and not having him get angry says that he's behaving rationally, which isn't what they want. A rational man could say, "This relationship is full of red flags, and I'm outta here." But if he responds in anger, the emotion reflects his frustration with being trapped. And an insecure woman wants him trapped. It's a control thing.
Like the good doctor, I have a very long fuse. I didn't always, but a few years under the tutelage of an elderly Chinese gentleman who lived most of his own life in a Shaolin temple changed all that. So I am now very low in volatility. And I can't tell you how hard some women work to make me angry just to see if I'm committed somehow. Ironically, women who do this are the first ones I leave, since although I'm charitable, I'm not inclined to disturb my own peace to be with someone with that many control issues. I'm a good engineer. I don't get paid nearly enough to be somebody's psychotherapist, nor would I want the job. I leave that work to the pros.
💯 am also not a psychologist but I also came to a similar conclusion...
That the more emotional a man reacts whether it's breaking down in tears or angry rage it tells the woman he is emotionally invested and her actions can affect him and also she can push buttons to manipulate him. But no reaction suggests low investment and won't care enough to disrupt your peace to fix or address whatever issue she has brought up and likely leave.
Speaking for myself, I'd like to know the details of your tutelage with the Shaolin monk!
It began in early summer, when I got myself into an altercation in a bar that ended with a night spent on the county. I was an angry young man. Monday morning, black and blue, I showed up at work, and one of the mousier little guys in the lab (who turned out not to be mousy at all) said, "You need to see Master Yang" and gave me the address of an Asian health food store with instructions to show up half an hour after the place closed. And that's how it all started.
In my relationships over the years, I have had to point out numerous times that the anger she just saw me express was not where the conversation started, but was rather the result of a series of increasingly desperate attempts for me to be understood and/or respected. Unfortunately women often latch onto anger like it was the *first* place I went in a long conversation, and it simply never is.
Spot on.
Is this me? Are you a mirror in front of my eyes?
Unpopular opinion: men NEED anger. We need to feel it, we need to understand it, we need to HARNESS anger. Most of male motivation originates in anger, not wild, reckless, undisciplined anger, but cold, calculated, white-hot burning slow-rage that drives you to the gym when that's the LAST place you want to go. That cold, white-hot rage that pushes you to finish that project you've been putting off for 2 weeks. Let it burn icy hot BUT contain it, harness it, and channel it. You must know what your anger is as a man, how to focus it, how to harness it, how to call on it, how to stoke it up when you need it, how to slow it down when you need that. Otherwise you become a pushover and your shadow is out of your control, and WILL take over at the worst possible time. sometimes this guy is spot on, sometimes he's far too new-age "anger is always bad"... which in my estimation is a fatal flaw. Anger is human, period. Learn to harness it to have it at your command or it will command you.
First of all, great interior home design.
Over listening to your videos , I made a commitment that if I raise my voice in a relationship that’s it’s best to end it.
I ended a 6 month relationship a month ago after I raised voice and realized it was due to a stark difference in how we live. I’m so glad I was able to recognize this. Thank you
I had never yelled at a partner until my ex. Then suddenly I was yelling constantly. Nothing was ever good enough and no amount of me trying to figure it out got anywhere. Her needs were never met but she couldn't ever tell me what her needs were. She sure could tell me about how much I upset her though. I left when she made it clear it wouldn't get better.
New relationship and I still haven't yelled. Never even got close. But this one actually talks about her problems and seeks resolution rather than constantly telling me I'm screwing up.
next time you are faced with stuff like that keep asking questions asking to elaborate on the most confusing parts of what she says, until it makes sense or it falls apart, then tell her you don't have those issues and give examples how you don't care about things like that when they happen to you and how you deal with them easily, and maybe she should do the same cause it's better that way, and if she insists it has to be done that way, ask her where she thinks something different happened in her upbringing or past experiences that created this issue and what she thinks would be the best way to deal fix them cause surely she doesn't seriously think that inflicting them on you long term is going to be a thing
@@iufbriufbwhenever I tried that, asking for clarity or details, she wouldn't tell me or say I ask too many questions, I "should know". The frustration just built up over time, again and again, and I yelled in a way I haven't ever done in my life.
Your ex sounds very similar to my own situation, brother
Making you angry is a form of control. Little children do it too, it is one of the very few ways they have to assert some semblance over control of people who are otherwise hierarchically above them. It is a button to push.
Wow, I became a shell of myself… and then I left, finally. Thank you for putting this situation into simple words. Wish I knew this years ago.
Ecclesiasticus 25:24 - "Of the woman came the beginning of sin, and through her we all die."
I’ve seen fellas ask nicely for years, even decades, for small simple respects.
