How To Speak Up For Yourself | Anti Nice In Action | Dr. Aziz - Confidence Coach
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- Опубліковано 15 чер 2024
- SocialConfidenceCenter.com How To Speak Up For Yourself | Anti Nice In Action
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Topics covered in this video:
dr. aziz, confidence coach, build confidence, increase self-confidence, overcome social anxiety, overcome shyness, get more confidence, confidence tips, life coach, how to be confident, positivity, attitude, self-esteem, zizard411
The key is not to lable your self as a nice person, then you will always feel obligated to be nice, what you have to do is see every situation as its own and decide what the appropriate action is, based on the values that guide you, thus you are unpredictable and that's what keeps people respecting you.
Check out a newer video of mine expanding on being less nice (more selfish): ua-cam.com/video/4rPCuz2p4RQ/v-deo.html And, this topic is so important, I wrote an entire book dedicated to it! See it here: www.NotNiceBook.com
I did it! 🥳
I just turned 27 in and I am barely learning how to speak up for myself thanks!
Keep up the good work!
Don’t worry I’m having a hard time speaking up fOr myself to
I’m out here at 19 and feel really late and beating up my self for it. This ain’t good
I can totally relate to this on 4/20 I was hanging out with a friend when he said that more people were coming to hang out and I was like ohhh cool I didn't know any of them and I was sitting there when my friend asked me what do you want to do and I just sat there and shrugged my shoulders then his other friends started asking me the same thing but I didn't know what I wanted to do so I shrugged my shoulders and they were like dude why are you so quiet and I told them I don't want to say something that pisses someone off and I've realized that I'm like that with everyone I'm with and it kind of makes me feel like I'm not good enough to state my opinion about whatever people are talking about and when I found these videos they completely changed how I feel about myself thank you
Iam same.... I fear hurting people by giving opinions but now I am realizing that by keeping my mouth shut I am appearing dumb and boring to people in social circles...
Many people would think,, what.. who cant speak for themselves,, but there are lot of people who cant speak for themselves, they grind themselves for other and they get ignorance in reward. So this is very helpful, and you helped me alot Doc. Thank you.
I’m so happy I found you.
Me too, welcome!
Love your "anti-nice in action" slogan. Self-alienation alienates others. Your food example is what "alienated" a friend from me and nearly ended our friendship. My friend was waiting for me to say: "Let's go eat!" When I didn't speak up, he got angry. We had been out walking (for hours). We were a party of about six people and my friend said that it was "my turn to speak up." That provoked an argument in front of all those people, but basically they were lined up against me. I stood across from them trying to defend myself against their barrage of criticisms.
I have been programmed that "What I want" doesn't matter. I don't matter, and my opinions, thoughts, feelings and expressions don't matter and can be over-ridden by anyone with a stronger voice. Expressing what I want is a weakness because I can't enforce it. I hide what I want because once I express it and people realize that I can't make it happen, they treat me with disrespect. As long as what I want remains hidden, then other people never become aware of my lack of ability to actualize what I want. Basically, when I express what I want it exposes my powerlessness, so I hide my real self. I want power so I can make the environment safe for me to express myself. I don't feel safe and the only way I know to make that happen is with power, because that is how it appears to me that other people are able to express themselves.
I can relate Duke. Much of this was my own story for quite some time. You can change it! Start by having a look at this video: ua-cam.com/video/4rPCuz2p4RQ/v-deo.html And, this topic is so important, I wrote an entire book dedicated to it! I recommend reading through it for inspiration and techniques to begin your journey to a new place in your life: cli.re/books
Right on the money! Very challenging to break away from the "nice guy" all the time. Starting a new job and wanting to have a clean slate. I gave it everything to be the nice guy catering to every ones needs. Eventually it caught up with me. Destroyed my life. There has to be a healthy balance without feeling guilty. It's ok to to have an opinion and say no. The question is how to deal with anxiety during the moment of confrontation with differing opinions which is so crippling. Leading me submit roll over and just agree.
