Usually, they feel very excited for you when you occasionally share some good news. They can even feel more excited than you are! That’s usually a good sign 🪧 You walk away from them feeling great and uplifted, not drained or offended. Even if the conversation was about something serious, you still walk away feeling good. If you see a person spot a piece of broken glass on the road and they pick it up and throw it away so nobody else steps on it, that’s a very good sign 🪧
Another good sign is if they have a passion outside of shopping at IKEA, binging watching Netflix and binge eating….These women tend to be really repressed and toxic.
Hi Laura, I had such a bad experience. I always trust my instincts and now at 62 pretty much not looking for any deep friendships,just a couple to get together with now and then. no pressure, no burdens at all. for example, a 2 hour happy hour out with another couple. Also as for females I am blessed with 2 sisters and a brother who makes me laugh so hard we have to be separated in our 60s too fun same humor and you can't create that it has to be natural. I feel blessed. Also, I'll end with this during Covid I was lonely and started my channel. I love cooking talking and meeting everyone here and so,i'm good . As of Today, I have a few hundred friends, lol.☺ And I appreciate and love them all.❤🧡💚💙💜
@@MsActor2009 So true. Especially important is how you feel after interacting with them. I remember a few years ago calling a (now former) friend just to say hello. The "conversation" lasted about 20 minutes during which time she spoke of nothing but a person she was working with. She then said something like, ok well, I'm going to get off the phone now. Never even asking me anything about myself. I remember just staring at the phone after she hung up thinking what am I doing this for? I felt entirely disrespected and dismissed. This was one of many examples. I stopped talking to her soon after which was one of my best decisions.
Turning 50 made me realize I don’t really need friends. I bet it’s the estrogen decline. I find the beauty in a nature walk, animals, gardening, solo traveling… I have an extremely taxing profession so my home life must be peaceful.
I hear you. When at home, I prefer to spend my time reading and learning ; its so gratifying, and yes peaceful. I like to meditate also, and there are some lovely online music/video segments to watch.
@@laurahillauthorI’m new to your channel. (I did subscribe). You mentioned you’ve divorced. Are you still single? Friendships are different after divorce. I’ve found that at my church, the married women aren’t interested in a friendship with me. I’ve reached out, opened my home to them. (I’m 65 years old)
I could not agree with you more.But I wrestle with feeling that I must be odd if I prefer to be on my own.I find most people are inherently self absorbed and have no real interest in me.They always bring the conversation back to themselves.I have acquaintances,but not close friends.This is my choice.Is this normal or am I a hermit?
Don’t have close friends. Especially as you get older. Have occasional friends. In my 70 years I find this is the best way to go. Have zero expectations of your friends. That way you won’t be disappointed There are only two people you can really depend upon once your parents are gone; yourself, and your spouse, if you are fortunate to have a good one.
The older I get (I'm near 65) the more I prefer my own company. I don't have the bandwidth for gossipy friends anymore. Maybe I'll eventually regret pulling away like this, but for now, I choose peace.
Don’t forget “the baby” friend. This is a grown woman who enjoys people taking care of her all time. She can’t make a reservation at a restaurant, needs someone to pick her up, hints when she’d like to meet up. Like’s to be invited, but doesn’t invite. I will do something nice for them a few times, but I’m not their personal concierge service.
I have one of those. Don’t forget they expect you to buy them lunch when you’re out, give them door to door service but it never works the other way even though they have the same resources as you.
I think the psychology is that they like to have a friend that makes them feel very important and they send random texts messages now and then to see how you are. It can be interpreted as caring, but it’s usually because they’re bored and want to be entertained. The last straw came when she told me about having people over her place on a few different occasions. I realized that she’s been over to my place, but I’ve never been over to hers. She found out that I made plans with somebody who invited me out a few times and tried to invite herself, but said “yeah maybe” when I tried to invite her previously. I’m a nice person, but not a doormat.
My baby friend sent me a random message saying “it’s been awhile since we’ve done anything together”. When I responded back “yes, it has”, she got annoyed that I didn’t pick up on her covert hint?!? 🤷♀️
I am a female CEO in my 30's. Your videos are so helpful! I have been burned by many female friendships in my 20's and 30's and am evaluating my friendship choices. My goal is to have authentic friendships that bring joy to myself and friends and steer away from unhealthy friendships. You are an inspiration!
I just came across your channel and I am just loving reading all the comments left by all your viewers. Time permitting I’ll have to do a binge watch soon. Keep up the good work ma’am.
When you're younger, you think you need friends, but as you get older, you realize the only person you really need is YOU & being true to yourself, fulfilling your purpose & passions. No one else's!! 👍💖😊
Oh, and don’t forget “the gossip”. They are quite sneaky and it can take about 6 months to 2 years to pick up on. Sometimes they can disguise it as being really caring or concerned about someone, but no, they just like talking about people for entertainment and making something so innocent to be so scandalous. They’re usually quite repressed.
Watch for the covert narcissist who at first appears to be thoughtful and caring but can turn on you as soon as you try to set a boundary they don’t like or put them in their place. Quality over my quantity is my motto. I only reciprocate the level of energy and effort that someone is willing to invest back.
I don't like people anymore. I'm in my 60s and enjoyed having friends in my 20s through 40s. Friends are too much trouble. They're not enjoyable and waste too much of my time. I give, and they take. That's the way it's been and nothing is going to change.
Yes, always be aware of anyone who tries to become your friend too quickly too soon, the chronic complainer, and the friend who manages you. It’s a power dynamic - they will get offended if you do it to them.
they are two very different people. The complainer needs empathy and is fishing for a new solution to their issue, on the other hand the one who wants to manage you is the controller, not complainer. The controller is dangerous, stay away or limit contact.
I found the complainer doesn’t want a solution, they just want to vent and vent and vent and victimize themself. If you offer a solution, they can get offended. Had one take me out for belated birthday drinks once to listen to her whine and winge non stop! The manager wants to eventually control you. They want a mindless follower! They can drip feed you the wrong information and I’ve seen it go as far as getting people involved in something that gets them into debt or poverty.
You are spot on about all this. I do wonder though, if healthy people are in the miniority. The human condition seems to be dysfunctional, we are all a work in progress, including me who has more work to do on myself. Maybe its just me though, because I don't seem to meet many very functional/healthy people.
@@lisalamphier1410 Not sure that I agree with that from my own experience. According to social science research, the majority are dysfunctional to some degree. I have also found that many seem happy and grounded on the surface, but over time, I have seen their dysfunction or toxicity.
Great point, Pragmatist. I’ve decided that I give myself permission to be turned off people who don’t communicate in a healthy way, don’t occasionally reciprocate and gossip too much.
Omg, I was recruited and didn't know it! Then I got Managed and manipulated! This new friend has now infiltrated my life! She's in my neighborhood, my Church, my friend group.....I had to walk away from all of the people I was friends with before she came into my life because this woman is a Covert Narcissist. I dislike say that but , but she has all the traits. I'm too old for this kind of nonsense! I'm done with making friends. I like my own company ❤🎉
I’m dealing with this at work with a coworker who I describe as a human vortex. She has now infiltrated my lunch group so I’ve cut back on meeting up and avoid her. So far so good.
There are some people who like all their friends to be friends with each other - it gives them a sense of community and safety and there are some peoples who infiltrate themselves into all aspects of your life so they can keep tabs on you for the rest of their life.
omg! so sorry. this sadly makes me ok,with not having friends. :( I have my family and a few aquaintences,but thats it. This lady is great these videos are helping me. just to mention,I had a similar experience,and she lived so close in my condo same floor and luckily I moved and learned the most important lesson of my life. good luck and thanks for sharing.