I divorced my first wife because of her temper and always pushing me to anger. I confronted her about it and she finally admitted that all she wanted was to fight. I told that's not what I wanted and I found someone else and she's just as bad.
did she have a father growing up?
replacing / substituting any such with just another one doesn't seem to lead very far. as for that, I'd prefer to appreciate j.o.m.o. on 1st one already. I won't expect else than gyn.fasc mental infestations or other redflags anyway. (and what maight be found positebly appealing for now is rather likely to be prone to impermanence).
@@Vision-dd8flyes both parents were there till she left home but they were emotionally immature. Constant fighting and physical as well but she had the chance to live in a better environment and refused to change so there's nothing a guy can do but to leave. It's painful but had to be done.
A substantial number of women actually thrive in extreme drama. Your choices? Accept it, or leave.
@@steveburke7675 accepting it can leave a man mentaly exhausted and eating away at his masculine core
This needs to be transcribed into a small book titled “Anger Management 101”.
You just hit that nail squarely on the head; this is the issue I constantly have with my wife of 23 years and I have not found a way around it. Being a communicator myself, this leads me into utter frustration and often anger; I will therefore send her your explanation hoping she will get the message from you because from me, she accepts nothing. Thank you for your precious input on the matter.
This is one of the primary reasons I walked away from dating & relationships 16yrs ago. I knew I had anger issues back then, coupled with witnessing the frustration some of my closest friends endured at the hands of their gfs, I knew had to just walk away altogether in order to keep my sanity, and save myself. I knew women were manipulative, and that I was not privvy to all their tactics at the time. And I refused to become victim to their emotional game playing. It's one of the best decisions I ever made. Though I had some moments of loneliness, it was a very small price to pay in order to have peace & tranquility. Fast forward to 2023 when I discovered countless vidoes on female nature. Through these videos, I educated myself on female nature further, only to end up feeling extremely vindicated.
Had an ex who ONLY paid attention when I got angry. After a while I found that I was angry all the time. Had to end things because I didn't like who I became with her.
Did she have a father growing up?
Wow! Eyes started to roll and leave but, the core message landed! And not just with one woman, but could be a committee of women with one male. Thank you for the insight!
Where were you and your advice 30 years ago when I really needed to hear this! It would have saved me 20 years of anguish and turmoil!
Fantastic breakdown as usual. I would add there are only three things that you can employ to get point across to a woman i.e. withdraw attention, affection, or commitment.
You are spot on about almost everything. But, I do believe in marriage as a bond that should be fought for and not simply looking for exit strategies when things aren't going smooth.
But thats the point, they act this way cause they know you will never exit the relationship. If your always fixing the situation due to her behaviour and you have the mindset to never walk away she will continue playing that game with you. Which is why when you do commit to leaving they act like their worlds falling apart
This happend to me recently, the worst was being pulled out of me, I began to collapse and feel like a shell. Ultimately I had to survive so my option was to leave.
And that shows, if the worst can be pulled out of you, then the best can be pulled out of you. Gotta find those people (friends and family) who pull the best out of you.
They „make“ men to perpetrators in order to be victims.
And they meanwhile love the highly emotional path.
Women are in good, safe times hard to handle.
If she doesn’t get it, she doesn’t love you.
So, leave early, without ending up as a perpetrator
Bingo 💯
It goes both ways. I experienced this with an ex. He spoke over me on a regular basis to the point that we often couldnt carry a conversation and I would calmly voice my need for him to listen more (at least enough for me to speak) and eventually I ended having to resort to yelling... quite literally to be heard. Then he started accusing me of being angry 🤷♀️ as if I just became angry out of no where.
👌🏻
Coming from a women’s view there was a lot of resentment that I didn’t know how to get rid of. This caused me to care less of what he wanted from me. Didn’t help with the feminist ways that I watched growing up.
Fast forward to my new man. I had self work done and found out how to make myself happy in order to make my life easy. Now decided to give it a go to date again. We went a few rounds of insults. Told myself to stop being rude of you want to keep this man. Now I’m on my best behavior and wow. He is so good to me. I could call him my soul mate but it’s the art of knowing how you want your man to mirror you.
Thanks for sharing
It's amazing how much difference behaving well and generously giving people what they want makes to relationships - if you do that you get a whole lot in return.
I think for a lot of people it takes a leap of faith to be the one to be good first, because a lot of people don't want to invest something without some assurance of return. But if you take the lead, amazing things happen. And I think being generous by being the first to give really impresses the other person, instead of you doing a transaction, which now makes them feel like they have to weigh the costs and benefits.
I think of it as:
If you identify the problem, then you take responsibility for fixing it.
