Adam, try not to fall into this fallacy that your best work years are in your twenties or that it’s ‘humiliating’ to learn from junior staff. I work around people in their 40s and 50s who completely switched up their career in later life and they are thriving. I used to have a similar mindset and it paralysed me from taking any significant action.
I agree 100%, whenever I see an older person working the counter at a fast food joint I think damn, this person humbled themself in order to get shit done. They dont think theyre better than anyone else, and they dont want to be stuck so instead, they took action. 👏
I agree, he is too worried about learning from those younger than him. It doesn't matter how old you are or they are, if you're in a position where you can learn, use it! There are people in their 50s who go to university for the first time and go into junior positions. There is ZERO shame in that. Life is not a race, it's a marathon, some people get to different stages later than others, it's normal. I myself just graduated uni at 31, and I am going to interviews and assessment centres with people who are much younger than me. My last interviewer was at least 4-5 years younger than me. I'm not ashamed, I'm excited about it, and if anything it makes me feel younger!
Being unhappy now is not a failed life. It's just being unhappy now. Keep going and things might get better. Your problem is not failure but the definitions you choose to assign importance to.
My brother in law is in a very similar situation at 38 - we’ve heard about his upbringing/type of parental relationship and we wondered if he had a “failure to launch” because of the relationship he has with his parents, they are very much still “in charge” and he doesn’t seem to feel confident in making his own decisions. Leaving home for the first time will often mean a significant drop in quality of living, not such a nice home, in such a nice place, living with people that might not be great, it is nothing in comparison to your parents home, but it will be yours and that struggle can be how you find your feet on your own and start being autonomous. But it is a risk and a bit terrifying to take the leap into the unknown - your next destination doesn’t have to be perfect or even perfectly planned, it just has to be your own choice.
Hi Adam, really hope you’re doing ok. Thank you for posting, I’m a woman, turning 40 next year and can massively relate (I’m living with my mum, dead end job, useless degree, slowly killing off friendships and my health via my depression). I feel like I’m on the sidelines and life has completely passed me by. Anyway just wanted to send you a virtual hug, and birthday wishes xx
@@davisjm777 Your comment was phrased in a very insensitive way. Have you ever received a training on empathy? I mean, sure, we are all responsible for the choices we make and a different perspective can be life-changing, but you should know you don't talk like that to a depressed person. They probably already feel like sh*t about themselves, so how are you helping exactly?
I just want to say as a bloke who has a wife and kids who moved away from his mates who are single (we are mid 30s), I miss not having them around because they are always up for hanging out. All the Blokes I know now are tied down are and way less interested in socialising so sometimes you’ve got to see that as a strength that you bring to the group and that’s mateship and always keen to hang out. Make sure you reach out to them and invite them out. I know I’d appreciate it.
To give some motivation. Im 32, never been in a relationship, dont have any friends, have a shitty job im not suited for that destroyed me physically and i cant even get anything productive going and im still happy. People just overcomplicate stuff. As long as you want to improve its fine. Just be consistent and patient. Not everyone can become a important or sucessfull person. But from personally experience if you fail over and over, you have to force yourself to take a step back with youre expectations and demands for yourself, or youre mental health can deteriorate quickly. And that comes from someone who thought he was immun to negative thoughts. I lost nearly all of my athletic capabilities basically over night due to an illness and to make things worse i didnt even realise how bad my illness was. I demanded things from myself that just werent possible and in hinsight its suprising how fast you can develop negative thoughts this way. So well be carefull thinking of yourself as a failure and trying to force results with pressure. As i said as long as you want to improve you have already won in my opinion.
Just got finished watching both these videos and its uncanny the amount of similarities Im noticing. I'm 34, living and home with Mum (Dad just passed away in August) and failure (i feel) has been the overarching theme of my life. Except, it seems that misfortune has been the catalyst for your failures. It must be maddening to try and try just to be fucked over time and time by circumstances out of your control (problematic shoulder, covid stasis, cast out of college for no reason). My failure is monolithic in that I have failed, and continue to fail, to even attempt being anything else. Half of my adult life I have spent in various menial/unskilled labour positions, the other half on government benefits. About four months ago I wrapped up a four year stint on the dole when I got a job as a cleaner.
I am sorry for your loss thats rather raw. regarding the failure aspect, I feel that really even as much as outside things influenced my heavily, it still comes down to how I act/react to things I guess. Thats what I have been trying to work with lately. That who I do is still up to me, yes, things can make options limited or feel that way, but it still comes down to the individual and how they move on from it. Take yourself, it would be easy to look at things and there be reason outside of you that influenced your position in life, but you have shouldered it and took it on yourself which is a tough one for sure, but look, after a stint on the dole you have got a job, you might not feel like its much, but its progress, and sometimes something like that can begin to set a ball rolling. You took responsibility for things, and have made change, keep doing that and the sky is the limit.
The viewership is testament to just how many brothers and sisters there are out there who are feeling just like you are. Relationships DO fail, massively, and we are in a f-ed up place (some more than others). Sometimes we have to watch everything collapse around us to build it back up, and thats not where I had been hoping to be at 44. But here we are. Stay strong friend, brighter days are ahead.
Bro I'm in the same boat, I can relate. we've got to keep doing our best, and loving ourselves, growing/developing and enjoying life man, because it is what it is, and it's absurd anyway right? Thanks for sharing brother.
From watching this I can tell you do not give yourself enough credit mate, you have built a small UA-cam channel that is sitting at nearly 5.5k subs, that takes alot of time and effort. Keep up uploading and exploring different avenues and you never know what will happen.
Hey Adam, I'm probably at the lowest point of my life mentally. No job, I dropped out of college because I didn't like what I was studying. I actually have no idea what to do. I guess somehow we just have to keep being around and keep experiencing. I just want to thank you for speaking bravely about the feelings and the journey.
Take your time but make moves that matter. Life is about curiosity and finding things out, its restricting at times, but you have to get things rolling. Building a single consistent habit can start to grow. Just make sure its a positive thing for life and progression. You got this.
Art must be free for everyone to see and sharing. sad is when we do art for a living and it doesn´t pay much. but saddest is when we quit doing art because we cant live with it. this is an harder burden that we must to clean our mind and hearts in order to never quit on art. do whatever you must to do to earn money to survive but never never never quit on doing art. Art is the expression of the creator. the ultimate expression of the soul.
art or creativity is what is your motivation I think and good to hear it - I can relate to the failure thing, but I would take it with a pinch of salt as it is only part of a narrow-lens mindset binary failure-success driven model of humanity which is severely limited and crushing to the creative and individual spirit - the fact is, people can have all the things you talk about - family friends relationship job - but they can still be miserable and neglect the things they have. You have a bravery in expressing the shit stuff you've gone through and I think this is just as much a success as all the other stuff, keep on boy!
Im not grest with words my friends, but im 38 and feel like im going on 60. Been through so many things, but done so little. Lost a beautiful woman of 10 years, lost my job, and stsrted my own life, only to have a fire and lose it all again... im starting to think we're just here to experience "life". Good and bad. We're experiencing this crazy world through our own lenses. One thing i struggle the most with is regret and not becoming the man i feel im meant to be. I see the potential but have such disgust for who I've become.
Maybe you need to wait 10 years to say you've failed at life, 35 is still young, look to the future which you have in your hands and not the past which you cannot change.... reminiscing about what you've not done in the past will get you down for sure.
Hello Adam. I have watched your 'failure' video and this follow-up retrospective. We are very alike - although I would argue that you have accomplished far more than me - with our circumstances being extremely similar, and I am also 35. What struck me in this video was that your mental process is also very much like mine, especially with relationships and "wanting acceptance for who I am", perhaps being quite devoted and full-on and having that love thrown back in your face. After years of not knowing why I felt so different and finding the 'normal' aspects of life so difficult, I was diagnosed with a form of autism (formerly called 'Adpergers'). Obviously it is not for me to diagnose, but have a read up on it and it see what you think. It was good for me to know that not everything was completely my fault. After having a late diagnosis I do have 'imposter syndrome' and the habit of self-flagellation is hard to break.
You're not alone feeling like this. I'm 36 years old, and I lost my relationship last year, which lasted 10 years. We never had children. 3 months after split up, my ex finds someone new. now I'm currently living back with my nan who pretty much raised me through most of my life I never new my dad and my mom got into bad things this the reason my nan took me on and raised me.I feel like a failure especially when you see old friends and close family having families of there own you just feel life's is not for you and that sounds selfish I no but that's how I feel so your not alone. Life is hard, but you have to try to find something that keeps you happy and keeps you going, I suppose. You have plenty of time to turn your life around, and most importantly, don't let your age get you down. You're not old .