I've realized in the past year that after losing both my parents and two close friends, that what I cherished the most and miss the most was our shared histories. We were each others memories, we could validate our lives through those memories, remember the good and not so good, and that can only happen over time. Now I'm content to spend time with acquaintances who share a common interest or goal and that's enough. I love meeting up for coffee or lunch, or a group adventure, but I'm filled up after two hours or so and look forward to going home. I'm not sure I have the interest or energy to start again with those kinds of relationships...😊
OMG I have a "friend" who likes to 'manage' me. I've previously not been able to quite figure out what exactly was going on...thanks so much for identifying this strange phenomenon. And yea, she thinks NOTHING of being late/keeping me waiting!!! Monopolizes every conversation and loudly announced "Don't expect me to drive you home" when I ordered a second glass of wine with dinner at Olive Garden!!! Any wonder I value my time alone? 😳
I stopped chemo after 5 cancers. Daughter wouldn't help me at home. Or send one of her 5 teens to mow my lawn after a full hysterectomy. And I flatlined after knee surgery. I couldn't do anything .My chest hurt for months. I held my abdomen and mowed a little each day.I asked for the mower she said I could have. She got mad. I told her I was done with how she talks to me. Treats me. I stopped last two chemos. She told me I was unappreciative. I told her what all I thought about how she treats people. She told me to figure out how much get around. My car broke down. I walked to doctor appointments. Ten blocks to Walmart pushing a cart home in the heat. Walked 5 hours across town to get a phone then walked back home. Buses never came. My town is so ghetto. I nearly passed out from the 103 heat. I was in bed for a few days. My daughters friend decided to take me where I need to go. I told funeral home to dispose of my ashes with other unclaimed . And I make sure nothing is left in my account. I take care of myself until my cancers send me home. My mower broke and I had to use a weedtrimmer all summer. In my neighborhood people were doing drugs,hoarding,squatting. I don't put up with that. I had them all evicted. People bought the abandoned houses,remodeled and sold them. Now it's better.
I let go of a friend a few years ago.. She was one of my favorite people but, she had a seriously toxic family structure which flooded over into her actions. I felt sorry for her position in life and did what I could do help her adjust her sense of defeat.. but she remains a victim for life.
I agree ! Diana Kokuu here on y’tube has 1 ! Ten dollars for 5 videos . One time fee : not a subscription. Was originally Live via Zoom … from about 2 weeks ago. Now itz a replay. She discusses relevant research findings , too such as how there is a loneliness epidemic ( covid didn’t help; neither does social media). She also shares research finding stating that loneliness is as detrimental to our health as smoking is ! Then she shares a fascinating overview of the limited number of people overall that we are naturally capable of having in our lives / bandwidth. All that in just the 1st vid. The 2nd or 3rd vid helps unpack hesitation due to prior disappointments in friendship. Well , Diana describes the course better than I do haha!! The info is in her most recent videos. Maybe you’ve heard of Diana’s twin sister, Dawn … a.k.a., The Minimal Mom ( over 750K subs now!) . They are such a ray of sunshine !
@@laurahillauthor Yes , it's sad. But i was once needy. I longed to be connected with a person. I would pursue people. And I couldn't accept when they weren't interested. It took me a few rejections to wake up. I feel comfortable in myself and don't behave that way now.
In our olden years we have to be really careful about people coming into our lives. You never know if these people maybe going to take advantage of our finances or personal things, Beware. I know of someone that was being a care person and was silently hauling off their valuable belongings
I definitely don’t trust a lot of female friendships. I had a friend that I knew since childhood, who was putting out gossip all over about me. And, another who always lied and had a pecking order of friends. I was at the bottom. Now, I am friends with my cousins, and I enjoy their company. Our children get older and married, and need to enjoy their lives.
Thought-provoking video. The problem with all of the traits you mention is that they aren't often apparent from the get-go of a new friend relationship. I recently extricated myself from a "friendship" where the other person was subtly manipulative and incredibly judgemental and demanding. I consider myself to be both a savvy and intuitive person and I was suprised at the length of time (several months) it took to put my finger on why I had so many uncomfortable moments with this woman. The lesson I learned was not to cry over "spent cost." If it's not working, it's not working, regardless of how much time you've already invested! 😀
Very toxic "acquaintance" I have wisely distanced myself from lives up the block. Unfortunately awkward and uncomfortable that we cross paths once every few weeks or so. I don't want to even acknowledge her as this would signal an openness that she would take advantage of. These are challenging situations.
Hi Christine, with those kind of people I’m always “on the go”. Hi, bye, gotta run. Sorry, can’t chat, need to get back to work. You need to have an exit plan ready for when you bump into these mean girls!
Oh, and the chronic complainer will eventually complain about you, too. Usually after you listen to them complain about a few different people you start to realize that they might be the problem, not the people they complain about….
If you are paying attention, you can soon notice behavior that indicates if the person would make a good friend or not. For example, do they often drift off, i.e. stop paying attention when you are speaking. People who are interested in you will ask you polite questions about yourself, not in an intrusive way, but out of genuine interest in you. Manners are a sure sign, are they inconsiderate to you and/or others? As you mentioned, if they are constantly late this is a major red flag. If they are true to their word and reliable. A potential friend will respect you and your time. If you are meeting up for a lunch for example, have they made the effort to dress nicely? This shows they value you. Do you have an equal exchange of invitations to get together? Do they call you just to say hello and see how you are doing? If you have an event that you have discussed with them, good or bad, do they later ask you how everything went? When you contact them, are they happy to hear from you? It's important to pay attention, the person will let you know who they are by their actions.
My mistake in the past has been gravitating to what I thought were the quirky, interesting types, not realizing that a lot of baggage and complication belie those quirks.
I get that! The cloak of protection masking the character flaws. Trouble is, they can’t maintain it - eventually their real personality comes to the fore and then you realise they aren’t as nice/genuine as you once thought.
I also learned I don’t need friends either. I have many acquaintances, my family brings me the most joy. I agree about having friends where everything is on their time frame. When it’s reversed, they don’t reciprocate. I just want peace and joy, no drama.
Great video. "Don't let anyone manage you." I agree with you that this can be subtle, especially in the beginning. To dovetail off this concept, I would also say, "Beware of the one way directional energy." Often times, in the beginning, the "friendship" will seem more mutual, but as time progresses, people (and want they want) will reveal themselves. This can be really hard to detect, but like you said, if you're accommodating them and that person is not accommodating you (over time), beware of the one way directional energy flowing only towards them. Also, I've found people like this are excellent at saying "Thank you," when you accommodate them and being genuinely appreciative. However, if you need something from them, they are nowhere to be found unless it somehow benefits them. I find that many people will invest minimally for the maximal amount of return.
I believe people are their best selves during the first 6 months of knowing them. The first time they exhibit a toxic behavior, I notice it and give them the benefit of the doubt, the second time it’s a coincidence and the third time it’s a pattern. They are really showing me who they really are. If I’ve known them less than two years, I avoid them. If I’ve know them several years, it’s worth having a chat with them.
@@MsActor2009 Thanks for your comment. The three strike rule is a great idea. It gives the person several chances. On social media, people are being told to "cut the friend off at the first sign of toxicity", but I don't really believe in that. We all have bad days and make mistakes. But I do look for patterns of behavior. I listen to what people say and observe how they treat me. And I totally agree with you about people being their best selves in the first 6 months. All the best to you.
The right kind of friends remind you of the freedom you can have in the friendship. You feel included in the decisions made instead of them telling you how it is.