A lot of it is just taking bold action again, and again, and again. You'll get more comfortable with it sooner than you might expect. Also, check out these videos: ua-cam.com/video/mm3YXvuOb-Q/v-deo.html and ua-cam.com/video/A0tNX3x3SBo/v-deo.html
Thank you Aziz ☺, you are helping far more people than you think.
thanks bro..
Moment of silence for those fools who thought that by people pleasing they were gaining something....
...
I'm glad that I'm aware of this now!
Thanks Dr Aziz❤. I can’t thank you enough🙏🏼
superb!! great advice Doc!
thank you dr aziz very important message im working on this
Great stuff as always. Thanks Dr. Aziz!
Thank you!
I’m really grateful I found this channel yesterday. Can’t wait to take action on this and become a better individual !
Thank you 🙏🏽
This was an eye opener for me. Thanks Dr. Aziz, continue to be an inspiration to many.
I'm so happy you got value from this video, and thanks!
The squeaky wheel gets the grease.
This video makes a lot of sense to me in the examples that you give and many more that come up in my mind right now, past experiences in my life. You expressed very clearly to me how that is related to not knowing what i want. So simple as that, but i wasn't aware of it. I have to practice this awesome skill of being aware how i feel about life and stuff
I love this and am so HAPPY I stumbled upon your page. You have really hit the nail on the head. This has always been my Achilles Heel and your techniques and mindset are really helping. I forced myself to do so many uncomfortable things today in the office and as uncomfortable as it was, I felt so proud of myself afterwards AND realized the outcome wasn't nearly as bad as I had convinced myself it would be. Thank YOU Dr. Aziz!
I'm so proud of you Sandra! Congratulations, things will never be the same, just better and better! :)
Get More Confidence thank you! I am now listening to your book on Audible and love it. It is truly helping me!
wow....this is a great exercise.
thank you...
thank you feel good expresing my opinions
Sometimes we are so alienated with ourselves we don’t even know what we want in certain situations.i love the tip : ask yourself what do I want like 10 times a day . This is great stuff , keep up the good work !
Thank you so much, and I will!
Loving your videos
Thank you!
Thank you for such information I am struggling in these very much
Thanks. Very helpful.
So glad to here that!
Yes thank you 👌
You're welcome!
i know in a deep level you are awesome...
Thank you.
You're welcome!
I would say that I'm a solitary person, but I like to know that there are people who I can be with and speak to.
I always feel like I'm detached from my family not just because I mainly spend time alone, but also because I have different interests and opinions. If I want to do something with my family, my decision is usually outnumbered by the rest of my family's decisions. Although I sometimes still express my opinions on things, I also take into account that my family are most likely going to disagree on it anyway.
I can completely relate to the food example and didn't realise it was because I was disconnected. Awesome insight & advice 👍
Thank you!
I have been discriminated / blacklisted against my entire life and every time I stand up things get worse.
Richard Misel jr I’m sorry about that. I feel like that tends to happened because when you start to stand up for yourself the people who like to walk all over you aren’t used to that. At first it’s going to be hard because you’ll feel alone but sooner or later you’ll feel better because you stood up for yourself. Hope all gets better ❤️
I should get better how you feel about yourself when you speak about yourself
How do you express yourself when you stand up for yourself?
@@GayleCreates I don't yell don't cuse don't throw insults. I speak firm and with strength and purpose from a place right.
Woo it's amazing. I like it very much
Thank you, glad you liked it!
Great video
Thank you!
I'm so glad I found your channel ... You're like a God sent to me. I first learned about you by purchasing your book on Audible.I've had S.A.D. for over 24 years (I'm currently 40) I have just now started to get help again after 7 years of being in limbo mode. Back in 2009 I picked up my life and moved 2000 miles away to Phoenix, AZ to get help with my problem and to make a long story short the doctor that was suppose to helping me with my S.A. dropped me like a hot potato when he found out my insurance company was giving him a hard time paying him and I didn't have the money to pay out of pocket. Now I'm getting sick of living out in the middle of nowhere and being alone all the time and I'm about ready to pick up and again. I know it would be easy to pull the trigger and end it all, but I just don't want to give up that easy.
