@@nerychristian so if he doesn't find her attractive then clearly male and femalemale friendships can work. Are you attracted to your male friends?? Why does he need to be attracted to his F R I E N D
Married brother here; to the sisters, please, please hear me as a man: we cannot be close friends with you. We suck at it. We will fall for you. It happens time and time again to my single friends. I used to tell people that the girl who came over all the time was just a friend, like a "young sister" to me. Well, my "young sister" and I have been married for 6 years and have 2 kids. update: celebrated 7 years of marriage with "young sister" earlier this month! 🥳🥳
I can help you with that. If you notice a guy is "constantly" being overly friendly or nice to you that means he likes you a tad bit too much, knowing that you could try to make a boundary for him. Also if you mean how women don't get caught up with men friendships but it's actually more, it's similar. You don't spend time with him hoping it turns into something more, or "dating" then while I'm friendships
As someone who failed to instil boundaries between myself and a female friend, and then ended up dating them out of pity when they opened up about their feelings (because it was easier to say yes than to break their heart), I agree.
@@kivenramz it’s never not reasonable to turn down someone you’re not into, regardless of gender. It’s downright evil not to do so. You end up hurting the person way more just because you’re a spineless coward.
@@gravirict7108This is what rational people say. Most are socially-possessed and do not actually think about it, though, so they do not view the two in the same way.
Single Christian woman here. There is so much wisdom in this video! I'll just add this. Guys, you can be friendly, but please don't offer to be our support system, especially our emotional support system, unless you intentionally plan on commiting to a long term relationship with us and you've expressed that to us. It's hard not to catch feelings
I definitely second this advice and I wish someone told me this when I was in my teenage years it could have helped me avoided two toxic relationships with 2 girls who I was once friends with (dated them separately) and I have definitely learned my lesson from those two toxic relationships
How about you just refuse to let him be your emotional support system? Then you have all the control of your life and don't externalize responsibility for your life.
@@ethanmiller5487 I did refuse, actually. It's protected my heart from getting hurt and I'm so glad I had the wisdom to tell him I couldn't talk about what was bothering me.
Single guy who doesn't practice religion (but grew up Roman Catholic) and close with my sister. I totally agree with you, and i have had some women who were close friends, and we treated it like adults. Some of my women friends were musicians like me or worked in kitchens like me, and we would "talk shop" similar to my guy friends, and some of them even asked how i was hanging in there when my mom was going through cancer treatment. With my sister and myself, we always say "why cant people ve adults?" Im 100% open that I'm not romantically interested in my female friends, and those that are true friends actually stick around. Had a female friend who i didnt speak to in 2 years. I wasnt interested in dating at all, and she stated "she wasn't looking for anything dating wose" when we first hung out. There were a couple times she pushed the boundary and kissed me, and i immediately turned it down and said "what the hell are you doing, it's nit cool?" along with her wanting to hang on me and cuddle against me, lushing boundaries, and teasing "maybe we can date, but youre my best friend." After getting tired of the nonsense of me NOT wanting to date her and her pulling some "well, we why cant we be just friends" stuff, i began to show her how i saw her as just a friend, and she got mad at advice i gave her on a bad romantic match who ditched her a few weeka after (like i woukd with a guy friend or my sister), and she started talking to me less. Didnt mean to rant, but i agree that in most cases in men/women froendships among hetero people, one party will usually get feelings. It's rare to have a friendahip that doesnt, but they are true friends. Like my anecdote (that i didnt want a novel of), i genuinely believe she began developing feelings, and wanted to "test" to see if i did while trying to play it cool. Ran into her earlier this year, after a year of not talking, and she wasnt as talkative with me as she once was despite me still being my compassionate self. Imma big "treat people with respect" person, but like keep your feelings in check because I'm being nice and NOT making mives lol
All my life I've been looking for female attention and making "friends" hoping to be with them at some point, and it all ended badly for my actual relationships many times, I kept going up and down until I finally became a believer, and Jesus opened my eyes to my sinful nature... I repented, stopped all communication with my friends and prayed to God for a godly girl who wanted to start a family, and after a few months she appeared in my life. Four months later we got married, and a year later we became parents of a beautiful girl. Now my wife has become my real best friend. Thank God for everything!
Friendship has taught me that friendship is a lie. Family is important. All other relationships should be goal-oriented and understood to be finite and limited in nature. If you want more from a "friendship" it's not really a friendship. It's a perversion of what should be a fruitful relationship.
Well, hotdamn, brother. I’ve been a Jesus follower for over 30 years and I’m still looking for the right (not “perfect”) lady to do life with. Lord, have mercy. Say a prayer for me.
My female best “friend” now has a boyfriend, and I quickly realized I have strong feelings for her that I can’t shake. Even though I’ve always been attracted to her, I lied to myself for so long and never thought of her as a potential partner since we were “just friends.” Before she was dating him, we hung-out 1on1 countless times and always had deep conversations. Now, those things are not happening and I feel like I’m missing something, as if we subconsciously thought we were together at some point. That makes perfect sense to me, as we were both using each other for our relational needs without realizing it. It truly is as if we were together and broke up. If you’re actually friends with someone, them getting into a relationship would not interfere with your friendship. Me and her were both looking for more through each other but didn’t realize it. I miss her deeply and regret never acting on how I truly felt. However, I am grateful for what I have learned as a result of this situation. The only way men and women can be friends is if there are clear-cut boundaries or if it is sort of a collateral relationship. Example: being friends with a friend’s wife as a result of your friendship with him.
Why don't you do it like the movies? Dramatic entrance, declare your love for her in front of her boyfriend, leave looking sad (listening to sad music helps), then one day later she'll call you and say she feels the same.
"If you’re actually friends with someone, them getting into a relationship would not interfere with your friendship." Solid line. I hope you're doing better now.
Except there's been plenty of stories how the wife had no idea her husband and bestie were having an affair, then after everything went south they get divorced and he marries her now ex best friend, it's always those closest to you that cut the deepest so you gotta be careful either way, I mean sometimes it's even their own sibling that the spouse has an affair with and then gets married to, its nuts, cant truly trust anybody with a good thing sometimes sadly 🤷
when i was 15 or 16 i became pretty close friends with a girl i met volunteering at a thrift store one summer. we hung out one on one pretty often, i think weekly almost, and i only ever intended to be friends with her. she on the other hand had other ideas. we stopped at a park one day and she asked if i had feelings for her/if i was interested in being her boyfriend and i had to explain to her that never intended on being more than friends and after a very awkward drive to the apartment complex where she lived we stopped talking and the friendship essentially ended. men, i don't think we'll ever be able to understand women's intentions without asking, and asking (and answering) that question is not something that neither men nor women are very fond of. so i would say, if you aren't intending to pursue a woman for the purpose of a dating (and eventually marriage) relatioship, don't waste your time, energy, and money on a one on one (outside of a group setting) friendship with a woman. it's not worth the risk of pain that it can bring to you or them, regardless of how little or big that pain might be. god bless.
Facts. When I was 15, I had a similar experience. We would talk and talk and eventually I did have feelings but only slightly. She sensed it out and stopped talking to me all together. It ends poorly to say the least.
As a girl who spent three years caught up over a guy who was "just a friend" i couldnt agree more with this video. GUYS it is so loving for you to clearly state your intentions with a girl as soon as you are aware of them and to not act in opposition of those intentions. I experienced so much hurt (partly because i did not communicate or set boundaries for myself) because this guy i was friends with was treating me like his girlfriend. It wasnt until i painfully moved on from him (using avoidance) that i started dating a great guy who i was able to be upfront with right away and he established his intentions with me the first time we got coffee. He also made me realize i needed to have closure with my former "friend." When i told that guy i had liked him for a few years and was hurt by his attention without commitment he told me that he never had those feelings for me our entire friendship, despite the fact we had hung out 1on1, talked on the phone regularly, texted regularly, and shared a lot of emotional history. If you love the Lord then you will love your neighbor and it is so loving to politely ignore a girl or keep her a few arms distance if you are not interested!!! You are not being mean!! You are taking measures to protect her and yourself!!
"Ignore her" Nope do not do this. This will cause more harm than good in some cases. There is nothing good about ghosting instead the charitable way to do it is to take a break from each other.
I agree with @vaderkurt7848. We men should certainly set boundaries in relationships with women, but we shouldn't do anything that is or could be perceived as "mean," like ghosting. But, the volume of communication, what is communicated about, etc. should be carefully monitored.
Why do guys do this??? 😩 I’m so sorry this happened. It sucks to invest so much of yourself and then feel like a fool in the end. This happened to me so many times. And these guys pursued these friendships with me and initiated all the one on one time. But then when I bring up the question of attraction act shocked. Why!? I’ve been happily married for a while now, but I still wonder about this. I want to help my daughters navigate it!
@@psyche8187 I think we genuinely just want to have a good and deep friendship with someone, but might not understand how the other one might interpret it, since as men and women we sometimes have different expectations on things And overall, I've found this video eye-opening for me, as I realize I could have been heading down this path with a certain recent female friend of mine
As much as it pains me...I strongly agree with this. A lot of girls got the wrong idea whenever I'd let them open up to me about their darkest deepest secrets. I do it for my guy friends too, but with women I liked the opportunity to do it an even softer way than I do with men. Anyways, very long story short, my last girlfriend actually got super jealous and angry with me for having a lot of female friends who weren't hers, and the fact that I shared a lot of deep things with these other women as well. It kind of diluted the level of intimacy my girlfriend and I had because I was spreading myself out thin. As toxic as my ex was in hanging around douchebags despite my reservations and acting like she didn't flirt with them, she was right to call me out on having a network of women who I subconsciously was setting up to be my rebounds in case anything went wrong with her.
COMMUNICATION. thats it. If you dont want a romantic relationship SAY IT, if you do SAY IT. never make assumptions bc no one is a mind reader and your assumption is 50% probably worse than what could possibly happen. you can have female friends, or just be friends with the gender youre attracted to. only you will miss out by lacking communication skills.
@@DynamicGracer Yeah man, them boundaries were laid before the foundations of the earth. There aren't even "boundaries", just one big * ahem *... WALL👌
Yes,Both of you had bad inn tent shawn's. A fee mail friend is a Ox sea Moron and a friend is a attractive feature two mails. Two win men, A friend is a worthless purr sun. (Meaning) a woman won't ting two bee your friend means she hates you. A purr sun hoo seas you as worthless Kent bee your friend. De mail wheel like her Moore indie fee mail wheel hate him Moore,So it wood never work.
@@gabrieldipietro6096Uh no..as a guy why should I be your friend? What am I getting out of this? Like I ain’t got no problems checking up on u every blue moon but you’re not getting the girlfriend treatment by talking to each other everyday if we’re just “friends”
I feel like having female friends is okay as long as the friendships are casual or more on the acquaintances side, because whenever you guys try to become “ best friends “, there’s always going to be some sort of romantic or sexual interest from either the guy or the girl and feelings aren’t always mutual and that’s whenever things get really messy.
True always have boundaries. I mean if you both single and attractive often giving updates towards each other. Plus the man be doing act of service for you wouldn't the ladies be catching feeling one day somehow and it hurts the ladies if you not having the same feeling as her..think bout it. If your potential coming and knowing these would she not sees these as red flag?
@@jitahlindau459 i meant more interesting in the sense that we dated at one point and both decided to remain friends because we would’ve been horrible partners. As with everything transparency is key
@@gabrieldipietro6096 see, you both end up dating but at least you both knew you both should just be friends in the end. Yes being transparent but what I mean is for the people out there please have boundaries early on and have true intentions.
Thank you for talking about this. As a college student, I’ve been struggling with approaching women in the church without worrying about going in with the wrong intentions. I’ll continue to pray over it to have wisdom and courage and I already feel that God spoke to me here cause I’m more confident now after seeing this!
Wow. I wish I had this video 4 years ago when I was in high school and trying to find a girlfriend. So many times I go to know girls and told them my entire life story, and they told me theirs, and we created this false intimacy. That’s why it hurt so badly when they rejected me. Thank you Issac, I will be careful how much of my guts to spill. I will tell the truth and my story, but I will avoid making things emotional or generating anything intimate.
Thank you so much for making this video Issac. I was hurt by a godly Christian guy who didn't set boundaries with me. He spent hours one on one with me and we had deep conversations. He said we were just friends, but I held out hope. I should have set boundaries and not spent so much time with him, and opened up to him like I did. He told me "I just spend time with you like I do with all my other friends." But, it not the same at all. It hurt, and it broke my heart. I had to delete his number so that I could guard my heart and continue to pursue the Lord without distractions. I was too vunerable and it ended up leaving scars only God can heal.
Keep on being close to God. Avoid being too close with male friends because no matter what, we are created to attract to the opposite. We might think sometimes that it will be just friendship, but we never know because if we are especially single, we still have hope and are looking and waiting for our husband. These are the reasons that I have only as male figures in my life members of my family or leaders. Thank you for sharing your story because it reflects the reality of things, and we can all get back up with Jesus.
you will get through this girl, the Lord can be your husband, the Lord can be your healer, your father, all in one. He hears your cry. You will only amount to even better, boundaries are so beautiful and attractive to have. Definitely continue to stand on them! you got this.
Hi Jalon I just wanted to say thank you so much for sharing that. I resonate with your experience so much. Fall deeper in love with God and I know that He will use you to do amazing things. When you are 1 billion years in paradise with the master, none of what you went through will compare. God bless and thank you for your courage
Thank you for this. It's something I've been thinking about for a while. I'm realizing that I allow myself to "spill my guts" and be way too open with female friends, especially those I have even a slight interest in. That's something I need to change. Thank you Issac
Agree with you, brother! Man this video is on time for me. Praise the Lord! I’m busy removing myself from exactly this relationship that you’re speaking to. God opened my eyes and I realised something simple but for me eye-opening, and that’s this: Adam was ALONE with God when God brought him his wife. Not spending time with some other “woman”.