I am 56 and I must admit I want a few close lady friends. I am married and have been married for 35 years. My husband and I years ago had friend we would go out to dinner with or hang out with. As our kids have grown and it is just him and I we do not have a lot of friends. We have tried but everyone is so busy. I mean everyone is busy but I do think it is a thing people say these days when they do not want to allow any new friends in their lives. I heard someone say we can have a handful of friends but only a few truly close friends that you can trust and share with. I think most humans want human contact with other people.
I agree people say they are busy but a lot of it is laziness (my opinion) people don’t want to put the effort in too much of anything. We look for small events that we can participate in. Sometimes just being around other couple is enjoyable
I’m the same age as you, married 36 years. I’ve let go of my friends from grade school , that I was hanging on to. We have very little in common anymore and they are rather toxic . We also moved from our old neighborhood where I had “ friends” to socialize with . The one I was closest to said no one will visit me when we move. We’re 15 minutes away and she never tried to visit me. We hung out for twenty years. People never cease to amaze me. I feel lonely , but I’m embracing it and we will find things to do. I’m not looking for friends . If I find one fine , but I will keep it simple and not get too close. Good luck to you and I hope you and your husband find things to do together .
I often meet people in a store or garden centre and we hit it off have a wonderful sharing and then I think to myself how I would have liked to meet up again but is that weird? Meeting like minded people who share your passion for decor or gardening or where ever you connect seems so natural to me. I just don't want rejection but I often wonder if I should have offered to meet for coffee or shared more.
It’s uncomfortable to push yourself a bit out of your comfort zone but the worst thing that can happen is they say no🤷🏻♀️I’d push through the awkwardness and ask. Good luck!
Laura, once again you knocked it out of the ballpark. We need to be on guard when choosing a person we want to spend time with. Just love your videos, you do such a good job.
ugh! I had a friend who I just casually distanced myself from, was the same way.. never cared to do much of what I wanted to do *crickets* it was always what she wanted and I “tag” along. she was always late.. if we were to meet at 9 she wouldn’t even be ready until 10:15 no concept of time. it was annoying, once I stopped wanting to hang out as much I was looked at as a bad friend 😅 get a grip
And if you politely express that you feel stressed out when they change the time and venue all the time, they accuse you of being controlled and rigid….
It takes a long time to get to know someone really well… 6 years is my experience. I’m too old now to bother trying to get to know someone. No one is going to tell you they’re a bigot, racist, control freak, manipulative, etc. I’m happy at home with my spouse (fortunately) and my pets. If you’re a giver you will draw a taker.
I am fairly recently retired and plans for moving to a new city are in the works. Part of the reason I am moving is to have more social activity. Although I would love to make the right friends once there, I am not setting myself up for disappointment. I think that creating social acquaintances while participating in activities that I enjoy will be my best bet. I am finding these videos very helpful and thought provoking.
My best friend accused me of telling her ex husband something that she didn’t want him to know which wasn’t true. We didn’t speak for 10 years when she phoned and apologized. We got back together for four more years but things weren’t the same. She was always complaining about her husband, asking me to come visit or take her somewhere. She hadn’t driven for years. I finally quit answering the phone when she called because she’d talk for hours. Gradually I quit visiting her and talking. She didn’t understand I didn’t have the energy at 77 that we had in our 20’s -40’s to keep driving to visit or take her out. She texted me saying I was no fun anymore, selfish and a liar. This is how even lifetime friendships can end.
This is exactly how it is Laura. I have never heard anyone put it so clearly yet succinctly. You have reinforced that I must protect my wellbeing first. Kudos from Canada.
@@Belevaqua that's a sad realisation. Sometimes we have grown and they have not and what we might have accepted years ago is no longer the case. We deserve better.
In my early 40s and my friend circle is smaller than my 20s, but I do not have drama queen friends now. It is so peaceful! I watch the drama at church from women, and it encourages me to keep my inner circle smaller. My husband is a pastor, and I love helping people, but there are things I have learned, and one is friendships can be complicated, so don't rush it! Also, I have learned to recognize signs of narcissistic personality. We need to choose carefully!
I don't have as many friends as I'd like because I can't be around phones easily and I don't text. You wouldn't believe how many 'friends' you can lose if you chose not to text. I like just phone calls and meeting in person. I"ll do email also. I know texting is popular, but it makes me really un comfortable so I don't do it and don't like when others text me.
I’m 39 and currently navigating friendships in a new town and I love your videos! I wish they were longer! Your videos are teaching me a lot I appreciate you!
watch them all, I'm 62 and she is helping me? so there you go. I have no girlfriends,but that is my choice. I get bored easy and I enjoy hobbies,usually just not interested in the things other women my age enjoy,so my bad ,my choice. i'm lucky I have a good family 2 sisterers and a cool brother . we can't get together enough. My hubby 1 of 11 kids so we are good. But I do wish I knew Laura in my twenties,lol.
So good Laura! My old pattern was finding friends when I was feeling vulnerable. These days I am much more discerning and give myself lots more time before entering into another relationship. We have to process the loss, whatever it was, before starting something new. To me it was filling that void. I had to laugh at the "recruiter", they certainly know which buttons to press.😉😉😉
My friends are from long ago, we have been friends for many many years. We were good friends because we thought alike. Now they have changed, their kids have changed them, and we no longer think alike. I’m not changing, I raised my kids the way I believe. They didn’t.. I don’t think it’s going to endure much longer.
I watched this video twice. Your description of a toxic “friend” who manages the relationship hit home with me. For more than a year, I have wanted to end a relationship with a woman who dictates where we go and “allows” me to choose from the dates she and her husband are available to see my husband and me. I thought I was simply no longer enjoying time spent with her because she is a self-centered, rude snob with a very high opinion of herself. But your description of a friend who manages a relationship fits her perfectly. So … can you talk about how to graciously end a relationship of this type? My husband and I have known this couple and socialized with them for more than 15 years. I don’t know whether she has become more controlling or I have lost patience with her arrogance. Either way, I have declined her last two invitations, but she doesn’t seem to be getting the hint.
My next door neighbour and I could be the greatest of friends but the magnitude of what would be put on my shoulders for what I would get out of the relationship brings us to the best text buddies funny vids or happenings but our property line is the line lol Thankyou ❣️
One of my neighbours has been full on with me and it started giving me ‘Single White Female’ movie vibes. Very uncomfortable! It’s taught me when I move - which I’m currently trying to do (nothing to do with her) - keep your neighbours at a distance which is what I’m now doing.
I have my husband who is my best and only friend and who is my soulmate, so I don't need friends. I'm not sure what the definition of a friend is anymore. We all have boundaries, unless it's like your spouse who is willing to give up his life and all his money for me. I guess the best way to go is to enjoy friendly interactions with people we admire, without expecting anything in return. Being a friend and being friendly are different things, and I think the latter is more realistic.
Very informative. You put more clearly than I could express some things I have experienced. Those kinds of people exhausted me. When I returned the behavior they gave me, I never heard from them again. In my mid sixties, I think I'm going to keep most people at arms length.
I've become friends with people that were very drunk at the time and I didn't realize how drunk they probably were. (They were in a family-oriented place, not somewhere obvious like a bar). I grew up around people with substance abuse issues and most people do drink so I tried not to judge. Thing is that person and I were NOT compatible and they were recruiting me as someone they could dump on, nothing more. Sometimes judgement is a good thing, we have it for a reason. Being overly accepting doesn't help anyone, there's always a balance.
Talk about visiting overnight at someones house. My friend jist had house guests who stayed a bit too long and ate so much food. The guests stayed a week! 😅
I absolutely love your channel. Oh my how your insights and personal encounters are things we all have gone through but never had anyone to talk about it with that validates all of these encounters. Thank you.