Brian Smith Don't give up man. I'm a 15 year old kid. Sometimes I fall but I always stand up. Stay passionate and courageous. Never give up!
@JeffRoom ... thanks for those kind words ... I really appreciate that.
don't give up man..just focus on the important things in life and live life your terms .. being alone has alot of bad effects but being free is not of them so you can create relations that you want and push away toxic people...all you need is knowing who you are and what you want...go from there and move forward in your life
Thanks for the advice, I'm not giving up, no matter how hard it gets. I truly believe things will get better with time.
Never give up Brian! How are things going now?
So usefull
Thank you, and glad to hear it!
I'm Overcming this problem.Tnx so much Dr aziz
Awesome!
Nice video. Will really apply the same in real life
How are things going?
Iam relating to you COMPLETELY sir
Welcome to my channel!
here in Germany it is mandatory to test free of covid for workers who are not vaccinated or healed from, but I said to my boss I won't dig into my nose to be allowed to work, so he bought spit / saliva tests.
Very interesting.
Brilliant video, make up your mind what you want and say it, because if you let other people do it for you, You will really end up fucked.
They do not ever have your best interest in mind and will use you.
Stand up.
STAND UP!
I want to write in the comments section that I like this video. Good job. :)
Thank you so much!
Your videos are so very helpfull!!!! ✌🏻
That makes me so happy to hear!
these videos are really good I get taken advantage of by my family ty for the videos
All that you have speak about the outside comfort zone is correct but i have a question. What happens, if you are a long time outside of it, and not for one topic, but for many. And you fight 2 or 3 things to change in your life. Is it good to stay a long time with this feelings ? And when it's time to know, that you must have some feedback, for keeping up the good work.
Let me ask you a question, I am in a job where I am supposed to have more responsibilities and have had years of previous experience in supervising which my job has some responsibility on doing. I thought I was going to have this responsibility and I never got it and as a matter of fact it was given to someone else. My question is how should I approach my boss about finding out what happened? My subordinates have even disrespected me and I spoke to my boss and he seemed unphased by it and didn't even seem to reprimand the employees. I know I have made mistakes, and have learned from it, and I am kinda new at my job, but I was given a title and the characteristics of my title were never realized and it is frustrating. So any advice would be appreciated.
How to ask for what you want but also to not be over bearing and force your way on to others if they say no? Sometimes I get offended when they say no so I don't ask at all.
Any way I could get in contact for some online skype coaching?
I wonder if this same model can be applied to your inner /other self in terms of being on your own - Speaking up for yourself, within yourself? For example, you might be someone who honestly works quite hard in life, but feels like you ''have to / must '' do some particular action like ''read the report or check /write that email'' etc. but actually, you just want to watch a movie and chill out. Basically doing what you truly wanted with out feeling guilty about it.
Absolutely!
I want to live!!!