I get what you're saying, but that might not be the best example as women didn't exist yet so it would've been impossible for him to spend time with a woman😅
@@SoulHydron After I posted the comment I was expecting somebody to raise that point. You are right, yes. But the point I am making is not whether or not it was possible for Adam to be with another woman, rather that God, seeing Adam's loneliness, made the decision to create Eve. Now, obviously, there are many women around today unlike Adam's case, but my point is that God won't meet the need, when you have a woman in the space meant for the wife God has "created" for you. And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him. (Gen 2:18)
@@tyronrossouw44 But you are missing this cenerio today: More than 60 percent of young men are single, nearly twice the rate of unattached young women, signaling a larger breakdown in the social, romantic and sexual life of the American male. Men in their 20s are more likely than women in their 20s to be romantically uninvolved, sexually dormant, friendless and lonely. They stand at the vanguard of an epidemic of declining marriage, sexuality and relationships that afflicts all of young America. Do you realise how much wifey space of women is still empty right now for over a year
To all those girls saying, "he's like a brother". He's not. He'd sleep with you if given the chance. Men will stick around for decades for that chance.
Yes and no. If the dude has clear boundaries regarding the friendship (particularly when either of them are in a relationship) and the friendship isn’t one way (one side isn’t simping for the other) then Atleast in my experience they’re fine. 💁🏽♂️
@@abigailyalew1304 I feel you have to be very oblivious not to see these signs. How did you never notice? This has been the character of man since forever. Men do absolutely anything to get in women’s pants and for some men, that’s as far as being friends with a woman for many years just to have a chance
I would rather be dead than living in a friendzone. I have one female friend left, with whom i no longer hang out because of that friendzone situation. Nominally she is still my friend and occasionally we talk bout small scale talk on whatsapp, but ive let the intensity of that relationship die because i like her and i know if it continued i would have caught deeper feelings. I keep this on a platonic level now, to remind myself to never do that kind of relationship again.
As a high school guy who is much more mature than a lot of my male peers (you know how immature we can be), I find good company with girls since they tend to be more mature. But I completely agree with you on how to deal with female friendships. I would never consider being alone with a girl or opening up to a girl that is not my girlfriend or wife. That's reserved for my dudes --- my bros --- my guys. 💪
I want to get some of "my dudes --- my bros --- my guys". Any tips on that? Are your dudes local? How often do y'all hang? Is it a friend group? Do y'all text often? What does confiding in them look like?
@@MonoKyrios As someone who is in the process of finding "my dudes" I recommend joining church discipleship groups, extracurricular activites (eg. kickboxing or any sport you want to try) you will find like-minded people 100%, just gotta put in the effort and pray of course 🙏
@@MonoKyrios Yeah I agree with the comment above. Sadly since I've moved recently "my dudes --- my bros --- my guys" live in another state. But yeah, I found my best friends at church and a youth organization outside of my church. So are my dudes local? Not anymore. That can also cover the second question. Is it a friend group? Well, not exactly. Like I said, most of my closest friends were at church so we all knew eachother but it wasn't a "friend-group," per-se. Do we text often? We do need to get better at being more faithful in keeping up. My closest friend is my cousin and we keep up regularly. What does confiding in them look like? Encouraging each other in the Lord; praying with each other --- doing the usual Christian things. Picking a chapter or a book of scripture and going through it verse by verse while discussing how we can apply it does wonders. For some, their dudes will just providentially show up. For others, it probably requires more toil and searching. But godly guys are out there, I know it. Keep steadfast in prayer and go to places where godly guys are. "Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand" (Proverbs 19:22). Hopefully that helped a bit. Again, @jasonb5964 made a good comment.
I learned that the hard way about opening up to a female friend especially when I was depressed and she was telling folks my busta d from that point on I just keep things to myself and had to cut her off
I know this is for guys, but I'm a 32 year old woman & I needed this... VERY timely... To be fair my only friend is the Holy Spirit... so... yeah... I suppose it has helped my relationship with Him, but I forgot what having a guy friend is like. So yeah... The Lord used you today & popped you on my home page. God bless you.
I've been hurt many times by christian guys who try to treat me as someone convenient for emotional validation and daily texting or spontaneous 'wandering hands' on my lower back/waist, that i now have a fear interacting with men at my church. I wish i heard this video earlier instead of learning through many painful experiences, but by God's grace, He's continuing to heal me and is teaching me also not break boundaries no matter how 'caring' a male friend is trying to be. I'll leave the deeper support for my sisters-in-christ and with Jesus.
This makes me feel better about being mad at myself for falling for someone. I was mad at myself for liking her, but it was because she had answers to my pain and we went 1 on 1 AT NIGHT. She was the wrong person, but i dated her anyway. I regret that.
I learned thus stuff too late into my life. I just wanted to say I appreciate the words of wisdom you're passing along. Hopefully the younger males will see this and learn to stop playing games and set boundaries
As a guy in a relationship that also has a very good female friend: I don't agree. We've been good friends even before the relationship I'm in currently, but I've always been very clear that I've never been interested in her romantically. We talked about it, made it clear to each other and moved on to have our own romantic lives apart from each other, with a nice supportive friendship between each other. As long as you are very, very clear about your intentions and you really stick by them, then I think it can be done. Is it difficult: yes. I wouldn't recommend it to everyone. But it can be a great way to see how the opposite sex views the world and learn from it. Your girlfriend/wife can also give you perspectives on that ofcourse but they are very different form the perspectives a friend can give. Like I said though, I wouldn't recommend it to everyone. It's risky and all the reasons mentioned in the video are very valid and can make it a messy minefield of problems. But if you are clear, if you pray to God for wisdom and if you keep full allegiance to your girlfriend/wife then I'd say it's definitely possible
I totally agree with you. I think that the fact that most today's men can't have friendships with women is because society has made everything about sex to the point normal friendship between people of opposite sex has become almost impossible.
THANK YOU!!! So many of my friends are guys and I’ve been told this narrative my whole life, that I have to date them, but it is just understood between us that this is not the case! Even if one of them had feelings for me, I would never lie to them about how I might feel and I have confidence that our friendships could stand because the romantic aspects that could come into play would never be greater than the friendship developed. Emotional closeness does NOT have to mean romance.
@@Joobie_JoobieThe problem is that even if you are 100% clear, you can never know what she is thinking no matter what she says. Second, let’s say your partner has a male friend. One day you have a fight and she runs to her male friend and tells him everything about it, would you be completely fine with that? Finally, if you value your friend over the comfort of a woman you are in a relationship with, do you actually really like her? Just saying…
I NEED to make boundaries. too many girls wanna talk to me, but I know I must not go too far. You can be female friends in a group (with other guys ofc). But never alone.
The timing of this video is perfect! Thank you for shedding light on this matter. I see now how important setting boundaries are to avoid leading other people on, protect yourself, and overall maintain healthy relationships with others. I will keep this in mind from now on!
Sorry but I can't agree with this video: I always had and still HAVE female friends - long term friendships. We totally do things one-to-one, like watching movies together, going for a walk in the nature, playing online games, deep conversations, etc.. To me it honestly feels like they are more open in the conversations, comparing to guy friends, it's a lot more "free" - we can talk about anything without any judging and things like that. And no, I never catched any feelings for "wanting more than a friendship" and, as far as I know, they didn't either. Of course, it is something that you have to agree with your friends, so there isn't any misunderstanding/different needs. However, I can understand that I am a bit different from the majority of men way of thinking, so I get why most people would agree with this video.. also, from what I see, this is like a Christian channel or something, so religion can play a different role too, me and my friends are all agnostics
if I started dating a guy who was watching movies, hanging out with, and having deep conversations etc one on one with other women I'd consider it a major red flag and any girl who wouldn't think so is either lying or has low standards, frankly. Just think--would this friendship have to drastically change if one of us got into a serious relationship/married? (the answer is probably yes!) Although in some ways I wouldn't take it as far as this video does, either.
So I am a 17 year old Christian guy who has always been able to connect with women better than guys because I hate small talk and prefer deeper conversations while most boys my age do not provide that for me. This has resulted in most of my deepest friendships being with girls. One of them is someone I consider like a little sister and have never harboured feelings for, however, admittedly a few of my other closest female friends are in fact girls who I had feelings for at one time and have put them away since, are dating someone else and I am friends with their boyfriend so have no intention of pursuing them, or are someone I have held feelings for them for a long time but they only recently got out of a relationship and I don’t want to be a rebound but still have the intention of pursuing if things go well (it’s a mess I know). So in saying that, if I feel like my only good human connections in this world are from 1 on 1 time with “female friends” should I give that up in order to follow what this guy in this video is saying? That sounds like it would hurt more than anything else that could happen…
@@brandywade2773 thank you, I really appreciate the encouragement. I think you are bang on with the fact openness and honesty are the best way to go. Unfortunately it feels like those two virtues are less appreciated in our society these days, but as long as people are mature enough to handle it, honesty is the best option. I will continue to pray and hope what God has in store for me and my relationships will lead me to happiness and I definitely think I will be honest with that girl in the near future because she absolutely deserves it. Thank you for taking the time to hear about my life and struggles and I will be praying that God also helps you find the right path forward that will lead to you being fulfilled and happy :)
I think the main thing is one on one time (I’d include regular or extended texting and DMing too). If the girl is already in a relationship, it’s a bit easier to avoid one on one time because it would seem a bit weird. So that leaves two types of girls, available girls you could see yourself with at some point, and available girls you are not interested in. It’s the second category you have to be really careful with. Out of your list above it seems like there is really only one girl who you wouldn’t consider a relationship with if the opportunity arose. That’s the girl who you might want to limit one on one time with.
@@psyche8187 I think I completely get your point. It is so important to not let your intentions get misinterpreted and especially so you don’t end up hurting others. However, my question for you is, if my female friend and I have fully established that neither of us have feelings for each other and we never plan on dating one another, is it still wrong to hang out 1 on 1 as that is how we primarily connect?
@@Swaglord247Who says that your or her feelings might not change in the future? Provided she is not lying to you out of fear of losing the friendship in the first place...
This may sound weird, but I actually prayed for female friends when I was a junior in high school. I got my prayers answered the following year, and the road was rocky from then. One of them was very flirty, yet she insisted on being nothing more than friends. It was mentally taxing on me. Crazy thing is, she was Christian too. I had these desires to become something more to her, but she didn’t share the same feelings. Even after realizing this, I still tried to pursue her by “just being friends” in the subtlest ways I could. But in the end our relationship only got more cloudy, in that our friendship was becoming questionable. I’d invite her to stuff, but she wouldn’t invite me. I’d invite her to prom, but she barely talked to me the entire dance. Even now I still think about her, and sometimes I’m tempted to message her to do exactly what this video advises not to do: spill out my guts and mental struggles. I realize now my mistakes. Even with all of this, I’m actually thankful she was in my life so I could see the corruption of my heart’s desires and the mental deterioration that such relationships can cause. Thanks Isaac for making this video, as it’s helping me guide my decisions even today. Praise God.
I actually have a similar situation with praying for guy best friends (though in freshmen year) haha! God has blessed me as a woman with guy best friends that are just golden and true gentlemen. With one though, I had other intentions and after a climax point between both of us (still as friends though), now everything has gone down and, I'm just in that middle stage of not knowing where God will take it but trying my best to trust in Him, and trying to get the feelings out of the way (to be able to see him again as just a friend.) I even connect with you with the inviting to events/places and not getting the same energy back 😭 Who knows, your comment could be confirmation of what will happen with me, (I'm a junior now) but only God and time will tell. God bless!!
@@Isaiah53_John3.16_ChangeUrLife Glad someone is able to relate so similarly. Strange how we are all different yet so similar in our hearts. I tried so hard to see this person as just a female friend throughout the years, and sometimes I feel like I do, but preventing my feelings from showing in situations like these is like running while holding an egg with a teaspoon. I pray that you find closure in this situation. God bless.
@@szilardfineascovasa6144 or maybe they cant actually understand. why not given women the benefit of the doubt. thay have been fed the concept of friendship for a very long time
I've few male friends since high school and I've never ever been asked out by one of them. They simply see me as a sister and I see them as brothers. I'm glad my male best friend and I never planned on going further on our friendship.
The only way this works is if both parties are repulsed by each other equally. I have a close gal pal I've never seen as attractive, who recently got engaged. It still blows my mind because I find her ugly, but she found someone who likes her (he's actually attractive). But because I found her ugly, I was able to stay her friend. Once a man views a woman as hot, they can't remain "just friends".
Basically, I would say that it's perfectly fine to be friends with a girl as long as you're not doing things that could be considered romantic. If you're treating her like a girlfriend, but calling it a friendship, that's a problem. For instance, if you're spilling your emotions to your female friend, "hanging out" 1 on 1, and texting her constantly, stop. Those are things that should be reserved for a girlfriend/spouse. This essentially creates a romantic relationship where you're both simply calling it a friendship. If you don't see your female friend as someone you'd want to be romantic with, don't do things you would otherwise only do with a girlfriend. If you see your friendship with a girl going down that road, make steps to ensure it doesn't happen. That might include cutting off all communication, but if it keeps you from falling into sin, it's a step worth taking. There should be a similar thing in place with your girlfriend. I see it happen a lot where a couple who are dating act as if they're married, but say they aren't ready to be married yet. If you are not ready to be married, but you're doing things with your girlfriend that should otherwise be reserved for marriage, stop. Take steps to ensure it doesn't happen. A boyfriend and girlfriend should not be living together, they should not be having sex, they should not have shared bank accounts, etc. These things should be reserved for marriage. I know a couple who live together, sleep in the same bed, do everything together, the only thing that they don't do is have sex (to my knowledge). Yet, they're just dating. He gave her a "promise ring" one day, as a "promise that one day he'll marry her". This is the stupidest thing I've ever heard of and it's apparently not uncommon. It creates a marriage that isn't a marriage. When you do this, it effectively defeats the purpose of marriage. You get all the benefits of a marriage without any of the responsibility. There's nothing to keep you from leaving her and nothing to keep her from leaving you. There's no incentive to stay when things get rough. Point is, have boundaries with your female friends, have (less, but still some) boundaries with your girlfriend, and don't have any boundaries with your wife.
It doesn't matter whay you think is romantic or not. Logic will go out on the window in some situations - in general, all it matters is how a woman *feels*. They operate on a different level. You'd need to be pumped up with Estrogen to get it. If she develops feelings for you, your sneeze, the way you breathe is romantic. Full stop. I think such friendships are likely to endure if there is no physical attraction, and none develops in time, between the two - provided they are single. Or exceptional individiuals (which most think they are). Even then, she will continue to hope and suffer in silence. I think most of the younger guys have no idea how a woman operates internally (no disrespect...we've all been there).