Just found your channel & So Very helpful to me! I misinterpreted all the signs of recent friendships. Really love your tips and ideas. Do you believe friends can still be close when politically divided? I try to be respectful of others beliefs, ideas, but didn't work out so well for me... How do you feel about this, worth reconnecting with 2 longtime friends after the election is over??
It is always worth trying to reconnect because loosing friendships is something that should only be done when there is just no hope. Politics has ruined so many relationships. O guess the question is can you put that difference aside? Can they? I think it’s worth asking them the question and telling them you want to be friends If people matter to you I’m at the point in life where I am willing to just state it. Good luck!
I am loving your videos! So relatable and inspiring. My question is how do you distance yourself from a current relationship that is out of balance or toxic? I have a “friend” I have known for about 3 years. We met thru work. We have had fun for sure but every time we get together she has to drink cocktails. I don’t drink and my husband is a recovering alcoholic. So, while I understand someone drinking socially, I don’t want to be around someone who always has to drink. I recently told her how I feel and she says she can get together without drinking. But part of me resents that I had to be the adult and bluntly tell her this. Like why couldn’t she figure that out on her own? There are other things and I just dread even thinking about seeing her now. Luckily we never had a relationship where we talked everyday or saw each other everyday. We usually might get together once a month and maybe text periodically. But she calls me her best friend and said she tells her other friends about me all the time. That also makes me uncomfortable. Anyway what is the best way to distance myself without being unkind? Thanks!! 😊
All good advice. So how do we avoid isolation after moving to a new neighborhood after the place we moved to had been vacant for a long time. While there are short term rental properties in that neighborhood. The best answer for that question is sometimes to go look for a part time job while keeping in touch with our family members who can benefit from our company. Or instead going back to school if nobody around at the time for years wants to hire us.
If people don’t take care of themselves, obviously, they certainly won’t care about you. Long dirty finger nails , dirty, bad breath, smelly, stinky pick their nose in front of you. Always trying to spark up morbid conversation , undress you with their eyes. What is in the heart comes out of the mouth. That is the first red flag! I made the mistake of talking to a neighbor. I caught him looking at me through the windows of his apartment. I even caught him pointing a camera with a long lense. Finally he forced himself on me. A man that I know that knows him told me he had shown him candid pictures he had taken of me . There are a lot of weirdos out there and perverts. I even met horrible people at church. That’s why I stopped going. Best thing to do is keep to yourself and don’t talk to people. I moved away and refuse to talk to anyone anymore. People can ruin your life while in pursuit of their own selfish desires. When people hint to you what kind of people they are, believe them the first time. You need them like you need a hole in your head. Sta clear of snakes!
I don't like when people tell personal info about me to other people. I am a private person. They are not my friends. Really we have to tell people upfront what we tell them is private. There is no more common sense or trust any more. Stop gossiping people it's not good for anyone. It's hurtful. Maybe you could do a video on gossip. How both women and men do it, what the Bible says about it, how it is hurtful to the gossip monger and the person being talked about. Please think about doing a video on gossip. Thank you.
I’m not a content creator and idk much about camera & lighting gear , but I saw that Justin McClure ( Dad of the hugely popular y’tube family , The Mighty McClures … plus a pro photographer for years) has a new lighting device for sale. A man from Shark Tank partnered with Justin in its development. It looks pretty nifty ! Justin is the main photographer for their channels. 6M followers ! Idk if that’s solely their yt channel , or combination of yt, FB & instagram. Pretty impressive tho. I honestly lost track of their # of subs & was surprised & happy to hear that in a recent pitch video for the product. I've been following them since their twins were 2 !
Would love to hear any tricks you use to spot the right kind of ‘people’.
Usually, they feel very excited for you when you occasionally share some good news. They can even feel more excited than you are! That’s usually a good sign 🪧 You walk away from them feeling great and uplifted, not drained or offended. Even if the conversation was about something serious, you still walk away feeling good. If you see a person spot a piece of broken glass on the road and they pick it up and throw it away so nobody else steps on it, that’s a very good sign 🪧
Another good sign is if they have a passion outside of shopping at IKEA, binging watching Netflix and binge eating….These women tend to be really repressed and toxic.
Hi Laura, I had such a bad experience. I always trust my instincts and now at 62 pretty much not looking for any deep friendships,just a couple to get together with now and then. no pressure, no burdens at all. for example, a 2 hour happy hour out with another couple. Also as for females I am blessed with 2 sisters and a brother who makes me laugh so hard we have to be separated in our 60s too fun same humor and you can't create that it has to be natural. I feel blessed. Also, I'll end with this during Covid I was lonely and started my channel. I love cooking talking and meeting everyone here and so,i'm good . As of Today, I have a few hundred friends, lol.☺ And I appreciate and love them all.❤🧡💚💙💜
@@MsActor2009 So true. Especially important is how you feel after interacting with them. I remember a few years ago calling a (now former) friend just to say hello. The "conversation" lasted about 20 minutes during which time she spoke of nothing but a person she was working with. She then said something like, ok well, I'm going to get off the phone now. Never even asking me anything about myself. I remember just staring at the phone after she hung up thinking what am I doing this for? I felt entirely disrespected and dismissed. This was one of many examples. I stopped talking to her soon after which was one of my best decisions.
Turning 50 made me realize I don’t really need friends. I bet it’s the estrogen decline. I find the beauty in a nature walk, animals, gardening, solo traveling… I have an extremely taxing profession so my home life must be peaceful.
I’m just coming down off a very intense career and know exactly what you are feeling. Love my alone time
Same here!
I hear you. When at home, I prefer to spend my time reading and learning ; its so gratifying, and yes peaceful. I like to meditate also, and there are some lovely online music/video segments to watch.
@@laurahillauthorI’m new to your channel. (I did subscribe). You mentioned you’ve divorced. Are you still single? Friendships are different after divorce. I’ve found that at my church, the married women aren’t interested in a friendship with me. I’ve reached out, opened my home to them. (I’m 65 years old)
I could not agree with you more.But I wrestle with feeling that I must be odd if I prefer to be on my own.I find most people are inherently self absorbed and have no real interest in me.They always bring the conversation back to themselves.I have acquaintances,but not close friends.This is my choice.Is this normal or am I a hermit?
Don’t have close friends. Especially as you get older. Have occasional friends. In my 70 years I find this is the best way to go. Have zero expectations of your friends. That way you won’t be disappointed There are only two people you can really depend upon once your parents are gone; yourself, and your spouse, if you are fortunate to have a good one.
I’m 61, I agree. I’ve been feeling this way since my mid 50’s.
The older I get (I'm near 65) the more I prefer my own company. I don't have the bandwidth for gossipy friends anymore. Maybe I'll eventually regret pulling away like this, but for now, I choose peace.
You just described me perfectly as well. 65 soon, & just want peace.
Me too. I am just over it.
I am 60 and enjoy the peace.
Well said. Agreed !
Almost 68 & thought it was just me.
I have no time, interest or energy for high maintenance, needy people . I love my peace and serenity. ❤
Me too. Whilst I'm wary of difficult people, I also try and appreciate people and look for their strengths and positive attributes.
Don’t forget “the baby” friend. This is a grown woman who enjoys people taking care of her all time. She can’t make a reservation at a restaurant, needs someone to pick her up, hints when she’d like to meet up. Like’s to be invited, but doesn’t invite. I will do something nice for them a few times, but I’m not their personal concierge service.
Oh wow that’s a good one!
I have one of those. Don’t forget they expect you to buy them lunch when you’re out, give them door to door service but it never works the other way even though they have the same resources as you.
