How To Gain Confidence - Stop Being So Nice
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- Опубліковано 23 вер 2024
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Topics covered in this video:
dr. aziz, confidence coach, build confidence, increase self-confidence, overcome social anxiety, overcome shyness, get more confidence, confidence tips, life coach, how to be confident, positivity, attitude, self-esteem, zizard411
when you too nice to people they start treating you like you're weak and insecure thats true
I dobt care what people think
Indeed
You are correct! I occasionally run into those users and I am not rude, may say hi but I don’t engage in conversations.. and The look on their faces says it all!
@@thisisntallowed9560 omg its always "women have it harder" its life and life is unfair yall aint special cuz ur a woman tf
Even your own family can take advantage and try to manipulate you when you are SO nice.
that why you need a nice confident real men to take care of you. if they try to humiliate you or some sort like that ir husband will defend you if he smart
story of my life
yep
Don't be arrogant and negative - Be Assertive and respectful, stay positive and don't take shit. Family is a different story.
I agree, Butthead really kicks me for cheesy nachos. Thats why I have to go into Cornholio mode
I think you just changed my life.
Great! How so?
Excellent advice!
Being nice in the world today gets you NO WHERE. Lessons learned.
TheSlystallonefan fa real I used to try to be nice to ppl then they would act mean and make smart comments so then I decided to stop being fully nice and bounce back on comments now I'm considered a jerk smh
True that.
being nice gets you somewhere in life. human likes nice ppl. then the network will expand. through that, you'll get somewhere. but being TOO nice. thats when it gets you no where. human dislike too nice ppl. they like challenges. they like being contradicted. bcs through that, life experience will increase. godspeed
@@clye7788 you are mistaken you can be very nice and care for your well being full stop it ends there
@@clye7788 dont misunderstand this
I think we became 'so nice', usually because we have been surrounded by narcissistic people in our childhood, most likely
having 1 or 2 narcissistic parents.
Narcissists doesn't allow you to be assertive, it's either their way or no way, even your private life has to
live according to their opinion.
Narcissists also doesn't respect your rights or boundaries.
They are VERY intrusive.
You are merely a tool for them to use.
My dad is STILL telling me how to live my life, and I'm 37.
Steven Li Gerry true, my dad is exactly the same
True
I was raised by two very self centered parents. I felt invisible, so I grew up believing that I must not I have anything interesting to share. I have gained some confidence, but I have a long way to go. I often feel less than others. Honestly, and I am afraid I will sound like an infomercial, "Not Nice" has saved me. I am considering creating a small group to talk about this stuff and support each other.
PLEASE get the Audible version of "Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents". Like Dr. Aziz, Lindsey Gibson is a godsend.
People are starting to catch on, but we need strategies to reverse what went wrong in our childhoods. It sounds easy but it's not--because the problem exists in our subconscious... when we encounter another narcissist we shrink back into our childhood behavior / roles. This process repeats over and over again throughout our lives. We need some way to overcome our fear of conflict and disagreement with others in a healthy way. This is where the frustration continues to inflict damage on / in us. We need to be able to practice assertive skills... to retrain our minds to respond differently to the same situations that did mental damage to us when we were young. The problem is--where can we practice and regain our inner strength / confidence while feeling secure in practicing these skills?
I was often too nice.I've helped people that I thought were my friends, just to find out that they had actually taken advantage of me and my skills.. They moved on with their life and succeeded, while I was still left, trying to figure out what to do..
Me too
Ditto.
This is exactly what I needed to hear. Lately it's been brought to my attention that my personality is a gift and a curse. I am the girl that's always smiling and being nice and friendly. As well as an introvert. People take advantage of me but I always told myself that I won't let that change me. I am who I am. But honestly I can be who I am but I just need to draw some guidelines with rules and regulations. I had to place a limit on my generosity and kindness. For my own good
how is it going for you? genuinely curious
Exactly! I don't think he's saying you be a jersey. He's just saying dont let yourself be anybodys punching bag and don't be a pushover
I can relate to you because I was the same. Only in my late 20s I realised what was happening, I was too nice, didn’t want to make anyone upset, wanted everyone to be happy, couldn’t say no and avoided conflict, living up to the ideal principles, then I would be so dissatisfied with myself and my anger was getting pent up, that’s why I have many broken friendships and relationships
Confidence comes from being real, being yourself and not caring what people think about you!