That first section is EXACTLY what I'm dealing with... except I've had the girl be the one that really enjoys our deep friendship, but doesn't want a relationship... its been really hard on me. She hasn't said it directly yet, but she recently started backing off from me without telling me why. But I heard from her family that she's scared of relationships, and so my thought is that when our friendship started getting to the "relationship point" recently, she started getting scared... It's very confusing and I'm not sure what to do about it.
I definitely agree. But I feel like you've better described the fact that so many guys have no clue how to treat girls like friends. The reason why you don't have to establish boundaries with male friends is because it's intuitive how you behave and treat one another.
Reserve yourself, (your intimacy, your affections, your depth and devotion, your very conversation) as though you were waiting for your wife/husabnd, and look at others knowing that God is reserving them for theirs.
I thank God for this channel and the community we have on this platform. Isaac man God used you in all of your latest videos to talk to me. I litterally prayed yesterday before i went to bed if i have to distance myself from a friendship with a girl, now God is using you right now to speak to my exact situation. I'm going to replay this video man! Pray for me as I'll have to put this in action soon enough!
Are we twins? This same thing happened and is happening to me. Currently separating myself before God for strength to establish boundaries , and I’m praying that He can prepare her heart. All of it was my fault for not establishing boundaries at the beginning but I know more about my character now for the future.
@@sam.abadyahwauw man, God bless you! I'll for sure keep you in prayer! It's interesting how we are all making steps to intentionally become better and become a man of God. I prayed for her yesterday and i went to talk to her, she said she respects these boundaries and has no problem! If you want to you can share how it went with you!
@@drx1320 Hey man! Ours was pretty intense. I just got out an hour and 40 minute phone call with her about everything, turns out she brought it up to me first! I asked God during my fast to prepare her heart for mentioning that we probably shouldn’t speak as much… because we were literally talking and texting everyday without fail. We both said we got super attached super fast, and it was tough trying to establish a boundary because we didn’t want our communication to end. But we agreed that early boundaries are better than long term heart breaks, even though it sucks in the moment. We would still like to maintain our friendship which is why the boundary is put in place now. There was a lot more but overall it went well… even though I wish it could’ve gone in a different direction because I actually do like the person… but God’s will is more important. Maybe right person wrong time? I don’t know.
From my experience I think that men can be "colleagues" with females but not friends. I go to a uni with 90% of my classmates being girls, during that time I had a gf and I found that I could maintain surface level friendships with them. The key is to set clear boundaries (eg. no texting outside of school matters) In my experience being close friends with a female if your intention is not to pursue them is not worth the risk.
I hope that someday the world and its stigmas can change. I hope to one day live in a world where guys and girls can be friends for the sake of being friends. I hope to live in a world where being single, or choosing a vocation of singlehood is not weird, or looked down upon as abnormal. Lastly, I hope to live in a world where people will shop small businesses and not give to corporate society.
Let not a hint of sexual immorality be among you- not saying you’re lusting after opposite sex but you can not know if you are a temptation, stumbling block or not. Intimacy is lost on our culture, society and a few generations now. Boundaries are lacking or completely absent as people are desperate to keep options open due to feeing hungry or lonely for various reasons.
@@thetruthstrangerthanfictio954 It was never that way ever, and never will be. By large in general women/men cannot just be friends. Sure, there are exceptions to this rule, but is not common. Just get over it already.
@@ScottyBennitone I am fully aware that things will never be that way because that would mean undoing the sexual revolution, which is impossible. However, I still stand by my belief that before we were corrupted by it, true friendships were possible between men and women.
Really needed this video. One of my closest friends is a girl and I've def been struggling with what constitutes a good female friendship vs one that is unhealthy, and how to change an unhealthy friendship into a healthy one. Hope to see more videos on this topic as it's def something that doesn't get talked about enough.
Amen brother, you do such a good job at uncovering and explaining the truth on subjects like this, thank you! As a 16-year-old young man you've helped me so much with your God given wisdom. praise the lord!
I ran into this with a girl I met through a band I made. We started talking and hanging out one on one, even when she had a boyfriend at the time. I was oblivious, and she's the one who brought me back to going to Church and I thought she was a good example of Christ's love. We ended up falling into a lot of sin, and she eventually broke up with her bf at the time so we could start daring, yet I was still oblivious to what she was doing. It ended up with her breaking up with me and doing the whole "trying to stay friends" thing, but I still had feelings for her when she was already talking to another guy from that same church. Since all of this though God has saved me, and has shown me what a true, Godly relationship should look like and how to set boundaries with future relationships
Hi Isaac! I’m a fan of your work on here and the daily disciple channel. As a single 22-year old guy, I struggle with thinking whether or not it’s okay to have a female friend because sometimes, I think of a female friend of mine outside of our friendship. I face the reality where I don’t consider the women that I know and see weekly as friends. They’re friendly, but that doesn’t make them my friends. I’ll need to walk closer with God for wisdom and discernment but I genuinely appreciate these videos! God bless you brother!
in my previous relationship, the whole reason we dated was because we were close friends beforehand. the having close female friends thing within the relationship was a point of contention; it caused a lot of pain. thank you for speaking on this.
Yeah same... I really want to send this to my boyfriend. But he has some girls he's grown up with that he feels obligated to support emotionally. It's really challenging.
Being a single woman I do not have close male friends. I have acquaintances. I want to save that special relationship for my husband someday. As someone who holds strong Christian values I believe that in a relationship it creates problems, and ESPECIALLY a marriage someday it is not acceptable. It is so important to have strong boundaries.
I’m so glad I found this. My ex was opposed to not stopping communication with exes. I just wanted the assurance it was me and him. Secular culture is exactly true in this sense. Thank you to men who have discernment to separate this when you are trying to do life with an exclusive partner or a spouse. I appreciate this so much. I was made to feel like I was wrong for desiring just us and no emotional connection from him to other women. Thank you God for this confirmation. You can be friendly without having to be emotional/intimate friends.
I've got plenty of female friends, but I virtually never text any of them directly. Many of us are in a discord together as we met through a writing group, and I think that's a great way to stay in contact without the worry of appearing too intimate. The one time I've been one-on-one with one of them in recent time was an open invitation meet-up which no one else ending up making it, so with that context, and each of us having our own projects to work on, it was okay, but certainly not a situation I will try to replicate anytime soon, lol
So many people throw around the idea of being "friends first" but i find it deceiving especially if your goal is for a relationship. I believe friends are people you can go to for anything you may be battling or want to hang out with. You can't go to a girl about girl problems without it being awkward or even to dinner 1 v 1 without it feeling like a date. I dont want to mislead anyone with anything especially a relationship so i really struggle connecting with a girl to potentially date. No clue how as guys we are to connect with a girl enough to know if they are someone we should date with going on a clear date.
Most of my close friendships are with women, I certainly don't see myself ending years long friendships over this. I wouldn't even be Christian without some of these friendships
@@tigergirl305 You’re missing the point. Men can only have close platonic relationships with women they find ugly. All other versions have men catch feelings. The sooner you realize that, the easier time you’ll have navigating guy/girl relationships.
@@KevvoLightswift Why are you assuming I don't have an easy time navigating guy/girl relationships? I just said dudes don't have to find every woman attractive
Brothers I'm in the exact same road as what this video is about. I'm not sure if I agree 100% on all of Isaac's points though but they are good points. I can't share any specific info right now as I'm really prayerfully thinking about my relationships with my female friends (and yes I'm a single guy). I want to glorify God with my relationships and I want to be a blessing to my friends, and so pray for me that God will bless me with wisdom and the courage to do what needs to be done, or to stop what needs to be stopped.
He is spot on. I am a single female viewing this. I wish more guys would follow his recommendations. Single guys please don’t be touchy feely with single gals as well as don’t go out by yourselves. It’s will save you that relationship.
watching this video has been very helpful. about a year ago i met a girl and we shared a lot of personal stuff with eachother, and i ended up with heavy feelings for her. i think i genuinely started to get obsessed and she distanced herself, eventually completely (and rightfully so). it put me in a place of shock and resentment, but i think i understand now. i more recently met a girl very similar to the previous one and i really like her. i kind of new i needed to be focusing on my relationship with the Lord over one with a girl but it had not solidified in my head. i accidentally allowed myself into that kind of intimate discussion you're talking about, but did not share anything extremely personal, only she did. now i understand i need to distance myself to the extent that i am not putting myself in those intimate situations with her, and genuinely putting her out of my mind to make room for the Lord thank you for this video, and Praise God for giving me a second chance to learn this lesson an putting the words i needed to hear in your mouth
A few years ago I was leading a small group and a girl who was an unbeliever came for the first time as she was investigating faith. My female coleader didn't really make much of an effort to connect with her even though I asked to (in an effort to avoid a situation where someone develops feelings) so I began meeting with her to make sure she didn't fall thru the cracks. By the grace of God she ended up to coming to salvation but because of the time we spent together she ended up developing feelings for me which was tough to handle since she was so new to her faith and I didn't want to somehow affect her walk with the Lord since I had no interest in a relationship and merely wanted to do my part in sharing the gospel with her. So long story short, guys and girls can't meet one-on-one platonically for very long. Be careful my friends
That’s me. I’m the girl in this situation and I don’t know what to do with my feelings for him. I feel like God used my feelings to draw me closer and I am so glad that he did because now my life is so much greater. However, the feelings still exist and I prayed that the Lord would take these feelings away but they are still here. Doesn’t help that I’m going to see a concert with him in November 😂. I’m kinda setting myself up for disappointment but I feel like maybe the right thing to do is to talk to him about it and set boundaries. Even if that’ll probably break my own heart, but for the best of both of us. We need to do this.
@@changjessica6010 He won't take the feelings away, this too is a part of your maturing your faith. What YOU will have to do is use the word of God and relational counselling to change your views of the person and establish mental boundaries with yourself as a way to honor God, guard your heart and ultimately honor the work God used this person to do in your life. It won't be easy, but you absolutely can get there. And always remember Songs of Solomon 2:7
This definitely cleared some things up for me. In high school and I have been getting confused with this subject but this has helped me greatly. Thanks, and God bless Issac! ❤
I have a very close girl friend who I've known since I was 6. We're both 23 now - she's married, and I'm single. We were very fortunate to have an awkward phase when it was too young to mean anything. We're still close now, even though that usually means a call every 1-2 months.
I have one female friend, and she’s like the little sister I never had. Her husband is also my friend. That’s pretty much it for me. In my stage of life, I have zero desire to pursue any friendships or relationships with women. The female perspective is not what I need for the growth that my faith and masculinity needs. As Christian men, it’s not necessary to have female friends.
But you’re also friends with her husband which is good! :). As long as the line of communications are open between you and her spouse as well, I don’t think it’s any shame in being a friend with her.
I have the same situation but flipped, being the oldest of my siblings by 8 years I have one female friend who is like the cool older sister I never had. We were coworkers at a snowboard shop for years and would always skate and snowboard and bike together. When I turned 21 she took me out to the local bars and we even would introduce ourselves as family. She was my roommate for a summer after a bad breakup and moved away a few years ago to be with a great guy. Him and I both have the same cars we’re building to drift and he’s into all the same hobbies. I keep contact with them both and visit a few times a year. Beyond that I agree, I don’t have the same connection or history with other women and don’t really see any benefit in being friends with them outside of a real relationship. When I do find the right girl it feels unfair to her to keep all these other friendships with women that everyone knows is superficial.
I do agree that there are some dangers in having a strong relationship with a girl, but I have a good relationship with a girl in which we have both set down boundaries. Having one of your best friends being a girl can help you see a new perspective on how to respect women on a new level. Totally agree with the point of not going on 1 on 1 hang outs with them. Could lead to confusion. But I think that these relationships come down to personal conviction and the individuals involved.
i love this message !! and you such a eloquent speaker. you speak with such care but get the message out with such clarity. it’s so important especially right now in this time of confusion
Some good advice would be to not message this girl when you’re not with her, at least not regularly if anything as that can give of signs to the woman that you like her, even if you don’t. You’re not only protecting yourself, you’re protecting the woman as well.
I had a sister in Christ compliment my entire choir group's appearance and then emphasize that the compliment is especially directed toward me. Ever since then, I've found myself feeling awkward toward her, and I've been really socially closed off to her because I felt as though I had been responsible for her out of pocket compliment. It wasn't a good compliment, and it wasn't wise, but I want to treat her as a sister, not as a threat, so since then I've been wrestling with trusting God as judge of mankind's intentions and heart while I continue to treat her as any other sister, of course with God's wisdom.
And I am on the other end of the stick currently. I have a married coworker who was super interested in my dating life, and if I had a sexual past, or not. Though I tried to approach the situation in a friendly manner. I recognize that I need to keep my distance. 1) because I value marriage. Even if it’s not my marriage, I will not have a hand in destroying/tainting it. 2) I think about my future marriage, and how I would feel if my husband were acting this way. And how I would hope the other woman respond. (God forbid, but it’s a good perspective to have as a woman.) I pray that you keep up being the role of a faithful husband because I understand temptation lurks everywhere, and may God continue to bless your union.
@@nerychristian @nerychristian I'd say this was a flirtatious compliment that wasn't derived from a godly heart. As men, we tend to accept whatever compliment that comes from any woman as a green flag to pursue, but that's not right. We should be wise as to what criteria we hold for a partner as well as whether a partner is from God or our own desires. A compliment, let alone an ungodly one, should not be the signal to pursue someone. Instead, our criteria should be whether a woman is godly, for if we're godly, we're attracted to what's godly, and whether that woman is who God intends for us to marry. I myself around the time of the compliment knew I wasn't financially prepared for marriage or anything regarding a relationship. I also saw that the compliment wasn't godly. If a man were to compliment a woman that exact way, it's suddenly clear lust is involved. And I too do not want to marry someone out of my own desire, since God's will is best. Marriage is something you pray for and God will guide. Of course you don't wall off sisters and ward them away as though they're demons, but as the video mentions, you should have a lot of boundaries in terms of how you interact with women that you're not in a relationship with.
I've been single for most of my life Began self-investing within the last year & discovered all the neglect under a new introspective light As I surf & caught your video, Your three points are exactly what I went through & needed to hear in this way I'll certainly be watching here & there
I think there’s room for nuance and situational discernment. I am a happily married man and I have a female co-worker I consider a friend. She is also a Christian and happily married. Our boundaries are very clear and our convos never get close to crossing a line. We don’t hang out one on one outside of the office. Our convos are often spiritual in nature, current events, and family updates. The most we’ll confide about is issues with kids or family health things. She even came to my grandfathers funeral recently to show her support. We never confide in each other about any struggles with our spouses. Our spouses also both know about our friendship. We definitely don’t talk daily or even weekly in a lot of cases. We should definitely be careful and thoughtful but there’s nuance. The moment I sensed anything non-platonic the friendship would be over.