I think the psychology is that they like to have a friend that makes them feel very important and they send random texts messages now and then to see how you are. It can be interpreted as caring, but it’s usually because they’re bored and want to be entertained. The last straw came when she told me about having people over her place on a few different occasions. I realized that she’s been over to my place, but I’ve never been over to hers. She found out that I made plans with somebody who invited me out a few times and tried to invite herself, but said “yeah maybe” when I tried to invite her previously. I’m a nice person, but not a doormat.
I had one like that 😬
My baby friend sent me a random message saying “it’s been awhile since we’ve done anything together”. When I responded back “yes, it has”, she got annoyed that I didn’t pick up on her covert hint?!? 🤷♀️
I am a female CEO in my 30's. Your videos are so helpful! I have been burned by many female friendships in my 20's and 30's and am evaluating my friendship choices.
My goal is to have authentic friendships that bring joy to myself and friends and steer away from unhealthy friendships. You are an inspiration!
Thank you so much! Your comment really means a lot. A congrats on you career success
Few friends but good friends , that’s all you need in life at your age .
I just came across your channel and I am just loving reading all the comments left by all your viewers. Time permitting I’ll have to do a binge watch soon. Keep up the good work ma’am.
Glad you found the channel!
When you're younger, you think you need friends, but as you get older, you realize the only person you really need is YOU & being true to yourself, fulfilling your purpose & passions. No one else's!! 👍💖😊
So true!
Oh, and don’t forget “the gossip”. They are quite sneaky and it can take about 6 months to 2 years to pick up on. Sometimes they can disguise it as being really caring or concerned about someone, but no, they just like talking about people for entertainment and making something so innocent to be so scandalous. They’re usually quite repressed.
Watch for the covert narcissist who at first appears to be thoughtful and caring but can turn on you as soon as you try to set a boundary they don’t like or put them in their place. Quality over my quantity is my motto. I only reciprocate the level of energy and effort that someone is willing to invest back.
Agree and moving slowly in all relationships including ‘just friends’. Thanks for commenting
I don't like people anymore. I'm in my 60s and enjoyed having friends in my 20s through 40s. Friends are too much trouble. They're not enjoyable and waste too much of my time. I give, and they take. That's the way it's been and nothing is going to change.
It certainly seems
to have changed a lot
I absolutely cannot have someone push or pressure me into anything anymore. I just can't. Can not.
Good for you!!! Boundaries are a wonderful thing
Yes, always be aware of anyone who tries to become your friend too quickly too soon, the chronic complainer, and the friend who manages you. It’s a power dynamic - they will get offended if you do it to them.
they are two very different people. The complainer needs empathy and is fishing for a new solution to their issue, on the other hand the one who wants to manage you is the controller, not complainer. The controller is dangerous, stay away or limit contact.
I found the complainer doesn’t want a solution, they just want to vent and vent and vent and victimize themself. If you offer a solution, they can get offended. Had one take me out for belated birthday drinks once to listen to her whine and winge non stop!
The manager wants to eventually control you. They want a mindless follower! They can drip feed you the wrong information and I’ve seen it go as far as getting people involved in something that gets them into debt or poverty.
@@MsActor2009 oh dear. Yeah, you have to discern if they are a user or not, a destroyer or a person who would be deeply thankful for some help
You are spot on about all this. I do wonder though, if healthy people are in the miniority. The human condition seems to be dysfunctional, we are all a work in progress, including me who has more work to do on myself. Maybe its just me though, because I don't seem to meet many very functional/healthy people.
@@lisalamphier1410 Not sure that I agree with that from my own
experience. According to social science research, the majority are dysfunctional to some degree. I have also found that many seem
happy and grounded on the surface, but over time, I have seen their
dysfunction or toxicity.
I like that you encourage people to self reflect on their own actions instead of just the actions of the "friend".
I am trying to reset myself! Very hard, but being aware is the first step.
@@Nwladylaura369 Exactly. Awareness is key. All the best to you.
Absolutely.
Great point, Pragmatist. I’ve decided that I give myself permission to be turned off people who don’t communicate in a healthy way, don’t occasionally reciprocate and gossip too much.
Just turned 50. I am grieving a 10 year friendship- lost due to pettiness and pride. Too long of a story. I am ready to find my tribe.
I’m so sorry. You will find a much better group
yeah, i think a lot of people are waking up and ready to find their tribe
So agree!
Same here 😢
Omg, I was recruited and didn't know it! Then I got Managed and manipulated! This new friend has now infiltrated my life! She's in my neighborhood, my Church, my friend group.....I had to walk away from all of the people I was friends with before she came into my life because this woman is a Covert Narcissist. I dislike say that but , but she has all the traits. I'm too old for this kind of nonsense! I'm done with making friends. I like my own company ❤🎉
Just let her go! You can make new friends after you take some time to recover.
I’m dealing with this at work with a coworker who I describe as a human vortex. She has now infiltrated my lunch group so I’ve cut back on meeting up and avoid her. So far so good.
There are some people who like all their friends to be friends with each other - it gives them a sense of community and safety and there are some peoples who infiltrate themselves into all aspects of your life so they can keep tabs on you for the rest of their life.
Ugh. I just went through that
omg! so sorry. this sadly makes me ok,with not having friends. :( I have my family and a few aquaintences,but thats it. This lady is great these videos are helping me. just to mention,I had a similar experience,and she lived so close in my condo same floor and luckily I moved and learned the most important lesson of my life. good luck and thanks for sharing.
I'm investing less energy and time into people. Over being a people pleaser. I like my own company
And good advice!
I've realized in the past year that after losing both my parents and two close friends, that what I cherished the most and miss the most was our shared histories. We were each others memories, we could validate our lives through those memories, remember the good and not so good, and that can only happen over time. Now I'm content to spend time with acquaintances who share a common interest or goal and that's enough. I love meeting up for coffee or lunch, or a group adventure, but I'm filled up after two hours or so and look forward to going home. I'm not sure I have the interest or energy to start again with those kinds of relationships...😊
Really agree. And I took have lost both parents, best friend and another friend in last six months.
@nancyhass5972 I'm so sorry for your loss, it's indescribable how that affects you.. I hope you are well and finding peace.
OMG I have a "friend" who likes to 'manage' me. I've previously not been able to quite figure out what exactly was going on...thanks so much for identifying this strange phenomenon. And yea, she thinks NOTHING of being late/keeping me waiting!!! Monopolizes every conversation and loudly announced "Don't expect me to drive you home" when I ordered a second glass of wine with dinner at Olive Garden!!! Any wonder I value my time alone? 😳
I stopped chemo after 5 cancers. Daughter wouldn't help me at home. Or send one of her 5 teens to mow my lawn after a full hysterectomy. And I flatlined after knee surgery. I couldn't do anything .My chest hurt for months. I held my abdomen and mowed a little each day.I asked for the mower she said I could have. She got mad. I told her I was done with how she talks to me. Treats me. I stopped last two chemos. She told me I was unappreciative. I told her what all I thought about how she treats people. She told me to figure out how much get around. My car broke down. I walked to doctor appointments. Ten blocks to Walmart pushing a cart home in the heat. Walked 5 hours across town to get a phone then walked back home. Buses never came. My town is so ghetto. I nearly passed out from the 103 heat. I was in bed for a few days. My daughters friend decided to take me where I need to go. I told funeral home to dispose of my ashes with other unclaimed . And I make sure nothing is left in my account. I take care of myself until my cancers send me home. My mower broke and I had to use a weedtrimmer all summer. In my neighborhood people were doing drugs,hoarding,squatting. I don't put up with that. I had them all evicted. People bought the abandoned houses,remodeled and sold them. Now it's better.