I made the dumbest mistake(s) in my life doing what other people wanted me to do I had got accepted to every college I applied to and my best friend got accepted to 2 and I was so passive and dependant and doubtful of my self and my own abilities I went to the community college we both got accepted to *there is nothing wrong with community college* I had my mind set on going to one of my out of state picks and I was excited to move away from her and get out of her shadow after being there all your years of highs school she pleaded with me to go so I did I further resented my friendship with her and the college I dropped out ... I used to blame her for being inconsiderate and selfish but I've come to realize it that I was completely to blame for my own misfortune our other close friends (we were kind of a trio) she had no problem going off to a big college and persuing her dreams
I doubted my abilities in the first place like "Oh you wouldn't have done well any ways on your own you got accepted to those colleges because your a token black girl they need to meet their diversity quota. Even though I had gotten decent grades in high school my teachers liked me. My parents also contributed to my fear of going out on my own. Now I'm a young mother of two I have a dead end job I'm still a Yes girl nice girl good girl happy go lucky fearful resentful bag of tragedy my social anxiety is so bad that when I get up to go punch in from a break or out to a break or in to my shift I shake my coworker noticed at a dinner my job hosted that i "walk like I'm so scared" and it sucks i feel so pathetic and I'm tired of feeling this way making excuses placing blame being resentful feeling foolish doubtful afraid I'm done
I hope you get better :) You've proven that your tougher and have greater willpower than most people. One thing I do when I'm feeling low on confidence, is I would talk to myself, giving myself compliments. I start out talking in a low voice at first, being embarrassed to talk to myself, but after a while it builds up. Sometimes its hard to think positive thoughts in your head, but for me, saying positive things out loud really helps. Bragging to yourself really helps and I'm sure it would for you. I hope what I'm saying helps you because I feel the same too sometimes. I hope you've been doing better these 4 months since you've posted this comment :)
What do I want? Thank you
You're welcome!
Is that a pot plant in the bg?
why do you think he's so confident and chill all the time. lol
LOL No, that's a Japanese Maple.
What if you get abused verbally and fear of possible physical abuse
It sounds like you're talking to the wrong person.
Today I went to check my mail. The management was there putting labels and saw me from distant. Since it is Coronavirus I maintained my distance and then went *around* the apartment to reach the mailbox. The lady saw me but intentionally paid no attention. She was not considerate of my needs. And I understand it is not her business why I am standing there. Finally I said: "Can I check my mail?" She said "Yes, go ahead". But did not move. Then I pleaded in the most obnoxious people pleasing tone: "Could you please move away...away.. a bit... bit?" Then she moved a little. I checked my mail, came home and then instantly realized what was my mistake. I rerehearsed the entire scene in memory about how it *should* have been run through.
Can anyone point out my mistake?
Guys, it doesn't matter if it is Coronavirus or not. Even though your rights are being taken away doesn't mean you have to kowtow and beg others to give you space. And if you haven't deduced already, the problem could easily have been reinstated with two assertive statements:
*I would like to check my mail.*
No response.
*I would like some space.*
That's it. Be it if you are a bit blunt. In fact to balance it out, it is imperative to be blunt. Note the paucity of speech or if you say 'Thank you,' 'Sorry', 'Please' way too often or if you are always the one ending a communication or transaction in stores. It is really a practice guys and like building muscle.
Finally, watch out for these "request" type of sentences where you are always seeking permission with raising intonation. Assertions are most of the time neutral instructions. What sign do you see in the road? "Stop". You don't see government sign begging you: "Hey there mistah! Could you kindly please stop? :) :) "
Great resources here Aziz. Love your channel.
Thank you. Being and clear and direct is almost always the way to go.
@@GetMoreConfidence Doctor Aziz, I also believe coming from a subcontinental culture as immigrants, I... we also tend to be more submissive, passive and easy going lest we ruffle feathers in a new country. To top it off, some of us had to battle against family values and tradition, cultural superiority complex and even religion with lowered boundaries. Yours truly included.
Believe me assuming you have foreign ethnicity or roots, nothing thrills and delights me to see someone like you at the helm and lead from the front!
REPRESENT
Honestly I feel like there are more people who are not nice than people who are nice nowadays. When everyone learns to be less nice the world may become a very cold place to live.
As I detail in my new book on this topic, being "less nice" does not mean being a jerk. It's about how you own your own time and relationships with people in general.
If in case we express our requirement or any information we require from other person, mostly people don't take our points seriously. They consider us for granted. What to do in such situations.
Just keep pushing forward. You might also want to invest in your speaking ability by joining something like your local chapter of Toastmasters International.
I just tired of dealing with people in this neighborhood that swallow my sister's lies hook line and sinker & I'm ordered to shut up I want the truth known
Ps if I die prematurely sis did it
I'm sorry to hear you're dealing with that.