This is just so timely, educative and informative. I believe we should have more of these conversations in our friend groups just coz it would save us from a lot of hurt, disappointments and make us more self-aware of our feelings and emotions...thanks.
As someone who completely misunderstood the intentions of a guy because of the "maybe" nature of frequent friendly interactions and wasted tons of time waiting for relationship to progress, I agree.
I’m so glad this video is out because it only confirms my thoughts on the matter. So glad to see not only one man, but many actually agreeing. Thank Goodness
Setting boundaries is a tricky thing to do. When I graduated Highschool a few of my friends and I decided to start a Bible study. In this group it is about 50/50 guys and girls. We all enjoy eachothers company and hang out regularly outside of our designatedbible study time. As you can imagine, when a group of college guys hang out regularly with a group of college girls, feelings are bound to arise--some that have been there since highschool. Us guys have talked about this on our own, but have no clue how to initiate anything without sacrificing the structural integrity of the Bible study by using it as a means of flirting. Becasue the Bible study is such a tight knit group, its also hard for the guys to ever catch the girl they like 1 on 1 to try and initiate anything. We are always stuck in a group, and as a guy I dont want display my feeling to all the girls. Some of the guys have started looking outside the bible study, which probably isnt a bad idea at this point. Needless to say, this conversation of boundaries is going to come up sometime in the Bible study. Its just finding a way to go about it can be difficult. This video was extremely beneficial, though. Thank you. I will share it with the bois 😎
That sounds like a sweet group. To be fair this might be a situation where you boys might need to pray (or do a fast - just the boys) & seek the Lord's guidance on these girls. It could be a situation where maybe 1 of you has his future wife in front of him & doesn't know it. At the very least He'll say no, but then that weight will have been lifted. Good bless you brother & I wish you all well in your endeavors.
Definitely pray about it and discuss that at least with the guys. Like the other commenter said, it’s entire possible someone their has their future spouse in front of them, but absolutely pray on it and discuss with a life group leader or something like that if you can.
Commenting on the guys' inability to get personal with a girl they are interested in only. Don't you have a WhatsApp (or similar) group, already having each other's numbers? In these days of technology, how is it complicated for a guy to reach out to a girl he's intersted in? Again, I'm not commenting on the more "meta" aspect...strictly on this technicality. Could there be something different going on, and you are just replicating what's happening in churches, many time: paralysis of a guy, fearing that if, in the group, he gets rejected, "word travels around" and he suddenly becomes the "it" guy, that no other girl will want? Just wondering, from a non-know-it-all perspective. I have no idea how prior generations, with lesser ways to connect, had such problems. That is exactly how people would get to know each other. Probably the women themselves would have higher standards than propagating to everyobe that "so and so asked me to join him for a coffee".
@szilardfineascovasa6144 I asked a girl out in a church setting, and nothing bad happened. Just continue to treat everyone around you as friendly. Unless you are asking each girl out in desperation.
@@vaderkurt7848 Sure. But she could tell her best friend...her best friend to another two...and, soon, they "posion the well". Women cand be more "tribal" than you understand - they do something we do not, as men. We don't care if Bob, our friend, if all our "Bobs" say we could do much better (if they are even the lind to speak like that to begin with). They do. They do very much. They are social butterflies, they have girly talks etc "Welll...he wasn't good enough for Sally...why would I do it?" Newsflash: if you asked out 3 girls in a church, it may (again, speakjng of possibilities) ve perceived that youa re desperate. Even if it's far from the truth. What I am presenting here was a subject of articles...this is why many men seek wives out of their church.
I think that we all must learn this lesson at some point, I had a couple of girl friends that didn't end up so well in the end, they either caught feelings for me or I for them, I was younger then but know I learned my lesson, I work as a photographer so I did photograph many models but I keep it professional, we have bounderies that we don't exceed.
I was friends with this girl. Watched this video and found out what I had to do. The same week, I told her in person that I had feelings for her. Now I know where we stand. Thanks man
Almost all my life most of my friends have been girls, close friends for that matter, and never had awkward encounters. Although, my few male friends are even closer to me. And there have been plenty of times for me when I thought I was hanging out with a guy friend and it turned out he had feelings for me. I'm comfortable being friends with women because my behavior makes it unambiguously clear that I'm not interested in that kind of way.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts! I had a conversion six years ago. And when I re-comitted my life to Christ I felt the inspiration to not hangout with my male friend anymore. I wasn't attracted to him and he was also physically smaller than me. I didn't feel that the friendship was an occasion of sin for me. I am convicted now that it's not good to be pals with the opposite sex. There needs to be carefulness, thoughtfulness, and a fear of God when engaging with the opposite sex. I feel like I've recovered my shyness and reserve with men since I've allowed God to heal my wounds.
Absolutely loved this, I watched this 3 times! As men we should be able to talk about this tricky subject of female friends. What a awsome video, Thankyou so much! God bless🙏
Big ups on making this video bro - you're on point! I don't mind having female acquaintances (girls that I'm cool with that I speak to occasionally), but I don't agree with having female friends, unless that friend is somone I intend to date, my girlfriend, or my wife.
Thank God for you, finally someone who understands me, my friends and exes never understood this, I’m glad I’m surrounding myself with people who share the same values as me
I think it’s all about your ability to be honest with yourself and set those boundaries. If you know there’s any degree of attraction (from either her side or yours) and you’re not going to pursue, I think things should be ended. It leaves room for issues later to come in and fill the space. We’re biologically wired to want the other gender so when similarities and other “attractions” come into play it can make things sketch. But the biggest thing I think is self awareness and honesty. I have a gf now and I do have female friends but I’ve also already set up those boundaries/cut off communication with others whom I felt were either attracted to me or vice versa; the few who remain I’m more than confident nothing would happen between us even if the opportunity presented itself. In the past I didn’t do this and would let things slide which has only led to a lot of mistakes, time lost, and unnecessary heartbreak/issues. Don’t lie to yourself and keep in mind it’s FAR better to have these convos sooner and slay that dragon before it grows into something bigger and scarier later down the road.
This is the first video I’ve seen that is very sound. The wisdom you gave is very spot on with the word and it’s important for all of us to have boundaries with our brothers and sisters in Christ. Our first thought should be, how is this representing God or uplifting the Kingdom.
Im 15, I struggle with this. I agree with all of this anti-female friend stuff, but one of my best friends is a girl and im finding it really hard to WANT to stop the friendship (at least being as close as we are). We hang out one on one several times a week, and we spend most of our time together. There is a massive difference between my friendship with her and my male friends for sure. I really dont want to make any mistakes with this kind of thing and i dont want it to be something i look back on with regret, but im just really finding it hard to bring myself to do anything about it. I feel like i physically cannot end it. I want to stop for the sake of my heart, but i really dont. If anyone has anything to share, please do.
I should also mention that i have no intentions of dating any time soon, though i have had back and forth feelings. Wouldnt be surprised if she does/has too.
I'm a woman who has guy friends. It is all about boundaries. What my parents taught do not be alone in same room be around grownups or other friends. Jesus has friends that are female. Just be align with what God says and obey your parents. Set up boundaries. Don't put her or you in areas that are dangerous. I would pray to God about it. Because one day if be God's plan for you you will be married to your wife who will be your friend. There are alot of things that I didn't know or understood. It's about respect. For you focus on Jesus and schooling. Do not be like me where I was paying attention about boys and neglecting school. You are young and be grateful for friends either male or female. Just because you have a friend that is a girl doesn't mean it's wrong. Just do not make it about the girls. Make it about Jesus. If your feelings are going up and down take a step back and go to Jesus and seek him in it because our feelings change and the enemy can deceive us with feelings. If you think it's wrong ask Jesus about it. Because everyone has different opinions but it's Jesus who has the correct opinion which is truth. For example you go to the movies with her be around people. Do not make advances, just hang and have fun godly. But if you stumble step back and reflect. Repent and change the way you think. Jeremiah 17:9 Ask Jesus to expose your heart to you to teach you the way you live should be honoring and it is possible to live it.
Tell her how you feel. If she feels the same, it could grow. If not, it's better for you both in the long term to cut it off. If your feelings aren't reciprocated, move on. You can't live life doing that to yourself. I'm not saying to drop your relationship _entirely,_ but distance yourself in a major way both physically and emotionally. If she isn't a prospective wife, look at her like she's already married. Don't be the shoulder to lean on. It sounds like a good thing to be, but it's taking emotional energy from them that would be better spent on personal growth or reserved for someone else.
I’ll be honest, this is a tough one. Mainly, because you are not at the age where either of you is looking for a spouse. When you get to be about 19 or 20, the game totally changes and it actually becomes more clear. When your marriage age, don’t waste a woman’s time and don’t waste your time investing in very close female friendships that won’t go anywhere. But that’s not where you’re at. Look, we can face the facts and say, it’s fun to have a close connection like this because it gives you something your other friendships don’t, attention from a girl you like to be around. There’s nothing really wrong with that. But you have to be careful. Here are two thoughts. First, try to act with her in a way that her future husband would appreciate you for. Second, spend a bit less time hanging around with her and a bit more of your free time becoming the man who will, in a few years, attract the woman of your dreams. Go to the gym, focus on school, serve in your church, learn about managing money. Get some great male mentors and go get coffee with them. It’s not about pulling away from her, but about investing in your own growth in an extremely important phase of your life. If she loves you as a friend, she will cheer you on.
11:44 as a woman, I have to say I found it hard to reconcile with the fact that I can't hang out with the boys anymore. I had many male friends as a child, had no difficulty talking to boys, played "rough" like we say in Nigeria 😂😂( all the jumping, somersaults and chestbumbs etc). Then at 9, I had to go to boarding school, first year was a mixed school but at 10 I was sent to an only girls secondary school 😢. When I graduated and got into the university at 15, I found it difficult to see boys/men the same way. Such is life, as kids we are still quite the same but puberty creates the great gulf
honestly I don't fully agree but I see it. the point about not getting too intimate in conversation and in physical touch makes sense. and the part about having stricter rules about female friendships when you're married makes even more sense. plus there's the whole thing of husbands making their wives unpaid therapists and it being more beneficial when their vulnerable with other men cause it undoes some unnecessary stereotypes. now for what I don't agree with is that having female friends will lead to confusion now I understand feelings can be caught but if both individuals know what their in this for(I know you can't know a person's intentions unless you ask or they tell) it doesn't have to end in a relationship or heart brake. and also this view point makes it sound like the inherent attraction between men and women make it so their like ALWAYS looking for a mate and can't just make meaninhful connections, which I feel is false cause as adult humans we should be capable of having and handling non romantic or non sexual relationships with the opposite sex. they can consist of meaningful conversations and acts of caring without it leading to some thing else.
Honestly, as a girl watching this, having deep friendships with guys never end well. Someone always catches feelings.
That has been my experience also.
Yeah true. A guy is not going to hang out alone with a woman unless he likes her and hopes to get laid.
i have a best friend man since 2001 and never happen this
@@Gi-ey9qu He's probably desperate. If a man is still single after 30, something is not right. Or maybe you are just not attractive to him
@@nerychristian so if he doesn't find her attractive then clearly male and femalemale friendships can work. Are you attracted to your male friends?? Why does he need to be attracted to his F R I E N D
Married brother here; to the sisters, please, please hear me as a man: we cannot be close friends with you. We suck at it. We will fall for you. It happens time and time again to my single friends. I used to tell people that the girl who came over all the time was just a friend, like a "young sister" to me. Well, my "young sister" and I have been married for 6 years and have 2 kids.
update: celebrated 7 years of marriage with "young sister" earlier this month! 🥳🥳
😂😂 LOL
the last sentence had me cracking 😂
Loll bro
Speak for yourself
I was dead serious until the last sentence
OK as a girl in high school who loves the lord, we NEED the woman version of this! so that we can make good boundaries and benifit both sides.
yes!!! I agree!
I can help you with that. If you notice a guy is "constantly" being overly friendly or nice to you that means he likes you a tad bit too much, knowing that you could try to make a boundary for him. Also if you mean how women don't get caught up with men friendships but it's actually more, it's similar. You don't spend time with him hoping it turns into something more, or "dating" then while I'm friendships
So true
don’t have male friends until God shows you who your husband is, and He will put you two in friendship. 😊 God honors and blesses this heart posture
Our God is not just a lord but our Lord. ❤
As someone who failed to instil boundaries between myself and a female friend, and then ended up dating them out of pity when they opened up about their feelings (because it was easier to say yes than to break their heart), I agree.
@@kivenramz it’s never not reasonable to turn down someone you’re not into, regardless of gender. It’s downright evil not to do so. You end up hurting the person way more just because you’re a spineless coward.
@@gravirict7108This is what rational people say. Most are socially-possessed and do not actually think about it, though, so they do not view the two in the same way.
@@gravirict7108exactly
@@kivenramzgirls reject because they don’t see themselves with that person
@@kivenramz as a girl,I’d rather be heartbroken than dated out of pity
Single Christian woman here. There is so much wisdom in this video! I'll just add this. Guys, you can be friendly, but please don't offer to be our support system, especially our emotional support system, unless you intentionally plan on commiting to a long term relationship with us and you've expressed that to us. It's hard not to catch feelings
I definitely second this advice and I wish someone told me this when I was in my teenage years it could have helped me avoided two toxic relationships with 2 girls who I was once friends with (dated them separately) and I have definitely learned my lesson from those two toxic relationships
How about you just refuse to let him be your emotional support system? Then you have all the control of your life and don't externalize responsibility for your life.
@@ethanmiller5487 I did refuse, actually. It's protected my heart from getting hurt and I'm so glad I had the wisdom to tell him I couldn't talk about what was bothering me.
Single guy who doesn't practice religion (but grew up Roman Catholic) and close with my sister.
I totally agree with you, and i have had some women who were close friends, and we treated it like adults. Some of my women friends were musicians like me or worked in kitchens like me, and we would "talk shop" similar to my guy friends, and some of them even asked how i was hanging in there when my mom was going through cancer treatment. With my sister and myself, we always say "why cant people ve adults?" Im 100% open that I'm not romantically interested in my female friends, and those that are true friends actually stick around.