Hey Adam. You know, one thing that really hit me that you said in the original video was that about feeling like you're a "fraud" - thank you for putting it into words! I've been in weird positions in life where I genuinely feel like a "fraud"; that I don't deserve to be in this position... One thing I noticed was that it made it really hard to "achieve" more knowledge - just asking questions felt like a wrong thing to do. I'm trying to therefore do it the other way; by asking questions about everything, asking other people about the stuff it feels like you *should* be good at, etc. No one knows *everything*, this is normal - is what I'm telling myself. Genuinely, keep on being you. Best wishes, dude
It sounds like you might mean more 'imposter syndrome' if you find yourself in a position you feel you dont deserve? If you have the knowledge to be there and really if you removed your own thought so n it, people would put you in that position its not a fraud, but its your emotions making you feel like an imposter, like you shouldn't be there regardless of your ability. the 2 are similar but also different I would argue my feeling of fraud was because I lack the knowledge to be in the position I was, where as you saying you dont *deserve* to be in the position sounds more like imposter syndrome. For me Imposter syndrome is 'easier' to over come, where as being a fraud is a little harder. neither are fun having gone through times in life where I have felt both thats for sure. Thanks though, and keep your head up, 9/10 we actually do deserve the good things that happen to us.. but people like us, will always convince ourselves we dont.
@@Add- Awesome reply!!! It might just be own thoughts being added in by my own volition, sort of unnecessarily. It was just that the fraud bit sounded so familiar by the way you described it, over to mine. This might just be an indicator to look further into personally, so thank you for these words! Keep it up mate, you're awesome!
Not only are you extremely brave to be talking openly and vulnerably, you are inspiring others like myself to do the same. I've noted that you have a great gift for storytelling, after watching a few of your videos - I'm fully kept interested in what you have to say for the duration of your vids. Definitely keep it up if its a medium of creativity you enjoy and find fulfilling👌 Keep going mate, life is a journey and not a destination. All the difficult and crappy stuff will undoubtedly be vital to your self-discovery and journey, the harder roads are always the most rewarding 🤘 Sending respect mate!
I really appreciate that, a few people ja e said I seem to tell a good story, its really strange as I simply feel the opposite. I think at some point we cross paths with people who can just talk and it keeps us hooked but never in a million years dod I think people would be saying something like that about me. You are all just very kind, an I appreciate the feedback from everybody
You are so true with the art thing. My wife does as a hobby and she managed to finally sell a piece for about £600 but the effort and cost of material and time didn’t accumulate that into any profit all, but instead a minus Keep positive man and don’t give in as you never know what is around the corner. I was lost for a years until I find Japanese as a passion which led me to life I have now. I’ve not got a career nor good income, but I have achieved what I personally wanted to do and I never thought I could do it. Hold onto that passion of creativity as it may not help with career goals, but it will boost your mental health in a positive way and allow you to grasps those rare opportunities when they eventually come to you. Always rooting for you man
Also that ending hit hard man. I hope then remainder of the year at least allows you to clean up some of the mess. First things first, health. Recovery well man
Love your channel, my upbringing was complete and total chaos. I've been married with a kid for a long time, sounds like a success story it's anything but that, it's been a total disaster in fact. God married while still being completely lost with no sense of direction had made things more difficult. Thanks for being real, I love it.
Thanks for doing this. It’s validating and it really helps me put my own life into perspective. I resonate with a decent amount here. Life is odd. Not easy.
You sound like because you have reached out that you are beginning to understand that you aren't alone in this so you sound stronger a year later. You have more resolve in your voice and yes this is a problem with creativity and being interested in so many things. I taught myself to type in my 50s and got a job in tech but now want to jump to the next level so trying to decide what I will do next. Also taught myself in my forties to play piano and guitar. Teaching myself oil painting now too.
Im not a hater because ive been in your shoes (and dragged myself out of it) but i feel like you make alot of excuses for your problems when from personal experience I tell you, you have to look in the mirror and realise there is only 1 person holding you back. I 100% agree with you when you say the western world is not feasible which is exactly why I left it and have thrived since, I reccomend you do the same. Despite my negative comments ( and i do sincerely apologise) you can do it man and I wish you nothing but success and happiness, thank you for your good content.
I appreciate the comment, compared to some, this wasn't really negative, you said you piece, didn't go in to personally attack me in detail, spoke from your own experience. Its a fair comment, said all that needed to be said to make the point. Much appreciated
I appreciate your reply Adam and the reason I say that is because I've been In an almost identical situation to yourself that took me a very long time to get out of, I can tell you are a good person with a good heart and I hope you can find happiness soon.
Self discovery is a very painful and important experience. Glad to hear your insights on this video. Especially the way you interact with it. Good to know, man. We all go through some tough moments, and I am beyond proud to see you have found this space for you.
You have a tender side and if you love art, I think an elementary school art teacher will be a good fit. You definitely have what it takes. You'd be a wonderful and charismatic teacher, kids would love you. Good luck!
Great year later video. Good idea. Situations trap us. It’s emotional work to reach out. I rely on small bursts of emotional strength to break out. Then exhausted. Statistically things work out more than I feel like they do. I feel like nothing works but that isn’t objectively true. That said when I go back and read years old journal, it is frustrating how similar my point of view is.
Also, I know that it's easy to think that we shouldn't let how we feel affect our friends, but that is kinda what good friends are for. It's part of the deal you make when you are someone's friend.
I know it’s a shitty situation, life’s brutal but from my experience things do work out in the end, you’ve got a roof over your head and people who care about you, don’t take that for granted not everyone has that and I would say just go for any full time job you can find, preferably a trade for more stability even if it’s not something your passionate about, and just figure things out as you go along, all jobs suck but it is what it is, personally I had to move away from my hometown just to get a decent full time job, but just hang in there man
Awesome video Adam takes alot of courage to be vulnerable and share journey. I can relate to so much of the things you talk about. Such as feeling like I have failed at life because im late 30s and still haven't got stuff figured out. You mentioned creativity and expeessing yourself. Myself I recently purchased a coding course where I will be building websites etc. Is this something maybe you could pursue like a career in tech? You seem very articulate and smart brother! Keep doing what you do, I unsubbed from alot of these red pill / alphas Alot of them are false and just want the views. .
Hi Adam, just want to say do feel sorry about what's happened to you, but don't blame yourself. You are a decent and clever chap who has had bad luck. Same as when I saw the vid the first time, I want to suggest that you consider finding a way back to a civil engineering degree. I think you were excuded in an admin error. Perhaps you don't want to be with 18 year olds but you could live at home. 35 isn't old. Lots of females don't get their own lives going until then, because of children. I can see you lecturing in engineering eventually. You have the enthusiasm and the comms
Life often doesn't make sense. Bad things happen to good people, and we often don't get the answers we deserve. This is a terrifying truth that I'm only just starting to come to terms with now, at age 30.
28:00 that is the wrong attitude. Learn to enjoy people, it's hard for guys like us. But wear your convictions on your sleeve. It works. Never give up to the guy making you depressed or insecure in your own head. Harden yourself to create observable distance to enter into conversation, but be genuine and authentic. It tires you out, for sure. That skill takes maintenance and attention for people like you and me. Stop letting yourself down talk to people that understand and care. Keep them close, friends are immersurably valuable to share experiences and thoughts with. Never give up.
Creativity comes in sooo many forms. It could be starting a business and creating all the stuff you need to do that... from marketing material, logos, website, if it's a school then creating a teaching program, it can be almost anything. I suggest thinking about what strengths you have and what you enjoy... what do your best friends and family say about what you're good at or what your strengths are... then, see if you can find a career that allows you to use those things. For me I always enjoyed helping people, giving advice (as you can see from my comments haha), creating things, and making stuff that people can enjoy... so starting an English training company was a no-brainer.
I posted on the last video too. And im here now 35 myself. I am sober from alcohol and drugs to be fair. But the rest, is just so so bad l. Ive failed so much myself and I dont know how to do anything. Ive a talent for singing and Id love to put up a youtube video and wouldnt have the 1st clue. Id love to wedding sing but ive no idea where to get started and every day knowing this seeps so deeply in my brain and it just sets me up for each day in total pain and devastation and then i cant do anything for each day. I barely eat dinner anymore. I just cant figure out what i need to do to get where I want to be im so crippled. I cant keep friends, can never get a boyfriend. Cant get going, cannot do anything. So so so depressed!! So badly want to sing, sell some art. Im like a bird forever trapped in a cage permanently!!!
About the college situation you found yourself in, I also had issues with college. I sat A-level Maths in sixth form but needed to improve my grade. I signed up to both years of the A level course at my local college. The college had a new maths tutor in that academic year, and he had never taught A level maths before which wasn't really a problem but he did become a father for the first time and was off longer than the 2 weeks by law as his son had issues. For A level maths there are 6 modules in total, 3 per year, and we didn't cover the one module I really struggled with in school other than 2 weeks before the exam, which caused me to not improve my overall grade and therefore I had to go to college again for a second year which I didn't plan on. I got the grade I wanted in the end, but it goes to show the college did not support him or the students at all. I had to pay £200 per course too as I was a part time student (so the first year cost me £400) and didn't get a discount on the second year I had to take!
Thank you for putting your story out there and being honest! I believe things will get better for you! Please, never give up. You really are very young still. Small steps in the right direction can really transform us
Adam, if only I could open up your eyes to the numerous Catholic online bookstores, I would. Many Authors have already put in a lot of time and effort reaching out to you.
Randomly came across your first video today so glad there was an update; Im glad to see you've reevaluated being a burden/comparison to your friends, that was one of my thoughts from the last video. I speak from experience and can honestly say your mates dont care how much you earn and the like, You could be the richest person and your mates not treat you any differently thats when you know you've got a good set. I understand the desire/feeling the need to want to apologise and such but sometimes things especially among friends just dont need to be said; make the effort and be there for your mates (the grass isnt always greener) as they'll see you through some of your worst times without question. All the best dude.