Well I’m glad things are better now. Tough times can take a toll on you
sorry that happened to you. Glad things are a bit better . I'll pray for you
I wish I had this kind of wisdom in friendships when I was young. It would have saved me lot of unnecessary pain.
Me too!! Glad we are talking about it now. I learned a lot of lessons the hard way
I let go of a friend a few years ago.. She was one of my favorite people but, she had a seriously toxic family structure which flooded over into her actions. I felt sorry for her position in life and did what I could do help her adjust her sense of defeat.. but she remains a victim for life.
Victim for Life. Love this so much!
I think a class on making friends would be a good thing to be taught in grade school, middle and high school.
I agree !
Diana Kokuu here on y’tube has 1 ! Ten dollars for 5 videos . One time fee : not a subscription. Was originally Live via Zoom … from about 2 weeks ago. Now itz a replay. She discusses relevant research findings , too such as how there is a loneliness epidemic
( covid didn’t help; neither does social media). She also shares research finding stating that loneliness is as detrimental to our health as smoking is ! Then she shares a fascinating overview of the limited number of people overall that we are naturally capable of having in our lives / bandwidth. All that in just the 1st vid. The 2nd or 3rd vid helps unpack hesitation due to prior disappointments in friendship. Well , Diana describes the course better than I do haha!! The info is in her most recent videos. Maybe you’ve heard of Diana’s twin sister, Dawn … a.k.a., The Minimal Mom ( over 750K subs now!) . They are such a ray of sunshine !
I agree
Don't let someone manage you. Spot on!
It's not easy finding genuine friendships. Alot of people want someone to make them feel good. Its one sided.
There are definitely a lot of needy people out there
@@laurahillauthor Yes , it's sad. But i was once needy. I longed to be connected with a person. I would pursue people. And I couldn't accept when they weren't interested. It took me a few rejections to wake up. I feel comfortable in myself and don't behave that way now.
In our olden years we have to be really careful about people coming into our lives. You never know if these people maybe going to take advantage of our finances or personal things, Beware. I know of someone that was being a care person and was silently hauling off their valuable belongings
Very true
I definitely don’t trust a lot of female friendships. I had a friend that I knew since childhood, who was putting out gossip all over about me. And, another who always lied and had a pecking order of friends. I was at the bottom. Now, I am friends with my cousins, and I enjoy their company. Our children get older and married, and need to enjoy their lives.
Thought-provoking video. The problem with all of the traits you mention is that they aren't often apparent from the get-go of a new friend relationship. I recently extricated myself from a "friendship" where the other person was subtly manipulative and incredibly judgemental and demanding. I consider myself to be both a savvy and intuitive person and I was suprised at the length of time (several months) it took to put my finger on why I had so many uncomfortable moments with this woman. The lesson I learned was not to cry over "spent cost." If it's not working, it's not working, regardless of how much time you've already invested! 😀
Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
Everyone is their best self during the 6 months of knowing them. Around two years you’ll notice the pattern of toxic behavior.
Very toxic "acquaintance" I have wisely distanced myself from lives up the block. Unfortunately awkward and uncomfortable that we cross paths once every few weeks or so.
I don't want to even acknowledge her as this would signal an openness that she would take advantage of. These are challenging situations.
😢
Hi Christine, with those kind of people I’m always “on the go”. Hi, bye, gotta run. Sorry, can’t chat, need to get back to work. You need to have an exit plan ready for when you bump into these mean girls!
Oh, and the chronic complainer will eventually complain about you, too. Usually after you listen to them complain about a few different people you start to realize that they might be the problem, not the people they complain about….
So true!!
And they can also tell people you’re the nicest person in the world because you sit and listen to them complain without interrupting.
If you are paying attention, you can soon notice behavior that indicates if the person would make a good friend or not. For example, do they often drift off, i.e. stop paying attention when you are speaking. People who are interested in you will ask you polite questions about yourself, not in an intrusive way, but out of genuine interest in you. Manners are a sure sign, are they inconsiderate to you and/or others? As you mentioned, if they are constantly late this is a major red flag. If they are true to their word and reliable. A potential friend will respect you and your time. If you are meeting up for a lunch for example, have they made the effort to dress nicely? This shows they value you. Do you have an equal exchange of invitations to get together? Do they call you just to say hello and see how you are doing? If you have an event that you have discussed with them, good or bad, do they later ask you how everything went? When you contact them, are they happy to hear from you? It's important to pay attention, the person will let you know who they are by their actions.
So true I agree💯 thanks for such good points
My mistake in the past has been gravitating to what I thought were the quirky, interesting types, not realizing that a lot of baggage and complication belie those quirks.
Ahhh good point
I get that! The cloak of protection masking the character flaws.
Trouble is, they can’t maintain it - eventually their real personality comes to the fore and then you realise they aren’t as nice/genuine as you once thought.
I resemble that! Quirky having gone through a lot of drama, but my heart is kind!
They're still fun friends tho!
I also learned I don’t need friends either. I have many acquaintances, my family brings me the most joy. I agree about having friends where everything is on their time frame. When it’s reversed, they don’t reciprocate. I just want peace and joy, no drama.
Acquaintances are just as important. And those relationships as so much easier to manage
Great video. "Don't let anyone manage you." I agree with you that this can be subtle, especially in the beginning. To dovetail off this concept, I would also say, "Beware of the one way directional energy." Often times, in the beginning, the "friendship" will seem more mutual, but as time progresses, people (and want they want) will reveal themselves. This can be really hard to detect, but like you said, if you're accommodating them and that person is not accommodating you (over time), beware of the one way directional energy flowing only towards them. Also, I've found people like this are excellent at saying "Thank you," when you accommodate them and being genuinely appreciative. However, if you need something from them, they are nowhere to be found unless it somehow benefits them. I find that many people will invest minimally for the maximal amount of return.
Thanks so much for taking the time
To share you thoughts
So well said ! To say that this dynamic winds up being extremely draining is an understatement !!
@@lizzabbott Yes. It’s a very draining dynamic and, initially, you don’t realize it’s happening.
I believe people are their best selves during the first 6 months of knowing them. The first time they exhibit a toxic behavior, I notice it and give them the benefit of the doubt, the second time it’s a coincidence and the third time it’s a pattern. They are really showing me who they really are. If I’ve known them less than two years, I avoid them. If I’ve know them several years, it’s worth having a chat with them.
@@MsActor2009 Thanks for your comment. The three strike rule is a great idea. It gives the person several chances. On social media, people are being told to "cut the friend off at the first sign of toxicity", but I don't really believe in that. We all have bad days and make mistakes. But I do look for patterns of behavior. I listen to what people say and observe how they treat me. And I totally agree with you about people being their best selves in the first 6 months. All the best to you.
The right kind of friends remind you of the freedom you can have in the friendship. You feel included in the decisions made instead of them telling you how it is.
Love this!
I am 56 and I must admit I want a few close lady friends. I am married and have been married for 35 years. My husband and I years ago had friend we would go out to dinner with or hang out with. As our kids have grown and it is just him and I we do not have a lot of friends. We have tried but everyone is so busy. I mean everyone is busy but I do think it is a thing people say these days when they do not want to allow any new friends in their lives. I heard someone say we can have a handful of friends but only a few truly close friends that you can trust and share with. I think most humans want human contact with other people.
I agree people say they are busy but a lot of it is laziness (my opinion) people don’t want to put the effort in too much of anything. We look for small events that we can participate in. Sometimes just being around other couple is enjoyable
I agree, I would like a couple of girl friends but no one at my age wants to make new friends-they all have family and friends already.