@@GetMoreConfidence I'm not intimidated by my lies or that church the TRUTH is the truth I don't have much to lose I need help with some disabilities that I haven't been getting cause of lies
I am actually watching this at midnight - the irony 👀
:)
Are you egyptian
No, but thanks for taking a shot at it! My father is from Pakistan.
Hey dr aziz your video is really very good with teachings. I am in india right now, i wish i could be at your home and take your services from you.
There is lot to learn and implement about fear, social anxiety, self confidence and living practically. Tell me the best methods to get help on all of above from you.
My dad is very strict and is Indian. I want to go to my aunt's house. It's been 5 days I've been here.. and I've lived in my aunt's house for 4 months.
--I want to go to my aunt's house..
That's what I want but my dad doesn't listen to me he just shuts me up saying I've changed since I've been to my aunt's house. They're just society oriented and I'm open minded.
I really wanna go to my aunt's house..
"Communication" doesn't exist for him.. acc to him everything he saying is correct.. no one sees my opinion.. I really need help deeply as I'm always sad I want to go to my aunt's house
help me🙏🙏
I'm sorry you're dealing with this. Is your mother willing to help?
@@GetMoreConfidence she doesn't have decision making power . Everything is decided by my dad. She is willing to send me to my aunt's house.. and she told him too but he just disagreed and said that he'll beat her up even tho ik he won't..
So yea she is willing to help but can't stand up for herself
arai yaar!! make video in Urdu too
Everything we want exists outside our comfort zone😬 time to get uncomfortable
Everything. Powerful, huh?
Get More Confidence a bit scary but necessary. I notice being nice I often end up at the back of the que or being the scapegoat. Not sure what I have been waiting on but it is time to step out the comfort zone to (dare I say) get what I want 😳
Yes. Have you seen my latest book, "Not Nice"? Check out a video of mine expanding on being less nice: ua-cam.com/video/4rPCuz2p4RQ/v-deo.html You can see the book here: cli.re/books
Love your videos, think you need to drop the language expletives swear words it put me off at times although swearing can be impactive
Thank you for watching!
Imagine females... trained to be nice to everyone since the beginning of times. Never to surggest they want something more than they want to look pleasant for everybody else to look at.
And...?
And this. Not sure about what your answer means.
Your question. what do I want? I want to make others happy
Desirae Miller are you happy doing that?
Is that what will really make you happy, are you sure?
Why is it so important that we speak up for ourselves and say what we want and dont want? Why cant we just go along with that other people desire?
Because your life is yours and you deserve to achieve the goals and desires you have. Would your life be fulfilling if you only did as others want? The goal is balance but having the confidence to speak up for yourself is something that will help you reach all your life goals.
I can see that it helps in terms of achieving you life goals. Does it help with gaining respect from others, winning friends etc too though?
Is it other peoples life ? No it isn’t
When your life ends and you have one moment to look back do you wanna look back on all the time you wasted being a crowd pleaser ?
Jearl Price cause God gave you soul for you.
I can think of several ways to respond to this:
1. Implicit in these questions seems to be the assumption that what other people desire is more important than what oneself desires. I'm not sure why this assumption makes any sense.
2. Ironically, often what other people desire is that someone ELSE provide the model of asserting what they want. By assuming that others actually would prefer you DON'T assert yourself is depriving them of what they actually want.
3. Also quite ironically, by asking this question, you have provided an answer to your own question: after all, you have presented a question that you desire to present. I'm sure you were aware that there was the possibility that such a question would disrupt the harmony that existed in the comments section, so allow me to put the same question to you: why did you do that?
I swear Aziz is Better than tony Robbins
You sound so american yet you look so indian to me.
I was born and raised in California. :)
Wtf......
I want you is that ok...
I'm not sure what you mean exactly...
Elhadj Diallo I want you too 😁
Get More Confidence Me neither 😁
Are u Indian Dr.
My father is Pakistani.
@@GetMoreConfidence hi I'm from india. And I love your content. It seems that you make vedios on my problems .
*Don't tell me, what to do!*