Just so you know, you’re not a failure. You have made plenty of videos that have impacted others, and you should be proud of yourself. You will find out your path eventually. Trust me. :)
Thanks for this video, it just gave me a realization of my own. If someone reaches out, its because they wanted to. That is them, showing they care, for whatever reason. We all need to appreciate that effort, however big or small. I think our friends will understand, more than we give them credit for. So never give up, and never stay down. And happy birthday!
28:00 Man, I think friends have always been the most important thing in my life. For support, for fun, for exploration, passion, or sitting around chatting shit about films and books. Hang out with your friends as much as you can.
That situation with the teacher, sounds bizzare but I've seen it happen. I used to be a teacher, but I got into the profession before I'd even qualified. I have a degree in psychology, and I still got to work at various schools if I was the only applicant. One time, the school actually heard of me through word of mouth and headhunted me on social media. I also met a chef who was brought in as a food tech teacher, who had no teaching experience at all, but he was really knowledgeable. Sometimes needs must, but its not the way it should be.
I've been getting my hopes up that things will get better year after year. Unfortunately, it never happens.... I'm 35... it's been like this for so long...
I dont think I have ever had anybody think sitting in a room with me would be liberating, many of the opposite perhaps but never liberating. thank you :)
Dont underestimate how important being well liked by your peers is to success - getting an apprenticeship is right time right place but you have to have someone see something in you. Also the crew needs to like you. At 43, if i did it again id do a course where im qualified and trained to be self employed on exit. Why put your livelihood at the whim of others who may or may not train you?
You have a very skewed idea about age and when a person is at their "peak". I couldn't disagree more. I'm now 47 and I'm only just finding my stride. I'm changing careers, I'm so much more disciplined and organised. I'm healthier mentally and physically. I'm more curious. I hated school but I love learning now. I got married and became a father in my early forties and I know that if I'd done that any younger I wouldnt have been the father I am today. I used to be a drunken idiot and now I'm a calm non drinker. Life is iust a journey and the only thing you need to do is keep moving forward, keep learning. Its amazing how suddenly life can reveal an opportunity that you would never have found if you'd just given up. Stop dwelling and just get on with living. Most of us are struggling. That's just part of it.
You must get out of your parents house. Some way, some how. It is of paramount importance. All else can follow, but you must get out of there. The confidence that will come from not being there will greatly help you with everything else.
Please Read or listen to 'The gap and the gain'. You are living in the Gap. Set a goal- any goal that excites you- the goal is not to do anything except pursue the goal. Doesn't matter if you even achieve it. Don't blame a lack of resources. Creativity is almost by defintion getting a result without unlimited resources.
I've watched a few of your videos and focusing purely on a career choice have you considered software development? It's something that can be self taught, it's creative be it front end design or back end engineering.
@@Add- Pluralsight would be a good starting point, there are plenty of beginner courses available. Maybe web development would be a good start, and if you don't like it there's nothing to lose but time :) The developer market is generally good and can be remote these days. I'd suggest having a look at junior web developer roles online and use that as a shopping list of skills you need.
Hi Adam, i sent you a long comment that seems to have disappeared. The just of it was that if you could use another friend to chat to from a distant land feel free to let me know under this comment and i will drop you a mail. I relate very much to what you say, and to your thought patterns. I wont bomb you with advice but perhaps it might help just to hear perspective from other people. Take care.
The fact that you’ve had so many views should tell you something. We’re ALL fuck ups. The vast majority of human beings are scared, confused, unhappy, broken or lost. None of us really know what we’re doing. And the people who seem to be happy and successful are only happy and successful for now. The wheel of fortune turns.
I was you. I became a wedding photographer. Life's very different. If your back is good enough, come out with me. I know you'll be good and I'll make you good. I'd love to help change your life. James Fear. I am easy to find.
"Western World, ... it's not a good place" I agree and no ones really knows why. I just think we set up living standards too high (via TV, internet/social media) and it's a failure to step back yet literally everything is super short lived (all material world, energy, including relationships) and has little to no sense of investing energy into something. I sort of believe that regardless the way I choose it's already burned path of someone else. Modern life brought wide noise of senseless existing...
Honestly, I dont think a life where you're so focused on daily survival that it leaves you no time to contemplate the pointlessness of our human existance is much better. Ask anyone who grew up in a slum. Be at peace with the non existant speck of dust our life is in the grand scheme of things, it really helps. Uncountable years went before us, and Uncountable years will come after. Try your best, enjoy what you can, but dont hang on to your failures. They dont matter.
@@Xc31 Cars, phones, IT gadgets, clothes, work, even own housing does not bring a smile on my face. I'm surrounded by dull spoiled people at work most of the time. I just despise the current state of western society, we are horribly apathetic to what is happening around us.
@@SladkaPritomnost Those things (accept work) dont bring happiness to anyone. Chasing material happiness only works untill you reach a basic comfortable living standard where you dont have to worry about surviving tomorrow. Work can be very fulfilling though. I take care of ~40.000 trees in a small city and while a lot of people hate me for mostly denying their request to cut trees down for their personal reasons, it gives me a very good feeling to protect a defenceless organism that will live on far beyond my lifespan, or the lifespan of the ignorant fool that wants it cut down for their "green" solar panels. Change jobs if you can to something closer to your heart. It will really help. Is it really modern western society that is the problem though? We've always been selfish and ignorant by and large, and unless we seriously evolve beyond what we are now I dont think that is ever going to change. I think its more that we have the world of information at our fingertips that makes some of us realise exactly how selfish and ignorant most humans are without having to belong to the elite having traveled the globe to see it with our own eyes. If theres historical written script, or even just oral tradition, theres a 90% chance it describes human ignorance and selfishness at least somewhere in its story. Its best not to worry about things outside your influence and just accept humanity for what it is. We seemed evolved beyond our hunter-gatherer ancestors because of technological advancement, but the further that goes the more obvious it becomes that we have not. It wont be long before tech surpasses an understandable level for most humans, if that hasnt already happened. focus on what brings you happiness, and if possible share that with willing people around you and try to enjoy the ride as much as you can. You (or me) arnt going to change anything meaningful in the grand scheme of things anyways.
@@SladkaPritomnost our brains are just too primal. The dopamine chase of always needing more is too strong for most, and when you can have it all, it rapidly turns into degeneracy. The only plus side is that we're going down the drain fast. I just hope we fizzle instead of blow.
Agreed. Although all major political parties in Western countries have been printing money for 50 years. Each generation the standard of living decreases.
You seem to spend a lot of time looking back & thats holding you back. Perhaps you need to work through the trauma you haven’t processed yet. I agree it was unfair they didn’t treat you fairly at uni but all you can do now is focus on looking forward. Focus on the positives and not the negatives. You have friends, a roof over your head, medical care that will hopefully improve things for you in the long run. I think your believe of what others have achieved is inaccurate.The majority of people work their hardest in the second stage of life. 20’s are usually spent figuring out adult life & messing around. You don’t have anything tying you down & stopping you from doing whatever you want to do. Travel? Start a completely new career direction? You’ll look back when you’re older and realise 35 is sooo young and you’re acting like you’ve ran out of time. You know now what you don’t want, time to figure out what you do want. Unfortunately there is no magic wand to wave that will give you all the answers in life. Life is a learning curve that we’re all just trying to navigate our way along with ups & downs along the way that help us grow and evolve. Appreciate the wins no matter how small you think they are.
its a slow as heck healing process from surgery, things have been looking more positive, however after seeing the physio last week and being given a new set of things to do, the last couple of days its like I have been hit with a bat. Fingers crossed its because its being put through more work and its just everything having a bit of a shock. otherwise.. 😬
I’m a psychiatric practitioner. I prescribe and diagnose. I watched your initial video and I’ve see this one after all the time. It’s time to stop focusing on or even reflecting on what you should/could have done. Every single thing you say, even regarding your friendships, you are stuck in self pity. You have a habit of taking the back seat, not telling your supervisor when you were an electrician trainee that you will walk out if you aren’t trained properly instead of sitting in an office for 4 years, focusing on how a shoulder surgery needed redone instead of dealing with some chronic pain and postponing the surgery until the next semester break. Your two relationships failing. At what point do you stop halfway verbalizing responsibility and taking it fully? By taking it fully is stop with the self pity, and realize that life must be taken by the horns and taken. That jobs are not meant to be liked. They are meant to be provisional. That nothing will EVER fall into your lap. That life is often unfair in every category but you can’t continue crying about it for a full year with no progress. If you do. This is YOUR FAULT. Period. Nobody in the history of humanity has had the opportunities you have in western society that you have now. Thousands of years of less opportunity and living standards than you have now, and here you are. It’s time to stop. It’s not your parents fault anymore, it’s not the universities fault anymore, it’s not the female rejection fault anymore. It’s YOUR fault if you don’t make another video in 6 months from now without tremendous progress.