+HE360 So basically, if the real you is a "nice guy" then you're pretty much screwed if we follow the logic of this video?
@JayDee TVyou won't fall who cares about that the right people who love you
This is the comment I was looking for
@@aedivian The real you most likely isn't a nice guy because you hold yourself back to be nice in the first place nobody is a Saint.
I think some people in the comments are misunderstanding the video to mean that you shouldn't be nice. You can be confident & nice, of course. What he's talking about is "the nice guy" as an identity. I know because I'm the "nice girl" which involves constant people pleasing due to low self-esteem. I rarely say the word No & if I do I feel guilty because I'm letting someone down & they might not think I'm nice & they won't like me... Even if I say yes 100 times to favors, if I'm debating to say no just once I feel bad & I feel like my perception as a nice person will be questioned. Clinging to the "nice" identity is exhausting because you constantly put people's feelings & needs before your own. You value yourself less than others. You see yourself as inferior & needing to win over people's approval. And the video is saying it's ok to be less nice. You don't have to smile more than a normal person would. Another thing I do is nod & make verbal sounds when someone is talking to show that I'm listening & that what they're saying is important. But I've noticed that other people don't do that. They remain quiet, they don't smile & they don't feel the need to make movements to signal engagement in the coversation like I do. This is what the video is addressing. There's nice and then there's over-the-top unhealthy nice that actually hurts your social life & your career. I shouldn't feel like I have to be nice 24/7, sometimes at my own expense, for people to like me. If I was more confident in myself then I would believe that people like me because they enjoy my personality & company and that even if I said No to things & put myself first, they would still like me. I'm always going to be a nice person but if I want to increase my confidence then I need to stop feeling & portraying myself as inferior, and that includes being less "nice."
I learned that being nice will get u no relationships once i started to be assertive i was able to achieve a gf this guy knows me so well great vid dude
SO how or when did you make the mindset shift?
How you guys doing?
I wish men would stop saying "beautiful woman" like it's her only redeeming value...
this is scary. you just described me
This video may be 7 years old right now but I feel the advice is timeless.
Thank you so much. And, this topic is so important, I wrote an entire book dedicated to it! See it here: www.NotNiceBook.com
This is a good video.
Here is another slant on it.
There is a big difference between authentic kindness and being a "nice guy".
Being overly nice to people is fake, usually attached with a hidden agenda, seeking approval and projecting some kind of insecurity. Authentic kindness and genuine appreciation for your fellow man/woman is a form of core strength that does not "need" to be displayed, it resonates from your own inner security.
People can pick up on that quality even if they don't quite know what it is. A good thing to remind yourself is that an outward display of your authentic kindness is a privilege that is best reserved for those who have "earned that because it is a privilege and is usually taken for granted if it has not been earned.
That does not mean be unkind to everyone else, it means remain more neutral until they have earned that privilege. You choose who you decide to share your true appreciation of a person with instead of just being so damn "nice" to everyone in the hope that the "niceness" will get you what you want. Nice has an agenda and is based on "getting" something, authentic kindness is based on "giving" something without expecting anything in return.
+Oliver Williams nice distinction! thanks for this
+Oliver Williams Great! Thanks for sharing your idea. This give me a whole new meaning about being nice.
True dat mang
+Oliver Williams thanks for sharing your view. I am authentic nicer person but feel less confident on important occasions.
+Oliver Williams Being picky on who you decide to be nice with isn't being nice you know
People who actually have felt how being nice to people have been destroying themselves inside would really appreciate this video a lot. Thanks man! Needed the guidance to break free off this side of me. Thanks.
"I don't want to hurt their feelings" thats a big one I struggle with too, cuz I've been bullied before and I never ever want to make someone feel bad...ugh i need to buy this book lol
Also when I don't smile I feel like people are probably thinking I'm a psycho or anti social or angry or something ugh...book
I was a follower a teacher for seventeen years. Then I became a headmaster and I was so goody goody to all the teachers and they just walked all over me. Then I was polite seeking approval as I had a low self esteem. And then I learnt we cannot be so nice to people and I kept my distance without being too friendly and things began to change.