I’m the same age as you, married 36 years. I’ve let go of my friends from grade school , that I was hanging on to. We have very little in common anymore and they are rather toxic . We also moved from our old neighborhood where I had “ friends” to socialize with . The one I was closest to said no one will visit me when we move. We’re 15 minutes away and she never tried to visit me. We hung out for twenty years. People never cease to amaze me. I feel lonely , but I’m embracing it and we will find things to do. I’m not looking for friends . If I find one fine , but I will keep it simple and not get too close. Good luck to you and I hope you and your husband find things to do together .
I often meet people in a store or garden centre and we hit it off have a wonderful sharing and then I think to myself how I would have liked to meet up again but is that weird? Meeting like minded people who share your passion for decor or gardening or where ever you connect seems so natural to me. I just don't want rejection but I often wonder if I should have offered to meet for coffee or shared more.
It’s uncomfortable to push yourself a bit out of your comfort zone but the worst thing that can happen is they say no🤷🏻♀️I’d push through the awkwardness and ask. Good luck!
@@laurahillauthor Good idea, yes you never know if you don't try.
Laura, once again you knocked it out of the ballpark. We need to be on guard when choosing a person we want to spend time with. Just love your videos, you do such a good job.
Thanks a million! Always appreciate your comments and for taking the time to watch
Valuable lesson, be surface level with people. Dont share but enjoy what they bring.
I thought there was something wrong with me!
ugh! I had a friend who I just casually distanced myself from, was the same way.. never cared to do much of what I wanted to do *crickets* it was always what she wanted and I “tag” along. she was always late.. if we were to meet at 9 she wouldn’t even be ready until 10:15 no concept of time. it was annoying, once I stopped wanting to hang out as much I was looked at as a bad friend 😅 get a grip
They do have a way of making it your fault 🤷🏻♀️
And if you politely express that you feel stressed out when they change the time and venue all the time, they accuse you of being controlled and rigid….
It takes a long time to get to know someone really well… 6 years is my experience. I’m too old now to bother trying to get to know someone. No one is going to tell you they’re a bigot, racist, control freak, manipulative, etc. I’m happy at home with my spouse (fortunately) and my pets. If you’re a giver you will draw a taker.
Thank you.
Feeling used is no fun. I've had to be good at setting boundaries, and learning to say no when I need to.
Wow…this hit me hard. I’m a giver and have 5 “friends” I discovered as takers when my mom recently passed away. It’s been a tough realization for me.
@@karenthebeekeeper5442 Givers need boundaries because takers have none.
Wow-you judge people as bigots and racists? Do they not fit your description as good people? People have different beliefs, I think YOU are the bigot.
I am fairly recently retired and plans for moving to a new city are in the works. Part of the reason I am moving is to have more social activity. Although I would love to make the right friends once there, I am not setting myself up for disappointment. I think that creating social acquaintances while participating in activities that I enjoy will be my best bet. I am finding these videos very helpful and thought provoking.
Thanks so much! I hope the move will be a very positive one
My best friend accused me of telling her ex husband something that she didn’t want him to know which wasn’t true. We didn’t speak for 10 years when she phoned and apologized. We got back together for four more years but things weren’t the same. She was always complaining about her husband, asking me to come visit or take her somewhere. She hadn’t driven for years. I finally quit answering the phone when she called because she’d talk for hours. Gradually I quit visiting her and talking. She didn’t understand I didn’t have the energy at 77 that we had in our 20’s -40’s to keep
driving to visit or take her out.
She texted me saying I was no fun anymore, selfish and a liar. This is how even lifetime friendships can end.
Thanks for sharing this, boundaries are so important and it sounds like you had to take a stand for yourself.
....I also have had friends who just could never be positive! It was soooo draining....
Been there too, happily moved on
This is exactly how it is Laura. I have never heard anyone put it so clearly yet succinctly. You have reinforced that I must protect my wellbeing first. Kudos from Canada.
Thanks so much and really appreciate you taking the time to watch and comment
I know that I have to be done with my childhood friend. She just breadcrumbs me. It’s fine. I am cherished elsewhere.
@@Belevaqua that's a sad realisation. Sometimes we have grown and they have not and what we might have accepted years ago is no longer the case. We deserve better.
I made the mistake of allowing myself to be recruited. It happened right at the beginning of lockdown 😂
Never again
Yes! That was an almost dangerous time because we were all so afraid and unsure. Many became targets
I am happy that I found your channel. I`m 57 yrs. old and have no friends I like the topic`s that you are talking about.
Glad you found the channel. Welcome
In my early 40s and my friend circle is smaller than my 20s, but I do not have drama queen friends now. It is so peaceful! I watch the drama at church from women, and it encourages me to keep my inner circle smaller. My husband is a pastor, and I love helping people, but there are things I have learned, and one is friendships can be complicated, so don't rush it! Also, I have learned to recognize signs of narcissistic personality. We need to choose carefully!
Thanks for sharing and appreciate you taking the time to comment
lending a fresh ear is a sign of a true friend.
Extremely wise words. Thank you.
Well said, I did this, needy when the last three years have been hard for me …. Hard to find friends today, people are to self serving !
Agree💯it’s harder but worth it
Thanks, I need to work on myself before finding that “friend “ which I agree would be worth it.
I pray that your channel grows because the content is phenomenal! I subscribed yesterday and have enjoyed and impressed with your topics.
Thank you so much so glad you found me!
I don't have as many friends as I'd like because I can't be around phones easily and I don't text. You wouldn't believe how many 'friends' you can lose if you chose not to text. I like just phone calls and meeting in person. I"ll do email also. I know texting is popular, but it makes me really un comfortable so I don't do it and don't like when others text me.
I’m 39 and currently navigating friendships in a new town and I love your videos! I wish they were longer! Your videos are teaching me a lot I appreciate you!
Thanks so much. I’ll keep them coming. Every Sunday and Wednesday.
watch them all, I'm 62 and she is helping me? so there you go. I have no girlfriends,but that is my choice. I get bored easy and I enjoy hobbies,usually just not interested in the things other women my age enjoy,so my bad ,my choice. i'm lucky I have a good family 2 sisterers and a cool brother . we can't get together enough. My hubby 1 of 11 kids so we are good. But I do wish I knew Laura in my twenties,lol.
lol I wasn’t this wise in my 20’s 😃
@@laurahillauthor ☺
When I divorced, I needed quite a while to "get back to myself." A good two years later, I met a great guy. Married 10 years in Feb.
❤️❤️
So good Laura! My old pattern was finding friends when I was feeling vulnerable. These days I am much more discerning and give myself lots more time before entering into another relationship. We have to process the loss, whatever it was, before starting something new. To me it was filling that void. I had to laugh at the "recruiter", they certainly know which buttons to press.😉😉😉
Appreciate your support and input!
My friends are from long ago, we have been friends for many many years. We were good friends because we thought alike. Now they have changed, their kids have changed them, and we no longer think alike. I’m not changing, I raised my kids the way I believe. They didn’t.. I don’t think it’s going to endure much longer.
Sometimes we are only friends for a season, when that changes we quite naturally grow apart and move on. Thanks for commenting
@@laurahillauthor It was quite a few seasons, lol, about 40 years worth but you are right. Thanks for having me here in your comments.
I watched this video twice. Your description of a toxic “friend” who manages the relationship hit home with me. For more than a year, I have wanted to end a relationship with a woman who dictates where we go and “allows” me to choose from the dates she and her husband are available to see my husband and me. I thought I was simply no longer enjoying time spent with her because she is a self-centered, rude snob with a very high opinion of herself. But your description of a friend who manages a relationship fits her perfectly. So … can you talk about how to graciously end a relationship of this type? My husband and I have known this couple and socialized with them for more than 15 years. I don’t know whether she has become more controlling or I have lost patience with her arrogance. Either way, I have declined her last two invitations, but she doesn’t seem to be getting the hint.