Lmfao.. no chance you are a psychiatric practitioner that perscribes and diagnosed after reading all that.. your diagnosis is self pitty huh.. that has to be some of the funniest bs I have ever seen. Granted you only know about me what you take from the videos, which even then sees you fall short and miss the very obvious signs surrounding depression and Bipolar which has been diagnosed professionally. Your joke about putting off chronic pain of the shoulder to study is a reflection of not wanting to find out more or understand the situation, and your comment about the work situation shows lack of connection to the real world, you make sweeping assumptions throughout and your 'diagnosis' is basically 'get a grip' that's funny I can't lie.. the most unprofessional attitude I have come across in my entire life, period 🤣
@@Add- My tone may have come across more unempathetic than I meant it too and I apologize for that. Hard to get that right in written text, however the point still stands true. Bipolar can be debilitating, and that is a different situation all together but still has to partially be overcome with changing your attitude and perspective surrounding life. Part of depression can be treated through discipline regarding healthy living, exercise, proper sleep, eating right and perhaps even more importantly choosing to speak thankfully instead of getting stuck in self-pity. Yes I would partially diagnose you with self-pity and this is a part of the problem with many patients I have. I do empathize, and I do understand bipolar depression is not like unilateral depression, however with a mood stabilizer and perhaps some other meds, some of the responsibility falls on the person. Although there is a full picture I cannot see, Your videos give insight into your state of mind, as for a year you have documented the same complaints with little or no progress according to you. Some of that is on you. That could be self-empowering, or my words could be used to just piss you off more but the choice is yours. Truth is truth regardless.
Hello Adam, thank you for doing what you are doing. You are helping some of people for some reason. Adam you're cool guy, why don't you loiking for a girlfiernd ? Beeing in realetionship help improving life , together you can help each other . I witsh you a lot of luck and developing growing mindset. Iam from Poland so my english isn't so good. I didn't mean you have to follow what I just wrote , I just would like to help you some how and I want to share a thought with you what I consider valuable.
You're a nice bloke, fate (mainly your parents) f'ed you. Listen to Carmina Burana, read Schopenhauer. In any case, f this world, man. You are under no obligation to do anything, just don't have children and you will have reached much further than your parents. Wish you all the best.
Comming up for a surgery myself. Not fun. I hate pain. 😂. It gonna be real fun 🎉. Anyhow otherwise life is good. Just gonna suck to be me for a time 😅. I keep telling myself people have had worse surgerys and been fine. But surgery is surgery. God I hate it. Rambling. It gonna be fine 🔥. Life is good afterall. We have to remember that and see that. Even when it sucks. Atleast you 35 and not 46 man. Life is good, Im on vacation far far away, limping cause of hernia. Cant do shit, on couch most of the time, will hate the long flight home. But I am on vacation far far away.. something to remember when Im in pain later after operation 😂🎉😊
If your operation is for the hernia, you will feel apt better regardless of the pain, I know 2 people who have been seen for them, and both has said it was so much better. Hopefully the same for you too! Enjoy your holiday and take it easy!
@@Add-Yeah, I actually had almost the same operation before. But I was a kid. Can remember it sucking to start with, but had no issues later in life. So I expecting the same now. Looking forward to being able to play with the dog again after this. And getting back into long walks and hiking. Operations do suck 😮💨. But gotta look beyond that. Life is good. And its time to enjoy it 🎉.
I commented on the big video.. and i'll comment here too. The west really is tough .. these days I live in Malaysia and I'm from Australia. I teach English online and honestly man.. just being white, and being a native speaker means you have a huggggge advantage in asia... you can earn from $50-100 an hour teaching English and you basically need zero qualifications and very little experience. As long as you can talk to people and help them a bit even just by correcting some mistakes and teaching a few words here and there, you're set. AND Malaysia is one of the cheapest places to live... lunch is $10 or less... taxis are a few dollars... it's insane.
Let’s just face it as the truth. The U.S. education system is garbage. I have always loved school to learn and gain knowledge and I always will forever, but there are several things outside of that circle that make the system the abomination that it is.
Adam, I'm a working-class man, the same age as you and come from England so I feel the need to reach out and tell you none of this is your fault. We both went into adulthood around the time of the financial crisis. The crisis was caused by the rich, but we paid the price. I couldn't get a job for years after leaving university because of massive youth unemployment, and it seriously undermined my confidence and made me feel worthless and even unattractive. I also see myself in your stories about how underfunded and useless your college was because I went through the school and university system with undiagnosed ADHD. The support was never there to identify why I had so many problems, and instead I was just blamed and seen as a "bad kid". I've been really poor my whole life, and I am estranged from my family, which has made things much worse. I've been homeless and had to sleep on friend's floors for years and found myself in toxic relationships that I couldn't leave because I was fearful of homelessness. All this has fed into mental health problems such as drug abuse and Complex PTSD. I'm now 36, and I've just won a scholarship at a uni in London to do a PhD for three years. Combined with my work income, I'm finally out of poverty for the first time in my life. In three years, I'll become Dr Richard despite being the only person in my family to ever even step foot in a university, and I should be able to move out of poverty permanently. Ive also been clean for years now and have lost about three stone. Through it all, what has helped me most is recognising that the circumstances of my life are not my fault. People like us get shat on by the big and powerful people, then they tell us it's ourselves who are to blame. We're not. I look at you and see someone dealt a bad hand. You've struggled with unemployment and bad health amid Britain's crumbling social welfare and education systems. You've lived your entire adult life with the Nasty Party in office (not that the other lot would be much better). Try to internalise the responsibility less. You haven't failed - the society has. And you still have time to turn stuff round if you catch a break. Your desire to change your life is obvious, and it can still help you win through in the end.
Oh, the one thing I forgot. Seek therapy if you haven't already. I got over my male "I don't need emotional help" bullshit and sought help for my negative emotions. It is one of the best things I've ever done.
Thankyou, I battle a lot in all honesty with the way of 'blaming' the way of the world, on 1 hand it feels like its a reason, but on the other hand I question if I am simply looking for an external excuse thats not my fault for my life. But thats the issue, its my life, even if choices areimited, its still down to me which path I walk. So for me its a hard battle to even think about something outside of me, is a reason, if that makes sense.. As for therapy, I have had it once and it wasn't what I needed. Instead of addressing the main issue, it was very clear the therapist didn't either know how to help, or didn't want to hear about it, so unfortunately I learnt pretty quick what to avoid and what was needed in order to for the therapist to feel they amharic done their job, it helped nothing and left me feeling like therapy isn't for everybody
@@Add- it may be worth trying again. There are lots of therapists with lots of different approaches. It's worth trying a couple to find it there is someone you gel with.
Once governments gave themselves permission to print money 50 years ago, we were speeding towards an economic cliff. Compare your grandparents generation’s quality of life, to your parents, to your generation. This is an economic nose dive, created by the “experts”.
Adam, the answer is in DOING not in THINKING. i Started studying with 25, finished my bachelor's degree with 35. Had 100k in loans, had a 5 year old child and lived seperated with the mother. I started then to work with 35, now for 2,5 years. Paying rent, paying for my loans and my child, working 50 hours a week, take care of my child 3 days a week, taking my responsibility, taking the pain every day. Its getting better, bought my first appartment, started to make cashflow. TAKE THE PAIN, GET YOUR SHIT TOGEHTER STOP COMPLAINING AND ACT LIKE A MAN.
"C'est ce que révèle le dernier baromètre CSA Research pour Cofidis*, publié ce mercredi. Selon cette étude, réalisée chaque année, il manque 588 euros par mois en moyenne aux Français, pour que ces derniers puissent vivre confortablement et ne soient pas obligés de planifier leur budget au centime près." Coucou, les salaires sont trop bas en Europe. Courage, vous êtes jeune, il faut espérer dans un avenir meilleur, bisous 🥰🥰🥰
Adam, action will create more actions but overthinking will only create more thinking. Just do because it's never the right time pal
or become a philosopher!
I agree
Best quote that I have read… action = more action
Adam, try not to fall into this fallacy that your best work years are in your twenties or that it’s ‘humiliating’ to learn from junior staff. I work around people in their 40s and 50s who completely switched up their career in later life and they are thriving. I used to have a similar mindset and it paralysed me from taking any significant action.
also 35 is really young. so many people are only becoming an adult after 30 since we also lost like 2 - 3 years to covid
I agree 100%, whenever I see an older person working the counter at a fast food joint I think damn, this person humbled themself in order to get shit done. They dont think theyre better than anyone else, and they dont want to be stuck so instead, they took action. 👏
This. He's being defined by being a failure.
I’m 43 and happily learn from colleagues half my age. It’s really not a problem in the slightest.
I agree, he is too worried about learning from those younger than him. It doesn't matter how old you are or they are, if you're in a position where you can learn, use it! There are people in their 50s who go to university for the first time and go into junior positions. There is ZERO shame in that. Life is not a race, it's a marathon, some people get to different stages later than others, it's normal.
I myself just graduated uni at 31, and I am going to interviews and assessment centres with people who are much younger than me. My last interviewer was at least 4-5 years younger than me. I'm not ashamed, I'm excited about it, and if anything it makes me feel younger!
Being unhappy now is not a failed life. It's just being unhappy now. Keep going and things might get better. Your problem is not failure but the definitions you choose to assign importance to.
My brother in law is in a very similar situation at 38 - we’ve heard about his upbringing/type of parental relationship and we wondered if he had a “failure to launch” because of the relationship he has with his parents, they are very much still “in charge” and he doesn’t seem to feel confident in making his own decisions. Leaving home for the first time will often mean a significant drop in quality of living, not such a nice home, in such a nice place, living with people that might not be great, it is nothing in comparison to your parents home, but it will be yours and that struggle can be how you find your feet on your own and start being autonomous. But it is a risk and a bit terrifying to take the leap into the unknown - your next destination doesn’t have to be perfect or even perfectly planned, it just has to be your own choice.