Thank you for sharing!
@@GetMoreConfidence Can you suggest some measures so that I can be stern at the same time. Not hurt them.
I'm not even kidding, this is me to a tee. I've always put people first, I even try to imagine what they will or would want or expect even before they ask so I can do it perfectly. How's it worked out for me? Completely shit. Totally shit. Maybe other people are happy, but I'm not. I have less and less confidence. Less and less friends. I'm more bitter and cynical towards people & the world than I've ever been. I kept thinking things would turn for me, and get better. Nope. It's only gotten worse, much worse. And every time I inevitably don't "meet someone's expectations" I feel even lower about myself and angry towards them because I try SO hard to please them so they will think highly of me. Fuck that. Done with it.
I feel you man that's true
Just know this: it does not make you a shitty person just because you like to please people. You do not need to quit being a nice person.
Just know your boundaries and say it out loud if you disagree with something. That is not selfishness.
+1 harambeeeee
+Pingu zing!
do you have kik
same shit over here
It was hammered into me to be "nice" when I was a kid.
Exactly
That is very common.
I actually like the sound of the nice girl.
me too. sounds good to me
yeah man same.
Trust me, they can be too nice, it gets annoying when they only seek approval instead of being confident and do what they want
I was having this issue. i always wondered why people took me for granted, or made jokes at my expense, even close friends pushed me over. You helped me realize where the real problem is. This is something which all nice people out there face. I am going to arm myself and avoid that free smile that I used to give anyone whom I met. Thank you.
I am the nice guy. People say, i am really nice, or too nice, but they don't go ahead and say that you're not confidence, you don't know what you're talking about, or that you're a pushover. I do laugh a lot. I don't know why. I find anything and everything funny even though it's not or meant to be. I am smart in other things, i am not so good in something else. That's normal but i am nice because i am patient not because i want people to like me. I don't care about people liking me. I can't nor don't expect over 7 billion people to like me. I am nice because at first i observe how the environment is ---how they interact, behavior, manners, etc. I am also nice because i don't want conflict. I just don't see the point in it though being nice because it makes me look bad. I agree with you that over the top smiling or laughing is stupid and i need to work on that. I just don't know how. I am trying but it doesn't seem to work.
how is it going for you? any progress?
I dont understand, why being so nice is curse now a days, In childhood in school , at home , everybody taught us , to be nice to others, but now what i can feel is , its not good to be a nice man.... No body respect if you are nice, polite and care for others, where the world is going....
I agree with many of the points you made in your video, but I have some problems with the whole "nice guys don't finish first" mythology.
The world is not black and white. There is nuance to human behavior. It's possible to be nice and assertive. It's possible to be open minded while still being opinionated in what you believe. It's possible be introverted with exceptional communication skills (many people find the calm demeanor of a confident introvert to be refreshing in a world that is all too often populated by extroverted jack asses) . We live in a culture deluded by false dichotomies. It's possible to be many things at once while not having to sacrifice the true essence of who you are. Balance is key.
This comment isn't really directed towards you, by the way. You mentioned in your video that there is a spectrum of behavior, and some qualities of being too far on the nice guy spectrum are actually harmful. Everyone's situation is unique. Most people I know probably could benefit from gravitating closer to the nice guy end of human behavior.
Couldn't agree with you more.
Micah Buzan Great points Micah. I think you're right.
Get More Confidence Keep up the great videos. I appreciate your insight into these things.
wow thanks for saying that i have been thinking about that for a while
I personally like when people smile and laugh because it makes the person talking feel more comfortable and then they feel like they can be themselves more. There’s nothing worse than a person just standing and looking pissed
I'm not sure how this applies to the topic of this video?
Being nice landed me a great, very high paying job, a beautiful, loving, smart and rich wife and lots of success in general. I dont need to be an asshole to gain all that.
C. Soul amen
C. Soul perhaps you think you where a nice guy and where a ass all along
Jey O c soûl is a kiss ass
You yourself are 99.8% confident. That's what I noticed in you but at least you are more confident than other youtubers who talk about confidence and themselves have no confidence.