Thanks I’ll add this to my list of topics. But you are smart to just start putting more distance between you.
Just found you! I need this now in my life❤❤❤❤❤
Glad you found the channel!! Welcome
My next door neighbour and I could be the greatest of friends but the magnitude of what would be put on my shoulders for what I would get out of the relationship brings us to the best text buddies funny vids or happenings but our property line is the line lol Thankyou ❣️
One of my neighbours has been full on with me and it started giving me ‘Single White Female’ movie vibes. Very uncomfortable! It’s taught me when I move - which I’m currently trying to do (nothing to do with her) - keep your neighbours at a distance which is what I’m now doing.
Yes, neighbors are the same as work colleagues. If you get too close and clash, you need to move or change jobs.
So right. These are great reminders for me as I look back at how I got into some friendships.
I have my husband who is my best and only friend and who is my soulmate, so I don't need friends. I'm not sure what the definition of a friend is anymore. We all have boundaries, unless it's like your spouse who is willing to give up his life and all his money for me. I guess the best way to go is to enjoy friendly interactions with people we admire, without expecting anything in return. Being a friend and being friendly are different things, and I think the latter is more realistic.
Thanks for your comment!
Thank you so much for these tips. They are helping me in this new phase of my life.
I’m so glad!
Very informative. You put more clearly than I could express some things I have experienced. Those kinds of people exhausted me. When I returned the behavior they gave me, I never heard from them again. In my mid sixties, I think I'm going to keep most people at arms length.
Definitely wading into the water with a bit more caution these days
Oh my I thought it was just me. Glad to be around women who feel the same way I do about some “friendships”. Just subscribed.😮
Welcome!
I've become friends with people that were very drunk at the time and I didn't realize how drunk they probably were. (They were in a family-oriented place, not somewhere obvious like a bar). I grew up around people with substance abuse issues and most people do drink so I tried not to judge. Thing is that person and I were NOT compatible and they were recruiting me as someone they could dump on, nothing more. Sometimes judgement is a good thing, we have it for a reason. Being overly accepting doesn't help anyone, there's always a balance.
Agree 💯 and I love what you said, they are always recruiting. Stealing that one! Thanks
Talk about visiting overnight at someones house. My friend jist had house guests who stayed a bit too long and ate so much food. The guests stayed a week! 😅
Oh wow!
Thank you 😊
Thanks so much for watching!
@laurahillauthor of course. I will definitely be tuning in for more.
Great!
I absolutely love your channel. Oh my how your insights and personal encounters are things we all have gone through but never had anyone to talk about it with that validates all of these encounters. Thank you.
Thank you so much! So glad you found the channel
I like your discussion of topics. I spent all of my life working and now retired an entirely different dynamic. Very interesting.
Thanks so much and thanks for watching!
You are awesome Laura. Thanks🙏
So sweet thank you so much!
Adore your videos. Best Regards from Portugal ❤
❤️❤️
Just found your channel & So Very helpful to me! I misinterpreted all the signs of recent friendships. Really love your tips and ideas. Do you believe friends can still be close when politically divided? I try to be respectful of others beliefs, ideas, but didn't work out so well for me... How do you feel about this, worth reconnecting with 2 longtime friends after the election is over??
It is always worth trying to reconnect because loosing friendships is something that should only be done when there is just no hope. Politics has ruined so many relationships. O guess the question is can you put that difference aside? Can they? I think it’s worth asking them the question and telling them you want to be friends If people matter to you I’m at the point in life where I am willing to just state it. Good luck!
Thank you for the wisdom ❤
Thanks for the comment!
I am loving your videos! So relatable and inspiring. My question is how do you distance yourself from a current relationship that is out of balance or toxic? I have a “friend” I have known for about 3 years. We met thru work. We have had fun for sure but every time we get together she has to drink cocktails. I don’t drink and my husband is a recovering alcoholic. So, while I understand someone drinking socially, I don’t want to be around someone who always has to drink. I recently told her how I feel and she says she can get together without drinking. But part of me resents that I had to be the adult and bluntly tell her this. Like why couldn’t she figure that out on her own? There are other things and I just dread even thinking about seeing her now. Luckily we never had a relationship where we talked everyday or saw each other everyday. We usually might get together once a month and maybe text periodically. But she calls me her best friend and said she tells her other friends about me all the time. That also makes me uncomfortable. Anyway what is the best way to distance myself without being unkind? Thanks!! 😊
I’ll do a video on this. Thanks for the idea!
All good advice. So how do we avoid isolation after moving to a new neighborhood after the place we moved to had been vacant for a long time. While there are short term rental properties in that neighborhood. The best answer for that question is sometimes to go look for a part time job while keeping in touch with our family members who can benefit from our company. Or instead going back to school if nobody around at the time for years wants to hire us.
Love the idea of going back to school or taking some lessons. I always wanted to learn how to paint, that’s now on my to do list
great advice!
Thanks!
Thank you so much for this video!
Thanks so much for watching
Can you pump up the volume a bit? Good points, dont want to miss any
Thanks. I hope all my newer videos are good on volume now!
That was funny about the talking too much, for some reason sometimes I turn into the jaberwokie and then I have to make with the zipper lips 🤐lol 🤭🤭
If people don’t take care of themselves, obviously, they certainly won’t care about you. Long dirty finger nails , dirty, bad breath, smelly, stinky pick their nose in front of you. Always trying to spark up morbid conversation , undress you with their eyes. What is in the heart comes out of the mouth. That is the first red flag! I made the mistake of talking to a neighbor. I caught him looking at me through the windows of his apartment. I even caught him pointing a camera with a long lense. Finally he forced himself on me. A man that I know that knows him told me he had shown him candid pictures he had taken of me . There are a lot of weirdos out there and perverts. I even met horrible people at church. That’s why I stopped going. Best thing to do is keep to yourself and don’t talk to people. I moved away and refuse to talk to anyone anymore. People can ruin your life while in pursuit of their own selfish desires. When people hint to you what kind of people they are, believe them the first time. You need them like you need a hole in your head. Sta clear of snakes!
very wise advice all around!!!!!!
I don't like when people tell personal info about me to other people. I am a private person. They are not my friends. Really we have to tell people upfront what we tell them is private. There is no more common sense or trust any more. Stop gossiping people it's not good for anyone. It's hurtful.
Maybe you could do a video on gossip. How both women and men do it, what the Bible says about it, how it is hurtful to the gossip monger and the person being talked about. Please think about doing a video on gossip. Thank you.
Thank you so much for the idea. I’m taking a screen shot so I’ll remember your comment and yes I’ll try to do that topic in the next two weeks!
@@laurahillauthorGreat topic , I look forward to.
Your lights are too bright dear 🤍
Yes new ring light camera holder I’m brand new at this but I won’t ever use it again🤷🏻♀️still learning
I’m not a content creator and idk much about camera & lighting gear , but I saw that Justin McClure ( Dad of the hugely popular y’tube family , The Mighty McClures … plus a pro photographer for years) has a new lighting device for sale. A man from Shark Tank partnered with Justin in its development. It looks pretty nifty ! Justin is the main photographer for their channels. 6M followers ! Idk if that’s solely their yt channel , or combination of yt, FB & instagram. Pretty impressive tho. I honestly lost track of their # of subs & was surprised & happy to hear that in a recent pitch video for the product. I've been following them since their twins were 2 !
@@laurahillauthor you're sweet. ✅
@@laurahillauthor I didn’t think the lights were too bright. You looked perfect!!!
Haha did make me look younger