This gets you out of the game of who goes first, or waiting for someone else to fix a problem that "obviously they see but are ignoring" (in reality, they likely DON'T see a problem.
And all these other videos that don’t hold the women accountable for her actions. He’s just not for you they say. It’s mostly because of how she treats him.
Quick question, do other women do this provocation ish on purpose or is it something they can't do without?
One thing observed in psychology is that regarding relationships, like attracts like.
Many women whom claim to always be in abusive relationships generally are abusers themselves, not always in a physical capacity. As noted in these videos. Same holds true for men. Only when the individual man and woman work on being their best selves and are functional humans, then the relationship works. If one is dysfunctional in some manner or behaviour, then the relationship fails.
It takes two complete and developed individuals who share common values and beliefs that end up in successful long-term relationships.
@@thecurrentmomentI wish that was the recipe. The argumentative woman comes in many shapes and forms. Your approach was mine for years, and the one-way street turned out to be a dead end.
Thanks. Finally, you just described my entire marriage of 18 years. That's over since 2000. But she labeled me a jerk, bully, anger problem, etc. You name it. Thanks again. I always knew it and said this was what was happening. But no response. Very insightful!
I was married to a Finnish woman for 38 years. As such, she was never neurotic, never nagged, never drenched you in talking, was pragmatic, never played "games", always had my back, accepted and helped with my weaknesses and openly admired my strong sides.
Loyalty and respect from both sides.
Maybe I am wrong. But in my experience, many women (particularly those with an anxious attachment style) love the drama and chaos. They feel most alive and loved when things get toxic. Some even want to see the man lose it so they know they have to power to manipulate and control him, and send him to jail if necessary.
Lol 😂😂 you almost had it until the last line 😂😂
@@srinavin Can you expound on that?
@@colasfalon6470 I know this happens, in real life, but I also find It's funny. I didn't see that coming when I was reading the comment slowly, the "jail" part felt like, " woah that escalated " 🤣
@@srinavin you never had it in the first place lolololol 😆😆😆😆
@@marriagecausesdivorce7540 I mean I was reading seriously and then started laughing when I read the last line 🫡😅
100% pure gold.
One thing I’ll say though - kids have a way of complicating things
Excellent explanation of this. A lot of men are actually rational, reasonable and want to communicate with a woman, rather than have a heated argument.
As a woman, I've felt this exact same way about men in my relationships. I could take this entire video and swap genders. I don't see how this is specific to women. He's ultimately describing two participants in a relationship who could both benefit from training in non-violent communication (NVC, Marshall Rosenberg).
@@mythos.geometry - Problem is, men are supposed to lead, women are supposed to submit and follow. Feminism has destroyed it all. Masculine women like you are the problem.
@@mythos.geometryJust generally speaking, but not all. There are mostly women nurses, but that doesn't mean there aren't male nurses as well.
100%. The exit solution is exponentially more complicated once married and with kids. They change after they get the ring and contract, and kids, have no false illusions. If you can see them this clearly ahead of time, brilliant, you can exit and move on, but the change up catches us out and we find ourselves trapped trying to mitigate the mayhem and provide the stable home we believe our kids deserve while our drama queens perpetuate the chaos they’re oblivious to. Unfortunate all-too-common reality for some (maybe a lot) of us today
This happens to women, too. The man suddenly changes once he's "got" her. Or once there's a baby.
There's just a certain kind if person who does this and it's devastating!
Exit is best ... I speak from experience.
It hurts for longer, but it leaves you with freedom and tranquility.
SERENITY NOW!
"SERENITY NOW" That's it right there!
Especially useful during the Festivus season.
I stayed stoic, for the most part. After communicating my red lines clearly, i gave them 2 strikes.
Every time i ended things because of strike 3, they said "but...i didnt think you MEANT it!" I stayed calm and cool, and i got "you're being cold and cruel".
Yeah. Dont suffer this stuff. Leave quickly.
I have to admit this is true. Patiently discussed a problem on repeated occasions with my wife to no success, lost my temper once (which I hate to do) and she snapped into line instantly and hasn't been a problem again.
Yes, they only respond to some form of consequences. They are like children.
Jung says a man must know when to show the sword.
There's a lot of women out there who know exactly what they're doing when they do this, and get off on it. Its important men know that.
Hmmm wow! So it's deliberate... Jeez!!!
@@beebee_0136Of course it is. It’s the ultimate power game. Very enjoyable when you can go as far as you want while your opponent is bound by rules of engagement. It’s the schoolyard bully’s dream.
The law courts don't punish this evil behaviour that's why..
@@paulfri1569 Could it be perhaps there's money to be made from litigation and allied fees? Case in point: The hen that lays the golden egg? Lol!
This guy is my spirit animal.