Hi Adam, really hope you’re doing ok. Thank you for posting, I’m a woman, turning 40 next year and can massively relate (I’m living with my mum, dead end job, useless degree, slowly killing off friendships and my health via my depression). I feel like I’m on the sidelines and life has completely passed me by. Anyway just wanted to send you a virtual hug, and birthday wishes xx
@@davisjm777no way you’re in psychiatric with the way you’re speaking. Sod off.
@@davisjm777 Your comment was phrased in a very insensitive way. Have you ever received a training on empathy? I mean, sure, we are all responsible for the choices we make and a different perspective can be life-changing, but you should know you don't talk like that to a depressed person. They probably already feel like sh*t about themselves, so how are you helping exactly?
I just want to say as a bloke who has a wife and kids who moved away from his mates who are single (we are mid 30s), I miss not having them around because they are always up for hanging out. All the Blokes I know now are tied down are and way less interested in socialising so sometimes you’ve got to see that as a strength that you bring to the group and that’s mateship and always keen to hang out. Make sure you reach out to them and invite them out. I know I’d appreciate it.
Thankyou for giving me an alternative perspective
to me, you have done this beautifully. you have a great voice. never stop.
To give some motivation. Im 32, never been in a relationship, dont have any friends, have a shitty job im not suited for that destroyed me physically and i cant even get anything productive going and im still happy.
People just overcomplicate stuff. As long as you want to improve its fine. Just be consistent and patient. Not everyone can become a important or sucessfull person.
But from personally experience if you fail over and over, you have to force yourself to take a step back with youre expectations and demands for yourself, or youre mental health can deteriorate quickly. And that comes from someone who thought he was immun to negative thoughts.
I lost nearly all of my athletic capabilities basically over night due to an illness and to make things worse i didnt even realise how bad my illness was. I demanded things from myself that just werent possible and in hinsight its suprising how fast you can develop negative thoughts this way.
So well be carefull thinking of yourself as a failure and trying to force results with pressure.
As i said as long as you want to improve you have already won in my opinion.
I’m in similar shoes. Thanks for sharing your experience. Wish you the best just like Adam.
Just got finished watching both these videos and its uncanny the amount of similarities Im noticing.
I'm 34, living and home with Mum (Dad just passed away in August) and failure (i feel) has been the overarching theme of my life. Except, it seems that misfortune has been the catalyst for your failures. It must be maddening to try and try just to be fucked over time and time by circumstances out of your control (problematic shoulder, covid stasis, cast out of college for no reason). My failure is monolithic in that I have failed, and continue to fail, to even attempt being anything else. Half of my adult life I have spent in various menial/unskilled labour positions, the other half on government benefits. About four months ago I wrapped up a four year stint on the dole when I got a job as a cleaner.
I am sorry for your loss thats rather raw. regarding the failure aspect, I feel that really even as much as outside things influenced my heavily, it still comes down to how I act/react to things I guess. Thats what I have been trying to work with lately. That who I do is still up to me, yes, things can make options limited or feel that way, but it still comes down to the individual and how they move on from it. Take yourself, it would be easy to look at things and there be reason outside of you that influenced your position in life, but you have shouldered it and took it on yourself which is a tough one for sure, but look, after a stint on the dole you have got a job, you might not feel like its much, but its progress, and sometimes something like that can begin to set a ball rolling. You took responsibility for things, and have made change, keep doing that and the sky is the limit.
The viewership is testament to just how many brothers and sisters there are out there who are feeling just like you are. Relationships DO fail, massively, and we are in a f-ed up place (some more than others). Sometimes we have to watch everything collapse around us to build it back up, and thats not where I had been hoping to be at 44. But here we are. Stay strong friend, brighter days are ahead.
Bro I'm in the same boat, I can relate. we've got to keep doing our best, and loving ourselves, growing/developing and enjoying life man, because it is what it is, and it's absurd anyway right? Thanks for sharing brother.
From watching this I can tell you do not give yourself enough credit mate, you have built a small UA-cam channel that is sitting at nearly 5.5k subs, that takes alot of time and effort. Keep up uploading and exploring different avenues and you never know what will happen.
I think its pretty brave to put yourself out there like this, thankyou !
Hey Adam, I'm probably at the lowest point of my life mentally. No job, I dropped out of college because I didn't like what I was studying. I actually have no idea what to do. I guess somehow we just have to keep being around and keep experiencing. I just want to thank you for speaking bravely about the feelings and the journey.
Take your time but make moves that matter. Life is about curiosity and finding things out, its restricting at times, but you have to get things rolling. Building a single consistent habit can start to grow. Just make sure its a positive thing for life and progression. You got this.
Art must be free for everyone to see and sharing. sad is when we do art for a living and it doesn´t pay much. but saddest is when we quit doing art because we cant live with it. this is an harder burden that we must to clean our mind and hearts in order to never quit on art. do whatever you must to do to earn money to survive but never never never quit on doing art. Art is the expression of the creator. the ultimate expression of the soul.
art or creativity is what is your motivation I think and good to hear it - I can relate to the failure thing, but I would take it with a pinch of salt as it is only part of a narrow-lens mindset binary failure-success driven model of humanity which is severely limited and crushing to the creative and individual spirit - the fact is, people can have all the things you talk about - family friends relationship job - but they can still be miserable and neglect the things they have. You have a bravery in expressing the shit stuff you've gone through and I think this is just as much a success as all the other stuff, keep on boy!
Everything goes up in price but not the salaries.
Im not grest with words my friends, but im 38 and feel like im going on 60. Been through so many things, but done so little. Lost a beautiful woman of 10 years, lost my job, and stsrted my own life, only to have a fire and lose it all again... im starting to think we're just here to experience "life". Good and bad. We're experiencing this crazy world through our own lenses. One thing i struggle the most with is regret and not becoming the man i feel im meant to be. I see the potential but have such disgust for who I've become.
Wow, I wasn't expecting that sudden ending.
Neither did I. Kinda freaked me out to be honest
Maybe you need to wait 10 years to say you've failed at life, 35 is still young, look to the future which you have in your hands and not the past which you cannot change.... reminiscing about what you've not done in the past will get you down for sure.
Hello Adam. I have watched your 'failure' video and this follow-up retrospective. We are very alike - although I would argue that you have accomplished far more than me - with our circumstances being extremely similar, and I am also 35. What struck me in this video was that your mental process is also very much like mine, especially with relationships and "wanting acceptance for who I am", perhaps being quite devoted and full-on and having that love thrown back in your face.
After years of not knowing why I felt so different and finding the 'normal' aspects of life so difficult, I was diagnosed with a form of autism (formerly called 'Adpergers'). Obviously it is not for me to diagnose, but have a read up on it and it see what you think. It was good for me to know that not everything was completely my fault. After having a late diagnosis I do have 'imposter syndrome' and the habit of self-flagellation is hard to break.
You're not alone feeling like this. I'm 36 years old, and I lost my relationship last year, which lasted 10 years. We never had children. 3 months after split up, my ex finds someone new. now I'm currently living back with my nan who pretty much raised me through most of my life I never new my dad and my mom got into bad things this the reason my nan took me on and raised me.I feel like a failure especially when you see old friends and close family having families of there own you just feel life's is not for you and that sounds selfish I no but that's how I feel so your not alone. Life is hard, but you have to try to find something that keeps you happy and keeps you going, I suppose. You have plenty of time to turn your life around, and most importantly, don't let your age get you down. You're not old .
Hey Adam. You know, one thing that really hit me that you said in the original video was that about feeling like you're a "fraud" - thank you for putting it into words!
I've been in weird positions in life where I genuinely feel like a "fraud"; that I don't deserve to be in this position...
One thing I noticed was that it made it really hard to "achieve" more knowledge - just asking questions felt like a wrong thing to do.
I'm trying to therefore do it the other way; by asking questions about everything, asking other people about the stuff it feels like you *should* be good at, etc. No one knows *everything*, this is normal - is what I'm telling myself.
Genuinely, keep on being you. Best wishes, dude
It sounds like you might mean more 'imposter syndrome' if you find yourself in a position you feel you dont deserve? If you have the knowledge to be there and really if you removed your own thought so n it, people would put you in that position its not a fraud, but its your emotions making you feel like an imposter, like you shouldn't be there regardless of your ability. the 2 are similar but also different I would argue my feeling of fraud was because I lack the knowledge to be in the position I was, where as you saying you dont *deserve* to be in the position sounds more like imposter syndrome.
For me Imposter syndrome is 'easier' to over come, where as being a fraud is a little harder. neither are fun having gone through times in life where I have felt both thats for sure.
Thanks though, and keep your head up, 9/10 we actually do deserve the good things that happen to us.. but people like us, will always convince ourselves we dont.
@@Add- Awesome reply!!! It might just be own thoughts being added in by my own volition, sort of unnecessarily. It was just that the fraud bit sounded so familiar by the way you described it, over to mine. This might just be an indicator to look further into personally, so thank you for these words!
Keep it up mate, you're awesome!
Not only are you extremely brave to be talking openly and vulnerably, you are inspiring others like myself to do the same.