Had a female friend who i didnt speak to in 2 years. I wasnt interested in dating at all, and she stated "she wasn't looking for anything dating wose" when we first hung out. There were a couple times she pushed the boundary and kissed me, and i immediately turned it down and said "what the hell are you doing, it's nit cool?" along with her wanting to hang on me and cuddle against me, lushing boundaries, and teasing "maybe we can date, but youre my best friend."
After getting tired of the nonsense of me NOT wanting to date her and her pulling some "well, we why cant we be just friends" stuff, i began to show her how i saw her as just a friend, and she got mad at advice i gave her on a bad romantic match who ditched her a few weeka after (like i woukd with a guy friend or my sister), and she started talking to me less.
Didnt mean to rant, but i agree that in most cases in men/women froendships among hetero people, one party will usually get feelings. It's rare to have a friendahip that doesnt, but they are true friends. Like my anecdote (that i didnt want a novel of), i genuinely believe she began developing feelings, and wanted to "test" to see if i did while trying to play it cool. Ran into her earlier this year, after a year of not talking, and she wasnt as talkative with me as she once was despite me still being my compassionate self. Imma big "treat people with respect" person, but like keep your feelings in check because I'm being nice and NOT making mives lol
we must firstly have our support system is from before others, but these things God can use to help us but do not let it be our idols.
All my life I've been looking for female attention and making "friends" hoping to be with them at some point, and it all ended badly for my actual relationships many times, I kept going up and down until I finally became a believer, and Jesus opened my eyes to my sinful nature... I repented, stopped all communication with my friends and prayed to God for a godly girl who wanted to start a family, and after a few months she appeared in my life. Four months later we got married, and a year later we became parents of a beautiful girl. Now my wife has become my real best friend. Thank God for everything!
Lucky. I don't think God would answer my prayers like that. At least not that quickly.😂 I'm still trying to reach true repentance
Friendship has taught me that friendship is a lie. Family is important. All other relationships should be goal-oriented and understood to be finite and limited in nature. If you want more from a "friendship" it's not really a friendship. It's a perversion of what should be a fruitful relationship.
Four months?!
Well, hotdamn, brother. I’ve been a Jesus follower for over 30 years and I’m still looking for the right (not “perfect”) lady to do life with. Lord, have mercy. Say a prayer for me.
AMEN!
My female best “friend” now has a boyfriend, and I quickly realized I have strong feelings for her that I can’t shake. Even though I’ve always been attracted to her, I lied to myself for so long and never thought of her as a potential partner since we were “just friends.” Before she was dating him, we hung-out 1on1 countless times and always had deep conversations.
Now, those things are not happening and I feel like I’m missing something, as if we subconsciously thought we were together at some point. That makes perfect sense to me, as we were both using each other for our relational needs without realizing it. It truly is as if we were together and broke up.
If you’re actually friends with someone, them getting into a relationship would not interfere with your friendship. Me and her were both looking for more through each other but didn’t realize it.
I miss her deeply and regret never acting on how I truly felt. However, I am grateful for what I have learned as a result of this situation.
The only way men and women can be friends is if there are clear-cut boundaries or if it is sort of a collateral relationship. Example: being friends with a friend’s wife as a result of your friendship with him.
Agreed. 99% of the time without clear boundaries, one of us ends up falling in love with the other, and the feelings are seldom reciprocated.
Same shit happened to me
Why don't you do it like the movies? Dramatic entrance, declare your love for her in front of her boyfriend, leave looking sad (listening to sad music helps), then one day later she'll call you and say she feels the same.
"If you’re actually friends with someone, them getting into a relationship would not interfere with your friendship."
Solid line. I hope you're doing better now.
God Bless you immeasurably brother. This is a testimony.
“If my wife does not know you, neither do I.” Love it!
yup 100%..wish my now ex bf would have had this mindset..
Except there's been plenty of stories how the wife had no idea her husband and bestie were having an affair, then after everything went south they get divorced and he marries her now ex best friend, it's always those closest to you that cut the deepest so you gotta be careful either way, I mean sometimes it's even their own sibling that the spouse has an affair with and then gets married to, its nuts, cant truly trust anybody with a good thing sometimes sadly 🤷
👏👏👏👏👏👏👏
when i was 15 or 16 i became pretty close friends with a girl i met volunteering at a thrift store one summer. we hung out one on one pretty often, i think weekly almost, and i only ever intended to be friends with her. she on the other hand had other ideas. we stopped at a park one day and she asked if i had feelings for her/if i was interested in being her boyfriend and i had to explain to her that never intended on being more than friends and after a very awkward drive to the apartment complex where she lived we stopped talking and the friendship essentially ended.
men, i don't think we'll ever be able to understand women's intentions without asking, and asking (and answering) that question is not something that neither men nor women are very fond of. so i would say, if you aren't intending to pursue a woman for the purpose of a dating (and eventually marriage) relatioship, don't waste your time, energy, and money on a one on one (outside of a group setting) friendship with a woman. it's not worth the risk of pain that it can bring to you or them, regardless of how little or big that pain might be.
god bless.
well said 👍
Experiences are Priceless, since the cost paid is numerous..
Facts. When I was 15, I had a similar experience. We would talk and talk and eventually I did have feelings but only slightly. She sensed it out and stopped talking to me all together. It ends poorly to say the least.
As a woman watching this, this video is spitting facts that need to be heard in the world, such as my highschool 😭
Amen, I pray that you'd find a Holy, Godly man in your life who loves Jesus just as much as you do!
@@zethyuen8859 amen, thank you sm!!
Yup, so much denial around this topic...
Oh my gosh for real, at mine too!
As a girl who spent three years caught up over a guy who was "just a friend" i couldnt agree more with this video. GUYS it is so loving for you to clearly state your intentions with a girl as soon as you are aware of them and to not act in opposition of those intentions. I experienced so much hurt (partly because i did not communicate or set boundaries for myself) because this guy i was friends with was treating me like his girlfriend. It wasnt until i painfully moved on from him (using avoidance) that i started dating a great guy who i was able to be upfront with right away and he established his intentions with me the first time we got coffee. He also made me realize i needed to have closure with my former "friend." When i told that guy i had liked him for a few years and was hurt by his attention without commitment he told me that he never had those feelings for me our entire friendship, despite the fact we had hung out 1on1, talked on the phone regularly, texted regularly, and shared a lot of emotional history. If you love the Lord then you will love your neighbor and it is so loving to politely ignore a girl or keep her a few arms distance if you are not interested!!! You are not being mean!! You are taking measures to protect her and yourself!!
"Ignore her"
Nope do not do this.
This will cause more harm than good in some cases.
There is nothing good about ghosting instead the charitable way to do it is to take a break from each other.
I agree with @vaderkurt7848. We men should certainly set boundaries in relationships with women, but we shouldn't do anything that is or could be perceived as "mean," like ghosting. But, the volume of communication, what is communicated about, etc. should be carefully monitored.
Why do guys do this??? 😩 I’m so sorry this happened. It sucks to invest so much of yourself and then feel like a fool in the end. This happened to me so many times. And these guys pursued these friendships with me and initiated all the one on one time. But then when I bring up the question of attraction act shocked. Why!?
I’ve been happily married for a while now, but I still wonder about this. I want to help my daughters navigate it!
@@psyche8187 I am not like this.
I try to be as communicative and charitable I possibly could regardless if they are people I am attracted to or not.
@@psyche8187 I think we genuinely just want to have a good and deep friendship with someone, but might not understand how the other one might interpret it, since as men and women we sometimes have different expectations on things
And overall, I've found this video eye-opening for me, as I realize I could have been heading down this path with a certain recent female friend of mine
As much as it pains me...I strongly agree with this. A lot of girls got the wrong idea whenever I'd let them open up to me about their darkest deepest secrets. I do it for my guy friends too, but with women I liked the opportunity to do it an even softer way than I do with men.
Anyways, very long story short, my last girlfriend actually got super jealous and angry with me for having a lot of female friends who weren't hers, and the fact that I shared a lot of deep things with these other women as well. It kind of diluted the level of intimacy my girlfriend and I had because I was spreading myself out thin.
As toxic as my ex was in hanging around douchebags despite my reservations and acting like she didn't flirt with them, she was right to call me out on having a network of women who I subconsciously was setting up to be my rebounds in case anything went wrong with her.
Exactly! Wise of you! Not everyone is that aware, or if they are they want to continue down that path and have a spouse and family too.
Next time don’t have any female friends. There it is that easy
COMMUNICATION. thats it. If you dont want a romantic relationship SAY IT, if you do SAY IT. never make assumptions bc no one is a mind reader and your assumption is 50% probably worse than what could possibly happen. you can have female friends, or just be friends with the gender youre attracted to. only you will miss out by lacking communication skills.
Guess this is the perk of being awkward, I don't need to do a thing. It takes care of itself.
Lol
@@DynamicGracer Yeah man, them boundaries were laid before the foundations of the earth. There aren't even "boundaries", just one big * ahem *... WALL👌
:) a silver lining
😂😂😂❤
I can’t tell you how many male friendships I’ve lost because we had unequal intentions.
Me too!
Yes, thay were waiting for their chance.
Yes,Both of you had bad inn tent shawn's. A fee mail friend is a Ox sea Moron and a friend is a attractive feature two mails.
Two win men, A friend is a worthless purr sun. (Meaning) a woman won't ting two bee your friend means she hates you.
A purr sun hoo seas you as worthless Kent bee your friend. De mail wheel like her Moore indie fee mail wheel hate him Moore,So it wood never work.
Sadly a lot of guys are like that. But there are men out there who are more than happy to be friends with you
@@gabrieldipietro6096Uh no..as a guy why should I be your friend? What am I getting out of this? Like I ain’t got no problems checking up on u every blue moon but you’re not getting the girlfriend treatment by talking to each other everyday if we’re just “friends”
I feel like having female friends is okay as long as the friendships are casual or more on the acquaintances side, because whenever you guys try to become “ best friends “, there’s always going to be some sort of romantic or sexual interest from either the guy or the girl and feelings aren’t always mutual and that’s whenever things get really messy.
I have a close female friend. One of my more interesting friendships but there’s nothing i wouldn’t do for her
True always have boundaries. I mean if you both single and attractive often giving updates towards each other. Plus the man be doing act of service for you wouldn't the ladies be catching feeling one day somehow and it hurts the ladies if you not having the same feeling as her..think bout it. If your potential coming and knowing these would she not sees these as red flag?
@@jitahlindau459 i meant more interesting in the sense that we dated at one point and both decided to remain friends because we would’ve been horrible partners. As with everything transparency is key
@@gabrieldipietro6096 see, you both end up dating but at least you both knew you both should just be friends in the end. Yes being transparent but what I mean is for the people out there please have boundaries early on and have true intentions.
Then it's not a friendship. Stop calling causal aquintanceships friendships.
Thank you for talking about this. As a college student, I’ve been struggling with approaching women in the church without worrying about going in with the wrong intentions. I’ll continue to pray over it to have wisdom and courage and I already feel that God spoke to me here cause I’m more confident now after seeing this!
Wow. I wish I had this video 4 years ago when I was in high school and trying to find a girlfriend. So many times I go to know girls and told them my entire life story, and they told me theirs, and we created this false intimacy. That’s why it hurt so badly when they rejected me. Thank you Issac, I will be careful how much of my guts to spill. I will tell the truth and my story, but I will avoid making things emotional or generating anything intimate.
This is so true I swear , a man & women at some point will catch feeling it’s only a matter of time .
Thank you so much for making this video Issac. I was hurt by a godly Christian guy who didn't set boundaries with me. He spent hours one on one with me and we had deep conversations. He said we were just friends, but I held out hope. I should have set boundaries and not spent so much time with him, and opened up to him like I did. He told me "I just spend time with you like I do with all my other friends." But, it not the same at all. It hurt, and it broke my heart. I had to delete his number so that I could guard my heart and continue to pursue the Lord without distractions. I was too vunerable and it ended up leaving scars only God can heal.
Keep on being close to God. Avoid being too close with male friends because no matter what, we are created to attract to the opposite. We might think sometimes that it will be just friendship, but we never know because if we are especially single, we still have hope and are looking and waiting for our husband. These are the reasons that I have only as male figures in my life members of my family or leaders. Thank you for sharing your story because it reflects the reality of things, and we can all get back up with Jesus.
you will get through this girl, the Lord can be your husband, the Lord can be your healer, your father, all in one. He hears your cry. You will only amount to even better, boundaries are so beautiful and attractive to have. Definitely continue to stand on them! you got this.
The most perfect man Jesus loves you and wants to heal you wholeheartedly 🤍
Hi Jalon I just wanted to say thank you so much for sharing that. I resonate with your experience so much. Fall deeper in love with God and I know that He will use you to do amazing things. When you are 1 billion years in paradise with the master, none of what you went through will compare. God bless and thank you for your courage
WERE SO SAME MY GOODNESS I PRAY GOD WILL HEAL US BOTH
Thank you for this. It's something I've been thinking about for a while. I'm realizing that I allow myself to "spill my guts" and be way too open with female friends, especially those I have even a slight interest in. That's something I need to change. Thank you Issac
Agree with you, brother! Man this video is on time for me. Praise the Lord! I’m busy removing myself from exactly this relationship that you’re speaking to. God opened my eyes and I realised something simple but for me eye-opening, and that’s this: Adam was ALONE with God when God brought him his wife. Not spending time with some other “woman”.
I get what you're saying, but that might not be the best example as women didn't exist yet so it would've been impossible for him to spend time with a woman😅
@@SoulHydron After I posted the comment I was expecting somebody to raise that point. You are right, yes. But the point I am making is not whether or not it was possible for Adam to be with another woman, rather that God, seeing Adam's loneliness, made the decision to create Eve. Now, obviously, there are many women around today unlike Adam's case, but my point is that God won't meet the need, when you have a woman in the space meant for the wife God has "created" for you.
And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.
(Gen 2:18)
@@tyronrossouw44 But you are missing this cenerio today:
More than 60 percent of young men are single, nearly twice the rate of unattached young women, signaling a larger breakdown in the social, romantic and sexual life of the American male.
Men in their 20s are more likely than women in their 20s to be romantically uninvolved, sexually dormant, friendless and lonely. They stand at the vanguard of an epidemic of declining marriage, sexuality and relationships that afflicts all of young America.
Do you realise how much wifey space of women is still empty right now for over a year
To all those girls saying, "he's like a brother". He's not. He'd sleep with you if given the chance. Men will stick around for decades for that chance.