All these years I have been nice to people and sacrificed my dreams to make other people happy. Now all I got in the end was leftovers and pain to deal with. One can't get too far in life by being a total nice guy, you will always be the last in line. What's really important is to be true to yourself. Listen to that inner voice that doesn't seek for other peoples approval and do what is right for you.
I agree with you that not seeking approval
lol is that ray william johnson
Underrated comment
FTW
😭😭 I hate to say it but it's true... my heart is so torn up and broken.... 😭😭
+The Assasin Huzi need a hug ?
+The Assasin Huzi sounds to me like you got an ex ha...dont worry bro there is still hope...message me if you want ill try my best to help you out
Jhy
+The Assasin Huzi Don't feel bad, now we know what to do =) The highest power sent this guy our way =) Good guys/girls finish first anyway in the end =) Cheers =)))
This is it.. The only video that makes sense.. I'm very grateful for this... I'm gonna put all this into action, I'm so damn tired. Thank you so so much xxx
fenny gypsy You got it!
thank you
you are so right about the day in and day out thing because having people always send you around doing stuff for them only leads to them taking advantage of you and getting played.
For sure!
Dr Aziz! This was the first video i watch that has change my life! Thank you so much for choosing this path! I really appreciate everything you have done for us The Nice Giys!
+Jose Bello You are most welcome Jose! Glad you are benefiting from it.
Get More Confidence i had kind of a moment where i was shure that it was a problem, but Ofcourse its still somthing im working on. But the way u did your video was soo perfect! Ur awesome! Thank u for deciding to want to dedicate ur life to this!
I promise this was the first EVER video I watched of Aziz. Flashforward 2 years I have the confidence code and my life completely turned around. I have the self esteem of a little kid now lol.
Truth has been spoken... A simple expectation of being Loved is behind the idea of being Nice.
Excellent tips! I HATE being thought of as a pushover, and it was mentally exhausting trying to appease everyone and wondering what they would think of me, but being nice was the only thing I knew how to do. I'm taking these tips and going to try to use them everyday. Thank you :) and you are so handsome by the way!
i feel a spiritual connection w this man
Thanks for being a nice guy and sharing this with us!
Dr. Aziz's book "Not Nice" is beyond phenominal. I literally had tears running down my face as I listened. I highly recommend the Audible version. His passion and commitment for this work really comes through.
Thank you so much Jeff! You're going to love the follow up coming out later this year, "OMOS - On My Own Side."
There's nothing wrong with being nice, why not give people some benefit of doubt, if they turn out to be jerks then go ahead be a jerk to them too
I hope people are aware this is not just for guys. Ive been a doormat my whole life striving to be this good and righteous person
It is ABSOLUTELY both men and women. Good observation!
Hatsoff man.. Probably one of the best videos I've seen. . I suffered from the exact problems and could easily relate..u have really changed lives for the better man..I wish I could hug u :) stay blessed...
Lee Cooper Thanks Lee! Glad you found some help in the video. Best of luck applying this in your life and continuing to rock it with more and more confidence in yourself!
I love honesty.That way I know where we stand with one another.
We share that love Eileen. :)
Nice is only useful if your goal is to be a good boy. When you grow up you have to update your self
Very true for a lot of folks. I just want to throw in here that it doesn't mean being unkind.
Tell people "NO" when they ask you to do something you don't want to do. Or simply disagree with them sometimes. They might not be happy about it, they might even feel irritated sometimes, but in the long run, they will respect you a lot more if you can assert your own needs, preferences and opinions. Especially women, since they DO have a good "BS detector".
I think outwardly I've got this down, the no smiling, the non approval, I need to work on slowing down my talk a bit I do get really nervous before I talk and that shows and its embarrassing. Anyway inwardly I feel guilty that others will hate me but I am still confrontational regardless. The inner battle is what I'm over coming, no one can see it but me. I'm so close!! Ugh
Don't give up, no matter what!
I have this habit of smiling alot trying to be nice girl 😑
you are right
You will find your balance!
ok being a nice guy have ruined my life for this past 18 years since I was born.... I think I should follow your advices to being less nicer than I used to be because being so nice making people take advantage on you and I have experinced this in my whole life and it keep ruining my entire life . T^T
Aiman Hafeez sadly i have to agree........I am in the same situation brother👍
don't be either a nice guy or a jerk, be a super chill dude, just relax and do what ever the fuck you want.