I've noted that you have a great gift for storytelling, after watching a few of your videos - I'm fully kept interested in what you have to say for the duration of your vids. Definitely keep it up if its a medium of creativity you enjoy and find fulfilling👌
Keep going mate, life is a journey and not a destination. All the difficult and crappy stuff will undoubtedly be vital to your self-discovery and journey, the harder roads are always the most rewarding 🤘
Sending respect mate!
I really appreciate that, a few people ja e said I seem to tell a good story, its really strange as I simply feel the opposite.
I think at some point we cross paths with people who can just talk and it keeps us hooked but never in a million years dod I think people would be saying something like that about me.
You are all just very kind, an I appreciate the feedback from everybody
Great video Adam. It's okay to not know your path. Just take the next small step as you are doing.
You are so true with the art thing. My wife does as a hobby and she managed to finally sell a piece for about £600 but the effort and cost of material and time didn’t accumulate that into any profit all, but instead a minus
Keep positive man and don’t give in as you never know what is around the corner. I was lost for a years until I find Japanese as a passion which led me to life I have now. I’ve not got a career nor good income, but I have achieved what I personally wanted to do and I never thought I could do it. Hold onto that passion of creativity as it may not help with career goals, but it will boost your mental health in a positive way and allow you to grasps those rare opportunities when they eventually come to you. Always rooting for you man
Also that ending hit hard man. I hope then remainder of the year at least allows you to clean up some of the mess. First things first, health. Recovery well man
I never ever knew about this art thing before Adam mentioned it. That is so rough man. :(
@simplelifeinjapan5353- I like what you wrote about the passion of creativity
@@sv-yh3mq thanks :)
Love your channel, my upbringing was complete and total chaos. I've been married with a kid for a long time, sounds like a success story it's anything but that, it's been a total disaster in fact. God married while still being completely lost with no sense of direction had made things more difficult. Thanks for being real, I love it.
Thanks for doing this. It’s validating and it really helps me put my own life into perspective. I resonate with a decent amount here. Life is odd. Not easy.
You’re obvious a very bright guy. Sometimes that seems to end up being the cause of many of our issues as strange as that seems on the surface.
Intelligence can be a burden.
You sound like because you have reached out that you are beginning to understand that you aren't alone in this so you sound stronger a year later. You have more resolve in your voice and yes this is a problem with creativity and being interested in so many things. I taught myself to type in my 50s and got a job in tech but now want to jump to the next level so trying to decide what I will do next. Also taught myself in my forties to play piano and guitar. Teaching myself oil painting now too.
Im not a hater because ive been in your shoes (and dragged myself out of it) but i feel like you make alot of excuses for your problems when from personal experience I tell you, you have to look in the mirror and realise there is only 1 person holding you back. I 100% agree with you when you say the western world is not feasible which is exactly why I left it and have thrived since, I reccomend you do the same. Despite my negative comments ( and i do sincerely apologise) you can do it man and I wish you nothing but success and happiness, thank you for your good content.
I appreciate the comment, compared to some, this wasn't really negative, you said you piece, didn't go in to personally attack me in detail, spoke from your own experience. Its a fair comment, said all that needed to be said to make the point. Much appreciated
I appreciate your reply Adam and the reason I say that is because I've been In an almost identical situation to yourself that took me a very long time to get out of, I can tell you are a good person with a good heart and I hope you can find happiness soon.
Self discovery is a very painful and important experience. Glad to hear your insights on this video. Especially the way you interact with it. Good to know, man. We all go through some tough moments, and I am beyond proud to see you have found this space for you.
You have a tender side and if you love art, I think an elementary school art teacher will be a good fit. You definitely have what it takes. You'd be a wonderful and charismatic teacher, kids would love you. Good luck!
Great year later video. Good idea. Situations trap us. It’s emotional work to reach out. I rely on small bursts of emotional strength to break out. Then exhausted. Statistically things work out more than I feel like they do. I feel like nothing works but that isn’t objectively true. That said when I go back and read years old journal, it is frustrating how similar my point of view is.
Thanks for sharing Adam.
Also, I know that it's easy to think that we shouldn't let how we feel affect our friends, but that is kinda what good friends are for. It's part of the deal you make when you are someone's friend.
I know it’s a shitty situation, life’s brutal but from my experience things do work out in the end, you’ve got a roof over your head and people who care about you, don’t take that for granted not everyone has that and I would say just go for any full time job you can find, preferably a trade for more stability even if it’s not something your passionate about, and just figure things out as you go along, all jobs suck but it is what it is, personally I had to move away from my hometown just to get a decent full time job, but just hang in there man
What did the uni say when you asked them why they kicked you out despite their conditions?
Awesome video Adam takes alot of courage to be vulnerable and share journey.
I can relate to so much of the things you talk about. Such as feeling like I have failed at life because im late 30s and still haven't got stuff figured out.
You mentioned creativity and expeessing yourself. Myself I recently purchased a coding course where I will be building websites etc.
Is this something maybe you could pursue like a career in tech? You seem very articulate and smart brother!
Keep doing what you do, I unsubbed from alot of these red pill / alphas
Alot of them are false and just want the views. .
Hi Adam, just want to say do feel sorry about what's happened to you, but don't blame yourself. You are a decent and clever chap who has had bad luck.
Same as when I saw the vid the first time, I want to suggest that you consider finding a way back to a civil engineering degree. I think you were excuded in an admin error. Perhaps you don't want to be with 18 year olds but you could live at home. 35 isn't old. Lots of females don't get their own lives going until then, because of children.
I can see you lecturing in engineering eventually. You have the enthusiasm and the comms
Agreed, university was your happy place. Try to get back in :)
Life often doesn't make sense. Bad things happen to good people, and we often don't get the answers we deserve. This is a terrifying truth that I'm only just starting to come to terms with now, at age 30.
28:00 that is the wrong attitude. Learn to enjoy people, it's hard for guys like us. But wear your convictions on your sleeve. It works. Never give up to the guy making you depressed or insecure in your own head. Harden yourself to create observable distance to enter into conversation, but be genuine and authentic. It tires you out, for sure. That skill takes maintenance and attention for people like you and me. Stop letting yourself down talk to people that understand and care. Keep them close, friends are immersurably valuable to share experiences and thoughts with. Never give up.
Glad to see your truthful to yourself and to us
Creativity comes in sooo many forms. It could be starting a business and creating all the stuff you need to do that... from marketing material, logos, website, if it's a school then creating a teaching program, it can be almost anything. I suggest thinking about what strengths you have and what you enjoy... what do your best friends and family say about what you're good at or what your strengths are... then, see if you can find a career that allows you to use those things. For me I always enjoyed helping people, giving advice (as you can see from my comments haha), creating things, and making stuff that people can enjoy... so starting an English training company was a no-brainer.
I posted on the last video too. And im here now 35 myself. I am sober from alcohol and drugs to be fair. But the rest, is just so so bad l. Ive failed so much myself and I dont know how to do anything. Ive a talent for singing and Id love to put up a youtube video and wouldnt have the 1st clue. Id love to wedding sing but ive no idea where to get started and every day knowing this seeps so deeply in my brain and it just sets me up for each day in total pain and devastation and then i cant do anything for each day. I barely eat dinner anymore. I just cant figure out what i need to do to get where I want to be im so crippled. I cant keep friends, can never get a boyfriend. Cant get going, cannot do anything. So so so depressed!! So badly want to sing, sell some art. Im like a bird forever trapped in a cage permanently!!!
About the college situation you found yourself in, I also had issues with college. I sat A-level Maths in sixth form but needed to improve my grade. I signed up to both years of the A level course at my local college. The college had a new maths tutor in that academic year, and he had never taught A level maths before which wasn't really a problem but he did become a father for the first time and was off longer than the 2 weeks by law as his son had issues. For A level maths there are 6 modules in total, 3 per year, and we didn't cover the one module I really struggled with in school other than 2 weeks before the exam, which caused me to not improve my overall grade and therefore I had to go to college again for a second year which I didn't plan on. I got the grade I wanted in the end, but it goes to show the college did not support him or the students at all. I had to pay £200 per course too as I was a part time student (so the first year cost me £400) and didn't get a discount on the second year I had to take!
Thank you for putting your story out there and being honest! I believe things will get better for you! Please, never give up. You really are very young still. Small steps in the right direction can really transform us
gratitude daily fellas
Adam, if only I could open up your eyes to the numerous Catholic online bookstores, I would.
Many Authors have already put in a lot of time and effort reaching out to you.
Thanks for the sharing, it is not easy to share all of this stuff and the brutality from the past experiences. I hope our lives get better man.
Randomly came across your first video today so glad there was an update; Im glad to see you've reevaluated being a burden/comparison to your friends, that was one of my thoughts from the last video. I speak from experience and can honestly say your mates dont care how much you earn and the like, You could be the richest person and your mates not treat you any differently thats when you know you've got a good set. I understand the desire/feeling the need to want to apologise and such but sometimes things especially among friends just dont need to be said; make the effort and be there for your mates (the grass isnt always greener) as they'll see you through some of your worst times without question. All the best dude.