Yes and no. If the dude has clear boundaries regarding the friendship (particularly when either of them are in a relationship) and the friendship isn’t one way (one side isn’t simping for the other) then Atleast in my experience they’re fine. 💁🏽♂️
The truth is most women know this
@@sancho608no some of us are finding out. Like genuinely clueless
@@abigailyalew1304 I feel you have to be very oblivious not to see these signs. How did you never notice? This has been the character of man since forever. Men do absolutely anything to get in women’s pants and for some men, that’s as far as being friends with a woman for many years just to have a chance
I have female friends I could sleep with but dont
I would rather be dead than living in a friendzone. I have one female friend left, with whom i no longer hang out because of that friendzone situation. Nominally she is still my friend and occasionally we talk bout small scale talk on whatsapp, but ive let the intensity of that relationship die because i like her and i know if it continued i would have caught deeper feelings. I keep this on a platonic level now, to remind myself to never do that kind of relationship again.
As a high school guy who is much more mature than a lot of my male peers (you know how immature we can be), I find good company with girls since they tend to be more mature. But I completely agree with you on how to deal with female friendships. I would never consider being alone with a girl or opening up to a girl that is not my girlfriend or wife. That's reserved for my dudes --- my bros --- my guys. 💪
I want to get some of "my dudes --- my bros --- my guys". Any tips on that? Are your dudes local? How often do y'all hang? Is it a friend group? Do y'all text often? What does confiding in them look like?
@@MonoKyrios As someone who is in the process of finding "my dudes" I recommend joining church discipleship groups, extracurricular activites (eg. kickboxing or any sport you want to try) you will find like-minded people 100%, just gotta put in the effort and pray of course 🙏
@@MonoKyrios Yeah I agree with the comment above. Sadly since I've moved recently "my dudes --- my bros --- my guys" live in another state. But yeah, I found my best friends at church and a youth organization outside of my church. So are my dudes local? Not anymore. That can also cover the second question. Is it a friend group? Well, not exactly. Like I said, most of my closest friends were at church so we all knew eachother but it wasn't a "friend-group," per-se. Do we text often? We do need to get better at being more faithful in keeping up. My closest friend is my cousin and we keep up regularly. What does confiding in them look like? Encouraging each other in the Lord; praying with each other --- doing the usual Christian things. Picking a chapter or a book of scripture and going through it verse by verse while discussing how we can apply it does wonders.
For some, their dudes will just providentially show up. For others, it probably requires more toil and searching. But godly guys are out there, I know it. Keep steadfast in prayer and go to places where godly guys are. "Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand" (Proverbs 19:22). Hopefully that helped a bit. Again, @jasonb5964 made a good comment.
@@KeysoftheLord @jasonb5964 thanks y'all!
I learned that the hard way about opening up to a female friend especially when I was depressed and she was telling folks my busta d from that point on I just keep things to myself and had to cut her off
I know this is for guys, but I'm a 32 year old woman & I needed this... VERY timely... To be fair my only friend is the Holy Spirit... so... yeah... I suppose it has helped my relationship with Him, but I forgot what having a guy friend is like.
So yeah... The Lord used you today & popped you on my home page. God bless you.
I've been hurt many times by christian guys who try to treat me as someone convenient for emotional validation and daily texting or spontaneous 'wandering hands' on my lower back/waist, that i now have a fear interacting with men at my church. I wish i heard this video earlier instead of learning through many painful experiences, but by God's grace, He's continuing to heal me and is teaching me also not break boundaries no matter how 'caring' a male friend is trying to be. I'll leave the deeper support for my sisters-in-christ and with Jesus.
This makes me feel better about being mad at myself for falling for someone. I was mad at myself for liking her, but it was because she had answers to my pain and we went 1 on 1 AT NIGHT. She was the wrong person, but i dated her anyway. I regret that.
As a girl watching this, thank you
I learned thus stuff too late into my life. I just wanted to say I appreciate the words of wisdom you're passing along. Hopefully the younger males will see this and learn to stop playing games and set boundaries
As a guy in a relationship that also has a very good female friend: I don't agree. We've been good friends even before the relationship I'm in currently, but I've always been very clear that I've never been interested in her romantically. We talked about it, made it clear to each other and moved on to have our own romantic lives apart from each other, with a nice supportive friendship between each other. As long as you are very, very clear about your intentions and you really stick by them, then I think it can be done. Is it difficult: yes. I wouldn't recommend it to everyone. But it can be a great way to see how the opposite sex views the world and learn from it. Your girlfriend/wife can also give you perspectives on that ofcourse but they are very different form the perspectives a friend can give.
Like I said though, I wouldn't recommend it to everyone. It's risky and all the reasons mentioned in the video are very valid and can make it a messy minefield of problems. But if you are clear, if you pray to God for wisdom and if you keep full allegiance to your girlfriend/wife then I'd say it's definitely possible
I totally agree with you. I think that the fact that most today's men can't have friendships with women is because society has made everything about sex to the point normal friendship between people of opposite sex has become almost impossible.
THANK YOU!!!
So many of my friends are guys and I’ve been told this narrative my whole life, that I have to date them, but it is just understood between us that this is not the case! Even if one of them had feelings for me, I would never lie to them about how I might feel and I have confidence that our friendships could stand because the romantic aspects that could come into play would never be greater than the friendship developed. Emotional closeness does NOT have to mean romance.
I agree with this completely.
@@Joobie_JoobieThe problem is that even if you are 100% clear, you can never know what she is thinking no matter what she says. Second, let’s say your partner has a male friend. One day you have a fight and she runs to her male friend and tells him everything about it, would you be completely fine with that? Finally, if you value your friend over the comfort of a woman you are in a relationship with, do you actually really like her? Just saying…
@@Tatiana-xi9gb Then both need to be 100% clear, what benefit is there in endlessly tossing around what if's and maybe's.
I NEED to make boundaries. too many girls wanna talk to me, but I know I must not go too far. You can be female friends in a group (with other guys ofc). But never alone.
As a young woman, this is 100% spot on! Thanks for bringing this to light!
The timing of this video is perfect! Thank you for shedding light on this matter. I see now how important setting boundaries are to avoid leading other people on, protect yourself, and overall maintain healthy relationships with others. I will keep this in mind from now on!
Sorry but I can't agree with this video: I always had and still HAVE female friends - long term friendships. We totally do things one-to-one, like watching movies together, going for a walk in the nature, playing online games, deep conversations, etc.. To me it honestly feels like they are more open in the conversations, comparing to guy friends, it's a lot more "free" - we can talk about anything without any judging and things like that. And no, I never catched any feelings for "wanting more than a friendship" and, as far as I know, they didn't either. Of course, it is something that you have to agree with your friends, so there isn't any misunderstanding/different needs. However, I can understand that I am a bit different from the majority of men way of thinking, so I get why most people would agree with this video.. also, from what I see, this is like a Christian channel or something, so religion can play a different role too, me and my friends are all agnostics
Yes, you may not catch feelings for them, but as I read the comments, it's very likely they might think differently; that's the danger I think.
if I started dating a guy who was watching movies, hanging out with, and having deep conversations etc one on one with other women I'd consider it a major red flag and any girl who wouldn't think so is either lying or has low standards, frankly. Just think--would this friendship have to drastically change if one of us got into a serious relationship/married? (the answer is probably yes!) Although in some ways I wouldn't take it as far as this video does, either.
@@kdavis6722What if they are gay?
Were u physically attracted to these friends of yours?
@@viniciussousadiniz4623its more like, what if he is. That would make sense
Reading these comments make me sad. Ofc course you can be friends with women but you need respect and honesty to make it work
Just make boundaries that's all their saying
A lot of these comments are filled with incels and people that just got out of a bad relationship😂
@@selfmaderish4690I find it funny when incels tell you about women like as if they would know anything lol
So I am a 17 year old Christian guy who has always been able to connect with women better than guys because I hate small talk and prefer deeper conversations while most boys my age do not provide that for me. This has resulted in most of my deepest friendships being with girls. One of them is someone I consider like a little sister and have never harboured feelings for, however, admittedly a few of my other closest female friends are in fact girls who I had feelings for at one time and have put them away since, are dating someone else and I am friends with their boyfriend so have no intention of pursuing them, or are someone I have held feelings for them for a long time but they only recently got out of a relationship and I don’t want to be a rebound but still have the intention of pursuing if things go well (it’s a mess I know). So in saying that, if I feel like my only good human connections in this world are from 1 on 1 time with “female friends” should I give that up in order to follow what this guy in this video is saying? That sounds like it would hurt more than anything else that could happen…
@@brandywade2773 thank you, I really appreciate the encouragement. I think you are bang on with the fact openness and honesty are the best way to go. Unfortunately it feels like those two virtues are less appreciated in our society these days, but as long as people are mature enough to handle it, honesty is the best option. I will continue to pray and hope what God has in store for me and my relationships will lead me to happiness and I definitely think I will be honest with that girl in the near future because she absolutely deserves it. Thank you for taking the time to hear about my life and struggles and I will be praying that God also helps you find the right path forward that will lead to you being fulfilled and happy :)
@@brandywade2773you are so wise
I think the main thing is one on one time (I’d include regular or extended texting and DMing too). If the girl is already in a relationship, it’s a bit easier to avoid one on one time because it would seem a bit weird. So that leaves two types of girls, available girls you could see yourself with at some point, and available girls you are not interested in. It’s the second category you have to be really careful with. Out of your list above it seems like there is really only one girl who you wouldn’t consider a relationship with if the opportunity arose. That’s the girl who you might want to limit one on one time with.
@@psyche8187 I think I completely get your point. It is so important to not let your intentions get misinterpreted and especially so you don’t end up hurting others. However, my question for you is, if my female friend and I have fully established that neither of us have feelings for each other and we never plan on dating one another, is it still wrong to hang out 1 on 1 as that is how we primarily connect?
@@Swaglord247Who says that your or her feelings might not change in the future? Provided she is not lying to you out of fear of losing the friendship in the first place...
This may sound weird, but I actually prayed for female friends when I was a junior in high school. I got my prayers answered the following year, and the road was rocky from then. One of them was very flirty, yet she insisted on being nothing more than friends. It was mentally taxing on me. Crazy thing is, she was Christian too. I had these desires to become something more to her, but she didn’t share the same feelings.
Even after realizing this, I still tried to pursue her by “just being friends” in the subtlest ways I could. But in the end our relationship only got more cloudy, in that our friendship was becoming questionable.
I’d invite her to stuff, but she wouldn’t invite me. I’d invite her to prom, but she barely talked to me the entire dance.
Even now I still think about her, and sometimes I’m tempted to message her to do exactly what this video advises not to do: spill out my guts and mental struggles. I realize now my mistakes.
Even with all of this, I’m actually thankful she was in my life so I could see the corruption of my heart’s desires and the mental deterioration that such relationships can cause. Thanks Isaac for making this video, as it’s helping me guide my decisions even today. Praise God.
I actually have a similar situation with praying for guy best friends (though in freshmen year) haha!
God has blessed me as a woman with guy best friends that are just golden and true gentlemen. With one though, I had other intentions and after a climax point between both of us (still as friends though), now everything has gone down and, I'm just in that middle stage of not knowing where God will take it but trying my best to trust in Him, and trying to get the feelings out of the way (to be able to see him again as just a friend.)
I even connect with you with the inviting to events/places and not getting the same energy back 😭
Who knows, your comment could be confirmation of what will happen with me, (I'm a junior now) but only God and time will tell. God bless!!
@@Isaiah53_John3.16_ChangeUrLife
Glad someone is able to relate so similarly. Strange how we are all different yet so similar in our hearts. I tried so hard to see this person as just a female friend throughout the years, and sometimes I feel like I do, but preventing my feelings from showing in situations like these is like running while holding an egg with a teaspoon. I pray that you find closure in this situation. God bless.
Some women like attention.
She must've enjoyed you as a fan, habgibg around to boost her self-esteem.
Never do that to a woman.
@@szilardfineascovasa6144 or maybe they cant actually understand. why not given women the benefit of the doubt. thay have been fed the concept of friendship for a very long time
I've few male friends since high school and I've never ever been asked out by one of them. They simply see me as a sister and I see them as brothers. I'm glad my male best friend and I never planned on going further on our friendship.
The only way this works is if both parties are repulsed by each other equally. I have a close gal pal I've never seen as attractive, who recently got engaged. It still blows my mind because I find her ugly, but she found someone who likes her (he's actually attractive). But because I found her ugly, I was able to stay her friend. Once a man views a woman as hot, they can't remain "just friends".
@@KevvoLightswift lol
Basically, I would say that it's perfectly fine to be friends with a girl as long as you're not doing things that could be considered romantic. If you're treating her like a girlfriend, but calling it a friendship, that's a problem. For instance, if you're spilling your emotions to your female friend, "hanging out" 1 on 1, and texting her constantly, stop. Those are things that should be reserved for a girlfriend/spouse. This essentially creates a romantic relationship where you're both simply calling it a friendship. If you don't see your female friend as someone you'd want to be romantic with, don't do things you would otherwise only do with a girlfriend. If you see your friendship with a girl going down that road, make steps to ensure it doesn't happen. That might include cutting off all communication, but if it keeps you from falling into sin, it's a step worth taking.
There should be a similar thing in place with your girlfriend. I see it happen a lot where a couple who are dating act as if they're married, but say they aren't ready to be married yet. If you are not ready to be married, but you're doing things with your girlfriend that should otherwise be reserved for marriage, stop. Take steps to ensure it doesn't happen. A boyfriend and girlfriend should not be living together, they should not be having sex, they should not have shared bank accounts, etc. These things should be reserved for marriage. I know a couple who live together, sleep in the same bed, do everything together, the only thing that they don't do is have sex (to my knowledge). Yet, they're just dating. He gave her a "promise ring" one day, as a "promise that one day he'll marry her". This is the stupidest thing I've ever heard of and it's apparently not uncommon. It creates a marriage that isn't a marriage. When you do this, it effectively defeats the purpose of marriage. You get all the benefits of a marriage without any of the responsibility. There's nothing to keep you from leaving her and nothing to keep her from leaving you. There's no incentive to stay when things get rough.
Point is, have boundaries with your female friends, have (less, but still some) boundaries with your girlfriend, and don't have any boundaries with your wife.