Yes! Great video. This use to be me for my entire life until I went thru super bad anxiety and went to therapy for it. Now life's a lot more chill and it's comfortable not being the nice guy. Well.. I still consider myself a nice guy but the difference between then and now is all about being genuine. I use to do that laugh you talked about and smiled too much and I realized it was anxious energy that made me do it. Now smiling is more natural and comfortable and girls pick up in that now and same with strangers ect.
This is so damn relatable. I've been told on several occasions that I'm too nice or polite. It's time to change because as you said it gets you nowhere. Some good tips there!
You just explained everything I do. Thank you so much, this is one of the best videos regarding this issue I've ever watched. I love how you went in detail to discuss ways I can use to stop this terrible nice guy behavior.
That's awesome! Check some of the videos I've released in just the last few weeks to see even more on this topic.
Wonderful. I'm female and always trying to be the nice, accommodating person. It has worn me out and people don't take me seriously. Especially my boss. He walks all over me.
Great video! I struggle a lot with this in my life... It takes the "real" me out of my body, time to regain my confidence and the ability to say NO!
yes! how did it go for you? I really wanna know lol
Can you believe it I am 11 and I am listening to all of this stuff every day! And it really helps. Thank you so much
You're very welcome!
The nice guy comes from a lack self love. Its no wonder they wont people to except them to be loved. They need learn to love them selfs first and show there flaws to people and voice there oppion. And then people will hav a posstive outlook on them.
michael nolan YES! You got it man.
michael nolan I am a nice guy and I want all the people becomes like me and I don't love myself altough I practise sport, I have two educational degrees
there is nothing wrong with being nice it's all about the frame you come from. offering value vs. taking value.
I don't buy this. Being nice is good. I once got told by someone that I was "too nice". I've thought about it a lot... because it's a confusing statement.
What it REALLY means is that THEY are not a nice person themselves and you've shamed them into acknowledging it. They feel embarrassed.
It's like a thief caught with their hand in the safe by someone they know... Their automatic response is "you're too honest".
Being nice is good. I want a nice guy.
This is a different issue from boundaries and self assertiveness which often get confused with being 'nice'.
If you're nice. Don't change. Wait for someone who appreciates your niceness.
That's disgusting.
Beware not to hurt your own feelings and not to offend yourself while being "so nice" that you want everyone to like you and just put their needs above yours... you got to respect yourself.
SamaR Yes. It's not the same thing though. That's being assertive and having clear boundaries. It's possible to be both.
You can still be confident and nice. I think he is talking about being too nice and a push over where you are only out to please others.
being unassertive and not having boundries is a downfall of being "too nice". There's a difference between being nice and being too nice.
I still struggle with this concept. A lot of people mistake my polite demeanor for niceness. I learned very early in age that being too nice can be dangerous and energy draining. Its called having self preservation. Sometimes you have to tell people to fuck off when you're not getting the respect you deserve. In the end you will maintain your dignity if you choose not to care so much.
best thing ive ever stumbled upon on youtube. Thanks
Tre McGee Glad you found it helpful my man.
its really great when u have someone thats been through it and succeeded, he is like a personal trainer that was once obese and is now in very good shape, he just has the experience advantage other personal trainers cant have
I'm female! And this has helped me a lot!!!
Thats awesome! This information applies to everyone. :)
Thank you Dr. Aziz. I am so grateful to you. Because of your videos. I m loving myself. I m becoming fearless. I don't have much anxiety on what people think of me.( Still on practice). But overall I am respecting and being nice to me. From your teachings people might think you are training them to be mean to others. But the fact is you are teaching us to be nice to ourselves and then to others and to be honest to our calling.
So great to hear, keep up the great work!
This video was great! I may be a nice person but I shouldn't let that control my every action and force me to do what is best for others and not myself.
Yes! Learning to take care of yourself first is incredibly important. We were taught that it's bad to be "selfish" and good to always give to others. But always doing so leads to burnout and resentment. A POWERFUL question to ask yourself several times per day is: "how can I take care of myself"... Then take action based on the answers that arise.