Just so you know, you’re not a failure. You have made plenty of videos that have impacted others, and you should be proud of yourself. You will find out your path eventually. Trust me. :)
Thanks for this video, it just gave me a realization of my own. If someone reaches out, its because they wanted to. That is them, showing they care, for whatever reason. We all need to appreciate that effort, however big or small. I think our friends will understand, more than we give them credit for. So never give up, and never stay down. And happy birthday!
Maybe watch it again and find love. You're a beautiful guy, intelligent, and so similar to so many of us that grew up in the 80s and 90s ❤❤❤
Same Situation, I’m Trying To Sue The County Right Now .
28:00 Man, I think friends have always been the most important thing in my life. For support, for fun, for exploration, passion, or sitting around chatting shit about films and books. Hang out with your friends as much as you can.
That situation with the teacher, sounds bizzare but I've seen it happen.
I used to be a teacher, but I got into the profession before I'd even qualified. I have a degree in psychology, and I still got to work at various schools if I was the only applicant. One time, the school actually heard of me through word of mouth and headhunted me on social media.
I also met a chef who was brought in as a food tech teacher, who had no teaching experience at all, but he was really knowledgeable.
Sometimes needs must, but its not the way it should be.
I've been getting my hopes up that things will get better year after year. Unfortunately, it never happens.... I'm 35... it's been like this for so long...
Yep totally relatable 🤦♀️
things hardly ever get better by themselves. What is it that you're missing life?
We are mostly in the same boat unless on 75 k minimum and / or managed to buy property at exact right time . Dont be so hard on yaself .
i feel u bro. we continue no matter what!
I'd love to just sit in a room with you and talk. It would be liberating. I can relate to nearly everything you discuss on your videos.
I dont think I have ever had anybody think sitting in a room with me would be liberating, many of the opposite perhaps but never liberating. thank you :)
Very poignant ending. Truly wish only the best for you man, however that looks for you.
I appreciate that, thankyou
Dont underestimate how important being well liked by your peers is to success - getting an apprenticeship is right time right place but you have to have someone see something in you. Also the crew needs to like you. At 43, if i did it again id do a course where im qualified and trained to be self employed on exit. Why put your livelihood at the whim of others who may or may not train you?
You have a very skewed idea about age and when a person is at their "peak". I couldn't disagree more. I'm now 47 and I'm only just finding my stride. I'm changing careers, I'm so much more disciplined and organised. I'm healthier mentally and physically. I'm more curious. I hated school but I love learning now.
I got married and became a father in my early forties and I know that if I'd done that any younger I wouldnt have been the father I am today. I used to be a drunken idiot and now I'm a calm non drinker.
Life is iust a journey and the only thing you need to do is keep moving forward, keep learning. Its amazing how suddenly life can reveal an opportunity that you would never have found if you'd just given up.
Stop dwelling and just get on with living. Most of us are struggling. That's just part of it.
thanx for sharing !
Love you bro. You got it
Thank you kindly for your comments 🙏
I'm still watching you
Hi Adam, I was wondering if you may be suffering from depression. It may be worth checking if you have it.
Diagnosed Bipolar as a teen tbh
I realize this late in life, most people are trash.
You must get out of your parents house. Some way, some how. It is of paramount importance. All else can follow, but you must get out of there. The confidence that will come from not being there will greatly help you with everything else.
Please Read or listen to 'The gap and the gain'. You are living in the Gap. Set a goal- any goal that excites you- the goal is not to do anything except pursue the goal. Doesn't matter if you even achieve it. Don't blame a lack of resources. Creativity is almost by defintion getting a result without unlimited resources.
Its ok im 43 and I'm probably in A worden Situation as you .
Shall we burn it down?
I've watched a few of your videos and focusing purely on a career choice have you considered software development? It's something that can be self taught, it's creative be it front end design or back end engineering.
I have not, do you have any resources to share for learning ? I will look into most things at the moment tbh
@@Add- Pluralsight would be a good starting point, there are plenty of beginner courses available. Maybe web development would be a good start, and if you don't like it there's nothing to lose but time :)
The developer market is generally good and can be remote these days. I'd suggest having a look at junior web developer roles online and use that as a shopping list of skills you need.
Hi Adam, i sent you a long comment that seems to have disappeared. The just of it was that if you could use another friend to chat to from a distant land feel free to let me know under this comment and i will drop you a mail. I relate very much to what you say, and to your thought patterns. I wont bomb you with advice but perhaps it might help just to hear perspective from other people. Take care.
The fact that you’ve had so many views should tell you something. We’re ALL fuck ups. The vast majority of human beings are scared, confused, unhappy, broken or lost. None of us really know what we’re doing. And the people who seem to be happy and successful are only happy and successful for now. The wheel of fortune turns.
I was you. I became a wedding photographer. Life's very different. If your back is good enough, come out with me. I know you'll be good and I'll make you good. I'd love to help change your life. James Fear. I am easy to find.
"Western World, ... it's not a good place"
I agree and no ones really knows why.
I just think we set up living standards too high (via TV, internet/social media) and it's a failure to step back yet literally everything is super short lived (all material world, energy, including relationships) and has little to no sense of investing energy into something. I sort of believe that regardless the way I choose it's already burned path of someone else.
Modern life brought wide noise of senseless existing...
Honestly, I dont think a life where you're so focused on daily survival that it leaves you no time to contemplate the pointlessness of our human existance is much better. Ask anyone who grew up in a slum. Be at peace with the non existant speck of dust our life is in the grand scheme of things, it really helps. Uncountable years went before us, and Uncountable years will come after. Try your best, enjoy what you can, but dont hang on to your failures. They dont matter.
@@Xc31
Cars, phones, IT gadgets, clothes, work, even own housing does not bring a smile on my face. I'm surrounded by dull spoiled people at work most of the time.
I just despise the current state of western society, we are horribly apathetic to what is happening around us.
@@SladkaPritomnost Those things (accept work) dont bring happiness to anyone. Chasing material happiness only works untill you reach a basic comfortable living standard where you dont have to worry about surviving tomorrow.
Work can be very fulfilling though. I take care of ~40.000 trees in a small city and while a lot of people hate me for mostly denying their request to cut trees down for their personal reasons, it gives me a very good feeling to protect a defenceless organism that will live on far beyond my lifespan, or the lifespan of the ignorant fool that wants it cut down for their "green" solar panels. Change jobs if you can to something closer to your heart. It will really help.
Is it really modern western society that is the problem though? We've always been selfish and ignorant by and large, and unless we seriously evolve beyond what we are now I dont think that is ever going to change.
I think its more that we have the world of information at our fingertips that makes some of us realise exactly how selfish and ignorant most humans are without having to belong to the elite having traveled the globe to see it with our own eyes. If theres historical written script, or even just oral tradition, theres a 90% chance it describes human ignorance and selfishness at least somewhere in its story.
Its best not to worry about things outside your influence and just accept humanity for what it is. We seemed evolved beyond our hunter-gatherer ancestors because of technological advancement, but the further that goes the more obvious it becomes that we have not. It wont be long before tech surpasses an understandable level for most humans, if that hasnt already happened.
focus on what brings you happiness, and if possible share that with willing people around you and try to enjoy the ride as much as you can. You (or me) arnt going to change anything meaningful in the grand scheme of things anyways.
@@Xc31 I just see western world as hedonic treadmill which as you say that an individual person can hardly escape.
@@SladkaPritomnost our brains are just too primal. The dopamine chase of always needing more is too strong for most, and when you can have it all, it rapidly turns into degeneracy.
The only plus side is that we're going down the drain fast. I just hope we fizzle instead of blow.
My man, keep going, age does not matter. I am new to the channel, so I am not familiar with everything. Maybe you should go to therapy.
2:17 - Inflation is the problem. Ask yourself what causes that and if your voting habits may be related.
Agreed. Although all major political parties in Western countries have been printing money for 50 years. Each generation the standard of living decreases.
You seem to spend a lot of time looking back & thats holding you back. Perhaps you need to work through the trauma you haven’t processed yet. I agree it was unfair they didn’t treat you fairly at uni but all you can do now is focus on looking forward. Focus on the positives and not the negatives. You have friends, a roof over your head, medical care that will hopefully improve things for you in the long run.
I think your believe of what others have achieved is inaccurate.The majority of people work their hardest in the second stage of life. 20’s are usually spent figuring out adult life & messing around.
You don’t have anything tying you down & stopping you from doing whatever you want to do. Travel? Start a completely new career direction? You’ll look back when you’re older and realise 35 is sooo young and you’re acting like you’ve ran out of time. You know now what you don’t want, time to figure out what you do want. Unfortunately there is no magic wand to wave that will give you all the answers in life. Life is a learning curve that we’re all just trying to navigate our way along with ups & downs along the way that help us grow and evolve. Appreciate the wins no matter how small you think they are.