It doesn't matter whay you think is romantic or not. Logic will go out on the window in some situations - in general, all it matters is how a woman *feels*.
They operate on a different level. You'd need to be pumped up with Estrogen to get it.
If she develops feelings for you, your sneeze, the way you breathe is romantic. Full stop.
I think such friendships are likely to endure if there is no physical attraction, and none develops in time, between the two - provided they are single. Or exceptional individiuals (which most think they are).
Even then, she will continue to hope and suffer in silence.
I think most of the younger guys have no idea how a woman operates internally (no disrespect...we've all been there).
That first section is EXACTLY what I'm dealing with... except I've had the girl be the one that really enjoys our deep friendship, but doesn't want a relationship... its been really hard on me. She hasn't said it directly yet, but she recently started backing off from me without telling me why. But I heard from her family that she's scared of relationships, and so my thought is that when our friendship started getting to the "relationship point" recently, she started getting scared... It's very confusing and I'm not sure what to do about it.
Agreed that a bf and gf should not be sleeping in the same bed, living with each other, etc. It’s creating a marriage that isn’t a marriage
I definitely agree. But I feel like you've better described the fact that so many guys have no clue how to treat girls like friends. The reason why you don't have to establish boundaries with male friends is because it's intuitive how you behave and treat one another.
@@WillGaylord This is such a solid take.
Reserve yourself, (your intimacy, your affections, your depth and devotion, your very conversation) as though you were waiting for your wife/husabnd, and look at others knowing that God is reserving them for theirs.
I thank God for this channel and the community we have on this platform. Isaac man God used you in all of your latest videos to talk to me.
I litterally prayed yesterday before i went to bed if i have to distance myself from a friendship with a girl, now God is using you right now to speak to my exact situation.
I'm going to replay this video man!
Pray for me as I'll have to put this in action soon enough!
Are we twins? This same thing happened and is happening to me. Currently separating myself before God for strength to establish boundaries , and I’m praying that He can prepare her heart. All of it was my fault for not establishing boundaries at the beginning but I know more about my character now for the future.
@@sam.abadyahwauw man, God bless you!
I'll for sure keep you in prayer!
It's interesting how we are all making steps to intentionally become better and become a man of God.
I prayed for her yesterday and i went to talk to her, she said she respects these boundaries and has no problem!
If you want to you can share how it went with you!
@@drx1320 Hey man! Ours was pretty intense. I just got out an hour and 40 minute phone call with her about everything, turns out she brought it up to me first! I asked God during my fast to prepare her heart for mentioning that we probably shouldn’t speak as much… because we were literally talking and texting everyday without fail. We both said we got super attached super fast, and it was tough trying to establish a boundary because we didn’t want our communication to end. But we agreed that early boundaries are better than long term heart breaks, even though it sucks in the moment. We would still like to maintain our friendship which is why the boundary is put in place now.
There was a lot more but overall it went well… even though I wish it could’ve gone in a different direction because I actually do like the person… but God’s will is more important. Maybe right person wrong time? I don’t know.
From my experience I think that men can be "colleagues" with females but not friends. I go to a uni with 90% of my classmates being girls, during that time I had a gf and I found that I could maintain surface level friendships with them. The key is to set clear boundaries (eg. no texting outside of school matters) In my experience being close friends with a female if your intention is not to pursue them is not worth the risk.
Well said. Casual friendships are best if you don't want to catch feelings.
I hope that someday the world and its stigmas can change. I hope to one day live in a world where guys and girls can be friends for the sake of being friends. I hope to live in a world where being single, or choosing a vocation of singlehood is not weird, or looked down upon as abnormal. Lastly, I hope to live in a world where people will shop small businesses and not give to corporate society.
Let not a hint of sexual immorality be among you- not saying you’re lusting after opposite sex but you can not know if you are a temptation, stumbling block or not. Intimacy is lost on our culture, society and a few generations now. Boundaries are lacking or completely absent as people are desperate to keep options open due to feeing hungry or lonely for various reasons.
I think the world used to be that way before most people's minds got corrupted by things like hookup culture.
@@thetruthstrangerthanfictio954 It was never that way ever, and never will be. By large in general women/men cannot just be friends. Sure, there are exceptions to this rule, but is not common. Just get over it already.
@@ScottyBennitone I am fully aware that things will never be that way because that would mean undoing the sexual revolution, which is impossible. However, I still stand by my belief that before we were corrupted by it, true friendships were possible between men and women.
I hope to live in a world where homosexuality isn't viewed as a sin
Really needed this video. One of my closest friends is a girl and I've def been struggling with what constitutes a good female friendship vs one that is unhealthy, and how to change an unhealthy friendship into a healthy one. Hope to see more videos on this topic as it's def something that doesn't get talked about enough.
Amen brother, you do such a good job at uncovering and explaining the truth on subjects like this, thank you! As a 16-year-old young man you've helped me so much with your God given wisdom. praise the lord!
I ran into this with a girl I met through a band I made. We started talking and hanging out one on one, even when she had a boyfriend at the time. I was oblivious, and she's the one who brought me back to going to Church and I thought she was a good example of Christ's love. We ended up falling into a lot of sin, and she eventually broke up with her bf at the time so we could start daring, yet I was still oblivious to what she was doing. It ended up with her breaking up with me and doing the whole "trying to stay friends" thing, but I still had feelings for her when she was already talking to another guy from that same church. Since all of this though God has saved me, and has shown me what a true, Godly relationship should look like and how to set boundaries with future relationships
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You nailed this. My guy friends called me out about this and you further solidified ❤🙏🏾
Hi Isaac! I’m a fan of your work on here and the daily disciple channel. As a single 22-year old guy, I struggle with thinking whether or not it’s okay to have a female friend because sometimes, I think of a female friend of mine outside of our friendship. I face the reality where I don’t consider the women that I know and see weekly as friends. They’re friendly, but that doesn’t make them my friends. I’ll need to walk closer with God for wisdom and discernment but I genuinely appreciate these videos! God bless you brother!
in my previous relationship, the whole reason we dated was because we were close friends beforehand. the having close female friends thing within the relationship was a point of contention; it caused a lot of pain. thank you for speaking on this.
Yeah same... I really want to send this to my boyfriend. But he has some girls he's grown up with that he feels obligated to support emotionally. It's really challenging.
Being a single woman I do not have close male friends. I have acquaintances. I want to save that special relationship for my husband someday. As someone who holds strong Christian values I believe that in a relationship it creates problems, and ESPECIALLY a marriage someday it is not acceptable. It is so important to have strong boundaries.
I’m so glad I found this. My ex was opposed to not stopping communication with exes. I just wanted the assurance it was me and him. Secular culture is exactly true in this sense. Thank you to men who have discernment to separate this when you are trying to do life with an exclusive partner or a spouse. I appreciate this so much. I was made to feel like I was wrong for desiring just us and no emotional connection from him to other women. Thank you God for this confirmation.
You can be friendly without having to be emotional/intimate friends.
I've got plenty of female friends, but I virtually never text any of them directly. Many of us are in a discord together as we met through a writing group, and I think that's a great way to stay in contact without the worry of appearing too intimate. The one time I've been one-on-one with one of them in recent time was an open invitation meet-up which no one else ending up making it, so with that context, and each of us having our own projects to work on, it was okay, but certainly not a situation I will try to replicate anytime soon, lol
So many people throw around the idea of being "friends first" but i find it deceiving especially if your goal is for a relationship. I believe friends are people you can go to for anything you may be battling or want to hang out with. You can't go to a girl about girl problems without it being awkward or even to dinner 1 v 1 without it feeling like a date. I dont want to mislead anyone with anything especially a relationship so i really struggle connecting with a girl to potentially date. No clue how as guys we are to connect with a girl enough to know if they are someone we should date with going on a clear date.
Most of my close friendships are with women, I certainly don't see myself ending years long friendships over this. I wouldn't even be Christian without some of these friendships
You must not find them attractive.
@@KevvoLightswift And so what if he doesn't? Dudes don't have to find every woman attractive
@@tigergirl305 You’re missing the point. Men can only have close platonic relationships with women they find ugly. All other versions have men catch feelings. The sooner you realize that, the easier time you’ll have navigating guy/girl relationships.
@@KevvoLightswift Why are you assuming I don't have an easy time navigating guy/girl relationships? I just said dudes don't have to find every woman attractive
@@KevvoLightswiftNot true at all. You can find someone attractive and not want to be with them. It’s not impossible 🤦
Praise God! It is honestly so refreshing to see that Christian men hold these strong of boundaries.
Brothers I'm in the exact same road as what this video is about. I'm not sure if I agree 100% on all of Isaac's points though but they are good points. I can't share any specific info right now as I'm really prayerfully thinking about my relationships with my female friends (and yes I'm a single guy). I want to glorify God with my relationships and I want to be a blessing to my friends, and so pray for me that God will bless me with wisdom and the courage to do what needs to be done, or to stop what needs to be stopped.
This is mind changing... I need to start redefining what friendship is. So helpful! Thank you so much, God bless you 🙌
He is spot on. I am a single female viewing this. I wish more guys would follow his recommendations. Single guys please don’t be touchy feely with single gals as well as don’t go out by yourselves. It’s will save you that relationship.
watching this video has been very helpful.
about a year ago i met a girl and we shared a lot of personal stuff with eachother, and i ended up with heavy feelings for her. i think i genuinely started to get obsessed and she distanced herself, eventually completely (and rightfully so). it put me in a place of shock and resentment, but i think i understand now.
i more recently met a girl very similar to the previous one and i really like her. i kind of new i needed to be focusing on my relationship with the Lord over one with a girl but it had not solidified in my head. i accidentally allowed myself into that kind of intimate discussion you're talking about, but did not share anything extremely personal, only she did. now i understand i need to distance myself to the extent that i am not putting myself in those intimate situations with her, and genuinely putting her out of my mind to make room for the Lord
thank you for this video, and Praise God for giving me a second chance to learn this lesson an putting the words i needed to hear in your mouth
A few years ago I was leading a small group and a girl who was an unbeliever came for the first time as she was investigating faith. My female coleader didn't really make much of an effort to connect with her even though I asked to (in an effort to avoid a situation where someone develops feelings) so I began meeting with her to make sure she didn't fall thru the cracks. By the grace of God she ended up to coming to salvation but because of the time we spent together she ended up developing feelings for me which was tough to handle since she was so new to her faith and I didn't want to somehow affect her walk with the Lord since I had no interest in a relationship and merely wanted to do my part in sharing the gospel with her. So long story short, guys and girls can't meet one-on-one platonically for very long. Be careful my friends
That’s me. I’m the girl in this situation and I don’t know what to do with my feelings for him. I feel like God used my feelings to draw me closer and I am so glad that he did because now my life is so much greater. However, the feelings still exist and I prayed that the Lord would take these feelings away but they are still here. Doesn’t help that I’m going to see a concert with him in November 😂. I’m kinda setting myself up for disappointment but I feel like maybe the right thing to do is to talk to him about it and set boundaries. Even if that’ll probably break my own heart, but for the best of both of us. We need to do this.
@@changjessica6010 He won't take the feelings away, this too is a part of your maturing your faith. What YOU will have to do is use the word of God and relational counselling to change your views of the person and establish mental boundaries with yourself as a way to honor God, guard your heart and ultimately honor the work God used this person to do in your life.
It won't be easy, but you absolutely can get there.
And always remember Songs of Solomon 2:7
This definitely cleared some things up for me. In high school and I have been getting confused with this subject but this has helped me greatly. Thanks, and God bless Issac! ❤
I have a very close girl friend who I've known since I was 6. We're both 23 now - she's married, and I'm single. We were very fortunate to have an awkward phase when it was too young to mean anything. We're still close now, even though that usually means a call every 1-2 months.
I love this guy!! Why? Because he loves his wife and his entire reasoning is protecting his wife and the peace of their home.
I have one female friend, and she’s like the little sister I never had. Her husband is also my friend.
That’s pretty much it for me. In my stage of life, I have zero desire to pursue any friendships or relationships with women. The female perspective is not what I need for the growth that my faith and masculinity needs.
As Christian men, it’s not necessary to have female friends.
But you’re also friends with her husband which is good! :). As long as the line of communications are open between you and her spouse as well, I don’t think it’s any shame in being a friend with her.
But yours is different because she's married
I have the same situation but flipped, being the oldest of my siblings by 8 years I have one female friend who is like the cool older sister I never had. We were coworkers at a snowboard shop for years and would always skate and snowboard and bike together. When I turned 21 she took me out to the local bars and we even would introduce ourselves as family. She was my roommate for a summer after a bad breakup and moved away a few years ago to be with a great guy. Him and I both have the same cars we’re building to drift and he’s into all the same hobbies. I keep contact with them both and visit a few times a year.
Beyond that I agree, I don’t have the same connection or history with other women and don’t really see any benefit in being friends with them outside of a real relationship. When I do find the right girl it feels unfair to her to keep all these other friendships with women that everyone knows is superficial.
For that perspective we have moms and sisters.
It’s not a sin to be with friends with a female 🤦.
Amen
Don't be Afraid of telling the truth
Ama stay away from one on one
FOR THE KINGDOM
I do agree that there are some dangers in having a strong relationship with a girl, but I have a good relationship with a girl in which we have both set down boundaries. Having one of your best friends being a girl can help you see a new perspective on how to respect women on a new level. Totally agree with the point of not going on 1 on 1 hang outs with them. Could lead to confusion. But I think that these relationships come down to personal conviction and the individuals involved.
i love this message !! and you such a eloquent speaker. you speak with such care but get the message out with such clarity. it’s so important especially right now in this time of confusion
Some good advice would be to not message this girl when you’re not with her, at least not regularly if anything as that can give of signs to the woman that you like her, even if you don’t.
You’re not only protecting yourself, you’re protecting the woman as well.
Thanks you so much for sharing, this is coming at the perfect time in my life. God is working through you. May he bless you forever more.
I had a sister in Christ compliment my entire choir group's appearance and then emphasize that the compliment is especially directed toward me. Ever since then, I've found myself feeling awkward toward her, and I've been really socially closed off to her because I felt as though I had been responsible for her out of pocket compliment. It wasn't a good compliment, and it wasn't wise, but I want to treat her as a sister, not as a threat, so since then I've been wrestling with trusting God as judge of mankind's intentions and heart while I continue to treat her as any other sister, of course with God's wisdom.