Yeah there is such a perfect example of that happening in my life right now.. I should have taken a stand earlier instead of letting myself feel pain for no reason.
AGREED! Confidence and humility are almost synonymous. Confidence is the opposite of arrogance !!!
People, the solution isn't as complicated as this guy points out. What you need to do is follow your purpose. You may be asking: how do I find my purpose? Well, that's just the inner voice inside of you that tells you what your dream is; follow it and you'll gain confidence extremely quickly. Importantly, you have to keep following your purpose to sustain your confidence - it is not a destination that you just reach, it's something that needs maintenance. Finally, NEVER EVER let your purpose be about girls.
So just to summarize, *do what you love and love yourself for it*, don't worry about girls as that'll just come passively if you follow this advice. Life is never meant to be complicated to the point where you need to spend money on gaining something that's truly inherent (like confidence). Good luck.
+Yasser A thanks for commenting, I feel i know this to be so true but I keep getting girl crazy. I'll do good for a while and be confident working on my progress and self development, then a girl comes into my life and I start to lose it again, although I'm definitely getting much better at it so I think I'm pretty much good now. Just had to be brave and take risks, definitely suffered a lil pain but no pain, no gain! Now to stay focused on my inner voice, which is so scrambled! haha so many things to balance in life.
+therotaryrocket no problem, glad I can help! Yes, life is like a rollercoaster, you're never constantly high or low - the goal is to minimize the difference between the crest and the trough. I also want to add that being spiritual really helps too, since after practicing Islam and understanding it, my purpose expanded to a very deep level.
His book Not nice changed my life , I listened to it on Audible and it was the best information I got about being a people pleaser. I went back to listen to it one more time just to get reminded of what he says. It’s not easy to change, since it’s deep rooted in the subconscious mind, but the first step is to be conscious about this problem, and his books definitely help a lot with it. Thank you very much, Dr. Aziz! 🙏🏼🙏🏼
I'm so glad you found it helpful! www.NotNiceBook.com
I loved this video. My boss often tell me how I laugh to people trying to be nice to all. This is not good because I loose credibility. Well, I'll try to follow your technique. And believe me, It's hard to change patterns, but I'll persue this target.
Thank you!
You can do it! Keep up updated on how you're doing.
U nailed it... right on point... I just needed that
Glad to be of service!
great video, thank you mate !
You are more than welcome. Thank you for your time and for commenting to me here. Makes my day.
yeah i might buy your book
Im a very nice guy but Ive learned to speak up and tell folks exactly what I want and expect out of a given situation.
Good for you!
dude looks like john mayer
Airforceproud95 Sweet.
More like Vincent Chase. I like that son of a bitch, he's one of the most confident human beings I've ever seen.
Hey, fly me away
He looks better than John Mayer 👌🏽lol
i also found that being a nice guy makes u seem like a weak vulnerable person and they always think they can do things to u and expect u not to do anything.
someone tell this guy you can be confident and still nice to other people
+SsanzZ That's what he said though. It's a balance. His whole point is you don't want to be "too" nice because then people will take advantage of you or think of you as a lesser being.
SsanzZ i agree
he is talking about the friendzone type nice guys
SsanzZ just watch the video and have a brain
What Dr Aziz is trying to say is that you should stop being nice OUT OF FEAR. If you are being nice because you want it and not because some underlying feeling, such as fear, then it's all good.
This is stupid. You can be nice and not be weak. Its called being assertive and having self respect.
pearlrabbit Assertiveness is key. And you are right, being nice is NOT weakness. You can be kind, loving, and generous. These are GOOD things. But if you are compulsively pleasing others, avoiding being direct, and always squishing down what you want and need, then you're in for trouble!
Get More Confidence Assertiveness in my opinions and beliefs seem to duck tape a bitch label to my forehead. I am a nice bitch. But thing I figured out is that if a guy isn't into me as myself with all of my beliefs and opinions..what worth is he to me, or me to him. Sometimes what one man calls me a bitch for another says I'm funny or understands..Just haven't met one untaken that is mutually attracted to me.
This is the fastest subscribe I've ever done.
I read Not Nice a year ago. Through constantly working on what I learned there things have changed for me. Thank you- keep it up.