May I ask how your back is doing nowadays?
its a slow as heck healing process from surgery, things have been looking more positive, however after seeing the physio last week and being given a new set of things to do, the last couple of days its like I have been hit with a bat. Fingers crossed its because its being put through more work and its just everything having a bit of a shock. otherwise.. 😬
@@Add-I sincerely hope your back continues to improve and heal Adam. Take care👍
I’m a psychiatric practitioner. I prescribe and diagnose. I watched your initial video and I’ve see this one after all the time. It’s time to stop focusing on or even reflecting on what you should/could have done. Every single thing you say, even regarding your friendships, you are stuck in self pity. You have a habit of taking the back seat, not telling your supervisor when you were an electrician trainee that you will walk out if you aren’t trained properly instead of sitting in an office for 4 years, focusing on how a shoulder surgery needed redone instead of dealing with some chronic pain and postponing the surgery until the next semester break. Your two relationships failing. At what point do you stop halfway verbalizing responsibility and taking it fully? By taking it fully is stop with the self pity, and realize that life must be taken by the horns and taken. That jobs are not meant to be liked. They are meant to be provisional. That nothing will EVER fall into your lap. That life is often unfair in every category but you can’t continue crying about it for a full year with no progress. If you do. This is YOUR FAULT. Period. Nobody in the history of humanity has had the opportunities you have in western society that you have now. Thousands of years of less opportunity and living standards than you have now, and here you are. It’s time to stop. It’s not your parents fault anymore, it’s not the universities fault anymore, it’s not the female rejection fault anymore. It’s YOUR fault if you don’t make another video in 6 months from now without tremendous progress.
Lmfao.. no chance you are a psychiatric practitioner that perscribes and diagnosed after reading all that.. your diagnosis is self pitty huh.. that has to be some of the funniest bs I have ever seen. Granted you only know about me what you take from the videos, which even then sees you fall short and miss the very obvious signs surrounding depression and Bipolar which has been diagnosed professionally. Your joke about putting off chronic pain of the shoulder to study is a reflection of not wanting to find out more or understand the situation, and your comment about the work situation shows lack of connection to the real world, you make sweeping assumptions throughout and your 'diagnosis' is basically 'get a grip' that's funny I can't lie.. the most unprofessional attitude I have come across in my entire life, period 🤣
@@Add- My tone may have come across more unempathetic than I meant it too and I apologize for that. Hard to get that right in written text, however the point still stands true. Bipolar can be debilitating, and that is a different situation all together but still has to partially be overcome with changing your attitude and perspective surrounding life. Part of depression can be treated through discipline regarding healthy living, exercise, proper sleep, eating right and perhaps even more importantly choosing to speak thankfully instead of getting stuck in self-pity. Yes I would partially diagnose you with self-pity and this is a part of the problem with many patients I have. I do empathize, and I do understand bipolar depression is not like unilateral depression, however with a mood stabilizer and perhaps some other meds, some of the responsibility falls on the person. Although there is a full picture I cannot see, Your videos give insight into your state of mind, as for a year you have documented the same complaints with little or no progress according to you. Some of that is on you. That could be self-empowering, or my words could be used to just piss you off more but the choice is yours. Truth is truth regardless.
Hello Adam, thank you for doing what you are doing. You are helping some of people for some reason. Adam you're cool guy, why don't you loiking for a girlfiernd ? Beeing in realetionship help improving life , together you can help each other . I witsh you a lot of luck and developing growing mindset. Iam from Poland so my english isn't so good. I didn't mean you have to follow what I just wrote , I just would like to help you some how and I want to share a thought with you what I consider valuable.
"I come out with ease... not ease, but Es" this is a good joke, have you tried to do stand up comedy?
could be worse at least you have family to fall back on mine died horrifically
oh adam 💖
Wondered where you have been!
You're a nice bloke, fate (mainly your parents) f'ed you. Listen to Carmina Burana, read Schopenhauer.
In any case, f this world, man.
You are under no obligation to do anything, just don't have children and you will have reached much further than your parents.
Wish you all the best.
Comming up for a surgery myself. Not fun. I hate pain. 😂. It gonna be real fun 🎉. Anyhow otherwise life is good. Just gonna suck to be me for a time 😅. I keep telling myself people have had worse surgerys and been fine. But surgery is surgery. God I hate it. Rambling. It gonna be fine 🔥.
Life is good afterall. We have to remember that and see that. Even when it sucks. Atleast you 35 and not 46 man. Life is good, Im on vacation far far away, limping cause of hernia. Cant do shit, on couch most of the time, will hate the long flight home. But I am on vacation far far away.. something to remember when Im in pain later after operation 😂🎉😊
If your operation is for the hernia, you will feel apt better regardless of the pain, I know 2 people who have been seen for them, and both has said it was so much better. Hopefully the same for you too! Enjoy your holiday and take it easy!
@@Add-Yeah, I actually had almost the same operation before. But I was a kid. Can remember it sucking to start with, but had no issues later in life. So I expecting the same now. Looking forward to being able to play with the dog again after this. And getting back into long walks and hiking. Operations do suck 😮💨. But gotta look beyond that. Life is good. And its time to enjoy it 🎉.
I commented on the big video.. and i'll comment here too. The west really is tough .. these days I live in Malaysia and I'm from Australia. I teach English online and honestly man.. just being white, and being a native speaker means you have a huggggge advantage in asia... you can earn from $50-100 an hour teaching English and you basically need zero qualifications and very little experience. As long as you can talk to people and help them a bit even just by correcting some mistakes and teaching a few words here and there, you're set. AND Malaysia is one of the cheapest places to live... lunch is $10 or less... taxis are a few dollars... it's insane.
It's over
Lov
Dont be hung up on the university stuff brother. I've got a master's degree and still cant get a job 😂
Let’s just face it as the truth. The U.S. education system is garbage. I have always loved school to learn and gain knowledge and I always will forever, but there are several things outside of that circle that make the system the abomination that it is.
Adam, I'm a working-class man, the same age as you and come from England so I feel the need to reach out and tell you none of this is your fault. We both went into adulthood around the time of the financial crisis. The crisis was caused by the rich, but we paid the price.
I couldn't get a job for years after leaving university because of massive youth unemployment, and it seriously undermined my confidence and made me feel worthless and even unattractive. I also see myself in your stories about how underfunded and useless your college was because I went through the school and university system with undiagnosed ADHD. The support was never there to identify why I had so many problems, and instead I was just blamed and seen as a "bad kid".
I've been really poor my whole life, and I am estranged from my family, which has made things much worse. I've been homeless and had to sleep on friend's floors for years and found myself in toxic relationships that I couldn't leave because I was fearful of homelessness. All this has fed into mental health problems such as drug abuse and Complex PTSD.
I'm now 36, and I've just won a scholarship at a uni in London to do a PhD for three years. Combined with my work income, I'm finally out of poverty for the first time in my life. In three years, I'll become Dr Richard despite being the only person in my family to ever even step foot in a university, and I should be able to move out of poverty permanently. Ive also been clean for years now and have lost about three stone. Through it all, what has helped me most is recognising that the circumstances of my life are not my fault. People like us get shat on by the big and powerful people, then they tell us it's ourselves who are to blame. We're not.
I look at you and see someone dealt a bad hand. You've struggled with unemployment and bad health amid Britain's crumbling social welfare and education systems. You've lived your entire adult life with the Nasty Party in office (not that the other lot would be much better). Try to internalise the responsibility less. You haven't failed - the society has. And you still have time to turn stuff round if you catch a break. Your desire to change your life is obvious, and it can still help you win through in the end.
Oh, the one thing I forgot. Seek therapy if you haven't already. I got over my male "I don't need emotional help" bullshit and sought help for my negative emotions. It is one of the best things I've ever done.
Thankyou, I battle a lot in all honesty with the way of 'blaming' the way of the world, on 1 hand it feels like its a reason, but on the other hand I question if I am simply looking for an external excuse thats not my fault for my life. But thats the issue, its my life, even if choices areimited, its still down to me which path I walk.
So for me its a hard battle to even think about something outside of me, is a reason, if that makes sense..
As for therapy, I have had it once and it wasn't what I needed. Instead of addressing the main issue, it was very clear the therapist didn't either know how to help, or didn't want to hear about it, so unfortunately I learnt pretty quick what to avoid and what was needed in order to for the therapist to feel they amharic done their job, it helped nothing and left me feeling like therapy isn't for everybody
@@Add- it may be worth trying again. There are lots of therapists with lots of different approaches. It's worth trying a couple to find it there is someone you gel with.
Once governments gave themselves permission to print money 50 years ago, we were speeding towards an economic cliff. Compare your grandparents generation’s quality of life, to your parents, to your generation. This is an economic nose dive, created by the “experts”.
Adam, the answer is in DOING not in THINKING.
i Started studying with 25, finished my bachelor's degree with 35. Had 100k in loans, had a 5 year old child and lived seperated with the mother. I started then to work with 35, now for 2,5 years. Paying rent, paying for my loans and my child, working 50 hours a week, take care of my child 3 days a week, taking my responsibility, taking the pain every day. Its getting better, bought my first appartment, started to make cashflow.
TAKE THE PAIN, GET YOUR SHIT TOGEHTER STOP COMPLAINING AND ACT LIKE A MAN.
"C'est ce que révèle le dernier baromètre CSA Research pour Cofidis*, publié ce mercredi. Selon cette étude, réalisée chaque année, il manque 588 euros par mois en moyenne aux Français, pour que ces derniers puissent vivre confortablement et ne soient pas obligés de planifier leur budget au centime près."
Coucou, les salaires sont trop bas en Europe.
Courage, vous êtes jeune, il faut espérer dans un avenir meilleur, bisous 🥰🥰🥰
That is a lot to be missing each month, that roughly 1/3 of alot of peoples wage! That is a big chunk.
YO , Arent you lovely guy . Just bobbed on and now im gonna bob off . Sending me love from Manchester . Peace out babes x x