This is very wise of you
And I am on the other end of the stick currently. I have a married coworker who was super interested in my dating life, and if I had a sexual past, or not. Though I tried to approach the situation in a friendly manner. I recognize that I need to keep my distance. 1) because I value marriage. Even if it’s not my marriage, I will not have a hand in destroying/tainting it. 2) I think about my future marriage, and how I would feel if my husband were acting this way. And how I would hope the other woman respond. (God forbid, but it’s a good perspective to have as a woman.) I pray that you keep up being the role of a faithful husband because I understand temptation lurks everywhere, and may God continue to bless your union.
Dude what? If she’s attractive talk to her. Talk to the people around you too on there opinions of this compliment. Why avoid her??
What's wrong with a woman complimenting a guy? How else will you ever marry if you don't allow women to get close to you?
@@nerychristian @nerychristian
I'd say this was a flirtatious compliment that wasn't derived from a godly heart. As men, we tend to accept whatever compliment that comes from any woman as a green flag to pursue, but that's not right. We should be wise as to what criteria we hold for a partner as well as whether a partner is from God or our own desires.
A compliment, let alone an ungodly one, should not be the signal to pursue someone. Instead, our criteria should be whether a woman is godly, for if we're godly, we're attracted to what's godly, and whether that woman is who God intends for us to marry.
I myself around the time of the compliment knew I wasn't financially prepared for marriage or anything regarding a relationship. I also saw that the compliment wasn't godly. If a man were to compliment a woman that exact way, it's suddenly clear lust is involved. And I too do not want to marry someone out of my own desire, since God's will is best. Marriage is something you pray for and God will guide. Of course you don't wall off sisters and ward them away as though they're demons, but as the video mentions, you should have a lot of boundaries in terms of how you interact with women that you're not in a relationship with.
I've been single for most of my life
Began self-investing within the last year & discovered all the neglect under a new introspective light
As I surf & caught your video,
Your three points are exactly what I went through & needed to hear in this way
I'll certainly be watching here & there
I think there’s room for nuance and situational discernment. I am a happily married man and I have a female co-worker I consider a friend. She is also a Christian and happily married. Our boundaries are very clear and our convos never get close to crossing a line. We don’t hang out one on one outside of the office. Our convos are often spiritual in nature, current events, and family updates. The most we’ll confide about is issues with kids or family health things. She even came to my grandfathers funeral recently to show her support. We never confide in each other about any struggles with our spouses. Our spouses also both know about our friendship. We definitely don’t talk daily or even weekly in a lot of cases.
We should definitely be careful and thoughtful but there’s nuance. The moment I sensed anything non-platonic the friendship would be over.
Careful there, just saying. It’s easy to lie to yourself until cracks appear
@@kazihiseguy-fernand4637 I do agree with you I understand the dangers and how quick it can happen. I pray about it often and take personal inventory.
This is just so timely, educative and informative. I believe we should have more of these conversations in our friend groups just coz it would save us from a lot of hurt, disappointments and make us more self-aware of our feelings and emotions...thanks.
As someone who completely misunderstood the intentions of a guy because of the "maybe" nature of frequent friendly interactions and wasted tons of time waiting for relationship to progress, I agree.
I’m so glad this video is out because it only confirms my thoughts on the matter. So glad to see not only one man, but many actually agreeing. Thank Goodness
Setting boundaries is a tricky thing to do. When I graduated Highschool a few of my friends and I decided to start a Bible study. In this group it is about 50/50 guys and girls. We all enjoy eachothers company and hang out regularly outside of our designatedbible study time.
As you can imagine, when a group of college guys hang out regularly with a group of college girls, feelings are bound to arise--some that have been there since highschool. Us guys have talked about this on our own, but have no clue how to initiate anything without sacrificing the structural integrity of the Bible study by using it as a means of flirting.
Becasue the Bible study is such a tight knit group, its also hard for the guys to ever catch the girl they like 1 on 1 to try and initiate anything. We are always stuck in a group, and as a guy I dont want display my feeling to all the girls.
Some of the guys have started looking outside the bible study, which probably isnt a bad idea at this point.
Needless to say, this conversation of boundaries is going to come up sometime in the Bible study. Its just finding a way to go about it can be difficult.
This video was extremely beneficial, though. Thank you. I will share it with the bois 😎
That sounds like a sweet group. To be fair this might be a situation where you boys might need to pray (or do a fast - just the boys) & seek the Lord's guidance on these girls. It could be a situation where maybe 1 of you has his future wife in front of him & doesn't know it. At the very least He'll say no, but then that weight will have been lifted.
Good bless you brother & I wish you all well in your endeavors.
Definitely pray about it and discuss that at least with the guys. Like the other commenter said, it’s entire possible someone their has their future spouse in front of them, but absolutely pray on it and discuss with a life group leader or something like that if you can.
Commenting on the guys' inability to get personal with a girl they are interested in only.
Don't you have a WhatsApp (or similar) group, already having each other's numbers? In these days of technology, how is it complicated for a guy to reach out to a girl he's intersted in?
Again, I'm not commenting on the more "meta" aspect...strictly on this technicality.
Could there be something different going on, and you are just replicating what's happening in churches, many time: paralysis of a guy, fearing that if, in the group, he gets rejected, "word travels around" and he suddenly becomes the "it" guy, that no other girl will want? Just wondering, from a non-know-it-all perspective.
I have no idea how prior generations, with lesser ways to connect, had such problems. That is exactly how people would get to know each other. Probably the women themselves would have higher standards than propagating to everyobe that "so and so asked me to join him for a coffee".
@szilardfineascovasa6144 I asked a girl out in a church setting, and nothing bad happened. Just continue to treat everyone around you as friendly.
Unless you are asking each girl out in desperation.
@@vaderkurt7848
Sure.
But she could tell her best friend...her best friend to another two...and, soon, they "posion the well". Women cand be more "tribal" than you understand - they do something we do not, as men. We don't care if Bob, our friend, if all our "Bobs" say we could do much better (if they are even the lind to speak like that to begin with).
They do. They do very much. They are social butterflies, they have girly talks etc
"Welll...he wasn't good enough for Sally...why would I do it?"
Newsflash: if you asked out 3 girls in a church, it may (again, speakjng of possibilities) ve perceived that youa re desperate. Even if it's far from the truth.
What I am presenting here was a subject of articles...this is why many men seek wives out of their church.
Joshua I had been preying about this topic and just now a video has been posted about this with some great advice. I give thanks.
fortunately my lady friends and I are all insane so we get along very well as friends.
This topic is why When Harry Met Sally is one of my favorite movies ever.
I think that we all must learn this lesson at some point, I had a couple of girl friends that didn't end up so well in the end, they either caught feelings for me or I for them, I was younger then but know I learned my lesson, I work as a photographer so I did photograph many models but I keep it professional, we have bounderies that we don't exceed.
I was friends with this girl. Watched this video and found out what I had to do. The same week, I told her in person that I had feelings for her. Now I know where we stand. Thanks man
Almost all my life most of my friends have been girls, close friends for that matter, and never had awkward encounters. Although, my few male friends are even closer to me. And there have been plenty of times for me when I thought I was hanging out with a guy friend and it turned out he had feelings for me. I'm comfortable being friends with women because my behavior makes it unambiguously clear that I'm not interested in that kind of way.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts! I had a conversion six years ago. And when I re-comitted my life to Christ I felt the inspiration to not hangout with my male friend anymore. I wasn't attracted to him and he was also physically smaller than me. I didn't feel that the friendship was an occasion of sin for me. I am convicted now that it's not good to be pals with the opposite sex. There needs to be carefulness, thoughtfulness, and a fear of God when engaging with the opposite sex. I feel like I've recovered my shyness and reserve with men since I've allowed God to heal my wounds.
I wish I had this video/upbringing growing up. Too many "friends" who weren't and things never worked out
Thanks You for this vídeo! I'm agree with you, I thought i was radical but now I see it's a wise decision.
This is great advice if you never want to have a meaningful relationship with a woman, romantic or otherwise.
You Don't make sense
Absolutely loved this, I watched this 3 times! As men we should be able to talk about this tricky subject of female friends. What a awsome video, Thankyou so much! God bless🙏
Big ups on making this video bro - you're on point! I don't mind having female acquaintances (girls that I'm cool with that I speak to occasionally), but I don't agree with having female friends, unless that friend is somone I intend to date, my girlfriend, or my wife.
Thank God for you, finally someone who understands me, my friends and exes never understood this, I’m glad I’m surrounding myself with people who share the same values as me
I think it’s all about your ability to be honest with yourself and set those boundaries.
If you know there’s any degree of attraction (from either her side or yours) and you’re not going to pursue, I think things should be ended. It leaves room for issues later to come in and fill the space. We’re biologically wired to want the other gender so when similarities and other “attractions” come into play it can make things sketch. But the biggest thing I think is self awareness and honesty.
I have a gf now and I do have female friends but I’ve also already set up those boundaries/cut off communication with others whom I felt were either attracted to me or vice versa; the few who remain I’m more than confident nothing would happen between us even if the opportunity presented itself. In the past I didn’t do this and would let things slide which has only led to a lot of mistakes, time lost, and unnecessary heartbreak/issues.
Don’t lie to yourself and keep in mind it’s FAR better to have these convos sooner and slay that dragon before it grows into something bigger and scarier later down the road.
This is the first video I’ve seen that is very sound. The wisdom you gave is very spot on with the word and it’s important for all of us to have boundaries with our brothers and sisters in Christ. Our first thought should be, how is this representing God or uplifting the Kingdom.
Im 15, I struggle with this. I agree with all of this anti-female friend stuff, but one of my best friends is a girl and im finding it really hard to WANT to stop the friendship (at least being as close as we are). We hang out one on one several times a week, and we spend most of our time together. There is a massive difference between my friendship with her and my male friends for sure. I really dont want to make any mistakes with this kind of thing and i dont want it to be something i look back on with regret, but im just really finding it hard to bring myself to do anything about it. I feel like i physically cannot end it. I want to stop for the sake of my heart, but i really dont. If anyone has anything to share, please do.
I should also mention that i have no intentions of dating any time soon, though i have had back and forth feelings. Wouldnt be surprised if she does/has too.
I'm a woman who has guy friends. It is all about boundaries. What my parents taught do not be alone in same room be around grownups or other friends. Jesus has friends that are female. Just be align with what God says and obey your parents. Set up boundaries. Don't put her or you in areas that are dangerous. I would pray to God about it. Because one day if be God's plan for you you will be married to your wife who will be your friend. There are alot of things that I didn't know or understood. It's about respect. For you focus on Jesus and schooling. Do not be like me where I was paying attention about boys and neglecting school. You are young and be grateful for friends either male or female. Just because you have a friend that is a girl doesn't mean it's wrong. Just do not make it about the girls. Make it about Jesus. If your feelings are going up and down take a step back and go to Jesus and seek him in it because our feelings change and the enemy can deceive us with feelings. If you think it's wrong ask Jesus about it. Because everyone has different opinions but it's Jesus who has the correct opinion which is truth. For example you go to the movies with her be around people. Do not make advances, just hang and have fun godly. But if you stumble step back and reflect. Repent and change the way you think. Jeremiah 17:9 Ask Jesus to expose your heart to you to teach you the way you live should be honoring and it is possible to live it.
Tell her how you feel. If she feels the same, it could grow. If not, it's better for you both in the long term to cut it off. If your feelings aren't reciprocated, move on. You can't live life doing that to yourself. I'm not saying to drop your relationship _entirely,_ but distance yourself in a major way both physically and emotionally. If she isn't a prospective wife, look at her like she's already married. Don't be the shoulder to lean on. It sounds like a good thing to be, but it's taking emotional energy from them that would be better spent on personal growth or reserved for someone else.
I don’t necessarily think you need to break off the friendship I don’t think this is hard fast rule
I’ll be honest, this is a tough one. Mainly, because you are not at the age where either of you is looking for a spouse. When you get to be about 19 or 20, the game totally changes and it actually becomes more clear. When your marriage age, don’t waste a woman’s time and don’t waste your time investing in very close female friendships that won’t go anywhere. But that’s not where you’re at. Look, we can face the facts and say, it’s fun to have a close connection like this because it gives you something your other friendships don’t, attention from a girl you like to be around. There’s nothing really wrong with that. But you have to be careful. Here are two thoughts. First, try to act with her in a way that her future husband would appreciate you for. Second, spend a bit less time hanging around with her and a bit more of your free time becoming the man who will, in a few years, attract the woman of your dreams. Go to the gym, focus on school, serve in your church, learn about managing money. Get some great male mentors and go get coffee with them. It’s not about pulling away from her, but about investing in your own growth in an extremely important phase of your life. If she loves you as a friend, she will cheer you on.
I'm glad it's been mentioned. I never agreed to it and I never will. Someone is bound to catch feelings
11:44 as a woman, I have to say I found it hard to reconcile with the fact that I can't hang out with the boys anymore. I had many male friends as a child, had no difficulty talking to boys, played "rough" like we say in Nigeria 😂😂( all the jumping, somersaults and chestbumbs etc). Then at 9, I had to go to boarding school, first year was a mixed school but at 10 I was sent to an only girls secondary school 😢. When I graduated and got into the university at 15, I found it difficult to see boys/men the same way. Such is life, as kids we are still quite the same but puberty creates the great gulf
Thank you for this. Thank you so much. I need every guy in my young professionals group to see this.
So in other words, guys who are scared of girls are blessed and their is kingdom of heaven
100% agree. Thanks for speaking out on the extreme guilt and shame this can cause, not just for married people, but for those in relationships too.
honestly I don't fully agree but I see it. the point about not getting too intimate in conversation and in physical touch makes sense. and the part about having stricter rules about female friendships when you're married makes even more sense. plus there's the whole thing of husbands making their wives unpaid therapists and it being more beneficial when their vulnerable with other men cause it undoes some unnecessary stereotypes. now for what I don't agree with is that having female friends will lead to confusion now I understand feelings can be caught but if both individuals know what their in this for(I know you can't know a person's intentions unless you ask or they tell) it doesn't have to end in a relationship or heart brake. and also this view point makes it sound like the inherent attraction between men and women make it so their like ALWAYS looking for a mate and can't just make meaninhful connections, which I feel is false cause as adult humans we should be capable of having and handling non romantic or non sexual relationships with the opposite sex. they can consist of meaningful conversations and acts of caring without it leading to some thing else.
Good stuff.. thank you and please pray that my right future spouse gets this right:)❤