Wonderful!
Thanks for this tips doc. You've just described the whole of me! More tips please. This kindda living ruined half of mylife.
Ashraf Abdullatifh Me too! (well 10 years anyway). Glad you're breaking free!
I used to be a nice person my whole life, smiling for every thing, no eye contact and a very unconfident movements . That made a very week person... I found your video quite good. Thanks allot.
Hussein Alaa I don't think that makes a weak person. Few people, if any are absolutely weak or absolutely strong. Most have both weaknesses and strengths. It's just that they are not always apparent. What you described could be considered weaknesses you had as a person.
I am a nice guy. And people like you fear me, because I am ripped as a fucking elephant on steroids.
you touched on a lot of points that i see in myself on a daily basis, things i need to improve.
it really hit me when you said "people can feel when you want them to like you" and it can be Repulsing. too right, and it almost hurt. but the truth hurts and that's how we learn.
i have a tendency to just talk excessively when i'm uncomfortable or if i want to fill the conversation...but silence is golden. and so is confidence, glad i came across this video, thank you.
Erin Elizabeth You are most welcome. It can be painful to hear that, but it can also be relieving. You don't have to try to get people to like you (and it doesn't work anyways!). You can just let go.
Stop trying to control them and their thoughts and feelings. Just focus on relating, breathing, being the moment, sharing, asking the questions you are curious about and being who you are. That is enough. You are enough.
Ohh whatever! I wanna be what I am. Awesome me! hahahahaaaaaa
Well All is great . But for self fulfillment . ... smile back . To avoid that is self defeating . I’m nice but with boundaries . No BS . I encourage people to not submit and be a people pleaser , but smiling back at people freely is being myself and that I won’t stop . Thank you .
Keep up the great work!
Thanks man. I'm a fan of your work!
firewater1083 Awesome! Have you listened to my podcast? It's got hours of powerful content, expert interviews, and more... for FREE! You can check it out here: ShrinkForTheShyGuy.com
I went on a blind date with a guy who looked like he was forcing himself not to smile too much. And the times he did smile he seemed to be holding back or would catch himself smiling too much and would stop out of no where. There were also moments where I just felt uncomfortable because his face was so emotionless that it made me question whether I was the dull one. I'm not sure if watching how much you smile works with all women. I didn't like the holding back. Being fidgety and real and even showing nerves can actually connect two people on a date. I think the not smiling too much tip would work best in a job setting situation more than when talking to women. It could be misunderstood as seeming like you are not interested and could actually backfire by making your date feel self conscious.
Great point! Holding back, not showing emotion, and keeping a "poker face" can actually block you from really connecting (and make your date feel nervous!). For some people, perhaps they need to smile more : )
there a different between nice guy and "nice guy". why stop being nice isnt being nice a good thing? i'm sure there somewhere in this world there have to a girl who love nice guy and apprecite for who i am
You also have to own up to your TRUE self, and stop giving a damn about what society thinks about your or EXPECTS of you. You need to learn to be completely comfortable in your own skin as the highest potential version of you.
Great advice, man. Excellent delivery as well. You truly own your TRUE self.
this is so fantastic.. he deserves 1million subscibers at least
YEAH! Spread the word around, k? :)
I WAS a super nice people pleaser especially when I moved to a new area and I am a super nice person that used to go above and beyond for many! I was a Yes person and saying “sure I will do it for you because I know how to.” I would complete excel documents and financial paperwork for a stranger and never get a dime nor a friendship out of it! I was brought up to be a good nice person but I have learned that this backfired on me and those people I was awesome to were out for themselves! I am careful with my conversations and my time, It feels great to say, no I want do that for you and walk away! Thank you for this video!
I'm glad you enjoyed it! This topic is so important, I wrote an entire book dedicated to it! See it here: www.NotNiceBook.com
Thank u sir this described me completely
I'm a woman. This video we great!
Fantastic! So glad you liked it.
I’m a nice person and want to change, but that’s giving me high level of anxiety because I’m constantly pushing myself to go against my nature. Im just an anxious mess :( any tips
Take action! That is what makes the difference. Don't overdo it either as that can be counterproductive. Go for your victories in small increments, but always be moving forward!
being nice gets you somewhere in life. human likes nice ppl. then the network will expand. through that, you'll get somewhere. but being TOO nice. thats when it gets you no where. human dislike too nice ppl. they like challenges. they like being contradicted. bcs through that, life experience will increase. godspeed
And, this topic is so important, I wrote an entire book dedicated to it! See it here: www.NotNiceBook.com
you earn my subscribe and like Dr Aziz!
Awesome!
Good common sense stuff and I like that the guy isn't too arrogant. He's plain spoken and he makes easy suggestions that make it all seem possible.
You are too general with your concept of "Nice Guy". What you are describing is a passive, insecure, and weak person, who is not even genuinely "Nice" and the reason why they don't succeed is because people consciously or subconsciously can see through it. As you know, reaction to any challenging social situtation is based on the fight or flight mechanism. The "Nice guy" you describe is choosing the defensive "flight" option, and in your video you are teaching them the confrontational "fight" mechanism in hopes getting a positive social result. Being a confident "Nice Guy" doesn't mean you need to hold back a smile or be a "threat".
The pointers on body language are very valid, and everyone should be aware of their physical appearance/presence and positive body language in any social situation. This alone can lead to authentic confidence and assertiveness. Think of the confidence you feel right after a nice haircut or wearing a nicely tailored suit.
Many of your suggestions are based on western social ideology. Where the individual is valued above society. Unfortunately, they do work when confronted with cynical individuals who are also putting up a false front to hide insecurities.
78salcan Great points man.
Dr. Aziz. You are superb. You are making people better and better, Bigger and bigger, Strong than ever. And the thing is its working. May God bless you with a long healthy life. Thanks for helping us.
I have a problem with being a nice guy because when i act the way i truly feel, I don't find many things funny and everything i say comes off really serious and mean... no idea what to do
+Zachary Casavant Are you a Virgo by chance?
Be who you are as long as its authentic, people can tell if your a phony. If your nice be nice.... , because if someone can't appreciate that, that's their problem ....now you expose who they really are , which is probably not a good person anyway... Just keep a distance from these people.
wanna not be nice? change your habbits... or don't give a crap about others... seriously
I also think that i need to be myself, and stop trying to do the impossible which is to please everyone (I mean in the ideal world everyone would like me, at least the ideal world in my own perceived reality), its like i'm living in a fantasy and doing the opposite of what i should be doing... moving on... i need to let go of those things that i have no control over and control only the things i can control. trying to please everyone in order to make them like you is one. its like i'm trying to prevent the impossible from happening... its like i'm placing a protective barrier over me so i can escape all the pain, trying to make everything smooth by doing what everyone wants. nothing in life is smooth and that's right thing, you can't please everyone!! but the last thing you should do is believe that the situation is a reflection of yourself (of how your behaving, which in some cases it might actually be) but... you should you should chill and be yourself in your calm state, just be you. never change for anyone, instead be the person everyone hates!! (thinking back a famous speech, i think it was nirvana, not the same but very similar though). I mean there is no way and i mean no way you can expect to please everyone, that's utterly rediculous. that's like your trying to achieve the impossible, you just need to let go. you cant make a bad situation go away by simply giving in to that bad situation..... that's outrageous!! you must be yourself, you must not give in....sometimes you will have to do what you think is right and not what everyone else thinks is right....screw the consequences....i mean one mans rights is another mans wrong...sometimes doing the ''right' things is more a perceptual thing than to do with what is actually right (in general, hard fact). sometimes i think there is no right and wrong, the word right was invented by humans to do what was considered right in their minds. but what do you mean by right, right for them, right for you, right for society, right in terms of the law, right in terms of self gain, right fit, right for health, right for money, right ethically, right for human rights whatever... there are so many different kind of rights. I believe there is a wrong for every right. therefore it shouldnt matter if you do the right thing for yourself, which is to simply be yourself. as doing the so called 'right' thing is more illusive anyway. its more of an illusion than what is real...
I feel ya, it's a very reductionist thing to say "do what's right", but then, how do you know what is right for you? What in that case would be that very needed form of selfishness (or self care)? If you're embarking yourself in this new journey of what's right for you, how do you think you should recognize it?